Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 79: Creepypasta IV - Then Who Was Phone?

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The boys read some of their favorite creepypasta and listen to some hilarious 911 calls involving dead autistic children.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last hot gas on the left. Why you fucked your glass? That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? What was that? Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Bokeh warmups. Bokeh warmups are important type of experiments. Well, most of the ways you warm up your face if you're gonna be making the people laugh.

I think we're ready to start. Alright, that's Marcus and I'm Ben, and then we got this guy who's very well and warmed up to my left. I'm so warmed up, I'm ready to buff on. And my name is Dr. Lion O'Bunchy, and I'm gonna take you out to make a bit of a watch for how to speak and how to sing. What are you a doctor of? I'm a voice expert in voices,

so I'm thinking it's important that if you want to help people out, you gotta display information and help people out. Emotions, you've got, you've got a clear spring voice. Where'd you go to medical school at? Oh, I think you're just making that up, Mark, because I don't think that's a real medical school. Get out of here, Lionel!

Come on, Lionel. I can't believe you guys let him in this office. Oh! Well, I wouldn't say it was me. It was Henry Zabrowski. Sorry to fool you, everybody. Yeah, I'm sure they were tricked. They were bamboozled.

They were fooled. I'm a bit of a Gary Oldman. Yes, indeed. All right, well, speaking of Gary Oldman, he's a creepy fella. He's been in a lot of creepy movies. You don't want to be alone in a basement with that guy. Too long.

You remember that? When he had the tits on his head. Dracula with the tits. The scariest of all the Dracula's. But he had, like, combed over hair over the top of the nipples. Yes, he did have beautiful tit brains. Yes, gorgeous, man.

Today we're going to get a little icky spooky. Our favorite food here. It's our favorite kind. Creepy pasta. That's right. The creepiest of all the pasta. Scary tales from the internet. Also, some real 911 calls,

which I think are more scary than anything else. As we love. Yeah. That's a problem is that there's just so many 911 calls to listen to. But some of them you really have to pick. There's a lot of quality control involved. You could have gone into the 911 operator business.

That would have been good. It might have fulfilled some dreams. Oh, no, no, no, no. I would have just fell asleep at the switch. Oh, right. Pretty often. As soon as someone starts telling me their problems, I'm fucking checked out.

He's stabbing me in the neck. Well, you know what? Well, yeah, guess what, man? The G train was late today. So whatever, you know? G train was late today. Very upset. I really want to first do a bit of an update on Lord Royale.

I think I made an important discovery of where he began his acting career. Okay. So where did he begin his acting career? Marcus. Woe to you, O Earth. These guys. Well, the devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows the time is short. Wrath should always rhyme with broth.

Let him who hath understanding reckoned the number of the beast. For it is a human number. Its number is 666. No! It's made it! Is this Lord Royale's band? No, this is Iron Maiden. It's just bad.

I just wanted to get an excuse at the beginning. Oh, I see. It's just wonderful. I just love it so much. I believe. 666, a number of the beast. Oh, man, this video is so good. There was just some dinosaurs fighting.

Hell yeah. Like a Demetrodon. His Iron Maiden knows their audience. Oh, yeah. You know, and it is just a million dudes who look just like me. Maybe they've been a little bigger than me. I'm sort of a petite Iron Maiden fan. Yes, you're one of the smaller Iron Maiden fans.

Iron Maiden fans. But yeah, otherwise, Lord Royale is totally faking his piece of shit. And we even tried to start a flamemore with him. And he wouldn't even do it. Yeah, on the Facebook page, a good friend, Adam Umack, created a wonderful profile called a man named Phineas T Bird Pocket. Genius, by the way, that's fucking great. And he used wax figures, pictures of wax figures of Rasputin as his profile picture.

Yeah, very cool. And ran over to the Lord Royale International Congregation of Royale Facebook page. Which is just, it seems like that is, it's like the International House of Pancakes. Yeah. And it's their only search. The only thing that is interracial, the international mode where they do, is like the dude's working in the back. And a whole bunch of other wonderful listeners, like Ned and Fanny, followed him over there

and did some wonderful trolling. But you know what, man, those guys are all trolled out. And as you were saying, they have just been so heavily trolled for so long. I'm actually pretty certain that everyone, how many it's like 1,400 people like it, that they're all trolled. I think they're all trolled. They literally all showed up to tell this guy to go fuck himself. Yeah, they all, and they got about the day that our episode came out,

they got about 100 new members. We helped the church. A lot of our listeners went over and enjoyed the International Congregation of Raya. Absolutely. They got some great docs on there though. Oh, yeah. Did you see the one that was the fake news reporter, the guy coming in, and it's just like, what would happen if the Messiah did come?

Yeah, what would happen? And it's just some really shitty dude in front of a green screen going like, all our mace have put down their forces. And there's a grip holding hands. And they're all going to worship their new master. And it's just like, is it really Lord Raya? He's got this weird accent too. He's like, on standing hand, in front of the White House, with President Obama.

I don't know why they think that they have to put on fake British accents. It does not make you reliable. It's a sign of intelligence. No, because we all know it's fake. Yeah. All right. So let's get into the land of the creepy. It's been a while.

We're going to, you know, we got to shake some of the dust off these creepy bones. Here, you know, because mostly we've been getting into some real things, some real news. So now it's into the land of imagination. So I'm going to invite you again to do the same thing that I always do. Lay down upon your bed. Strip off your clothes. Again, you don't have to strip. I'm just saying, if you want to be comfortable,

you're going to end up making people blow each other. If you want to be comfortable, take off your pants. Shut off all the lights. Fucking spark a dube. Big and hogs leg and fucking sit back. Let's get creepy. Well, that was it. It works.

So I mean, do that at work. All right. You're going to pop off them shoes. Yeah. Kick off the shoes. Who wants to start? I mean, it doesn't matter. I'll start.

This one's called lights in the distance. Ooh. A young man suffering from insomnia was trying to fall asleep at night. After many minutes, he was still awake as it got more and more late outside. He turned on his side and looked at the window, noticing two street lights in the distance. He rested his eyes on them and soon he fell asleep. The next night, he found himself once again kept awake by his sleep disorder.

Remembering the remedy he tried the night before, he turned to his side and looked at the window for the two street lights. He found them and once again fell asleep peacefully. The next night, his sleeping troubles were back. He simply looked at the window for the street lights and rested his eyes on them. It's like they were flickering every few seconds. He assumed that the bulbs would soon burn out. And as his eyes began to fall shut, the lights finally burned out. He woke up in the morning refreshed as he got up.

He looked at the window towards the street lights hoping someone would come fix them. Whoever is he looking, he noticed something odd. There weren't any street lights there. He leaned closer to the window to double check, but still the street lights were nowhere to be found. Then he looked down and noticed small claw marks on the window as if something was perching there. His insomnia got worse. It's holding McNeely! That's how his girlfriend feels every night.

No doubt about that. Looking over and seeing his droopy mug like he's wearing an old shitty mask on top of an ugly skull face. You're just being mean to a friend. That's what that's all about. So what happened with that story? The guy was just not seeing any street lights at all. He was seeing some kind of monster. A monster. But he got a good night's sleep. Technically, yes.

So it seems like the nicest monster ever. It's like how when you choke out a woman while you're sleeping next to them, it's like they do get a full night's sleep. I mean, technically, it's like they're being, like, trapped by a bottle. I'm trying to shake you awake! You know, every morning. Yeah. Sometimes they don't wake up. Marcus?

Alright, this one is called Portraits. There was a hunter in the woods who, after a long day hunting, was in the middle of an immense forest. It was getting dark, and having lost his bearings, he decided to head in one direction until he was clear of the increasingly oppressive foliage. After what seemed like hours, he came across a cabin in a small clearing. Realizing how dark it had grown, he decided to see if he could stay there for the night. He approached and found the door...a jar. Nobody was inside. The hunter flopped down on the single bed, deciding to explain himself to the owner in the morning.

As he looked around the inside of the cabin, he was surprised to see the walls adorned by several portraits, all painted in incredible detail. Without exception, they appeared to be staring down at him, their features twisted into looks of hatred and malice. Staring back, he grew increasingly uncomfortable. Making a concerted effort to ignore the many hateful faces, he turned to face the wall, and exhausted, he fell into a restless sleep. The next morning, the hunter awoke, he turned, blinking, in unexpected sunlight. Looking up, he discovered that the cabin had no portraits, only windows. Haha! The key is to never go to sleep.

If you never want someone to just be watching you all the time, just never sleep. I mean, I've never had curtains on my windows in New York City, so I know for a fact that people have been watching me while I sleep. Oh, they love to watch you while you sleep. Maybe it's just because they think they're like, I can't believe they let that piggy get an apartment. But then I get over there with a fucking knife, and I stab him in the fucking throat. Well, that's kind of a rude thing to do. They just called you a piggy. We don't have a curtain on our shower. People can watch me bathe as much as they want to watch me bathe. That is disgusting.

Twice a week. It's pretty much the only options they have. Twice a week. That's fun. So they were just really ugly people staring at him rest. Yeah, they followed him to the cabin, and then once he laid down, they all took their place and stared. Stared at him all the time. Droopy-ass faces. And grimaced at him. Grimace, probably. To me, what is scarier to me is, of course, is smiling. I love you, but I love him. I don't think we should hurt him. I think that's really scary.

You ever wake up with a woman just staring at you? Yes. And how does that make you feel? I hate it. It was terrifying. Yeah, it was awful? Yeah. And then she told me she loved me. But what did you say?

I love you. This is disgusting. It was actually exactly like that. Did you respond in kind? I was fucking half asleep. I was like, yeah, I love you too. And then when I woke up the next morning, that's when I realized the horrible mistake I had made. Ah, yes, yes. Scariest of all.

All right, this one's called the bell. The bell. All right, goffins used to be built with holes in them. Attached to it. Let me redo that. All right. You're still drunk. No, I wasn't even drunk last night. I just, I don't sleep.

Ah. And it's not because of scary creatures in the window. It's because it's extremely hot. And I got a bunch of bugs all over me. There was just, there was one mosquito last night. It's like you live in the nightmare world of the Scarecrow at all times. Oh, it was unbelievable. I was just, I was like, the sleep comes oblivion.

It's one fucking mosquito, man. You just destroyed me last night. Unbelievable. Strong creatures. Yeah. Anyway, malaria. You've got it. I probably haven't.

Yes. God knows. Those Dominicans upstairs. I don't know. They're not, they're not, they're not spreading malaria. Good music, however. Yeah. I thought that was the name of one of their sauces, malaria.

Malaria. Yes. Boy, the malaria. Yes. Yes. The bell. Coffins used to be built with holes in them. Attached to a six foot, six feet of copper tubing and a bell.

The tubing would allow victims to bury it. You were destroying this. I feel like George W. Bush, no, I can do it. Do it across the border. Across the border. Yeah. Ah. All right.

All right. All right. It's like listening to my dad open Christmas presents after he woke up drunk on Christmas morning. Oh, man. He was going, hey. Open that way, sir. I do not post this.

Oh, look. It's a Nintendo, huh? Slave of my life working to get you that fucking thing. Certainly was surprised to see it. They got some fucking fake dude brought it. I mean, I'm telling you, I was up until 7.20 this morning. I don't know what happened. Sweating.

Okay. This one's called. I have an air conditioner. Yeah. You live very good. So do I. Yeah. It's fantastic.

You're really pleasant. All right. All right. I'll do the coffin thing and then I'll do it across the border after that. All right. So coffins used to be built with holes in them attached to a six foot copper tubing and a bell. The tubing would allow for victims to bury it under the mistaken impression that they

were dead. In a certain small town, Harold, he was a grave digger. Like Marcus wanted to be. He was a grave digger. Apparently, hearing a bell one night, he just heard a bell one night and I went to go see if the children were pretending to be the spirits, you know, kids will play around and pretend to be spirits. That's a regular thing kids do.

Sometimes it was also the wind. This time it was either, this time it was neither, or it wasn't either, or it wasn't either. A voice from below begged and pleaded to be unburied. Are you Sarah O'Bannon, Harold asked? Yeah. The muffled voice asserted. Yeah.

You bet, mister. Sure enough, great digger. You come on down here and show me how to put a saddle on a horse. Real masculine woman. Everyone loved her in town. Yeah. You know. Then he asked, you were born September 17th, 1827 and then she said, yeah.

You bet your bottom dollar. You bet your bottom. She had enjoyed saying things like that. That and a bucket of molasses to make you a smartie pie. Whoever says didn't take off, but you know, that was what a pie. That's weird. You are Sarah. Yeah.

It's just, yeah. That is just molasses baked until solid in a metal pan. The gravestone here says you died on February 20th, 1857, young gal, 30 years old. No one was alive. It was a mistake. Dig me up. Set me free. And then he said, sorry about this, ma'am.

Stepping on the bill to silence it and plugging to the copper tube with dirt. But this is August, whatever, whatever you are down there, you sure as hell ain't alive no more. You ain't coming up. Yeah. Interesting. She's dead. She's a ghost woman.

Ringin' bells. It's a demon. Ding, ding, ding. I still think we should do that, by the way. What? What? Have little bells on everybody's gravesite. Well, I'm pretty fairly certain I'm dead by the time I get there.

I think that I'm going to- But it will ring randomly. Yeah. Which will be fun. Yeah, that is cool. It'll be fun for everyone. You'd also set it up to do that. Yeah, exactly.

Get a little trigger device. If you could just tie a string around like your finger and as you continue to decompose, it would ring every now and again. Yeah, that's kind of fun. That's what I would probably want to do. Mm-hmm. Tie it to my balls. Yeah.

Oh, here's nuts. A part of the soil now. There's nuts dropping. Is that the first thing to go on your body? Your nuts? Your balls? I don't think- no, these are the last things to go. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your intestines- When you get super cold, your nuts shoot up inside of your body. Oh, okay. Yeah. Your intestines are the first thing to go because of all the bacteria in your gut. Those things immediately start eating you. And all the shit in there.

Mm-hmm. The poo poo. Do you mind if I read a long one and do you want to read a short one first and then I'll read a long one? Uh, read a long one and then I'll read a couple of short ones. Okay. In a quiet room, if you press your ear against a pillow, you can hear your heartbeat. As a kid, the muffled rhythmic beats sounded like soft footsteps on a carpeted floor.

And so as a kid, almost every night, just as I was about to drift off to sleep, I would hear these footsteps and I would be ripped back to consciousness, terrified. For my entire childhood, I lived with my mother in a fairly nice neighborhood that was in a transitional phase. People with lower economic means were gradually moving in, and my mother and I were two of these people. When we lived in the kind of house you see being transported in two pieces on the interstate, but my mom took good care of it.

There were a lot of woods surrounding the neighborhood that I would play in and explore during the day, but at night, as things often do to a kid, they took on a more sinister feeling. This coupled with the fact that due to the nature of our house, there was a fairly huge crawl space underneath filled my mind with imaginary monsters and inescapable scenarios, which would consume my thoughts when I was awoken by these footsteps. I told my mom about the footsteps and she said that I was just imagining things. I persisted enough that she blasted my ears with water from a turkey baster just once

just to placate me since I thought that would help because you're a moron. Of course it didn't. Of course it didn't. Despite all the creepiness and footsteps, the only weird thing that ever happened was that every now and then I would wake up at the bottom bunk despite having to go to sleep on the top. But this really wasn't weird since I'd sometimes get up to piss or get something to drink and could just remember just going back to sleep on the bottom bunk.

I'm an old child so it doesn't matter. This would happen once or twice a week, but waking up at the bottom bunk wasn't too terrifying. But one night I didn't wake up on the bottom bunk. I had heard the footsteps but was too far gone to be woken up by them. When I was awoken it wasn't from the sound of footsteps or a nightmare, it was because I was cold. Really cold. When I opened my eyes I saw stars.

I was in the woods. I set up immediately and I tried to figure out what was going on. I thought I was dreaming but that didn't seem right, although neither did me being in the woods. There was a deflated pool float right in front of me, like one of those shaped like a shark. This only added to the surreal feeling, but after a while it seemed like I was just going to wake up because I wasn't asleep. I wasn't going to wake up.

I stood up to orient myself but I didn't recognize these woods. I played in the woods by my house all the time and so I knew them really well, but if these weren't the same woods then how could I get out? I took a step and felt a shooting pain in my foot which knocked me back to where I'd just been laying. I had stepped on a thorn. By the light of the moon I could see that they were everywhere. I looked up my other foot and it was fine, but as a matter of fact so was the rest of

me, I didn't have a scratch on me and I wasn't even that dirty. I cried for a little bit and then I stood back up. Oh, I'm fine. I didn't know which way to go so I just picked a direction. I resisted the urge to call out since I wasn't sure I wanted to be found by who or what might be out there. I walked for what seemed like hours. I tried to walk in a straight line, I tried to course correct when I had taken detours

but I was a kid and I was afraid. There weren't any howls or screams and only once I'd hear any noise that scared me. It sounded like a crying baby. Kill that baby. Kill that baby. I think now that it's just a cat, but I panicked. I ran veering at you. Is that a baby?

I was playing close, trying to avoid big thicks of bushes and collapsed trees and I was paying close attention to where I stepped because by that point my feet were in pretty bad shape. I paid too much attention to where I was stepping and I didn't know enough where those steps were heading because not long after hearing the cry I saw something had filled me with a kind of despair I haven't experienced. It was the pool float. I was only 10 feet from where I'd woken up. This wasn't magic or some supernatural space bending, I was just lost.

Up until that moment I thought more about getting out of the woods than how I got in but being back at the beginning caused my mind to swim. I wasn't even sure that these were my woods. I'd only been hoping that they were. Did I run in a huge circle around that spot or did I just get turned around and start making my way back? How was I going to get out? At the time I thought the North Star was just the brightest star and so I looked and I

found the brightest one and I followed it. Eventually things started to look more familiar when I saw the ditch, a dirt ditch my friends and I would have dirt clawed wars in and I knew I'd made it out. When I actually saw the roof of my house over a neighboring lower set house I let out a light sob and ran faster. I just wanted to be home. I had already decided that I couldn't say anything because I had no idea what I could possibly say.

I would get back to the house somehow, clean up and get in bed. My heart sunk as I ran to the corner and my house came fully into view. Every light in the house was on. I knew my mom was up and I knew I would have to explain where I'd been and I couldn't even figure out where to start. And so I walked up a couple steps to the porch, put my hand in the door knob and turned right before I pushed it open. Two arms wrapped around me and pulled me back.

I screamed as loud as I could. Mom! Help me please, mom! I had the feeling of being so close to being safe and then being physically pulled away from it filled me with the kind of dread that is after all these years indescribable. When the door had been torn away from open it wasn't my mom. It was a man. And he was enormous.

I thrashed around. I kicked at the shrines of the person holding me, also trying to get away from the person who'd just come out of my house. I was scared. I was like, let me go! Where's you? Where's my mom? The arms loosened and set me down.

And as the man approaching me blocked out the porch light, this head I noticed it close, he was a cop. And everything was okay. I began to cry and the three of us went inside. I'm so glad you're home, sweetie. I was worried I'd never see you again. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened.

I just wanted to come home. I'm sorry. It's okay. Just don't ever do that again. I'm not sure me or my shins could take it. A little laughter broke my soul. Well, I'm sorry for kicking you, but why do you have to grab me like that? I was just afraid that you'd run away again.

What do you mean? We found your note on your pillow. I picked up the note and I read it. It was a running away letter. It said that I was unhappy and never wanted to see her or any of my friends again. The police officer exchanged a few words with my mom at the porch while I stared at the letter. I don't remember anything about this.

But even if I sometimes went to the bathroom at night and didn't remember it, or even if I could have gone into the woods on my own, even though that could have been true, the only thing that I knew at that point was, this isn't how you spell my name. I didn't write this letter. Forgery, that's this most biggest crime, forgery. My cousin is in secret service. He's going to come and get these counterfeiters. Indeed.

So what's the deal with the shark pool toy? I don't know. I think the shark pool toy. So a guy kidnapped him and then took him out into the woods and placed a shark pool toy in front of him and just left him there? Maybe that's what he got him to get him out there. I know Ed would follow it. A deflated shark pool toy?

Yeah. Can I eat it? That was pretty cool. That was kind of fun. All right, here's a couple of real short ones. This one is called work. I don't like it. You're at work alone when you suddenly hear the copy machine start.

Are you scared? Are you scared? You'll be there for 30 years and the pension's going to fall through. You walk out to take a look at what's going on and see several copies filling the tray. Picking up one of the pieces of paper, you discover that it is a copy of a picture depicting you sitting in your office chair, dead with your eyes torn out and your throat cut. The others the same picture, but taking from increasingly bizarre angles, there is no original picture in the copy machine.

That just sounds like a creepy suit. Work sucks, man. Yeah. Mondays. Work is the work. Case of the Mondays, huh? Yeah, that one. Mm-hmm.

Am I right? Fuck you. Fuck me? Fuck me? This is another short one. It is called Observe and Obsolve. There is an abandoned mental hospital at the top of a hill in Worcester, Massachusetts. Worcester.

Worcester. Once every five years, an old rusty box spring appears within the courtyard of the hospital. If you can sneak inside and sleep through the night on the bed, in the morning, a man with a shirt that reads Observe and Obsolve will take out his wallet and give you a picture. This picture will show you how you will die. If the picture is of the man standing before you, running won't help. Very interesting. Sounds like a mental injury.

Can I read this one real quick? Yeah. So you're with your honey and you're making out when the phone rings. You answer it and the voice says, what are you doing with my daughter? You tell your girl and she say, my dad is dead. Then who was phone? That is honey. I guess it's a meme.

It's just called who was phone. I got one more. This one's called the boss. Once upon a time, I was working at work and doing my job and then my boss said we needed to talk in his office. I said, okay, sure, yes. And he said, okay, Bill, you're fired unless you do something for me. I said to him, okay, sure, yes, again, because I do not want to be fired because then I will have no money. Then he told me how he was Satan and also the devil.

He told me he wanted to chew my soul because I am not efficient enough in my job. I said, please no, but he did it anyways. And then I died. So now I am dead and also I had to bleed to death. This is a true story. I know because I am you. Your pretty face is going to hell Thursdays at midnight. That's great.

The plight of every cart pusher. Also, so let me get a read out one more real. Do you want to do the 911 calls now? Yeah, let's do some 911 calls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one is... I have a good one. I have an actual good one.

Okay, cool. This is a 911 call out of Dallas. A woman killed her two children that were aged, I think, five and two. Is it that it was three and six? I don't know. Three and six. No, five and two. Or at least that's what the police report said.

But you know how these police reports are. Oh, accurate. TMZ of crime. Her name is Seika Okter. So she's a foreigner. Well, she's a person. She's a human being that lives in Texas. All right, here is the 911 call from Seika Okter after killing her two-year-old and five-year-old children.

What's going on there? I killed them. I killed both of them. You killed both of them? Yeah, I killed both of them. Did you kill something or did you break something? I killed my kids, my children. I killed my children, children.

You killed your children? Yeah, I killed them, both of them. How did you do that, ma'am? I don't know. I just killed them. How old are your children? Three and six. I killed them.

Three and six? Three and six. I killed both of them. What did you use? Did you use a gun? Did you use a knife? No, it's a wire. I used a wire on their neck.

You used what, dear? Wire, wire on their neck. You used wire on their neck? Yeah. What kind of wire? I don't know. They are not doing anything. They are blue, and they are like,

they are not taking any breath, and their heart is not beating. Okay, they're both blue? Yeah. I know the police won't come to pick me. Okay, why did you do this? The both are not normal. They are autistic.

Both are autistic. They are autistic. Both are what, dear? Autistic. I don't want my kids to be like that. They are both autistic? I don't want, I want normal kids. I just get two other kids if you kill your original kids.

Okay, well just stay with me and talk to me, okay? Okay. Where did you get the wire? These 911 operators are just so dead on the inside. It's from my apartment somewhere. First I tried to give them the bathroom cleaner. I put it in their mouth, but they don't bring it. I want them to bring it, they don't bring it.

So there's a wire here, so I just grab their neck and then I try so many times and then they are normal. Okay. Tell me what you're feeling. Nothing. You're not feeling nothing? Nothing. With the phone in your hand, I want you to walk outside

and meet with my officer. Turn the bass all the way up. Sit down on the speaker. Okay. I'm coming. Stand right there. Put the phone down. Good 911 operator though, good work.

She got a lot of news out of that, a lot of info. Absolutely. It's just, we're in a lot of trouble. As a society. As a society. You know, they were autistic. She didn't want the kids to be autistic like that. He said that with the same way, like I have seen,

I've heard any in women just being like, I don't want them. I don't want them. No, we don't have them. I mean, you know, I come in here every morning. I need my cream based breakfast. Yeah. That's what all of your breakfast is.

I didn't like before I come. I got, yeah, no, we are the Boston cream. I kill my kids. Kids. She tried to get in the bathroom cleaner first. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The bathroom cleaner first is like, no, no, no,

no, no, no, drink, you know. They don't drink as I got the wire, I held their neck, and now he's like I made the strangle with them. Yeah. I made them have with the strangle. I mean, I would have rather just drunk in the bathroom cleaner, I think. I mean, they didn't know what was going on. Being strangled with the wire.

Yeah. At the top of… Your son right there is just making some sort of really complex math equations head. Yeah. And he's doing the beautiful mind thing. Right. Mom comes in and offers a **** shift.

But to figure out how the world works. Yeah, of course Duncan Donuts The best of the best donut store around either the D&D or the hotel up the road one of the two Boy in Texas Indians hotels, man. They own all of them. You talk about like teepees That's a twofer That's ridiculous. Oh, you want to play the other one too? Yeah. Yeah. This is uh, this is a You can just hit this is a bit self-explanatory Yeah, don't even get no intro. Just let's go. Let's go when Judy Smith showed up at the trailer home of her son Brett Smith last weekend nothing could have prepared her for what she found inside

Brett's decapitated body she described the gruesome discovery to a dispatcher in a surprisingly calm call to 911 Wait a minute. You're in his trailer. Yeah, you see him in the bathroom. It looks like him. They're like you do North Canton police later arrived to find the 34-year-old's head elsewhere in the trailer The town's police chief is at a loss to explain the situation We're pretty crime-free and I think the last time we even had a murder was about five years ago And we we saw that one but to have something like this happen It is it is a little unexplainable the victim's neighbor has been arrested for allegedly vandalizing Smith's trailer But police haven't said whether he's connected to the beheading

Everybody knows I draw dicks on things. I am not a murderer. I am a free speech I'm a free speech activist advocate Go plant the head in Ronnie's freezer I'm gonna get this guy out of the trailer parts that I don't know his head. I mean, I guess it sounds drawn I mean, I just I I know those shoulders. It's got his legs Yeah, it looks like all the ties about him for his birthday will go on word. Isn't that sad? Isn't it weird? I know it's weird. He's just missing his head. It's what I know it sounds weird That is different. I know I know it sounds weird. Just we are

a community of psychopaths. Oh, yeah We are all severely damaged human beings. Yeah So should I read a scary one? It was rough, huh? Should I read a scary one? Yeah Now in order to understand the story the I just explain the concept in Japan and Japanese culture There's a thing called Hikikomori, which is it's a person who is a shut-in like someone who is a very Uh, what's the term? Uh, it's not agoraphobic. Yes, or and they were shy. Yeah So this is a story set in the feudal Japan. It's not

I am a psychiatrist and the other day encountered a case which sent a chill down my spine Sometime ago a new family moved in my neighborhood a couple in their 60s and their son who is about 30 years old The son was so so called Hikikomori and was seldom seen outside his home Naturally, I couldn't ask the family directly you is but it was obvious that they had moved to the new place to escape from the social stigma Days had passed and the son went out less and less until he would not leave the house at all According to the mother. He was now a complete Hikikomori Every morning every night the mother was heard screaming at him in his bedroom Well, sometimes chance to meet the mother should greet me with a smile, but she always looked pale and haggard a

Half year had passed since I last caught a glimpse of the son when his father came to me and said Could I ask you to visit us tomorrow? I? Had never been involved with him personally or as a doctor, but since we were neighbors and neighbors were supposed to help each other I agreed to come The next day when I visited them both father and mother welcome me at the door Please come this way the mother said she led her the way to her son's room But they came to the front of the room the mother suddenly shouted. I'm going to open the door Why would as soon as she burst in the she shrieked why are you still sleeping get up?

It's a mean mom. It sounds like She tore the duvet off the bed. I saw it was lying there and was struck dumb with disbelief There was just one faceless unclothed mannequin lying in the bed Then the father told me the person. I want you to see is my wife Who cannot bear to accept the reality? The person I want you to see is my way You cannot be here to say the reality Yeah, yeah, yeah, what accent is that it's difficult word for me to say

Hey Reality a turkey moves was going on right now Yeah So what happened what happened in that story? I thought it was scarier than it was I was stone when I read this last night Yeah, it was he was this guy's a psychiatrist Uh-huh, and this new she says she's got a shut-in son, but it's just a mannequin. Yeah, okay. Yeah, and she's only uh, Yeah, she's the crazy one. She's crazy. She's the crazy crazy and raisey So you're with your honey

So you're with your honey and you're making out with the phone rings You answer it in the voice of what are you doing with my daughter you tell your girl? She say my dad is dead then who was phone then who was phone? I was watching TV and something scary happened. Then why was TV? Do you want to do some lolita sex dolls well now there was a fan that wrote in and he wanted us to discuss the lolita sex doll And I actually haven't had a chance to read it. I'm gonna say they're saying it's relatively disgusting I'm gonna say it's one of the worst things I've ever read well What are some highlights of it? Maybe well first of all it's uh, I mean I can I can say I can read you a little bit of the intro

To it sure this is Lolita sex toys is a site in the deep web Okay, this is the onion. Yes the tour the onion web the the un-googleable Okay, this is good about us page from the site, and this is a an Eastern European company So here we go. I Create lolita slave toys in case you are wondering what I mean. It is very simple Oh, is it I transform young girls into easy manageable sex toys That's actually very hard to do the girls cannot walk away cannot resist cannot tell anything

They are only there for your sadistic amusement curious. How huh? I am a surgeon living in one of these countries at the eastern outskirts of Europe a pretty rough society still Poverty is enormous and unless you have money and connections. You are fucked. Fuck you fucked needless to say I have both We also have beautiful girls here eastern European countries are well known for that fortunately for me Some of these girls don't have parents and relatives anymore and live in orphanage You mentioned a whole orphanage just filled with hot chicks. Hmm desperate needing love actually

I would not call that living it is unbelievable what you will find there Some very young girls are lucky and get adopted, but at an age eight or nine They are too old some of the more pretty girls get sold into prostitution and you could consider it luck for them too Instead of slowly fading away in fields and poverty and a few girls I buy oh my I generally pick the Attractive girls around nine or ten years before puberty starts the orphanages is very cooperative They are glad they have one less mouth to feed one new place to fill They are also gladly accept my donations for the girls. They never ask and I never tell they know I am a surgeon They probably think I do some experience with the girls are cut out and sell their organs

And this one it gets real fucked up Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this is this is pretty disgusting over here I'll read a chunk of it. Yeah, go ahead But no I found a much more profitable business I turned the girls into sex toys Okay, you can order a Lolita slave toy if you want they're not cheap I charge it between thirty thousand and forty thousand dollar you a US dollars for a toy That is without shipping costs, of course But you will have a Lolita slave sex toy. They'll give you satisfaction for many years

She's like a doll, but she is a living doll Let me tell you how I turn a young orphan girl into a living doll when I haven't found a new suitable girl I will ask the orphanage to deliver her at my via. She will arrive naked tied and blindfolded After a brief inspection and a quick medical check I will take her to my special clinic of my via first. I will clean her very thoroughly These girls really smell and are filthy. They have not seen a bath for ages and they are really neglected when she is finally clean I put her in a hospital bed and give her an injection that will put her to sleep. I want one I want one I will create her for her a new identity and give her a new name. I don't know the girls real names

I just know their age. That's all I need at the orphanage any data they have from her will be destroyed She never existed, but she will from now on only exist as a toy I have a couple of elitist slave toys myself Dasha who was 11 years old and in the final stages of her transformation Tanya who's now 12 years old two years since I created her and Luda who was 14 years old and four months pregnant way to go Luda the next morning is the big question day the girl will be sleeping It's a big operation day the girl will still be sleeping because of the anesthetic from last night I put her on the operation table and administer anesthetics for the operation to come So if you're wondering why my slave toy will not resist or walk away. It's very simple

I am butate her legs and her arms off. That's how you did it Well, this guy is just I would say if I'm getting a sex doll I would prefer it had legs and Arms would probably help out quite a bit in a sex slave toy doll But whatever. Well, this is a if you I mean there's a reason why he cuts their arms and legs off I will I will he's more of a mouse. Do you want to read more of this? I mean, I will amputate her arms right above her elbows and her legs right above her knees Easy, isn't it? I mean now really just sounds very hard

The girl will never run away from you for the girl This is a very heavy operation and it is probably the most critical step in the transformation process But most times they survive Hey, that's nice. I am not leaving the girls with stumps on their arms and legs. I'm not the monster I mean you are I will attach a five centimeter metal bar very tightly to the bone of her arms and legs before stitching up the wounds Well, the other end of the metal bar has a screw thread where I can attach an o-ring when she is ready You can easily secure her with a chain or padlock to any object you like

My Tanya and Luda normally have a chain behind their back attached to both o-rings on the stumps of their arms It's kind of big key chains, huh? Kind of weird little troll dolls Oh my god It is such an interesting form of decoration in your room to have a naked Lolita hanging from your ceiling and it is Okay, I can't continue. Yeah. Yeah, this is disgusting. That's it. This is like that's what it kind of goes from like just sort of like you can Sort of imagine it like all right like this is maybe a Serbian film or one of the more awful ones are like Later is when they make her deaf true. They did like a friend. Yeah. Oh

God this some of this is fucking disgusting. Yeah, I'll teach you to give her a proper blow job I will teach her to enjoy sex with her clit and labor similarly with a vibrator What do you do with her? Then I put headphones on her ears and play for several hours extremely loud noises on the headphones This will be sufficient enough to damage her hearing for good and she will not be able to hear anymore as a final touch I will treat her eyes with the laser She will not be completely blind my Tanya and Luda still react on strong lights And I guess they can still see some big shadows, but they cannot recognize anything anymore and they are almost yeah

But think how bad it would have been if they would have stayed in that orphanage, you know Because did you imagine just sitting around mopping singing songs just get out like There's all of this sucking down soup tomorrow I love I can't believe it. Mr. Moneypenny. Mr. Money, whatever the fucking famous They're gonna they're gonna top me and it's like grub to be a little fun. Yeah, they're going to talk to Oh gee mister, I can't wait to be out of the orphanage. You'll see girls. I'll be your musical in the big city What do you think happened to me? Yeah, but you know the Cleveland three they thought they had it tough. Yeah

Has it really felt like Gina and the other Amanda and the other one the other one they really Call her paprika. Yeah, they got nothing on Dasha Tanya and Luda. Yeah, definitely not Luda is not doing too well Although I'm sure her child is gonna be beautiful. Oh, I'm sure that all that's gonna work out great Yeah, thank you so much for the reader's suggestion. Yes. Thank you very much. That was from a listener Yeah, and apparently we're the first ones to ever address this. No one else has touched it I think it's cuz it's just like we're gonna get shut down Yeah, I'm getting it. I don't even know who could shut us down, but somebody try and we'll try to that's for sure

All right. Are we do we want to do any more? Or I mean, let's I've got one more all right That I would like to do I can find it We're shuffling. Do you want to do across the border? Is that the one you wanted to do? It's something about a bird Okay, it's something about a bird. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Actually, no I want to give the people something an activity to do and okay, just try all right Turn out the lights all of them. Mm-hmm shut you're now useless eyes

I mean focus on silence play with your nipples. No, no Once you have blurred the noise around you look inside Look deep into your heart for something that is not you what when you find it ask its name It's Danny pooper. Donnie pooper. You live it in my heart If it does not respond say to it. This is my body and I am king in it You will speak Then ask again Listen closely with ears. You don't have to the voice. You will hear faintly

Then pull it from its resting spot and fight it What is it? Is this like an emotional thing? Is this like a psych yourself up to get that big job interview? Yeah Yeah, you do before you decide yourself and fight it We try to do a creepy episode. I think we just ended up doing another funny episode I think we only succeed this is our I think our fourth creepypasta episode and like the first one Super scary, right? We really like hit the nail on the head because I think we really did the only scary creepypasta Yeah, because it's all retarded. This is all fucking stupid shit. Who was phone? Yeah, who was phone? Who was phone? Who was phone?

Who was phone? I'm done. And of course Pick up your Lolita sex doll slaves, everybody. Yeah, I mean What I would say is if you get them if you get a Lolita slaved all the best part is that You can make anybody laugh by putting in a bunch of leaves and be like, well, what's his name Russell? And then go out in the ocean, you know, and like it's floating in the ocean. I'm like, oh, what's what's your doll's name? Bob And then you fucking fuck it

Right. Yeah, that's not the funny one. I mean, it's a sock Yeah, it is uh, you fuck it. I know it sounds weird. Now his head's gone His head's just it's just weird. It's weird to say, but he definitely I remember him. I love hats He loved hats and I remember him with a head He had a bolt some more ravens had I remember wearing him all time and then I'm like, well, no He ain't got a hell. Where's it gonna be? I guess you could just put it on his butt He put on his neck and tighten it up. I don't know. I don't know. It's weird It's weird. It's weird. It's I know it sounds weird. Do you think he's gonna make it?

Is he gonna live? Well, I don't know. He's supposed to come help me with my garage sale on sunday I don't know how he's supposed to do that being only responsible without how to head And I also told him I was like, well, uh, you better be you're lucky that your head's attached because if you if you could lose it You lose it He was just clumsy enough. He lost it Just like his dad just like his father lost it I also found him when he was missing a hand is

I just guess it runs in the family. I don't know. Some people die of heart attacks. Some people just go missing their heads weird Good creepypasta. Sorry. I can't read in the morning You look you can barely sit in the morning. I can't do anything in the morning Um, yes, either way. Thank you copters up Let's do this. You take us out You're done. We have to wait for you to end the episode. I don't want it. I don't want to I want to sit in this

I just want all of us to sit in this because this is truly this is the true whore stew Welcome to the silence of friendship. Thank you so much for listening everybody and demogus deletions. Hail satan Haal geen. Hail yourself. Hail me and hail. I don't even know Your pretty face is going to hell thursday's the midnight And I got canceled yet. No, it's all reruns. It's all reruns. No one wants to one. Let's keep watching it Write letters. I'll write it for fun. I love all of you. We love you. We'll talk to you soon. Love you