Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 664: Robots from Space

Episode Date: May 15, 2026

The boys are back, and this week Henry takes the yoke as we plow headfirst into uncharted territory, shining light onto the mysterious and sometimes confusing world of Close Encounters with ROBOT ALIENS... For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. I'm excited for today. Why? Because we get to cover something serious. It's been so long since we have.

Are we finally covering cancer? Yes. I mean, talk about numbers. Honestly. Talk about heavy hitter. Real heavy header. In many ways, I think. cancer should be the fourth head on the Mount Rushmore of Evil.

Wow, just all cancers. Just cancer. Every cancer. Yeah. All right. Just cancer in general. Sure. Unbridled tumors.

But then the heads keep regenerating and regenerating and regenerating. You have to go back every six months and check. All right. Fine. I'll do it. Wow. I'll learn everything there is to know about cancer. You know, and then you'll be a doctor.

Yeah. I always wanted to be a doctor. This is how I can do it. One of my bucket list, like, items was to be an oncologist. Really? Yeah. That's your bucket list. Yeah.

See, I've got to see the pyramids, become an oncologist. I have to learn to bake bread. I see the pyramids the second time. And then I am allowed to commit suicide. Really? Yeah. Essentially, I always mind storm a cockpit. Wow.

And maybe we can do that this week when we're on our way out of town. this episode today is truly special. It's led by me. Yeah, it is. It is. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen.

By the way, my name's Marcus Parks. Thank you, Marcus. Here with our leader for the day. Henry Zabrowski. Fuck you. Man who's been, I don't know, you've been into engineering

lately. You've been into knowing like how things work. The nuts and bolts. You know me. As it were. I'm a cross and tease, dot and eyes,

detail-oriented motherfucker. Yes, you are. Yeah, certainly not broad strokes, big-time idea. guy. I'm very much in the weeds, getting granular,

and that's what we're doing today. And speaking of granular, Ed Larson's covered in crumbs. How you doing? I wish. I actually, my breakfast was yogurt. So if I'm covered in crumbs, I don't know how that happened. It came out of your beard. So, that's dandruff.

Today starts with this is something special. Because one of my favorite aspects of the capital P phenomena is the diversity of its populace. And it's just true. Because much like Kew Gardens, The universe is filled with an unlimited amount of species willing to sell you duck embryos as an hors d'oeuvre. You love it.

It's quite good. Because when you go to contact in the desert, it's like 99% white. Except for the white guys that dress like black guys and the white guys that dress like Indian guys. Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right. So the common types of alien we encounter, or normally in CE3s and CE4, so most of our audience... Close encounters, do you mean? That's the CE3 and CE4. Thank you, Mark.

This is my fucking episode. This is my fucking episode. And it's not an organized true crime one. Not even everyone in the room knew what you were talking about. Well, we'll see right here, right? Right? Because I feel like most of our audience can name off the top of their head the large sampling of aliens we normally meet in encounters. C3PO.

We're getting to it. You're getting ahead of the goddamn story. Okay? So we got the grays, tall grays, tall whites, tall whites, Nordics, the direct. Colonians, Pleadians, Bigfoot's, floating orbs, energy beings. There's tiny blue guys, completely clear guys, and aliens with huge tits and huge fucking great butts that we have covered them all. We know that that exists.

We do? Because of the guy that painted all the paintings of the gray alien that he lost his virginity to who had huge. David Huggins. Yeah, David Huggins. That alien was stacked. Hold on. So a guy who drew the big-titted aliens, last name was Huggins.

His name was Huggins. Actually, I have one of his paintings in my office. Oh. Or I have, it's a print, but it's beautiful. It's better than being fuckens. Hey, your name's David Fuckins. Fantastic documentary called Love and Saucers about David Huggins. It's really good.

Yeah, and a great soundtrack, too. Okay. But now we cover today what I really consider to be the red-headed stepchild of all of the aliens in the whole goddamn world. And this is surprising to me. I had never thought about this before. It's true. encounters with the robot. The robot.

The robots. Yes. So the only way to properly pronounce robots in today's episode is to call them robots. These are very much robots. Yes. Robits to me, it's different than a robot, right? A robot is something you see around. And it's very, like, I would put it like very much from the Jetsons style, the maid.

That's a robot. Okay. But a robot, which is what we're seeing here today. It's more like the food delivery guys. But with shooting white clouds of gas that will knock you out. I mean, I would get more behind it if it did that. Wouldn't that be fucking cool? Yeah.

But see, robots are, people don't ever really talk about these experiences because I think it's due to fear of ridicule. But, I posit, there are seeds of truth. In every encounter with a 1950s-style beep-boop metal robot alien. Yes, every encounter that we will cover. today will involve a lost in space, aluminum, tube, armed, whirly gig-capped automaton who speaks in letters and gestures. That's what we're covering.

The Tin Man is here and he's taking your blood. These tales are about the highest of high strangeness, truly outliers in a world of unique experience. It really surprised me when you brought up the alien and robot idea. I never thought that there should be far more robots in alien lore. than there is. You'd think that if the aliens are coming to art, they'd send probes, they'd send advanced scouts, they'd send robots. These alien truth liars really fucked up. You're correct. You're correct. Now, Robits, I also feel like because they are so strange, it's also,

it's very regional, and it really comes down to the psychic part of the event, as far as I'm concerned. Now, before we begin, I'd like to thank Joel and Rachel for helping put together this extremely important and relevant topic. Relevant to what? Robots. There are several sources here that I will list on the internet because most of them are magazines. They are magazines. Yeah, and I've been getting back into magazines lately. You know, it's my dream to one day publish a magazine. Oh, really?

What do you call it? I mean, the working title right now is font. But that's just a working font magazine. I love fun. Funt and guns. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Funts and ammo. Have you had your film? with thunct. I love Fontenamo. Yeah, Funt and Ammo is fun. Oh, here we go. Our first tale of robot terror is the abduction

of Antonio La Rubia. Sometime between 2.12 and 220 a.m. exactly. On September 15th, 1977, Antonio was driving home from his job as a bus driver

on the outskirts of the tranquil beach city of Pasencia, Brazil. When he saw an unusual object in the field. Antonio would estimate the craft to be over 230 feet long. It was a dull gray, shaped like a bucket hat. Like an old tiny bucket hat?

I think they've always been the same shape. No, Antonio LaRubia, he's the radio personality that got caught taking upskirt photos. Was that his second life? I don't know what he did after this abduction. This object was so alien to Antonio. It scared him half to death. after pulling over to see if he indeed was seeing what he was seeing, he felt intense fear.

He bolted away from the object in the field, but suddenly found himself immobilized by a bright blue light. Mysteriously, what is described as an electric pole appeared before him. He called it an electric pole. All of this is being translated loosely from Portuguese. Okay. So when he says certain things, you're like, okay, so when it says that, when Antonio says,

a mysterious electric pole appeared in front of him, that's all I can really comment upon. Gotcha. Okay. So, Antonio was... So the alien a stripper? We'll get there.

You'll see, at least to the entire counter, it might get a little sexy, or not. Antonio was unable to move or speak. You know, the Brazilians do get sexier with...

The other story that we talked about in which a man had sex with an alien multiple, multiple times, also came from Brazil. Really? I think they're hornier. They also went to,

like, straight-up war with the aliens, too. right? Yes, there was attacks. That was with Jacques Valet famously covered. All of his, like, he covered all. They're very aggressive in Brazil. I'm murdering. Here is. You got to be careful. Over the Rubots. Soon realized, as he was immobilized, that he was surrounded by three, or, for lack of a

better term, Rubens. They were around four feet tall with nearly featureless metal football-shaped heads, that spinning antenna sprouting from its tip. For eyeballs, they had a reflective strip. No necks. Body shaped like an oval plated with dull aluminum scales with two arms that came to points. For your viewing pleasure, this is Antonio's witness depiction.

Please, boys, describe it. I feel like I could draw it better. Even though I've never seen it. I don't know he was very scared. I would say that the bottom structure looks like a barber chair, the cold that a

barber chair is on, and the top of it is kind of in the shape of a Magneto's helmet. Yes, it is. And he has needles. This is way better. Yeah, this is a better rendering. This is a rendering. Someone did a 3D rendering of it.

But it looks like someone just like took the top half of a corpse of an alien and put it on a stick. Who knows? Yeah, because there's like a little almond head, almond shaped head on the top with. And it actually has an old school antenna. That's why I like about it. It has an antenna. I guess it would make sense. Why would the aliens come here themselves when they could just enjoy it?

Yeah. Of course. Or are they already biomechanical machines that appear organic? So you think that the aliens are robots? We'll find out. Next thing we know. And yes, Rob, you are right. It does kind of look like Tom Servo. It does look like Tom Servo. You're correct. But this is before Tom Servo. Yeah.

So Antonio was encased all of a sudden in a giant glass jar. As he floated helplessly as a gurkin, the three robots, smoothly floated towards his prone body. Antonio noticed their so-called legs, a skinny pole with a foot on the end, and deduced they must be hover sticks

because not a single robot pogode. He's funny. Pointing, point, point. Absolutely, but he found, I think that's what he thought that they would bounce, but when they just slid towards him, it frightened him.

And hover sticks, that sounds like a great, that sounds like a drug slang. That's what I want. Yeah, that's what I had last night. You already fucking. smoke a hoverstick? Dude, that's a good future drug, and it just makes you float, like,

six inches for, like, 20 minutes. Pah, man, ma'am. Pilt. I'm supposed to go to my fucking spin class. So one of the robots extended an appendage towards Antonio. He saw that instead of a hand at the end of the tapered arm, there was a

syringe-like needle. The robot crept closer with his needle hands, when the scene suddenly changed. And Antonio found himself and his robot junkie companions inside the UFO. Because the needles. He was in a glass jar

in the middle of a field and now he's in a UFO. Yeah, he was in a UFO. There's a lot of this in this episode. Outside of the glass jar. He's no longer in the glass jar. No, now he's been transported. You sure this is this in Antonio Bourdain? It would be much sadder. And one of those robots would be a jargento.

Looking to steal his life force. I saw someone say how there was a meme about him and it was like, oh, he had life figured out. I'm like, he committed suicide. Well, he did. Yeah, that's right. He chose his way out. Just like our hero, Jeffrey Epstein. So he could feel...

My hero, he means sandwich. Yeah, thank you. So he could feel the craft lift off, and he suddenly got nauseated. The walls were translucent, too, and provided a view of their assents into the clouds. That's when Antonio was bombarded by blue lights.

And he found himself in the UFO's business center. Antonio came into a large circular room only to see that he was surrounded again. Two dozen robot aliens lined the walls of the chamber standing in stark, toaster-like silence.

He regained the ability to speak and shouted at the alien robots. Okay, what do you want? I don't know how to speak Portuguese. That is close, I think. I think it's close. Okay, what's a book? What do you want? Who are you? And the power of his Portuguese?

Chiquese offense was too much for them. Just the strength of his yelling knocked the two dozen alien robots to the ground. Now, this must have pissed him off or something, because Antonio was in Zapp with the disorienting wall lights again. The robot aliens rose from the floor of the craft and began to

breathe loudly. This scared Antonio, because, in his own words, in what world where robots breathe? In what world would robots do you? Thank you. I'm so glad you're good at this. So glad you were doing this correct.

And a blink. And a blink of an eye. I just got it. It's just sort of my father-in-law. You're correct. You're correct. In a blink of an eye, the alien robots pointed their needlehens at their head spinneys and made them hard. Huh?

They were spinning and then they got hard. Okay. Right? Then they stopped spinning and then became spoon-like. Antonio specifically said, like a teaspoon. Maybe in hindsight, this is some form of truce offered from the. robin aliens because that's when they decided to show him some dirty movies. Oh.

Needles and spoons go together. We know that. I learned from Leonard Skinner. Yep. A lead singer from Allison Chains. A box materialized in front of Antonio. Six inches wide, standing on two poles about five feet high. So exact.

It had antennae sticking out of it and piano keys on its side like a transistor accordion. The alien robots glided over and began to fuss with syringes and belts sticking out of the side of the stupid television. Then images began to appear. Humans love pornography. Show him the pornography. We will calm him down. Show him the pornography. Let me put my hoverstick inside of you.

You like it too much. So Antonio first saw a video of himself vomiting and shitting himself. Now according to you follow just Iran Granchi, who interviewed Antonio to capture this encounter for all time, Antonio insisted that no matter what It was shown on the video. He never once shot himself.

He wanted it to be clear. Never once during this encounter. Did he ever shit himself? Everything else that happened. Absolutely true. But it is true that he saw a video of himself shitting and vomiting and shitting himself. Yes.

How did he know that he was shit? Was there a close-up on like his, the pants seat and it suddenly turned brown and wet? All it's saying is the alien showed him a video of him vomiting and shitting himself. So, okay. I already started to go, Oh, a camera goes 360. as his pants fill with shit.

That's how I'd imagine. It was very shaggy. It wasn't me. I would not do that. There is no way. What I ever get? I want to remove my pants and I'm shit on the floor. Or maybe on the video, maybe he said like, oh no, I am a shit in my pants.

Oh, no. Everybody get away from me. I am shitting my pants. Do you see that you are shitting your pants in the video? did not and I will not this shit in my banks. So the... You shot three metric tons! You shat more than any other human we have abducted!

Kay, mentira! Always deny everything. Always deny. The robot aliens use a device then. To forcefully raise Antonio's arm. This is when they used their needle tips to suck blood at the very top of his middle finger. Alien robot doctored

did a test on his blood by spraying it on the walls. Using his needle hands filled with blood, he drew three red circles on the wall of the craft and then traced L's inside so they look like pie charts. It seemed to be good news. Ah, you got three Ls? Three Ls. Put like a needle thumbs up. Antonio was presented with the screen again. This is when Alejandro Jodorowski movies starting Antonio made by the alien robots played on the projector.

So here's a series of images that were kind of like a moving, film slideshow. These are actually sort of beautiful. I really love the sequence. I want to do this. Someone should film this. First was an image. Did you trying to make an alien movie?

Let's not talk about that. It's coming. It's coming. We're working on. First was an image of Antonio. Nude on a table. Two robot aliens were shining lights on his genitals. Second,

Antonio, nude. Just standing there. Third scene. Now Antonio was clothed. wearing an empty shopping bag. His teeth chattered loudly. Very strange. I find it feel like him walk in with bag and then cut too close up of his face going, la la la la, la, like that. And then the background you're like,

whir-wow-wow-wow-wow. Yeah. Fourth scene, horse and buggy slowly ambling down a dirt road. A dirty bare-footed pettison in the driver's seat. Fifth cut. It's an orange ball. Antonio stands next to it. Symbolism.

Of what? Symbols. Sixth inch. Sixth image. Now the bowl's blue. An alien robot stands next to it. What does it mean? Seventh image. A rabbit dog barks at one of the alien robots. In reaction, the robot alien melts from top to bottom like porridge.

That's trippy as fuck. That's fucking awesome. I want to see this. This is all very 1977. Oh, yes, it is, buddy. Fucking ready for altered states. It's bomb-coded, dude. No, I've actually bought a huge. stack of old underground 70s

comics back in Cincinnati, they're all like this. Every time there's a sci-fi story, it's just, it's this. Wow, it's fucking trippy, it's like a delegate. It's cool. You don't have to explain everything. No, leave it hanging. Eighth image. A high-deaf landscape shot of an alien world.

In the center of the picture, a giant UFO manufacturing plant staffed and populated by millions of the alien robots. He saw three rows of UFOs in various stages of construction. Dund, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Ninth image

A Japanese manufactured train popular in Brazil plow on its way through a tunnel Everything reminds me of her Ten image cut to an image of live traffic and Rio deuconero for some reason And then the scenario came to an abrupt halt Yeah, that's very Jodorowski Yeah, traffic sucks Exactly Antonio felt a sensation of being thrown overboard.

Antonio tripped out of the Tron world and landed directly in the middle of the street around the corner from the Pacencio train station. He was accompanied by one last alien robot. Antonio realized his clothing had reappeared on his body, and he checks his watch. 2.20 a.m. the exact time he was abducted. Wait, so he had been naked in the UFO? The whole time? It seemed. Ah.

It seemed, yes. All right. And so basically he just had a little dream. No, bewildered, Antonio looked towards the heavens. There he saw the large, dark, smooth bottom of the UFO float up, up, up until it was gone. The vision of the craft rising was shared by a local town drunk, whose hold many other drifters about it in vain attempts for free, rot-gut whiskey. So they did have the actual scene where, like, the drunk guy looks up and goes,

What? And now I've seen everything. Throws away the bottle. I'm done I'm getting too old Antonio did not tell his wife about the abduction I wonder if my daughter's still alive nah she's not

and he definitely didn't tell her about the PowerPoint movie presentation of him shitting and body himself he did not I did not shit myself for two days Antonio said his bowels were loose and miserable still no he exists

He continued to insist He would never shit himself Not on the UFO, not afterwards. He wanted that to be clear. Yeah, they were losing miserable, but they were under control. But I still had total control. Within the week, Antonio needed to quit his job due to the increasing extremity of his illness.

He walked into work to quit when he told his boss he had difficulty breathing and a burning and itching on the inside of his body. Eventually a nurse of the... the job site checked his temperature. He was running 103 degree fever. Take him feel better. Antonio's boss had a fellow employee, hit him with the hose outside.

This young man described Antonio going pale, claiming his skin was green as grass. Huh? But instead you have just been like, why don't you go cool him off the hose? Antonio was just the beginning. This was just at the beginning of a month-long debilitating illness due to his encounter

with the alien robot. filmmaker people who kidnapped him that day. Modern medicine failed this man. It does every alien abductee. It does. Antonio did go to the doctor and he did get tested. And they had the gall to tell him he was physiologically and psychologically normal. That is why self-advocacy in health care is so important. Yeah, especially if you're a woman. Yes. Presumably, Antonio is now somewhere in good health. He would be around 80 years old and I'm sure his bowels are in tip-top shape now. Yeah, every 80-year-old man, we know, you know, has full and total control over his bowels.

And they are in love with them. Depends. Cute. Cute. That's good. I like that. I just also want to you know, guys, that our researchers and the wonderful researchers, they gave me so much context for a bunch of these different stories.

And I'll tell you what, I fucking stripped it. I took it all out. Wow. Yeah, I took all the context out. Wow. I'm not going to get into the context of the next. story because it would add 25 minutes to the show. Sure. But how

did it start? We'll see. Our next tale of encounters with cling-clang beep-boot beings from out of space takes us through the iron curtain to the USSR and the Ruskies of Old. Oh, now that's context. That's a lot of context. It's too much context.

Because basically the ideas is that, you know, sum up and went through a period of time because communism was considered an atheist belief system as the wall was going to have come down and the systems were collapsing. They were getting more interested in the paranormal. And then Russia became like a hotspot for paranormal activity. And a lot of that was fueled by the space, the psychic arms race that we were doing with Russia.

Sure. All right. If you get kidnapped by a robot alien in communist Russia, are you a fellow traveler? Interesting. We'll find out. Actually, I don't understand that. Fellow traveler. That's like a communist term.

people who were like down with it comrade there's a whole movie about it what movie fellow traveler oh wow yeah ed's right here oh sure good well I'm sure you guys were already guessing what I was going to talk about

the famous Varrognes incident of September 27th 1989 yeah everyone guess that everybody knows this on this day in euphological history a pack of children had a close encounter of the third kind with the craft and its inhabitants, mechanical entities in the form of bronzed human statues.

Ten children played outside at the railroad tracks in the zone by a local school when a pink glow overtook the gray Russian skies. Too bad that wasn't the hammer maniacs. Yeah. Oh man, that would have been fun to see them fucking deal with the aliens and shit. That'd be fucking ham. That's a good movie. That's a really good movie. Save that. A deep red ball about 10 feet around descended from the clouds. It circled the group. then vanished. The one girl allowed in the

child gang, Yulia Shalakova, recounted that the ball reappeared just as suddenly as it left and hovered

above the tree line like it was waiting for them. The tired, broken Russian orphans grouped underneath

the vessel and they could do it in the finest Russian orphan style, could you? They could

clearly see a edge opening in the lower part of the bowl and the humanoid in the opening.

Actually, that's more like the guy who feeds the orphans And controls the orphan They could clearly see the hatch opening In the lower part of the ball In the humanoid in the opening That's a little better They could clearly see a hatch opening In the lower part of the ball

Than a humanoid in the opening To the children's horror Entities descended from the craft Three-eyed, human-like beings They stood nine to ten feet tall and were dressed in workmen's uniform but the overalls were metallic silver and the boots shiny gold.

A bronze disc was fashioned to their chests. They were accompanying a humanoid robot that must have been built to resemble its organic handlers. Imagine an actual living statue but with joints and rivets. Fuck yeah, man. Human statues, I did not realize that

living statues, like, I was like looking that up, like street performer that acts like a statue. It's just human statue. Yeah? Yeah. I thought it would have like another like name. No, they don't talk. Yeah, human statue. But just human statue. Yeah, what would you think they would be called? Like, like, begarnels?

That's as good as any name that could be for them. Yeah. Standard there, guys. Bentles. Bintelman. That from now on, that's human statues, bentlement. Benton, I'm going to put it right on here. You know, the human statue thing doesn't really make sense because they, like, do metallic skin. Yes. Like, they're robots. Well, bronze statues.

Or bronze statues. But that's silver ones. That would be... A silver statue. Rock. That's right. It would be marble. They're not silver.

They're painted like marble. Paint yourself like marble then. We're killing the audience. We're killing the audience. All right. The robotic disc man had no nose. And in its place were two holes. Its metal eyes swiveled back and forth instead of moving its neck to look at you.

His skin was made of bronze material. His silver roll. overalls and gold boots were just his torso and feet. Cool. All of the crew from the craft glowed in the dark. The robot's handlers turned towards each other and began to gesticulate. Soon, a shining triangle materialized in the air between them. The two disc men touched their robot friend, and he activated.

Now, it doesn't say what happened when he activated, but it terrified the children. So I imagine it's like a... Truly horrific. I imagine it's when they turn on Ed 209 in Robocop and goes like, Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Terrify the children. Panic-stricken, they attempted to flee.

The Rubet's middle eye stopped and fixed itself on the center of the group. They froze in place, instantly trapped in silence. Another actual, like, similar detail. Discman 1 produced a two-foot-long tube from behind his body. It might have been inside his overall. He brandished this poster tube contraption towards one of the railroad track urchins. Then, magically, the targeted Yeg vanished in the thin air. The robot and his disc men bodyguards PAs abruptly shuffled back into the red ball, now parked on a two-legged kickstand mode.

The dark red spheroid ship then lifted off the ground and shot into the sky. Thankfully, the disappeared boy rejoined the group immediately after. We know nothing about him. or anything that happened to him. He just disappeared and laughed and came back and no one thought to ask him a single question. All right. So we have no idea what his experience was like.

I imagine. Happens to lots of Russian railroad boys. I think that's why they've learned to keep their mouths shut. And they're like, some kind of gup. We don't have no snitch. Right?

According to local party newspaper, though, a journalist happened to be on the scene of the visitation. So he saw the whole thing? That's what he said. This is where he came from. managed to get several pull quotes from the beings.

This intrepid reporter asked where were they from? They responded in perfect Russian. The constellation Libra, Red Star, our homeland. Presumably in Russian. So Zuzzi... Cossna is Zvezka.

Nasha Rabina. See? Because they are from Libra, they embrace diplomacy and balance. They tend to avoid conflict. Looking at you, famed Libra Bruno Mars. I'm a Libra. The journalist followed up with...

Are you saying Bruno Mars is difficult? He's a gambler. He's got a bit of a gambling problem. Well, he doesn't want to... He's got a problem facing conflict. Uh, why? Because he favors diplomacy and balance. Okay.

It's a Libra's crutch. The journalist, I then guess, he followed up with, will you take me back to your home planet? Because I guess he would have chosen intergalactic slavery over-livering in Vorodnev's? Yeah, in 1989, everyone's trying to get out of USSR. He's trying to fucking get out.

Discman 1 and 2 denied his desperate request. They replied to the reporter's native tongue, There would be no return for you, and it would be dangerous for us. You might bring thought bacteria. Yeah, they might bring thought bacteria. I mean, yeah. I think he would.

There's a lot of thought bacteria going on here right now. Oh, yeah. He's some thought fucking antibacterial shit. Antibiotics. Thank you. God damn. I'm doing aliens. The red ball and his occupants were gone.

Would not return. But they left behind a palpable unease. The children and adults on the periphery said that they felt intense fear for three days after the contact. It was the children of Rosnyff, the onion girls, and the frozen gasoline runner boys that sought answers to, would lay behind the experience they are shared. Does gasoline freeze? I don't know. In Russia.

I said they transport. It's popsicles there. I tell you, they taste what it's like. Many were shut down immediately due to the stigma on an encounter with a bronze robot with his disc men soldiers would bring upon their small weak Eastern European families. The cries of these iron curtain youngsters finally cut through the din of criticism. The local party police did indeed.

launch an investigation. And they found that all of the children repeated the same exact account down to the detail. And when asked to draw what they saw to each child, even the mutant Chernobyl child, drew a circle on sticks with landing pads that looked just like an elephant's

foot, which they all knew from the coverage of Chernobyl. Yeah, yeah. But was the elephant foot in, like, the, did they talk about that at all in Soviet Russia? Seems like they wouldn't. I don't know, man. I know about the alien

robots. Okay? I throw stuff in here to sort of guess about what the kids might know or might not know. Sure. I'm so, I don't even know if they have parents or not. I assume they're orphans because they're in Russia. You know what would help with that? Context. But there's no context here, Eddie. Context less. Now, local party investigators surveyed the scene of the landing. They found holes in the ground, the shape and the size of elephant feet that must have been left by the crafts. landing gear. Also, two strange red chunks of rock were found. Many believe them to be not of this

earth. Eventually, everyone moved on, and the Vroniniev encounter would be lost to the winds of time, even though this is arguably the biggest story to come out of the USSR in 1989. In 1989. Yeah. It's a big story. I don't know what overshadowed.

Is that how Gorbachev got the mark? They landed right on his big fucking head. My grandfather had one of those. Really? Yeah, he said he got it from a ceiling falling in on him

in World War II, but I know it's a lie. Yeah. He lied a lot. Yeah, my uncle's got one of those. Really? Yeah. It was more common

back from the day. I haven't seen a wine stain in a long time and in a bald man. Yeah. I'm going to bring them back. You'll grow one. If only, hopefully,

just like my pie, poop. Our final tale is the most mysterious and most action-packed of all. this was the story of the attack on Donald Trump Oh god It's like a bush coming Trumming

Thank you You all like it Donald Trump lived in Sacramento California by the way of Fayetteville Arkansas It's Alaska No yeah Arkansas That's Alaskin

But that's fine I just wrote it I said the proper state though Oh okay I said the proper state Arkansas is AR I don't care It's a fake state We should just dissolve the states.

A.R. Kansas. Disolve the states. And this is not the home of the other famous experiencer, Chris Bledsoe. The two difference, the cities are different, and they have nothing to do with each other. Sacramento and Fayetteville, Arkansas, and Fayetteville, North Carolina. Sure. Yeah, there's a lot of Fayettevilles in America. Donald lived a life in pain saddled by scoliosis and ruined his plans to join the military.

Instead, he lent his talent in life to the aerospace industry with his job as a welder and painter. The key here is even though Donald worked with space technology, he did not believe in aliens or UFOs. Good. During the incident, Donald was 26 years old, and he has two buddies actually just been fired from their aerospace jobs. The encounter took place over one long evening, September 4th, 2 to the 5th in the year 1964. Schram and his two buddies went to the Tahoe National Forest for some bow and arrow hunting. It's a good forest. Yes, for killing things in.

They were hunting in what used to be known as gold country, the heart of the Westmore movement of America in its search for freedom and easy money. They found the gold. They've got to go. They're going to go. One interesting fact, though, is that the area was also ridden with natural uranium deposits, one of the known contributing factors to alien abductions like a natural water source. Oh, that's nice. It is interesting.

There's a lot of uranium, yeah. There is. Let's go get it. Uranium fever. Let's go get it. Yeah, I think it's all gone now. It's on a national force. Well, I mean, now I guess we can. Yeah, let's go dig it up.

Yay, thanks, Trump. Yay, let's blow it up. I want to shoot a beaver in the head. I would have died from uranium poisoning. Yay! It's much better than dealing with the Libyans. Yeah. The Libyans!

So... Marty! I was saying, I want to do a prequel, young Doc Brown. It's great. Why can't we do it? Yeah, how did he get in contact with the Libyans? I should be Young Doc Brown. You should be.

will be like middle Doc Brown Young Doc Brown's in the movie But young Doc Brown is not Young in the movie But you know what I mean? I think you're... I would be a young version of Doc Brown I think you're actually older now

Than Christopher Lloyd was when he filmed Back to the Future Yeah he was in his 30s You believe that? Holy fuck that shit every day is a fucking Another slip, slide inch towards the casket, isn't it? And Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's.

Fuck! That's what's wrong with him. Oh, Christopher Lloyd he was 46. He was 46. So I'm still technically a young duck brown. All right. I could play 40. So here we go. So the men split up looking for deer.

Eventually, they went looking for deer in the night. Eventually, Don, he got lost in the ever-increasing dark. And he found himself trapped by a sheer cliff face. Right? So he had double back and he couldn't find anything. And all of a sudden, he was losing all this precious daylight time. All right? And he knew he was in danger because as the forest got darker. Night is the time for bears. Oh, yeah.

Wolves. And yes, hot local cougars. It's true. It's Tahoe. Yep. Cougar country. To hide from the realm of predators, Don shimmied up at 25 feet to the top of a pine tree

and tried to comfortably sleep amongst the needles. Around 9 p.m., a couple of hours after sunset, Don saw a light emerge from underneath the mountainous skyline. It traveled from east to west, and it oscillated up and down. Initially, Don thought, it might be a flashlight or even a helicopter or already summoned by his friends looking for him. Don quickly

climbed down the tree. Thinking he was about to be rescued, Don tried as hard as he could be noticed by this traveling light. He let three small fires and waved his arms wildly trying to catch his attention. The light suddenly stopped. It instantly zapped over to Don's location and hovered.

Now Don could see what the light actually was. It was a matte black cigar-shaped vehicle with panels lining its bottom and a singular light on its tip. Cigar shape very common. Very common. And what scared Don the most was that the craft was entirely silent. Eddie, you take Don.

That's what scared me. Don said. I didn't hear any noise at all. The light hovered between two trees and just hung there. And I was pretty sure it was no helicopter. He'd be right. Because his friends couldn't give a fucking shit about it. Immediately Don knew he might be safe.

He back up in the tree. He shimmied back up and remained silent and still hoping the craft would simply leave. It did not. It swept the area around the tree and came to a stop hovering in front of Don about 50 feet away. This is when Don realized the true size of the craft. He estimated to be at least 150 feet long and could absorb the light around it. He stared at the ship. Eventually its middle panel on its wide body opened and shot out a little ship.

Don called it a module and looked like a tiny version of what he would describe. as the mother ship. And remember, these are not in the lexicon at the time. This was before the moon landing. Okay. Right? So the idea of modules, he did not really, like, I guess he could have maybe have heard it in his industry,

but it was not a thing yet. The cigar-shaped craft too? Or like a module. Yeah, any of these things. Okay, cool. The module scouted the area below the ship and eventually landed right near the spot where Don was hiding in the tree.

He said it was also completely silent and a silver dome on top of it that blinked. A panel opened up on the scout ship, and it released its inhabitants. A five-foot-tall, chunky, bipedled creature, approached Don Shree. The little guy was wearing a one-piece silver uniform with bellows on his elbows and knees. Decorative bellows. His head was covered by a tight-fitting hood, and its face was dark and featureless.

Dom was pretty sure it was wearing goggles. I love workmen uniforms on aliens. Yeah, goggles. I want to make a line of workmen's uniforms for us that are metallic silver and gold. What are bellows exactly? I don't know what bellows are. I view, in my mind, they are just like... Like pirates' designs?

You know how like when you, like on robot, like in the Lost in Space robot, his whole arms are that kind of crunchy thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, slinky thing. It's that, but it's just decorations for your elbows. Oh, cool. It's a designer's choice. I like it.

I think it's fun. I think maybe she got it from Valentino or something. Danger, David Robinson. Danger. You remember. So now Creature One was soon met by another identical alien. Don noticed that they seem to be studying or gathering samples of nearby brush.

It's danger. Will Robinson. David Robinson played for the Spurs. I know. The admiral. He knows. They were particularly interested in the manzanita, which is an evergreen shrub. Don gathered they were intensely curious about their surroundings.

Don stayed as silent as he could to not be noticed. The two creatures worked their way to, towards Don's tree. He saw as they approached the bottom and looked up at him. He said the eyes haunted and terrified him. They stared at him with their black, doll-like eyes. Their faces were also flat and black. Don couldn't be sure if it was part of the helmet

or their actual face, especially since the nose was lower than any humans was wont to be. The aliens admitted cooing noises like birds and communicated back and forth with the mothership. They would hoot and who like owls, and the ship would answer back in the same manner. Yeah. Do you think his nose was low so he could smell his own balls?

Simply delightful. Another wonderful choice by the alien. So the nose is right on top of my dick? Yes. Make sure to hold your breath when you're taking a peepee. The aliens chose to ignore Don at this point. They focused on looking for something specific. It became obvious they were directed by the sounds of the mothership.

The first two guys would eventually be joined by four more identical aliens. They're all looking for something they can't find. Eventually, the first two aliens circled back to Don. He heard an intense thrashing noise coming from the brush nearby. And he was startled to see two huge flashlight, orange eyes emerge from the forest darkness, and they illuminated what Don called a robot jaw. The robot marched towards Don's tree. As it got closer, he could see that it was in fact a humanoid robot in a metallic suit,

and not one, but two, both were slightly shorter than the uniform aliens. The robots had no visible nose and a large hinge square jaws. The robots had a human-shaped hands made of metal, like a suit of armor or medieval gauntlet, and of course, hirky-jurkey movement. Yeah, they kind of remind me of the robot in the more human-than-human video. Yes! White zombie. You know, the robot that was on the cover,

The CD of Astor Creep 2000. I had the other one with the super sexy sounds. Super sexy swinging sounds. Yeah, that's the one I had. Yeah, that was a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't allowed to purchase the album. The robots shuffled over to the signal fires Don had lit.

They stomped out the fires. Very fire bad. The mothership directed the two evil robots towards Don. And one of the robots moved its hands up to its square hinge jaw. The robot's jaw opened and a cloud of white vapor sprayed out of its mouth, forming a cloud. then moved towards Don. It's my hover stick.

My fucking give a fucking out. It's the T-Volski. Stay up all night. Don didn't smell anything. He gasped for breath and passed out within seconds. It was an indica. Don was now unconscious. Fatefully, the way he positioned his hunting bow

caught him before he fell to his death. Afterwards, Don came to believe that he had interrupted the aliens due in some form of investigation. Now that they discovered Don, perhaps they were trying to kidnap him for their extraterrestrial zoo. This whole game about gassing Don, he'd pass out, he'd wake up minutes later, schick. He'd go on for the entire night. Don would wake up, their robots would unhinge his jaw, emit a gas cloud.

They'd knock down out. Minutes later, he'd wake back up, and they tortured him this way for hours. We used to do that as a kid. The knockout game. Don't do it at home. It's bad for you. You have a spotter. Brain damage.

I don't remember much. Now, Don knew he was going to have to fight his way out. Take this, Eddie. He was determined to use every means at his disposal to make it back to his wife, Judy, and his young daughter, Donna. And all he had was a 60-pound recurved bow with a 28-inch pull and a bunch of arrows. You don't know what any of that means. I just saw it online. I know it's a big, it's a thing.

I don't know. It's strong. Two aliens of one of the robots had Don surrounded. Don figured shoot the rubit. He's the one who's going to do the fighting. Don aimed and let the arrow fly. Struck the robot in the torso and when it did a big arc flash of light filled Don's vision. This scattered the aliens.

The arrow pushed the robot back like 10 feet and the aliens followed suit. They were surprised by the attack. Due to my years of research, I know it's probably because often firearms are not usable in the presence of UFOs. Yeah, no one really tries to use a bow and arrow. But if aliens have been coming here forever, they would have run into a bow and arrow at some point. Oh, yeah. If predator is real, which it is, then if that's a documentary, then yes, at some point, they would have had to run into some form of, or if we saw it was a prey, same thing. They had to run to us at some point.

You're right. Thank you for saying that. No one ever says that. It's so nice to hear. I just got to say it's so good to hear. Don kept firing arrows to keep them at bay. As he ran out of arrows, he was sure they would counterattack. They never retaliated, but they didn't leave.

Don knew from the previous interaction, these guys didn't like fire. He hatched a plan. He took out one of the seven books of matches he still had in his pocket and lit it on fire. I was wondering how he lit those three fires so quickly earlier. Packed with packs of matches for some reason. He threw it at the robot below, which caused it to back away. Then he lit his head on it. fire and threw it at the aliens.

He noticed the more fires he lit, the higher the mothership would float. He burned everything on his body down to his pants and shoes. Now that he was out of quote-to-goat ammo again, the aliens re-approached. What is he wearing that's so flammable? That's just, I have no idea.

Is he not sweating during all this? I have no fucking idea. It's cold. No, he should be. He kept climbing higher up the tree, tying himself to the trunk with his belt. Unflammable belts

It's the only thing I have It's made of pure lead The aliens Began to climb up the trunk But they couldn't reach The first branch He kept trying to boost They kept trying to boost each other up

Like all the aliens Like getting on each other's shoulders Trying to force themselves up the tree No put my foot there in your hands No It dissipates Before it gets to him Don's up there

Pissing on him Yeah, I'm full of it You'll never be a proper blood-filled man You'll never beat a man He also realized he could shake the tree from the top And they fall down Still, they hit him with the gas again

He passed out And he woke back up in a panic Still tied to the tree with his belt? Yes, he was suspended He threw everything he had in his pockets of the aliens I thought he already burnt his clothes No, his pants up His pants! So he threw his change at the aliens

And he barked at them like a coyote Which is high-pitched The barks did nothing But they did pick up the loose change And he that he threw at them And they pocketed it like it was a museum treasures That's nice. They were like,

extra steel, d'l the discs. All night. If Don was inviting the robots, they would keep knocking them out. Then they'd try to climb up to get to him, and he'd wake up, and he'd knock them down the tree.

All night. So they finally hit him with the biggest gas cloud of all. So they had a big knockout the whole time? Oh, yeah. Don woke up, disoriented, suspended from the tree by his belt. He noticed the first few rays.

of the sun coming up over the mountain tops. He also saw that the ship and its occupants were gone. He had survived a full 12 hours of close contact alien warfare. Hold on.

You're going to try to, you're going to try to shut, you're going to minimize this? How big was the belt? Like, when I have a belt, there's only like a couple extra notches. Not enough for an entire tree. That's true. He might have, it might have been a rope.

he could have been skinny and had too big of a bill that's what I'm going to say maybe he brought a backup belt on camping trips I always have three or four belts because I writh through them I should bust them open 24 seven they can't even stay on me maybe you need the belt for the bow hunting you know sometimes they have the the pole yes he saw small trying to help you I love it I like it I don't need again I remove context for a reason yeah I stripped it I had the pull holes in it just like he did with his giant belt.

Thank you. Get it. In order to tie himself to the tree, keep him safe from aliens. He always kind of thought he was going to need to do this. So he went down. He saw small footprints all over the area. He found remnants of everything he had burned and thrown down.

He just recovered his bow, his canteen, two of his arrows, one of which have been melted. And the coins that he had thrown were gone. He eventually found his friends back at the original camp. He told his bullies all about it. And none of their lives. were ever the same.

According to Don's wife, he was white as a sheet. He walked as though he had walked for hundreds of miles. I like that you're doing it like Audrey from a little upload, you know, from... I could do a little more.

His eyes were dazed. He spoke to me in a very shaky voice. He had dark circles under his eyes. His arms were covered in pitch as with his pants and t-shirt. He had small scratches all over his arm.

He came in, and he didn't even say hi, hello, anything. He sat down on a couch. He didn't proceed to tell me about his disco grove experience. His hand shook, and his voice was subdued and very shaky. It seemed as though he was on the phone to crying. I hate my wife. God damn it, I hate my wife. Why?

For the rest of his days, Don would remain traumatized. He was sick for weeks after the encounter with an intense runny nose and chest pains. They checked for radiation poisoning and found none. He would wake up from a dead sleep screaming, those eyes! Those eyes! He would eventually grow to be completely afraid of the dark. When he went hunting with friends, he would always return to the campfire as it got dark. Sometimes after the encounter, Don and Judy moved up to citrus heights.

Don and Vincent and his wife, Gloria. It was sometimes go camping over at Duffy Creek. And one evening at the campsite, Don got suddenly very quiet. And they looked out at the ridge. There's as a strange light in the sky appeared and zoomed across the sky and disappeared. Followed by a smaller, strange light. That followed the exact path as the first. Shooting stars.

Don said he got a buzzing sound in his ears right before the UFOs appeared. and he got the sense of where to look in the sky. And later to the night, Vincent found Don away in holding his handgun. Vincent Don heard crackling, crunching, and walking sounds for the rest of the night. And when daylight emerged, they packed up can't left,

even though they were planning on another night camping. And got scared. Because he was clenching his gun in the middle of the night. Listen, Don, I'm thinking we need to head back. Shut the fuck up! You need to go with what I'm going through! I forgot. I got a thing.

thing that I gotta get to. I am just, I got a heart out of this camping trip right now. I gotta go. Now, what's funny is that this encounter, he finally reached the local Air Force base that happened to be Wright Patterson. Ah. So two officers from Wright Patterson,

hearing all this was happening, they met with Don on September 25th, 1964 to interview him. The officers tried to dissuade Don from believing in the encounter to UFO. Don showed the officers his melted rainbow-colored arrowhead that he'd shot at the alien robot. The officer asked, can't take the arrowhead back? We're going to get analyzed.

Don agreed. Never got it back. Never heard from the guys again. Fucking jerks. Eventually, intelligence officers would state that at the end of their investigation, it's more likely that Don was attacked by a group of, quote, Japanese or rowdy, prank-loving medal teenagers. That is literally what they said.

They're like, well, it must have been the... Japanese. In 1964. No idea why immediately they're just like, huh, robot people, that's the Japanese. The racism was still high back then. Yeah. At least by 64, at least say Korean.

What if they're huge Gundam fans? They could be that because I feel like anime, when did Mecca anime start? Don't know that off at the top of my head. I think Astro Boy was in the early 60s, I think. Do you think those guys were super into vintage Japan animation? You have one sentence left and you're Googling shit. 1977.

19603 was the first one. Oh, okay. So it was... Gigantor, the robot. Gigantor. I love Gigantor. Wow. I nailed it.

However you slice it, I'm pretty sure after today's episode, we know that alien ribbets are real and very dangerous, but also they are cute and fun. Thank you. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left is where you can go see our stream. You can give us a little bit of cash for that. Or if you got a Netflix account,

you can see the wonderful performances from today, acted out in real time. And thank you so much for watching everybody who has made our Netflix series Bonafide hit. Yes. Truly wonderful. And you can go to LP on the left for all of these social media needs

that you have. I don't know why you have them, but they are there. And you can go to YouTube. And you can see. see someplace underneath LPN Romantici, the Foreign Report, No Dogs in Space. And over on LPN TV, HGX2,

season two, it is still rocking and rolling. Go check it out. And also check it out for our new lineup of VTM, which will be coming out soon. Also, go out there, go check out our brand new Halloween sound effects album. Bright Jansson's revolting repository of ghastly sounds, volume one and two,

if you can still get it. I don't think you can. Newberry comics. Check it out. They might still have a couple. We'll see. Also, on you YouTube, the brighter side's on YouTube now. The brighter side LPN. Go subscribe over there and watch that. It's a lot of fun. We're hitting the road. We're going to be in Pittsburgh.

Steel City, baby. I'm excited. May 29th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Carnegie Music Hall of Oakland, Saturday, June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan, GLC Live, 20 Monroe. Friday, July 17th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Cane's Ballroom, and July 18th, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, the Tower Theater. Those are the last four shows of the JK Ultra show. Yes. And then we'll be coming back with the new tour right after that.

Yeah, almost to me too. If you want to see that, you got four more chances. That's right. Also, I'm going to be in Phoenix on June 7th with Amber Nelson and Julie Rosen over at the Desert Ridge Improves. Cool. Come check me out there. It's going to be a lot of fun. And by the time you get to Phoenix.

It's a four-hour song. Yep. Hell sweet Satan, everyone. A hell again. Hail David Robinson. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

David Robinson and all the San Antonio Spurs that we know and love. I'm rooting for them. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Is that one guy? Robert Ory? Robert Ory.

Yeah. Tim Duncan? Tim Duncan. Yeah. Yeah. He's very good. Yeah. Well, it was.

Now he's, I mean, I'm sure he's still pretty good at basketball. I'm sure. He's old. Yeah. Certainly not a robot alien. Nope. Don't check his. Don't check his blood.

No, we're saying it right now. Tim Duncan, not a robot alien. We'll see. David Robinson, maybe.