Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: Mythological Sex Beasts

Episode Date: July 2, 2022

Over the centuries there's been countless sightings of unknown creatures spotted all around the world... amongst these unexplainable sightings lie a particularly sexy category of creature...  Mythological Sex Beasts. On this week's "relaxed fit" the boys are gettin' frisky, breakin' down the seductive and sexually charged history behind Kelpies, Pixies, and Nymphs, oh my!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? First of all, I just want to state now that some of the things I had to type into URL for this episode into a website, things that I've searched, I'm going to just straight up say right now, obviously it was for a show. Especially after your very intense Jared Fogel research, which you've done recently as well. I just watched the one documentary and I wasn't in the mainframe, like I wasn't on Jared Fogel's email server. At least I wasn't in there, I wasn't in the direct eye of the hurricane. I'm just saying the things I had to look up, because obviously people have said that I might have a sexual focus in my comedy.

Oh sure, yeah. Or people say that I'm horny. You refer to your semen as devil seeds, I believe. They're cruel, what they would make me do. What come makes a man do is bad and he needs to leave, it has to go. It reminds me of, I just watched Venom on the plane, it's kind of like that. It's very much so like that. You're not even saying anything that's that exaggerated. That's how I view my piece, as an enemy to me, to my career, to my life.

The thing is that even just with this content, like this is so horny forward, that it was actually kind of difficult to find a non-horny way to describe any of this. And I'm going to just go out there and say a lot of this is just straight-up pornography. Fantastic, welcome to the last podcast of the Left, everyone. I am Ben, hanging out with Marcus and hanging out with the ever horny Henry Soprowski. I wish I was different, but my wife doesn't. No? I don't know, I don't know.

100% perfect, that's the Natalie review of Henry. 100% perfect. She's accustomed. Fantastic, alright everyone, why all the saucy talk? Because today, you know, you say we don't cover serious topics. Finally, we're getting to one mythical sex beast. Let's get into it. We're back to stupid.

So in today's episode, we're going to explore the worlds of three different types of European and British sex beasts of mythology. Creatures that throughout the centuries have conjured images of sexual yearning, danger, and misadventure. Misadventure means being in a place where you can get a lot of leaves in your butt hair. Sounds like a fantastic episode of Darkwing Duck. Now, what we first did, like we did fairies and we did gnomes, you know, and they all kind of have like a darker aspect, which we will cover a little bit in today's episode, but of all of the creatures, because we kind of went into like, we've never really talked about these types of things, like pixies, nymphs, which is what we're getting into. But yeah, man, they're horny as fuck.

And you can't even find, there is not a story that doesn't involve one of these things, not sucking a penis. That's extreme hyperbole. That's not even close to being true. You don't know the research. The research I did. The research I did, how I put myself on the line. I think what your research, because remember, Google does tailor towards the user. My searches were much different than your searches, sir.

All I know is don't type in anything associated to Tinkerbell into any of this shit, man, because there's shit I couldn't even click on. There's stuff like, I think I saw a picture. It was like, it was like Gislaine Maxwell was like in the background of one of those. I was like, oh, this isn't good. Absolutely. Peter Pan, not just a fun peanut butter. He is also a predator. My question, just to start, nymphs.

He was a boy. No, he was not. He was Robin Williams. Robin Williams was actively 45 years old. In hook. That's Peter Pan. But only in that one universe. The rest of the time, Peter Pan is a permanent boy.

So then he's a honeypot to try to get Captain Hook to become a pedophile. Exactly. Is the term nymphomaniac based off of the mythical creature, the nymph? We're going to be getting to that. We're going to be getting deep into that, sir. Deep. Great. Well, it's a thing.

While some of these creatures certainly are sex-based, such as the nymphs, others, like the pixies, have been sexualized over time and are not necessarily sex-beasts, really sex-adjacent. You mean to tell me that people don't find Frank Black to be handsome? Come on. Why not? I'll kiss him. I'll kiss him right now. That's from the band. From the band, he's the singer of the band.

The pixies. But either way, it's a valiant attempt, my friend. Valiant effort. But either way, we're going to get into just a few of the many, many sexual beasts of mythology. Starting with one we briefly discussed in a cryptid roundup many years back. And the reason why we're covering it again is because I'm sure we got plenty of new hot takes on the Kelpie. Ooh, Kelpie. Now that's a fuckable horse.

Absolutely. I think that's the number one female name in 2027. Oh, Kelpies. Yeah, I remember how many times I'm out when you're out anywhere in the grocery store. Kelpie. Kelpie. Get that frozen sausage out of your mouth, Kelpie. Kelpie, stop seducing your father from the water.

Kelpie. The Kelpie is a specifically Scottish legend that is said to haunt rivers and streams. In its true form, the Kelpie is a malevolent spirit in the rough shape of a horse, sometimes depicted with a mane of serpents and reversed hoods. Cool. Yes, and I did a lot of research in the powerful novel Wrath of the Water Horse, Never Threatened a Kelpie's Mate by Virginia Waits, which, to be honest, there's not a lot.

I was expecting more lore, but it seems to be a lot of gay sex with men that are horses. Fantastic. Again, that's also from your Jared Fogle reading. My question here is, horses notoriously can't walk backwards. I wonder if the Kelpie can. Horses can't notoriously can't walk backwards? They can't walk backwards. You guys didn't hear that?

Horses can't walk backwards. Marcus lived with horses. Marcus doesn't know this? Horses can walk backwards. Horses can't walk backwards. Why do I think this? Upstairs, they can't walk downstairs. Of course, horses can walk backwards.

Just move on. I was told that the young age horses don't walk backwards and I just stuck with me. I was also told by a science teacher that glass is a slow-moving liquid. That's true. That is actually true. Yes, it's called states of matter, and it's interesting. It's more subtle than, yes, technically. Fernando, technically the smartest one of all of us is shaking his head now.

He'll say whatever. He thinks it's funny for us to be wrong. Let's just move on. Because we're not talking about biology anymore. This is not biology. We're outside of the realm of biology. Biology, yeah, horses can walk backwards. Anyway, but as it is with the Greek siren,

the kelpie often appears as a beautiful naked young woman who lures men to their deaths. It does, however, sometimes appear as a simple singing horse. I feel like pizza tonight. I love that horse. Hey there, horny guy on the beach. You don't know how I'm under the water. Come over.

It's all of that. Yeah, according to this book, this incredibly deep book, it's a lot of that. It's a lot of that. It's a mythical creature in there. People that do believe still in the kelpie, the kelpie actually has a massive following in Scotland. If you don't believe that the Loch Ness monster itself

would be attributed to a kelpie. Interesting. But no matter its appearance, once the kelpie brings its prey close enough to attack, it does indeed become a carnivorous creature who drags its prey to the bottom of the river, devours him, and tosses the uneaten leftover entrails to the riverbank.

Yes. That's an allegory. Algory? Algory? Oh my God. Allegory works. Allegory for marriage. It is.

However, rendy young men are not the kelpie's main prey. Good pun. That's a horse pun. Like many myth... Wait a second, how is that a horse pun? It's a horse pun. You didn't even get it.

You didn't even get your own pun. I really didn't. Good like that. Like many mythological water spirits, the kelpie was most likely a cautionary tale to keep children from drowning in the river, or the lake, or what have you. So in most myths,

the kelpie enjoyed drowning children and devouring their corpses. My question is, when it comes to cautionary tales, isn't the fact that the water is going to kill you enough? Like if you go, like, why do you need a fake sex fish to warn kids not to go into the water?

You go in there, you get bloated, you drown. I don't think there needs to be a cautionary tale for fire or water. If you don't know, you deserve to die. Also, I think that we have attributed characteristics to various levels of nature throughout all of conscious mankind. Right?

So I think that we have attributed characteristics to the world as a series of like, they viewed, especially back then, it was a world of series of gods that controlled each part of each life. So I think it stems from that. And then also, kids are fucking stupid. Yeah, kids are really stupid.

You don't deserve to drown. Kids are just really fucking dumb. That's what you got to do. You got to make them, you got to say, like, no, don't, if you just tell them, like, hey, if you go into the river, the water, the horse lady is going to eat you. That's going to have a lot.

Yeah, that's the trigger. That's what works. Marketing. It's like, how many fucking morons, you know what only took five morons to die before they have to put the stupid tag on the hairdryer saying, don't use this while shower is running.

Like, you know that there is a, like, there's, the proof is unimportant. Oh my God, do you have any idea how many matchbox toy cars have to have the description, that's just because of you. Your family. Room, room. Well, according to one legend,

the Kelpie will lure children to the water and beckon them to climb upon its back so they can all have a fun ride together. Nice. But once the child mounts the beast and grabs hold of the mane, the child will find that the mane is magical and sticky like glue.

And that's the point where the baby goes under the water and never comes back up. Yes. Yes. I'm just going to say the Kelpie, a horrible mall Santa Claus. Absolutely horrible. Or best.

Well, sometimes, and I believe this is the story we told last time, the Kelpie will murder a whole host of children all at once. In the most famous Kelpie tale, the creature attracted 10 children to the water side, and it extended its back to accommodate

every youngster. Yes, because they apparently the Kelpie, one of its singular magical abilities is that it can stretch out its neck. I don't know why. I don't know why it's always fighting for other people. Okay, interesting.

Nine children mounted the beast and became stuck, but the 10th, more clever and suspicious than the rest, ran. The Kelpie gave chase and caught up to the boy who stroked the Kelpie's nose

in an attempt to calm it down. Wink. The wink. And the back nose. Oh my goodness. His asshole? That's what Henry refers to as his back nose, his dripping butthole.

I think God can't smell there. Having seen many horses shit, a horse's asshole does protrude quite far when the apples drop. Excellent. The apples drop. What's wrong with you? Yeah, horse apples.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you've never heard horse apples? No, because I don't know farm lingo. They're from Wondershowsen. Did they do the hee-haw parody called horse apples? I'm pretty certain. All I know is that horse apples,

yeah, I've known horse apples my whole life. Fantastic. And when I broke the horse's nose, he too became stuck because the Kelpie's entire body is magically sticky. But the child was clever and instead of being dragged down to the water,

he cut off his own finger. Fuck yeah. And as he bled, he watched the Kelpie drown and ingigitate his nine companions. Thanks God, that's not me. Very nice.

Oh boy! I want a baby opening line up on the little lake. Tell you this way. Absolutely. I mean, nine fingers in Scotland, you still have eight more fingers than most people.

It's true. It's true. There's also the story of their, because that's one allegory, right? There's one story that the Kelpie keeps people out of the water. And this is one thing, this clever little boy

cut his own hand off, right, to escape the Kelpie. There's another version of the story that has the little boy. The only thing that saved him was that he had a Bible in his back pocket. So then they also has the, there's a Christian angle too.

Well, as always, it's like, like every one of these stories, especially druidic stories about dragon type characters, they always kind of, the Christians took all of that to be iconography. All they can do is add a Bible

in the back pocket and they're like, now it's ours. Now it's ours. Yeah. And we'll get into this pretty fucking deep later when we talk about pixies.

Okay. Now, since the Kelpie is a folkloric beast, passed down from person to person instead of through written histories, no one is sure where it comes from or how old it is. Although stone carvings of the Kelpie

go back to the seventh century. Wow. Fucking catfish, dude. Mm-hmm. What do you mean? Mm-hmm, me, man. What do you mean catfish? Do they look like catfish?

There's catfish and what was the other? There's another type of fish that the Loch Ness monster is always associated with. Why is it with catfish? What is it with human beings? I think they're too ugly to eat,

even though obviously they have a deep fried catfish. Why is it? I still want my food to be kind of cute looking for some reason. It's because you're weak and you've grown weak with age.

No, a catfish. No, catfish can get gigantic. We had a legendary catfish at Lake Stanford, the lake we used to go to when I was growing up. What was the name of that eel? Big fucking catfish,

gigantic. It's not a giant eel. It's some kind of big, big fish. It's a big fish. It's not hot. Are you just searching big fish in Google right now? Big fish?

Big fish? Could be monster? A pike? Are you talking about a pike? Yes. Pikes are quite large. I don't know, a pike. Pike big?

Pike big? Wow. That's what I typed in. Oh, yeah, that's a big pike. Yeah. They're sturgeons. We're thinking of sturgeons. I've seen a lot of proud men

with guys with big fish. Sturgeons are quite large and freshwater as well, so they might be in the lock. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G, all the comments. What's a big fish? What's a big fish?

The Kelpie also figures deeply in the supposed history of two groups in Scotland, the McGregor clan and the Graham family. The Graham family, though, were wiped away from the Scottish lands after John Graham, the Laird of Murphy,

ran afoul of a Kelpie. Laird, by the way, is the Scottish word for Lord. And the Laird, of course, ranks in Scotland, ranks below a baron, but above a gentleman. A gentleman can legally take your family.

Isn't that so? A gentleman is an actual term. It's a true term. I don't know. Not just something that someone tells you when they're trying to get you out of the bar and not make you angry. Gentlemen, sir.

Mr. Gentlemen, please leave, sir. Then the McGregor clan claimed that they discovered the Kelpie's only weak spot. But that weak spot is somewhat odd because it implies that the Kelpie is somewhat domesticated instead of being a wild creature.

Or it's something like an ultra-terrestrial where it's almost human-like in its consciousness and it's deciding whether or not it wants to be if monks are human games. Hmm. When the McGregor clan claims that one of their long-dead ancestors defeated a Kelpie by removing its bridle.

Bridal, that's the headgear that you use to steer the reins and the bit and all and such and such. Maybe what it is is like, if you notice kids, little kids are kind of using the mask, the face mask is like fashion. I wonder if they just, instead of it being

like a bridle for purpose, is that what's nice about the Kelpie, because he's so independent that it can wear the bridle as like, I'm taking his back. Interesting. Maybe. But ever since,

the McGregor clan claims that their great luck is due to this Kelpie bridle that has been passed down through the centuries. On the not-so-lucky side, however, you have John Graham, the Laird of Murphy. Where am I? Why am I not there anymore? Excuse me, the Laird of Morphe.

Morphe. The Laird of Murphy. Morphe. The Laird of Morphe just sounds like he's in control of a bunch of people who think goldfish are really smart. It's said that Graham also had a battle with a Kelpie in which the beast bridle

was cut away, but only partly. Therefore, the beast was subdued and captured, but not killed. Instead, the Kelpie was imprisoned on the Laird of Morphe's estate, where it was jokingly fed a bag of oats a day. It's just like, I could feel this.

I could feel like if someone kidnapped me and they think it's when you look, here's your graphic, T. Oh, I heard you like burritos. All I ate was burritos filled with oatmeal, and he's like, God, you fucking two reels. Two reels do not be my prisoner.

That's not so bad. I mean, it's better than the lady was treated in silence of the lambs. I mean, she just got a bunch of chicken bones, and she could have eaten that dog, to be honest. Well, that was the threat. Right. Well, poorly treated, the Kelpie vowed revenge.

And once it did indeed retrieve its bridle, and with it, all the strength it needed to escape, the Kelpie placed a curse upon the Laird of Morphe, which went thus. Sir Buck and Sir Bains gory on the Laird on Morphe's stains, but the Laird on Morphe will never thrive

as lying as Kelpie is alive. Cool. They even rhyme. I love it. I watched this old, this thing about the, the Globe Theater and on Strattford and Point Evel. Right.

In England, right? They were trying to go back to the old way where Shakespeare's original accent, even though Shakespeare was five guys, right? All had sex with each other. But the accent of the time actually, you know, the old, the old, the old, the old. And the thing is, is that they put in this new,

the old accent, and they're like, no, it's more accurate than it's ever been. Meanwhile, can't understand a fucking word. No clue what they're saying. And this is my problem. I like that accent, though. It's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful.

But I do find myself, unfortunately, because when a certain type of Brogue, I have to put subtitles on. I can't understand. Oh, I totally get it. Do you think a curse is more powerful if it rhymes in a limerick? Yes.

I say so. Yeah. I mean, it's not a... Magically, yes. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it just sounds cooler. Right.

Because otherwise you're just a guy yelling at another guy. Yeah, you're just me. Yeah. Well, sure enough, soon after the curse was laid, the laird was struck by a sickness. His wife and children left him. And his home collapsed with the laird inside. Oh, I know he says that.

I know, yes. That kelpie gave me some great tips on investing in Bitcoin. Bitcoin. It's only been fantastic from your own. I mean, it must have been kind of fun. Like, the first three days your family leaves you was good. Like, then you just get really hammered, and then you can just be like,

this, I'm gonna be fine. But then day four, much like you taught me about June and John Cash, Johnny Cash, everyone said he died of a broken heart. And in reality, June just gave him his pills at the right time. Yeah. And then he had to die.

That's what Charlie Louvin claimed. Right. And Satan is real. He's like, yeah, everyone thought she just, but she just knew when to feed him and when to give him his pills and just no one else knew. So he just fucking died. He died.

So you're saying that Johnny Cash died like a houseplant. Exactly. That's exactly right. His nurse got fired. Day four becomes very difficult, because you can't just drink whiskey for dinner every night. No. Yeah.

Well, the curse also ended the bloodline of Graham in Scotland, because the Kelpie only left the Laird's daughter with the ability to have children. Now, you know that a lot of these creatures, which I find is interesting, I think it's because they, maybe it's just something with the magical dynamism, like this is how it has to work.

It was kind of have a counterpart. There's like something on the flip, because the Kelpie has a counterpart called the Selkie. And it's true. Which is a seal woman. Oh. It's a seal that sheds its seal body and becomes a highly attractive woman.

Right. Again, same thing, where there's something on a flip, but a part of that story has to involve it. What they say is that they're highly, like they're good wives, and I don't know what that means. I think it's because they'll lick your asshole,

like they'll love you. Also, if she's half-sealed, I would assume she'd be quite, well, this is going to sound disgusting, but wet, she will be aroused. You're disgusting. But yes, on the outside, though, you mean. Do you think she's wet to the touch?

If she's only a seal like four hours a day, and she's smoking hot 20 hours a day, I mean, I'd still marry her. Oh, I'd take it in a second. But the thing is, is that they don't naturally stay on land. You have to hide their seal skin from them, then belabor them with children enough.

Like, just keep squirting kids into them, so that they stay human. And then, eventually, though, they constantly will search for their seal skin again. They will try to put it back on, and then they will return back to the ocean, possibly with the children that they have also made. I don't know why, though,

so everybody wants them. They all like them. They all think they're great. That's an analogy how to keep women from having independence. Of course, the seal skin being independent, and they're like, what if we just knock you up a bunch?

Yes, yes. No, I know in Iceland, they have a very similar legend, except it ends with the husband accidentally beating his wife to death, because he didn't know that she had found her seal skin, and he's just out there beating seals, and beating seals, and beating seals.

And then again, what's the lesson to learn? Even though there's not seals in Iceland, I think it's more of a Faroe Island thing. But eventually, it does come to Iceland, just in seals, and at least that's what the Icelandic Ghost Museum told me. No, don't worry. There's also the mystical ways of the Selki,

which is another book I attempted to read, that is in the same world as Wrath of the Water Horse, and it takes place in a series of books called The Manor, which is about a sex Airbnb filled with cryptids. It's a bed and breakfast where they all cryptids go to stay. It's a highly exclusive, but all the cryptids stay in this one house, and that's where they all have sex with each other.

That's great. I think it's called the Jersey Shore. Yeah. Is it the situation like a cryptid? Is it Snooki? Snooki is Snooki a cryptid. Isn't that just an absolutely wonderful kiss? Wonderful content.

Hey, what's up, everyone? How you doing? Ben Kissel here with Henry Zabrowski. Yeah, it's me, man. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast on the left, babe. Go out there and purchase yourself some.

I hope you enjoy it. We have sativa, we have indica, and we have a hybrid. And I have to tell you, for my personal experience, they are wonderful. Super tasty live resin. You really get the delicious, weedy taste, which is what I like. And three different experiences.

You go to your local vape store and get it. Absolutely. Thank you all so much for supporting the show. We absolutely love you. Can't wait to see you on the road and get that vape. Put it in your brain and have a good time. And if you want to set your favorite weed store, give them a call and ask for them by name.

Absolutely. Last podcast on the left. It's weed. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hail Satan. Now, the Kelpie is a fearsome beast, to be sure. But on the more whimsical side of sexy creatures, or at least creatures that have been made sexy

by such scantily clad depictions as Tinkerbell. You say, well, this is the problem, man. This is your part of the problem. We gotta stop calling Tinkerbell scantily clad. She is, yes. She is. But I think it's because Tinkerbell is a poor woman. You know what I mean?

No, no, no. I'll get to the exact reason. Tinkerbell is not poor. I'll get to the exact reason why she was scantily clad. Well, it's because she was created by a man with a piss fetish. That's number one. Hence the name Tinkerbell. And number two.

This is where poor Tinkerling was for piss. Yeah, and Tinker isn't the word for, that's Tinker. You brought Tinkerlin to it. Yeah, you did. He always does. Interesting. I don't watch her do anything. She's mythical.

Well, in that realm, you got the Pixies. Pixies are British creatures that center mostly around Devon and Cornwall on the southwest tip of England. Known for their bubbly appearance, Pixies are rarely malicious and instead throw merry parties and shower blessings across the English countryside. I mean, it's really, it does sound kind of fun to be in a Pixies world, but it does sound alike. It's like a lot.

It's like when you first start dating somebody who's like a bunch of years younger than you. Right. You know, all these like concerts and stuff, and they want you to do all of this stuff. And you're like, oh, no, please leave me. Please stop. Like you're full of life. Right. I don't want to be around you anymore because you're all like, I can't deal with it.

Well, as we learned from the movie, Party Monster, some, you can only rave so much. Yeah. And then you murder a man. Then it gets to sit. Yeah. Cut them in half and stuff. You have to, literally. Well, at their best, Pixies enchant children and beautiful maidens to join their dances.

Although that in and of itself can be quite terrifying if you're dancing forever and ever and ever. Yeah, but it's cool. It's like the movie Midsomer. Yeah. Or you know, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, but that's more fairies, but that's a different thing. At their worst, Pixies will muddle travelers and cause them to wander miles in the wrong

direction. Or at least that's the worst it is when it comes to general Tom Fulery for no reason. Giselle, is that what happens to you when you're late for the airport? Yes. Is that what it is? You just follow little, little tiny men around? They're like, oh, look at us. We're jumping in your beard, Giselle.

Oh, they're all swimming. You guys, you're the funniest bunch of guys I've ever met in my life. Yeah, that's basically who I talk to every evening. But when it comes to the wrath of a Pixie, that usually only comes when a human, most often a Christian figure of some kind, invades or defiles their homes. Or when Kim Deal doesn't want to show up to rehearsal. I don't even know who that is. She's the bassist in the Pixies.

She was the bassist. She's not even in the Pixies anymore. And there weren't even you the lead singers in, and now you're bringing up the bassist. What has been a central storyline in the Pixies' career. Yes. Hold on a second. She was also in the breeders. She was, you know...

Love Cannonball. Love that song. Yeah, Cannonball. Love driving on nine. Yeah. The biggest issue is she's late to rehearsal. Well, she... Frank was over.

I'm really, really glad you're talking to him. I'm kind of too. Frank is a taskmaster and a task driver. Kim Deal a little bit of a heroin problem. He was just, but he wanted, you know, like they were conflicting personalities, conflicting styles. Oh, I see. Interesting.

But that created some of the best alternative music that has ever existed. Loud. Quiet. Loud. Quiet. Loud. Loud. They invented it.

They invented it. I mean Fleetwood Mack were doing the human centipede every evening just to figure out a good chorus line, and they just, one person was late? Well, okay. Different. Different tastes, different styles. Well, when it comes to pixies and being defiled, for example, in the olden times,

pixies were said to live in grave barrows. And grave barrows were of course, often befouled by Christians and their quest to convert the super cool pagan British, the indigenous British. We see that a lot in Iceland currently, where they do seem to have a constant conversation with what they consider to be their hill to folk.

Like the hidden people, the thing that live under the ground. And to me, this is more about respecting what came before because you never know what you're opening up. I think a lot of times they all hurt themselves by the bad juju of destroying all of these ancient holy sites. Yeah, makes sense. And putting their own branding on top of it.

Sure. Well, they'd also build churches directly on top of them. Oh yes, just to physically smash them down, but they don't understand that the borrow of the pixies is actually as strong as the earth itself. And if you want to try to squash the earth itself, good luck to you there, friend. Good luck indeed.

You need some cuddles for my bro. Absolutely, leave him alone. Well, skin wise, pixies are either the pinkish hue of the English or blue or green. Ears are pointy in most, but not all, have large butterfly-like wings, which would be, if you actually saw it, would be unsettling and kind of gross.

Yeah, because it would be like, no. No, no, no, I mean, I don't even hate a moth's wings. To be honest, I think the moth is a working-class butterfly, but a butterfly's wings is beautiful, much like I think you'd be treated more like the peacock. If you saw a six-inch person that was nude, but pink, and then had like weird, like, veiny, like, butterfly wings, you'd be terrified.

No, no, I would put my penis next to it to make it look much larger. Wouldn't it be nice to be like, look at this, the size of a leg. Well, pixies, for example, they're just the same. Let's go through the size. Yeah, for scale, the size. They can be anywhere from palm-sized, just the man, the size of a man's palm,

but the more frighteningly, you know, they'd be up to the knee. So if you got something that would be, that was up to the knee with large butterfly-like wings, it would be terrifying to see. If it's flying around you, poking at your, poking your eyes. And you know they'd have to deal with the same problems that Kissel has to deal with every fucking day of his life.

They'd be like, hey, so you play basketball, like in the pixie world. They'd be like, come on, so you're like a football player, professional football player. And they're all like, I am a magical pixie, so no. I mean, can you get to know them enough? I feel like, yeah, obviously initially, much like when people see us three.

They're like, huh, oh, but then they get to know us. They're like, OK, they're pretty fun. Like, if you get to know it, it could be a good time. Of course, you can say anything. Well, one thing about them, though, is that they're terrible at making clothing. And here's where we come to the crux of it. Usually they're depicted naked, but as in the case

of the infamous tinkerbell, some are depicted in rags. I know, it does begin. So that's the whole thing. She's just wearing rags because pixies are bad at clothing. If a pixie wants nice clothing, it has to steal it from a child. It has to steal it from a child, which I mean, and Paris Hilton knows all about that back in the day.

Yeah, she does. There's an old joke. But the thing, too, is that what if it does sound like the beginning of one of our documentaries? Or she's like someone going, I'm just so bad at making clothes. The days, I don't know why they keep falling off. I can't believe it. It's so crazy.

I looked up, I looked up because I thought it'd be fun, obviously, mythical sex base. I'll look at some erotica to kind of get to, you know, like maybe they can read it on the show. Most of the Tinkerbell shit, I can't even read. I can't even click. What are they doing with Tinkerbell? Things we should leave this little woman alone.

We need to leave this little woman alone. So is it one of those, is she climbing into orifices? Is she being fucked to death? Is that part of it? Is there a lot of that, a lot of being fucked to death? There is that, there is the other creatures all pinning her down. There's the, it's not good, man. None of it is good.

And there's the stuff where it's like, because it's still like, she's sometimes portrayed still as like a little child to these people. Not good, man. It sounds like you did click on a lot of this stuff. No, I looked at the managers when they were like, so what happened? And then you have such a detailed description. They put the warnings on it.

Oh, they put the warnings on it. And they say it like you, and you're like, oh, who the fuck, I'm bored. Who's right? Well, that's interesting. With Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, anyone who's ever used a chihuahua as a gimmick or a prop needs to be killed by a group of chihuahuas. That'd be fun. You call them for them.

Yeah, I suppose they would be. Our chihuahuas kind of, they're kind of a little, they're kind of a little, they're not sexy. Never mind. Disgusting. I'm not saying, I don't want to have sex with chihuahuas, but they're cute. They are cute. They would say they're more goblin-like.

They've got a goblin feel to it. Yeah, fantastic. Well, that's the thing about pixies. They are beautiful, uncommonly so. But they're also said to have distorted or strange appearances. It's kind of like that girl in that old 8x twin video, the one that kind of looks like an alien. Yeah.

It's like that. Beautiful, but unsettling. Have you ever seen, remember the first VHS? Yeah. It's very, it's kind of based a little bit on that. Like there's a little bit of that, like the idea of like. In the hotel room? Yeah, I never really experienced this as much as you guys did.

We're like Marcus, like the idea of like back in your old like glam, like the killers, the hives period when you were like in New York City. Oh, not the killers. But you know what I mean? But meeting those types of girls in a New York City club in 2007. Yeah, like it is that girl. Yeah, they were mean. You're scary.

Fantastic. That's why I was happy they didn't ever talk to me. Very nice. The pixies are different from the English fairies and that fairies are malignant creatures who screw around with mankind deliberately. Yes. But pixies seem to be content to just sort of hang out. OK.

Pixies and fairies. In the words of a 14 year old, pixies are a vibe. Oh, kind of nice and chill, all right. Yeah, pixies and fairies, however, have been known to fight each other over territory, as they so bloodily did at Buckland St. Mary in Somerset. That's fucking sweet. That's fucking cool.

Now, information on the battle is scarce, but I did find a long since abandoned blog from 2008 called Professor Lawlard's Urgent Quest to Find E.T. Pucks Before D-Day. Well, I mean, that's nothing says 2008 blog like that type. Yeah. What was his version of D-Day? You know what? It was unclear.

It was very unclear. He was definitely playing a lot of Call of Duty at some point, and he viewed that this was the pixie D-Day. I don't know, man. I don't got you. I don't know. In one post, the writer claims to have found a yellowed page at the Somerset County Library, saying that way back when,

fairies were moving in on pixie territory. But the pixies fought back and came out on top, but five pixies were killed. Damn. Dude, fuck West Side Story, fuck the Jets, fuck the Sharks. This needs to be a movie. I need to see pixies fight with fairies. A hyper-bloody, like war-style movie, the two of them

coming at each other. Because fairies, I always view as more powerful than pixies, like fairies. Oh, very much so. They're more intense, they're scary. Or pixies, just the idea of maybe like, maybe this time, piss will win. You know, like they'll be super excited, like,

let's show them our tennis, girls. They'll all say, it's better to look at tennis than shit guns, like, hey, hey, hey. It all ends with James Corden as his character in Cats, just eating them. Well, I just cut to James Corden, just fucking sucking on a Philly cheesesteak sandwich, climbing out of a fucking limo that he didn't pay for,

tripping over his own big, fat clown shoes, and then falling on top of a bunch of pixies and fairies, having their big final battle, and he'd kill it all of them, yeah. Yeah, improv anywhere. Anywhere. Even in traffic. Now, this post that talked about this Somerset fairy

battle, there was only one comment. And this comment may give a clue as to whether or not this blog is legit. This comment read, quote, Kiss me hard and fuck me harder. Hey, I am looking for an online sexual partner, Wink. Click on my boobs if you're interested. Boing, boing.

And that is the sentence that leads you into being scammed in crypto. I did actually ask Henry, there was a boobies emoji at the end, like, you know, like parentheses point, parentheses point. Boing, boing. Boing, boing. And I asked him to make any.

Thank you for responding to my formal request. I didn't make a formal request for that. Every time I see that emoji now, I'm just going to boing, boing. That's what that means. Boing, boing. I mean, we're just, all we do is try to, we try to bring the best for our audience. Absolutely.

Now I did not click on the boobs out of fear of where following such a trail of mystery might take me. I did the Dancing Forever on the land of Pixies. Oh, having your identity stolen by a man in Turkey. Yes, just immediately being incarcerated. But further research on Pixies elsewhere revealed an interesting history to where the word Pixie came from, as well as the source of Pixie folklore.

It's thought that the Pixies were loosely based on an ancient race of people who lived around England and Scotland called the Pix. That's P-I-C-T-S. The Pix were an indigenous Celtic group named by the Romans. The Romans got absolutely fucking thrashed by the Pix the first of many, many times that the Romans tried invading England.

The Romans taught you that if you just don't give a fucking shit about human life and you just keep throwing bodies at the problem, eventually what you'll do is kill enough people in their own homes that you can take them from them. It's a numbers game. See, the Pix were a fearsome group when provoked, and their appearance was bizarre to the Romans

because the Pix painted and tattooed their bodies with blue dye before battle. Fuck at it. These are my people, dude. Yeah. Therefore, the Pix were so named because the word Picti in Latin meant the painted ones. Cool.

Now the Pix kept the Romans out of their territory for 600 years. Damn. Think about that. That's three times as long as the United States has been alive. That's just amazing. Yeah, because the Romans did take part of England.

I mean, London was originally a Roman settlement called Londonium, but they never took the Pict territory, or at least if they took it, they never held it. And of course, if you suffer from Londonium, that's when only half of your penis gets hard, which is so confusing, because what half is it going to be? Do you know?

And it's all on blood type. It really is. That's what I heard. God, if it's the front half, it seems so much worse. Imagine how much worse. Just the head and first inch of your penis was rock hard. Well, around 900 AD though, the Pix disappeared from history.

It's thought they probably just mixed with the Scots, which made their histories basically interchangeable after the 10th century. Now, it's not known for sure that the Pix were the Pixies of yore, but like the Pixies, the Picti, which was the plural Roman word for these folk, they didn't fight unless they were fucked with. And furthermore, their blue battle skin

mirrors the sometimes blue skin of the Pixies. And then who knows, maybe they also like straight up had a bunch of crazy sexy bras in there. And you go there, like they also know, like, oh, hey, look. They're also going like, ah, yeah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. They sound like they were pretty peaceful people. Leave them alone. Yeah.

I mean, amongst themselves, who knows. But yeah. Well, from what we do know from certain written histories, because that's the other thing about the Pix is that they had no written history. So everything we know about the Pix comes from the people who didn't like the Pix. We tried to go kill them, yeah.

We tried to go kill them. I always let my history screamed. I only like it to be screaming history. Now, you may be asking at this point, Marcus, why the history lesson? Where's the sex? I was promised mythological sex. Where's the sex?

I think you are giving yourself a small amount of, a little too much credit for the history lesson, but it wasn't there. It wasn't there. But to that, I say not yet. Because it's also said that the idea of Pixies were adopted. At what point did you start asking, and answering your own,

this is all his own interior like this. Fuck you! Like, painting with himself, like, how are we gonna see him, thinking like, I don't need Henry, I don't need Marcus. Look at this. Hey, Marcus, how are you feeling? I'm feeling better.

Where's the sex? I keep everybody who's anybody in my room while I'm alone is asking me, where's the sex? Yes, and to that, I say, fuck you. Not yet. We gotta get a little bit more Christian mythology before we get back to the sex. That's what you learned.

That's because that's a Christian lesson, which is you need to hurt if you were expecting to feel good. Okay. And that's the thing is that the Christians adopted the Pixie mythology, and they fucked it up in a particularly dour way. Instead of fun creatures who live in graves

and dance with children, the Christians said that Pixies were the materialization of the souls of dead babies who perished before they'd been baptized. That sounds incredible. So then all they do is fucking dance? That's incredible. I don't need to be drowned.

That's okay. I'll just do that for the rest of my life. That's great. Yeah, and staying in the realm of folklore, Pixies were actually the original protagonists of the Three Little Pigs. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, it used to be the Three Little Pixies

and the Fox until the 1890s. And instead of Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in, it was this. Let me in, let me in. Said the Fox. I won't, was the Pixies answer, and the door is fastened. That's it.

That's it. Little Pig, let me in, it's like a fun thing. It's a better story. The other one's a better story structure. It's just being like, I won't, the door is fastened. The door is fastened so you can't come in. They just added a little pig. Yeah, and not by the hair of my chin.

But it's not by the hair of my chinny chin chin. Yeah, that's got all the fun stuff. That's a fun show. That's like, that's a show, right? I like the original one though, because like in the original story, the Fox ate the first two Pixies who both lived in wooden houses.

They both had wooden houses. Well, didn't he ate the pigs in one, in the original version, the wolf would eat the pigs, right? Yeah, the wolf would eat the pig, but in later versions, like the pig would just run to the next house. Yes.

And then, yeah. Because kids are getting soft for each fucking generation. Yeah. But in this story, the third Pixie lives in a house of iron, and it uses a magical charm to trap the Fox in a box

that is much too small for the Fox's body, and the Fox is compressed to death in a cube of fur, flesh, and entrails. Oh my God, it sounds like if you lost a game as an Iraqi soccer player in Saddam era, in the Saddam era, in the Boo Box. The Boo Box. But while we may not know when the Pixie legend started,

a town in East Devon, called Audrey St. Mary, has hosted a celebration called Pixie Day since 1953, which was the 500th anniversary of the installation of a church bell that was much hated by the Pixies. And if you really needed to be sexy, I guess picture all the Pixies as Sasha Gray. Oh yeah.

Sasha Gray, okay. So then I just see the bell like going up in her. Oh my. God bless her. God bless her. And honestly, her Twitch show is supposed to be great. Is it? Okay.

Well, good. Absolutely. When the bell was installed in 1453, the local Pixies became enraged at the sound of the church bell and therefore invaded the town, captured the bell ringers, and jailed them in a cave now known as Pixie's Parlor.

Now Pixie's Parlor is there, but it's a drip club. Obviously. Absolutely. That's the thing about Pixies again, is that it just, as soon as you say it, it becomes now. I think it's right here in Los Angeles. It might be by Jumbo's Clown Room.

I love Jumbo's. I do. It's the last time you've been to Jumbo's. Oh, I went there a few years ago. It's great for less. That's great. I should go to Jumbo's Clown Room. Sounds like a wonderful time.

We would have a fantastic time. It's a horrifying name, to be honest, but I was just like, all right, I'm gonna go to Jumbo's Clown Room, and I survived. Well, the bell ringers, of course, escaped and the Pixies were banished. And in another version,

a bunch of Pixies almost lead a bunch of monks off a cliff before the monks, of course, saved by God. God should have cut his losses. Yeah, it's like the Pixies are leading them off the cliff, and then one of the monks stubs his toe, and he says, oh my God. And then God notices that these Pixies are about to kill a bunch of monks,

and God stops the monks from walking off the cliff. The thing is that I don't understand, that's why God's so stupidly inconsistent, because then he lets some people die to learn a lesson. He lets other people, like, I thought he wanted them all back up in the house anyway. I don't think he wants to hang out with a bunch of monks. That's the problem.

No, they're annoying. I mean, both tales, there's just more stories told by Christian Baters to establish dominance over the more fun and whimsical beliefs of my fucking ancestors. Oh yes. By the way, 23 and me, I checked it again. It's gone up.

I am now 86.5% British ancestry. Well, is that why your ears are see-through? Like, you do have a bat-like spin almost. Like, very thin, very thin. Oh yeah, yes. What's the other 15%? Like, French and German, and a tiny, tiny bit of Scandinavian,

but it's 100% European. It's 100%, oh, there's like a 1% Spanish and Portuguese, but yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, so there's that, at the very least. Well. Life from your grave. A roast as dark as the night,

perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting. Don't mind the red eyes. He's just trying to warn you of the bridge. The bridge. Finally, from the caffeine-addled brains of Spring Hill Jack Coffee and Last Podcast on the left, we bring you Mothman's red-eye blend.

Yes, delicious Panama beans. Go to lastpodcastmerch.com to order yours today. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. But speaking of beliefs absolutely ruined by Christianity, the sexiest mythological creatures of all are the nymphs of Greek and Roman mythology. Uh-oh. And for these, picture whatever documentary actress

you'd like. It's just, you can't separate them from pornography. Is there wrong of it? I'm picturing Edith Massey. Edith Massey. Oh, sure, you can. Oh, yeah, sure. Whoever gets whatever makes your front book jump.

Yeah. I look at the, I tried to. This is the opposite. I went the opposite direction, because I think it's fun to look at things that aren't like, because these are all sexy, and I was trying to look for things that weren't sexy with the nymphs. And it doesn't exist.

And I tell you what, and I even masturbated before research, so that I would, so I could just clear my head and think about this again, like a scientist. You were so worried about being aroused by fictitious mythical sexbeasts. You had to jerk off before googling them? No, it's because my, the, you know how they say, you know what Barack Obama said, that the arc of history

in sword's justice, he nailed it again. My hands lead me towards pornography. Like, even if I don't want those, like, I know that they, especially if you put on an incognito window. So it's like immediately goes. So I knew I had to get all of that out so I could find something, something real. And I'll tell you what, man, y'all are filthy.

You know that is filthy. You know what's so interesting? And I've proved this point multiple times. If I type P into my search engine, it goes to people.com. And I go to O and it goes to Politico. I've got to put the R in before I get to Pornhub. So isn't that something, it's not, if you put P in your search engine right now,

first thing is going to his Pornhub, I guarantee ya. Yeah, most likely. Try it at home, not if you're in school. No, mine is like, you know, conspiracy theory, shoes, boobies. I actually, you mentioned that yesterday, I checked mine. Mine goes to picadillyrecords.com. Pictures fame.

Record store in England, that's where I go to find out what my new music. Oh, wow. Also, picadilly is what I search on Pornhub. That's stupid. That's called a Tylenol extra strength. Just so you know, Kissel fell down, he did hurt his arm and so he is on Tylenol,

but he's doing great, but he is in a sling. He's doing great. I'm getting old, I'm 41 in a couple of weeks here and I'm definitely, I'm definitely getting there. 41 feelin' fun. It's kinda. Minor nature goddesses, one and all, the nymphs ranked below the gods in importance and power,

but were nevertheless still summoned when the gods assembled on Olympus. Can't this be a zoom? The nymphs usually presided over natural phenomena like clouds, trees, meadows, beaches and caverns, and they acted as counterpoints to the horny swarthy goat men that were the mythological satyrs.

I did some research into satyrs and they're not nice as well. They used to, yeah, they're not nice, but they're horny. They're a symbol of sexual freedom. Yes. Quite pleasant if left alone, nymphs were usually found when travelers strayed off the beaten path,

where they would be enchanted into either extreme infatuation or madness. And alternatively, these travelers could also die of stroke from the vigorous humping doled out by a nymph. You got to be careful. You need to hydrate. If you're gonna be with one of these, I think about like recently,

like somebody like Lori Valo. Like I think in true crime, right? Like Lori Valo with Chad Daybelch. Lori Valo took this other guy that said he was having dreams of the apocalypse and he completed his vision of the apocalypse by being the chick that is worthy of being Christ, right? And there's something about that

of like jumping into somebody, cause she definitely used sex to manipulate Chad Daybelch. And you can kind of, I know, but you can kind of see this type of thing where you're like, it is, it does stand in the history of time, people that... Also, if we did this subject or a subject matter like this every week,

Henry would also die of stroke. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel like when somebody sees a nymph, like the look on their face right before they die is the same look that Travis Alexander had on his face when Jody Arias took the last picture of him. Oh, yes, that look. That look.

Like, oh no, it's here. Oh man, bad work, penis. This was a bad, we should have... Again, masturbate first. The eye of Sauron between her cheeks. It is, well, yes. Now both Greek and Roman mythology have nymphs because Roman mythology is heavily influenced

by Greek mythology. But in Greek mythology alone, there are hundreds of named nymphs each with a specific class. There are the Anthusae, the nymphs of flowers, and the Ure, the nymphs of cooling breeze. There's a whole host of water nymphs and tree nymphs known as dryads

are all separately categorized to link up with specific trees. Do you think that this actually was, in a way, like conversely, this was more of a naming system for things that like, while it is, they did have names for the plants. And I wonder if it would also help them determine the characteristics of plants

and shit by attaching spiritual entities to it. But it was also like a learning map. Might just be a fun way to learn. Could be, ended up, but I think it was also that all of these things were very pleasurable. And so I think it was because like a cooling breeze, and they associated back then, they associated sex as something that was pleasurable

and not something that was dirty, something to be ashamed of. That's disgusting. You've also got the nymphs of Hades who accompanied Hakate on her hauntings and tournaments. But you've also got the nymphs of Honey who are commanded by the original Honey Nymph, Melissa.

Oh, he's like, just name it or Melissa. It's just Melissa. It's just Melissa. Melissa, yeah. It just sounds like Delilah. Yeah. We're like, Melissa, just being like, have you met Melissa, you know?

And he's like, hey, honestly, I don't know what he did about me, it's my personality. Yeah, that's sweet. Welcome to Delilah. This song goes out from Rebecca, to Rebecca from Tom. He says, thanks for the game.

Of course there's sugar on me coming up for poison. Delilah is beautiful, by the way. She's the best. Radio personalities, oftentimes people don't search the Marcus Refuses to look at Delilah, but she is stunning. Because I have a picture in my mind of Delilah and I wanna keep that picture

and I don't wanna interrupt that because Delilah, she's out there every night, she's soothing the lonely hearts. If there are those of you out there who are missing your gape and or have never known a gape, this is for you. This is to make you feel better. Oh, sugar, sugar, oh man.

Nice, awesome. Well, physically, nymphs tend to be the personification of whatever class they represent, but sexy. So, you might have a sexy pine tree or a sexy daffodil. Greeks are horny, I guess. Or nymphs might just represent their class by color. If you're a water nymph, you might be blue and so on and so forth.

And additionally, nymphs tend to live 10 times longer than humans and they stay beautiful till death. Helen Maren. Oh my God. True, true. Interestingly though, the word nymph is very close in sound to another Greek word that has its origins in the Greek Bible.

That word, I think it's like nimpe or something like that. Yeah, it meant a newly married bride. Oh. Mm. This guy is lucky. Yeah, you know what I mean, huh? Ah. Well, this is a time period

when a newly married bride was 12th. We're not gonna get into it. This, however, could also be a complete coincidence because the nymph myth was around long before Christianity came to Greece. We gotta cut down all of these fuckable trees. I am sick, honestly, I am sick of these filthy trees. But with these psalms in my head,

we're not trying to go for a walk. Maybe, have you ever thought it's just you, maybe, because I just see trees, they're beautiful, I read under them. You just, you know what, honestly, I'm sick of being blamed. Because I'm walking around here and you look and you see the two round bumps on it.

Yeah. That big raggedy hole in it. You mean to tell me I'm not supposed to feel up on that and suck on that while I'm walking in the air trying to be a centurion? I think it is you. Now, in Greece, nymphs were not seen in any sort of negative light.

And until the 20th century, they were known in Greece as spirits that protected the natural resources of the land. And to disrupt these resources meant risking the wrath of the nymphs, much like the Hildefouk of Iceland. It might be more prudent these days to ask questions before wanton spread. Indeed.

These beliefs are thousands of years old. They date back to when the rural folk were focused on protecting water sources. This protection was seen as so important that some communities formed cults around certain nymphs. Although I think a more appropriate modern comparison would be instead of like cult, it's not like people's temple,

it's more of like an intense fandom. Yeah, they're all like into our local nymph. Like this is our thing and we go there and it's kind of fun, because then you imagine there's a little bit of there's some tongue and cheek embracing of the idea and there's also some like, you never know, because I do believe that you probably get a lot more

out of your local deity than you do from the big man upstairs. Yeah. Absolutely, all religion is local as well. And we will be a Comic-Con in a few weeks. So come and see our... I mean, intense fandom, I am an intense fandom. Oh, yes, yes, very good.

And we will be at Comic-Con, can't wait. Comic-Con. Well, first, I mean, the intense fandom back then was it was a little more intense. They would sacrifice goats, they'd sacrifice sheep, you know, sometimes bulls if you need a really big site. If you're asking for a really big favor from the Greek or Roman gods.

I love that you had to bribe them like Henry. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah, man. Henry, I need your help. We can go out to Korean barbecue first. I, you got, literally, I wish there was more of that. Huh.

Ooh, I'm gonna get a Korean barbecue tonight. That sounds wonderful. Yeah, that sounds so good. That sounds delicious. That sounds delicious now, that's what I want. Well, the followers, they would simply leave coins at Nymph Shrines to keep the water clean after a while, after the sacrifices kind of ran out.

And similarly, Nymph Shrines were also found in Athens, where archeologists believed the virgins of the city gave offerings before their weddings in the hopes that the Nymphs would grant them, quote, a prosperous marriage. Oh yeah, big, full gut with a full of chai. Yeah, with any luck, you'll have a Twitch account, he plays games all day, be awesome.

That's very specific. But of course, as it is with most things related to sex and fun, Nymphs eventually garnered a negative reputation. We didn't do this. The old people did this. This is all stupid. Why does it always go to negative?

It's just sex. I don't know why we're all against sex. I don't understand. Well, around the 17th century, the term Nymphomania was coined to describe a woman with a sexuality that was, quote, devouring, depraved, and diseased. Wait, you mean that she like had a brain equals white material is what that is, yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, sex addicts did exist, and sex addicts still do exist. I mean, actual company. I think about him and I wish him a speedy recovery every day. Every day I think about him. How hard that must have been.

How hard, literally. To have sex with all those people and then just be like, I can't stop. But no, sex addiction is real. I have, there are people that I have known that have walked through sex addiction, and it's not pleasant. No, it's compulsive sexual behavior.

It's in both sexes. You get yourself in bad situations and shit like that. I'm not gonna, I'm not ranking all of the addictions, but like, it's not heroin. No, it can be quite deadly. Yeah, it can be other things. You might be forgetting about a disease called AIDS.

Do you remember? You fucking asshole. Do you remember AIDS? Yes, fine. Do you remember what he was saying from when he was old? I know that I do. Do you remember Pedro? Do you remember Pedro?

Do you think I remember Pedro? Do you remember Judd Winnick's brave graphic novel, Pedro and Me? And this is where I actually do why stand corrected. I stand corrected. Wow. But that's the thing, is that, yep, Nymphomania has become in recent years, hypersexuality.

And Nymphomania, have you, I haven't heard anyone called a Nympho since like the 90s. Nympho's not really in the slang anymore. No, now they're just called Instastars or like, I don't know, famous celebrities. Well, yeah, yeah, that's not, it'd be weird to be mad against a woman that wants sex. I just don't understand, I think, very strange.

But back then, Nymphomania was kind of a catch-all that was most often just used to marginalize a groovy lady. It's like, it was like, you don't call her a witch anymore, you call her a Nymphomaniac. Yes. Originally, Nymphomania was diagnosed as an organic disease. As it was written in a French book on female sexuality

in 1769, one of the first ever, a Nymphomaniac was quote, a monster in human shape. I would love to watch the French artist just eating cheese, farting and burping and drinking wine. What the monster? How dare she? Oh, there she is, she left the wet spot on Ney Barber's chair.

She's a monster. Once the disease took hold, a Nymphomaniac would assume quote, ridiculous gestures, contort their bodies, dress provocatively, and attempt to stimulate the passions of men by using quote, the loosest language. All of my favorite people.

Yes, of course. As far as the causes went, men put the blame on such random yet predictable ills as drinking brandy. You shouldn't really, Brandy's also a gross drink. I like brandy. Brandy's not that bad. Brandy's bad.

You could also get Nymphomania from reading too many books. Oh, oh. Tell me, tell me about it. You could get it from being inspected by a speculum. Oh, yeah, I actually cured mine. Yeah. Or you could even get Nymphomania by divorce. Oh.

In other words, all things. That holds. That might hold. But it's called rebounding, because you finally got rid of your dumpy husband and you get to go bang all the hot guys at the bar. Yeah, I mean, in other words, it's all things that gave women a little bit of freedom.

No, no, no, don't read too many books. She'll become a Nymphomaniac. But once a woman was committed and forced into treatment for Nymphomania, she could look forward to cold enemas, bland food, bleeding, leeches, or just complete hysterectomies. Jesus Christ.

Okay. But if none of this worked, doctors believe that a woman could literally die from being too horny. That's why we got to milk these women. Something's gotta happen. We have to milk them. Jeez, what era was this?

This is Victorian era. This is like late 18th century. And there was a male counterpart to this so-called disease. It was called Sederiasis. It's named after the Seder. They took both of them from Greek mythology. But Sederiasis was diagnosed far less frequently because it was sometimes just seen as a sign of virility

or a manliness, where a highly sexual woman was seen in a, let's say, less positive light. Which, again, it's just destructive. There is destructive sexuality. But yeah, a lot of men get into a lot of trouble following their penis. It's not good. Interestingly, though, by the time of Jack the Ripper,

the Victorian saw self-control as a sign of masculinity. And men who were unable to control their sexual appetites were seen as weak, lazy, and predictably effeminate. Weird. Interesting. Yeah, because that's what it was said. It was said that Jack the Ripper suffered from Sederiasis. So they have, like, an incels version

of having sex with women and how it makes you gay? Yeah. Like, you have sex with women? Yikes. Exactly what it is. So funny. But no matter what, it seems that in at least the case of the pixies and the nymphs, we would have all been

a lot better off and would have had a much more interesting world had we not let Christian morality get all mixed up in our mythological sex beast. And that brings us to the Supreme Court. And that's what we're really here to talk about. True. I mean, it is weird how a bunch of the topics that we're going to cover over this next couple of months

do then become prescient because of all of this, and they all become, like, a part of it, where you do really see it time and time again, where we're now seeing the end of a sequence of events where they have been trying to punish sexuality again and destroy individual liberties again and how it just keeps happening again and again and again. And maybe we need to move to Madagascar?

Oh, I love that movie. Time travel is very real in some ways, because it hurt me in the past again. Yes, we are. Let the nymphs free. Let the nymphs free. Let the nymphs free. I agree. Let the nymphs free. Well, thank you all so much for listening.

I learned a whole bunch. There was tidbits of true knowledge in there, so I have to congratulate all of you. But it's kind of funny for other cryptids that we've covered, like, truly, where we've made them sexual. With these cryptid, these highly sexual creatures, we actually didn't even give people that big of a boner. No, that's true.

I mean, I could re... I have some classy tinkerbell porn. Sure. Yeah. That's nice. Send it to the audience's way. Should I read it? You can read a little bit. If it's classy, yeah.

All right, let me... Where is this area? It's called Flower Flutter. Orphan account. Okay. It was no tender rose, but a good sturdy dandelion. Quite strong enough to support two light as air fairies as they sank their knees into its buttery petals

and tie them together. They're sweat dripping into the flower's folds. Tinkerbell panted a soft lip slatched onto her neck. Sharp teeth, a breeze of wind and the flower swayed. Sparkles whirled around all three, as the fairies searched out each other's places of pleasure. Oh. Iridesa's fingers sank into Tinkerbell's flower.

And she could feel light bursting inside of her. Afterwards, they found a stream to wash in, laughing as silver mist passing by, caused the water to spray over them. The sun's slanting, the droplets into a rainbow. So, that's how babies are made then. Pass Tinkerbell. No, silly.

Iridesa laughed. It takes a seed to make a new plant, not just good earth. Do we have to go over this again? Oh, yes, please. Said Tinkerbell. I think Orphan was a woman. That is very feminine pornography.

Good stuff. It's nice, right? I feel like that's classy. That's red shoe diaries. Absolutely. Although, if it were me, I would have said mound instead of flower. I think they were...

Sank into her mound. Mound. She's trying to keep the... I like mound. She's trying to keep the fucking... the flower imagery though. But the thing is, is that actually the flower imagery,

it doesn't really work, because if they would have used mound, then that would have conjured up visions of earth. And so that would have worked better with, you know, his claim that it takes more than a seed. It takes not just good earth. So mound would have worked better. Where are the fucking machines?

Yeah. I do love that. I also, I was... Because I was, you know, whatever, sometimes I just didn't need to remind what it... Remind myself what it was like to be an innocent child and I watched the new... Or the...

Oh, my God. Old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie. The original. And Raphael was very close to fucking April O'Neill. You're still talking about this. You're still talking about this. This Raphael almost having sex with April O'Neill. And it is weird.

It's kind of gentle. It's not even a part. It's got connected to this. We didn't talk about giant turtles. No, but they're like cryptids. Are they cryptids? You're just putting yourself... Because you imagine yourself as Raphael

having sex with April O'Neill. All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening. We hope you're doing well out there. Do we have any other announcements or anything? We do. We want to start telling people and reminding people we're coming to Europe.

Yes, we can't wait. We're coming to Amsterdam. We're coming to London, Edinburgh. We're going to Birmingham, Manchester. We're going to be all over. We're going to keep pressing that. Yep. You can't wait to fucking come.

You can't wait to come to Europe. One thing. Everybody who came to the Canada shows. Oh, there was somebody. It was awesome. Again, Canada was kind. They did good. Very sweet.

Vancouver, Toronto. You all were just absolutely wonderful. Thank you. And the second volume of last comic book on the left. Will is now available for pre-order. Go to Z2Comics.com. Check it out. We're going to start getting this going.

We're really excited. This next one's going to be thick. Oh, yeah. And those European dates are in October. It starts October 6th in Amsterdam at Denierwirt. Oh, Denierwirt. If you've been looking for a good excuse to just go take a European vacation,

what's Amsterdam like? I've never been. What's going on there? I would just make it a destination. The only thing that I know is the sex museum, just for you all that's out there, the entire second floor is just bestiality. Yeah, I'm very scared of that.

I don't need to see that. I don't need to see that because that's what I discovered in my Jared Fogle journey as well. Because he liked it. He liked the naked horse. We might have to straight up cover Jared Fogle in one episode. It's rough.

It's bad. It's a bad story. But I will say, I want to come up with some kind of Dutch outfit for Amsterdam. So I'm thinking I might go full leather daddy. I'll either go full leather daddy, or if there's some kind of, if you can hit me up,

sidestorieslpotlgmail.com, what is good authentic Dutch wear? They're going to dress you like that. I want to. I want to look like someone who's going to get beat up. I want to look like the guy from Civ. I forgot what his name is. I wanted the big hat,

the big metal hat and the wood shoes. I'll do that. I do have an idea of how I want to dress you. I want to dress you like a little doll on this one. Please. Let's not spoil it for the crowd. Let's keep it for there, yes. Because I do have an idea for your wardrobe

that would be quite amusing. I think so. I think it would be quite amusing. Thank you all so much for listening. Thank you guys so much. Next week we're going to have some fucking blood for you building up to episode 500. What is it going to be?

It's going to be big though. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hail Satan. Hugging. Magustalations. Hail me in these trying, trying times. Absolutely. Go find yourself a tinkerbell of your own.

Or a tinker. Look out of age. Of course. A tinkerbell or a tinkerboy, either one, whichever you want. I think it's a go-yeah. Find yourself a little tinkerboy. The thing about him though is that he's going to have to sleep on the couch.

Because a lot of them, the reason why they got to that fun magical place is because they don't have a job. Oh.