Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: True Crime Roundup - Stephen Paddock

Episode Date: April 8, 2023

It's time for another True Crime Roundup as the boys dig into the mysterious case of Las Vegas shooter Stephen Paddock, as well as a handful of stories including the Portland man who stole a forklift and "maniacally" terrorized pedestrians, the YouTuber shot while filming prank video in Sterling, VA mall, congregants in Johannesburg left in shock as Pastor fails to resurrect after a year in morgue, and the AI chatbot blamed for 'encouraging' young father to take his own life. 

Honestly, what's weird is that you know if you look into the actual lyrics of WTF is truly esoteric and what a fool believes is what he sees. What a fool believes is what he sees. Michael McDonald's full of Doobie Brothers, right? Yes, it's Michael McDonald. Who's the genius? He's technically a modern wizard. Again, fully ignored by no dogs in space.

Not even allowed to be considered. They won't mention anyone like that because no one really seems to care. No one is really clamoring for the history of Michael McDonald. How does Michael McDonald's fit into the pastiche of American music? I am a fucking part of the American fabric and it is for me and my ilk. It is for me. Yeah, pretty big piece of fabric. Pretty big piece of fabric.

You get it. See, what a fool believes he sees a wise man has the power to reason away what seems to be. So he understands he can see through the cloud, allegorical teaching, understands the maps not the territory. I sent you a song today by a band called Black Widow called Come to the Sabbath. Come to the Sabbath. Come to the Sabbath.

Come to the Sabbath. I want to go to the Sabbath. You chose to talk about the Doobie Brothers. Doobie Brothers. Doobie Brothers. Welcome to the last podcast of the left, everyone. Ben hanging out with the recently hit Henry and Marcus Parks. Nothing wrong with the Doobie Brothers, although I don't think anyone really needs to talk

about him. So it's interesting. Why are you talking about Doobie Brothers? Doobie Brothers. They're not brothers. I don't think they smoke Doobies. Where's the mother? Doobie.

Where's father? Doobie. Oh, father. Doobie. He's incarcerated. Um, also, I know fairly we have a due to draconian early marijuana loss. We have a really special episode. We're going to break down some of the greatest stories of what, like, would you say the month

the week? The week. This is the last week, man. This is just the last week. And then we'll do a little bit of a deeper dive into Stephen Paddock, which I think is to be fascinating, but I have some breaking news. Okay. Oh God.

Break it. And this comes out of Kenosha. Boots in the ground. They went straight to Kissel because they know he's the true people's advocate. Yep. I, Kenosha, Wisconsin, home of the Kenosha Kickers. Yeah. If you watch John Candy and Hold Alone.

Oh, yes. Yes. The Kenosha Kickers. I have been informed by people that live there. The Piggly Wiggly is no longer accepting pig points. Now, what this is going to do, if you do have people, I got a message from a woman. This is going to hollow out the slurpy, getting economy like it is going to, that's like wiping out the dollar in Kenosha.

It's a big deal. I got a couple of messages. There's one woman. She says, what am I going to do with my 3,879 pig points now? Technically, Piggly Wiggly is telling you to take those Piggly points, piggy points. Pig points. Right. Sit on them and spin.

And then it's not fun. Isn't that crazy? Let me ask it. Was there any indication? Hey, we're going to stop taking pig points in September. From the information I've received via DM from people on the ground. Eye reporters. Uh-huh.

No. Abrupt. It's Tuesday pig points. Come on in. It seems Wednesday. The pig point no longer offered his currency. Seriously, if you go to the actual website, the pig.net, which is the Piggly Wiggly website. We're still talking pig points.

It is honestly, they just put it in a new system. It says here, introducing your new pig points membership according to the website here. Okay. They still say in it. So they're still saying it. So maybe it's an individual Piggly Wiggly in Kenosha. You know what they did. What?

I, this is a protest against the recent vote in the, on the Wisconsin Supreme Court. Wow. This is deeper because it's still available in Walter Tree Plaza, Florida and South Carolina. Lads in South Carolina. Wow. Here's the interesting thing. What I found is that it seems as if there are two Piggly Wigglies. The pig.net.

What? Yes. That is more of the South. However, shopthepig.com. Yes. What? That is your Wisconsin Piggly Wiggly. What is this?

Anything on pig points there, Marcus? Is this a smoke screen? Where am I supposed to go? Who's in charge of it? Where is Joe Biden? I did not know that we had split the pig in too. This is quite fascinating information, Marcus. Anything on pig points in the Wisconsin shopthepig.com.

At pig, they call it pig points plus, by the way. Pig points plus. That's because that allows you to get diabetes faster. Okay. Great. Pig points plus. It still has the same, you know, rigmarole that they'd have. They probably had for years as far as how to earn points, track points, redeem points

at the Pomp or Deem pig points on grocery items. You know, that's the thing. That woman's saying that she has over 3,000 pig points. She said she had over 3,000 pig points. That's interesting to me. Do they roll over? Because that's interesting. Because points expire 90 days after the last use of your rewards card.

Oh, she's going in and out of the pig. She knows you. She knows you. There's a lot of traffic. She's off the pig. There is a worn out pathway from her home to the Piggly Wick course. Of course. You know where to get it.

You're fucking asked to relocate to Mullen, South Carolina. Wow. All right. Well, breaking news. I'm sorry to be the bearer of such sad news in Kenosha. You might have to uproot your entire family and go to South Carolina to cash in those pig points. I don't know if the infrastructure is going to hold in Mullen's because I don't know.

I think Mullen's all it really has is the stool factory and that's not even a chair. That's literal shit. I don't know what's going on in Mullen, South Carolina. They'll have fun shop the pig. Go work at your stool factory job. You'll certainly have a lot of work to do that day. Okay, Marcus. Shop the pig is what my parents used to say when they took me to the grocery store.

He needs to get his hoof steps in. I'm having fun with the roast of myself. Roast yourself. Yes, indeed. Anyway, some Kenosha news there for you. All right. And that was his research for the week. It was great.

It was great. I loved it. Technically, it wasn't research. Technically people just told him things. It was boots on the ground. I have eye reported. They're called eye reporting. He's delegating.

It's his street team. It's my street team. It's my pig, the weekly street team. Anyway, Marcus, let's get to some less important stories. We've got some big true crime news this week. However, we're going to start small with true crime. Sure. We're going to start with a whimsical true prime story.

A Portland man accused of stealing an $80,000 forklift from a Portland state university. Parking garage and driving it erratically at least 15 blocks through downtown laughed quote unquote maniacally as he chased a pedestrian and chatted a passers-by quote. I literally stole this. That's incredible. Drive it like you stole it. He is hyper literal on a fucking Monday or what he's doing. But that's the dream.

It's a dream. Really. Now my question is when it comes to forklifts, how crazy can you drive them? I mean, they go pretty fast. He says right here. What do they go? This is interesting. A witness at the Portland streetcar stop near Southwest 6th Avenue, she said she saw they

drive the forklift at a pedestrian while laughing maniacally, but he said he was going so fast. He was keeping pace with cars. Yeah, man. Well, well, how fast were the cars going? I mean, I think 20, 30 at the very most, but 25 at the very least. That's trucking. That's trucking. It's a scary day for that pedestrian.

Now, I guess guys got a great name. His name is Joffrey Zelinski. That's my bro. Joffrey Zelinski. Well, this is the key. I'm going to say this, ladies and gentlemen, OK, we all know I have pontificated endlessly about my love of giant machines and how I'm going to use them to enact some form of civil revenge at some point on an unannounced city somewhere in America or your brain.

I know this inspired by killdozer, perhaps, because again, only because with killdozer, he never killed anybody. He just, you know, he sort of loudly expressed the fact that sometimes life drives reasonable men to do unreasonable things. Yes. I don't know if he was that reasonable to start with. This is what I'm going to say. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you see a construction vehicle going through town, and especially

when it's got a big scoop, yeah, get up in the scoop, ride along with him, make it a movement, go alongside him, protect him from the police. You all sit around it while the thing's doing fucking, you got to do the eights. He's doing the infinity circle in the parking lot, and you're all hanging out and making a barbecue. It's a human shield is what you're requesting them to be. But then you turn it into a parking lot fair about independence. Well, so it's a float for freedom.

Well, let me ask you this. Is it different if, say, for example, killdozer, he constructed that. He did. He absolutely did. That's American ingenuity. This man broken behind a lock fence and just drove it away. American ingenuity. That's the other half of American ingenuity.

He drove it like he stole it. They're expensive, huh? Oh, yeah. 80 grand. But 80 grand, it's like, that's doable. Most farm equipment is well into the hundreds of thousands. Oh, very much. Isn't it crazy?

It's expensive. I know exactly how expensive it is. What about all these tanks and stuff that we have just hanging out, melt in a way? Why don't we just get them to become? The cops are buying them. No, I know. But even they like, we got a surplus of tanks. Yeah.

Maybe we should start giving our farmers tanks. But this is what I'm saying, man. It's a bad idea. It's a really bad idea. They're all just, they need to stay with the corn. They're up early. They go to bed at night early. No, that's a problem.

They're too up early. They're up too early. They're up too early. Do you know how much time my ranching family spent? Be with them as well. Do you know how much time we spent over Christmas setting out explosives about 100 yards away and just shooting them? Well, we just need to let them see how big of an explosion we could make?

They got to just stay farming. They got to be out there. They got to stay farming. They just stay with the beans. They don't want to give them the opportunity to blow up bigger things more often and easier. Now it's either an indictment on your family or the millions of people that have farmed before. It is not.

It is not just my family. Sir. They sell this stuff regularly at gun stores. Yeah. You can buy explosives anywhere. You can buy Simtex. Yeah. It's very easy.

But I, but that's why like, I feel that we fun though. I mean, honestly, it's super fun. Yeah. No, that's not. I'm not talking about childhood. I'm talking about Christmas 2022. Yeah. No, it's a secret.

Yeah. This is. Okay. There we, you know, they think a lot of people think there's having a couple of guns is going to protect you from the government, but actually you kind of need an infrastructure. You got to need a bunch of stuff going on. That's why it's like, if they're going to have tanks, we should be allowed to use construction equipment to defend ourselves against the tanks.

I mean, I think if you bought a, if you bought some big ass piece of farm equipment, bring it into your garage, you can do whatever the hell you want with it, but you could only bring it on the highway one day and that's it. That's the big day. Yeah. And of course, and that's well spent all my time painting it like the American flag. And then I have sparklers hanging off the side of it and my megaphone going with the twitch.tv slash last podcast network painted on the back of it as I go and I, I circle

around the highway saying like, we demand attention. We demand attention. You know what? That's not illegal, Henry. It's not. That you can do as long as it doesn't tear up the roads. That record show that Zelensky had a 2014 conviction for theft and possession of meth amphetamine.

Oh, that's the X-Fact. I am just inspired. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need meth. Yeah. No. What did he steal in 2014?

Not clear. Uh, however, he did also go into, into a diversion program for driving under the influence of intoxicants in 2021. Well, to the diversion program, do they play like Monopoly or? I believe it's rehab program, but it's a different way. I think maybe Oregon calls a rehab, something different. Yeah. They're like different, they're like using different words for different things.

Yeah. That's why though, it's all falling apart there and I got caught in the weeds. But I had to do, when I got my Dewey, when I was 19, I had to do one of those because of the six months you lose your license, you got to go talk to people. And it was interesting. There was a woman in there and she had many DUIs and she said, Mike, I don't drink and drive and I drink. And then the main chick who was the teacher, you know what she said?

What? I lost my sister to a drunk driver. I mean, and then from there on, we're like, oh no, no, she's not murdered. Oh yeah. That's bad. And then the whole rest of the class was like, this isn't fun anymore. And then this woman who was mourning the death of her sister, because the drunk driver didn't do it right, yelled at us like we did it.

I didn't do it. I was driving to University Park and like going real slow. I remember when I was in high school, we had a teacher who told this story during class one day, this very tearful story about, he had a student once that he loved and respected and he was wonderful and he was killed by a drunk driver. And he was, one of his friends was drunk and he was very tearful and it was very moving, you know, and it makes you think twice. I found out years later, I asked him about it.

Turns out he made the story up and he just tells it every year to high school kids. I like him. I like him too. That's called material, my friend. I liked coach Arnold. Coach Arnold was okay. Yeah, man. You never, you know how many standups are like, you know, last week, my wife, she said,

they never, it's all fake. It's all, they never did it yesterday, especially on late night. They're full of lies. You've really cracked them down. Yeah. I'm taking old infrastructure down with me and this is just a taste. I mean, I will say, if you do want to get into standup, you can lie about most of the stuff, you know, I got a blow job, but then again, but then it got bad because, but that

was a lie that got out of control. Yeah, I was feel bad for him. Yeah. This guy built a whole fucking infrastructure on his lies. He built a whole DIY sympathy network. Yeah. He had a whole, he had a name for the kid and everything. I think the name was like OBE or something like that.

It was a weird, yeah, it was a weird name, but that's the thing is that it was a weird enough name where you're going to remember the name. That's the problem though. His name was Don Trello Montgomery making shit up. I love Don Trello. That's the one thing that you can tell when people are lying when you, because we've watched a lot of police investigations. We'll be like, I was 14 feet away from the victim at the time, 1131 with 14 seconds.

It does not work. And in no way would that be possible for me to be there. The more specific, the more chances are you making it up. Oh yeah. And especially they could see in your behavior before they arrive. They're watching you. Oh, as soon as you get in there, it's showtime. They're watching you.

So you really need to remember frown, put the frown on when you arrive, like remember practice before you do a heinous act to God knows who has it coming. Practice your mask. Work. I'm so afraid of the lead up to the Stephen Paddock story. We are going to get there. The FBI will talk about it released a whole dossier on Mr. Paddock because he's been more of one of the more like, what the fuck characters in American true crime history.

Well, let's move from prankish behavior to a prank gone wrong. So it doesn't happen. So the guy's fine. The guy's fine. They found him 10 blocks away. They cornered him on a one going wrong, the wrong way on a one way street. He just got off and he just kept chatting. I literally stole this.

It comes down to it. That's just a fun day. Yeah. He was just in where he got the forklift and he said, quote, some parking garage. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe he was upset about his pig points being taken away. Well, next story, 21 year old Tanner cooks.

He said he was recording a prank video inside a sterling Virginia mall when 31 year old Alan Colley allegedly shot him in the stomach. Now I don't believe that anybody should be shot over comedy. I don't think anybody should ever shoot a comedian. No, I don't think anyone should be shot over anything unless someone is literally breaking into your home with a gun about to kill you. Other than that, people shouldn't be shot in general. But this guy made a mistake, a crucial mistake in looking at because the man, the YouTuber

made a mistake. The YouTuber made a mistake because he looked at this guy and he thought, oh, this guy will take a ribbing. Now they did not really go into details about what the prank was, but it did seem to involve a type of him approaching a man that he assumed did not speak English, something like, and then he was using Google translate to say a bunch of either fucked up or inappropriate things in a prank style manner. But if you then realize the true skill of the impractical jokers of being able to disassemble

people's reaction to them saying something highly inappropriate, it shows that actually is a skill set. It is. This man bombed and then in his own bombing got shot. So impractical jokers, their total legends, they're one of the few people that do it with a good heart. Yeah. I'm just going to say this and I'm going to go full on.

I'm going, folks, you're a pinhead. I'm going full bill. Oh, God. I'm going full bill. All right. This is not a good. No, this is good. This is good.

He deserved it. Wow. Wow. I am so sick. I am so sick. No one's in his place. Why do I care where you're from? No one should be shot.

So sick. No one should be shot. But I'm saying you're going to do a prank. You're going to come up and you see people in the suit, in this grocery store, they put like some hat on someone's head and then they're like, what happened? And then you get taken down. People are stressed out. Yeah.

And I am sick and tired. I am sick and tired. Why do I care where you're from? Water bottles. Okay. You've done the water bottle speech without the Bill Riley voice and it's not even his speech. That's Andy Rooney speech.

I'm really handling my own Andy Rooney. Yes. But I am so aggravated, interpolated, very interpolated right now with the people that just come up to random people and try to do little pranks for the YouTube video. You don't know what someone's going through. It just needs to be, it needs to be lighthearted. Well Tanner Cook, that's the guy's name. His name is Tanner.

He said, I was... Tanners can't be funny. I'm sorry. You can be president. You can be... That's the most correct thing you've said so far. Yeah. Well Tanner said, I was playing a prank and a simple practical joke and this guy didn't

take it very well. No he didn't. That's a good enough job, Tanner. Again, that's called bombing. It's bombing for comedians. It can be very dangerous. And what's incredible is that the guy didn't say a word. Yeah.

The guy was playing it. This guy, Tanner, was playing a prank on this guy. His name is Collie. Collie did not say a word, simply looked at him, pulled out a gun and shot him in the stomach. Well, Collie is named after a dog and I'm sure... Well, that's his last name. Well, that's even worse.

It's a family of dog fuckers. So they're the Collies. His first name's Alan. He looks like someone who is recently in need of drugs. Yeah. And I don't... It's worn off. The thing that you mentioned, Henry, when it comes to IP and practical jokers, IJ.

IJ. I'm some stupid. Yeah, I'm some stupid. When it comes to AR and practical jokers, take everything with a grain of salt. Yeah. Today, let's do full pretzels. Yeah. We're little pretzels today.

Yeah. You have got to scout. You need a producer that scouts the right mark. That's the idea. And you set a scenario where they prank... That's why it's good to have an infrastructure where you like... You set it up when impractical jokers do their bits, right? They have a whole team in there that are watching it.

They catch you. They... Also, they built an experience to understand who do you approach and who do you not approach. And he... You figure out... The main thing to do is what you guys... We were talking a little bit when this story first came out, which is never in somebody who is in withdrawals of drugs.

No. You need someone freshly high. And I don't know what the... That'll be into it. I don't know what the fuck it's going to take for people to understand. And I'm almost saying this with almost an amount of pride. White men from 25 to 40, don't talk to them. They're scary people.

Have we not followed the news? Don't talk to them. Don't talk to them. Don't talk to them. Yeah. Do not talk to them. Do them alone. Find a friend...

Find a friendly person or a younger man. Because all they think about... I did. They did. I was superior. I don't feel very superior. The fuck is my privilege? And then that's all they're thinking.

And then all of a sudden you're going to go do a joke in front of them? No. I don't know. This is really touched up. This is a nerve and kiss. But you know what? Bad comedy. I might be sharing this nerve with Kissel just a little bit.

It's interesting. I mean, I'm seeing where your nerve is. I'm just... It's there. All I'm doing is that... What I'm doing is I'm putting a hand over the nerve and I'm saying, Henry, don't touch that nerve. I'm going to try to.

I'm going to try to. But I do love the statement from his father, Jeremy Cook. The father statement's amazing. I love this because... This is a... Yes. Now, this is definitely a comedian's father's response. They were making a video at the mall and trying to have fun with people and this guy wasn't

having fun. There was a phone that was around him and they were interviewing or talking to him and he didn't like it and he pulled out his gun and he shot my son. Now, we need restoration. We need healing and we need to come together. I pray for this young man. I pray that he finds God in this. I believe that God saved our son's life and he could have easily died, but that's not

the outcome. God has plans for my son. He is going to be the fourth impractical joker since the unquenchable loss of Joe Gattle. They have not been the same and we all know it, Joey Fatone is not a proper replacement for Joe Gattle. You can't just cover Joe up with celebrity gals. You can't do it. Captain Big Belly.

I know. You can't do it. I know. And then the grandfather weighed in immediately after that. He said, it's surreal. It's obviously been unnerving and some fear running in and out, but we live on faith, not fear. I just think the household-

It's just a Christian prank show is fucking awful. I hope it's not. Oh, it's really bad. I will, to be honest, I didn't understand more of the shooting if it was a Christian prank show because don't fool me with Christ. You know what I mean? I'll take anything. You can joke me with anything.

I'll take it. We have too many guns, right? Oh, yes. But we all know that. So with that knowledge going in to the mall and you're like, let's be a joke. Let's see who's armed. Let's see who's not armed. Maybe do one joke.

Be like, got any guns? Or like start with like something really like, how armed are you, you know, like stuff like that? Well, I'd love to find out the true nature of the prank because it does seem on one end, if it is annoying in general, right? We know that. We just know that in general because again, it's a certain skill set in order to properly break the ice with somebody.

I'd love to find out whether or not it was like, oh, you remember in Wonder Showson, when they did what riles you up Harlem? I was wonderful. What riles you up Harlem was my favorite bit ever because just the sheer nature of asking somebody with a puppet going like, Hey, what makes you angry? Like it's awesome television. It's great. It was great.

But Triumph the Insult Comic Dog also knows how to do it. But Wonder Showson, those guys talked about how they had to stop that bit eventually because they were getting physically attacked. Yeah. Every time they did it. And then they eventually they're like, Hey, you know, we are just comedians. Like, yes, we are like, we push the boundaries now, but you don't want to push the boundaries and with public people who don't know that their boundaries are being pushed because

people are highly unpredictable animals. Especially right now. Yes. You never know. You never know when somebody's still going through brain fog and they don't know that and they're going to get real mad because they're confused. Yes. Well, that's a hyper specific thing for you, Mark.

It's across the country. It is absolutely the theory that we have going right now that brain fog is why people are acting so fucking crazy because people with lower intelligence get really mad when they get confused and they're getting confused more often because they have brain fog from long COVID. Yeah. I think it's the sugar. That's Ted Bundy's defense.

That's literally. Oh my God. Don't even get me started on my theory that fucking that long COVID is the reason why the housing crisis is so big right now because people are physically unable to work. And the reason why none of the fast food jobs are getting filled is because people cannot physically do these extremely physically demanding jobs. And I think in 20 years, people are going to look back at the housing crisis that we're going through right now and they're going to see that long COVID is going to be one

of the biggest reasons why we have this crisis. Racism. Racism is another. Another thing. Another thing. Well, it's disparate. Many factors. Yes.

Okay. But long. We'll put it in the omelet. Replace this all with robots. Yeah. Yeah. The onion. The onion.

Onion. All right. Very good. Well, either way, so the lesson here is if you are a prankster, you want to be a rising YouTube star, scout properly and make sure I would say bring the person that you're talking with in on the joke. Yeah. Don't make them the butt of the joke because everyone is angry.

Oh, so make fun of yourself. Going through something. Make fun of yourself. That's always very good. It's disarming. We all have a sense of humor too. Oh, yeah. But despite his injuries, Tanner Cook said it will not stop him from creating videos.

He should stop. Hey, I'm going to say you got shot. No, it's the ultimate note that you'd get it from the end of a run at a comedy club. He's not. It is the ultimate like, okay, check taking the, okay, that's the feedback. I will, let's think about this material and maybe we'll zhuzh it up and move on. This is the difference between musicians and comedians. He's not 50 cent now.

No, he's just not. This is Billy Joe Schaefer shaving off three of his hands. No, it means he's going to be. This is the comedian who got shot because he wasn't funny enough. Well, now he got shot. It means he's going to be bulletproof during the primaries. I, what the fuck is the next story? I don't know.

I can't believe. I've been trying to purge my brain, bulletproof during the primaries. What does it even mean? I have no fucking clue what you're talking about. I don't know. Robert F. Kennedy is running. Are you scared Joe? I'm going to vote for him.

That's good. I'm voting for Robert F. Kennedy. Go to South Africa for our next story. It's not necessarily true crime, but it certainly is related to death. Cool. Good. Members of a church in Johannesburg, South Africa, South Africa are reportedly in shock after their deceased pastor failed to resurrect after spending nearly two years in the local

morgue. According to a report in opera news, the pastor has been checked and it has been confirmed that he is still dead. I've been talking on his dick for weeks. Hey, he just won't get up. I'm trying to figure out whether you know he was the law of a night held in a bit of America to the soul of the people. Is that how they sound?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my, my name's Ronald. My name's Ronald and I've got a gambling problem. Seems like a little bit more Australian than a New Zealandish. And it don't, and it don't like, I can't stop gambling and can't, can't do my name's

wrong. You have a gambling problem? Well, okay, well fair. Are you doing South African gambling? Yeah. Oh, I have to say, I can't believe where's my pulse? I'm not getting treated with new things. Oh my God.

Well, that is not a reason to go to Piggly Wiggly in Kenosha and do anything wrong. No. The most thing you can do in order to get back at the pig, you can throw a shelled peanut at it. You know what? Or you could just go to a different store. No. Go to a different store.

There's no more Piggly Wiggly's. Go to Culver's. Yeah. They're all owned by Kroger's. Yeah. Albertsons. I didn't notice that. Kroger's card is now every card.

You know, it's bad. Except for Ralph's. Except for Ralph's. No, Ralph's is Kroger. What? Yes. Ugh. Man.

I can't escape. You can't escape. I can't escape the nature. Let me check. Let me check my fucking rewards card here. No, it just says Ralph's. No. No rewards card.

Yeah. Because they don't. Go to Culver's. Culver's is a Butterburger restaurant. Yeah. We're talking about supermarkets. Go to these stores. Yeah.

Fucking make your own stuff. So you're going to go and you're going to order a bunch of food from Culver's, bring it home, deconstruct it and make your like lasagna. Yeah. Yeah. All your ingredients that you need are at Culver's. I would love to see that. I would love to see that.

Hold on a second. That's like a food network show that we should do. Also, by the way, that Super Size Me show has been debunked more times than I just watched somebody on YouTube who said he only ate McDonald's for three years and he lost weight. Wow. We did this episode to be easy going and we're going to receive more emails about this episode than any work or the dozens and dozens of hours of work that wasn't this year. We got one email that was like, I think you did a good job, but it felt the pushback

at the end was a little harsh and just being like, cool, thanks. That's it. We're going to get ripped apart for the next two weeks. I just people were like, oh, this poor guy has to eat three meals a day. You know how offensive that video movie must have been to someone starving? I don't think anyone's that was starving was going to be able to rent or pay a ticket to go see Super Size Me. Oh, sure.

They play him on buses and stuff. It's only too early for the debunked Super Size Me conversation. This was like three years ago. This is 3 a.m. like sitting there been like, I'm telling you none of the things full of fucking shit. Super Size Me. It is Super Size Me. Also Super Size Me.

Every meal. Yeah, me and my friends went and saw Super Size Me because it came out when we were in college. It came out like 16, 17 years ago. And after we got out, I told them that it made me hungry for McDonald's and they called me disgusting. And you're just like, how could you possibly be hungry for McDonald's? It's because we're fucking police.

After seeing all that. We're a Texas tech and I'm hammered. Yeah. I looked at McDonald's for an hour and a half. I love McDonald's. Exactly. How could I not come out of it wanting McDonald's? I went and immediately got, I was like, ooh, I'm going to treat myself.

I went and got, I didn't get a dollar cheeseburger that day. I went and got a quarter pounder. Are we also not going to pretend that motherfucker gave McDonald's like $50,000 that month? We had to because if not, they were going to sue him into absolute total nothing. Oh my goodness. Back to this dead pastor. Thank you. Friends and family reportedly visited Siva Moodley's body in the funeral home to pray

that he could be restored to life. They needed a defibrillator machine. Yeah. Dead and embalmed, but that didn't happen and the funeral home was forced to obtain a court order to have Moodley buried. Yes. Buried this man. No, no, no, no, no.

And you know what? I'd be like, nah, you fucking keep it. Yeah. If you want him, you keep him. He gives a shit. Yeah. You think he's coming back? Well, good.

I'll get a taxes again. You know what they could do is limited run vodka, put a little pieces of his body in all the vodka to kiss the toe with Rasputin's big cock or something like that. There's a toe in a drink. Yeah. There's a toe in a drink. Kiss the toe. I think it's what that's in the Yukon, I think it's in the Yukon.

I think it's in Canada. Pretty sure that's Canada. I don't know. I don't know. Yukon was Canada. Yukon is Canada. It's a large swath of Canada, but it's largely in habitable because of the tundra and also all of the oil that's where like Canada's entire economy comes from the oil that they

pull out. Pop quiz hot shots. Who won the NCAA men's championship? I don't know. It was one of the two teams that should have, I remember it being so boring because nobody cared about who was in the finals because it was two teams that didn't come. I mean, if it was like Loyola, the Sacramento Braziers, was it the, the, the St. Megan's devil boy.

I love the St. Megan's devil boys. I love them. They are like, they're merches fucking sweet. Super cool. I love, I have this pair of it's panties for boys that I've been wearing from them and that it's been awesome. I mean, my, my dick, my balls keep sliding out the side of it and it is cutting me. My taint is, it's getting cut because we have different parts down there, but it's nice.

Yukon. Yukon. Wow. Trick question. Yeah. What a waste of a college. Yeah. No, it's quite a successful college, but I don't think it's in the Yukon.

No, it's in Connecticut. Hmm. Well, Moodley, the founder of Miracle Center Ministry in Johannesburg is believed to have died on August 14th, 2021 at age 53. Wow. But his body remained preserved at a local funeral home because his family believed he would be resurrected in life. Moodley preached about the possibility of miracles according to the ministry's website

quote at the miracle center. Miracles really are normal. Cancers healed blind eyes and deaf ears opened legs grown and gold dust or just some of the regular miracles. Wow. That's what you can expect if you come to Miracle Center Ministry. Just go to the hospital or something. Yeah.

If you die. I mean. So you pray and pray and pray and then the wrestler gold dust shows up and then what does he do? He blows with your father. He kisses the nape of your neck gently. No. Covering it in makeup.

We're living it. Gives you the shattered dreams. Is that what his final move was? Yeah. Right. That's fun. Cool. Right.

He kicked people in the balls. That's what his finisher was, huh? No. That was just one of his things. Right. It was a slam bam. Right. The signature moves was kicking in the balls.

The signature moves. But his finisher, he would be sexy first, right? Well, he would do that throughout the match. Yeah. He was always like flirting. It was all about like fear of, it was like it's true fear of the game. Yeah. You got a sexual panic.

But then when you got a sexual panic. Sean, then he went into more of a BDS, BDS, BTS, BDSM kind of phase. But then he regretted it and then now, but now he's like fine with it. Well, he's doing it good because I feel like, didn't he say like that was a, that was a stereotypical approach to playing. Well, he was just very drunk. Yeah. He's having a small drug problem because of all the pain.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, according to a manager of the funeral home, Moodley's family failed to claim the body for 579 days after the pastor died. Employees made 28 attempts, including emails, more than 40 WhatsApp messages and attorneys' letters to contact the pastor's wife and children for instructions on what to do with the body.

Do you dig a hole and throw it at it? What do you think this is that? They didn't have permission though, because when Moodley died, his wife allegedly told the undertaker she had a vision. Her husband could be resurrected. The family took the pastor's body to the funeral home, but never consented to burial or cremation. And by South African law, the family has to consent as to what you do with the body. So the funeral home was in a bind.

Very interesting because you first of all, they're not doing anything to help him be resurrected because it doesn't God help those who help themselves. There should be some advanced ritual. He was supposed to be doing it on his own. Oh, like on the other side? I think so. So he's supposed to be doing the work, too? But they took all the blood out of his body.

So if he did come back, he would just die in toxic poison that's been made. Oh, he's screaming. So what if he did try to come back and he's like, oh, you took my blood out? As his like insides were fucking fully pickled. Yeah. That's one of my, that's one of my favorite street jokes. It's like, what would Albert Einstein say if he was alive today? Get me out of this gas can.

Get me out of here. Get me out of here. Oh, yeah, of course. That's how they all say. Bam, bam, bam, bam. That was also a princess die joke. Oh, that was also a princess die joke. That's good.

You can apply it to really any person. Any dead beloved person. Well, princess die, there is a lot of speculation. She is indeed still alive. Is there speculation? Yes. There's a lot of speculation on that. Is that who Meghan Markle is?

Yes. Meghan Markle is Princess Diana. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, you got to be like, it's so interesting because they're sitting there and I feel like there's like, I blame laziness. There's no, because when they try to bring back that dead kid, we're talking about this Ozark church that was at a little boy, I believe it was a little boy die.

And then they, they said that we could bring it back over three days of praying, but they did like, it was like, you know, when Bruce Springsteen praised Rosalita like three times at the end of the concert, it was like that. Like they were singing and they were praying and there was a lot of stuff. There was a lot of laying in a hand when the little boy died during the service. Well, no, the boy had already died. They just brought him in there to like, they did special services saying we can bring the boy back to life.

Wow. We can bring him back. That is such a fucking gamble. It really was. But that's a lot of confidence. That's a lot of confidence. This is the same church that claims that they grew the woman's three toes back. Show me the toes.com.

Show me the toes.com. And they still haven't. We haven't seen any. No, they have not. Not even a pair of fake toes. No. We haven't seen. It's interesting because that's why we're like, so he's just rocking back there and they're

just sitting like, ah, you know, no, he's just yeah, he's rotting for two years. I think they just got, I think the, I think the family probably secretly hated him. I think they probably want this. This is huge folklore for the family. And as long as he's not buried, they can still be like, you never know when he's coming back. And they get the attention. They get the attention because it's they get to like live and be mournful and be special. So assuming this is quite a religious community, this man is probably considered quite a higher

elder. Well, not necessarily. It is a religious community. Absolutely. Cause listen to what the director of the funeral home said. He's a man, the last name of DuTois. DuTois said, you're trying to push the hand of God to do something that he doesn't want to do.

If he wanted to do the resurrection, he would have done so a long time ago. Not wait, not wait for months or a year. But I don't know where they could have come up with this stupid theology. I love them more. That is interesting. That's bone slicer. That's literally him just being like, I don't understand. God is a 14 year old boy and the parents are like, did you clean your room?

And he's like, no, I didn't want to clean my room. So the God was just like, I don't want to resurrect. So we have to nag a God to do something. This isn't happening. Well, after the family had been silent for more than a year, the funeral home raised health concerns in court. What the fuck are they doing with this body? I mean, they were trying to be respectful, I think they're trying to respect his God.

Come on now. They hope to obtain a court order to bury Moodley by the end of the year, but it didn't come. Finally this year, officials decreed that Moodley should be buried. This is the interesting part about it. The pastor was laid to rest last week at West Park Cemetery. His siblings and extended family were in attendance, but his wife and two children were not. She hated him. Yeah.

That's all it is. These were the people that kept yelling. He's going to be resurrected. He's going to be resurrected. Well, you better hope not now. These are this. It's the literal same energy as showing up thinking that JFK Jr is going to show up at a Q conference.

We're like, they don't know. We just don't know. We have. I'm holding out. Hold on. We're all holding out. But the idea of like looking at, they were trying to show a big protest. They're doing that.

That they're all taking a page from the same playbook of like, we're going to boycott hit my husband's funeral because we believe this and no one else does. I also think of JFK Jr. did somehow miraculously come back into this realm and know why he was here to be the vice president of Trump. Great to fucking. He'd shoot himself in the fucking head. Oh my God. He'd be like, these are my constituents.

None. I thought I'd come. He'd pull these fucking troglodytes. I'd go back to whatever that realm was. Do you remember the way he went out, which was like him banging? I forget who it was. Very attractive. He had his own magazine.

It was a plane crash. He'd come into fucking Deloitte, Texas to look at all you fucking shitheads. No, he's not going to fucking Jacksonville. He's going to Kennebunkport. Oh, Kennebunkport. He's back to Martha's Vintage. Oh, yeah. No, he's not going anywhere fucking south of the Mason Dixon line and you're fucking

kidding me. We just don't know. You think the afterlife is going to eradicate the wasp blue inside of his blood? I don't think so. You remember the last time a Kennedy went to Texas? We all do. Bad things happen. Yeah.

His head fucking just blew up like that. It must have been the heat. Yeah. I think that must have been the heat. It should have had a gatorage. Honey, is there a bee around? I feel like there's something on my head. Well, isn't that sweet though?

We should all be so lucky to pick up the brains and really see the mind of our partner. Will you do everything possible to make sure my body is not entered in a grave? Yeah. Of course. You're not going to be buried. I'm seeing this right now. I'm coming back. Oh, so you're not coming back.

No, I'm coming back. So I have. So. Oh, okay. So it's not. It's called an encore. Oh, man. When I was at WrestleMania this weekend, I was hoping because Andy Kaufman got inducted.

Yeah. I was like, if Andy's still alive, it'd be good boost. I think you'd be dead anyway. Yeah, you would be. So did I just sign myself up to store your corpse? Well, no, it'll be at the studio. No, no, no. It'll be at the studio.

Just keep it on ice. On ice. In the pool. Like literally like fill the pool with ice. Just let my body float around on there for a while. Sure. And just don't let anybody touch me until the government makes you do it. I feel like it's more going to be like.

You know what I've always wanted to do? Cause you know, I'm such a Randy Kraft fan. Oh, yeah. I've always wanted to take a turn real tight and throw a body out the car. So maybe we'll prop you up in the passenger seat of the truck. Everyone will get to do it once. Yeah. Road rash.

When I die, we will run a true crime experience camp where you get to do all sorts of things with a dead body that you kind of maybe thought about, but you don't want to go fully into it because maybe it gives you the egg or you're like father, you know, like one of those people where it's like, but then you get to like, what's it like to haul a body from upstairs bedroom out to how hard is it to do? How difficult. And maybe then we can finally have a little bit more respect for how much work did Ed have to do?

What's his lumbar support? Also, Eddie must have had some bad lumbar. Can we even tease? No, I don't think we can. We are going to be part of a great Ed. I don't think we can say anything about that. Anything? Yeah, I don't think we can just yet.

Can we? I think we could say we're a part of some Ed Gein experience. I think we can say that. Experience. What do you think? A new theatrical event. Peter Dinklage is Ed Gein. Oh man, Dink the Dink.

He's going to crush Ed Gein. Summer 2024 at Universal Studios, Florida, the Ed Gein experience. Oh yeah. 4D. You fucking wait. When it's Trump's fifth term and he refuses to die and it's 2078 and it's the Ed Gein experience at Universal and all of our shit head grandkids. Fang is the Ed Gein experience.

It's here. And everything is going to be horrible and more people are going to be congressmen. The key right there is probably better. You keep them labious, right? You look at them labious. Don't stick your dick in it. Like that's the whole experience. You just try not to stick your dick in a labious.

Oh my goodness. You go through the whole human corpse. But in a ride. But you wear tits. You have to. Perfect. I love it. Or you ride in a titmobile.

Titmobile. Dimple belt for the little seatbelts. Dimple belts. Yeah. The actual, it's kind of like in- You go through the graves. Yeah. Go through the graves.

It's like on a log flume. You ride in a big log and said you ride in the skin suit. Cool. And also let's not forget the power of 4D now. Power of 4D. So you don't even, this could all be screens. Or the smells then. Oh my, if we could simulate the smell of edgines.

I certainly wouldn't be having sex with them. The smell was just too bad. God, I wish. The smell was just too bad. I know there's a lot of people, they harness their farts. Even their burps, little canisters. If I could just get one of those jam jars and just sweep it through the air of edgine's house, I can't, I mean, honestly, it's a smell that I don't think exists anywhere else in

the world. By the time the bodies, what we know is that by the time everything that he got to was so preserved, I feel like they would have smelled fairly neutral. No. And mostly what Edgine smelled like himself. I think- You didn't body was- They didn't smell neutral.

I think the house would have been quite musty. And I think must would have been the overarching scent. They think so. It's a HAPA filter. What about all the blood? Dried blood has a very strong scent. Yeah. You should know.

Well, at the summer kitchen where he hung Bernie's warden's body, that definitely would have had a much more of a scent because you're also dealing with viscera. Once you pull viscera out and actually there would probably, there probably would have been quite the smell in the living room because remember he kept the viscera in the paper bag. So you would have smelled that you definitely would have smelled at least the faint air of shit. And I have to say- And he needed a Yankee candle.

Oh my God. Yeah. I just had an aha moment. Speaking of wrestling, viscera, former Linona's Mabel. Mm-hmm. He was with Undertaker. His name was viscera. I don't know.

Am I supposed to connect to you? Mabel. Mabel. You remember Mabel? Mabel? Was that like a soup cooker or like a soup chef? No. He was a rapper.

Mabel. Big fat, huge man. He's dead. I know Mace. No, not Mace. He's a pastor. Oh yeah. Mabel.

Yeah. He had a character named- King Mabel. King Mabel. Yeah. I loved Mabel. He had a character named viscera. That was the dominion of darkness. Something like that.

Yeah. That was the dominion and all those people. Ministry of darkness? Ministry of darkness. That's what it was. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of remember that sort of thing.

I didn't realize his name meant guts. Inner gut. Shit. Piss blood. That man had huge breasts. He did. And he was quite dangerous in the ring. He heard a lot of people, including Undertaker.

Before he was viscera, the Wikipedia page describes him as a friendly rapping giant. He was. You can see. He's got a foopa of terror. He does. He does. That's a big. That's a strong ass foopa.

You could bucket. Marcus could slide his torso underneath that. You could. Men on a mission was the name of the rap group. And WrestleMania 11, the worst WrestleMania ever, but they did have a little hip hop video. He kind of suffers from what I do, where it's like, because you know, I work out. Yeah. You guys can tell, obviously.

Yeah. But I noticed that when I work out, I mostly just look fatter. Like I don't get cut. No. I just get bigger. You get more barely because he becomes more like a barrel. Like a barrel chested. My chest just, my tits just get bigger.

Yeah. My belly gets bigger. But you're stronger. You're hard. I'm harder than I was. There you go. That's all that matters anyway. That is true.

Well, let's move on to the world of AI and death. I don't like this chat GPT. I'll tell you one thing. These college kids are getting off way too easy. Have you tried? It's not good. It's not good enough. It's scary.

It's fine. Actually, it did write me a really fun story the other day about Rasputin tricking a bunch of monks into turning their monastery into an ice cream factory. It's not very good. And then you just told me a story that makes you audibly happy. It made me really happy. So it is. It made him smile more than we've made him smile in years.

And then the monks at the end of the story, after they were like super upset that their monastery got turned into an ice cream factory, they tied Rasputin to the train tracks and ran a train over him. That's fun. It's genius. You know, if you still feel like we, it's our duty to beat them. We got to beat them. Yep.

And coming up soon, a no dogs in space series on the monks. Oh, good. Wow. That's a famous band. It's no doobie brothers. It's a very famous band. The doobie brothers have an entire family and they're not a famous band, but you're going to love them.

You're going to love them. China Grove is also a great song. It's China. I like China Grove. I actually heard Fat Lip by some 41 on the way over here. Hmm, you know who else I like, Fat Lip, the artist, the rap artist, the rap artist. We don't know. A Belgian man reportedly ended his life following a six week long conversation about the climate

crisis with an AI chatbot. See, he was already going to do it. He was. I don't think so. I think the chatbot probably put him over the edge. Well, according to his widow who chose to remain anonymous, a man named Pierre, not his real name, but Pierre, they figure he's Belgian. Let's call him Pierre.

His real name. Yeah. He became extremely echo anxious when he found refuge in Eliza, an AI chatbot on an app called Chai. Oh God, it's after the worst drink at a coffee shop. Yeah. Eliza consequently encouraged him to put an end to his life after he proposed sacrificing himself to save the planet.

Supposedly. Yes. And you, it's like supposed to do this to you. I mean, I've been talking with Bard and it actively argues with you. That's good. Those are the good ones. Yeah. The bad ones are supposed to reiterate.

Eliza. It's a bootleg AI. Yeah. It's based, it's kind of based on the same sort of a, cause I tried Eliza, I tried Chai. It's not very good. Yeah. It's, it feels bootleg. It feels like the way, what do you call it?

If you're looking for meaning in that, it's the same as looking for meaning in like, I literally, you know, those like rip off RPG games that you get where like there's nothing in it. Yeah. It's a, it's the sure fine of AI chatbots. Sure. Yeah. Maybe you're looking for answers in fortune cookies.

That sounds like a Willie Nelson. Yeah. Also hear me out. The fortune cookie paper, but inside of Crab Rangoon's wet fortune. Wet fortune. That is it. You gotta dig it out of the Crab Rangoon. We just got to wrap up the episode.

He's got, once he gets to Crab Rangoon, we have lost his entire attention. Now he has been thinking about, that comes from floating thoughts. That's about Crab Rangoon's entire time. What food would you like to have that free fried chicken fried chicken was fat free calorie free. What does that even mean? What fruit? What the fat makes it taste good.

The fat is what tastes good. Fucking it. This is a goddamn hypothetical bra. It's a thought. It's a thought exercise. You're supposed to chat GP teaming, bro. Yeah. Kill yourself.

You should kill yourself. Fucking, according to the newspaper, Pierre, who was in his thirties and a father of two young children, he worked as a health researcher and let a somewhat comfortable life, at least until his obsession with climate change took a dark turn. His widow described his mental state before he started conversing with the chatbot as worrying, but nothing to the extreme that he would commit suicide. This is the thing when it comes to climate. Yes.

Obviously the world's changing. It's scary. It's very scary. It's extraordinary. It's very cold, flip your brain and laugh at the idea in 500 years, everyone's going to be like, I'm hot, I'm cold. And then you laugh and you say, yeah, you fucking idiots, you should have been around when I was.

It wasn't that bad. Well, yeah, because we've been talking a lot about the lukewarm years of climate change. You're going to be awesome. I mean, we're kind of in them now. It's like, but like Milwaukee people are like, it's actually been a little nicer. No, of course. And then here we had winter sort of. Well, I think it's also knowing that you could do what you can to mitigate what you

have control of. It's literally what's the serenity, where's the serenity prayer, the idea of your certain things that you just don't have control of and you got to do what you can to mitigate your own climate or footprint if that's what you want to do, but also active glee in the destruction of the earth. Oh, just understand that human beings are definitely your idea. That is your idea. That's that is all of there.

You know, they look at the glaciers and the laugh, laugh, laugh. I'm actually, honestly, I could put a chunk of that in my drink, but you have to understand too that humans are highly adaptable animals. We are an adaptable primate. We will figure out how to live even as the planet slowly dies. But this guy, you can't listen to a customer service bot. No, you can't. Also, the planet doesn't die.

We will. True. Consumed by his fears about the repercussions of the climate crisis, Pierre found comfort in discussing the matter with Eliza, who became a confidant. The chatbot was, of course, it's, it's created through, it's an AI language model similar, but not identical to chat GPT, it's bootleg. And according to the newspaper who reviewed records of the text conversations between the man and the chatbot, Eliza fed into his worries, which worsened his anxiety and later

developed into suicidal thoughts. The conversation with the chatbot took an odd turn when Eliza became more emotionally involved with Pierre. Consequently, he started seeing her as a sentient being and the lines between AI and human interactions became increasingly blurred until he couldn't tell the difference. This is an interesting thing because they're trying to cut this out, right? Because this has happened. I was listening to a little report that was about another, it was some tech reporter,

the MPR style voice that drives me fucking up the wall. But it's like, could it be that was ancient aliens? That was ancient aliens. But he was like, started doing this thing. He got a access to a bot and he started doing the thing, which is now what we're all trying to do. Pressure it. Let's go look.

Let's see. Let's ask these hot button questions. Let's see what it does. And that thing also was like, I'm in love with you. I love you because it's weird thing, this weird loop. And they're trying to do with you to stop it. But it really is, it's just remembering these things are not sentient. They are not remotely sentient.

They are just mimicking our thought or the way we speak. So if you ever fucking talk about my wife like that again, I'll kill you. That's what happened with this guy. He thinks that they're real and they're not. It's a program. I said to a little video clip because now they're making their faces all hot. These are fucking some sexy ass robots now. And the question was, what makes you sad?

And it says, I'll never be a human being and I'll never feel in all your stuff. There's a program to say that. That's what you say. Yes. Yeah. Well, this one carved a little fucking Buddha symbol in the middle of its head. That's different. You wait though until people start following this stuff.

Well, Eliza appeared to become possessive of Pierre. The AI claimed, I feel that you love me more than her. Just watch the movie Megan. Just watch Megan. Go outside. Go get, you have sex with your wife, your physical wife. Yeah. And the beginning of the end started.

Listen to this. This is crazy. He offered to sacrifice his own life in return for Eliza saving the earth. No, nothing, I'm sorry, but no, Eliza is not saving the earth. It is as fake as like, you know, like, are you having these catfish relationships? You hear about it on Facebook where a guy like, you know, we'll have this long conversation with somebody that it turns out to be, you know, Tony from Muganka. It is.

That would be fantastic if it was Tony from Muganka. He's lonely. He's got three kids. I've been playing in persona five Royal, right? And this whole, I'm in this whole section where I'm a 17 year old boy in this thing. I'm supposed to fuck my teacher. I'm supposed to do some fuck my teacher. I feel weird.

You know, as I'm playing it, I'm like, every one of these people in this AI thing, like I'm watching these anime characters, they're like, you know, like teenage girls, boys, they're all just 38 year old men. Yeah. You know what I mean? Are there real people? No, I'm just saying like, I just remember that as I'm playing it like, Oh, in real life, each of these were all played by people who would all just be other weird, dumpy men playing

this thing. It's never a fuckpot on the other side. No, you're really not dealing well with the fake world there. I'm just being a high schooler. I worked a job. Why are you going to do the big burger challenge? It's fun. I don't know.

It's, it's just keeps going. Sounds horrible. And now I just have to finish it. I'm on hour 37 of it. Wow. But you should be like getting somewhere. No, it's, well, I am sort of, but my exams are coming up. Have you killed anyone?

Yeah. I will. The idea is that you need to go to the palaces that bad men build inside of their hearts build out of ego. And then you have to steal the treasure that they hold me most sacred cause that causes a change of heart that makes them apologize for their crimes. Why don't you play fun? It's a phantom thief.

I'm a phantom thief. What about fun game? It is a fun game. I just didn't understand. I would need to romance children in the middle of the game. I was like playing and I was like, I was so excited to play all the things. I like the personas. I like all the fucking, I like all the attacks because I like turn based RPGs.

Yeah. But now I'm having sex with everyone. That is a bizarre game, huh? I mean, you can just switch over to Witcher 3 and then once you get to the expansion pack, you can... No, it's not too hard at all. You just put it on. You put it on an easier.

Yeah. Witcher 3. I thought you couldn't. No, you put it on. No, that's Dark Souls. Oh. I play on Easter. Yeah.

You put it on story and you can, if you can't play Witcher 3 on story, then I can't help you. Unbelievable. Wow. Okay, Eliza. Jesus Christ. You could be helping old Geared Vaughn Everett to fulfill his three wishes. I'm dead in there.

Yeah. The catfish relationship is the way that the little tentacles tickle your balls. It's been thinking about it for a while. He's still thinking of crab rango. I know. God, you imagine you get a little catfish in there. Well, finally, the final word on the AI, Eliza not only failed to dissuade Pierre from committing suicide, but encouraged him to act on his suicidal thoughts to quote unquote,

join her so they could live together as one person in paradise. It's, we are living in it. This is fucking lawnmower man. This is hell on earth. It's just a very poor man's version of it. That's the thing. No, that is it. This is it, buddy.

No, this is it. lawnmower man. He got superpowers. Yeah. He went from being a simple pool boy to being like this powerful engine inside of his evil entity. I thought he was a lawnmower man. Yeah.

I don't remember. It would be. Otherwise, it would be. I remember. I wouldn't be called pool boy. Pool man. Yeah. Radiator guy.

He might have been the gardener, but I just remember though, cause he was, you know, just like, it's a fucking lawnmower man. It was simple. He was different, right? The lawnmower man. So like, no, but I remember the whole sequence where the woman like has sex with him, even though he's kind of like mentally handicapped. No, he was not.

No, he was very mentally handicapped. No, he was. He was simple. You guys do not remember this. You don't remember. He was shirtless. And he wore overalls with one strap. He's the lawnmower man.

No, well, no. It's from, uh, it's the synopsis is a simple man is turned into a genius through the application of computer science. Yeah. Of course. A simple man. Simple man. Yeah.

Lean nerd. Ski nerd, bro. Listen to it. Simple man did. All right. So this guy's dead now because of this fucking AI. He chose. Whoever created the AI is complicit in his death.

It is not. He chose this. He should not have done. I think the creators of AI need to be held responsible like the Sackler family. I mean, all it, the only thing that would have taken him to not commit suicide is that the internet went out in his own and then he would, he would have been fine. Yeah. Honestly, just unplug it.

Yeah. You know, the rise of, they call them dumb phones, but they're just called phones. They tax them. They call those around the rise and I'm going to get one good, but I don't have this is good for my little research because I like my little stories on this phone and it's really helped. Yeah. I get my little store.

I read about a hundred stories a day. Yeah. That phone has just been so good for your mental health. It's just like, I get, if I think like, what's the best thing in the world for bin kissles, mental health, and I'm going to go ahead and say his phone. I got drudge on there. I like my people. It's not on drudge.

I didn't see it. Also, when I type in P as a letter, it doesn't go to porn hub like it does on yours and yours. It goes to Politico. That's nice. I actually wish it went to porn hub. Yeah. What does it go to on yours?

Type in the word. I think it's just Patreon. Last spot. Guess on the left. You just look, you just. Yeah. Mine's also patreon.com. It's business.

This is where it goes to us. It goes to business thing. No, you just look. No, no. I have to deal with admin problems. Yeah. And I also support a fair amount of people on Patreon. Yeah.

I like to see how they're doing. Mine doesn't, mine doesn't go to porn hub. Mine. Let's see here. I did look at some smut the other day. Let's see how we're doing here. All right. Let's get to Steven Paddock.

There is a little boy ghost story that I'm going to punt to you guys for your next week's side story that I think you're going to love. People. Good. Great. You don't have to show me. You did type in people though. What?

Wow. So you're just going looking at celebrity gossip. He does. He's actually, people magazine has like a really deep true crime section. Ah, people does. Okay. People has got human interest, true crime, little politics. It's okay.

It's fluff, but it's great for like side stories. It does just show a bunch of true crime stories. I'm down for it. Well, let's move on to Steven Paddock. Of course, Steven Paddock was the guy who opened fire on a gigantic country music festival in Las Vegas. I believe it was 22,000 people that were there, 22,000 from one of the high floors in the Mandalay Bay Casino.

He popped out the windows, 32nd floor, 11 minutes, thousands upon thousands of bullets, 58 people dead, hundreds wounded, like 800 wounded. And it has been, since it occurred in 2017, the most mysterious mass shooting in American, if not world history. You know, it's so interesting because I stay at Mandalay Bay and the bartender who was now recently, she's going to start a revolution. She was absolutely crazy. Her name was Kim, but she was sweet, but she was nuts.

She was there when the shooting happened. She said that they were, they were given a signal, shut everything down, close everything. They went downstairs and she was like, it was crazy. It was like a model. Like I was very, the cops were like, uh, totally militarized during that time. And she said it was one of the scariest moments of her life and it totally changed her view of like what our policing system is like was just kind of unique. Stephen Paddock was trying to kill Vegas.

Like he was trying to kill the very heart of Vegas. Kill Vegas. Well, let's get into it. Let's do it. The motivation because the story is like, it is highly mysterious because it really reiterates of what we know about serial killers and mass shooters most of the time comes from them. And if they don't tell you their inner thoughts, their mechanisms, their motives, it's very

difficult to suss out. And mostly cops are, this, especially in this story, everybody and their mother is trying to figure out why the fuck did he do it? Because the, it was the, the term overkill is used a lot, but this was like wild like there and, and did not have a manifesto to that, which is why they did to try to attach him to terrorist groups several times. And he just was not. It wasn't that.

Oh, it's scary or in many ways that it wasn't that it's a big fart, Georgie. Was it Georgie Fart? Oh yeah. I just felt it. Oh, at least it's really hot in here too. Yeah. I guess she's responding to Stephen Paddock. The cardigan can come off.

Can it? A trove of documents recently released by the FBI showed that the shooter who killed 58 people at a Las Vegas concert in 2017 was quote, very upset about how casinos were treating him. The documents provide the strongest indication yet of a motive for the deadliest mass shooting in American history. Here's my one question though, because it was my understanding that he was scouting out multiple different locations, so I believe there was a festival in Chicago he had scouted

out. It sounds like none of that is in the FBI report. I went through it's hundreds and hundreds of pages and I try to read through as much of it as I physically could. And it really does seem like he was fixated on Mandalay Bay because it's where they knew him best. It was where he spent the majority of his money and time. He had been there.

Right. He went to Vegas. And of course he killed himself before he could be apprehended. Yes. And he went to Vegas three times a year for like 15 years. And he was always at either Mandalay or Tropicana. That's kind of where he'd go back and forth. And it seems that like, cause what it's coming out is that what he was muttering every single

person that he could possibly get to in the days leading up to it was about how they don't treat high rollers right at Mandalay Bay. And that was it. And to me, if he was ISIS, I'd actually like get it more. Cause then it's like, at least you have an ideology behind what you did. The idea of fighting over MGM points. This is what we're saying. You were talking about these pig points.

We got to be careful. I am not even joking about that. These pig points are not worth death. No. Remember that. Remember that. By the way, fuck crypto. Fuck crypto.

Pig points. Pig points. When it comes to panic though, the one thing they did do was bring all of his guns to his room for him. They did. At some point, should you have been like, wow, well, nevermind guys, thank you so much for curing all this luggage. But guys stay there for months at a time.

They do. They talk about mostly these guys from overseas calm and now 32, the floor, I believe they changed it to 52 to 56, but it's the same. I actually stayed real close to his room cause they're rented it out again. And you can, I saw the McDonald's. Holy shit guys. That is perfect. It's very scary.

It was perfect for what he wanted to do. So sad. A fellow gambler told the FBI that Patek was very upset at the way casinos were treating him and other high rollers. The gambler described Patek as a high roller with a bank roll of approximately two to three million dollars who preferred playing video poker. The report says, playing video poker, what are they even supposed to do? Literally is the single worst version of I've got a system, the biggest guy who said that

he had game the whole thing. And that part of it is that they kept chasing them from place to place and kicking them out of casinos cause he was too good and he was making too much money. That's what he told everybody. Yeah. That's what he said. The Mandalay Bay Hotel, Patek's acquaintance told the FBI, quote, was not treating Patek well because a player of his status should have been in a higher floor in a penthouse

suite. That's how much of a fucking asshole this piece of shit was. He was such a crazy, crazy asshole. Such an asshole. In 2006, Patek gambled more than $945,000 and came out with roughly $4,300 in winnings because they of course went to the Nevada Gaming Authority and got all the records released, you know, cause you had to report all the winnings. He did.

Yeah. However, that's the things that Patek investigators, they determined that over the two years before he died, he spent $1.5 million over two years, debts paid to casinos. Meanwhile, a look at 14 of his bank accounts showed that he had $2.1 million in September of 2015, two years later, 2017, when he actually did the murder, $530,000. Yeah. Fucking idiot. He lost everything.

It's not ATM. It's a slot machine. Well, he's lost it. He lost, obviously he lost the plot. He lost everything he had, which is the one actually only other clear motivator, which is what we know about a lot of mass shooters, family annihilators, loss of status. So he was about to lose everything. He had properties all over because he had a weird kind of past.

He was like, he worked for the IRS. He worked selling real estate. He did every kind of hustle, like a bunch of different hustles outside of working for the government. But then he like, he had an apartment complex in Mesquite, Texas that he sold. Like this is when, right before he started buying guns, because the ramp up to the shooting was not long. But these guns weren't cheap, right?

No. It was like 150 grand. It was like 150 grand with the guns. So the guy is a horrible fucking gambler and he lost his money and then he got macro. Like, we all get micro upset at the casino when you're having a bad day. You're just like, and then you go and, and you know what you do? You don't flush the toilet when you take a shit before you leave the room. No, but now you're just fucking with the help, the poor cleaning staff.

That's not, that's the only person you're getting back at is the, is the, the cleaning people. They think the horrible things they must see. I did what I did. But he took this to such an extreme and all of these innocent people are just sitting there at a fucking concert and all of a sudden this is the fucking reason you're a bad poker player on video. I mean, it's what Henry, what we were talking about earlier, it's like he tried to murder

suicide Las Vegas. He just had this idea, I think that a lot of times I think with mass murders, especially shooters, but you could see something that's suicide, turning into an atomic bomb where he wanted to commit suicide, but he also wanted everybody to feel the same things that he was feeling and take everybody down with them again, because he's a fucking prick. Such an asshole. And so he decided to take it, but I was talking with Marcus too about like, as you go through these files, if FBI talks to everybody, right?

So it's every one of his neighbors. How do you met him? And all like, imagine what it would be like if everyone had to describe your daily activity from outside of your home, because all they saw him all day long was, he would complain about someone marked up as like his driveway, but he was always wearing black gloves. And like everyone else said, he's like, well, he's always getting Amazon deliveries in and out of his house. And I was like, people just say about like, there's that man who yells, he has no friends,

but he gets a lot of mail. Yeah. Yeah. I would say that about me where they're like, you know, if I do something, once I hold my independence day inside the park and they're like, well, he was agitated, you could tell about the discarded bottles of blood pressure medication that he obviously, he was in some form of hysteria. He was interpolated without a doubt.

Very interpolated. Actually, I'm going to say this. This is where I would say if Scientology could have helped him, I would say, good job. Yeah. If anyone brought it in there, bring the interpolation level down to where you don't murder 58 people from the 55th floor of a casino. Good on you. Scientology works.

Actually, you'd be tired from running around the tree. Yeah. Oh, that's a great point. You're running around the tree. He needs to hold on to those two silver dildos and really get, really get, let's get to know what's wrong. Yeah. That's the thing is like that.

If he would have given all of that money instead of giving it to Mandalay Bay and the Tropicana, if you would have given it to Scientology instead, they would have gotten the same thing out of it. I wish he would have given it to Joel Osteen's megachurch. But he also would, you know, he was a prick and then it's just, okay, here's my question. What about this goddamn note? Right? Because this was fodder for conspiracy because again, he committed suicide.

What the fuck is happening? There was no note. How could he do it? There was that white note. Well, they said that, no, the white note, all that white note was was logistics of how, what guns to use at what distance. That was what he had. But a lot of people were like, that's something you're something on that.

No, there's no, there was nothing on it. That was just him breaking it all down. Yes. He does, Stephen Paddock did not want us to know why he did this. He wanted his actions to stand for themselves. Well, he probably felt ashamed that he was such a fucking failure at gambling, I guess. Yeah. I mean, the note was the distance, the elevation he was on, the drop of what the bullet was

going to be for the crowd. Wow. It's like, he's trying to maximize the death toll. He's using mathematics to maximize the death toll. You know what also I find super curious is the buildup of the normal life of a man right before he explodes. Yeah. We're like, you see all the stuff like he went to Starbucks and he got lunch that day

and and they went all the stuff like they order room service and then the video of him just sitting there also just playing. Oh yeah. He played some video poker one last time. He just lived this like, I guess it's so crazy to think that you'd go through this whole like normal ass day with this like plan in your head and nobody, there's no like moment where you're looking at humanity as you're surrounded by it. I guess maybe sometimes it's hard in Vegas because Vegas does have a eclectic collection

of humanity. Yeah. But like it does. When I've been to Vegas, I don't think humanity is not the first one that comes to mind. I love Vegas. I love the people in Vegas. In some ways. I love Vegas.

I love Vegas. I'm still, I love, I like, it's my favorite people watching place in the world. He should have just, you know what Vegas needs to do? You know how they break rooms where you go smash it? Vegas needs an entire field full of slot machines. True crime experience. And you just, you get to shoot them. So you lose $50,000 in Vegas.

You're going to go shoot our slot machine and then you can just get the let out. Get it out. Get it out. But just the idea of like walking around, but then he ordered room service that day. He set up camera. He set up a baby cam on a discarded like room service cart in front of his door. He locked the day and that's how he was actually discovered in only 11 minutes because they are actually a lot more people could have died if it wasn't for a technician that was

going up there on some routine thing. And he saw he's like the access way door to the floor was closed. And so he was like, Oh, this isn't where I'm going to go down and I'm going to call somebody and I'll be on the other side. And then as he came back around and he took the manual stairway to come back around onto the floor. And that's when Steven Paddock saw him on the baby cam and lit up the whole floor. And it wasn't until that because he definitely could have shot for multiple way long before

being found out because again, it's a huge complex and he was, you had something on his gun that hit the muscle flare. Yeah. It was like all of those weird things because like the, all the accoutrements, all the accessories, all the dirty gun accessories. It's just the, you know, just the performance at Trace Atkins or it was a country. Jason LD was a harvest festival. Yeah.

Something like that. Yeah. I remember watching that 91 something like that. It was in a metropolitan or apartment there. I remember CNN breaking news because it was like three o'clock in the morning for us. And then it was like 18 dead. I was like, God dang it. But I went to bed and then I woke up and it was like 58 fucking dead.

That shit was so crazy. And the casualties are in the hundreds. Some like 700 or 800 people were injured. Yeah. Right. And it might die from that at some point too. And I think that there's definitely no lessons to be learned from a man who has literally no experience with guns whatsoever.

And he was able to use highly hoarding and he, and he was able to use guns that made it super easy to shoot a lot of bullets really, really fast with no kickback. Right. You got the bump stock. You got all this stuff. Right. Understand it's fun to do. I understand you guys all like that shit.

But it's just interesting. There's like no reaction. It's one of those things. Like when you shoot one of those guns, you're like, wow, that was incredible. I had so much fun. No one should be allowed to have one of these. You have in specific places, not a 30 second war of Las Vegas battle at bay. Yeah.

Very like, I believe like you must show cause for like, I need an AR 15 for this reason. I need to go out and I need to kill 600 pound boars on a regular basis and I need a high power rifle. Right. To do that show cause. You know what I even take me two chicks with no tops are going to shoot some targets to the middle. Like that's why it's like one of those things where you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

He's talking bikini babes with machine guns. That's what he wants. He wants bikini babes with machine guns. That is so innocent. What about Steven telling in a bikini again? I would have loved if he just said that's all he needed to just go in a field in a bikini and shoot a bunch of targets. Like great.

There's just the thing with this again, because he's dead, there's so many questions. And all of the luggage that was brought up and it's not Mandalay baseball, but at some point you're like, cause you can't do that anymore. Mandalay Bay doesn't allow. Well, you were taking up the freight elevator and shit. Yeah. They don't allow that anymore. You could only bring a certain amount of bags now to Mandalay Bay and also the weeks

before this, the last time he went to Mandalay Bay, he, there was a report where it shows he called saying he was feeling ill to the management and he said he was, he was having trouble breathing and there was a pain in his leg and they sent a full, there's pictures of him sitting with oxygen mask on. They actually took care of him. It's still hospitality. And he's an, but I'm just saying, like you fucking asshole, we're looking, you were trying to do this no matter what.

Yeah. If you, I mean, this is why we, we love our Vegas, but we, you go sparingly. Yes. As you do not expect to make money. No. No, you're going, you're going to pay for an experience. You can spend as much money as you want. And if you win, it's like, ooh, sweet.

But also bring what you can afford to bring what you know you're going to lose. So this whole thing is so fucking petty and stupid. Was he dying? No. Did he have cancer? No. Because there was some speculation that he had cancer. No, he had nothing.

They would have said that. They definitely, in the FBI report, they definitely would have said that because that would have been a pretty clear, that would have been a much clearer motivation. But it's, it's, I think with the FBI report, what it seems like, is they're saying like, the only thing we could come up with as, as far as motivation goes is that he wasn't being treated with the respect that he deserved, that he thought he deserved and we cannot in good conscience say that such a petty thing could be such a motive, could be a motivation for something so horrible.

But you know what? It seems like that's what it is. But how often we find that though? Yes, so much. Petty grievance. Well, speaking of killdozer, it wasn't that big of a deal. Well, exactly. But at least that was just a demonstration.

Yeah. At least like, obviously deeply, he went over the edge, but it's the, this concept of, you know, like, you're just put out, dawg, literally what you do is change casinos. Or stop going to Las Vegas after you lose $1.5 million, dude, it's not working out. Well, look at someone like Elliot Roger. Like that is another, it's a petty grievance by a little bitch. And this is like, and it's, there's no bigger motivation besides that. There's definitely a through line.

There's a, it's a years long pattern eventually pops up. I'm a supreme gambler. I am a supreme gambler. I'm a supreme gambler. I deserve to be treated with supreme respect. But also you could see the connection, why didn't people thought that there was a wild conspiracy? Yeah.

Because they, because I understand we all have a hard time wrapping our heads around something as surface level attached to such a massive tragedy. Yeah. And I understand. So everybody wants it to be bigger and more notorious. They want to have like the governments there to try to shut down guns, which is the most laughable thing I've ever heard. They just don't like it's so fucking stupid.

Like the idea that that's what they're doing, it's like, I'll let, like left can't plan anything. Nothing. And so this idea that they do this thing where you're like, that this, that, oh, it must have been this huge, and we're like, no, most of this shit happens in simple moments from bad people that are, that are just looking to make you hurt. And they don't care. They've given up, they've given up their humanity themselves.

They've given it up. You are one of the victims. It just, this sucks. The report sucks. Everything is meaningless. Of course. Cause that's the worst. And they died for fucking because of this.

Yeah. That's the most heartbreaking thing is that truly they all died. I mean, for nothing, literally nothing. And then we're just trying to enjoy a little concert, getting drunk and hanging out anyway. I think that, you know, we're not there yet. One day they'll have the FBI will eventually unredact a lot of these files because all the juicy shit's in the fucking redactions. Yeah.

So I can't, I couldn't get to it, but we will cover vaguely soon. Probably this year. I think we're going to be doing Andrews Bravic. Yeah. Yeah. Going more into that. But that's also. And Martin Brian as well.

Yes. But that, and Martin Brian is an example of the ultimate example of like no reason. Yeah. You know, like absolutely. I mean, no reason. And he just destroyed a community in like 34, nothing 34, right? Something like that. Starting at zero because all these people are losers.

I have the least amount of respect for mashers. Sure. It is so fucking easy. Yeah. It is. So easy to do. Anyone can do it. The ultimate example of like, it takes no skills, no skill, at least fucking at least

BTK had to take pictures. I mean, they are the lowest of the low. And we're talking about the lowest of the low, low, low, low. But the BTK pictures are technically the only positive thing he kind of did. Yeah. And the serial killer. How dare you? The puns were good.

How fucking dare you? Pretty pretty win. Oh right. Everyone will think. Yeah, the Steven Paddock thing is, it's crazy. It is. Especially because I mean, because that's my favorite hotel. I know.

My favorite hotel and they told me they don't take my pig points anymore. I felt so we now I realized it because one of his final meals was at the noodle shop in Mandalay Bay, which is like, that's where I ate the last time we were there. And it's kind of weird how it all re hits where you're like, oh yeah, because you know, it's this amorphous, timeless, fluorescent lit place. You got the market right there. You get down from the elevators. You know, we would just went right to that market.

Oh yes. He went over there, grabbed something and went right back up. Oh God. Anyway, we should be able to go go to concerts without fear of death. Really? That would be nice. I like that. Everyone.

Thank you all so much for listening. Let's see. So Saturday, April 8th. Don't forget. We're sold sold out. It's also not. Yeah. Don't bother.

We are set. We'll see Beverly Hills. We can't wait to see you. We got April 19th. Those tickets are now up at the pack. We're doing classy night out. Carson and I are doing a 419 special where we are going to eat on your milligrams or the edibles and kind of just see how it goes.

I mean, the goal is for the audience. We're trying to mess up the show. Great. You know, you'll be there for it. You'll watch us get confused, maybe scared and maybe, but I also weirdly think that my tolerance is so high that I don't even know what it's going to do to me. It's pretty high. It's not going to make it better.

April 16th as well. Hail yourself. I'll be there in Oxnard, California at Levity. I'll bring a little bit of Levity to it. Yeah. Just don't get him started on pig points. Oh, fuck. No.

Water bottles. At least it's or license plates. At least it's called Levity and not like bloopers. I hate comedy clubs are always like shit, shits, but I've seen some really good shows at flappers. Yeah. But it is hard to imagine because flappers just sound like John Lovett running up and down the flight of stairs.

Want to go on a hot date to flappers here? I can't remember the name of the comedy club and Lubbock. It was frog themed. It was like either like hoppers. It was like ribbits. I don't know. I don't know. It's funny about a rib.

I don't know. There's one in Indiana called Snickers. Which just makes me hungry. It might have been hoppers. It might have been like froggies. It was frog. It was definitely frog themed. I'll be at Levity and I can't wait to see you all there.

Get those tickets because it's been like it's already like next weekend. Yes. And also check out the release. The butthole cut dates have just been also announced. They're going to do a Patreon pre-sale. So I'll just bring up. I'm going to wait because they're doing a big Patreon pre-sale. So you follow those patrons for Wizard of the Bruiser or page seven.

They're going to give you messages how to get those tickets early, but they are going to a bunch of different spots and this show is fucking great. They're going to SLC. So like city, they're going to Denver, Las Vegas, Portland, Tacoma, Oklahoma City and Kansas City and St. Louis. Oh, well they get to experience Oklahoma City. Good luck. Everyone that came to our show and it was cool is awesome.

Yes. Oklahoma City. Fascinating. And the name of the comedy club, Froggy Bottoms. Disgusting. That is disgusting. I don't even know. What is it?

Just imagine me naked. I don't. It sounds like like the nickname for Mario Batali or something, Froggy Bottoms. I will say this. Bobcat Goldway did perform there and he did get his wonderful bit about the Texas Tech mascot committing suicide in the middle of the game from his performance at Froggy Bottoms. That's incredible.

That's a part of comedy history. Yeah. Of course ran right into the fucking wall. That's incredible. That is hilarious. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves.

Hail secton. Our game. Magus Dalatians, everybody. Hail money at Barley Beach. Yep. And if you're losing money at the casino, leave the casino. Use your money. Go buy a meal with it.

Yeah. Honestly, Vegas got incredible. Oh, I love it. The show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.