Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Back in Schabusiness

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news - but first the safest US States for an Alien Invasion, Lori Vallow back on trial, Wild Woman Taylor Schabusiness can't stop attacking her lawyers, a California CEO arrested after assaulting "barefoot dancing man" on cruise ship, Ohio polygamist posse allegedly kidnaps and tortures man for a week in Red Roof Inn, Kentucky Teacher had sex with one of her students - then tried to get the student to kill her husband, The Return of The Direwolf, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Sign stories? That's when the cannibalism started. SIGN STORIES! Yes. Oh, yes! You sent me this list of the top ten states that would be safe during an alien invasion. Yes, which do you believe it? No, you don't believe it. That's fun

I like that you guys should do something with that He sent this to me. He sent this to me and says the number one state is Virginia, Virginia It's all based upon terrain population density how many first responders and engineers there are but I don't understand. That's where Quantico is Quantico, why wouldn't they be available to fight them? The baby cops. They're baby feds. Oh yeah. So I don't know if they're ready to take on the alien invasion.

Well they're expendable. We're also not talking about. Send them out there. Well I don't understand. We're not talking about all the liquid gas sitting under Virginia. That's West Virginia. It's all the same. You keep going west.

West Virginia's not on the list. No, I'm not saying that much. Because that place is just, they're considering that a write-off. It's just Virginia, Alabama, and then it says Massachusetts, which I find even more improbable. Why, you think Massachusetts is very susceptible

to getting attacked by aliens? I don't think that they understand that the attack comes by aliens aliens the way to go is the less population dense. I think that's the flip. I feel like everything here is the flip. I feel like it should be Montana is where you want to be. Don't you think more people are going to help you defend yourself?

No, because the aliens are going to win. If they're biological, I've been saying this and yelling this from the rooftops, if they're biological and if they've arrived here in a ship, we are all, the entire amount of us, is entirely screwed. Well if it comes down to bar fights, Boston would be a great place to take them. Ah, but that's if you get them drunk first and first you have to ingratiate them with a bunch of semi-annoying Boston women. Because that's what will wear them down. Yeah. You gotta get them in what will wear them down. Yeah. You got to get them in there, wear them down, talk about the Bruins, get up in their face talking about like all sorts of playoffs.

Talk about like, Oh, you know, Oh, give me a guy from the Red Sox. Big poppy. Big poppy. What's he doing? He's I don't know. He got shot in the Dominican Republic. This is what I'm saying. They flew him back.

Now the aliens are distracted. We're talking about sports. Yeah. That's how you get them, but that's different. That's Boston's great for that. Then this is the second layer in New York, Minnesota, Florida. I mean, Florida sort of makes sense because they're going to survive no matter what. Yeah. And I bet their spaceships get caught in the swamps. I mean, I know because they're fucking the trans medium. What's that mean? They go between water and mud and air. So it doesn't matter. They don't get stuck at all. I mean, I don't know. I mean stuck. I mean the Everglades is very different. They're trans medium. It's just dirt

It's just mud Eddie. They're coming from fucking The Pleiades star system. Yeah It's bigger than swamp do they have mud all of Europa's a swamp we don't know if they have mud they do absolutely a palladiums All of Europe is a swamp. We don't know if they have mud they do absolutely palladiums the Welcome to side stories sitting here with Henry Zabrowski and Ed Larson the palladiums He's learning I think that's pretty good Wisconsin also very safe I see Wisconsin I buy center of the United States of America But I also hammered I you know again I think that if you really if in my mind I would change this all to the Dakotas because it's The least amount of humans there that is what they're gonna be looking for if they're here to kill us all but you're looking

For the people I'm incorrect. I mean I'm correct according to a bunch of calculator Comkin gigasuck my dick.com whoa Now we're past the intro Alaska now I can say suck balls fuck shit but Now we're past the intro. Alaska. So now I can say suck balls, fuck shit. But Hiney suck testicles. Thank you. Poop. What? I'm just trying to keep us on the level here.

Thank you. Alaska? Well, let me ask him. Yeah, Alaska sounds fine. It doesn't fucking matter. All right, it's all just a dead end. It's not going to happen. If they arrive here, I just want to just just put your only reason why I'm even referencing the list is that if they arrive here if we can see them

And they're talking to the president we're fucked. So just remember that don't you're not safe anywhere I mean, they're not talking to the president first Well, I was gonna like a general first. I who knows who knows I actually think that they're probably Unfortunately right now they're talking to some lady and Tina and in the back skirts of fucking Maryland right now That's who they're talking to and so we'll find out I'm just saying don't be prepared Don't think your state is any safer from an alien invasion because it's not they're lying to you What about the picture here the aliens of pecs. They are it is a They don't have creatine. Yeah

Never once I don't know why they do this every picture of aliens does show them have musculature if it is actually closer to what? We've talked about with grays. They're childlike. It's so easy. They're very thin So in shape very little chamois little little thin little hips Alien I feel like alien sightings are on the rise. Oh very much. There was one in Naples recently. There's many I mean my week this week. I'm doing for those of you that don't know Last night and it's gonna be out on YouTube this week. We do our stream last stream on the left I do my UFO mandate. It's a big week for new shapes Did you see the the stuff that was spotted off the cruise ship? Oh, yes, that was wild Are you talking about the the one that jetted into the water with no splash? Yes

I am I thought you were talking about the girlfriend of the faster pussycat guy that she jumped off the cruise into the water No No, that's really very sad actually got an extremely sad message about that from people that worked with faster pussycat and said that they legitimately She jumped off the cruise ship after they had a fight and then the rest of the band had to go and continue to play Faster pussycat songs the show doesn't always have to go on the lead singer Sequestered himself into his room for the rest of the weekend Well the band which also I want to honestly big ups to the rest of the band did they sing for him I guess who sang I don't know I feel like they are at that point they know all the

songs by the way first of all I never even heard of this band no me neither I'm sure they're fine I think it's like a speed metal do you know them Rob you know faster pussy caddis from the jewelry on the man? I could tell it's some form of old-school Big the take was a rock. Yeah fast Yeah So, you know Don't go on a cruise. Hey, you should go on a cruise go to crimewave at sea comm that is where ash last Thank you slash last that is where we will be doing live

We have a couple of the cruise stories today that we're gonna cover But you're gonna come and see us come push us off the edge of a boat. Don't you? See what you got you pussy I got my floaties on all week. I've been working on my back. What are you doing to it getting fucked in the ass? Oh, yeah, that's so cool. Yep. No Congratulations, man. I wish I was there. You will shall show you I have videotapes old school That's what I like old school videotapes doesn't go directly to the internet first. It's got to go through your grandfather's casket. Oh I want to find your old cowboy friend. Oh, yeah, that's where he is

I wanted to do today a little bit of an update for those of you that obviously have listened to us over the years And you know that we covered Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow to the very tops of her tits We covered that case so thoroughly and now Lori Vallow is on trial again Now, Lori Vallow is on trial again. This time, finally, she's being prosecuted for the actual murder of her ex-husband, dead ex-husband, Charles Vallow. Yes, Charles Vallow. And so, this story... She's already been convicted for the kids.

The kids she's already been... She's gone away for... She is in jail for life. She's not getting out of jail. No matter what. Lori Vallow has decided in this trial, probably her most defensible trial because everybody's dead. That was involved. Alex Cox that shot troll Charles Valo was dead. Tiley, her daughter is dead. That would have been a witness. JJ, a witness is dead. They are all anybody that was attached to this.

Who helped steal the car. Melanie Gibb. Melanie Gibb is currently starting her own series of griftership on top of all of this. Her husband's another Mormon dignitary. Oh, very much. Melanie Gibb needs to be in jail, too. We'll get there someday. Maybe someday somebody will get her for something. But she is an evil person. But we stole his car. Oh, yes No, she's a bad person, but Lori Vallow is Representing herself and there is I watched the first day of trial because why not and I you know what I learned is

That for a criminal trial. It's super useful to be a lawyer Yes It's like crazy useful to know how court works and how to be a lawyer. Yes. It's like crazy useful to know how court works and how to be a lawyer if you're going to be a lawyer because Lori Vallow's opening statements for about eight minutes long. Is that good or bad? I don't know. I don't quite know. I think they're good if they're good, but these were bad. And she said the same thing over and over and over again. Smiling a lot. She's just doing her flirty thing. She's known and not yet.

She was asking for more, during jury selection, she specifically was asking for more male jurors because she was. She's better with them. She was. She likes men more than women. And she was doing, she does like a little flirty thing. She does about eight minutes in which she says the evidence will show about 150 times. She is horrible to listen to terrible

woman getting torn apart by the prosecutor and then you watch the prosecutor nail her to a fucking cross. They better. For 45 minutes. The prosecutor comes out just dripping with the full total just utter contempt for Lori Vallo which I'm so happy to see it's just a prosecutor Loses they should be fired. The only issue is that this is the hardest trial of all of them It is the most circumstantial evidence of all of them

We have you have to really believe one side of the story versus the other side of the story But thankfully on the prosecution side they have the body cam footage of Charles Vallow talking about all of the Like you know scared of her. She's trying to kill me days before yes And then you have Laurie Valo's body cam footage where she's acting all super funny and laughing about everything Then you have the the Tiley footage where you have her Repeating puppet fashion the same story that Laurie Vallow said yes, and so I think that's what's gonna hang her up But you never know sometimes juries are weird juries are really weird. They could just decide Arizona, right? This is in Arizona, which is also not a

Super great place to have one go on vacay cuz she's in prison in Idaho So she gets to like go down to Arizona and do this. She has been, she's on vacation right now in Arizona, technically. But she says she really misses the Idaho jail. She's at the Idaho jail, she was having a lot more fun. She has like a girl group there that she hangs out with. I think it's- What are they saying? I think it's SWV.

Yes. And I think that they're, which are great, you know, we love that song. I get so weak in the knees, I can hardly speak. You know, that's what they're doing while they're scissoring each other. It's kind of nice. Get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak, you know Each other and it's kind of nice, but she fingernails. Oh god, you gotta be careful with those I've seen real lesbians and they don't normally have those big talents if I was in prison for life no matter what I'd represent myself. Well, yeah, she has nothing but time. She's got no... it's entertaining at least.

But to you, I will say the immortal words, the person who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. Yeah! Because you should know. But it doesn't matter! You know, it's funny because I think in the end, you'd be surprised what matters once you're already in jail. Yeah.

Because then I think you're already in jail. Yeah Arizona does she have to go serve in Arizona if she lives through her three consecutive life sentences in Idaho, okay So if she lives through those three through she lives about 375 more years In Idaho she can go live and do serve that time according to her beliefs. She will. Oh, well, we're waiting We're waiting Laurie Nothing Honestly, it will take this for me to believe in you. You will have to physically Disappear in the middle of court and God himself or herself Alana Morris Alanis Morissette

It's I think if it's Alanis Morissette, I was just a bunch of goo. She's a bunch of goo Yeah, yes. Yeah, if God's a god exists. It's just like yeah, oh, it's just good Yeah, it's just shit and slime or it's Alanis Morissette and she's got a really good opportunity here to arrive at trial Pretending to be God. I bet you we pop a wire on her talking to Lori Vallow That'd be ironic. This is all wouldn't you think? Now can I see another question about this so her and Chad Daybell both convicted for murdering the kids Yes, why is Chad Daybell get the death penalty and she didn't because of the I believe the Because she's because he's a man or I don't know honestly. I forget why I believe the... Ah, I'm not, I can't. Because he's a man or?

I don't know, honestly. I forget why. I believe it's because- Did he actually do it or something? You have to choose. It's like, there's a thing that you do at the top of trial where you decide that this is going, where you might, that death sentence will be

on the fucking docket. Were they tried together or separately? Separately. Oh, so maybe that's it. He received the death penalty for the murders of his first wife and his second Wife's two children Laurie Valo. It was due to the judges ruling the state's late disclosure of evidence Precluded the death penalty in her case. So it was a technical fuck-up, which is the reason why he also has a third kill

Yes, but now she might have a third kill. Yeah, and this is but again, it's Alex Cox but we do know that there is a chain of evidence that shows they had premeditated it and Alex Cox was there ahead of time preparing for it. The other two knew Charles Vallow and Adam Cox. He was shot execution style on the ground. He got double tapped. Yeah. Yes. You'd have to, again, you'd have to be very stupid or malicious to probably not agree with the evidence, but that's not discounting a jury of your peers. Because if Lori Vallow's one of your peers,

then that means categorically, statistically, someone on there might be a homicidal maniac in waiting. And it's, but again, it's just important to remember is that Lori Vallow is not a lawyer. She is a homicidal maniac, and it's showing in her defense style Maybe that's just her style. How much of this are you gonna watch all of it? Really? Oh, yeah, I love it Where do you get the time? It's all night You don't sleep, huh? I watch it in the shitter you watch it in the shitter

Yeah live on YouTube on my my knees to my shitter you you're on you shit on your knees No, I mean, you know the phones on my knees My ass is shitting on the toilet. I'm looking at it on my knees like television. That's what you look It's live right now. We can watch it right now. There's 10k people watching nothing. There's just the stream I'm gonna do this. Should we live stream this once we should do this one. So we can have a me go through it Yeah, it's fun to do people like it. I love court I didn't know it's weird. I love court. I got out of jury duty this week. I didn't have to do anything I just called no like you're good. Yeah, they just hear the sound of your voice and they're like, I don't think you get to talk Oh, no, thanks, sir. Yeah, I shouldn't be there. They don't want me talking about it on the show at the same time though

If you're there, it's really great. It's good advertising amongst the jury pool Yeah, oh you could get all them lessening last podcast. Oh man, dude when I was in Tallahassee recently for the show I was like I was doing every time I saw someone I was like gave him a joint and I was just like This is the last podcast in a lot of fuck Fashion fucking grassroots marketing it works All right, let's get into some other stories now. I know that we have is that the only update that we had Oh, no, we we have we have the man Who can live for without food? We just we asked last time how long could a fat fuck live on just his body and apparently a while it can

Angus Burberry, he's a Scottish man he fasted for 382 days over a year yep going from 456 pounds to a slight 180 pounds I believe that's just stick stone that's just six down and he did a great job and he looks fantastic he lived off of water tea coffee vitamins and yeast extract which I think is code for the fine fine pussy of the ladies in the hills of Scotland Oh, we got police over times a problem well No, that was a whole thing people like about the New Jersey cop who was pranking everybody. And everyone was like, yeah, of course they got mad when the overtime was getting ganked

because as- because I already knew this though, they were all like- people were like, they were getting furious because all of a cop's pension is based upon the overtime payments in the last couple years and the payments that you make in the last couple years of your time and then they take that amount of money and then they protract that onto your pension. So that's why my dad, right before you were tired was working like 120 hours So it was good to overwork the oldest I mean, you know, they're always the at least my dad was at a desk job. Yeah, you know, so at least there was that

He just did that accident investigation. So you have to go No, no, no, my dad was mostly just using that guns to sort of like open up doors. Yeah No, no, no, my dad was mostly just using that guns to sort of like open up doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know. You know. There's another court case, if you wanna stay in the world of court.

Well, this lady. It might be none of our show business, but it is our show business, Mr. Larson, because this lady, you know, we've covered her maybe in fits and spurts, maybe not entirely, you know, but this lady is the people picture. Can you pull up the people article real quick? She is a, you know what I'm going

to call her? She's a PIP. Yeah, she's a PIP. She's a real character. Now this is a lady by the name of, and you know her, you love her. Taylor's a business. She murdered her. Yeah. She is so evil looking. She's like, look at this is a moments before she attacks. We're going to show this guy and it's just like him and like her, like blatantly like about to attack this man. This lady just like he looks so defeated. You've got to watch the video. It's the opposite. He's such a, this motherfucker is a real G. We're going to get into all this. All right, so, so, Taylor's Your Business murdered Shad Therion, 24 years old, this was in 2022. This came after a night of them smoking methamphetamine,

and I guess, which I did not know you could do, is melt down and inject the sleeping aid, trazodone, which I think gives you a good middle ground. Yeah, it brings you back to zero. It just gives you back to zero, so everybody was fine. And so, in this murder they were they said that they had already experimented with autoerotic asphyxiation She decided to do it with chains

And she was having a really good time with it to the point where she saw blood come out of his mouth And she had killed him with her bare hands then she fellated his dead corpse then she desecrated his with her bare hands. Then she fellated his dead corpse. Then she desecrated his dead corpse by playing with his butthole, stuffing stuff up his butthole. Then she chopped off his head. With a butter knife.

Oh yes. Oh no, with a bread knife. She's a real determined lady. Tailorship business is a career wanting to be murderer. She is someone that grew up, you know, remember those old commercials for markets? She's wrong. She's made incorrectly. But you know how like they said commercial for markets wrong. She's yeah, she's made incorrectly But you know, I like you they said no one grows up don't wanting to be a junkie

Yeah, she did like this is a lady that saw the commercial was like, yeah, I loved I want yeah fried egg Yes, that's me. I'm the fried egg Yeah, and so she tailors your business is such a devious looking woman now. Yeah, this is so she's been put in jail for life She's 27. Yeah, buddy. Oh. Oh she looks 48 she's an intense lady she's had a lot of life any she's lived on the 7 he's lived a lot of life. Oh my God. Her share business was living and she business was good and Taylor's your business now in jail is more dangerous than that issue business.

Well, no, oh buddy. She put herself right back into your business because she was the first lawyer. Now the first lawyer, she attacked a lawyer, her first defense lawyer during a hearing that then were involved in her having, she had to put a bag over her face. She sat there. So she's already attacked one lawyer. This is during her sentencing for the first crime. Yeah. So now she's already attacked one lawyer. This is during her sentencing for the first crime Yeah, so now she's in jail for a for life with no parole then in jail She gets into an altercation with a prisoner they she gets caught a nurse has to go and deal with Taylor best She's got to take a staple out of her face. She's got to do something to her right? Staple yeah, she had a staple well from the from the wound scar

Right? Was it a staple? Yeah, she had a staple. Well, from the wound. The scar. Yeah, because they closed up the scar from the prison attack, and then she had a staple in her face that the nurse had to remove. And then she attacked the nurse.

Yes. So the nurse comes in, she attacks the nurse. They then call in the prison guard. Prison guard comes in, she attacks the prison guard with a pan, a bedpan, and also full on fight, takes several dudes to pin her down to the ground She's fucking now. She's in trouble again. She doesn't care. How could she be in trouble? She's in prison for life This is just we're talking about with Laurie. They just add to it

They just add to the end add to what they just fucking put you back into the system because the goal is They they have to get you for each crime and they get to give you opportunities. It's how it fucking works So now she is going to be put on trial for assaults, right? So now she's on assault for in jail her most recent hearing to figure out all of this disappearances She attacks her lawyer again. Now this different lawyer different lawyer new lawyer brand new lawyer now, this is a person by the name of Curtis Jolka. Curtis Jolka is one of these guys. He looks like, you know when your lawyer also sort of looks like a criminal?

Like he looks like John Fetterman. Like he looks like- He's the guy who would take it. Yes. He looks like a guy, you know, like, so he kind of looks like a guy, like how do you put it? Even her lawyer looks like a shaved orangutan in a suit He looks like a sad potato man, but see I kind of like this look he looks to me like the guy funny enough

How do I say it? He's like the Joker's lawyer. Yeah, like he looks like a Arkham Asylum's like home defendant. Yeah, I disgraced cop who can't be a cop anymore So he becomes a lawyer, but sometimes these guys, you know, we hear it last podcast and left are not anti defense attorney I know defense attorneys are extremely important. I'm very pro defense attorney and this guy is Technically who I'm calling if I ever have a problem I am calling this man because of this reaction So they are sitting in the beginning of the sentencing. Tailorship business is brought in.

She's got a bit of a mischievous glint in her eye. Now it seems to be maybe everybody knows that there's something going on. We don't know whether or not she has made threats to this lawyer ahead of time, but it seems that she really likes the attention. So in this video, she sat down. So let's play it now.

For sure it looks like he's waiting to be attacked Well, he I don't think he knows because you'll see the reaction. I mean, he knows she attacked her last layer So she clocks him right you see here. She looks into the camera So as she gets up she barely touched him well only because the motherfucker behind him look at this fucking offensive lineman push That dude there the security officer behind her needs to get offensive lineman of the year That dude is huge and he is like he's in a three-point stance Like right behind her because as she gets up to get him she fucking shoulders in her tits I mean, yeah, just book the boom gets her down. He's probably fucking shoulders in her tits. I mean, he's just waiting for

her. Yeah. You just booked the boom. Get her down. He's probably keyed in the entire trial waiting for this exact moment. Look at this reaction. Eddie Curtis Jukka. Now he does this. Curtis Jolka turns to the fucking prosecutor and just does the why me worry. What are you going to do? Yeah. What are you going to do? I think if I can do these, she's crazy. Right? She's crazy. You don't want to sit over there. Do you like this? It's such a hardcore Motherfucker he barely flinched. He she he definitely looks like someone who's taken a beating or two He looks like I think he's given a beating or two

Well, I think so by but doesn't mean if he's given him that he hasn't taken but look at this This is a I just I'm proud of this lawyer. And it's got, but that lady, the key about Taylor's business is that she clocks the camera before she attacks him. She wants this attention. Well, yeah, because she's trying to get off for being crazy. But the thing is that it constantly backfires on her because then they do,

they have done several competency runs on her. They did it during the OG trial because they're all like you know she's saying when she confessed her confessions are chilling too because it was all like she thought it was hot she thought them the whole thing was awesome she got sexually excited by the by the entire fucking arrangement so she is i think you know what a lot of us talk about living our best lives yeah and she actually is. Well, she pleaded not guilty. This is what she's always wanted.

Yeah, this is what she's always wanted. Yeah, but she's pleading not guilty by insanity. Yeah, because she has to. But yeah, so I think she's just keeping it up at this point. You know, you'd say that. I think that it's, the glint in her eye shows me that she has an idea that it's very entertaining to her. She's a definitely very

Villainous person. Yes. She's an evil person. No needs to be in jail. The world's better without her on the street She has to be in jail I want most prisoners out of jail not her because a lot of people you understand the the insanity plea Largely is oh no, I mean it gets it almost it's almost impossible unless you truly are and I mean this in the gentlest way possible a Babbling crazy person. You have to be Richard Chase. That is as far as it goes and then guess would you get it? I believe he would know but I believe they found him guilty but he still went into a home for the mentally Like the criminally insane same thing with that. I watched upCS, one of my favorite true crimes channels is back. They did a thing where a guy that was at a house flipper reality show fucking brutally murdered his wife who didn't want to be on the show anymore. And you see this

guy, it's like the same thing where he tried to do the insanity plea by faking being crazy and then got thrown into a mental asylum for five years, continuing to try to beat the competency rap. And they still said at the end of the five years, they're like, yeah, he's saying so then he had to be in a house of criminally insane. Then he had to be tried. Then he went to jail. Then he had to go to the fucking maximum security prison for murder in the first degree. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, like if you're running a TV show for so long, you know, that's a lot of work. He didn't run the,

he was just, he wasn't even, he was just the guest builder of the day. He was in one episode. Oh, I thought he was the host. But Taylor's your business, I just gotta say, leave us alone. What do you mean? I'm just saying, if you ever get out, I'm sorry.

And leave us alone. She ain't getting out. If there's a woman that I believe could tunnel her way out of jail, it's Taylor's your business You think so? I think we need to have a close-ass eye on Taylor's your business. I think they do have a close-ass I they better I'm really not worried about her getting out. No cuz but she wants to get out. Yes I don't think she's very athletic Look at what he just did. She got nailed. She got leveled immediately. Oh, and he caused the guy twice her weight. Yeah, man. He fucked

her ass up. Yeah. She had, she dealt with, she overpowered the prison guard and the jet. Like this is it. This lady's not fucking around. I mean, I'm not trying to fight her, you know, she is not fucking around. Yeah. And there's just something she's got a glint in her eye She's got a little flirty little lifter little like a little thing in there I don't know what it is about her. Hmm. All right, she scares me. I'm just gonna get away from me. All right Fucking look at me like that. She's got makeup on she looks a little bit younger actually kind of looks older when she's got makeup on So we got a couple women that have really caused some trouble this week you go girls We have our Kentucky teacher or we have our Ohio polygamist oh we have to do our Ohio polygamist

You know Ohio makes them different. Yeah. Don't they? You know, you have your beautiful wife from Ohio. Oh, yeah. There's lots of decent people in Ohio. But I view your beautiful wife as an escapee from Ohio. Oh, very much so. And she was, I view your wife as errant Ohio DNA. No, what I've realized, being in Ohio for so long,

is that the news there, they're lucky Florida exists. Well, they're lucky Florida exists. Well, they're the new Florida. It is crazy there all the time. And I feel like people don't give Ohio enough credit for how fucking constantly crazy it is. It really is, but you know what's nice about this story is that it's another example of you,

sometimes you'd be surprised at the sexual pulchrivities of some of the grosser people you've ever seen. Because these guys, some of them fuck and suck more than you have ever fucked or sucked in your whole life and they make it work for themselves in their gross little worlds. And honestly, I'm almost jealous.

Yeah. Now, we got a lady and her five boyfriends. Oh, wow, boyfriends is a term for that I kind of view her as a human, you know those doll, you know those sandwich. She was at the snacky cake snowballs Yes, no, she's like human version of a snowball getting fucked by a bunch of rats. Okay. All right. I would say cast station sandwich Yeah Martina Jones, I will say These guys They are disgusting. They're terrified

Lots of like different versions of Jesus on meth like it's definitely but I will say all these guys Pretty good hair. I you know what? I don't I don't disagree Surprisingly good hair they could you know what? I don't I don't disagree. I surprisingly good hair. They could use some biotin. Now, six people in Iran, Bradshaw could use some biotin. The rest of these guys, I mean, it's luxurious. And now he God gives and he takes away. Can I tell you one thing? If you why their hair is so nice because he took away some chromosomes? Well, because I'm sure they don't bathe and if I were you first it gets bad but then it starts to repop the oils and like start getting good if you go a really long time it's without shampooing and I think that's what happened with these fellas never find this out now there are six people in Ohio

are accused of kidnapping a man and torturing him for seven days including beating him with a metal bat and depriving him of food and water, and even worse, booking him into a Red Room Inn. Red Roof! Red Roof, I'm sorry. Yes. I'm sorry. Oh wow, yeah, definitely a horrible place for you and your plus size entourage to torture a man.

Yes. Now, this would never happen in a Marriott. Not once. Never. I've never seen this at a Kimpton. Yes. No. Never. Never. Now've never seen this at a Kimpton. Yes. No. Never.

Never. Now the group, they tortured this man. Now the man is gone unnamed. I think he's closer to a boy. Now the lady- He's in his 20s. He's in his 20s. Now Martina Esqueda, 28 years fun, is the leader of this group of young Europeans that

are all thirsty for that punani. They come with Aaron Bradshaw I want to say the head security officer with his a quote the other boyfriend is his son Austin Bradshaw it's his son oh yeah okay I don't know why I was thinking nephew no he taught daddy taught son how to fuck his girlfriend chance Johnston 27 David Cessna and Martina eskada's actual husband Michael eskada 28 now these five men out in the five men in this one lovely lady They formed a little bit of one might call a fuck patch now the thing is I look at them I don't really understand quite the sexual energy that goes on in there, but the same time I as much as all of this

Literally makes my skin crawl and makes me nauseous to the very corner of me imagining it They all look straight up evil these guys want to fuck more than anybody's ever fucked and this woman is providing it So whatever it is, maybe we're missing out. Yeah, so this guy so apparently there was a fight David Cessna is the is the scariest looking one. Oh yes, yes, yes. He's definitely killed before. No, they There was apparently a dog fight in their properties they have been sharing a property together and there was a dog fight and Martina and the unnamed kidnap. I don't think it was a like a professional dog fight like I don't think it was are there any I think I feel like even at their very best. I don't think it was are there any I think I feel like even at their very best I don't think money was being thrown down. I thought two dogs got an argument the two dogs got into a

Actual fight. Yeah, I don't think but I don't I don't think these people are dog fighters. No, I don't think they have asked them They're not they don't have the organizational skills. Yes, I do run a dog doing ring Yes, but I don't think that's what was happening here No and so the unnamed kidnappy tried to break up the fight with the dogs and got involved with Martina who then she apparently like He says it's a he said she said thing where he said oh we got into this fight and I heard her Martina tells her fucking gang of fucking skinny rat fucks that this guy broke my arm which is it wasn't broken and then they proceeded to kidnap him and torture him for the next week so they

took him to a room that beat him with metal baseball bats they stood him up they made him do all this kind of shit they only stomped on him a bunch they stomped on him a bunch for 10 hours over seven days yes they fed him once a day and they it seems and they made him stand. Yes. For long periods of time. Which was even so hard being inside of that comfortable, wonderful red roof in just looking at that wonderful. Yeah. Bed and incredible Matt this the mat. Yeah. You sleep on and then they and then the weird stool that's there for the child that you've trafficked in. That's such a wonderful place.

Red Roof, I mean, I'm sorry. They beat a man next to death for a week and no one noticed. I said anything. That is like, if you want to check out from life, Red Roof in. Wow. No one's checking in on you there. If you're looking to group torture a man after your professional dog fights, come on, come on down a red roof in Toledo, Maui Yeah, wow three point five stars not bad actually actually that's pretty bad. Okay, can we read some of these Yelp reviews?

Oh, it's two point two on yelp two point two Something that could be cooked at Rob something could be cooked I want to read some of these review two stars Yelp was actually what the the, uh, the man was doing. Yeah. The room is filthy. The front desk is used to it. I'm not sure how a dirty room gets overlooked, but I wasn't offered another one or an apology. I'm pretty sure this is a hotel that people live in versus one that rents out to people traveling suspicious drug activity, people sleeping in their cars and the staff being Okay with renting out something like this is not. Okay. Yeah, sure not smoking is no smoking is a joke Cigarette butts on the floor in a room. It smelled like smoke in the hallways

Yeah, toilet 12 inches off the floor. You don't like that. That's spots definitely low Oh, I'm sure they're made noise all night, and the noise was like, help me, help me, help me. Help me, get me out of here. He's still fucking with me. Mayday, mayday. Get me to a little Quinta. But here, though, what's that four star say? This guy really liked it.

When we take road trips, we don't usually plan our overnight stays. If we need to stop for the night, we find a hotel wherever we happen to be. This is usually a straightforward process, but on this particular night okay to be precise it was one in the morning and Maui, Ohio just outside of Olia this is a four paragraph I mean he liked it positive rating for this place.

Right underneath it. I was robbed at knife point by a lady who pretty much lived there found this out after meeting her on the bus route and I did not from here. I must I add Probably her why did you do them Ed Grimley? Yeah, well so go check out the red roof in and yeah, I found me, Ohio and tell them last podcast in the left Sancho yeah, I think they use the AC units as urinals I mean partially it just cuz it's the only thing that keeps the piss cold enough to travel Urinals, I mean partially. It's just because it's the only thing that keeps the piss cold enough to travel You're not sleeping alone hey, and that's the only thing you can ask for when you're traveling on the road

Especially when you're already getting done pork the five semi hard penises that have been in your trailer park for the last two years You've probably known each one of those penises to their five since they were five years old and now they're all you're letting them all fuck Yeah, now, but they're calling it a cult. I know they're saying Martina Jones is the leader which I love. Okay I mean it makes sense cult leaders make everyone fuck them They have Manson vibes kind of oh sure like a whole bunch of Charles Manson Don't do that to them. Don't do that to Charles Manson Charles Manson kind of had style You know, even Charles Manson was a pop icon. These guys-

And the ladies were cute. Yeah. Ish. Yeah. According to Tarantino. Sure. But time Tarantino also, they were an older version of me thought so. You thought that the-

That they were cute. But now as an adult, I don't find them as cute as I did You said an older version of you, so that's a young is for the younger version. Okay So you're going to Yeah, so that's one story Well, sorry, so let's go. Let's go to another story. Yeah. Yeah, we'll go to the other we'll go to our other lady This is a lady heavy episode. Yes. Thank God I know it's history month would just ended but you know we go to the other we'll go to our other lady. This is a lady heavy episode. It is thank God I know I mean, I know it's history month would just ended but you know, we're here anyway. It doesn't end for us ever

Never. All right So this teacher from Kentucky sexually abused a boy and then solicited him to kill her husband Now we just really even bring it's not that complicated of a story. No, it's really not much going on. Oh, Anna Bardon It didn't work. It wasn't successful No She tried to get him to go and she had sucked his penis a couple times and send him a bunch of Naughty pictures try to get in this child to kill her husband now We know no we know this all real. This is a thing that's across the United States of America

We've seen this countless times just this year. I'll never really understand it Obviously, this is one of those women too. Like you can tell immediately. She thinks she's way hotter than she is Oh, you know, she's trying to look sexy in her Mugshot. Yes. She ain't there's something about this that I just don't understand I'll never understand this type of pedophilia. But the one thing, one of the biggest things I don't understand is maybe I'm wrong. And if you're second, if you're raping a child, I'm just gonna just do this.

All right, all right. Right? This is hypotheticals. Yes. Yeah, we're just curious and exploring ideas. And you're a teacher, and you're doing this, right? And you're old. You live in Kentucky. Yes, and your ultimate goal

is to have your husband murdered mm-hmm right I feel like the kids that would be subjected to this style of grooming might not be the great one to be assassins no I feel like if you're gonna suck dick and get your husband at least older 21 I think that if you're, and this is just advice, that if you're looking to get your husband murdered that you shouldn't rely on a child because they're super flaky. And then I think that they're not ready to commit. I think that if you wanted someone to murder your husband, you have to shoot for a man just out of prison. Man just about to be let out of prison.

Now, that's a super good one. If you're a semi-hot lady and you can gussy yourself up into a bunch of pictures, you can convince an ex-con that is about to get out of jail to murder your husband for you, and they're more likely to do it. Eric Goodwin. Yes.

But the thing is, she done got no money. She's a teacher in Kentucky It's not about money. Then it's not about money You know you think the XCOM would just do it by that point You got to get somebody who's at such a first point for titties that they'll do anything to see them They literally will do anything and that's somebody who is just being released from jail. And why wouldn't she get divorced? Because it's fucking against God. Yeah, we don't know anything about the husband, you know We you know, the husband could be a horrible person. He's just a guy no one Absolutely beating the fuck out of somebody or and you're putting somebody's life in danger

You don't deserve to get killed. No should just get divorced. It is easier to get divorced I know that I'm not saying kill the husband No, I just you know, I'm just trying to find a motive here I do the motive is because husbands are bad sometimes at it. Yeah, because they're boring They're not as fun and cool as the 14 year old in your class 15. Yeah It's counting It's got the calendar out besides stories LP O T L amail.com. Who are you grooming to kill your husband?

Who do you choose I feel like you're actually also better off with a dog a dire wolf maybe Now we know we talked about this a little bit a a bit of a story, just you know, science, they have apparently reconstructed the formerly extinct direwolf. Yes. Which, according to some people, if you look at the actual breakdown of how they did it, it's very similar to Jurassic Park, where they used the old DNA that they found,

mixed with dog DNA to make a new dog, and that's why some scientists are saying, it's not a direwolf. It just looks like a direwolf and might act like a dire wolf. It's part dire wolf. They just created a cooler dog. But they're saying that because it's white, that's what makes it a dire wolf. But that can also be, it seems like it can be controlled by some form of CRISPR style

work that they do on dogs. And so we're seeing this, but everyone's saying- This is the company that made the wooly mouse yes and There's a lot of people that are saying much like how when we were talking about this right before the show and he brought it Up which is like maybe we should do some other animals first Yeah, but the white rhino is almost extinct. There's only two male or two female or something I think the only reason why they're doing a white rhino. Let's keep that thing going I feel like that they think because the problem with scientists is what you know what I learned you know who taught me this sadly

Jeffrey Epstein which is that scientists are I always kind of thought in my head scientists and all that stuff explain yourself they're all Incorruptible like they're not in it for anything, you know, which is fine, right? How were your Jeffrey Epstein meetings? Man, short. Which I was upset about. But like, Jeffrey Epstein taught me that scientists can be purchased.

And that what you can do, sometimes what you also, sadly, more on the real side of this, is that sometimes a scientist has to put together a literal like flashy package for you to want to give grants and research things to them, which is why they do stuff like, look, see everybody, we made the dire wolf. That's like, oh, Game of Thrones. You guys like Game of Thrones?

We made Game of Thrones, dog. You guys give money to the Game of Thrones dog people. Because it's this thing of like like because they're desperate for money because We are as a country sliding away from research and an original research and going more towards winning some fake the technically Economical war with other countries to build AI first which is in the end more of a moral Slash future what does the future hold for humankind issue, which is in the end more of a moral slash future.

What does the future hold for human kind issue, which is no one wants to talk about yet. Yeah. Well, here's this company colossal also cloned for red wolves, which are critically endangered. So I think that's cool. That's cool. That's fine. I think it's all fucking weird, but also I think I get it. I get it up to a point.

Yeah. Um, but the thing is, it's just like they're getting all these people to really look at look at who's any investors here Tom Brady Tiger Woods Paris Hilton and Peter Jackson. Yeah, it's all just this is how you get Celebrities to would be involved. Yeah, because this it is cool But if I know you were saying bring back the dodo the dodo would be great because we can eat it But I still think that we just do the same thing that we did the last one It's gonna turn into it's just gonna end up at fucking howlin race. Well, that's why I have hot dodo That's all we're gonna have we're gonna have Nashville hot dodo. That'd be awesome. I'll take it. I'll eat it

Yeah, but the dire wolf is a look at the dial. That's it. They had it up The game was wrong. They had the dial wolf and so everyone's just like yeah. Wow. Yeah Oh, wow, that's amazing because because again, I just don't think dodo's have the same. Yeah cache Hey, well, yeah, make a dragon. Yeah, but you know, we'll make a good dragon. You got my money Existed. Yeah, they did you're creating a dragon dinosaurs were basically the old versions of dragons So why we wrote stories about dragons is because some people saw these the evidence of these things under the ground You think that people saw like a pterodactyls bones and they were like that's a dragon and it's possible Also, I think that there's plesiosaurs that were around for much longer than we thought I think that there are were a giant monster, right? Yes

The wars of the ghost of a plesiosaurs. They're saying there's one in Michigan now. They're saying a lot of fucking shit No, I know I actually feel like that stuff's very very interesting in terms of the idea of there being because the ever heard it's Thia scene it's a type of dog. That was an extinct dog. Yeah, that has been recently Spotted again. It's like thia see the ethyl a scene. Okay, it was an instinct dog Yeah, thylacine. Okay. It was an instinct dog that has me Tiger that's exactly what it is a Tasmanian tiger is what it's called and they've now been a couple of them popped up again Oh really? They've said they've been on a watch see that's like the cryptid stuff that I find fascinating Yeah, it's the stuff like well, there's so little people around there. They could legitimately still be hiding We don't know and so I think that there you know

That's the kind of stuff you ever see that movie will him the foe where he's like this hunter trying to kill the last one No, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, what's it called? What the fuck is it called? But yeah, no, it's he's trying to kill He's he's evil hunter and he's trying to kill the last Tasmanian. Oh, it's called the hunter It's a great movie So it's about like a poacher. Yeah, no, he's like the, he heard of a Tasmanian tiger and then so he's like out trying to kill it. And then Sam Neal's trying to stop hired by a biotech company to kill it. I guess it's so they can bring it back and they can reproduce it. Right. That's the idea that

we'll go and we'll we're doing the same plot. Yeah. We're just in the fucking plot. I think, you know, it's cause it's weird because I'm go back and forth obviously Direwolves had their chance. They're gone. Yeah, but also new dog. I think it's cool. I think it's you know a new dog I mean I think it's just died. I love a new dog anything that Expands life is an interesting way to go right now Yeah, I think that we are seeing the big die off of a bunch of different types of animals I think that we are going to very often in the future Engineer what we need and I think that that's this is the beginning of what this is eventually we're going to engineer

It's healthy. I think it's good. We don't know what to meet well We ought we have that's the one thing that it's like to me I know everybody's immediately like I don't want to eat bugs. I'm afraid of eating bugs in the future, but at least bugs are Originated on this planet. There's a little part of me that's hesitant to eat the fake Bio-meat because we don't know what it's gonna do to us forever. What about a golden doodle? What? Would you eat one? I don't want to eat dog. No, you do I. I don't want to eat dog but I've also heard... But the guy who created, who invented the golden doodle... Well he's wrong. He's renounced it. He's wrong. He said that he's wrong. Well I was obsessed with

the little tiny, you know I love my fucked up little dogs Yeah, Luffy the paralyzed dog from Dubai. It was my favorite little thing. Oh, yeah, it was bred into Paralysation for its little tiny face. It was over bred to be cute to become bread and then And its legs were malformed because it was made to look so stupid. It is cute. But that's why I love Luffy so much. I mean, I'm going to, I don't care. I know Luffy's been adopted, but I'm going to Dubai. I'm going to steal Luffy from the family. This is the new taken, except it's going to be you as the bad guy.

I love Luffy. Luffy deserves to be with me. I want Luffy. Luffy's got to get home. No, he doesn't. It's in Dubai. It's built on slave labor. I'll tell you what, man. Crippled dogs. It's a lot of maintenance. Handicapped dogs, please. Oh, you're right.

I'm sorry. I didn't need to fucking cool. Get sued by the ADLA or whatever it's called. We're going to get sued now. Yeah, we got this thing. All right. Well, let's talk about this one last story before we get to letters because we're going on a cruise Eddie okay, yeah, and we want to bring this up because We're all gonna be on this cruise together I cannot stress enough crimewave at see Comm slash last if you come out if you will have one vacation a year We're gonna make this a very memorable trip. Yeah, we just had a meeting with the guys that we're going through

We didn't realize how little they had us doing and we demanded we do more We're doing a bunch of different activities on this stupid boat. We're gonna have so much fun This is gonna be but the reason why I'm gonna tell the story is that I feel like one thing before we go I want to train us all to have some grace for each other on this boat okay because we're gonna be there we're gonna be drunk we're gonna get I lost my grace some form of dysentery while over the edge no my mom's little roommate grace she died well you know loser you know exactly where she is she's in the cemetery now this is a, um, there is a... So I just want you to be, we have to be very careful with each other on this cruise. Yes.

Alright, so let's, don't step on any toes! Ooh, good leadway, good leadway. CEO accused of choking a man and threatening to kill him on a cruise ship over barefoot dancing. That's right. CEOs have been getting a bad rap and this isn't helping. So some drunk happy man was dancing around barefoot inside, I will say this was not outside, this was in a nightclub on the cruise ship.

So and he got close, the guy got close, and the guy's name was Kenneth DeGiorgio. Yes, the CEO. The man. Of First American Financial Corp. Yes, I see you the man first American Financial Corp Yes, this is where they were on the resilient lady His wife Nicole virgin boy His wife Nicole was not a resilient lady. No. Oh, that was the name of the show. Yeah, it's the name of the boat

The resilient lady. Oh god, that sounds awful. Oh, yeah So like it sounds like a woman you don't want to meet at the return desk of a target. Yes Sounds like your business She is a resilient lady So the this guy was dancing barefoot inside of the bar and he got near his wife feet on the rocks bar No, I'm gonna say this to Eddie. It's been a really long time since I've been on a cruise and so part of this is Wouldn't you say on a cruise? Well, like it's probably it's more gross for you to not have your shoes your shoes on yeah inside of it

Because that's also me I get skeeved out about not having shoes and socks on but my question is is that is it that out? Of character within a cruise ship. No, you're going it's island life, right? You know isn't the entire boat island life also by the way the bar. It's called on the rocks I don't want to be thinking about hitting rocks when I'm on a boat You know, this is like it's a bad name for a bar shipwrecks. Yeah Going out to lost at sea. Over here you're going to have that we're all going to rape each other, daiquiri. So this guy, unnamed victim here, dancing around, no shoes on, Nicole, the wife, goes up to him and says, quote, look, we're all grownups here.

Can you put your shoes on? The victim then started cursing at her and giving her the middle finger. Which is honestly a completely reasonable response. Because his feet was getting close to his wife. I could see why he was getting angry. I hate feet too. But also, but I will say never try to stop a man who is dancing with no shoes on Because you're gonna get the double bird. It is not every time actually no man Intoxicated dancing with no shoes on is gonna be like, oh, I'm sorry You might even get the quadruple bird if he knows that a flick you off of his feet Don't make me throw up by the way.

The victim said that the George the DiGiorgio used a lot of force and it felt like his throat was going to be ripped out. Oh yeah. Yeah. So this guy's very strong to Georgia while he was choking him said, I'm going to fucking kill you. Whoa. I wonder if it was so that was, that really can't be too misinterpreted was then ordered confined to his room which Shows his privilege because there are jails on these ships. Well, they I do think that they are From what I've heard from people it's layers of approach Yeah, so you can be you can be put into your job because you're gonna be seeing police officers when you get off the boat Well, yeah, they as soon as they got to be seeing police officers when you get off the boat.

Well, yeah, they, as soon as they got to Puerto Rico, because Puerto Rico is technically America, the cops took them. Yes. So that does happen. And so it, apparently what it is, is it's levels. You can be sequestered to your room. That's level one. And then I believe if you then try to leave your room, you will go to the brig.

Cause I think they try to give you the shot because I think that once you're in the brig on the boat, that's a bunch of paperwork that a bunch of people don't want to do. Yeah, they don't want to do that. Because if you're already going to get scooped by the cops anyway and you'll feel stay in your room. I hate to go back to something we were talking about earlier, but I can't help but notice that the boat is called the resilient lady, but it's owned by Virgin. Yep, that's a resilient woman.

That is contradicting statements. See, you say this, but I say it's the resilient woman that could possibly, possibly resist the efforts of many, many, many men. That takes a resilient lady to not get fucked in every hole. Last I heard. The legal team representing the Georgio He's been CEO of this company since February 2022 Said he looks forward to being absolved of any wrongdoing. Yes, but he did choke this person in front of everybody

He's gonna go he's gonna get some kind of time or he'll get time served. There'll be something there It's just we have to kind of let you remember that we're all on this boat together it was an international waters it was and so we'll see but I don't think anybody can be choked anywhere no but it is I think if you're gonna choke someone it's better to do it on land you're completely correct and that way you are not wrong but no I I think that this man, we have to allow each other this space. And if you're on there,

there's no point in being uptight on a cruise. You're already on a cruise. Cause guess what? And I'm, let's just be frank, that's not even that fancy of a cruise. No. If this was a super fancy cruise, it'd also be different.

Well, that's what also, I think kind of what we got going on here is these CEOs, they're used to really fancy nice things things and then they go on a normal cruise and then they're around normal people who dance around without our shoes. Yeah. Get all hammered and drunk and get all fucking fun. People, you know what? As much as I'm like, Oh, you know, come see what it's like. You know what? Stay away, dude. Yeah. I don't fucking need your ass on this boat. Go to your fancy shit, dude This is our only vacation. This is my trash life

You've decided to come into my trash life. This is not your world. Nobody. Yeah, we're not at the fucking, you know Ritz Carlton your friend. Yeah, stay the fuck up. First of all, the bars called on the rocks What do you want fuck out? It's just he's got no shoes on you're lucky He's got pants on yeah, the Georgios. Yeah, you see his dick and balls say don't worry about it Yeah, they say that um, he was protecting his wife who felt harassed and Threatened and intimidated and then she said she was in no way in trouble she was in no way in trouble. Yeah. So she was fine.

Yeah, he never touched her. He was just mad he didn't have shoes on. Which is his problem. I mean, it is absolutely his problem. You're on a bar on a cruise. You're gonna see feet. You're gonna see feet? And I'm with you, I think it's gross too, sir.

But there's nothing we can do about it. I'll tell you one dude who's not getting a foot job. Who? The CEO. No. Unless he buys it. Foot jobs just have to be, you know what, I've never had one.

It's horrible. I think that the goal would be honestly, that's a whole special skill set. Oh yeah. A foot job from somebody who doesn't know what they're doing. I think it just needs patience. I think that if you don't know what's going on

and you're trying to do a foot job, it's so easy to hurt somebody. It's so hard. The chicken balls are so fragile and you know, it's rough down there We don't know what you got your if you've and have had any of these Your feet done or whatever. I don't know. Yeah, nothing to make me come but the top half Yeah, the bottom half. I mean doesn't make you come the vaginas in there. No, so so the middle of a woman When you call that the middle bottom half below the waist, but what I like parts of the top half as well I'm just saying you like her mind and her soul. Yeah, you can like The top half of woman. Yeah, do you think corns help with the foot job? I Mean depends on if you like did ribbed for his pleasure. Mmm. Well, that's Jonathan Davis. Yeah, I'm certain he'll know

That's stupid Let's do some listening letters think he fucks a bagpipe We know he's that's excellent father, you know, we do know that No, let's talk about this. We have a couple of good we asked last week. Oh, yeah, these are some babysitter Terrifying stories and we were onslaughted. Yes, some of these are great. I love a terrifying story from a babysitter And so here we go. Let's see what we got here. I Was 14. I had a new family that had just moved into our quiet little neighborhood They didn't stay long seven, maybe maybe eight months, but they left an impression I'll never forget.

Two daughters, Mia seven, Sarah three, and for the sake of privacy, those names will do. At first glance, it was just another job. Sorry a little much. It is. The kind where the parents hand you the emergency contacts wave and head out the door. But Mia and Sarah's mom lingered. She looked me dead in the eye and said, you call me if anything happens. Her voice wasn't stern.

It was nervous. So take it again. That was a little stern. Call me if anything happens. Much better. Uneasy. I talked it up to the first time jitters about a news setter. I was just a teenager after all

So the first hour or so was perfectly normal the girls played with dolls and blocks. I excelled easy money Then came dinner Pizza I was slicing up Sarah's plate when Mia's demeanor snapped like a rubber band She demanded screamed that I cut hers, too. I Gently told her I'd be just a second That's when she started jamming whole slices into her mouth eyes locked up mine She forced herself to choke I dropped the knife ran over dug the pizza out of her throat Sorry for her expression ever change. It's very funny children insane children make me so it's very very fine. Yeah, it's true Once our was ready for bed. I told me I'd be back to play

I was upstairs for maybe five minutes when I heard it the kind of scream that drills into your spine I bolted downstairs heart pounding only to find me as standing in the middle of the room Smiling still I asked what happened. She stared at me and whispered, I want you to play with me. No. Her eyes were wrong, like someone had flipped a switch behind them and the real girl had disappeared.

I told her I'd be back in a minute. She ran ahead of me faster than I expected and climbed into her sister's bed. Before I could intervene, she shoved Sarah onto the floor. The toddler wailed and I rushed to scoop her up. In the chaos, Mia snatched my phone from my pocket and locked herself in the bathroom. A moment later, I heard the toilet flush. I was still banging on the door when she flung it open and sprinted barefoot out the front door. It was still light out, thank God, but she ran like something was chasing her through the yard into the street

I tore her after her caught her mid sprint wrapped my arms around her like a human cage while she kicked and bit Wild-eyed and thrashing no warning. No trigger just something inside her unleashed back inside I told her to go to her room I checked the bathroom. My phone was soaked at the bottom of the toilet Then came the worst moment of the night. It gets worse. I didn't hear her footsteps. Just her presence behind me I turn I turned and there she's I turned there. She stood big brown eyes glassy and sweet like none of it had happened Are you mad at me? She asked I didn't answer. I just told her to go back to her room and stayed close to Sarah

15 minutes later the parents came home. I Told them everything mom pulled me outside shutting the door softly behind her. She looked exhausted haunted She's been having some trouble. She said, Do you think that we should get help? I never stepped foot in that house again. They moved away not long after. Some kids throw tantrums, some break rules. But every now and then you meet one who looks at you with calm eyes and chaos behind them. I like this was a good letter because they had a nice like send a conclusion statement like statement like a Jerry Springer. No, I loved it.

And also kids are frightening. I don't want kids at all. No, I want to be nowhere near them. Yeah, stay away. Yep. I mean, like, you know, if the parents are around, I'll hang out with them. I actively dislike them. Yeah.

I actively hate your children. I talk about that this week on Brighter Side, actually. Yeah, we're're another one. And because this is a side story, I'm not going to let today pass without a single mention of shit. We talked a little dooky earlier. It's fine, but it's just how life goes.

And it's called a part of life, much like death is. It will come for all of you. At a red roof in. That complain. I'm so glad that this story has found a relevant home in the world. I work at a call center for a trash and recycling company. But two years ago, I was asked to call and suspend services for this one household. The woman was shitting in her trash can.

Her outdoor trash can. Like we all know what dog poop looks like. This is clearly not from a dog. The first time she did it, she hit it like a jam time she did it she hit it like a jam filling in it She hit it like a jam filling in a layer cake bag shit bag shit Bag bag the driver had photos the aftermath smeared on the inside. So we called and we asked her to make sure everything was bagged Next week he showed up for service and openly defined bra on bag logs sitting on top of the bags of trash No paper towels either.

We concluded from the evidence provided that the only way she could have done this was to shit directly into her four foot tall trash can and then rolled it out and onto the road like it was normal. Then we had to have a conversation with a stranger about it. So to answer your question, no piss cannot be recycled. And yes, drivers do check the trash cans. That's crazy because I watched the driver picked up my trash today and the hook grabbed my can and it just went in the back Of it. No one got out and looked at my can I think they have cameras and I do think that it it depends on what comes sloshing out of it. Mm-hmm

I think they're watching it go in I'm good with my trash. I'll tell you that much. You are the most anal Trash preparer. Yeah of all of us. I do put shit, but only in the green bin What do you mean like your own personal show my dogs you don't put in the regular trash No, well, I got bags. They're in bags. I put it true I don't even use the bags because the bags don't always biodegrade So we don't use your mouth all these no, I have a pooper scooper They make shovels for shit Henry, but what about yeah, I have that my backyard But when you're you'll be as you're on walking them, you know, they're in the backyard. Yeah

Yeah, I have a shit scooper. Yeah Yeah, and then I take the shit straight from the scooper and then I put it in the green bin This has been great. I think this has been some of our best radio ever. And if you have a problem with it, you can live yourself away. You can go take yourself and live some other place because you're fucking wrong, all right?

And you can love the fact that we made some form of entertainment and did update you on many important things, didn't we? Yes. That's right. And then you can laugh knowing that we are the people for the job. That's right. And no one else can do what we do in the way that we do it. I don't think that's... you think so? We're the only ones hosting any form of like... I've really seen very little of comedians talking. Yeah they hate that. Yeah there's

very little of that in the podcast fair. Yeah, so it's nice that we're doing it Yeah, we're the only guy the only guys in the game, right? Probably only liberal guys in the game. Well, I mean, you know, I don't even know what I am You have you know, you have a nice opinion. I think well, I just you know, I Hate everything. I hate all I hate all of it. There you go That's what I love and if you hate everything and you live in the Fort Lauderdale area, come see Henry and I do side stories live on May 7th at the Fort Lauderdale. Daniel improv. They keep changing the name of this fucking place. They really do. But Fort Lauderdale improv, Daniel improv, Fort Lauderdale in general, we're going to be there on May 7th

and then the following night, May 8th, we're going to be up at the Orlando funny bone. The late shows, the only one left, the early show sold out. So get your tickets to the late show. We're doing two in a row, baby. we're going to be up at the Orlando Funny Bone. The Late Show is the only one left. The Early Show sold out, so get your tickets to the Late Show. We're doing two in a row, baby. It's going to be a lot of fun. Cannot wait. We are going to have a blast. And then we're also going to Atlanta.

We will be there after our live show at the Coca-Cola Roxy on June 29th. 29th. And that also same thing. Early Show sold out, Late show still available dad's garage side stores and that is going to be not all pretty much all of our shows are pretty pretty improv bullet points and stuff. Yeah, we're going to have other kind of slightly preferred material. This is different. We are going to garage is full fucking nuts. We're just going to experiment and we can't wait to do it in front of you. It's going to be free thought.

And then of course, and just in a couple of weeks, in two weeks, we're going to be in Detroit for last podcast on the left. That's going to be on April 18th. Make sure you come check that show out. There's still a couple of tickets left, so grab them while they got nuts. Also I'm hitting the road. I'm coming for a sandwiching those Fort Lauderdale and Orlando dates on May 6 I'm gonna be in Naples. That's a Tuesday at the off-the-hook

Comedy club come hang out with me there. I'm gonna have Kevin Skeeney and Lisa Correia with me It's gonna be a lot of fun and then May 9th through the 11th Comedy Key West baby. I'm going there and that's gonna be a fucking blast. That is gonna be a lot of fun That's where you're gonna drink yourself to death and it'll be fun I will well I won't because I don't like drinking before the show and so I brought you right after I Know but Key West is such a day drinking town I have no idea what you're gonna do all day not drinking inside of you. Well, you know who I'm gonna visit Robert drinking inside of Key West. Well, you know who I'm going to visit? Robert.

Yeah. Does he know? I don't know. I mean, this is like me announcing it, I guess. We're going to have to. Should I bring him a gift, right? Yes. I should bring Robert like a little last podcast

t-shirt or something, right? Yes. He needs, yes. We need to bring him a gift. Yeah. So if we'll all talk to Ken's. Do we have any children's clothes available for rich? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I could go down to buy the orphanage. Yeah. Have you ever been over by the abortion clinic Yeah. Yeah, I could go down to buy the orphanage. Yeah Been over by the abortion clinic. They actually if you go through the dumps or the abortion clinic a lot of this up I close for abortions. No, no, it's like I mean some people get a hat people do it ahead of time people get really excited Yeah, we'll get in the toddler tea yeah, I really should bring Robert the doll a t-shirt. That's me queen. I be quick What are we gonna say? Shads cat. Yeah, it's sweet. Yeah, it's cat Robert. I can't wait to meet you buddy. I love you I don't disrespect you in any way. I'm bringing you a gift and we love your hat. Yes and keep listening to the podcast

Yes, please Robert if you would Maybe a good put head, you know, actually I realize you know what the the polygamy family reminds me of The five people who comment on our Spotify account for some reason The weirdest comment strand it's like why do they do they could have done anything Spotify literally could have added anything Why is the Spotify comment so much more evil it's so funny because they shouldn't have comments there's no reason for comments they're already they're paying for Spotify everybody's mad all they do is make them pay for another thing it's every time you do something he's just gonna make you pay for something else because they fucking hate you

but just remember that just Just like, Jesus Christ. We need some other, we need some pro Gremlins on there. Got a page here on that com slash last podcast on left.com. Don't you just want to give straight to the creators? That's how you do that. And an LP on the left, you can see all of our various socials. Man, we are really unfortunately working on them. And you can really look at them.

They're quite a bit of work. So if you want to look at these fucking socials that be fucking great, honestly And you don't want to go to contact in the desert. We will be there all week and go to their website We are there from May 29th to June 2nd buy a ticket We have a big comedy night plan that we're going to officially announce in the next couple of weeks that Saturday night That'll be great. Sounds like you just announced it. Well That's podcastinglab.com That's where you get to go all of our live shows.

We're going to see you there, aren't you? We're going to see you out there because if not, you're a fucking loser. Honestly, both contact in the desert. I know it's coming up. It's two months out. If you can make the trip like honestly, it's where you are just in this space, not just with us, but with some of the greatest UFO people in the world and some of the worst. That's the best. And it and it's truly like I mean like seeing Nick Pope at the bar Describe how funny it is to see George nori walk out of an elevator with his parfait Yeah, he got from the hotel like gift shop like it is just so fun I can't know why I can't remember his name fire in the sky

We saw Travis Walters just playing guitar next to a fire. Yeah, dude It is nuts. It is so much very fun I've been like celebrities show up because they need to see this they're not even a part of the thing frienders This is their last year. He was just there. I got to hang out with LP for a little bit that guy's a fucking great. He's very cool Yes, he's very cool. Yeah, hopefully you run to him again. He was fucking hilarious. Actually, we should reach out to him He'd be great on the show. He's funny. Yeah, yeah, LB's a genius too. Obviously I fucking love him and I love I love I'm gonna see I'll run the jewels soon when they're opening for Wu Tang No shit. We it's uh in's uh, in June. Where?

Uh, here. In town. Where? I don't know where. You don't remember venue? It's in Los Angeles. It's um, I don't know. Where are the tickets at? We're just talking about our plans now. Alright, we gotta prepare for them next time. Alright, you fuckers!

Hail, sweet Satan! And hail, um, whoever has to deal with Taylor's ship business. God. Her business is between her and God.