Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: True Crime Roundup - Spring 2023

Episode Date: March 10, 2023

On this week's Relaxed Fit episode the boys are gettin' loose and breaking down a series of strange tales and true crime stories including former NBA star Sean Kemp getting arrested for drive-by shooting, execution delayed for Texas inmate who killed family and gouged out both of his eyes, the widowed Goose who found love, "Random Acts of Kindness Day" puts friendly man in crosshairs of police, Sperm Whale News, the woman jailed after killing and eating her pet hamster named Mr Nibbles, and so much more!

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left That's when the cannibalism started We talked about this we were doing a little call this week We're all like, you know, even our relaxed fits Kind of tense. They're just episodes. We just like relax. Don't fit That's more of a story of our but Just started writing full scripts for relaxed fit episodes We're supposed to be relaxed but then we started writing because we work hard and we want to give good content

Of course, you are hungry Audience we got a big series coming up next week, right? We got a big series coming up and then another series coming up And then even bigger series are in the works for so we're like, why don't we actually like Be chill. Yeah, like say like say we're gonna be chill, right? And then be that it doesn't sound like you're actually being chill It says it sounds like you're saying you want to be chill, but you're not being chill You're just telling everyone you're almost apologized. It's called 39 being 30 years old Yeah, I feel like that that is the essential nature of making it to a certain point in show business where it is a constant apology

All right, welcome to last podcast on the left everyone been hanging out with Henry and Marcus today's episode It's gonna be a smattering of the news that you can use to lose your family this dinner time So have fun with it. I do honestly you did string a bunch words together and in the end it does form a sentence It's indeed it did. These are stories that you can lose this use to lose your family during the dinner time But we're yeah, we wanted to do like a Smattering something like side stories because like you've you've all been like how many times I've gotten these messages been like Well, guess what man we'll here to find out today what the fuck that's like and I guess what man It might be garbage. It might be also. I'm gonna hijack this show immediately. Do you see Sean Kemp was arrested?

No, what? Drive-by shooting Interesting what the fuck fucking basketball player. What do you think so from the free-throw line or But wasn't a basketball it was a bullet Whoa, it was it a big bullet It wasn't like a big Bouncing giant rubber bullet remember Sean Kemp. I do of course number 40 Seattle Supersonics and he had a bunch of kids, right? Yeah, it's like 24 kids. Yeah, he's a great. He's yeah

He loved his he loved to come and apparently now. He's just driving around Washington shooting people in his car Wow, so he stayed in Washington after the Supersonics, huh? Yeah, that's that's the big news there He's he currently attacking people in his car. He's doing drive-by. Wow. Yeah, allegedly or convicted Washington on Wednesday felony charge. This just comes from drive-by shooting. Wow. This is really strange. Honestly I'm looking at this now Isn't that he yeah, they said that he shot up Me because he after shopping malls shooting. Yes indeed He got mad at the shopping mall

I do it every day. I get mad at the shopping mall mostly for tempting me Yes, you can just see him though throwing the little grapes into like his cart being like I got one in there You know having fun with it. Anyway, that was my story That was great because I remember like when we were talking about doing this episode like we're talking about yeah We're getting some stories and you know what Ben said he said, you know what Marcus? I'm gonna help you he said I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna look for stories and I'm gonna contribute to this And he's contributing by helping derail would have been the beginning and opening a smooth opening Because I even I had a segue that came from your sentence that you put together great and I can continue that if you'd like

It's now I'm looking into this According to NBC news and videos appearing to capture parts of the altercation a man in a red jacket Santa Claus I don't know. I don't know where he's been. It's a little early for him. He's off And he could be seen one point appearing to argue with another person as the other person begins to pull away in their vehicle The person in the red jacket begins to point at them as sirens sound the person in red can be seeing to raise their arm before what Sounds like a gunshot rings out It sounds like it was Sean Kemp who was dressed up like Santa Claus and what he was delivering to the mall was chaos

Well, perhaps Sean Kemp also has his own cannabis line. So you're gonna want to check that out So that's a little sports I People getting fights at malls all the time It's just as hostile as it always was why because you go to the engraving store and it turns out the thing You wanted to buy for your stupid ass grandfather costs like $75 and he's just gonna throw it into some box And it's gonna end up in the bottom of his fucking casket That might be part of it

I think they're walking the parking Yeah, just the overall pressure of being around children and you're never at the mall during the time of peace You're always late to get a gift. So you can't get it online because it's gonna take too long More of a single father version of the mall. Yeah, that's what and you've been to a mall lately guy cross I that's where I used to walk. That's where you see my steps in Yeah, buddy and so does sometimes goth that he's as well Yeah, because sometimes you have to go get your steps into place That's nice in air-conditioned because 118 degrees outside

You should have been in your own home because you're waiting for all the auditions to come in and they're not coming in This is from back of the day. This is when he's the pilot season, okay? And of course if you're going to the mall and it's not crowded Then you're just reminded of the slow disintegration of the America that you knew as a child That's a thing. There is no longer but there is will I will come back all the George Romero esque style Bliminal implications of the mall and like what that's like and you're like I just another And thank you for my new sneakers

Indeed enjoy the mall bring them back New Jersey still has some malls and let's not forget our shirts are in hot Angeles no, they are not that's Two of the biggest malls in the world are in Los Angeles the city that you're currently in Yeah, the Americana and the growth like the most like famous iconic malls of malls are here. Hmm. I don't know Yes, no, New Jersey is the home of the mall. You are absolutely in a term that I cannot use in correct No way. Oh, you're gonna get a lot of messages on that buddy You all know that well, I'm whatever we're gonna get Stories Lpo DL a gene. I'll like fine. We never can entertain him. Thank you. I we're all like fuck

Well, if you're gonna use if you're gonna use the news to lose your family at dinner time You know what? There's not much you can do better than bringing up mentally ill inmates getting executed in Texas Well, you don't know my family sometimes though that does elicit a group of high-fives. It depends on the Thanksgiving Yeah, that is true The April execution of one of Texas's quote-unquote most mentally ill prisoners was delayed Tuesday by a judge due to concerns surrounding the man's Mental state. Yeah, very very interesting here Andre Thomas 39 was set to be executed on April 5th for the March 2004 stabbing deaths of his estranged wife Laura Christina Boren 20. Oh, I couldn't keep a marriage together. You know what? You don't want to hear when I hear a stabbing death

Hello, Twitter world He also murdered their four-year-old son and And Boren's 13-month-old daughter the Associated Press reported Thomas cut the two children's hearts out of their chests Well, maybe there was an indication he might not be mentally well vet I I do think that that put him in the running Mentally ill patient in Texas, but most mentally ill prisoner in Texas But now it seems like he's really trying to put a hat on the hat Yeah

He later told police that God instructed him to commit the killings and that he thought all three of his victims were demons He subsequently on death row gouged each of his eyes out on two separate occasions This is what I'm saying like we don't need to go this far, right? This is like what now we're in the weeds here Know you're sick because the first thing is that he popped one eye out Right he popped one eye out and it was like so now he's permanently flirting Which is again if you want if you wanted less attention, that's how you got it I love the old Sammy Davis junior surgery But he at least got an orb put in there to hold up the fucking structure where this guy

He just let that fly and then he popped out the second eyeball and when you look at the picture now with no eyeballs Weirdly he did a really clean job. Yeah, he did it's like an empty ass socket Well, you have a fee I mean he probably had those nails that are little scalpels, you know people who don't bite their nails Neurotically like I do or LeBron James. Yeah, and I think you probably got a good clean scoop out of it I'm just surprised Texas didn't let him off when he told him the God told him to gut these kids God told you you're free to go that's incredible, you know, honestly if you had just done that about because it was 13 months, right? Mm-hmm. He had just done that like

14 months earlier, there you go. He'd be a liberal hero Well that second eye he didn't just pop it out He also ate it. Yeah to make sure that the government couldn't hear his thoughts. What a fucking try hard People call me a try hard act and yeah, that's something else right because that's him That's his version of my bad. Bill Clinton impression. I don't think I've heard your bad Bill Clinton. You've had it. You've had it. You've had it. You've had it. You've had it. You've had it. I feel your pie. That's good. Honey God, I have sex with that woman. I did it like three weeks ago.

He was six weeks ago that he did the right in this very room right in front of you. I'm just gonna need a little room on this marriage Hillary. Wow save it for when we're in Austin, okay? I'm just so he took his eye out ate it so that the government couldn't hear his thoughts. Yeah, but it's not the right It's not the right thing. This is why it should have taken his ear like how do you I don't know how you rip your ears out The bug the bug is inside the eyeball. I think that's what he was thinking. Yeah, I totally recall. Yeah This is my thing right like I get it. This guy's not doing great. Not doing great. He's never doing great. Three squares a day. I know he had three hots in the con. It's love and life, but I wonder like at what level. Okay.

Let me throw this out here. Sure. Why don't we just make him shit up right? I know he's he is fully obviously are you asking at one point is a mentally ill person just making sure that I'm not in general this man. I just saying like I'm not a doctor. You say you're schizophrenic. Now have you thought you're making shit up? I would just think that maybe you have a series of characters and you do an express onto a podcast. Now I'm thinking that we don't really need all of these mental asylums and we can just put them out on the street because that eventually they're going to stop making shit up less asylums and more carnivals. No, I'm saying like once you're in jail, maybe I'm wrong. Like do they not like you're for that style of crime? Don't they pump you through full of meds? Like don't they like literally like the state of Texas taking care of neutral.

They don't just zombify you. I literally like I know that that's ridiculous. I don't know. I mean, honestly, I would. I would imagine if we're going with the treatment of Texas prisoners, their hope was probably to lock them into in a concrete square until he beat his head against the wall so much they killed. But then why are they making such a big deal if he's already doing it halfway? He's already got rid of 10% of his head. They're not making a big deal out of it. The state of Texas isn't making a big deal out of it. His lawyers are making a big deal out of it. As they should. The lawyers are saying that the man is mentally ill to be executed because in Texas, if you'll remember, I don't know if you guys remember this from when we were in high school, I think they Texas, you know, well, at the time it was we executed the mentally challenged man

for killing the woman with the pair of scissors. Yes, indeed. Texas has a great history of killing people. Yeah, but his crimes were so extreme that they don't really know how to handle him otherwise. Right? Like I said, the other side where they got him in a concrete square now, his crimes were horrible and now he's doing extra shit, but it does begin to feel like, so what do you do with a girl like this guy? Like, what do you do with this guy? With a girl like this, I say like buy guns, be buy guns. What does that even mean? You're just saying weird platitudes.

I'm against the death penalty. So I would say he should just probably just chill out. He should just chill out. That's my thing. Chillax. You know what he needs? You're going to need to chill out. You know what he needs? Fernando, you know what he really, really needs is that next time is, let's say you're in your home right now. This would actually drive him insane. Right. You believe that the U.S. government is listening to you through your eyeballs.

And I'm going to say right now, honestly, you're not wrong. No, they are. They're definitely doing what I say is flip it into content because you never know. These governments, they could ship you money if you've got an incredible idea. And they need to laugh too. They've got to laugh too. Think about the NSA. Yeah.

They listened to our phone calls for hours and hours of such boring horses. And now the NSA isn't even the tip of the spear when it comes to surveillance. There's another secret government agency that we didn't even talk about. It was the DID. The BYWO. There's the BYWO. Yeah. The Wawa.

There's the ASPCA. Yeah. There's the YMCA. Oh. And you know, if you go over there, man, you've got to give the gums. So he's gouged his eyes out. He's gouged his eyes out. And now the lawyers are saying it's too crazy to be executed.

Yes. And what's the stance on Texas? Right now, Texas is saying, you don't know what we know. Texas is actually saying, he's making it up. Oh, yeah. They're doing my joke response. The joke response that you had, Texas is this, and you don't have all the information. We have all the information.

He's making it up. They're saying that he is well aware that he's going to be executed. Yeah, he probably is. And because he is well aware that he is going to be executed. He's trying to get out of it. That therefore makes him open for execution. So you can execute him. If he didn't know he was getting executed, then maybe they'd think about it.

Why don't they tell him he's not getting executed? Wait. See how he behaves. I'm just sock him in the night. I know that it's supposed to be like, I actually would prefer to not know. Like if I was on death row, I would prefer to not know when my exact day was. And you just come get me. Yeah.

It could be an hour. It could be 30 years. Yeah. Just come get me. I'll be too late. And then I don't have to think about it. Yeah. I don't know.

That's so much scarier. I see both points. I wouldn't be able to sleep. No, you can sleep on death row. No, no, you can because you slept on a 17 hour flight to fucking Australian and a fucking chair that was three sizes too small. And that was the Grinch's heart. Just like death row where everyone's suffering on death row. I know your pain.

He knows I had to fly. But this is my question. You say he ate the eyeball. Mr. Zabrowski, what do you think that's like? It tastes like pure delicious fat. So you think he enjoyed it? Yeah, sure. Did he mix it with anything?

When I had mine, it was broiled. So it actually was good. The fat was caramelized. I see. Yeah, I would imagine with this, it was just a straight like gouge out, pop it out, eat it. Because in that point, like you're popping it out in order to eat it. Oh, you think he was hungry? It's straight up.

No, no, no, no. I think he just didn't know how else to handle it. He did it for the lulls. All right. He did it because they were all cheering him on to be hashtag savage. He certainly had his own internal logic, which none of us will ever understand. Maybe he's the Bill Maher people on solitary because Bill Maher's new thing is he's not in it for the likes. No, he's fucking, he's too, he is too real.

He should be called too real. He is too real. And not me. Sounds like he's about to start telling it how it is. Really? I'm saying it. You were thinking it. But I will say straight up, eyeballs don't taste nearly as bad as you think that they would.

They're just way for more frightening. You got sick. I will. That was just because I think the fat content of the eyeball and how much liquid fat I consumed up into that point. And then all of it shot out of me. I would say it's more fair to say he got ill than sick. Yeah.

Yeah. Again, like ill, like a rap illness. Yes, indeed. All right. So there we go. Great story, Marcus. Thank you very much. Yeah.

No, thank you. You want to hear another one? This one's actually a little bit more. It's a little nicer. Great. It has a happy ending at the very least. I feel like when you say that, that actually means it's going to be much worse. No, no, no.

It is a happy ending kind of at the very least someone avoided jail. Well, let's do what Marcus thinks a happy ending is. Yeah. And it will be interesting to see how he thinks him and Carolina will end. Police in Hanover, Ontario have ended their investigation into a man who tried to give a young person a box of chocolates. Okay. All right.

After determining he was participating in random acts of kindness day. Wait, what's the guy? Random acts of kindness day just sounds like a great front for you to do whatever weird shit crosses your mind. Wait a second. So this is like a forest scum crime, but it's not a crime. It's not a crime. So in the wheel of this aside in chocolate, I use no reason for people to be concerned

because a chocolate is supposed to serve to teach a life lesson. You're under arrest. That's a fucking felony. That's soliciting chocolate. I met the president. I drank 70 Dr. Peppel. You're under arrest. Fucking asshole.

Well, in a media release issued on Friday, Hanover police said they were investigating a quote suspicious older male who reportedly pulled over and approached the youth walking home from school on Wednesday. You ever seen an old man's sweat? Yeah. I can see why this would be like, uh, interesting scenario to investigate. He's a man with gray hair. He's got a big bushy gray beard.

Santa Clause. He's merely approaching a young boy walking home from school alone and trying to shove a box of pot of gold chocolates in his face. It's a very Canadian prime. Just on the whole, just the investigation being like, we went down there and we gave him a stirring talk into it. And then we really found out he's actually kind of a nice guy. Like they're just excited by it was just the idea of random, you know, again, sure, but it's the way one goes about this. Well, he took it really literally. It seems hyper random. And to be fair, a full box of

chocolates is something you give on Valentine's Day to someone you're trying to have sex with. I don't kind of, I don't know. There's something about like the heat of his car. I don't really want that chocolate. Well, when the student declined, when this boy declined, as he should have, you don't take candy from strange old men with beards. The man insisted saying the boy could give the chocolates to his mother, which that's the thing. Give it to your mother. Give it to your mother. Give it to your fucking mother. Dude, it's like, what's that one video with the one dude on that airline? Shake my hand.

He's like yelling at this Jewish dude. He's like, shake my hand. Yeah. It was very aggressive random act of kindness. Yeah. Yeah. It's the rollup. It's the insistence. It's the, is he being forced by some form of like, is he being kidnapped or like being blackmailed to be kind? Like that kind of sounds like too, like they have his like wife with a gun to its head and he's got to go like, Get rid of these chocolates. You got to be kind.

Yeah. Have, Five times. Convince a child to take a box of chocolates. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Do we know, do we know if the chocolate box open? Cause I could see this guy having a couple for himself. It wasn't no word on the condition of the box of chocolates. I will say, I can tell you the type of car he was driving. He was driving a black Volkswagen Tiguan. I don't know what that car is. I've never heard of that car in my fucking life.

It's an SUV. They're actually very nice. Is that right? Maybe I've been in one then. Yeah. Oh yeah. That is nice. That is nice. That's a nice Tiguan. It's a nice car. But it also looks like you're about to have a bunch of duct tape around your mouth and handcuffs on your arms and be shoved into the back of it.

It's actually a really smart move for a child molester to get a car like that because it looks like a harmless mom car. Like it's kind of the opposite of a van. It's like, it looks like a, it's like a RAV4. It's like, Oh, no crimes happen in that except sometimes being laid for baseball practice. You know what I mean? Like within a lot of times, the reason why they're everyone I was late to baseball practice is because everybody get a molest. Very good, Henry. Very creative.

Very creative. Very creative. I'm relaxed tonight. You really are. I'm relaxed. Really. Absolutely. My blood pressure this morning was full 20 over 69.

Margaritaville, baby. Well, everything's fine then. Well, everything's okay. And apparently this was the only swing and a miss for this guy that day. It was random acts of kindness day. So he went and actually bought a lot of boxes of chocolates and handed out them out to people of varying ages to make everyone stay better. See, that also sounds pointed and specifically done. It sounds like he did the thing like what did Caprio's do it right now where he's like, see, I'm dating a 28 year old like he's doing the thing. We're like, yeah, I didn't just give it to kids.

I don't know. I think it's nice that he tried. In a new release issued Tuesday, police said they'd found the man, they tracked him down and determined that his intentions were quote genuine and pure. Well, this is the thing. Did they do that? By the way, now you're going to tell me how genuine and where you're now telling me how kind you were. Well, Canadians are like, well, you know, I'll take you at your work.

You know, cops just come be like, well, he promised. So there's no way there was a crime there because we pinky swore and he is fine. We all remember Robert Picton. How many cops were out there at the piggy palace? How many times did they ask him? I was like, show you got any girls out there? We've been missing a lot from Hastings Street. And he's like, you know, officer, I'm not going to lie to you. No, we absolutely haven't seen none of these girls around here. We haven't got no girls. I don't even know what a girl is and I tell you what, he's a straight shooter. And I honestly, I believe anybody who looks like splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

everybody that's got half a head. I really, really, you got to give him credit. You really do. All right. Well, a nice story indeed. It is strange though that they investigated after he got the candies and didn't get molested. It is really weird that they went back and he was like, I got these weird candies on the street and then they put man hours and you're trying to single out these Tiguan. Well, I mean, you got to, you got to, you got to follow that up. Well, I guess so. Could have gotten horribly wrong. Well, actually the cops did follow it up when you did something similar to this, Ben, when

you were a child. Remember the time when you were late? I do recall. Yes. I don't like to talk about the loneliest activities of when I was a child. It's too late. Perhaps light to the police. It's been hours. Years. Yeah, yeah. The statute of limitations on that was out. Plus the records are sealed. Well, there was not, nothing happened. I completely lied and I got my brother in trouble. Yeah. You lied and said that didn't your brother left you behind and you lied and said that a man in a truck came and lied to you?

I didn't say it's nice to give the cops something to do because then they're like, we got to go out and get that guy and you give him a whole afternoon like working on that fake crime instead of all the other real crimes. And I did get, I got him grounded for the weekend. So that taught him not to go in front of me. Yes. Anyway, so it's very nice that they were able to find the culprit and I hope he gave the candies to the cops. Yeah. I hope so too.

So that, you know, we got a horrible story. We got a kind of nice story. It's a neutral story. It's a neutral story. So now we're going to go for a nice story. Oh, wow. It's a good story. It's involving a certain cemetery goose. All right. When you said this story, I think it's interesting. I think that we, and I am guilty of this as well as good, very good. I think I'm guilty of maybe, you might be, of throwing human emotions onto an animal from afar and not understanding the most of

the time of these animals brains are not really complex enough to maybe feel these shades of emotion that we might feel that they're thinking goose is very smart. I like to think of it as goth goose gets remarried. There you go. It gets remarried. I love this movie. Let's read the story from CBS news. There are a few things sadder than a love story cut short by tragedy. 9 11.

Yeah, there's like, I mean, there are a couple of things sadder. One such story comes out of a cemetery in Marshalltown, Iowa, where employees at a cemetery noticed that a goose blossom was out of sorts after the death of her mate, bud, the goose. Now this is the thing. Goose geese, do they mate for life? I'm looking up right now. I believe beavers do. I think geese might. Yeah, they say it says pairs usually stay together for life. Most Canadian geese pair with the mate at age three.

Yeah, we're not being fucking domestic terrorists. Yeah. Yes, they are terrible. They took cellarys, plane down. Oh, yeah. They are constantly trying to mess with our. Yes, of course, humans, maybe you're not meant to take the sky, but guess what our brains allowed us to. Yeah. And they're huge.

Yeah. Canadian geese are scary big. We're sorry. Geese are scary. Texas is geese country. God yes. Yeah. When they come down from Canada, they come down to Texas, specifically my area of Texas,

there was just geese everywhere all the time. There used to be these hunters, these Richmond from Dallas would come down and sit in a field all morning, the field across the street from the house where I grew up. And every morning I'd be woken up by the peppering of shotgun pellets. Cool. That's a fun thing to do on a Saturday. It really is. It makes you who you are.

Yeah, it really does. So do the geese go down their move and then like complained about how now there's too much traffic. It used to be this like empty place and now, but they're, they're using the excuse of we're turning it purple. We're going to make it go purple where it's just like, you know, you're just fucking geese. You can't vote.

You legally can't vote. They are Canadian. Keep your politics in Canada. You're welcome here in Texas. Geese are like people according to optics mag.com. Do geese made for life? Yeah. I remember when goose are on porn hub.

Yeah. Yeah. Now geese hook up as much as how it is for humans. Some geese prefer soulmate and will bond with each other for life while others prefer to play the field. In fact, some geese are bonded or still make time to try extra mating on the side with another goose. So you just heard it here first.

Geese are Polly. All right. There we go. So this goose is missing. It's loved goose. Well, Blossom and Bud had lived on the pond in Riverside Cemetery, but after Bud died in August of 2022, suicide, 9 11, 11, Blossom's behavior, changed.

Of course. Yeah. The after effects of 9 11 died from the cancer is unfortunate. Well, I think he was. Oh, he was down there in the rubble. He was trying to find all the other geese around honestly, probably pecking at whatever survivors were in there trying to make sure that they were dead because geese are terrible to humans.

How many they are very aggressive unless you give them bread. But apparently you're not supposed to because it's not good for them. But we eat it. But all I know is that you better start honking at John Stewart to get some of these benefits. How many I wonder birds died in 9 11. How many birds died 9 11? That's an interesting question. Some had to.

I would guess three. Yeah, maybe three or four because I mean, they hang out. They hang out. Think of the pigeons. How many pigeons are slow to move, bro? How many pigeons do you think died in the cloud efforts? That's I bet what killed them. Well, actually it's more the opposite.

They're saying that 9 11 tribute lights endanger 160,000 birds a year. Endangered. Now that's it. It kills 160,000 a year. How does it endangers them? The lights. If they veer off their normal migratory flights and they go towards our precious memorials. No shit.

Yeah, man. Another fucking tragedy. Another way we just Americans keep making it hurt. So the two lights that they have in memorial. Killing 160,000 birds a year or at least they're actually is a fucking number. What is it? One volunteer counted 261 dead migratory birds surrounding the World Trade Center complex on Tuesday morning.

Wow. What? Tuesday morning. You know what? Tuesday because that's so like 10 a.m. So why did hundreds of birds die at the World Trade Center? Oh, no, that was, oh, no, this is, this has got to be something else. This has to not be, this is just dead birds that were found on the street.

Oh, this is just a person counting every dead bird they see in New York City. Yeah. What? Yeah, I guess so, man. We better go back into Iraq and Afghanistan and realize that we got to dude. Well, back to our geese in the cemetery blossom and bud. They lived on the pond together, but then after bud died, blossom started spending time near the front office, looking at her reflection in glass windows and on model tombstones.

The general manager, Dori Taman said she wanted company. She does. You got to get her another goose. You got to stutter. Yeah. So Taman posted a personal ad for the quote, lonely widow domestic goose. What is that? Some creepier than the guy giving candy to a child.

It all is the shit that ties into this week on side stories. We cover that Kansas adoption center was using the only pause like where they were selling pictures of dogs, feet, cats, dogs, if you heard this term toe beads, yeah, I heard it. Oh, you're already getting the emails we've already received for your lack of acceptance of the term. Paul, it's just a toe bean. Yeah. It's the internet says otherwise and you better put bacon on your narwhal before you say another

fucking thing about to be my narwhal. Well, she wrote this woman in her personal ad that blossom wanted a quote life partner for companionship and occasional shenanigans. They have shenanigans. Well, just, you know, when there's someone like grieving, you know, they have like a cemetery shenanigans, is there like, is there like a term for why when ducks run it so scary? Cause they're not like super fast, but they are fast enough. Like why is it so scary when a duck runs because they bite because you know that they

bite. It's also just something with the way that it's just like a movement is just like fucking makes your brain freak out. Yeah. It's a fetal position. If I see ducks, really, I used to run away from ducks and cry. You should not say that out loud because now we know your true weakness is a flock of ducks. Yeah.

I mean, I said that I fucking was scared of frogs years ago and what do I get fucking frog pictures all the time every day. You don't get frog pics. I give you a toad picture, but you don't have a problem with toads. I know. That's the thing. I love, I like frogs. I'm fine with frogs.

I hate toads. Toads are what I truly hate. But that's again, you've just said your secret, your inner weakness, your animal that you get scared of. And it really scares me and I can't see is, is big natural milk. Yeah. I know. That is like, I can't stand seeing them.

Yeah. I understand that. I could see you. And I can't, and I will not, you can't send them to me because it just freaks me. It scares me. Super freaks you out. Yeah. Yeah.

I could see you freaking out over a ferret. I could see you versus a ferret and the ferret just completely. You know what's funny is I have no issues with that style of little animal. Like that doesn't bother me. I am sometimes a little getting nervous around a big dog. I sometimes get nervous, but otherwise only because of one time that because I don't ever get this because of your, uh, do you want to get cross-bodied? All right.

Big dogs. There it is. Scared of tits. You don't notice about ferrets went to Petco here in Los Angeles the other day. And I checked out. I was just sort of walking around, looking at all the different sections, getting food for Georgie. And I noticed that the ferret section here in LA is far larger than the ferret section

in the New York Petcos. I didn't know that they had a ferret section. It's a very large section. I am pretty certain that the ferret community of Los Angeles is very large because I do think that we have a lot of straight up house bound, former television personalities. Right. And there's some that's, there's something about ferrets and hoarders that are like big touch tips.

And we've talked mess on ferret owners before. We know that they are animals, but obviously ferret owners love their animals. They, and they tell a lot of times good ferret owners take care of it, but ferret is also the perfect hoarder animal because it just slicks around. Do ferrets know when they, I mean, can they, do they get along with the people? Yeah. I feel like they are, they nip and they piss everywhere, but they're very, they obviously they're very loving and they're, they're kind of smelly or get very dirty.

You got to wash them hard. Okay. Well, let's get to the wonderful world of geese. Let's get back to geese for a second. Taman posted a personal ad for the lonely widow domestic goose, writing that Blossom wanted a life partner, of course, for shenanigans and such. They just, yeah, they just mean fun, right? They don't mean just sex.

No, no fun. It's fun. You know, in the ad Taman called Blossom youthful, adventurous and lively. The joke worked better than anyone could have expected. Taman soon heard from Deb and Randy Hoyt, owners of a widower goose named Frankie. Frankie killed his wife. Frankie says, this couple sits and looking at their goose and they're like, man, that goose needs to be fucking as a goose hanging around here.

That's a new single goose. Hey, you should be wasting time right like us on lockdown. My wife of 95 years. You can see a goose though. If they're sad, they would hang their big heads real low and then they're sad and they'll be sad. Yeah. And just like Blossom, Frankie was in need of a mate.

Deb Hoyt, the owner of Frankie said he was so lonely. Randy Hoyt saw the ad. I think that this woman might be a little lonely, but that's okay. Randy Hoyt saw the ad. Again, we're putting no emotions on the animal. But they do get lonely. They do. For sure.

Randy Hoyt saw the ad and said, he thought, quote, well, that'll be great. Perfect. And the whites and Taman set up a Valentine's Day blind date. Oh yeah. This is a thing. This is a thing. So now, all this hype has been built, right? You got one fiended and you got the other one looking out the window, wondering where

everything's gone and where everyone's going to be. Where's happiness going to come from in the future? Am I ever going to feel it again? So please tell me for a listener's sake, and when they got together, it worked out. No, but now the two are spending all their time together at the cemetery and even taking dips in the lake, flossing welcome Frankie with open wings. Taman said they started walking off together and they haven't left each other side since. Wow.

Isn't that fantastic? But the strange thing is at some point, one of them will be a widow again. That's how it is for all of us. Isn't that strange? Yeah. We're all going to be fucking dead. Who's going to die first? Do you think Frankie or the female?

I think they'll both get killed. The man always dies. I think they'll get killed at the same time by a teenager who wants to throw rocks. Do you remember when we... Oh, that would... You can't kill a... It's longer than a rock. We cover this inside story is the story of the goose that was murdered, the goose that

wore shoes. Oh, the goose that wore shoes. He was like a... He was a neighborhood guy, everyone was like, love this goose and he had feet were malformed and this local dude saw this and was like, oh, I'm going to put... I can help this goose, made shoes for the goose. Yeah. Everyone's like, oh, it's amazing.

It was incredible. The goose made the town, became the town mascot, and then it turned into who shot Mr. Burns when the goose showed up dead. Somebody killed the goose. Someone fucking murdered the goose. Yeah. Which is horrible. I remember that happened when I was a kid in a town called Stanford, Texas.

The reason why I brought it up is because somebody came and they killed the swan. They beat it to death where they threw rocks at it until it died. And it turns out it was some visiting teenager from the city. That's how it happens because you put them out on the range and they don't... They're not ready for... I was a city kid that they tried to see if they could do country things with me and guess what? Didn't take.

No. They were killing. All right. So the goose are together. The geese are together. Let's stay in the animal kingdom for the next story. Oh, God. Who's ready for sperm whale news?

Yay. By the way, unvaxed sperm. Have you seen this? Unvaxed sperm is a thing. So apparently they're selling this stuff in droves. Let's pull up. I can't believe it. No one is really.

I don't know if anybody's actually buying pure blood sperm. No one's buying it. So there's some anti-vax dude, right? No, they've been doing this. It's on Tinder. It's like, now you milk me. But it's something. Now you can milk me.

Yeah. Unvaxed sperm. I don't think he's selling any of it. I think that women are getting... They're milking them too. Two years ago. Yes. No, there was also just a sign outside of a new fantastic institution that opened up

in Austin. This is the cardigan talking. Unvaxed sperm. This is a cardigan point. Make that money. No, it's... Yeah, because it's pure blood. They call themselves purebloods.

Mm-hmm. That's why I'm selling Bud Light Lime Sperm. See, now he's... I will drink Bud Light Lime for one month. I actually don't even... That will give you eight ounces of my finest spunk after. I don't even really appreciate the fact that he's leaning in after all of these years of this fucking day.

See, now it's ruined it for you. Because he's flipped. He's such a flip flop. He is a flip flop. It's because Bud Light responded to us. Yeah, yeah. I just need to get recognized. I just need to get recognized.

So much a flip flop for as much as he feeds off of attention. It's really the only thing that he responds to. It's our soup. Our hate. Right. Two of our super powers being a whore for attention and money. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Marcus, back to the... back to the story of another animal. The wholly anointing oil for King Charles III's coronation will not contain the intestinal wax of sperm wells, nor will it contain civet secretion. It's called like... was it called? Chrysm oil. Put that on spread. The thing is that, what is he... but what is this? What's happened? Why the say what you got to get anointed when you become the monarch of England?

Why you all thought you only need to do is flop out of the right bitches pussy. No No, there are fights within that. No, no, no, I played I played Crusader Kings 3 I know you know you know first. The sacred chrysm oil had previously contained oil from the glands of Confirmed small mammals such as civets and it contained of course amour grits, which we talked about in our essay Why and this and so when I'm the sperm whale, they're not talking about actual sperm, right? They're talking about that brain gunk Yeah, actually, I'm gonna say it. Well, this isn't sperm. I said he this is the amber grits with it Which they actually get from the insides from the intestines. They scrape it out It's like if somebody killed you and scraped all the cholesterol out of your veins

Right and then made an oil out of it and then put it on the king's forehead merch Merch on top of merch. Why did they ever was that like a compliment? Well, yeah, it was a sacred oil It's an oil that only Kings can have. What are they getting out of the civet? Yeah, I'm looking at this thing I should what is a civet. You're talking about it's pissing shit or it's like it's like probably it's glands plus Like, you know when you know how you're a little dog how you have to take it You have to take it to the groomer to get the glands squozing. Yes, probably that I Squoze it to myself. I just don't Something like that. Why we put this on this moron to make the guy a king. Yeah, you make him a king

It's sacred. No one else gets to put the fucking Civet secretions on their head now. They're making it without any of that shit so anybody can do it I'm actually really pissed off that they're fucking not making these kings have to do this They should have to bathe in the stuff they should but in keeping with changing values, of course King Charles He's very much an environmentalist. Oh my fucking big ear I can't I hate them more every day I was like Revolutionary War. Who cares? Yeah, I'm on now. I'm back. You know what it is truly. It's that it's after all of this It's like because that's such a

deeply Empty gesture. Yeah, no one gives a fucking shit. No, it's in that oil. We never did. No, no one ever cared I guess you know who didn't care either the kings that had got it squirted in their heads They might have to be fair. They didn't know what it was. They didn't know what it was Have them have half a brain. Yeah in bread. That's all people that just happened to wear fancy clothes I mean, but that's the thing this is so sacred this part of the ceremony is so sacred when they put the oil on the new Monarchs forehead that it was banned from being filmed at Queen Elizabeth's coronation in 1953

Blow up the was a big pile of gunpowder. You have to blow up to take a picture They had fucking regular Cameron they had had port had You still think it's that well my daughter died five days ago Can we get a photographer? No, I'm just talking about in England. I thought it was all done over there I mean their TV in 1953. I have seen the footage of Queen Elizabeth's coronation. It looks like shit. Yeah It's a I am obviously being facetious. I understand Did they also the I just think that all of this is very fucking stupid. It is and it's about to get done

Did they have they done away with like the whole thing where then they get a bunch of slaves also? Or they're gonna keep that because remember when the Queen when the That's already wrapped up. That's already in there. Don't worry And they're like these are all now your servants And they were like did remind me that this was you just sent me a link that I forgot about civet coffee Which is the thing you know the thing about civet coffee? No, where it's it's highly highly sought after Very expensive coffee that is beans that have been eaten by a civet and then go through its whole fucking system Come out its asshole. They shit it out and then they take those coffee beans and it's like very it's like very fancy

How do the civets feel about it? I feel like the civets are just like please for the love of Christ leave me alone There's a place called civets coffee right here. Yeah, we can get Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. Copilouac. It's right here. You look at a look I like how they put the picture of the little raccoon creature on it. We're supposed to be like Oh, I recognize that animal. You know what that animal is remember in willow when the witch got turned into the rodent that That's the creature Everyone don't you don't know what a civet is just imagine that which Turning into a goat you can get civets wine. It is a hundred dollars

For a I think this is a pound of coffee a hundred grams of civet coffee. No, it says here It's supposed to get it to give it's full of antioxidants. Oh, yeah Well now that they've gotten rid of the civet and whale oil they got to have a new oil Yeah, because they got to oil them. They gotta oil them up. Absolutely. What do we got here? But I thought it was secret. Why do we all know it's predominantly olive oil? And it contains a mixture of rose jasmine cinnamon orange blossom and sesame, but the olive oil is special It's because it is harvested the olives are harvested from the burial site of the king's grandmother princess Alice King Charles, so what do they do? So they put that in this so they put them in a pyrex dish

And then that's like they layer over that over him for was like a 24-hour like marinade Can you tear it can we tenderize them first? Really pound them out with a meat you want to make hammer a little bit you want to make a new empire then yeah That's yeah, King Charles. I just saying that it's disgusting. Um, he must he would not be good to eat. No Like liver and anchovies. Yeah, you couldn't smoke. Yeah, you probably can't jerky him at this point I think he is. Yeah. Yeah, that's disgusting, but the queen had some meat on her You say fucking Queen had cake Yeah, man, she's chasing those corgis around, you know

I want to look up Queen Elizabeth's butt. All right. Oh, it's quite plop You can keep going as I look this up with the oil for the coronation set to take place on May 6 That's coming up It was made sacred in Jerusalem's church of the Holy Sepulchre where Jesus was crucified and buried Jesus wants nothing to do with this That was all fake too and at the coronation King Charles the third will be blessed with the oil when it touches his head chest and hands I'll tell you what though Queen Elizabeth what she makes up for in depth of body. She was very wide She was surprisingly wide. Yeah, so she had kind of it was a flatter butt

But it was kind of a landscape style British a British butt. Mm-hmm Next story. Let's do it. I mean we better. Let's come back to America for this one. Thank God Let's go for death. I already covered the Sean Kemp story. So yeah, I don't know what other news we could cover Yeah, we're good. No foul play is suspected in the death of a Georgia businessman whose body was found wrapped in a rug This is really I actually very strange. It's it's a fun mystery. Maybe we can solve it. Did the Clintons do it? We'll not stand for these accusations Remember that Police are revealing new insight into their investigation into the death of a Georgia father who died on a business trip to baton Rouge

Now that's a good old-fashioned phone on a belt style business trip. Yeah, what is he selling rotary phones? Yeah, how do I unload these phones? It just is business trip It doesn't actually say what but that's the thing if you're going to buy on Rouge for business. What are you doing shower parts? You're selling shower parts until you're selling like you literally like anything industrial lubricants fiberglass Baptismals all that shit. You never know like a scrap metal. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Well, Millard's wife Amber Told channel to action news that her husband went to a college basketball game then a pub But never made it back to his hotel Paton Rouge chief of police Murphy J. Paul jr. Spoke about the case Tuesday afternoon

He said investigators dedicated many resources to the ongoing investigation and Investigators found no signs of foul play after discovering Millard's body wrapped in plastic Do you mind rolled in the rug? Do you mind doing that properly with the proper? New Orleans, but you can draw if you could investigate there's found no sign of foul play after discovering Millard's body wrapped in plastic It's French Well, you have to remember it all you have to do is the number one the only way to do Louie's get accent is Misocasion oh misocasion

You guys are getting there boy. It does saying ours. No gunshot wounds or signs of blunt force trauma You sound like the guy from the room Yeah, that's good. Yeah, so but I could see that okay, so he rolls around he rolls himself into a rug into a rug Yeah, I mean I could see a person being able to do that This is the problem they're come back with the toxicology report because right now there is no signs of foul play He was not strangled. He was not shot. He was not stabbed There's no specific bodily harm done to him, but what's weird is it's not that he was just in a rug because that he was wrapped In plastic and then wrapped in a rug. What's he trying to jerk off? I mean it's straight up

But where do they find him? Here's what's interesting about it They found him six miles from where he was last seen on CC TV He was in an abandoned shed behind a funeral home and he must have been hammered He might have been or but what I'm thinking there was like some foul play Maybe here. Maybe he died. Maybe he was sent to the funeral home Maybe he was maybe there was no idea on it Maybe his wallet was stolen. He was sent to the funeral home something happened in the funeral home Some paperwork wasn't actually done

So they wrapped him in a rug and put him out back to take care of him later Interesting Definitely, yeah, I could see just being just bad business value. There's a lot of bad funeral home Yeah, I can definitely see that I also could see what did I learn when I went to New Orleans by myself from where to grow? Like in Baton Rouge. Yeah, so I might I'll ask our listeners if it is the same for Baton Rouge But I wonder because people were so friendly and I was by myself So like I just ended up with this like group of guys They were out there a little before their own bachelor party and I was hanging out with them for like three days and

Anything could have happened to me because I got fucking blackout drunk. I followed them to casino I did all this type of weird shit. I got spanked by a dominatrix I got whipped in the street. Do you want to like go under and maybe like maybe remember some of the things that happened to you? God, no, oh god I don't know. I don't I like to keep those firmly in the subconscious. We're gonna put those in the Disney vault But I wonder if you know, you meet a guy to bed at a fucking sports bar. You start talking to she be like But you gotta show you you're like, oh, you like these boots. Mm-hmm huge come back by mine I'll show you so I got a whole Why

But then they go out to that like, you know, and then what do we know never go to a second location always truly ever you shouldn't do it So maybe maybe that's where it happens if you guys have a heart attack. Yeah, or what about this? What if he dies alone a bunch of drunk guys come upon them? They think they're gonna have a fun evening No, I was thinking like they're gonna do something fun like they do a weekend at Bernie's thing with him for a while Take him to a couple of bars. You're in Baton Rouge for the weekend. You're there for a business Have fun. What the fuck do we do to the dead body now? Where's that body? That by it goes to funeral home This in the morning, right we got those we got the cabania at the hotel, right?

And we bring him in there And then they're like man, he stinks Yeah, wrap them in a wrap them wrapped in Maybe he was just trying to be a little worm. Maybe he got drunk. It was like I want to be a worm. I There's so many ways to mysteriously die in America. There's just like so I guess across the world There's a reason I feel like Russia is the most mysterious. Yeah. Yeah, and then just jump off of buildings But I think they're thrown deep within the government of China I feel like there's a lot of weird shit happening in there and so but it's like I wonder like

Yeah, you know truth is false strange job, but any fiction we can construct sometimes I feel like yeah, he could have died of a heart attack And then you got a bunch of vagrants that find the body and they want to wrap it on plastic It's kind of fun and they put a minute carpet because they're like whoa cool fun It's a carpet fun or is it like they dies at some guy's house and he's like, oh, I got a baby He's got a worn out. Yeah, you know, and I gotta hide this body now Even though it's completely quote-unquote innocent or we're having some kind of illicit gay affair out here in the swamp Maybe right hiding from normal normal like who knows just hanging out

Maybe he's hanging out with somebody he met Maybe he was they were transporting the body and then somebody came upon them They got spooked drop the body and ran away true be well either way his wife is now a lonely widow and we need to Find this bitch a goose. I Would love to start side stories LP ot l a gmail.com Do you have a goose that was willing to be shipped to Baton Rouge to have sex with this grieving woman? Not just that not so no Georgia One though the widow is I'm Georgia and they're just gonna want to do shenanigans just shenanigans

Yeah shenanigans cemetery shenanigans and all I know is like just keep its beak away from your pussy Hmm. I don't care with anybody that is a level of torture. You try to teach a goose cunniling us But I do think that it's gonna be a Long process. Yeah, that's not happening. You might want to need to do it on a football or something You know, you might want to do it Like a couple of flesh lights and let them tear that up until they really get to hang up Yeah, he's gonna tear it up. No build animals for that. Also. Did you see the KFC chicken flesh light? Yeah. Yeah, what? I mean, I mean you can buy it you can buy it and theoretically fuck it

All right, I like being relaxed. It's chick. It's chicken It's fake chicken. Obviously the double downs back. I saw that I did America's returning back to normal. Yeah, that's nice Yeah, where are you? Where are you seeing? You didn't see it? His entire internet is something that we will never understand Mark. Oh, he has a hole like I've looked at his algorithm I've never seen an algorithm Different from mine. It is so why I don't it's so weird. It seems okay. It is I am seeing a video this

Yeah, I know I'm looking at that same thing that I think it's not fake Yeah, it's not fake as in somebody did construct a KFC chicken flesh light. It was constructed. Yeah Yeah, and you can buy one. Yeah, I want to be in your world by that measure Batman is also real because somebody created Batman No, but you can't fuck Batman I'm in a Batman costume. Can you buy Batman? No, you can buy this KFC. I don't think you can buy it. Yes You can right now. It's just soda cup But it's just somebody trying to fuck a piece of chicken if you can get a KFC flesh light here I'm gonna be generous. I'll give you two weeks if you can get it here in two weeks. I will give you 63 dollars

Wow Cash will consider it but we'll round it up. No, please man. I want this door up Please get the KFC flashlight on Etsy right now. Oh, you know who this is. No, this is this is a I know who this person is We made we did this whole thing. Remember they had on cartoon themed flesh lights Do you remember this? Mm-hmm? Then I've seen anything here. Oh, yeah, he's got a hole again. I don't know I'm gonna figure it out. Don't worry Yeah, I'll even I'll round it up 65 dollars. I will give you 60 that is that's how much this is worth to me is

$65. Okay. Well, get get ready for my pockets to get a little bit bigger Oh look it came with gravy but you you wait when I buy that KFC flesh light Then I come in with 20 piece chicken nuggets and the color of my kids Hmm. I mean then the things that is delusional I'm full eyeballs on all my nuggets and be like that's Tommy the nugget. You do not talk to talk to Honestly, just don't don't please question kissle on this family. Okay, that's his family. Yeah, it's who they are It's who he is. And you know what this home chooses love. Oh And now only have 19 Samantha died of cancer

We're gonna be ending my true crime round up with a quite Horrific tale. I like that. We're ending hard. Yeah, we're ending real hard here not even on human murder But let's get into it a woman from England who was goaded by laughing on the curse into cutting up and eating her pet Hamster, mr. Nibbles. Oh is jailed for a year. And by the way, she did it in a video I so what the way I will describe this woman is I'm gonna be generous here She does look like a woman that would eat a hamster. Oh, wow She really on camera. I mean speaking of total recall got to get to Mars

Wow, that is just like that Actor Ada squirrel apparently she was there's a controversy right because she very much on film Was eating a a cut in half And well, there's two videos the first video is there's the hamster and the hamster ball And she's got a knife and she was stabbing into the hamster ball To try and kill the hamster and then the second video the hamster is cut in half and she eats it whole She eats its intestines raw. Oh a woman in the room Laughs in the background. She's heard to say you're a sick bitch you all

Yeah, and they all laugh at me Is it like the British you don't hear too much of the crime because mostly it was like your knees are backwards You know, but then when you do when you we do hear the stories. Oh, yeah, they're intense So scary dude cuz they ain't better than us Yeah, you want to talk about fucking Florida man, you want to talk about all this fucking Who are cutting hamsters in half and eating Like we got yeah, but well what's happening is apparently this is based on a thing a What would you put a trend that's happening in UK called?

cocoon cocoon cocoon cocoon now she there this is why they're good So obviously this one was hard up. She was in top very much so on some form of crack cocaine But she was being goaded to like and what's interesting is that she did eat the hamster like she was Joey Chestnut Cuz she did the thing with the bottle of water where it's like every single time she took a bite She'd like wash it down with the fucking bottle of water right trying to get it down. There was no speed trial here I didn't know why we were rushing Because this is this is the show you know, you just want to get it done But there is this this this thing that is happening that she believed that they she was cocoon, right, which is people

slowly but surely Manipulating somebody who that is on drugs and eventually taking over their home So according to this woman her name is it was it Emily Parker, right? Emma Parker name of Parker Um, I was it wasn't she also in La La Land? 39 she's our age imagine that This is insane. Look at this woman's face. She we are the same age. She is that's a harder 39 than you. So the way she puts it. She was like, oh, I had to be the crack cocaine. Yeah, oh, I had a bite Good in it, right? But then eventually she said she for these her dealers would start showing up at her house and hanging out

Longer longer and then she'd be like they're like, I wrote my thanks for the role thing It isn't it's nice in it, right? It is kind of cute the way they do crack over there. They do. Yes It's out of like a talking teakettle. Oh, but then eventually they would start showing up And then they said like not only are we gonna like this is a good warning to you the dealers started offering We're gonna deliver drugs to your home. Okay without you even asking us to look We're just gonna start showing up and we're gonna come to you instead of you coming to us and And eventually they just started living inside of the house and now this seems to be a trend that is happening across the UK But no, but no answer to why she ate the little hamster

They said it's because now you have a bunch of people that literally have like weapons that you are she is basically saying I was I was Essentially a hostage. Mm-hmm doing this under duress. Yeah, but now why was why why did that happen? She But the drug dealer was like eat it eat the hamster cuz they they were malicious people Well, this woman said that she admitted like yes, that is me on the video But she claimed that she was helping the hamster to die after had been bitten by one of her dogs And that's not how you do it That's not how you do it You don't stab at it in a hamster wheel and then cut it in half and eat it not and not this I got no

Absolutely not maybe take some of the oils out from it and rub it on your king I'm god, it's what's gonna happen next when she said the incident took place at her home last May But refused to name those filming the footage telling police quote. They are not nice people Yeah, yeah, so she's a imagine I looked it up And this just seems to be common where people be like cuz you know we do and I'm we have an issue in America Because we do have a we're currently in a spiraling housing crisis But a part of that is that the idea of squatters of people showing up and just like taking over home live in there And they can they do actually have some agency because it's really just like if you can get in there

It's very difficult to get them out like your house though Yes, and so that's what people do if you ever there was a Netflix show called the worst roommate ever I think was called horrible name for a harrowing show because it was all about like people who show up in your home They read you and they figure out that they can manipulate you and then they just don't fucking leave They just stay inside your house, and then you can't get them out and then basically they're like you leave you can go And it's this is something that is happening that you know I don't know how often but there's like several like now videos and say how to avoid being cuckooed. Yeah It comes from the cuckoo bird because what the cuckoo bird does is that it

Goes into a nest of other birds it pushes those eggs out and then it lays its own eggs in there So the other bird raises its chicks, and then when the cuckoo birds hatch they eat the other chicks And this actually harkens back to a famous British news story that I'd never heard of before It harkens back to the famous tabloid headline Freddie star ate my hamster The Sun story from March of 1986 It alleged that the hungry comedian had placed a friend's pet hamster between two slices of bread and ate it at her Manchester home What after the pair went back there following a stage appearance in the city? What this was a good?

Well, I guess this is funny. Sure Freddie star did not happen Hmm well no it was fake news it was actually planted in the papers What became one of the best-known newspaper headlines of all time was concocted by his publicist max Clifford to gain attention for his tour The comedian later said that he had never so much as nibbled on a live hamster Durable guinea pig mouse shu vol or any other small mammal following stars death four years ago at the age of 76 The Sun's headline declared Freddie star joins his hamster. Yeah, that's funny He looks like he's committed a whole series of maybe he's just seen a lot and he looks like he may have hung out with Jimmy Savile Maybe they all I mean, I'm sure I'm sure we're all gonna get a bunch of look Freddie stars and fucking he's a he's a man

Most wonderful man in the world. How dare you say these things about Freddie star you fuck out and then like, okay? All right It's been everybody that lived in the 70s did something wrong Everybody who lived did something that was questionable because the need to you were you were next to that guy He was used to he was heated insult comedy physical comedy musical comedy and Observational comedy he's got that's all of it. I'd wish more comedians were more multifaceted Wow Like he was in a band called after the laughter. No, he had an album called after the laughter Nevermind. I thought he was in a band called after the laughter after the laugh It would have been a terrible band name after the laughter and start no the name of the the name of the band was actually Mercy beat

He became the lead singer of Mercy beat It was a pop group or the Midnighters also spelt Midnighters He was in which was managed which was managed by Brian Epstein. Is that Jeffrey Epstein's cousin? Oh, man That's a whole nother thing. I don't know I'm just glad we left our show and we ended our show in a good giant nyasma of confusion We don't know what we're saying and the audience doesn't know any of the fact They're probably screaming at their their car or their home right now answering all the questions that we're just googling live Probably because again, but you see

This is where the effort really comes in because we don't just say things willy-nilly do No, no Marcus. No, we're sitting here looking for the fence. It was interesting though. Star was not happy any longer He says I'm fed up with people shouting. Did you eat that hamster Freddy? You did it now I say give me one pound and I'll tell you then they give me a pound and I say no and walk away John it's sounding like a John Cleese. Yeah, and the mercy beat is not a bad. There was a band called the mercy Yeah, it was a famous band. Mercy beat was a style of music got you from it was yeah Mercy beat is damn fucking There we go. We're doing our best sir

Okay, hold on. He was on On November 2012 as part of the oh, that's the whole thing. I do. I feel like we are already like The thing they've listened so far It's the last five minutes, so you know Exactly what what do you think pause? This is what we'll do for the show for the end of this segment. We're gonna say so and What about that Teresa is your name Teresa? Well, there wasn't that's an interesting ha ha ha. There was a funny point. You just made

There was a defamation suit on October 8th 2012 Channel 4 reported allegations relating to star's appearance on Jimmy Savils BBC television we already said it. Click. Yes. Okay, so my so my first instinct was correct Correct. Yes, and you know what you could tell it was star. I knew he was a deviant by the way he smoked Star was arrested by police at his work work Shire home and connect you with the Jimmy Savils sexual abuse scandal Wow Yeah, everybody was then they were a Jimmy Savils did a really good job of implicating an entire Industry and royal family on his crimes. Yeah. Wow. All right everyone. Thank you so much Thank you. I can't wait to do our Jimmy Savils series. We have to do it some day Oh, no, it's nothing but smiles. Yeah

Everybody's gonna love it. Jim will fix it. There was a there is a good documentary on him now. Yes. Yes. It was fantastic Oh, so gross me my skin girl. I actually thought that the hitchhiker documentary wasn't very good Yeah, the hatchet hitchhiker. I'm not sure if we finished it. I think we I think we did I thought it was I thought it was All right youth was good. That was Kai the hitchhiker. Yeah, I thought it was good. It was just too long I hate when they get all too. They're too fun. They're making it to like Buzzfeed. Yeah, they really are it's too cute Everything's too cute. Yeah. Yeah, just like well get it. Just show me, you know murders murders You don't got to worry about cute when you listen to us No, well so much for listening to this fun relaxed bit episode. Thank you for being here Marcus

Obviously, it's it's the show that show you know that you have to be on we have to be on but also truthfully I love to do it. I love to do it. I think about this every day I wonder I can't I don't know what we did right to get to live our dreams. Yeah, I don't want to make my friend smile So that's what I say every day. I wake up and I pray I pray to Jesus Christ I'll make my friend smile. Yes, and did you I hope so you did all right everyone I'm a simple a farmer. We'll be April 8th Check out Henry and I for side stories remember all the wonder con. I've got it right here on Friday, March 24th We're gonna be signing at booth 1500 from 30 30 to 4 30 and on Saturday, March 25th

We're gonna be doing a panel in room 209 From 11 o'clock to noon and then we will do another signing at the z2 booth again booth 1500 come on by Why do you learn something for a chance? That's 12 30 to 130 and don't forget Tom Neely's also gonna be there I'm good good good good good plug because you gotta see go go look at his stuff. Come on. It's not really stuff It's just fantastic. He's never read the humans. It's great. I love it. Honestly. It's really good. I reread it recently It's very good. If you've never read Henry and Glenn forever. It's a fucking modern classic Yes, please go read that especially if you're a fan of Henry Rollins black flag Glenn Danzig or the Misfits I read Ed the happy clown. I fucking adore Ed the happy clown. It's great. It's one of my favorites. Yeah

All right Thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. Hail again. Thanks for stopping by Congratulations everybody. Hey cuz don't eat your hamster. Don't eat your hamster unless of course it's consented I don't think it has and new no-ducks and space episodes coming very soon. All right This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com