Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: A Particular Shade of Red

Episode Date: October 24, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry read your Creepypasta stories: a mysterious music box, an escaped asylum patient, a murderous Tinder date, AND MORE. TRIPLE L.

Hey, what's up everyone? How you doing? Ben Kissel here. I will be in Nashville, screening Hail Yourself America at Zany's Sunday, October 27th at 9.30 p.m. Please get those tickets. Can't wait to see you in Nashville. I'll also be hanging out at Politicon. Well, they'll be promoting Hail Yourself America in the Democracy Room. So I'll see you all October 27th in Nashville. Hail Yourselves! There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left, side stories. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. I am not fucking around here, Kissel. I am spooked. What's going down? The gremlins in my house are being very active. It's not even funny. You think it's gremlins? I don't know what the hell it is. That's what I'm calling it. It's some kind of entity. I've been dealing with this as I've been talking about in the show the last couple of weeks. It's obviously the Halloween season.

So it's time appropriate. But I mean, Jackie started it about a year ago when she was living in the house. She kept saying that I had an upper stairwell that goes up to, we have a little roof spot on the top of our apartment. And Jackie was like, there's a little ghost that lives up in that corner. And I was like, whatever. And then the remote controls went missing, right? And we found it deep in the back of the couch, right? Didn't know how the fucking got there. Which is fine, whatever. Cool. Stoner, bullshit, yes. Because that's what everyone is thinking. Yeah, that's usually where it goes when you fall asleep on the couch. Yes, sure. My belt's still fucking gone. My belt is gone. Nowhere in the house. Natalie's like, it's somewhere. And I was like, I have dug everywhere.

I know I've looked for this fucking belt. It is fucking gone. It's not that big of an apartment. It's not like we're living in many rooms or in a little Scrooge McDuck. Yeah, swimming in coins. I don't want to smell like blood all day unless I've earned it. Absolutely. So what is going on, man? I don't know. So last night, I come in the house. She's like, Natalie's talking about it. She was missing something the other day and she's like, oh, it's your gremlins. And also it's like, I know it's my gremlins. You know, because Amber also said that the house is also haunted.

But Amber is also, you know, like myself, we are technically unreliable people. Amber Nelson from Brighter Side, of course. Yes. Last night, I come in from the gym and I got my house keys. It's stuff that's always very important. It's stuff that I have to go scrounging for. Right. And I go in, I go right into making dinner. So I'm making dinner. And then I go to walk Wendy. My keys are gone. I go to look everywhere. Like I have like two spots that I normally keep my keys.

Uh-huh. You're gone. It's not there. I tear the fucking house apart. Like I go through every section of the house. I'm literally just, I'm gonna go through every, but I'll look through all the shoes. See what I left in the fucking refrigerator. All the stone bullshit. I can't find- Always check by the ham. I've done that before. I found a lot of weird things in the refrigerator. No, I do that.

A lot of remote controls. I've done it. Yeah, I get it. I've done it too. But I wasn't hammered yet. Okay. And then all of a sudden I'm just like, man, my keys are gone. My keys are fucking gone. So I go to go move, like my traveling bag. I go to go move it out of the other room because I'm trying to get, we're trying to like move things around because we're planning a move. So I'm just trying to condense everything to another room.

I lift up my traveling bag and I hear jingle. My keys are zipped up on the, in the inner bag. I'm getting chills. My keys are zipped up. They said the inner pocket inside of this bag. And I did not do it. I know for a fact- You didn't go into the bag. You didn't. Absolutely did not do it. This thing is saying hello.

I don't know what the hell is going on here, dude. I am legit spooked here, man. It's scary stuff. It's spooky central, dude. It sounds like it. Maybe it is time to move. I hope it doesn't follow you to whatever house you end up living in. Oh my. Well, it's the spooky season and there's a lot of ghouls out.

Welcome to Side Stories, everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Henry Zabrowski. I am. You know what, man? I'm going to say this. I'm at level orange. I'm at level orange. Oh, you're going with the terror alert list that we used to have in the early 2000s that meant nothing? I'm at an orange.

Wow. We're at terror level orange. Totally forgot that that ever happened. Remember that? People would be like, can't go outside today. It's terror level orange or red. And it's like, it means nothing. It means nothing. It means nothing. But I'm going to say congratulations, buddy, because for a long time,

as long as I've known you, you've said, I just want it too bad. I want to be haunted too much. I'm too desperate for it. I'm coming off. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty for ghosts. I'm thirsty for scares. But maybe, just maybe, you met love in ghost form,

and now that entity is going to, I guess, continue to hide everything that's precious to you. I haven't seen shit, though. That I will say. I haven't seen anything. You've got to set up. You've got to set up. It's like, is Wendy nervous all the time? Because she's just seeing a man with a top hat at the top.

The stairs going, oh. Like, is that why Wendy's scared all the time? Or is she just a Chihuahua? Or it's like, why am I agitated all the time? It's just because of a personality disorder. Or just because you're Polish. Well, that's the blood pressure. Yeah.

And the body hair. I mean, maybe that's the perfect storm. Maybe that's what gets these entities going. They feed off the nervousness of the Chihuahua, and then the overall anxiety mixed with aggression of the Polish. Maybe. It's perfect. It's like opening up a window.

What you've got to do is start setting up cameras. Like, remember the movie Oculus? Yes. You've got to start setting up cameras. Get some mirror play going on. You've got to find this stuff, buddy. I'm close to it. Okay.

I mean, that doesn't really like the idea of having cameras in there, because you're just afraid of the cameras getting hacked like in the movies. Well, it's kind of like the movie 13, cameras great horror movie if you want to check it out. Absolutely. Because Nat doesn't want to be involved with anything, you know, where she's like sauntering around given the show for some haunted super.

Which I totally understand. Got it. But one day I will have control, and I might put out a camera just to see what's up. And you don't even got to go to the cloud with it. You can go old school. Get some VHS cameras. Oh, no, tape.

Get some tape. Yeah. Physical medium. I'm just saying, because you guys did really good with these emails. We're about to get spooky. Yes, indeed. That's what this whole episode's about.

It is the season to be spookified. I am, I'm on edge. I think the country's on edge. I think that's good. All right, because we're changing. There's skeletons everywhere. And I'm not just talking about the models in Los Angeles. Oh my.

I'm talking about there are talking skeletons out there. And that's legit. I don't actually don't know if that's for certain. I know. But if they were, this would be a good time for them. I did just read an article where the modeling industry was really applauding themselves

because they allowed a woman who is like 107 pounds to be a model as opposed to 104. And they were like, we did it. Normal sized women. And it's like, I've never seen, I've never seen that before. Was that for the diabetes line, a Calvin Klein? No, that's, it is, I guess it's brave of them.

I don't know. I don't think they need to be applauded for showing normal people. And that woman was still extremely, extremely thin. But anyway, let's get on with some spooky spaghetti Henry, would you like to start us off? Okay guys. So you're, you're at home right now.

Maybe you're washing your dishes or whatever. All right. Maybe you're washing your dishes. Maybe you're wondering whether or not you locked your back door. You should go check it. Because if you didn't, if you didn't, you don't know for certain that you locked your back door.

That door is fucking open. Okay. This is how it is. Check the back seat of your car before you go out to get grocery shopping because people hide back there all the time just to ruin your life. Yeah. And it happens one in five times.

Every one. You go to the grocery store. Really? It happens one in five times. I'm being an oxygen network right now. Wow. If you have breasts, every one in five times you go to the grocery store.

There is a man sitting in the seat behind you just trying to either go to the store with you because he's innocently insane or he's planning like what he's going to do to you. And just because he hasn't made himself known, he's in there. Okay. Okay.

But in order to combat that, what's really important to do is what I got some now is I got some new Zika. It's not the virus. Okay. I got this new Zika weed line, a hybrid. It's kind of relaxing. Because it's good to measure it.

What I like to do now is really important, especially if you're home, if you're in the bath right now, if you're a big fat guy in the bath and you can watch your fucking body hairs kind of float above you finally free from the weight of your personal gravity, let them dance.

Let them dance to the tune of you going, getting that last podcast in the left grinder. Oh yes. Sure. I don't know if you can. Yeah. But you grind up some hybrid, right? That's what I like.

I like a nice sativa leaning hybrid, right? You grind it up nice and fine, layer it down. Then little scoops of keef on top of that. Another layer of the ground up hybrid, right? Okay. Fucking token. It's important to get that fucking spice stacked, right?

Then sativa edibles on top. Let it right out. Wow. Let it right out, be incomprehensible. And now what I'm doing is I'm keeping my keys and my mole controls in my pockets. That's smart. But now you're not recommending people drive

to the grocery store after doing all of that, right? I mean drive slow. Drive slow, yeah. If you're gonna. I would say go to the grocery store first. Then you gotta stock up on your snacks. You're probably correct. Yeah.

And if you're at the office, take your shirt off. Because we got to get some phantomabene inside of your fucking assholes. All right, listen to this. So we're having here, you guys did great. Yes. You guys sent a bunch of your emails. We're going through this one at a time.

We got two weeks of this fucking spooky shit. Yes, we did. So be prepared. We're going from real to not real, right? So this email comes to us from a listener who says that this story is real. Absolutely. And if you want to submit for next week's episode,

side story is LPOTL at gmail.com. And as Henry said, thank you so much for your submissions. This year, Henry, wouldn't you say best year yet? Best year yet. By far. By far. This story may not stand out to you as one only reading it, but stands out as one of the more unsettling experiences

I've ever had. My wife and I have always been frequent visitors to thrift stores. On one of these trips several years ago, I grew restless with shopping for clothing and went to look at various household items. I found a jewelry box with a music box section and winded the key in a vac out of curiosity. The song that I played was both very familiar

and matched no song that I had heard before. My best description of the song was haunting. I immediately wanted to buy the box, despite the fact that I had no use for it. I also had the overwhelming urge to play the song again, but for someone else. I took the music box to my wife, my girlfriend at the time, and played the song for her.

She described the song in the same way as haunting and familiar, but different. She also said that she found it strange. She felt the urge to share the song with someone else. We did buy the music box and took it home. For some time it became a piece of some obsession. I opened up the music box compartment to see the construction and noted that it looked like a new music box

put into a jewelry case. I had made plans to do a similar project myself. I also found several others with the same exact design, but more common music boxes with pleasant tunes were in them. We played the song for many others and found they responded the same way. The compulsion to share the song with someone else was always present, and the song always described as

haunting, quote-unquote. Eventually, by moving too frequently with new challenges each time, the box had become buried in a box somewhere in our home. The urge, I feel, to share the song comes back with a simple thought sparked for it, to the point that my greatest desire right now is to go home, dig out the box,

and send you a recording. The melody I have not heard for years is back in my mind and will likely take days to drown out. Losing any degree of control over my desires and actions terrifies me, and I know that all my goals can be derailed with the turn of one key. So now, we're gonna play that song. Whoa! I don't want to hear it, Henry.

We have to play. It'll be scary. Let's go. Oh, my God. That is honestly, it sounds like Oxycontin presents ballet. That is, but that is really, that is creepy if you are, that is a good soundtrack for a horror film. It is. I actually, I don't,

I think I do recognize the sound, but that's what he said. I want to say that some piece of classical music or that it's something, it's like a Tim Burton theme or something. Oh, man, that was awesome. Well, thank you so much for sending that story in and for, whoo, that did send

some chills down my large spine. Oh, that's a lot of chills. That's a lot of chills, my friend. All right, so this next creepy tale is brought to you by Evan Cenak. Thank you so much for writing in, Evan. I think that this tale, it's modern day because it involves online dating.

And who doesn't love online dating? Although, is that still popular? I don't even know if people still use it. It does. Absolutely. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what everyone's up to. All right, this is called match. She's cute.

Swipe, single mom. Swipe, office quote. Swipe. Ugh, no. You put your phone down into your lap and rub at your brow. You're sick of people shopping for now. Ding, the romantic chime of a mutual directional

swipe perks your ears. New match. You remember her despite swiping a week or so ago. Her eyes are intense, intoxicating, kind of goth, but maybe just pale. Kill me please is all her bio reads. She's funny. You open up the conversation and she's great

because you know that would work for all of us too. You'd be like, oh, kill me please. I like your sense of humor. I like you. And I know for a fact 20% of that is true. She's funny. Okay, kill me please is all her bio reads. She's funny.

You open up the conversation and she's great. You make plans, coffee downtown, familiar spot. You clean up and smell nice. Same awkward first date jitters, but jokes are pickaxes against a frozen lake and the ice is now broken. You walk through a park for quite a bit and then find yourselves alone together

in a shaded alcove of trees. You lock eyes. Her wild hypnotizing gaze holds you captive, frozen all over again. Her hand leaves her pocket. A glint of light crosses your vision. She holds a large kitchen knife by the blade, handle facing you.

Okay, now kill me. You stand there confused and smile. This isn't the worst date I've ever had. Okay, now kill me. You stand there confused and smile fading as she wraps your fingers around the wood shaft. She gets louder and louder and starts pushing you more and more violently.

She shoves you to the ground and the knife now in your hand catches her on her forearm and the sudden gush of crimson blood spritzes your face. What the fuck? Why? Why me? You plead as she looks down at you

because you had a dog in your picks. That's what she says. Because you had a dog in your picks. So she liked him because he had a dog in her picks in his picks and he liked her because she wanted someone to kill her. Honestly, you know, hey, if long as it's consensual

and kissful, your reading's getting better. You know what, buddy? I'm beasting this stuff out, you know? Really beasting it out. Have you been going to one of those after-school programs or like one of those things they do for ex-cons? No, no. I've taken my life back.

I know I gave the first half of my life to the streets, but now I'm giving the second half of my life to the books. To the books. I did just purchase 30 books for a fourth grade class of a friend of mine who teaches there. So I am buying books for kids. So the next thing you know,

I'll start buying books for myself, which would be very, very fun. Yeah, they can't just be books of menus. No, my friend, not that. Oh, you're naughty. Fun ruckers. You know I've never been to a fun ruckers. You know what I could really use?

The real red fucker. Uh-huh. All right, here we go. This story is called The Tingle by Eric Barton. Ooh. I was taking a red line home from downtown Chicago later than usual on a Friday night. The car had a distinct smell of piss,

which is a big city and it's bound to happen. Uh-huh. I was more peeved when we got to the Addison Stop and the car was packed to capacity by drunk, out of town, cabs faints, most of whom are not interested in being human. But having moved to the city from a small town in Texas years ago,

I learned to just let it go and mine my own business. I turned to an episode of Wizard and the Bruiser, one of the fine shows in the last podcast network, and settled in for the ride. After a few stops farther up north, the car cleared out and all that was left were a trio of Russian men, playfully, albeit loudly,

arguing with each other, myself, and an old woman sitting across from me. Hmm. If I had a guess to say, I'd say that she was in her 70s and she had built a wall of bags around her to protect her space from the Wrigleyville crowd. She also wore what I can only describe

as some sort of shower cap. She had been staring at the Russian men, but turned her head and caught my eye. She smiled kindly, and I saw that there was a beauty mark above her upper lip. Hmm. She said something to me,

but with the melodious timbre of Holden McNeely in my ear, I missed it. Ugh. Going, oh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh, eh, eh, The one above her lip had relocated to just below her eye. It's a small thing, but it was just enough to make my mind feel like it was shifting. I was seeing something that I couldn't explain. My stop was coming up, so I grabbed my bag and waited at the sliding door.

I was trying not to think too much about it, but I couldn't help myself and stole one last glance at the woman. I watched the mole edge its way from its new home and disappear under the shower cap. The shower cap was moving underneath, crawling all over as if the scalp was alive, trying to escape. The old woman in her sleep reached up and slightly scratched her head. The train came to a stop, and through sheer instinct, my legs got me onto the train platform where I sat down on a bench near the heat lamps we used for the winter. I tasted bile. My head was spinning.

A few days later, I was grabbing some pho with my friend, Christina. We had just gotten our food when I saw the old woman from the train walk into the restaurant. Her shower cap was gone, has most of the hair underneath, and she had bandages on her face. My friend, seeing a look on my face, asked what was wrong, and I relayed the story of the train. Christina works in an emergency care unit. Let me know that some senior citizens that live in culturally isolated communities and neighborhoods will often rely on traditional medicines from their home countries. The ingredients coming in are not always checked over completely when they arrive in customs,

and some have even been known to contain live spider eggs that may hatch after the patient has applied the treatment. My stomach turned. Christina took a wedge of lime from the condimentary and squeezed it over her soup. It kind of reminds me of that old salson blue ad, she said. The tingle means it's working. Whoa, she's got bugs in her hair. Oh, that is nasty.

But good for her, it seemed like it worked, because, you know, I don't know, she has bandages on now. I have no idea what happened. I don't know. No idea. I don't know. Well, you know, they are the Wrigley Stadium, of course, where the Chicago Cubs play. It's a well-known for being cursed. Before they won the World Series in 2000, I want to say 15 or 16,

they lost for 100 years because they refused to allow a witch to have a goat come in to accompany her to watch a baseball game. They said no goats allowed, and then the woman cursed the Cubs for 100 years that curse lasted. So Wrigley Stadium, Wrigley Field, it's known for witchery and curses. Baseball's dumb. No, it's a thinking man's game. I don't know. I mean, this woman wanted to go watch a baseball game with a goat, and I'm just going to say this.

If someone shows up with a goat, it's got to be a close friend. Maybe if she is really a witch, maybe it's just her husband transforming to a goat. How much worse is a goat than a dog? I don't think they're bad at all. I think they should allow. I mean, I don't know. I would ban half the people when you go to these sporting games. I say ban half the people, fill those things with goats or dogs.

Yeah, that's what I say. All right. Well, that was very scary indeed. And really a statement about the United States health care system. Wow. You know what? Sometimes horror, that's what I like about horror is that it hides social lessons within it. Absolutely.

So this creepypasta, now there's no name attached, but it's called stalled. Isn't that exciting? Stalled. Like Henry Thomas was on the, I don't know why that story is so funny with the ET guy. I thought that it was nice and he stopped the car. I thought so too. All right. This is called stalled.

One hot August evening, a young couple were driving from Nashville to Atlanta. And let me just take this now to plug. I will be in Nashville this Sunday. Good move. I'm very excited. Thank you. Very, very fun. I'll be at Zany's.

Oh my. You and Paulie Shore, man. He and Paulie Shore, the weasel. Okay. Stalled one hot August evening. A young couple were driving from Nashville to Atlanta. They were in a hurry so they didn't stop to get fuel before they left after driving for a few hours.

The young man peered down in his fuel gauge and noticed it was dipping and dangerously low. They were in the middle of nowhere and began to worry. They might run out of gas before they ever found another gas station. Just as they were about to lose hope, they saw dim lights of an old gas station just off the main road. They quickly pulled in and the young man began pumping gas. It was expensive, but they had no other choice.

After he finished pumping the gas, he told his sweetheart he needed to use the bathroom. He went in and sat down in the stall, relieved that they would be able to safely finish their journey. But when he reached for the toilet paper, something strange happened. No matter how hard he tried, it wouldn't tear. He kept trying to pull it apart, but he soon realized there were no seams for easy tearing. Ooh, this is getting scary. It's my big nightmare.

I never take one sheet at a time. They try to tell us that we only need one square at a time. Oh, that's honestly, that's a corporate lie. I mean, I wish it did. I wish my, I wish my guts were not as full of grease. If you use one square, you're just wiping with your hand. So he goes out. So there's no, no tearing of this toilet paper.

Very scary stuff. His mind began racing as sweat started beating on his brow. He was pulling, pulling, pulling on the teepee. But no matter how he tried, he could not tear it. He threw his hands up in defeat as his face flushed with embarrassment. But then he heard a quiet voice from inside his head. Yeah. Wipe it on the towel.

You're going to have to use it all. That's what the voice said, Henry. You're going to have to use it all. At first he refused. This was simply too much toilet paper. It would clog the toilet. Eventually he relented and began folding up the entire roll. But suddenly he realized that it was stuck to his hands.

He felt himself being pulled by the toilet paper, wrapped up in its course, and cheaply made fibers. He's wrapped up in its course and cheaply made fibers. He felt suffocated as the paper squeezed the breath out of his body and suddenly he began to black out. He awakened several hours later and found himself sitting on the back of the toilet, unable to move. He was surrounded by toilet paper rolls.

The voice in his head returned. But this time with a blood curdling scream, You are the toilet paper now! No! The voice screamed. He sat there in horror and disbelief at the way these events had unrolled. There was nothing he could do. The stall door began to shake.

He stared in disbelief as it creaked and finally flung open to reveal a 350 pound trucker who had just finished a meal of chili dogs and gas station sushi. This would truly be a terrible experience. Yeah! Toilet paper monster! Toilet paper monster! He became a toilet paper monster. No word on the girlfriend.

No. She probably left. She moved on. Once your boyfriend becomes a toilet paper monster, now he has to wipe the butthole of a 350 pound trucker who just ate a bunch of chili dogs and gas station sushi and you gotta break it off. But honestly, if she can't see you through that,

you know what I mean? Don't deserve me at my best. That's right. If you can't handle me, my toilet paper monster, then you don't deserve me at my going to your father's funeral with you. It's like if you date a guy for a year, then it turns out that he gets lung cancer or something, and now you're locked in. Unfortunately, now you're locked in.

You gotta stay with that person for a while, unless you're bastard. Unfortunately, you are technically correct to leave. Unfortunately, especially if you're not going to get here. And you are, if I were to do it, if this was a morality court and I was your lawyer, I would say you are correct to leave. Get out of there.

But by the court of everyone else, you're a bastard. I firmly believe this whole sickness and in health thing, right? It's big. It is big, but I'm just gonna say this. That's the whole point of getting married. If you get paralysis, I'm gone. No, then you're gonna stop. Because you're not a person anymore.

Oh, that's a controversial statement. No, I'm not saying that. That's a controversial statement. What I'm saying is, if you're in a coma for 30 years... Yes, that's different. That's what I'm talking about. That's different, but if you could still get it up,

you could ride it and probably get a baby out of it. Sometimes in comas, if you play with the dicking balls, the dicking just can get hard. I don't know that for... I don't have, for example, like I have it... I'm not a nurse. I'm not one of those criminal nurses. Thank God you're not a nurse.

Nurse Zabrowski here, what do you need? Do you need a needle? Do you need a face? Work it off. Take 25 milligrams of sativa and call me when your belt goes missing. Absolutely. I was being satirical.

You're a bastard. No, I was joking. Fly from your grave. Fly from your grave. Here we go. This is a real story. I woke up abruptly to the sound of footsteps rushing up the stairs and immediately my heart rate quickened

and my senses heightened. The steps sounded almost clumsy and with a bit of a drop-foot shuffle, but the pace was quick. Before I could make a sound, the man rounded the corner to my bedroom and made a beeline to the side of my bed.

As he looked away, inches from my side, he took deep, exhausted breaths. I couldn't believe what was happening. Somehow, my German shepherd who lay at the foot of my bed and my husband who lay sleeping without any inclination of the sudden stranger

in her room. My mind was a flight of ideas trying to plan my move. As I tried to scream, nothing came out. With all my courage, I faced the intruder and finally managed to whisper, Who are you?

He seemed startled that I spoke to him and he turned to face me. Incidentally, I knew him. I was staring into the aged face of my father who died eight years ago of early onset dementia. He was 56 when he passed

and due to his demented brain, he had developed a shuffling gait in the advanced stages. He looked directly at me and seemed to understand how scared I was. He reached out his hand and touched my arm and instantaneously, every bit of adrenaline

that had surged through my system disappeared. An overwhelming sense of calm rushed over me as my heart rate normalized. My breathing slowed and I no longer felt afraid. He kept looking at me without smiling or making any real facial expression

but he seemed content that I was no longer afraid. And as we continued to lock eyes, he slowly faded away. I got the impression that he came to protect me or warn me of something. Perhaps he just wanted to chill? This happened about six months ago

and I haven't had any visitations from him since and although every night before I sleep I wonder if my dad will stop by again. This was the first visitation quote-unquote from my father. However, I had a similar experience years ago in another house when I woke up to a 40-something year old man in a hat.

Wardrobe looked to be 1920s, 1930s staring intently at me. I'll say his stare was quite aggressive as if I was not meant to be there. As I kept his gaze, he too slowly faded away. I can still remember his face.

Cool, he's like... He's like Kurgan from Highlander. Yeah! That's fucking sweet, dude. It's like fucking Obi-Wan, dude. Indeed. It's kind of nice to have one more chance to stare in your father's disappointing face or disappointed face, rather.

That's just how it is, man. Yeah, that's it. Just know that wherever our parents are in the afterlife, that's how they're staring at us. Absolutely. Not smiling down, more just kind of like grimacing ending. You doing that? Yeah, still doing that, huh? Doing that thing?

Yeah, you won't be complaining when I buy you a pool. I don't need anymore. I'm dead, Henry Thomas. I'm dead! Now I can watch and really see what you're doing. Oh, because Henry Thomas, you never tell me anything about your life. I have to listen to the show to know.

Or as my mom said, she bravely, after the live show, she saw us in Tampa, she's like, I know it's a persona. Which is nice. She doesn't understand that it actually is. It is me. No, your mother was wonderful, and she came to our show in Tampa, and the Tampa crowd

was incredible. Miami was so sweet. And thank you to everyone who came out to our show in Orlando as well. Incredible, beautiful people. People always, you know, they dump on Florida because they got the sunshine loss, so we get to see all of their weird tales.

But in reality, it's a beautiful place full of like, pretty hot people. Killer crowds. Killer crowds. Everybody's cool. Hung out with a bunch of fans after Tampa with my friend Kat, friend Ian, some people out there. It was like, we got to see some people.

Like, we, like, that's what's awesome. And yeah, attractive audiences. I went to a place called The Hub. It was right by where we performed in Tampa. They were sweet enough to give me a t-shirt for free. And I was going to wear it the next night at the show. But the thing is, The Hub has a lot of smoking.

And I put it on and I almost vomited because it's probably been marinating in Florida tobacco, in Florida cigarette smoke for a good 20 years. So I'm going to wash it. But then once I wash it, I will wear it because I loved that bar. All right.

This tale comes in from a fella. His name is Sam Perez. Okay. He says, this comes from my mom. So this is a story from his mother. Her family grew up on and around the Navajo Nation near Window Rock, Arizona. Growing up, she had a friend

whose uncle will call Dwayne. It's always something like that. Dwayne is a very uncle-y name. I know the rock is trying to change it into, like, a cool name. But Dwayne usually... No, he, he barely even uses his real name. Yes. Only only in the action movies.

Okay. So they're going to call this uncle Dwayne. Let's just say, he drove a water truck out on the res. One morning, he was driving down a narrow road out in the Chescas around four in the morning when he rounded a bend. What was standing in the middle of the road was

essentially a Sasquatch. He did not know what to do as the seven foot tall beast stared at him. After a minute, the Sasquatch simply walked away. Huh. That's what it would do. That's what it would do. It's just going home. It's tired.

It's four o'clock in the morning. After this encounter, Dwayne started drinking more and his life spiraled out of control. That will happen if you see a Sasquatch. Yes. A couple years later, Dwayne took his own life. My mom's friend revealed that Dwayne had seen this creature. The thing

with Sasquatch in Navajo is that there are beings that can assist in ceremony and are generally viewed as good. That's what I thought. Generally good Sasquatch. My mom was confused as to why Dwayne would have descended into all of that after seeing a Sasquatch.

A year after Dwayne's death, their family uncovered a lot of unsavory facts about the man. He was not a good person. My mom believes that he was on a dark path and the Sasquatch showed him the error of his ways and he could not handle it. A bad man took his life

and maybe being gone is a good thing. Whoa! All right, there it is. The Sasquatch was like, yo, Dwayne, you're not doing very good. Although it does seem like he's delivering water to everyone on the reservation. That's a good thing.

Oh, yeah. I think that is nice. It's kind of key. It's essential to life. But maybe the Sasquatch was like, Dwayne, you got to change your ways and Dwayne was like, I can't do that. And then he got, he invested in Anheuser-Buschstock and boom. Tried to make some money. That's how it is. You're fine.

These are your people. I love them. I love them. All right. Here's another tale. That's supposed to be real. Ooh, a real tale. Third shift in a nursing home is no joke. Oh my god.

My friend Ryan, when I was growing up, well not growing up, I was in college. But aren't we always growing up? I'm still growing up today. But my friend Ryan worked in a nursing home and you know I told you that story about the skin tears, right? Yeah, this shit's fucking terrifying. Yeah. I'm very

scared of growing older. Not really, but at the same time I feel like I'll get better. I'm going to be like a nice wine. Yeah, absolutely fine. But with an H. Yep, finer with H. Hello. Third shift in nursing home is no joke. I've worked in the field for years

and third shift is very different than the daylight hours. Mostly the noise. It is terribly quiet for long stretches of time so that you can find yourself kind of zoning out only to be snapped out of it by an old woman's scream or the panic confused yelling of an old man who

was forgotten where he is. Laughter is worse though. One faculty I worked in did not confine patients to the rooms at night and allowed for supervised free roam. A lot of folks don't sleep well at night and some would go to the common

room to play board games together or watch old movies. We dimmed the lights in the main areas and shut them off completely in the hallways to the guest rooms so as not to disturb the sleep of those who can manage it. The hallways had a single plate glass window at the end and led in some moonlight

but we still had to carry flashlights on us to navigate. Hmm. I was walking one of the corridors listening for any sounds of distress from the rooms. When I heard someone laughing at the end of the hall, low belly laughs, guttural.

Laughter laughs and Larsen from brighter side, is that you Ed? No, you could tell me by this signature smell. Hmm. Uh, it's him. So we left him out. Oh, I love him. I looked to the end of the hallway

expecting to see a guest silhouetted by the moonlight through the window but there was no one there. The laughter continued though. More focused on me now like it had noticed me and I had its attention. I looked in the flashlight and aimed it down

the hallway to reveal nothing but one of our fake potted plants sitting next to one of the dozen or so identical resting benches that were littered randomly across our facility. You can't give these old people nice new flowers. No, you can't. Honestly, it's better for them to be fake

so they don't eat them or whatever. I don't know if they do that. Laughter I started towards the bench and the laughter came quicker and higher and pitch more giggly and more rapid. Yeah. Oh my. As I got closer, my light

exposed one of our patients a man laying underneath the bench on his side with his back to me and facing the concrete block wall. He was fully naked except for a pair of black socks and his arms and the top of his head

he was mostly bald. He had that fryer tuck hairstyle going on. Recovered in bright red streaks of blood. The blood was flowing from his fingernails as he was trying to scratch his way through the wall. He looked at me from beneath that bench

when I shined my light in his face and said very close now. Very close. I can hear them on the other side. Turns out the guy was a WW2 vet and had spent time digging the foxholes and tunnels used to move around on the battlefield. We sedated him,

cleaned him up and got him back to his room for the night. By the time I found him that night the guy had lost most of the fingernails on both hands as well as chipped a few teeth. Apparently he had resorted to biting the wall once his fingernails had been ground down to the knee.

Yikes! Well that is why it's the greatest generation. You know what? If now a millennial, what are they going to do? A millennial he had given up once he didn't get a handout from the government. Absolutely. Once you crack one nail you said you're not even going to try to dig through

this wall anymore because I think I'm having a WW2 flashback and I think there's a Nazi on the other side of it. I'm not even going to try anymore. The greatest generation even in dementia. That really is very frightening. The eating of it. You can just see that happening and

honestly we saw something very similar to that on East Hastings Street when we did our show over in Vancouver two or three years ago. I'll always be haunted. Something about just seeing nails cracking on concrete that is forever, forever horrifying.

I used to not be able to watch horror films that had a lot of nail or tooth stuff but now I've gotten past it. I'm just deeply, deeply fucking desensitized. And when you mentioned the old man bawled with naked, just wearing black socks, I also thought about Governor Spitzer. Remember that?

Yes. I always think of Spitzer. I always think of his fucking, what his butt must also look like from behind as he was with, was it Lady Number Nine? Was it Client Number Nine? Actually Dupre. She was beautiful. She was and she had a short stint in

the New York Post writing a sex advice column. But then people didn't really take her advice too seriously. I don't know. I don't know. I think that's exactly who you want to talk to. All right. I will do this one. It's called My Hair. My Hair. My Hair. It is a little bit long

but we're going to get right on through it here because it's a spooky spaghetti. Okay. My Hair. And there is no name of the author. So thank you so much for submitting. And again, if you want to submit your stories for next week's episode, side stories L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

Shoot us your stories. We love going through them. My Hair. Okay. The last thing I own of value is my hair. Everything else has been taken from me. My home with its empty windows and hiding spots. Gone. My clothes. What little I had.

What little I needed. Those tattered rags that hung from me like poor dead things. Gone. My blankets. My candles. All those worldly possessions that defined me. Gone. Taken in the night by men in screaming machines and flashing lights with blue shirts, black boots,

and shiny badges who exchanged my memories for a slip of paper that said I couldn't live there anymore. Not good. Rent is crazy. But my hair remains. This is all just going to be about rent stabilization

and what's happening in San Francisco and in New York. But my hair remains. Oh, my beautiful hair with its soft flowing locks. Fuck you. Do not get upset, Henry. Fuck you. The person doesn't have a shirt. Okay.

But the only thing that remains, my beautiful hair with its soft flowing locks, velvety strands that brush through my fingers, dry and crisp, silky and shimmered with youth. Yes, my hair remained. For that, they could never take. My hair is only valuable, of course,

because I take care of it. Every day I wash it, it was easier when I had a home in the facilities to clean it in when I could lather it with the finest shampoos and scrub away the dirt and grime. Rinse it in the showers, domestic drains. It's a little harder now, but that doesn't stop

me. No, no, no. I always persevere wherever my hair is concerned. I've developed a little routine, you see. Each morning I've pressed down to the little river that bubbling stream near the edge of town where the people with the mean faces and mean eyes can't see me.

Can't whisper mean little comments under their sick breaths with nasty smirks and turned up noses. No, not here they don't. So she's washing her hair in the water, Henry. I know. That's bad news. It's not good. It sounds like someone might

smell like you've been swimming in raw sewage. I love it. I love it. I let the hair float a little while, let it relax. Bouncing up and down is the current bobby's it. Like a crying child being soothed on its mother's lap. And then I put my hands over it and I whisper to shush it.

I say, it's okay. I'm right here. It's okay. I won't let you go. I'll never let you go. And I hold it down and it squirms. Oh, how it squirms and fights to get back up. But I hold on and I and I hold on and on and I

cry a little because I know it's scared and I don't want to hurt it. But sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love because you love them and I love my hair and the river is cold so cold around my hands that they go numb and you can't feel them anymore and you can't trust them and you can't

trust them then because you can't feel your hands so you can't trust them. Like how you can't trust those men in the blue shirts who will knock on your door and yell at you and kick you out so you're cold again. So cold and alone and the mean ones come back and laugh at you

and then my hands let go and it all comes back up and I hold it and tell it how clean it looks and that I'm sorry. Henry, did you try to do this with your hair? No, I did and then I pissed it off. Oh, I see. I like to walk back to the other. I like

to walk back the other way then through town and past the playground sometimes if you're too early it'll still be quiet and only the birds will laugh at you in the trees until you come near and then they'll see you and fly off leaving soft little feathers in their hurry but if you're patient enough

like I was today under the bright morning sky with only a few fluffy clouds when it looks more like a reflection of the sky in the sea and the playground has a little sandpit just like the beach it's so gleeful and oh how they love

to play in the sandpit. They giggle and run, the little ones do and then they go on the swings and they go up, up, up, up, up and they laugh some more but it's not like the mean laugh. No, not like the mean parents because they're nice and they smile and wave at me and I'll

smile and wave back and watch. I only need to watch for a few minutes today before I see him. Oh, it's so perfect. He runs far, a little too far just outside the playground behind the slides. His mother doesn't notice of course because she doesn't care not like me. No, no, because I do

care and I do notice so I follow him over very carefully, nice and quiet so he doesn't get scared and when we're far enough away that's what I reach out. I can't stop my hands and I touch it. His soft, soft hair. Oh, it's so soft it runs down his shoulders like

melting chocolate shimmering in the sunlight that slips through the dark shadows of the leaves and my hand goes over his mouth and I shush him and tell him it's okay I won't let him go. I'll never let him go. My other hand strokes my smooth, bold scalp as I think of how perfect

his hair will be. No! Oh, it's children's hair! Cool. And it's fun. Yeah. Well, you could always do that. Go ahead and start stalking playgrounds, start scalping kits. No, I'm trying not to man.

Okay, that's for the best. My big goal is to not do that. It's good to have goals that you can attain. Yeah, it's really easy. Absolutely. To not do that. Absolutely. Alright, here we go. Well, serving as a combat

medic in the 4th Infantry Division in Colorado, we were on a training mission. We moved a bunch of combat vehicles off of Fort Carson where we usually do our training to a large plot of land in the southeast of Colorado called Lincoln and Canyon. It's over 230,000 acres and owned by

the Army for large training exercises such as this one. Anyways, one night our platoon is sleeping and it was my time for guard duty. Guard duty consisted of sitting on in a large armored personal carrier and sitting in a chair inside the vehicle and using a computer that's connected

to a large camera system on the outside of the vehicle that's attached to a 50 caliber machine gun. You're supposed to scan your designated area to see if there was any enemy activity. Since it's nighttime, we use what's called FLIR or FLUIR. FLUIR? Forward looking

infrared pronounced FLUIR. FLUIR. It only sees heat signatures. I get bored on these shifts. So I usually just look for local wildlife. Deer, bears, etc. These things are so high tech, you could see a field mouse clearly on the monitor

from like 200 yards away. Damn. I had my FLIR set up to show up so that hot things like body heat showed up as white on the black and white display. This is important later. The thing about this area of land owned by the army is that there are historical

sites we're not allowed to train on dotted throughout the massive area. These sites consist of things like fossil beds, Native American burial grounds and little pioneer settlements. We were about 100 yards from a small cluster of one of these settlements which consisted of some small collapsed

wooden buildings, a well and a windmill which was somehow still standing. Me being bored trying to stay awake at 2am just started scanning this little settlement with my FLIR. I saw a couple coyotes a few mice and then two

human figures walking around in one of the collapsed homes. I immediately zoomed in and thought it might be part of the training exercise that some people were going to attack us as part of the training mission. But then remembered that we're strictly forbidden to be on these historical sites.

I zoom in again and I can't make out the usual things you see on FLIR like a cold nose, hair, clothing, etc. There's just solid human silhouettes. I then look at my monitor to make sure it was on white equals hot and realize that these figures were completely

dark black which means they're extremely cold. I continue to watch. They're just moving around sometimes close together, sometimes walking apart and just standing there. A chill runs down my spine. Instead of waking everybody up and radioing it in

I opened up a private DM chat with my friend in the vehicle near me on the computer monitor. His vehicle is about 50 yards away from mine. I asked him to swing his weapon system around to the same building. He types back that he sees the figures too and that they show up as very cold

on his monitor. I open up my hatch of the roof and poke my head out and put my traditional green colored night vision goggles on like the kinds of video games. It doesn't see heat, it just amplifies light. It's a little far but I don't see anybody in the building. I duck my head down in the vehicle and see the computer

screen with the FLIR and they're still showing up. I do this several more times. I'm just accepting what I'm seeing and watching the figures for about five more minutes. One seems to be a man, the other a woman. I say this due to the petite outline of one and the more hulking of the other. Just walking around standing and walking

around again, not really interacting with one another. Then out of nowhere they just dissolve on the monitor. I look like they just turned into dust and fell to the ground. Then I didn't see them anymore. I check with my buddy on the text chat and he says he saw the same thing. It was honestly the weirdest thing I've ever seen

and besides that I have never had another encounter like that. I tell my friends in the platoon about it. Some made fun of us and others were legitimately creeped out but you know no one else saw these things the rest of the time. We were there just my friend and I on that one night. But it's good to have a corroborating story, corroborating

witnesses. It's pretty sweet. That's awesome man dude. The military people, military people on the front lines of defense, they see some of the trippiest trippiest things in the world. I love this shit. You know I like military and

ghosts. I love. Alright, well I got one more left in me here Henry and this one is coming in from Charlie. Thank you Charlie for submitting and again side stories LPOTL at gmail.com Okay, this

story coming in from Charlie it was January 1971 and my mom was 21. She just given birth to my eldest brother, her first child and had recently returned home from the hospital. On this particular evening her then husband was upstairs

taking a bath and she was downstairs in the kitchen doing chores while carrying my brother. Isn't that too much work for the woman to do? The man's up there taking a bath, farting in the tub you know Henry and now she's carrying a baby and doing chores. It's a lot. Oh my goodness, 1971

huh? The house was on a main road but right on the rural edge of town and combined with the fact that it had been snowing it was completely silent outside with no traffic and no one was walking the streets. Suddenly breaking the silence was the sound of footsteps along the path

at the side of the house that ran from the garden all the way along the side of the kitchen and up to the front of the house. My mom was immediately frozen in fear as she knew that her husband was upstairs in the bath and could still hear him up there so he couldn't

possibly have been in the garden. Behind the garden were miles of farmers fields and the only way to access it was via the path at the side. So she knew that there was no way anyone had been back there without her knowing. There was a knock at the side of the door

and my mom screamed a soft but unsettling voice said in a strong Lanxhire accent do it don't worry love I won't hurt you just let me just let me in this is the best work you've done that's not too bad

don't worry love that's not bad I'm just trying to talk like bread would speak like how does white bread talk don't worry love I won't hurt you just let me in so this entity is like don't worry dude don't worry love I won't hurt you just let me in

like the fiend from WWE and whoever it was tried the door which thankfully was bolted my mom screamed for her husband and he quickly ran downstairs unconfirmed he was dressed or still had his wanger out from the bath what

bath wanger because you know it's longer in the bath because you got it just gets a flipping flop around it gets all relaxed gets all relaxed so he's got his big dad weighing running down the steps yeah he threw the side door open and the visitor

had gone leaving footprints in the snow trailing off to the front of the house and beyond a few days later there was a piece in the local paper that caught her eye someone in town had been killed by an escape patient from the Whittingham hospital the asylum located

around three miles away the patient had knocked on the door and then forced his way into the house before stabbing them to death as it turned out if you were to walk as the crow flies through the fields at the back of my mom's house you would end up on the grounds of the Whittingham hospital

he must have escaped through the fields at the back and eventually happened upon the lights of my mom's house hopping over the fence at the back of the garden my mom isn't sure what happened to the patient but based on the treatments carried out in the UK asylums at the time I can only

imagine he attached a creepy photograph as well of the nurses of the nurses celebrating at the Overlook Hotel which is very nice of him that's really fun all right there it is so they just barely escaped mirror-dare at the hands of an escaped

asylum patient I feel like that used to be maybe it's because we shut down all of our insane asylums and now we just put people in prison in this country but I just feel like it used to be a much more common trope the visit kind of played with it M. Night Shyamalan's The Visit but it used to I just feel like as

kids just the idea of an escaped psychotic patient an escaped asylum patient was just more common you don't really hear about it anymore no I miss that I miss people being able to escape from asylums and terrorize

people I thought that was a fun time to be alive and you can't get that sort of you can't get it no mo no not in the city living you just don't see it so much this is why people are always scared of cities Henry but I've always been more scared of her role I'm deeply scared of the countryside by the way

you know what I just rewatched Henry what I was flipping through showtime Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 was on I love Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 I love that whole I love all of the sequels of course it's Marcus's favorite movie

Choptop is just Marcus yes well it's an idealized version of Marcus yes Marcus with the way I look in the mirror and I see fucking John Ham with devil horns on he looks in the mirror and she's chopped up

naive that's who he wants to be that movie is amazing well thank you so much for that creepy story about an escaped insane patient so yeah so we're coming back next week with more of these so when we come back

next week we're going to search for more again I personally love the real ones because they're the ones that really creep me out but also we've got some really good creative creepypasta and here's what I'm going to read right now as my last one for this week I think this one's a relief on

alright and I hope that you enjoy it I hope you've been enjoying it I hope so too yes I'll be keeping the details fairly vague as I have a career to protect I work in architecture I design homes for the ultra wealthy I can say I work at one of the most prestigious firms in the country

our clients some from Hollywood some from Silicon Valley but more often than not they are obscure figures who are deeply connected to the river of vast wealth that drives this country hmm often our projects are multi-million dollar modernist cabins perched upon some distant

mountaintop in Colorado or eastern Montana the sort of place you might spend three weeks a year in before jetting off to one of your other seven homes anyways last year I received a new project with a somewhat odd backstory this client had come to us having recently fired

one of our competitors apparently there was a quote disagreement on vision and a lack of commitment whatever that meant we're flown out to meet this client at his house in New York he was as you might expect a charismatic silver fox big smile of a quiet thin wife

an overly confident the kind of confidence only found in men who run hedge funds this seems to be based off someone in particular these types live to entertain so of course you got us nice and drunk off the expensive wine from Portugal while he boasted about his Jackson Pollock painting

mounted along the far wall I'll admit it I was impressed it was 8 feet tall and nearly 20 feet across I had never seen a Jackson Pollock in those particular shades of red there's very particular shades of red you step away for a minute and you return holding a large roll of paper it was the unfinished

drawing for his future house that I was to complete he began to describe to us his vision his quote solitude in the desert what I see in front of me is a property deep in rural Arizona property is narrow yet very long and it runs

deep along a valley right up to the foot of the nearby mountain range at about a mile in sits the main house the garage stands nearly 400 feet from the house proper the house is laid out in a most unusual way it's hard to explain imagine looking down at a

cinnamon bun imagine two parallel corridors spiraling around a central desert courtyard from the desert courtyard at the center there is a single door that leads to one winding corridor whereby you eventually end up in all

the typical rooms one might expect the kitchen the living room the wine cellar master bedroom each room is set with a single window viewing outwards to the desert beyond he talked our ear off while I held on to my glass of wine and tried to trace my finger

along the entire length of this corridor I looked at it again but harder this time there was something very wrong here I could not find any way to reach the second parallel corridor it was inaccessible in case totally and completely windowless too there was a series of small square

rooms linked by this impossible corridor each room had an unremarkable name study library shower dressing and storage each room lit with a single recessed overhead light all rooms were identical in size

and no rooms had light switches the walls were built up 24 inches deep usually found in recording studios to isolate noise from escaping and the walls called for marine grade stainless steel rarely used unless the environment is unusually harsh and corrosive

someone had taken a red pencil in red line each room with a small symbol indicating the placement of a square shower drain always located in the center of the floor suddenly we heard a wine glass shatter from the kitchen the client whipped into a short but

profound rage he berated his wife before apologizing to us I broke the tension by asking him what are these smaller rooms what was the dressing room for what were the why was the floor drains in every room he responded I hunt you haven't

dressed a deer before I looked around again double checking that in fact the walls were plastered in abstract paintings and not the heads of dead animals I responded I don't see a single trophy here he paused and looked straight into me with a slow nod and smirk

he turned away and back towards the Jackson Pollock do you know the Portuguese wine from 2012 is considered to be the best of the decade there was a severe heat wave that year it was so intense several hundred people died in their homes

heat stroke only to be found days later rotting in their bathtubs the grapes too they struggled for survival in that desert all summer you can taste it now in your glass their desperation the despair

I mean that's interesting at all I was saying but there's like no big game animals in that part of Arizona that's it I guess I asked too many questions we were abruptly fired a few days later we came across a lot of eccentric people

but I've yet to make any sense of this I guess I finally decided it's time to share the story when a few days ago I got curious and to look over the property using google earth you can just make out a small courtyard of a black house sitting along the edge of a valley in Arizona interesting

sounds like a real creepy sommelier at applebee's yeah I don't know if they're getting the legit sommelier at applebee's wow that is you know architects high any time you have to deal with

the super ultra rich it is a creepy experience it reminds me of what's the name of that documentary Sasha Baron Cohen's this is America oh they just don't look at us like we're people no they don't and not literally

he was playing that super ultra rich dude and the guy was just open to getting him children remember that? creepy stuff all right cool guys so these are great we got some good selections for this week yes indeed thank you and you notice I didn't do any erotica

I didn't do any erotica this week because it's been a game I've been doing a long time but who knows what'll show up next week you got something for next week maybe a little maybe you can try to mate with whatever entity is in your apartment right now maybe just put out like little Hershey kisses let it know that you're serious about potentially

having a long-term relationship with it I'm just I'm not trying to add more I'm not trying to have multiple wives here I'm just trying to I'm just trying to live my life without my keys being missing all time and I and I now I just need to kind of figure it out if it is indeed me would you might be

and you just need to pay more attention it's about being in the moment that's it that's it all right everyone thank you all so much for listening and again thanks to everyone who came out to our shows in Florida that was a awesome awesome little tour Tampa

Orlando and beautiful Miami thank you all so much and we will see you all on the road here in the very near future cannot wait so yeah make sure you go to last podcast on the left to find some tour dates please do and hey couple things

number one we got dates coming up in New Orleans yay that's for you know there's gotta have some people that said you know people are like where's the VIP we're not doing VIP for New Orleans because we're filming our live show this is gonna be part of that

experience if you so choose you will see the culmination of this year's work in all of its wonderful glory and yes and then of course this show will be dead never to return to the world again never again and we're gonna try a new format with our

tour next year which I'm very very excited we got a lot of we got a lot of asses in the oven I'm not trying to be fucking albert fish about this but we got a lot of albert we got a lot of asses in the oven we got a lot of bones in the chocolate here and come out to it and we still I think we have some tickets left I think we actually might be

totally sold out in North Hampton and Detroit I think we might be we got more in Portland man also apparently let us know where to get buffalo wings in buffalo

because it's not even the place to get buffalo they say anchor bar is actually not it I heard this place called like 911 apparently it's called like chicken 911 or something like that that's supposed to be the best but let us know feel free to DM me on instagram at Ben kissle one also I want

to say you guys when you guys send me emails I'm getting back through like they've got so many reaches up of people from Halloween Horror Nights I want to say thank you to the people that recognize us when we did Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando that it was so sweet you guys are really really good everybody that scared us

that knew us was very very good I'm going back to LA this week the LA Halloween Horror Nights thank you for your questions but thank you for answering my questions or like at least getting back to me and I actually have some very specific questions to ask some of you that reached out which I will be getting through this week and also the people that

shot me emails about looking for theologian I'm also preparing questions for you so thank you you your emails are seen as I led in Atlantic City in the sad depressed world that is casino life Henry led at

Hollywood at Hollywood Horror Nights in Orlando and we had an incredible time if you have a chance get out there Rob Zombie's Scare House was legitimately incredible and we also highly recommend Universal Monsters

those two were really really solid and also we have to recommend it's a little bit more expensive but well worth it get the express pass I mean it's so much fun you get to do a lot of stuff but also we are we live a child's life yes but if you do get a chance because then

you don't have to wait in all the lines because we did we were able to be through it what did we do like six different things in like 90 minutes two and a half hours we beasted it we beasted it it was fucking sweet yes it was awesome but you get out there hey man live your

life man it's Halloween but you gotta put your orange shoes on black head on man that's Halloween live the Halloween life man laugh this is the time period where your evil laugh is normal live that normalcy live it love it enjoy it for yourself

and fucking love I just this is honestly it should it feels so good to be spooky but last night when I was truly scared I wasn't ready to be spooky but then I realized after I got freaked out that this is exactly what I was looking for yeah and I should enjoy it so that's what I'm

now trying to do is that this goes these gremlins are trying to make me realize I need to live in the present is that what this is I think so that's what Natalie said well I hope you don't end up getting gutted by them um because that would really hurt the show and that's what we have to think about not so much

you as a person but I'm thinking about our bottom line no me too oh believe me I know that if I'm if I'm dead Wendy runs out of the farmer's dog stuff that we oh my god next thing you know Wendy Puffin and Georgie are just out there on the streets will work for pets whatever they're doing

becoming they're gonna become sex workers oh my nothing wrong with that on a consensual level their dogs though Henry that's what I mean they're they was for all their dogs alright we don't have to go into that um alright everyone thank y'all so much for listening hail yourselves hail Satan

magusta lesions hail me and again side story is LPOTL at gmail.com keep on sending us the spooky stuff oh by the way you if you've been like sitting in your living room or like doing stuff like alone you just think on one side of the house you know what I mean just just check

the other side because sometimes people can case your house for weeks on end and and know your every vulnerability and they honestly once you let your guard down that's when they strike I just read another story about a guy who was like so weird like my milk just

kind of gets drunk almost like I have a roommate but I don't have a roommate and then you put a camera in it was a woman that was living in this house for like oh no that's always that's always one of those those stories pop up and then turn out their fake and then they pop up and it turns out their fake but I still love them I actually scared Natalie last night because Natalie was like

do you really think you think there's somebody living in our house and was like no you know I don't know buddy check just check around you know always check around because literally every single time you you remotely feel vulnerable that's when you're gonna get attacked oh my god

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