Last Podcast On The Left - Last Update on the Left - Episode 6 - OJ Simpson Revisited

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Load into the Ford Bronco, because we’re going on a ride down memory lane as we revisit the sordid tale of OJ Simpson, American footballer and potential killer. A LOT has happened since Episode 129 of Last Podcast on the Left, including the man’s demise, so we’ve got many things to cover. So let’s take a trip down memory lane—but here’s a tip: don’t take the 405, the traffic’s GNARLY. For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

That's when the cannibalism started. Last update on the left. Oh yeah! Henry, are you okay? I don't know how that started. What happened? I'm so upset. Oh my god.

He almost didn't make it in the room. He was curled up in a fetal position right outside the studio It was because I ate a piece of sushi that I saw on the street And I ate it just cuz I was curious. Yeah, I just was so fat. I'm just so fat fucking stupid Just fucking eat street fish. I just I'm dumb I'm glad you're saying it not me. Yeah, it seemed to me He lived his life like a cuddlin'. What are we gonna do without him?

Welcome to the last update on the left, ladies and gentlemen. We had to update the episode. We had to update the update. We recorded this episode the week, not the week before, before not a month before the week that OJ died It was like three days three or four days before OJ died and you'll hear in this episode You hear jokes about how he's gonna die. Yeah about how we're gonna have to read we're gonna have to record like a new Opening because he's probably gonna die before it comes out and man I think he died before even the first update show

came out. Pretty certain. Pretty certain, but what we know now is O.J. Simpson, football player, football legend, commercial legend, actor, comedian, husband. He has passed. And the juice is dust. Yes, the juice has been spilled.

He is not good. The juice is loose. The juice is loose. It's just leaking out of his butthole in the mortuary. Yes, yes. That's why you get the little corkscrew thing. They put it up there. OJ Simpson is dead.

I recently rewatched The People vs. OJ Simpson, the documentary series. Which is incredible. Did he win again? You guys gotta go look. I was like rooting for it this time, man. Like tiny hints, tiny hints, tiny hints. Go watch that too. Before you listen to this update. Rewatch that whole documentary series. You really were reminded of how quote unquote important a man he was and what, it's just mind-boggling. Natalie never watched it because she doesn't like sports documentaries. Oh. And finally because she was like but it's not though. It's not. And she watched all of it. She was like, OJ was bad. Yeah. When I saw that QB Gooding Jr. was playing OJ I'm like, oh is

this the sequel to radio? Good work. Good work. No, I was wondering, what was the documentary series? O.J. Made in America. Joe Made in America was also very good. Yeah, O.J. Made in America is, I think, one of, if not the best, documentary series ever made. Yes, truly good. It's incredible. It's a sports documentary. It's a true crime documentary. It's a sociological documentary.

It's fascinating. It shows how O.J. It's a sociological documentary. It shows how OJ Simpson truly did change America completely. He was a murderous Forrest Gump. And for that we want to say thank you for the years of content. And uh, OJ, I'll see you in heaven. Right? Sure. He's in heaven. I mean, heaven's not real. Yeah. So it doesn't matter. But if there was, he's probably there because he did, because then we talked a little bit about how he made all his sons sign the NDA to go say goodbye to him on his deathbed. And then because it's probably because he didn't want to get the last scoops at the

very end, because then I did research and I did find out that the estate can sue, which is part of the, partially the reason why he had an NDA on his deathbed, was because he wanted to make sure that the kids didn't go and make money on his name after he died. Why not? Because he's a piece of shit. Because he's O.J. Simpson. And yeah, he might not have been as nice as he seemed. I don't think his name's worth as much as he thinks it is.

I think that a lot of people would want to hear from the sons. I actually do. I want to hear. I want to hear the story. But actually after his death, I can't remember the last time there was a celebrity death in which that many articles were written and that much attention was paid to like a man's legacy. Like his death was massive.

Very, very huge. It was huge. And it felt like it was one of those things. Like I felt for a second after OJ died that it was like a bookend of like between like David Bowie's death and OJ Simpson's death for like a day or two there. It felt like a bookend of like between like David Bowie's death and O.J. Simpson's death for like a day or two there. It felt like a little magical. Like things kind of felt like, man,

like maybe things can get back to normal and then everything just got fucked up again. And it wasn't, that was a fantasy of mine that I was hoping would come true. There's a lot more bad people that have to die. We have like a whole, I can name 10 that immediately need to go and once those go then I think we'll see some serious changes.

Well yeah, but the new ones, but we know what I mean. But they'll be our generation. They'll be ours and we'll know how to handle them, which is by one star reviews on iTunes. So here it is, our OJ Simpson update, pre-death OJ Simpson Simpson update which really makes it not much of an update at all. No Enjoy Democrats about time about time they found that one Republicans About time they found that one. Republicans. Whoa. That's mean.

Have you ever heard that one before? Republicans? That's mean about Republicans. Like pubic hair? No, like poo. Republicans. Democrats. That means you're dumb.

I like Republicans. Republicans is fine. Republicans, uh, Republicans. Republi- Republicans is fine. Republi- Republicans is better than Republi-cans. It's fine. Because that- the way I'm saying it, it sounds more like I'm making- saying poob instead of poo. Like, it's some sort of penis boob. A poob.

On fire. Already. Wow. Guys. Wow. Are we keeping that in? No. No, you can't keep it. Wow guys Wow, are we keeping that in? No No, you can't keep it

Absolutely not Is it too good? Sometimes an intro If it's too good People stop, they go back They listen to the intro again And then they're laughing so much They miss the beginning and then they have to go back

So like, I actually Think it's important to cut the intro if it's too good And you know what because they won't listen to the rest of the episode. It's a risk We're gonna have to take today welcome to last update on the left what? My name is Marcus Parks, not tired at all. With me is Henry Zabrowski. Also not tired and I think that now that OJ Simpson is sick, let him kill again. Yeah, this time himself. Come on, let him kill again.

Why can't he just kill one last time? And Ed Larson, what is is your what's your stance on? Oh, J. Simpson make a wish murder. Oh J. Make us wish murder. I would say I mean Aaron Hernandez is gone cuz I'd be the perfect person from the kill Yeah, so if he does murder on his deathbed and we allow him to murder it can't be his choice I don't know if we allow him to murder. It can't be his choice. I don't know if we allow him to murder. I think what we do is we put him in a ring and he has the option to murder. But you know, like Marina Brankovic, like the thing we call John Cena. Oh, John Cena would destroy him. Yeah. He's

got kids. Oh, gee, Simpson's dying. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he's not gonna be able to kill John Cena That's the thing. You don't want him to be able like you don't want it to be a guarantee You want it to be a long shot? I thought it'd be like Grandpa's turn and you have to go get that put the camera in his hands being like let grandpa do it He does it best, you know, like I thought it'd be like that. That'd be nice and then he'd hit just we choose a person Well, I would like a lot like Shirley Jackson's the lottery you just like go to Cincinnati and one person out of Cincinnati gets killed I mean, that's not doing in Cincinnati

Indianapolis yes, no no yeah, yeah, my family lives in Indiana Indianapolis. Yeah, if mom gets dead everything's fine. Why can't OJ Simpson kill Dick Cheney? Whoa, he could kill Dick Cheney. Yeah with a hammer blow to his fucking big-headed head. You know what? I'm open to it. Oh, yeah. All right. The juice is loose and there's blood coming out of his butt from his prostate cancer. I'm dying. We wanted to do an update on OJ Simpson because we have not yet done... When did we do our OJ Simpson series? I remember talking about the Dancing Eidos. Yeah, we talked about the Dancing...

We went through basically everything. This was when we were doing very broad overviews of the dance. I mean, we went through basically everything. It was just, this was when we were doing very broad overviews of the stories. We did all the, we did the entire OJ Simpson saga, including like the MK ultra stuff and juiced and Las Vegas all in like one episode. Oh, we did all of it. I think we did all of it in like one app. Like at least that's what my script says, but that's the thing. I don't know what we actually said. Yeah, it's true. It was a long time ago, man.

I feel like the episode has never ended because y'all just talk about him constantly. We talk about him a lot. Well, cause, yeah, that was kind of like what brought him back into the cultural sphere. It was also like our first true crime story. Oh yes, we were really obsessed as kids, because I know, I always remember when it came on the news,

everybody did, it was a huge deal, it was a big part of our lives. I remember when they showed the verdict at my elementary school, and there was a slight race riot. Wow. That happened inside of it. Really? Inside of the elementary school?

Yeah, kids freaked out because it's like. We saw it in my middle school and like everyone was just talking about it. It was perfectly safe. Also same with me. Yeah, we saw it in our middle school. It was perfectly safe. I think kids at home were getting agitated

by their parents about the nature of the case. Were you in Queens still? Yeah, I was in Queens. That's different. They were just getting violent for any reason in the 90s back there. Were you in Queens still? Yeah, I was in Queens. Ah. That's different. They were just getting violent for any reason in the 90s back there. It was intense. It was intense. But, you know, like, he's innocent.

So I actually don't even know why we even try to do anything. So while we're still talking about it to this day, I mean, God, he's innocent. I've been trying to figure out who did it. Because, you know, we know that he tried to write the book. If I did it, it did not go well for him. He said that he probably, he said that if he did it, he would have done it different. He says, let's say I committed this crime. This was in a February 98 issue of Esquire.

Let's say I committed this crime. Even if I did this, it would have to have been because I loved her very much, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever happened? They printed it. Whatever happened to it? I have a copy of it. Oh, you do? Yeah, it's what happened is that Fred Goldman, Ron Goldman's father, you know, who won the civil suit. So just so you remember, Nicole Brown Simpson, Ron Goldman murdered by someone. Yes. By OJ Simpson. Yes. OJ Simpson definitely killed those two people.

Do you think he's the funniest murderer of all time? Hmm. I don't know, that's the thing. There's a lot of murderers that I haven't spent time with. He's the funniest celebrity murderer to have ever been caught. Okay. Because I wouldn't say that Phil Spector's super funny. I guess Robert Blake didn't kill kill Robert Blake wasn't funny at all

I never seen funny about it. You've ever seen his old he had a series that he did that was actually really fun I believe it's called Tony dancer No, no, I mean he was who's the boss he was incredible in a in cold blood and then also in was it the movie with a blood. And then also in was it the movie with Pullman Lost Highway? Now? Yeah, Lost Highway. Keep talking amongst yourselves. Yeah, no, when I when I heard OJ had the the big casino, I thought he's had an autograph gig at the MGM. Cancer, you

know, big casino, we know what it is. Okay. Why is it I didn't get the big casino? What's, big casino. We know what it is. Okay. What is it? I didn't get, I don't get it. The big casino. What's the big casino? You never heard that as a term for cancer? I never have. Oh yeah. I got the big casino. What? I've never heard that.

You never heard that? What's the big casino? Why would you say that? I've never heard of the big casino. That's cancer. But why would you call it that? Cause I didn't make it up. Why did you make that up?

Was that something your mom used to say? I can't believe you all never heard that. I feel that up? Was that something your mom never heard I feel like I was that some your mom used to say Probably because your mom you know isn't you know she was a gambler. Yeah Yeah, I've never heard anyone called the big casino cuz that doesn't that that implies to me like I hit the jackpot Or you get all your money everything taken from you. Oh wow whoa Yeah, but then but you sound like but sometimes you win with cancer, there's no ending result in which you're better than you were before, necessarily. You could get a new asshole. But it sounds like a lot of times, Joe Dancer, that is the show that Robert Blake made. He was in a show, it was technically kind of funny.

Yes. So far, barely talked about it. It's a Sopranos thing. Oh, that's what it is. It, so far barely talked about it. It's a Sopranos thing. Oh, that's what it is. It was from the Sopranos. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the reason why we wanted to update it is because we got pulled back in.

And so am I? I got married in St. Pete, Florida. Have I told this story on the show? No, I don't think so. And by the way, it was also used in Ocean's Eleven when Frank and Dino was like, give it to me straight Doc is at the big casino. See the big casino. So I guess it goes it starts with C. Yes Cancer casino, it's close

Either way, I think my joke works now You know then when I eventually will have cancer. Yeah. I assume. Don't know that. I don't know it. You're right. Because maybe by the time we're old enough, 45, we will have a new type of fun cancer. That's like four years, dude.

I know. Yeah. That's why I was joking. It's a joke. That was sarcastic. No, it is happening. We're getting rapidly old. We all have cancer. Everybody has cancer inside them. It's just a matter of if it presents itself or not.

Yeah. What? Yeah. You have cancer in your body right now. It's all there. Yeah, we all have it. I don't have it. Every human. No. I beat it out of me.

Sure. Yeah, dude. I fucking my thetans are gone. Oh, good for you. Alright, I go. I destroyed my thetans on my own. I'm the self-actualized Neo that they've been asking for and know that it's gonna arrive to Scientology Eventually, which is why they don't want me in there because I'm gonna disrupt the entire fucking thing But I was getting married And I remember the day

It was a beautiful day. Do you remember the day? Yeah, in Tampa. No. Oh, is it in August? No? It wasn't? Do you remember my anniversary? No, I want to remember your anniversary. It's October, right? I know your anniversary.

Well, it's easy. It's the day before July 4th. Yeah. That's an easy one. I made F-1 fly on a holiday weekend and spend an exorbitant amount of money on plane tickets. And yours is my mother's birthday, 11-9. Nice. I see, I would have guessed May for you. Yeah. Now it's cold. weekend and spend an exorbitant amount of money on plane tickets. And yours is my mother's birthday, 11-9. Nice!

I see, I would have guessed May for you. Yeah. Now it's cold. Also, 11-9? That's not, um, that's not when we got married. When was it? 11-10. Armistice Day.

You remember the day you got the flight. When I got married, we were in St. Pete, Florida, and we were staying at this little hotel, and it was so cute for our wedding night. We were like, oh, this is gonna be fun and romantic nights. And I went on to the Instagram, because I thought it'd be fun to go see, like, oh, let's see what other atmospheres have been like here. What is the life like here? What's the party life like here? And the first picture was a picture

of a young blonde lady with OJ Simpson in it. And then I went to the bartender and I said, OJ Simpson, is he here a lot? And he's like, he's here about three or four times a week. And I was like, what? It's like, yeah, he comes and he visits his son who lives out here, so he's here all the time. And I just can't even imagine what would have happened

if my new wife and I, because I also know that I would have the truly, honestly, it's a millennial issue. It's an addiction to post-irony. And so I think that physically I would have to be restrained to not get a picture with him. Yeah. You know he would buy you a bottle of champagne. Oh, of course.

For the newlyweds. Oh, yeah, oh no. Hey, Nick, hey, Nick. And that was right before. Make sure you talk through all your problems. You know what? If there's somebody who's got good advice, it's over.

He's right. How to avoid all of this. Don't let her be a waitress. Yes. Let her go to a restaurant. Never let her go. But right shortly after that, he joined Twitter. And it kind of brought it back. So OJ Simpson's on Twitter.

He's talking about how abortion should be legal. He has very liberal views. He's gone full on. I want to say, he like, hello, Twitter world. I just want to say Ruth Bader Ginsburg was someone I really, really appreciated. Like, it was like, it was a weird thing. He was like talking about, he was talking about,

he was pro-vaccine. Yeah. Because he was sure that he had got COVID in January of 2020. Mm-hmm, yeah, he was pro-vaccine. And he started going to Buffalo Bills games again. Just, and they applauded him. They did.

Well, he was very good for them. Yeah. For them. Dad just said that. But the thing is, after you've narrowly missed having the government prove that you've killed everyone, it's hard to then go and then you get to be everybody's hero. You get to go and they played, I wanna say that they played the naked gun theme

and he waved at the crowd in Buffalo and everyone cheered for him because that's how desperate Buffalo is for a win. Well, also. And they miss those days when OJ Simpson and they will do anything it takes to take it back and talk again I'm sorry Courtney and Kate one. I love you both But you guys like OJ Simpson more than you like alive women

And it's just a fact about Buffalo do you think that they were you know more applauding the naked-gun theme than OJ I mean I applaud the the naked gun theme. I need to watch 30, like I've watched one and two and a half recently and just goddamn had, like I was down, like I was in a low point. So we just watched both of those movies and like, and it like turned like my month around. When was the last time you saw Police Squad,

the actual show? Oh, forever. Oh, it's so good. I got the DVDs. All right, so now we have a full day. Perfect. It's so worth it too. It's all jokes. And OJ Simpson, if he just could have found some of that laughter. Because I know when I'm sad or angry and I get mad at waiters, you know, talking to my wife, I just kind of like, I just sit and I try to think about

absurd things. I go like, isn't I just sit and I try to think about absurd things. I go like, isn't it funny? Finger puppets. Yeah. That's a weird, huh? But you'd be mad if one followed her home. A finger puppet? No, a waiter.

Well yeah, because they'd need to be following us home. Yes, unless she was, you know, out with the ladies or something, you know? But then again, are you just trying to offer more good service? Because I do love waiters. And he was saying that he was offering more good service. He was returning your glasses. I just love restaurants so much. I can't imagine hurting anybody within side of a restaurant.

I believe everybody that's inside of a restaurant is pure. Man, I get so mad when I get a bad sandwich. Yeah, of course. Yeah, if you make a bad sandwich, because they're so easy to make. Well, actually, no, no no you don't think they are I think that a good bread is one of the most difficult issues. Oh, yeah We've been talking about like the smearing of the mayonnaise. Oh, you're just talking a poor construction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, I get furious. Yeah. Yeah you could you have to be doing it Even people with no hands who do it with their feet learn how to do it. Take your time. Yeah. Make it nice. Don't make it twice. People who don't have feet do it with their teeth just as good as anything. So if you're making a bad fucking sandwich and I'm paying you to fucking be there then we need to think about where we're at in our country wondering why China's winning. China's beating us in AI. This is how OJ felt when he saw that waiter follow his wife So you're saying Simpson killed his wife and he killed that waiter not just Ron Goldman the man Ron Goldman

He went to kill these people not because He's a psychopath and a misogynist. He killed them bad service to fight China Misogynist he killed them bad service to fight China Which actually is a huge deal if we think about it that way yeah, and maybe now it's the reason why He's dying of cancer Do you think it's polonium from the Chinese? I think it's general South chicken. I think it's got college American dish General so I believe is a real guy. Might as well be.

Spicy. But yet sweet. General Tso sounds like a good general. But it's bad for you. The fried foods. General Patton, he's spicy, but he's sweet. But I just don't understand, OJ Simpson. He actually was also still in very good health later on.

That colon cancer still comes. You gotta be careful with colon cancer. I feel like that's what really this episode should be about. Yes, colon cancer. How to avoid colon cancer. I gotta get it, yeah, I'm getting a colonoscopy done here soon, just because I got to, because you know the bleeding butt and all that. Oh yeah. Was yours bumped up early because your blood, because have the yeah, they are the stigmata Yeah, I just have to do that. Yeah, the any anus stigmata

I just have to do it, you know more often than the men do and earlier you do have an anus Anus stigmata is a really fun like name for yeah album anus stigmata. Yeah, it's anu stigmata Anu stigmata to undo stigma. I think you're all right. You probably have semi colon cancer That's an English It's getting it feels it feels seconds of time So the way you avoid colon cancer is don't have a butt. So be a conehead. Yeah.

Oh yeah, that's right. They just got the dots. Yeah, that's right. How did they defecate? I don't think they did. They don't. You have to defecate. But they ate so much.

That's the thing. You eat so much. When you eat, you must defecate. Any biological animal defecates. Do you think it comes out of their mouth? I don't know, but when you miss an opportunity, when you eat, you must defecate. Any biological animal defecates. Do you think it comes out of their mouth? I don't know, but when you miss an opportunity, when you interview Dan Aykroyd. God, fuck!

And then he won't get back. We've been trying to hit him up, he won't get back. We've been hitting OJ up for fucking weeks, and now he's about to fucking die. He might die. I mean, he's gonna die. If he dies before this comes out, we're sorry. Yeah, well, we'll do an addendum. You'll have heard,. Yeah guys before this comes out, you know, we're sorry Yeah, well, we'll build do an addendum

You'll have heard if he dies before this comes out you'll have heard us come out up top and say like hey this is recorded Before he died. Do you know what's crazy? So my cousin would graduated from USC I went to the graduation and right next to the graduation was like they're like trophy hall and they had OJ Simpson's Heisman trophy in there. Oh, wow I got I got like got stolen. No, they kept it all kept that he got to keep his He sold his back when you were still allowed to sell it and then someone else sell it now It's like in a private collection, but um, he they still had OJ Simpson's no matter what they're like still presenting it Reggie Bush on the other hand they removed it because he got caught taking money

Stealing money Reggie Bush had to give back his Heisman and OJ has not even though OJ He wasn't stealing money was taking money for all the play football, which is now they made legal Which is now legal, but Reg your push still doesn't have his heisman and OJ got still gets to keep it what in that crazy so Jesus is fine yeah you know still be like well I guess he was at first I guess again all right he is convicted for stealing sports rebellions and for kidnapping he's convict. He was convicted for some bad shit Yeah, not while he was playing see that's what they're saying

And I also find that interesting is that as long as it's football concern Yeah Nobody seems to care about OJ Simpson as long as you put it because you notice his Twitter all this stuff he was talking about Yeah, obviously he threw some pretty at this point We were talking talking about his quote about liberal politics, but it's way more like center liberal He's just acting like a quote-unquote normal guy and then also just talking about football like all you do is talk about football Yeah, and golf and golf you just talk about with neutral subjects, which is like also kind of sad Well, he was a sports commentator for many years. He's very trained in talking about football.

Yeah. And he did it for a long time. Yeah. And no one seems, as long as you're just talking about that, but the one thing he did know best, which was how to get away with murder, which I think a lot more people would be interested in. And how do I do what you did?

He wrote a book about it! I know it! The thing is they shut it down because people are afraid of the truth. I mean it's very easy. I mean it's just that he'd be once in its long hire a lot of very expensive manipulative lawyers who have no morals. Wow. That's how you get off. That's incredible. Yeah. Well it's also got to have big hands and he didn't take his medication.thritis and also it really helps if you have an entire racist police department that you can throw into the bus that you're hanging Out with a lot. Yes. Yeah And also have a very incompetent forensics team that also helped wow that does help wow it does take a village You know and they say you know, that's the things there's no self-made anybody. Yeah, it's really about people help everywhere you go. You don't know

Yeah, you mean like I don't know like if I didn't get fat enough. I Don't know if I would have booked work. So I feel like in many ways the Italian and Chinese restaurant community of New York City in many ways Was my village. Yeah, cuz you used to like order so much Chinese food. They give you multiple sets of utensils Yeah, like I knew it was like a good order. Yeah, I remember those days if they thought it was a family That's how you know you were winning. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that means that you fucking took it that or it's the worst is when they bring a box When they when you see the box of food and you're like, oh, oh, no, oh, oh, that was when I was getting, I was getting all fat and sassy. I was getting all big and stanky, dude.

Wow, a box? Yeah, man. You'd order enough to get a box? Yeah, dawg. Wow. Fuck yeah, man. What would that entail? Lots of apps.

Well, I like to choose the apps. And then also I started to believe that as long as they were meat based, that they were healthy, which is sort of real. So I'd get my spare ribs. I'd get this sliced barbecue pork, which I like both, because I like the chunk off the bone. I also like eating in slice form. And then I would just get a little bit of the noodles, and I'd get them steamed.

I would get steamed dumplings, because I thought that was healthier, because it's steamed. It's cooked with steam. It's air. It doesn't get mixed. It doesn't make it fat. It's not fried. It's air. And then I would make, I'd get steamed dumplings, because I thought that was healthier, because it's steamed, it's cooked with steam, it's air, it doesn't get, it doesn't make it fat. It's not fried, yeah. It's air. And then I would make, I get beef and broccoli,

because they have broccoli in it. Yeah, because you gotta be healthy. Yes. Yeah, yeah, of course. And that's the beef. It doesn't matter if it's, you know, like soaked in, you know. Rice comes from the earth too. Yeah. That's all herbs. Rice are herbs.

Last I checked. Yeah, yeah, so it's very good. Yeah, that's it. And then, but I'd be like, I'm so, because also I'm like broke. But I checked. Yeah, yeah, so it was very good. Yeah, that's it. And then, but I'd be like, I'm so, because also I'm like broke. But I'm also just drinking, because then I'm just drinking 40s and eating Chinese food.

Yeah, but that's the thing is that back then in New York, you could get that much Chinese food for like 25 bucks. It's like six bucks. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Mm. Really want to order some Chinese food tonight. I just want to do like.

Like New York style Chinese food. What was that place? King Wa's. King Wa was good. And then so was the, Really want to order some Chinese food tonight. I just want to do like like New York style. What was that place King was? King wah was good. And then so was the the my mouth OJ Simpson is still in the NFL Hall of Fame. Yeah, he won't Not remove him from there because I guess guess he didn't get convicted. Yeah. And that's the whole thing.

Well, he was convicted of the- The other ones, but that's, you know, everyone knows that was, you know, everyone who was kinda on his side almost. Well, they were, one of the lawyers from the first trial called it the fifth quarter, where, because they didn't get him on the murder charge when they came in on this charge, like they gave him the maximum sentence for every

single thing. I mean, he ended up getting out anyway. Of course they did. Of course they did. Now I sent you a quote. I don't know if you got it yet, Henry. Yes. From OJ Simpson's hall of fame acceptance speech.

Would you mind? It's pretty great. Yeah. And it's pretty great. Yeah. And it's pretty inspiring. Well, I'll never forget Jack McBride because he told me, he said, OJ, in this world, there are rules that we must all live by.

He said, you've got to learn that if you're ever going to be successful in this world, you're going to have to learn to accept the responsibilities for your actions. And I don't know, it didn't hit me right then, but it started to grow on me as the years went on because I knew I was this guy's favorite and he turned me in and he would have turned me in anyway. And I guess this is when I began to realize what it really, really is second, that it

really, really is secondary if you win or lose. It's how you play the game in life and on the field that really matters. So I'll always be grateful to Jack McBride. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Eh, eh, eh. Eh, eh, eh. Responsibility.

You know, it's about responsibility for his actions and that's why I'm always been so happy. He's still out there. Like, cause you know how hard it is to pick up clues this far after the murder. Yeah. And he's out there and now he's sick. He's sick and he's running out of time and honestly yeah sure he might have ran his way through as many fake titted blonde women that he could have all throughout Florida and left

each one sort of vaguely scared and disappointed. But he was researching, trying to figure out who would kill a woman, who would ever think to. And so what he would do is just he'd ask, he'd be like, he'd go, because I thought that was really irresponsible of him. Is that he would go on a date with a blonde woman and he'd ask, why should I kill you? And she'd always be like, I'm trifling and cheat and I'm trying to unreliable and I fucking mean, I think you're, you got a small dick and it'd be like, well, see, I'm, I'm better now. Like he would, I think that's important

for him. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Mike, you mentioned earlier, is he the funniest murder out there? Yeah. And he actually, the thing is about OJ Simpson as I think he can be directed to be funny. Because if you watch the old naked gun movies, really his shining moment, he has one shining moment. That's the boat scene. Yeah, when he gets shot.

Oh, it's great. That's his buster keat. Oh yeah. When he like puts his shoulder in the wet pink, he's like, oh man! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's incredible. I mean, it's an incredible scene.

But when he was tasked to be funny all on his own, when OJ was given a blank check for his prank show, juiced. Cause they were like, oh, OJ's funny. OJ, yeah, OJ's funny. Let's give OJ a blank check for his prank show juiced. Because they were like, oh, OJ's funny. OJ, yeah, OJ's funny. Let's give OJ a blank check and have him come up with all these ideas for pranks, because 2005, prank shows are very popular in 2005. Especially the direct-to-DV, DVD market.

Oh, yes. Because that's too hot for television. Too hot for television, because there was a music video involved that had a lot of tits. They just put it in there and it's just O.J. Simpson in the stereotypical pimp costume. They rented a mansion somewhere in Florida. A couple of ladies come along. It's a lot.

But Juiced, have you ever seen Juiced? Just the clips you've showed me. I've never actually watched the whole thing I think is on watchable I've sat down and watched it multiple times because we did an oj simpson bit for a live show many many years ago back when we were doing like 300 seat rooms and I Watched it because we were gonna play like that was gonna be the climax of the bit was like the show juiced I

could not find one funny clip nothing the entire it's all just Uncomfortable in a bad way. Yeah, like it's like everyone's uncomfortable. Everyone's like very Weirded out it's not good light of the murder and then he's like just anded out. It's not good. And he's making light of the murder. And then he's like just, and he's not doing funny. Like he's at a drive-thru and he's like taking sips of sodas before handing them to people. And people are just like, what are you doing? Yeah, he tries to sell a white Bronco.

Yeah. He pops out from behind it and he's just like, see, it's me, it's a white Bronco. And then it's like, that's all. There's no material. Yeah. There was actually a great expose written by the comedian that wrote this process. And they were talking about how O.J. Simpson would arrive. He was visibly intoxicated. Every time.

Every single time. Obviously extremely difficult to control. I wouldn't just kind of obviously blow off shoot dates, showed up with a bunch of sex workers. He was a not in good shape. Yeah, of course not. Not ready to be on camera. He was doing, he did whiteface in it, correct? Yeah. He dressed up like an old man, like an old white man, uh, and just bothered people. I mean, that's fun though, but there was no jokes. He was just bothering people and they just thought like, why is this strange looking Yoda man bothering me? Well, you know, gotta make a living. You don't that way.

I feel like there's so many. I actually rather you be a Times Square Elmo. I think that there's other things to do besides help OJ Simpson make a prank video. Well, 2005 is an abysmal time for art. It was a hard time. It was real. Yeah, it was real hard. Yeah, it was a hard time.

Like, yeah, what were even like the movies of 2005? 2005, I was just so- Jerry Maguire? I was just so high. No, no, Jerry Maguire was like 96. That's right. That's right. Yeah. I was just so high. No, Jerry McGuire was like 96. That's right, that's right, that's right. I was just fat and drunk. 2005, man.

We were working together. Yeah. 2005, yeah, that was, yeah, senior or- Do you remember any of that? My first senior year in college. Yeah, there wasn't a lot going on there. Yeah, what was on that? It was a Harry Potter movie.

The third Star Wars prequel. The War of the Worlds remake. Oh, I remember that. I remember getting stoned for that and sitting in the second row and thinking it was fucking real, dude. Yeah, it was fucking scary for the first 20 minutes. Yeah, the Peter Jackson King Kong Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Begins Yeah That's fine. That's good. That's a good one. You know you know Jay didn't make any of this better Opportunity we were looking to OJ to fix it. Because imagine if he went through all of this,

killed his wife, killed her boyfriend, killed like, you know, like stole all this stuff, came back after all this. But what if he had made his full-on Greta Thunberg move? If he had went to save the world, would you feel bad? Like if he went to do something that would like, save a boatload of people. Like, oh, you're talking like Randy Quaid

at the Independence Day? Yes. Or if you're like, let's say, this might be comical, but someone left the bomb on a cruise boat. Okay. And he got the bomb, he found the bomb. Jumped off the boat with the bomb. Or threw the bomb off, like, lived.

Threw the bomb off and saved everyone. Would you forgive him? I mean, you don't have to forgive him. You could just be happy he saved those people. But would you be like, all right, OJ, you can be in the Naked Gun remake? No, because he's got cancer now. Well, yeah, now.

No one will insure him. Yeah, that's the main issue. But you think if he saved like 300 people? Oh, saved and lived. I thought you meant that like he sacrificed him. No, and then he could go on and then we could bring him back to you. Would that un-cancel him? If he saves like 400, 500 people in one go, will he be can he go get his hair played with by Jimmy Fallon? It's interesting like once you become like a notorious horrible person. Nobody even wants you to do anything good Yeah, remember when the KKK tried to adopt the highway and everyone's like no

We won't even let you clean the highway Paint the road white yeah But a message is OJ Simpson if he wants toJ Simpson, if he had wanted to get right with God, he might could do something cool like tell everybody, don't, you know, I watched Matrix Resurrections, it's bad. You could have saved us all from that. Like, if you could have just done something to protect us all. About 2005 was like it was the year in music of second best album. Oh, like Demon Days by Gorillaz, The Woods, Cedar Kenny. It's like all second best albums.

It's a hard year. Yeah. Gimme fiction, Spoon. Yeah. I like Spoon. But no, it's, but that's Spoon's like second best album. Hypermagic Mountain by Lightning Bolt. It's like their third best album.

We're just going to get, this is where we're going gonna get the letters. Yeah, it's not the rest of it It's this little portion. Yeah, it's just it's just yeah That was the year that million dollar baby won best picture. Oh the one about the lady boxer who bit off her tongue to die Yeah Yeah, and all her parents and her parent her family came to see her in the hospital and they all went to Disney World. Yeah. Yeah, that was that movie? That was that movie, yeah.

But Morgan Freeman won, so that's good. Yeah, that's good. And like the Aviator won a bunch of awards? Aviator was fine. Aviator was fine. Ah, best original score, Finding Neverland. I liked Finding Neverland. Oh, that movie.

Yeah, the fiction movie of people that movie. Yeah Whatever I hear leaving Neverland, I'm always like I feel bad for finding Neverland Wow, and then it's Johnny Depp who was doing a Michael Jackson impersonation in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Weird. Wow! That's fucking weird, dude. All this is so much more interconnected than the O.J. Simpson material. Yeah. That we had. This is actually deeper and bigger than I thought this was gonna be. The Goldman family has never been paid? No, the Goldman family, you know, they never got paid.

They got a hundred and something thousand dollars. Yeah, they got nothing. Now with interest, it's up to like 60 or 70 million. Maybe more now They were obviously they're always like pulled back every single time He farts they talked to the Goldman's and they were never allowed to be released from this at all Yeah, oh, J. Simpson will be dead soon very soon Yeah, at least we know and that when he dies then this will finally be over and it's weird because I actually kind of feel like almost a sadness when in a way well, it'll be because oj simpson was very

Big part of our childhood. Yeah. Yeah, it's like it's such a big part of the 90s I kind of felt the same way when Charles Manson died. Yeah, but something then an innocent The man's That something that an innocent said Manson died something pure I don't know some genus aqua This world it's just weird to have a thing that feels like such a big part of your brain and it's gone Yeah, an institution. It's gone. I could see you like why you know boomers are like I don't know how to use the printer anymore because so much stuff has changed

You know printer my mother who prints out every Everything she prints out everything map quest all of it She's print out everything and then she overloads the print queue and breaks The printer I've I've gone through three Printers and then I fixed three different printers and I went and I've talked to that woman over the fucking phone about these fucking printers and I was like I bought you a brand new iPad that's what this is for you can look at it on your iPad you don't need to print it out and

she's just like I don't trust the iPad it gets viruses I know it's like that's your so do you yeah you are getting the viruses I've never heard of anyone getting a virus on an iPad I don't think I've ever heard it either yeah doesn't she's afraid of it she's like I click on it and I go to things I don't mean to I think she just doesn't know how to use it yeah probably slapping it with her whole hand I bet OJ uses one oh he does documents all his autographs I looked up how much it OJ autograph is they're all over the place you know they're they're either like really expensive or like two dollars how much is like what would be the expensive one? Is it only like a... Is rookie card?

Well, that's more about the rookie card. Yeah. I mean, if you just get OJ to sign a hat, that's not going to be that expensive. Yeah, but he's got a lot of jerseys with his stats on it and stuff like that. Let's go for a good amount of money. Actually, you can get a jersey, OJ Simpson autographed Buffalo Bills, only 160 bucks. That's it? On Amazon? Well, he does a lot of autograph events now in Vegas. Simpson autographed Buffalo bills are only 160 bucks. That's it. Amazon. Well, he does a lot of autograph events now in Vegas.

Dude, should we each get one? No, no, I do not need that in my house. First of all, I'm a dolphins fan. Uh, more importantly than an anti-murder fan. I'm a dolphin fan. You don't think it would be fun to walk down the street and them together like a squad. Oh yeah. That'll go over well. You don't think it would be fun to walk down the street and them together like a squad? Oh yeah. We're Simpson boys. That'll go over well.

Yeah, here in Los Angeles where the murder happened. We're the Simpson boys. Well, you know, he's a good old college boy from this town. There he comes near me in LA. We're kind of guys, get off on Christ. But the interesting, one of the things I did learn about the Goldman family is that they can't get the money because they're not allowed to get any money from his pension, from his NFL pension.

And that's kind of what he's living off of right now. How does he get the money from the NFL pension? But because it's his pension, you can't like be sued for your pension. Apparently is that wow. Yeah. So he is. So he's getting unions. Yeah, they work Wow

Yeah, so he paid in seven million to his pension and so he and if you wait longer to ask for it He waited till he was 65. He was literally he made like like $600,000 when he was in prison why cuz he was getting his way turn 65 and that he was getting his pension It was just being put away for him all time. Oh shit Yeah, and so and then he has a really high pension because he waited so long and he paid so far into it Yeah, he paid seven million into his a beautiful home. Yeah, I'm sure he does. Yeah. Yeah, it's like 20,000 a month They said which is very high for people most players only get like a thousand or thirteen hundred or something like that. And so he gets a lot of money for his pension.

Holy shit! Well I'm glad he's doing good! You know? Like, it's so funny to think when I saw that seventy-five year old woman who delivered my Instacart the other day and I just like, you know, obviously I tossed her a quarter and I told her to be careful out there. Don't breathe on it! Obviously I I tossed her a quarter and I told her to be careful out there It's like that the OJ Simpson's like just doing great his teeth look great, you know, you look at him He's got a big, you know, like he's got new veneers in yeah, but I think he's gonna die soon

Yeah, he hasn't tweeted since February 11th No, he's diagnosed on the 9th or he was diagnosed in February Yeah, his chemo started in February. So yeah, he's uh, yeah Wow, his last tweet was a picture of him a video of him going away and the caption is Hospice, right? Twitter world. I didn't even believe it myself. Well, he changed it to X world by the way, so he decided I didn't even believe it myself. Well, he changed it to X world by the way, so he decided After some reason makes me hate him worse than ever with the brand he changed With the brand

Is so obnoxious, I don't know why about that is obnoxious to me like it drives me fucking crazy. Yeah Wow Well, you know, he'll be dead soon Oh, absolutely. Thank the Lord But also we what's the big next one that we're afraid of when we lose them? What are we gonna do next the next big criminal? Yeah, I'll be By the way, probably both have CTE because Cosby played high school college football for temple He was an All-American. Do you are who dies first? Oh Jay is he's gonna die faster than I bet Cosby lives to be a hundred. Yeah, what just on pure evil. Yeah, I Bet so. Yeah, we're too nice

What do you mean? Oh, we should have killed him. I mean if we I know I'm saying in general We're gonna die younger because we're not as evil as the guys that live long. Yeah, we get to have a good time Yeah, that's the thing is we live better lives. They're shorter lives, but they're better lives. I Mean, do you think Bill Cosby's upset? I Don't I I don't think he feels anything. I don't think he feels anything You know why I you know why I think people like shitty people live longer. They don't worry as much as we do. Oh, they feel nothing Yeah, it's that's the worry. It's the stress. That's what gets us Yeah, it's all the it's the weight of all the emotions and the and the the tension that you feel and how that affects your body

Yeah, yeah where it's like if you don't have those feelings and you're just like You know, I mean like yeah, you live forever Wow This is also how you'd be really successful in athletics or comedy as well. It's just not feeling anything? Yeah. I think it's better that way. I think it's better.

It's possible. Cause you know, there was a lot of stuff that I didn't do with Just For Laughs. I feel like I could have done, you know? But now that Just For Laughs is over, you'll never have that chance. And also they also never invited us back after they made us perform in that conference room in 2013.

Yeah, like 2 PM, right? We crushed it though. 2017, 2018. 2017. Yeah, 2017. We crushed it though. Yeah, 2 PM in a conference room. Yeah, we crushed it to those 20 people.

But no one wanted to suck our dicks. There was no big guy there. There was no Mr. X that wasn't coming sucking our dicks. There was no, there was no big guy there. It was no Mr. X. No, that wasn't coming. Sucking our dicks. That should have happened. No, I got really sick. Yeah, we were sick. Yeah. I got really, really sick that trip. I spent most of the time in the hotel room. We were really hung over. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, I would be, yeah. I smoked cigarettes because I used to have a thing where I would smoke cigarettes when I left the country. Oh, yeah. It just got you real sick. Yeah, it just got me real, I got so sick.

I was like sick for a day and a night. Because I like smoked like three cigarettes. It was awesome. Yeah. And that was the last time I think, no, the last time I smoked cigarettes was in England. How was OJ set at the festival? Hilarious. That was actually when I was kind of mad is that my agent didn't come and she was at his show.

I was just like, I didn't know he had a full 25 minutes. And then he looks around the crowd. He's like, here's the killer. No, here's the killer. Like I'd say it was a really funny bit. But you can't do that for an hour. How do you guys feel about the theory that his son did it? Don't think that that happens happens don't think that happened

Yeah, now that he was trying to cover for his son that his son was the one that like was obsessed with Nicole Yeah, yeah, and that he yeah. No, you know he did cuz his son like left the country the day after right? Yeah, I think it's cuz he was embarrassed cuz his father killed his mother. Yeah Get you out of town. Yeah, I think so. I think that would make you want to go on a vacation No, I think there was a son for my first first marriage still Father's implicated in a murder. Mmm. I'm gonna go to Europe. I'm gonna leave Yeah, but then he was he was definitely there on the day the Bronco chase though Yes, because he was that he was at the house on the day of the Bronco chase

Yeah, he did but OJ did it. I found a weird thing that Sharon Stone just said. What's that? Like a month ago, she said that on the day of the Bronco chase, the LAPD came and like squirreled her away in a safe house because they were afraid that OJ Simpson was coming to get her. Come get her? Why? Why?

I don't know. Cause she was a hot blonde? I guess. I guess, wow. Think about it. They were like, go collect all the hot blondes. There was some cop somewhere that was like, this is a great idea.

Because then what we do is we get the comfort. Every one of these big titted blondes in Los Angeles, we get the comfort each. Like, I want you to be, come here. Be careful. OG's out there. You're going to have to come to my apartment where I keep my mistress.

Because every cop has one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They do, they do. They love them. They think it's great. It's very bad. Honestly, I'm just glad my father didn't have a second family because he wasn't organized for one.

No, no, no, no, no, certainly not. Yeah, I remember when I worked at the poor house and we had all those cops there all the time. And they would have their own private parties in the back and stuff. And they had the most disgusting private parties of anyone we allowed to have private parties, including the New York Giants. Yeah.

Wow. Didn't you have the Yankees there too? No, the Yankees partially owned the place. A couple of them did. They all were investors because they liked to come and then they drank for free. They probably drank as much as they invested, I imagine. I remember hanging out with Jabba Chamberlain until six in the morning and then watching him blow the game the next day

In the eighth year so that was partially my fault Me too made it That means you fucking made it. Yeah But you know, he's not gonna make it. Oh Jason. Yeah, he's gonna be dead fucking soon And you know, what'll be nice we will get to visit his grave. That's what I'm really looking forward to Does the knee dance yeah, you're like, oh shit What else can you say about? Oh, jay simpson. I think he's gonna make a shitty angel. Yeah I do I guess he'll be buried in Florida, right? They won't bring him back here. No, he's lives in Vegas Yeah, I guess he'll be buried in Florida right they won't bring him back here. No. He's lives in Vegas

Yeah, I think he'd be buried in Vegas For a little while he did he's currently in Vegas son lived in Florida Yes, so now he's in casey Anthony hanging out in Florida for a while That's how he got away from Goldman for so long because he declared bankruptcy And then Florida was like kind of fucked over the Goldman family see Florida is a great place for con people to live because they don't really care that the people they the government doesn't particularly care about those types of rules and the police don't. So it's actually awesome.

If you're going to commit financial crimes, Florida is really where you want to be. Or if you just want to be a general piece of shit like Florida's a-okay. I love I still love it. I think it's got a heart that needs help. Florida is one of my favorite places on earth. I don't think I'll ever live there again, but I wear it still love it. I think it's got a heart that needs help. Florida is one of my favorite places on earth I don't think I'll ever live there again, but I I wear it on my sleeve. Oh, of course. Yeah Police they have to they have to locate me as to keep his address available at all time

I know Texas is full of like absolutely horrible horrible people in horrible places terrible things happen there But I'm always gonna be from Texas Yeah, it's just it's just gonna be the way it is I've never am I ever gonna fucking live there again apps of fucking lootly not no no way in hell I only know have a good time when you go back sometimes maybe uh every once in a while Yeah, I'm sure it's fine when I go back to New York City To be on Saturday Night Live as a new up and coming comedian. The whole city's gonna miss me.

They're gonna welcome me back. They can't wait to have me back. An up and coming 40 year old comedian. One time on there, no I'm hoping 45, 50, once I'm really mature, I can get on that show and everybody can see what I got. Yeah. Then I'll go back to the east. You're gonna get on as musical guest, watch.

Yeah, if you want. It's just my fart machine. It's your fart machine. Whoa, cool. And I think when I'm in my 70s, maybe it'll be cool to have a fart machine. Then the new Alphas will like that, the new Zoomers for them. I don't know, maybe we should bring in

a fart machine next episode. See if that spices things up a little bit. Maybe. Very Leslie Nielsen of us. Yeah. Very Leslie Nielsen of us. Yeah. Very Leslie Nielsen of us. What did he say about OJ? He said that he wished that OJ on set was wonderful and he was a delight to be around.

And that it all looks very troubling. I saw an interview when he was promoting Spy Hard and the guy had the balls to ask him about OJ, which I really commend that interviewer about OJ Simpson's murder rap while they're impressed for spy hard is incredible. And then he's just like, yeah. He said that he wished OJ would tell him what happened. Oh, that's actually the best possible. You know, honestly, I just wish he'd fill me in because it all sounds like quite the ruckus. And I just wish Ornthal

would call me and he just won't. The surprising thing that I found today, I never looked at the dates. Ed mentioned it. Naked gun, 33 and a third March 1994 the murders June Bad rollout. Yeah Yeah, it didn't do well. No, no, no, I mean catapulted Anna Nicole Smith to start him. Yes. Yes It did it did very good for her. I remember what it looked like. She had the wiener And now it is actually more of a transphobic moment and that's what we're gonna sit and really look at next time I think I'm going to look at how comedy needs to be updated doesn't it? Remember when they panned up and they were showing her legs and then she had like two sets of knees

That was always a good one. That was a very very good Distracting the Price Waterhouse guys That was really fun, yeah, know, how's she doing? We'll do that next week Eddie I hate to tell you Funny ending but patron.com Video full videos and all kinds of other fun stuff follow us on on Instagram, Tik Tok at LP on the left. Check us out on Twitch at LPN TV. That's twitch.tv slash LPN TV and go to last podcast on the left.com for all of our live shows this year in North America, Europe and Australia.

Also, I love the, there's a quote that Anna Nicole Smith said that I still, that it's been said and it really keeps haunting me Where she said she's like you know how they have those bumper stickers that say shit happens, and then you die No shit happens, and then you live We'll see how she's doing next week She was a millionaire. Yeah! Jesus fucking Christ. She's got clown makeup. Yeah. Well, hey, you know. We'll see how she's doing next week. Thanks, everyone.

Hey, again. Hey, Leslie Nielsen. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, he's innocent. Always. Always. I'm drinking wine and eating chicken.

This man's needs, an enema. For his worst films. podcast on the left dot com. See you there.