Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 96: Call 911!

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

Our October series continues with an episode almost completely dedicated to horrifying 911 calls. Almost because there's also a pedophile testimony thrown in there.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started That's right 16 month old getting burned alive very much. Oh, that's right Marcus let us know Do it right good to go That's Marcus Park, so I'm trying to figure out who it is to my left You That music sounds like to me. Oh good good good music that makes panties dripping wet

You're all over this country baby making music. Yeah, they call it baby making music Don't bother with it baby stomping music speaking of babies and stonking like I'm making wine Today, we're gonna be listening to some real 911 phone calls, and I'll tell you they are very disturbing Let's um, I'm gonna first of all say this. Okay. We're gonna be releasing this episode late Yes, you're gonna be sitting down to listen to this episode probably about one o'clock this morning, right? I'm gonna just say this may be our most intense episode. We've ever done. Yeah judging by the audio Yeah, this is very scary stuff. Um, so it's good for late at night It's good to listen with the lover

Listen with your friend. I'm really good to listen to at the office because what I discovered is is when I was sad About other things like I remember I started listening to these 911 calls and my burrito was late, right? Oh, yeah, burrito was late. That's sad. I would be really upset. I was really sad Yeah, because I was sitting waiting waiting waiting waiting already got my fucking denaro mexican man, right? And he's just going oh, I got to count how many fucking beans going in this because it's more than 25 beans. Oh It's not a good burrito. Yeah, exactly So I wait listen 911 calls and then I got you know, and it made me realize that you know You know, there's a lot more things that are sad in life

So it made you feel like my life isn't so bad, but then I got the burrito and just fucking blanked out emotionally Oh, okay. Good. Good. Um, yeah So if you're listening to this late just pretend that you're working an overnight shift in one of the most dangerous areas in the country Perhaps Detroit. Let's say you're working in Detroit Please dispatch and these are a sample of some of the calls and I'm gonna say yeah, if you can make it receive I could call this a good old-fashioned tap-out episode. Yeah, you were saying that tap which that this is a comedy podcast Oh, right. We're still we're still maintaining comedy only but not for the month of October That's a month of October where you're ramping up into the cracking the gigantic leathery egg

And it holds our savior and we're gonna release them upon this world because I mean our government ain't paying nobody no No, so the end times are coming. I hope everyone gets their fucking bells on to where when they're naked It's a real because the end times are happening. That's right Possible when the end times come so everyone that wants to murder you can find you Yeah, and of course since we're gonna be listening to some pretty heavy shit We're gonna have what we call a palette cleanser chasers The pickleback of our John Yeah, the pickleback of the podcast if it would let's hear what we're gonna be hearing every once in a while

Yeah, sure. Yeah, thanks when things get a little bit heavy. You're gonna hear this This is great fun What can you describe the animation that's happening to it next to it? It's a little tiger singing I love it. All right. We've had enough of that. It's scared tober It's only gonna be 15 seconds a little song that's called tiger boo So every once in a while you're gonna hear tiger boo, but enough of that shit. Yeah, let's do a real boo here Let's hear a death wrap. Yeah, everybody. Let's put up Yeah, so put your garbage bag swimsuits on because they're about to head deep into a fucking river of felt you drowned

With a garbage bag swimsuit in Phillip. That's what I wear. Oh, okay, losing that waterway your boy And running up and down the fucking boardwalks. Yeah on my varsity hockey team his Coney Island's really changed, hasn't it? Yes. Yeah. Well, let's listen first. Let's listen to what it sounds like at the moment of death Sometimes crackles are produced by the accumulation of secretions in the airway crickles and crack when the secretions are profuse The crackles can be heard over the mouth as well as over the chest wall Assigned known to ancient physicians as the death rattle or Henry eating a burrito a death rattle in a dying patient over the mouth great

That's the rattle there the little snakey type thing a little rattlesnake sounds like holding scratch in his back It really does actually and that's a death rattle. Oh, that's what I miss not being there next to my grandfather when he died pretty much Glad I did what were his last words like a lot of heavy breathing. Yeah, he's going. Oh, there's nothing after there's nothing after interesting Yeah, that's horrible. Why don't you get Henry out of the room? And I was just going like I want a Pepsi Cola Well, here's the diamond you go down the hall and get yourself a Pepsi Cola 1923 That's right from a simpler time. I see well as far as the actual 911 calls we're gonna start off a little light here

Yeah, we're gonna start a toe in I'm actually nervous for these We're gonna start off with the man known at his name is Paul Michael Stefani From Minnesota. Oh, but he's Italian. He's okay, but he's also known as the weepy voiced killer Yeah, he'd be voiced killer He was convicted of stabbing Denise Williams and murdering Barbara Simmons in the Twin Cities in 1982 He felt so bad about it though. He felt they were mocking his weepy voice So bad about after each of the attacks He'd call 911 to report his crime and beg in a high-pitched voice for someone to send the victim help or for someone to stop him from killing

Again, yeah, he'd literally stab him and then call the police and be like you got to save him You got to save him. Yeah, well, let's see. Let's hear from the weepy voiced killer. Yeah We got there's more and we have to listen. Yeah, that's just the first of his of his phone calls Emergency, please don't talk this way son. It sounds like one of your characters Henry Oh my god, I mean, this is a murderer. I've never seen such a Hey, sir calm down everything is gonna be fine Why did you kill her sir, why did you kill her sir? Okay, all right

Change your clothes. Well, they had no idea who this guy was of course not years and years He was 15 years in prison for the first for the murder of Barbara Simmons until he finally confessed after learning that he was gonna die He confessed to killing the woman that he was just talking about Kimberly Compton because if you hear I was like Karen Potack in 1980 and Kathleen Greening in 1982 so he's got four four murders and one attempted murder under his belt Yeah, they called him the boo-hoo butcher the boo-hoo butcher from Minnesota That is I mean if you're the police office, I mean you just go around demanding that people talk like okay You have to say I killed her. I killed her. I stabbed her. I killed her. I killed. No, he stabbed her. He's fine. He's clear

Let's go to our next guy Rogers get over here really do it you guys want some pop cola you guys want an orange soda I think we've found our man voiced killer I don't want him in my squad car. Can we just leave him here? Okay, just come to the police station when you want to confess You know, I don't even want him in their jail system, you know, let him just roam free, please kill a couple more people Hmm, so that's the weepy voice that one much fun, too. It's too funny. I feel bad for laughing

It's genuinely funny. Yeah, it just sounds funny. Well, this next one is not as funny It's not as not really someone argue. It's not funny at all Good, it really depends on what's your scale of funny to not because if you're ready if you're ready at this point in this podcast I mean, it's funny. Yeah, it's tough to say. Yeah, I mean Well, this next one is a famous 9-1-1 call from arguably one of the famous murders of the 90s the murder of John Benet Ramsey They were Asian Reminds me that from from cable car They were speaking Asian

I think it was Asian Let this be less no beauty pageants for kids if you had a child don't put them in beauty pageants They're gonna get murdered in the basement. I mean, I just think it's responsible to make your kid fat Yeah, nobody rapes and murders them make him a kid. That's why you didn't get raped by priests Henry Yeah, they call me the Teflon kid You know, except if you got a hold of my leash that was attached to my wrist that was attached to my mom's grocery cart Or the leash attached from my belt. I think they called you a greasy Zabrowski didn't they? Yeah, Zabrowski I don't know I did skip past that

Oh, so for those of you too young to remember I know we got a lot of young listeners for people our age The John Benet Ramsey case was the case of the century Case look like fruity. Oh, yeah, there was nothing nothing in our time like it It was in a Colorado Springs, Colorado There was this little girl who was a pageant beauty such a beautiful Such a beautiful little smile that she made a beautiful angel up in heaven and let me clarify I guess you could have your child in a beauty pageant if they if they're a honey boo boo type if they're really fat You can also compromise in the head and they won't get murdered just for laughs just for laughs just for gags

And so this little girl went missing on Christmas Day and her parents called 9-1-1 when they found a ransom note Addressed to the Ramses demanding. I think two million dollars because they were right fabulously wealthy Extremely rich people. What kids worth two million dollars unless it's got unless the kids born. I mean born four foot tall Big long already built legs right ready to go like gonna be a football player. Jesus. She's worth two million dollars. I don't think so So here's a rocket hit a pretty girl in LA Yeah, so Henry a rocket hit a pretty girl in New York City, Henry I'm beautiful. Australia got beaches full of big pretty girls. You should do like a kids for gold, you know send in your kids I'll appraise them give you some girls

golds the kids So we're gonna play the 9-1-1 call that John Bonet's mother made to the Colorado Springs police to all right I'm sorry Oh my god. Please. I'm okay. I'm sending him off the phone. Okay.

Do you know how long she's been gone? No, I don't. Please. We just got off and she's right here. Oh my god. Please. Okay. I am honey.

Please. Take a deep breath. Okay. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy.

Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. I know you're going to be very upset. I know that.

We're going to be with no respect. I don't know. With that audition, she could have gotten on a homeland. I hear it's a great show by the way. The Ramsey's were never formally charged with the murder. Of course the accepted theory is that the Ramsey's

killed Jon Benet because she was found in the basement of their own home, I think three or four days later after the- Tied to the radiator, right? I think so. I think so. Something like that. So most people...

She was found? She was found. Yeah, they found her. I thought that they never found Jon Benet's body. They found the body in the basement of their own house that's the whole thing They found the body inside their fucking house. Yeah. Yeah, maybe gnomes did it when they were done making all the shoes Terry the drunken gnome perhaps. Yeah, I'm gonna fucking live in your ass Terry you know every time you go to live in someone's ass they die. Oh, she's got such pretty white teeth

I just want to break them. We're gonna move on. She's a victim. She's a victim Yeah, and and a lot of people said they were she was found in the basement wrapped up in black electrical tape sexually black liquor That's how I want to be tied up. That's the end to did it Well, it was Christmas day. Yeah. Yeah, and they found her a couple of weeks later. A lot of people think the Ramses killer I'm not so sure that they actually killed it because the actual the ransom note was some people says that it was written Like someone would expect a ransom note to be I mean, which is what does that mean? You know, yeah, but what was he but on the other hand, right?

Kathy Ramsey was a middle-aged woman. How would she know? I don't think they killed their kid. Yeah Yeah, and the father had political aspirations, and I believe he was elected to Congress. Yeah Well, I mean what is a better political boost and having your daughter fucking be murdered and then now you got all the the Emotional gunpowder that you need to get to the top of the pack vote for me My daughter was killed. I okay What is your position? I don't it doesn't matter Yeah, what were the other motives that were in there? There weren't really is it just like the mommy was jealous of how pretty baby was that they were just kind of tired of

Having a kid and there was no, I feel like the kidnappers had have the motive. They got a bunch of cash You know, they didn't get it, but well, they killed the kid, right? They so there's not really Any we're gonna get all the month. Are you did you kill her? I? Sad Henry we can no longer go into home invasions together. Hold me to watch her I said watch her. How do you even watch her if you're sitting on? I was sitting on her like a chicken It's on a good ass. It's on an egg She's a child like little miss Muffin Sad on the topic to make sure we could get the ransom money for the topic

Well, it looks like we're gonna go to McDonald's again for breakfast because again, we're out of two million dollars Hey breakfast burrito. I think you just like being poor Well, some people inherently lazy It was hard enough just getting that kid tied to the radiator That's the worst if you go on a robbery spree with someone who's just like I really just I didn't join no money You know, I'm just not really the materialist. Yeah, that's good. You're better than me I guess you're a child murderer though. Yeah, I take it back. It wasn't two million dollars. It was a hundred and eighteen thousand dollars All right, what a bizarre number that's a very odd number to ask for

But it's like when someone on the train asked for like I need a dollar and 13 cents to get a bus ticket to Minneapolis Right, I think that like if you name a specific number, then it's real. Yeah, then they'll actually get it The prevent one of the prevailing theories as to why The father may have killed John Bonnet is that he had been sexually abusing her and killed her to keep her from Yeah, because she was getting all parody. Yeah, honestly, I would almost argue that parents that put their children's and pageants to some degree Are sexually abusing them? Yes, that's different. I mean, it's irresponsible and to make a sexual object of your child Yes, it's disgusting But this is also such a hot story because what of course the the Rockefeller case, right?

The you talk about the Limburg baby The Limburg baby that was a baby that got re it got ripped apart by a bunch of Italians, right? What was it? It's called the Limburger baby. That's where they come up with the cheese from now They eventually solve that crime. Yeah, they found the baby dead, right? Yeah, they found the baby They also found the guy that killed the baby. Yeah, it was an amazing scapegoat It was an amazing piece of police work There was a ladder that was used to get into the window of the Limburgs and they were able to The ladder was fixed like it was repaired. One of the rungs was repaired and they you they

Compared the grain of the wood in on the ladder to the roof of a guy who was suspected in the crime Who's got this much time on their hands? Exactly, come on. You gotta get the dinner. This is the reason why cops can't solve crimes anymore because we got Solitaire on the windows machine. That's right And of course they weren't able to call the police because you just do that out of your window My baby, I would love to hear the wheezy killer. Oh I didn't mean to climb the ladder. Do you guys hear anything? I feel like I was gonna try to change the light bulb And it said I killed the baby. There's a wheezy killer yelling out his window

So our next 911 call. Yes. Oh, we're not gonna go with the pallet. I guess we don't need a pallet cleanser We don't need it just yet. All right The next one that we have is another child killing, but this is a child caught on tape You can hear the woman killing the child in the background. This is a woman who was believed She believed she was being stalked by a cult. She stabbed her two year old daughter 100 times with scissors and could be heard yelling die die on the 911. We're gonna hear it. Aren't we we're gonna hear Again, you know, we're just exposing reality here We're not encouraging any of these activities. No, no, no, don't say don't stab any baby a hundred times

No, no, no, no, and this is actually when that government shuts down. You can do anything you want. No, that's not true You still can't free weed cocaine rules the streets I don't know if Ted Cruz was approved red means go green means go It seems like everyone's just going By the way, this was after she had strangled the child child with an electrical cord from the dryer It's a real do-it-yourself killing though, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, well, let's uh, let's put the nose plugs in Yeah, dive right in there. Let's hear it Central Street

I got a woman in here that stabbing herself at a child Okay, so he wins the coward of the year award With her like for breeze. I don't know. It's smelling real nice. I got the rifle mobile She's like using it. Yeah, it smells like orange blossoms in here. So it's real weird. Thanks me. Oh It's like she's getting rid of him the same way someone tells a cat they're bad Yeah shooting lemon juice at it But he seemed to be approaching her like a dog who is going too crazy with a chew toy. Hey, stop Stop stop get your hands dirty bro. I'm for real now. And yeah, here's the thing

She survived she survived shows you a stab in herself and the the child. Yeah, and this is a two-year-old No, this is a two-year-old and the two-year-old did not survive. No, the two-year-old survived. Oh, okay Yeah, the mother is a hundred wounds to her head. And yeah, she did survive to her head I'm sure she's fine now. Oh, she's doing great. She probably is a fan of the show. Thanks for listening Yeah, so the man that called it that called in his name was real Bella view It was 65 years old He was watching the Celtics game on tv when he heard the commotion

I'm trying to watch the Celtics game and then someone's over there making make a pion of time with a baby Pion of time Is that what you call it when you stab a baby a hundred times? He's using a cheese knife on a baby and I'm just like hey, I'm trying to watch Larry Birdie Celtics are on for Christ's sake and he also thought the baby was dead Yeah, of course the baby was limp after he she had been strangled with the electrical cord There's no evidence of where this baby is now and what happened the future of this baby We do not know the future that we do not know the present of this baby. This started in 2009. So the baby is only

Six years old with this boy. I'm not victim blaming. Okay, but this woman said an occult a cult was following her Yes, it does seem as if this child is unkillable Right. I mean, is this is this potentially a woman and I'm just saying just for story. What if the woman was right? What is this? It's our dark lord and master. Hail Adrian. I mean, you have you have a sort of a Mia Farrow type of Rosemary's baby situation. Uh, it's possible. She was babies made out of flubber Ridiculous. She was heard yelling kill kill. I have to kill you die die die Yeah, we don't know what led up to that Maybe the baby was floating around the room with green eyes for a fucking hour and finally she just threw a

Blanket over it and hit it with a hammer a couple times again last podcast speculation But you never know. You never know. We are here to fill in the gaps That reporting is afraid. They're afraid to get into the details Some reporting would be like I would be fired if I said that on air. Sure Sure. Yeah. Yeah, if you were responsible news source news source But we happen to slip through the cracks of anybody that cares. That's right. Anybody anybody All right, so our next one this is This one is

I I mean that smile. I do not like that smile too many teeth. I can almost see the gums more a eel I know when he's fun when he's doing that like it said. Yeah, you're a fucking Piranha gets itched on its belly when a Texan smiles to the gums. Holy lord something terrible is about to happen Well, this one I'm not even gonna ruin it for you. Great. I'm not even gonna. I'm just gonna let you hear it And then we'll get into it after all right. Great. Stand for 9-1-1. Where's your emergency? This is Katie. You're pretty one work. What's your problem? Stand the police.

What's the problem there? The kids killed my friends. What's the problem with your friends? Oh, please. What's the problem with your friend? I need to know Where's the police? Where's the gun? Where's the gun? Where's the gun? Please hurry up. He's killing my girlfriend.

What is the problem? He's killing my friend. Who's killing your friend? My chimpanzee. Oh, your chimpanzee is killing your friend. He ripped her part. Hurry up. Hurry up, please. There's someone on the way.

We're done. Please. He's killed him. What is the monkey doing? Tell me what the monkey is. He ripped her face off. He ripped her face off? He's trying to attack me. Please, please. I need you to calm down a little bit. They're on the way. Can you push yourself away?

I don't want the monkey to attack you. Please, hurry up. Listen to me. They're on the way, man. They got to shoot him. Please. Please, hurry, hurry. You're there with your friend. I need you to help your friend. Can you go help your friend? I can. He tried to attack me now.

Okay, so then back off. Then don't get any closer, okay? They're already on the way. If the monkey moves away from your friend, let me know. You got any bananas? You got any bananas, maybe? No, I can't. He's dead. She's dead. Why are you saying that she's dead? He's dead. He ripped her part. He ripped what apart? Her face?

Everything. He ripped her apart? Listen. I think I'm gonna sleep. I think I'm gonna pass out. No, no. Just breathe, okay? I'm gonna stay with you on the phone until they get there. Please, hurry. Please, please, hurry. Please, hurry. Oh, my God.

They got to have their guns out. They got to have their guns out. Listen to me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're a monkey. You're a monkey. Oh, my God.

Somebody's wearing a hookah hat. He's doing funny things now. He's dancing around. He's funny. Get your hands out. Get your hands out. They're going your way. They're going as fast as they can your way, okay?

Please, please go faster. Please, please, please, please. Please. Is the monkey still by your friend or can you get close to your friend? He's eating her. Please. I need you to calm down for me. I know it's hard, okay?

I know it's hard. But they're going as fast as they can your way. You know, I go home with my wife. You know, the family matters. They got to shoot him because I tried stabbing him. And he's not... And it made him worse. Okay, Senator.

Have them shoot him. They will. They cannot wait to shoot him. The fire department is going to move in, okay? The fire department can't move in yet. But as soon as the police officers come up... Please tell them. Shoot him because he's going to try to attack me now.

Just breathe, Sandra. I'd throw him, too. Shoot him! Shoot him! Sandra, stay in your car. Sandra, I need you to stay in your car. Shoot him, please. I tried stabbing him. And he's hurt now, too.

So he's going to attack anybody. I can't get out of this car. Lock your doors on your car and stay there with me. It don't matter. It don't matter. It don't matter. Just do what I'm telling you. That's the first question.

Please tell them to shoot him. Please. Because I know the story is that... They did, Sandra. They're shooting at him already, okay? Oh, good. I know they will continue until he's dead, okay? They will.

But of course, this is what it takes to become a guest on The Oprah Show. You just have to have a monkey rip your face off. The story is that apparently this monkey loves going on car rides. This is not even a joke. This is true, yeah. The monkey loves going on car rides

and the girlfriend and the woman that owned the monkey were hanging out and the monkey was like, car ride, car ride. They're like, no, we're not going to go on a car ride now. Because the monkey, once monkeys hit a certain age, once they hit teenage, adolescent age of monkeys, they have the same problems that humans have

and they basically flipped out because it was told no. When monkey go crazy, monkey eat your face off. That's what happens. When I went crazy when I was 16, I stomped off to my room and listened to Marilyn Manson real loud.

I'm like, I hate you. Right, that's the evolution of man. That's what we go to. The monkey's name was Travis. Travis, the monkey, and the interesting thing is, too, he attacked her like any monkey attacks. So we ate the hands, the feet, and then the face. I mean, that's what they go for.

Well, no, she had her guts intact. She survived, remember? Yeah, she was on Oprah. This is literally the faceless woman from Oprah. Oh, I didn't know it was the same exact story. Yeah, this is it. So she's doing fine as a matter of fact. Man, she's ugly now. I think she received a face transplant.

The woman had given Travis Xanax lace tea the day of the attack, which could have exacerbated his aggression. Yeah, she was drinking wine all the time. Yeah. I mean, this woman was just delusional. You know, it's very similar to Jane Goodall, where she was like, every monkey is great,

and gorillas are awesome, and then she went back, and then she found them all just, like, murdering each other. And she was like, oh, my God, this is terrible. They're not so sweet. They're not sweet creatures. This is one thing people don't fully understand. Humans are actually the nicest of the animals. Yeah, we don't sort of, I mean... For the most part.

I mean, we made the Eiffel Tower. That's good. What gazelle made an Eiffel Tower? We invented the hamburger. That's right. Which is good, you know? Every once in a while, you've got a guy who makes a pot full of dick soup. Or, like, somebody who kills six million Jews. The thing is, he put the dicks in a pot.

That's a thing. He had a recipe. That's right. It's spices. Have you guys ever seen a picture of a shaved chimpanzee? No, but I look at Ben every day. That's good material. God, you can see how they could easily rip a person apart.

Look at that. Look at how fucking muscular that thing is. Oh, yeah. Like, how big and strong that monkey is. Who had the balls to shave it? That monkey's... That's a tough day. Who's spending the fucking afternoon shaving that fucking menacing looking gorilla?

All right, I'm the stylist. I'm here to shave. Hello, my name is George Joy. And I will be shaving the monkey today. Oh, he rips my fucking nipples off. Oh! Holy shit! Worst day of cutting care in my life. Normally, they gay, they sit there

and are like, snippy, snippy, gossip. Well, you might bite his nipples off a little bit, too. No, but that's for pleasure. Different kind of pleasure. But he soaks up my belly button. All right, Marcus. Let's move on. Our next one is a news report that cuts in the 911 call.

This is an elderly gentleman who is calling in. Something's happened to his wife. Hello? How can I help you? I shot my wife in the stomach, but 38. 67-year-old Fred Wilhine is now

in jail accused of murder. Is she still there? Yeah, she's lying under floor. And what is her name? Freddie Wilhine. Where's the gun at? What? Where's the gun? I'd send the closet.

Why did you do this? She enticed me. And she was at ridicule me. Throughout my lifetime. He was a nut, basically. He was much surprised by the violence. The husband and wife lived in separate homes next to each other.

The last time I talked to her, she said that he drank the lot. Fred, as we called him, would get on his lawnmower and mow up and down the road with the blight going. That's a real dick thing to do on the wing. He's a real dick thing to do on the wing. And you're at 8432 Gifford?

Yeah, I did, baby. I'll see if she's alive. Son? You're alive? He's dead. He's so drunk off his ass right now. I'm here. I think she's dead.

Yeah, I think so. Brother, you shot her in the stomach with a shotgun. Oh, it was a 38. His wife, Donna, was pronounced dead at a Fort Worth hospital. She was really, really nice. Poor lady. He was a strange couple. There was always things going on.

It was just a matter of time. I'm telling you, did Mike judge the creator of King of the Hill write this? That does not seem to be real. She was really nice, poor lady. Are you dead? You alive. You dead?

I love it so much. She entices me. The way he said it died killed me. I can understand that. In the end, you know, you get real mad. You get mad. Sometimes you get really angry. I've been mad.

I feel like his wife might have had a reason to be mad at him. He sounded like he was drinking quite a bit. He sounded like he had the potential to kill her. It's not like he's got things going on. He's not moving up the ranks in corporate America. He's not going up the ranks in corporate America.

He's riding a lawnmower on gravel with the blades going. It's as good as a goddamn car. You tell me lawnmowers not a car. You tell me twice. I feel bad because I've probably listened to similar music as this guy. What was the old country star?

Was it Roy Orbison? Who got busted for the DUI while driving a lawnmower over the liquor store? It would be George Jones. This guy just lived the George Jones lifestyle minus the talent. Right after that, he filmed the video. The whole video was just him riding on a lawnmower.

Hell, yeah. You'll fuck you to the law. This guy is a fun... All right, lawnmower like son of these fags ride a bike. All right, all the... Well, that's a little bit homophobic. I don't know if that's appropriate.

I'll shoot a Statue of Liberty. Okay, well... Whoever's got a skirt on. One more shot and you got to get out of my barn. You're right. You're right. I'm too drunk. All right, you can stand. You don't have to know he's drunk. Easy. He's sober. I'm drunk.

Let's call a spade a shovel. You know what I'm saying? A spade a shovel. I am a drink and a drink and a drunk. We'll give you a key to your lawnmower, buddy. You're not driving that home. Yep, I got to get back on my shift being sheriff for the night.

That's right. You're the only one to protect the town. All right, get on out of here. The next one that we're going to listen to is the only one that we're going to listen to today in one-one call. But since we're listening to extremely disturbing audio, this is something that Henry told me

and been about a long time ago. It's something that... I don't even know. It's the only opportunity we're going to have to play this. I don't know what clip you've chose, but I will say that this documentary gave me nightmares.

It is one of the most putrid painless things I've ever seen, and I'm really wondering what you chose to play. All right, great. I'm so excited. As you might expect, Gerald didn't confine his sexual assaults

to the home. In fact, he had a lengthy history of attacking children outside the home as well. He had molested children from ages 4 to 16 with a preference for 10 to 14-year-old boys. I've been

raping and molesting for over a period of 25 years, and I have in excess of 300 victims. Hands-on victims? All hands-on victims. How did you get access to so many victims? Children

are on the street all the time. I made... created my own opportunities. There were children at stores. I had picked some children up at the stores at penny arcades,

and I have snatched some off the street. Now, did you... by picking them up, do you mean by grooming? You talk them into it, or do you mean violently grabs them and kidnaps them? Sometimes there had been some violent kidnapping.

Snatching a child off the street, pulling him into my car, taking him to a deserted area, raping and molesting him, and then taking him back to where I had snatched him from. There had been instances where I would groom the child with

toys, money. I'd see a child in a store standing around the toy displays, and I would offer to buy the toy that this child may be looking at, and would actually walk up to the counter and pay for the toy and walk out of the store

with the child and the toy. And then I would after I had taken the child to a deserted area or a house that I had actually fixed up for the purpose of raping the molesting children, I would take the child back to the store where I had got him from

and leave him off at the front door and leave. Yeah! Although actually now I feel like it's creepier. This one after that is the creepiest thing you could have played. I wonder if Tiger Boo was around in the ranks of molested Tiger Boo. I wonder.

That's actually, which documentary is that? There's two. This is the sexual sadist one. Did you watch that whole documentary? I only watched a small clip. This is as far into it

as I could get. I found this off a live leak. It's just called Gerald the sexual sadist. And that's as far as I got. It's long this clip. I couldn't go to that. Is there something that you remember that you would like to marcus the fund?

I literally have chills running up down my spine just hearing that man's voice. Because what he went on to do is talk about how he reverted to his kids eventually. What do you mean he reverted to his kids? His own children.

I don't know. Actually it may not have been him. There's another man. He molested his son. Yes. Brutal. Wait do we want to hear that? I don't know man. I legitimately don't even know. It's like he...

Give it five seconds then we'll decide. After about two years of molesting my son and all the pornography that I had been buying, renting, swapping I had gotten my hands on some bondage and discipline pornography with children involved.

And some of the reading that I had done in the picture that I had seen. That's enough. That is disgusting. The details that he goes into later on literally made my blood like chill.

I literally felt as if I was about to black out while listening to it. It is one of the most intense things. So you just said that humans are the nicest animal. No this guy was

definitely not. This is an interview series done with a researcher by people in jail. And what they did with this documentary series is that these men are in high security prisons. They dress them in normal clothes to show you

how this man... I would rank him above a number and gasey. Those big hitters in terms of cruelty that you can expect from somebody. Only time children are involved,

Dahmer is never going to be the number one villain. But he only gained sexual pleasure from listening to the sounds of children in pain. That was the thing that made him come. That was the only thing that made him go. So you get addicted to that.

It comes hardwired into your system and it's brutal. It's the worst part of the adaptability of the human brain is the fact that your brain can remap your sexual functions to tie to these other things

so that you can't do anything else. Nothing else will get you going. You can't have a girlfriend. You pave those roads with straight up steel and you're like well that's the only way I can go. Do we know if this guy was at any point in time was in need of

$118,000? Did this man kill John Benet Ramsey? That's all I want to know. Do you need money? Hell, I need money all the time. If we can crack the John Benet Ramsey case, that would be perfect for today's episode. Just put it on him. Yeah, he did.

I'm just going to say he did it. Put it on Gerald. And no last name for this monster? No last name that I see. Now he's wearing a 90's windbreaker. The glasses that are shaped like avian blue blockers. Wearing some blue blockers and just

dead eyes. The one they cover first is this priest and he's this really kindly looking priest and he's like I serve my congregation for a minute. He's really young he's like 30 maybe. And him talking about like the first documentary showing how

it's about the breakup of personality about people who can live multiple lives and basically him just being like what they did was like we want you to show your alternate personality and then say the things that you did. So it was him just going to be like and there ain't nothing I love more and spreading the light and love of Jesus Christ in this world.

And then it cuts him going like I'm a lesson up to 75 boys in my church and it's like is that why you got in the church? He's like that is the primary reason why I joined the church was because I knew it was a faultless job that you can have and you get access to children and people would trust you with your children.

Jesus is a priest or rapist? Very far, far second to the reason that most priests join the service there. I will say on a personal note too because my mother did foster care for so long. I had a bunch of people who were molested in my house, foster brothers and sisters and it's very interesting when you said that

they dressed them up like normal people because I think that's so key because I would meet these people I would meet the fathers of some of these kids that were molested and they were like beyond normal. Just normal guys. Disgusting. The Gerald guy would talk about it he had three places in his brain he was like

I had my boss I had my workplace where I was I did my job or whatever I had my hangout with my friends personality which was normal run in the mill Jerry with his dominoes loved playing dominoes

and then he had his home life where he was a sadist lord. Yeah. That man is not a good person. He should probably be murdered. This is why we need to bring Tarr and Feather in back. Tarr and Feather that guy

and his skin rip off his bones. I just feel like this is the song that I was playing when he opened up his van door for the kids. I really thought that's not kind of a pal at all. What's next? Do we have anything not pedophile related? This guy is not pedophile at all.

That's about just some healthy murder. Just some funny 9-1-1 murder calls. Uh, actually. Maybe we can re-listen to the chip clip and then we'll just face it off. Skip past that one. Which one did you skip past? It was a story that I was going to read.

Oh, yes. Yeah, let's skip. About how mom took her son into jail so the son could be raped. By the prisoners. We're just going to blow right past it. No reason to stop it. It didn't even happen.

Maybe you can give people the website if they're so inclined to go check out that steamy story. It's called DunstanChecksin.com. Oh, interesting. Doesn't check out. Dunstan's ripping his face off. It's Dunstan.

He was just a funny bellhop yesterday. We were always tearing the report. Did you give him Xanax, ma'am? Yeah, he was nervous. This one is actually pretty hilarious. There's a video from a woman named Cindy Williamson. She's telling a 911 operator she's about to use a baseball bat

against another woman. The couple were asleep when Lydia Munoz broke into their home and started stabbing her husband, Ron, in the head with a steak knife. There are two calls right now. We're going to hear the first one.

3.05 a.m. 22 seconds. August 18, 2008. No more sugar. I need a policeman in the ambulance at my house right now. No, listen to me. This lady's trying to get away.

Calm down and get me the address, ma'am. Sugar land, hurry, please. What's going on, ma'am? She's trying to get away. Please send somebody. I need you to tell me why. What's going on? My husband pressed cars to get her and now she's busting the door off

and stabbing him. Please hurry up. She came into your house instead. Who is she? Please send somebody. Okay, he's holding her down at this point, but he's blaming very bad. Okay, I'm getting them out, ma'am. Who is the female?

Hello? Hello? Oh, man. Nice. Damn. Where's the lady? Yeah, of course she is. She's not going to jail. She's stabbing him.

She's biting him. Ma'am? That's the first call. Can you imagine these dispatchers having sex? Oh, they just don't care about anything. Don't we have some 911 dispatcher listeners? If we do, tell us some of your funnier stories.

Yeah, or as a matter of fact, if we have enough listeners, we can dedicate an entire episode to it. So please write in, and we can do a similar episode to Listener Pasta and One Dispatchers. These people do have an extremely sick sense of humor. Absolutely.

I've known some EMT workers, and they are the sickest fuckers around. They have to be. That's how you cope. Of course. This is all super-intent stuff. You've got to be able to laugh at death, otherwise you can't live.

That's true. And now the woman has called back. And remember, she's in the house with her the whole time. 3.07 a.m. 23 seconds. God, 7 a.m. Please enter your authorization.

Ma'am, hello? What's going on? Ma'am, I have them on the way. What is the female's name you're talking about? Ma'am, I'm telling you, they're on the way. Who is the female that stabbed your husband? Her name is Lydia, okay?

Lydia? He's trying to hold her down. What is she stabbing him with? I don't know. It's a knife sticking out of his head. A knife? Yes, I just saw it sticking out of his head. It's still in the cell. Okay, what's her name, ma'am?

My name is Cindy, and I'm sorry, but I didn't really check out right now. Okay, I understand, ma'am, and I'm sorry, but who is she to you all? She used to work for him. She used to work for him? He used to sell a lot of equipment, so he put a gardener on her,

and all of a sudden he's in our house in the middle of the night, and she's stabbing him. She's still in there, right? She's trying to get away at each bleeding. It's such a long process. Does she have a car or anything out there that you know? I don't know. Do you have any kids or anything over there?

Yes, I have four. Four kids inside? Yes. They're watching Mr. Wizard right now, but we got her here. Do you know her last name? Why are they not here? I don't know what her last name is.

They're on their way, okay? I still have some nuts out of my head. They're not talking to that! Why are they not here yet? Ma'am, please. They're coming as fast as they can. They're coming to help your husband. Is your husband still coming?

I'm calling her before they get here. They don't hurry up. I'm going to tell Mr. Wizard. Is your husband still holding her down? Yes, he's trying, but he's losing strength. Okay. I don't know how old she is.

Ma'am, I'm your husband. Not her. He's 41. Are your kids in another room? What? Are your kids in another room? Yes, they're upstairs to sleep. Please!

Why are they not here yet? Why are they not here? Try to calm down, ma'am. They're on their way. They're coming as fast as they can. I'm coming, Ron! And he's holding this woman down the whole time with his knife sticking out of his head.

I'm going to want to kill her just to be still, okay? I'm going to hit her with this baseball bat if she doesn't be still. Ma'am, just... Look, I'm going to keep her there one way or another. She's not getting away this time. This is the problem. They couldn't find her.

Okay? The police are supposed to be arresting her for the last month. What? I don't know. Lydia, do still tell me please. I'm not going to kill you, Lydia. She said, please kill me.

You said your husband's father restrained her on her before? He's supposed to be a warrant for her arrest, but as usual, the police aren't doing their job. Yeah. Government, shut down. Well, ma'am, they just slowed down. Please, please.

Ma'am, you need to get that... The ambulance here quit. Okay? He's bleeding everywhere. He's bleeding everywhere? Where did she fit in the chest? No, in the head. In the head? I already told her that three times before. Okay, I have that, but you said she was stabbing

and she was still continuing stabbing. You want a quarter pound of cheese? Okay. Where are you all at in the house? We're in the bedroom. In the bedroom? Is the door open or anything? I was just standing in the doorway. I don't remember if I left the door open or not.

Lydia, shut up. Just show me please. Ma'am, can I please get off the phone now? Because I'm going to have to wind up hitting her. You have a bat, ma'am? Yes, I do, and I have to. I will use it. It's so set up. Okay, there...

Okay, they should be coming, okay? Okay, if you don't know he can't hold her down and if she moves, I'm going to hit her. Okay, they should be coming in. They should be coming in a minute. Hold on, hold on. Hold on. Don't hang up, ma'am. Don't hang up. Well, what do you want me to do?

Okay, where is your bedroom at? Look it in your house. They're coming in the doorway. Where do they go? To the left. To the left? Yes. Is it in the back? Here, come here. Hurry, hurry. Come over here. Stay right there.

Hurry, please. They should be coming up, ma'am. What is happening here? What happened? We've got our fattest police working on it right now. Are you okay? Do you have an officer? Yes, they're here.

Okay, so now we need an ambulance. Okay, they're coming. Okay, bye. That was tense. That was tense, and I'll tell you one thing. Those kids were not sleeping. They were terrified, staring at the ceiling. I was just so happy that mommy was occupied

so they could play some Mario World. Love that game. Kids love it when mommy's fighting. This dispatcher, I'm not going to give her a passing grade. I mean, I guess she did an okay job, but it's like, you know, get to the one that I found on Worldstar Hip Hop, in which the dispatcher

hangs up on an eight-year-old girl. Oh, yeah, like laughing at it, right? Yeah, yeah. No, she wasn't laughing. The other one was a laughing one. Extremely, she was just completely over it. Because the little girl was like trying to find the address. She's like, I don't know, I don't live here.

And she's like, my mom got shot. And then at the end, she was like, yeah, my dad's dead. She's like, your dad's dead, really? Yeah, that's also just, you know, that's just your life being a fucking tombstone from listening to mayhem

and murder every single day when you're not having fun with it like we are. That's right. I would like to say I will always live being concerned about an eight-year-old who says her father's dead. I would like to be never so callous. I heard that before.

Everybody else. No, actually, not really everybody else, just me. Just me and my dad. If I had a nickel for every time my eight-year-old's parents got dead, I'd be the richest man in the world. All right. I think it's time for you to retire

from this job, Henry. Our next one is a kid that I think we've talked about him in the past just a little bit. His name is Jake Evans. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. He's a man. I mean, loved Rob Zombie as we all do.

We love Rob Zombie. This guy loved him a little too much. A little too much or a little too dumb. And guys like this, kids like this make me live it. This is why Tipper Gore went on that huge parental, you know, parental warning guys. And her name is Tipper, which is something you do

to boats and cows. This is what happens to good musicians when idiots start listening to them and they do lunatic things. Yeah, not that long ago, maybe a year ago. Yeah, he only confessed to it in January of this year. Yeah, I think it happened at the end of last year.

He was sitting at home watching Halloween, the Rob Zombie version, which I fucking love. It's a great movie. At no point did I was I thinking I need to murder my parents because I watched this movie. He said while watching it, I was amazed at how at ease the boy was during

the murders and how little remorse he felt had afterward. I was thinking to myself it would be the same for me when I kill someone. So here is the 911 call from Jake Evans. He's 18, right? He's 17. Michael Myers was 10.

Yeah. It's definitely different. But this one, this one's long. I mean, we're not going to listen to you for a little bit. I want to get the tone of his voice. Get the tone of his voice because if you look at a picture of him online, he's a fucking shit heel tool.

Okay, that you'd expect to do something like this. Yeah. All right. Concert County 911, where's your emergency? My house. What's the address? 152 River Creek Lane. Okay, what's the emergency? I just killed my mom and my sister.

What? What? Excuse me. You just killed your mother and your sister. How did you do that? She sounds just like my aunt Kathy. Michael stabbed them. Number one, you fucking idiot.

And what is your name? Jake Evans. People call me pepperoni, Jake. Jake Evans. Jake Evans. Is it gay, Evans? I'm sure they're gay. I hate that tone.

Yeah. It's every kid who just doesn't care. Might as well just be pogs. But these are the all of you that don't know what pogs are. They are cardboard discs. And we paid money for his children. These are the kids who do great on bubble tests, though. Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I've been playing my old NES copy of Skitchin. And then I got on my old NES system. It's on the kitchen counter. Okay. It's a 22? Yes. Okay, hold on.

He says a little bit. He says like a thing about how it's like, I forgot the sentence he says in words that's like, I thought that I'd feel something. You know, I didn't know I'd feel like this when I did this. Yeah. He thought he wouldn't feel anything. Yeah, I think he was like really surprised.

Because yeah, it's not a movie. He's like, I try to do it as painless as possible. Yeah, he walked up and shot his sister in the back of the head. Right, yeah. And then I think killed his mother pretty similarly. Like it was, they were very, very quick deaths. But yeah, it's still shooting. Yeah.

You know, he should have only watched sports movies and just gone out and been one of the best Annabelle players of all time. Yeah, exactly. And the worst part is this little motherfucker has fan sites. Oh, yeah. He's not an attractive guy.

Any girl that would imagine having sex with this person is a total lunatic who should be locked up forever. Not a lunatic, she's got bad taste. Terrible taste, but you know, I mean, what it says on the Tumblr page, dedicated to the heroic 17-year-old boy Jake Evans. Yes, everything he did was completely wrong, but not everyone can take responsibility

for their actions like this guy. Show respect where respect is due. Evangelist, stand up for Jake. Yeah, it's like Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Again, a cardboard disc that we all loved when we were children. Right, right. Home improvement. Home improvement.

Best shows of all time. And they said, please stop messaging us about Adam Lanza. No, we don't support him or think he deserves any special treatment. You cannot compare him to Jake. These are two totally different situations. I mean, you would... If you did have to argue this,

Adam Lanza is bigger and better than Jake. I mean, in terms of numbers. Numbers and overall, like, he killed his mother, okay, so did Jake. Yeah. He just watched a movie, they didn't want to do it. You know, he just watched a movie, they didn't want to do it, you know, and I felt the same thing when I saw Air Bud.

Exactly. Oh, I'm going to teach my dog to play football, you know? I just hate this. This whole world is made out of dreams. Idiots like this hurt our genre, though, which is the horror genre. No one should ever watch Halloween. You just can't be afraid of somebody like that.

Or actually somebody exactly who you should be afraid of. I know I'm afraid of whenever I see a 16-year-old on the street, because they don't know. They don't know that there's consequences. They just watch Halloween, Halloween one or two, Rob Zombies. I hope he doesn't steal my lunch money, because I was going to get a Bon-Me. Mmm. Bon-Me's pate sandwich.

Very, very nice, yes. All right, well, our final... Are we doing the burn? No, we're doing one, it's a short one. This is the worst, this one's bad. Oh, this one's the worst? Yeah, okay, good. Perfect.

Because I still have sort of gray over me from the pedophile one. Yeah, I know, I feel very bad. Is that what we're doing? This one will make you feel... If you make it through, you, dear listener, if you make it through this call, then you get the last podcast, Gold Star.

Gold Star Award! I don't even know if I'm going to get it, you know, honestly. And I want to say this to all of our listeners, we're experiencing this together. And this is why, we love you so much as listeners, you know, we're all one large family here,

and we're going through these traumatic events, and we are conquering them. This is a part of life, it's a curious thing. This is a part of life that you don't get to see all the time, and we don't condone anything that happens in this. We think that people are maniacs and morons, and that they do bad things.

Right. And none of you, by the way, none of our listeners, none of you listeners, you're never allowed to kill anybody because then we're going to get in trouble. So don't do that. Just do something. Live like we actually live, so drink some brews and smoke some weed,

go to a day job, or whatever it might be, and just live a nice life. I spent the day with Bill Cower. That's right, as a matter of fact. Bill Cower, the former coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Mr. Henry Zabrowski was on a commercial shoot with him today. That was my job today. Not bad.

So let's listen to this 911 call. Oh, right. I'll send it to him. So here it is. You're going to follow me, hon, okay? Why are you doing this? Nicky, I've got a hop on the way. You just wait a minute, okay?

Quick, please. Nicky, don't hang up on me, okay? I will, just quick. Quick! Nicky. Nicky. Nicky. Okay, I've got the ambulance and the rescuer,

and please stop there. Please hurry up and get here. Okay, they're on their way, but you're... My God, it's heaven. Jesus Christ. Okay, you're there with your daughters, alright? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, I just wanted to make sure nobody could hurt them. They were so upset.

Oh, my God. Okay, but they are on their way, okay? Okay, bye-bye. Bye-bye. So, can I, Bill Cosby, my way out of this situation? We was a button pop. Oh, then, you little girl,

you'll be sad about what's going on with yourself. You got to have yourself a jello button pop. I don't know if a pudding pop would necessarily alleviate the situation. I've got something that could alleviate the situation. I don't know if that's going to... I mean, this is the closest we can get.

I think we can leave on that. Yes, alright. Thank you guys so much for sticking with us. That's what it sounds like when you kill yourself. Oh, this is Kermit. Alright, everybody, thank you so much. Hail Satan. Hail Satan, you.

Magusalations, have a fun weekend. Yeah, that's right. I'll gain and just listen to Debbie Harry and Kermit the Frog singing Rainbow Connection. It's better, it's good. Yeah, this is a good chaser. We're going to play the whole thing.

This is actually really nice. I think the three of us... We're not going to say our closing lines until this is done, because... Kermit's still funny. How amazing is this? I'm happy immediately.

Yeah, it's better. I feel better. This is the only thing that I can think of that would help. Jim Henson was truly the greatest beacon of light in the world's history. Muppets were pure joy.

They were. And Debbie Harry's, you know, she's great. Great boobs on that Debbie Harry. That's the thing, because you got Kermit right there and you look over and she's just got great perky punk rock boobies, you know, and that's great. I mean, she's in her pajamas in this video.

Oh. But it's very tasteful. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean you can't see her nipples? Will she sit next to... Will she sit next to Kermit? Don't do that. And that's literally the sweetest

we'll ever get. Don't say we never did anything for him. The chimp is ripping her face off. No, he's eating her. They're shooting her now, man. They will shoot the monkey until the monkey is dead. All right, hail yourselves, everybody.

Hail me. And make constellations. We did a moon constellation. I wouldn't pay attention to this thing but to him here.