Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Alrighty Then!

Episode Date: February 9, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including more on the Alex Murdaugh case as details continue to unfold, an update on the banana swallowing victim from last week,  the mystery of the suspicious happenings at the Dallas Zoo solved as man is arrested with stolen monkeys, NYC dominatrix Viktoria Nasyrova’s victim testifies that she drugged his fish & robbed him on date, scientists discover that spiders can regrow their lost buttholes, the dismembered penis found at a gas station parking lot, an elderly canine hero of the week, listener emails and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left side stories You know how I know I still got it how so I was at the coffee shop the other day Oh, wow, the coffee shop did a woman hit on you Ah She hit me with a bodor No, I was in the coffee shop and a couple LA couple was in front of me and they saw a thing on the menu, right? And they were like, oh Bambicino

Bambicino, what's up? Bambicino nice. It's a cappuccino made with virgin deer blood. He kissed all you already ruined my entire story Is that right? I see I walked to the Cley barista I leaned to them. It's like that's her baby. It's the Bambicino. It's milk. We put a little cocoa butter in there It's up the kids. Oh, it's wonderful. And I leaned over to them as I said it I said wouldn't it be funny what you just did? Yeah, and I said if it was called Bambicino Because it was filled with a bunch of deer's blood But then they got upset right because they were like, oh, okay Well, I guess you'd try anything once and then I went into I furthered it because we were down the street from this

What did they do anything to prompt your interactions with them? They were my audience Okay, and I was explain this Natalie because she doesn't understand. Why do you have to talk to everyone? It's like because that's every that's me. That's why yeah, I'm just gonna pop up. Yeah, cuz again I might be stoned. I might be on my daily walk right here Yeah, I'm now engaging with you right right and so I was trying to explain helping neighborhood because down the street salt and Straw ice cream and every October I was trying to explain to them They do this pigs blood chocolate ice cream right with a mix a bunch of pigs blood into it And then they looked at me and they're frozen with fear and they were like so what does that taste like and I was like

Does that taste like blood right a bunch of blood? And why would it why would anyone get that I because it's fun. It's a new well It's gross. No, it's the power of human dominance. Why would anyone's higher food chain? So an ice cream joint brings a bunch of paid blood into their ice cream shop once a year and swirls it with their ice cream And we're supposed to say that that's a novelty and special I think I think to a massive violation of the health code. No, no, no, no, it's very thick and it's very cold I think they have an abattoir. I think they have a slaughterhouse that they go and they get it I cuz I think the ice cream is sent to salt and straw

But I did taste it but then when I said it tasted like blood like the looks on their faces work I thought we'd all we're gonna laugh right well Why because I thought that was again shared experience. I never know who my people are yeah And then I've said I've said fun dark things that people not understand that just me is how I exist, right? And then I say it and they laugh yeah, and I'm very funny super charmed off Often times oftentimes will laugh to get away from a problem or away from a situation or just sort of back out You know in a positive manner. That's a W. They don't want to trigger you or anything. I got the laugh What was the joke though, but how much blood? I?

Stories everyone Ben hanging out with Henry. He's hungry for blood Like a coffee shop yep or an ice cream shop, but that's fun because it's a seasonal spooky ice cream And this is not again. I think I'm turning people away from salt and straw. It is very tasty. It's too expensive Well, there's a truck in it all this blood. I that might be the problem, but they take it from very nice pigs I'm sure that they do I don't think that you've given a good advertisement to this spot and to be frank expensive ice cream No, thank you ice creams. It's a treat for the people. I actually also for the elites you and I are in that same I'm in that world. I do believe it should be not fancy same thing with Mexican food I like it better when it's not of the earth. Well, Henry, you know, what's so funny is maybe they were scared of you

Yeah, you're WCW home of the big dogs. That's a reference to a 1997 ad campaign for WCW wrestling. So anybody who is here watching us right now was there for that 1997 Absolutely, maybe they thought you were Gary glitter because he just got out of jail. Oh, I Did not I would not have spoken to them. Okay, I mean children. I wasn't trying to gather them I was ready because oh man, but Gary glitter is any don't we still use that song? What's in everything song that he made? Hey Yeah, the song that we all ran out to play our little basketball games

We were in seventh grade to he's saying the most generic sports anthem of all time. Yeah, the man named Gary glitter Who was a violent violent predator? I don't know what would make you think that he'd be a violent predator Look at all these extremely masculine pictures of Gary glitter. Well, there's nothing wrong There's nothing. I mean, there's nothing predatory about this picture of him in a top hat 90 million of his chest and back hairs pointing towards the sky You know, you gotta tie on for no reason and ask God he looks like he's about to stick that tube inside of a child Hey, that's fine. He can do whatever we want to the tube as long as he does not do what you just mentioned with the child

Thank you I just didn't realize that he made the sports anthem that all of us sing and all of our events is anything sacred No, no everything everything is dipped in blood. But well, I get like our ice cream anyway He's uh, he's out of jail now. So there you go. That's that story, but it wasn't me It wasn't you know, I was just I was a fun guy I have another update about if I watch a little bit more of the Murdoch trial coverage man this thing I have to say we covered it. Well, I don't want to toot our own horn But now it's it's called mainstream. Yep. And the way that certain channels are covering this. It's freaking hilarious

It's all like this Korean and old mastermind and but it's just a red-headed doofus But he's got he does have a mind He does well the one thing it came it was interesting is that the CFO for his law firm did a full long Testimony throwing him under the bus. You just hear the yeah, you hear the wheels But he needs to go he needed to go under the bus. It does remind me it was gonna come to her It was gonna get charged with the financial crimes of the law firm because he was angling to do it She must have known what was going on. She's the chief financial officer It doesn't seem like anything was on the up and up so bizarre again because this guy was

Born in the dugout after his family had a grand slam All he had to do was not be a criminal and he couldn't devoid it He couldn't afford I don't know what it was because basically she showed a little bit about his scam What he did which was that he'd write one thing he'd do is he'd write double checks to himself That way wait for years But like yeah, and then figure out how to read to read He would wait a year and then cash it and then they catch him and then when she put it She was like well, we're a brotherhood of this law firm. So we cover for each other

So they just let him write a check back for a hundred and twenty one grand because he just what he was like Oh, that was some kind of fumble snubble. I didn't know right here. Oh, I was mixing up You know how you know how many times I accidentally have a check on my desk for a hundred twenty one grand and I accidentally cash it Multiple times buddy you dab your frow that has a little bit of sweat above your eyebrow with a wet rag And I'm gonna just gonna believe you I'll say okay. He's on to something as soon as you do it Oh Whenever I think of a South South Carolina brotherhood for some reason I get a little uneasy and slightly uncomfortable But she had to know what was going on with this law

She watched it all from the side and then she watched him and but you know It's always the financial officer. That's the fall person with that She knew and that's why she got very f and lucky that he was so bumbling and dumb Oh also killed his old family well the whole thing she did not get busted He holds the idea of she became a whistleblower in this but this boys club was also very daring It's weird cuz she explained all of his crimes and then also was like kind of explained his entire MO where she would like Alec would come in will he come in he was doing Boris Johnson where he would yes Super disorganized like oh, you know what even better mr. Bean. Oh, seriously, but he would go and he would mr. Meaner bean

It's the crime base mr. Bean. Oh Don't let him anywhere near your kids and even with the last name bean a little anywhere near your child Well, your wife was likely but this guy right he would act all fucking like well I don't know where he was all about you'd be in misplaced things and act like super bumbling And then she realized like in hindsight if you look at all this financial crimes Not only is he not bumbling He's one of the most like Smartest like he would have to well the idea of like he'd have to hold a lot of information in his head at once to lie

We talk about how many times our cons are much harder than a job It is much harder to run a series of financial crimes. Did you just start your own business? Well, let's not swing the pendulum all the way to a super evil genius. Let's go with both Cuz he got caught he's not Oh, so she was watching it all roll out if you do give mr. Bean a back massage She will orgasm. Thank you if you rub mr. Bean that you're talking about Rowan Atkinson the actor and there's problem I mean, we'll see. Oh, you're just oh, thank you. Kissel. This really helps as I'm trying to describe financial crimes

Difficult for me to even understand it to begin with financial crimes continue on experts are browsed too late now Well, I was gonna say issue what I was gonna say is you know, obviously now we're all they're trying to bring us into a global currency Oh God trying to get all of our money Well, this is true, we're not doing crypto here at least we're not doing Mnet NFT and any of that stuff But the idea as well that you could just go back in the day on a glorified piece of loose sleep just be like $1,000. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I mean that was just such a glorious time I forgot we never really got to live the checkbook life like our parents did I mean, I did live the checkbook like a period of time because I used to write checks that I knew wouldn't catch

Of course because I knew it would take days for them to find out they could but that was when I was look I was hungry and it was for groceries and let's be honest We were kneecap pretty young because by the time we were in our early 20s. They would be like Ah checks really how guys cash your card cash your card would show up at the grocery store with the checkbook And they knew I was running a scam, of course because again I was 20 with a checkbook, but our parents generation they could do it Well, almost up to their 60s They were able to pull the scams with the checks and that's all he was doing. You just write down a number

You sign the dumb fucking thing and then you get the money money's fake. It just shows how fake it is Oh, I guess who's money you don't fuck with who's the government because what they do is they then all of a sudden that money That's super fake to us becomes tremendously real and now was the main thing that he was on the hook for He probably could have killed his wife and his son and have gotten away with it But we now know that most family annihilators are monetarily inspired right a lot of times the Main kickoff point for the father to kill the whole family is a shift in status Which is a lot of this coverage is talking about they're not covering it because they're all like he's such a lovely family man

And it's like no he was about to lose everything and then double lose He then made himself double lose everything Well, he became a murderer and then obviously the financial crimes and he did every single Thing wrong that you can do in life basically and again the trial if you do have any time to waste Watch him sit there. He fidgets. He cries a little bit as far as As far as a defendant goes he emotes more than more than most it's more than you should to be fair That's southern because the southern man the strong man Sometimes they cry. They cry, but most of the time it's because you have to you have to hit him with a truck

Southern man with like you have to like you have to knock his hat to a goal She see that'll make him cry you hit him with the truck and then they'll say I'm strong Not well, but then it's over now. I'm thinking about my grandma and then they cry because they have feelings But if he wanted he had the feeling of killing his entire family. He didn't he expressed that feeling There's another update I wanted to do and this is also about feelings And I think that it is important for our audience to know again We've tried to keep you guys as updated as humanly possible when we get updated with information We want to make sure that you get it as quickly as you can now

This is about the condom banana when we see now this guy who shoved it down his throat or a butthole The one that was in his throat, right? And it was and we were we asked the question. Why right? Why and one guy That's an x-ray CTT practice safe eating. Yes, seriously He said as a young tech he had a patient swallow an entire electric toothbrush and that he said oh Well, like we was some normal professional guy in a suit and tie and the man the patient said it was an accident You know and he it's according to the writer this blew my mind So I asked the ER doctor. Why wasn't why weren't we calling for a psych consult or whatever? And he tells me no this was sexual and and he said the ER doctor had to sit him down and explain to him some men

Get off on deep-throating an object while jerking themselves off And then what happens is at some point the natural Sucking hole that's at the end of your throat. Oh, just sucks it right in there And so I don't I didn't know but apparently yes, he did Yoshi his way into the He was too excited Mid-flagrente, which I didn't know how do you either but now I know thanks to this writer And that's why we do this show we learn we grow research. Absolutely. That's Mr. Bean side stories

We're paramount at research. So you're shoving the condom the banana Wrapped in a condom with maybe let's just say your left hand into your mouth giving it oral Mm-hmm, and then you're jerking off and then I guess I you know, I mean we've seen footage of women doing this Yeah, I've seen a Ha reels Yeah, you'll see footage of this. I guess he would make somebody very happy. I I almost feel like I wish that he he could have because the nice thing is if it's attached to a body You can't suck it up because vor isn't real well

And then maybe you just get the balls in there and it would probably be pleasurable for the person that you're that you're Fulfilling your fetish with also just Whatever you got's got to have a balls like attachment to it Yes, it doesn't need to be balls, but it needs to have a doesn't go farther than the rim of my mouth You know like edge it needs a rim it needs an anchor point and that's why Henry Zabrowski is selling new Diet steaks that have balls on the bottom so you can't actually eat the steak. You just get a All you do is borrow one steak will last you a month. Yeah, so you're saving money on food That is technically what we covered in this week for the Essex the singing of the

Essex we talked about the the nausea cure where they'd stick the piece of pork back tied into a rope and stick it in your throat and Pull it back out. Did it work? Yes, it did. Yes, please. Thank you One of the most exciting things about a new year I said you have no idea what adventures are in store That actually sounds kind of threatening from travel experiences to picking up new skills me I'm getting into drinking whiskey and playing devil sticks There's no better way to prepare for 2023 than by learning a new language with Babel The language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions with Babel You only need 10 minutes to complete a session so you can start having real-life conversations and as little as three weeks

Plus Babel's speech recognition technology helps you to improve your pronunciation and accent don't a star Elbaño don't a star La Biblioteca don't a star me madre me Padre It's that easy right now get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babel.com slash left That's babel.com slash left for up to 55% off your subscription babel language for life Well speaking of gagging this story should have all of us on edge a New York City Dominatrix this is a tale that I got from a New York post Henry Oh, this is a new this is a new entry into this is a new answer. So what is her name is Victoria Nasi rovo

She has a victim and the victim says that she drugged his fish and Robbed him on a date but what I'm saying, but she direct she drugged the fish a former boo of a Russian-born Dominatrix she went by the name Anna She was on trial for allegedly trying to kill her doppelganger pal. This is very sensual. Yes with poisoned cheesecake This is what they told the jurors this past Tuesday. He's like a way She also once drugged him and his fish. No, wait a second This is not the same as this other story We're gonna cover where the woman tried to stab her look alike in the face not quite

So Ruben Murakoff I lonely man 54 years old sure He testified in Queens Court that he met Anna on a Russian dating app. Whoo Kremlin fuck that You know when it comes down to it You really shouldn't rush into a relationship. Yes, and the thing is the thing he remembers after meeting Fantastic, I got it. You shouldn't rush into a relationship. I'm gonna give it to you. Thank you Okay, Boracov says the thing I remember is getting up we toasted and I took two pieces of fish and that's it It was like five minutes. I got knocked out. I don't know what was going on I still don't remember because she poisoned the fish

You just have to she says the net he says the next few weeks were a blur. Oh, he doesn't fish that he ate Yes, oh, okay. I thought you talked to you just killed his pets No, so he doesn't remember anything for weeks his two trips to the hospital doesn't remember when his rich returned The Queens man said he found his new watch missing and his American Express bill loaded with $2,600 worth of unfamiliar charges. He feel like this guy. Yes, he's asking for it I feel that he asked for every fucking bit of this and sometimes I feel like this is part of his fetish I don't know. Sometimes it's kind of maybe you like the chaos You want to invite someone to your home so they'll fucking they rip it all up and then you're like, huh?

Look at what I look at what's happening to me again. Well, apparently Anna. This is according to him He says she was adamant that he eat the fried fish immediately. I mean and then she's and he said she's flying fish You got wait a second. I thought that was a dominatrix So you're paying a dominatrix to fry fish before she does stuff to you and then fried fish is also the Strangest meal to have before sex. Oh, yeah, it's disgusting, right? So she showed up to the date and then he said she said we eat now the fish is getting cold Well, it's also the dominatrix. So you would be ordered to eat the fish as fast as you would be possible Yeah

So now she's been accused of drugging the dude with the powerful Russian tranquilizer Finza Pam as a twisted identity theft plot. So she wanted I guess to be this person Well, she wanted this just she's just taking his credit cards. Yes Yes, she paid a bunch of money on his credit cards I'm probably like, you know, because now, you know, they got all the scams so they take the deed to your house They can do that shit. They can put like tax liens in your homes They can literally they'll just like get loans on your own house if they could get your information But yes, indeed prosecutors saying of Zavara snatched

Passport and thousands in cash in an attempt to steal her identity Then she had allegedly tried to cover up the plot by scattering pills around lingerie clad body to make it look like she tried to commit suicide So there you go, but then this is the other guy. This is the guy in the hospital after eating the bad fish I mean, you know, she tried to steal a woman's identity I try not to victim and she tried to kill a man She faces up to 25 years in prison have convicted a burglar murder burglary and other charges in the case as soon as you arrive at your sex workers home if they're frying fish

We know it's a difficult problem. Let's you ask for it. Unless you're part of you're doing a big Midwest fish fry Sexual play like scenario. Yeah Fried fish isn't go. It's not the same. It's not sexy. I love I love a fish of chips Yeah, this idea of fried fish the aura of a of a room in which you have fried fish Because that's the other thing too is that I don't know if you like I did recently made the mistake of microwaving a piece of fish And it was disgusting. It makes the entire room smell like a Russian woman's prison Absolutely, like you would have to just do have to not do this Well, also what's so interesting is Borokov the man in the hospital

He says he didn't talk to her anymore after but the daughter of the woman that she killed in 2014 To become a dominatrix. So she killed a chicken 2014 became a dominatrix then with that identity She went to this guy was a dominatrix. She was like eat the fish. She poisoned him got his money But now she's being charged with the murder of this woman in 2014 and then also the guy was poisoned But no one really cares too much about the guy. No, no, because it's mostly the murder, but isn't that interesting? It is it is interesting. Yes It is a beautiful woman. Oh, yeah, that is a full woman. Yeah. She is whoo. Wow She does look like she's trying some fish for you. Yes, indeed. She does look like a very nice

Murderer well kind of a convoluted story there, but nonetheless murderer Poisoner well Russian. It really is great. All right. Now this Zala zoo story I want to get a little bit about what the living fuck is going on at the Dallas zoo. Yeah, this is nuts It is really weird. I mean now we know there's a suspect in there's been a lot of animals missing from the Dallas zoo It is it now they're now figuring out there's an actual timeline That's put all together because we know that a leopard a little tiny little baby leopard It actually had went missing from the Dallas zoo from a period of time, right?

And then they found it, but they found a mysterious cut in a fence that actually pointed the fact that there's some kind of suspicious There's some kind of suspicious activity happening at the Dallas zoo and that was the first one, right? I believe it I mean unless it's you know skip Bayless attempt to go get eaten by a bear because he's getting destroyed on social media I feel like maybe they need a little bit more security at the Dallas Fricking a zoo and it wasn't just that then January 14th. There was another cut There was another tear found for where the Langer Muffin the Langer Monkeys were with the Langer Muffin But they were found again that was also found they're like alright someone's trying to cut into the zoo

We don't know what's happening January 22nd an endangered vulture named pin died at the view of the zoo They're saying is unusual circumstances Which sounds like that they that whoever then would go on to be blamed for all this tried to remove the bird and then somehow Killed the bird in the process who circles of vulture when a vote when a vulture is dying Hmm. I think just the New York fucking post Vouchers more stories more stories. So January 30th, right? So that they found that was weird Yes, this is number four now with the Emperor Tamron monkeys that were taken and if you've seen damp Have you seen them? I have seen they are

They are cute my older brother got to hang out with the monkey recently I know they can't have them as pets, but they are adorable and I want to hang out with them They're really cute and he found them and then they found them in an apartment building when they arrested the dude So these little tiny monkeys went missing But that's where they found them right they found There was missing monkeys as well another pair and they have now arrested somebody that it's been saying going in and out of This zoo Davion Irvin 24 now he came out when he was arrested. So he's they are now plenty. They're putting this all on him

I think That this is again completely opinion. I think that there's some kind of inside. You think it's a ball I think there's somebody happening on the inside and it's helping them get out. It's difficult I don't know how he's doing this so Serptitiously because then when they arrested him the man said the young man said I just love animals He loves animals. I love animals and he said that if when he gets released He's going to steal animals again. I think he needs a job at the zoo Well, I don't know if it because then we compared it is the same as that young man that kept stealing the trains in New York City

I mean he was obsessed with the trains. Yes, he was a he had some I think I think he was autistic Yes, but then he stole buses to but the thing that you we must remember is that the trains ran on time He did it right but he doesn't you wanted to run. He doesn't know We don't know the stops. He knew the stops But I feel like there's other shit involved with the New York City transit system. Maybe I'm crazy. I think you might be crazy I'm crazy So I don't know what the hell happened with this story and why this guy wants these monkeys Because he wants to have fun, but he doesn't want to take care of them. There's two

And she's no they're gonna fucking die. That's what Linda would do They survive my mother would fucking feed these animals. They survive for generate millennia his own serving a beef stroganoff Why not? They're the closest what we're very close and with primates. No, I think I'm sure that they could eat Well, honestly the processed food. We just killing us. Look at how small this monkey is You know the fact that you got to give him some kind of weird orange. Give him a legume. He's got to have some slurry There's definitely some form of banana Other likes an apple, but apparently according to a consultant detective one quote from a consulting detective was all righty then

That is so come on I do like it. So according to an aquarium spokesman They said a gentleman who would later be identified as Davani and right Irvine Irvine stopped an employee of the Dallas World Aquarium to ask questions regarding one of our animals the employee immediately Recognized mr. Irvine from prior reporting on the incident involving the suspected theft of Tamarin monkeys from the Dallas Because they put up pictures of his they were they believed that this was the man that was doing this and then when they recognized them It's just fucking they were hey, they were found alone in his home

It's just weird I feel like somebody was maybe helping him because I also know like yes, there's the one example I will obviously we'll see how this plays out like him saying that they just he just loved animals Maybe points towards he's got something else cooking in his brain because there's also, you know the thing about these animals They sell for a lot of money they people buy exotic animals just for bragging rights You know Florida has those issues with drug dealers buying like tigers and shit and then just letting them loose like let them Go because they can't take care of them anymore Or they go to fucking medical research companies where they sell these animals to like shady medical places where they go and they like

Let's see what happens when we remove its hands. I mean, I don't like the real money here was in finding the Honestly, this if this is a spincher a pet detective it is the reward was $25,000 for the monkeys after pins death. That was the bird originally was 10,000 But then pin died there like 25 grand if you have 25 grand find these monkeys and then boom That's that's just yours. We'll write a check to you for 25 grand gauge as good as cash Sure, so it's better than just I mean, honestly, they should be like here's a monkey other than pin Which is very sad that the bird died, but my understanding wasn't quite old Everyone else is alive and if you are one of these little monkeys, didn't you have an adventure? I don't know they look scared

He wasn't ready to be in a I mean like I'm not you know, we've been to Dallas an apartment Yeah, it was an apartment. It's not gonna be great. It's not a great apartment What are you talking about a deep album if he was in Bellum Robert Downey Junior's apartment No, that tamarin monkeys live in the on the lifestyle. Oh, that's Tony Stark monkey money right there. No, they dare He's living his life. It's a good working class. It's just wants to hang out Chill out That tamarin monkey is a private plane only monkey. You look at his little mustache. He looks like Gary glitter He only looks like Gary glitter needs to be flying private and can it kept in a very special way

That right there. That's a fucking Adele monkey That's a type of monkey that should be sitting in Adele's cleavage right now until she's done with it And then she's give throws it away like all those celebrities do with their special like micro interest pets I know it is quite sad although Adele would never do that She's emotional and she cried because a fan was filming her show for his wife who couldn't make it and Apparently her Las Vegas show is back up bullshit. It's back up. So again. Yeah, a fucking call me when you're selling when you show up She does show up now. Does she Adele? Yes. I thought she I thought she still was like Homestead we thought

Right, I'll call go. She has stage fright. I didn't like my punch. They were like, oh, she's too big. Oh, she's too small They're fucking with her brain man. No, they do it with Oprah. They do it with everybody But then that's why that's why Oprah now lives at a fucking castle with the high walls because then she could sit there and eat 15 pounds of mac and cheese if she wants Oprah's fine. She has her own issues I'm gonna stand up and I'm fine with Oprah, but I'm gonna stand up for Adele Because no one is doing it. I feel like standing up for Adele. Sing your songs. No, because people got me. Oh, why'd she lose all their weight? It's like who gives a fuck? Why are you? Who gives a fuck? I didn't even bring up the weight. Well, people bring it up all the time

I didn't that cuz she brings it up. But you brought it up. No, she brings it up She has stage fright and the Adele character. I was playing. I'm talking about tamarin monkeys So did you hear this other story? There was I want to talk about the sea spiders. You can regrow their butts Oh, okay. Let's do that for you Animal experiment age. Yes, I'm fascinated by this. That's the whole story. What do you mean? Scientists in Berlin figured out that spiders could grow their own butts back. Why did it happen? Why Berlin? Well, this is the alt ways, right? Yeah, they did a bunch of different They tried to figure out whether or not spiders could just cut its butt up with any luck it'll grow back

Think about what are we doing? All the other animals that they cut the butts off of They're seeing the butts Just a bunch of times Unfortunately, we tried to let them do a ritual anymore, but all of its guts just ended up on the floor It's just every single time I go to cut the butts off a lemur, we cut the butts off a full bice and American bice And it's it never came back. All it did was die. All it did was shoot his blood out inside of it And then it's got good. It's got some wiggle around it. It's authentic, please Well, it'd be especially said if they cut the butt off of an animal that sits to poop

Yeah, that hurt. Well, yeah, and but see if fucking spiders use their butts for webs Yeah, I didn't they use their butts for webs. So it was only possible for arthropods to grow back their limbs due to their hard exoskeleton, but then the studies show that like 16 of the younger spiders fully grew butts back after they cut off their butts. Wow Yeah, they just cut off their fucking butts and then they just were like fingers crossed right so the spider I guess they put it in up enough pop So is that so the spider web it comes through the butthole? Because I have a spider in my den and I love him. I like keep all spiders

Anything he's an insect. He doesn't need a name. He's above names, but he's killing them mosquitoes I love my spiders. I keep all the spiders alive, but why so it comes from their butthole though the webbing I thought it came from their mouth kiss. I'm just gonna go on and say like I have no fucking idea. What do you think though? I Think I've in my mind. I thought it was a butthole. Yeah And then I think it might be come because we covered it. Well, we know that be is to be But now we know that be honey is come. Yeah, it's just come but With I think so we're coming out of their butts. I'm pretty certain It's a gland. No, you're right. I think it's a glance. Maybe it's a pussy. It could be because I think

Oh, I think spiders like men like man cut are always originally start as women or as genetic as Having the physical property of both and then yes, and then we choose our penises are just big clits, right? And our balls are actually what's inside of a woman's pussy. Isn't that fun? I fucking know what's going on here, man Man, we're gonna get so many fucking emails again That's I'm just side stories LP otl a gmail.com again Or we said this last week if you do have a medical issue and you want to write and get our advice Yeah, we're gonna we're open open door. Just send us out. We're gonna help you. We're gonna fix you flex seal Flex seal it

You ever want to try to sound professional All right, just try to sound professional and extremely difficult. So what do you do right me? Use periods. It's declarative sentences. It seems professional. It's perfunctory Right, it just delivers a message and information and then you walk away from it But what I find is that when you leave a period with being like we'll talk about this the meeting next week period, right? And you send that to somebody a lot of times it sounds like you're about to read them the filth Which is why you need Grammarly right because when it comes to work communication is key Even if you don't have a quote-unquote writing job because all jobs require writing unless you're a mime

Grammarly's premiums advanced tone suggestions help you communicate confidently and reframe your words to be more positive and productive Right, it's makes you say stuff like isn't that fun and gee willikers I can't wait for the deposition Reframe negative language to be more solution focused so you can better collaborate with your team co-workers and clients I'm gonna come over there and kill your family Exclamation point. I'm gonna come over and kill your family. It seems cute. It seems fun The right tone could move any project forward when you get it just right with Grammarly Go to grammarly.com slash tone to download and learn more about Grammarly premiums advanced tone suggestions. That's G R A M M A R

L Y D O T com slash T O N E Well speaking of large Clitori in this case it does happen to be a penis a severed human sex organ Was found at an Alabama gas station parking lot this thing's fucked up. This was like a fuck This is a secret like fucked up story. It is bizarre. It's in mobile Alabama so after a gas station attending a mobile found a grizzly severed sex organ It's a dick. You can just say penis. It's a penis. Yeah, the penis

Belonged to a motorcyclist who was killed in a tragic accident Near the mobile Alabama station this motherfucker was dead for a while people just this is what at this is mobile He was dead Multiple cars hit him. It wasn't until the last cars the last one to finally stop to go and then realize Here's penis over there. So a spokesperson with the department of obviously the police department says the deceased was riding a Motorcycle and lost control and fell off Unfortunately multiple vehicles struck and they just kept blowing past. Yes, the appendage Located at the gas station is not related to a murder or an assault

Is it not hidden run? Is it not multiple hits and runs on a corpse? His name was Christopher Means He was 29 and he got hit so many times his dick fell off and he got attached to a truck grill Like it went on a fival goes West adventure It was like a literal his penis became a Pixar character Why did so many people hit him because then they just kept driving no one stopped So he lost control of his bike moments before obviously the fatal accident Following means death multiple sources confirmed to the local newspaper that a human penis was found at the gas station It's so wild the gas station was located on a road near near the highway

So yeah, it got stuck once social media user claimed that means was literally torn to pieces on the interstate Well funny Jesus Christ I mean it fell off in in front of a truck and then the truck got on the interstate It's really interesting because looks like that penis went mobile at a mobile and mobile It really did. That's funny. That is funny. No, everyone. I'm just so I'm so technically funny Joe I just can't believe that this guy. So is was he not wearing clothes? No, I know it was cuz he was mangled that badly by how many people kept hitting his dead body in the fucking Stop hitting this man's body. He's just it is a bunch of people saying this is not my problem

Even though you now have literal human blood all over your car And you didn't even go to salt and straw. No, you did not. You know, I mean like you got this blood and then just cuz I again You know, we've been through Alabama we I think y'all know that if you live in Alabama y'all know there's some issues Now it's a fine people but bad government. Yes. So this guy just like it just I don't understand I just don't understand the idea of just such a lack of any sort of conscious Momentum was absolutely beautiful. It was so please they haven't not detailed exactly how means penises managed to travel to the gas station However, if you look at you think it grew legs and walk if you look at security video

It does look as if it falls from a truck that it stopped for gas It's literally was clinging like it was the brave little toaster So if you're the truck driver like oh Oh, no, no shit. Oh, I gotta get this dick off my truck. Let me see if I recognize it. He's picked up Start sucking on him up. Nope. Nope. Nope. I don't recognize that one Also, if you're a cop and you see a truck that has just a dick hanging on to it You're like you found a serial killer and then it turns out no This is just one of many vehicles that hit a random person which again as Henry said

It seems like if they fall if you're following the highway in Alabama, it's a fair game. Yeah, hit him hit him up It's really strange. Yeah, he fucking the penis attached the grill. He'll look it up and just immediately He's like I feel you need to give that penis a ticket for hitchhiking I don't I didn't agree to bring this penis to the gas station. I know so be careful out there Really fucked up because that's it's again It's a story that because like people send it to us and it's got that funny headline Me like oh, yeah, well funny, but that's just because I'm implicitly. I'm just broken But the idea of like oh, I'll just remember penis at gas station. You're like, oh, I'm funny

And then you look at it. It's like oh, there's a heartbreaking story Well, it is extremely sad that this person died on the highway after getting run over by multiple cars But I think that we can all carve out including the family if this was a friend of you if you were the one dead I would say it's kind of funny that his penis ended up alone in a gas station like a hitchhiker Sure. Sure. Yeah, no matter what that is in itself kind of funny. It's a joke for the family. Yes Yeah, they're allowed to be to find it may be kind of funny or it is kind of funny He's a little bit of smirk like he because I would if I again got into a car accident ran over my dick ends up Like at a pigly wiggly parking lot

I'll be like as exactly where he's his penis would want to be Ben would like he's laughing from wherever he is now But I don't know if that's his regular mobile station or not We don't know because again, it'd be different if it was and you like oh well At least he at least it was in a familiar place and of course, you know when it comes to a penis as a gas stations They can only drink through straws and don't try the jerky it gets a little spicy. That is again Well, just fucking it's slinging material. Did you hear this story about this pigeon speaking of death? Oh God There's a New York City pigeon and I actually am a pigeon fan. I don't care I got shat on one time by a pigeon. They say it was good luck. It's good luck

It's not but I'll take the I'll take the the myth other than peer and utter rage So gender reveals are a thing which I don't fully care, but whatever. Yeah, no one cares about me I don't care about the child. I mean, whatever people do with this is just one of the things that I they became popular like five years They're not like no they weren't happening in the 90s, right? You know uncle corner It's another thing that was like invented by like big maternity like that industry that whole Industry that's around babies and it's like what's like what's what's like how Valentine's Day is a fucking construct, right? That was the thing that just made up that people just spend money in February It's true and then it's because it was we I guess we just didn't have a holiday

It's just the gender reveal thing is it just another way to like siphon money from parents Yeah, Valentine's Day was like well They didn't spend any money in January because they're so broke from Christmas get him now Yeah, we'll make it in get him again in February Halfway through the month just when they think they might have a savings So when New York City pink pigeon Flamingo dies from the dye that it was you that was used for a gender reveal so many people are getting hurt with these things I know it's a very hacky now to even talk about it

It's just the truth where it's like but it keeps happening. It's the most dumb shit Way to spend your day, but it is a it is a Pit it is a pink pigeon named flamingo and they covered its body in pink They name the pigeon and then they killed it. Yes, so they named it died at pink It died and then you that's now your pet No, according to a New York City bird rehabber for the wild bird fund Well, these bird alcoholics are so brave that they can have finally have a place that they can go They wrote what is being called a squabbatory or an obituary for a squab and they say we are deeply

Squabbatory is that a thing? No, we are deeply sad to report that flamingo our sweet pink Pigeon has passed away the rose colored rock dove has become an instant celebrity After WBF rescued it from Madison Square Park the other day and then it was when now it's dead So but it died at the gender reveal party Yeah, because I think they they died at pink and then they then they rescuers named it flamingo I'm just so and then it died so they wrote despite our best efforts to reduce the fumes coming off the dye We'll keeping him calm and stable. He died in the night. We believe his death was caused by inhaling the talk Jesus fucking Christ, so there you go died of a fucking drug overdose kind of like the nice thing is they're having a girl

Throw it away. They're having a girl Their parents decided to take what some people call the rat of the sky this day use it as their gender reveal bird The state needs to get involved and needs to come and take their children. Yeah, the idea that they can't do that I just don't understand It just don't understand. Yeah, you're killing animals people getting hurt over these dumb shit things according to the ornithological rehab center Based on the hundreds of comments we received We know you know this but please try to discourage others from releasing domestic birds for any reason dubbed releases sound romantic But take away the decorations and Instagram photos and they're equivalent of dumping your helpless pets on the side of the road

Yeah, you're just they're still animals like they're not decorations No, they are animals that they like they like go places and they shit Yeah, and they jump and they do things they take up space. They're just yeah again So if you just buy a bunch of pigeons in one place and they just release them I feel like a bunch of other animals are gonna come and try to eat those pigeons, right? I also don't think it's right to bring other living sentient I don't have a penguin a penguin a penguin a penguin I don't know if a pigeon is this radio

I don't know if a pigeon is sentient Yeah, well, I would think I see leave all living creatures alone out of your gender reveal Keep it to balloons if you have to do it only or yourself or just say it Yeah, just say it just go to the go to the doctor and you get the sonogram and be like oh, that's it There you go. Oh, I guess I'll hog put up put a big old hog on it or put a nice set on it hits Yeah, but guess what either way the kids fucked. All right. It's a bad time to bring them in here Well, that's what they say every generation. We need some good one only the bad people seem to be procreated So if you're good like all listeners, yes, you can procreate we need to even out whatever the fuck is going on

Absolutely. We'll send milk. Oh, I'll send you milk. We'll get you. Don't ask where we got it All right. Well, let's do hero of the week One hero of the week is a dog that's 31 years old. It's uh, it's cute. It's a good. I'm very happy with this dog He's 31 years fun. He's blind is all hell But he is alive two weeks after the Guinness Book of World Records announced a 23 year old chihuahua as the world's oldest dog Oh, there was some discrepancy Bobi is 30 years old and 266 days And he is now according to Guinness Book of World Records the oldest dog ever to live

Yeah, his life expectancy was 12 to 14 years So he's more than doubled that he beat it man And he's the world record holder for the oldest living dog But originally Bobi wasn't even supposed to live that long No, man, he was destined to fucking die in a suicide mission from the government. Bobi was born along with three other male puppies in the rural village of Conquerors You know his bark is worse than his bite because they had his teeth removed 10 years ago. I know that's very true I tell them that Jerry that all the time. You're like, it's coming for you. It's coming for you 10 years Jerry

So, um, isn't that fun? His current owner is Lionel Costa and they're only 38 So the dog's almost smarter than they are. Honestly, I'd be looking to the dog for advice. Absolutely. You know anything about a Roth IRA Yep. So anyway, Nat. So that dog's all old. So cute. Do you know that he's senile because he's hanging with cats? Well, his eyesight has worsened a little bit, but the elderly dog continues to enjoy each day resting Spending time with feline friends and relaxing by the fire. It's cute. And then he just kind of hangs out and also I like him. I like really really cryptically old dogs. Yes. It's my favorite this dog. Bobby He is there was another old dog that's of a similar breed named bluey

And that was an Australian cattle dog was born in 1910 and bluey lived 29 years and five months But now that's no longer the oldest of all time. No, um, also no, it's different now In a real story, man, that one dog blowy it didn't last for a year, man That was disgusting what happened about poor animal and then in a real story a man a human being Actually did something very good His name is Adelpho Molina and there was a woman and she was driving. She ended up having a heart attack You know guys drive like this and then women drive like Funny stuff you get you get the joke really classic save it for my congress run

So he ran and ran across four lanes of highway Stopped her car from going into a guardrail and saved her life. So he is a true hero as well Thank you for doing that Adelpho Molina Not many people stop anymore as we just learned most people just continue to run over the same body Until the penis ends up pumping gas really just we just need to stop Stop stop pull over have fun with it. I mean honestly, I know honey. I'm gonna be a little bit late Saw corpse saw corpse and she's like yes Think about this if you had a whole night's worth of plans that you want to do cancel

Sorry, saw corpse. Sorry. Sorry curbs. I didn't say that's a night Then you can get out of you gotta fucking get out of jail free card. Absolutely. Oh here we go. Here's some stories Here's some fucking streamers Oh Here we go. Um, it was a hot summer. This is about an accident in Six Flags 2007 It was a hot summer And I nearly broken and bledded my nose on a roller coaster. I was much too short to ride That's a very good lesson for you children

That are definitely listening to this Yes My mom and I were walking towards the main gate of the park to meet up with my sister if she got off the superman tower Power ride. I remember that fucking ride. It's what closer. There was a loud Crackin sound that caused everyone to duck down is if there was a gunshot I'm retrospect. This is the sound of a cable Snapping on the drop tower and then snaring a 13 year old's neck and legs According to the report she was able to get the cable off her neck

But not her feet when the crowd when the ride reached 154 foot peak It then dropped her shoes with both feet still inside dropped into the catch net below I did not see the feet come off, but I heard the screams. He was on the ride on the ride I know I would freak everyone in the park had a confused and panic attitude But they were all headed towards the exit presumably to get away from the screaming As we met up with my sister. I caught a glimpse of the gore at the base of the ride once named elevator And it has stayed with me since Oh, man, which is also what M. Night Shyamalan should have called devil. I know I love devil

I thought it was great. I'm excited for his new one as well. Some people are skeptical I I I like I am an M. Night Shyamalan stan I read the book that the movie is based on and I've heard that they've changed an ending of it Which we'll see and I like Dave Patista. I like a Dave He's the best actor of the big boy wrestlers. But that was just a disgusting story. I probably shouldn't even told No, it's fascinating. I mean, honestly, this is why I don't go on any of those things I'm just slightly outside of the algorithm. They create them to make them safe Also, I just yeah, no, it is you are just and it's true is that and you don't you don't need to fuck around

And the same thing because like I'm you know, Ed Larson loves, uh, He loves rise. He's not as tall as I am But he also for a while at least now he can he's fine with it But he's a big guy. He's a wide guy And so he used to joke about how they used to force you He used to have to force them into the roller coaster like see until it clicks right because you're supposed to push it But you're not You shouldn't be doing that. No

I'm a little bit updated and then this is the little thing on Elvis. I get the creepy stuff next week Um, but one thing that we learned about Elvis came back Yeah, because we were talking about his diet and we were reminiscing and and and being Falsely nostalgic everything we never got to experience. I wish we could have been there I'm but apparently Elvis did suffer from Extreme constipation for most of his life according to the corner like when they went to do the autopsy They believe that he had four months of impacted shit in his system

They think he had something between 30 and 40 pounds of Duke Jesus Christ in his intestines And when he died, which is probably also why it's that's why they explained why his gut was so extended Even though he had skinny arms and legs, but that's what I have. I'm also hors d'oeuvre shaped Right where I'm I look like little stick sticking out of a fucking tomato, right? So I just think I guess it's the peanut butter. Well, is this the peanut butter? I think there was so much pills. It was the pills mixed with he did have chronic inflammation They said that his his his colon was Twice as long and twice as wide as a normal colon. Jesus when I called him the king. Yeah

He had the biggest tubes in the business. He did. He was compacted. Yeah more than 30 pounds of fessies How did he even sing all those romantic songs to are now? He was full of shit. He was full of shit That's what it takes sometimes. Yeah, but yeah, then he was on a lot of steroids as well Which is why he had the super puffy face. So he never even really drank he well again He joined from time one thing I was reading is that he said that he would have he wasn't a faulty toddler He would drink from time to time But every once in a while

If you if you called him on the right move He'd drink a whole bottle of peach knobs because he just liked the taste. Well peach knobs is good Yeah, but it's just like it's so but I mean peach shops sitting on top of 30 pounds of shit And then at some point he just needed a friend to just give him a big hug Yeah, he just it out Maybe go on one of those elevator rides and get scared. Chillis. Are you gonna be the one to tell Elvis? Hey comment on the peanut butter sandwiches. No, are you gonna go in there for everything because they also said that he'd go Through depressive mode. So we learned that when we went to Graceland as he is he was a very somber man a little bit

But that's like he'd sit in his bed for months at a time eating platters of cheeseburgers and he'd get bed sores Just from sitting there Elvis. Yeah, you know, come on buddy again, man I mean at least cocaine gets you out of bed. Oh, I think that gets you it's running around Yeah, it gets you out of the club or something. Yeah, that's why you just got to love every day knowing My 30 pounds of shit just come out of my mouth comes out of your mouth every week That's you got to do it like and then I live no one emptied. I take three to four dumps a day That's I mean, I don't know if it's natural, but it's good. I looked it up and it said anywhere up to five good Then you know, you're fine, right? Nate come on clean as a whistle. I'm doing no wipers

I'm doing partial wipers and then I got the bidet going man. Maybe shower I I fucking sit on that bidet for fucking 20 25 minutes Great just letting it clean clean clean clean to the point where I taste the water in my mouth That's so gross and then I laugh no one finally cleaning up for God So gross I'm cleaning up for God That means up to you right you you you connect the bottom hole to the top hole That's because your ideas are mighty God

There you go. What a sermon your ideas are mighty God. All right everyone. Thank you so much for listening Do we want to talk about that little show we're doing? We have an April 8th. Yes, April 8th We're gonna be doing live side stories. We're gonna be promoting a project Henry is working on can't wait And uh, yeah, we can't I already miss people. I miss the stage I miss the stage you miss the stage just speaking of the stage too. I'm gonna put out the location for this It is at the iconic fine arts theater in Los Angeles April 8th 2023 come and see man Oh Fine arts, we're gonna do some of these performances also check us out in Australia if you're there

We're gonna be there from august 2nd through august 12th here are the exact dates come and check us the fuck out We cannot wait to see you august 2nd will be in Auckland, New Zealand august 4th adelaide august 6th brisbane august 7th Melbourne august 10th, Sydney and august 12th We're coming all the way around to the strangest little city on the emerald isle. That's ireland But it's in Perth, Australia Perth. All right. Thank you all so much for listening. Hail yourselves Augusta Lations everybody. They do it again. Did they record a whole episode again? Again. Yeah, just one again then again again

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