Last Podcast On The Left - Florida Files: Eaten Alive

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

This week the boys take a look at the dark side of "The Sunshine State" as Ed Larson serves up some of Florida's most infamous cases of alligator attacks and drug-fueled cannibalism in this, the first-ever: Florida Files. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes and get exclusive access to bonus content.

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started Yes, yes Man I'm so hungry today. I woke up hungry. I think I'm gonna go down to the, we have that manmade lake that's close here. And I think I want to consume an 85 year old woman.

Think about it, think about it. I wanna pull her down into the water. Just hear me out, this might be crazy. You might be an intrusive thought. But I kind of have this inkling. I've been wanting to do it and maybe now that I'm 40 Yeah, maybe now it's okay for me to really finally live my dreams Which I've always wanted to grab an old woman by her cardigan pull her down into a swamp roll her around in the mud

Yeah, right until she eventually stops kicking leave her there till she gets off and then come back later and feast upon her flight That's something I've always wanted to do and I've never gotten to do it And you know what? I think today might be your day welcome to last podcast on the left ladies and gentlemen We have the ravenous Henry Zabrowski. My name is Marcus Parks Henry. How ravenous are you bring me your abuela? Bring me your abuela don't let her hit the ozempic. I don't care what her fucking doctor says I want the tit. Yeah, you want to be able to eat her with a straw Machete once I'm done letting the swamp water soften her Today on last podcast after the incredible reaction we got from our

telecom series from all of the sadness and violence and horribleness and the fascination behind the killer whales. Ed Larson is back today with Florida files. Eating a lie. He's not dead. She's not dead yet. All right. No, don't worry. Don't worry. I'll save some of grandma. What are these? Oh my God. It's her eyeballs. That's my favorite part, man. We're going to get into some eyeballs sucking today to do it. I know that for certain. It will happen. I promise Okay, but first we're going to talk about the perfect killer in Florida the American alligator yeah

Better than the damn Russian and Chinese alligators infiltrating our water There are no Russian alligators, but there are Chinese alligators. They are separate species. Yes. Well, really Yeah, they got smaller heads really. Yes. Awesome. Yeah, so it's not just a fake thing It is real Chinese does the China does have their own That's the friendliest Chinese animal oh it's and it's only five feet long. I can kick that thing's ass. That's cute. They're like fun to have around. But the American alligator is our cutest killing machine. These swamp puppies can be found in almost any body of water in Florida larger than a puddle the American alligator as a Species is 37 million years old and they have been in Florida for at least 18 of those 37 million

Congrats for them. What do you what anniversary is that? 37 million. Yeah, I think it's back to stone Do they live in the villages, am I right? No. Uh-oh. Come on, Marcus. Humans in comparison have only been on Earth for 300,000 years.

Before that, who knows what planet we came from. Yeah, we, thank you, Eddie. Yes, no problem, Henry. Thank you. We were put here. Currently, there are 1.25 million alligators in Florida. String them up! Which means there's about one alligator per 20 people

Yeah, Florida is the only place in the world where alligators and crocodiles coexist the only place in the world Yes, what how so how did crocodiles get in the mix? Well, there's saltwater crocodiles down there roughly a thousand thousand of them in Florida, and recently there have been reports of Nile crocodiles being found in the Everglades as invasive species released into there, so it's gonna be a future disaster. And the worst part is asking them where they're at or where they're supposed to be. It's always hard to get through the denial.

Hey! Because they really can't help me. Well, the alligators, crocodiles are united by one common enemy and that is Floridians. Yeah. Anything can live down there. You just ask your grandparents. Despite public perception from 1948 to 2021, only 26 people have died by unprovoked alligator attacks in Florida The keyword is unprovoked that is exactly the keyword because when you told me this fact the other night you left the word

Unprovoked out of the sentence. Yeah, they feel like provoked I'd be like there's probably at least a that many amount of provoked attack. I mean you jump on an alligator's back That's a fight jump on an alligator's back. That's a fight. That's a whole other thing. You know? So basically what I'm trying to say is they ain't coming for you. We're coming for them. In fact, alligators are more scared of us than we are of them. There have only been 442 unprovoked bites in the history of Florida and only 303 of those were serious injuries such as losses of a limb muscle or self-esteem Well, it's just it is interesting because you view these creatures and I think that a lot of people assume like we've talked about sharks Back in the day we've talked about like people assume that these attacks are really prevalent. I mean with killer whales

Yeah, they kind of we kind of project this upon them where like largely they're very solitary, these creatures, and they don't want to fuck with you. Yeah, crocodiles on the other hand will just attack you. They're hyper aggressive. We saw that when I went to a vaguely illegal St. Augustine alligator farm where you just watch the crocodiles are kept like, alligators are just out Yeah, keep them so fat that they legitimately are so they're legit They're so lethargic and lazy that you just can't even they don't even know that you're there in these parks They will respond to their personal names and come get food from you. It's cute as hell Yeah, but the crocodiles are kept in a cage. Yeah, Amber Nelson had the best analogy for it, which was

Alligators are bees, crocodiles are wasps. Gotcha. You know, all right. So a lot of times when an alligator is found eating a human being, that person was already deceased when the animal came in contact with them. Oh yeah. That's just food.

Yeah, man. Well, I'd also imagine the Everglades are a very popular place to dump bodies. Absolutely. I mean, this happens when people drown on their own. Also, suicide happens a lot down there and any other myriad of ways people die in Florida. In short, you should not be scared of alligators. The chances of even being bit by one

are over three million to one. I'm not scared of alligators. I'm way more scared of sharks and everything else. Alligators I like and I just feel like in my mind I know where the alligator is. It's in a swamp. It's in a river. It's where I don't go. Yeah right there I don't go I don't bleed if I got fucking like let's just say I have my male period going Yeah, every once in a while which is called hemorrhoids and if I go in there Thank you. I go in there right and I'm fucking I know that I'm just leaving a trail of goody

Gushy gush these fucking delicious the fucking smelling alligators are very excited for that and I don't do that Yeah, see sharks are actually the most dangerous wild animal in Florida and snakes Yeah, I imagine the mosquitoes also quite that but you know, they don't kill you like they do in other countries. You get malaria Malaria, they're married to. Malaria malaria doesn't has it Let me ask you this question though when it comes to alligators and how much how aggressive they could be is Part of the reason why there aren't as many animal attacks from alligators because we're very cautious with alligators to begin with? Um, you, you would think that people would be, but people in Florida pretty much just

live in the water. Cause they also, I think on some level they are so comfortable in their areas and they do wait, we, we, when we went on a Gator trip, when we went to in New Orleans, they talk about it. Like you do build a rapport. And in one of the stories you're going cover today They did have a rapport with this alligator. That was like a thing that they hang around They are people kind of you get used to it Yeah, and you know, I think when you grow up in Florida, you're kind of taught these rules, you know

And that's why a good portion of the people who end up getting killed are Taurus or attacked because they don't know the Florida rules. Snowbirds. Yes. Oh these snowbirds, you know when they're coming because I went to go, I went to my favorite diner, normally I sit right there and Antoinette knows exactly what I get which is I get my corned beef hash extra done

because I love it from the can. It's my favorite from the can. And I go in there and you know, Henry Thomas you wouldn't believe I had to wait for 20 minutes For my table. That's ridiculous and I This is all changing did they have any other tables available while you're waiting yes Another foreign Not my table. There was another foreign family sitting there.

Perkins are getting out of hand. They'll just let anyone go. This is just a normal place. It's just she gets, hey, she cannot handle the snowbirds when they roll into town. So I say, cut some of them out. Well, we need them to survive. Fuck them! Well, you know, the real danger when it comes is when people decide to feed wild alligators. And they start to associate people with food when this happens the Alligator must be relocated to a reserve a zoo or Gatorland for the animal safety most of them are euthanized

unfortunately in Comparison you are way more likely to be killed by a dog or a shark or a rolling meth lab But certainly the police than a Gator in Florida. Police are actually probably higher up on there. Way higher. And your neighbors, just straight up your neighbors will shoot you in the head. Everybody's packing. Speaking of getting killed by dogs in Florida, this is true. Five Floridians have been shot by their dogs.

Whoa! Half of the nation's total. That's amazing. They have special like, weapons schools for canines and for your pet? It's usually when someone leaves their gun on the bed and the safety off and the dog jumps on the bed and it ends up shooting the person. Yeah, exactly, part of the thing was like what, did he bring his fucking gun to the B-Dubs and then he got like Szechuan sauce on it The dog got curious

Like licking it Like I gotta stop using that to apply gotta stop using my my Ruger to apply blue cheese to my chicken tenders These statistics have never stopped people from fearing alligators because of their dinosaur like appearance and the demonization of them in the media. Crawl. That's right. Crawl. Did this. Absolutely.

Cause it's crawl is so ridiculous by the way. It could never happen. No, yeah. Crawl isn't real because of this. The American alligator came close to extinction in North America in the 1950s and sixties. Their biggest threats were loss of environment, pesticides, and hunting. Back also back in the 50s and 60s, you could buy baby alligators as pets at gas stations. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tourists would buy them

and bring them back to whatever state they came from. And then once they started to grow, they either killed them or flushed them down the toilet And this is where the alligator in the sewers mythos comes from yeah, do you because? It's an urban legend. I thought I had read about this I remember because just for the for those of you that don't know that was a massive Conspiracy theory in especially New York. Well, it was a 90s in New York in New Jersey Yeah, it was a bigger urban legend. It was a big urban legend Definitely in New York that the New York City sub sewer system was full of alligators that had been flushed down the toilet by Florida. It came from, they would just die. It's very interesting. It came from

this guy, Teddy May, the commissioner of the sewers in 1935. Apparently it started with an 1815 sighting of a three foot alligator in Brooklyn. Oh my God. And that it's been around ever since. Yeah. Man, at one point the population of alligators was down to 100,000 in America, as opposed to five million today. So we've done a really good job of bringing them back. Though they've made a comeback,

it's undeniable that this perfect predator has fallen prey to some bad PR. So let's take some time to give you listeners a quick alligator safety lesson in case you ever encounter one of these majestic beasts. You gotta go serpentine! That's right baby. The number one thing you can do to avoid an altercation with an alligator is to stay away from them and more importantly never feed one.

Yeah, don't engage. Don't engage, no voter outreach, no grassroots campaign for your podcast like nothing these alligators are not taking solicitation I don't care how many extra pig carcasses you got in your truck What's important is that sometimes kindness hurts Yeah, and that's what we've learned sometimes you can't just be nice to something because you want to be nice to something because you're teaching them bad lessons. Well staying clear may not be so easy. They have millions of years of evolutionary stealth training on their side.

An alligator could be lurking under your nose at any freshwater bank in the southeastern United States. Do your best to stay out of murky shallow water and especially stay clear of vegetation on the surface. Their prime hunting hours are dusk and nighttime. If you are in a place with high gator activity, a fun thing to do is shine a flashlight on the water and see the light reflect off of their eyes. I love it.

It's so frightening. Have you ever done that in Florida at night? Like I remember when I was shooting something else, when I was doing the After Midnight movie, I was in Leesburg, Florida, and we were out in the swamps and it was dark. That's central Florida, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where the highest concentration is right now. Oh dude, and you could, when you shined your light out onto the swamp, and you just see all these eyes, just looking back. It's so fucking cool. It's awesome. I bet yeah Yeah, oh actually, you know, there's been several alligators actually captured in New York. Oh, I'm sure I'm looking at this right now It's very interesting. Oh Also, if you want you can call them using this noise. Hey I

That's written stampede I know No, but this is the noise you got to do Gotta get in there on your throat. We're just now giving this to perverts. Yeah, we've given this over to perverts I've been asking how many times I'll do something and someone will be like can you add more choking noises into your ads? We just fed blowjob noise into the AI machine Another fucking ghost of the machine fucking given blowjobs With fucking fucking Richard Spencer Kim Jong-un Well mating season in the summer is when alligator attacks happen the most. This is when they're most active and need the most energy, you know, fuel for screwing. Yeah.

Yeah. You ever try and fuck an alligator? Very difficult. A lot of leg strength and God forbid you forget your snorkel. Yes. Alligators have pussies. Yes. And dicks for the men the men of dicks and the women of pussies that's insensitive. Yes by the way do yourself a favor and

Google alligator penis it ain't pretty oh no I saw a bunch of them they made me kind of sick in the phallological museum in Iceland all of the all the other penises were Fine, but it was really that dog and cat penis room was like that's not for me Yeah, one time we posted a picture of an alligator penis on the brighter side page when we did an episode about Alligators and Amber was like, please take that down. Well, it's actually surprisingly white recognizable It looks like basically like many other odd animal But maybe I've seen a lot of pictures of animal penis. I think that you're broken Marcus. I think that the both

Oh, I know absolutely fucked Aard of that is a wild set of dick and balls on that Alligator I why are we looking at this? Now we're just looking at the fucking it's the same as that only fans guy Would be not the squirrel. We're just looking at their rolled out dickenballs Yeah, there's a deviant art Fucking a hippo

That just fan fiction fan fiction. Yeah, that doesn't happen Henry.. But that is, that is not AI. That is hand drawn. Yeah. That's even our, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But here's the most important thing. Do not let your dogs off leash near the shore of any fresh body of water in Florida. If you must walk your dog by the water in Florida, keep yourself in between the water and your dog. An alligator is very unlikely to attack you because you are too large and are actually more of a predator to the alligator than they are to you. Yes. Your dog on the other hand looks like a walking cheesesteak. It is, it is not uncommon. I remember it happened in my neighborhood. It happened in my neighborhood. Little dogs got eaten all the time. I know that like, I thought it was funny because one time we brought Wendy to a lake

and she's so deeply uninterested in beach and the water that she ran from the water and like stood on the grass like she wouldn't go onto the beach and stuff like that so she already knew. She knew. Well, speaking of which, remember this story from February 2023? This one's one of the most recent alligator attacks that ended in a death.

Gloria Surge, an 85-year-old woman, was walking her dog along the bank of a pond when a 10-foot alligator leaped out of the water at the dog. Surge fell and the 10-foot behemoth grabbed her foot, dragged her into the water, and she was never seen alive again now I've seen this footage many times. Yes, and I'm not gonna say Hmm, what's the term choose your words carefully? It doesn't delight me But there is a thing obviously it's interesting because it's highly oh She's on the you see

because it's highly oh She's on the you see the definition of awesome and not like awesome as in like really cool But also a fucking crazy thing that happens nature in action your watch It is and it's like a scene from a movie because you see her standing on the bank with the little dog The little dog she's looking that way right? She's looking away from the water little dogs sitting there and you see the little and it's like a scene from movies little dogs is gone And you see this alligator shadow Come it is just like the scene from X

Yeah, like it is just like it where this you just see this slowly but surely this alligator Roll up on the two of them and then it just snap snap snap snap snap snap snap snap and he just fucking got him good dude. Yeah man. And that's fucking frightening but it's also it was but then even the 911 caller was like I don't know what people are doing with their little dogs out here. She blamed the woman immediately. Yeah man.

No well the the neighborhood knew about the 10-foot alligator In fact, they named it Henry. Yeah He's living my dream. Yeah, he was a me alligator that was always interrupting you But the people were in the neighborhood were known to feed him regularly and due to the HOA poor Gloria was told not to walk her dog around the neighborhood and that she could only walk him on her property and the backyard. She was where the alligator was. Yes. Put it right into his bag, put it right on his plate. it right on his plate So this is it so this can be directly traced to an bullshit HOA role I love to find more deaths caused by their they're currently suing. I think I'm pretty sure they're gonna win If they haven't already so I guess we can go ahead and bump that 26 dead up to 27 for now

Yeah, probably um when I was young they used to tell us that if an alligator is running after you run zigzags Yeah, serpentine. Yeah, this is a bad advice. No, you are making it easier on the alligator It's the only thing I know I'm pretty sure that Gators actually started the rumor You know, Jackie super dare enough for me to get you you you know what I hate is when it's easy so Definitely shouldn't lay down with some chicken Alligators can reach up to 20 miles per hour on land yeah, they're fast like me Yeah, you say I am the same speed as an elegant. No you're like nine miles an hour Like me yeah, you say I am the same speed as an elegant. No you're like nine miles an hour

Tops I'm saying if you get me the same bolts like 16 within 10 feet Which I've talked to it some literally the fastest man within 10 feet yeah within 10 feet I'm going close to 50 70 miles per hour. Yeah, well we're getting that just just that short Area I'm quite fast yes We'll get use that 10 feet to get over a fence and out of there as quick as possible. Oh no, it is a lateral move, friend. It's not going up. I'm not a 10 feet vertical.

Also, here's another one you probably don't know. Alligators can jump as high as five feet out of water. What? Yes, so. Out of water. Out of water, because they use their tails to help propel them out So you have to be careful even when you're on a dock or in a boat if an alligator gets you in its mouth Don't try and open their mouth instead punch its snout and gouge its eyes Like you are one of the three stooges remember you are Moe and the alligator is curly

Yeah, boing, but always watch when he brings up that little hand a Yeah, boing, but always watch when he brings up that little hand. Paul, yeah, yeah. He brings up that little hand trying to block the sepals. Yeah, you can do it from both. A science teacher buddy of mine in South Florida recently had a police evidence diver start working at the camp as the campus police officer and asked him what the protocol was. Has he ever saw a gator while he was diving for evidence? He said that they are taught to dive deeper in the water because once an alligator can see your full size under the water, it will want nothing to do with you. Most attacks in the water will happen when you are swimming on the surface. Interesting. So if you go all the way in, it can see because you're the bout at least

a three fourths the size of the alligator. Probably. Most alligators you're bigger than, you know, but like, Or like if it's even 10 feet It's not what it doesn't want to fuck with something. That's even five feet six feet because also if an alligator is 10 feet It's mostly tail. Yeah, yeah, you know, so you're the good part the eating part Mmm, and the shoe part one of the few predators that we eat Yeah, that is true because we don't eat in very many predators because I mean I've never had shark cuz I've got still more I can't do it but most fish are predators. Well, they're a little predator. They're little predators. Yeah

But now like to Chucky to Chucky. He's definitely probably got some allegations Let's dive into a couple of these 26 27 stories where the Gators won I mean, it's their land they were there. We took them 36 million years before I will say though They could have in that whole time. They definitely could have invented thumbs government. Yeah writing weapons Homes if they had done any of that they would really have a right to a lot of these places They had a plenty of time and they wasted it none of them. So to flag

No, none of them wrote a constitution. Yeah, none of them started an LLC once none of them paid income tax Good none of them sign up. No one got of none of them have a 401k You are right fuck these things June 20th, 1993. Bradley Weidenheimer of Lantana, Florida jumped out of his canoe to drag it over a log in the locks of Hatchi river. In that moment, a giant Gator named big George jumped out of the water, grabbed him by the head with his bone crushing jaws and pulled him under in front of his parents. Cool.

The father grabbed his son and was able to wrestle his son from the Gators mouth while friends beat it with oars. But the struggle lasted for over five minutes and poor Bradley, 10 years old, had drowned by the time his body was back in his parents' possession. This happened in my County in Palm beach County. When I was the same age, it was a huge story growing up. And it's amazing how these things get sensationalized up until this week. If I told you this story, like it had been told to me, it would have been this boy was on a boy scout canoe trip when the Gator jumped up and ripped his head off of his body and blood was squirting all over his friends.

It's a great story. We love it. Those kids love it. They get something to share again and again and again. Exactly. That's the beginning of a new alligator based Jason Voorhees. But what happened to the boat? What happened to the boat after this head was that gripped off those blood spurting everywhere? Just the boat explode Your blood collecting bad you collected the most blood Wow, you're the most absorbent boy Oh, and you have your head sewing pad. And the boy scouts definitely did have a badge for most absorbent boy. But it was one of those badges you can only wear your pants are down. Well, this is what leads to the fear mongering and the overhunting and trapping of alligators.

Truth is he probably stepped on the thing when he jumped out of his boat and the alligator was protecting and stir up. Yeah. He went your alligators are extremely territorial, especially mama gators will attack anything that gets near to their nest on the bay on the shore. Um, I know I sound like a lawyer for big alligator. You really do. You are coming in hard. You are very pro alligator anti-human. Yeah. I'm just a simple country. I'll get a lawyer. I do declare my clients are misunderstood. And we objection. Yeah. We didn't land on lots of hatches, lots of hatches. Objection, sir. My, my client, the little tiny dog here that's just a leash Begs a different let me see your wallet. What's it made out of?

Check let me see your boots. Whatever dude. I want alligator I want alligator leather, but I do also fight it to be immoral now. I want to see how many shell corporations are between you and Wally Gator Bene and Wally Gator Benefits Wally Gator He's missing poor guy. I mean he's missing. He's missing. You know, you Wally ater the the emotional support alligator Oh, yeah that guy that dumb guy Joey's sweet. I was talking about Wally Gator the Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Yeah, it's never so Wally Gator, the Hanna-Barbera cartoon. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's never gonna be Wally Gator. It's always like the name of... I remember him.

He was very far. Yeah, he had the hat and the Cajun accent. See, this guy has got... This is a vaguely famous story of this guy with Wally, the emotional support gator that he brings around, but it doesn't seem like super smart because it's a dinosaur. Like, it's not a... You can train it up to a point. Even the guys on the swamp tour were like, it does get to know you and you do get to

know it, but at some point it's a fucking unknowable, like there's, you can't know what it's thinking. I interviewed this guy on our Twitch channel with the Gator and it was like crawling all over him and he was like wrestling with it. Yeah. Trying to answer my question. Yeah. Why'd you concentrate on the alligator?

Yeah, but it was, it's a, it's truth is, yeah, it's probably just really stupid and it doesn't attack people because it's just a simpleton alligator. Just like, Oh, sure. Oh, sure. Don't know what to do. You're like, it's that style of luck. But either way, they were on vacation and someone reported the alligator and then they came and took it and put it in the swamp And now it's gone forever because it probably just eaten by other Gators because it's too friendly. He brought the alligator on

Vacation it was his emotional support alligator. He never went anywhere without it. It didn't have a vest It definitely wasn't brought to any one of these schools one of these schools was not accredited. There's no way. It was accredited. It was officially an emotional support animal. Wow. Yeah. It was a big gator too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, seeing him with the sunglasses makes me sad. No, no, super sweet. He literally would bring this thing to pools and it would swim with

children and they would hug it and shit. It was crazy. I just, yeah, I just feel like, yeah, I just, you know, when you're looking at something, it's like when we went to the lava show Show, where you're looking at a thing, just being like, this is a fun concept, but it feels like we're at Jurassic Park right now. It feels like this is the moments before the disaster hits. Like as you're watching it, look at the child, play with the alligator, play it like,

kiss the side of its face, and it's like, this alligator likes to cuddle. It's just this alligator likes to cuddle. It's just Sensing your blood I would love to hug at Wally But I think those days are over Wally alligator was actually the inspiration for alligator Loki in the new Loki series. Oh, yeah I'm on character, but here's another Alligator attack that may have flown under the radar pun intended Robert Steele an 81 year old man was walking his terrier in between two murky canals close to his home in Sanibel Island Where the alligator leaped out of the canal and at the terrier and mr

Steel was trying to protect it the alligator ripped mr Steel's leg off below the knee and then he went into cardiac arrest from loss of blood and expired on his way to the hospital Wild there's a reason we're doing it as an episode Like barking at the alligator is just ripping his legs off God damn it pepper apparently they didn't go inside the house go to police my god They found when they found him his legs were in the water and they didn't know Those are the shoes I was married in They didn't know the alligator had ripped his leg off and when they pulled him out of the water he was just missing one leg

What a horrible surprise! Oh wow, thank God I guess I don't have to tie my fucking laces anymore! Well later on a police officer saw the alligator in another part of the pond with Robert's leg still in its mouth. That police officer shot it in the head on the spot. I am unsure if the dog survived. Just a big fat Florida cops. We're not there. He's rather today's today. Private Rembrandt laces out. You know, when they see the movies where the guys like so fat he's got the little hair little hands and his guns right here just like shooting point blank in the head while sleeping I know what you're saying and this sounds like you're run-of-the-mill gator killing an old person story why are you bringing it up and a million old people should die this way? Yeah, why do we care about these two? Well the date plays an important part of this

Why we didn't hear about this story is because it happened on 9-eleven so At 4 15 p.m.. So the alligator It took advantage of the cops Total distraction this guy's just going out to clear his head. Yeah, yeah the day's a heavy day Clear my head paying attention probably What if that man Lived his life to 9-eleven and Never got to see it had no idea like woke up 730. You know, I just

He was the last innocent American die Naturally on 9-eleven. Yeah and not know about I wonder who's like how long But like how long who lasted the longest in America with that here in about 9-11? There is at least someone who got to 9-12. What happened? They pull him out, they pull him out of the water, he's like, my fucking legs are gone.

Sir, do you know what else is gone? The World Trade Center. Oh my God! Tower one or tower two? Both, man! Unfortunately, the kid had the capoto buddy. And building seven, no one can explain it. Building seven was 45 minutes later. And building seven no one can explain

Some people thought it could have been an inside job, but logic tells us he was killed by Al Gada It's that is one of my favorite jokes But now, let's turn us to the most famous of all alligator fatalities, the death of Lane Thomas Graves at Walt Disney World. Rob, I brought you guys something for this story if you want. I brought you some mouse ears to wear. Oh, it is a small world after all. Thank you, Eddie. Oh, wow. These are jewelies, by the way, so don't fuck with these.

These are jewelies. There you go so don't fuck with these. You know, like, these are jewelies. There you go, you guys look phenomenal. Alright, June 14th, 2016. It was dusk at Walt Disney World's Grand Floridian Resort. A Victorian-inspired luxury resort with access to the Magic Kingdom by monorail. It's nice. There's a restaurant there called Victorian Alberts. Costs you at least $1,000 for dinner for two. I'm sure it's great. Never's a restaurant there called Victoria and Albert's cost you at least

$1,000 for dinner for two. I'm sure it's great never been allowed in the joint Certainly won't be allowed in after I tell this story to millions of people To is that what these fancy Disney restaurants the foods not even that good. I hear it's perfect at Victoria and Albert's but that's Oh, that's different. You've it's for $500 per person a fucking better me. Yes There's a beach behind the resort where they would occasionally have events for families staying at the resort Families so rich that they wouldn't be caught dead inside the park This evening on the banks of the seven seas lagoon. They were ironically screening the delightful movies utopia Oh there amongst the crowd were the graves family parents Matt Melissa Just wanted to teach their children to Ella and Lane about racism through cartoon animals when tragedy would strike

You see it's better to be done at home with Barbies and Kens. Amen. That's what I do Yeah, when I teach to neighborhood children about racism. I do all the voices so they know the difference between the races. Oh, that's good. That's smart. That's really been that's been my new thing. Your training comes in handy. It's not on mic anymore. I save it for the community. Lane Thomas Graves, two years old, 30 pounds, 37 inches tall. He's about to fight Mike Tyson. He was excited to build a sand castle and was retrieving water and sand from the shores

of the Seven Seas Lagoon. Another tourist from North Carolina, Shana Giacomini, was staying at the resort. She said that around 8. p.m. her eldest daughter saw an alligator five feet from the shore near the marsh and this daughter told the movie coordinator about the alligator the person then told a man whose shirt said the word coordinator on it and told him about the alligator lurking by the shore the two-year-old Lane was excited and splashing

in the dark grassy water bent over to fill his bucket. And then snap! The eight-foot, 250-pound alligator materialized and grabbed Lane by the head with her massive jaws. Geez. Head first, huh? Yeah. Wow. Well, she didn't really know.

He was so small that they didn't know it was a person I probably thought it was like a fucking possum or something But that's what it does to like deer ever see the deer goes headfirst and they grab their birds they go headfirst Yeah, move his father Matt with his back turned for just a moment Here's the splash and then sees the beast trying to descend into deeper water with his boy and then sees the beast trying to descend into deeper water with his boy. Matt leapt into action and jumped on the starving reptile and tried to pry open its jaws with his hands, which proves useless because an alligator has one of the most powerful jaws in the animal kingdom. He can clamp down with over 3,000 pounds of pressure.

Witnesses say they saw him on top of the animal punching it with bloody hands He then lost his footing in the battle and cut his leg open as the alligator Descended with his son into the seven seas the goon witnesses Peter Kirkos and Carrie Colberry Said that they saw Matt Graves punching the alligator pulling at his son's feet before getting swept off of his and Lane vanishing Another Disney employee saw the alligator with the boy in its mouth in the middle of the seven seas lagoon Before taking him down for a final time. Yes, there were no swimming signs

But none of those signs warned of the dangers of alligators or snakes now these signs do exist now of the dangers of alligators or snakes. Now these signs do exist now, but drop a family from Nebraska who don't know all the Florida rules and probably never even thought of an alligator before accidentally creating the perfect scenario for their worst nightmare to come true. The worst thing that could happen to you

if you jump in a lake in Nebraska is you caught skinny dipping with your cousin. Sure. Yeah, that's one of the big crimes there. Incest. Water-based incest. Well, Lane Graves' cause of death was drowning with lacerations to the head and neck. He was not eaten like many people believe.

Alligators often do not eat their prey during the attack. Instead, they drag them under the water and kind of place them under a rock or a heavy object and come back and eat you when you're softer and more digestible. Yeah. It's called the recipe. And alligators also, because they pluck little parts off you, they don't have to eat that much. Yeah, no, they really don't. So alligators are like slow cookers? I guess so, yeah. Yeah. Very similar to slow cookers. Very patient. They got nothing to do.

Yeah. What else do they do? Yeah. Also, the responsibility of gators wanting to get close to guests doesn't fall completely on Disney. Often, out of town guests feed the alligators, especially at the hotel next to it, the Hawaiian themed Polynesian resort. Oh, I remember the Polynesian.

That's where the lower class of people are and all there ain't no rules not anymore Not anymore. Now you have to go to the all-star sports or movies. That's Polynesians fancy now, I thought the Polynesian didn't get the full redo that it needed to get. Oh, it just got redone. It's very nice Oh, well, um, there was some word of guests feeding alligators on the day of Lane's attack, but nothing has been confirmed Well, you think that you would have been full Yeah, if it was being fed a lot if it was but just getting used to people if you're just throwing like popcorn on it Though yeah, like gummy bears and shit. Well, I like when they did when I went to the swamp tour When they just threw marshmallows at him. Yeah marshmallow they let in dog food. They do a lot to get swamp tours

Yeah, marshmallow. And dog food, they do a lot too, of the swamp tours. The aftermath, the Florida fish and wildlife caught six alligators after the attack. Two match the description of the one they were looking for, a seven to eight foot female weighing over 200 pounds. And these two were found with two tenths of a mile from where Lane's body was found. They are confident they caught the gator that killed the boy, but there is no way to know for sure because of the messiness of the bites and there was no distinct bite pattern as a result of the struggle with the father. So he got got on circumstantials. Yeah. He just happened to be in the same neighborhood. That's right. That's racism, man. Absolutely. How fucking dare they, man? Just pick them up just cause he kind of look like the guy

That's what happens man, especially for alligator on fucking believable I think that because what's the alligator gonna learn? If you pull it out, right? It's like with the dog right if you go out to the bathroom or if you go out of town or any guy They are you got out for the night and you come back in the dog chat on the floor Yeah, it's been more than three minutes The dog's not gonna take and understand that the shit it's just why you're angry while you're upset They're just gonna think you're upset. You're angry. They're not gonna connect the two

How's this alligator going to be fucking? Reek like how is he gonna be rehab? It doesn't matter. They killed all six of them. Yeah Yeah, I think they just shoot all them cuz you know after all there are six million of them Yeah, if you shoot an alligator like that like let's say you take a rapist or a murder alligator And you take them oh can we get briefcases from them absolutely I'll get to that in a second After both alligators were autopsied their stomachs were empty which means they were hungry and more likely Go for more unusual prey. Yeah Lane's body was found intact, minus some superficial wounds that we talked about earlier,

so there would be nothing in the stomach of the offending alligator. So this was some detective work here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, we know that an alligator with an empty stomach in June would desperately need food because energy is needed for mating season. Interesting.

So I would say that it is about a 95% chance that they caught the correct alligator, but unfortunately for the other alligators, all were euthanized. In fact, this is when what I'm calling the great Disney World alligator massacre began. Okay, so they then- Oh, it's a wham! They had to literally declare war on alligigators Disney was like fuck this shit. No more gators Yeah That's the thing is like if Disney is gonna go after a daycare

That has Disney characters painted on the outside of their fucking on the outside of the fucking house What do you think they're gonna do to a species who murders a guest? I guess they have to wipe them out because well, then they do. They put cats, then they give cats. They put those in Disney at night to cats catch the mice. Disney World and Disneyland is covered in cats and they kill the mice ironically. Because you know, Mickey Mouse.

Yes. From 2007 to 2015 before this all happened, Trappers removed an average of 23 gators a year from Walt Disney World. In 2016, the year of the attack, Florida Fish and Wildlife removed 83, most after June when the attack happened. The following year, 57, 30 in 2018 and 2019. But during the pandemic in 2020, when Disney was closed, they were hard at work getting rid of Gators When they removed over 50 in just a matter of a couple of months. Yeah, they just smoked them out Yeah, so some of these so-called nuisance Gators are moved to zoos

But most are euthanized the trappers in fact sell their meat and skin to make extra money All right, so they do they sell the meat Wait, they're the meat and the skin but it's still probably the bones too. Is it alligator leather still technically illegal? No, they sell it down there. Yeah, does it? Well now that they're not endangered anymore They're still protected, but they're not endangered anymore. Yeah, you can buy alligator leather off of Amazon Yeah, I guess it does feel strange still you know it's wrong Yeah, I will say it but that being said I also bought an alligator head and then my dog ate it Yeah, it's a cycle. Yeah, sometimes you leave Florida, and then it comes back comes back and tries to kill your dog

It's what happens. I also feel like if it's more just like if I if an alligator killed I also feel like if it's more just like if I if an alligator killed Wendy I'd want it shot in the head and skinned and then I'd have the briefcase made from that alligator That's power that is power versus that's where I do Yeah, I like that I like your revenge because you want a happy Gilmore type situation. Yes Remember a show chubs. Oh, yeah, and then I can show other alligators my bag Yeah, and they don't you fuck with me. Um, you know another thing why don't you just move them to another lake or a swamp? Well, because most Gators will try to find their way home Yeah, they're they have a great sense of direction and they'll end up just walking long distances in the night in search of their home

Whoa, they hitchhike. Yeah, never pick up a gator My dad hit one when driving when I was a kid. Whoa, it was crazy. Yeah, he also hit a moose I think he was a bad driver. Yeah You are gonna pick up a gator That's why it's always important to bring some raw chicken with you when you go on a long haul Road trip during the South you know Southeast because then you give them that whole chicken They'll snap it up and then you can safely drive them to wherever they need to go Yeah, and keep it in your trunk so it gets nice and stinky

Alligators also are very territorial and if you introduce a dominant male into a lake where it doesn't live it often causes all the Gators to fight each other which is never good, but it is fun to see a goddamn Gator fight! It's a gator fight! Alligator attacks on people in Florida are rare. In fact, this was the only death from an alligator in the history of Orange County, Florida. Now I know what you're thinking. I bet these parents sued the fucking doggy dick off of Goofy and Pluto.

Yeah, I mean, they better, man. I want Minnie's pants. Yeah, well this was all slept under the rug pretty quickly by Disney, and the Graves family never officially filed a lawsuit against the theme park. Good for them! Yeah, we are sure that there was a significant payout to the Graves family, but the amount has never been disclosed. And to this day, the Graves family has never said a bad thing about Walt Disney World. Lawyer Justin Ziegler wrote an interesting article, if you want to check it out, about

what the payout might have been in a case like this. And the number that's been shared a lot is 10 million. 5 million for each parent. And then Disney, on the record, gave Ella Ella the four-year-old daughter the sister $50,000 for emotional damage It is least it wasn't just like and here's an ice cream cone. Yeah Pluto oh my god, I will like looking all this shit up I found a an alligator had gotten into the lake or the river surrounding splash mountain

And then it was like trying to get into splash Cast member like hitting it with a pool skimmer trying to keep it out of there. You know, it's like Tyler You're gonna need to go get that skimmer and you go out there And you just keep that Gatorade bay until we get the squad in there it made until we get the squad in there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Suddenly to donate the organs of their newly dead kid so others may live So far they've saved the lives of a handful of children and that's okay with me. That's great Oh wow, yeah, I see I feel like I'm not good out of the bad It does work in it and it's hard because that's nature. There's very little you can do about it It's a tragic accident because I'm not saying that that alligator ain't mean no now get don't know Yeah, he's a child playing around size of chicken. All right, you see look some of these kids sometimes I mistake kids for chickens

You know, they're also far larger than chickens. Yeah, man. I mean not big how much but this kid was a bigger than a turkey Turkey in a two-year-old Allah, all right. Yum. I know when I was two I was like fucking 70 pounds. Yeah Me But Disney made some slight changes after lanes passing There's no more swimming or fishing without Disney supervision in the seven seas Lagoon Remember when we were kids you could just anyone could fish in there you could Jump in there. There was water skiing all that shit's gone now

There are signs warning of snakes and alligators the movies under the stars events have been moved inside and The light up alligator in the nighttime water pageant on the lake was also removed Light up alligators. Yeah. They have like a water pageant of lights that every night. Yeah. And think about alligators. Yeah. And tick tock from a Peter Pan got taken out. Oh, I love tick tock. Yeah. Proof. He's the first child killer. He's the very first one. There is now a monument close to where the attack took place. It's a lighthouse with two stars on it representing Lane's two years of life and a plaque that says the Lane Thomas Foundation, a beacon of hope, a light of love. Oh, that's nice Eddie.

I'm glad it wasn't a cafeteria or something if they put a big like turkey leg stand where he was first eaten, you know. No alligators in Zootopia So maybe in Zootopia too, they could name an alligator Lane You know what's interesting though is that when you say when you mentioned the name Zootopia the first image I had was like a big goofy alligator on the fucking on the front cover Yeah, that's saying the one you're thinking of is the Gator that dances with the hippo in Fantasia. Maybe maybe I think you're thinking of sing Yeah, no sings got a pig. There's no cry. There's no alligators in saying I love saying the movies wonderful sing to who knows

The graves family has since welcomed another son into the world and my guess is he won't be going to Florida waters anytime soon Well, that's nice. They can make another one. Yeah, well What Florida is you could take your ears off now? That's the end of thank you. Thank you for participating Thank you for the brand they could have told me no no no you know we know it's called yes, and yeah So we are locked in yeah when Floridians are not busy getting eaten alive by alligators Floridians are also famous for eating each other.

Yeah. We covered this story a million years ago. When it very first happened, we covered, we did a little thing called zombie attacks. I think it was called erratic behavior. Yes. It was during a time period, a lot of erratic behavior was going on. I believe it was the same guy that had cut open his own belly while at a traffic stop. There was a couple of folks but this story now Especially then we did not know all the details because they you know

The big thing that got spun out of the story was about the bath salts and shit and it turns out you could be super hungry sober Well You could be super hungry sober. Yeah Well When you think of Florida cannibalism one case immediately jumps to mind. Thank God more don't the 2012 Miami cannibal attack where a man named Rudy Eugene stripped naked walked across the MacArthur Causeway and ate Ron Poppo's face for 18 minutes. 18 long chomping minutes. That's right.

It's a shame because if he got to 20, they would have called Guinness. Isn't it a shame? Donner's still the king. Famous for two things. Yeah, old Rudy Eugene, man. He looks upset in this picture. Yeah, this obscene attack earned earned him the nickname the causeway cannibal Not to be confused with the turnpike taster from New Jersey or the roundabout rummager who was Parisian. I believe

To this day. No one knows what turned this man into a craven face thirsty animal the Canton culinary and face thirsty animal. The Canton Culinarian. Yeah, he is very interesting because his family came out hard in the paint to take care of him and support him and say like he was a loving family member. He had some problems with people with the law in the past, but nothing that significant. Yeah. We'll talk about what someone in one of his family members believes was the cause in a little bit. The consensus at the time?

Well, I did it wasn't the Burger King Valley email going up. No, no mustn't this time The consensus at the time was bath salts which raised even more questions and answers Yeah, everyone was obsessed with smoking bath salts. Yeah, say you make you go psycho But I still had never met a person that smoked bath salts. Mm-hmm. They're not friendly that smoked bath salts. They're not friendly. Yeah, they're not. Hi. Names Jeff Taylor. I smoked bath salts on January 26, 1993. You might be smelling that on my breath. That's called eucalyptus and mint. I just took a hit earlier today. I'm going to get down to the triple B.

I've got to get down there right now. I gotta get talking to my doctor Even if it was so Eugene's autopsy only turns up trace amounts of marijuana and trace amounts is like you may have smoked Yesterday or the day before he smoked weed a lot. I don't know. I probably shouldn't have wrote the word trace But I just took it straight from the article Learned when he was doing because th he's fat solvent. It's like he learned that when he was in parole that he tested positive for weed for fucking nine months. Yeah. So you can tell it was living in my fat. It's in your fat. So you can chase positive for you. But he said, as long as it kept going down, they wouldn't

send me back to jail. I remember I had to fight. I remember I had to quit smoking weed for a month to get a fucking janitor's job. They should give you weed with the job. Yeah. I was working. I want my janitor's stone. Yeah. Yeah. I was working as a temp as a janitor and the boss like took me aside. He's like, so hey, listen, you know, you like working here. I was like, yeah, it's great. Just get the little fucking listen to music and just walk around all these like, so if you want a full time job here, you know, can have it, but uh let me ask you something. Yeah, I need you to be real honest with me Can you pass a drug test and if you can't win? Can you pass a drug test? 30 days

And he said like good enough for me. We'll put in the paperwork in three weeks You see cuz that's the thing is that being a janitor. I don't want you drunk. Yeah, cuz that's when you start fucking sucking people Stoned you're not gonna be fucking and sucking right like a drunk janitor. He's Sitting he's thinking he's smoking. He's thinking he's drinking. He's thinking he's thinking about like Yeah, I could see that child being adult in my mind mind I take a child on a time trip in my mind I remember like when I worked at the Crystal River seafood in Tallahassee one day I came in I was you know Joe Veal joking with everybody and my boss was like, oh man, you came in high today, huh? And then I was like, you'll know it's like if you want to know what I'm high

It's when I come in here, and I just start working yeah Well it was weird because it was just weed in his system And now you know I spoke lots of weed and the worst thing I've ever eaten is Applebee's No, okay, we're still looking for some Applebee's come on board We're gonna change Eddie we can change him the cause remains a mystery although honestly I think I might have cracked it. Let's roll back the clocks and Zombie walk our way to May 26 2012 That morning 31 year old Rudy Eugene drove across the causeway to check out the urban beach week an

Annual South Beach hip-hop festival, which I'm sure goes smoothly every year. There is no way that the atmosphere there led to this at all. Miami New Times article posted only three days after the attack reported that this year's fest came and went with little commotion. Sure, a man got eaten alive. Yes, face, nose, and eyeballs got chewed upon, but otherwise it was great.

But by urban beach week standards, not a hiccup. We're going to Miami. Going to eato you in Miami. Well, Eugene only stayed at the fest for 30 or so minutes before abandoning his car and starting to walk across the three-mile long causeway. Inside his car, police later found a Bible and five empty water bottles. Apparently, overheating, Eugene stripped off his clothes and was nude by the time he encountered 65-year-old Ronald Poppo, an unhoused man originally from Brooklyn. Poppo drifted down the Florida in the 70s and had lived on the streets ever since honestly if you're gonna be that's the place to be

Yeah, I mean well, that's there are lots of homeless in Miami There's lots of homeless in Los Angeles is because the weather is beautiful the weather is better And it's an easier place to live outside all year long According to Poppo Eugene approached him in a friendly manner But then started complaining that he couldn't score at the beach. And then he accused Papo of stealing his Bible. And then he started beating and eating him.

This would prove to be Eugene's last supper. Eyewitnesses, Larry Vega said, the guy was like tearing him to pieces with his mouth. So I told him, get off man. Quit doing that. He's not bad. The other guy just kept eating and ripping his skin. He's like, Hey dude, fucking lay off that guy or whatever. I gotta go, my Starbucks is ready. Officer Jose Ramirez arrived at the gruesome scene and reportedly did a double take, and then Eugene did a spit take. I was gonna make the joke.

I was gonna make the joke. And then another spectator got hit with a seltzer bottle. That's the funniest day in Miami. That's a funny day. But they said apparently the guy that got his face eatin' was like, but he saw Rudy. He saw Rudy. And he said that he came off the beach.

And so he was like walkin' up and apparently Rudy kept talkin' about how he had a bad day at the beach, man. And it's just like, I've had bad days at the beach. Oh, most them are bad, but I don't have a chair. Oh, yeah sitting on the ground I hate sand oh And it's everywhere there That's wild right because then he comes right up to him and just Starts eating his fucking face, dude

just starts eating his fucking face. It's not good, man. Well, officer Ramirez pointed his gun at Eugene and told him to stop in response to naked man merely raised his head with pieces of flesh in his mouth, growled and then resumed his business. Wow. So Ramirez shot him, which proved to be ineffective. So he shot him four more times. Ah, God. Which I, which we all know a kind of it's not effective marijuana is to get shot and nothing happened to you. Most of the time.

Maybe it was to Teva, I don't know. Sometimes. What I do is just have Natalie see if she can contain me. After I'm smoking a bowl. I just say contain me. And then it is very difficult for her to do it because sometimes I'll turn into a liquid, go under the door.

Sometimes I turn into a batch of butterflies and I can't be controlled. I go everywhere into the sky. I turn into shit. Many magical things happen to the influence of marijuana. We my home by the time Papa reached the hospital 80% of his face was gone both of his eyes gouged out an officer said it was eaten down to his goatee in a later interview Papa would say Eugene just ripped me to ribbons Which is putting it very Paul Lind like

He got his nose eaten off yeah his eyeballs got sucked out his fucking agree But they're off his cheeks Which I actually didn't know there was that I didn't know that you could bite somebody's nose off. Yeah. Yeah It's just another part of the American dream that I haven't got to yet. Yeah human does it I mean you mentioned how strong the alligators draw is the human jaw is Incredibly strong really. Yes, the human. I, let me see where we stand. How many pounds of pressure? How? Yeah. Cause a Gator we remember is 3000 pounds of pressure. I mean, a Gator is going to be stronger than us. Of course. It's one of the strongest in the animal kingdom. It's all mouth. So it's a hundred. We, we could do 150 on the molar.

That's you can rip off of these. You can rip it out at somebody's nose off. I mean, it's got a really strong jaw too. I bet. Don't with those fuckers I'm not trying to but that level of detachment saying just ripped me to ribbons was kind of Papa's vibe After a facial reconstruction that left him looking like a shrinkwrap skull He was mostly just grateful and when he asked if he blames Eugene, he said I'm sure that that man had a bad day that day He said I'm sure that that man had a bad day that day He's a good listener His family said that they thought he was dead They thought he was dead when he when they found him and technically when the guy ate his face off

It weirdly turned his life around like it brought him into like now. He's in medically assisted living yeah, because he's extreme because he's like I'm he's not a sensitive way to say this, you know like Stevie Wonder went blind in a romantic way and Other people go blind in a way or like that's an inspirational way Yeah, you know and he went blind in the worst way. I think I think actually the worst way Yeah blind blinded by eating by binding by yeah Cuz it's like cuz he did a whole description of his of what happened to him. Yeah

I mean he's got a great attitude about the situation in fact He was offered more facial reconstruction, and he was like fuck it. I'm good that is a, that is a, an I re attitude. If I've ever heard one, it's been like, Hey, you want to know? Nah, Henry found this. Let's listen to Papa. Tell some of the story in his own words. Hitchhiker returned from the beach was kind of in a glad mood for a while then he turned kind of vicious after a minute or two and he started to rip me apart. He smashed my face into the sidewalk, my face is all patchubbed. My eyes got plucked out.

He was strangling me in wrestling holes. At the same time that he was picking my eyes out, he was strangling me in wrestling holes. For a very short amount of time, I thought he was a good guy, but he just went and turned proper circles. That's how you know you never know, and that's why it's really, really important to do background checks. He was coming back and I guess he took it out on me or something. I don't know.

Yeah, you know, but other than being seemingly delicious, we don't know a ton about Ron Poppock. To be honest, you know what I was watching? I was watching one of my new favorite shows called Culinary Wars right now. It's called Culinary Class Wars on Netflix. I absolutely love it it and one of the things that they taught you as a rest of us tacos. Mm-hmm But what they talk about is check the leftovers like as a restaurant owner You should be checking the leftovers because you can see what people like and what they don't like and what they don't finish And I think one of the big problems is that I don't think he was very delicious because of how much he left I think he was actually I would I would say the opposite on that He was extremely delicious because he the other man had to be shot four times to get him to stop eating

I mean, yeah, I mean of the face truly, but there's so much more lips and chin. There's so much more of him He's so much more Dick but ends have you ever had a meal so good that someone had to shoot you with a nine millimeter to get you to stop? Oh yeah, there's a couple. There's a couple I think that you could definitely like- Show them the scars. If you show me, if you put a Peter Luger steak

in front of me and I went to go take a piece of it and you tried to take it away from me, yeah, I could probably, you could probably shoot me in the head. You could take two bullets before you go be like, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right. I'll go to dinner someplace else. Here's what we do know about Ron Poppo. He went to the prestigious Stuyvesant high school in Brooklyn. That's where I was going to go. Stuyvesant, you have to test in. Yeah. He

was in the Latin club and he had high hopes for his future writing in a schoolmates 1964 yearbook first Italian in the White House 1984 Wow Yeah, he got married and then divorced and was on the streets in Florida by 1976 unfortunately, that's very fast Yeah, that's very very especially when you're trying to be president in 84 Yeah, that's gonna not really you really never work in that grassroots campaign Yeah, he has an estranged daughter, you really have to work on that grassroots campaign. Yeah. He has an estranged daughter who had no idea he was even alive until he was eaten alive since the attack has been allowed to live at the Medicaid facility indefinitely. And he's still there to this day.

Rudy Eugene, on the other hand, is still dead. He's no longer zombified, but let's talk about his life and see what we can piece together the why of it all. Born and raised in Miami, Eugene's parents immigrated from Haiti shortly after his birth. He grew up in a religious household and was a high school football star. After high school, he mostly worked dead-end jobs, bouncing between fast food restaurants and telemarketing companies. At the time of the attack, he was working at a car wash. Though even in adulthood, he remained religious, was always carrying around a Bible.

Still, Rudy was a very angry man and had a history of violent behavior. His marriage ended a few years prior and according to his ex-wife, he was physically abusive. He'd been arrested eight times, including one incident where he trashed his mother's home and threatened to kill her. Most of other arrests were marijuana related and he had a weed habit which according to his girlfriend he was trying to kick. Unfortunately that weed habit was his only redeemable quality. Which brings us to the main culprit the alleged explanation for this unthinkable act drugs side note Rudy's then girlfriend was pretty much the only one who didn't blame drugs. She was convinced

It was a voodoo curse. Yeah, she got funny. She said that he was taken over and he was possessed by Damon Yeah, I mean, you know, it's just more just, it's just an excuse. Just, yeah. You have to try it. Is your boyfriend. It's hard to explain it somehow. I kissed him and he ate that man's face because eating a face is truly the, it's just a different type of crime than he's ever done.

Yeah. You know, and the rest of us were thinking it was probably drugs, specifically bath salts. Well, what are they? I remember the hoopla at the time and thinking people were actually smoking bath and body works. I remember that turns out not to be true. If it were, it would have made for great smelling zombie. Hey, do you guys smell fresh cotton sheets? Oh God, I knew it. I knew that Yankee candle. Hello. Nine one one. I'm being eaten alive

by a man that smells like Christmas cookies. No incredible. Where did you get that breath? Well, bath salts are actually the street name for synthetic amphetamines. You buy it at a gas station under brands like vanilla sky or cloud nine. They're called designer drugs. Not because they're fancy, but because they're chemically designed to duck the law. So these are like a spice and all that crazy shit. Yeah. Spice is insane in Brooklyn. Spice used to be just fucking, it really took over. Yeah. The Myrtle Broadway stop. It was a fucking disaster. Cause fucking the big boy deli was selling all that shit out in front. The common

recorded our album like two doors down from there. So every time you had to walk past all these fucking spice zombies. Yeah. I saw a woman walking through the middle of the street there and a car honking at her. And so she started headbutting the hood of the car. Jesus. Yeah. That's true. New Yorker. Yeah. I lived off that stuff for two years. Well, most bath salts are manmade version of cathinone, a derivative of South African

shrub called the cot plant, practically unknown to us, but over 20 million people in the Arabian peninsula in East Africa chew caught leaves daily. Oh, it was chosen because it's an easy molecule to tweak. And due to its relative obscurity, these shady designer labs realized they could easily evade legality by constantly changing one or two aspects of the formula. It's like avoiding copyright infringement. Yeah. It's exactly what they do with spice as well. Yeah. They're constantly tweaking it to stay one step ahead of the DEA.

They don't even update the branding when they change the recipe. They just put new crap in the same bag. So 2012's vanilla sky is completely different than 2014's vanilla sky. Why waste the bags? I guess super environmental. Yeah. Wow. That is nice.

Yeah. And back then the prevalent vanilla sky iteration was a MDPV street name monkey dust. Yes, I know. Sounds awesome. Yeah, it does. Yeah. I do like it. Yeah.

Now, anyone would you like to come with me and perhaps smoke this bowl of monkey dust? Okay. Now anyone familiar with the dust knows that it's a strong high, but it doesn't make you crave flesh. Like any upper, it mostly makes you pitch horrible business ideas and punch cards. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can do stuff like you cannot be able to have sex. Shit a lot. Yeah.

Everyone was- I got an idea. Shoes for birds. Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen. It's a market no one's thinking about Everyone was very surprised when Eugene's autopsy came up clean the toxicology reports directly contradict the public consciousness That this was in fact done by basalt Yeah

because it took over the whole country everybody was talking to screaming about bath salts and about because they're looking for an excuse as to why he did this and it just seems like he went temporarily mad and then or legitimately just we talk about this a little bit on last podcast like the concept of you know sometimes going crazy It's just about sort of giving yourself the permission to give in to a very dark impulse in the moment Because you've just decided to stop caring like this just like and yes, that is what the madness is But but this guy like essentially Just decided to say fuck all normal life. Maybe I mean he did just he seems like a man who had mental problems Definitely, but violent mental problems unlike most people who have mental problems, but it seemed like he really did just turn off the safety Yes, so maybe it was voodoo if it was Eugene was likely possessed by a voodoo god aka Alola Maybe it was barren criminal who was known to eat the flesh of his host if he isn't presented with the food

He likes or perhaps it was Congo Savon Man eating Loa who grinds his victims into court I would say the last one was the most that that would be the most likely one because the middle one that guy he would The Rudy would have eaten himself One you would have convinced him to do it. Yeah. Well, I have another theory All right on May 16th 2012 11 days before the attack The Senate introduced a bill called the synthetic drug abuse prevention act which directly banned monkey dust Classifying it as a schedule one narcotic as illegal as it gets so So the words monkey dust are like are in the books in America.

I believe that's amazing. Now the gas station drug business is founded on skirting drug legislation, staying one step ahead of the man. And you bet they had another formula in the hopper which surfaced in the EU as early as 2011 called Alpha PVP street name, Flocka or gravel. Oh yeah. I remember Flocka. I remember Flocka very well. Flocka would soon gain infamy specifically in South Florida. The epicenter being the suburbs of Dade and Broward counties starting in early 2013, peaking in 2015 until it was finally classified as schedule one all the way in 2017.

Compared to monkey dust, floca hits differently. The high is aggressive, manic, with hyper stimulation, vivid hallucinations, severe shifts in mood and rage severe enough to trigger self harm or violence, earning itself the nickname, the zombie drug. It caused one Fort Lauderdale man to try and break down the front door of a police station. And when that failed, he climbed their spike fence and impaled himself on it. That case was closed pretty quickly. Another flock ahead and Anaheim out by us stripped naked and started charging your cars like a bull

This stuff doesn't just make zombies. It makes fast zombies. Yeah World War Z train later Zombies. Yes. Now watch this shit. Watch the Anaheim guy. I got a video of it. I just want y'all to see it That guy was just charging I was just charging Fast dude Completely naked got into her car to her anaheim apartment. Oh, he's gonna ruin a close 30 saturday night She never saw this coming and then all of a sudden on the rearview mirror of my vehicle I see this naked guy just running towards my neighbor. That's fucking that guy

Police say security tape shows 21 year old Garrett Smith Throwing himself into her neighbor Charlie Barnes minivan. Do you get him at the combine neighbor? You know told me the story and I didn't believe it first vidrio panicked once he fell back. I was scared I was shocked. I didn't know what else to do So I backed up right into her neighbor's fence and she tried to get away the suspect charged at her That's when he jumped on my vehicle In the front of my windshield that's awesome vidrio stepped on the gas Turned and I bumped into my neighbor's van. That's when I saw the guy flying off the car

Slam into this wall. She called 9-1-1 She knew the shapehead was to slam into this wall. She called 911. Whoa, he is fucking trucking, dude. I was scared. I literally thought I was going to die that day. Hey, you know, as long as he's got his cardio in, it's so hard. That's incredible. Yeah, it's fucking nuts what this shit does to you.

So back in May 2012, Monkey Dust is criminalized, and these labs have alpha PVP waiting in the wings Specifically ready to launch in South Florida and when you know South Beach would likely get the first shipment so it's possible Eugene was on gravel no way to know now Well one thing we know that did turn up in his autopsy was a handful of unidentifiable Pills and while medical examiners at the time could test for monkey dust, they had nothing for alpha PVP. They had no idea it existed yet. They didn't develop that test until late 2013. That's fascinating. So he was just probably on, he was on something else. Most likely. Yeah, he's on flocc. Did you read about what

where flock is like growing now? No, the Netherlands. Oh my like as of April of this year says the use of the extremely addictive drug Flocka is increasing and the zombie drug is causing more problems in the Netherlands. Last year, Dutch cops responded to 995 incidents involving Flocka users. Oh my God. Up from 614 a year early. Let's try it for the new intern. It's like, okay, you gotta do it. You gotta go to Costco on Flaca. But barely it's been like two since 2018 says these are people with inexplicable behavior who caused nuisance. For example, people walk the street at night naked or not, and then sneak into the gardens of local residences. So there you have it on May 26, 2012. I think Rudy Eugene stopped off at a circle K grabbed

five water bottles and a pack of new and improved vanilla sky on his way to a hip hop concert and came back as a zombie with a hankering for Italian beef. Yeah. Well, he had the causeway cannibal or was he really flock a patient zero? Probably both. So in short, why is Florida so fucked up? Is it really worse than Ohio? I've read the news. I don't know. Crazy shit happens everywhere, Right? But in Florida, it's got that little extra, you know, because it's an end of the world society. People in Florida do dumb shit. I mean, when I was 22, I bought an AK 47 with my tax return to protect my drugs. Do you know what it's like to live in a place that's August for 11 months out of the goddamn year?

It's hot man. And it makes you crazy. And then we drink cause we're hot and now we're drunk and we're crazy. Okay. It's also just the place that renegades have been going for a long ass fucking time. The place is a ticking time bomb. Every time a hurricane comes, you're like, all right, this could be it. The waters are coming in three blocks into Miami beach. Multiple mayors have been screaming at multiple presidents about it. You got dinosaurs in your backyard, people releasing exotic pets. There's new animals every other month. When I was a kid, there were no iguanas.

Now there's statues of them. Okay. Floridians are fighting a war against the swamp and the swamp will win. It's not if it's when the mangroves are the only thing holding in the swamp will win. It's not if, it's when. The mangroves are the only thing holding in the Everglades and once they die, the ocean connects to one of the biggest swamps in the world and everything's underwater.

Now if that doesn't make you wanna pack your pipe full of monkey dust, I don't know what the fuck will. Hey, monkey dust is only gonna keep you more agitated in the end time, so I say switch to that Indica monkey dust. I don't want some of that sleepy time monkey dust. That's panda dust. Yes. You're right. Yes. Koala. Yes. So that's the Florida files eaten alive. Special shout out to Grant Gordon who helped research and write the script for this and Disney Dan for helping me research the story of lane graves. That's good work. Thank you so much great work

I'm down to Florida and we learned a lot and I don't want to go back. Yeah, I can't wait for more Florida files You know, we're also gonna be doing some live shows in Florida We're figuring out when we're doing that we will be doing that. Yes for those of you to check and go to the last podcast And left that comma in Atlanta. That's close. Yeah, that's gonna be January. Yeah, we're gonna be in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Theater, whatever Coca-Cola theater that is, you know, it's the rocks the Coca-Cola rocks Oh, go to the racks Yeah Go out to badger on comm slash last podcast and left to watch us yell and scream

Go to LP on the left at all the various socials to see us on socials and you'll get your socials and go to twitch.tv So let's help you TV Yeah You get the twitch shows and then go to YouTube on our YouTube to watch them after the fun New York City will be there the first week of December at King's Theatre in Brooklyn. I can't wait for that fucking show That's gonna be amazing. I wanted to play that place my whole fucking life and then of course Atlanta in January Dallas in February and then we moved to the Ryman in March Detroit in April and Toronto in May. We got a lot of

shows coming up. Come get your tickets. Now go to that VIP experience. When we do a Q and a afterwards, it's like you're getting a fucking second show. Yeah. We have great time. Yeah. And you get to, you get a sign poster and a lanyard. I know Henry loves go to the last podcast on the left.com to see when those dates are and to see where you can buy those tickets. Thank you so much, Edward. No problem.

Really good work. Thank you guys. I love you guys. Also quick HGX to the hoop of Google game coming back December 12th, 6 PM Pacific 9 PM Eastern to the LPN Twitch channel. That's twitch.tv slash LPN TV. And let's just say that there may be a little bit of musical accompaniment. Yes.

On this episode. Oh, I wonder who that might be. Who's gonna be? Hmm. Interesting. Ohhhhh. Bwong. Bwong.

Alright, well, hail sweet Satan, everyone. How about a game? Hail lane graves. Yeah, leave the little dogs at home in Florida. Yeah, leave them at home. Take them to a park. Yeah, front yard's dogs at home in Florida. Leave them at home. Take them to a park. Yeah, front yard's good.

Yes. Front yard's better. Get a fence.