Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: The Secret Knowledge of the Crystal Skulls

Episode Date: November 20, 2020

On this Relaxed Fit episode, we embark on a voyage into the unknown world of Crystal Skulls. What are they? What hidden knowledge is stored in their ancient circuitry? Where can we buy a decent one without getting ripped off?Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Hey there buddy, don't forget there's plenty of Last Podcast Network merch available over on LastPodcastMerch.com. We got shirts for all of your favorite shows like Wizard of the Bruiser, Page 7, and No Dogs in Space, and of course plenty of stuff for Last Podcast on the left. Go to LastPodcastMerch.com. Thank you! Man, last night I got, you know, oh my god, tell us stories of last night. I know they're gonna be amazing because I know you're not just hanging out with your

wife and your dog. Tell us more about last night, Henry. I don't know why it came in so hard on you, I'm sorry. What are you talking about? I just wanted to talk about it. I just don't know what the story could be. I am frustrated. I am frustrated.

What happened last night? I'm sorry to come in so hard. I just know none of us are doing anything. But no, what? I just don't know what happened. It's so fucking sad. I become sad. I feel like the bubble's been burst from the little bit of false reality that I've

been in. No, let's just... Last night. Last night in the Zobowski house. Man, wouldn't it be cool if you could just fucking pull your skin off? What happened last night? I am trying to... It's too late.

It's too late. It's been done. It is over now. I'm sorry. We've all been... Oh my god. All right, well this is the LastPodcast. This is how we're starting the episode.

Yeah, we're doing it, man. We're doing it, man. Welcome to the LastPodcast on the left, everyone. Oh my god. I am Ben with Marcus Edd with Henry. Hope everyone is doing all right out there. Honestly, I do hope that on the eve of Thanksgiving week. That's not even a holiday.

It's also not even the eve. The eve of Thanksgiving week is Sunday. Yeah. Oh. Well, it's the week before Thanksgiving week. Thanksgiving's a week away, yes. Thanksgiving is next Thursday. You're just...

You feel, oh my god, you're just the worst version of the little clippy. Of clippy, the Microsoft help for your little fucking devil. Thanksgiving is next Thursday. Oh my god. Either way. Either way. We're supposed to be talking about Crystal Skulls today. And not the vodka, which is incredible.

Dan Ackroyd. Of course, Crystal Skull vodka. Check it out if you have a chance. We didn't... We don't get paid by him. And he just... He doesn't... Dan Ackroyd's not helping in this scenario.

I will say that. He only helps. He only helps. He's amazing. What's nice about this topic is that I got to go back and listening to Coast to Coast AM, which is... Every time you just get cold. Number one, if you want to feel reason to maybe get upset or jealous or something, you know that Coast to Coast AM is still doing live shows right now. They are still there packing it in with all of the elderly people.

Do they do this at night or during the day? I don't know if they're pop-ups. I don't know if they're happenings. It sounds like quite a bit they are happening inside of theaters, but I just imagined George Norrie just hanging around just going, I tell you what, if a bat can get you sick, next thing you'll tell me a pig can do my taxes. I'm like, I get it, George Norrie.

You don't believe in COVID. I'm just like, but look at all the other shit you believe. That was a really good joke. That was a really good... That is a good bit. Get around this week before Thanksgiving. So next week we'll be doing a best of episode and oh my God, there's just so much to choose from.

And I hope our editors can find which one, it's like cutting your baby in half, you know, which half do you want to keep? You have this like friendly manic hostility today. It's just radiating out of you. There's just something about, you were just talking about Larry Flint and you were just looking at pictures of Larry Flint. I was, he had a gold wheelchair.

Yeah, I know you're jealous of his lifestyle. We all are, he's still alive. 500 million dollars. I mean, that's what you get from having your ankles, literally dyed yellow from pests. Aw, isn't that sad? That's what he likes. Not good for him.

He's definitely in the right position for it. Nothing wrong with that. But today, so we are going to be doing a relaxed fit episode. Next week we will be having our best of episode for Thanksgiving. Yeah, we're doing cannibalism. Cannibalism. Just when you're eating food with your family, you can think, I wish it was a human leg.

No one's eating anything with anybody. Everybody's sitting home just staring at the fucking wall. You already did this to me today. Many people didn't abandon their families to become entertainers like we did. Many people still live in the hometowns with their families because they're not horrible children like we are. Yeah, but that just makes them more liable to just kill them

like we did the Native Americans with disease. That's just on theme. As humans, we got on the circus train because we, the circus, that's where we needed our validation. We followed the validation. That's how we got here. We were ignored at home or told that it was just a phase. And then what happens is you go and you leave

and you join the circus. And what is the circus filled? Child molesters. Oh. And it's also filled with all sorts of different con men and chisters. Sad elephants. But you know what's also, you know what's also there?

Guys? What? The stage. The stage. The stage of opportunity. So what you hope as a performer is that you kind of weave your way through the labyrinth of various people that want to suck your penis against your will

just to get a brief glistening moment in the spotlight. And then, oh, the temp of the applause. And how quickly the applause ends. And then when the applause ends, there's a silence. You started me like this today. I wanted to come in today. Easy going. No, you didn't.

You definitely did not. This is actually the calmest you have been since I've talked to you today. Shut up! Do you mean that? I think you wanted to talk about last night. Henry, what happened last night? Yeah, what happened last night?

Absolutely nothing. But you started, okay. But you started off the show with last night. Last night. Which tends to be the beginning of a tale. The problem was that it was such a light bit. And it was such, it's all of my bits now. Just say what happened last night.

They're just thought based. It was just this idea. What happened last night? No, because now it doesn't even matter. Because it was just about the idea of I was sitting and I got stoned and I thought, wouldn't it be cool if I had a crystal skull? So that didn't even happen.

It was a thought you had. This is what I'm talking about. All my bits are inner bits. I have become inner experience, Henry Zabrowski, against my will. Wow. Also, you are the world's worst doctor telling somebody that their son's penis is inside of their body

calling it an inner bit. That is disgusting. I don't like it. I don't look at any penis unless everybody's paying me. That's right. Before we do our episode on the crystal skulls here, again, it's Lucy Goosey. We're just being silly geese.

What should we say what we're thankful for this year? Because it's Thanksgiving. So I will start. I'm just vibrating with anger. I'm thankful for Jerry. I'm just so upset. And for Puffin. I found out from Jerry's mother, Georgia,

a wonderful tattoo artist in Australia. Man, that birth must have been very interesting. It was strange for her. Yes. It was about birth. He is one years old as of November 8th, which means he is a year and 11 days now. So isn't that nice?

So I'm thankful for Jerry and I'm thankful for Puffin. So, Henry, what are you thankful for? Marcus, maybe what are you thankful for? I'm thankful for medicinal mushrooms finally being taken seriously. Obviously, in this country. Oh, because you're... I'm microdosing for a depression and it's working very well. He's tripping balls.

He's tripping right now. I can see that. I is the size of saucers. I've been doing it since July. It's doing wonders. No, you've been happier than ever. Yeah, it's wonderful. I've been able to handle all this bullshit.

So when you ask your psychiatrist, when you tell your psychiatrist that you are microdosing mushrooms, does he go like, oh, fuck it's sweet. So can you also get Coke? Yeah, can you get Coke? No, of course, Marcus. His psychiatrist is a wonderful man. Yes.

Yes, he is. And cannot legally sign off on it. Cannot legally sign off on that. Not yet. Not yet. Henry, so you're the last one. He is thankful for mushrooms. I am thankful for my two dogs.

Specifically, Jerry being the newest one. And he had a birthday recently, so I'm thankful for that. And now you are up for Thanksgiving. Thankfulness. I am thankful for the rage inside that keeps my knees moving up and down, up and down, walking towards my vengeance. Okay. So let's get to today's subject.

We're going to be talking about dark crystals. Not dark crystals. Not dark crystals. Crystals of the dark skull? No. I was about to fucking roll with it. It's like, oh yeah, dark crystals. Hell yeah.

That's the name of the puppet movie. The puppet movie. And then they had the very short-lasting television show. Oh, I really do remember that. I really do. It wasn't that long ago. It was very cool-looking, but very boring. I love that trippy-ass shit though.

I don't know if the kids get the same trippy stuff that we got, but probably they're looking at God knows what. No, no, no. They have TikTok and they have the destruction of our society. Yeah. Yeah. Crystal skulls. That's what we're talking about.

There it is. Yes. Now a few months ago, during our Summer of Strange, we had a notion to do an episode on the infamous crystal skulls that seemed to show up again and again when one looks into the history of the paranormal. But once we looked into it a bit further, we discovered that the crystal skulls are boring and stupid.

Yes. However, what we did discover is that, like most things in the New Age realm, the people behind the lore were much more fascinating than the lore itself. This is one of those topics that I have had about four books about crystal skulls sitting in our little research nook that we have here in the studio

for a couple of years. And every year or so, like, I'll go, hey dog meat, this is time, we're going to pull the trigger, we're doing crystal skulls. And then finally we did. And there are so many pages about nothing in these books. Huh. That is, it's so aggravating because, you know,

because Seinfeld was a show about nothing. But they managed to make it. But it was about something. Yeah, they did have plot and had all the, where every single thing that they say within the realm of crystal skulls is fake. Because they're, every single one of the crystal skulls, we're going to see up right up top is a hoax.

It's not real. They don't do anything. But there is, there's something about the, people still are not only fascinated by crystal skulls, but devote their entire sad, divorced lives to them. Yeah. Well, you could imagine. I mean, my parents got an entire,

an entire new shelf just for hummels. Because the hummels were going to be big and they looked online recently. They're about $1.19 each now. It's because they all bought all of them. They were all sold online. Same thing with Beanie Babies. Remember that?

Yeah. Oh yeah. My mom still has a tub of Beanie Babies and she's still saying like, this is for one day when you want to send your child to college. And I was like, Wendy's going to be dead in five years. Didn't your dad also buy you all of the Batman,

or Superman dies comic book? Oh yeah. He waited online. That was his big thing. He went to the comic book store, Deepa, because I used to go to this comic book store in the middle of the very, a very hard part of Brooklyn called the web.

They used to go to, and he got used to get online, and he went in and he's like, look Henry Thomas, I got four copies. That's how you know what this is, what's going to send you to go to college. He'd be like, that's how it works. But I didn't read it.

I didn't read it. I never knew what happened to the comic book. My entire childhood. That's when a lot of kids discovered the law of supply and demand. So when every kid has four copies, then none of them are worth anything. All right.

Let's get back to Crystal Skulls. Before we get into our discussion on some of the biggest names in Crystal Skullology, perhaps Henry could give us just a little bit of background information on what the Crystal Skulls are and what place they hold in the realm of the paranormal. Crystal Skulls, the mysterious objects

made by various people in Germany in the 1930s. Crystal Skulls, for a long time, were rumored to have these properties. They thought that they were results or essentially artifacts from various ancient cultures. They say every culture across the world had these Crystal Skulls, and that they were essentially intricately carved things

out of quartz or other heavy wood, specifically quartz, because quartz has, like, electron properties they keep saying that it makes its own energy, which is why they think that some people have this sort of, like, attachment to them. Ooh, somewhere in Sonoma, Arizona,

a housewife just got wet. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And it turns out, oh, no, there's a pipe leak. Oh, god damn it! But the Crystal Skulls are intricately carved. Basically, they believed that they were used in ceremony. That they're sort of like an amplifier for magical properties that they can be used to kill.

They could be used to tell the future. They could be used to heal. They almost sound like an nganga in themselves. If they did anything, I'd say yes. But the Crystal Skull itself, sometimes they call it, like, a computer, the most ancient computer, which I don't even particularly understand,

or hand on it, and they say that, you know, the way they expand the lower of the Crystal Skulls is that they might have some sort of intelligence buried deep down inside. And so there's one view that they were made by these ancient cultures, and we don't know how. Or Crystal.

Well, they were carved, but then they've shown other crystal artifacts from the same time period. They were done in a very specific way. They were done by, like, essentially being ground down by essentially, like, either, like, plier, what's it, like, a file, or, like, kind of, like... They would sand it.

Yeah, they would sand it, and... Well, I totally know what you mean when you talked about kind of how there's, like, not much to it. So now we're talking about sanding. So this is... So now we're in the carpentry section. There are hours of Crystal Skull bullshit that come down to tool analysis.

They're just talking about crafts. That's it. That's mostly what Crystal Skulls are, is discussions about crafts. Got it. Crystal Skulls had a big moment in 2012, because there was the rumor that the... Which is...

It's not based off of anything I could find, which is this idea that there were 13 original Crystal Skulls that on that day in 2012, I believe it was December 21st, 2012, they were all supposed to be put in one room, and then the sources, the ancient mystical sources of the Crystal Skulls would come and save us from whatever catastrophe happened.

And what happened to you on December 21st, 2012, Marcus? December 21st, 2012. Boy, I can pull that memory up immediately. I remember that day wonderfully. It was, you know, I was hungover, most likely. I remember December 21st, 2012. It was four days till Christmas. Yes, four days, yes.

Three days till Christmas Eve. Yes, Christmas Eve. I recall... Yeah, I was drunk. Yeah, I was drunk. Yeah, nothing happened. So this all fits into the ancient aliens' world, where they think that these artifacts were supposed to have made,

that was like the final moment for the Crystal Skulls, where they finally, the extraterrestrial origins of the Crystal Skulls would be revealed, and we would see the secret architects behind them, and they would come, and I imagine that, you know, a lot of people thought they would just be a bunch of celestial white women, but they don't know what they would look like

when they showed up, honestly. They probably look like awful octopuses, and would just destroy us. Honestly, I'd sort of take that. It reminds me a bit of The Premise. What's the name of that Bruce Willis movie with all the aliens? Chris Tucker is in it.

He's so funny and flamboyant. Fifth element. Fifth element. A bit of Fifth Element-esque, right? Yes, and it could have been interesting. It would be a cool-ass anime to have all of them show it up. Oh, it's awesome. If this was real, this would be so freaking cool.

No, you know, the only thing we did get out of it was Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls, which was fucking absolute garbage. But Joshua Shapiro of WhoIsJoshuaShapiro.com says that he is just so glad that he could have been a tiny part of the Indiana Jones mythos by inspiring that film. Who is Joshua Shapiro?

Who? You just threw it. Right there. That's the hook on the website right there. Is he? You know him from coast to coast? Who is Joshua Shapiro? I don't know.

I can't find it. Who is he going to? This is not an Elbit and Estello bit. Elbit? Elbit. That was, it was the, they committed, he committed suicide and then Elbit took over. I remember they took over.

So Joshua Shapiro, he is another one of the, we're going to get into several Crystal Skull experts, but he breaks down Crystal Skulls into, there are four types. Modern, which are just made now. Okay. It's just stuff you can buy in Hallmark store. There's the old, which is 100 to 1,000 years old.

They're all, only maybe 100 years old. Okay. There's the ancient that don't exist. That don't exist. They came from a whole sort, they come from ancient periods of time. They say 10,000 years or older. But literally none of those have ever been discovered.

No, they're all fake. Okay. Well, they say they're fake, but that's the thing, Ben, is that these people say, is that courts cannot be carbon dated. Therefore, who knows? Who knows?

They just say that though. They just say that though with all the documentaries. They just say that. That's huge though. And then apported Crystal Skulls, which he says they're most amazing type. They're skulls that come from nowhere. And so you were like,

what are you talking about? And so Joshua Spirit talked about, he went to go see a medium that would do these types of things. He got his first Crystal Skull from his ex-wife at this Crystal Skull Expo in 1999. Which is the only way you can get a Crystal Skull. It's from a woman that does not love you anymore.

Absolutely. Why is it that most people go to see a medium? Why is it that most people that go to see a medium wear extra large? No. Thanksgiving is next week. We're going to have that stuff for you. But he went to go see a medium

and he said that he went, he's like, I went and it was literally on the toilet when I knew that the medium was going to apport a Crystal Skull. Now, if you don't know anything, what's an apport? An apportion or apport. Apportion costs about $300 in some sense.

But an apport is a... I'm having fun today. Yes, you are. It is psychically bringing something physically into the world. It's psychic 3D printing. Okay. And so this medium apparently during a session

reached into his mouth and pulled out a tiny Crystal Skull. What is he fucking Jeb Bush with a little turtle? What is going on? Jeb. Jeb. Please clap. And he...

2016, Josh. And Josh was a mirror though, was so surprised because he was like, I just can't even imagine somebody could have that inside of him and then all of a sudden he pulls it out of his mouth. Wow. Love, Coast and Coast.

Just couldn't imagine. Now the earliest discovery of a so-called Crystal Skull supposedly occurred in 1923 when a British explorer named Frederick Mitchell Hedges was exploring the lost Mayan city of Lubin Toon in the jungles of Belize. Mitchell Hedges also sounds like

an old school cigarette brand. Yeah, Lubin Toon sounds like everyone wears the same clothes as that one guy that used to hang on to back window shields and you would push the little air button as pants would fall down. Oh yeah, I remember that guy. Then you would push the little air button

and then you would moon the person behind you. But that's a felony now. That's a felony now. See, Frederick was searching for evidence that might point towards the location of the lost continent of Atlantis. And he believed that some remnants of the civilization might have been hidden away in Central America.

Why can't you be a professional adventurer anymore? Well, I think that you can be. Wasn't Anthony Bourdain a professional adventurer? He had a TV show that's different. Well, I mean, that makes it professional. He had a budget. That's what makes it professional. Otherwise, you're just a homeless man.

You're just a vagrant. You're just a vagabond. I think the difference now is that in order to be a professional adventurer, you have to have a TV show and having a whole camera and sound crew walking around with you is going to slow you down. So you're not going to find anything cool. Yeah, but how do you forge your crystal skulls? That's a good question.

Well, Frederick set out into the jungles and brought along his 16-year-old daughter, Anna. And as it turned out, bringing along his teenage daughter was a prudent move because it was Anna who made the discovery we'll be discussing today. After climbing to the top of the tallest pyramid in Lubentoon, she discovered a passage. And after Frederick's men excavated it,

Anna crawled through and found a completely transparent, almost life-size, anatomically correct human skull carved from a single block of quartz. I'm sorry, I'm getting like, carpal tunnel from my quotation mark fingers. I just like my fucking, oh, my knuckles hurt just from doing them. I've just been doing them instinctually underneath the desk here

next to my balls. Well, why isn't something like this possible? We were driving through Arizona, remember, beautiful Phoenix, so then you get to California and then there's grass and you remember that there's grass, but then when you're in Arizona, there isn't any. But what there is, huge mountains full of quartz.

So why couldn't this be actually there? Why couldn't this be found as a quartz crystal skull? I'll reveal it at the end. Okay. Now, according to Mitchell Hedges, when he held the skull up high, the Mayan workers who were helping him started laughing and crying at the same time,

kissing the ground and hugging each other. Wow, that's like Indiana Jones. I feel like laughing and crying is the same feeling we'll have. Well, I can't say when Trump dies. Why not? Why not? He's not a fucking president if I'm not talking. I guess I can't laugh and cry.

Yeah, laughing and crying is the feeling we'll have when Trump dies or when horrible dictators die because you're sad, but I don't even know what I'm talking about. Never mind. Well, it's because you don't want to necessarily delight in the death of another human being, but you still do. You just know that things got a little bit better because that one person is dead.

But then death is still sad. Death is just, it's more of a, I think the crying comes from it's a reminder that we too shall die and are born to die. That's a good point. It's still a reminder of our mortality, even though someone that you dislike is dead. A monolith that appeared to be indestructible also dies.

It means me will die. My grandma will die. All your favorite people will die too. Dick Van Dyke is really close to being dead. Oh, I heard that. There's so many. I mean, no, he's looking good, but anything can fucking kill him.

A strong fart can kill him. Well, you know what I say? I don't believe in death until Willie Nelson dies. He's also, he sounded good on the New Conan show. He's doing great. Willie comes back every other day. It's like, is he 80 or 93? It's a fucking...

It's an achievement. He's doing okay. He seemed a little tired on the Ken Burns Country Music Documentary series, but he's allowed to be tired. Yeah, he also had to freaking talk with Ken Burns for three hours. We have so many very animated, steroided and fucking amphetamine up old men screaming into microphones right now

that I feel like Willie Nelson. It's cool for him to be chilling. Yeah. I don't want Willie Nelson hyper. Well, on the evening of the discovery of the crystal skull, Mitchell Hedges said that traditional Mayan dancers appeared as if on invitation, decorated with plumes of jungle birds and jaguar skins,

and they performed ceremonies, rituals, and dances in front of the skull by firelight. Ooh, that's fun. Yeah. This celebration went on for several days, with Mayans coming from all over to see what was obviously an important artifact to their people. Some even weighed in on its origin,

with one old Mayan man saying that the skull was a 100,000-year-old object made to preserve wisdom and truth, and if used correctly, it could be made to talk as well. I'll show you how it's made to talk here. Give it to me. Hey, everybody. Hey. Whoa.

Hey. Oh. Hey, how are you? Hey, Harold, we can see your mouth moving, Harold. There's no way you can see my mouth moving. Yeah, we... Look. My name is Rootabaga Johnson, and I'm just...

See all my words. See all my words. Your name is Rootabaga Johnson? No, it's about Rootabaga. Rootabaga. Rootabaga Johnson. Rootabaga Johnson is your name. You can see my mouth moving, because it's not moving,

because I'm not talking. We are going to Applebee's. Now, someone going against type for a British archaeologist at the time, Mitchell Hedges decided that the skull was obviously too important to take from the Mayan people, so he insisted that it stay with them. And this is how you know it's real, because explorers in South America and Central America,

they always think of the people who live there first. They always think of the indigenous people, and they want to make sure that they're okay at all times. Especially in 1923. 1923 was definitely the time of British explorers making sure the artifacts stayed with the people. Spreading wokeness to Central America one tribe at a time. Joseph Smith could have learned a thing or two from this man.

He did. That's not correct. Yes, indeed. Three months later, though, during further excavation, he discovered a crystal jaw bone as well that fit perfectly with the skull, and the first crystal skull discovered in modern times was complete in its package.

But in 1927, when Mitchell Hedges' expedition was at an end, he claimed that the chieftain stepped forward and handed him a bundle, and inside was what else but the highly valuable crystal skull. Whoa. The Mayan said, No, no, no, no, no. You take it.

And he said, No, no, no. I can't possibly take it. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. You take it. No, no, no. I have far too many crystal skulls as it is.

I couldn't possibly. Well, Mitchell Hedges' daughter said that the Mayans presented the skull to her father because he'd given them medical supplies, work, and tools, and this was a gift of gratitude. Aren't the Mayans supposed to be like this super advanced group of people

that were like super, you know, technologically advanced? They were. Why would they need something from this nerd? I mean, they just kind of took whatever. I think that the way to describe all of this is a, they all understood immediately, like, let's get some free shit from this white man. It's about merch.

We're getting, we're just going to take this shit, and we're going to give him this thing that we buried in a field we put there for him to find, and that's not actually what happened, but you can see in this scenario, if this was real,

you'd see that this was a massive, like, just a trick. I mean, I would totally go to a place, even if I knew everything was planted, just to find crystal skulls, it would just be kind of fun. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Being an adventurer sounds like a lot of fun.

This is obviously a very organic, this is a sandals resort version of being an adventurer. Yeah, his 16-year-old daughter came along, and had fun with it. That's crazy. Yeah. He also, he adopted her at 16. That's the truth.

Oh, so she was a waif? She was some kind of not-wanted girl. This is the truth. She was a not-wanted girl, and then she, he kind of scooped her up, and I don't think that he was woody out on her.

So she was short-round? Yes. But short, like, if short-round was also Indiana Jones's, like, half-wife, what short-round? From Indiana Jones to the Temple of Doom. The Malaysian boy that runs around, and Indiana Jones puts into mortal danger multiple times.

If Indiana Jones and short-round slept in the same bed, it would be close to this. Okay, well, that's a whole other kind of angle to the story. Oh, yeah, especially when you find, like, oh, what is this trunk of, is this, oh, no, don't touch that, that's short-round's

nighttime lingerie. Right? Oh, well. You just get hungry after a dinner of monkey brains and bugs. No, before long, Frederick started saying that the crystal skull was the embodiment of all evil,

an object that could impart death if the user only willed it to do so. Oh, come on. In fact, he began referring to the artifact as the Skull of Doom. Cool name. It is a great name, but honestly, it could be positive.

Why do people always have to make things negative? I mean, obviously, we have, we can always be negative, it's very easy. Why not just make it a Skull of Bloom? There's actually, there is a reason why to make it negative, so that people don't look into it too far, where you can basically say,

oh, this is a cursed object, you can't touch it, you don't inspect it too close, don't look at this thing, this will kill you, this thing I found, which is also incredible, but don't look at it. You just gotta believe I have it, and you have to believe it's real, because I have it. You can't see it.

I won't show it to you, but it's here. Okay. And it's evil. Well, from what Anna said, the Skull of Doom was actually just a dad joke that kind of got out of hand. It was something that her dad was like, oh, it's the Skull of Doom. Technically, this entire network is a dad joke that got out of hand.

But Anna did recall that the Mayan priest told her father that if the Skull fell into the wrong hands, it could be used for the purposes of evil if the user was so inclined. Now, Anna kept the Skull for the rest of her life and spoke to it as if it was a real person. She took it all over

the world for public display, saying that while she was the caretaker, the Skull really belonged to everyone. Oh, thank you so much, Anna. That's great. It's so nice, it's so nice to know I have part ownership of a Skull somewhere. That's so nice, yeah. And she was taken over by me, because the correct

term is not owner of the Skull, Marcus. Caretaker, yeah, caretaker. No, no, it's guardian. Guardian of the Skull. Each person that has the Skull has been you didn't just buy that Skull in Sedona, Arizona. But what if you did? No, that Skull chose you. It made you purchase it. This is true.

And then you are now the sworn guardian of it. Much help. A man named Bill Pullman, not the actor, but a man named Bill Pullman befriended the elderly Anna Mitchell Hedges, because she died at the age of 101. He became her quote-unquote

living friend when she was in her 90s. How old was he? Maybe 40. Oh my goodness. And I think that with a little blah, blah, blah, blah of the tongue. I don't think so. He somehow, the guardianship of the Skull of Doom got passed

to him. Not every relationship is sexual. You're right. No, sometimes they're just manipulative, because this woman obviously had early onset Alzheimer's, and he just became her guardian, and then he took everything she had. You're both correct, absolutely.

It's not just about licks, but it is about like, I guess it's nice to have somebody there to like hold your feet. It would be very nice. Yes, that's great. That's what marriage is. If you have a horrible marriage, yeah. No, no. Towards the end of your life, they're supposed to be there to like clean you as you die slowly. Nice thing is

they can just tell you that they're going to be there as you buy them a bunch of stuff, and then when you do end up having to need them, they can go. Wow, that's very sad. Yeah, yeah. It's insanely sad. It's like the story he told us about how you have to drive Travis Irvine to Las Vegas on Thanksgiving just to drop him and turn back.

You have this existential life that I don't understand. Well, Carrot Top is performing. I think he'll be the smoky man in the back of the Carrot Top concert. Yeah, that's pretty good. Better than I expected. I love Carrot Top. Love Carrot Top. Love Carrot Top. I can't wait to see him live. We're pro Carrot Top. Well, okay. You guys can be pro Carrot Top.

You like Carrot Top? I think I find him to be unsettling. He is. That's what I like about him. You don't follow him on Instagram, obviously. He's 55 years old. He looks amazing. Yeah, he is the boy of a 14-year-old boy. No, he's Jack. I know, but he wears like the little boy shorts

and he's very interesting. I saw his penis because one time in the video on Instagram he was jumping off of a boat all naked and you could see his penis and I was like, I'm good. No, he's gross, Jack. His face looks like a fucking pumpkin. He does look like the Lady Bramble. I'm going to tell him that you said that.

I'm not going to go, honestly, he's very funny and we love Carrot Top. It's two out of three. It's a democracy. We've been doing this for 10 years. It's a democracy. We've always held this being a democracy. After three, democracy fails. That's what we've shown.

That's what we've shown. After Anna started touring the skull around the country, that's when the bullshit started flowing. Anna said that the skull could heal people, claiming that a young girl with bone marrow trouble recovered after staying with the skull for a few weeks.

And another woman who was having trouble after an operation recovered after being in the skull's presence. Bone marrow trouble sounds like a thing you go to Jiffy Lube. Yeah. By recovered does she mean died? No.

Because it sounds like that woman has cancer. No, she had a surgery. Sometimes surgeries don't go great. You can't go back from a surgery, but after hanging out with a crystal skull, Anna said that this woman recovered and was able to skip away. That's what Josh Shapiro of WhoIsJoshShipiro.com

what he says is you have to spend time with your crystal skull to activate it. You have to meditate with it. You have to sleep with it in your bed. You have to bring it around other older skulls in order to activate it. You can't carbon date the skull. How do you know which one is older

or which one is younger? Also, WhoIsJoshShipiro, he's going to wake up and he's going to be like, why do I have 5,000 hits on my website? He's going to be the most thankful man that ever lived because he has nothing.

But these crystal skulls don't even have holes on them. You can't do anything to them. He just sits and cradles skulls in his bed each time with his explorer head on. Knowing the aliens are going to come and fix everything that's gone wrong in his life very soon.

Well, okay. However, there was no actual evidence that Anna even went to Lubentun. What? And the story of the skull surfaced only after her father was dead. He purchased the skull from a store. That is the truth. He purchased it.

We don't know that for sure. We don't know that 100% for sure. We don't know that that's the truth. We just know that there's no proof that she went there. He never actually said himself on the skull there. He said he wanted to keep it a secret because he didn't want to bring anybody down

to mess with the natural culture of Lubentun. Which is, again, you know how correct that is. There's a bill of sale that shows that Mitchell Hedges purchased this skull from a... There's proof. It's like a Sotheby's.

It's a place where we went. He didn't say he was dead. Anna said after the fact that no, no, no. You see, he gave the skull to Sotheby's for safety. And held on to it like a pawn shop.

And then he bought it back. Even there was no receipt for him giving it to them. It had always been there. It had been in the store and there's evidence. There's book evidence that shows there's a picture of the same crystal skull in that book store. Basically, it was made in Europe.

But even so, the Mitchell Hedges skull retained its place in history. And there were some who said they knew how to make it talk. Yeah, this is just how you can talk just like this. You have not improved whatsoever. We actually sent you to school for theater two years ago.

It's telling you this skull couldn't talk. Could I drink? It sounds like you're just suffering from a stroke. Yeah. I can't go back. Still the best actor we got, though. Well, one of the people that said they could make it talk was Carol Wilson

of Ontario who claimed that she was able to channel the entity that lived inside said skull. Translating in a strange staccato voice she said that the skull claimed to have been formed 17,000 years ago

by the Mayans. And if you can't believe what the skull is telling you then what can you believe? Absolutely. And lucky for us, Henry was able to actually find Carol Wilson channeling an entity. This is her talking to a different skull because apparently

she's tuned to talk with any of them. Every skull is her brothers and sisters even one made now because what you find out is that if you carve a crystal skull now even if you hadn't put a soul in it it was actually built for a soul of a crystal skull that already existed. Okay, well let's hear it.

Thirteen Thirteen This is the oral traditions of many of your native peoples. My concept of the skull is that it's

and I didn't have a word for it then but it's a computer without having to it's already programmed and you don't have to type on little keys all you do is put your hand on it and it will answer any question you pose to it.

You have a phone! So it's as good as Google. That's it, it's as good as like the Ask Jeeves of Cryptology or whatever the hell this falls under. No, it's like Ask Amia. The skull doesn't know everything.

We'll get into what the skull knows here in a bit. Okay, because if it could help me with the common core I gotta teach my kid at home right now because of COVID and that would be really great. You have a kid in your house right now? No, not. I was expressing no, I was teaching Travis

my lifestyle into people who have current lifestyles that are very difficult right now because of the pandemic and I was relating to them. You're trying to be relatable. Yeah, I'm wearing all American flag stuff. To be honest, then you're relating to a section of this country that is that is very problematic.

I'm like garth from Wayne's World. Now concerning the Mitchell Hedges skull Carol said that it was inhabited by not just one entity but many. She said that it had been handed down from generation to generation polished with sand and

hair and that no harm could come to it. She called it a receptacle of the mind and that many other receptacles including the Nazca lines in Peru were similar objects. She even claimed that more receptacles were coming and that the lost civilization

of Atlantis would soon rise to impart Atlantean knowledge. My one thing about everybody counting on Atlantis everybody's counting on Atlantis to come back and fix all this shit Atlantis blew itself up

if it was real. The whole lesson of Atlantis, the allegorical lesson is that they developed weapons that they could not control and it killed their whole society. It's Skynet. So why do we think

the Atlanteans are going to be able to help us right now? Right now we have more we must have bigger weapons than the Atlanteans had. Maybe. I'm not certain. I mean, they did a lot with lasers. Look at the crystal skulls. Look at the crystal skulls.

If the city of Atlanta rises, wouldn't it be Atlantis, not the city of Atlanta the civilization of Atlantis. Yeah, the city of Atlantis is doing very well right now. We miss Atlantis. If the city of Atlantis rises of course, Atlanta is doing great. Atlantis was a country. Yeah, it was a continent

mostly. I'm gonna fucking shoot both of you. The premise of the joke is it would be full of soggy people. Yeah. But you guys fucking ruined it. I was gonna talk about how they would be soggy people and how upsetting

that would be because you would shake their hands and their flesh would fucking fall off your ass. Well I'm glad you had a bit ruined by reality today as well. Wow. However, this woman also said that these things this knowledge would not be revealed to humanity until the right quote unquote

vibration was produced. And it was too dangerous for a man to have this information because it was too early in our evolution. Well why was it available Marcus? Though you might ask how it can be too early in our evolution if Atlantis already had it. Right. A world would respond

by saying that Atlantis existed 15,000 years before our civilization. So there 15,000 years before our civilization so there was 15,000 years between Atlantis and us. We're essentially starting over again but we're not yet to the point where the Atlanteans were with the knowledge would be useful

to us so we're gonna have to wait until we reach the right vibration so we can be on the same vibration as the Atlanteans before the Atlanteans destroyed themselves. But the information is still valuable. But why were the Atlanteans shaking so much? Why would we want to duplicate anything they did? They blew themselves up!

They fucked up! They destroyed their But they have knowledge. But what their knowledge killed them. But there's other knowledge. What, like a good dry rub? Yeah. Oh that'd be nice. But not all crystal skulls imparted good time feelings, healings

and optimistic projections. One crystal skull that exists in the Smithsonian National Museum of American History is reported to be cursed. Isn't the Smithsonian it is supposed to be it's for real stuff, right? Yeah.

So why is this in the Smithsonian if it's like right next to all these real artifacts, Native American artifacts and whatnot? It's a beautiful artifact. It is a beautiful artifact. So it is an artifact. Yeah, it's not like something you'd buy at fucking Target. They're still beautiful pieces of art. People made skulls out of crystals

in various in various cultures. And many, many years ago. Yeah, I'm certain that they had something like this, but I feel like it was also one of those where they got it at one point and they thought it was super old and then it turned out it was not. I mean, they're highly difficult to make.

These things are not easy to construct. They are actually beautiful works of art. They just, you know, aren't supercomputers. Sure. Well, this skull was originally owned by Mexican President Perferio Diaz who is said to have quite the large collection of crystal skulls. But this one was donated

to the museum by an anonymous donor. As opposed to regular crystal skulls that are made from solid blocks of quartz, this one was hollow. And it's said that bad luck follows anyone who owns it. When the author of a book on crystal skulls tried tracking down the donor,

they found that the donor was dead having committed suicide just after the donation. And according to the donor's lawyers, the client experienced a number of considerable tragedies after obtaining the skull, including the death of his wife, the brain death of his child,

and complete financial ruin. Oh my god, his child turned out to be a socialist. What happened to you? Did this just become a re on CBS All Access which I like with 11 a.m.?

Modern family. Are you about to call me a libtard like any second now? Yeah, yeah, you feel this is full Andy Rooney. We've been talking about this. Why would I care if you're from Wisconsin? Other crystal skulls, however,

seem to have personalities of their own, like the skull owned by a woman named Joanne Parks in Houston, who as far as I know is not related to me in any way whatsoever. I don't know, we've met like three different people in Texas that said that they were related to you.

Oh, really? Houston, by the way. Yeah, Anthony is related to me, absolutely. But I don't think Joanne is related to me, though. At least as far as I know. And this, by the way, is a different Joanne Parks from the one who was falsely accused of burning her three children alive in California whose story coincidentally

was told in a book by Edward Humes who was the same guy who wrote the book we used for our Dolpho Constanzo series. That's actually very weird. What the heck is going on here? But anyway, the crystal skull belonging to Joanne Parks was named Max.

And while it is smaller than the cursed Smithsonian skull, it still nevertheless weighs in at a hefty 18 pounds. Joanne claimed to have received the skull from a Tibetan llama named Norbu, who had moved to Houston to set up a healing practice

called the Chakpori Ling Healing Foundation. Did it just turn out to be Eddie Murphy playing a character? Oh, I love that, he was a donkey! A golden child. Oh, golden child. Yeah, of course. I love that movie. Great movie. According to Joanne, Norbu had used

the skull to help Joanne's daughter who had only been given three months to live when Joanne arrived at the healing center. The girl still died, but her life was extended to three years rather than three months. And they credited the skull for this. Sure, yeah, yeah, not science.

Yeah, sure. It's the skull. I mean, was it three miserable years or three good years? I don't know the details. Probably wasn't the great. I think that we'll get immediate pushback because we talked about how, you know, when we did HPB and we did these others. Who's HPB?

Helena Blavatsky. We did this this year. I know, but you just called it HPB. I don't think we called her HPB before. We called her HPB throughout. That was one of the maintenance of the episode is that people called her HPB instead of Helena Blavatsky. Did I make an STD joke? Yes, you did. Absolutely.

You made several. Sounds like an STD. I feel like I'm your biographer. I can't wait to just write all of the terrible truths about your inner life. That's sadly not. I cuddle with my dog all day. No, it's true it is. You do love a simple, nice life.

But we talk about con people and magicians and healers and I think up to one point we allow for a certain amount of con person to be inside of a mystic.

I know that when it comes to magical ritual, these so-called magical people, people that enchant you, a lot of times they're using standard con people tactics in order to get you in. We're like, when we talk about HPB, we thought that maybe there was something

that was genuine about her. She had some general abilities. She did was a master of a portion. And she was a real viewer, Drake. Okay. And she went and but then she had to get results, right? Because then people are showing up and expecting results.

So she has to put on a show. But that's what I kind of like about these characters because I am an entertainer quote unquote. So there's a part of me that at least, if we're at least doing this thing give me a show, right? If you're going to be following me, at least my money goes towards I'm being entertained

during this time period. I'm feeling mystical. It's fun. Sure. I am paying for the show. The thing about Crystal Skulls is there's not a lot of show. Yeah, there's not a lot of show. It's just show up, hang out with the skull. We're going to be quiet for a while and then leave. Yeah, it's like, have you ever had

Reiki done to you? No. No. It's boring. But the person I buy mushrooms from tells me that the mushrooms are infused with Reiki energy. They just sit on them. Oh, that means, yeah. They just put their hands on them and they go You just cursed your own hand.

No, that's my turtle's hand. No more. Well, in 1980 Norbu died and left the skull to Joanne, telling her quote, One day you will know what it is for. Oh, cool. Maybe for soup. You could probably eat out of it.

Yes, don't do that. No, they're solid blocks of quartz. Oh, this one isn't the hollow one. No, this is not the hollow one. No, we've moved on from that one. I see. Once it was in her possession, though, she simply put it away in a closet and pretty much forgot about it.

Yeah, what else are you supposed to do with it? We'll put it on our shelf. Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's a display thing. I would put it on as a display. I would do something with it. But the skull was apparently not satisfied with this arrangement. It began to appear in Joanne's dreams and after two years

the skull began to communicate telepathically. And at first Joanne said the telepathic communication was infrequent enough to dismiss. Not a big deal and could probably be pushed away. Or attributed to fucking madness.

You know what I mean? This normal complete and total insanity. I think you could clarify it as no big whoop. It's just unbridled, untreated bipolar disorder. No big whoop. But gradually the communication started occurring more and more and at odd times of the day.

For example, she'd be fixing lunch for her grandchildren or doing the books for her husband Carl's business and the skull would just start chattering away inside her head. What do you think? We're gonna have charcoal night tonight? When you charcoal it's Tuesday,

charcoal Tuesday sounds like a fun time. Oh, I'm sorry, are you counting? I love this goddamn crystal skull. The communications were somewhat scattered at first, but they soon became more direct. The first clear repeated message was simple. The skull said, quote,

I want out of this closet. Jesus, I mean it sounds like she is just saying she wants out of this marriage because all she does is cook for her grandkids and do her husband's paperwork. Some people that's her love language, it's gifts

of service. If I hear the term love language one more time. Then the skull started telling her to contact the man. But the skull didn't give any details on how to contact the man or even who the man was. Jimmy Fallon. Oh, love Fallon.

Eventually Joanne got so sick of the constant pestering that she began having conversations with what she fully admits is just a fancy rock. Telling the skull to firmly leave her alone and to get out of her life. But after pushing the skull to the back of the closet, the skull persisted, telling her, quote,

The world is going to know about me. I am important to mankind. Oh my f- And by the way, my name is in skull. It's Max. Wow.

It sounds like the kid from Chrisley Knows Best. It just sounds like a little Ben Shapiro. Yeah. After that, Joanne said that she could actually talk to the skull because they were now on a first name basis. Hi, I'm Joanne. Hi, I'm Max. Before long, she called

Nick Nosarino, the world's foremost expert on crystal skulls and the director of the Society of Crystal Skulls International. Yeah, you know we're international because we got a branch in Chicago. We got a branch in Toronto. Whoa.

That's two countries. That's international. That is technically international. It's more of a kiosk in Chicago. That counts though. That counts. Now, the Society of Crystal Skulls International was founded in 1955 and continued as the world's foremost repository of crystal skulls

information until Nosarino's death in 2004, which unfortunately was an event from which the Society has never recovered. He just can't. He was the spirit. He was the life force. It was a pierogi poison and we know what happened. That's called a heart attack.

Yeah. Pretty much all Nick could tell Joanne after he, quote-unquote, communicated with the skull. Let me talk with his fucking skull a second. You see the Revy always fall out of his pocket. All you can say is that this thing's full to the brim with Tibetan monks.

Which hooks Joanne. It's full of Tibetan monks. It's up to the fucking dick and balls. He can't even believe the B.O. when they were all on monks or crawling over each other like a bunch of skinny fucking weird little snakes or covered in fabric and bullshit.

Well that hooked Joanne because she supposedly never told him that the skull was given to her by a monk. But, Nick suggested that she open her home to curious visitors. Any kind of guy that's looking in a window you should get him in here just because you never know who's going to be coming in here, okay?

And they get curious, curious like a cat and he gets one. Sometimes curiosity kills the cat. Sometimes though it actually cheats the cat and he just thinks. Yeah, you dropped a Revy only on the floor. So you want to make this a homeless shelter. Oh yeah. Yeah, okay, great, thank you.

And go enough at Nick's advice, Joanne has since gone on regular tours with Max taking him all across the country and most likely charging people for the privilege of seeing him. And touching him. Yeah, okay. Well I mean, true talk, true talk, the mind is a very powerful thing. Has anybody

said that they were changed by this experience? They all have. They all have. They all have, okay. They all have and so, yes. I guess if it works for someone your placebo effect is pretty strong in people. Yeah, okay. Concerning Nick Nocerino though

he has a story all of his own. Described as a swarthy Italian-American with an offbeat sense of humor. That's how I describe myself. An offbeat sense of humor, okay. Well he, in addition to talking to skulls also used his psychic skills to aid police in murder investigations.

He was one of those guys. Yeah, I like these kinds of guys. It's really cool. He's a man of many, many skills. I love it. Now Nick claimed that he didn't choose the skull life. Rather, the skull life chose him. I mean look at my punisher shirt. I got you. I feel you bro.

He said that he encountered his first crystal skull during World War II when his unit was passing through a farm in France. Nick claimed that he was wearing a crystal around his neck and when the farmer who owned the land saw the crystal he got excited and went back to his house.

When he returned he had brought Nick a crystal skull wrapped in cloth. Oh my god and when a Frenchman gets excited they fart their way back home and they fart their way back. I tell you what, I took one look at this crystal skull and I looked at this guy. My first reaction and I'm meanish.

I'm meanish on my fucking mother's grave. I swear that I looked at this crystal skull and the first thing I said to him. What? Nice. On your mother's grave. Well the farmer implored Nick to take it out of France

because the Gestapo were coming and an item like this would certainly be of interest to the Nazis. Truly they would fucking love a crystal skull if they could get their hands on it. You know they'd like that shit. I'm just going to say this. There are a lot of other humans that could have been taken out of France because the Gestapo were coming.

No, no. You're going to take the skull but maybe just help out some of the folks that might be persecuted. Yeah, there was this little Jewish kid and he was just crying and crying and saying don't leave my mom and my dad. I'm leaving them behind so guess what? You know what's nice about this crystal skull?

Silen. I thought it's foam. Yeah but just on his side. Oh I see. Well that child turned out to be Magneto. It's all good. It's all good. The more that I watch, the more I learn about Magneto solely through the television and through the movies. The more I agree with him.

I can see where he's coming from. I really can. That's why they did that. That's why they gave him that origin. You should read the new Jonathan Hickman X-Men series. It's fantastic. It's wonderful. I'm going to go classicistle you read it and tell me about it. The Nick took the skull but the ship he was

on got torpedoed and the skull was supposedly lost at sea. However, Nick did find another crystal skull that he owned until his death. Guarded. Guarded, excuse me. He guarded it until his death. This one he said was found quote down

Mexico way. Is this a Cabo Wabos? He's written by Sammy Hager. He does down Mexico way. He has the same vocabulary as Sammy Hager. Okay. He was never specific about it. He didn't want to say where in Mexico he found it. He just kept saying

down Mexico way. You ever been to Toledo, Mexico? Yeah. Beautiful, horrible, horrible. It's just north of Texas. Yeah, bad tornadoes though. Be careful. Nevertheless Nick said he used psychic archaeology to find the skull that he said was named

Shanara. So you just point at mountains and you just say, yeah there's someone there. Shanara. Let me just think about it. There's something in that dirt over there. I have to give the Italian man a little bit of credit though. Max

versus Shanara. I'm going to follow Shanara over on Max any day. True. Very true. Well this skull looted from an ancient Mexican tomb is said to lack the charm of Joanne Park's skull. Max. This one is said to be harsher, more severe, more angular, with prominent

cheekbones and slanting eyes. More of a Benedict Cumberbatch than say a Seth Rogen. Okay. One is more, one's the actor. The other's more of an entertainer. Indeed. Both very, very talented. Very talented.

You were really working on not saying I love the move. I actually like the move. It's very good. Now Nick said that he could talk to all crystal skulls just so long as they're genuine. He doesn't get images of the future, but rather images from the history of that particular skull. Hanging on

with Shanara. I like that guy because he's a good guy. Me and him, we can talk around. It's nice to talk about, but I tell you what Max real piece of shit. He's a piece of shit. I like him. Wow. Well, for example, this is what he said when he scryed with the skull known as Max.

Okay. First of all, I'm going to need everybody to calm down and stop being so sexually excited about being in the same room as me. Okay. I'm going to calm down. You are pretty hot though. Oh yeah. I'm going to hear a suit. I tell you man, let me take a look at this skull. Okay. I can see warriors

of some sort. They're dressed in elaborate animal costumes. Some is what is that? Eagles. Some as wagyuas. They're fighting on a hillside. It's a Jaguar. I say it in Spanish.

They're fighting on a hillside. The images are layered. You just want to find the other on top. It's hard to see clearly. I could see a woman. She just had a baby. Someone is putting a crystal skull between the legs. Then they're taking it away. I don't know what that means.

Okay. It's climbing over again. Okay. Okay. Oh, there's something else. They look like Spanish soldiers from hundreds of years ago. I should know. Yeah. I've seen pictures in a book. They are on horseback. They're slaughtering people. Women and children

and blah blah blah. They're screaming and crying. Some flea. They're scattering in all directions. Spaniards don't seem to notice them now. They're too busy stripping the dead and wounded of their gold. Whoa. Alright. Interesting tale indeed.

As far as what the skulls are actually used for, Nick believed that they contained information. He said the skulls told them that the earth changes every 20,000, 30,000, or 40,000 years. Depending. Give or take a few. Give or take a few thousand years. Okay.

But no matter how long it took, a new earth forms during these cycles. But the skulls remain. And if we listen to the vague messages of the skulls, we can use their knowledge and bring peace to the world by awakening a dormant part of our consciousness.

Cold. Arby's, we have the meats. Whoa, whoa. What'd you say, Max? Arby's, we have the meats. I'm getting this message. This is the place we need to go. Arby's. We have the meats. They have the meats. You got it.

But Nick, being the world's expert on crystal skulls for almost 50 years until his death, said that he didn't think the skulls were extra terrestrial. Nah. What did he think? He said, I don't know. I don't know what he was.

I've been researching this for 50 years, where a lot of people expect me to have a lot of answers. But guess what, man? You need to, as a society, need to lower your expectations. You don't know after 50 years? Yeah. You know what I say? Everyone that studies anything for

50 years, by definition, knows more than they did 50 years ago. You know what I'm going to change up? It's not that I don't know. It's that I'm not sure. We have the meats. That's what I do know. The curly fries. I didn't even need to talk to a skull about that.

There was a billboard above my house. Arby's has gone a little downhill, though, so if you're a CEO of Arby's in your listening, I don't know, maybe a little more salt, or a little less salt. I'm not sure what it is. I haven't had Arby's in a long time, except for... Yeah, it was fucking absolutely disgusting. It really wasn't good. But that was a roadside Arby's.

They're all roadside Arby's. But that was a highway Arby's. That was a highway Arby's. If you go to a nice Arby's, like an in-town Arby's, they're going to put a little bit more effort into it. But a roadside Arby's is going to be a little... The quality is going to be a little less. I have never seen you do white trash math so fast.

Wow. Now, the skulls are not in any way extraterrestrial. Most likely. And the more I read about all the ancient alien shit, the more I think it's just a condescending theory that discounts the actual achievements of ancient cultures.

Yeah, it's starting to seem like that. Or could it be? We're desperate for ratings. And Panera just bought a big ad for us. Ancient aliens just came out with another season. Wow. It's very cheap to do. Is Tuscaloceus still on it?

Oh yeah, he's got nowhere to go. Yeah. The crystal skulls like the pyramids, the Nazca lines, or Stonehenge, these are simply testaments to the abilities and intelligence of past civilizations. They're nothing more than meticulously constructed works of art that prove that humanity is, despite evidence of the contrary,

much more impressive than we sometimes like to believe. I completely agree. I have been thinking about how amazing it is just to be alive lately. It is. Isn't that incredible? And even if we do create life, like the Roomba, for example, and it says when it gets consciousness,

how do we even get the materials to make that? We dig them out of the ground. But how did we, where did they come from? Where did the ground come from? Where Earth came from? Where are you thankful for? What are you thankful for? My rage continues to abate. I meditate every day. I do yoga three times a week.

It's not working. I actually don't think the meditation is good for you because you don't get rid of it. I feel good in the moment. I feel good when I'm doing it. But I feel like it just harnesses it up like a slingshot being pulled back and then as soon as we see you, then you, the rock that is your life,

you throw it. But that's me being entertaining. You're seeing me being entertaining right now. No, but I'm talking like outside of this. Yeah, but then I just say, I mostly save my pure rage for my therapist. That's good. That's good. That's very good. See? Maybe I should get one of these skulls. Maybe I should buy one.

Maybe I should spend a couple of hundred dollars on one of these fucking skulls. Henry, you're not going to get a quality one unless you spend at least a grand. You know that. Can you get one with, what's the name of that chick that you're like? With whiz? No, not with whiz. Yeah, I'm talking about whiz, whiz,

you look dallions. What's the name of that person you're supposed to be like? Oscar, Escobar. What's the name that people yell to make the machine turn on? Oh, Alexa. Alexa. Do you have a fucking... Maybe get one with an Alexa in it

and then you can actually legitimately talk to him. Can you name it something else or do you have to call it Alexa? It's Alexa, man. You have to call it Alexa. If you could call it Escobar, that'd be amazing. It must be frustrating for someone like Holder McNeely, for example, whose wife's name is Lexie, Alexa.

Yeah, it is very frustrating for them, but that's the lot that they were born with and that's unfortunate. I wonder if it's like women named Ciri. It's just the way it goes sometimes. There's not a lot of women named Ciri. There was a one porn star named Ciri. Tom Cruise's daughter is named Ciri. Yeah, but he did that on purpose.

That's because he was looking for a tie-in. Well, I hope that they're doing well. Well, thank you all so much for listening to this episode. What a bunch of silly rabbits we were. We're just, we just are. Silly rabbits. We are around the thankful time, so we are thankful for you.

We're thankful that we're getting through this year together. Yes, I am, honestly. If I were to say who I'm truly thankful for, I'm thankful for the fact that we continue to have a show and that you guys show up every week and listen to us. I'm thankful for my beautiful wife, my beautiful wife who holds us down and she's the rock of our own.

She holds you down. You know, I'm also thankful for my wife. My wife is a good woman. You didn't call your wife a rock like you did, and you think it's nice to call a woman a rock? Yeah, she's like a sexy rock. It can be all over, kind of like a crystal skull if it was inside my bed.

Isn't that nice? But then, Marcus, you didn't think your wife before Henry thanked his wife, so you guys are going to have to deal with that. I'm going to tell Carolina that you said it first, though she's not going to listen. No, she listens. After she listens, she's going to come over to my office

and she's going to kiss me and say, I love you, too, because I love you, darling. They understand that. Technically, they're not legally allowed to be separate right now. No, no, yeah, we have to stay together. We're all locked in together. But that's what love's supposed to be. It's supposed to be forced to be together,

but you like it. Indeed. Well, I hope everyone is doing all right out there. Hang in there and have fun as much as you possibly can. So we have, I feel like we should put out almost like a survey, because when we come back from the Thanksgiving break, we have a couple of options of big series that we're going to jump into. Because we're already, we have a couple already

that are, they're simmering. And we're kind of trying to decide which one we're going to pull the fucking trigger on. So tell me, maybe send us a message. Do y'all want cult? Y'all want true crime. For next up. I think it's going to be true crime. Either way it is, but one's more framed.

I can't get enough of this story about this guy Robert Kraft. I was doing more research. I was doing more research. I was doing more research on him. He used to take people's testicles and put them in their bottles. Who's mean? Who's mean? See?

That's not a nice move. Unless you're there and you're screaming for it. Because there is a sexual move that is putting your testicles inside of another man's asshole. Isn't it called the grape nut? Oystering. Yeah. Let me know if we want to do an episode on

grape nutting or oystering. We can do that. We'll figure that out. Normally we like to see where y'all are at but we have many things in the hopper and we can't wait because the show is going to continue until the sun explodes. It absolutely is. We are of course thankful for each and every one of you out there.

Thank you very much for listening. Thanks for sticking by us. We appreciate it. Absolutely. Hail yourselves everyone. Hail Satan. Oh hell keen. Magus Dalatians. Help me y'all. Oh yeah. Hail me to the moon in this. No one was dead.

Happy Thanksgiving.