Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 75: The Afterlife

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

A new documentary about the afterlife inspires the boys to dig deep into the world of near death experiences, particularly the people who went to hell instead of heaven.

I had a dream last night that my hands were slit open for my middle finger down to the bottom of my palm and all the meat was sliding off it, but I wasn't bleeding and then I looked back and they were fine. What does that mean? I mean, be prepared next time you cut your radishes, you know. When do I cut my radishes? What am I? Am I a French chef? Am I a ratatouille? Sit in the middle of the kitchen? I don't know. I'm no Patton Oswald rat, because Patton Oswald hates women. That's one something that we know. I learned that on Facebook and Twitter. Heaven and Hell isn't real, but Patton Oswald does not like women. We've heard it. Alright, that's Marcus, I'm Ben, and then to my left, we got this young fella. He's fresh, he's in a fun mood. Fancy

feast. He needs a Browsky. Fancy feast. I like the taste of real liver. I like the taste of real chicken. That's good. I am a Mexican cat. Really? I'm Henry Zabrowski. That's nice. I like this coffee to kick in. I got to get this first layer of espresso into my system before I can be properly online. How much by the gallon fancy feast do you think you eat in a week? Oh my god, I mean, the government, as we know for a fact, there's a lot of things. I mean, we know about the pink goo. The chicken McNugget. Yes, we know about corn fodder that they jam into the thoraxes of our cows and make them large. Yeah, right? Just like that. Let's say they used to sound now they sound. I mean, notice the difference. Yeah, Marcus has the best cow impression in the

radio game. Everyone's always said that about him, and I didn't believe it until right now. That's amazing. Can you do a chicken one? He's done the chicken. Honestly, I don't know if that's a chicken. I didn't grow up with chickens. I grew up with cows. I don't know if that's a chicken or if, like, balls could talk. What's your ball sex sounds like waving in the wind? It just sounded like, yeah, Ed's hemorrhoids. All right, let's just get to today's topic. I personally love this one. We're talking about the afterlife heaven and hell. Is it real? No. Do whatever you want in this world because this is the only opportunity you have to live. We sat down and we watched an amazing new documentary on the sci-fi channel that just came out like last week called the

life after death project, which was, you know, I love me some ghosties. Of course. You know, I love things that go creepy grilly in the night. And I saw a bit about this on 4chan. Someone had posted this special was coming up and then I listened to Paul David, who is the director and writer of the documentary on coast to coast and very highly interesting stuff. This is one of the one of the most illuminating documentaries. We watched about an hour of it together. That was nice. It was fun to have a nice afternoon together alone time together because we also because I don't have a full couch. I just have a love seat. So it's like our butts were touching as we were watching it. And then we just slowly, slowly got closer and closer as the couch got more and more

exhausted from holding our weight. And what went down like it was a sinkhole. Your skin like adopts things like your skin like the thing like I felt my leg becoming indistinguishable from your leg right as we sat because your skin just kind of slides over. Does that happen with women? I don't know. I'm not sure. I've never been with one. But as soon as I experienced that, I'll let you know. But I'll tell you, we were watching a documentary on life after death. We were just sitting right there in heaven. Yeah. I mean, if there was a hell, I didn't know it because I was sitting there with my best friend. That's right. So let's go to the beginning of this documentary. A fella named Ackerman. There's a very famous horror movie memorabilia collector named for Shay Ackerman.

Seems like probably the coolest guy of all time. I mean, either cool. I mean, coolest slash loneliest. Yeah. Because he lived in a world of just monster heads. I mean, he had his best friend, confidant advisor and caregiver, Joe Moe. Joe Moe, me. Well, let's just say was, is madly in love with Mr. Ackerman. Yes, he is. And he's like a lurch. He's like a big, gay lurch. So whenever they would cut to him in the documentary, it'd be him just going like, oh, you know, Fauri and I, when I watched his feet, I love the play for smile that go on his mouth. I don't, I don't know what the accent was. Yeah, it was a good impression though. He has like a bowl cut. I think he's Hawaiian. Hawaiian. I always imagine as some sort of weird

bastard, uh, uh, some sort of accent between Irish and Japanese. So you're saying the Hawaiian accent is a little bit more like this. When the cows and the chicken impressions. So, uh, so Ackerman, who's like huge, he's a major iconic horror fellow, major collector. And he is a famous atheist. He's, you know, he specifically say, you know, like, I don't believe in any of the things that I love. I don't like, he thought that sci fi was a beautiful dream that men had, you know, that it was about like our best possible future. Yeah. And he, uh, he was, you know, very famous. He run a thing called Famous Monsters Magazine. I know there's going to be a lot of people like, uh, uh, Chris Brown from a call puppets who

listens to the podcast is probably a massive fan of Fauri and Ackerman. This is a guy. He's very important to the horror community. Yes. And he said, you know, I don't believe in ghosts, you know, and joked famously to Paul Davids while he was alive when they knew each other saying like, okay, if there's a heaven and if I go once I'm done partying with everybody, once I'm done, you know, letting Sammy Davis Jr. sit in my lap. Yeah. Finger bang in the virgin, not anymore. Not after Ackerman. That's disgusting. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um, and he went to his son, he said he'll come by and he'll say hello and everyone's just like, far as you're hilarious. Yeah. You know, because that's where the, that was

the one thing that what I hate with the way scientists describe people with senses of humor is that every time anyone described, he's like, you know, he was, he was prevalent with a joke, you know, he would just say something like, oh, he had quite a, he could quite a banile humor about him. There was a great Oprah Winfrey joke, a joke. As a matter of fact, remember that Oprah joke that he told? I forget how it goes, but I'm going to make a new Phantom of the Abram film. Yeah, that's right. But snaring Oprah. And I'm going to call it Phantom of the Oprah. People laugh. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of, it was sort of a situation like if you would play basketball against like Kim Jong-un, like every shot, that's

a great shot, Kim. That's a great shot. People were very, it was a sci-fi audience. They were just happy to see the 90 year old man get out there and speak. He was also known as Fori and the Acker monster. Yeah. The Acker monster. And he also, he, he would put on all of his like address slips, uh, uh, what's it, uh, Carlifornia, like Boris Karloff, you know, like, yes, yeah. Yes. Uh, so he, so basically, you know, again, he pooed the idea of an afterlife. Heavily. Poo-pooed it. Poo-pooed. Um, and so they were making a memorial after he died and sadly he died at the age of 92. He wanted to be 100 years old, but I mean. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you die. Your body's made out of origami cranes. You're

92 years old. Anything can kill you. You know, and God knows how bad those jokes were going to get. If you're 92 right now, let go. You know, because in the end you're just, you're taking up all the corn feed. That's our corn feed. Yeah. I've heard that about old people. Yeah. They're sucking up our pink goo. Sucking up the pink goo. And my cat food, my cat food infused hot dogs. Sadly, there are a lot of 92 year old people eating fancy feast right now. No idea it's for cats. No idea. That's just some fancy tuna. This is nice. Oh man, I can't believe they did all the, they pull out all the stops for these cats. Um, so they, so basically these, when they were making the memorial for Forshakerman, two Canadian

filmmakers went and they were like playfully, their nerds, they went up to the, his grave and they were like, knock, they were like, Oh, hey, they're for you. Home for you. And they get back to the hotel and basically they're going to write about how like they visit his grave. And when they go to write in the captcha to like, to log in securely into their blog, it says Ackerman, like the captchas Ackerman. They're like, okay, they, they refresh it again and again. And he keeps saying Ackerman, Ackerman. And then he's just like, what is going on here? It's like Forshakerman. It literally was like, Forshakerman's dead. And then the computer behind them, which is really cool. The documentary, they went straight

to the room and they, I mean, they're nerds. And so they're like, me, we're in our exact same positions. The day was I was here and Donald was over there. And so they like cut over and apparently the other computer fired up into a pop-up window that was like, some weird orange circle going like, oh my God, no way. Which is, uh, that's what it was saying. Oh my God, no way. Yeah. I was going to make a joke or the computer just turned on and said, Hey, guys, but phantom of the Oprah. Oh my God, Ackerman's in the computer. He's making bad jokes on the grave. Oh, this is great stuff. So anyway, but this is kind of a funny thing. So they see the Ackerman thing, of course. So that was the first incident.

So they're watching it. Don't forget, the name Kissell also popped up. Oh, and I took a picture of it. I'll put it on the thing in terms of synchronicities. And that is part of what the, uh, there was a scientist here named, uh, what's his first? They were showing a bunch of different like pop-ups. So you have to type in, uh, to think, to, um, you know, get to a page or whatever. And one of the captures was Kissell. One of the captures was Kissell. And I took a picture of it. Yeah. Absolutely. I have it. Of course. Evidence. So this, uh, this doctor, uh, Dr. Gene Swartz comes on and that's a part of one of his major like outlining, uh, theories as a proof of the afterlife. And one of those is synchronicities.

And you, and through this story of channeling Forrest Ackerman's ghost, there is a, it's crazy. Like the sort of things that happen are very strange. Like, well, Paul Davids, the search with Paul Davids, the documentary filmmaker who, who made it, heard that story from these Canadians and he was like, okay, whatever, you know, but this is the guy who's only done like lots of different controversial stuff. So the last, the last, uh, special he did was all on, you know, Jesus after he was 13, there's a lot, there's a lot of stories saying about how there was a long time period missing between that and when they find, nailed them to the tree. And that was when he was in India being with the Mahatma guru, like

smoking tie sticks and writing psychedelic music while dressed as a train conductor. Uh, and that's a big documentary. That's the Bible. I would have really followed. That was an accurate breakdown of Sergeant Pepper's. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so they, uh, basically here's the stories that I'm sure. And so he's staying in a hotel while traveling for business and he has an agenda that is again, a thing I don't particularly understand. He has an agenda that he printed off of his computer screen. This is something that older people do with the internet. I don't know why they think it's easier to have the papers in your hand because the papers manipulated by ghosts. And that's what happened in this

situation. So he goes to take a shower, probably the only shower that man was going to take all he specifically nailed it down. He's like, I went in, I took a shower. He just took a large dump. It wasn't, they did do a quick cutaway. It just goes into the bathroom. You just see him coming out and just like dookie. Let's just say he was gone for an indeterminate period of time and let us specify what was spent. But then he also threw in there that he was like, and then, and then I went down to the Indian casino and I gambled. I lost a hundred bucks. Yeah. So that's the kind of money this guy's playing with. As soon as he lost a hundred bucks, he's like, I gotta go like penny slots. Exactly. And he lost

a hundred dollars. So he was there for a couple hours. Well, I'm dead broke. All right. Time to go. So he gets out of the bathroom. So he gets out of the bathroom and he comes up and he finds that on the sheet of paper, one line is really weirdly, like hours after he printed it, one line is wet and smeared on the paper when it's, and it is a thing that he wrote on there called Speak to Joe Amodi, who is like some random, I think a bookie. He doesn't actually say who it is. Yeah. They meet up easy being like, Joe Amodi, I had somebody doesn't even matter to me. He's like would say stuff like that or just like, you're avoiding Joe because when you look at more screenshots of your agenda, Joe Amodi

is like all over it. He's important to you. The sentence was speak to Joe Amodi about all the money that I owe him. Give me back my son. He's just like, yeah, he's just doing ransom negotiations with Joe Amodi. Right. And so he takes it. If I didn't study, he's like, okay, this is really weird. He starts like taking it to various scientists who look at it. They don't know how it's been changed. They really, it was interesting though, because these scientists, these are real experts. They didn't know what the ink was made out of. They couldn't, they couldn't place it. And they said that the nitrates were found in the ink that was over it. They said that they found silver nitrates in it that haven't

been used in printing since the 1800s. Right. Like stuff that's like very cookie-dokey weird stuff. I also won't go into all these synchronicities, but then they had several mediums come in. And these were, and they said these are the top mediums like in the world. And one was named like, she's from Israel. I'm not really sure what the name was. She's Klingon. She's a Klingon. Yes. And so she went in there and she was just, they didn't tell her anything. She was just nailing shit. And when I do appreciate with this specific documentary in this crew of people said it was run by Gary Schwartz, who is a fucking accredited like a maniac. Like we're talking about like one of the head of quantum mechanics for Harvard. Like this

guy who is like a real, not just a, I mean, he's got a lot of rings on now. Sure. You know, and because now that he's in charge of this, I forgot what his actual society, he is in charge of this program that specifically studies the afterlife. And he is straight up, like believes it. Right. He thinks it's real. And because he has four, like his four parameters for why he thinks ghosts are real, which is, you know, there's physical phenomena, like what happened with the paper, like, and then there's synchronicities. And so, you know, like one of the ones was like, um, couple friends were having dinner with Paul Davids. Paul Davids comes over to a friend like the friend's house for dinner. He brings a specific

bottle of wine. He just goes and buys this nice bottle of wine guy goes like, where the fuck did you get this bottle of wine? He's just like, Oh, I got it. You know, I just went to Bevmo and I got it from Bevmo. And he like got it. And he's just like, well, not only is this like an incredibly rare vintage of wine, but it's a rare vintage of wine in the year 2004, which is a year I got married. I served this wine at my wedding, right? Because we love it so much. And we had 10 people at our wedding. And one of those 10 people was Forrest J. Ackerman. So it was like, there we go. That was like, oh, it's all making sense. But it's like, it's not like, it's not dead proof, but it's like a thing that's

just like, what? Like that's just like, why would it connect back? And there were so many stories like that. And then the next one was, uh, the idea of mediums picking up on it, specifically these hyper sensitive ones. And I mean, and they, they were like hot 45 year olds. So you were fully engorged at this point and totally on board. I'm in. I'm in. You know, and then do you remember the old gypsy woman that we went to in, uh, in the West or in the East village? I believe everything.

Well, it's different. She had eye, she had eye tumors. Her tear ducts were in flames. She had eye tumors and we could see her game room. I think a couple of kids run around it there. And the last one was this sort of technological like research that he believes it proves it entirely. What he has is this machine and what he's been working on for years and years is a way to properly measure like ghost activity. He has an actual ghost machine. He has a ghost machine, which is a, uh, it is a machine that detects photons inside of

a box that's inside of a box that's inside of a box. It's inside of a box. And the idea is to create like perfect darkness and perfect non activity in the space that this photon thing was. And then what he does now, I mean, it's strange, but he sits in a room and asks ghost questions. And then watches the things go bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep. And this like photon show up in this totally dark like space. That's cool. And so it's like, and then he started believing he was speaking with Forscher Ackerman. And

the thing was, which was really crazy is all these mediums and all these people who have had no communication about this man also the same thing. You know, he's very funny. He is, he, he's having fun with you. Like this whole thing is fun for him. Like he's showing up. He loves to play it. He's figured it out. Like he wants you to know that he's communicating with you and he wants you to know that he, he's there. There's an afterlife. He's living in something. And the people that moved into his house after, after he died, of course, they, I don't know what they did with all of his fucking dickhead. What a bunch of dickheads.

They just cleared out everything that was in his house. And they were just huge monsters and just posters. And they just made it this disgusting like Mick Manchin. And it's just this dickhead with a fucking head. Two actors. Two actors. Yeah. And then there was the Bella Legosi war in plan nine.

It's probably in the garbage somewhere. And he had the ring. That, that was another weird synchronicity is that the ring that he belonged to him, to Bella Legosi, that he got from Bella Legosi when he filmed, it was like, like, Dracula versus Frankenstein, I think. He had it. And then they sold it to an estate. The estate sold it to another person who sold it to a guy who were in Europe. Sold it to a guy who worked for a pawn shop. That pawns are like some weird antiquity store. That antiquity store turned out to be a block from the director's house. And he walked by and he was like, boom,

there's the ring that Forch Ackerman wore. It's crazy. I would like to see the documentary. Like just follow that ring. That sounds very exciting. Follow that ring. Follow it. But it's just about an asshole. Oh, but rings. Yeah. But that's what, but this is, it's a very... But anyway, you haunted the hell out of these actors, which was...

Which is great. Yeah. She was like, you know, it's like Tenon. She's just like, I'm in here trying to work on my new pop song, you know. And then I went into the kitchen, you know, get a couple glasses of wine. And then when I came back out to fuck it, all my music sheets are spread everywhere. And that's what he said that he would do all the time, too, is that he would take people's shit and spread it everywhere like you would, like this ghost would just throw stuff all around. And the knees. The knees?

Their knees. Ah, yes. Spread the knees. Ah. I see. So they could have a vagina with his long 92-year-old ghost tongue, give him the cleft, sexual healing type situation there. Yeah.

But then there's a lot of stories about, and so now, just from there, we want to just break into the world of, like, more stories of people who've been to the afterlife and back, who've seen stuff, some near-death experiences. I think that, I think that we've found some real fucking true shit here. We've found some good stories. And assuming that Scott, not Scott, the Mr. Alchemist is actually in heaven, we have to assume that he's haunting these people in heaven as real. So these folks... I mean, there's constant stories. We've talked about them before. There's things like the

bardo. You hear a lot about this idea that it's in every single culture that when you die, a part of what your living life is supposed to be is mentally training yourself for the obstacle course that is the labyrinth into the afterlife, which doesn't really make sense why it has to be that way. But it's like, there's a lot of stories about, like, you know, things you have to overcome. There's also, I was reading about the kabbalah recently, and the kabbalah with their nine circles is very interesting. Apparently, we're in the last one, the maha-malcha.

Oh. Malcha. I wouldn't think you would understand what you're reading. Except the maharaj. I know that there's... But they use the kabbalah... I don't like the name of that woman. It's very similar.

I need... I just need... I just need it written out in just letters. Right, right, right. You can just write it down in letters and tell me how to say the letters. I'll be fine, you know? Yeah. When things get into symbols, you know, it's like I just look at Korean and I'm just like,

it's 9-4-9-9-9. Is this numbers? Yeah, you sound like Rain Man. Yeah, I understand it. Well, let's get into our first story. Do we want to do Angelica Zambrano? Sure. Angelica Zambrano was shown the kingdoms of heaven and hell. And the return of Christ, this is her video testimony translated in English. I love this so much.

It's my favorite. She saw many, many of people down in hell. Yeah, many celebrities. Let's find out who she saw down there. Let's see. They saw the people run. Almost everyone that were there in the flames would run towards that place where it rained. And when I looked, they yelled out, oh, they would yell, help me, Lord, because at a distance, they could see that the Lord was here.

This is her in hell where God said that she had to see hell. The demons would begin to laugh. Then I looked and saw how the flames would multiply. I could see how the worms would multiply in them. And so what happened was that it was not water, but sulfur, in which it multiplied the flames and tormented the people. And the demons would laugh and say, worship and adore, because this is your kingdom. This is your kingdom. You have to worship. It's your kingdom forever and ever. The demons would say, and I said, Lord, what's this?

And he said, this is the price of that person that has not repented. And the Lord took me to a place where there was some man that was well known. Back then, when me and a friend were attending church and living a double life in the walk with God, and I would think that all of them that would die would go to heaven, that every person that were there at the services would go to heaven. But I was very wrong when the Pope John Paul II died. My friends and cousins would tell me that he has gone to heaven. And commentaries on TV that would say that the Pope has died, rest in peace,

for he's not rejoicing with the Lord and the angels and the angels of heaven. And I would believe all this, but I was lying to myself about all this, and then all of a sudden I would see a man that was being tormented in those flames, and I saw his face, and the Lord showed me his face. And it was the Pope John Paul II and my son John Paul II. That's a fucking hell place. I love to hear it. And he's here in this place and being tormented for not repenting. And then I said, Lord, why is he here in this place if he was preaching at church?

And he said, daughter, because no fornicator, no idolater, no money grubber, no liar would inherit my kingdom. Hell yeah, that's right. God's talking the truth, buddy. Alright, and of course there's another celebrity in hell. Let's move on to him. Famous people like, I should say, Michael Jackson. This person was a well-known and famous person at a worldly level, and this person was very satanic, although many people never knew this. But this is true, because he had made satanic packs and he had made deals with Satan

to be able to have his fame in many fans. And apparently she started having her visions after a 21-day fast. They were a part of some fucking weird sect of Christianity. I mean, honestly, I am next to one of these, I guess it's like a Spanish Pentecostal service. They're all bonkers. It's really very strange. I love it. I get devil shirts on. I'm standing outside. Throwing cigarette butts in there.

Telling them, just being like, yeah, what a hot dog factory. You idiots. You know how they walk in there. So I understand why I'm getting problems from them. Right. But I do think that they, it's very weird. But yeah, that's what they said. They really do. They think that John Paul, they think that he's a center, and they think that, like, also there's a whole section where her great-grandmother's in hell.

Because she never forgave her daughter, or like something, something like weird dumb thing. Which is like, there's just no real, and there was another guy, I forgot his name, that was on the same website, testimoniesofheaveninhell.com, which is a lot of fun. There's also, let's not forget about another famous singer that young Angelica saw in hell, Selena. The woman that was shot in the head by her manager. She saw Selena in hell. So in other words, she just saw the two biggest people that ever exist in Latin culture. Right.

And then Michael Jackson, who is a couple second. There's no Envigar, it's Selena, and Michael Jackson. And they're signing specs with the Satan, because they get some their fame. Yeah. That fucking, I was so stoned last night, I got so stoned, I just, I watched about 45 minutes of that. There's an hour and 20 minutes of footage. And this isn't, this is translation, this is not, the little girl is speaking in Spanish, and what you hear is a translator who I think is putting her own spin on things.

It's not a he, it's not a she either, it's a he, because he also does the mother, and then you listen to him pitch his voice up for the daughter. Like what he, it's the same dude doing the whole thing. He's a pro. He's a showman. What's the torture that Pope John Paul is going through? I mean, is it pineapple in the bottom? What's happening?

What I like to think. It was worms. Yeah. Oh, it was a reading splash. Okay. She said the same thing, that each one of them had a patch of metal in them that was unaffected by the worms. Okay. But then they, like, you know, worms were crawled, they said there were a bunch of demons,

or raping, or grandmother, and that worms were like eating her face and her ass. Yeah. Which is just like, you know. I mean, don't even, why do we gotta show her these things? Why does God show her these things? Why does God choose a 13-year-old girl? Why is there, why did God make a hell in the first place? Why is there any of this stuff?

This is something that I have figured out, or not really figured out, but something that I have heard from people giving their testimonies what Jesus tells them, is that God did not create hell for sinners. God created hell to hold Satan. It doesn't make any sense. And his, and his followers. Well, good, because he likes it. Hail Satan. Hail Satan loves it.

But people would not repent for their sins. I just, They would not repent. So God started sending sinners to hell. So he didn't create it for them. It would just happen to be convenient. I feel like a lot of these aren't even about not repenting. There's a lot of forgiveness stuff in here.

That's why her great-great-grandmother was down there. And that's why this other fella, Daniel, He's from Africa. Yeah, Nigeria. He was an actual pastor. He died. He went to hell because he didn't forgive his wife before she died. But if you listen to this story,

This story is just like, She came to me. I want to say what she did to offend me. She offended me greatly. So I put her in an aunt. I put her in an aunt on the house. He put her in a tiny shack. Behind the house.

And she's like, Hey, she come up. And she's not going to do it. She's not going to do it. And I said, No, say good morning. I know say good morning to her. And then she come up next day.

Not going to do it. And I know say good morning. I know say good morning. She offended me. What she said offended me greatly. And I was like, What did she say? She just kept her captive.

What did she do? She put her in a shack. Yeah. And then he got it to- You're about to kill your wife. You got to see though, I'm going to put that one up on the Facebook page. Just to see the reenactment of his accident.

Because he got into a car accident. And the African actors, They got to act him. It's just him guy going like, Oh, no, I mean an accident. And then they're like, He goes up and she's like, She's like,

Please, don't die. Please, don't die. And she's just like, Very nice. I'm dying. And her name is, His wife's name is, Is Niga.

That's her, His wife's name. Okay. And so, You sure about that? Yes. Sure, that's your name. If you listen,

Okay. Listen to it. I mean, some people, That could be a name. It's possible. It's a possible name. It's interesting. It's very questionable.

Yeah. It's just like, The whole thing, It's just like, You know, And then, And when this, Niga woman came to speak with me,

I knew for a fact that there was like, Like, Just saying stuff like that. You know. The whole thing, And I was just like, Oh God, I'm going to die.

It happens. I had a good time last night. I like it. So we've dabbled. I ate an entire pint of ice cream. Oh, you don't even have to say that. We all know that. That's just always assumed

Every time we see it. So we've dabbled in hell. Can we, Can we talk about heaven for a second? Well, I've got, I want to do one more story about hell. Please do. Yes, one more.

This was, This is from a woman named Mary Baxter. She wrote a book called, Testimonies of Heaven and Hell. I love this. This is a great one. She's hilarious too. She is fantastic.

In 1976, For a period of 40 days, Jesus took Mary Baxter to hell and heaven, Where she describes her experience To what sinners without Christ would feel. She describes how, Quote, Instantly my soul was taken out of my body.

I went with Jesus up out of my room And into the sky. It was as though I had died, And my body was left behind on the bed While my spirit was going with Jesus Up through the top of the house. Jesus then took me to hell. Oh, Jesus, switcheroo.

Slam it down. Slam it down. Phantom of the Oprah. She describes hell as being shaped Like a human body lying in the center of the earth. The body is lying on her back With both arms. You know what this reminds me of just real quick?

You know the details that the kids talked about When they were remembering the Satanic ritual abuse? It's really interesting about how all these thoughts Are very similar. They are. Like in terms of the way they describe things As being very, it's very childlike And dumb sounding.

Oh. Yes, Jesus said, As I have a body of believers, So hell has a body of sin and death With many chambers of torment. Nice. And she saw, I love this, She describes strobe lights

And ugly snakes slithering about. Oh, she hated the seven. Oh, yeah, yeah. If she was in 1992 in the meatpacking district. That's rough. This is my favorite. There was a preacher who was about six feet tall And his skeleton was a dirty grayish color

Like a tombstone. Parts of his clothing still hung on him. She says, I wondered why the flames had left these torn and tattered clothes And had not burned them up. Burning flesh was hanging from him And his skull seemed to be in flames. A terrible odor comes from him.

She continues. Mike Lawrence? Mike Lawrence, of course, A nice little comedian fella. And she continues, As we left that night, I saw a group of demons coming up to a coffin. They were about three feet high,

Dressed in black clothes With black hoods over their faces. That's just fantastic. They were taking ships tormenting a soul. And my fat, No, this is my favorite part. The fun center. Oh, the S.L.S. fun center.

Jesus told me there is a place in hell Called the fun center. Which is a Roman gladiator pit. And in this Roman gladiator pit, Satan watches upon. And he's a lot like, you know, the Satan. Do you remember that old movie Legion? The old movie Legend?

It's just like him, yeah. It's just all, Everything that she has is just, She just watched a bunch of horror movies And these are fucked up nightmares. And she says, Of course, gladiator as well, Because she loves Russell Crow.

And what she says, What happens in the fun center Is that people who led good people astray in heaven Are tormented by the people That they themselves did lead astray. What I also love is, They make this case of Satan a lot of times, And these things that it sounds honestly

Just like the U.S. government, Where they would take our good person. One example is that first guy was a pastor, Where they took this good person, Satan sent him a bunch of demons to tempt him, And got him going, Get him tempted, get him tempted, And then just killed him.

Same thing like what we did with the Boston Marathon. Think about it. Think about it. What can we do about this though, And maybe you'll have some answers. So are these people that are torturing the tormentors, The people that were tortured on earth, And tormented by these people,

And now tormenting these folks, Is that their heaven? Jesus did not specify. I just feel like it's very confusing. She would say, I mean, I know, I agree. Yeah, Hitler should love it down there. Right. I would think so.

Well him and Pope John Paul and Selena, That's the thing if you want a good concert, Go to hell. Michael Jackson, Selena. Michael Jackson. That's about it. But who's the last you need? Hitler and Pope John Paul.

Fucking Selena. Right? And they're laughing. All the way to the hell back. And here's an example of Jesus being an asshole. One night he brought her to hell And said, you must experience hell fully. Why?

Why though? She said, I looked at myself and saw That holes were beginning to appear All over my remaining flesh. I began to turn a dirty gray color And gray flesh fell off me. There were holes in my sides, my legs, My hands, my arms.

And then I started getting Botox With Dr. Zismore. Thanks Dr. Zismore. I cried out, oh no, I am in hell forever. Oh no. That's what you say when you're in hell forever. That is a direct quote by the way. Oh no, I'm in hell forever.

And then Jesus stopped it. So that's what hell is like. Go tell the people. Him and that Castro character are very similar It sounds like. You torture and torture somebody And then finally you give them a sweet release And then you're in love with Jesus.

Jesus just hurt you terribly bad. What are you talking about? Castro, the fellow who kept the women. Yeah, but I mean they fell for Jesus. All the women did? Well the women, I'm sure that they were religious. No way is. They were so retarded because there was no way

A god could exist that would allow them to be himself. They would be self active and rape for 10 years. Well you never know. God, what I'm saying is not concerned with man. He's asleep at the wheel. He is. No you torture somebody and then you stop torturing them And then they love you because you stop torturing them

Even though you don't want to. Oh Stockholm Syndrome. Exactly. Yeah, that's what Christianity is. Yeah. It's just a bunch of Stockholm Syndrome. And then finally, finally, after all this time in hell He finally brings her to heaven.

That's nice. The angel says, behold, the power and might and majesty of God. Let me show you the place he has created for the children. God. And all at once there was a large planet looming before her. A planet as large as earth. Oh my god, the Mormons were right. Interesting.

The Lord explains what happens to aborted babies then. What happens? Is this an opener? I think it's just what was on her mind. Oh yeah. Well first we take the scissors out of their necks. Yeah, come on, what happened to aborted babies? She's like, well Elvis turns them into coleslaw.

That's something. Nibbles them down. My angels go down and bring the children to me when they die. I have a place where they can grow, learn and be loved. I give them whole bodies and restore whatever parts they are missing. But isn't that better than being alive? So much better. Right?

So much better. Yeah, they're really making approaches aren't they? You're in heaven already. And you have a glorified body. He says I give them glorified bodies. Yeah, look at our bodies. Look at a bunch of pancake batters. There's like a shot and a bunch of dirty pants.

Oh my god. Aborted babies looking like Dwight Howard up there. I look like a half eaten corn dog stick. She's sad. She's sad. Marcus, can you throw out one more Behold please? Because I really enjoyed when you said that. Behold!

That's great. I just pictured an angel just practicing in the mirror. Like I'm gonna get my Behold right today. Behold! Still not quite there Sammy. Behold! You're screaming it, you're screaming it too much. Behold!

Behold! You're just kind of whispering it strangely. I'm not gonna say that I just don't think you're right fit. You know what? Try sucking on a couple of lozenges and come back in 3,000 years. We have a turn here. There is another wonderful account of heaven. This is written, it's a Christian book, written by Mr. Todd Burpo.

Yes, Todd Burpo and I believe his son Colton Burpo. And it's called... What fucking country is Burpo from? Burpo's? I believe they're American. Is that Italian? Is that Italian? We come from a long line of Burpo's.

God, it's a tough name to be proud of. Burpo. You're a Burpo son. Go out there and act like it. Okay. Hey there girl, would you come here and touch my nuts? By the way, this was the number one New York Times bestseller. Sure.

It's called, heaven is for real, a little boy's astounding story of his trip to heaven and back. Burpo. Like the kid wasn't going to have a hard enough time anyway in life with the last name Burpo. Now he's the weirdo who went to heaven. It was also like Angelica would talk about, the angels, they come with me to school. Like she was, what a fucking nuts person also.

I forgot to say that they told her, God told her they were going to kill her on the 20th and I went to my mother and I said, oh mother, they're going to kill me on the 21st day. And they laughed and I laughed and everyone come and they're like, why are you laughing? You are going to be dying. And I was like, no, I get to go see the Lord and they're all laughing and we laughed. And I gave all my things away. And it's like a 16 year old girl that just got taken there and she's like, the mother's telling all the relatives, it's like, the Lord's going to kill her in a week.

And they're like, hey, you know, it's like, I was sitting there thinking about like, these people live in a house. These people like all sit, these people you go to school with, they could be working at Sweetleaf next door right now. They could be like making coffee, looking and seeing a giant centurion angel in front of them and giant wings is going like, soon. Yes, very soon you will be with me. Well, I've got to make this espresso, so I don't have time to deal with you right now.

That scares the shit out of me. It's terrifying. I go back to Burpo. But Colton, that he says that during the months after emergency surgery, he began describing events and people that seemed impossible for him to have seen or met. Examples included. You know what that means? Ritalin.

Boom. He's got ADHD. Examples include his miscarried sister. Oh, he saw his miscarried sister because his mother was crying in the living room every time he walked in. Oh, absolutely. And just told him all about Samantha. They should have been two of you, Colton Burpo.

There should have been a little farty Burpo as well. Yes, we were going to name her Farty Burpo. Just to go so well with the overall bowly sound of our name. Oh, Farty Burpo. Farty Beth Burpo is a great name. Farty Teresa Burpo. Oh, yes. Of course, Teresa after Mother Teresa.

And Burpo after Burps and Farty after Farts. It's going to be the great, great grandfather who came over here. He got to the land. He's like, you've got to choose the last name. He just burped. You're a Burpo. God damn it. I didn't want to burp when I got high.

I promised myself I wasn't going to burp. I shouldn't have gotten cherry dogs with Sammy Davis Jr. Yeah, well, this guy just dumps in his pants. You're a shat. I'm sorry. God damn it. Oh, this is awful. And he also said that he met his great grandfather who had died 30 years before Colton was born.

He also met extra biblical. He got hit by a train while raping an Asian woman. That's how all Burpo men died before the 1960s. Another classic Burpo death. He made extra biblical claims that he personally met Jesus riding a rainbow colored horse. They gave him fed buckets of cum by Elton John. They gave him all the toys they were going to give to that girl that got miscarried. He sat in Jesus' lap while the angels sang songs to him.

Very nice. Jamie Mac, when are you coming back? You're a cool Jesus. This is amazing. I love it. Burpo is fucking cursed. And also this book was ghost written by the same guy who wrote Going Rogue, Sarah Palin's book. It's all facts.

It's a whole fucking group of idiots. And what I've noticed in a lot of my research of near-death experiences among Christians and specifically among the fucking batshit crazy ones is that there is a whole group of Christians who are anti-near-death experience. And they say, they're completely against it because they say that the testimonies that the near-indie people give are ridiculous and stupid and not real yet. Completely contradict what the Bible says. In fact, one of the...

Because the Bible of course says, no Burpo shall pass through these doors. The woman that I married Baxter, I found out about her story from ReasonIsTruthMinistries.com. Because they went through and just ripped her a new one. Real one star review. One star. One star. And one of the main reasons they gave. You know why?

Jesus never, ever, ever, except for once, which was just a birth announcement, never gave the power of prophecy to a woman. Just wouldn't do it. I mean, it's a dude's game. If you want to be a prophesizer, you gotta be a man. I mean, that's the one major flaw they have with it. It's just very interesting to pick it apart in a lot of different ways. But they just went right for the gender.

Exactly. That was their bigot. That was the one thing that they kept harping on over and over. But there is something to some of these experiences. I really think that there is... I mean, a lot of things get shared throughout. The more and more we see the fact that our long-term memory is not held inside of our brains. We access it in some sort of cloud formation.

They're starting to see that that is real. Everything outside of the human body, it does move with something. It could possibly hold our personal information into it. We don't know. Yes. But it's like, I just don't know. I think our brain puts on a show for us. I think that you go and do a thing.

Honestly, I think your body just goes through a bunch of trauma. They're like, well, it's time to make you feel amazing because you're about to die. Yeah, exactly. You just shoot me and students. It's just gonna be me in a taco salad with all the meat made out of a bunch of boobs. That's gonna be a heaven or hell for you, by the way. That's heaven, baby! That's heaven.

There are Yahoo answers to ask, and I ask some people what happens when you die. Oh, yes. I can't wait to hear what Yahoo answers respond with. They tend to be right. And Mosin says, when you die, you're chemical and electrical charge of your brain dies, so nothing after it. Nothing. I'm fascinated.

And I think that's the best answer. Oh, I mean, definitely. Well, that's true. A lot of drug addicts, when they go through, if you were like OD on heroin and stuff, a lot of drug addicts just say they've experienced nothing because the brain's all, you know, dripped full of all the liquid, all the serotonin, all those things were already gone. Well, I had a very interesting mushroom experience speaking with an otherworldly entity. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, absolutely. And so I spoke with the big Lebowski. You did? I did. Yeah, and he said he came to me in a forum that in which he thought would not upset me in a forum that I could understand. So he was a burrito. Hello!

I don't know if you're aware of this. Henry has a bit of a weight issue, and that's the way we make fun of him. So very much. All the time. All the time. It's okay. No, you're not. No, you're not.

You're never going to die. Chest pains yesterday. Why? Because I'm stressed out. Why are you stressed? Because the world's falling apart. Well, that's true. Yeah, that's very true.

It's very true. An Irish girl told me, when I conch, the government people will have to bury me because I don't have any family. Cool. That's the worst afterlife. Yes, I mean, that is definitely what will happen when she dies. Yeah. That's what's called being an Irish family.

It's just being a single, alone woman living in a bog. And I found one. What should I tell my 10-year-old daughter about what happens when you die because her grandfather is dying? Yeah, of course. And there's so many people that are like, you know what, just tell her the truth. Just have her read a book. That's it.

Yeah, it said, never lie to your children. They will always remember. Instead, be honest but age-appropriate. Go to John 11, 11, 13. Go to what Jesus said about death. He compared it to sleep. As she grows older, you can go to Ecclesiastes 9, 5, and 10, which goes into details about the condition of the dead.

And the soul is torn asunder by thousands of hooks. They go and the hot dog meat from the brain is turned into a burrito for Satan himself. That's the thing. As soon as my kid asks me, like, what happens after you die, I'm going to be like, well, let's see what Clive Barker has to say about it, you know what I mean? Turns out a lot of pins are involved. And one more thing, someone asked, do you want to see what happens after you die? It was written by some sad bastard, I really want to see what happens when I die.

I want to die right now. My life is miserable. Why should I stay alive? My life is miserable. There's no need for me to stay alive. I'm very excited to see what happens after I die. I want to see it right now. I deserve it as much as I would see it in this crappy life on this earth.

And user Banana said, and that's in all caps, you need to get laid. Pull your head out of your ass and get me my burger and fries. You're a loser only if you choose to be one. The only yahoo answer I've ever agreed with. I see it like a 50 year old black dude with an afro just been like, come on man, what you need to do is learn how to dance. And no reason to stand. Get some boogie in your step.

You get a boogie in your step, then them clowns just boogie away. Oh my God, that banana black man is right. He is right. I like his style. I can't believe that I met Banana at just the right time. It's his lady's night and it's feeling right right now. What a great conversation guys. Yeah.

You sit back and enjoy the view. Yes indeed. So Hail Satan everybody. Can we be the new view? That would be great. That would be great. Of course we can. That would be great.

I would love to just start calling ourselves the new view. But do the thing that Ronald Reagan mask, the max headroom guy thing, when the guy interrupts at the broadcast. It's not a while ago, but I love doing it like a magic is like hopping in and it's just us sitting in a boiler room with a table just being like, I'm welcome to the view. You know, it's just like us just like cutting off a dude's fake penis every once in a while. Yeah, yeah. And then put it in a hot dark button like, ow, like licking it.

It'll be a different show. I like it though. And he's just screaming. Everyone meet our guest Bradley Cooper. Oh my goodness. So what's the show all about? Oh, you'll see. You'll find out very, very soon.

Let's cut open his balls to see this candy in him. Heard he's got pinata balls. It sweeps weak. Let's do it. Well, thank you so much for listening to the program. Thank you. Magustalations. I'll mean.

I'll gain. And of course, hail yourself, everybody. Hail Satan as well first because if not, you're going to hell. Where are you going to go to heaven? The fun center in hell. Yeah, the fun center. Yeah, the fun center. We're going to go to the fun center and all of you people shall be torturing us because

we're leading you astray. Uh-oh. We're the stars and you.