Last Podcast On The Left - Relaxed Fit: True Crime Roundup - The Melbourne Mushroom Murders

Episode Date: August 18, 2023

Loosen up those belts, it's time for another Relaxed Fit True Crime Round-Up! This week the boys bring you a slew of strange stories and true crime news including Toronto Police being forced to close bar located INSIDE Police Headquarters, the woman in Melbourne accused of murder with Mushroom-laced beef Wellington, a terminally ill girlfriend's final wish (sex with her ex), the elderly woman who fought off intruder and then gave him snacks, 45-Year-old billionaire gets penis rejuvenation therapy, Daytona Beach couple arrested for sex on busy public beach, and much, much MORE.

Hey there dudes and do-dets, time to wax up your boards and go catch the big wave over at the LPN beach like it. Bingo! One night only at the Balboa Theater in San Diego October 20th, come and check out all of the cool cats and the crazy dog. And LPN, every show, the entire network, each one, pole-saving and grinding in front of you for your entertainment pleasure. We're all gonna catch the big guna.

And I'm talking about that big greasy guy. I'm talking about a wave. G--Ciri! It's Siri! Just so you know, it's gonna be inside of a theater. So when physical wetness you experience is your own personal body heat or the sweat of one of the performers, come and check it out. I'm certain if there's a podcast flavor you need on your tongue, we got the spoon for you.

Beach Blanket Fingo, baby. Come on, girls. Let's do that! Why the fuck are your blades? That's when the cannonball's from started. What was that? Alright, I'm gonna start it off. I'm gonna start it off with a round of applause for ourselves. We're gonna put it in. There you go. That's a one person applauded. Two people applauded.

Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applauded. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. Two people applaud. two people. I'm really just on it. I'm sorry. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm Herb. No, your lies are transparent. What would be earnest the Oink?

Ernest the Pig? Yeah, it makes sense. Ernest, that was a perfect big name. It's a great name. How do you take care of yourself, Marcus? Well, I like to call up with a good book. Yeah. And I have a little

No cheating. No cheating, no cheating, no wife. I have a little moon pod. Oh yeah, and I found myself a nice little white folks. I have a little moon pod. Oh yeah. And I found myself a nice little hidey hole where I stuffed the moon pod into it and I stuffed myself in the moon pod. You love that moon pod.

And I put my headphones on and I just curl up and I just stare at one single light on the ceiling and I just listen to records. Well, I thought you said to yourself. I thought you said you called up a good book. Yeah, but they didn't want to stare at the ceiling. I thought you said you called up a good book. He did, that's one of the ones. He's just staring at the ceiling.

How about you, Henry? Um, I, whenever you're doing it's failing fucking measurably. You know what I've been doing? Honestly. Chewing tobacco. I like the drink. I also like to sit out in the backyard with the dogs. That's nice.

I sit with the dogs. That's real nice. They get it. That's very nice. They get me. I've also been eating a lot of lime popsicles. Mmm. Like three a night. Yeah. I mean, a lot of eggs. Wow. I mean, a lot of walks into the last podcast on the left. Everyone. Egy Henry's a broski. We'll eat a messy over here. And then we got Marcus Parks. I would say I'm the lime pit. Yes, and I'm bad. And this episode is called, it's called the wheels are falling off as we get to the finish line before vacation. Well, there

you go. It's important. It's important to have those wheels fall off right at the proper day. Right in the proper day. Proper time. So, Mark, you got some stories for us. I do. Yeah, you know, it's a relaxed thing. It's relaxed. We're doing true crime round up. You know what I actually been doing? I sent you this text message yesterday. Yeah. High on life. Okay, what is this? This video game, high on life. It's fucking amazing. What is it?

You got a gun, right? And the gun tossed you the whole time and it's really funny, it's an alien. And you're abducted from, you're abducted and your whole house has gone to an alien planet. And you've got to fight a bunch of blobs and orbs and aliens and shit. It's called a high on life.

It's really funny. Yeah. We letting you know, because we were supposed to do, we had a series plan, we got it, we're, we're scheduled change happened against our will. I don't need to know any of that. It's good for supposed to do, we had a series plan, we got it, we're, we're, schedule change happened against our will. I don't need to know any of that.

It's good for them to see. I like a little transparency. They could see because we're doing a lot of work for the fall. We're really excited. It was going to a bunch of crazy series about to do, but that's why this is called the little tiny brain break as we are preparing for the new fall season. We're still working on it. Also, we're taking, taking also we're taking a fucking vacation

because we deserve to take a vacation because you know what, all these motherfuckers out here. Yeah, yeah, workers, right? It's need to be, workers need to be treated, but then it's all of a sudden it's like, where's my fucking podcast? Why aren't you putting up 52 shows of fucking year?

That's what we find, I do, but you know, we don't have to fucking work 52 weeks of fucking year. I'm gonna do our humans too. Well, you know what I'm gonna do? I know there's another Marcus Jordan in the news. Is this the guy who can shoot a gun with his feet? Because there's a mark. There's a mark. There's a round table. Marcus Jordan is Michael Jordan's son. Yes. His name is Marcus Jordan. And you remember the feud between Scotty

Pippen and Michael Jordan? I do. Well, the feud has gone more in, it's more family now than ever before. Larsa Pippin, Scottie's ex-wife, she's fucking Mary and Marcus Jordan. Wow. And that's crazy. We ain't saying it's crazy. Michael Jordan's son is marrying Scottie Pippin's ex-wife. Wow. And that nuts.

Wow. So it's like, it's like each other. What's the age difference here is like it did Scott Scotty Pippen Mary a much younger woman? Cause I know Marcus Jordan is my age. No, he's actually much younger. Is he? He's 32. Oh, he's a baby. He is a Larza and Larza, hell of a name there.

Larza, hey, Larza, get over here. Give me one more. She's 49. Wow. That's sex. So at 17 years age difference, Marcus says we're looking for a location for the wedding. She's got white and Chicago. She was also, she was on the real housewives of Miami. Well, she was the housewife to Scotty Pippin. So if you're Scotty Pippin, I mean, my God,

he's got to be Fuming. Fuming. That was the word I was going to use. Fuming. Actually, I wonder, wonder if Scotty Pippin is finally like, yeah, you can fucking have her. Yeah. No, you take her. What do I give a shit? Yeah, you take her. Oh, you want to be. Oh, all right.

I guess Michael's got a deal with another one of my things. It's even contentious. It seemed contentious because I think that Scottie really did lover. And then Marcus Jordan was like my dad's Michael Jordan. And let's go have sex with each other. And I think she was cheating on him the whole time with Marcus Jordan, uh, with a whole series of people. She's a beautiful woman though. Oh, absolutely. She's got a butt and boobs and everything. So anyway, you're doing better today than Scotty Pippin. That's interesting. I do like

them. I guess. I guess. I mean, you know, I do feel like it's a relief to have an ex-wife off your hands. Well, I use 57. He finalized the divorce. They call them no tip and pippin. So that's why everyone says they don't really like them. Yeah. Yeah. So that's why Michael was more charming, even though Michael's typically kind of mean more charming than Scotty. That's what they say. Far more. Yeah. Well, Scotty pippin's a bit dead-eyed. I don't know either one of them. So I can't say. Well, all right. So anyway, that was my, they won't let me know that. Isn't that just interesting? They're kind of keeping it within the bulls there. They really are keeping it within that championship team. It's good. It's championship genetics. That's great. All right. That's my little story. Well, our first true crime story today does not come from the criminals. That was a crime of love. What I

just said. I think it was technically it's page seven mixed with the sports podcast that we have yet to fully develop because every time they do with the dome, it seems to take off. Our audience says, we don't like to sweat. Now I'm doing it. No, I'm doing it. We love everybody comes not from the criminals come, but the police. And more specifically, the Canadian police, the Mounties, a licensed fully stocked bar

inside a lounge for senior officers at the Toronto police services headquarters is being closed. What? The decision comes after CBC Toronto reported an officer entered the lounge hours before being charged with pair driving. Wow. That's a remote daddy went the police bar within the police station. Well, it was more informal.

Yeah, is this citizens on patrol? Is this actually police academy? They had a bar inside of their police unit. That's very Canadian, but in the best way. This is the bad. This is where Canada and Wisconsin merge. Yes. The chief's office and executive officers lounge committee. Uh-huh. The committee. Oh, yeah. I'm working on the lounge committee. They always take $10. They always definitely make sure to jump on the home bar committee.

Yeah. We're going deep into too many homicide. Yeah. I worked, I worked extensively. 30 years on the police lounge committee. I got us that sofa you're sitting on. They notified senior officers in May that the bars liquor license would not be renewed. They're the police. You were new, just renew it. Now, I actually don't know why would it need a liquor license? It's an official bar. Well, that's not a police issue. That's a city issue. It's a municipal issue. It's a municipal issue, but they really legitimately had a full on actual license bar.

Because that's a thing. When I'm saying is more on the side, like it's an unofficial bar. That's your dad drinking gin in the bathroom. It's called a pop up. It's a pop up. It's a craft. It's a craft pop up. But so this is like they knew they knew. Yeah. So everybody knew they had a craft. This is craft. But so this is like they knew they knew yeah, so everybody knew they had a bar. It was only for senior officers. It seems like this one fucking jackass ruin the whole goddamn thing. The only thing you got to do is not get too hammered and get a DUI.

Do you save it for after work? Not before work. Well, I think he was just man. It's always somebody that ruins it. That's what I've been talking about with these dead damn airplanes. You'll better be Because I need my bloody mariner. I know. I know. And people are drinking too much on the airplane. Perhaps the executive officer's lounge was first issued a liquor license at the 40 college street Headquarters in 1989. So this has been going for a very, very long time and all I took was one asshole to bring it all down. His name is Riyaz Hussein. Oh, pop quiz hot shot.

How many years does that barbing around? Hey, pop quiz hot shot. A million views. So is that guy gonna? Your answer? 34. There you go. Well, do you know I'm right?

No. Are we gonna get a bunch of emails? 99,99, 2009. I am doing math tonight. 99,99, that's 10. 99 to 2,000 to 0,9, that's 10, that's 20. You're doing common core. 19, yeah.

That's completely common core. No math, no science today. Nothing from me. I have no opinion regarding any of them. Well, no science, I was this Bunsen burner doing the universal. I did it to myself and my guy. It seems like they may have found a loophole though.

Oh, good. Moving forward, the service will apply for a special occasions permit from the AGCO. Should we decide to host an event where alcohol may be served? So it might be that every day might be a special occasion. So I know it's like a prom committee. It's not a special occasion. The special occasions so they get to keep the bar so they can still drink in the police station,

but just for special occasions, like say say a retirement of a beloved officer. Oh, yeah, you kill a big guy. Yeah, you kill a big guy. Yeah, you kill like Vinny Tutto's, then you get the drink. You kill Vinny Tutto's, you got that open for a whole weekend. Do you think that's nice? But in Canada, they go right, because they're not even harsh on their criminals. No, they are. They got worse.

They've gotten into it more like us, they're more like us. I think they're, I think they're definitely getting worse. It's not that they're not harsh on their criminals. It's that they're not super motivated to catch their criminals. Hey, man, they just, they work to, they don't, they've worked to live. They don't live to work. They oftentimes just celebrate big numbers. We'd be like, Oh, that was the hundredth murder this year. That's a special occasion. We actually, we're under a lot of pressure. Let's have a drink.

Let's have a drink. Yeah. This guy fucked up pretty bad in April. A CBC Toronto investigation reported, I don't know what sucked is, S P T. That's instead of sergeant, superintendent, superintendintendant Rios who saying entered the lounge about three hours before he crashed his service issued SUV into another vehicle in Pickering Ontario. Hmm.

Pickering, huh? Well, that changes everything doesn't. Yeah. Yes. If you're not if you're not pickle driving through Pickering, what are you doing? I think technical you should be sleeping. Absolutely. If you're pickled and Pickering, you should be at out. I actually have a pickle store in Pickering. It's

pickles Pickering. I picker. I pickle and picker in. Does it help a series of different pickles? Think about. Think about your pickle store. Does it help? Yeah. And is it concept? It was it. It is truly a story in the sense that it has a beginning, middle and end. I opened my pickle store this morning. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no cheese store. Yeah, your meathouse ham store, low spief store, turkey store, mustard store, mustard store, then you come to the pickle store. That's where I come in. That's called social. And then we close around 2 p.m.

Well, who's saying who headed the police services disciplinary tribunal? Oh, so he's internal affairs. He's internal affairs. He pleaded guilty in October to driving with a blood alcohol level over 80 milligrams per 100 milliliters a block. I have no idea. I do feel like it's not good. It's not good. He was sentenced to one year driving prohibition and find $1,560. Well, I don't know why everyone else is suffering because this guy's a jackass because again, it takes one. It's a very, very tremmeless line. That's Canadians for you. Come on.

You got to know this guy. Do you remember him sitting in the punishment? Why am I suffering? I told it is. You remember him said me when the one guy like that boy did some one of the, oh yeah, that's where the bars have to close early because the sun got punched in the head at night and they shut down all the bars for forever. It just out is also can you imagine I was knowing that politician's son is can you imagine

just meeting baron Trump one day? Oh, man. Oh, he's my. Guess what? If you're meeting meeting Baron Trump one day? I don't remember. Oh, he's mine. Guess what? If you're meeting Baron Trump, you're about to be dead. You're not supposed to meet him. You're not. And he's like slender man.

Yeah, you've been dropped onto his island. I want to be, I want to be nowhere near because you know the last thing you see is Baron Trump. Yeah. The pillow comes down. You know what I mean? I don't want. They're narrow white underwear

Well John Soule coordinator of the Toronto police accountability coalition and advocacy group that's dedicated to making police more Countable to the public. He said it's about time police closed down the bar. He says it's crazy that they ever had I mean, this is kind of the central point of the story. I mean, it's not that I kind of liked that they had this bar. Was it open to the public at all? No, it was only for senior officers. You know, it's my nose. Well, again, it's a it sounds at my mind close to a privilege that you get. Yes. Being a senior in your work, but along the lines of being it being a privilege, not a right that you need to be careful with the privilege and you need to treat it with a certain amount of respect.

And you don't fuck with the line because if you do, this already very tremealous line is going to disappear because again, the entire country, I'm really surprised there's not more people asking being like, what they had what it's like, no, no, no, no, no, we're supposed to keep this under the radar. Yeah. I actually, I think it's ridiculous. They shut the bar down. One person made a stupid mistake. He should be punished. You're literally, I think they named him a assistant manager at Big Wings just for your occupancy. Big Wings actually closed down. I know. That was the one where I spoke with the cockroach on the bar next to me, the seat next to me. I was like, I'm here.

I'm like, could I just have a thin bowl of curses? Like, I would be livid though. Of course. If I was in this police precinct, I'd be like, matter this guy. Well, they should be mad at everybody now because they shut down the goddamn bird. Should be mad at that guy. Do you want my question is, do you want these people drinking at your bar? Well, I don't want to drink with senior officers because as we know cops, every joke, you're the punchline. After they get

drunk, they're going to turn into cops again. I remember. And they're going to follow you. I remember what your asshole where Ed worked, which turned would would turn into a cop bar at night. It became a fairly unpleasant place to go. It just got intense. Yes. And it was, you just didn't want to be there. It was for the cops. The cops needed to be separated from everybody else because they blow off steam in a way that is different the way we blow off between male carriers and cops. Those two, I love our male carriers. They need them.

They need their places to go blow off. I love our male carriers, but there was a male carrier at Village Forehouse who used to regularly get so drunk, he would urinate himself at the bar. If he had, I also saw him once when I was there, technically when I was also working, but he had a bag full of mail. I didn't see him deliver any of it. Do you want this mail delivered well or do you want a delivered drunk? Yeah.

No, no, again, they need a place to, but I know what you're saying. It's like, yes. So are people reacting like literally like, oh, we're going to take away their cop bar? Like, oh, we're going to do this because we're not going to be in your bars. Yes. Well, that's the advocacy guy said he said there's plenty of bars around police headquarters and they could go to. And that's the thing is that one of those bars will eventually become a cop bar.

Yes. And eventually you will become only be the only place where they go. But that's senior officers though. That means that the rank and file, your patrolman, your sergeants, those aren't, they're not going to this bar. They've already been going to the bars around already been playing the top bar. So let's just say there was a cool cop, but cool. He works the beat. He lets you know some insight. Now it's boss is next to him. You can't fucking tell you all the company secrets. That's how it is. The only good thing you get is like, so tell me about the Gilgo Beach Killer. Really? What do you think? No, I love that. And then they can tell you some cool because there was one in on right by the seven train in Long

Island City. That was also a cop bar. You recall that place. Yep. And you'll over here are some cool stories. Oh, yeah. And it's also how people like Edmund Kemper go and they get their own information about their own cases. So you guys think the killers tall or. Wait, there's something about that. It's almost kind of better for cops to have their own place to drink so that they can talk freely about these things and I have to worry about like a Brian co burger. Yeah.

Being there going like, yes, fascinating. You know, like, so who knows? I don't know. Who knows? All right. That's a hardcore issue. And I actually really wonder. It's a toss up if I want my cops drunk or sober.

I think the worst is a hungover cop. Yeah. There's not there. They're a grumpy. They're grumpy. Jumpy. Jumpy. I'm very, I'm very jittery and anxious when I'm hungover.

I think if you get pulled over by a drunk cop, it's kind of a net neutral and then I'll give you a ticket. Okay. Thank you. I mean, I before they were living fuck out of you, I also could go that way. Depends on which copy you get. I would definitely prefer them to be fully intoxicated, but I'm not where they're working, but you know, I feel like they could have a place to go. Sure. They don't have a place to go. That's official. Maybe they could maybe get a little therapy also. They should have mandatory therapy. But it's all what happens if

you look that now, what's the spud? These courses seem to be my favorite. They're departed. Nah, that's hard. That's the problems when you put cops with therapies and then it's all like stuff like that. Be like, you want me? You want me to tell you how I feel. You know, like it's really intense. It's hard to get in there. That's the movie where he says, Jack Nicholson says, she felt funny. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. I saw that same Instagram. Is that is that the one where I said, you make me want to be a better man? You make me want that. Was that was that was that movie? No, that anything can give about Schmidt. About Schmidt is like, although I will say the departed, well, it's, I don't want to was that was that was that was that anything can give about Schmidt about Schmidt I think although I will say the departed well it's I don't want to

rule it's been out for a long time but it's just kind of ends in a you're like whoa it's my favorite I see it's one of my have for me it's one of his most rewatchable movies it is it's a very rewatchable movie confused there was good tell us as far as rewatchability which of course has his mother in it it does I also really I was reading into very quickly over the Melbourne mushroom murder crime that are, it's very, it's funny because there's something about, look at this lady, Aaron Patterson.

Okay. 48 years. She's crying. You see this picture here? She's going, yeah, that is nice. She makes that noise a lot lot and I can match that. That's now what I'm going to pitch. It's a legend right now that Aaron Patterson, 48 of a guy, you know, Leon Gotha, God knows

how that's pronounced, killing three people and critically wounding a Baptist pastor. You think these things called death cap mushrooms. So it's a highly toxic fungus. Now she's saying, I bought these at the grocery store. Yeah, I'm going to say when they're like, well, we're looking at all the other mushrooms we have at the grocery store. We don't see any other death cap mushrooms inside it. Oh, you didn't see that at the galsons. They were selling them. It was five bucks a pound death cap mushrooms. It's good because you could look at this death cap mushroom. If you look at it, I give you think that that's a white cat mushroom, then you should not be eating it because it

looks like it's rotting on the outside. It's got like dark, weird circles all over it. It looks poison. It looks for boating. And so she made for her family, her beloved family, which she said, her most pressured family, her most favorite people in the world she would never do this. She was one of her favorite families. It was her ex-husband's parents and their local pastor and the ex-husband.

Why were they all together? It's one of those. Oh, what a nightmare. I always question people that are really close with their exes. Like, super, let's go out and get involved. They've kids. So I understand why you'd be involved with your exes. Like super unless you got kids involved, they've kids. So I understand why you'd be involved with your exes sometimes people break up for different reasons.

They still like each other, but it's not in love anymore. But yeah, I actually stayed close friends with the next for about two years. I would like to stay closer, but then it turns out that you end up dating other people and then that person gets upset and then you have to just is what it is. But it is no hatred. It's kind of crazy, but they got sister, right? This is gale sister. So she got her ex-husband's mother sister sick.

She sick. Her actual husband Ian Wilkinson is sick. And then the pastor was from the Korumbura, Korumbura was also struck down. They put it into a beef Wellington. And now we know like she said, it is the guy who don't ruin a beef wellie. They died hard. Now the ex-husband's also coming out saying, you know, I was also I ate a thing that my ex-wife cooked and I was hospitalized for 16 days. At the time they again, we see this often.

I don't know if you saw anything about the Mormon woman that killed her husband, poisoned him. Now she's alleged that she poisoned him, but she's then wrote a book after about how to Oh, that's very important. Yes. Really? How to like mourn a dead husband and she made a bunch of money off the book. And then it turned out she did a highly coordinated effort to murder him. And then he kept telling all of his friends, my wife's gonna fucking kill me and keep eating food that's making me sick. But because he was a Mormon, he was definitely afraid to get a divorce. He didn't want to get out. And it's but you see this. Eek, we've been talking a lot about how women don't do homicides is often, but

and they normally cover up their, their tracks. I got a story for you. These women are getting sloppy. Yeah, I got a fucking story for you. They're getting sloppy. You see this story? This Ohio teen 19 years fucking old. She drove her goddamn car 100 miles an hour into a wall killing her

ex-boyfriend and his friend. And she survived. She's been charged. She's going to prison for life. Well, I'm glad it's different. But it's not different. She was crying. She was crying in court. She, she drove her car 100 miles into a wall. And then both of the people in the car were there. This was not reckless driving. The judge says it was murder. And do you know what county the judge was coming from? Kuehoga. Well, I feel like we can come back to this. Cause there's a lot of tendelect of my story.

Because it's a dire thing. That doesn't really connect. He got it out of a system. I'm glad he did. He got it out of a system. I'm glad that he did. You don't fuck with the Kuehoga court system. I think that's how that is. But she says she refuses to tell the investigators how she remotely got in touch with the death

cap mushroom. She doesn't know how she got. And she doesn't know. No, that's what she's saying. And she also then went ahead and threw away the food dehydrator that she used to make the beef Wellington, but still at the same time. I would never, I would never count my family. I don't believe you though, but she's full of shit.

Man, I'll never forget when we got that food dehydrator growing up. I don't know why is the 90s trend big ass machine, but you got yourself a banana chips totally solid. You can make some potato chips in there. This is before the air fryer. Jackie was on a style. I actually, I was one of my weird quarantine purchases. You know, yeah, I got one. And I use it a few times and then I stopped. What did you use the moisture out of the food? What did you use it for? Apples. Yeah. Apple slices. Yeah. I mean, also you're not, you're not tethered to a jungle gym with a hat on, you know, you don't need I also don't think you need to just have like no Orgish my apples. No, no, no, no, no, you can have fully fleshed moisturized apples. It was you could have what happened. It was New York City quarantine. I needed something to fill the day. I had to fill the days. Um, but in case if you were wondering, apparently the three dead relatives were selfless people

who spread positivity at every chance. Now I do think it would be nice every once in a while to hear, well, you know, Gale, she was a bitch, but they never knew that. They never knew that. Well, sometimes they do. But I mean, even when my grandmother died, the woman that was giving the sermon, oh, Lily, and all she did was spread love and joy and a bunch of other fucking lies. I'm just in there looking at my whole family. Like, what the, what is this? Are we talking about the same goddamn Lily and that I had?

Exactly. Exactly. But that's what happens when you die. You get, you are allowed one paragraph of total bullshit. That's what you are. You are a person. That's what you earn. You've earned it by being alive. Now, Aaron says

again, the good or according to Gale, there was like, so the Gale, her ex-husband's mother. Gale was like the mom I didn't have because my mom passed away four years ago and Gale had never been anything but good and kind to me. Ian and Heather was some of the best people I'd ever met. They never did anything wrong to me. Ian and Heather was some of the best people I'd ever met. They never did anything wrong to me. I'm so devastated about what's happened to this the loss of the community and to the families and to my own children. They lost their own grandmother, which I also find interesting because she made the beef Wellington for the entire family, but she made herself and her two kids something else, because according to Aaron Patterson,

she said he was because I didn't feel like Beef Wellie. Wow, really? She's happy to be a full of beef Wellie. Happy to be full of boys. Yeah, she killed the entire fucking family dog. I've seen you that she said that this whole thing is made her extremely stressed. What?

I know. Also, this woman's mom just died four years ago. It wasn't the mom you never had. It seems like she had a mom for like the most of the time. She's doing anything. Do you always like my mom real? Oh, Patterson claims that she bought the dried mushrooms at a grocer in Melbourne. That was Asian.

That's a stop. and claims that she bought the dried mushrooms at a grocer in Melbourne that was Asian. That's a stop-way. These grocer's they were Asian. Yeah, you got the cable guy. You're gonna get her eventually, but it's hard, I hate the crying. You guys are married, I have a toss-up question for you guys. Sure, toss-up, it's gonna be involving marriage, okay?

What? It's coming from the, this is a sex and relationships question. My wife is a terminal illness. She wants to have sex with her ex one last time. So this is a man. She's a horny with cancer? Yes. A lot of people get horny with cancer.

Yeah, use it on me. No, no. She is, okay. So he explained that his wife, she needs to be in a wheelchair. She's going to need to be in a wheelchair for four or five months. And then she's going to be bedridden. And she's going to decline really fast. But before that, she wants to bang her ex. Nope. And so he says, you get fucking divorced. Yes, what you get to spend the end of your life. She's nine months on. She was nine months to live. You go let him

fucking as much as you want. He says, my wife is a terminal disease. She's got nine months. Of course I'm destroyed. We've been together for a decade. That's not long. He says, I don't remember life without her. So I don't know what happened there. Or maybe a brain issue.

But he says, I've been doing my best to make the last days of her life good. And she wants to grant her wish. And then his wife said, I just want to fuck my ex-boyfriend. Does hospice have a cook like second? He said a whole thing. I know. Are we getting the full story?

She said he lamented. He said recently she sat me down and told me that one of the last things she wanted to do was have sex with a previous partner of hers. I of course was shocked. And I asked, why the fuck does she want to do that? Basically, she thinks that her most physically compatible, and lover was him. You are out on the screen. You lose the health insurance. You lose everything. You're gone. It is done. That's what you want to do. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay I told that she says she gave a whole model log about how sex sometimes is just physical and how emotionally fulfilling sex is with me, but it was on that type of no, she's full of shit. You see the sex with you is emotionally fulfilling. Yeah. No, that's not. Or shit is no. No, it's called you don't make me come, but I look at you and I don't want to tell you

after. That's that. Well, he does. He says, honestly, I'm at you and I don't want to tell you after. That's sad. Well, he does. He says, honestly, I'm so pissed. I'm betrayed. And I feel like you're out of house. And she could go down to your fucking, go do whatever you want. And he says, I feel like I'm putting this position where I have to say yes, because she's

dying. I'm secure enough. Go for it. Okay. She's going to be back. She's like, she's going, like, she's dying. And you know what it is? It's the, it's, we've taken care of each other.

And now I'm taking care of you. Yeah. You're actively in a terminal state. Nine months though, bro. You're in and out. Also, she's, let's be honest. Also, we do have to remember you have to call the ex up and be like, hey, you want to fuck my cancer, ridden wife.

Yeah, he's not gonna be, you bang 10 years ago. Yeah, that guy. Does he want to? I mean, I'm part, I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, you've never asked, you have to ask that. You have to ask. Yes, I can. What if he's married?

You know that guy somewhere, he's like the whole world's blowing up about this story and stuff. And he's like, I don't want a fucker. I'm fine. I don't want to. And yes, indeed, the whole world is blowing up about it. It's on the sex and relationship portion of the New York Post. Wow. Wow. And but this is you might like this comment. Oh, all the way to Zendaya. Call him in the New York Post. He's in Kranda and Sidney Leathers.

And what was it? Client number nine. That's right. Basically, if you fuck a politician, have him ruin their whole career, you get a post editorial position. Not too bad. It's 250 bucks per article. Well, you might like this comment. The first comment says, if her dying wish was to murder a child, would you grant that wish? Oh, yes. Yeah. That's right. I mean, he's holding people post you things up in the equal. And then he says, how about

to go on a safari and hunt an endangered animal? That's fucking stupid. That is absolutely not even close to the same thing. You know what I mean? I mean, if she wants to get railed, I mean, I'm fully comfortable with the fact like if I'm not the best lover my wife has ever had and that's totally fine, like I'm not

didn't scare about that. If she wants to get like hard railed, she's gonna come back to the house with a smile on her face, the next nine months, I mean, they're gonna be hard. I mean, she's gonna die. She can go to the homeless shelter with a smile on her face. I gotta forget somebody, the porn starts to do all the real hard railing stuff,

but you get her one of those guys over there. I mean, I know my wife would never ask this. I mean, I know, I know. Well, you don't know, I'm fully committed to me. She has nine months left to live. Yeah, throw everything out. But hey, you know, I'm gonna be like I'm secure with it. She's got nine months. I want to make those nine months. Sex is a continuous, but in a monogamous relationship sex is a long term conversation, right? You're trying

to figure out what people like. People do change and the people want things. They want to change. You want to do stuff. That's kind of on the healthy of you being within the relationship and figuring out these things for each other because this idea that they because there's a part of when they change when they change and want to go fuck the x-boy friend. But that's when they leave. But I look at somebody being like, you have many how do we say like? Like listen, you saying that I have not been sexually gratifying you all of these. No, no, no, no, I just found this out. That's not what she's fulfilling is garbage.

You were telling me that this, this is real. If you're telling me, you got, you know, saying that if you're telling, no, because she loves the man and she's putting up with the sex, right? No, she's putting up with the sex. I think she, you know, the other guy just railed better. Well, you don't think that this hasn't been a thought in the back of her head the entire decade that they have been together where you could have communicated this at some point that you needed more sexually and I could have given.

So Henry, this is mine. So this is now from an outside perspective. All I do is see you at a shaky is yelling at your cancer, written wife. And so I'm just like, why is this guy yelling? What is he? What is the real way? And she's like, I just want to talk to him one more time. I wouldn't think for all these years to tell me that I wasn't fucking you as good as I could have been. She just doesn't have an easy, that's your way.

It's because I've just spent the last couple months helping you shit in the past. Well, that's the different. That is true. That's the difference. It's not that if this was just a normal truly. Okay, hear me out. What if this not an X? What if she's just like, I want the biggest ding dong. I've ever seen random stud just order a stud dot. That's what I'd rather that. Actually, I think I do. I got to compromise for you. That's fine with me. That's okay. Yes, don't bring it in a free point. Just a dick with a happens to have a face.

That's fine for us. I got to compromise for you that I think you're gonna like, let me sell you on this. You go to the guy. You tell the guy. I got that. You don't go to the ex. You cannot. No, no, no, no, no, no, you do go to the ex.

Oh my. You have to go to the ex. What you do is you get a plaster done of her ex's penis. I love this right. You make exastic a silicone dildo out of the exus penis. I just do a puppet and you turn it new a strap on you turn it new a strap on and then you have sex with her with her ex boyfriend's penis. Well, do you have to say that is fine?

Did you have the same finance job as him? Do you know to swiggle your hips like him? Do you know how to purse your lip? Because women are always like, then I looked at his third freckle on his eighth cheek and I knew he was the one. It's the ex. They're always like, well, that's emotional. The key is it's the ex part. I do think, yes, if you wanted to get right now, I think a random jiggle. Oh, for me, makes more sense. And this obviously, because it speaks to, oh, you've been comparing us, our lovemaking with this other Phantom man that I did not know. This entire time. No, they don't, not all the time. Not all the time, but this idea that now you're at the very light, you should be sitting here thinking about how to, like,

you're transitioning to the next life. And then you're just been like, God, I wish I could fuck Steve again. The only thing you're thinking. The one thing that I will say that makes me feel like you, we've talked to people. You're never done. You're living until you're dead. Yeah. I agree. I agree. I do. I just like, I got nine months. Yeah. Fuck it all. But that's nice. So it's kind of, you know, if it was the, it's about Schmidt, Jack Nicholson, about Schmidt. Yeah. Remember that? was this final bucket list shit. Oh, I think. Okay.

So that's the movie. The bucket list about Schmidt is a sad man driving across the country. And it's not a bucket list. It was a bucket list. I don't think it was. I don't think it was. I don't think it was. No, you're not wrong.

About Schmidt. No, it's the one where Kathy Bates has the no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, to do one thing that I want to do, which is pretty in front of a train. I get to finally do what I've always wanted to do. Creme at you. Sure. You know what I mean? I get to finally get my chance. It would, uh, yeah.

Ah, ah, okay. This is actually, no, no, it's, it's not about a bucketless thing. Warn Schmidt, a quiet ex-insurance actuary is unhappily married to Helen. Oh, this is about Schmidt. Is that a bow? Yeah. And brooding over the forthcoming wedding of his daughter, Jeannie to Randall Herzl when Helen suddenly dies.

And he finds love letters to her from his best friend. He is inspired to try and stop the wedding, but standing in his way is Randall's feisty mother. And slowly he realizes he must make the most of his remaining life. You know that movie got made? It did. It was a good movie. I know it was a good movie,

but the description is just any, I don't even know what that description is about. Do you see do things called like movies? You know what I mean? They didn't have like, they weren't always like a Superman movie. When does he turn into Aquaman? I don't know. You know what?

And it is the issue because he really should turn into Batman. Well, he starts to see that, you know, love is a lie. And so he doesn't want his daughter to fall into the same trap, but then Kathy Bates gets naked in the hot tub. And then he sees, oh, maybe love Israel. And I should find my own path now that my horrible wife is dead. Absolutely.

And Kathy Bates showed her huge ass melons and they're just perfect. They're she's so fun and beautiful. She's great. I mean, that's a great old gal for for a for a about Schmidt there. Truly so. Truly so indeed. So you're telling me nine months for Kathy Bates to live. That woman tells you she wants to fuck her ex.

We've all seen misery. Yeah. She gets to fuck her ex. So we'll say anyway, that was just this X dude. It's just so much been like, I wish everybody to leave me. Just let me know. Nobody asked me. Nobody here. That was just this X dude is just so much been like I wish everybody to leave me Nobody asked me Penis is is is mine

I'm not a chick If you do have kind of these quarries Increase don't don't go to the post because every single comment Is just yeah, it's bad horrible and not at all and not at all helpful Yeah, he says the one is just the relationship is over and she can die alone in a hospice or with her fuck boy That's exactly what Henry no honestly this may have been did you write this? I did actually wrote the article Yeah, see Ben, did you write this? I actually wrote the article. Yeah. To see dying wishes aren't free passes for shit behavior. Yeah. Wow.

All right. So about angry people on the New York Post. I guess I'm campaigning for Rick Caruso next year. Yeah. And oh my god. The last one, I think she's disgusting for even saying that stuff. That's that. I mean, all right.

Now I'm feeling bad. Now I feel I had an emotional reaction, but yeah, you did have a very strong emotional reaction. I guess it's what it is. I feel like being like, so we've had the secret here this whole time. That's not really, it's not necessarily the case.

It's not a secret. It is, it's not really. I mean, I really honestly think that people do just get something in their crawl one day. Don't understand. You know, they're just like, I want to go fuck my ex or whatever. Like I think they just think of it.

And you're like, what? Yeah, no, we'll bring an old Johnny Dingdown. Oh, what exactly? I think that is the compromise. Yeah, that is a, I still think the Silicon Dildo strap on. And because that's the other thing too, you can also interview him and tell it like, perhaps you can ask him if you can watch him. Yeah, you see, the real case, you know, one of the porn news is you can't him. Yeah, it's actually the real key. You know, you know what the poor news is,

you can't give a fuck about it. That's the way you're really the jokeer and your butt shirt, you really, you fuck a little bit shit out of it. Right? You know what I mean? You're like, yeah, that's what you did. How many times I had her squealing and railing it,

I mean, like sometimes I wonder afterwards is she dead and it turns out she had like kind of passed out. Yeah. Take notes, I suppose. Take notes. Take notes. That's suicide. Either way.

Damn, man. You know, no matter what, she will be dead very soon. She might already be dead. She might be. That was, that was a, um, but two weeks ago from that, uh, so she might just be some reporters, just like very deep fantasy. It could be as well. It could be.

Some reporters, I'm going to be dying a cancer and then I get to have sex with my ex-boyfriend. Definitely I can do it. Wow. Not really a crime, but again another crime of love. That's true. I'm from North Laid. I've got a sex story. It's a sexy crime story, but it's not necessarily a sex crime. Oh, it's a sexual felony. I'm confused. I'm a creature 19 and Alexander Dillman, 26, were arrested after lifeguards reportedly

seeing them have sex in front of families and other beachgoers Monday afternoon in Daytona Beach. Oh, Daytona Beach. I didn't know there was a legal in Daytona Beach. Is this the Ferris wheel couple? No, this is not the Ferris wheel. They're just straight up fucking on the sand. And they didn't put a blanket over them. So I'll join you thing. One lifeguard reported that Criter and Dillman had intercourse for approximately 15 minutes near his watch tower. That's a lot in the middle of the day on the beach. Yeah. You're going to want to let them finish.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The other lifeguard said that he quote, observed the male erect penis penetrate the females vagina. That's according to the arrest after they get to be very official. Well, my dad used to joke about how when he used to fill out reports, the goal was that

he'd bring out a dictionary and he'd make the words as a complicated as possible to make everybody upset because they didn't pull out a dictionary. So it does seem like a cop is like, yeah. So what? A wrecked male member. Any, any word on the inches here on this male penis, this 26 year old cat, no word on the inches. Big enough for the guy to see it from his little tower.

From the tower. Yeah. Yeah. She goal size. Yeah. I think one of the lifeguards that got it here and they got out of there. I get. Yeah.

The pair was busted after a sheriff's deputy encountered them at the top of a nearby stairwell in complete nudity. While Kretcher denied having sex on the sand, she reportedly said the pair left the beach to find somewhere more private. So in other words, she said that they started maybe having some kind of heavy petting on the beach and then went and had sex in a stairwell. Maybe that's just first base to that one. Maybe that's first in her mind. Full fucking full outdoor public fucking. That's first base. Yeah. Third base is like they got a pelican in there. They got a fucking god. Oh yeah,

you could have a lot of fun on the beach there. Make another hole in pretend you're having a threesome with the sand. This is how you make a good pearl. I actually heard sex on the beach from a lady's perspective. It's horrible. It is very bad because the sand gets in there. Yeah, it's everywhere. It's evidently you can't get it out for the life of you. No, it's horrible.

But have the sex on the beach is not fun. Well, you got to put the thing, you really get it prep. Yeah, you got to do a lot. Actually, this is only a misdemeanor, misdemeanor and decent exposure, but Dillman was also charged with assisting arrest for allegedly refusing to get the squad car. But Cretch your handcuff the penis as well. I mean, you know, I would put on the, click it on the cock. Slap it around. You slap it around because you got to get it kind of hard. You got to mace it. Well, you got to know if it was the penis that they saw at the beach. So you got to get it hard to get it. Is this what you saw? No, it's a little bit bigger.

Swap it a couple more times. That's about right. Well, Kretcher, the woman, she's also facing an aggravated battery count for an earlier incident, the previous Monday, during which she allegedly struck a female acquaintance with a metal beach umbrella tube. Wow. I like maybe no need to go to the beach so much. I think they need a break from the beach.

Yeah. The sun does do something to you. Because that day she also acted belligerant and exposed herself to beachgoers all day. Well, do we know now is she not, uh, well, maybe she's, well, either way, I think that this is just a fantastic reminder. Get a tent. Ah, I see exactly what this is. I get it. Yeah. Cratcher was arrested in May following a bloody altercation with a male friend. The victim told cops that his relationship with Kretcher has been of a sexual nature as they film adult videos together.

Oh, okay. He says now we're back to capitalism. We're back to capitalism. There's just really about only fans making an industry. Well, you know what, half of the time these goddamn people that are walking down the streets is called cum walks. And they walk with a bunch of cum under are walking down the streets, it's called cum walks. And they walk with a bunch of cum on her face. Oh yeah, cum walking.

I haven't heard about this at all. I'm not sure if it's really sexual. I mean, it's definitely sexual. Yeah, it's actually, I don't, I'm not, I've seen I don't really get, like I don't beat off to it. But yeah, they got a bunch of cum on their face. Yeah, and then they walk down the streets and then people like look like that stupid gift

where it's like, eh, let's look at the backs. And it's put it in his pornography. No, I went in Cognito mode. Yeah. Yeah, it's a public sex. Get some in the parking lot. Yeah, come on. I've seen you want it.

Yes. Well, it's not that difficult. It's a person who walks with a bunch of come on their face. This girl went to school. Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry. She went all that. I don't know.

Hopefully I didn't know the school. Yeah. Honestly, I've seen, well, none of them talking about I think she probably didn't go to school. Yeah. Honestly, I've seen. Well, none of them talking about it seems like a watch quarter bit. Yeah. But I again, I found it too fascinating. Oh, she is walking down the hallway. Yeah.

Full of calm, right? Full of calm. She's like, tell hallway. And you see, but she's looking at her, but that's the thing. She's not running into. She's not running into anybody. No, they will though, because they just, they have to sign a release. No, they just know. Not that. Well, depends on what the if it's a real studio,

that you do have to sign a release. She just walks outside and you know what? By the time it's only two minutes, by the time she gets outside, it's pretty dry. Yeah. That's the thing about calm is that it's not that impressive. No, unless you got a big old bucket of it. I think it's more just like then you're like, whoa, buddy, where you get that? I think it's more just like then you're like, whoa buddy, where you get that?

And I think it's more like the guy is, then he feels like I got my commander. I think so. But then it's like, all right, well, you can't really tell. So I'm never real. If my penis, if my cum was that significantly different, then you people could tell.

Yeah, but an all cum looks the same. That's an attribute, one of the things that should bring us together. And I don't think all come is not equal. Unless you get cancer. But of course in terms of like different humans, their semen is similar. I think so.

Yeah, I do think so. But they do say if you are ill, it does alter the shunmen. Yeah, shunmen. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. I had a cold once and it was blue. Whoa. Yeah, I don't know what happened. I think I might have had a popsicle chunks stuck up there or something. I got a cold once and it was blue. Whoa. Yeah, I don't know what happened.

I think I might have had a popsicle chunks stuck up there. I got a little bomb pop. Yeah, I have a little fun with it. All right, Marcus. I do have a fun story about an old lady making friends with her home invader. Whoa. U.S. woman 87 fights off teenage show and true to then gives them snacks. Well, this is a sad story. This is a kind is a sad story because I think I remember seeing this and we did choose it for

side stories because it was fair as sad, where it's just that thing where it's kind of nice. It is very nice. It's nice and sad because she realized that he was a hungry, desperate kid and he was there and then he just basically kind of fell apart in front of her and then she just ended up taking it and switching to mom mode and sort of taking care of this person. It's like that funny story that Dermay, our friend Dermayne Fowler told on Roundtable that one time where a guy tried mugging him for tried mugging him and Dermayne just said no. And then they sat down on the stoop and had a conversation about

the guy's life. It's one of those things. Yeah. I'll always remember the look on the face and one of the guys that mugged me when I pulled my disc man out. Yeah. And he was just like, where's your iPod? And I was like, I don't have an iPod man.

This is all I have. This is all I have. And he was like, what am I gonna do with this? And I was like, you're throwing a birthday. I don't know. And so he just gave it back to me. And then he said, literally, then he said, there's like, what do you have?

And I was like, at $5, and it's gave him $5. Yep, Henry, that's another sad story there, man. Did you see that, you know? It was just real. And I was like, I'm here with you, dog. The one time I got mugged, the guy was also disappointed because I had like a $40 flip phone. Yeah.

And no cash because I was coming home from the bar and I'd spent all my money. Drinking, I didn't have a slit. And he asked me for an iPod like three. He's like, give me your iPod. I'm like, yeah, I don't have an iPod. I don't have an iPod. You're giving me your iPod. I was like, I don't have one. I'm just, I don't got this man.

I don't have any. I will go to the gate stop. It's kind of nice that they thought both of you might actually be successful. I actually think that it was reverse racism. Yeah, and take that right to Twitter. Yeah, right. It's just that. It's an off-races of my friend.

What? It's X. Take it to X. But then most of you aren't on X anymore. So where are you going to take it? I guess I'll have to take to the New York Post. I guess you're fucking. Yeah, I was looking through the daily star here because sometimes they have a bunch of

stuff, but this is really, I've always loved having sex. This is just a woman who's, yeah, she, this woman just said she loves having sex when she stopped her career and had a business and now she's just showing pornography. Yeah, you're just literally just literally helping out pornography. I just saw woman's nipples. I'm glad we're here. I was gonna do more about the Taylor Shabbusiness case, but actually we covered this a little bit

on side stories. How about the woman that you played with her? Like she killed a dude on a meth bench and she tried to flirt with the cops. She killed a bunch of people. And she's like, it was one of those where I didn't recognize her because she looked that much different with makeup on in her mug shot.

Wow. Because her mug shots like kind of put together, but it's hard. Jail's hard. Yeah, Jail does. And especially if you're doing math and jail because, you know, Jail's a real easy to get a hold of a jail. Evidently, evidently. I just feel like I would want to get all huffed up in jail.

No, you would. I feel like I feel like Coke and jail would be fine. I feel like I'd like to do Coke and jail because that would make jail more interesting. I smoke weed just to go weed. I would do weed. No, you got to be up dude. Yeah, you got to be ready to go boot sound at 6 a.m. That's the thing about prison.

I used to always think, oh, I just don't sleep. You don't sleep. It puts you as to work. Well, you're picking up boxes. You're put. No, I don't mind working. It sucks.

Well, yeah, of course it sucks. Okay. Oh, by the way, I just read Chris Martin or Chris Watts. I'm sorry, I always get those confused. Yeah, they're it sucks. Oh, by the way, I just read Chris Martin or Chris Watts. I'm sorry, I always get those confused. Yeah, they're very similar. I actually, I actually, I actually, I was extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely, there was just an article I was reading because we mentioned about side stories.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Evidently, he's got all these chick pinpills. Oh, yeah. So we still date out there. I mean, that's all of them. That's, I mean, that's a well known, and Chris Watts is doing a little bit of light ministry on the side.

He found God. Yeah, it's a little bit of that. He's a janitor. He's really making it for himself. He's really kind of shining. You really? Also, this is really doing well. This Chiku became a porn star. Also, she's taking a box in. Yeah, you're just saying, yeah, you're just talking about you're just talking. It's a fluff piece about a porn. Well, that's an advert, that's an advertisement for a porn actress. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it basically is.

Boxing is like a big thing now. But you know who started that? And I'll say it honestly, straight up, we got, we put it into influence of world, I realized, beetle juice from Howard Stern. Oh, yeah. He started the boxing show. I actually have something, a billionaire, this guy,

we've all seen him, right? This guy spends millions of dollars a year trying to be young. Oh, yeah. He's 45 and, but he all seen him, right? This guy spends millions of dollars a year trying to be young. Oh, yeah. He's 45, but he made himself, he spent B, spend something like five million dollars a year, and now he is biologically 41. Yeah, wow.

It's like, he spends his whole life doing this to be, you spend your whole life looking, it's just, there's a parable in there somewhere. Yes, isn't the guy that just gonna die? Isn't he the guy that gets injected with his own son's blood? Yes. But now he is using penis rejuvenation therapy. Yeah, he's making his penis healthy. Brian Johnson, he takes 111 pills a day. He drinks three ounces of alcohol in the morning and then it ejects himself again with his son's plasma. The American businessman is also now trying to work on

his erection longevity. So he posted on X started first penis rejuvenation therapy, focus shockwave therapy, six treatments three times a week, cost one to $2,000. This man's whole life is miserable. How old is he? 45. 45. I mean, I'm 40. I feel like my penis works. My penis works more or less the same as a dead man. I was 20. I think she had a kid too. What is this shock treatment for dick? I don't want my penis to be the same as it was when I was 14.

Penis rejuvenation therapy. I also think if I was the son of the like, would you just birth me to take all of my, what about the kid? Is this kid like Benjamin Button? Harvesting. Yeah, he's harvesting him. Do you know what it is?

Is that this is supposed to be for erectile dysfunction. You're supposed to do it because your penis doesn't work. So if your penis is already working and then you do it, I don't need help. You know what he said, his target is? It doesn't need to be stronger. It's already running my fucking 65, 75% of my fucking life.

He said his target was achieving three hours and 30 minutes worth of nighttime erections. So he wants to be hard when he sleeps for hours. So we don't get it. I don't want to be hard for three hours. Even he doesn't need after 11 a.m. I make sure to be a bed by 8 30 p.m. And all he eats is super.

This guy is going to die of a disease. We don't even know what he says. It's games wave. It's games wave is what you do. You get games on your dick. Good, get on mighty. What does that even mean? How do you build up the muscle tone in your dick?

And I don't even, this man's whole life is fucking miserable. Anyway, just accept death. Yeah, just accept death. Just live your life. Live your life. Yeah, live your life. Because obviously this is fear, right?

Yeah, oh no, he's living his life for dying. Oh, yeah, he's fucking terrified. He's bad. It's real rough out there. Yeah, we're doing it. All right, I think we've done enough. We've fucking done enough. We've done enough.

My God, the Manhattan Project series really took it out of us. We also did an alien series and a Moth Man series. It's been a pretty rough. We've been like going hardcore for months and months now. I'm really excited because when we're gonna take a little break, we're gonna come back, we got a fuck ton of stuff we're really excited about in the fall. I'm really, we got the True Crime series

and we already have lined up. I'm very, very excited for you. I'm a big history series, we got a cult series, I can't wait. And the True Crime series that we got coming up, there are definitely clues in this episode right here, As far as what that series is going to be about, I can summon up in a word or maybe Ben, you'd like to summon up for me. You said it earlier.

What's that? You said the word. You said the word at the very beginning of the show. You said it in a very forceful tone. Pickerton. Was it probably? very forceful tone. Pickerton. What is it, Piquiton? No, before that. I have no idea what we talked about up top.

No, you said it like you said it as a, we also had a whole segment on it on the show. Cuck in. No, you got two letters right. Cuck. No, no, no. See you. Come.

Yeah. Let's go. It'shuh. Come. Yeah. Let's go. It's time. I am excited for this one. So much come in this true crime story. The research already has been very interesting. Very interesting indeed.

Well, thank you all so much. And it's not all bad come either. Sometimes it's got to be good. I want to do a little bit of an announcement here, just so you know, we have added a second night to murder fist at the DICE. You did. Wow.

It's going to be a Friday, September 21st. We are adding a show the night before coming check it out. I can't fucking wait to do that. We just put together a whole set. It's really funny because I haven't done active sketch comedy like rehearse catch comedy since 2016. Wow. And we started going through the set again.

And I was like, I thought I was really scared. I was like, this is gonna be a lot of rehearsal. What are, how many, all this just fucking comes from. One drip, it's weird how it just comes jump and right back. Everybody just didn't sketches without scripts. Wow. It was weird. It was great.

I think it'll be a good show. I can't wait. I think it'll be a great show. We're doing it old school style. Who are you gonna do to the, the two of you? Are you going to get Naky Baky? Basically our goal for the Mertifice 20th anniversary show

is imagine you're just coming to see one. We're not doing anything to like in memoriam, or like remember the years. Yeah, you're all dead. We're doing like the show. It's like you're going to see a show like we used to do back in the day. I'm going to see if I don't see your full little butt.

You might, something like that might happen. Those old Mertifice shows are still the best comedy shows like we used to do back in the day. I'm gonna see if I don't see your full little butt. I'm gonna be there. Something like that might happen. Those old murder fris shows are still the best comedy shows I've ever seen in my life. And Mark is not the two best merch sellers of all time. Oh my God, I spent at your 12 hour show. I spent 12 hours selling shirts and a drink and by the end of it, I did not know how to make change.

Yes, you were just giving shirt to me anyway. But it seems like I did make it. I did, I did. I did enough giving it for me. Frank, this is the merrifice ethos. Just to make the carbon, and people, we had a cake together, and man, it was good. We had old cake to ourselves.

Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah, we did. All right, everyone, thanks for listening to Hellerselves. Hells, game. Mugos deletion. Oh, no. That was my taste. Yeah, yeah, we did everyone thanks for listening to haller cells game Be nice even if you're nine months left to live if you're gonna fuck your ex don't tell that's the answer Just don't tell the person you're with Never gonna know and by the time they find out it'll be at the funeral the further You into dying a harder it is is to put together a cheating idea.

I hate to reopen this entire game. No, no, no, no. You won, I came in hard. I'm going to say I came in emotional. You came in real hard, yeah. But I do think, you know, in the end, if you do got to get that dick, I guess you do. Yeah. Yeah, for me.

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