Last Podcast On The Left - Episode 98: Hostage to the Devil

Episode Date: February 17, 2015

It's an exorcism extravaganza as we detail the processes of possession and exorcism in detail and perform a real life seance right here in the studio!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Are we good? Yeah. That's Marcus. I'm Ben. I'm not gonna approve of the first message that you guys heard today. My name's Tippi Peters. Tippi Peters? The only singer in the silent movie business. I can't believe that you were the only singer in the silent movie business.

When you're singing for the silent films, all you gotta do is move your mouth bigger. And of course, it's Halloween. It's our final episode of October and what a month it has been. Well, I think every single one of our listeners who contributed to Halloween, it was fucking fantastic. Honestly, I think it's been the best month so far here at La Paul. Last podcast on the last. La Paul. La Paul. I am very happy. It's almost like a Thanksgiving-y feeling that I use. I want to feel like thankful for what Satan gave us this month. Indeed. And of course, Satan gives a lot of gifts and occasionally he gives the greatest gift of all, which is one of his minions.

And these gifts are not just something you open up on all Hallows Eve. These gifts penetrate your soul, invade your mind, and lead to what is only known as exorcism. Yeah, so today we're doing possessions and exorcisms that Marcus has done a lot of beautiful research. I could go for a friend. You know? Every now and again, I wish I just had a demon inside me and be like, ah, you're doing good. You're doing good. Yeah, thank you, buddy. Yeah, and it's just you just taking a shit of the fucking salad bar at Sizzler. Right. Well, it's a weird- Yeah, buddy. Yeah, buddy. Get it all over them corn balls. Yeah.

Surprisingly enough, you have just described part of exorcism, part of possession. Seriously. Like, that is- Human fecal matter. No, no, no, no. That is a part of it, though. Corn balls. No, no, no, no. What part did he describe then, Marcus? Exitioning in a salad bar.

A voice inside you telling you that you're doing great, helping you with your- And you making questionable decisions. So not the salad bar, not the corn balls, not the feces, but a positive inner Tony Robbins. You're talking about the positive reinforcements, the bad thing? That seems like a great thing. You're selling us all a- I just shout into the darkness that no one cares about me. Anyway, these- the videos, I will be listening to quite a few, I assume.

You know, whether you believe possession's real or whether you believe exorcisms need to be done on these individuals, or if they're just suffering from a manic depressive episode, a lot of the audible noises these humans make do sound from hell. Very animalistic. There was a really interesting book I was reading called Poltergeist, with an exclamation point, by Colin Wilson. Oh, and by Craig T. Nelson, of course. Yes, yes. Of TV's coach. Yes.

Oh, he was very versed in all of the lore of Poltergeist's activity. Dabber! Dabber. But basically, what they said, he covered possessions a little bit, and his theory is that there is a difference, but the way our brains function, the left and right brain, is that they say people have like brain injuries, or people who have like had their lobes separated, which apparently was common for a long time, when we were just playing with bodies, like they were a bunch of play-doh. Right.

And so when you get like your lobes separated, is that similar to a, what's that thing, a lobotomy type situation? Sort of something, something like, it decreases aggression. Oh, I see. And what they found is, is that if you show an image to the left eye, and then ask the person what image they see, they say what the, they say the image that they saw in the left eye, right? But if you show it to only the right eye, like it's two separate images, like one left eye, they say always what's in the right eye, but if you ask them in the left eye, but if you ask them what they, what it is, and they say to write it down,

you'll write it down what you see out of your right side of your brain. And they say that there's something about this idea that your brain, technically, there's like two people inside your brain. There's someone that is recording a bunch of stuff, and then there's a conscious, conscious part of you. And that maybe the possession activity has got something to do with that, and the fact that there is a sort of alternate personality that's like kind of running a memory screen constantly while your conscious brain deals with everybody. So, and the right side is the conscious side?

Yeah, I think that's what I remember. I got kind of crisscrossed. I was pretty drunk when I was reading this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the research that I did, I took it completely from this fantastic book called Hauses to the Devil, which I recommend anybody who is interested in anything paranormal or demonic. Which is sad because it's also the name of a Van Halen bio novel as well. Yes, of course. Yes, of course, of course. I stand to the devil!

What is it? Eddie Van Halen? What was it? Sam Hagar and David Lee Roth. Rajiv Van Van Hoolen is actually how it's pronounced. Rajiv Van Hoolen. I'll tell you what, I'm going David Lee Roth anytime over Sammy Hagar or Van Halen. I'm just gonna say it. Oh, I'm glad. All right, all right. You like Wabo Cabo more than David Lee Roth?

You like I can't drive 55 better than Panama? I mean... Wait, did you say you like Hagar better than you like David Lee Roth? No, I like David Lee Roth better than Hagar. Yeah, everybody does. Well then fine, I'll switch it then. I'll go to my left brain. I do like a little Wabo Cabo. Why not? It sounds like a great time.

All right, let's dip our toe in the chili waters of Posicion. So in order to understand exorcism and possession, one must first understand the devil and his fall from grace. Okay. Before anything. So when God created man, he created man after the angels, the firstborn. And so he created man and the angels were to be... What's that? Marcus, is this all real?

Yeah, this is all, this is what he did. This is how God works. For the purpose of the show, yes. I will be speaking from here on out. I will be speaking about all of this stuff as if it is true. And I will be forced to believe it as well. Yes, we must. Suspend disbelief. So God created man, made him his own image and put them above the angels.

Jealous of man, Satan rebelled against God and was thrust down into the pit. And when God sent Jesus into the form of earth, into the form of man to the earth, essentially sending himself to earth, God made himself human. Jesus having... So fucking full of himself. Isn't he though? Always multiplying his own shit. Do you think like when Satan got sent down to the pit,

it's kind of like when you're grounded, but you still have your PlayStation? Yeah, your PlayStation's in your room. You got all your porno mags in there or your computer. Oh, I can't come out of my room for a week? Oh, man. Actually, yes, that's a great metaphor for it. We're gonna miss having to watch American Idol with my dad. Oh, no.

So Jesus having the experience of being human became the perfect example of humanness, something to strive toward. Great, yeah, white skin, blue eye, beautiful blonde hair. Yeah, a nice mid-level job. And humanness is defined as a person who is connected to other human beings, is able to fill love, is able to fill spiritual fulfillment. So therefore, when Satan or a demon possesses a human being, he is essentially achieving the closest thing he can to soiling Jesus Christ,

and therefore God is the closest he can come to actually making a strike against God himself to pervert a person's humanness is to pervert Jesus. That's sexy. A little soiling. It sounds like it's just taking a big piss inside of you or something. Yeah, I like it. Like one of those Kelvin truck tags. Like I'm a little outhouse.

Yeah, don't treat me like an outhouse demon. You're doing good. Thank you, demon. You can do anything you like, demon. So Jesus is the key to the fullness of our humanness because he achieved that fullness for his potentially. It must be achieved actually in each one's choice and personal actions in the reality of the good and evil present,

possible to us all and whether or not we have ever even heard of Jesus. So in order for a demon to completely possess a person, he must completely remove their humanness, everything that makes us human and makes us close to God. That's really interesting and that's why, you know, you could say they make these animalistic noises because they're growling like dogs or cats. Right.

And so we don't, yeah, exactly. And so when all these, the interesting thing about all these spirits is that they're only doing what they were created to do, but it's only twisted because God created these spirits in order to serve man. But when they rebelled, they were cast down into the pit and so that rebellion and the hatred against God twisted their desires so they still have the will and intelligence

to interact with humanity. Yeah, because they got all the skills, they got all the tools. Exactly, they have all the skills, they have all the tools. It's like Osama bin Laden. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah, sure. It kinda is.

Man, we sent him back home, didn't we? Woo! USA, baby! Woo! One, two, poo, poo, yeah! Still reeling about that. I was sitting in a Mario Patale restaurant when I heard that happen.

Were you? Yeah, I was eating ravioli. I was at a sports bar drinking beer. I was hanging out with my fuck buddy. Isn't that something? He was also at a sports bar drinking beer. Don't let him know, Marcus. Yeah, we cleaned ourselves off and headed down to ground zero.

Hell yeah. That's right, you did do that. I can't wait you tell that story to your grandchildren. So great, yeah. I'm gonna leave a certain part out of it, guess which one. Cleaning ourselves off. I want my kids to think I'm dirty. Yeah, kids, don't worry.

I just got done squeezing a J all over some stranger I met on the train. And then, well, you know, I met your grandmother about 20 years later. Isn't that nice? Yeah, she didn't let me do all the dirty, stinky things I did to that troll. Well, you know, Grandpa, it was a different time when Grandpa was a kid. It was a different time. It was 2011? I don't even want to tell Grandpa's favorite movie.

Oh, no, no, no. So these demons, these spirits, they have the will and the intelligence to fuck with humanity, to possess humanity. They're only doing what they were created to do. They're essentially creations that went out of God's control. Sweet. And attack humanity. Now, that is the motivations behind possession.

The actual process of possession. Many times it starts when people are just children. I think it just sounds to me like God was a bad father and these demons were just trying to get close to their old man. It's actually really interesting. They're just trying to get back in there with Jesus. They kicked him out. He's like, how am I supposed to see my father?

I better possess the closest thing to him, which is humans. Now I don't like possession anymore. I don't like it. Now it's all about love. These demons are just trying to reconnect. It is not about love. It is the exact opposite of life. And the same thing that you just said, we were talking about before when you were telling

me that point, again, the same thing happens with alien abductions, scenarios, and hauntings. A lot of times the touches with the other realm happen when we're kids. I guess we're more open then. Basically, once you set the groundwork of, well, I showed him a demon a long time ago and now it's going to be much easier when she's a full-titted 17-year-old girl. I'm sorry. What happened? A lot of times it doesn't even come until then.

This whole phenomenon of teenage girls being possessed, that is not the most common of exorcisms. It's just the sexiest kind. Yeah. So that's why the sexy and the term of it being appealing and interesting to people. No one wants to hear about the 45-year-old priest who was possessed. I mean, I do. We're like Father Templeton who's doing anything to not suck little boys' dicks anymore and he tells everybody he's got a demon inside of him.

It's so much better when it's a 17-year-old girl picture of innocence. Long blonde hair. She's been brushing it. She's just got done being out with Ross Bogerman. Oh, Bogerman. Yeah. You know, and he's the captain of the football team. And isn't he amazing?

Yeah, he stick his hand up that fuzzy dress. The dress she's got on, you know, and she's just like, no, no, no, no, yeah. I'm a virgin. That's right. But he's like, I've got to take care of autistic kids on the weekend, baby. It's okay. She's like, okay, just to fucking the first lengthy your finger then. That's right.

That's right. But you can work it in from there. You know, it is funny when you look at videos of possession online, all you see is young girls. Yeah. You don't see any men. You don't see any teenage boys. Yeah, no one wants to see a Kevin James in there. Yeah, exactly.

But those men in the book that I read, there was one, one of the examples of possession was a man who was in his mid 30s. He was a radio DJ, just a generally unremarkable man. Yeah, radio DJs are the worst type of human that exists. Hey, hey, hey. Get rid of him. Get rid of him. That's what Marcus wants to do.

That's what I did for five years. He's lined up all the radio DJs and put them on trains and take them to a camp of some sort. Please. As a Jewish fellow, I would like a little revenge. God, this thing. I love it. But of course, Bob Larson, it was a video of Bob Larson. He's a great exorcist.

We played a video on our last podcast on the Left Live show. And that fellow that Bob Larson saved from the devil inside him, he was a relatively frumpy everyman. He was definitely a frumpy everyman. Bob Larson will do anybody who's got 500 bucks. That's right. And that guy was just grumbling. He was just grumbling. I put up that documentary of his three hot little girls.

Only one of them is his daughter. Yes. The redhead. Yeah, the hot one. What a cinder. That one is. Yes, indeed. But the way they talk is like, if you watch a documentary, they're all just like, no, we love.

You know, absolutely. We must stop Satan. We must go out there. We must defend the Lord every single day. We must act as if they're like G.I. Jane. And you're like, you're fighting Satan. You're fighting nothing.

I mean, that's the whole thing. Obviously, I grew up in a very Christian household. And I went to a very Christian school. And that was the whole thing. They were building a new Christian school. And our entire class project for a week was to make fake swords, put scripture on it and march around where the foundation of the school was going to be. And yell at Satan. Man, all we did was retail a two cities.

Yeah, it was different. It was a different school. And I would argue that you know how to read now. And I am iffy on it. So in the process of possession, consent is always required on the part of the possessee. Again, aliens, vampires, like the same thing. Again, you have to grant permission because basically that is the self-hypnosis. That is the thing that allows the phenomenon to start because you have now fully convinced yourself that it's real.

And it's going to physically manifest itself on your body. Yeah. It starts as a small thing, something like a very small concession. I mean, let's go back to the analogy of Mr. Borgerton where it starts with the first index finger, the first knuckle of the index finger. And then from there, it's like, hey, you're playing around with the lips a little bit. But eventually, you've got the whole fist up. It truly is. I mean, any woman that's ever had sex with a man knows the steps.

It's always baby steps until the chicks turn 30 and they're like, let's just get over this. I'm just going to stop with this whole I don't want to thing. And we're just going to fuck. But you have to get that permission. And also, you mentioned vampires. There is a certain twilight type thing going on with exorcisms with the only beautiful women type things. Yes. I do want to see.

I mean, seeing a fat, frumpy trucker getting possessed by the devil, that's more powerful to me. Well, we did watch one with a fat, frumpy 16-year-old. I mean, that's just sad. Oh, yes, yes, yes. That was a woman, though. That was a girl. Yeah, that was a girl. Yeah, that was a girl.

It's just an example of the ultimate view of innocence. And it's just PR work for churches. It's a view you can show that the picture of innocence can also be corrupted by the devil. Then you've got everybody. Then you're like, well, I smoke cigarettes. They're just going to come for me next. Yeah. And I want to say, there's been some requests for our last podcast on the Left Live shows to be streamed and recorded.

I don't think we're going to do that, though. So just come out to the Live shows. Obviously, we're in talks to get a pilot out there as well and things like that. Just come touch your bodies. Yeah, just come and touch our bodies. Come rub our feet. Come see something that only exists and happens once. Yeah, I mean, it's not that different, but...

Yeah. It's very fun. So when the consent is given, once people start trying to expel these spirits, one of them was faced with intense physical pain. When he felt that there was something in his body and he would try to fight against it, would have intense physical pain. Another one was just bombarded with images of his own execution, like him getting his head chopped off in the electric chair. Just these intense feelings. And they would eventually acquiesce to them. And the next step...

We didn't mean to acquiesce. Again, I marched around the school. Acquiesce. They would say yes. They said yes. Yeah, they said yes. I apologize. Thank you, Marcus.

I represent 35% of this podcast who doesn't understand what that word means either. You're all my number one fans. And so when things start going along, at some point in these people's lives, the demon actually starts to help them in their daily life. Because that's you gain somebody's trust. Yeah, they gain their trust. One of the radio broadcasters, his broadcasting, he had the most original style of broadcasting out there. He was getting job offers all over the country. Absolutely, because you're riding that fucking lightning bolt to Satan's beautiful power.

I can't believe, honestly, I've had several moments in my life over the last year or so since finding the love and joy of our Lord and Savior. Satan himself. And that I have asked Satan for help and he has helped me. He's given me that extra edge, that extra push, made me a little bit harder. Maybe let's say I've been, I'm taking a bunch of co-pills, but I'm still drinking a bunch of whiskey, but I still got to get in there. I think it's just because we live in New York City and you can find a Mexican restaurant at three o'clock in the morning. They didn't just open for you, Henry. So there comes a point in every possession where a person either chooses to fight or they choose to accept the spirit into their body and become what they call perfectly possessed.

Same thing with Annalise Michele, when that happened to her. She got, in the same steps, was that she basically got presented, finally said yes to the devil and accepting it into her because she felt that she would be a symbol to people, that she would like, I'll accept the evil and I will suffer for the evil and become a martyr in order to show everybody that they're still good in the world. Similar to the priest at the end of the original Exorcist. Yes. Coming to me! And then just jumps right out the window. That's exactly what priests do in Exorcism, that's where the actual name, hostage to the devil, comes from. I was under the impression the priest was never supposed to say that because when I watched that with Father Steve, he said that's a cardinal sin.

Yeah, because Father Steve was watching out for number one. Yeah, Father Steve. Father Steve was wrong. Yeah, Father Steve wasn't a true knight of Jesus. He had a bad heart, Father Steve, bad heart. And raging, raging homosexual. He really was. Because what happens in Exorcism, if these people choose to become perfectly possessed, a lot of times people don't even know that the possession has happened because it goes past the point of the fight.

Because there comes a point where a person realizes that their will and their mind and their thoughts and their body are starting to be controlled by someone else. They start to fight against it. That's when you start seeing the odd events, the screaming, the banging, all of those, like all the things that are traditionally, I guess, related to Exorcism. It's ironic. It also sounds like everything that's traditionally related to a bad relationship. You know, your personality changes, screaming, fighting, physical violence. You're going apple picking. You're going apple picking.

You're doing all this shit. You're spending afternoons like Kia, just going to be like, no, I love this shade of brown. I love how it's going to feel in our house. So after we buy this, it's going to take us eight hours to put it together and we're going to fight the whole. I love to do that. It's not a complaint. I love this. This is really, really wonderful.

So when the Exorcism actually comes, when these people, when they start showing all of these symptoms, that's when their friends or family, like they start to seek help. A lot of people go to mental health professionals. Well, because that is actually an interesting breakdown of the actual symptoms of temporal lobe epilepsy, is that they talk about it like they watched. I was watching this documentary called the fifth dimension was a series of documentaries. They did one on exorcisms and they showed patients of temporal lobe epilepsy and they experienced a lot of the same things, weird voices, full body contusions. But without any medication modicate, basically like doctors were like, we're going to kind of run some current through these people and amp up their seizures so we can show that these. They talk about a feeling of otherness like all the time they talk about how like when people suffer from epilepsy feel like they're trapped inside their own body that they're that they're watching themselves from outside of the body. Like that there's someone in the room watching them.

It's really interesting how the brain and then it's well and that's a lot of the thing with near death experiences as well. A lot of people who have seizures on hospital beds and things like that, like durian surgeries. Technically, I mean, you could when you die, you know, for brief moments, that's what they say that is as well. It's like when you like an halo when you die and then you get a what's the term? Respawn it's like the same thing where it's all of a sudden you like pop out because your brain has the sort of digital information of what the dimensions of what the room are. And it just angles itself like basically it's like a 3D hologram imager. Like you just like can see the whole room from different angles. But then there's just a question of whether or not the activity is actually coming straight from our brains or there is an external source that is making your brain like behave that way.

Absolutely is. I just read an article on Dick Cheney. He's on his second heart. He's a total sociopath and didn't deserve his first one. He died on the operating table. And you know what his big post death life was? What? Eating spaghetti and drinking wine in Italy. That's what he was doing.

And they said, was your family there? And he said, no, no. Absolutely not. That's true. No, my family wasn't there. I was just drinking wine and eating spaghetti in Italy. Yeah. I mean, that's all.

Fucking Illuminati. Like James Gandolfini. It's amazing. Well, what an exorcist actually does when that point of a contentious, when that choice is made for the person to fight back. The priest comes in to essentially fight for the person. It's by proxy. It's by proxy. The person themselves cannot actually fight the spirit.

They don't have the power to fight. But the priest who has the power of Jesus Christ can fight it. And this power is given to him. Which is similar to the strength of the power if you're fighting for Aquaman. That's right. Wonder Woman. It plays with the analogy of a marriage counselor in a terrible relationship. I'm fighting for you.

I know Elizabeth got big. And I know for a fact that you stopped caring about your job, Robert. You know what, Elizabeth? I just hate the fucking counselor. That's all I'm saying. The unite in hating the counselor. That's it. That is a nice thing.

Hate is a great uniter. So now we get into the actual process of exorcism and the spirits themselves. This is great. Now the spirits and virtually every exorcism at a crucial point, the possessing spirit will refer to itself interchangeably as I and we, and is easily referred to my and our. I'm taking him. We are as strong as death. We're all the same.

We are legions. We are legions. We are legions. We are legions is the big thing. One spirit when one exorcist asks, what is your name? The exorcist replied, multis, magnum, gross, grosser, grossest. Several times, 77 legions. Oh, he's just going down the list of the condoms.

But that's really interesting. I think that there's something to the idea of collective unconscious. Did that whole episode on demons? We talk about these sort of archetype of demons, like specific demons. Like that's what they look up when they go through the exorcism because it's a part of, I guess, what you'll talk about it more, but they need that specific name to hold on to like dispel the demon and it just seems like these sort of archetypal figures that have been following us throughout all of humankind kind of like come back.

Right. In this. It's like they're saying stories that when they talk about Azazel, when they talk about Ubuzu, like they're talking about like would probably all these historical figures. Yeah. Yeah, Ubuzu. I'm going to name my dog Ubuzu. Yeah, because you got booze in there.

Oh, I always keep them drunk. What about this me? I feel like there's a lot of exorcisms like the fan trucker I referenced earlier with Bob Larson. He's like, me want to stay. I mean, that's just bad improv. That's bad improv. Okay. Well, some people, certain spirits, there are definitely tiers of spirits within hell

and definitely tiers of intelligence in hell. Some exorcists say that they are fighting with a demon and they feel the intelligence either being raised or lowered as in the demon will either call for the help of a higher demon or will leave. It's like being a blockbuster and you need your manager to come over to approve a discount. Right. Exactly. And of course, above all is Lucifer, the very tip-top.

Right. One demon instead of Lucifer, those who accepted, those who accept the claimant and the claimant is essentially this gathering of demons because rarely do demons only attack alone. It's like a corporation. It is. There's so many weird allegories that you could put into this scenario. Exactly. Well, of course, on the last episode we interviewed Shane Morton, a wonderful, secular, humanist

and a great makeup artist for your pretty face is going to hell. It sounds much like the show that you star in on Adult Swim, Henry, where it's like different hierarchy of demons. Obviously, you would be a lesser demon if you did possess somebody in that character. I'm a lesser demon. And when that character would possess people, because that was like the original conceit of the show. It's sort of an office comedy, but set in sort of like a touch by an angel scenario.

But like, I would need permission. Touched by an angel came up in the pitch meeting for that show? Yeah. Yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah. I needed permission who's there like on fucking call for my manager. Right.

Right. Yeah. Those who accept the claimant have his will. Only the will. The will of the kingdom. The will of the will of the will of the will of the will of the will of the will of the will. That sounds like something from bonkers radio.

Say no. Say no. No. No. No. And if you are a true horror fan, listen to that, ladies and gentlemen. And so a spirit's allegiance to Lucifer is can only be overshadowed by its hatred of Jesus Christ.

And no spirit can actually say the name of Jesus. Never has anyone actually come across- Yeah, speak with that like that Haley Joel Osmond. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haley Joel Osmond. You're just saying the child actor Haley Joel Osmond right now. You know what? You're not possessed.

You have to go to school. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have a sharp little kernel of dookie stuck in my butthole. The demons usually refer to Jesus Christ as the other, the latter, that person, or the unmentionable. Yeah. I like that person.

Yeah. That person. What do you mean that? That person. Interesting. So the spirit- and here's- this is something that I find- But why can't they just say the name Jesus? Because it's the worst thing to them.

It's the absolute worst thing to them. It's the one thing that can defeat them. Jesus Christ has the power to defeat them. True blue-eyed, blonde-haired, white warrior of goodness. Yeah. And if you just like make all of what you just said opposite, you've just described Jesus. And it goes- all of it goes back to Jesus in the Bible, where Jesus was the best exorcist that ever could have existed.

Because he was at- before that, before Jesus came, exorcisms were almost impossible. Well, he discovered that there was a secret to exorcism, which is you kick the girl in the vagina. Oh, isn't that something? That's what you don't understand. It's if you repeatedly kick a girl in the vagina, you shoot the demon out of the top of her head. You know, Mr. Christ, will you give me the Jesus boot?

Put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put, put. Like he's the kicker for the Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, what a lovely story that was. So Jesus was able to go up to any actual exorcised person and able to exorcise them almost immediately. Cause I am. Cause I am. Exactly. You just got done.

You got done. You've been Christed. Yeah. And he empowers to his 12 disciples who were then able to go out into the world and exorcise whoever they chose. And those disciples were just using that shit to get chicks. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely.

Probably little boys. Yeah, you never know. And then I would appreciate it if you would stop looking at me like I'm a priest. Why? Because the contempt in your eyes this entire episode. I don't have contempt. Has been creepy. I've heard all this.

Every time you say Jesus, I smell myrrh and it makes me mad. Yeah. No, I love what you're saying. I know all this stuff. Does it? Myrrh sucks. Yeah. What was the third thing?

Gold. I like gold. I like the gold. Whoever got him the gold, Jesus was like, that's my favorite. That's my favorite of the three wise men for sure. Anybody got a rattle or something? Anybody got one of those six that helped me learn letters? Yeah, the other two wise men.

I am a baby. Of course you brought the gold. I just brought the frankincense. I brought the marbles. Fucking cockle. Cock-colder. Cock-colder. Steve over here brings the gold.

So Jesus Christ gives the power of exorcisms to priests, but apparently it gets diluted somewhere because the actual power that the priests have isn't as great as that of Jesus Christ himself. Of course. Sure. So it takes a lot more. Here's something that I find fucking fascinating, is that what they say is that there are three levels of psychic phenomena in the world.

There is the human, there is the preternatural, and there is the supernatural. Supernatural, that is God, that is Jesus, those are the holiest of holy things. Sure. Preternatural, that's where the spirits are in the middle. Noem. Slapper cons. Yeah. You have telekinesis, telepathy, those sorts of things, and then the human is at the very

bottom. Yeah, which is just like digging holes to take a dump in and like how to pick up stock of corn and other dumb shit that humans have been doing since the beginning of time. Important steps though in the right direction. Which is tomato, which is a fucking, I don't know, which is a tomato. Strawberry. Pump. What's a tomato?

I don't even know. Just holding these humans just saying it over and over again. What's a tomato? What's a goddamn tomato? What's a tomato? I keep hearing about these tomatoes. I keep finding these apples. I'll never get out of this fucking cave.

We'll just call those apples tomatoes and call it a day. I'm going to go rape my wife. So the demons and the evil spirits, they only have access to the preternatural world. They have no actual physical being themselves. That's why they, that's one another reason why they want to possess humans because they cannot actually have any sort of influence on the material world unless they are hosted by a human body. And they're jealous of our life and they're jealous of like our freedoms.

Yes. Right. You know. Just like Osama bin Laden. I didn't say that. Yeah. But you meant it. I agree.

But this, the powers that these demons use while they're preternatural powers, that's where the screaming, all the banging, the shit flying around the room, the weird smells. That's where it comes from. Yeah. That's a big thing as far as possession goes. Right. A lot of people will talk about like the rotting meat within the room, but other people talk about smells among the person before the actual exorcism happens.

Like one was said that the person had an off smell. Ed Larsen. Ed Larsen. Like it was like nothing, they said it wasn't necessarily unpleasant, nor was it pleasant. It was just strange. Yeah. Then you marry that person. You know, it's like, well, the smell's awful, but it's not unpleasant.

That's your husband or your wife. It's like the smell of like hospitals, or like the smell of like bandages and shit like that. Yeah. But it does seem like stuff like that. Yeah. The devil or demons, they tend to possess people. You know, if you want to go back to like, you know, jealousy of life, they tend to possess

people that look as if they don't really live an exciting one. But that's a part of the explanation. That's where they, where multiple personality fits in. They talk about a lot of times when people get possessed. It's like the, Colin Wilson used two examples of like one was like, who's Colin Wilson? Colin Wilson wrote this book called Poltergeist, which was an explanation point. And he basically said like, one was a girl who had no friends who was a librarian who was like super quiet and stuff.

Right. And then when she got possessed, she became this like highly sexualized woman who was like a lot of fun and they all look literally like it's kind of an improvement when Mary Shelley went ahead and like changed herself, but you know, like she's not her anymore technically. Right. So they say that's a part of the latent personality coming forward and that your, your brain can then use the possession excuse in order to do things that it's like morals wouldn't normally

allow itself to do. And that would also explain these sort of like stinky meat sort of odors and things like that. Just the overall, say it again, you know, the non sanitary ways of the people that tend to be possessed. Yeah. Well, it said that some of the people in the book that were possessed, I mean, these weren't boring people at all.

One guy was the head of a congregation in Greenwich Village, very popular pastor that was eventually possessed. Another one was the leading parapsychologist in America. I love that story. What was that? What was the Greenwich Village guy? What years because that was in the late or I think it was at a late or early sixties. Yeah.

Yeah. Late sixties early sixties. That was a Bob Dylan's time. Okay. I was going to, if he was anywhere between seventies and eighties, I would say heroin. No, no, no. This is Darren. He was one of the, he was originally a Catholic priest who went on to open his own fellowship

in Greenwich Village and was actually there with the beatniks and the hippies and whatnot and a lot of them came into his congregation. The parapsychologist is an extremely interesting story in that this guy was, he was really big into astral projection. He was really big into telepathy, things like that. Astral Weeks, a great Van Morrison album. Wonderful Van Morrison album. Yeah, it's a good album.

And so this man, his demon, each of these demons have names. There was one demon in the book named Uncle Ponto. Oh, okay. Yeah. He was like, Ariel Castro's uncle. Uncle Ponto. The uncle Ponto, thank you for the gift of the dog leash that you gave me for me to stand.

I take the woman, I tie the woman to the border with the dog leash. Yes. Your nephew did some terrible things, uncle. Also his name, Mr. Natch, the one that possessed the priest, his name was Mr. Natch. The one that possessed the parapsychologist, his name was the tortoise because he played the long game of possession. He pulled this guy in through parapsychology, through astral possession, all of this. As the guy accepted more and more of these, the demon gained more and more control over

this man's body. And so when the priest came in, the demon that is inside a person, they can only use what natural talents a person has in the first place. So if a person doesn't have any psychic talents in the first place, there's not going to be a whole lot of telekinesis going on. It's a bad body. It's a bad body. It's like being born.

It's like, you know, as a human being, you can only sort of do what your environment allows. It's like being born in Venezuela. Yeah, you could teach me how to play basketball for weeks and then you toss me into the NBA. I'm going to get crippled. Yeah, it's just not happening. So this guy had these intense psychological powers. He was able to do, like he was actually able to do telepathy.

He was very adept in astral projection. And this time, the whole time, he's probably just thinking, oh, I'm finally onto something. Yes. He had this entire time. He's thinking that he is close to finding the original meaning of Christianity. He thinks that he's traveling back in time and actually possessing the body of a Roman soldier. And he thinks that he's on the cusp of almost meeting Jesus and finding out the true meaning

of Christianity. So eventually he breaks down. He starts going crazy. The possession truly begins. He truly begins getting taken over by the spirit. So what do they do to- What are some of the actions that he does after he gets fully taken over by the spirit? I mean, he starts- You know, it's just acting strangely, passing out, being aggressive.

Yeah, putting his shoes on his hands and walking around like pouring tea into the kitchen floor. Oh, we're having a party, everyone, you know, something's wrong with Ronald. He would go from being aggressive to dead-eyed. Like there would be no, like no vestige of his old personality remained whatsoever. So while he was still rooted in Christianity, he had had a student years before in the parapsychology department that was an ordained priest who also had psychic powers, very strong psychic powers. So when this guy started going crazy, when they started seeing some signs that something

wasn't quite right, they brought in this other priest. So what you had was a psychic battle between a priest and a demon. So a psychic priest? A psychic priest. Man, he knew all the boys' penises signs in sephinal air. And this battle was so fucking hard that it killed the priest. Hell yeah. The priest died not long after the exorcist.

Which priest died? The one who was being exorcised or the exorcist? The exorcist. Really? Hell yeah. And this is a season, a season, the exorcist. That's one for us. Like exorcists have very short life spads.

These guys don't survive very long. Yeah, because most of their job is going like, get out! Get out, Saturday, but Jesus Christ, get out, you know, like that's like our lives. Definitely, definitely. It's completely unclear why one person is chosen for possession and another isn't. There is, we have no idea why people are chosen. Some might be, like we don't know if they're chosen by selection. No way to be sure.

When one asked why did you choose this person, the spirit replied he was chosen before he was born. He had direct TV. I had to watch the last- He got that full sports package. I want to see the ravens on Sunday! I don't want to just put homeland on regular cable. So out of all of the stories in the book, the most fascinating by far is Richard Rita.

Richard Rita was a transgender- It's bad to have a lady's name as your last name. Well, no, no, no. That was the reason why it was Richard Rita's because he was a transgendered male, male to female. I was being insensitive. That's right. Oh, now you admit that.

That was one of the least insensitive things you've said on the show. So Richard Rita, male to female, he let the spirit inside him as a child, obsessed with femininity, had identity issues his entire life. He also always had the desire to be a woman. Yeah, daddy kept trying to get him into football, he's listening to cabaret, there's nothing to be done. Well, I'll tell you one thing, dad, I love the shoulder pads. I just don't like the hidden.

And so this guy was completely, I mean, he was fighting against this femininity his entire life. I'm going to read some excerpts from the book. There are three different excerpts. I think there is a bunch of examples of people that are hiding their sexuality that end up in these scenarios because that is just the ultimate horrible lie because it's like it's written on your face. It's written in your fucking jeans.

So you, you and you have to deny it because you're already living a double life and like the same thing with serial killers. It's the same thing with John Wayne Gacy. Same thing with my opa, who was Jewish and also a German soldier as a Jew. We only got like two more weeks of this forever and ever, my friend, forever and ever. But no, it is an interesting thing. The, it is a situation of the times. It's, it's ironic.

This isn't the early 1960s, early 1960s and yeah, that time that makes sense. It's a bizarre and strange to think that the idea of being possessed was more normal, was more accepted than the idea of being like, I just want to wear a dress, not, not in this case at all. His parents and his family was very excited society. Yeah. Oh really? His family was accepting and uh, yeah, they were definitely supportive of the entire thing.

That's really interesting. Isn't that interesting? Like that's the weird thing about it. So on the nut. If we have any transgendered people out there, any young kids listening, you think you want to be a girl or vice versa? Go for it. Yeah.

Do it. Do it. I mean, we'll get to the acceptance in a little bit. But first I want to talk about, I want to read an excerpt about his wedding night. Oh. Throughout his engagement. Lucky lady. I don't want to cry.

Throughout his engagement to his wife, they had never gone past the very occasional kiss of passion as they lay in bed on their wedding night. First knuckle kind of guy. This is the scariest story we've read on the show. Is this a creepypasta? Richard turned to Maura, his wife, and said, now darling, now Lakehouse is full of them. I am all of me tonight. They began the act of love.

She heard his voice again. Open your eyes. Look at me. The sight of his face froze every muscle in her body. It was a flat, featureless face without a line, no expression. His eyes were open, but they were unblinking and still, sightless hollows. Richard began to feel himself as her, his female self, no longer inside of his own body. He heard a voice, though he knew not where it came from.

Let me take you, secret and all, mystery and all, Richard, I'm your fucker, your fucker. Let me. Maura was clawing at his back, suffocating under the heavy weight of his body, screaming, terrified. That's just normal. Yeah, no, you're doing it right. He ejaculated in the midst of her terror and rolled off. When Maura opened her eyes, Richard was over by the far wall, let her open her in hand,

tearing and gouging at the wall with wide sweeps while hammering the wall with a clenched fist. A muffled groan, rising and falling was all she heard from him. Yeah, because she wasn't a man. Maura ran out of the bedroom, never to return. Yeah, I mean, this is why you kind of want to cohabitate before you get married. You should do a bunch of stuff before you just like go ahead and wait until you get married.

You know, ladies, if you're with a guy and you're like creeped out and you have sex with him, a little test, put a letter opener by the bed. When he says like, oh, I can't. She grabs it afterwards and starts stabbing the wall. Yeah, it's like, I am all of me now. No. This is a bad sign. Bad, bad, bad.

You know? Yeah, she never saw it. Dead expressionless eyes, that's just him trying not to come too fast. Right, yeah. So don't worry about the dead expressionless eyes. Sometimes it happens. Right. And that's just because sometimes, I mean, you know, that's just how he's got to be.

Maybe his back hurts. Well, I think he was just being a little bit lazy and he didn't want to, I mean, he was just laying on her. Yeah, he wanted to pretend he was a man. He was like some kind of like couch. Yeah. And so this is a story of the first time he truly went to the dark side. That wasn't it?

I thought that was it. No, no, no. That was just dipping a toe in. Yeah, that was dipping a toe in. Yeah. And by the way, he never saw... Is that what he did to her? He never saw his wife again.

No, that's for the best. Oh, they broke up? That's weird. She ran out that night and he never saw her again. Yeah, yeah, that's for the best, yeah. He began to have regular visits with prostitutes. No woman ever came back a second time. It was not male sexuality that impelled him, but a jealous curiosity about the female and

feminine. He noticed a duality of ecstasy and death in women during sex. Their moans of pleasure so close to those of pain. One night during a business trip in the middle of a snowstorm while walking back to his hotel, he heard a moaning sound from some bushes and trees that stood in a deserted area between two houses. No one was in sight and all the houses around were dark. Behind the bushes, he came across a spread-eagled form of a young girl.

She had been raped and stabbed, clothes torn off. Between her legs and at her shoulder, blood stained the snow in small, dark places. Richard was fascinated. He watched for a while. He crept forward, keeping his head down from the wind, then stopped and watched more closely. The girl was still moaning, head twitching. He remembers little else. He recalls tearing off his clothes feverishly, fearing she might die before he finished what

he wished to do. He recalls the wind whistling music in his ears, and then marvelously, I like that. Changing his music to words. He remembers catching the last glance of the girl who stared at him for one instant before her eyes went completely dead. He felt her body shudder. He stood in a moment of triumph.

He had achieved the ultimate watch on woman. He felt the security of being controlled in the promise of success. You shall be his woman. Months later, Richard would finally see his dream of being a woman actualized. He finally had the sex change. Yay! I mean, I don't like this guy. You know?

He didn't call the police? Yeah, I mean, you don't want to have been raped. No, he charged her until she died. After she had already been raped. That's the thing, though, is that it's still just like you've found her raped? Yeah, yeah. Why would he lie? About the first part.

It's like somebody else already had her going. Yeah, but he would lie because then you finished her. Yeah, I mean, he did the worst thing technically. I don't know why he even heard about that guy. Was he possessed? What's that? When was the possession? That's the possession.

The possession began when he was a child. That's the possession? Yeah, possession. When he rapes the girl? No, that's when the possession starts becoming darker. That's what he had. He got really bad. When the spirit starts to become fully him.

Yeah, we skipped past all the things where he didn't return a bunch of blockbuster videos. And then, you know, like he went up the down escalator a couple of times. Those were, that's like the beginning levels. Yeah. But then now he cut his penis off and now he is a woman. Now he is a woman. He didn't cut his penis off. He had doctors do it.

He went to a doctor. Yeah. Yeah. But he still raped and killed a woman. Doctor just sucked on his mouth. I heard that's what they do with the surgery, right? Where the doctor just... You get a priest in there.

Yeah. Sucks on your nose until your penis shoots up inside him. Oh, is it that something? Yeah. And in 1973, Rita attended her first black mass. I mean, why isn't she in prison? Because she wasn't caught. That's a thing.

Okay. I feel better now. This isn't from a police report. This is from testimony given by Richard Rita to the author of the book. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah. So he just said this like it was normal.

Yeah. Right. Right. But it's just with his balls, with his dick. No, no. You didn't do it. He didn't do it. He didn't do it.

Yeah. At the pre-party of the black mass. The pre-party of the black mass. We missed the wrong generation. We really... I guess so. I mean, I'm not even going to go into the details of this party, but this party sounded fucking kick-ass.

Yeah. Like it was... There was a... There was a... There was a pool. Everyone was drinking, having a good time. Nobody throws a black mass anymore. Yeah, that's true.

That's true. I'm going to do it. All right. Well, let me... I'm going to read you how they usually go. Let's see. At the pre-party, she felt surprisingly at home, laughing with all the other guests. I mean, I bet they were funny.

Sure. Hilarious, hilarious. At 12.45, she suddenly noticed a hush. Nobody was speaking. The music had gone silent. Three-quarters of the guests had departed. The black mass was about to begin. We did the mash.

We did the monster mash. We did the monster mash. Shut that music off! The remaining guests removed their clothes and calmly undressed Rita. Oh, yeah. They approached her and said, Rita, I am Father Samson, willing minister of our Lord Satan. Hail Satan! Come, let us adore.

Adore him! The guests lifted Rita and placed her back flat on an altar. She heard three voices chanting an old Latin mass. In nominee patrice edfili et spiritis senti et domini nostri satanis. A woman. You're so pleased. Yeah, you nailed it. You nailed it, Marcus.

Thank you. A woman pricked Rita's vein, letting drops of blood fall into a chalice mixed with wine. Father Samson parted Rita's legs and mounted the altar. Here, let's get at her then. Yup. You lay there, right? You let your old father Samson do what he's gotta do. Don't worry about it over.

Look at his plan. He entered Rita fully and sipped from the chalice and made Rita do the same. Bob, have some. Have some. You'll like it. You'll like it. You'll like it. Oh, swine.

Oh, okay. Father Samson started to rhythmically push and pull in Rita, saying as a refrain, Satan, Satan, Satan, lengthening the first syllable as he drew partially out of Rita and hitting the second syllable with her emphasis as he drove back. Oh, take it easy, Henry. Jesus, he's gonna rock hard over here. Yeah, you don't like me fucking this pumpkin? Not exactly.

I'm gonna eat that pumpkin later. Rita could hear heavy breathing, but could see no face, only the outline of a head. She murmured, Father Samson, Lord Satan, Father Samson, Lord, but was interrupted by a harsh, grating sound of a single word coming to her, or coming to her through the heavy breathing. Girl fixer, girl fixer, girl fixer. Rita no longer heard the chant of Satan. Now everyone at the party seemed to be joining in. Girl fixer, girl fixer, girl fixer, girl fixer, girl fixer.

Father Samson was now probing the inside of Rita's rectum, massaging, massaging, scooping, probing, pushing, pulling. He heaved and shook. Have me, girl fixer, Father Satan, have me, smell me, fuck me, through, through. Rita screamed as she came, and organ notes thundered, filling the air. The scene subsided slowly, and Rita knew a shadow was affixed to her soul, not to be dispelled until the day of her exorcism. And that was the best birthday I ever had.

That's right. And then Roman Polanski came in, and was like, what did I miss? I was busy drinking. So right over to the top tub, I got this girl scout, oh, ready to party in here, oh, you guys already done? Oh, you know that Mr. Rita there, she's got, she's got balls, you know that, right? You guys were going to tell me I missed the cocktail winnings? That was terrible, that was terrible.

Girl fixer was the name of Rita's demon. Oh, girl fixer. Girl fixer. Yeah, girl fixer. Girl fixer. Sounds like something Clive Barker would create in the Hellraiser series. Yeah, but it would never involve a lady, that's for certain. He is the biggest homosexual on the face of the planet.

Clive Barker is. Yeah. Is he really? He's ripped. Really? Yeah. Like Rod Halford? Like, kind of like Chuck Palinick.

Oh, really? Just fucking jacked. Huge. I didn't know that he was gay though. A lot of v-necks. Yeah, have you seen Hellraiser? Yeah, I mean it was just the 80s, that's what I thought. No, he designed all the costumes.

From stuff he saw in the old, you know, these village back in the day. Yeah, of course. So now I think we're going to play a fun game. Now that we've done this, we've learned a little bit. A little bit. We're going to play a little fun game. So I went looking for a real exorcism footage. And what's really fun is that there's a shit ton of it.

Yes. Because there's a lot of people that like want to have fun making fun voices for an afternoon. That's right. So we're going to play a little game called real exorcism noise or funny cat noise. Yes. Actually, I'm the one who looks up the cute animal noises and little pugs playing piano. I did it this time. And Henry, how much fun is it?

It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine with the cat noises. It's the baby videos. I hate baby videos. Well, there are some cute babies out there. I like baby videos. Sure, yeah, fuck it.

You ever seen the one, the baby ripping the paper and he keeps laughing? That's the one I wanted to play in the last show. I love that. I hate it. But it rips the paper and the baby's thrilled. Thoroughly thrilled. Where's the workmanship? I mean, there was some.

Anyway, all right, Marcus. So we're going to play a noise and we're going to decide whether or not it is an exorcism noise or funny cat noise. Funny cat noise or exorcism. That's an exorcism. That's an exorcism, sure. Yeah, yeah. You are correct.

It is an exorcism. Play along at home, everybody. I want to see your scorecards on the Facebook page. Here, a little bit more of that. He just said, go to hell. Ooh, she's wearing a tracksuit. You don't know, she's sitting on a pasta bowl full of ravioli. Interesting.

She's going to let me go. Get the water. Whoa. She's waking up the roommates, that's for certain. Definitely. You don't have what you want. All right, so next one, funny cat noise or exorcism. Let's hear it.

I'm going to go exorcism. I'm going to say exorcism. With 192,000 views, cat making weird noises. Cat makes weird noises. Wow, that's incredible. They're rubbing him with a little scratchy brush. There's brushing. I swear to God, that is a possessed cat right there.

You should see him. Oh, cute cat though. All right, all right, all right, all right. One-on-one. All right, next up, exorcism or funny cat noise. In the name of Jesus God, I styled this minga. I command the spirit of evil to leave now. Me don't want to leave.

I mean, that one's kind of a gimmie. I just kind of want to play me don't want to leave. Me don't want to leave. What's the name of that video, Marcus? Because this woman's hilarious. Scary demons and spirits attack people on film. It is kind of a must-see. Is that the one that looks like a worse off Jackie?

Yes, definitely. Jackie Zabrowski, of course, from the round table of gentlemen. Next up, exorcism or funny cat. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, I know what it is, but I don't want to say it because I want to listen. No, no, no, no, no, no. I can just listen to this all day long. This should be the episode.

No, no, no, no. That's a cat. That's a cat. That's a funny cat. That's a funny cat. Russian cat. Apparently, it's a breed in Russia. They're the only ones that talk like that.

It's got throat cancer. It's definitely going to die. All right, real exorcism or funny cat noise. Ooh, ooh. Ooh, this is a tough one. Well, the smokers' lug kind of gives it the real exorcism. You don't see the exorcist choking this woman above a bucket. That's what he's doing.

Oh, that's the woman that bombets, yeah. Yeah. All right, so that's a real exorcism. That's very close. Minus, as soon as you were like, oh, no, no. Cats don't smoke three packs of Newport today. Never mind. That's a human.

That's tough to tell, though. All right, exorcism or funny cat. She farted. She farted. I think she farted. She farted. Marcus, let's rewind that. Let's just make sure that she farted.

Let's get real here. She farted. I mean, if you're the priest, you got to laugh at that. You got to break exorcism. Well, you know, this is just too much. You put that on the blooper reel, all right? That is goofy stuff. All right, this is our last one.

All right. Exorcism or funny cat. All right. Your question is a dog. It's a dog, everybody. You been goofed. You just got goofed. Y'all done been goofed?

Y'all done been. We're the devil. Telling you lies. I fucking love it. What's the name of that video so they can see? You got to see this dog. The ugly dog makes weird noises. It is a very accurate, accurate description of what the video is.

So now that we played the game, we got that out of the way. We all had fun. That was one of our favorite games we've ever played. We're going to do something that we promised you at the very beginning of this month, which we would do. Now it's time to begin the seance. Yes. To try to call our Lord and Master Satan himself into the room.

So let us begin by lighting the candles. You do have three candles on the table here. One's pink and two are brown. I thought they were black. And the store thought it was black. And then when I took them out here, I realized that they were poo poo brown. They are poo poo brown. And like bourbon brown.

Bourbon brown. Oh yeah, sure. That's generous. All right. Marcus is lighting up the first candle there. And I don't know what the scent is on these. I don't think there's any. I'm pretty sure it is poo poo brown.

Is it poo poo brown? And I have one with the little blonde dyed blue-air. It's like a fucking baby Jesus on it. Yeah. Little racist. I think the baby Jesus would look like. It's kind of cute. Okay.

So I pulled up this seance how-to from WikiHow. Okay. So you know it's legit. Now this is WikiHow. Yeah. They always have the right answers for what you're looking for. Yep. So our hands are now on the Ouija board.

Your hands are not on the Ouija board. All right. Well, it's a theater of the mind. This is what this is here. So we're going to try to get it over there here. Okay. I'm officially touching it now. Super light.

You got such a heavy finger. Well, I know. I know. All right. So this is the chant that WikiHow says that we should do. Okay. What's the chant? First half of the burp.

All right. Is that part of the chant? Yeah. You have to do that. Okay. So first everybody at home listening burp. You got to expel your inner demons. Your inner demons.

All right. Did you just fart? No, I did not. That was my chair. Sure. I'm not possessed by the devil. Spirits of the past move among us. Be guided by the light of this world and visit upon us.

Beloved Satan, we bring you gifts from life into death. Be guided by the light of this world and visit upon us. No movement. Let me. No movement yet. No movement yet. But the candle did pop when you said Satan. The candle did pop.

Yes, it did. Oh my God. It's working. It is working. Let me try to read it again. All right. Do it like Detective Popcorn. Spirits of the past move among us.

Be guided by the light of this world and visit upon us. So delicious. So buttery. I could barely get my hand on this Ouija placard. So slippery. Beloved Satan, we bring you gifts from life into death. Juju bees. Bite off the end of a twizzler.

You can use it like a straw with your coke in it. Be guided by the light of this world and visit upon us. Dear delicious Satan. Well, there seems to be a little bit of movement now. And we've got what letter there, Marcus? Let's just put it on the letter R. It's on R. It's on R.

It's on R. Okay. So then you just got it. Oh, it is moving. Oh, it is. Yeah. It is moving. Let's see here.

We have an eye. We have an eye. Yeah. Do we have an eye? Can we get an eye? Eye. Survey says? It's an eye.

Eye. Interesting. I mean the M. It's a C. Oh, it's a C. C. It's a C. Okay.

It's a K. It's a K. Rick. Rick. Rick. Rick. Who is Rick? Is it another R?

Ricky. It's Ricky. Ricky. Where do you come from, Ricky? Are you the, are you like a retarded boy that used to live in this basement? And we've got a yes. Yes, we have a confirmation on Ricky. That's good.

So what do you want from us? What would you want from us, Ricky? What could we do to help you release your soul? Let's ask yes or no questions mostly. Ricky, are you happy? Are you happy where you are, Ricky? We have a no. Of course not.

We have a no. Ricky, are you in heaven with the Lord Jesus and his angels? No. Resounding no. Multiple times with the no. That went fast. Very fast with Ricky. What could we do to release you from hell and bring you to heaven, Ricky?

Spell it out, Ricky. Spell it out if you can. F. A? F. It seems to be an F and then he's going with an A. U. U.

N. Fun. Why? Funi. He's a bad speller, maybe. Oh. Fun, not a funia. N.

Are you trying to spell Funions? Funions. Funions. I don't even know if that's how you spell Funions. It's Funions. Is that how you spell Funions? That's what it is. That's how Ricky spells Funions.

Oh, okay. Yeah. We have no control over this. Yeah. Funions. Ricky. Okay. So you want to...

Well, this is successful. Yeah. This is really successful. I'm glad we did this. This was just a great... I'm so happy everyone waited a whole month for us to summon the devil. Well, Ricky will get you some Funions and we'll work that out for you, you know? Yeah.

Twin Peaks. Dallas. Dallas and Sopranos. We're a bunch of Warrens in here. Yeah, we are. Just call me Elizabeth. Elizabeth Warren. I will call you Elizabeth.

Thank you. I was thinking maybe you would say Rick rolled and then we could just play that song. No. No, I didn't do that. I mean, Ricky didn't do that. No, I know. I mean, no, we did contact Ricky. Well, this is great.

Isn't that fun? This is a lot of fun. Well, this is... I honestly want to say try it at home. Try it at home. Look it up and do it right. Take off. It's important to light.

You need groups of three. You need three candles. Everything needs to be divisible by three and actually properly do the same. Get some Funions. Get some Funions. Really? When we were children actually in high school, it was... We used to do quite a bit with the Ouija board and I swear by it that it would possess

the house and the cat would go crazy and it nearly killed my friend, Josh Kahn. I watched a Ouija board set itself on fire in elementary school. I did see that. I do believe in it. And I will say that this is one of the most powerful nights to do it. We have tonight and tomorrow night. We're ringing in the holiday. Do it, man.

Bring the end times. This is your fucking shot at the mic. You know what I mean? We can't do it. We have psychic blocks, but there are listeners out there that can totally summon a demon and I want you to summon a fucking demon. Take a picture of it. Well, of course.

Please put it on record. Put it on the Facebook page. Yeah. Yes, definitely. And I want to thank the woman I forget her name who posted the picture of Mr. Dwyer. Oh, yeah. The politician who shot himself in the head had never seen the full footage. Really?

It's pretty sweet. Oh, the waterfall of blood that just comes pouring out of that man's nostrils. It is quite permanent. Holy Lord. Her name is Kelsey Menke. Thank you so much, Kelsey. That was an intense, intense video. And honestly, the irony about that video, for every time you're like, I want to shoot

myself in the head and watch that video and be like, oh, yeah, that's what it looks like. Never mind. So this draws to a close our celebration of October. Yes. It's been an emotional ride. It has been. We have had so many great discussions and we've heard so many amazing tales from our listeners and from our friends.

And so don't worry. And then we have a bunch of crazy shit lined up for the next couple of weeks. Oh, yeah. We ain't stopping. We ain't slowing down. That's right. And you don't stop. And you don't slow down.

Whatever you want to do with your life, you do. If you work at McDonald's, you become a manager of that McDonald's. Yeah. You get all the fish fillets out as fast as possible first thing. Yeah. And fucking steal one ball every day from the ball pit until the kids jump in and hurt their backs because you stole all the balls. And you're having a great time in your own tub.

So Hail Satan, everyone. Hail Satan, everyone. Happy Halloween. I hope it's beautiful. I hope you have the greatest Halloween you've ever had. Make crooked love underneath an old dark tree. Crooked love under a dark tree. Yeah.

Yes. All right, everyone. Magustal Asians. Heil Gain. Heil me as well. Heil yourselves. And are we missing one? Peace be with you.

And also with you. Yeah. Hail Satan. Yeah. Except for Lord Jesus Christ in your body. No, no, no, no, no. You imagine that's how we end this. This is actually a huge ruse by Bob Larson to get people into Jesus Christ.