Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: Christmas Roundup - My Favorite Things

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

The boys gather ’round the yule log once again, each delivering a tale of Christmas terror perfectly suited to the hosts’ specialties: historical context, animal-based horror, and last but certainly not least, otherworldly visitors. For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Oh, shit! Oh, big Mrs. Claus, she's got them swingers. I just wish she'd show them more.

Oh, how we love you, Mrs. when you got them outside That's how it's not a bore We love when Mrs. Claus is naked Everybody loves it Throw those bras out in the trash Mrs. Causes naked

Every come running What a crazy, wonderful Christmas bash! Hey! Welcome to the last podcast to the left, ladies and gentlemen My name is Marcus Parks I'm here with the Polka King of Los Angeles, Henry

He's a browskate. We were talking about this right before we started. Dirty Pocas are going to come back. They are. That's the only thing. Well, they can't do anything else but come back. You know? They can remain in obscurity.

Yes. Well, and, of course, we have the man with the best sweaters in America, Ed Larson. Yeah. Oh, that's right. That's a preview of what you're going to be doing today. you're very much wearing an outfit that is exactly between the scarecrow and the cowardly lion

oh thank you thank you very much I bought this for $30 in the middle of summer and I was so excited to finally put it up my body I would say that like what that is that's pagan Christmas right there you look like pagan Santa Claus oh yeah man I got matching pants he does he looks like a man made out of weed nuggets

this is amazing check out this thing oh yeah oh the hood's big enough to go over the headphones. Wow. You do. You truly look like Father Weedness. Hell yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Fucking one day is it again, man? Oh, fuck. It's the 26th. It's going too fast, man. Are those Mrs. Claus' tits?

Hey, Mrs. Cawes get naked. Everybody wants it. You got to listen to the crowd. You know, the tough cause is a lot more. Well, we're continuing our Christmas month. This is actually the first time that we've ever gone the entire month with Christmas themes throughout. And I'm opening myself more to holiday expression. You should.

It's fun. I'm trying. Yeah. And it's really... Now that your father's dead, you can enjoy it. Yeah, kind of. It kind of feels like that. But, you know, I feel really good.

And this is the first time. And, like, even I have taken a not so cynical, direct. at a Christmas tale today. That's great. That's fantastic. Yeah, you're not going for anything like, oh, let's talk about, like, how, you know, butts were usually Christmas things.

Try to improv. See how hard it is. See how fucking difficult my job is. Think of a different thing that butts do, all right? You remember when butts were just asses. How fucking hard my job is. Well, we're trying. We're all trying here.

here what we're doing for the end of the Christmas season this is a little idea that we had called Our Favorite Things Oh, that's very nice So what we're going to do on this episode Each of us is each of us is going to take a couple of us One, maybe two stories, I got two stories that I brought in I got one meaty motherfucker

Yeah, and Henry has one as well I have a tale as well But I chose You gotta get that removed by the way It's swinging He just said it's vestigial and it's keeping my pants up. Well, for my favorite things, I chose two.

Music and historical context. Yay! My two favorite things. So I got two stories concerning the historical context of two well-known Christmas songs. One story about how a song was used in a massive historical event, and one about the historical context behind the song itself. And so, let's start at the same place we start every Christmas. Christmas in my household, the fall of Saigon.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Where's the way to fly? Oh, that red and white blue. That's when everyone formed that Christmas tree up to the last heliclop for a reason. Now, the United States had withdrawn its military forces and defeat from South Vietnam two years before the fall of Saigon. But they still had a presence in country. in the form of bureaucratic officials and intelligence officers,

mostly based in the American embassy in the South Vietnamese capital of Saigon. God damn. Saigon. This makes me want to punch a mirror while I'm naked. This is the end. My only friend. The end. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Come on.

Fuck. Fuck. But since the might of the American military itself was gone by 1975, the North Vietnamese forces were in the process of taking city after city in South Vietnam as a result of the 1975 Spring Offensive, which was rapidly bringing this war to an end. Now, the arrival of North Vietnamese forces had resulted in widespread panic in every southern city they took because South Vietnamese cities were full of people who had collaborated with the Americans during the war

and had also done some pretty bad shit all on their own. Does Liftover Salmon hit the other cities? That's all I can think about that. Oh, yeah. Well, you should have seen what the string cheese incident was doing in Cambodia. Oh, I don't want to know about their war crimes. That's how they got their name. That one time.

Well, as a result, the invasion of each city created thousands of refugees who were trying to flee retribution at the hands of the North Vietnamese. and there was no city in Vietnam that had more collaborators than Saigon. Now, after the fall of South Vietnam's second largest city, Danang, some American authorities in Saigon figured it would be a good idea, maybe start planning evacuations. Planning, however, was half-hearted at best, because just like it had been from the very beginning of America's involvement in the conflict,

the American officials in charge in Saigon at the end, still had an unrealistic view of what was happening in the country. They thought, maybe we'll pull it out. Maybe things will be okay. Even I know now, definitely. We didn't. No. It wasn't okay at any point, I don't think.

No, man. It was never going well. Except for fucking Jimmy Hendricks. He was doing great. See, even though the United States had pulled out our troops, we were still telling the South Vietnamese president that we supported them wholeheartedly. Our ambassador, Graham Martin,

who's going to play a massive role in all this, was continually promising that we would eventually resume bombing in the north. Don't worry, the B-52s are coming back. They got to come back, man. They just printed rock lobster. They got to come back. This is huge.

He was also making assurances that America would never abandon South Vietnam. In reality, though, despite Ambassador Martin's optimism, America had already very much abandoned South Vietnam and everything but name only by April of 1975. Kissinger, your ass goodbye. Yeah.

The troops were gone. Military aid had been cut off by Congress and efforts to clean up the incredibly corrupt South Vietnamese government had collapsed. In fact, America's policy at this point was essentially vague hope. Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger, thought that maybe the South could simply hold off the North Vietnamese without the American military. long enough to produce a stalemate, which would maybe lead to peace between the North and the South. Now, unfortunately, for the collaborators in South Vietnam, their president, Nguyen Van Tiu, was far too trusting of Ambassador Martin's unrealistically optimistic promises. As such, President Tew was clinging to the hope that America was going to somehow save them all right at the end, despite...

God damn it. damn eat alarm gotta eat the rest of us just know when to eat I have to have alarms no it's good honestly it's good for him because he does eat we're trying to get him more protein

we're keeping this to the show so he remembers to eat from now on because he's got to eat it's the ADD it's something that's very common people forget to eat you just don't think about it not blaming should we stop no okay don't forget I'll eat later

Well, such, President Tew was clinging to the hope that America was going to somehow save them all right at the end, despite all evidence to the contrary. Eventually, though, even the most optimistic of officials had to admit that the North Vietnamese were going to take Saigon and soon. So U.S. agencies were ordered to make lists of Vietnamese collaborators who would be killed or worse if they were not evacuated. Where were they going to take it? A lot of Vietnamese ended up in Minnesota. Oh! Yeah, that's why they have truly some of the best Vietnamese food in the entire world. Same thing with Wisconsin.

Yeah, and also Houston has the largest Vietnamese population in America. I've heard that. I've heard that. There was a bunch of Florida, too. Houston's the most diverse city in the entire country. Except for Queens. Yeah. Except for Queens.

Well, Ambassador Martin, however, never finalized those lists because he, like so many other Americans involved in this conflict, could not accept that Vietnam was going to be a total. and complete defeat. Instead, Ambassador Martin clung to the delusion that a ceasefire through diplomatic negotiation was still possible

because if South Vietnamese continued to exist, then maybe this wasn't all for nothing. Maybe all these Americans didn't die for nothing. Jimmy Hendrix?

He's see, we did great soundtracks in a way. Charles Manson. We got Apocalypse now about it. Yeah, it's my second favorite movies. See?

By mid-April, however, a CIA agent in Vietnam, Frank Snepp, received word confirming the diplomatic negotiation was never going to happen. The North Vietnamese were going to take Saigon by any means necessary. But again, this agent's report was disregarded at the embassy and sent to Washington, D.C. as a low-priority communication. So Agent Snepp convinced two congressional staffers in Saigon to fly back. to D.C. so they could convince their senators to tell President Gerald

Ford in person Vietnam's bucked. We need to do something. And once this was done, and he went like, er, hey, this is my Gerald Ford. Well, I don't know what to do. My beer glass is empty.

I don't have big head. President Gerald Ford's dad today. We have Gerald Gerald Ford I today. Who are the Redskins named after? That's the end of Carvey show, right? It was Saturday Night Live. He was torn apart by a pack of all. You're the one that wants to take a vacation.

Now, once... It's ancient jokes. Ancient jokes. It's for us. It's for our generation. They know. It's dog whistles. Once this was done, Ford could get Ambassador Martin's ass in gear to evacuate as many people as possible before the North Vietnamese took Saigon. But it was far too late. On April 28, 1978, 1975, the American Embassy finally listened to the State Department after having been given no other choice.

The evacuation plan was named Operation Frequent Wind, which is, in my opinion, far too humorous of a name for something so serious. Oh, very much. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Farty McJohnson, Operation Farty, Farty Farty Fart Fants. Yeah, it's a bit unsurious. Operation Too Many Farks. Yeah, yeah, it's a lot.

There's eggs in my pants, operation. Yeah, it's like, well, sir, now we're just aiding facts. We're no longer even naming operations. Mmm, so tasty. You've got yolk on your shoes. The Operation Frequent Wind distributed a 15-page booklet to Vietnamese collaborators that included locations for people to assemble for helicopter evacuation, along with the code that would be broadcast by Armed Forces Radio that would signal evacuation.

How did tell the difference between a phone? art and a shark know your enemy the code was the temperature in Saigon is 105 degrees and rising after that the DJ on Armed Forces Radio would play

the signaling song which was White Christmas that's the song that got everybody to leave Vietnam yep yep the reason why the DJ chose white Christmas was because he wanted a song that every American would recognize immediately and playing a Christmas song in April would let everyone know that something was out of the ordinary. Like, I need to pay attention

right now. Why are they playing White Christmas in April? That's fascinating. Yeah. And indeed, Frank Snepp of the CIA later said that when the evacuation finally happened and the helicopters began flying into the U.S. Embassy, the strings of White Christmas playing on the loudspeakers in the midst of it all gave the entire affair a Kafka-esque vibe. Oh, I can't even imagine

that idea of how surreal at me. We were in the... I'm dreaming of a while. As you're just watching the helicopters pull up out of Saigon everyone's fighting

they get out of the helicopters. Did they play it like over and over again? Yeah. Oh, that's terrible. You could have played other Christmas songs. It has to be so terrifying.

That's Bing Crosby, right? Yeah, that is Bing Crosby. However, the DJ did not have the Bing Crosby version on hand. So he used the Tennessee Ernie Ford version. Tennessee Ernie Ford, of course, best known for singing, You got 16 tons. What do you do? Another day older and a deeper in debt.

Say, Peter, no, yeah, so on and so forth. Yeah, yeah. Now, White Christmas itself actually has a dark history all its own. Definitely. Of course it does. Well, not. It's just sad to me, obviously. It must have one.

Well, the reason why it is a sad song is because it was written and composed by Irving Berlin for Bing Crosby to sing in the movie Holiday Inn. But the song was actually about the death of Berlin's three-week-old son on Christmas Day back in 1928. Irving Berlin, tough time. I mean, there's more reasons to hate Christmas than just being Jewish. You know, it's also kind of funny in a way. that he transmitted his pain into a Christmas song instead of like

Would you know my name If I saw you on Christmas You mean like that's like It's kind of nice that he did that He gave it to Christmas Yeah he did give it to Christmas And we have this wonderful beautiful song But that is why it's such a melancholy tune

Especially when you compare it to Irving Berlin's other songs Like putting on the writs God bless America And there's no business like show business It's like, no, business I know. That business, that is also a dark song because it's about sucking dick for money. That's what that is. It's about, it's about a 50-year-old producer is telling you, oh, can you do a Chinese accent?

Oh, and can you blow me? That was different. It was easier. Chirovis this was easier. Now, Ambassador Martin had waited far too long to order the evacuation of Saigon, because by the time he pulled the trigger on white Christmas, the North Vietnamese already had the city surrounded. The only way out of the city was therefore by helicopter, and the most visible place where helicopter evacuations were taking place

was the roof of the American Embassy. We've all seen the pictures. Very famous pictures, yeah. And so when White Christmas began playing, Vietnamese collaborators began gathering outside of the walls of the embassy. And while the mood began as calm, the crowd was getting larger and far more anxious by late afternoon. Before long, 10,000 Vietnamese had gathered, all hoping to get a spot on one of the last choppers out of Saigon.

Yeah, and they're just like pushing on the gates and shit like that. Oh, yeah. But Billy Joel, he wasn't there, right? How do you write that song, man? Which song? Pushing on the gates of the embassy at Saigon. You know the whole song about Leaving Saigon. Yeah, he loved leaving Saigon. That was one of his favorite things to write about.

I didn't know that. Yeah, it's like say goodbye to Saigon. I say Say Say Sianara to Saigon, which is kind of racist. Yeah. What? Good night, Sygon. Yeah, good night, Saigon. Well, when the waiting became too much to bear, some Vietnamese even tried climbing the walls,

but the Marines tasked with crowd control used their rifle butts to knock those people back. And those outside the walls became even more panicked when the North Vietnamese airstrikes began. In other words, it became very clear, very quickly that if you didn't get out on an American helicopter, it was likely you weren't getting out of Saigon at all. And so, because of Ambassador Martin's delusional inaction, some 70 CIA translators and their families didn't even make it past the walls of the embassy. Had the evacuation started weeks before

when the CIA said, time to go, everyone could have been saved easily. Instead, some of those collaborators died horrific deaths because Ambassador Martin waited too long. One woman, for example, was tied to a tree by the North Vietnamese and had her tongue cut out. She died after drowning

in her own blood. I'm dreaming of a chrism. Yeah, I mean, we've also seen all the video footage. Like, they were having to evacuate people so quickly that, and the aircraft carriers just off shore, they're pushing

helicopters into the water just to make room for more people. There's a great documentary called Last of Vietnam. If you haven't seen it, you've got to check it out. It's incredible, yeah. Ambassador Graham Martin, however, later defended his role, saying that he had done, quote,

a hell of a job during the fall of Saigon. You could have just said the best I could. No. Yeah, you've been like, I'm trying, guys. No, he had to go hardcore. Now, I did a hell of a job. I did a good job. You liked what I did. Everybody liked

the aftermath. Rehire me. And they did. And that is the story of white Christmas in the fall of Saigon. That's fascinating. It is very fascinating. Live from North Lane. And we'll get to the other one here in a bit. But before that, Ed has a Christmas story about one of his favorite things.

Well, let's fast forward all the way to December 25th, 2007. Yeah, good year. No, it was a beautiful low 50s Christmas holiday. Laughter and joy filled the San Francisco Zoo is. families celebrated by gawking at lemurs, hippos, and grizzly bears. Put an honor in the manger, the boys said. Make the rhino Santa Claus the children house. And they're just like, just shut up, kids, you don't run the zoo.

Shut up, kids. Stop giving us free ideas. They're animals. And then just as around closing time, the sun was setting behind the gorilla preserve, horror struck the San Francisco Zoo and Tatiana the Tiger escaped her enclosure to murder teenager Carlos Sousa Jr.

and Mame Brothers Paul and Coalbeer Dollowal. Now who's the villain here? We'll get to it. Carlos Sousa? Was he related to John Philippe Sousa? No, no, no, no. This is from the San Francisco

Ruffian Sousas. Yes. Not marching band royalty, Susa. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. And then, ultimately, poor Tatiana was shot dead by police in front of a hamburger stand. Christmas tale is old as time. What an ironic death for a tiger to see all the free cooked hamburger meat in his eyes and his dies.

God damn. Well, the story is not that simple, though. So let's examine what led to the gruesome attack and who may have been a fault and how we're making sure something like this never happened. happens again. Tatiana was a Siberian tiger born in captivity at the Denver Zoo, June 27, 2003. And then a two and a half years old was sold into sexual slavery to the San Francisco Zoo in 2005 to be a concubine for an older gentleman, a 14-year-old male tiger named Tony. And she was all like, great. Siberian tiger. I'm angry. I'm angry at you.

Get a better name for the tiger than Tony. You know, there's so many names you can give a tiger. It's the first one. I know it's the first. I know Tony the tigers. I think the first one was like, ah! Well, Siberian tigers are a subspecies of tiger from, as you could have probably guessed, the Siberian region of Russia, northeastern China, and areas of North Korea.

In the early to mid-1900, Siberian tigers were. hunted and captured to near extinction. At one point, it is thought that only 30 were left in the wild. Right now, it's believed that that number is up to around 500, which is an improvement, but they're still very much endangered. I mean, it's hard in Siberia. It really is. I don't know how they have jobs.

Oh, and well, 20th century Russians would hunt this animal for sport and fur mostly, but would also capture and sell these animals to zoos and circuses around the world. Males. And when we knew about circuses for a long time, they'd have. have to get like 20 of an animal to get one living one back. Yeah, well, they would usually send pups to circuses so they can be trained better and not understand that they could be free and kill. Males, Siberian tiger, can get up to 10 feet long and weigh over 400 pounds.

The largest ever has been, I think, over seven. Females are usually around 300 pounds, but Tatiana, our tiger in question, was a trim athletic gal with a great body weighing 260. pants. She was hot. Her tiger breast could barely hold the stripes, if you know what I'm saying.

I think you're objectifying this woman. I think you're objectifying her, yeah. And I don't. Yes. And a different life, she could have been a cheerleader for the Bengals. But alas, her fate was sealed to die like Harvey Milk,

filled with bullets in the city by the bay. Did the police who kill her also use the Twinkie defense. I had too many donuts. It's the sugar. But before we get to the bloody Christmas of 2007, let's talk about an incident that happened one year earlier, December 22nd, 2006, just three days before James Brown died. Oh.

An experienced trainer, Lori Comagin, was performing a public feeding with all the big cats in a room called the Lion House. And pretty soon, she'd be lying on the floor screaming. The big cat. In pain. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big cat feeding was a very popular daily event. Lori had been with the zoo for over 10 years and at this point was known as the carnivore chick amongst the staff.

She always did this. You know, she was very good. She was the best at it. The tigers and lions would be loaded into the cages individually and fed raw steaks and hamburger meat through a small slit in the bottom of the front door of the cage. so the public may watch in awe. On this day, while feeding Tatiana, Lori dropped a piece of meat between the swinging, feeding door, and the drain.

She reached down to pick up the meat, and that's when Tatiana struck. Tatiana grabbed her left hand and then her right arm when she tried to pull her hand away. A witness told the San Francisco Gate magazine that Tatiana ate her hand and then slowly started to eat the rest of her arm.

Wow. Because it's feeding time. Yeah. He was hungry. Yeah, and it's taking its time with it. Oh, yeah. Three men jumped in and grabbed Lori and pulled her away from Tatiana, but this didn't work. Tatiana only pulled on Lori's arm harder, almost like it was a game.

Yeah. And she didn't release Lori until another zoo employee started to beat her in the skull with a metal pole. Yeah. Once Lori was free, another witness was quoted in saying, I think most of her right arm doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, fuck yeah. Love that guy. What was left hanging was in strings. Tiger did not eat it in a clean way.

This guy loves giving bad news. Like, that guy couldn't wait. Now, let me tell you. So many different ways I could describe it. You know how I'm going to describe it? You chandelier made out of gourd. Yeah, that's what she was. She was just a bunch of the coalslaw filled with blood.

Love to see it. And just so you know, the tiger could have done a better job eating. It didn't. It did it. It cut corners. It was real messy. Honestly, irresponsible. It was an irresponsible way to do it.

Well, Lori was rushed to the hospital and doctors did the best that they could. They were able to reattach part of the hand and a couple of skin grafts later. She regained some arm function, but it never really regained full function. And this is how it looks today. There it is. That's the arm right there, hanging her right arm right there. That's after the tiger. Okay, yeah, yeah, it's not in great shape.

Not in great shape, but it's... She's still got it. And if you're a tiger person, doesn't that kind of, like, show how awesome you are? If you've been... Well, I think it shows how bad you are. I actually... But is that true or not? Like, that's a good one for side stories, L-P-O-T-L-Gmail.com.

Like, she was set up for disaster, in my opinion. I'm just being, like, does scars and missing parts make you a more sought-after animal handler? or less? Remember when I used to do the jungle cruise down in Florida they would always have one of the stop

we would take on the jungle cruise was to a little island where they would do cracker wrestling with alligators and then there was famously I talked about this

on round table there was a guy who was missing multiple fingers and he was the alligator wrestler and then he like would work us up

into a frenzy while he's in the alligator pit yelling alligator bid it alligator bid it and then we'd all start cheering alligator bit it alligator bit it

and then he'd jump on an alligator and start wrestling and shit yeah it's fun it's a black Yeah, it does sound pretty fun. But I think the people who have been hurt a lot, it seems, if I remember from Tiger King, you know, it's been five years now, it seems like the more injuries you have, the lower you go until you're in a...

Yeah, you're not going to San Diego Zoo anytime soon. No, no, no, no. If you have a lot... But you go to the Tuscalo Rino Roundup. It's a lot harder to feed tigers when you only have one hand. Yeah, yeah, and speaking around, Temple, you're at one point you end up at honk for Z. Well, Lori was just as kind as she was delicious, so her and the zoo decided to not euthanize Tatiana after this incident. OSHA, though, fined the zoo $18,000 and made them close and re-fortify the Lion House, ultimately costing the zoo a quarter of a million dollars.

A year and a couple days later, Tatiana would strike again. 2007, Christmas Day, the world would still be mourning the death of Jazz Great Oscar Peterson. Yeah, we were, none of us were over that yet. I still kind of dealing with it. I'm actually massive Oscar Peterson family. I'm saying. When Paul and Colbert Dahlowal and Carlos Sousa were coping with the news, they were doing it by, we all do one old burrow din, and that's getting hammered and going to the zoo.

When my favorite jazz guy dies, the first thing I do is I get a pint of liquor, I go straight to the zoo. and I like that night train all over there. I do that liquor in the parking lot, too. I want to be freshly drunk. Yeah. These boys were very drunk, visibly drunk, causing a ruckus all around the zoo the entire day, and they were like smoking weed in the parking lot and shit. Other visitors noticed that these young men were very intoxicated

and traipsing around the zoo causing a scene. Just before closing, one witness saw them yelling and roaring at the lions. Then things turned up a little bit when they got to the site. Iberian tiger exhibit. Some other zoo goers saw them yelling and taunting the tigers as well. And when they left, they were still doing that. They basically yelled at the tigers long enough for everyone to be like, let's just get out of here. They're bumming me out.

So at this time, it's not 100% known exactly what happened because the surviving men of this drunken posse refused to cooperate with the police and investigators, even to this day. What is the most likely story, though, through evidence and investigation, is that these men were taunting the tigers and throwing pine cones at them. Don't you fucking even think of doing it out of my fucking town. Don't throw pine cones at a tiger? Come on. But guess what? You get exactly deserved.

You do. They're pretty sure one of them even jumped the barrier and dangled his leg over the enclosure. They denied that this happened, but a shoe print matching one of them was found on top of the fence. Mind you, the San Francisco Zoo is very old. It opened in the 1930s, and if you remember, it was featured in the graduate during the date scene. Yeah. So it's an outdated zoo. Yeah, it's an old-ass zoo.

Yeah. And they had very little video surveillance. And while it is an AZA-accredited zoo, the AZA has said in most areas they only meet the absolute minimum requirements. But also, for the most part, human beings, due to our sort of, let's say, kind of natural instincts, avoid comfort. With large predator cats Normally we have because of the years maybe because of the pictures we've seen Or just looking at a predator cat Normally your nervous system will tell you

Hey, don't fuck with that thing Your nervous system is built for that Like that's why it's why we have the sympathetic nervous system is because of the big cats You're supposed to see that thing and go hmm I'm not going to throw a pine cone at that thing And so what these guys done is taking a human event alcohol and they have applied that to themselves to have them to advance beyond the predator cat yeah which is going to then show what biology leads to now we're going to see what happens

and it's not to mention they're 17 19 and 23 so they're drinking underage they're hammered oh yeah like who knows what they were drinking before they were like let's all go to the zoo you know what I call those boys I call them tiger food yeah you know I've been zooses I was a kid We should go. Now. Let's do it now. And honestly, the first thing I'm fun doing, man, we get at a zoo, starting shit. Fuck it, man.

So at the tiger enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo, there's an island with a 33-foot moat and what was thought to be a 20-foot wall. But after the incident, when the wall was measured, it was actually only 12.5 feet tall. The AZA requires a 16-foot wall. So it was under regulation And they were hiding it from everyone Because they're not going to go measure the wall Yeah Like while the tigers are in there and stuff like that

So after the drunken rascals Feltified given the tigers the business They turned their backs and started to walk away Tatiana saw this as her window for revenge You see it's rare for a tiger to attack from the front They prefer a stealthier attack from behind their victims Oh yeah When you see footage of men in India

walking along the tiger-infested forest. They wear masks on the back of their heads to dissuade the tigers from attacking. Tatiana supposedly waited for them to turn their backs, jumped into the bottom of the moat, silently leaped over

the 12.5 foot wall from a scrouched position. 260-pound animal, jumped all the way up 12 minutes. It was angry. Stock the men and pounced. Yeah. The eldest of the boys, Colbert was the first to be attacked

by Tatiana. Carlos Sousa, who was the youngest, then began to scream at Tatiana and tried to free Colbert, and it worked. But then, she was free to attack poor Carlos. Yeah, got to Carlos! Tata! It's coming for you! Oh, man,

it did, because Tatiana, she went straight for Carlos' neck with her razor-sharp claws and teeth killing him in that exact spot. Wow. And he's lucky, honestly. Maybe. That's fast. You think so? Yeah. We don't know if it was fast. That's faster than the other guy. Well, in total shock,

while Tatiana was murdering Carlos, Paul and Colbert ran for their lives. They were like, oh, shit. You know, the guys are. Guys are awesome, too. They're great help. They're like, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I thought that's this. Especially after he saved the other one's life.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, they left Carlos to fend for himself with Tatiana. He's dead, man. He's gone. He's fucking dead. We're behind, man. Leave behind, man. Oh, fuck. We left her booze in the car. Mattiana was continuing to mall his

lifeless body in front of her sugar daddy Tony the tiger. This would be the last time those two tigers ever saw each other. That's too bad. The brothers reached the terrace cafe for help, but since the zoo had just closed, the doors were locked. They were screaming and pounding on the door to be

let in, but the employees did not open because they seemed erratic, and the workers just thought, these kids are on drugs. I let them in the goddamn cafe. I don't get paid enough for this shit. It's great. It's Christmas. Yeah. So they were screaming about how a tiger escaped and killed their friend. The manager of the terrorist cafe did not believe them.

It's at the zoo. It's insane. It was a place. Yes. It might happen. It's at the zoo. And if you see people scream and comfort of blood saying, the tigers are loose, the tigers are loose. You might be like, these pranksters.

I will say it's an 80-year-old zoo on Christmas, and something like this has never happened there before. Yeah. But the manager's like, yeah, tell me another one. Yeah, I've been there before you're going to tell me the penguins of Union Act. Well, the manager hadn't been trained in what to do in case of an animal attack because he's only a retail employee. But he did notify security who all... I tell you what all retail employees in the zoo should do. Run for your fucking lives and do nothing to help.

Literally, if you work for the zoo and you're not an animal trainer, you run away and you help no one. I mean, it's kind of what happened. Yes. he did not he did notify security who was who also did not believe that a tiger escaped and that these brothers were just whacked out of drugs at one point staff who did not believe them that an animal was out called security anyway and here is that call I don't know if they're on drugs but they're screaming about an animal that has um attacked him but there's no animal out he's talking about a third person and I don't see the third person oh so is he saying that he was dead Is he saying that he was bitten? Is the patient saying that he was bitten by an animal? He's saying that he's bitten by animal, but there's not bitten by animal, but he could just be crazy.

Is he covered in blood? I was just waiting me to hear the, ah, ah, like in the background and they're going like, what's that sound? There's something going. Someone's playing some kind of cat soundtrack. Well, the reason you didn't hear that is because Tatiana was still just toying with Carlos's corpse, leaving him with blunt force trauma to his head and neck, deep puncture wounds in his head, neck, and chest, fractures to his skull and spine and his juggler vein ripped out from his neck. She decided the fight was over.

It began to search for the Dala Wall brothers. Then at this juncture, another staff member saw Tatiana walking calmly through the zoo, walking past multiple exhibits searching for the boys to continue her revenge. She had been following a blood trail that led straight to the injured Colbert at the Terrace Cafe.

Oh, yeah. She was stalking them. She wasn't, at first they were like, oh, maybe she's like eating them because she was hungry, but she didn't eat any of them. She was literally just murdering. Yeah, she was coming for fucking, yeah, she was fucking pissed. Yeah. So after it was confirmed that Tatiana was indeed

out zoo security and animal trainer even if she is out, I mean like whatever doesn't matter. Yeah, well they called the train shooter Anthony Brown who grabbed a shotgun and hopped in his car and drove to the tiger enclosure where he saw Carlos Sousa Jr.

dead on the ground. He knew he was gone but he still tried to save him. Being Christmas Day, the zoo was understaffed and everyone who was there went into full panic mode. They had no idea how many tigers had escaped at this point so until they could locate all of them,

they could not send paramedics or security into help. At a loss of what to do, the boys then called 911, and here is their call. I'm just going to stay on the line with you until the paramedics are with you, all right? Okay, excuse me. Can you check up on them,

we'll see what they are? They're on scene right now, but they have to stage until they're given permission to go inside. It's come not up, and I can get all over here. No, I understand that, but at the same time, we have to make sure that paramedics don't get chewed out,

because if the paramedics get hurt, then nobody is going to help. Okay, I understand that. All right? Okay, the ambulance is staging. I need you to understand that if the ambulance, people are paramedics, okay, calm down. Sorry, bro.

I am going to stay on the line with you. If the paramedics get hurt, they cannot help your brother, so you need to calm down. You are going to be the best help for your brother right now. Can you, what's going on here? Okay. I've been on you going to call with you for eight minutes.

I called 10 minutes before 20 minutes. Okay. I'm trying to explain to you that we have to make sure that we can get inside safely, all right? How long does it take? I do not know that because I'm not out there right now, but we have specialists. Three, four, five, six, six. Yeah, dude. He's just fucking, he's not even doing anything.

even doing anything. It's like, yeah, buddy, you're inside the zoo. You got the tiger a fucking out of there. You're fucked. I'm not sending paramedics in there just to get attacked by fucking tigers just because you're fucking dumbass. Set this whole thing off. So, mind you, remember, it's just had Christmas. And for the holiday season, there was an ice ring set up in the zoo close to the terrace cafe. The employee working at the ice ring is the true hero in the story. They heard what was going down over. the radio and ran over to the cafe to help the boys.

This is not a security person. This is just someone who works at the ice skating. This is a nice person that again should have ran for the hells. Never help. If you're just an employee, you run. You run away. So when they arrived at the scene, they started to

give the boys the best medical attention they could. Unfortunately, this is also when Tatiana arrived. Tatiana wanted to finish the job and started swiping at the boy's legs. and had all three of them cornered to the hamburger stand. And that's got to be something

to have the tiger not go with the hamburger stand. Does that just food just sitting there, man? And you've got to imagine it's all glass stores, so the employees in the hamburger stand are just like watching. Oh, yeah.

And there between the tiger and the hamburgers. I just went like, throw the hamburgers outside. Throw the hamburgers at it. Just whispered. Is like, do tigers do tigers?

Should we be worried? You know that they fucking eat. You heard what happened to Lori, when she tried to give this tiger a hamburger? That was just her head. It wasn't cooked with delicious onions. See, but here's the thing. Tatiana wasn't a crazed senseless killer.

She was a killer with purpose. In a wild turn of events, Tatiana would not let the Dala Wall brothers move away from her. She wanted their lives. But in a moment of tiger clarity, Tatiana, knowing she wasn't there to kill the ice ring employee, let her leave the altercation almost to say my beef ain't with you big dog

yeah my fight ain't with you my fight it's with them and she's like kill those boys yeah it's kind of exactly what I just go ahead and you just you kill those boys all right so now it's 20 minutes

after closing and police were finally allowed to enter the zoo driving in their police cruisers first they arrived at Carlos to double check that he was dead and he was in fact still dead Yeah, honestly, he's had more of a, he's had a well done. Then to the Terrace Cafe, where Tatiana was absolutely ripping these boys to shreds. Police were at a loss of what to do.

They pulled their weapons, but they were scared to shoot because she was currently doing her best to kill these boys, and the cops didn't want to accidentally shoot them. So the cops created a distraction. She probably would have fucking just ended their horrific pain. and you can probably just shot them to head and take them out. That point, grenade. Yes. Yeah. Well, the cops decided to create a distraction by turning on their patrol lights,

and Tatiana stopped attacking for a moment, and then just sat at the boy's feet staring at them as they bled out. Because it is, after all, a cat. Yes. You know, a cat's still, like, they all act pretty much the same way. It's the same, matter of the size. They should have just had a laser pointer. Yeah.

that's when the that's when police officer Chris Oshita fired a first shot into Tatiana's chest Tatiana knew that this was the end and did what any rational tiger would do in this situation suicide by cop

she charged the police officers and Officer Oshita was all like Oshita I got to kill this fucking tiger then he put another bullet in her chest as she charged even faster And then you put a bullet in her pretty little tiger brain. Now.

And she died there in the glow of police lights and a dipping dots machine. The other cops were there. If only. There were three other cops there. And they were right not to fire when she was attacking the boys because they fired 11 shots and missed every single one of them. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

It's a tiger, man. It's standard. There's a huge animal. Yeah, and they don't have, right, they've got pistols, you know. It's a big-ass thing. Yeah, you could shoot at it. Well, Officer Oshita said later, I've never personally seen a tiger mala human in my life,

and that's something I will never forget. He was awarded the Medal of Valor. The Dolly Wall brothers were taken to the hospital with deep wounds in their heads, necks, arms, and hands. They were kept in the hospital for several days and attended Carlos's funeral the next week, still bandaged all over the bodies the emergency room doctor at the time

was like bragging's like yeah we saved their fucking lives yeah of course he should to be honest they all should do they not have to pay any of this back like do they have to pay for anything what punishment to these idiots get you'll see in the aftermath everyone was trying to figure out what happened

at first it was thought that maybe someone let Tatiana out of her cage and then maybe Colbert was dangling his foot over the wall and she used his leg climb up since tigers had been in this enclosure for half a century without ever getting out everyone was just scratching their heads remember the dollywall brothers refused to ever cooperate with any investigation they claim that they did nothing wrong but no one believes that

they claimed to have never provoked the tiger by throwing anything inside the enclosure even though pine cones were found inside and the pine tree was far enough from the enclosure that they could have not fell on there on their own. The Dolly Walls, in turn, sued the San Francisco Zoo and were awarded $800,000. Carlos Sousa Jr.'s family also sued the zoo and won an undisclosed amount. Man, that's horseshit. Yeah. Well, they had a pretty airtight case stating that even if the tiger was provoked and the pine cones had been thrown at it,

it should have never in a million years been able to get out of the enclosure. man yeah I guess I do understand I mean that is the part of fucking regulation and that's why it's all comes on your fucking ass when you're the zoo that's right whether they were assholes to the tiger or not I do kind of agree I understand I understand the reason why there's the reason why there's there's always a reason why yeah even though we're all like glad that they're that that one dude's DNA is taken out of the fucking pool it's like one of those or the other two like they've learned nothing yes no they've really didn't. They were almost rewarded for what happened. Yes. Lori Comaghan, the trainer who got her hand ripped apart, she saw their success of the lawsuits and then filed one of her own and received an undisclosed amount. And she should have. She should have done it a long

time ago. She should have. Yeah. To fix the issue, the head zoo administrator was let go and Tony the Tiger was moved to a smaller cage while the tiger enclosure was modified to make sure that this never happens again. They dug deeper into the moat and put a large plexiclass barrier up that now

reaches over 20 feet. In my opinion, the zoo and the boys are at fault in this incident. In my research, I saw in 1997, the zoo was awarded $48 million for animal upgrades, but they used most of the money to upgrade the customer facilities and not the animal facilities. Ah, fuck them. I know. Yeah, the animals are only, that's like the star of the show. Yeah.

Yeah. Fucking treat the talent with care. Yeah. And then we show up. This is why all of the animals agree that they're not happy at the zoo. In the coming years There were more incidents at the San Francisco Zoo Including a large door crushing a gorilla to death

Oh God Orangetangs living in a subpar living space Infested with rats Okay so it had it definitely had massive problems A wild mountain lion broke into the zoo And killed a kangaroo and two wallerus And you know they're like What the fuck?

That's insane That's like you and me in our house And all of a sudden Ed Kemper just like He's just like dropped off at the door and he's like, I guess I have to kill everyone, you know? Yeah, they basically showed up and the kangaroos and the wallaroo were ripped to shreds and you're like, what the fuck happened?

And then when they checked footage, a mount lion did just break into the zoo. He came to a restaurant. Jesus. Yes, yeah. Also, a grizzly bear briefly escaped, a lemur and a squirrel monkey were stolen in separate incidents, and another door fell and killed a beloved penguin named Handy Harry.

Currently, the zoo is 95 years. old and very outdated compared to other zoos. For a while there was a group of San Franciscans who tried to remove the exotic animals and make it a sanctuary for stray animals, but ultimately that idea was shot down because

nobody wants to go in a zoo for dogs. No, it's called a pound. And if you can't take them out, then it's just a heartbreaking bunch of, just go to a kennel. Yeah. Tony the Tiger never recovered from the loss of Tatiana and died

to sad and alone in 2010. It took a lot of guys who honestly made it big in commercial world. The Dollywall brothers, even though they were awarded $800,000. Sorry. Sorry. No, it was good. It was fine. Yeah. The Dollywall brothers awarded $800,000.

Did not have it easy for the rest of their lives as well. Arrested multiple times for drunk driving and shoplifting. And ultimately, Paul Dallowalliwold died in 2012 for what seems to be a drug overdose. No way! No. That guy? Well, giving that guy a bunch of cash didn't help his life? No, it certainly didn't.

It accelerated his demise, and it just increases in character. Merry Christmas, you fucking pieces of shit. Thank you. Good work. Good lesson to learn. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I just said that Fleming Lips song, Christmas at the zoo, playing in my head the whole time.

It's a good lesson to learn, guys. Just remember that you always win if you're bad. Yeah. Live from your play. Well, now that we have had ourselves a Christmas animal attack and I've also told the story of a Christmas song within the context of history, let's tell the story of a Christmas song that was based kind of sort of on historical events, or at least based on an historical figure. In my opinion, this song is one of the best Christmas songs out there because everyone loves singing Beast of Stevens. Everybody does. I like that song.

Feliz Navidad. Yeah. That song, of course, is Good King Winseslas. Now, like many Christmas traditions, Good King Wincesluss has its roots in a time when Catholicism was still drenched in paganism. The song was written in 1853 by a medievalist priest named John Mason Neal, who stole the melody from a 13th century tune celebrating spring called

Tempest Adis Froidem. Actually, Rob, I did send you a link. That's interesting I love these four virgin boys What is happening He's putting hot chicks in it These women are empty Those chicks do not want to be there

Those chicks do not want to be there I feel like this is some old songs club In a German high school Yeah. I don't know exactly. It's the Montfort Academy Latin Club, I believe. Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah. But it's a nice song. It's just all about like, spring is here. These are why we do these things. Yeah. This is how work goes. It's another example of how actually more Christian, our modern Christian traditions are not really even based on pagan traditions, are actually based on Volk traditions that are more dramatic.

Like, most of these are like, you're going to see all this come out. That's, you know, we got a lot to thank Himmler for this year. We actually do. Jesus Christ. A lot to thank old boy for. Yeah, that was a good month and a half for us. Yep. Great numbers.

Now, interestingly, good King Winseslas was a controversial song upon its release. Its writer, John Mason Neal, was an Anglo-Catholic priest, meaning that he believed in combining Catholic rituals and belief in the saints with pre-Protestant practice. Basically, Father Neal wanted to take things back to medieval times. So, to spread the pre-Protestant cheer, he decided to write a carol about St. Winceslus to teach children to partake in good and charitable deeds during the Christmas season. His Protestant contemporaries, however, called Good King Wincesloss, a barbarous tune pairing. Doggerul, poor and commonplace to the last degree.

You mean to tell me, this is just one of those fun. many things that haters have existed for so fucking long and people dogged, people panned good king Winstislaus They panned it actually That's a cancelled figure We never, it's always here

It's always been here It's always been here and it's never going to end Yeah, that was an actual A direct quote, a barbarous tomb pairing That's hilarious Now Winstislaus Was indeed a good man He actually existed

He was sort of a Robin Hood-like figure who brought aid to the poor and remained a proud virgin all his life. How did the virgin bring AIDS to the poor? Eightytoons.com This with a pack of infected chimpanzees have a nice brazen. Wittesluss preferred the monastic existence

of labor and contemplation to the company of women. He needed not a lady. he only needed God. But there is... Red right hand. But there is, of course, quite a bit of murder and violence in the actual history of good King Winsesluss,

which brings us back to the world of the Catholic saints. Yay! Our favorite evil superheroes! The Saint Winsislus was the first saint of Bohemia, and therefore the first check to achieve worldwide fame. first ever famous check born in 907 AD and dead by the age

at 28 Winsesluss was never actually a king more accurately he was a prince and then a duke and then a gorse but good duke Winsuslust does not sound good so he changed it to good king wincic success sure yeah good Duke Wencesloss is

that's what I had this morning what you said to please born to a royal dynasty that ruled parts of various Eastern European countries, including Poland. Winsislus was actually Polish. Winsislus' father, Duke Vratislaus, was a Christian who'd been converted by St. Cyril, the same Cyril who also created the Cyrillic alphabet still used in Russian and Ukrainian writing to this day. There's quite a bit of context involved in Winsislaus. Winsislaus's mother, however, was a pagan princess named Drey Homira, who supposedly converted to Christianity

when she married Duke Vratislaus. It was rumored, however, that Drey Homira converted in name only and remained a committed pagan throughout Winsesluss's childhood. Now, Duke Vratislaus died in battle while invading Hungary in the year 921 AD, but since Wencesluss was only 14 years old and too young to take over his father's dukedom, his grandmother, Ludmilla, stepped in as regent until Winsislaus came of age.

Ha! Yeah. Granny Ludmilla. Yeah. Now, supposedly, Ludmilla was a true Christian who taught Winseslis about charity, forgiveness, and all the other touchy-feely Jesus stuff that most Christians refuse to acknowledge.

Now, supposedly, because pagans must always be portrayed as evil in these sorts of stories, Winseslis' mother, Drey Homira, hated Lude Miller's Christian influence, so she rounded up a group of pagan nobleman to chase Lude Miller out of town. Lundlilla went into hiding, but Drey Hamera had her track down within weeks

and had Winsesluss' grandmother executed. Whoa! Fuck yeah! Yeah. She also became a saint. Whoa! Now, Drey Hamira took over as regent until Winseslis came of age

and therefore reinstated pagan practices throughout Bohemia. But once Winseslis became Duke when he came of age, he switched everything back to Christianity. Now, while that is a buzzkill, Winsiseless was said to be the protector of widows and orphans. This is his sainthood.

That's what he captured. To grow. No love for the widower. No love for the widower ever. He failed his job. He was also a supporter of the week, a supporter of foreigners, and was said to be a wise and literate man.

He was also against the death penalty, which was extremely uncommon, if not totally unheard of, for a ruler in 10th century Europe. So I imagine they killed him? Well, we'll get to that. But while he did have the gallows dismantled, he was a massive fan of brutally flogging anyone who trespassed against the word of God. So you're not going to get killed, but you are going to get whipped.

Hey, you know, you're not dead. Yeah. You just got, you can really think about Christ. Well, he also really expanded what you got flogged for. Yeah. People, if you acted immoderately. Flog them. Yeah, flog him.

If you loitered in a tavern. Let me flog him. Let me fucking get in there. I hate that shit. Get out. We're close. You're going to go home. You got to go out of you. Get over.

You got out of your fucking ass. Fucking let me beat the shit out of you. If you indulged in revelry without cause. I get that. I hate kids. I hate skateboarding. I hate random songs. I hate bouncy houses.

Tatiana tried to flog the dolly wall boys. But she only had claws and teeth. So it's just cutting. Yeah, just slice them up. If you did any of that, in Duke Winstislus' lands, you were immediately put into irons and severely flogged, while Winstiselessly prayed for you day and night. It's like, honestly, I could use the beating without the praying.

Just beat me. I actually feel like the praying would be the most annoying part. I'd be like, shut the fuck up, all right? Yeah, that would be the most annoying part. Well, just the guy going, I'm only doing this because for your sake, and this hurts me more than it hurts you. It's like, just shut the fuck up, buddy. I get it.

Yeah. I'm the one getting flogged. I guess that would be annoying. Yes. Because getting flogged is more than annoying. Yes. I'm just saying that's the worst part of it. It's just going, you know, really, this hurts me more than it hurts you.

That makes me angry. Yeah. They used to make a game out of it where they were like chase them, flogging them through the street, and they would try to run between the carriages. It was called flogger. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid joke. But a funny game.

I say brilliant. I get it. Subjective. Comedy subjective. Well, because things never really change, Winsesluss's neighbors were absolutely furious when he tried building true Christian principles into his government, like when Winseslis suggested that the poor should be able to eat food. Yeah. Yeah. Even if they can't afford it. We should be able to, we should feed the poor. If not, we'll flog him.

Yeah. Beat the fucking shit out of them. You're going to give the charity. I'm going to beat the fucking shit out of you. Well, this proclamation, however, led to one of the miracles that secured Winsislus' sainthood. According to legend, Count Radislaus of Guruma was so insane I love saying Count Count Rodasloss of Guruma

Definitely the bad guy Yeah He was so incensed by the idea that Winstislaus was feeding the poor That he invaded Winstislus' land That's how evil he was My God, he's feeding the poor Bring me my horse

Yeah, I get it It's fucking it's suit what you know We just heard it from our wonderful leader, Elon Musk. Suicidal empathy. No, yeah, that's right. We shall ride from the lands of Gurama. But instead of allowing his people to die while defending his personal principles, Winsislus, according to his hagiography, challenged Count Radasluss to single combat to avoid

a la war. The count accepted and most likely laughed when Winsislaus showed up to the duel unarmored, holding only a short sword. The heavily armed count, therefore, thrust his lance towards Winsuslus for the killing blow. But as he did, two angels appeared and protected the future saint.

Count Rattislaus fell to the ground, which apparently meant he lost. Yep. But Winsislus spared the Count's life just so long as the count promised to go home to Gourama and leave Winsislaus alone. Oh, you see, well, he did it

peaceful. Where were those angels every other time, Saints for murder? I feel like that there was like they did some, they like, they'd never seen a juke before. Yeah. Like they never saw that before and like maybe that's what he invented. Yes. It was like, what do they call

the dolphin spin? What's that spin? Oh, I don't know. When you do the thing when you swim? The swim move. Yeah, the swim move. Yeah. He could have the swim move. You never know. Maybe he's an old relative of Barry Sanders. You don't know. Maybe. Maybe. Now, Winseslis only made it to the age of 28, and that was due to his younger brother, Bola Slouse.

Boleslaus was ambitious and unhappy with Winsa Sloss's pacifism, so he conspired with other Bohemian nobles to murder his brother. Come on. Dude, that's the best part of Crusader Kings 3. That's the best shit. Yeah. Is it when you're playing a character and then you, but you want their son in,

then you do the thing where you set up their whole family to betray them. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. And September of 935. Boluslaus invited Winsesluss to church, followed by a nice dinner and a few cups of wine. But when Winsesluss woke up the next day to go back to church, Boluslaus and his henchmen followed.

When the time was right, the three henchmen stabbed Winsislus to death and unceremoniously dumped his body in a ditch. Boluslaus was then made Duke of Bohemia, and the murder of his brother earned him the name, Bolislaus the cruel. Oh, no. Bolus was the Laos. It's right there.

No, they don't like rhymes. He sounds like he sounds like he He sounds like he did like evil a little bit. The same day that he killed his brother, his wife gave birth to his son, and they named him Strockvoss, which translated to English means dreadful feast. That's awesome. Man, we need better names. Boluslaus, however, eventually came around to Christianity as a. massive historical context here.

His future actions led to the recognition of the Polish state by the papacy, which helped define medieval Poland as one of the first modern states. Well. Yeah. So Boluslaus the Kruel was actually a massive figure in Polish history. But that's interesting because, yes, he just didn't really

like the kind of his brother, but the same time he had long view of history, which Dan Carlin always talks about the capital G great men of history. Yeah, and Boluslaus would be one of those men. Sounds like a Polish soup. Honestly, it's delicious. You've ever had it? Dill. Don't be like dill. Lots of ball of slas for me, please. No spoon, just a straw. Yeah, that's right. Get him the big

straw. He's got a big mouth. No, Winsesluss was almost immediately celebrated as a martyr by Christians, who developed the cult of St. Winsislus in short order. Eight hundred years later, Winsislus was plucked from relative obscurity by the aforementioned John Mason Neal, who stole a paganish tune and wrote a character. about a good king who feeds the poor and leaves magically heated footprints in the snow. Seriously, if you listen, that is what the song is about. That's the plot of the song. Wow.

He sampled it. Yeah. It's more of a sample. Yeah, yeah. He took the beat and he ran with it. He did. Very much so. Yeah, it's fine.

But also, that's normal, though, especially for old song, like the idea of, that's like a very common practice. Very much so. Yeah, just taking the old tune, giving it new words. Yeah. And if you, yeah, if you listen to the song, the whole thing is King Winseth's Winsless looks out. There's like an old, there's a poor man outside. He tells a servant, hey, let's go feed that guy. And they go outside and it's Christmas. And the servant says, I'm cold. And Winsettlis says, just follow in my footsteps. For they will be warm. And they were. Grab this flog and hit this bad boy. You smack yourself with this a little bit. You'll warm yourself right on.

Neil also introduced all of us who were raised as Protestants to the Feast of Stephen. I didn't know what the Feast of Stephen was. It's the celebration of the first Christian martyr. Traditionally, the Feast of Stephen is held on the day after Christmas. Steve's the first guy who got murdered on Christmas? He did not get murdered on Christmas, but he was just murdered, and they just usually like to have the Feast of Stephen. He was murdered in like 87 or something like that. That's fascinating.

Stone to death. I think we talked about it in our Saints episode. Now that I'm saying, like, I do remember going, Feast of Stevens. It might have come in, yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems very familiar. And speaking to which, I'd like to end my favorite things with a, with a street joke.

Yeah. How does a king wins us like his pizza? How? Deep and crisp and even.

Oh. Oh, my God. Are you a fucking Protestant? Let's swing him up. Let's string him up. We're going to blow up his house. I am going on there. The war's coming home.

I was raised. Yes, I was raised Protestant. Yes. The war's coming home. Interesting. I thought you were cool. I'm from Texas. Unless,

Unless you live in San Antonio. Yeah, you don't got that Roman Catholic blood like we do. All right, now, I'm going to tell you a story of my favorite things. But obviously, I do love a story about a UAP, a UFO. Yeah. Now, this is a story about just a hardball egg covered in its own mayonnaise. That's what I wish. I wish I could write about.

But this story, you know, we were talking about doing an episode in this story, and it is a bit thin. But I did like the story enough to do something with it. This is the story of the Kexburg UFO incident. Oh. There is a book, though, that I did base this on. It was called the Kexberg UFO incident by George Dudding. It is a 35-page book. Okay.

Not very exciting. No. That's a pamphlet. It's a novelette. But he did write, I got this story of James Romansky from him, and we will cover that. So, um, I'll start from the top. All right. The Kexburg UFO incident is a simple affair, but it does take place during Christmas.

So I thought I would share the story for the coming season. On December 9, 1965, a glowing object traveled over Central Pennsylvania and crash landed, quote, outside Kexburg, which is an hour from Pittsburgh. If you've ever been to Central Pennsylvania, then you know the area, dense brush, sparsely distributed population, lots and lots of raccoons on stolen methampe. Fetamine. It's called pencil tucky for a reason. Now that night, thousands of people have been able to see the UAP. There were reports from across the state

and even from Ontario, if you can believe it. I can. Many accounts matched the original. We saw a giant ball of glowing light. It passed over the trees and landed with a blue smoke, vibrations, and thump. On Christmas? No, on December

9th. It's just a Christmas time. The only one that got really close to Christmas, the only UFO story that actually took place on Christmas was the Rendlesham Forest incident which we've never which we've already covered very deeply yeah okay so this is the closest one I found now this is what this actually was so widely seen

that it was reported on in the local newspaper the Greensburg Tribune Review they reported the area where the object landed was immediately sealed off on the order of U.S. Army and state police officials an anticipation of a close inspection of whatever may have fallen

state police officials there ordered the roped off to await the expected arrival of both U.S. Army engineers and possibly civilian scientists. Local military personnel arrived. They went looking at where the supposed mysterious crash vehicle had crashed, and they

found nothing. The explanation to this day, and it still is, is that it was a meteor bolide that burned up in the atmosphere. In 2005, there would be tests of supposed leftover materials from the untrustworthy bastards over at NASA, who would contend,

that it was, in fact, pieces of a small Russian satellite that had broken up over as it was kind of descending back into our atmosphere. And that's the official story. But the good people of Kexburgh know that something a little bit more mysterious happened that night. Now, they have a UFO festival every year that happened this year in June, the Kexburg UFO Festival where they celebrate this. There's not much going on in Kexburg otherwise. Sure, yeah. And so this is a big part of their story. because they know what really happened.

Small towns have to, you know, grab on to whatever little thing they have for their festival. Now, there are distinct things we know about the story. They only came from one person, a person by the name of James Romansky. And so what I've decided to do in order to add to this season. Okay. Was to write a poem from the perspective of James Romansky on the 9th of December, 1965. Now, I've written this poem in the style of Christmas. entertainment, it tells the story of local fire brigade volunteer James Romanski and what he would

see that night, which would change Pennsylvania faster than John Fetterman's stroke. Twas the 9th of December, and all over the land, of Kexburg, PA, there were many a witness at hand. The Iron Cities were sucked by the hemlocks with ease, as hopes for a stellar's win would warm up the freeze. The Ruski's had sensed by satellites that night All hopes that Compromat could appear in their sights With Eileen in her panties, an eye in my cap We'd just gosled our gnaug for a long evening's crap

When out on the John, there arose such a thumpin' I sprang for my beanbag chair to see if it was something Away to my Ford Expedition, I flew like a flash, scrape the ice away and put my gun on the dash orange lights on the slippery asphalt aglow gave a luster of Vegas to the objects below but to what did my red watery eyes did appear

but a bronze acorn-shaped craft surrounded my military gear with a little gray driver who buzzed like a bee I knew this little jagoff must be an E.T more rapid than Beagles, his plasmoids, they floated, many state lines had crossed. Each one of them noted

over Detroit and Pittsburgh and Arbor and Windsor. I'm finally here in Kexburg to scare this old yinzer. And then, in a crinkling I heard in the grass, a man with a rifle had it trained on my ass. As I screwed my head in and was turning around through the forest, the men in black came with a bound. They were dressed up in suits and scaring my boss. Fire chief admires. And he yelled, hey, you get lost. A group of

soldiers tied the UFO real tight to an 18-foot-long army tractor brought earlier that night. The edges, how seamless, the doors non-existent, and a luster so, Matt, you'd swear it was pigment. That's close. That's close.

It's sideways, right? It didn't work, yeah. Its dome wingless top was as smooth as an egg, and it flattened on bottom, like a beast natty keg. And with the crack of O'Waqui, the men got to hauling. My boss and the G-man, they ended their squalor. It pulled me away, and he held me real close. He whispered real quiet, don't talk or wear a toast. And he gave me a piner of old Winton's bourbon,

as the smoke from his cigar made a cloud like a turban. The tractor pulled. out, its tracks covered by dark, and the fixers, they covered the evidence and bark. But I heard Edd exclaim as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to Yins!

And don't drink and drive. I did have to change the Pittsburgh ending. It's wonderful. I love this. Yeah, I'm quite wonderful. Did you get the story, though? Yeah, I totally got the story. He was called out. He was a volunteer firefighter. He got called out. He saw the Bronier.

You can see here, that's the bronze object that it's now famous in Kexburg, the acorn-shaped UFO that it's famous for. Acorn's such a nicer way to say, butt plug. Yeah. I was just going to say, mound of feces. That is an acorn

shape. And so, yeah, that's the story, and he saw it loaded up into a tractor, and then it was driven away. And for some reason, none of that could ever be corroborated. For some reason. Well, Merry Christmas, happy holidays, everyone.

Happy holiday Hey, it's Christmas time Hey, it's just a No, you fucking worry about it It's Christmas, it's Christmas It's Christmas, don't go to the zoo Hey, stay out of the zoo Do you know what you do for Christmas

A vlog some motherfuckers Yeah, sure, yeah You know how you bring the zoo to you Look it up on the internet Watch on YouTube Yeah, there's a whole National Geographic channel Watch one of those weird things

You know when Asian tourists Just film a bunch of stuff With their iPad, find one of those Yeah And this Christmas when you're sitting around With your family and the song White Christmas comes on, make sure to tell them.

Did you know this is about Irving Berlin's dead infant son? And then you go, psycho. Shit. Favorite lines. And go to Patreon.com slash last podcast enough to give us money to watch us perform. And then you're going to go, you can see our bodies. You can also see

us live on last stream on the left. Now for the next two weeks, though, because we're off. We are on vacation for the holiday season, but we will be back in January 6 p.m. PST only on the Patreon. And for all of your social media, I guess the term would be needs. Go at LP on the left for all of our socials and go see our new YouTube channels while we are gone.

We are going to have a bunch of fun material is still coming out into the YouTube. Our bloodbath shows are rolling out. We're saving the ending for after Christmas break, but you're going to get other material. Oh, that's very cool. Oh, yeah. We have other material. You're going to get the episode zero's. You're going to get a bunch of stuff in there between.

Hell yeah. And then come see us. LPN TV and YouTube. If you're looking for that last-minute Christmas present, bring them to see us live on the road. Tickets are available. January 31st will be in Philadelphia. Dude, got to come to the show. It's going to be a fucking blast.

It is. It's already selling like fucking crazy. But it's such a big venue. We have so much more room. It's going to be wild. So come see that. I can't wait for that. February 28th, Austin, Texas.

March 13th, Indianapolis, April 25th, Cincinnati, May 29th. Ninth, Pittsburgh. Maybe we'll stop by Ketsburg. I'd be down to go, well, we can try to get out there. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, it's like an hour and a half out there in the middle of nowhere. Too far. June 27th, Grand Rapids, Michigan, July 17th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, July 18th, Oklahoma City. Also, January 4th, I'm going to be at Oxnard, Levity Live with Carolina Hidalgo,

Jake Young, Holden, McNeely, and Julia Johns. Come check us out. The show starts at 6. I'll have you home for dinner. It's going to be a wonderful time. I can't wait for it. And we're going to change. We're going to see the change. We're going to be the change, boys. We're going to get the 6 o'clock show going.

I don't care what anybody fucking says, man. Six o'clock shows. It's really fun. I really enjoy doing it. All right. Six o'clock fucking shows. Think about it. Think about it.

But when I go to San Francisco in February, Wednesday, February 18th, it's going to be a 7.30 p.m. show. But we will be talking about the ghost of Tatiana. with Grant Gordon and my wonderful wife. Julie Rosen is going to be hosting that show. It's going to be a lot of fun. I think she'll just be happy to see a lady kill a bunch of men. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. So we're going to take a couple weeks off. We're going to go say bye-bye and hang out in our various homes and vacations and things like that. And then when we come back... But it doesn't matter. You still get plenty of stuff. We're putting out updates. It's going to be a lot of fun.

But just so you know, when we come back in 2026, we're coming back hard. we're coming in with a big old true crime story modern true crime story oh hell yeah and we're coming in like so is that the one I think it is yes it is very excited and 2026 is it we have a lot to come we also have the next head on the

Mount Rushmore of Evil that will also be coming very very soon we have other things so be on the lookout and we'll see you next year yeah fuck you fuck enjoy the last updates

for the next thing I'm sorry yeah yeah Hail Stephen, I'm sorry. And huggy. Hail, uh, hmm. Tatiana? No. Oscar Peterson. Yeah.

Yeah. I love Oscar Peterson.