Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 76: Real-Life Vampires

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

Real-life vampires are exposed as the boys explore the cases of Marcus Wesson (cult leader responsible for nine deaths who believed Jesus Christ was a vampire), Andrei Chikatilo (Russian killer of 52 women and children) and Richard Chase (The Vampire of Sacramento, killer of six who bathed in their blood and ate his victims).

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? What does it mean when your throat turns to blood? Yeah. That's what you want. I mean usually the consumption, you're gonna die like an Irishman. I thought it was love was in the air. Love is in the air. Every time I look around.

That's Marcus, I'm Ben and then we got over there to the guy to the left. All American, Henry Zabrowski, it's May 1st, it's my birthday. Happy birthday, Henry Zabrowski. Happy birthday. We found out that it's the second most important Illuminati holiday today. It definitely involves human sacrifice because you gotta do it. Also we got the Maypole thing which does nothing I like better than a big long stick in a field. All the little boys and the girls are wrapping their ribbons around a big old stick.

And they just want to climb up it. Oh mommy, can I get it in my mouth? I mean I don't know, I don't understand. The sticky jaculate? Is that what the Maypole ceremony is? Usually it's a bunch of fat naked chicks to dance around a pole. I'm there. This is the second anniversary.

Now why is it the second most important day for the Illuminati? It's the end of the winter equinox. Spring equinox. It's the end of the spring equinox? I think it's the beginning of the spring equinox. Is it? I think though the end of spring is near my friend. It's a naked chick holiday.

No, no, no, spring equinox is just the beginning of it. Yeah, so the spring equinox is just fairly short. Well either way, if you're going to kill, kill today because the Illuminati will be happy. Because it's extra special, it gets extra important. I mean you're not going to listen to this podcast today, but if you were, just know, I just hope you're at home doing something bad. Yeah, I mean it's the highest day of the Druidic witches calendar and it's also called Walpurgis night.

Yeah, Walpurgis night. Another fat chick holiday. Oh, yeah. I love them. I love them. Oh yeah. I'm one of them. I consider myself an honorary fat lady today.

Yes. Let me ask Andrew, did you do your fire sacrifice on April 19th? Well, I mean, I made some eggs. That'll work. That'll work. That's fine. All right. So go out there and murder and that goes well with today's topic.

We're going to dip our feet into the serial killer game again, ladies and gentlemen. I'm so excited. I'm a serial killer episode. So today's episode came off of a specific story that Marcus sent me that it is, it's pretty wonderful. Today's topic is serial killers who think they're vampires. It happens. And it's like, if you look on the internet, I like literally like after this story, just

Google search serial killers who think they are vampires. It's like a million hits. Oh yeah. I mean, they all think they're vampires. Sure. Some of them are more specific than the other ones just because they love to just like, get up in an abdomen and like slurp up the blood. Are we blaming, are we blaming the Twilight franchise and things like that on this?

Is there a new resurgence? No. Is the vampire hip? Is the vampire cool? That is an insult. I don't know. Is there a new serial killer movie? Yeah.

If Robert Pattinson met Richard Templeton Chase, he would not have a penis anymore. That's for certain. And he definitely would fucking cut open his stomach and play with his guts a whole bunch. Yeah. Pop out his eyes. So it's a different kind of vampire. Different kind of vampire. Also what you're going to find with specific vampire killings is that um, you're disorganized

killers, not organized killers like on the whole. You would think they would be more organized. No, no, no. They like to get out. They like to play with the blood. There's actually a really interesting interview with the criminologist who was also saying there is, there's a two fold school on serial killers that are also like, some are act based and some are process based.

And some of them just like the urge, like once they're done killing. So what's an act based serial killer? Act based is just someone who kills somebody and then that's it. The big thrill was in killing them. And then process based is someone who likes, you know, you know, makes the body like a marionette puppet and plays with its balls for an hour. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then they would have a head as a mask and like walks around ghosts of 711 and be like, I'd like a pack of cigarettes because he quit a year ago, but the head says that he could smoke again. He's the kind of guy who would put a dress on a Chihuahua, you know, he just likes to dress him up and play around with the dogs, dogs to parades. Sure. Sure.

I mean, a lot of people own dogs, but not all of them make them, not all of them dress them like Audrey Hepburn for Halloween breakfast at Tiffany's. She's beautiful. I love that dog. All right. So do we want to get in with Mr. Cross? No, I want to start with the story that Marcus, let's do this, the story that Marcus sent that started the whole thing.

Okay. Yes. And his name is Marcus Wesson. Oh. Oh. The connections made. And he is a large black man as people named Marcus should be. That's true.

People named Marcus should not be skinny white men. I don't know. I think the skinny white men could be named anything they want because we took this country. That's a different program, everybody. That's a different show. Yeah, and come on, Henry, we skinny white men. You're not part of the program. No, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm special in this room. Marcus Jordan Parks. Yes. In a little bit more African-American sounding. Yes, it is. So Marcus Wesson, he was a David Koresh type of guy, but on a very small scale. Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah. Only six inches tall. He's a wee one. He was actually. If you could hear me, you would believe what I'm saying. If you could just hear me up there, you would believe me. Could you drop like a little bit of that English bobbin?

Yeah, does that. I'm hungry. Adam Hungry. Well, in fact, he was described in many of the accounts that I read of him as corpulent. Oh, he's fat. Yeah, yeah. 300 pounds. He must have celebrated May Day.

Yeah. His girlfriends. Come at me, girls. So no girls wanted to be with him. His girlfriends were his children. Ah, okay. So he had sex with his children. He had sex with all of his children or all the daughters at the very least.

His connection to vampires was that he was a big Christian, a gigantic Christian. However, he did write his own homemade Bible that involved Jesus Christ being a vampire. He loved vampires. He put vampires into the Bible store. All right. I can see that working out well, though. And he said the connection between Jesus Christ and vampiras is that they are both immortal. Therefore, they're the same.

Beautiful hair. And they're both like badass. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful hair. Bad-ass people. Jesus had people drink his blood. Oh, yeah.

He loved it. The communion with the body. I mean, I can see the connection there. But he had his thought. And like, did he go through some of the details? Yeah. Did Jesus drink any of his own blood? I mean, at one point, possibly.

He was a wild guy. All right. No, no. He was just hanging around with a bunch of... I can't believe these guys are drinking my blood. This is fucking great. I feel a little dizzy over here. Like Matthew Lillard at the end of the screen.

I'm fucking dying. I'm getting woozy, man. Jesus, maybe you should stop surfing everybody in your blood. You need that to live. Oh, shit, man. Oh, my dad was gone, man. Oh. Well, Marcus even...

It's a real fat dude just comes in. May I have more blood, please? Oh, you got it. You're kidding me. Hey, well, you're killing me, Henry. You're killing me, Henry. Well, Marcus Wesson loved vampires so much that he gave himself and his children vampire names. Okay.

His vampire name was J-Vam, Mark Seuss Peeray. He sounds like a fashion designer. That's not a name. And some of his children's vampire names, Jeva St. Vladenspivary. Vladenspivary? Vladenspivspree. Yeah. I'm gonna give myself a vampire name.

Okay, what you gonna go with? Count Chocula. That's already been taken by the Nessie Corporation. And he started going with the saints, Marci St. Christopher, Ethan St. Laurent, Sedona Vadra. They just sound French. Yeah, they all sound really French. He just read Anne Rice.

Yeah. Too much. Well, he started way back in the day in 1974 when he married a woman named Elizabeth, 13 years, he married a woman named Rose Solorio, who was 13 years her senior and already had eight children herself. Yeah, he just married this old woman for some reason. Yeah. I think it's for the kids.

Yeah, but then when Solorio's daughter Elizabeth was 14 and Wesson was 27, he decided he needed a little bit of that young action and impregnated her. Yeah. Which was the first of many children that he impregnated. And he just started fucking all over the place. So it sounds like he said that when he was having sex with them, he's like, I'm just giving you some love and I'm giving you some kind of love. Yeah.

That's what they say. Yeah, that's what they always say. Yeah. He's just saying that I'm bringing you closer to me. And no one ever loved me that much. Nope. No one ever wanted to touch you. You're still so bitter about that.

So it sounds like he was just a run-of-the-mill pedophile. What separates himself? What makes him a vampire? Well, I mean, he is not. That's the thing about it is that he himself did not believe that he was a vampire. He was merely obsessed with him. Okay. But continuing on with the story is that he started taking his brood all around the

California area. They lived on a tugboat for a while. It's kind of fun. Yeah. Is he the world's greatest dad? Yeah. Yeah. They lived in an army tent out in the woods.

That's fun. It's magic. He's telling your camping. Yeah. Until they finally settled on a school bus in front of a commercial building. Oh, yeah. I think he's kind of a weird family. Yeah.

Would you love to be the 17-year-old working at the blockbuster of the day? And the manager goes, it's like, Jeffrey, could you go tell that school bus to leave? You need to go out there. Do you need to tell them to stop parking that school bus outside? You know, I can't do it. I'm too busy labeling tapes. He's a 17-year-old going up to the building, excuse me, Mr. I know that you're a vampire family.

But if you could move your mobile home, that would be really great for us. Well, he owned the commercial space, but he preferred the school bus. And then the cops came and said, listen, man, you can't live in a school bus. They can't live in a school bus. You've got to go inside. But the thing is, is that they said that you- I can't you live in a school bus. It's not that you can't live in a school bus, because obviously you can.

Yeah. Because they were. Yeah. But you should. Well, it's a bus. It's not a house. They're a vampire family. They have different needs.

Yeah. This bus is not a house. Yeah. This bus is not a house. And then when- And then she runs out. She slowly slams the door, but like it's the school bus door. So when they moved into the house, that is when, I really want to just say his full name,

J.Vam Marksus Peeray. Uh-huh. That's when he decided it was time to go looking for coffins. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, he bought a bunch of coffins, because he was also keeping- it was the same thing. It was like the Koresh thing, where it's like, you know, when the shit comes down, everyone's got to kill themselves.

And he- You want a coffin. Yeah, you want to give them- you want to tell the rest of the story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he had strict instructions to the kids, or to his younger- to all of his kids, like, all right, you shoot the one youngest to you. Okay. Yeah, they all had guns.

Yeah. And they also dressed in like burka outfits. Because then the youngest one lives. Yeah. Well, they went on like this for years. He started- he would wait until the kids were eight or nine before he started molesting them. That's nice.

Give them a breather. Give them a little bit of time before- and they were his adoring geishas. They washed his dreadlocks, and he had some gnarly dreadlocks. Okay. They scratched his armpits and belly, and did his beckoning. Uh, man, you know- It sounds like a dream world for you, Henry. It just sounds nice.

Yeah. It doesn't sound that bad. And he justified all of this. He would read them passages from the Bible in which a man would take multiple wives, and he'd tell them, God wants a man to have more than one wife. But he didn't say anything about, you know, children, of course. I mean, no, yeah, not his own children. Yeah.

Sure. Sure. And they were, of course- and he was fascinated with David Koresh when that whole thing was going down. They were just glued to the TV, and you know, he was saying like, this is how the world is attacking God's people. This man is just like me. He is making children for the Lord.

And that's what we should be doing, making children for the Lord. Yeah. So two of these kids escaped. Okay. The two of them escaped, they got the fuck out of there, but they left their incest babies. You're part of the emergency exit? Yeah. Just in the back of the bathroom, as they get that.

And they left their kids behind. Some of their incest babies, they left them behind. So there were rumors going around that J. Vam, Mark Seuss Peeray, was going to be taking the whole family to Washington. So these two women went to the house, and they said, give me back my kids. They joined himself for a real sticky bus. Yeah. It's like the movie Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.

Right. But with a vampire incest, Britain family. I like his filibustering skills. Oh, of course. When he fucked his nine-year-old in front of us, we knew Santa was real. All the letters. So she goes, these two women go to the house, they team up, and they go and confront Wes and they say, we want our children back, and it starts to be this big to-do, so the cops

get called. Oh, yeah. And he starts, you know, and he's, yeah, temperatures are running high, you know, he's been fucking everybody for years. And he's staying calm, stone-faced the entire time, and then suddenly he just backs away and slams the door. The cops don't have any, they say that they don't have any probable cause to go into the house.

You're like, keep me fucking us! And this is another, this is a definite cop incompetence story, and cops trying to cover their ass because a neighbor said that she heard gunshots. But the cops say, we didn't hear anything. We didn't hear anything. We didn't hear anything. You know, they were also doing one of those silent disco things, so they were all really into that.

They were all wearing the headphones and just, you know, glistening to the same song, but no one could hear anything. Mm-hmm. Well, they had to go back to their cars and go to the grocery store, get your garlic, get your cross. I mean, this is a very dangerous vampire-type personality we're dealing with here. You get some garlic, so you get some basil, you get some pine nuts, you make it a pesto. They bonded over a great, great onion soup.

And so about 45 minutes later, Wesson comes back to the door and he's just covered in blood. And one of the cops freaks out. Now it's probable cause. One of the cops runs past him and he goes into the back room and he finds nine bodies stacked upon each other from youngest to oldest, youngest being one, oldest being 25. And it is said that the oldest, her name was, let's see here, Sabrina. Her name was Sabrina Wesson, or Sabrina April Wesson, 25.

What was her vampire name? April. Yeah, well, I mean, she was the oldest, so it was before he really, she was the first one, so. Vampire. Your name is vampire. April. April vampire.

And there were nine kids all stacked from youngest to oldest with Sabrina on top. They'd all been shot in the eye once. And this, in the prosecution, this is a case that is very similar to Charles Manson because Wesson's DNA was not on the gun. The DNA on the gun was Sabrina, the gunpowder was on her hands, but because of the testimony from his other daughters that had escaped, the first degree murder charge was put on Wesson. I mean, it definitely should have been.

Oh yeah. Everybody was dead though, right? Yeah, everybody was dead. Everybody was dead. And there were all kinds of weird things going on, like he had a son and some of the kids just started getting pregnant and they just told him, oh yeah, we went down to the sperm bank and grabbed some sperm and we got incinerated and there's a sperm bank robber on the list. That's what I've been wanting to do for my daughters is just get him randomly pregnant

with a bunch of loose sperm in the clinic. And the women, even after he killed their children, the women, when they testified, they were like, you know, I totally understand what he did. Like I don't, and one of them almost didn't testify because she said, I don't want him to be mad at me. Oh, he would be mad. He will be mad. This guy needs to run for president.

Everybody wants to make, everybody wants to make him happy. Yeah, it's true. I'm a good president. Yeah. And one of the women, you know, after she left, you know, she started seeing some of these girls get pregnant and her excuse of why she didn't ask who the fathers were, she said that her own mother had 10 kids with three different men and her sister had seven children with various men and she considered it, quote, mean and rude to ask about fathers.

It's a family tradition. Yeah, it is. It's not bad. Christ. Boy, the state of America. Lucky father. This wasn't that long ago. This was what?

2004. 2004 when he killed all these kids. Yeah, yeah. So that's right around the corner. It's still happening, guys. Oh, yeah. So that, as soon as I heard that story, I was like, ehehe. You were in for real.

Because that's what I do. I love stories like that. I was like, oh, vampires. It's like a vampire's. And there is a bunch of them. Oh, because he drank their blood at all. He just gave them the names. No, he was just into vampires.

He didn't go that far with the vampires. No, he gave them vampire names that's technically farther than the other ones went. It's slightly farther than not. In terms of building like a story Bible, you know what I mean? In terms of like if you're going to make a, if you're going to make like a, if you were to pitch that show to television, great reality television show. It is a wonderful reality show. Vampire family.

Vampire family. They all sleep in coffins. And they all fuck each other. A lot. You get all the bedcams in there. Daddy comes over to the nine-year-olds room. Oh, no, no, no. They didn't fuck each other.

Uh, Wesson was the only one getting laid in that house. He separated the girls from the boys so as to not, so they would not have sexual thoughts about each other. That's great. Yeah. He's what I'm saying. Put him in a big house in South Beach. Sure.

That's going to create an idea. Give him a bar, get him drunk every once in a while, see what happens. See, that's one thing that parents are missing these days is that children do fuck each other and they need to be separated. Well I don't know if that's necessarily always happening and I don't think your dad is always a vampire either. Not always. Not always, but it can happen.

All right. So now we're on the vampire thought and that led you down a bizarre rabbit hole. Did it not, Henry? A rabbit hole that I'll never leave. You have to get out of it. Yeah. You really need to leave. Blah!

Blah! No, no, no. I feel like that would make, one of these vampires truly kill, truly scary if you walk around going like, oh, I'm a vampire. So the first one I want to talk about, so I got deep into research last night to go through. I was watching this documentary on this guy, Richard Chasers, who you're going to get to who is a demon who walked the earth for a little while.

Do you want to go through clinical vampirism first? Yes. All right. So, then, there's a myth. Puberty and vampirism, also known as Renfield syndrome, is an actual diagnosable disease that psychologists do believe in. And they say what it comes from is that there is usually an event that happens before or during puberty where the child is excited in a sexual way by some event that involves

blood injury or the ingestion of blood. At puberty, it becomes fused with sexual fantasies, and a typical person with Renfield syndrome begins with auto vampirism, meaning they began to drink their own blood and then move on to other living creatures. They usually start with animals, of course, like all serial killers do. Is it bad that I'm hard? No. Okay, okay.

No, no, I disagree. It is bad. I disagree. It's bad. I thought I'm more open-minded than you are. It's... I'm approved. What can I say?

I'm approved. I just want to meet the kid who just constantly falls off his bike so he can walk with it. Oh, just so... I mean, like, I don't always injure himself. Like, with everybody else, it's just sometimes I just want to cut open a cow's head and just put my dick in it. You know what I mean? It's fine.

Yeah, but do you drink the blood? No, it's... There's a lot of vampires in it. Oh, damn it. You're just running in the middle. You're a cow-head fucker. Yeah. It's different.

No. So last time I'm deep into research and I know this has happened to me... Oh, is that a medical thing? Hmm? That's it for the medical thing? Oh, yeah. Well, it comes from Renfield, of course, the famous character from... Brocula.

From Brocula, who eats spiders and flies in order to gain their life force. Okay. He thinks he's a vampire. He sucks up to Dracula. Yeah, yeah. He's just a kiss-ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just an insider for Dracula.

Yeah. By the way... There's been a lot of news about this. Jason Collins is an NBA basketball player coming out of this game, but the vampire has been openly gay for a very long time. Well, I mean, openly flashy. They're more like David Bowie. They're pansexual.

Yeah. Pansexual, but I'm just saying... Like me. In fact, where's the LGBT community coming out in love with the vampire? I mean, it was said that Marcus Wesson was abused as a young boy and that one childhood friend said that his father once paid him $50 to suck his cock. Well, that's just commerce. Making jobs.

That's an arrogant thing. You know, like, these are people, like, they need to be in the workforce. Yeah. I mean, that was the 70s. There was a recession going on. Yeah, you got gas prices, you know? Yeah. Rush is huge.

You get blood all over your bell bottoms. It's a rough time to be alive. So, last night I was... I wanted to tell a quick story. I was walking down the street. I had been researching serial killers for hours. I'm gonna say I had been smoking weed. You were smoking a lot of weed.

You're gonna say it because you were. It turns for the story. Right. I had been smoking weed for hours. Now you're protecting yourself? No. Like your Senate run in 20 years? I was walking down the street.

This dude was walking in front of me. He stopped, dead in his tracks. Scary-looking guy. Yeah. You know, normal guy. Guy. I look at him. He stops.

As I walk past, he, like, backs up, right? Trails me as I'm walking past him. I watch him reach into his jacket pocket. And I turn around and go, Like, what are you doing? Let me out of him. And he, oh, oh, he freaked out. And he was taking out an inhaler out of his jacket.

And he dropped it on the street. You almost killed him. You almost just killed him. I got him good. Because you were paranoid. Someone's gonna fucking get me. No one is. Richard Keppel the Chase is not gonna get me.

No. He's in prison. Or dead. He's dead. He's dead. They put him to death. So, first I'm gonna talk about Andre Cicatillo. Cicatillo.

Andre Cicatillo. I'm gonna do this because I start with, he's definitely the most famous of the Cicatillo family. Cicatillo. No doubt. He's Russian. He is a monster. Okay.

He was a guy that, he was active from 1978 to 1990. He was called, you know, the vampire of Dusseldorf and stuff like that. You know, he was the roster killer. Like, he's the butcher of roster Germany. He was a guy who killed 53 young girls in a 12-year span. In Dusseldorf. In Dusseldorf. Oh my goodness.

Um, yeah. The land of big cups. I know it. Love in Germany. That's what I'll remember it from now on. It's just like, it's big tits and lots of beer. Yeah. It must be tough being a vampire in Dusseldorf, though,

because all the girls, they don't have blood. They just, or they're filled with chocolate. You know, they're just filled with lovely. Oh, yeah. You're sending me into a fucking fever dream. Yeah, bro. That'd be very good for you. You spent this entire episode hard.

Yeah. I spent all night hard. Dusseldorf. Yeah. So, Andre Ticotillo, a horrible madman. He was at the age of 11, basically. Okay. What I'm finding with a lot of these guys at ICE Research is that they could not achieve

erection with women. Okay. And so, that fact would drive them nuts. And so, this guy, when he was 13, it got so, you realize that he could not get hard. And so, he got more and more frustrated. And so, the sort of like turning point for him was that he was in 17. He grabbed an 11-year-old girl, forced her to the ground. And as he was struggling with her, he came all over.

That's the ticket? And he's just like, ah, I got a golden ticket. Intrigued. This whole time, I was trying to figure out if I'd locked him by this guy. Willy Bonker's chocolate factory. Good. Willy Bonker's chocolate factory. Yeah.

That's where you go fuck all the chocolate. So, he discovered, so he became, so naturally, he went to college to be a teacher. Okay. In public school. He was a teacher for public school for 10 years until they stopped him. Apparently, you know, people had been complaining for literally the entire time that he was a teacher, that he was molesting kids. Sure.

And how old was he teaching there? How old were the kids? They were elementary school. They were young kids. Young, young, young kids. Perfect. And so, then he got fired eventually. Naturally.

Russia, it takes time. Once the things start warring, once the gears start warring, then things start happening. So, it's a lot of bureaucracy. Yes. Sure. Did you read Kafka? No. Every day.

Every day, man. I was one of those, like, what was it, a bubble-yum? Yeah, I am. I just, every book I read slowly comes to me through Laffy-taffy rather. So, I love punny books and these are the funny sayings. So, Andre, I'm just gonna call, go ahead and call my friend Andre. Yeah. He was always doing that.

You know, like the movie Dinner with Andre. Yeah. You know, but it was always just like a 12-year-old girl and he was chewing her tits off. Okay. Both groundbreaking. Both of them. Yeah. The movie, The Killer.

He started killing, he started killing young boys and prostitutes and young girls in 1978. Like, once he had become a supply clerk and what he would do is, he would take a train, he'd go out of town. He would find, like, a small little place outside of Roster. He would, normally he said that he would, I mean, with prostitutes and homeless women, he would give them money or, like, promise them a job or something. And with, like, little kids is always like, you know. I don't know if you need to promise a prostitute a job.

She's already at work. Well, I mean, he would do, you know. I guess so. It's standard, Bundy, like, thing where he'd, like, lie to them and be like, I'll take you out of this life. I'll do all this stuff so they're all happy and shit. So he could pretend like he's on a date for a second or that he has a little girl or a little boy.

And then he'd take him out to a woods. Eventually, he bought his own little house out in this one section of woods. He'd take him out there. He'd try to rape them. Like, he was setting himself up. He'd try to rape them. He couldn't get a heart on, so he'd bugger out and he'd cut them open. Like, he'd stab them a bunch and cut them open.

And then he'd get a heart. And the big thing with him is that he'd drink, he'd come all in their insights. Like, he'd stick their dick in, like, their organs and come up with their organs. And then, like, he would, like, play with their organs. And, like, the big thing is that he would drink the blood. And he said, just because it's the only thing that made him hard. And so it's like he became to become a vampire because that's what he did. And the one interesting, like, factoid about his murders is that he used to pluck the eyes

out of his victims because there is an old Russian, like, folklore that murder victims that the last thing that they see, the vision is burnt on their eyes. So he'd pop out the eyes. Also, it just makes a creepier looking corpse. It does. I mean, it's a real little house in the crazy situation here. I think, what a bizarre revelation when you find out that you can only come to the insides of people's bodies.

I mean, it's just tough. How do I feel when I'm only happy when I'm eating fried chicken? It's weird. That's really hard walking around. It'd be nice if you liked broccoli. Why am I sad? Why am I sad, man? I don't know, dude.

Oh, it's sweet dripping oil. Now I'm happy. So he used to go and he, so he did this 53 times. 53. He, for over 12 years, he would change up where he was going. It was always the same thing. So not always in Düsseldorf. Not always in Düsseldorf.

And then he would, like, he'd rip their breasts off with their teeth. He would, like, he'd go whenever he had a little boy, he'd cut his dick and balls off and suck on it and throw it in the woods. He'd find them all chewed up and stuff. Like a crawfish? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Like, he'd do all this, like, weird shit. Shook the heads. He shook the heads. Yeah. So he did all of this. And for years and years, finally, they were like, you know, we have to figure out how to trap this guy.

They arrested two people. They arrested two people. I don't think they cared enough. All of the police workers are ridiculous. They arrested two people in terms of different separate versions of the crime, like different, like, one of the murders and stuff. They executed one guy for the murder of another girl that he did that he confessed to later on.

And so finally, the way they caught him is they had this thing called the snare. Rush is great. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you know what? It's good to know that it's not just America that has hot dog squads running around. No, sorry. You know, Rush has got them too.

I watched that documentary. It's Sour Crouch Squads. Yeah. And they had interviewed a member of the hot dog squad, and you know why they never caught BTK. He's retarded. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, well, you know, I was just, I saw him at the corner of my eye, and he was

running down the street, and I just, there was a shoe sale. I was a stock, bought some shoes. And by the time I got my new shoes, he was gone. I didn't want to run away. But no, he literally said, before he met BTK, they were talking to him. He's like, I can't judge a man I'd never met. I can't judge him. He's like, so what, you think he's like, I just never met him.

You can't judge a man. He is a murderer. He just raped and murdered an entire family. It's just a cop with no motivation. I mean, you can just judge him a little bit. Yeah, of course. Just a small amount of judgment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, because you want a hard boiled cop that's smoking a cigarette

and just saying like, we're going to bring this animal to justice. Yeah. This guy was not like that. Yeah. He's like, well, you know, everybody's got a hat on. What? I was just joining the force for the donut. We all got our own hat.

We all got our own hats to wear. So let me just quickly. Yeah. So the snare, the way they got him is that they would, to all the major, they were like, well, he's killing people along train lines. Okay. So they put up in all of these different major places, they put up these really highly decorated cops.

Like, like fancy uniforms on all the train stations, except for two. And then they started waiting for him. Then he, they saw him. They saw this guy that matched the descriptions everyone was talking about. He walked into the forest. He came out and they said he came out and he was bleeding and the cops stopped him, took his papers and he's like, well, on your way and let him go. You know, and then it found, the next day they found three bodies in the woods where

they just, where he was, where he just was. I mean, they just let him go. He had done it to a 17 year old boy. He was his last person he murdered. And he, that was in the struggle, the little boy bit his whole fingernail off the whole front side of his finger. He just like literally ripped it off his teeth. And so in the trial, so now finally they get to confess and the whole thing happens.

Hey, Lieutenant, do you think, do you think that was him? Like, do you think that was the serial killer? Do we just like let, what? I feel like he was just like covered in blood. There's a shoe sale. All right. There is shoe line. I will get in line for shoe.

I will get in line for shoe. I heard they have wood shoe now. It just seems like a bizarre Chris Farley moment in a comedy where the train is like Oh, no. So he goes, when he's in print. So like the big thing with him is that they had to put him in an iron cage. Okay. When they put him in court and it was him just like singing and screaming.

It's like, I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire. Like spanches his head against the thing. Wow. They put him to death. They did put him. But you don't get that fun show in American prisons. You know, we never bring somebody out in a cage to treat him like a Hannibal Lecter type

character in real life. No, no, no, we have to be all, you know, we have to be nice. I mean, the most. It's all about optics here. I mean, the most we've got. And he's a Russian as well. The most that we've had is, you know, Maxine Gellman that went on that killin' spree here in New York.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Just, I mean, he told the judge to suck his Russian dick. But I mean, but if you want to talk about a courtroom performance, Richard Ramirez, I mean, that's a man. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a symphony. And Manson did that really well, too. Yeah.

Symphanies. I like that. Ramirez yesterday and also saw a fun interview with Ed Kemper. I really like the Kemper. This is what I'm saying to you. Big Kemper. He's like you. Nice guy.

Everybody's got mommy issues. Oh, yeah. Holy Lord. Feminism is what calls the death of all those girls. Kemper's mother, raging feminist. Okay. Well, I can't get off. That's what he said.

He said it. Real hot button issue on there. Chesapelle's gonna be all over this one. Yeah, babble. All of the blogs that everybody loves so much. Well, I got a vampire that has some, that had some grandmommy issues. Yeah. And he only, he had a kill count of one, but he is worth mentioning.

His name was James P. Riva. Oh. He was a guy that was... Riva. He was a Massachusetts. No, he's fun. He is fun. And unlike a lot of these other guys, he was not motivated by sex whatsoever.

He was just a paranoid schizophrenic. And in April of 1980, he painted four bullets gold. So he had four golden bullets. And shot his handicap grandmother twice as she sat in her wheelchair. Scarfates. And then drank... She might have been shitting in her wheelchair as well. So I think you could say, shat in her wheelchair.

And then he drank the warm blood gushing from the wounds before trying to cover her tracks by burning her body and her home. And he is... Is it wrong that I felt more disgusted that she's all old, old blood? Well, that's what he said. He said he was a 7,000-year-old vampire and that he gained no sustenance from her whatsoever because she was too old and dried up. Yeah.

And he believed from a young age that his grandmother was a vampire predator who was robbing him of blood as he slept. And he believed that his only hope was in shooting her with the golden bullets. And the man... I mean, he was completely fucked up throughout his entire life. But he just painted them gold. I mean, they're not real gold. No, he painted...

He just painted them gold. You can't just paint something in silver and pretend like that would kill a vampire in gold. I mean, a guy like that isn't going to have a high-paying job that would facilitate golden bullets. Getting gold bullets, because I think that that's the only thing that drug dealers have. You've got to meet a leprechaun, number one. Befriend it, number two, and then you'll steal a bullet. You have to get your hands on some gold. Yeah.

Like, first of all... He believed he was satisfying his masters and superiors in the nether world by making a human kill. He thought that if he killed, quote... Like my boss Satan on your pretty face to go to hell. Thursdays at midnight in adult swim. Yeah, very nice. He thought that if he killed, quote...

Everybody who was bad to him, he would come back as a handsome man and have a car and girls and life would be fine. That's just what his grandmother told him his entire life. That's amazing. That's like what I say to myself about my comedy career. That's like, that's all I want. You know, it's just like, one day I'll have, you know, a fancy car. Oh my god.

I'm going to come back as a real boy and girls are going to like me. Different friends, maybe they're attractive, successful. I want to talk about Mr... Oh, one more interesting fact about James Reva. Converted to Islam in prison. Oh, yo, yo, hey. That's disgusting. And he also believed that afterwards the vampires would, quote...

Throw a party for him. Oh, tell me though, I'd love to go to a vampire party just being alive. What's wrong with the juice? It's just Dracula playing the Transylvania twist. They did their mass. They did the monster mass. It turns out they're all just a bunch of nerds. I really thought it was going to be a cool party.

This guy is completely sane now in prison. They got him on medications. He's repentant. He knows exactly what he did. He killed his grandmother who was going to die in seven months anyway. I mean, he's not that bad. At the same time, it's the thought process that went into it. It is.

It's different if she was just like, make it big, James! Make it big! If she was screaming every day, then you just want to... One day you just like fucking wrap a plastic bag around her head and just like... I'm going to die, grandma, die, grandma! Okay, alright. Everything's okay, Henry. They took him off medication once,

and then he attacked a guard because he thought he was sneaking into a cell at night and draining a spinal fluid. He was denied parole. That's right! We don't know this. What if all of this is true? It's so possible. They're just sitting at the party with him. It's like, where's James Dracula?

I don't know. Let's start. No, we don't have to talk about... My guy was just... Check him out. Arthur Shawcross from Rochester, New York. He killed a bunch of prostitutes. The one story that I like the most about him is

there's a bunch of undercover cops working the prostitute beat. He dressed exactly like all of them. And then the undercover cops thinking that he was an undercover cop. We just come and tell him all the information. That's amazing. And then he would just be like, but they didn't know they were talking to the killer. And he just like blinks and he's just a really weird dude.

Major mommy issues with him as well. But Arthur Shawcross, he's a good prostitute killer, but relatively run-of-the-mill when it comes to victims. I also just want to do... Let me just quickly go over. This guy is one of the most disgusting serial killers I've ever heard of in my life. This was the guy I was researching right before I attacked the man on the street last night. The asthmatic man on the street.

The man who could have had a gun. Never fucking gonna get me. No. Richard Templeton Chase. Richard Templeton Chase was operating over only a couple of weeks in the late 1970s and 1978. A couple of weeks, that's it. That's it. It was very quick. Oh my.

He was a guy... It was a month. Yes, he was very, very nuts. This guy was fucking cuckoo for fucking cocoa puffs. This guy was... So like a lot of the stories you know, he just grew up strange. He was very weird. Didn't really have any friends.

A victim of abuse by the hands of his mother. Yeah, but like... They were always saying... I was watching a couple of docs on him and they were about saying that, you know, it's like nothing above standard for the time. It was born in 1950. People were beating their kids all the time. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah.

So he was like, alright. He was like a normal kid, except for like, he'd start, you know, murdering cats like real bad. You know, like he'd murder the cats and stuff. And the big thing he discovered again is that he could not get an erection. And it fueled his rage. Not even killing the cats. That's what eventually, that's what started triggering it later on when he started drinking their blood. And literally, it's just more of a case of neglect.

Where the first case was, mom comes home like literally, standard Irish Catholic house where it's just like, no one says anything about what's going on. The front door is in the back and the back door is in the front. Everything is upside down. You poop in the sink? Yes. Okay. But he went through the same, so same thing with James Riva. He went through a weird sort of psychotic breakdown where he started believing his stomach was upside down.

That he thought that his nerve system was going nuts and blood was draining out of him. He was just losing his mind. He held oranges to his head because he believed the vitamin C was absorbed into his brain through diffusion. So, you know, he's just doing, he's just, he's having fun. Essentially, he's like a Jonathan Winters. Yeah, I was going to say Jonathan Winters. He was honestly going to, or Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yes.

Sounds like a Philip Seymour Hoffman. Yes. Similar to me. Yeah. Yes. In many respects. Yeah. So, the first sign of neglect was they came home.

His mom came home one day and they found, you know, little Richard's up in his room. So, where's Richard? Where's the oranges? He goes up to his room and he's in there. And he's just sucking on a cat's guts. He's covered in blood. He's totally naked. He's sucking on a cat's guts.

She's like, open his door. Close his door. He just ignores it. Doesn't say anything. Next thing that happens is that Kiko's missing for a day. Cops are just kind of driving around. They see an abandoned pickup truck out in the middle of an Indian reservation out in, like, the thing.

And they see it's like, it's stuck in the mud. They go up to it. The whole truck's covered in blood. And the back of it is a bucket. And in a bucket, it's a liver. And they're like, oh, fuck, what's happening. They look out. There's a trail of blood out into the desert.

They're on top of a mountain, like 100 yards away. It's a naked man jumping up and down, covered in blood. He's covered in blood. He's going like, woo, woo, woo, woo. And then he books it. They finally get him. They arrest him. They're like, OK.

They look at the liver. It's a cow's liver. And so they're like, well, we can't process them for any crime. So we're just going to let him go. So they let him go. So he gets out. And he's back in the house. There's some red flags here, though.

You might want to be aware of it. The thing he starts doing, he starts realizing, that's what was giving him sexual excitement, was cutting up things. So people started reporting a mysterious man in their backyard, watching them through their windows. A really tall, lanky guy with long beard and long hair, just looking through their windows.

Hey, it's Howard Stern. It's Howard Stern at Bababooey, Bababooey. Oh, man. Yeah, he's doing sticks. He's doing bits. He's doing bits. He's doing bits. So the next thing that happens is that he gets brought,

he gets interrupted. He starts breaking into houses and looking through people's stuff. Finally, he gets interrupted while he's in the middle of it. He's broken a person's house. They see him. They run out. He runs away. And they go up to their baby's room,

and they find that he has pissed inside of all the baby's clothing drawers, and has taken a dump in the crib. Right? He's just, you know, at this point, you know, he's really just, this is top 10 hits. He's either a vampire or a serial killer, or a allegedly fraternity.

The next thing that happens is that a dude randomly gets shot in the street. It's a guy, a drive-by shooting. It was an old man in the car. It was him. He drove past. Oh, I see. That was his first victim.

It was his first victim. When you find out, basically, this is a, he's very different from all of these other guys, because he shoots his victims. That's how he kills them. Okay, sure. And so he did that the next day. Did he drain this man's blood or just drove off?

No, he just shot him in the head. Okay. And they were like, okay, you should get some random thrill kill. The next day. I don't know. I never understand the point of the drive-by. It's just to shoot people.

Yeah. It's warfare, street warfare. It's urban Shakespeare. Just feel like you don't get anything out of it. You don't see them die. Your image is the last thing they say. It's not what it's about. It's not about that.

All right. Well, so to the next day, I forget the name of his second victim. Veronica. Teresa. Teresa was a... Teresa Wallin. She was a pregnant woman who had come into her house

and found that he had broken her house. He shot her in the head. And then he proceeded to, when they come to show up, and they said that it was like literally low. These guys, like police officers come in and being like, I walked in and I threw up when I saw what happened. The whole kitchen covered in blood. He had carved open her stomach and took out the fetus.

Had obviously been playing with the fetus like he's a dog. Went through all her intestines and all her livers. And went through all her organs. Pulled him out. They were all splayed all over the kitchen. There was a bunch of stuff missing. And they found all these cups that he had taken from the cupboard that had been blood residue because he'd obviously been...

He'd been playing beer pong. Yeah. Yeah. He'd been doing other stuff. The ice bounce. Yeah. You can bounce an eye. That's the first one.

And so they were like, you know, this is bad. You know? A couple of days later. So the drive-by and now this? This thing. Well, because he's just getting... He's ramping up and ramping up. And his major crime was...

The fetus wasn't the major crime? No. The major crime was they find... It was like only a couple of days later. Look, we need to clamp down on this guy. He's broken into a house. I forgot the name of the family. He entered the home of 38-year-old Evelyn Miroff

and encountered her friend, Danny Meredith. Yes. He shot Danny in the head. All right. And shot her in the head. And then apparently also she had a five-year-old kid that she shot and he shot in the head and cut it up.

And then he cut up Evelyn and played with her guts. Oh, don't forget the 22-year-month-old nephew. Yes. He shot him all in the head. The 22-month is what happened. Basically, when they discovered this crime, it was just blood all over the house. And he had filled an entire bathtub with blood.

He had drained up on the bathtub. The bathtub was filled with blood. He had been playing with it. It's all over the place. Do you think at one point he ducked his head underneath the blood and then came out and he spit a little blood out of his mouth? Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure he's got a rubber ducky.

He's got a big, like, you know, like a thing of cap on. He's washing his back like it's a fucking lolly tune part. Lolly, lolly. His little hair net on. It was really crazy. He was going like, hey. Well, listen to this. Isn't this a bit of an adventure?

Like saying something like that to himself in the mirror, you know? This is wild stuff. This is wild stuff. So basically, they realized it was like, well, she also had a 22-month-old baby. The baby was missing. OK. And so through various, the guy did no attempt to cover up his tracks.

People saw him do a bunch of, like, people saw him all over the place. And so they found him at his apartment. When he opened up the door, he, of course, you know, sprinted. They finally got him. He had gone on him. They were trying to get him. And they walked into his house. His apartment was literally covered from floor to ceiling in blood,

all over the walls, all over his couch, like, all other things. Yeah. There was a blender filled with organs. There was all this stuff. They didn't find the 22-month-old until a month after his arrest. Did they check the blender? No, it wasn't in there. They found it headless in a garbage can next to a church drained of blood.

OK. So that was his blood ammo. Chupacabra. So it's like- So wait, they didn't take out the trash at the church for a month? Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, these fucking priests.

Yeah. I'm pretty slow to see it. They went out there. They were probably beating off on it, just thanking their fucking pitiful god that they did it for them. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Aipagora. That's not bad. But that's the story of Richard Templeton Chase, the vampire of Sacramento.

Sacramento. That's amazing, man. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that creeped me out. But I'm telling you, man. He definitely needs a little bit more street cred. No one knows about this. Oh, he's a real wackadoo.

He is a wackadoo. They put him to death. Oh, naturally. How was his courtroom situation? Did they bring him out of the cage? He was fairly quiet. He was basically just being like, guys, I lost control of my emotions. One month, you know, hey, you're going to hold it against me my entire life.

I had a bad month. You never had a bad month. Couldn't pay bills on time. Maybe your car insurance is lapsing. I just wanted to take a bubble bath with a toddler's blood. Yeah, so. And he also thought that Nazis and UFOs were after him, and that's why he killed to keep the Nazis and the UFOs away.

I mean, he hit a lot of excuses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's being a real Robin Williams. And again, what if he's right? This guy, this guy, Robert Restler, he had a series of interviews with him. He was a journalist, came and talked to Chase. And at one point, Chase just reached into his pockets, pulled out a bunch of macaroni and cheese, and then handed it to him.

And he said, this is the macaroni and cheese that the Nazis are trying to kill me with. So why don't you take that? And he didn't get put to death. He committed suicide. Really? He had been saving up all these anti-depressants that they were giving him in prison, took him once overdosed. You know what, that makes me feel fine.

That's fine, yeah. I mean, he needed to go. And all the other prisoners are terrified of him. Of course. Oh, but you're the vampire of Sacramento. So what are you in here for? Like, singing Jungle Book playing with the toilet water. Oh, look, it's raining, everybody.

Throwing the toilet water up. I'm a lovely bride. He's got a thing me in a toilet paper, a whole dress and veil on a toilet paper. Who's going to marry this lucky lady? Oh, drop the soap again. Oh, you're in the blood. So that reminds me of what I used to drink. Give me your blood.

I'm going to get a chunk of your blood. You guys fucking noticed that white dude's crazy. Are you going to eat that Salisbury steak? Yes. I simply adore it. That sounds pretty great. We've covered a lot. We could do another whole episode on Serial Killers. I mean, I've got quite a few others.

I mean, there aren't even really Serial Killers. We could do a whole episode called Dumb Shit Kids Think They're Vampires. Yeah, of course. Because I've found a lot of those. I mean, just vampires in general. I was finding a bunch of stuff in psychic vampires. Oh, yeah, psychic vampires. With this woman who says she's a psychic vampire.

And she's like, I have to be very careful to make sure not to drain energy from people without them being aware of it. We've talked about psychic vampires. Yeah, I love them. I got this one kid who got obsessed with the movie Queen of the Dam, not even the book. Is this the Alea movie? That's the Alea movie.

He was watching it three, four times a day and just couldn't get it. And he was a Scottish kid, too, which is weird. You don't think it's Scottish? Scottish people, they have weird tastes. And then there was this German couple. What did he do after he watched the Alea movie over and over? He killed the friend who first gave him the Alea movie.

Man, never give people stuff. Yeah, that's what they say. You don't lend stuff, you give it. That's right, that's right. I've heard that. All right, everybody, we will talk to you soon. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. Hail me.

All right, and hail yourselves. I want to drink your milkshake. Yeah, that's a fact. Oh, and hey, guys, Magustylations. Magustylations, check out your pretty faces going to Hell Thursdays and then an adult swim. Also, will this be out this week? I'm not sure.

Oh, okay. Well, then I won't plug the roast of Henry Zabrowski, which is going to be on Sunday. And none of you live in New York anyway. Some of them do. I guess three of them. Yeah, why not? All right, hail yourselves. Hail Satan. We'll talk to you soon. And don't get murdered by a vampire. And if you are a vampire, tell us your story

and why you love blood so much. Yeah, cavecompanyradio.com. We have to have a vampire listener, right? Yeah.