Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 680: Q&A III

Episode Date: September 4, 2026

This week on Last Podcast on the Left, we’re answering your questions and immediately regretting the decision. We’re talking behind-the-scenes stories, final meals, dream podcast guests, and the kind of deeply specific questions that can only come from years of listening to this show... You asked. We answered. Some things probably should have remained private. For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. Okay. Yeah. Are you doing your exercises? Is these your James Headfield exercises?

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, yeah. Yeah. Welcome last podcast on left. I'm leading today's episode I'm doing it Taking the reins I'm taking the rain I'm taking it back

Because today We're not in the studio Sure But we are Because We're talking about We're here We are we are here

You're doing a bad job Right up top Fuck you dude I'm lucky This is crossed upon me Brad You're lying on camera You're lying on camera

You're cross is upon me bro Okay I'm never this guy Sure So today we decided To do a Patreon Q&A episode

because you guys are so curious about us and we're just so mysterious, unknowable artists that we thought it's time for us to part the curtains for the very first time and explain to you what we're like personally. Oh yeah, yeah, people have no idea. You said of a big...

Fuck you do that. This is my job! I'm supposed to be doing this. Hi, I'm Henry Sprake and I'm sitting here with former major host of the show Marcus Parks. Former, cool. Yeah, I'll... Do I get paid the same? No. We're bumping you down.

All right, fine. Less stress. And I have as little responsible as always. And I said Larson, I did it for you. Thank you, Missidge, Alarm, Ed Larson. This is going really well. I'm really glad that I'm in charge. Yeah.

So what I have is a bunch of questions in front of me. I hope some of them are sad. They are. There's a lot of sad ones. There's a lot of inappropriate ones. And there's a lot of ones that make me angry. But I also think they're a good ones. Okay.

And so we're going to do a big mix of all of them. Nice, nice. So number one. Okay. Do you want me start? Start. Or do you want to tee up something? I have nothing to talk about.

I talk to you all day every day. This is the only thing I need to do. Yeah. You aren't caught up on my life. I am caught up. I know every story. I know every moment. So first of all, first question, what's your guys's worst fear?

Oh. Prison. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, prison. Definitely, yeah, they're definitely prison. Prison, for sure, you know, I definitely dream about going to prison a lot, but I definitely, like, I'm scared of really bad of getting hit by a car or falling really hard. I think, I think, like, that's how I'm going to die.

I feel like you could work on falling, though. No, not like while I'm walking, like off the side of something or, you know, you lean and it doesn't have the support you think it does and you just go. Yeah, sure. I really think it's going to be a noopsie dude that takes me out because I get kind of reckless when I'm happy. Yeah, you have to really be very careful. Yeah, and I am afraid of my own potential. That's why I just won't fully embrace it. I won't fully embrace it because I, honestly, I need to leave some for love for the rest of you.

Yeah, I remember one guy quit our old sketch group Murder Fiss because he said it was getting too successful. I do remember that. And then I'm just like, I have no money. Yeah, what do you mean? What are you talking about? I work 80 hours a week before I do this. And I make no money. What sort of complex did that guy have where he had to be that hated?

I don't know. It was wild. It was a problem. It was a problem. But I, honestly, though, I think the thing I'm most afraid of is what I'm currently dealing with, which is a thing that I think a lot of guys my age are afraid of, which is the doctor. Oh.

What the doctor's going to tell you. I'm afraid of the impending bad news. I'm afraid to know, but I know that I'm supposed to. And I'm literally fighting through generations of being afraid of the doctor. My father was afraid of the doctor. I never met my paternal grandfather at all because he died when my dad was 10. Every Zabrowski died of alcoholism or heart attack before they all reach a certain. at old age.

My father is the oldest Zabrowski in like six generations. Wow. Yes. Really? And he was going for it. Yeah. You didn't even try to live. That's a good sign though.

You're trying to live. Except, you know, but then I busted open my penis top. But you're still eating berries? Yeah, I'm eating fucking berries. But my dick and balls are black and blue and not in the fun way. I think it's good that your dick and balls are black and blue because now you know your limits. You were going too hard at the gym for too long. Yeah.

Yeah. You can tell. So let's go to this next question. That's the worst part about being like this, is that the more you work out, the way I'm shaped. You just look more like a tree stump. I just look fatter and fatter.

I just look bigger. I look like a giant rock, which is what I want to be. Well, that's actually good, because that gives you fucking low-key, like, able to wreck somebody. That's what I want to do. No, what you've got,

you've got 1930, sort of strong man body. Yeah. That's what you have. I am the same measurement. I'm not even joking. Shoulders, tits, middle section waist

and literally one size. You're the only guy at the gym that uses the barbells with the big round circle weights as the bottom? Yeah, yeah. Have all you. Do you bring your own handlebar mustache or do you rent the ones

they have there at the gym? I normally rent them and I'm a size niner. You don't have enough rope at this gym. Yeah, I got to know. Where's all my rope? Okay. You can only bring me two tiny lasses to sit on each end of my dumbbells,

and I can lift them all afternoon. What's your favorite beer? Favorite beer, really? That's what these people want to announce? I know. I'm just kind of going through some light. I'm going to go through light and heavy. I'm really into Italian pilsners.

I love my Italian pilsners. I think the delicious, the Moretti is perfect. My favorite beer, it's called Sundays. It was only available in Brooklyn, but can't get it out here. I used to drink it in Brooklyn all the time. But, yeah, Sundays. Best beer ever made. spot of cow. Yes. But I would say

the beer I drink the most is probably 805. I really thought you were going to say Adolf Hitler. He honestly was a teetotaler. I also like the big grulshes. The large ones that have the pop-top. Yeah, those are great. Yeah. I love Polish beers and Czech beers.

I like a good, you know, Pilsner's light-loggers. Yeah, yeah. IPA can go fuck a duck. Fuck a duck, yeah. I don't like IPA. If there was a fascinating Of all of the fascinating, mysterious events we have covered here last podcast and left, which is the one you wish you could have witnessed with your own two eyes? Ooh, can I go first? Go ahead.

That guy shooting all those little goblins coming out of the trees to his house. Hopkinsville Goblin case. Fuck yeah, dude. That's a good one, Eddie. That's a really good one because, like, what happened there? Yeah, yeah. I guess I would have liked to see JFK get shot. Yeah, me too.

I watch a Zabruder film just to relax. The last one I want to see. It's the only angle. I want to see the other angles. I want to see the other angle. You might get shot if you're on the other side. That is true. Or you're shooting.

Or if there was something that crashed in Roswell, I'd like to see the crash. That'd be fun. Maybe, yeah, I think, okay, JFK getting shot. You know what I'd take it back? Me lie. Great. Yeah, that mysterious event. What an incredibly spooky story.

A mysterious event that it's not like there were photojournalists there. Very mysterious. Very, very mysterious. An entire trial that outlined everything that happened from every angle talking to every person in detail. I would like to see what happened at the Dietlough Pass. Yeah, that'd be cool. It is the story of a group of hikers. It went up, I believe, was it Russia?

It was Russia. It was one of the, yeah, it's like that. And they essentially... Maybe Ukraine, like, Soviet state. It's in an area of the world, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go hiking. And essentially, they're found in a mysterious state where, you know, like, some of them have no clothes. And they're, like, up against a tree, one person at their tongue removed. And there's a bunch of different theories.

Obviously, now they're saying there is a, we're going to do a redo on that. Yeah, we are. We are absolutely going to do a redo on it because there's, like, some new answers. But I would love to have been there that night. Doing it to them. Mine was so innocent. Mine was about gobbling. Yeah.

This is about gobbling. No, because we don't know what it happened. It legitimately seems it was a natural thing. Versus like anything. But there's a lot of UFO connections on that kind of shit. Or even cryptic connections. Yeah, which would be kind of fun. Have any of you guys seen each other's penises?

Surprisingly, no. No, I've seen everything around your penis many, many, many times. Every part of... I've grabbed Henry's naked ass plenty of times, but I don't think I've actually seen your penis. Yeah, I've seen you holding your penis naked on stage more times that I can count. That's true. Yeah.

And your little butt. Yeah, I used to throw you out onto stage naked. Yeah. But yeah, no, that was... I was usually, I'd like grab some of your back hair or like your tush and toss you on the stage. Just so you'd rock it out there faster. Yeah, but I've never seen Marcus's fully nude. Mm-mm.

and I've never seen you nude We even lived together Yeah, I just saw you I've seen everything around your balls I've seen your balls I've seen just your balls Have you? You've showed me just your balls

Hell yeah That's cool But I haven't seen the penis Yeah yeah no I don't There's so many years I remember one time I showed you Just above my penis Because you asked me about a sore that you had

Yeah And then I had the same sore And I was like you mean like this one Yep That's called fat man That's Batman socialized medicine And you have to understand that What's the funniest smell you can think of

I just saw that one Cotton candy vomit Wow All right Funniest smell I can think of If you have one go I'm still thinking I'm trying to Clown breath

That's my cologne That's my fucking cologne It's the worst part of a clown clown breath Yeah Camelosa Funniest smell. Yeah, I guess it would have to be circus-themed, I guess.

I guess the other two were, gotten candy vomit, clown breath. I guess that makes sense. But funniest smell. Oh, Bigfoot's dick. Great, thank you. Thank you. Winner, winner. What are you guys' white whale vinals?

That's the thing. At this point, I have found my white whales. I found that they have recently got a first pressing a maggot brain. Nice. And actually, I found two in the same store. I found both and I bought one for Henry to start off his new vinyl collection. It was nice. Yeah, it was at a permanent records here in L.A.,

which is fucking amazing record store. Oh, that is awesome. There's one record I used to have that I lost, like, through time and I want back really bad. It was the Rhythm Devils, which was the drum section of the Grateful. Dead doing their version of the Apocalypse Now soundtrack. That's great. Yeah, no, I don't, I gave it to a friend when I, like, was homeless for a little while, but I never got it back, and I've never seen it anywhere ever.

And I, like, got it for, like, $2 at a record store in Tallahassee. And it was really cool. It was all clicks and stuff. You know, like when he's playing the boat, you know, in Apocalypse Now, it's like, it's like that the whole time. It's really cool. And it's gone, and I miss it, and I hope to see it again sometime. Also, the first Felice.

album, Felice Brothers album Tonight at the Arizona is really hard to find out vinyl. Yeah. And there's those darlands that, you know, they only made so many of those and I really love them. And I can listen to those on Spotify and stuff, so I'm not like completely devoid of the music.

Sure. But my biggest white whale was the Bushwick gospel singers. I couldn't find I was like friends with the band. I wanted to hear it again. It got stripped from online and I was calling them and none of them and I remember them. And then finally, Zoe, John Moraine, Wino's wife, who's in the Bushwick gospel singers.

She found a CD, sent it to Julie, and Julie got a vinyl pressed for me. Oh, that's great. Yeah, I love that. I remember, yeah, the Bush of Gospel Singers. Common used to play shows with them all the time. Yeah, yeah, they were the best. Yeah, they were amazing. Yeah, and my other Whitewell that I found was Suicides' First Record, first pressing of that.

Oh. Yeah. Can't believe a band named Suicide of the second album. Yeah, they had four. Oh. You see, there's always unsuccessful attempts. Yeah. honestly I don't know yet

I'm not really there I am kind of like you guys are deeply obsessed within the world of music and know what you want where I still feel like I'm very much still discovering yeah yeah you gotta find your lane my favorite music is stuff like I'm kind of like a song guy and I'm still discovering

quite a bit of stuff so I feel like you know now that I'm deep into jazz I really like that but I'm not like I'm not yet into the world of vinyl where I can even really understand the different between the various vinals when I listen to them. I can't either personally. You know, I mean, like, obviously, if one

is a crackle and another one doesn't, that's obvious. That's different. You know, but, like, I just didn't. I just like them. Like, I don't know the difference between, like, that's, like, one of those things where I get hung up on that, you guys know, like, I don't know what the differences

between all the pressings are and why one's good versus one's not as good. The really thin, flimsy ones aren't good. Yeah, the thick ones are, like, the audiophile. The 180 gram, new ones are always good, but then they're recorded from digital rather than from tape usually, and that's the problem. Yes, because that's the main issue, the new way, because the old ones,

because, like, I think you guys both said to me a really good axiom for vinyl buying is buy vinyl from when vinyl was peak. Yes. What you want is you want, like, if you're buying albums from the 60s 70s and 80s, like those are mixed to sound good on a record. Yes. But if you're buying, like 90s stuff, buy CDs because those were mixed to sound good on CDs and then once you get

to modern day it doesn't fucking matter. We specifically though produced our Halloween sound effects album for vinyl. Yeah. Tack on question for this. What was the first record or cassette or CD you guys bought? The first cassette I ever bought was the Adams

Family Rap by MC Hammer. Fuck yeah. Yeah, it was the first cassette. Adams Family. Yeah, that was the first cassette single I bought. The first record I ever bought was actually here in Los Angeles. I was 14 and it was a bootleg of a bunch of Guns and Roses demos from way back from the appetite for destruction sessions.

I still have that record. Fuck yeah. I knew that's worth of money. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And the first CD I bought, I believe, was the Woodstock 94 double CD. Nice. Yeah. Mine was boys, two men.

No, I take that back. Stone Temple Pilots Purple. That was the first CD I ever bought. Oh, hell yeah. First CD I ever bought was Simpsons Sing the Blues. That was the second tape I ever bought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the first full cassette album I ever bought.

Oh, hell, yeah. Yeah, right after the cassette single. And then I remember one day I was like told my mom I was starting to get into hip hop. And she was down for whatever I wanted. You know, she just wanted to make me happy. I was an only son. And so she was like, all right, you have $50. She took me to a place called Peaches, great record store at Boka.

and she was like, all right, get any albums you want. I'll make sure you get them because of parental advisory. And then I got two live crew sports weekend, Cypress Hill Black Sunday, Snoop Doggie Style, and Dr. Dreher Chronic. And I was 12. And it was awesome. Wow. Yeah, yeah, you're the harvest little boy in the whole store.

Yeah, by 10, I had already, like, I knew all of those albums by heart. Because my brother had all of them, and I would take his CDs and make tapes when he was like out hanging out with his friends. Hell yeah. Do you say boys to men, Henry? Yeah, boys to men. Coolie high harmony or the one with, I'll make love to you,

the lag you want me to. I was a very romantic little boy. My very first cassette tape was the Phantom of the opera soundtrack. And then boys to men, I loved, I loved. That was like when I was really into, oh, what else? Well, sublime. I think Sublime.

was a blind, was a big one, and garbage. Garbage, that first album, I think I purchased because I was sexually transfixed on Shirley Manson. Understandable. Still am. Live from your play. So this next question is, this is a harder question. And I like it, but it's a, it's a complimentary question, but also I'm interested in the subject. Yeah, you started off with a couple of fucking softball.

Yeah. So this is one that's complimentary, but also. also a thing I literally struggle with as a business owner and creator. So for youth, you guys are business owners, self-promoters, industry disruptors in this world of this current day and age, how is our perspective changed from the beginning of creating a company, LPN, which is we're on 2017, to now? Like what exactly has changed? how do we stay vaguely relevant, which I would call us? How would you say any, like, how do we not completely sell out? Hmm.

Well, I mean, the philosophy has always been to talk about and to make things that we think are good and things that we think we're passionate about. Because once you start chasing relevance or anything like that, you're fucking lost. The moment you start chasing all that, you are absolutely lost. Like you can make stuff that is, you know, within, I guess, the zeitgeist. And you can kind of see, like, what people are making. But it always has to be, like, through your filter. The biggest difference between when we started this thing and how, and that's the thing is LPN started

2017, but LPN came from Cave Comedy Radio. Yeah, which was basically a money from an old corrupt business owner. But that was like 2010, you know, like that was, like I, yeah, started that way, way, way back in, like, 2010 and I was actually talking to somebody about this on on Friday is that even in like 2012 2013 we were telling people like there's too many podcasts like you're never going to get noticed because there's already there's too many podcasts there's hundreds of them yeah it's impossible it's impossible and that's the biggest difference between when we start even 2017 2016 and now it's just the volume of podcast it's because now they're it's

There are millions upon millions and there's... It's harder than ever to work with our heads down like we used to. To be honest, that is the hardest part, I think, of the current landscape is that it used to really be, which is still mostly my philosophy, is that all innovation is born from a vacuum almost. That, like, legitimately you have to bury yourself in the work so fulfilled, so fully that you are than just of the work. Oh, that was certainly my philosophy for forever. And that's a... our life. But the problem now is that when everybody's on your dick,

right? Like, everybody's doing the same level of content and have different levels of support and have different systems. So, like, then it's just more like, on something, we do struggle, I struggle with the idea of how do we make sure we're keeping our stuff different from everybody

without me consuming everybody else's stuff so it doesn't enter into my brain when I'm making my stuff. Yeah. That's the hardest part, because that's why I had to stop listening to all comedy podcast because eventually I understand Rob Williams more than ever in a way

because I don't really write my material. I started to shock you. But I don't really write my comedic material. You don't write it out, you mean? Because the way you said it made it sound like you have a writer hidden somewhere. Oh my God. Morty Saperstein is a genius. He came up

with so many different ways to say come. I love this guy. But no, I don't write my, like when I up with comedy bits. It's more like keywords and little phrases and stuff, but I don't write my stuff down, right? I don't write out jokes. And Robin Williams was kind of in that way in terms of I'm improvising all day, all night. That's what I do. So on some level, if there are jokes floating around in the back of my head that I have watched another comedian do, it is not out of literally, it's not out of evil. It's out of total desperation that I will literally just grab whatever.

in the fucking quivered and throw it out. So that's why I don't listen other comedy shows. So I have to figure out how to stay in my lane, which is a constant balancing act. I've never listened to a comedy podcast that I wasn't actively producing. Well, you don't got you. Well, you shouldn't.

Yeah, no, no, no. I never did. And only recently started, like, actually listening to podcast podcasts, just because I'm driving so much here in L.A. But I've always taken the idea that it, how you kind of stay fresh is you, you take influences from other mediums.

Like, you know, you, when you, like, are making a story or, like, make, like, for example, like on No Dogs, like, what we'll do is, well, if we're, like, when we did our replacement series, we were watching The Wire. And so we kind of would watch the Wire and use that medium as inspiration for, like, storytelling and how to, you know, tell a story with a whole bunch of different characters and a bunch of different things going on at once and then take inspiration from that or take inspiration from movies or from music or anything like that. And when all these inspirations and all these influences that cross together, then you have something that's kind of new. Yeah, that's

really nice. I, um, you know, you guys, no, I don't really listen to any podcasts. Um, I don't even really listen to our podcast. Uh, it's, it's not, you know, podcasts aren't for me. Um, but I look at, it's weird because I came in here to like work with you guys on your thing and I always felt like when I joined my job was to support y'all as artists and make y'all shine the best way possible because I come from the school of and this kind of happened by accident when I stopped wanting to be a cook for the rest of my life I looked at not necessarily like the entertainment business but I looked at comedy as a career and so I do what I can to like be have as many hats as possible in this comedy business. And that's why now I'm trying to do all these other weird things.

I'm doing stuff with musicians now. I'm trying to do this Disney thing now to just stay relevant and just keep, you know, keep my brain moving and doing as many things as I can. I always like to say I'm in the comedy business. I'm not in the entertainment business. I'm not trying to be a writer on a TV show, but I do want to be a comedian for the rest of my life. How do you feel about three years in? Three years into this? I love it. I hope the job never ends. You better not. But, you know, I feel like be three years in now.

I mean, if something, God forbid, did happen, I have a great thing on my resume. And I feel like I would be able to get a job somewhere else if I had to. And I think that's a beautiful thing. Like at the big fat man whorehouse? I don't think if they're hiring. You well at the big fat man horrors?

I've always thought myself as being in the entertainment business. Because that was what all I've ever really wanted to do is just to be in. Well, actually, all I ever ever. really wanted to do is just radio. Just being on radio. Like, if I, if I have my druthers, I'd be doing a drive time shift on an FM radio station playing my own music

five days a week. I mean, that's the fucking dream. That's the dream. But there's no money in it. No, no, no, I would have to pay them. Yeah. I mean, that's what I'd like to get back to, like, one of these days. But yeah, for me, like, comedy was a total, like it was an accident. Getting into comedy

it was a coincidence. I was just applying for writing jobs, and the Onion happened to be hiring people for Onion Radio, news. So crazy the onion was like your first job in New York. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was like, yeah, it was working. It's like everyone's like life goal and you just fucking got it immediately. Well, it was because they were looking for a guy who knew how to do radio. And I was the only person who applied to this writing internship who had radio experience. Amazing. Yeah, so they, they brought me on. And yeah, that was 2006. And that's where I met some of the first people that, you know, got me into like

the sort of comedy scene and that, and it was just the only thing that I knew how to do was radio. only people in entertainment in New York that I knew were all comedy. So I just had to go in that direction. And that's just the direction that brought me to this place here. Yeah, I always think, like, one thing I learned early on, and the greatest perk to doing this business and being in comedy is we always say it's a, it's a backstage pass to the world. And, you know, everyone wants to meet you.

Everyone wants to show you their fucking weed farm. Everybody wants to show you, like, all the cool stuff. They want to bring you backstage at the zoo. You know, like, it's always, like, the coolest shit in the world. And I think that I've seen things that I never thought I would see. I've been to war zones. I've been to Africa. You know, it's just comedy has done a lot for me, and I'm never going to give up on it.

It's pretty great. It can be. Not psychologically, but it can really be great. I would actually like to speak to the idea of someone talking about, like, how to not sell out. Because I will say the one thing that I'm going to toot or I'm a toot my own horn and say that we have, so far successfully navigated entirely selling out. And I think the reason why we've

gotten to do that is because of you. Because we had a mandate of a bunch of people listening to us that allowed us to make a bunch of very good decisions that keeps us above certain things, which is really nice. And these are the lessons I'm going to tell you right now, which is always own your IP.

Never let any... Never sell it. Never sell your IP unless they're backing up the money truck, right? But you never sell that IP. You hold on. You hold on, what? I said you on my IP. Yeah, I do. Yeah. Own as much IP as possible. But I think the goal

really is to, you have to have certain fundamental non-negotiables, which is we had to have creative control, no matter what. At all times. At all times. Everything is under our, every single choice we've made is our

choice. Yeah. There are contractual business things that we have been forced to do than because of having to not sell out. But that's work. That's the difference. Let's say everything that we say is our choice, but everything we've had to do over the years, we've had to

do some contractually obligated things, certainly. Because then I do... But we love... We love doing it. We love doing my favorite thing. Yes. That's the part of it. But it's like, it's important to you understand that like I think a lot of times people look upon us as

giant like it's funny because on one hand I think some people view us as a giant like corporate entertainment monolith and then I think sometimes I look at all of us and I'm like we are barely holding on by our fucking fingernails yeah we're three fucking morons and we're just barely holding this together that are just trying to keep every like the hardest part is knowing that you're a stone fat idiot and you're looking at a wonderful employee that's trying to have a child and you want to take care of that person yeah and that fucking is just like you're you're like, oh, oh, no. So when you start, those are, those are the things, I would say, affect some of our decision-making in terms of the business choices that we have made.

But creatively, that is the only thing that we can, that it's not the only thing we can control, but it is the main thing that we can control. And that's what we're going to do no matter what. Well, and we've always, the philosophy from the beginning is always, always, always, always been long-term thinking. And I'd say, never, never give up the short term for the long-term. You know, this has always been a long game. From the very, very beginning, it's always been a long game. I'm a very patient man. There's so many people who've made millions upon millions upon millions of dollars

that I see, like, comedians on the road just, like, struggling to get 100 people in the audience so they can make a couple grand to just pay their fucking rent. And it's wild. Yeah. And so, like, keeping the job is the most important thing in this business. Keeping the job, keeping the audience, and keeping the respect of the audience. That's the key. is that so our jobs are to make sure we don't

disappoint you. So we are trying to not disappoint you. No. As much as humanly fucking possible. But we also got to do what we love and I feel like that way to not disappoint the audience is to do what we love. If you only listen to the audience, that's when you get the newest Star Wars movies.

Yeah. You know, and like because this is my fun opportunity to say, I love all of you, but the audience is completely incorrect. I love you. And it's not your fault. You don't know what you want. Our jobs are to show you what you want. That is our job.

So sometimes just understand we're doing it because we want to do it and that's how it's going to be. You don't want it the other way. We're not going to sit here and be like, well, if we're on Harry Potter houses or some fucking horsesh. I don't know what you fucking, everybody's wrong. I would have been that a little bit. It's not necessarily us showing them what they want. It's us showing them what we want and what we think is good and seeing if they agree.

Exactly. And that's really all we can do. Because it's like disappointing the audience. Like, yeah, I know certain choices. Yeah, we make them angry. Yeah, you're definitely going to disappoint the audience. I would say it's more like the idea is like, I don't want to let anybody down. Like that's what I'm always thinking about.

I just don't want to let anybody down. If Neil Young can't make Reactor, no one can make anything. Sure. I, um, every show I've led on the, on the last podcast has been something I've been passionate about. Always. Something I love. And so I feel like if I try to work on. something that I hated, it would be awful

and you would be able to tell immediately. Immediately. No, it'd be the worst. You'd sound bored. You wouldn't have that, like, the hoodspoke. People feel passion. They feel authenticity. It's a sixth sense that a lot of, not everyone has it, but most people do it. And I think our audience absolutely has it.

Here's a little production question. You know, I was saying none, but this is interesting. Are there specific joke hook points? What do you mean? Like, when Marcus works, 100% Like when you're writing

Like the goal is to feed I know you always talking about feed us meat But like how direct are the joke Hit points Like hook points For me that that's It's sort of a producer brain That I have working

Because there are certain things That it's like I could see a joke coming from that I don't know what the joke is I don't know what the bit is But I could see It's sort of that idea Of hanging out with your friends

And it's almost like a I wouldn't call it a jukebox but it's you know if you're ever like like thinking like I wonder what my friend would say about that I wonder what my you know I wonder what they would think about that and it's just and but the thing is about it is that you have to know the strengths of the people that you're working with you have to know what they're good at so if I you know see uh um an opportunity for a funny scenario a funny back and forth uh that can happen between the two of you or between any any of us because it's the things we don't know how it's going to happen before it happens.

And it's just setting it up for the possibility of it. And if it doesn't, if nobody picks it up, that's totally like I move on. There have been certain times, like, I said something. I was like, no one's going to, no one's going to comment on that? Like, we're just going to move right past. That's how it is. I love what occasionally you'll warn us, too. Like, that always helps me get my head in the right spot.

You know, because sometimes I don't want to get in your way. I don't want to get in Henry's way. you know because like you know it's what I learned that in roundtable is like you sometimes like you know there's so many people talking sometimes you if you got a joke in your head you got to let it go yeah and then you know I'll do what I can to try to find a way to like bring it back but not always you know it doesn't always work so I you know you just got to let a lot of shit go which always breaks you hot yeah it does but but I do like when you're like hey I need uh let me do some Lyndon B. Johnson dick jokes. Yeah. That helps. Yeah, that's... I only ask that when I know it's going to be funny.

Yeah, when I know, like, I've got a good idea, and I know it's a good idea. Because, you know, you always know when... It's like, oh, no, this is... This is going to be great, and people are going to like this. And not to contradict what I just said a couple moments ago, but I also like an assignment. You know, as much not like using, like, what I'm into

is, like, a big thing for a whole episode. But I also like when someone's like, do something on this. Because I can really bust it open once I have a directive and what see what people want. And that also, like, the way that I do it, it also keeps the show, like, fun and fresh for me as, like, I'm almost an audience member. Yeah. Because I want to see what y'all are capable of. I want to see what you come up with.

And I'm excited every week, be like, I wonder what are going to come up with this. So, yeah, it keeps me coming back. And, yeah, it's really fun. Hell, you know. But you just, but that's the other thing. thing too is that you have to be with very talented people, very funny people for that to work. Yeah. What do you think your job would be if we didn't do this?

I mean, I'd be in the restaurant business. It's the only other thing I'm qualified to do. I don't have a degree. I don't even have an associate's degree. I got a high school degree, but, you know, I'm pigeonholed into cooking or comedy. You know, that's the only thing I have any experience in. So I would be in restaurant management, and I would probably be an alcoholic. Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, I always said my backup plans were either history teacher, history professor, or because then it would be great because then I'd have more than a fucking week to learn things. Yeah. I could, and to really, like, know them. Like, I'm supposed to be some sort of fucking expert. Like, I could really dig into it, dig it deep and, you know, spend years with a subject, which would be fucking incredible. Or a funeral director. That was also another.

Really? Yeah. That's a hard job. Well, it was more like mortician, like mortuary assistant. Yeah. I think you'd still be great at mortuary assistant. I know a lot of cool people that are in the business, too. Yeah, you know. But yeah, McFerrin, that does moderation work for us here, they, I helped them get through mortuary sciences school back, you know, when I first moved to New York. And I found it fascinating. It was great. It's just the hours are crazy. You know, you've always, you know, you've got to be called in at any time. But, I mean, honestly, if things didn't work out with us, I probably would be a cog in Series XM somewhere. I always thought that I'd be a good EMT.

You'd be a great EMT. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, whenever someone, like, slices their hand open at work or whatever, I was always the guy fixing it and stuff like that immediately and getting up back to work. Natalie's like that. And I think it comes from her mom being a nurse. Like, she is, like, not to be, she's just one of those. It's like, but when I got hurt, she like snaps in action.

Yeah. You did a really good job What about you? Obviously Back at Borders Oh no, it's closed Oh fuck Oh fuck

You know like I will say Yeah I'm not a podcaster But I still feel like I literally don't know What my other functions Would be You have to be an entertainer

I don't know what my other functions Would be as a human being I was a terrible employee I was a bad student I was very good at all the stuff, right? I passed IB because I was good. I can talk my way pretty much out of anything. What's IB? That's the, it's a big, I got into a very power, it was a very, like, fancy, educational program that I was in in high school. Okay. So it's the international baccalaureate.

So, like, I did, like, I was like, obviously very good at improv because I just made shit up to my teachers. And they passed me. And then I was like, but I had. But I had. one of those, like, it was hard. Like, I don't know what I would doing because I had so many real teachers that said to me, you're not going to use this. Like, you know, they would literally tell me, you're not going to be doing math or science. And it's like, now I understand, like, that's semi-insulting, but also they were right. Because they're like, you have no, and you're like not here.

You know, and I'm like, huh? You know, like, because I wasn't there. Yeah. Yeah, it's like when I would go back home and tell people like, yeah. You know, yeah, I moved to New York or L.A. And they got like, that makes sense. Like, fuck you. It's like, yeah, we always figured you'd end up somewhere like that.

It's like, oh, thanks for telling me I never belong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We always thought you were a little queer. That's what it was going for. I remember one time in high school because I was such a bad high school student as well. But I like, you know, I did all the pep rallies. I hosted all the stuff. I was in drama.

Yeah, you were like me. I was politically important. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I got the school. Yeah. You know, I won a bunch of awards. Oh, yeah. Whenever the school needed to make a speech in front of a bunch of other schools, I was the guy that called, even though I didn't know how to read.

Dude, it's so funny, dude. I was the face of the class. I spoke at like all the graduation ceremonies. I was number 664 out of 666 students in my class. I remember one time my English teacher who knew I was smart but saw how little I have respect for school. She told my mom to come to class and see how I showed up to. class and that day I showed up worse than ever. I showed up no books, no pencils, no shoes.

That's fucking amazing. Oh my God, Eddie. Oh, my fucking God. Just so frustrated to see you fucking just the primate. I just, I bullshit and manipulated my way through all of high school. And then ended up being valedictorian. But just 12 people. It was just 12 of us.

Yeah. And Julie was right behind me. but yeah, definitely talk my way into that one. And then it just went on, yeah, went on from there. Because I also was fired from so many jobs, worst, worst fucking employee. Very bad employee. Honestly, at this point, maybe I'd be just, you know,

one of those guys that just works at the record store and plays in a band quite a bit, just sort of, you know, counting out the years. I'm not really accomplishing much. There was that. Where was that guy, the guy that we met, the future you?

The old you. We actually met the old In Grand Rapids. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Captain Bizarro. The guy that ran Captain Bizarro's who's just like, man, you guys are fucking just so busy, man.

I was just like, it's because you are so not busy, you might be dead. You might physically be dead. Everything you sell in the store is decades old. That's how little business you have. He was about to close the store for an hour to go get a chicken parm. I love him. I get it. I get it, man.

We did it. No, but those are the people to keep our country fucking running. I love those people. I love them so much. Live from North Lane. Main, another is an easier question. Best food city we've performed in? Worst food city we've performed in.

Oh, worst Charlotte. Yeah. Best, I guess Dallas was pretty bad food-wise also. You know what? No, I went to that sole food restaurant that was pretty fucking great. You know what blew my mind food-wise was when we did Rochester or radio social? Yes? Radio social Really put it out there for us.

Extremely good food. They gave us, what was it, duck legs? They gave us so much food, we couldn't even fucking deal with it. That place was fucking great. Oh, you know what was kind of the best meal of the whole tour? Marcus missed it, unfortunately, was Steiner Ranch. Oh, yeah. That was a religious experience. That was, I mean, well, we also, like, my buddies, the GM there, shout out Jason Bailey.

But he, like, they were, like, they were. opening bottles of wine that like I don't even know like stuff that my palate shouldn't been allowed to eat it. We were like ill the next day because I never eat so much fat. It was unbelievable. And they were like describing and I have like they joke because that was like

it's one of the most evil restaurants we could have gone to too because it's like Greg Abbott's favorite restaurant you're surrounded by the worst of the worst. Pure evil but wow they eat good. We had our own patio. Yeah, it's pretty fucking great, dude. Catamans in Oklahoma City.

That was awesome. Catamans was awesome. Yeah, because it tastes like steak, like my oaky papa used to make. And I never thought I'd taste steak like that again after he died. Also, remember that place? Where do we go to New York? The prime rib place that we went to. Down in the basement, yeah.

Oh, my fucking God. What was that place called? That place was fucking awesome. I can't remember. Also, you remember that meal that we, me and Carolina had in Denver? That place that had all of the... The old meat? The old-style meat.

Yeah, it's all a bunch of weird meats and really fucking good. I love that kind of shit. Palm Desert, real bad. Real bad food there. Well, that is because of the... You're in the desert. Contact in the desert. That is by far the worst food I've had in any performance venue that I have ever been in.

Humboldt has really bad food. Humboldt was specifically... But you don't expect them to have food. But that one place that we ate wasn't bad. That one place that we went to eat when we were in Palm Beach. Oh, you mean over at the... The other resort? Where we met the chef who was there.

Tommy Bahama? The top of the hundred. It was fine. The chef is a listener. I don't like going to restaurants that are known for their shirts. Yeah, you can't go to a shirt-based restaurant. And I love shirts. I love shirts and you can't trust them.

You are right, though. Charlotte is consistently, every time I've gone to Charlotte, is like, this is the worst meal I've had all year. Yeah. Every time. I had a pretty good sandwich. Literally, so I can't really say it. I do believe that it was a pretty good sandwich. Dude, remember that sandwich in Urbana?

Man, that was fucking good. That was special. We stopped at a place that made its own porquetta. Randomly. And that's just Ed Sandwich sense. This is Fat Man Spider-Sense. I can find a sandwich in any town. True.

What is the name? I'm looking for this place in work. And I will also admit, every time we go to London, the meat pies that I have there, I'm the happiest boy in the world. I London had great food. I don't know what everyone's talking about for all my life. It's changed. It's my favorite because it's got my favorite things in the world.

Meat pies and Indian food. And that's London. It is for Charles. rib was the name of the place we went to in New York. Ah, Fort Charles. Yeah. Four, number four, Charles. Literally one of the best pieces of meat I've ever had.

It's so funny, because they like the show. They're fans of the show and they're like, usually like sometimes. They're like, oh, we'll take care of you coming. They're like, we'll let you have a reservation. I'm like, thank you. Thank you. And they gave us a dessert at the end. Someone actually asks you.

Oh, and one more thing. The best Indian food meal I've had on the road was in Bristol. I had chicken Vindaloo there. It was the hottest thing I've ever eaten. in my life, I was down for two days. Yeah, I remember that. It was, fuck, it was incredible. I did, but I did not regret it.

It was one of those times when the heat was absolutely worth the pain that I went through over the next two days. One of the single weirdest things I've ever eaten was in Manchester, where I accidentally, I was looking up all these things. I was looking up kind of like, oh, what's the best in Curry Row? What's the best place to go? So I was like, oh, there's this new fusion place. It's Indian Italian. And I got, it was Indian chicken parmesan.

And it was American cheese on a fried piece of chicken with the Korma sauce over it. And it tasted like cartoon throw up, but not that. You know what I mean? He didn't taste bad. It just was the weirdest single combination of flavors I've ever had. And when the UK gets into the fusion world, that's when they need to kind of roll back some of the efforts. Because I went to a couple other fusion places in the UK. and that's not really...

I think in the UK, what I found my favorite kinds of foods in the old area are the stuff that's right down the pipe. You're like, we're a pie shop, we do pies. Yep.

We're steakhouse. We do sticks. That's what my father always taught me is like, if you go to a place and it's Jimmy's steaks, don't get the shrimp. Do not be a difficult person. The reason why they call the other thing

is they barely sell those other items. Someone actually asked here specifically, why British food, Marcus? It's in my DNA. Yeah. I think it really is because I actually didn't, I actually didn't know, because, yeah, I've said it many times. Yeah, I did the 23 and me, and it's 86% British.

Yeah, you have Bobby Face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's, I'm, like, British through and through, and I actually didn't know that. I just went to England, and every, when we went to England for the first time, it was the first time I'd ever left America. It was, it was to 2016, October 2016, I believe. It was in the middle of Brexit, right before the election of Trump. but we were there

and everything that I ate was the most delicious thing I've ever had. And I just loved it. There was something about it. I had an iron brew for the first time. I was like, this is the most delicious soda I've ever had. I had a meat pies. Like, why are not all meats baked in pies? I had fish and chips.

It was like, why don't we do this constantly? Why is this not everywhere all the time? Why did this great culinary tradition not carry through. Because we kicked him out of our fucking country for a goddamn reason. Woo! Someone else asked here, what would your last meals be?

Last meal? Yeah, if you guys had to choose what your last meal was. All you can eat for a crawfish boil. Yeah. Honestly, I'd probably have a big old chonk of wagg you. Is this for when I'm being executed? Sure. If I'm being executed, I want a big old pile of waggues, so I fucking have so much runny-ass

diarrhea that they have to scrape it off once I'm done, caked on fucking being electrified to death. That's a tough one because I would it's between two things I would either go with a real nice lamb Vindaloo or maybe a lamb, Rogan Josh. You love lamb. I love lamb.

Or a steak and ale pie. That's a big steak and ale pie. I think the steak and ale pie because the Rogan Josh might mess with my tummy a little bit and I want to be comfortable when I I die. I want to feel like nice and full and a big nice steak and ale pie

and iron brew and some crispy chips. Okay. I like that. Oh, I have prong cocktail chips, I'd say. Yeah. Yes. Mm. Yeah, I just want all the fucking crawfish and shrimp I can eat, man. Yeah, you're a giant. What are we going to go to New Orleans? How have we not

done New Orleans since I've been a part of the show? We'll go there because New Orleans is a special place that I don't want to sully with work. Yeah. I do really kind of feel like, and also I have found, with You know, transparency. When we don't come to a place, because we don't sell a lot of tickets there. So normally, the reason why we didn't come to Vegas,

we kind of crack Vegas with side stories, which we're going to try again. Yeah, where do you got to play to the locals? New Orleans, we always kind of struggle to sell tickets because why in the living, fuck, would you see a live podcast in New Orleans? Yeah. Go anywhere else. Go see jazz. Go to them, be in the city.

We know the worst show. Yeah. Yeah, literally walking the streets of New Orleans is more entertaining than I'll ever be in my life. Yeah, because I didn't get New Orleans until I went without doing work. Yes. When we went for your birthday. Because every time I, like, I had this kind of idea, like, I don't really like New Orleans that much. And the reason why I didn't like is because every time I was going.

You've been in a hotel room. I was in this city of fun and joy and debauchery. And I had to fucking work the entire time. And it's horrible to be in a place. It's horrible to be in New York or in New Orleans and have to work the entire time. I feel the same way about Miami. I really want Miami to be a great town for comedy and it's just never will be. Nobody likes doing comedy in Miami.

Everyone's naked in the street. Why would you fucking go inside? It is notorious for having the worst comedy audiences in the entire fucking country. Unfortunately, I will have to say right now, like we did Miami once and it is never going to happen again. No, we ever. We'll do it personally. We'll do Florida. We're going to do Florida again.

No, Florida, Florida, yes. But Miami, that was, remember, that was the show where I was chugging Sudafet on, or chugging Dayquil on stage. Yeah, and I also remember, that was the show, too. That was like the tour where every show was solely sold out, but Miami. Yeah, Miami was. It was Miami and Vegas. Yeah, and Atlantic City.

Oh, yeah. Those were. I hope I'd never go to Atlantic City again. Oh, we won't. No, we won't. No, we did Caesars, and it was half empty. So it's like those places... I want to play Jersey.

Oh, yeah. But I don't want to do Atlantic City. Side stories might do Jersey, too. So we might try it. I would love that, man. We need to do more Jersey. Jersey's one of the most densely populated states in America. I don't know why we don't go there.

Because we go to New York. Yeah, fuck that. I have one question. Just because I want to manifest this so badly, if we could get a pinball machine for the studio, which franchise would it be based on? We'd get the Lord of the Rings pinball machine, the one that was put out a few years ago.

The one where you can actually go through every single level, I've actually beaten it. It's the only pinball machine I've ever beaten. And I actually was talking to Carolina about this not two weeks ago. I know. Don't get Natalie started too. She wants a pinball machine. It's like our house cannot become a fucking fudrucker. Yeah.

We put it in Holden's studio or Holden's room upstairs. He doesn't need any more distractions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll use it and it'll be annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would like, there was a, I think I've seen this once, maybe many years ago. There's probably like one or two of them that exists. but an adventures of Ford Fairlane, a pinball machine would be wonderful.

I've seen it when I was a kid, and it's been, that's my white whale. That's amazing. All right, what are you okay? Oh, what are your day-to-day work days like? I work Sunday to Thursday because it is, yeah, because we record on Thursday. I used to work Monday to Friday, but I was always useless on Friday after, you know, the crunch that it takes to get the show. every day out every week. So yeah, it ends on Thursday.

Yeah, Sunday. And yeah, I work like half the time on no dogs. Or it's like a little less than half on no dogs and then the rest on the last podcast. Yeah. And it's just, you know, doing research, research. And then Wednesday is writing the script. The first draft of the script.

Thursday morning, I wake up. I write the second draft of the script immediately. Do the third draft, like do a third draft, just like a read-through at the end to fix any sort of like grammatical things or any sort of like stuff that just sounds awkward. And then we go straight in and record. And that's every single week. Yeah, Mondays is a lot of business for me. Mondays I do correspondents.

I try to get stuff done my house. We've been recording a lot of extra shows recently. So a lot of that will go on a Monday. Yeah. Tuesdays, side story stream. We prep for side stories, record, do all the kind of stuff we kind of need to do. Either shoot promos, do all kind of stuff during the day on Tuesday. Then we do the stream.

then Wednesdays is become, you know, we've been doing a lot of movie stories. My main, that used to be my main big old get everything ready for last podcast day, which I normally still do, but I try to sprinkle it throughout the week. And then Thursday, I clear out to do last podcast. And then Friday, I go to therapy. And then everything else that falls into it right there. Yeah. I look at life right now as like, there's always something.

to do. There's never a moment when I'm like truly, truly relaxed. I mean, I'm looking forward to our vacation that's coming up. But, you know, it's always something to do. And especially now that I've been doing my own stand-up, you know, there's lots of, like, you know, that's a lot harder to sell tickets to when it's not the big show, obviously. And so I got to do a lot of promotion. I got to do social media, which I fucking hate.

Yes. And then a lot of it is, you know, the road. A lot of it's fucking sitting in airports. Yeah. And then I try to have a life. And I don't I'm not the same as you guys. You guys work all night sometimes. You go home.

Like you're always studying and shit like that. I have to turn off. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I turn off. I turn off too, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But I think I need it more than both of you.

I don't know why. But like, because I feel like you guys. My hobbies are more evil than yours. That's what it is. You actually, this is your hobby also. Yes. I am already ensconced in a lot of the topics already. Yeah.

Yeah, and usually I will, like, turn off at night. It's just there are certain times, like, when a subject get, when I fall in love with the subject for a brief period of time, that's when it'll be, you know, I'm all day, all night, like I'm reading and watching and absorbing. And because it's like I want, there's something in my brain switches on and it says, you have to understand this. Like, you have to try as hard as you can to understand everything you can about this. And that, and that's fun and relaxing for me. But most of the time I do, I switch off at around like six when I feed the dogs. Yeah, traveling is the hardest, but it's also my favorite. And so it's a weird catch-22.

I love being other places. I hate the process of traveling. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just been a lot of that lately. And I just, you know, music soothes the soul. Yeah. My next question, where will be, where will the world be in 20 years?

I mean, either gone or thriving. Yeah. That's a big 50-50. Yeah, yeah. Actually, I'm going to, I'll split the difference. Decaying. Decaing? Yeah.

I had no idea. It don't look good. I don't know. Yeah, it's going to be a lot more horrible weather events, but I don't know. Maybe we'll figure something out to turn shit around. I have no idea, but it doesn't seem like we're turning things around. Man, I just watched Total Recall and Robocop in one day, and I'm not, I don't have a positive view on life at all. Yeah.

All that looks way more realistic than anything else. I really feel like the way humans work is there has been, technically there has been way worse periods of time than now. We are in a long time. I used to say the 60s were worse, but we're right in it. We are in the least violent period of humanity ever. That is true. So we are in a, there is a way forward. So that's how I, I think because of that fact, there's a way forward.

I think because a lot of what we're dealing with is esoteric. mix with things that actually need, we need help on. And if we did have one pro-social Trump-like figure that wanted to go in and become like a new FDR-style person, which I think could very well happen, considering the rise of the Democratic Socialist Party and how much that's kind of gaining some traction. And the idea that if there was one giant disruptor person, that's really all American, that's how America kind of works in a way for us. We can kind of get back on the right track.

If we have one guy, I'm some sorry and saying man, we have one person that can come in an almost dictatorial style fashion and set everything back, right, and fix it and go and put all the EPA stuff back in, all this kind of stuff. And then I just think that humankind is almost cursed with an adaptability.

Yeah. And I think that we will be surprised how much we will live and thrive through. And that it actually takes quite a bit to destroy us. I know, but I'm looking at it, man. I'm watching everyone get dumber. I'm watching everyone on my friends get dumber. No, everybody's really, you are correct.

We are as a society at a low stock because I do believe everybody is dumber and angrier than they've ever been. We used to have to remember shit. But I also think that we're going to see there is going to be pendulum. There is always pendulum swings. Yeah. And then or what? So I think we're already seeing the younger generation, the younger generation,

the younger generation is ready to crucify Sam Altman the like literally like the alphas the youngest generations understand what's going on Zoomers are going to have to hit that wall you're all going to hit the same wall that we all hit right everybody has a big old fucking gigantic awakening

when you hit 40 years old I'm sorry Zoomers unfortunately have a really hard road ahead of them you're about you're screaming towards a lot of problems but I do think that it's again it's social I think the big things are going to come that are going to destroy a lot of stuff or weather. Yeah, no, I mean,

I think the weather is the thing that is going to really fuck some shit up. Yeah. Yeah, that, to me, is what makes me not so optimistic about the next, like, 20, 50 years, because we're way past the point of doing anything. Like, we passed the point, like, years ago. So we're way past the point of doing anything about it. It's just something I have to not think about, because if you start thinking about it's the existential terror of all of it,

Because it's things that we are in the least violent, like on a macro level, like, yeah, personally, we're not killing each other anymore. We're not shooting each other. You know, it's not as violent as it was, but the problems that we have ahead of us are existential. And the more AI centers take our water, take our land, and they're going to cause us all to die of dehydration. And stupidity. And stupidity. But I also think you'd be surprised.

I think we're going to be surprised at we're just not going to die. Right? No. These things are all going to happen. And humans are still going to be alive. You're going to live the last 20 years of your life in a fucking hospital bed. But that's not necessarily true.

I do. It's not even, I actually view it, it's not really optimism. I think it's a part of the human. It's how we work society. I think that we're going to survive in anything. Just like how zoomers are going to hit a wall.

Our society is going to, it hits walls. So we're going to, there will be a point when the environment, we're going to have to lose a city and then everyone's going to be like, oh, we need to change everything. Yeah, we'll lose Miami. Or New Orleans. Probably North. The two cities be mentioned earlier.

Honestly, we'll lose New Orleans first. But we're going to lose a city. That is what's going to happen. And that's going to, everyone's going to be like, oh, wow, this is actually real. This isn't fake. This isn't. And I think that the more esoteric things become real, we will then be, we'll be interesting. to see how we then respond.

Because I think then there will be big changes. And then, yeah, sure, a lot of the damage will have been done. But you'll be surprised how we can continue to live. And that it is very possible then if we almost in an accelerationist way in my mind, if this is what we're doing, let's fucking get to that fucking burnout point already then. If you, let's see what you do then. Let's see. They're in control right now.

The bad guys are completely in charge. And we are seeing how they run things. So if you like it, you can go vote for more of it if you want. Yeah. Or you can look and realize that we are, we're not drowning. We're suffocating. The world will be there long after human beings. Oh, yeah.

The earth is great. Going nowhere. The earth is fine. The earth is like, no matter how much we fucked it up, we'll die off and a million years will go by and it'll fucking heal and everything will be fine. You know, but I, the thing, I had an existential crisis the other day, just thinking about all the garbage I've created personally.

Yeah, think about that. And just like, I've made enough garbage that would fill up like 10 of these buildings, at least. I think of that one. I think of that once a week. It really fucks with me.

Now that I'm 40, and I just keep taking these giant bags out every week, and I'm just like, I've made a lot of this. Yeah. You know, and I know it. I try to keep a conservative, and I know what I've made is insane.

So the amount of trash that's on this world is terrifying to me. Which is why we have to build a giant nuclear reactor on moon where we can burn all the trash. Thank you. What I... I actually don't think it's a bad idea.

What I hope is that we are going towards a sort of Star Trek storyline. Because in the Star Trek storyline, you know, this is around the time in the Star Trek history that shit just completely falls apart. That starts falling apart. I think like World War III happens in 26. Wow. In the Star Trek universe.

And we're past the Bellwrake. riots and all that because it's this is around the time that america american society specifically starts just completely falling apart there's a world war there's a nuclear war and then you know humanity sort of rises from the ashes uh again uh when you know warp is created and so and so forth but that's but i also notice like i look at star trek because you know star trek the technology is so simple you know it's like these pads and it's all steep job stuff but it's just Pads and words and, you know, there's not a lot of surveillance. Is it, I'm watching it now and I'm thinking, like, we are starting to see how harmful

having a fucking entertainment box in our pocket everywhere we go, this like dopamine box, how harmful it is, how horrible it is. And I could see a future where we have to say, like, we can't have this. Like, we can't have these things anymore because it's just humanity can't, we, we, will entertain ourselves to death. If you can make your home smart, you don't no longer need to have the phone

anymore. And I feel like that's a part of what that is going to happen. I do believe the the, I do believe we're going to head into a form of highly technological Luddite world.

Oh, very much so. There's going to be like a mixture of the two where people themselves will not be necessarily engaging with technology 24-7 but technology will be around them that will be available that they can use that has all of these capabilities.

Like, why would you need a phone if technically you can send an email from a refrigerator? Yeah. You know what I was just thinking? You know what it is where we're at right now? Remember that old joke? If I could suck my own dick, I'd never leave the house. Yeah. That's what humanity's doing right now.

Right now. We're all sucking our own dick constantly. And that's why nothing feels good and everything's kind of like vaguely unsatisfying. Yeah, we're in a, we're in the novelty zone. And I think with the novelty zone is going to, it brings about a lot of stuff. So, again, it's not optimism. I feel like we're just, like, chain to our fate of survival. And there's really no, we're going to, that's the issue is that we're not going to die.

The issue is that we're going to live. And then we have to keep going. And so that's the, that's going to be. And then it's going to, we have to take it from there. I guess we could, I mean, we're pretty close here. Do one more. Do one more. Last one.

Just one. Just how flat is Henry's ass. I actually have some meat there now, but I have to stop it because I was doing squats. We had some really, really awesome guests on the show the past couple years. Who's like your dream guests on the podcast, Dead or Alive? Man, you know, my dream guest used to be Robert England. And now we hit it. So now I've got to think of a new one.

Give me a second. You guys go first. Elron Hubbard, always. Dead or alive. Dead or alive? Elron Hubbard is the only person in all of last podcast, all of the people that we've covered that I still honestly think would be the funnest guy.

Like I think that Elron, if you were, like, unlike all the other ones, I think Alastair Cali would have been a bore. I think Anton Lave was a fucking kind of a schmuck, all these other kind of things. I think Elron would have been hilarious. Manson. Yeah?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You'd want to talk to him? Dude, like interviewing Manson, it's like riding a bull. Like, it would be like the interview equivalent of writing a bull. Because sometimes he's, sometimes like a conscious little Manson pops through in those interviews.

Like if you could find like the angle and find the way for him to try it like to, like if you make him feel safe and make him feel like he can be like vulnerable with you. It's that that's interviewing Manson, yeah. It's riding the bull of interviews. And if you could get it, if you could get him to get into like specifics and keep him from going off. into philosophy and came from going off into anything that's like way out out there where he's just talking about I'm just a man who's being a martyr you know like if you get him

to talk specifics then you have something great because he is an very entertaining person and I just love to I would have loved to have looked into Manson's eyes maybe Oppenheimer weird because of his regrets and stuff like that and it's just fucking who knows knows what that man really knew.

Like the wealth of knowledge that was just inside of his fucking head. Not Dan Marino? I've talked to Dan Marino. Oh, wow. I don't want to really, guys, I'm not trying to drop me. Annie, when did you talk to Dan Marino? When I was a child.

Oh. I was a child. I talked to Dan Marino. It's been many years. Did he sign your isotoneers? He signed a piece of loose leaf paper I had. Wow. Hey, Mr. DeMittonino. You know my face.

He's baking the whole wood. Was you starting my homework? I had that same experience when I was 14 with Rob Zombie. I was visiting my aunt here in Los Angeles. And we were at Universal Studios, and he was there planning that year's Halloween Horror Nights. And we passed by him, and I just said like, I think that I think it was Rob.

At the time, White Zombie was my favorite band. I was like, I think that was Rob Zombie. And my aunt just like, go fucking chase him down. And so I ran back and chased Deslaz, hey, Mr. Zombie, Mr. Zombie. Which is a great thing that's to call somebody. He really, yeah, and he was getting into a limo, and I was like, can I have your autograph? And he's like, yeah.

And I was like, I don't have any paper. And he goes, parking attendant. Go to the parking attendant. And so, like, he sat and waited for me at his limo while I ran to the parking attendant. And he was like, sir, can I have a piece of paper and a pen? And he gave it to me. I ran back, and he signed it like, you know, rob zombies. There you go, kid.

That's all that's sweet. He was extraordinarily sweet to a 14-year-old fan that would have been in 97 or something like that. You know who I'd want to talk to, but it wouldn't be good for the show, just like for my own personal. I'd love to sit down and have a nice long, like, dinner with Stephen Van Zand. Yeah, that's my boy. Yeah, that would be fun. That's my boy. I fucking love him.

I think that would be, nothing would make me happy. Oh, if it had nothing to do with the show, I think the person I would want to just sit and have a conversation with. would be, I'm trying, like, first things in my mind, like, is a, somebody like, William Friedkin. Oh, man, William Freak can be so much fun. I'm in the middle of the William Freakin, or I just finished the William Freakin chapter in Easy Riders and Raging Bulls. Yeah. Oh, God, what a dick.

Yeah, he's funny. No, he's very funny, but, holy shit. Fascinating man. Especially now they're following Paul Verhoeven. Paul Verhoen's a great. Completely insane. I love how fucking insane he is. I love him so much. And I'm trying to think.

Is there anything else here? What's your favorite snack? Favorite snack? Deli meat. Just like sliced turkey. That's not good, buddy. Just a ham. We got to crack. Work on salts. Cherries.

Oh, wow. I just sit and eat. Like, cherry season is wonderful for me. It's only half the year, but I'll just sit and eat just cherries after cherries after cherries. With the pits in them? I spit the pits out. I actually get a highball glass, and I put the stems in the peg. Yeah, no, that's good for you. That's right.

Cherrys are great. Oh, also, peel and eat shrimp. I mean, if I could eat peeling shrimp all day, man, I wouldn't stop, dude. I'd be pink. We turn to fucking boomingos, dog. You are pink. My favorite snack is hard-boiled eggs. I'm not even joking.

I know it's true. We'll talk about it. You're going to see it on this week's side stories, but yeah, I eat a lot of hard-boiled eggs. Oh, yeah. Well, this has been nice, guys. What is it with you and Carolina? There's these things that the two of you share. I love eggs.

You're both hard-boiled eggs. This morning, she'd four hard-boiled eggs for breakfast. That's what I eat for breakfast. Yeah. Yeah. Eggs. Eggs. Eggs.

Eggs. I was just because Jackie would have been so good in that part. Yeah. And Plains Flamingos, Jackie really was like, she didn't really appreciate it when we're all watching it together. And I was explaining to Jeff being like, this is who Jackie's supposed to really be. Yeah. You were wrong. You ruined it.

her life. She's supposed to be Edith Massey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wait, no, do you think she's supposed to be Edith Massey or specifically the Egg lady? The egg lady. He's ruining that first. Yeah. So, hell Satan, and this has been wonderful, and we love your curiosity. Yeah, Hal Gein. Thank you so much.

Hell. For listening and for being cool. Yeah. Hail little Stephen. I love you, buddy. Love you, little Stevie. I think the new teeth look great. The old teeth were fine, but the new ones. Wow. Crystaline. I would love to eat. Eat with your mouth.

I would love to use his teeth as plates. And I want to say thanks to Lil Stevie for giving Lenny K a DJ job because I love Lenny K's show on Bill Stevens Underground Garage. I don't know if he hires anybody there anymore. I don't know, but I love Lenny K. It's coming up. We have the electric proof. It's 1960s.

I have too much to dream last night. Let's go. You know, at least that's a good song. I hate when under. Ground Garage, quote unquote, plays nothing but Rolling Stones in the Beatles. And it's like, it's not underground. That's why you got to listen to Lenny K. Show. It's the nighttime show.

Yeah, he actually picks the songs probably. Yeah, Lenny K. Oh, man, I used to always see him at the record fairs and record stores in New York, but I never got the, I never had the hoods but to go up and say hi. Yeah, well, you know, you don't want to meet musicians most of the time. I saw a little Stephen once, and I was actually listening to a little Steven's Underground Garage while I saw him walking his dog and I didn't say hi. It haunts me to this day. It should. We'll have to find him. Yeah, we'll see what I can do.

Bye, little Stevie. See you later, all you cool cats.