Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 93: Gnomes!

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

The wonderful moon experiences of gnomes are explored in all of their cuddly and evil Siberian glory!

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started What was that I've got a fox hairs in my teeth Welcome to the last podcast My wife's face with the berry juice. That's Marcus Parks. I'm Ben kissle. Sorry Tom Bosley as the voice of David I am Tom Bosley with us Tom Bosley Henry Zabrowski I'm two feet tall. I'm barely larger than my children I've got acorns for shoes interesting. Oh a corn nipple. It is too big for me to carry home

How is the comfort on an acorn shoe? Let me go good. It's I lined it with a rabbit's phone. Oh, that's not bad The wonderful world of known kind of avoid the Bunyan situation. I wrap myself on leaves and I use I use a little hollowed-up rosberry as a toilet Ladies and gentlemen, you take my tiny little no dookies into a hollowed-up Ross You poop into a Rosberg whatever's cutest. Mmm. Well, I was soon. That's probably the cutest toilet I could ever think about no a Rosberg No, we've been a little a little sick a little twisted lately So we decided to lighten the mood up before we hit October because October is gonna be an intense month

So today, we're gonna discuss the wild and wonderful world of gnomes the hildefuck Ragnar, I'm gonna put that out to Ragnar I'm sorry if I mispronounce anything involving Iceland because I don't want you to send your fucking Hordes after me. I don't know how your people work Aggressive violent bunch the Icelandic yes, but the hildefuck Otherwise known as the hidden people that we see all over the wider parts of Europe Um, yeah, it's more of a Caucasian phenomenon seems it seems to me because it seems like people um from People from

Africa or I mean except Argentina's got a big known population Okay, I've seen several videos that showed gnomes are wandering the streets of Argentina Oh, that happens. Yeah, which um, I think it's just deformed people that they're making fun of it could be it probably started with Yeah, but it seems that white people just have the imagination Is that what it is you see it? No, maybe it's the free time because we haven't actually worked hard in 300 years When you have a league of browner people all hoeing rice for you and you look out Yeah, you'd be a man. You'd be amazed how many gnomes you see. Yeah. Yeah, you're walking around a nice quiet neighborhood It's a beautiful spring early evening

And there's many picturesque gardens along the street when suddenly you notice a strange little figure with a bright red hat That's a very rude gnome Pamela I think we're in the bad part of gnometown it's staring out at you through the bushes I thought they were supposed to be cute nice that man is that gnome is This is not as magical as I thought it was going to be Yeah, I do whatever the fuck I want my name's Terry Bad ass gnome in the fucking. Oh look at this beautiful corn All right, I'm happy all of a sudden. I can't believe how thick these squash are today. I

Guess I could go ahead and shove it up my ass Well, you were being pleasant for a moment, but then you mentioned the squash up your ass I was very much enjoying pleasant Terry. Yeah, yeah A lot of people like it when I'm nice, but everybody else go fuck themselves. Terry How many cigarettes do you smoke daily can gnomes smoke more? I smoke one cigarette. It takes me nine hours nine hours for One cigarette. I got a tiny mouth in case you can't tell Yeah, I'd be perfect for sucking your dick. You fucking I have a small dick. That's nice Terry. Thank you Terry. No one fucks with me. I'm a Siberian gnome

Oh, wow, of course Siberian gnomes are known to trounce around with trolls. Yes The Siberian gnome has been the most affected by crossbreeding. Yeah, yeah, which just sounds like rape Yeah, no rape different type. So let's go through all the different types of gnomes Yes, well first of all the adult male gnome weighs about half a pound. Wow a half a pound Yeah, honey, I'm just feeling so fat. I'm telling you I feel like a three-quarters of a pound to go three-quarters of a pound Yeah, look at your fat bitch. Well, Terry again. I didn't I didn't invite that sort of comment leave that door fucking swing it open For all Terry's gonna stick his tiny big-ass booty there Well, it's difficult to have a tiny big-ass booty. I got a big foot for a tiny dude. Yeah, shut her up. You're fucking meat piece

Terry you've changed Yeah, bring me a beer so I can drown in it The average height of the gnome is six inches. I think there's a gnome in this beer Somebody in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's the crack of a crack open a PBR. Oh, that's Terry the drunk. You're hammered man You're hammered. No, dude. I think there's a gnome in my fucking beer, man. This beer is fucking cheap It's like a mean fucking drunk troll. Get something nice you fucking You got something to say to me like you can fucking take me So what I was also reading about how gnomes are very durable

But how you could grab a gnome and throw them across a room and it bounces off a wall and it's totally fine Oh, yeah, I believe that all the sorts of fun things you could just fucking make up Yeah, I read a story where a cat a man found a cat joking on a gnome He squeezed the cat's neck until it spat it out and he thought the gnome was dead So he kind of laid it out on his table. It's gonna be a honey. Look at this. This is a dead female gnome And he comes and he comes wakes up the next morning the gnome is missing Oh, every time turns out. She's just playing dead playing dead typical Noam trickery naked female. No, it was a naked female. No, apparently that's a weird element to that story

Yeah, yeah, and I looked and I flopped around his little gnomes boobies for a second Just you know cuz no one was looking at a bizarre little no, I know that I can write a little post about this My blogosphere called raping the gnomes raping the gnomes but of course the Gnome wife's husband came back thanked him for saving his wife and they had a good crop of barley that year Here's a blueberry What do we do with the fucking blueberry gnome give me some cash? Where's the money gnome? Well, there's another story about a gnome being saved and

The man asked what I want three wishes. He gives him a big big nugget of gold That's nice, and then he takes it to town. He tries selling it and they say you're just a simple woodland farmer What are you doing with all this gold? He said no, but a gnome gave it to me They said get to the back of the bus mister. We're not buying your bill of sale here. They didn't believe him I didn't believe him. Oh, that's insane. They threw him in jail. Oh, come on Gnomes is like those genie things where it's like the gnome does things and you can't believe you You know you got to be aware what gifts you receive from a gnome. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I know most of them The mail wears a peach red cap. Yes. Yes. Well, let's go back real quick

Let's hit up the types of you know, so we've discussed the Siberian gnome the edgy terry type gnome Yes, the side the Siberian gnome. He is centimeters larger. So he's the bigger. No, okay He is he associates freely with trolls Wow and in certain regions There's not a single gnome to be trusted that would be in Siberia The Siberian gnome takes revenge for even the slightest offense by killing cattle causing bad harvest droughts Abnormally cold weather and so forth the less said about him the better better Don't even write about it in a fucking website about gnomes Because God knows what this guy's gonna come up with he showed up here. I mean like I raped your wife

That's not fucking cool. Why did you rape my wife? Because her fucking gash was open to me and I hopped up in there. Yeah, Terry Yeah, Terry Terry's gonna fucking slide it in and out. So she has an early asm Terry's going to a invoked orgasm. Yeah, I'll use my whole body. I fucking slam the whole thing. It's a boxing bag That is disgusting. This is horrible. Yeah Terry for a second Just a moment. We got farm gnomes. Yeah, we got farm gnomes. They resemble the house gnome But it is like Uncle Tom gnomes. Yeah, Tom's been either fucking gnomes been put to work

Yeah, they are of a more constant nature and they are conservative in all manners. The house gnome is a special sort However, he resembles an ordinary gnome, but he has the most knowledge of mankind Gnome kings are chosen from this family of gnome. What they're good natured always ready for a lark or a tease Hey, have you seen a single picture of a black or Asian gnome? No, no Well, they are never malevolent with a few exceptions if a gnome is really wicked which happens only once in a thousand It is due to bad genes that result from crossbreeding in faraway places. They have a really there's a lot of Anticross-breeding yeah, yeah, they do in the no more do we discover there's a lot of we also realize There's a lot of research in the back end of like we're gnomes so that we're gnomes are featured in various schools of study

In which there is also a heavy race contingent like played on top of it Yeah, we're reading that later away places like Harlem like Harlem Chicago is white youths. I know so I the So we were talking quickly about Iceland which really would you an Iceland they heard a thick that exists there They say there's up to 65% of people that live in Iceland Ragnar You can tell us if that's true or not believe that they've at least seen or known never mind been raped by well I don't know how many how many believe I don't know 68% have been raped by a gnome But only 65% have seen those 3% just can't believe they were raped by

They just sat on a twink But what's really interesting so there's it's very common there when we know another thing we discover is with these With a lot of gnome sighting and what they say is like hidden people like elves tiny people right as a lot of times it again core it coordinates with places of heavy UFO activity and another way another Thing that correlates with that is that they talk about Iceland think about Iceland is that it's sitting on a bed of moving lava right and so Iceland You know on a sort of Geological standpoint is still like being formed and so there's something to the idea that because it's in constant transition

And there's something going on underneath it It has an effect on the mentality and of course like this even the psychic state of people living around there I'll say the volcanic gases probably Yeah, and the other thing also magic mushrooms are fucking everywhere nicely you see a lot of gnomes on magic Yeah, I'm sure if you we have you spend all day just being like grandma's making stroganoff tonight, and she's just like been eating fucking Golden rims fucking hold it like brownberry mushrooms out there And she's just like dancing on the ceiling and then she's like why are you supposed to make a strong enough grandma? And she's like the colors. I'm a rainbow. Oh, that's great. That's beautiful of grandma

I love one of grandma's house. There's also a thing called house gnomes. Mm-hmm. Sure excited It's like there's a crop circle like crop circles are also formed around natural aquifers And like all these things or it's like when we're when sort of heavy geological activities happening That's when you see a lot of sightings of these types of things So that's harding. It sounds like I'm cutting constantly. There's drilling going on. Yeah, someone is doing some construction So they are not quite soundproof studio. No, these gnomes enjoy sort of aquifer like situations They like some swamp lands or things like that. Can I read the daily routine of the gnomes? Please do sir After sunset the gnome house comes to life even without windows

They know when it begins to get dark and besides the field mice begins to toddle about them Time for me to wake up The lady of the house steps out of the alcove bed puts on her slippers and shuffles off to the stove where she belongs well He gets the fire underway by adding dry leaves to the embers Next she puts on a couple of pales of water on the heat if her husband wants a bath that is And he needs a lot for tea. She then goes to the bathroom to make herself Presentable and he's sleeping this whole time. Oh, he's deeply sleep cuz he's got work to do right right when she leaves the bathroom Her husband waits a few minutes and pokes his feet out of the alcove Bev sometimes with morning mumbles and grumbles

He then steps into his slippers and hangs his night-shirted nightcap on a handsome Ross iron peg Except if you're a porno man, then it's a nail Fucking buried in a fucking board. Yeah, that's sad. He looks unimprovingly as his wife empties hot water into the tub Tossing the temperature. He then steps to this bath. I hope it's the right temperature in bathing He takes a couple of handfuls of dried soap wart Sopinati a officianalis from a tray hanging on the wall and splashes it around in the water to produce an abundance of suds He coughs a little bit because he's a raging alcoholic smokes constantly Well mother and father those occupy the children set the table for breakfast in the meantime father dries himself

Right, which is quite a great image of it How big is a gnome towel Four inches the gnome itself is only six inches. Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like that's a pretty large I use a nine-foot towel because I burrito myself, right, right? After breakfast his wife prepares a snack for his night journey a hollowed acorn filled with tea in a bag of biscuits sweet The biscuits taken from various grass seeds Sweet marijuana or a hearty meal in themselves He likes his first pipe waits until his wife has cleared away the breakfast things and then they discuss the coming nightly

Activities or problems concerning the children? I think little Bobby gnome is gonna kill us in our sleep. Most likely honey I'm afraid he's gonna take a tiny fucking gnome a k-47 to his school. Oh, that would be adorable Yeah, no lumbine Yeah, that was one of the saddest moments in gnome history, wasn't it? Yeah, they blame Marilyn Nome's Dark gnome music. Yeah, of course The beautiful gnome beautiful people the beautiful gnomes the beautiful gnomes as he enters the outside

He checks out the train for a few minutes if it is not yet dark enough the gnome waits besides a friendly rabbit until deeper darkness falls His activities His activities that night may be some of the following he could go to the forge pottery or sawmill He may go to his herb garden or an either sow seeds weed hoe prune or harvest He may take care of the firewood supply or pick berries in short everything that a Mexican does Everything that can be done during short Sultry summer nights long cold winter nights velvet black moon at nights rainy nights, etc And just before sunrise of the gnomes activities do not cause them to seek shelter elsewhere, which means he can go fuck whatever he wants

That's the thing. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry wife So it was a kitty cat that was waiting for me outside of the hollow long Yeah, and it throated me over and over again like you won't do I love to watch a little gnome juggling club, you know, it'd be kind of fun to watch I also would like have you read the marriage and family thing as well. I've definitely read the marriage Do you want to read the home? When he is about a hundred the male gnome begins to think of marriage hell Yeah, no reason to tie yourself down early. Oh

I'm just like a no a small number do however remain single the youthful gnome then begins to search for his girl in Doing so he sometimes has to travel great distances because gnomes are few and far between and the number of eligible girls of his age Not related to him are very limited. Yeah, I know all about it. Yeah, well This is kind of like Wisconsin plump women folk round of form are the favorite Yeah, it's like that's why when I was watching Lord of the Rings and I saw the woman that he chose that Rudy chose for his wife I was like, yeah, that's the one you would take. Yeah, I'd ring that bell All right, if you give me that tiny woman if he does find one he attempts to win her with all sorts of small Attentions, what's the small attention grabbing her boobies?

I brought you a blueberry now suck my dick whoa After an agreement is reached with the in-laws to be he will marry her Her house is given a rigorous inspection beforehand by his future father-in-law Yeah, you want to have a clean house? This is great. You know what this is fun and not only that I have found I went deep deep you really did I we were talking about this last night about how like it's really interesting how there is a review even said it There's a rabbit hole to every subject everything. I went deep down the gnomes rabbit hole my friends I went deep and I went dark. I found actual

Historical accounts of gnomes. This one is from Publius Octavia Octavis You see the gnomes and in 1850 They were a class of society for more than a thousand years except for their own chosen king There were no rich poor inferior or superior gnomes This is perhaps why they made use of the great people's migration to begin afresh now the great people's migration Stalin's dream Yes, yes, these people are they're fucking their commies It was a period of intensified human migration in Europe from about 400 to 800 AD

It all sounds plausible As they also have gnomes kings palaces and adjacent gold mines on maps Apparently slave labor was used in the mines and sometimes there were slave Revolts and that's what led to the class system. That's what led to the class isn't that terrible I'm here's the only way it comes down to this is the natural order of things. Yeah gnomes hurting gnomes It ain't right. Here's a description in from 470 AD from Publius Octavis today I saw a miniature person with my own eyes. He wore a red cap and blue shirt He had a white beard and green pants. He said that he had lived in this land for 20 years

He spoke our language mixed with strange words since then I have spoken with the little man many times He said he was a descendant of a race called koo Walden a word unknown to us and that there were only a few of them in the world He liked to drink milk time and again. I saw him cure sick animals in the meadow Oh, I'm right. I'm I'm a gnome. You are a gnome. Do you cure animals though? No, no, you don't help animals. I can't do anything. Oh, right But I have a bad no straight up. Just sort of like milk. I love you like to be pampered love being pampered You like a nice acorn. Yeah smoke that pipe every night and you like to smoke that pipe every night And I have my wife wash me. Oh, she is a lucky lady

I wouldn't be amazing to just get washed by someone. Yeah, it's great You've never been washed by someone not really I mean when you get to mention go to the old folks home You'll be getting washed enough. Oh, I will be the happiest person in the nursing home Just being like yeah, yeah, I think my balls are dirty. Yeah Hey, what are you Taiwanese? Come on over here and scrub my Oh, that's just his time. That's just old people at a different time. He was uh born in 1980. So He was in Vietnam, so it's fine

Vietnam I got a spring roll It's called my buddy's fingers Okay, so your buddy inserted his fingers into you Yeah, that's fine. I got a two foot long belly button because I used to be fat now I'm old and thin and strong. Oh, yeah, you look great. Yeah, stretch it out Well, we mentioned animals and gnomes gnomes are quite nice to the animal kind They love animals and they get along with all the animals of the forest even the troublesome one such as the pole cat Oh, oh cat always messing around digging holes the cat

However, all forms of actual cats because we know pole cats, you know, it's a little slang term possibly a racist term for skunks Oh, I didn't even know that. Yeah, you know that that's like racist against skunks. I think so Are you just stink out of their ass? You want to be polite to them? Yeah, why don't they call it like you know like fuck rats fuck rats would be great This is my shit badger milky shit bad. Yeah, milky the shit badger. That's a nice thing to call it The only animal that remains an exception is the cat it Especially the wild domestic cat who is not a member of the natural animal world. What do you mean? Completely unreliable. What do you mean not a member of the natural animal?

It's it's right the rollbook that just seems to be a random Allocation this guy just doesn't like cats the guy blogging here is not a cat. I read again and again that gnomes come into a lot of altercations with cats That's the same thing and the movie cat side cat side when do you ever see the movie cat side gnomes aren't in the movie cat side The Stephen King movie. Yes. What's the gnome when they because there was that there's a story We're talking about how like a the urban legend that cats steal babies breath while they're sleeping that happens But instead it is a tiny gnome that's stealing the baby's breath and the cat actually saves the baby Oh, so in that the cat's the hero. Yeah, interesting. We all know which side of the sub fence Stephen King comes off

So the Siberian type gnome most like his wife was raped by a gnome This is the type of data. We're not getting because our government is not properly Focusing why what's important the government has nothing to do with Stephen King's wife being raped by a gnome step in and do something about the Rampant rape done by Hildefuck In our country. I don't know if that's like a stat I'm not sure if they really exist you go around and start asking people in the street If they've been raped by a gnome and you'd be surprised the answers you get so you're saying yeah, even king is the novelist equivalent of the guy who wrote the crow and instead of having his wife raped and killed by thugs

It was raped and killed by a gnome Yeah, sure. Yeah, that'll work. I want to know if Terry the gnome is Stolen any breath out of some young girl as the she sleeps. Yeah, you bet. I did all because she saw how big my nuts were And I'm talking about my peanuts. I grow them in my farm. Oh Okay, yeah, I could I could do some fucking word play Yeah, I got nipples like little silver dollars. That's what they gave me a trophy for biggest nipples on a fucking note Well, I'm so happy that you won something come over here. I'll punch the head of your penis so hard on Bruce Oh, I don't want it to bruise. I would prefer my penis to stay on my fist right up that hole in your penis

And I'll play with your pee pee tube That sounds really quite horrifying Wow That's perfect Jesus Christ I mean Terry's thinking his head of your pee pee you imagine how that would go. I'm up your chest hair. I'm gonna punch your You fucking giant it's a brick of me. What are you tree? It's just the little hits. Yeah, you know that those are adding up quickly. I mean he is also six Beat that he is also six inches tall and half a pound. I mean, right

I mean roughly the size and shape of the average American I just feel like if I saw a gnome I would just go like I'm like grab it and literally just twist its head off its body. Thank you If you can though, I think they're relatively flexible Well when two stags become entangled during a fight when their antlers become Inextricably entwined the gnome arrives and saws them up. I saws it right off there. That's very It also says here according to their their power most gnomes are seven times stronger than a man can run at speeds of 35 miles Prower and have better sight than a hawk these abilities help the gnome to do many things such as find wounded dying animals for which

They feel they are responsible for and they are a lot That's a lot of animals that that's your all your powers is that you your job is to go find Animals that you injured and help them. Yeah, it's a terrible job All the rest of your life was just harvesting blueberries and making acorn bowls You don't need to be seven times stronger than a man. No to do that I mean, are they seven times stronger than a man? I think most of them are seven times Well, I know I read that also But it's I think it's just saying that they can you know

They can lift like seven times their weight or something like yeah, like they were our side You're like ants. Yeah, they're our size and they would be extremely strong, but I mean, they're still six inches, you know Yeah, I don't know. Let's see what happens if Terry the gnome comes and punches the head of your penis and see what happens to it I don't even want to know what'll happen to it'll just fall right off. It'll be disgusted You know what we shouldn't bring Terry to the Super Bowl parties any more Today was this year I'm growing wheat on my farm So in that the

Am I would you explain it to your wife if a gnome has been punched in your dick and then she's just like what's been going on? And you're just like Terry the gnome. It's like the six-inch guy. You've been using meth. You're being Walter White I Love that show. Whoa. I'm just getting into it. I watch my first episode. I watch my first episode of Breaking Bad Last Sunday, which is the second to the last episode. Oh good. Yeah, so watch this next one I'm gonna catch it all up. It's a show. It's good. Yeah, television show. Yeah. Yeah So in my travels down the gnome rabbit hole I came across this guy named Rudolph Steiner. Yes Rudolph Steiner is A man who created a philosophy called anthra anthra apostrophe with Anthra apostrophe

Anthra apostrophe study of human being Yes of human being not human doing or human beings Human being human being just kind of sitting it postulates the existence of an objective intellectually Comprehensible spiritual world accessible to direct experience through inner development Did you hear the story about two years ago? And so what they basically is it it's sort of a parochial school that they say is for accelerated students Yeah, he created these schools called Waldorf school at the moment And this is no bullshit at the moment right now in America. There are 40 of these operating

Also, if we have any listeners who went to a Waldorf school, please tell us about it because it seems really interesting Yeah, they but you know what they happen to do what they don't say they say that it's not a spiritual school And then you're supposed to go and you're supposed to just kind of let them know what's going on You're supposed to just kind of like learn math and shit and it's sort of what seems to be Hogwarts type setting and then you go and You basically find out that they're slipping a lot of Jesus stuff in there mix with sort of mysticism mix with yeah Spiritually, it's a whole thing answering your psychic ability. Yeah, and you hear about at the whole Waldorf school That was taken off or taken over by a kid in a class who told them that he was starting to speak to spirits Mm-hmm a kid came out and basically said like I'm starting to speak to spirits and they were like well

Now you're the president of the school. You will yeah, so they made him president of the school And they had to shut the whole school down. That's a man. Well, he wasn't a very good president No, no, no, he was a child who was lying. Oh I see well usually liars are good politicians and presidents I found the website of a man who blew the lid off of this entire Waldorf Yes, he did here's what he says about him the worldview underlying Waldorf schools as an occult religion That involves doctrines of evolution and reincarnation human beings move upward as they gain knowledge of higher worlds to gain this knowledge First-hand people must develop clairvoyance

Preparation for clairvoyance involves such things as heightened imagination and dream consciousness Waldorf schools aim to assist children on the path towards knowledge of higher worlds and there are gnomes all over every Waldorf gnomes are normally like they are literally the mascot for Waldorf schools They have they sell stuffed gnomes. They have gnomes painted all of the walls of their schools because it's a sort of It's like a gateway drug for Missus ism where it's that you get kids sort of accustomed to this idea that they were invisible people and then they can start opening Their mind to clairvoyance, which I actually think is interesting. I think that like I I'm sort of down with that I think it's important for us to like, you know, there are people with psychic abilities psychic abilities is a thing

Yeah, maybe that's the type of thing that happens, but the problem is that you can't lie to everybody about what you're doing in the school Yeah, it must be the cleanest school around Gnomes put some mops on their feet. They basically say that like all the people who go to these schools are like, you know It's a beautiful place. It's a really peaceful environment and then like, you know an example of use in the basement though No, it doesn't even seem to be like that. It's just the word has it got sort of true. What we've now find to be a traditional Racism that's put into a cult teachings where it's like what's one kid? It seems like Rudolph Reiner

I'm but was not Rudolph Reiner Robert Reiner or something something like that Rob Reiner not it's Rob Reiner Is it Rob Reiner? It's somebody typical Waldorf School, Hollywood. I'm trying to send but it's like the the Basically he came out of been expose and basically it's like he became student body president and became A really close like one of the pet students of the Dean of the school and he came to him And he's like I'll give you the secret lessons and he wants to never good kids never take him No, you don't ever go for secret lessons. Yeah, usually secret lessons involve secret play secret touching. Yeah, yeah secrets Gnome secrets

You basically he said that you know the big secrets kind of like Scientology where it's like the background of all the schools is that you know We were brought here by another entity We've been here with another an intelligent race brought us here a long time ago a bunch of different strands of races and some of the Races are succeeding and evolving and some of the races aren't so can you tell me why you have to tell me this with my pants down? Because it's like a little microphone Well, no, no, I don't think it is Yeah, it is I didn't know that about me my skin crawl interesting, but yeah, yeah, so some of the races that are not doing as well

You can imagine which races he's speaking about You know about how like Asians turn into black people who then will eventually spiritually turn into white people Okay, yeah, that's the secrets of the Waldorf, but it was interesting that Asians are on the bottom of the list, huh? Yeah, that is interesting. I got it all wrong and see that yeah I mean during certain times in World War two then absolutely. I mean they did horrible things Yeah, didn't they don't we remember that the horrible things that they did? Yes, I mean everyone was doing some bad things back. They did really bad stuff They did the worst a bunch of people were doing something. They're on notice Japan

Notice right now got an eye on Japan. They're suffering a nuclear dilemma. That's never been seen. I'm not gonna call it karma Well, you just kind of did You just kind of everything else. I love about I love the Japanese. I love them. That's good We're gonna get another racist comment on it too. No, I love them. I don't want to know the racist comment Yes, yeah, we're gonna get one eventually Another one from crime buff or something like that So this guy Rudolph sire that invented these schools He was a huge believer in gnomes and I found a god so many quotes of him talking about gnomes

Here is a some of the highlights. He says the predecessors of our earth gnomes. The moon Also sounds like a racial slow Are we going racist again here? They gathered together their moon experiences, okay, and from them fast Moon birthday parties and moon trampoline party. Do they wear little moon suits? How do they even run around on the moon? They're gnomes. Okay, they got acorn hats on I guess the limited oxygen and acorns. Is that what happening? Moon corn moon corn. Yeah You call your penis the moon corn the moon corn. Yeah, so from their moon explain away all the bumps and Random liquids flying out of it. So from their moon experiences

They fashioned this structure this firm structure of the solid fabric of the earth so that our solid earth structure Actually arose from the experiences of the gnomes of the old moon. So they made the earth So there's a new moon. There's a new moon. How many moons are we yet? We're on two moons. Okay, we're on two moons Okay, each year the moon is actually nearer to the earth. Oh, okay. It is that true. That's not absolutely not true Interesting Anything you want about a gnome, you really can one recognizes this from the ever more vigorous play of the moon forces in the gnome world During the time of the new moon the new to this coming nearer of the moon the

Intentiveness of these goblins is quite specially directed for it is in producing results from the way in which the moon affects them that they see their Chief mission in the universe. They await with intense expectation the epoch when the moon will again unite with the earth and then what's Scary to me. Yeah, we don't want that. We don't want the moon to unite with the earth. These gnomes They're fucking nefarious. Here's what this guy says a gnome actually is he says what the gnome is made of the gnomes bind Together what works as the force of gravity and make their bodies from this volatile invisible force Bodies which are moreover in constant danger of disintegrating So basically this is sort of combining gnomes with string theory and like quantum physics, but back in 1908 Interesting. Yeah, all of this is like he was doing all of these in 1908

From like 1908 to like 1920 He says because of this or the gnomes must ever and again create themselves a new out of gravity Because they continually stand in danger of losing their substance because of this in order to retain their own existence The gnomes are constantly attentive to what is going on around them as far as earth observation goes No being is more attentive than a gnome. I don't think you're saying ladies a gnome must always be wide awake If it were to become sleepy, this sleepiness would immediately cause death Well, just wake up Five-hour energy, but what about sleeping in the alcove bed and then putting the yeah, they gotta sleep

They gotta sleep. Yeah, we started off with all the gnome bullshit. Oh now. We're under the truth We pay them the assholes with my little garden gnome. Look at me. I wanted it to be true. This is the truth, Henry moon No, the moon. No. Well, they have to sleep. You can sleep on the moon. You gotta sleep. You gotta sleep This guy every time he spoke a bunch of beer bubbles Uh exploded from his mouth. This man was obviously a raging alcoholic from the 1908s Well, I mean he got it all wrong raving at some lawn gnomes. I don't know Yeah, for sure staring at the eyes. Yeah, and it is light on his stomach staring at him face to face And this man says that gnomes actually hate the earth

They hate all that is what about all the help it or the animals gnomes love the earth No, they actually hate the earth But what are they doing then they're helping us out It is from this feeling of hatred of antithopy antipanthi antipanthi antipanthi antipasta antipanthi newer jute And so I've uh That the gnomes gain the power of driving the plants up from the earth This causes the plant to have only its roots in the earth so gnomes are responsible for growth of plants

I love plants every wind loves plants this guy is just going through a divorce. Yeah, very a 1908 divorce That's a rough. He has thousands of followers people follow this guy. He was extremely Rudolph Steiner. Oh Yeah, he's also Rudolph Steiner's also really he's an Atlantis scholar He a lot of our knowledge of Atlantis and Lemuria too and all of that he but he was also there when you read his Wikipedia page He's got a whole different slant all together, too Then to what you read about him on the Waldorf Waldorf schools website, which is really interesting about how like Wikipedia, it's like he's a scientist and the other ones. It's like he talked to aliens dreams and stuff like that. What's you know, like I

Sure, yeah, it's possible. Why not you never know? He also says that gnomes are the reason why mankind has evolved a mind The gnomes gave us our brain. I mean he's given a lot of credit But the gnomes are all over the place. I'd like to see what the grace have to say about this That's what I'd like to see. I'd like to see what the fucking reptilian has to say about a fucking gnome I better rip. I better reptilian eats gnomes like they're fucking popcorn. Probably he's probably getting mad There's a reptilian so we're getting mad even listen to this talk like this about gnomes kind of large popcorn, but yeah We kind of fun to go to a reptilian movie theater

Just now have a large gnome and then you just go and you just eat a bunch of buckets of gnomes Kicking around trying to like not getting eaten. Yeah And you know and his uh some of his things that his Lectures these are all from lectures that he did lectures named as Man as symphony of the creative world all right the influence of spiritual beings on man Foundations of esotericism. It just sounds like prog rock albums Prog rock So let's get into so this is this mr. Steiner's

These are mr. Steiner's theories and this was the most prevalent theories of the of the early 20th century the early 20th century in the late 19th century. There was a lot of Little folk running around. That's when you had the fairy pictures being taken in Yorkshire in England Wasn't that just like spinal bifidus and just like random polio and just other children's diseases It's true. You know we have the urban legend that will read like yeah, you never know what you could mistake for a gnome Yeah, really if you squint your eyes just so a lot Anything yeah, yeah, well do we want to get into some of the actual stories that people tell yeah, yeah, let's do that Yeah, well we can these are modern tales

Do you want me to start with the smiling gnome? Please start with the smiling gnome district place in Houston, Texas So this is your people Marcus. Well, Houston's not really my we're gonna give them to you though The witness notices dog chasing something in the yard thinking was a cat he went out to investigate and yell at his dog But when he got there and he saw a one-foot-tall creature wearing red clothing something resembling a clown suit without the big shoes It knows he wore a pointy red hat and had a white beard the witness called his dog over to him He pulled him inside and closed the door and looked at the window to see the figure eating birdseed in the yard Adorable as he looked out the gnome like figure looked straight at him. It seemed to become afraid and hit by the porch Oh, yeah, the witness called out in the small figure peeked over the porch of him and smiled nice, then it disappeared

Where to go I'm sorry what Batman begins. Oh, yeah, sure. Here's another one. This story is called Did you do that? Oh, man? I got to see a gnome Batman. I want to see gnomes do everything You imagine he pulls out his little Gatling gun or whatever would they Grab the gun the grappling gun. Oh, it's like far too strong for me. Just it's catapulted to the moon It's like gravity. That's new Sandra Shatters his spine. I didn't see it. I didn't see a gnome just in the middle of grab just in the middle of earth I want to see a gnome after getting hit with a bucket and just go like

And it's me slowly putting my foot over his head and crushing his head I mean, that's another fun thing that you could watch a gnome do die get smushed by Henry's and Browsky This one is called ghost gnome gnomes in space In the summer of 69 My mom was sleeping in a room which is off the kitchen she stayed at my grandmother Sometimes while my father served over in Vietnam Ah, it's getting sad, you know, she had the window open that night and heard something outside She sat up and continued to listen

She was about to get up and look when she saw a little man crawl through it didn't scare her for some reason Which I thought was strange it walked up to the foot of her bed Climbed up and sat down with his legs hanging over the edge. My mom didn't do anything She said she just stared at him. He looked like a gnome according to her description. At least that's what I came up with He sat there He sat there trying to get comfortable and when he was finally situated He reached in a little bag. He was carrying and pulled out a pipe. He let it took a couple puffs turned and faced her He said he had some bad news about my father, but not to worry

He was okay He continued on that my father was in terrible trouble and that she will hear more about it in the morning He tapped his pipe in his hand jumped off the bed and crawled out the window Thanks for the information slash no information What do you just tell me see I got to go smoke weed next to a fox All right, that's when it finally what's gonna happen to my husband. I don't know but these cherry tomatoes. I've made our huge That's when it finally sank in my mom's head of what just happened and she decided to call out for my grandmother My grandmother came in turned the light on and asked her what was wrong as my mom explained my grandmother not paying attention to my mother

No to smoke lingering in the room and asked if she'd been smoking my mom told her the story again My grandmother didn't believe her the next morning My mother got a call phone call from the army and said that my father was injured in an attack and would come home in about 10 days It's gonna goodness my grandmother believed her then I asked my mom why she thought it was a ghost She said that was because she could see through him. I thought ghosts could float or whatever Why did this ghost gnome have to crawl through an open window? Oh, no, it's a ghost gnome very interesting Again, I have a feeling sort of amorphous quality of all these creatures, right? I have a feeling this woman was smoking a bunch of weed in her bed and her mother came in and was like is that smoke

Have you been smoking? No, it was the gnome No, then 1969 weed you'll think about gnomes and things like that. This is called Russian gnomes Oh, as the witness slept in her apartment. She suddenly woke feeling a strange oppressive atmosphere around her She opened her eyes and saw a humanoid figure bending down over her the figure was short about 130 centimeters, which I can't understand because I'm not fucking European I mean And looked intently at the witness the figure had a grayish-green pale facial complexion and a large dark Pupilous eyes. Oh, Pupilous. I've also heard them say I've also heard people say that they have pig's eyes

Yeah, I feel like there's a lot of overlap between this and abduction scenarios In what in which way just the this sort of what you see because there's difference There's different there's two different types of grays as well, so I Started it had what appeared to be a thin beard and appeared to be elderly a second humanoid now appeared next to the first one Hey, hey, it's not gonna tense. This one was somewhat shorter and peered younger both resembled aged gnomes Okay, both figures and floated back from the bed in vanish at this point that would appear to be tennis ball size Sphere of light appeared in their place the sphere disappeared the next room and then flew out an open window

Gnomes like a little ghost that was put in UFO zone magazine. Oh, okay. There you go So now that's a ghost gnomes situation as well. Are they calling that a UFO they're all it's all ghosts I'm pretty certain. It's the same shit. It's all the same experience I don't know what the experience is, but it's there's something there is you know If you want to believe that the idea that there's many realities, so there's many dimensions There's like different frequencies to its dimension as the aliens have told us many fucking times Which we don't seem to listen to we're listening everyone's listening I'm just saying that sometimes they overlap and they can appear as gnomes sometimes because that's also what we want them to appear as

Because that's a cute little thing look at me And it's not like a nine-foot tall like you know all monide gray That's like sticking his fingers up your ass and asking you how hard you are But if someone does do that just pretend they're a gnome, absolutely give in someone breaks into your apartment You know don't be scared because you know start making your waffles Well finish all your shoes that you haven't gotten done You haven't fucking spent the time because they're irresponsible shoemaker. I would say though Yeah, they probably polish quite a good shoe the gnome people how it takes a long time, but they get there

So they cover they get naked they cover their whole bodies and polish and just roll around in your shoes So that's a problem. So yes, I get him shiny, but also you see the tiny little hard gnome penises. Yeah We've mentioned gnome Pim gnome penises quite a bit. I'd see one Well, yeah, I'll show you out. I'll draw you one. I'd see one figure it out Um, so there's a couple of stories. Do we want to do the urban legend that was Absolutely, white famous. This is a quite famous urban legend. I heard this one before Yeah, I had not heard this in middle school So a couple of guys are out one night in Indiana on a drinking and drugging bench

They're driving they're driving their car and deserted country road in the middle of the night when something runs in front of their path And onto the other side of the road. Oh, no Definitely a no For whatever reason and whatever intoxicant. They're all under they all agree that it was a no see keystone light and shitty dirt And they pull over and attempt to apprehend said no man the interest of Get to know me here with the hammer Benji Oh, yeah, fuck yeah, I want fucking pop outside. I got a drive. I got a drive They managed they managed to catch the gnome and put it in the trunk of the car great

They get home to one of their houses and put the gnome into the closet and then pass out when they awake They wonder if the evening's events were just a dream a hard drug trip Hey, Brian, you think do we like totally did take that? No, I'm like no man. No way, dude Well, they open the closet and inside they find a frightened five-year-old boy with Downsend shit, man We got a gnome in the closet man. We got a gnome in the closet man. Oh, I'm hit it with the umbrella Don't put that in the bicycle gonna ride a bike with that thing. We'll go to the moon. It's a little alien kid So they call local police to report the boy and end up being heroes because the boy had been missing from home for days They ended up receiving a considerable cash reward

Sometimes it takes the stoned and the drunk to save a child. I agree with that. Amen. How was my dad's philosophy? That's right. So yeah, if you want a quick payday, you know, just get out there and start hunting for a mentally handicapped five-year-old Yeah, because if they're out in the street nighttime, they're worth cash cash for kids Slow poke kids. All right, so it's now also to go to our favorite resource for true information answers yahoo answers so Let's see this question again. Let's see if it got an answer Can garden gnomes come to life spelled grading gnomes?

Hmm. Don't call me crazy. Well, I love a gnomes and ferries and things and I have eight garden gnomes in my house And they guard my bedroom. I'll oh, oh Love them and I gave them all names. Do they come to life when I'm not looking Should I leave them a note? Give a detailed answer, please Thanks I'm sorry to disappoint you but as far as our scientific understanding of the world goes as a human collective Extelligence inanimate objects don't come to life in their current form

Of course eventually the molecules in your garden gnomes will deteriorate into other matter and might end up living inside a living entity And those technically be alive man. You're crushing me. That's not at all what I wanted to happen This might even happen in your lifetime. I hope your your response isn't too much longer because your spaghettios may burn I do realize this is a sour pill to swallow. Thank you. Thank you Do not completely despair steve grand is trying to create artificial intelligence that some scientists would consider actual life depending on a bit Of your definition you could theoretically hook this software up to real life garden gnomes with artificial muscles and such that might enable You can't and communicate like real living creatures. This might be considered alive to some Brian you Brian you Brian you're a go back to pizza hut. You got to get to work

You got a you got a mourn with no job, you know, ah these people Just let her have her imagination. Yeah, let her have the imagination. What's is it a her? Yeah, her name's fruity 2d Well, that's it. It's fruity 2d. That's not necessarily her though at the same time. Oh, yeah, that's true. It might be a 60 year old man Reliving the 1950s the way he wants to well the best answer actually does is pretty good He said put a piece of tape on the base of the gnomes to the floor So if they try to leave the tape will be pulled off for torn so you'll know if they move that's a good point All right, well, I think we've covered the gnomes I think we've I think we have a good idea a better idea of what gnomes are

I actually did learn a lot though. I did as well. I didn't realize there was so much I put up that documentary on the facebook page the one elves Trolls and hidden people in iceland and it's very interesting. It's a very there's a whole Whole lifestyle attached to belief in gnomes and it's it's it's it's kind of cool I mean like that's really I mean it's never and uh don't watch the I believe it's blue Cadillac the movie about uh Yeah, blue sedan. Yeah, of course. We watched it. Uh, henry. You weren't there. Thank god. Don't watch it It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen really montage the shootings at the end And they don't touch on the religion and they just it's just nothing that's fucking what a pain in the ass

Oh, so now begins our fucking ramp up to halloween our dark lord and savior's favorite holiday all of october We're going to be bringing you Creepypasta and and scary stories and what we need from you is that if you have Uh, scary stories if you have ghost stories, please submit them We want to do a whole episode on listener stories So we're going to pick like five or six of them pitch it to us in the email Which is tape company radio at dmail.com. Yeah, and then we want to read through them We wanted to be a Skype situation, right? We're going to Skype you guys in and you'll tell us your stories

We'll ask you questions and this one's for you the listener. Yeah, so it's for our hulla scream Uh spook tackler hulla scream spook tackler. We're going to summon a devil. Yeah, well, we're just going to do that on our own though No, but yeah Satan thank you Satan hail Satan everybody i'll keen hi on me inhale yourselves. We'll talk to you soon Don't let a gnome finger you in your sleep. Yeah, stay away from terry the gnome if you can Yeah, yeah, it's suck your vagina lips Oh, no one what it's like a little hat for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, look at me. I'm the virgin mary

Hey, that is one of the most disgusting visuals a vagina lips is a hat for terry the gnome