Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Bagpipes & Body Bags

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and wildest news beginning with a memorial tribute to everyone's favorite alligator-head-eating labrador Rambo the Dog... then - A vacation scuba accident sparks mystery in Georgia as the death of “Bagpiper of Decatur” reveals skeleton of missing son in treehouse, the NJ Police Chief in hot water for "Animal House" behavior, Kansas babysitter finds monster under child's bed, Whale News, a possible copycat Pee Bandit causes chaos in Portland, India's "Poop and Run" Theif lands himself behind bars, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free and a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

There's no place to escape to this is the last That's when the cannibalism started side stories, yes No, actually I quit I'm out I'm out of the comedy business. Yeah. Yep. I'm out. You're in the podcast business. No, what do you in? Mostly I'm in the getting women adjusted to this body business My goal is for men across this entire country and women transitioning to men to provide a base Discussed level that will allow people to sort of like, you know, you look upon me, you look upon this body. Yeah, you look at my body, you say like, wow, how does that guy do anything?

Yeah, like, right, tie your shoes. Don't know. Yeah. You open the door to your car, have no idea. Put on a belt. Don't wish I didn't have to. Yeah. Right.

And I want you to know my job is being here and Existing and much like people want to and I'll say this across the board I feel like a lot of groups are experiencing this right now and this might actually be a little bit even a heavy way to Start the show. Okay, which is I understand that entire cultures are being erased People don't want to talk about trans people, but you know, what's really being erased is the fat husband from sitcoms. And that's what I'm here to bring back. Yeah, no, you're part of the trans fat community. No, I am fat.

I'm just, I am fat. I'm so, again, it's important to remember people like me, the other fat guy who lost the weight from the Mike and Molly, John Goodman. Oh, he had to. I think the weight from the Mike and Molly, John Goodman. Oh, he had to. I think the government made him. That is the thing. They all, you know, John Goodman lost the weight. You know, you get mad, but then you realize they were going to die. Yeah, absolutely. I saw John Goodman walking around at Disney world once. It looks strange, but at the same time, glad he's healthy, glad he's healthy. But this is the thing.

That's why I'm bulking back up. Goodman getting big again. Yeah, I just don't think there's anything you get any of us can do about it Yeah, you know Kevin James is getting hard. Yeah, there's no reason for that. There's like his penis No, I've never he can't no no no no no no no no no no I'm talking about just his body He's trying to look at him. Oh, James is getting all tight and hard. Oh, it looks bad. Yes. I don't like it I don't but at the same time I guess I am rooting for them, but I just want to say for Kevin James Oh, you like Kevin James. I'm fine with him. I love the one bit Oh like the Queen's show my well I love King of Queens and I also unironically like the one bit that he did in his old stand-up special

I never seen any he saw he talks about how he his main bit was that I just Want to lose enough weight So that my tits stop jiggling when I brush my teeth Thing that he's ever said that is a good bit, but that's why here guys I know a lot of you have been wondering where's your representation and I'm coming back with it. Yeah Yeah, my tits are always slopping around my tits are my my tits are so sloppy some people just straight up call me Rue McClanahan She but if you if you took Rue McClanahan and you threw her down a slip and slide You don't mean to tell me she's not gonna be all sloppy and funky. She was actually she had surprisingly

Tight small breasts welcome to side stories You're here with your host Henry Zabrowski and sitting here with here with the Ed Larson Rue McClanahan fan. I love her I love actually I've been watching Golden Girls lately and it's all jokes. It's very funny. It's a great show It is a phenomenal show fantastic show. It really is legitimately very funny But this is where I want to bring up something very serious that you lost your dog my dog's dead now I I'm so sorry But I I wish that there was a way to do it if we found are there nudes of Rue McClanahan we can show Eddie I think

We got there are a couple Rue McClanahan new if we could just show Eddie just one nude picture of Rue McClanahan so that he can have the emotional strength to get through this episode. Wow. She looks great in that picture, Rob. That's kind of doing it for me. Yeah. All right. All right. That's enough. Now we're just getting to the heart. That's a golden woman. Now, all right. I regret that we did this. No, if you really wanted to make me feel better, you know, Sunday, the Black Lab? Yeah.

If we could shave her and I could see her nude, cause that's who Rambo really got into. He was all about Sunday. He would like, he would always make me go to her Instagram page and be like, yo Eddie, I gotta lick my dicky. When I look at Sunday, the black lab, because you helped me Rambo masturbate. I helped Rambo masturbate all the time. And she's, this is her, she's still around Sunday, miss Sunday. She was retired for a little bit, but she's still around. This is her in the bath. Oh, Rambo would have loved this. Look at her just licking up that bath water. This was supposed to be a touching moment. I was really hoping that we were gonna cut to Sarah McLaughlin track. You can play Sarah.

Oh no. No, we can't anymore. Yeah, you can't. No, it's all copyrighted. Our sadness has to be purchased, Eddie. But yes, I, yeah no, Rambo died this week, and I'm very sorry. We had to let him go It was very sudden and he's such a good boy and I love him. I'm wearing his handkerchief You did a good job. I guess I did I did he's a good boy. He mixed it up

He had a great life. He did he mixed it up. He had a lot of the celebrity pool party. He did. Yes, you know He he met He hobnob to the best of his ability. I let him I let him only I let him attack one skateboarder cool That's nice. Also if you want to pay tribute to Rambo attack a skateboarder. Well, I just been barking at him Yeah, and it's Do be surprised How good it makes you feel? Oh no, I'm not surprised.

No, like, I'm serious, try it. Like, like. Hey, hey, he actually did chase down a skateboarder and knock them off of their skateboard. Good. And I was like, holy shit, Rambo's gonna attack this thing, this kid, I'm gonna have to put him to sleep. But the thing-

The kid? Yeah, oh yeah, the kid, because he touched my dog. No, but Rambo didn't bite, he just wanted him to stop skateboarding. See, that's it, that's all it is. That's all it is, it's all skateboarding. Because I could tell he had a skateboarding accident when he was younger. He did he did he his tail had like two Skateboard marks. Oh, I thought he was trying to do the 1080. No

So it's hard on a it is hard on a lab mix Yeah, they do the 1080 they get so scared once they come down the ramp Can I tell one like Rambo story before we have a normal show? Of course I remember we were at the it was a the Alec Baldwin roast after party and Pre murder so don't hold it against Rambo for being there of course not But you guys still though you guys had bulletproof vests on yes No, we made sure we made sure and we're so we're at this after or was the premier party rather and so it's like a pool

party slash premier party and Ireland was there Ireland Baldwin and she She's always got their fists up and ready to go yeah because she's arming herself against her father So I remember I heard like you know cuz I'm cooking and shit You know, I'm you know manning the. And then I just hear Rambo barking like crazy. I'm like, I should probably check on this and see what it is. Yes, even make sure it's not attacking Rue McClanahan or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I see like, Ireland Baldwin like pinned up against the wall and Rambo just barking at her, like really intently. I'm like, oh my God, I ran out. Ireland Baldwin, no. She's, you know, like. And she's like, oh, how I wish.

Oh, what a nice dog. Oh, so good. Are you the big fat chef there? Oh, it's nice to see you. I'm just one of my daddy's little piggies. Yes, yes. I said, I'm so sorry about Rambo. I'm so sorry. And she said, oh, don't worry. And she's like, I don't know why he's barking at me.

I already gave him a cheeseburger. Fed him an entire cheeseburger. Celebrities, they are not like us. They just don't understand that you can't feed a dog an entire sandwich. Yeah, she gave him a whole cheeseburger. So that was great. And that set him off because he's never ate an entire cheeseburger before. No, no. If anything, I gave him just the burger. Of course.

No bun, no cheese. You're not supposed to give a dog white flour. It was probably a bunch of onions and whatever in there. And condiments. Yeah, if I made it, it was, I mean, amazing dog white flour. It was probably a bunch of onions and whatever in there condiments Yeah, if I made it it was I mean amazing. I'm sure Yeah And that's how you rile up a dog. Absolutely, but you know, we just we love Rambo He was a good boy

He really was and you did such a great job and he is he's the only the only place I believe there could be an afterlife for his animals Yeah, you think we don't deserve a second run. I don't think there is I'm pretty sure he's just no He's I haven't gotten the dust in the mail yet. Wait till the hummingbird comes Yeah, I haven't I haven't gotten the dot at that yet. I'm so maybe they mail that huh? Yeah, they mail they're gonna mail it to me Rambos And I remember the the lady asked me if I wanted a paw print. And I remember it.

I'm like, nah, I got, because this last Christmas we did a paw print on a Christmas ornament. Yeah, that's really cute. Which is really nice. I'm like, nah, I don't want that. I got the alive one. Cause they just take this dead foot, put it in, you know, in cement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not, it's not romantic.

No, I don't like that idea of you taking the corpse of my, of my precious pet. It's not my dog anymore. No, it's meat now Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm glad that we should I scatter his ashes dude earwolf Let's go just get this is his last reason he just wanted to be on fucking comedy bang bang Yeah, none of you guys would answer his fucking emails We're throwing the fucking you're getting these dog ashes Scott Ockerman. I just show up

Never got his son booked So yeah, all right P Rambo you were the best and I will replace you soon great Yes, and that's important to know The truth is is that I've said this to many people, uh, you know, and I Definitely know that you have to have your feelings and you will you're gonna you obviously process these But I do believe that the best way to fix lose like a dog is just just just get a new one I gotta wait till tutsi dies. Yes, I think I got an appointment for her to die in a couple weeks So I think that'll happen. Oh great Blue Easter colts gonna play or whatever. He's gonna do a whole thing

They're all gonna come over and a guy's been like hey, it's time for you to see who about Reaper That would be kind of cool. Yeah, I immediately called my dog nanny and fired him. I was just like I'm laughing. This is stuff about... Yeah, you're out of a job. And he's like, all spatulas sit. All ovens sit. No, I'm sorry, sir. They already have their centers.

All of the kitchenware is well taken care of. They're in my drawers. No, I can buy them. How about I just sit? Your weed, your piles and piles of weed, sir. I mean, technically, he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well.

Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well.

Yes, he's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to be a little bit of a... I mean, technically, he does do that as well. Yes, he's becoming a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy that used to be a little bit of a guy My George I could buy but I just sit your weed your piles and piles of weed I mean technically he does do that as well. Yes. He's becoming a little bit of that guy that used to roll joints for Snooped up. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, except he's you know Not asian way less paid to yeah way in the bay. So yeah, so anyone knows a good executioner for tootsie We're actually side stories LP oLG at gmail.com. We're gonna do a random poll for that.

So if you send in as many emails saying, do you wanna be the one to execute Tootsie, we will randomly choose, you just have to be within 100 miles of Los Angeles. Oh, also, just so people know, we did kill Rambo with an old vet. You know, I made sure. We used an old vet to kill him. Yeah, we, I made sure an old vet. I checked their

ID. There were 62 that was, it was across the border. Cause in LA you can never tell they can be 25. They can be 89. Yeah. So I checked the ID and it was an old vet that killed Rambo. So we know that it was done properly. Well, thank you. Good. No problem. Thank you for being there for me. Kind of. I was, you were there. It was fun. Okay. Bye. Okay. Bye Yeah, we were there the for the first vigil. Yeah, the first No, that's why I decided not to have a proper funeral for Rambo because he had one a year ago We did the living funeral. Yeah, which is great thing to do. I like it so much better. I'm gonna have one Yeah, it's made me decide I'm gonna have a on the live funeral first went 65

Man 58 58. I think 59 when you can cash out the 401k. Is that the age? I think so you have a 401k. We all do we have a pension plan here. I don't yeah you do No one's told me about it. Oh We'll see I think I'm freelance No, your employee. Yeah, you're my employee. You're fired Great, you're hired. No back on staff. I don't agree All right, let's do some news let's do some news here for some side stories now The reason why we have chosen this story first is because it's the funniest headline of all of them. It's very weird

It is very confusing. It took me like three read-throughs to actually understand what happened. I think that's because editorial writing is at its lowest it's ever been. But it is, this is a very funny headline. So here we go. The bagpiper of Decatur dies in scuba accident, missing son's body found in tree house.

How do these come together? We don't know This is where this is where the mystery is, but it's pretty funny. You know, this is in Decatur Georgia, Georgia zone, Georgia. I love Decatur. I have wonderful friends that live in Decatur I've my friend Jenny who is wonderful effervescent Costume department we have Karen Fried who have people that live out there enjoying them live doing their lives love to cater What are their actual addresses? four four nine

marijuana Glane. Yeah, you do it there. Oh, yeah So this guy named Henry France, he's awesome. I mean, we don't know we don't know might have killed his son We don't know but I do like his existence. He's played the bagpipes for Everybody he's played the bagpipes for George HW Prince Charles Jimmy Carter and the Dalai Lama And they all said stop But no, they were so excited. He is a famous. He's the bagpiper of Decatur So he was kind of known as a guy that would be he was a local kind of hero

Yeah, you would do all of these events big funerals lots of cop funerals I imagine oh very much so lots of just straight-up pub based funerals Yeah, anything that you need a bag. I think that lieutenant Rodriguez really would have appreciated the Cut some of the glockenspiel the, can we cut some of the, can we cut some of the glockenspiel? Or maybe I feel like maybe the tuba is a bit much. But I like to see a mariachi band show up to a Sergeant O'Malley. What a night. What a night that would be. I honestly think that they'd love it. And the first five Guinnesses ever by the end, they're all going to be like, Hey, the Guantanamera, that's what I like.

All right, there you go, get your knees moving. But all right, so these- Henry Doyle, Colin Frantz. Yes, Henry Frantz Jr. So he was a known quantity. So what he did was that he was in and out, he did a bunch of different, you know, he was kind of known, but he was 74 years old and he was super energetic.

And he did the thing that we warned about on one of, I believe it was a stream talking about the concept of when you go on vacation and believe you can do a bunch of stuff that you can't do normally. Oh, absolutely. But because you're on vacation. So he went scuba diving, he extended himself too far. He complained of severe exhaustion. All of a sudden he wasn't with the scuba diving crew anymore

He was on vacation, and he died there and so they went they packaged up his body They put it in the bagpipe, and he sent it back to Atlanta, but that's one big bad Big old man shaped by France size Bagpipe now they said that they went I I don't really understand What led to the call though? so Now they this is in Maui They've now they've been the deKalb County medical examiner said they're working on the confirmation of the guy

They're pretty certain that it's him. They're currently like working on now give this the secondary investigation so like working on now this the secondary investigation so Apparently is that they the later on the state now these apparently are not connected, but we don't know yeah This is on Henry France's Property indicator indicator is that on March 16th, so he died on March 10th He gets shipped back to Atlanta. Soaking wet. Soaking crazy. Honestly, kind of irresponsible. Because he's not an iPhone.

So they said apparently they went to his home to settle his affairs, his family did. And then on March 16th, they called the police and they said that there was a skeleton in our backyard treehouse cut to them talking about that there was a missing young man. Now they said that their son, who went by the name of Henry Doyle Cole in France, he was missing for four years they said. So the police were like, what? What are you talking about?

So he's here. This is his skeleton They're identifying the skeleton now, right? Yeah, but there was no missing persons report filed by the family I had no idea that he was missing the Police had no idea that he was missing the family kind of that. We don't know this information yet Yeah, no one's really talking about how so they were like, oh, yeah, our brother has been missing for four years Yes, and I guess he's been in here with the old porno mags. He's just been up in the treehouse Decomposing yeah hanging out with the Robins and the Sparrows and they're picking his fucking flesh off his mouth How clean was the skeleton? It was I guess he's not in the article

It sounds like he's been dead for the entire four years Yeah, it sounds like he went up to the tree house and never came back now It's one of those when I throw a temper tantrum when I go to my tree house That's when Natalie comes out with the broom Pumps it on that she no time. She'll knock on the wall cuz I go no, you know, let me do my boxcar race Yeah, you know, let me go down to the tree house. I love my tree house I got my rifles up there I got my fucking all my stuff up there all my my all my

Drugs my flashlight all my stuff where I'm me where I myself. Yeah is in the tree house free time That's yeah where Henry can be me free in the trees I'm not being observed Except for again squirrels my neighbors and the people in my scope now We won't know what happened or his connection to it because the secret died with him We have well we will we're gonna find out now. You know well now they're gonna find out if you had like blunt force trauma I guess we're not courting them. They're saying there's no sign. There's no obvious signs of injury or trauma So it sounds like he died naturally up there, and I don't know if he just died of a broken

heart. Do you think that little Debbie decided not to go with him to the junior prom? I'm actually not quite certain how... Could he be suicide? He was 28 when he went missing. Suicide by starvation? That's super long, buddy. It is, but I mean, four years.

I mean, we'll find out. We don't know when he died. What if he was super, super big? And it took four years. I mean, we'll find out we don't know when he when he when he when he died What if you super super big and it took four years for him to starve? I don't think it took that long. How long does it take you to starve? You're really really big I'm gonna go ahead and say Two weeks, but only if you have water No, but I think that but I believe if you are like if you're BMI whatever that's a bullshit or not

But I do believe you eat yourself a little bit Yeah, I believe it's your level of obese. You can actually live for a very long time But you are but you are unhealthy. Yeah, and like, you know your blood sugar could drop Yeah, and then you could die of die of that. Yeah, all right. What do we got here? It says here now this is this is on big boy comm this on big fat man comm big fat man questions Org if you simply stop feeding someone any food They will die with a loud drink water hmm now because your body cannot get a hundred percent what it needs from the stored fat There are a lot of assorted proteins sure

Boy, about when they're really big your organs will start to fail yeah at eight to twelve weeks Yeah, sometime around. I'm surprised you last that long, to be honest with you. That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's just, wait, you can go south two months. Full disclosure, this answer is on Quora. Right. So this could be very wrong.

What are you saying, Eddie? No, Eddie, no. Only experts are allowed to answer on Quora. Yeah. Don't you understand? I want to go to WebMD. Yes, the really reliable source. Yeah, yeah.

The truly reliable source. But this guy, I mean, like, we don't even know if he was involved in this or not. We have no idea. We don't know if he knew that his son was in a tree house. Because if I had a tree house and I'm in my 70s, I'm not going in the tree house. It's kind of interesting that this man who played all

of these various police funerals, he himself seemed to be avoided these same investigations. And I've been wondering if it's a man on the inside. The bagpiper of Decatur was protected by the thin line of blue. Ooh, that is very possible. How about this? How about his son's like, if you don't stop playing those bagpipes, I ain't coming out of the tree house.

Well, if I hate bagpiping, I ain't breathing. Yeah. That's the only way I can breathe is bagpiping. And he tried to hold out. He, he, he. And he bagpiped longer than he could stay alive without eating. But also think about, maybe he died by bagpipe,

and he was trying to say, I'm gonna play the bagpipe until you come out of the tree house and is And he's just up there just dying no two months yeah humans die around according to Wikipedia again It's you Wikipedia says two months not there was anybody can just change all the data in there There wasn't there one guy who like claimed he lived off of sunlight? Oh everybody we've had their column There's the I believe it's there's free energy. Dr. Plant. There's not Eritarians and something like that. Sun eaters There's this they do a thing where they believe that they can just get everything they want from the Sun

But they always end up it turns out secretly eating. Yes So this is a story we will find out. I don't think we will. I mean, I know, I think this is it. Well, I think that they're going to dig in a little bit of how was a skeleton just sitting out? And you guys all... It had to stink, right? Not necessarily. Like, if he died quickly, depends on how, what season he died in. If he died in winter?

If he died in the winter, he probably, you probably might not have smelled anything. I'm surprised, like, bears didn't get to him. Maybe that's again Maybe it's hard for bears to get in the neighborhood because of it's you know, they're all in East Atlanta at Mary's. Oh, yeah the bear brood yes the probably bugs then I Maybe you see my bug or I think that he did something fishy is happening and they are about to discover it The fact that there was no missing persons report means something that is that is why maybe I ain't ever coming back and they thought he went to Florida, but he really just went to the treehouse

Maybe they're a little bit of being like Henry the third thinks he's gone. He's just sitting in the treehouse. And they just don't even know that he's dead there. You know, being like, he's just up there in his treehouse, loving life, must be super busy. No one's taking the cereal anymore. He didn't answer my text. So I don't know, but we will find out.

They are saying that the Pipe Band, though, they are mourning the loss of the bagpiper of Decatur for now Until we find out he was a serial killer. Who's gonna play his funeral. Oh Shit, it's gonna have to be that horrible horrible Johnny symbols. Yeah All right, well we have speaking of police funerals. We're losing a cop in a, in North Bergen County, New Jersey. Yeah. Now this story is one of those where, you know, if you took out all the people doing it and you took out the area where it was being done and you put it in a movie, all comedy. If this was a hilarious, this is a will ferrell vehicle. Yeah. This is the

funniest scene you've heard. Yeah. But it's real life. Yeah. And it was, um, is this, it was a, um, I believe he was a chief police chief police now, new Jersey police chief as being accused of five of his officers of turning the I believe it is the North Bergen Police Department into a so-called animal house filled with pranks defecating on the floors spiking the office coffee pot with Adderall and Viagra and then he jabbed an officer in the penis with a hypodermic needle now I'm gonna go ahead and say none of those are pranks. No.

Those are all like random assaults. Yes. He would go, he'd send sex toys and gay pride flags to cops and then he would shift them the night shift if he doesn't like them to the people underneath him. Now this is really seems to, it kind of apparently went out of control Eddie. Yes chief Farley It was a which is hilarious

Chief Robert Farley now there is a picture here that we're looking at that says chief Farley's defecation, which was there was shit Shat on to a series of paper towels on the toilet so that people the toilet next to the toilet so that when they walked In the dark they would specifically step on it. Yes. And he wouldn't let them clean it up because he said he wanted the maid to do it. Yes. Or the cleaners to come and do it.

He wanted them to do it specifically. Now they're saying here, he has really been doing these so-called practical jokes for I guess for a couple years now. And they're finally suing him. It's taken a long time to sue this man And it is just this picture They have pictures of here I guess like in a funny little thing of him shaving his arm

Onto a bunch of paperwork of another fat officer, which is again funny and it's not the other officers fault. He's fat He lives in Northburg in New Jersey. That's what you have to be. Yes There's a scale at the front a county line There's a scale that you have to step upon in order to even be able to purchase a home in North Bergen Now these guys are again. They think it's real funny. They do a thing where they shaved That's sort of funny. He microwaved a bunch of hot sauce and then it turned like radioactive somehow. Yeah. And then it, and then it stunk up the entire, everyone had to leave the police station because they thought it was actually sprayed by pepper spray. It

would have turned. I think that if you did cook it in that way, it would turn into something like a pepper spray. He also put a ghost pepper on a hamburger that he fed to a one year old. Funny prank. What a funny guy. That's the chief of police. Also like one year olds. They aren't even supposed to eat hamburgers. They're just like, they're not in play for pranks. They don't understandurgers. They're just like not even in play. They're not in play for pranks. They don't understand pranks. You can't get one over on an infant. They can't speak. So they, I do like this one, what he was this one I don't understand. And where a guy is, he called it a quote unquote prank. He said he was being chased around the office

by Farley. He cornered me in a filing area with no further room for retreat. He then stuck a hypodermic needle through my jeans into the tip of my penis. Now, I don't know. I haven't seen that. I know Impractical Jokers is getting a lot of heat recently for the stuff that they've pulled off off-camera, but I've never seen anything like this. But, alright, you have to let somebody do that. You can't get chased around and then a needle. Oh, no you can through your jean Yeah, you can jeans are thick no you can do it. He's being he's jabbing at him with a hyper Penises at the front of the eye you get this one there was he was either being held down by other cops. That's possible or He let him do it. I just think you know how you think your gut is

I don't think you could hide your penis. I don't think you like with a hyper hyper But well hyper hyperdermic hypodermic needle Oh, I can stab your dick with a hypodermic if I let you if I'm moving around I think you'd get my thigh or you get myself an else I feel like he accidentally got the penis. Yeah, he got the penis. Yes. I'm gonna say he was trying to aim for the penis Oh, he definitely was aiming. Yes, but then he accidentally got the penis. Yeah I think the chances of him getting a wiggling man's penis with a hyper Dermic needle through jeans

Side to side stores LP o TL a gmail.com. How would you get a moving man with a hypodermic needle in the penis? How do you do it in the penis? What's your foolproof way of doing? I think with the jeans would help snap the needle off without it ever touching your penis for that. No you'd be Wow, oh, yeah, no, it's not through the zipper you are penis hides behind my zipper I think it's because Eddie I'm gonna mean this in the nicest way possible I think that you and I have what you'd call We're growers and I think that some people have

More I think some men honk and thong I think some men have more than this Yeah, and I think that the penis then Can cover more hittable area? Well, here's the other thing that the people are saying about the whole situation is that they don't think the cops who are making the reports They think they're just doing it because he cut their overtime. Well, it's that's Sure, probably the final straw. I don't I think that it's all fun and games Until you realize that he's all fun and games until you realize that he's also fucking with us. So I think that's the problem is that they're all like,

they are suing him because he is just kind of, they're talking to about him fucking with the schedules, but it did sound like, yes, they were all laughing along when your chief of the police, one of his pranks is just a bunch of broken glass on someone's day. He's threw a plaque at them and he was just like, they laugh. Laugh, you fucking pigs. Like my intro, but this, you know what it is Eddie is that the problem truly is that he's chief police and I bet you, they, you, you do have to laugh along while you are trying to act as if everything's normal. And then it finally gets to a point where maybe now we can maybe stop this. But it does seem that he did turn it

into his own playground. Yeah. No, he's definitely a monster and it needs to be gone. But, again, what's one of my favorite movies? Super Troopers. So I do understand that cop-based shenanigans are funny to me, but only when they don't have real guns. Yes, that's it. This guy, I mean who knows what his kill count is.

I mean God knows what he then does in his regular life. Yeah, but cops play pranks. It's what they do, but pranks should also be funny if you can help it. Well, I think Goodbye. Goodbye this man. He's not gonna be working any I think he's gonna be fired No, I don't think he can get any job after this No, not even like the toys are us unless again Joe Gatto is gonna have is gone soon to be Mers gone I'm seeing he could I'm seeing a spot on practical jokers for this guy. Oh He could I'm seeing a spot on practical jokers for this guy. Oh

Well, there's another prank in the news that I'm interested in I don't know if it's a prank maybe it's not But the the article says it's a lot of pee. It's a lot of pee Yeah, a man has no idea who is putting gallons of urine in his recycling bin. We don't or Why you see we don't have a choice guys the amount of emails that were sent about this story ranged in the several dozen now this is our burden people a lot of times ask like side stories is it just about people living quantities of things and places and they aren't normally yes yeah it's a big part of it. These are side stories.

It has become such a large part of our show, and I don't know why, because it just keeps happening. Now, this story is then sort of interesting, because you're talking about, like, this is six gallon jugs of hot piss. I'm counting eight. Yes. He put it in his recycling bin. Now it went to get picked up by the recycling guy and the guy stopped him because he said

that this is a biohazard. PP can't go in the garbage machine. Yeah, or especially the recycling machine. I did not know that PP can't go in any of these machines. You can put PP in the garbage. But also, can you? Can you yeah sure why not? So you mean tell me if he just put this in the other I think the problem is that it's no no I think the problem is that it's a bio has they don't like you putting peepee in the garbage

I think everybody well, you know like lots of things, but it doesn't mean I ain't doing it How do you say this I think that if you're throwing out gallons of piss and you have that wherewithal to save them and big giant gallon jugs, I'd say dump them in the sewer or This is they want you to hide it Eddie. They want they're like lie to me. That's what they're saying They're like don't just like yeah piss all over the garbage. Like you're gonna piss all over the garbage Yeah, that's something else that gets different I can't see it. I don't think that you should I think you should give more respect to resend tation workers Oh, because how hard they work and you shouldn't be pissed it all over these things

But I feel that this is if I this is not how you do this what I don't truly understand is Why save it pee goes into the ground so easily I not for this stops into the street It stops into the grass this guy wants to see the pests and he likes having it since Rambo's been gone I've been peeing outside in solidarity just for him just for him So, you know also so tootsie knows that there's pee outside and she should go to the bathroom Yeah, you know, but these this guy I'm not putting in jugs and saving it No, you shouldn't go straight to the grass if'm not putting in jugs and saving it. No, you shouldn't be. Let's go straight to the graphs.

If you were putting in jugs and saving it, I would call the mental hospital. I'd call, I'd get you Baker Active. Exactly, that's what I'm talking about. Why save it? I don't know. All right, in a non-medical setting, according to Google AI,

if a jug of urine doesn't contain visible blood, it could be safely disposed of by pouring the urine into a toilet or sink. Just say toilet. Yeah. Don't say sink. Yeah. Give people the idea. What do you mean if it doesn't contain visible blood that it's fine? What does that even mean? You can pour that in the toilet. Yeah. If it's yeah yeah if you have a jug of bloody urine though I think you got a lot more problems than storage space. Do you think a bloody jug of urine is it orange or does it have like red? Like mixed in like floating around I kind of see the red mixed in floating around kind of like, you know

Those old ice cream cups. Yes, those are delicious. I used to miss that I miss those I love them. You remember you know exactly what I'm talking about exactly what you're talking about Yeah with the little cherry syrup on the side. Yeah strawberries here strawberry. Yeah That's the blood. That's the blood. That's the bladder blood I got do you think this is one person or do you think there's a team of people cuz there's a lot of pee I believe that it might be It seems like it's a lot of pee for one person that has saved it over a long period of time Okay

Now I pee like, you know, I take blood thinners and I piss like a motherfucking racehorse all night No, yeah, I piss and piss and piss and pissed. I'm sometimes shocked at the volume of piss that comes out of me I got a lot of people do and so I think that maybe go back What's funny is that the guy also goes he was caught on ring cam? Oh the guy who did it they've set up now several camping cams to try to catch him This is a whole thing so he's done this more than once yes I think that the guy it's happened now so many times that he had to start pulling his bins in Right because he was sick of them going in there and the guy just started dumping them in his neighbors bins

And then he decided to say oh, I'm gonna reposition the bins so they are more able to be caught on camera Yeah And then when he did that the guy moved the bins again because he decided that I he knew he was being caught on camera He showed up masked in a hoodie Dropping off the piss now. I think that this is a revenge scheme. I think that this man is pissed off somebody could obviously This man be the culprit himself You think he's gonna do you think the calls come do you think the piss is coming from inside the house? Yes, I don't know. I don't think I don't know if it actually I mean take it back. Not yes. I don't know I

Don't know I think that this is somebody that knows this person. Yeah, this is some form of revenge This is a revenge for something that he this person has done and we don't know what it is I don't know if it's a piss based crime Mm-hmm if it's a fart or poop based crime. Yeah, I didn't know whether or not It's because he had sex with his wife or he had sex with his daughter But and the only thing I will say is that did this pee? Vengeance we need think about this because You know

You know I even say I for an eye makes the whole world blind pay for a piss makes everything Absolutely covered in piss. Mm-hmm. Then that's not a bad thing Yes, it is. But what do you like the the PP Pasadena PP man? Yes, whatever happened to him. They catch Yeah, he just kind of he got caught got to get too much heat too much heat too much heat This could be a copycat piss bandit. Yeah Honestly, I'm gonna put this more so, unfortunately, I'm gonna put this in parallel thinking. I don't think that this is a Carlos Mancia thing.

I think that this is somebody that, I think everybody's just thinking about piss. Do you know that when I was on probation, my probation officer told me that I had the hottest piss of anyone on probation? That's flirting. It was, it does seem kind of flirty. That's flirty that's dirty I told

him my piss yeah long dick and you're like no sir actually no maybe I'm wrong in the turn that it should be the opposite because then it's the last time the place can cool in the deck yeah the shorter your penis the hotter your piss oh yeah so yeah maybe I was bigger by making my urine so hot didn't know yeah sorry next time I'll bring it in at 185 What do you ever do that thing when you go to Starbucks? You see a coffee? They go like extra hot yeah How do you do that? They're just got I don't know they're horrible people who do that are maniacs Do you know that if you microwave a coffee cup from Starbucks?

You're putting microplastics into it because it's the other coffee cups are actually lined in plastic. Oh, of course So that's why I do it. Yeah. Oh, okay good. They do just just to get closer to my laptop now That is the yes. That was one PP based story We have one poo poo based story because they come together Yeah, so unfortunately, so we're just gonna leave that at that that mystery. It's not gonna get fucking solved Also very surprised that garbage men look inside the can before they take you never got a ticket No, I'm in my old apartment again. This is in Portland, which makes sense Well, I believe the other one was you know, the other one was in Pasadena P towns both after P

Yeah, both towns start with the letter P. Oh, yeah you looking company for watch out Pittsburgh and Poughkeepsie Watch out Punxsutawney. Oh my god. They're coming piss is coming to you Palermo We gotta be careful But no, it's not gonna get cut so you guys So many of you get so angry when we go into the poopoo peepee territory sometimes but again, this is our burden We don't have a choice. This is what we are paid to report. This is the news. If you don't understand how important it is for us to say, because if you don't get this information from us,

you're going to get it from somebody who's going to get it wrong. Yeah. And I think it's important for you to get it from us. Yeah. And like what, you want us to talk about the government? No. You don't really want us to talk about the government. No. We talk about piss and poop here. No, but sometimes we do talk about the government, but largely but only when they commit crimes

Yeah, bad crimes big crimes better crimes interesting crimes and not seeing coring important crime Yeah, yeah now this story is really just about a man's ability and what I call this is this is the first human squid Okay, I've heard of a man by the name of Dupac. He's a 27 year old phone thief from Delhi, India Apparently now this is another I want to say he's bringing it back to old Delhi with this activity According to Delhi police new spokesperson Dupac He evaded arrests multiple times by doing what he can only do I guess it's his superpower He can shit his pants on command Okay

No, he said that not only could he shit his pants on his command But the poo poo is so offensive and so effective that the police have abandoned their arrest efforts several times And it just let him go and so he's done this several times. He's able to shit himself On a moment's notice. Yes. And that is incredible. Very impressive. Much as we all do, much as the octopus camouflages itself from hunters, much as the chameleon camouflages itself from hunters.

And this is squid. This is squid activity. He's squidding himself. Yeah. And then he just gets to be scot-free, but not his pants. His pants, they're covered in smeared old dookies. He used to, he was doing this for a while, and then the cops who arrested him came prepared with masks and gloves. They were like, all right, we're getting this fucker today.

We know, all right, we're getting covered in shit. This is what we're doing. Now I want to know in that, that place now Eddie was bringing this up I maybe this is a good place to talk about just sort of the nature of this. Mm-hmm where in my mind Just being in in India in general. Yes, right if I've seen these videos, right? I watch all the street food videos So they all put part of things that get sent to me My thing is that if you can control the flow of diarrhea in India, you might as well be Magneto

It's very impressive because the flooding river of diarrhea that must has there been a solid poopoo in India it's possible ever. I don't know maybe the guy who you know only ate sunlight Yes, he'd probably do some pellets. Yeah I just want to know is this inappropriate to joke about because we want to know is I guess when we Indian food in America it affects my belly. Well, it's all butter and hot sauce. Yeah. I mean, I don't have a chance. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. It doesn't stick in me. Well, no, it's fucking man blasts out of me. Yeah. It tastes very good. I didn't eat it. It's very delicious. It's like I just bought Indian food and threw it in the toilet bowl. Yeah. So my question is, is that, do

we all have this reaction? Well, I do find that when I pay a little more and I go to a nicer spot The shits are better buddy. You remember we went to we had that nice dinner with Marcus We went to a fancy Indian place. It was very fancy It was a fan I've never been because I like a mom-and-pop Indian place way more than I like a fancy Indian place and when we went in there Yeah Indian place way more than I like a fancy Indian place and when we went in there, yeah Dude, I might as well the eight ed fucking old, you know, Joe hard like, you know chutney spot. I've Blew out my fucking asshole Marcus loves Indian food. He loves Indian food for the man Who's got the thinnest pipes of all of us? Well, he does have a bloody ass sometimes. I know but that's because he's British

Mmm, it's all the British blood British people love Indian food. I know but you don't think it blows out their assholes Do you remember how good the Indian food was outside of Snowtown? No gas station, dude. That was exceptional Wasn't that crazy? That blew our minds. That was really nuts. That was really crazy, but I've had very good food But maybe that's inappropriate, but I don't know side stories lpotl at gmail.com does it affect us all like this? Is it gmail.com or gmail.com or gmail.com gmail.com If you could because again, I just wonder if is a modium the only thing they need if we pumped a modium into the water Would that change things? Give it a shot. I don't know, but I guess some people get diarrhea from anything

I'm always so surprised how small an emodium is and how much work can do the key is that's why you know My best way to take it Nasally Oh nasally you rail it you got a snort that yet. Yeah When you're on the modium. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Now this next story I want to cover real quick because this is one of my favorite stories in the Type of stories that we cover which is a story that makes you think and understand that your most paranoid Horrible scared thoughts could be real okay It's one of my favorite things because it's important to remember sometimes horror enters your life

And it's kind of fun in a way if you're detached enough with so loft and weed now. This is a Great that's where you gotta get to yeah now This is this is a great story a babysitter checks under child's bed for monster and what she finds is One now. This is they all say here I love all of these all the openings to the articles about the story or they're like Monsters under your bed aren't real you don't be like yeah, we know we fucking know but it wasn't a monster It was just a man. Yeah, it was just a man looking of the rape murder No, this is a guy does on Monday 10 30 p.m. 27 years old just as old as our

Indian pooper How many months is that? I want to know how many months already. Yeah. What's the oldest 20s? Okay. Forever 27, baby. Yeah. But other member of the 27 club and how many months is 27 years? 324 So yeah Martin Villalobos, Jr. He was found underneath a child's bed inside of Kansas now this is Topeka, Kansas known for another Favorite bedroom time snooper. Mr. Dennis Raider. Oh, okay. This is a guy that like

this could be a copycat. Well, it started off as one. Now, this is one of those things as a babysitter. This is a good prompt for an email. This is an actual good prompt for me email side stories lpotl at gmail.com. Do you have a scary story as a babysitter with kids because kids on the whole are just kind of frightening now The idea of your babysitter you don't give a fucking shit. You're probably stealing whiskey You know me in order and pornos on the TV there I don't know haven't boys come over and rail you all and need near other guys are watching you in the basketball coaches They're watching them rail you and everybody's putting money on In the kitchen all that stuff. I know how babysitters are I've seen all the movies

I've seen the documentaries fucking breaking the garbage disposal. That's all you do, right? And so you're there enjoying your babysitter time and then the little kid comes downstairs and says there's a monster Under my bed and your job is to be the bravest person on the house Even though you're 20 years old and you have to go up there And you check under the bed and normally it's nothing but then you find some this fucking guy There right which shows that the kids were correct Yeah, which is again also horrible because it's gonna this kids gonna be destroyed But he ran away and he didn't do anything No, but it seems that his relationship to the children. We don't know yet

We do believe that he was having some issue at the house He said according to him according to Martin via Lobos jr He used to live at the house But a protection from abuse order was issued against him which said he was not supposed to be on the property And so he was obviously had some problem with somebody else on the house We don't really know what his relation was to everybody else Yeah, so he was there to do something fucked up and then when he was obviously had some problem with somebody else in the house We don't really know what his relation was to everybody else Yeah, so he was there to do something fucked up and then when he was discovered, you know, he just missed the house Hmm I think that if you miss the house didn't you want to sit in the living room?

It's true and you don't really need to be underneath a child's bed sleeping No, maybe it was the shoes sticking out from the bottom of the bed I think that's what's hardest and she thought at first maybe the bed had fallen and it crushed a witch But no, no, no, it's a man here to kill us all like he's just here to fucking suck Yeah, and and fucking suck. Yeah. No, he definitely looks dangerous and scary. Yep. He looks tired He's got the bags under the eyes which look like, you know, i'm about to commit a crime eyes, you know, i'd say, you know Which looks like you know, I'm about to commit a crime eyes, you know, I'd say I'm about to commit a crime eyes. Yeah. Yeah, but they charged him with aggravated kidnapping aggravated burglary aggravated battery

Child endangerment felony obstruction of the law enforcement. I'm pretty upset with it a violation of Protection from abuse order. He's being held on $500,000 bond You know and he deserves it and we're gonna I guess I will probably not come back to the story because it seems to be pretty cut and dry cut and dry You just don't do that. Yeah. No, no, no, don't do that If you want to see your kids you do it the way the court wants you to do it with the judge there Yeah, all right There was an altercation and then one of the children was knocked over by the Lobos when they when he fled the scene So he didn't like I guess he was about to do something horrible. Yes, but he didn't get to do it. Yes. Thank God. I

mean for us it's Kind of sad because it's less story for us to cover but for the kid, it's great Yeah for the kid, it's great and we you know what we covered in anyway, you know what? That's what thanks and We got some of us We didn't have to wait for someone to die the child didn't need to get caught up into confetti for us to make a bunch Of great sick jokes about this. Yeah, so we still we still covered it and that shows growth on our part But also next time if we're gonna do something like that Knock them out

So that we have more to talk about well I have a story that I really want to make sure we get to today Yeah, and this is like it falls right in our wheelhouse this I don't know if you read the whole article or not, but it really fucking this whole thing blows my mind I kind of knew that this was happening, but I didn't realize it was happening quite like this I got this from the Washington Post, which I know is behind a paywall, and if you ever wanted to read a Washington Post article,

go to archive.ph and then slap the link of the article in there, and you can read whatever you want. You don't have to pay for the Washington Post, because fuck Jeff Bezos and the Washington Post. But this article was great. It's about an orca gang.

Yeah, this is like another like behavioral thing. Yes. But this is different than because the boat thing with the yachts that's cool. But that's like a fun thing that orcas are just doing to like occupy their time. This is like a straight up

murderous gang. or an orca gang is hunting great white sharks off the coast of South Africa See this is like for me. Unfortunately, this is like rooting for the Zizians Yeah, I mean we're like I can't I like great white charge. I love great white shark I you know the idea that I'm ganging up on the gate great white sharks just to eat their Livers and then discard them makes me really sad. I'm not I agree It is very sad, but I don't I find it fascinating more than I'm rooting for anybody sure I get it You know alright, so the orcas is it's a pair of orcas males Their names are port and starboard because their fins bend in opposite directions. That's cute. The great whites, they have been apex predators in the waters outside of Cape Town

for what must be hundreds of years, are now being hunted in mass by these two orcas. Sevengill sharks and great white corpses have been mysteriously washing to shore over the past decade with almost surgical cuts on their bellies and their livers removed. Well, the livers, when they eat, a lot of animals, including us, humans as well, like what they talk about when you do, when you're hunting in the wild, I mean I learned all this from Malone, that's the only thing I know this from, is that the liver is extremely nutritious. Yes. It's nutritious dense and then when you, normally when you are in the wild and you kill a wild animal

That is the first thing that you eat. Yes is it goes bad and it's in it you get you get so much from it Yeah, powerful. That's why we love liverwurst sandwich. I love liverwurst sandwiches anything that turns food into a paste I like to see I think you're more like these orcas than you think I'm not Saying I'm not I'm just saying I'm denying the part of me. I find problematic at first They thought it was gonna as humans because humans use shark liver as bait when they're going shark fishing and Sad it which is very sad There was extremely unusual for orcas to hunt, to hunt this close to shore. They usually hunt in deeper water, but they're thinking that the reason they're doing this, not only because

they develop a taste for great white shark liver, but because the overfishing in South Africa has like taken less fish in the deeper water and has pushed them closer to shore. Jesus Christ. And now when the two, the two they they attack they usually do it together They rake the sides of the predators and if you remember from the sea world episode raking is when they scratch their teeth across the side Of them yeah, they'll find like straight and it looks like a right you got scratched with a rake you know and it scratches the side and they bite their fins and then ram their bellies and slice open their slice open their stomachs, removing the liver and discarding the rest of the corpse.

They don't eat anything else. They just eat the livers. Now I know what you're saying. That's not that big. What is it? It's just a liver. You know, how do they survive on it? It's huge.

I bet you it's huge. It's one third the size of a great white shark. Yes, they know that it's in there and they like it. And it's the thing that is literally giving them a great deal of nutrients and I bet it's the thing that's causing them to thrive too. So they like it. Yeah. Um, this has been witnessed by humans several times now. Um, port and starboard had even shown the livers that they have retrieved from great whites to humans on boats, almost like they're showing off or bragging about their kills.

That's crazy. I find it interesting because they really do. Cause you know what it is? These animals, they're so networked. They're community animals. So they actually even look, I bet you we are just like part of that. If we're not actively hunting us to eat us, it's like we're part of the crowd. No, they like us. Yes, especially in the wild They think we're fun They think we're their boys and shit and you know, I would like to be you would but marine biologist Allison Towner Said they can handle a great white shark and shuck it like a muscle

Just tear it open and slide out the liver and discard the rest. Oh, wow Well, we'll see how this continues like I feel like this going to be one of those things where at some point it will be like we'd have to probably do something to stop it if they keep killing all these. There's no way to stop it unless you kill these whales, and I don't think they're going to do that. Listen, electrocute the ocean. The ocean, yes. So this happens so often that the great whites have not even been in these waters as much as they have been before.

And it's a sure sign of overpopulation on seal Island. You know, seal Island. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right off the case of it's got its name because it's covered in seals. And but seal Island has become overpopulated because all the great whites have left. And now the shark now, now they don't know what to do with all these extra seals killed. I guess we electrocute the oceans or electrocute the oceans. Well, we need to throw other things that seals can eat in there and then things that eat the seals. So what

we need to do is anacondas mixed with anacondas, chihuahuas, man, anaconda, chihuahuas. No, that's just a normal thing. No, I'm saying throw chihuahuas manikina Chihuahuas. No No, I'm saying third Chihuahua's in the water for the seals You get buckets of Chihuahuas to drop them in the water to chum up for the seals Yeah, and then we get the anacondas to eat the seals then we get men to hunt manikinus This is a bad idea the um, have you ever seen air jaws? Yes. Yeah, so the airaws takes place in the same area. Yes, I remember Air Jaws. This is the one part of the world where Great White Sharks regularly breach because they're

attacking the seals from underneath. It's one of the coolest documentaries that we ever saw. I remember that. Well, this is becoming a thing of the past because this is where they do it. They breach occasionally in other parts of the world But this is the part of the world where they breach all the time So we are not gonna see great white shark breaches anymore because they're being chased out of this area by this orca gang So we need to bring machine guns down there and we need to kill the orcas and have the great whites go

I feel like that I know that sounds really simple, but it is, and it's that easy, right? Like, and I don't think it's gonna have that big of an effect. If we just rake the ocean with automatic weapon fire. There are people who would probably be on your side because great white shark tourism is a major industry in Falls Bay, which is next to Cape Town,

and they are not showing up anymore. And so now the great white shark tourism industry is starting to suffer when it really, that's what this, that's what these orcas don't understand. Once you start fucking with these guys, bottom line, then it's going to start because they're going to figure out how to make orca burgers and orca fries and orcas too. It's going to, you better be careful orcas. It's too much mercury. You can't eat orcas at all Oh, no, you get sick. You and then if a child eats it, they'll get like big heads and stuff. It's real bad

in 2016 they found No reason for me in 2016 when this is all starting they found 27 Gill corpses seven Gil shark, they found 20 of them and they were like, okay that they assume there's a lot more because shark corpses usually don't wash the shore They usually sink especially when I got a big hole in their belly Yeah in 2017 they found their first great white body that was missing a liver about 35 miles from false Bay And then four more were found in the coming months So they can only assume that the bottom of the ocean there is just

littered with fucking great white corpses Those fucking starfishes should have eaten good. Yes. Oh absolutely That's who's eating good. They're loving it on the ground That's that's gonna be the huge that's gonna be the fun they start coming on shore and they're fucking the size of goddamn buildings And then we learn but well Hopefully they'll start about the size of probably a golden retriever or something and then that will be the other animal that we'll eat. We'll figure out how to have starfish burgers and starfish roast and starfish soup and starfish

nuggets. And chocolate starfish. That's my favorite. Well. You ever been eating ass and you think, hey, where's my salt and pepper? But yeah, so we got some true murdering orcas. Sorry, I stole a bit from, that was me becoming Earthquake for a second. Guys, you guys can see me, I don't even know if everybody knows Earthquake.

I love Earthquake. He's honestly one of the only reason to stay on Twitter is to read history to read or there's no there's literally no reason to stay in Twitter Just buy honestly if you want to do goodbye earthquake rent his comedy special. It's really good. Yes. It's fantastic Yeah, a grilled starfish. Oh Mmm, that looks rough. I need it Rob showing pictures of grilled starfish. I just what does it say that it tastes like? It says they find it off pudding. Yeah, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I think it needs to be braised I don't think this is a fresh catch grill. I think that this needs to be I'm I'm saying right now side stories Also chefs out there anybody eating starfish side stories LP OCL a gmail.com

Am I wrong and saying I believe the best way to eat it is in nugget form. I'm sure ridder fried Yeah, yeah, cuz you got to get all the barnacles and stuff off whatever the the spikes you get those off And saying I believe the best way to eat it is in nugget form. I'm sure fritter fried. Yeah Yeah, cuz you got to get all the barnacles and stuff off whatever the the spikes you got those off I have no idea what's in what's inedible in it. I think you cut out and see if you cut up It's like the tits and I don't think they have tits. Can you milk a starfish? I don't know stories LP othello gmail.com Show you my fucking starfish the last thing I will say is 70% of all sharks are under threat from overfishing

Climate change has altered the swimming routes of many fish and underwater nets to protect Swimmers on beaches have also claimed the lives of many sharks. Yes. So now the orcas are finishing the job Hey, so this is we're gonna see how this all leads. Definitely not to total calamity. There's no way, also I was being satirical about shooting the orcas. No, I know that, but unfortunately people don't. And I was gonna say it, I realized I was having a good time talking about how fun it would be

and imagining shooting the ocean and zapping the ocean and doing all that kind of stuff because that's fun for me. Yes. But you just never know. You know Jacques Cousteau used to bomb the ocean and doing all that kind of stuff because that's fun for me. Yes. But you just never know. You know Jacques Cousteau used to bomb the ocean. Yes. He would throw dynamite into the ocean and kill large amounts of fish

and that was before we knew that was bad. I know it seems weird to say that we didn't know that was bad. He was just like, I tried to make a wonderful experience. Yeah. The magic and mystery of the water. Exactly. The magic in a mystery of the water Go down and the best part is you are down in the bottom of the water and you see the little crab

You see the angler fish and they first thought you have is what if I could make them explode Thank God they brought my dynamite explode Thank God they brought to my dynamite You think you ever fucked room of clanahan you think Jacques? Oh, maybe if she was anywhere near that fucking sub He definitely shot that harpoon into that screaming gull

Lovely and that is one picture of her tits great. It's just we don't know if that's her Second I believe that's actually the corpse of Marilyn Monroe We have some listener email, all right now someone says here I just wanted to talk about last week Saran wrap, okay and Dom's accidentally killing people in breath play Now what I liked was this this was an immediate response that I was like exactly This is exactly what I wanted to hear which is at first remember we were talking about Like maybe she didn't know what to do. She panicked, he died. It was clearly an accident. It was an accident, but why is she then going through all of this?

Like what's the crime essentially about this? Straight up. There is just straight, there is like literally within character a way to do this, in which according to one former Dom, I worked in a dungeon with a collection of mostly other pro Dom's Some pro subs, you know people and there was many people had the fantasy being wrapped up in saran wrap, right? It's a very very common plastic wrap. Please we don't get sued by the saran company. No, they honestly They're like people get interested. And so they said here, like, we said we had to use

these industrial warehouse Saran Wrap devices to wrap guys all the time. This is what they wanted. At least a couple of times a week, someone would come in wanting to be wrapped in Saran Wrap. So first of all, it's super common, yes. Second of all, the lady, this poor girl, is too dumb to function as a pro-dom according to this Dom

I feel like a natural selection just took her out because yeah, they all want stupid shit They can't actually happen in reality Yeah, and it's your job as the professional and as the dominant to make boundaries and say no you dumbass I'm not gonna kill you. Don't be an idiot I need to walk you out of here alive and guess what you've done then not only have you Saved your life save this person's life, but you've also made him re horny by yelling at him repeat customers Our best so what you want to milk them you don't want to just say you know you don't want to want it done here Absolutely so according to this Dom okay, so I'm not going to literally cover your mouth and nose until you can't breathe now

I would cover the bottom of half of your face and then just the top half of your face So they felt very tight and compressed honestly I think most of them just didn't get enough hugs as children and they want to be swaddled but in a dangerous way This is also this according is coming from a professional. Yes, the lady who did this was brand new She had she had never done BDSM before but it's also important why conversations about this type of play need to be Slightly more normalized. Yeah, it has to be cause it's so common We have to kind of break out of this idea that it's a fringe world is actually really not it's huge

So there needs to be in those worlds more open conversation about how you do these things. Yeah, they do think that's what she's saying is that every guy who arrives, and I'm sorry, I'm just using man as the fucking base here, but let's just face the facts. And they come in there and their rock hard penis is they're making the decisions. They are not going to be super rational. Like they are they are needs you gotta the problem is that erection yeah you gotta eliminate the erection I also getting him to cum his pants by doing

other things I think freshman year college mandatory sex ed now I know we get sex ed in like seventh grade or whatever but I'm saying once you get to college and you're over 18 there should be a next level teaching you how to fuck How to do BDSM and how to do all these things that way we don't get situations like this Can I ask though who teaches this is it like is it just some guy show up like you know? I think I think Khalifa teach it husband and wife combo Maybe like you now we're in the Monty Python said that's the meaning meaning of life. Well, we that's what the sketches remember the meaning of life Oh, no, I never saw it was John Cleese fucking a weird. It's actually it's really strange because he's like

You ever notice those old tiny sketch things especially British when they get like It's almost it's not that it's not sexy at all But nudity for me like takes the sex out of it Yeah, it takes the comedy out of it You know what I mean? We're like as soon as there's no one in the book when the boobs came by that's very funny That's different, but that also Didn't really register as funny to me as a little as a as a boy. Oh, it registered funny to me see I was just like as a boy. Oh, it registered funny to me.

See, I was just like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, that was like the first, but I remember feeling it, that was like the first pair of boobs I ever saw was in the movie Repossessed. Have you noticed that boobs in horror and comedy has been totally replaced by dicks?

Well, cause it's a pendulum swing, literally, no pun on that. I know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a pendulum swing. I feel like, again, we need equal amounts. Every time there's dits, there should be dick. Every time there's dick, there should be dits. Amen. I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I need to make a hardcore comeback in a big way, but elevated. Yeah elevated. We need to be Tuesday's booby Tuesday's Any write it down Well, there's something to take it but I was really that was all that really is to say is that Technically the Dom is in charge and they need to do it

Mm-hmm and The with the reason I said husband and wife is I actually had, when I went to Catholic school in fourth grade, there was a husband and wife team that came in and gave us sex ed talks. Did she suck his dick and stuff? No, but they let us curse, I remember. That's just so you get some of the horniness out.

I think so. Yeah. I think they need you to do that. But I remember enjoying them. I thought they were great. Oh, so this is also the difference between So this is the difference between manslaughter. It was also in pertaining to the same story. Okay, great It's figuring out

Careful I'm fine. Now. This is this is one of those where you have to find out there's certain words right Purposefully intended for the act to occur knowingly practically certain that the act would occur Recklessly was aware or should be aware of the risk that the act would incur Negligently was unaware of the risk that the act could incur so first-degree murder Purposely kill they have pre meditation, but technically there's a looser standard here. It can just be straight up I got into a verbal art altercation I Went got my gun came back shot you

So that can be that's as base's first degree murder can be okay, right? Second degree murder knowingly kill no pre meditation verb verbal altercation have gun on you okay kill someone in the middle of verbal altercation Second degree of murder okay, all right, then there's also second-degree murder, but with reckless with extreme Indifference to human life okay like throwing a brick off an overpass onto a car okay, and somebody dies as a result Yeah, right that is that's that is what you call Reckless indifference. Yeah, right that's second. It's not an accident. No, not at all It's going you're purposely doing something you know, that's wrong manslaughter, which is a reckless act That causes another death shooting a gun into a ceiling and accidentally killing the upstairs neighbor

And then there's negligent homicide seems the same to me to be honest with you Well, this is what we're saying. Is that like neck neck neck over an overpass and then shooting a gun in the air Equally is reckless in my opinion But this is where you'd get into the but it's about how you travel and it's all these things that you would put together In court right? Yeah second-degree murder. I imagine it goes over because they Got the cinder blocks to go to the overpass They chose the overpass to go to they set up a time to go to it They knew that they were gonna do this to cause chaos you can be in a passionate moment

You can reasonably argue that you were an impassioned moment and you fired a gun in your own home That then accidentally killed somebody which then could become manslaughter Oh, so you know I mean it's all about all the circumstances that lead to everything. Or if you're watching like a show in an old timey saloon and the chick's showing her garter and you're like bang bang bang bang but they're selling it on the roof. Absolutely, naturally. You're in trouble. Yes.

That's why I don't watch saloon films anymore. That's why I can't any get her gun is not allowed in our home. Yeah and I tell Julie stay off the roof. Please. I'm playing with my gun right now. Hey, this is my time. So in the case of the OnlyFans model, she could be easily charged with either manslaughter

as a reasonable person would know that wrapping another head in Saran Wrap could lead to death but disregarded the risk. However, there is a case that wrapping another's head in Saran Wrap could be extreme indifference for human life. However, the bar for extreme indifference is both quite high and both the intent and acting to be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. The fact that the guy is asking for the action to be done also affects her reaction.

It's very much an accident. It's very much an accident led by, because of her ignorance. I wasn't gonna say stupidity, but it's ignorance. No, it's, I would, you know what Eddie, I would- A lethal combo? I'd say a combo of the both, because in the end, just because he's horny doesn't mean he's immortal. So just remember that, live every day knowing that.

That's one of the most important lessons I've ever learned. I live, I know every day, no matter how horny I am, I can't do something that almost kills me that will make me shoo, because you know why I've laughed thinking about people that need to be joked while masturbating because me Honestly, I masturbate normally in about 30 minutes and 30 seconds I was gonna say no 30 minutes, and I'm done. It is For that doesn't even matter. I just get me out of there and then I'd laugh myself to sleep Yeah, knowing that I didn't have to dance on the razor's edge of death in order to have a nice time Little chuckle slumber. That's me

We are that's right last podcast on the left proper is coming to Detroit on April 18th, we're gonna be at the Masonic Please come check that out. I'm gonna be a blast. I'm not fucking around if you're in Detroit You all know it's one of the best venues in this fucking country come out see us do the show It's gonna be a special goth night. There's gonna be a lot of good-looking people there and you know what it's good Friday Gross, isn't that great? Really great. Most a gross Friday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because you know what? It's Good Friday. Gross. Isn't that great? More like great, almost like gross Friday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's because of all the Italians that killed Jesus.

They named it from next year. They were all talking to each other. And they're like, hey, remember when that time when we killed that fucking loudmouth? That was a good ass Friday. Now it was the funnest day of my life. I love watching him scream and wriggle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it again if I could. Hating them like a painting we did.

Invasive Species Tour with Side Stories is coming back to Florida. I just had a very successful run. It was wonderful. North Florida ain't ever going to be the same, but I'm coming to on May 6th. I'm going to be in Naples at the off the hook comedy club and then may 7th and 8th. I'm going to be with Henry doing side story shows on the 7th. We're going to be in Fort Lauderdale at the Dania improv. And then on May 8th, we're going to be in Orlando at the funny bone.

The first show sold out. You got to get tickets to the late show now only bring that fun. And then right after that, the next day I'm flying all the way to Key West and from May 9th through the 11th, I want to be a Key West comedy with Lisa Correo and Kevin skinny. And that's going to be a lot of fun. Lisa Carrero is wonderful. She's unbelievable. Great comedian. Yeah. It's going to be a blast. So come check out those shows. We've got some surprises for that, but also Henry and I are going to be doing a side stories Live at Dad's Garage in Atlanta. That's going to be on June 29th.

The 7 o'clock show sold out, but the 930 show still has tickets. So make sure you go and get your ass. Yeah, we're going to have a we're going to have so much fun and we're going to be fucking around the entire time. Come to Contact Desert 2025, May 29th, June 2nd. You're going to we are are gonna be there all weekend We're gonna be doing a big show. We haven't figured out quite what we're doing there But we're gonna be doing something big there. We're gonna be doing a couple shows. Yeah, so just come come for the weekend You're gonna watch hang out learn. It's a fun weekend

It's like I it's it's crazy you if I go it's the only time I'm like willing to like learn like I'm in school again It's very funny, but also you know what I'm gonna say to our people that come out. We gotta hit that pool Yo, yes when we come out there. We got to turn this shit into a fucking party. Yeah, you big boys I'm talking to you. I want to see them titties. We need to get out there. Yo, we got to go fucking to these pool We got to show these nerds how it's done. We're the right nerds for this festival we need to take it back and you know where else I want to see these man boobs at where crime wave at the sea oh we will that's for certain that may be November 3rd through the 7th fly sailing out of Fort Lauderdale on Royal Caribbean cruise lines that's the crime wave and

check that yeah it's crime wave at C comm by the tickets I that's another one that's gonna be again it's gonna be fucking, it's crimewave.com. Buy the tickets. I, that's another one that's going to be, again, it's going to be fucking hilarious. It's going to be crazy. I have no idea what we're going to do. And I guarantee we're going to have at least two true crime stories come out of this weekend. Yeah, it's going to be, we're going to be on the boat. And we're there. Did you see that story about what's his name? There was like the band leader, the lady that jumped off the cruise ship.

No, his wife was in the show or something. I forgot what it was. And yeah, he was doing this like tour. He was literally doing what we were going to do on a cruise ship. He's doing like a show. And then his wife that he brought jumped off the stern of the first night. And then I guess he just kept playing. I mean, you know, show must go on. Yep. Kimberly Burch, faster pussycat. That was right. Oh, wow fast pussycat. Okay, you ever see this man? No, I never even heard of them before. Well, one guy's wife's dead. Oh awful world Caribbean cruise. I bet it's the same boat Wow

Great. Oh, no. No. Hey, no, she's refreshing. Oh, yeah guys. Thank you know she's refreshable yeah guys thank you I'm surprised she didn't float. Well she might have for a while. Now guys thank you for enjoying side stories because you better have. Hail Satan. Hail Rambo. Yes hail Rambo. You skateboarding fucker. Go to a park. Go to a park you delinquent. RARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARAR