Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 78: Lord RayEl: The Messiah Has Arrived

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The Second Coming of Jesus Christ is upon us! Join us as we hear the Good Word from Lord RayEl aka Raymond Elwood Howard-Lear, convicted felon and former candidate for mayor of Chicago.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Corn grows on a field of rice. Not true, not true. Rice, rice is Chinese spaghetti. We can make rice spaghetti. Are we just ready to go? Spaghetti is also Chinese. What? Yeah. Shut your fucking mouth. Alright, are we recording? I can't blow his mind before the show. Are we good? That's Marcus and I am Ben and then to my left is this one fella.

He is handsome and pretty and I like him. Bow before me. I am the one true king. Lord Rael, born in the future of Israel. Oh wow. Brought to you by a space boat. Why did you come back to Earth, Rael? Oh, because I longed for Doritos. Doritos brought you back. Well, I was floating in space. Really? What do you think about the new Taco Bell Doritos Shell Taco? I am entranced by it.

Are you going to go cooler ranch or nacho cheese? Every option is on the table. Lord Rael chooses to have chicken in his Doritos. Oh, healthy. That's good. Of course, that's Lord Rael and he's going to be one of the subjects of today's conversation. My favorite person. He is quite amazing. Today we're going to be discussing the wonderful world, the wonderful world of fake Jesuses.

We're going to go back and say big ups to the original fake Jesuses. Good work, guy man. You set the template for some really funny shit. Honestly, if you look at the Rael YouTube videos, if Jesus did come back, he'd sound and look exactly like the Lord Rael. I honestly think he'd look and sound exactly like an ex-felon from Chicago. Exactly. Raymond Ellwood from Chicago. Remember the Ellwood Howard Lear?

Yes. Being a fake Jesus or being a blues singer, so he didn't have many options when your name is Raymond Ellwood. We wanted to touch on a couple of fake Jesuses just at the very top because they are fun. First of all, I made me go back into the archives and watch some good old fashioned turquoise level David Ike. Oh, perfect. When he was in the turquoise phase of his life, I was watching this great interview with him saying the VVC guy is trying to speak with him and they all sound very reasonable and he's just like, so mean to really tell me, Mr. Ike, that you are the one true Lord and God.

And he's just like, I never said anything necessarily to the opposite. He's like, what are you talking about? Something about turquoise jumpers makes people go absolutely mad. I don't fully understand it. I'm also going to say this up top before we even get into the deep fucking Rael bullshit. But what I want to say is, I know back in the day Jesus said, I don't want to perform miracles because I think it should be about my teachings and not about the magical things I can do. Not about the showmanship.

Yes, but it's year 2013. All right. We got Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj. That's right. It is officially about the showmanship. That's right. I mean some miracles. If you are Jesus, I want you to do something fun.

We have a morbid obesity problem in this country. Let's get some more food around here. I want you to turn real tiny and jump into Barbara Bush's bra and pop out of her fucking shirt. Oh my goodness. Barbara Bush tiny person impersonator trick. You imagine that? That's phenomenal. Oh, I feel a little tickle in my temples.

That makes me so hard. Just thinking about a tiny little man all up. If I could just shrink down and just crawl up Barbara Bush's silky blouse. Ladies and gentlemen. Just sliding between all her many little folds and layers. I've never seen it. Oh, I'm trying to sleep. Oh, this tiny man and his many pleasures.

Oh, she loves you. Yeah, because the clit will be the size of a fucking basketball hoop. I was going to say. I was going to say. Use it like a speedball. Yeah. Speed bag. And she's just going to.

Juice and all over her fancy sheets. It'll be dangerous though. You could drown in Barbara Bush's juices. You have to be careful. There's just thank God someone else is doing the job. Oh, no doubt. Because he spends hours down there. Oh, his gums are all bleeding constantly.

Oh, yeah. Teeth are gone. He's an old man now. George H.W. and Charlie Sheen have the exact same teeth for two completely different reasons. Charlie Sheen drug use and then of course George H.W. Running the world. Running the world in Barbara's pussy juice. He's got Illuminati teeth.

Oh, yeah. Definitely. Jagged and sharp. Bone. But yes, again. So if you're fake Jesus, do something fun. Indeed. There's a miracle in there.

Another good fake Jesus was the Jesus of Siberia, the Surion. Someone posted on the last. The Surion. The Surion. I'm sorry. Someone posted a great doc about it on the last podcast page. Yes. And it is very funny.

That's again, it's an idyllic little town that looks like Norway from Epcot. Oh, yeah. Of course. Norway. Have you ever seen the movie Santa Claus? The original one with Dudley Moore? Mm-hmm. It looks like the houses they all live in.

It's all like colored like wood houses, like tiny little cottages. And the women and the men go to separate like areas like and all the little girls look taught that they'd like need to, you know, serve the man and take care of the man. And they like, of course. And then proper. The Surion. What's right? The Surion, right?

The Surion. Oh, what a fucking douchebag. Russian. Well, are we going to be able to hear some of these people speak? We're going to hear Lord Rael speak. Okay, good. Quite a bit. And he's, I mean, do you feel like out of all the fake Jesuses that you guys have done research on,

that we have done research on, Lord Rael is sort of the top fake Jesus? I mean, he is. The thing about him is that he's just got the possess. He's got the X factor that these other guys don't have. Does he wear a turquoise jumper though? No, no, no, no, no, no. He transcends the jumper. He rides a horse.

Ah, well, that's better. He wears robes, red and white. The color of the Knights Templar. And he looks like the record executive from Wayne's World. Ah, yes. He's like Mr. Big. He holds all the power. Yeah, indeed.

It's really strange. He just like, we said yes. He does look like Raymond Lear from Chicago. He looks like a deep dish pizza. Well, however, he has gained quite a bit of weight since his mugshot in 2005 when he was arrested for felony battery of his wife. We're going to get into this. Oh, please. Please.

The Lord's Laws don't abide by man's laws. Let's just do a couple other, and then they'll just run through a couple other fake Jesuses. Just because Vassarion, I mean, there's nothing special about Vassarion. He's just a hippie living in a mountain. And then we, what was the guy from Australia? He is named Alan John Miller. He prefers to go as AJ. Of course.

He's in Australia. He's a former IT specialist. He runs a religious movement known as the Divine Truth from his home near the small town of Kingaroy. In the state of Queensland. It's another great one. You know, another great Australian story for all our favorite Australian people. And then also, you know, again, another religion where no bras are allowed. So I'm in there.

Well, I mean, where are you going to go if there's no bras allowed? I guess you got to go right to the cliff. I just can't believe how primitive bras used to be. You should just be handkerchiefs. You just tie around your, now you got hoists to make them look good. Yeah, a whole horse and pony show going on. These genders are just lying to each other. You think so?

Yeah. Us with our spanks. Yeah, I've heard about that. Yeah, me with my nutlifts. Cock and Hansers. It's these four wooden rods that I just like strap with a weird sort of nylon thing around my legs. Right, right, right. It just sits on my taint and it pushes my balls up around my dick so it looks like my dick's got little breasts.

Oh, isn't that nice? I was always wondering how you had such majestic nuts. Yeah, triple-double-double-deeds. And they're lies, lies. That's very sad to know, Henry. It's all for the ladies. I guess it is. Well, Miller claims that not only is he Christ, but his partner, Mary Luck, is in fact Mary Magdalene,

who according to the Bible was present at the crucifixion, he told Sky News. And did nothing. No, she was so happy to see him go. Anybody could have pulled him down. Jesus was her pimp. Jesus was her pimp. Here's what he says. I have clear memories of the crucifixion, but it wasn't as arrowing for me as it was for others like Mary, who was present.

What was that, Jesus? Jesus, you don't sound like... I thought you would, Jesus. Yeah. And how many times I said, is it, you think that's a knife? You think that's a knife? And then the guy stabbed me in the ribs with it and I was like, it is a knife. It's a knife.

Okay, you got me fucking good. You think that's a nail? Yes, is a nail. I shouldn't have been so cocky with those guards. You think that's a spear? This is a spear! You think that's a cross? Oh, it's a huge fucking cross.

Yes, after his crucifixion, the Australian claims he entered the spirit world, where he met Plato, Socrates, Popes, and Presidents. They all went to hell, so this is all bullshit. Everybody knows, anybody with any philosophical thought went to hell. He said, I did resurrect quite a number of people, including a friend of mine, Lazarus, who most people know is mentioned in the Bible. He just woke up his friend Larry, who was blackout drunk. I also think, as soon as you start talking as if you're in the show Godspell, you're not Jesus. You can't just be like my friend Lazarus. No one has a friend Lazarus.

Lazarus is the name of a super secret government computer program. It's not a name of a dude. Yeah, it's a government spy program. It's not a man. And this Australian guy, he says, Oh, by the way, hey, prism? Are you on line right now, prism? Oh, they're listening.

They love our program. I got the plans. Burn, burn, burn, burn. Mr. Miller says he does not demand anything of those who come and listen to him speak. He claims donations are welcome, but not obligatory, unlike our friend Lord Raya. Are we ready to jump in these cool, beautiful waters? Any time a man finishes a sermon and then says, now let's pass the bucket around. It's not a good sign.

You see, I mean, again. But then again, he's got to rent that horse. He's got to rent those clothes. He's got to rent those clothes because that horse costs money. And he doesn't own the horse. It looked like it may have been on a horse trail, as if that he had went out and like, was taking a horse trail riding and then brought his buddy with the camera and he said, Right.

Okay, yeah, no, no, no, no. Do it now. Oh, you just do it. You'll be fine. Do it now. And don't leave the horse. I don't want to leave the horse. I want to leave the horse.

Hey, man, they call me hokey joey. I'm trying to be funny. Hey, man, they call me Hokey JOY for a reason. You brought me. You brought me. You're hilarious, Joey. I'm going to get up on then to hand me my ceremonial sword. I am Lord Raya.

How dare this horse defecate as I ride it. And by the way, there are no videos of Lord Raya. I mean, to give you a very, very quick- You can capture him on camera. You can capture him on camera. If you've ever seen the original VHS, it's the third short where you just can't see the guy in cameras all squiggle marks and digital looking things, that's Royale moving around taking dumps in public. Royale, there are only two pictures of him. One is him looking majestic in front of the sea. He's got a goatee, a horrible goatee. It's photoshopped. The whole picture is smeared photoshopped. It just looks like who just used the smudge button all over his face for about 15 minutes.

And he's got long gray hair and he claims to be Lord Royale. He's actually a felon from Chicago named Raymond. Raymond L. Wood Howard Lear. Well I also heard that the Raymond L. Wood is actually a fake name that he used to fashion Royale out of because he said that Royale is some ancient Hebrew form of the word of God. Well we'll get into Royale and the Torah codes later on which is a big part of Royale's claims to the throne. He is a man. That's how you become God but you claim it. No, he has demanded it. Well we better give it to him then. This guy grew up in Chicago. He was part of the Guardian Angels back in the 70s and 80s. He unsuccessfully ran for mayor. I don't know how. I mean he only put out that seven minute campaign video of him just showing Blugavoyevich whatever that guy's name is. He's just him showing it over and over again and him being like, my name is Raymond Lear. I was born in a Chicago suburb and it's like little pictures of his history in between Blugavoyevich bullshit. It's like this is horrible.

I mean it would be nice to have a mayor that has a bone room. It would be kind of fun. So Lord Royale came about in 2011. He announced himself to the world on May 21, 2011, announced himself through where else would Jesus Christ announce his return? YouTube. Because that's what he said also is that the way that he twisted some of the Bible verses like talking about how like the Torah would talk about there would be a web all over the world during revelations. And he's like that's the internet. Of course Jesus would use YouTube. I also use Etsy. And boys he's struggling for Twitter followers. He's got like 5000 which is pretty good. 5000 for New Jesus? Not good for God though. I think the Pope's got like 30 million. And he's been on Twitter for a couple of years now.

He's tweeted a lot. Does he not know that you have to live tweet like main events? Like you have to live tweet the Oscars go live tweet the totes. The apocalypse. Yeah. You know let us know. Alright. How do you eat for breakfast Jesus? I want you to take Instagram pictures of your abs while you're working out. That's right.

This man has no abs. He's a bit of a tubby. How many YouTube hits does he have? 48,000. That's nothing. On his address to the world. Comedy Central is going to give him a sitcom. Jesus Christ returns to the world and 48,000 people see. Well I'm not saying 48,000 because I've watched this video about five times myself.

Yeah I've been watching it for a week since I sent it to you. So like 22 total people have seen this video just multiple times. Before we can do it, Henry tell us how we came upon Lord Raya. Okay so before we hear his address to the world. Henry was sad looking for answers. Didn't know who to turn to. So I bought a hot dog and I met him while he was selling the hot dog. I was listening to Coast to Coast and it was an episode where they were talking to this priest who had like he had exercised up to 150,000 ghosts. Which is fake.

And so I was listening to him at the call-in section at the end. Some guy called up and he's like but did like you know and he's like so do you know George Norris is like so do you have a question for the father. And he's just like does our father know the truth? Does the father know the truth? And he's like what's the truth? What's the truth? And he's like does he know that Jesus has already come back? That Jesus is back here on earth and he's like what what are you talking about? And he's like go to www.ra-el.org.

Go to rail.org and you will know the truth and then hang up the phone. And I was like don't they normally screen these people? So I think they screened four rail type people. And by the way do not go to just plain rail.org because that is an alien site. Yes it's our old different guy doing alien research. It's r-e-l.org. If you go to rail.org that's a whole different way. You're not going to find the truth there.

No. That's nonsense. False prophets. Oh burn burn. So this guy so I went and I just looked it up and as soon as it popped up I was just like oh holy shit. Wow. Oh my god and then upon re-listening to the episode and listening to his trans like his speech that we're about to listen to it was him. Yeah.

It was definitely him. He called into coast to coast and plugged his own website and you know George Norris is like it's strange how you can do it. Some people have different ideas of the truth. George Norris just every man that guy rolls with anything. Doesn't he? He's amazing. He's an entertainer. I love George Norris.

I was like someone I know was talking shit about George Norris and I got his face and I was like George Norris has been entertaining millions of people for years. He knows exactly what he's doing. Slowly walk away from the fat scary man. Slowly. Make do not break our contact with him. But you know Jesus is nothing if not a self promoter. Yeah. You know.

I went to the Lord Rael Facebook page which by the way I am a member of the congregation. You made it. Oh that's great. Thank you Rael for your release. I got a I asked to join the group last night and today I woke up to the confirmation that I am officially a member of the congregation. How many members of the Facebook page are there? 1299 including me. Wow.

I was almost 1300. I was almost 1300. You look different. And I got a very nice welcome from I got a personal message from priest RJ Davidson who sent me a welcome video which is just kind of an old man. Did he send you a picture of his nut lift? No. No. Not yet.

And things he seems like a very sweet old man. Sure. I want to see my Oscar the Grouch. I hate that you call your balls Oscar the Grouch. That is gross. They actually seem really happy which is kind of a bizarre sort of. And he's dressed in a priest outfit and he's obviously in a really shitty apartment that's right next to the highway. Because you can hear cars going by constantly.

Right. And he's just kind of he keeps stumbling over his words and you can tell it's like his age. Jesus is looking for a new apartment next to a park. Somewhere for a good school for my future children. And I got like five four welcome messages. You know priest RJ Davidson said welcome. Another guy said welcome Marcus Park smiley face. Oh that's not.

Another one said welcome exclamation port. Okay. And another one said welcome Marcus Park smiley face. Namaste. We should take a bunch of pictures of my naked tits and put them all over the website. No. No. No intruder alert.

Intruder alert. Big breasts. Harry. I want to listen to some of his. Yeah. Let's get into this. I want to listen to his. His truth.

This is Lord Ryle address the world for the very first time. I will say that he does say that he was delivered here among. It was actually a very incredible UFO sighting outside of a synagogue in Jerusalem in 2011. And he said that this was him arriving on earth. Oh put up the. I'll put up the video on the Facebook page. Yeah. But I mean that.

It's a new fucking amazing UFO. It comes down to the temple on the rock where I mean admittedly in the Bible it does say that is the point of Jesus's return. Yeah. This guy just jumped on it. Yeah. This light comes down over the temple on the rock. It hovers there for a little bit and then it just shoots up amazingly.

It's like the guy who invented the skip it. And he's like kids already skipping. Skipping. We're just going to fucking make it. We're going to make money off of it. We're going to make some money. It's guy. Wow man.

The guy who jumps on the idea. I haven't thought about the skip it in forever. Jesus. I don't know why. I haven't thought about it. That was amazing. Not that I used it. No you definitely you could.

It was called the trippin for you because you could skip. You could skip. Fuck you. No man. No. Let's not get serious here man. I was really good at the skip it. Yeah.

Yeah. I bet. I would just throw it against the wall. Yeah. He just hit Jackie with it. Yeah. All right. This is Lord Rael addressing the world for the very first time.

My children. I am Rael. I am your king. And I am your Lord. And I have arrived. As promised. That's how he when he talked to me. Reclaimed.

Rael. The throne of my father. Just as my son now rises. So too does the son of God rise. He's from Chicago. Redeem. Yeah. Humanity.

He just got done doing the play version of breakfast at Tiffany's. Children this shall not be pleasant. For the harvest has begun. Oh yeah. As has your judgment. Know this. What must be done. Must be done.

Oh my. It just sounds like he's threatening us. Oh my God. He is nothing but threat. What he does say too is that the like and all the quotes that he puts up and you know it's like the the first thing he put it was like I did not come in peace. I came but with a sword. Intriguing.

All right. Let's I'm just excited when we see the surveillance footage of him shooting up a mall like that's going to be really great. I think it's going to be more him doing insurance fraud. Yeah. A lot of insurance of just like him supposed to be like him showing up with like a back brace on me and like oh I really laid up my back. I was.

Like nailing us up mop you know like private investigators is filming him just like lifted a couch off the street. He seems fine to me. It was America. Yes. It's just like insurance fraud. Ah you have to see our first evidence. He throws two smoke bombs that don't go off and you just slowly leave.

Oh no those were just snap bags. Like those little fire. RJ you bought the wrong fireworks again. I'm sorry Lord Royale. Hogi Joe's over there slamming down a sub. Pretty amazing. I think you look good boss. Anytime someone says what must be done must be done it's a little terrifying.

Yeah because it's also him just like he's recording it on YouTube as he's like waving in his burrito delivery coming in the door like he puts the food down. He's like just place it on the table. No I'm recording my manifesto. Are these the chicken fajitas? I ought it. Alright let's skip ahead to the video a little bit. They're cold.

Send them back. Faithful children you are why I am. Thank you. You are the reason I have left the bliss of my father's hand. To establish a new and everlasting heaven for you. I am pleased that you have kept the faith this long. It has not been easy I know. Yet I am deeply saddened by what has been done in my name.

I freed you from the bondage of the law and replaced it with the law. So simple will my tears love our father. Love each other and you have failed terribly and that is why regrettably I must judge you as well. Jesus Christ man. Come on bro. He's just so god damn mean to all of us. That's the thing is he's real bossy. He is.

He's the ultimate nerd. Oh he is. A nerd with spiritual power is the scariest nerd of all. I just don't know where his confidence came from. I mean probably prison. I have to like psych myself up to get out of bed in the morning. Yeah yeah yeah. He needs to like how does he he just woke up just being like I fucking got it.

I fucking got it. I fucking got it. Get the camera. Yep. Feel it. All right. Let us continue now to his to what we should do. Yes.

To help him. Thank God. What the fuck to do. Come to me. You may seek protection under my wings. But know this. The price of life is high. You will have to give up all that is of this world for my kingdom is not what you see before

you. Mine is a kingdom of truth. Oh yeah. Of light. Of everlasting life and everlasting love. It is reserved for those with an enlightened mind and a noble heart. And only those I deem worthy shall walk it. This is also him looking at his OKCupid page.

Yeah this is exactly what he's just he's writing it as he speaks. I feel like his kingdom is a single bedroom apartment in Chicago. It's not going to be very nice stinky sheets. Just like nothing but old delivery cartons all around ovens always on shut off to win the world series. Yes. Here's him talking about the armies of heaven as your space agencies always the armies of heaven are faster.

I don't know why now and I shall restore peace and prosperity refuse and I will rain fire from the sky. I will continue to shake your land and I will darken your world bro take it easy with the sun. We need it. But my love. Oh my love is far greater. Choose.

Oh wow. Now he's going to address us Americans America. Oh no. How are you. You were once most favored in my eyes. What. But you have grown boastful wicked and haughty. You're the one pretending to be Jesus here plague of demons within you.

Oh and by the way when he says plague of demons he shows pictures of an Hispanic gang and a picture of the Bloods. Well I understand that. Crips. Ah. You are insolent children who bully the world and fain victim would you inflict wounds upon yourself and blame others for the spilling of your. You're in Chicago right now.

He just got a massive Grundy when he was in sixth grade and that's where he started thinking about all of this. All this shit. Yeah. Every single time like some White Sox fan ripped off his cubs. Fuck. A plague. But he pushed him in a garbage can.

Yeah he got really upset. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now my favorite part of his address this is when it turns into a fucking wrestling promo of him versus Satan. Woo hoo. I'm going after our boy.

Uh oh. All right. Satan always going to win. Oh. Lord Rael. Yeah. God I love the real Satan you just show up and fucking eviscerate. Oh just slap him.

Like if Satan was real and then it's just him sitting in his one bedroom apartment train going by shaking all the fucking commemorative plates off the walls and he's sitting there and then Satan just shows up like eternal dark pit of blackness and he's just like out Satan out and then Satan just fucking cuts open his belly and puts out his intestines. Hail Satan. All right. Here we go. For all of our history have you learned nothing of my anger or my vengeance?

I know this Satan. Oh. Of all the planets in our dominion earth is mine. You can keep Mars. Mars is dumb. You and your legions may leave peacefully or I will remove you. Either way your reign and your subterfuge is. He just made that word has no place for you to say.

Come here to talk trash about the good people of St. Louis. You go inside the square circle. I will show you the meaning of pain. I just don't understand this guy. It's again I just think that he was fired from being assistant manager at Blockbuster. Oh he never made it to assistant manager. There's no way. He has been unemployed for most of his life.

But God bless him because he hasn't had to go back to work. He doesn't have to be a temp. I'm sure he's living off of the government. Technically he's doing better than Holden McNeely. Yes of course Holden McNeely from the round table of gentlemen who's doing amazing. Alright so I would say this guy probably spends upwards of two to three hours a week rummaging through his mother's jewelry to send it in for cash for gold. Is this real Pearl?

Damn you mother you are so cheap. Excuse me mother do you perchance have any clean socks for me? Alright so after this video came out. You're Jesus now? So why don't you go and grow up and buy your own goddamn socks? Ah you know what kind fits my feet the best? Wigwams yeah I know you love the wigwam. Size is deceptive in a sports sock mother.

I wish I would have aborted you. So after this video was released the very next video is called you were warned. And a lot of these videos have a lot of text in them. Yes. And they go very slowly so I in my research I transcribed all these. Thank you. So let me. Transcribed all these?

He loves this. You fucking lunatic. This is like my favorite new research. I love this. It's like Jack Nicholson in the shiny. So what you writing? You know just a bunch of lunatic words. Get away from me Nikki.

I've got work to do. Yes yes I'm transcribing the Lord's words. So this is the transcript. On May 14th the holy and apostolic order. Apostolic? Apostolic. Apostolica. Apostolica.

Apostolica. Apostolica. I've spent so long since I've cared. It's apostolistic. The holy and apostolic order of the temple. Apostolic. Apostolic. Yeah yeah and by the way that's the name of the church.

The holy and apostolic order of the temple. Okay. Released a video in which we informed the world that Christ had returned. The world quickly responded. No they didn't. No they didn't. That's wrong. No they responded through YouTube comments.

Making fun of him. Calling him a queer. Yeah they did. Oh they disabled the comments by the way. Oh they disabled all comments. It does not want the people to speak. You know how good and juicy a video is when they disable the comments. I was like who is it?

I said I disabled it. I was like who this guy is fucking experienced. Oh man. Use the comments. Liar. I don't like his accent. Con artist. He's too fat.

Antichrist. What's with the hair? Fraud. They just want money. I hate you. Someone should kill you. Whoa. Let me know what you kill Lord Rael.

Come on people. It's pretty much what we've been saying. I hate to say this but your recent comments on my prophecy videos on the YouTube are hurting people's feelings. Yeah they're just hurtful and they're rude. I might be the son of Jesus and everything but I'm still a man and it continues. I know that I'm fat. I am well aware.

I have to get size double exhale robes but I'm upon my steed. I'm an impoverished guy from Chicago. I'm sorry he's going to be a little trouble. I have to ride a Clydesdale to the White Castle. That would be quite phenomenal to see him at the White Castle. We have to go find this man. I will have seven mini burgers. And tell me do you have any chicken rings left after the lunch rush?

You don't have to clarify mini burgers here at White Castle Lord Rael. All we have is mini burgers. I want the tiny burgers. But that's all we have sir. So we can't give you a big burger or a tiny burger. It's just the White Castle burger. I can't believe I left bliss for this. No respect.

Is that Rael's danger? No respect. No respect. I come back as a son of God I got no respect. Yeah that's true. It continues mocking God. Open your Bible and show us when that ever turned out well. And so here is Rael's response to shitty YouTube cover.

Attention 4chan. They test me father. They mock me. Hate me. When all I have done. The minutes of YouTube videos that I have put together on my eye movie. In 2,000 years they have not changed. They are still the wicked, ungrateful children.

You must cry here. I know father. Who are you talking to? What you would have me do. That I should chastise them. Whoa come on. This is just the best part coming. This is a big dump.

Just wait. So be it. My Chinese food is late. America. You were once most favored in my eyes. But you have grown most wicked and haughty. This is not a voice effect. This is what my voice is doing.

By the way this is just a clip from his previous video that they have cut out. Put an echo on and then put here. Continue. Those of you who call yourself Christian. How have you demonstrated my love by accusing? That is why regrettably I must judge you as well. I will return to you in measure that which you have done for me. What you just leave other shitty YouTube comments?

Which will be fall him. Gather to me now my children for the time of your redemption has come. Let the frame war commence. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, man. What's with that? That's just a real mirage of bullets there. It really is. Do you know how he chastised America?

Yes. Fucking tornado in Joplin, Missouri. Is that what he's taking credit for then? He's taking 100% credit for it. Because he says that Joplin, Missouri is the buckle of the Bible Belt. Interesting. Yeah, and since the people of America, the Christians of America did not accept him immediately as his lord and savior, he sent one of the worst tornadoes in American history

to destroy almost an entire fucking city. Do it again, Royale. Do it again. It was not the only time. Oh, wow. No, it was not the only time for the next year during Christmas. Royalmas for the next year. You must seek to legally change the name.

Royalmas. Royalmas. It doesn't really a role to it. I don't think it's going to happen. Hey, Mom, merry merry almas. Merry Royalmas, mother. Now it's time for everyone to get my blankets with pictures of Royale on them. No, this is such an exciting holiday.

Finally, the respect I deserve. What's my gift this year, mother? I'm his last year's son, a robe. Feel comfortable in your breezy robe. And wigwam. Thanks to Lord Royale. The Royale robe with wigwam socks. Sports socks and robes.

That is how all true philosophers dress. Indeed. Welcome, my children. All right. I see that your goatee are well maintained. Yes, yes. This is from a video called Disobedience Equals Death. Oh, wow.

It sounds like a smug thing. This is him speaking of how we have mistreated his clarity. It seems like he's got a lot of just him being mistreated. Yes. I mean, he's got a big persecution complex. He plays the victim quite often here. Brothers and sisters, I am exceedingly pleased that you have gathered in my name. Okay.

You have given me hope that there is a remnant of humanity worth saving. Oh, nice. Thank you. I am entirely pleased with how you have treated our clergy. What? I have discovered that you have not been supporting them financially. What? Oh.

These are the people working to save your soul. So it's not him? No. He doesn't need the money. Are you hungry? Unclothed, perhaps? Or have you decided to lay yet another burden upon me? Have I not done enough for you?

You haven't done anything. Is he recording this in a public library? He might be. I feel like there's a lot of commotion going on. I do not want to raise this subject again. He's right on the highway. He's outside. He's outside.

They are providing- He's on his balcony. For you. He's in a balcony. He's in a house. Because his girlfriend Denise is in the other room just going like, Raven, what are you doing out there? Keep it down.

He's on. I'm recording, honey. If you'll notice those recordings, I did not edit them up. I didn't cut them up. These things are so horribly edited that I know this guy had to have done a million fucking takes. Oh, yeah.

And they just edited all of them together to make them sound all right. I think that he is doing all of this. I think he is the clergy. Maybe a fat friend is helping him out with the editing equipment. Possibly. After he makes this speech, it shows like three minutes of black Friday footage

of people shopping. Yeah, all of that. And here's more black text that I transcribed. How much money did they give Rayo on Christmas? How much? A million. Uh-huh. 10,000.

Not even 10,000. Not even 10,000. A thousand? Not even a thousand. A hundred? Did they give him a hundred? Zero. They gave him zero on Christmas.

Nothing on Christmas. All he wanted was a million dollars on Christmas and we couldn't give that to him. Come on, America, wake up. A million before their need. And now your judge is fed up with you. You just don't learn. So you force his hand again?

How does he normally chastise American Christians? Yup. Unprecedented tornado outbursts in the Bible Belt. What is he? Is he storm? Merry Christmas. That was an arch-villain? What happened?

Then right after that, they show a tornado in Mobile, Alabama on Christmas Day that killed three and injured, I think, like 50 or 60. I think that's very timing. He's emotionally unstable. And then we got the hottest year ever in the U.S. in 2012 because people said mean things.

Also, he also claims that, remember that badass flew from last year? That's him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was him. I'm starting to think that he's just picking things out of the newspaper. It could be the case, yeah. Whatever newspaper he slept in the night before,

he just reads, he's like, yes, that I did. I knew Jesus made me choose this as a blanket for a reason. And then at the end of the video, it says, he's immortal. You are not. He can do this a lot longer than you think he can. He's immortal. I think he could probably do this forever.

It just sounds like a promo for fucking Nightmare on Elm Street as well. What a champion. And there's just so much stuff. His website, the frequently, or the evidence, the frequently asked questions. I mean, it's just... Can we read some of the frequently asked questions?

I definitely want to read the one, the very last one. My favorite question, the whole thing, was like, should I convert my entire church to believe in you? Or what if I just believe in you myself? Yeah, should I still assemble with my present church, or should I now just follow Lord Royale? Which is written by him, of course.

And here's the answer. To put it bluntly, what purpose would it serve to follow a dead church for the church age ended when Christ returned when you could instead follow the living Christ unless your church is in full communion with us. They are heretical. And staying with them, you are participating in heresy.

Oh, wow. What are some of the other good ones? My favorite is the claim that he's the antichrist. Could Lord Royale be the biblical... The reason why I keep saying Royale is because he pronounces it Royale, but it's spelled R-A-Y-E-L. It's Royale, yeah.

It's Royale. But he pronounces it Royale. It's weird. It's very strange. It's almost like he's also denying the fact that his original name is Raymond. So it should be Royale. He says his name is Raymond Elwood. In the other evidence,

he says that his name is Raymond Elwood. But it's a fake name, because that's not his actual name. His name is Raymond Lear. Yeah, Elwood is his middle name. Raymond Elwood Howard Lear. It's Howard Dash here. Horrible name.

Oh, it's one of the worst. Yeah. Could Royale be the biblical false prophet or the antichrist? Answer? Absolutely not! Whoa! Come on, man.

Lord Royale makes it very clear that he is not here not to prophesy, but instead to fulfill prophecy. As for antichrist... Yeah, I think he may have taken some, like, law classes the way he breaks this down. Yeah. This is a biblical misunderstanding by most Christians.

The King James Bible uses the word antichrist exactly five times. The Bible tries to explain how people would come to deny the truth of Christ, and that these people have within them a spirit of antichrist. The Bible is speaking of a false belief system, not an actual person.

It wasn't until later Bibles were printed that the word THE was placed before the word antichrist, to fool Christians into believing that this was an actual person. Many who preach the Bible claim that the beast or the lawless one or the man of sin and others are all a single person who is THE antichrist.

Their twisting of John's words is a heresy, and they have caused much confusion among the Christian faithful. It is a type of misinterpretation that Lord Rael is working to correct, as he recently put it, while the dangers rise to the necks of my children, they are still searching for a single drop of rain.

Ding! Meaning? Oh, my linguisine's done. I cannot believe I forgot to DVR RODA! Oh, I love RODA! Love RODA! I'm quite displeased that TV Land has stopped showing RODA in favor of Full House, and they will receive my ultimate judgment.

It's him sending photocopied pictures of his ass to TV Land offices. Lord Rael strikes you down! This fat guy's been sitting on a horse. Yeah, it's obvious. Look at that butt. Yeah, it's real flat and odd looking. Put some syrup on that pancake.

And there are, let's see here, 23 different prophecies that he has supposedly filled. Matthew 24.30 tells us that right before the appearance of Christ, quote, the sign of the Son of Man is coming will appear in the heavens. On January 28th, 2011, over a billion people in India could see the clear image of Christ on the moon, and though the story was widely reported throughout the region, it was suppressed throughout the rest of the world.

I just think the mainstream media does not want to see here about Lord Rael because they're in bed with all the churches, Catholic Church, and they don't want to see his word. What I will say is, we can't call it, you know, when the mainstream media comes down with their company line from Illuminati, there's nothing we could do to beat these people. All right, they have the control of these Jew reptiles. Okay, take it easy with the whole Jew thing.

But then again, I just think India was just, I think it was just a cloud of smoke from Mumbai constantly burning. I think that's why they saw it. Oh yeah, the fact they have absolutely no, you know, protection as far as environmental goes. Well, in another prophecy, it is believed that Mary Magdalene was a repentant prostitute possessed by seven demons that only Christ could save her.

And of course, Rael's beloved, the woman that he beat to shit and she had an order of protection against him, he violated and then got sentenced five years in the federal penitentiary, but ended up only serving 166 days. You could say that that happened, but I wouldn't. But then they're back together now. I did find public record, I found actual documents that, was that placed here later on to discredit the fact

that he truly is the son of Christ. And he says, the specifically beloved of Lord Rael is a repentant prostitute who is severely addicted to seven mind-altering drugs forced upon her and only Lord Rael could save her. Well, they sound like a match made in heaven. Absolutely, she's like, I saw the movie say anything and I knew that if I just showed her how much I loved her

by matching her face into a concrete floor. But I would dispel the demons. That's love, that's love. Zechariah 612 says, tell him this is what the Lord Almighty says. Here is the man whose name is the branch and he will branch out from his place and build the temple of the Lord. Here's what that means.

Elwood is phonetically a reference to the shape of a tree limb. Elwood. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. He actually had me up to this point. I was about to become a member of the man's church until this Elwood thing happened. Yeah, the Bible refers to the turn Christ is the lion and Hebrew sacred gematria, Rael, equals 241.

Oh yeah, that's the whole certain Hebrew words like add up to numerical things and then you compare which numbers are the same. That's how you tell what are the correlations of the Bible. Rael equals 241, a number with a transliteration that means lion of God. There's just no denying the evidence, you know? I feel like he is the son of God.

Is he still putting out videos now? The last video that... I mean, the Facebook page is extremely active. Okay, he's out there. I mean, you're talking at least 20, 30 posts a day. Holy shit. From Lord Rael or followers? From followers.

Okay, what's the Facebook page? The Facebook page is International Congregation of Lord Rael. I'm a member. I'm going to be a member today. I'm going to go join this today and I recommend everyone in the last podcast to go join the Lord Rael Facebook page. Let's show him some love.

Do you just friend? Do you just request it? Just request it. And that's it. And that's it. That's all you get. And by the way, Lord Rael, I mean, we didn't even get to him being an Anunnaki.

Ah, that damn it! How far are we? How much time do we have left? We have no time. We're over time. We can come back. We'll come back to Lord Rael. Does he say he's an Anunnaki

or does he think he's an Anunnaki? His main detractor, though, also comes at him pretty hard. This is where they had to put the Antichrist thing into the frequently asked questions. What's the name of his detractor? It's Roger. What's his name?

Let's see here. I've got it pulled up. So there's a fellow who starts a fight. There's a guy who has it out for a while. His name is... Shit. Well, he's at ultimatesurvival.net. Okay.

And ultimatesurvival surviving 2012 and beyond. So, I mean, I guess we're in beyond right now. But he has been at... He is just nipping at this guy. He's the one who blew up his criminal record. Oh, really? Because this guy was searching Nibiru. And, of course, Nibiru is the planet

that was supposed to come back in 2004. Planet X, yeah. Yeah, Planet X. It didn't come. That's fucking crazy to me. I thought for sure it was going to be here. It's insane. So he had researched it, and there's an actual video where Rael talks about

his connection to the Anunnaki, who are also part of the Tall Thin Whites. Okay. Who we're talking about in the Canadian Foreign Defense Minister's speech. And I think we're going to talk about those in a future episode coming up. I mean, yeah, we'll talk about it at some point.

It's definitely the biggest UFO revelation of our generation. It's awesome. It's real. It's officially real. Like, as a minister of defense from Canada. Like, this is not a... Anyway, we're getting off topic.

So that's Lord Rael. Check out his Facebook page. LordRael.com. LordRael.org. They bought LordRael.com, and it forwards you to RA-EL.org. That's hilarious. That's so retarded.

So check them out, and make sure to follow all the fake Jesuses. And by the way, the related groups are aliens, Elenin, and shit, we didn't even get to Elenin. Oh man, there's a... There's just so much. You know what?

We'll come back to him. We'll come back to him. All right. All right, everybody. Hail Satan. Hail Lord Rael! Indeed, Hail Lord Rael. Hail Geen.

And of course, hail yourselves, everyone. Just know anybody telling you Jesus... Anybody who's telling you that their Jesus is lying. Or believe him. Whatever. Do whatever you want. It depends on his weight. Yeah, just get out of here.

Just get out of here. All right.