Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Bitch Stories

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's bitchiest stories and true-crime news - with the help of the ladies of Who's the Bitch? Kara Klenk and Jackie Zebrowski - but first - an update on The Zizian Cult, Side Stories listeners weigh in on the "Old Veterinarians vs. Young Veterinarians" debate, final 4 escapee lab monkeys captured in South Carolina, "Good Mormons" vs. "Bad Mormons", and much, much more... Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Sign stories? That's when the cannibalism started. SIGN STORIES. Yes. Oh, shit! Hello, can you hear me? What is this? What are you singing? Give me the night. All right. Do not give me the night.

I don't think I know it, but I like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know that song. Give me the night. No, I don't know it. All right. Do not give me the night. I'm sure if I heard the song, I would know it. We can't play it because they're going to play it, but I just won't have it in that. All of these bullshit. I'm going to let you guys know right now. They're going through no dogs. These guys have already decided like Spotify is coming hard for anybody that plays any form of song anymore because they just don't have enough money guys. And they refuse to pay me. Yes. They just don't have enough money. So I do think I know which I get, it's gotta be so hard for these international conglomerate apps because there's just so little money.

I guess they just gotta give $25 million to the Huck Do-It girl. That makes total fucking sense. That's where it's going. Oh, give it to the Kelsey brothers. You don't even produce a show. Yes. Yes, classically football players who've never talked professionally. They're great at talking.

I honestly, I sound bitter. I don't mean to be bitter. I'm just saying it's one of those things where I... But I was listening. I wanted to bring this up to you for a reason. I do like George Benson, by the way. I love George Benson. When at the gym, you and I have discovered...

Tell me this about etiquette. Okay. I... Should save this for who's the bitch. Okay. This is getting... No women in this. All right. You want to know that when I'm working out, Okay. I should save this for who's the bitch. Nah. Okay. This is getting no women in this.

All right. You want to know that when I'm working out, I found myself like today. I went to the gym today and braided. You're not staring at some poor lady, are you? Never. I don't look at women. Okay, yeah, yeah. No, I don't look at anybody.

I look at the floor. Okay, good. Except there's one man who stares at me. There's a guy that comes in. One man? There's a guy that comes in. Who's probably a fan. No, I've met fans there, the way they meet me, which is really funny because a lot of broccoli headed

young men and what they'll do is stuff like I'm mid press, this has now happened to me twice. Again, I'm not a famous person at all, it only happens every once in a while and someone comes up to me and I mean I'm mid press and a guy just puts his phone in front of my face and it's just a picture of me naked and he's just like I'm trying

But I was in a spot yeah, no, no, sir. Yes, actually But are you I was I found myself lost in music and is it like Against protocol at the gym to be enjoying yourself like kind of giving yourself a little dance men look so serious dancing is exercise Men are moving your body you're at the gym because the guy that stares at me This is what he does and I'm doing this act out to go on patreon to see the act that if you want to By the way, this is side stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski. You sitting here with that Lord. How you doing? What's going on? Also YouTube though? You can watch it put on like Thursday or Friday So this guy that comes into the gym, I love LA gym creatures

Okay, some of my favorite people in the face of the planet and there's a man that comes much taller standing by the way No, but I'm gonna do bad doing act out. There's a man that comes in and he only does one set of exercises I'm gonna you know, like I say I do watch people because I like I'm interested in in people. I'm not looking at butts. But this guy comes in and he only does one thing each time he comes to the gym. He does this sort of extended dance routine in front of the mirrors and it's very extravagant. But what I've noticed is that, and I mean this, what he does is stare at me once he's done with it. So, and I've had this several times. I've been on the routine. He's there for like an hour and he's done with it. So and I've had this several times. I've been on the chest machine routine She's there for like an hour and he's just doing this thing over and over again And this is literally what it is. It's him going like

He's kind of doing this sort of like weird dance. It's not taking up the machine. No, no, absolutely not There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. It's just he's doing this weird dance, but then all of a sudden he'll do a spin And then send it straight at me and he's like every time it's at you and no one else time, the last time I was noticing a little bit and I was just like, I mean, there's a little part of me that was like, if he wasn't homeless and openly intoxicated, I'd be flattered. Also I bet you like oddly enough for like the most approachable guy at the gym because he was wearing loud clothes. You got sneakers on sneakers on code switch at the gym ever since I saw it. Cause I saw a couple of the guys like people were in some kind of like, you know, all sorts of like every single flagrant political thing you could wear in people are like wearing it to a very, I'm at a cheap

gym. Well, it's the only place you can wear it now. Yes. And so I go full devil. Yeah. Like I'm wearing full devil. We're daily. Maybe that's why he's doing it cuz he's a devil fan I don't know. He's sure but I think it's great. It's for you. I don't mind it's good to have someone to take in your art, it's just the It's the snapping of his head and looking at me like he's just saw me across the room. You know what it is You're looking back. Well, if you weren't looking I'm looking forward But whenever he comes at you you're looking at him right now. He's beaming at me And so the first time I have other people they just ignore it. I don't know see I feel like it happened

You're taking you're giving him something. It feels like it happened once and then it happened again that happened a third That's cuz he knows his audience. What do they say that thing? What do they say about ladies? You stare at him seven times They'll go on a date with you. I've never heard that No, the thing where they say about how I contact when you go out and you're single we haven't been single a long time They've been a very long time, but that others apps for that. Oh, apparently you can just order into your house And it got in there turns out as a guy but guess what? He'll show bro. Yeah, uh-huh, but I I Was like that's only a Christian mingle

Look at a woman right isn't they say but I think they say this to ladies, maybe I'm wrong or anybody It's normally people that are non-threatening looking where you catch a guy's eye Mm-hmm, and then if you do it like five more times, like there's some kind of number that that's how you can show someone that you're interested. Have you said hello yet? I won't. Oh, then you're fine. Yeah. I'm not going to be like, hi. Well, you just say hi in your normal voice. Yeah. Hey, pal. Nice dancing. Yeah. You dance well. Hey dance like my Maybe he is attracted to you, but you know, you also you know, you're cute little buttercup

You know that Told you that no one Suck the peanut butter out of your middle chocolate like I'm gonna be assaulted When you call me a little Salt on you and lick it all I'm not a salt. I'm not a snack. I'm a man You pretzel nugget Only comes from other big threatening men Yeah, never no woman has ever looked at me in the gym. No woman has ever Jim you're not existing to

I don't want him to either You are nowhere less fuckable. Yeah, there's a man at the gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, well, we got some updates. That guy's gonna die one day less. Yeah. Well, then you should actually, maybe I should get on the ground floor of that. Do you think that every day you go to the gym is another day alive? What do you mean? Yes, I actually do sort of think, I do think about it like every day.

It's an investment in life. Every day I do hard work at the gym. I'm saving myself hard work later on in life. That's how I view it. Yeah. And I'm just doing, I'm front I do hard work at the gym. I'm saving myself hard work later on in life That's how I view it. Yeah, and I'm just doing I'm front loading the hard work That's good of being mobile because really all I want is to be mobile and make sure my body can work and that my penis Can work or my brains tight my my feet are long and my shits big you're being mint mobile We're actually gonna film one of those ads we're gonna be You're being mint mobile We're actually gonna film one of those ads we're gonna be

Want to say thank you to mint mobile one of our abs and I just come want to say this last ad it was really Incredible because Blake lively submitted all the rewrites for it. Yeah, that's great. That's the one of the best things I'm just gonna read what she says. So I'm No way, alright, so let's go into a little bit of updates So I am immediately made everybody upset last week, which I wait a subsection of people upset Which I don't mind which is me accidentally calling this group the zizians a leftist cult so now I saw a lot of people really Applauding you for your comments on the zizzi well it goes back and forth

So for the those of you that don't know there was a person by the name of Ziz. Zizzi is the best drunk thing to talk about. You're the damn Zizzi and you come back here. You come back here Zizzi. So Ziz is the former name they go by the dead name. They go by the name Ziz. Their dead name is Jack Lasoda. They are a person that started this group, this kind of this cult that has a bunch of theories that came out that essentially has, which seems to have resulted in about six murders. You have two murders in Vermont, two murders in California.

You have a set of parents that got killed by one of the adherents, and all of the adherents to this cult are under Ziz, and a lot lot of them are it seems that all of them are trans and work in the computer science world. They were sick. This is yours. That's what I'm doing. And part of what I tasked the audience with was please go

read their manifesto and please help me kind of parse this because I couldn't fully understand and I'm like, what are people getting killed for? The reason why I'm so interested in cults philosophy is because I'm really interested in how abstract thoughts lead towards physical actions. And the fact that like you can believe in something dumb and crazy and nonsensical and it actually causes you to kill people and I think that there I Want to know what's in there and what it seems you are you saying that some murders are rational? Well, well some murders have motive. Okay motive is different, you know, like killing for money

Killing for revenge like these are things that make sense. Yeah, the old west rules. Those are cute. Those are human That's humanity. You know like defending yourself fighting for like even our fight They're very right. It was very hot. And so this guy is a Silicon Valley cult, right? So this person they're calling a genius, but it turns out they're not what I like Is that the Daily Me all these people are calling these people highly educated whiz kids? That's the term that keeps coming up kids, please. Thank you, right? But largely what has everyone has illuminated and I want to say thank you to my listeners always email side stories Lp o TL the gmail.com and my further reading is that the stuff that they put in their manifesto

It's fucking stupid and it doesn't really make any sense. No way. This is the thing this guy helped me So someone had sent me a great email. Ignoring all the bullshit of rationalism and functional decision theory, which is a part of what I did not understand before, both those are inherently non-political. They are just thought forms that this person used, right, and within their work. Yeah, so Zizzians appear to believe in extreme form of utilitarianism, right? Utilitarianism is an ethical framework which postulates that when making a decision, the ethical choice is the one that provides the most net benefit for the most people, which is why they feel you're they're attacking something like the lower bourgeoisie. The reason why I didn't I called them leftists is because they also believe in private

property. They don't they don't believe in private property. So that was why I just kind of lumped it all in and they're vegan, but vegan again, it's not inherently political. I know, but veganism and leftism kind of sleep together. Not really though. Then you find out it's all over the place because then it's, it really, cause cause what it's veganism technically it's a super expensive. Yes. It's very, it is hard It's a hard life still then you need means to be a vegan. I'm sick of these salads being expensive It's hard enough to eat a goddamn salad wait till I'm cheaper wait till we got a couple of tariffs coming They're gonna make those tomatoes super fucking expensive. It's gonna be great. Well, they give me a agenda anyway So now this thing is that's what he says in this this writer, which I do believe they said the belief in all this is fine

this thing is that's what he says in this this writer, which I do believe they said the belief in all this is fine. But it can be used to justify things like constantly torturing a child to make a perfect civilization. Like Ursula K. Le Guin wrote about and the ones who walk away from Omelas. I love Ursula K. Le Guin. She's a genius. But part of it is this belief system, which was I guess it's in the philosophical system of Roko's Basilisk. That's what they were talking about in their big manifesto, which is essentially, this is super simplified. Don't call up my ass about this. Don't be all zizzy about it. Don't be zizzy about it.

Is the fact that it's about that AI eventually will win. And the job of the, of humans, good, quote unquote, good ethical humans, is to help AI win and to be on its team when it wins. Because on some level, they believe that this AI that is formed when we create AI, that it will become a pure soul, that it will become an elevated, enlightened thought machine, and that it will teach us and it will help us evolve as well. And we will evolve with it. But part of that will be the evolving will be the destruction of humankind. So they're pro Skynet. Yes, they are pro pro Skynet. So this is, this

is a belief system. They believe that then everything that they do to help this is, it's not more, it's a correct decision outside of the boxes of morality because you're helping what you believe to be the proper like arc of humankind versus the other one which would be a human led feature. So do they think that like how like every baby is innocent is that kind of it because AI is so young? I mean mean, 10 years, AI starts being evil. Are they going to still think it's pure? I think the main issue that they're kind of avoiding here is the fact that we make the

AI, we make it, it doesn't exist without us. And we put all of the parameters inside of the AI for us. It only talks to us from our thoughts. It can only copy the way we think, which is we're and we're not there yet And as far as I'm concerned is that after watching must talk and Sam Alton talk and all these other people I think we're far away. Yeah from Skynet. Yeah, so I don't think that great I don't think we're there yet Even the stupid app that they just forced on our phones with the new upgrade where they're like

We want you to describe a picture Into the app and it's like fuck you Call it Apple intelligence instead of artificial intelligence And you know you fucking piece of shit just so you can say I you think I don't notice Also, I put a bunch of dirty stuff in there and it didn't make one of it really. Yeah, what's it called again? It's like a little kitten. It's called something. It's like a little kitten showed up on my phone. I was like fuck this kitten. Yeah, I don't know it's a yeah It's a it's a stupid app. I don't know yeah. Yes. It's image playground or whatever Playground that's what it is and you're like look at this fun and signy sheet your soul goes is attached to it

I'm supposed to stay out of the playground. Don't put it on my phone Unless you go to an adult playground, which every time you hear an adult playground, it's a place to buy dildos. Yeah. Which I find funny. I think it's a more prison. Yeah.

Ah. So here, so I'll kind of boil it down here. They believe that everything they do is morally correct. They also believe that surrendering is immoral, which is why they are attacking the police and why they attacked the landlord that tried to get them to leave The space is because anytime anybody they are but they are in a sovereign citizen motion Which is anybody who crosses them their job is to say fuck you back

Yeah, honestly fuck these motherfuckers for making me feel bad for cops and landlords This is the problem. They are the problem So they take some of this belief system from a concept called Roko's Baselisk, which is the idea that a perfectly moral AI acting for the greater good of mankind would torture anyone who knew about it but didn't help in its advancement. So the idea is that in the future, this good AI would look back on anybody that had defied it or was anti AI in the past and would come back in time and punish Everyone that did not believe in it, which is what I'm gonna do when I make it to the top

But I'm not an AI. I'm a goddamn man. Yeah, right. I'm that's what men do It'd be good to wake up every morning and shoot a robot in the head guy. I mean, it would be fun I mean, that's kind of what I'm gonna ditch my retirement but the he but Mike then my I would be fun. I mean, that's kind of what I'm going to, that's my retirement. But he, he, but my, then my, I think my, the big issue with that is where are all the robot shock troops from the future? Yeah. They should be coming back to kill us. Where are they? If they were going to be there, they're in the next reality. I believe be in there. So it has a lot of flaws. So here's the thing. If they're traveling from the past, then maybe we're the first future. And so if they haven't come back yet, because we have to get there and

now they have to come back and then we've already done this. And so we wouldn't know because we're the original future right now. I mean, I don't know. I'm already confused. I'm confused and I've fallen asleep. Good night. And then this is it's all the same. It's so in zizzenism The coal is is like they need to be willing to harm others in defense of the greater good. It's very stupid it's insane dumb bullshit and And they said they like I got a good writer here that said they the some of it does make sense from a perspective quote-unquote pure theoretical ethics The unhemispheric sleep though, which is part of what they do to sort of get these guys in tow, which is this weird of like trying

to activate one hemisphere of your brain at the time at a time, which is some kind of vague pseudo science. Uh, and then, uh, then then the extreme veganism, which I think is just dirt and sunlight. So zizzians are stupid. Here comes another prostitute. I'm a prosecutor in Delaware County, Pennsylvania. And about this time last year, Ziz came through our county in connection with a double homicide. We had no idea what we were getting into when this happened. Ziz quote unquote, Jack La Sota was arrested and literally never spoke a word the whole time that they were in custody. They then made bail and fled the jurisdiction.

Ziz had already faked their own death in California. We found out the ID from a DNA swab because they wouldn't even give a name. A few of us in the office started doing a deep dive and we got fucking deep. It's a wild ride with a whole lot of branches and characters. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have about Ziz or the cult. I've been a prosecutor for nearly a decade. I got to go back into this because they're talking about how they dealt with it. So this is on the run. Oh, okay. So now we don't know where these people are. I know that they are going to kill other people.

Maybe they're in Ziz, Bob way. I Thought that they disbanded his puppy Thought this pos but Zimbabwe's throat was torn apart when the bongo Congo rose I thought the bongo Congo was the fun version of the Congo that they tried to make Abolish bongo Congo they also had to abolish They went to Zizbekistan Thank you That is one of the updates that was basically the updates somebody also said to you Joe I got a great email about people someone was in a D&D group with a zizian and they basically talked about which I know

From D&D it is the most fucking and they basically talked about which I know from D&D It is the most fucking obnoxious shit on the face of the planet when someone chooses the most obscure Class to play that has a whole other set of rules Long time listener as a subject of this email says I played in the D&D group with one of the cult members As a subject of this email says, I played in a D&D group with one of the cult members, Maximillian Snyder. Snyder, I, and three others were part of a group and played two campaigns together over the course of a few years. In the first campaign, he played a hyper-optimized wizard that regularly attempted to squeeze

every bit of utility out of his character, seemingly in an attempt to show he was able to do everything himself. This came to its peak when he was able to learn a spell that effectively let him clone himself when needed, which now seems in line with the cult's thought that humans can hold separate personalities by activating different hemispheres of their brain. He would constantly use it if able, which ended up with them Bogarting playtime, effectively removing a lot of choice from the matter, as he would have every outcome effectively removing a lot of toys from the matter, is he would have every outcome solved as we encountered it. The second campaign he played an artificer named Audair, later finding out that this was a name he went by on the internet, whose goal was to create essentially a new form of ubermensch in his image through crafting Warforged,

which is the D&D equivalent of a robot with a soul that would seek to become a major force in the world. Both characters had a running theme of ascending oneself to becoming a higher version Although essentially rejecting the laws of the world set before him little did we know this was beginning of the transhumanist views espoused by the cult Wow, this is really this is the kind of stuff that nerd believe this guy went on a second campaign with him Hey, you have an idea how hard it is to keep a crew together for D and D. And if you just like, if he'll show up every Wednesday, you'll keep them like literally you will keep up. He read the article in the recent article. I read about the cult that the guy said, maximum William Snyder called himself the best D and D five E optimizer in the world. Oh, but we just saw him as a Dick.

After that last campaign full of him constantly hogging the spotlight and game time, the group had become a little worn down. He continued his play pattern of disregarding other people's skills and talents until one day the problem solved itself. As he said, he had to leave the group because he was going to Oxford for school. We didn't hear from him after that,

but in the wake of his departure, we gained two cool new players and the group has been an excellent and has been an excellent shape ever since. Oh, that's so nice. See, but then you guys have fun. Oh yeah. But isn't that amazing in that way that the, all of these ideas were all embedded nerd culture to begin with and they were just looking for a chance to release it. But, and I do again do again I want to fucking shout out to our trans people You got a death cult Congrats. Yeah A lot of people I trades people try not to fucking claim them. They don't like them, but I'm sorry But they're yours and we don't get to claim them. Do you think I want to claim Anders Breivik?

No, no, but you have to I have to I'm a white. I'm a fortunate white pink man. Yeah, okay He's part of you. He's a part of me part of my lexicon Yeah, not me though Very different for me Well, you and I are both the same Ukrainian blood yeah, you're Polish but I'm Polish Italian. You're Polish Italian. I'm Polish Ukrainian. I guess we got nothing to do with I'm Russian old vet versus new vets have been chiming in. It's definitely down the line real down the middle. You know, but I like to cherry pick the ones that, that support you support me of course, but here's one that, that is very interesting point. And I could see both

sides of it on side stories. You guys were talking about old vet, uh, versus young vet. So I thought I'd weigh in. My wife is a veterinarian technician and yes, play with your dogs. Yeah. Let me see your kiddies. Um, in school to become a veterinarian and, uh, she, she has worked with both young and old vets from everything she has talked about to me, to me about young vets are usually the more current veterinary practices of the two veterinary medicine is so different now than it was 20 years ago. My older vets rely on tried and true practices. See, here's the thing young vets, all they want to do is test, test, test, run all these tests and they're running up the fucking bills

The dogs can't talk Have seen in a million times and all these new vets they always jump to the crazy shit they always jump Oh, it's this crazy thing It's this thing that that one out of two thousand dogs have because I read about it yesterday Every other vets like it's probably this thing and if it's not that then we'll figure it out But no, they're always jump to the test. They're racking up the bills I you try to prove me wrong, but you proved me right with this goddamn shit but yes, also there's other people that are 100% with me and Listen, if you want your dog to die put it in the hands of a child. That's all I gotta say

Well, I'm just you know, I would just say straight up Just read the reviews. Yeah That's all I gotta say. Well, I'm just, you know, I would just say straight up, just read the reviews. Yeah, read the reviews. Read the reviews of your local vet and get to know your vet. I would also say get to know your vet. Grow with your vet.

Oh yes. That's the key, if you can get one that's consistent. Let your vet run tests on your dog so it gets smarter for the next dog. Sometimes what I like to do. So when your first dog dies, your second dog will live longer because your vet ran a bunch of experiments on your first dog

You know what? I also like to do straight up Just to check to see if they're doing something right that first doo-doo sample. I send in Jers every time Just to see if they're doing just checking when they come back and say oh car me at an alarming amount of makers mark in her system. I was just going to be like, yeah, yeah, you know, car me. I'll send it to you. And once you get sober, I'll send you another sample. I'll take her a few days off this. No, but I appreciate you young vets. There's no way to have an old vet without having a young vet. You know, I understand that you have to grow. So you've got to be a young vet to be common. Stop calling out of, so you gotta be a young vet.

To become an old vet. Stop calling out of work so much, and make sure you're there for when people show up. Because you guys always try to spend time with your families. No one cares about your family. He's turkey. Deal my dog. He's turning a larger issue,

and he's using his own specific relationship to it, to attack. That's right. So it's his own. This is his experience. Yeah. If you're a vet in your thirties, don't even say you're a vet. Say you're in training, even though you are a vet and listen to the old guy who's in charge, an older old lady. I just think that you just got, I mean, I just think you never know. Yeah. The younger vets always tell me to kill my dog. They're very old. Yes, they are. They're very old. The older vets are like, Oh man, you keep it alive. You know, cause they see

death in themselves. They're like, Oh, keep this around. No one's going to let me die. That's what you need an event. No one's going to let someone who sees their own demise to that way. They don't want your dog to die in front of them because they know that's another day that brings them closer to death. I still prefer a younger vet. One last update is... It's because they can still get hard. Yes.

Last update is the last four escape monkeys that were loosened in a crash of, I believe it was a truck holding a bunch of experimental monkeys. Yes. The last four escape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe they found all experimental monkeys. Yes. Um, the last four escape monkeys have been found in South Carolina. They have been returned to their pens. I can't believe they can get right. Oh yeah. They can get right back to testing the living shit out of them. So congrats monkeys. You only almost made it. Homeless no more. Isn't that great? Isn't it worse when you're

authorities in South Carolina said Friday that the last four of the 48 monkeys have been recaptured after two months of living in the woods, weathering a rare snowstorm and being tempted back into captivity by peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You let them low ball you monkeys love peanuts. Dude, you let them low ball you. Do you, they bring They bring Wagyu. That is the only thing. They don't give a fuck about Wagyu, man. Wagyu. Man, you've heard The Goose, the song by P-Funk, Happier Than a Monkey with a Peanut Machine?

They love peanuts. This is George Clinton's lyric from 35 years ago. He was on crack okay. And he was correct. But he's not a biologist. He fucking knows what monkeys want. I know he does. But I think that in the end, you're going to give them something else.

All right? But they are now, it doesn't matter, because they are caught. They are right back into captivity. Don't waste the wagyu on the monkeys. I mean, not now, especially now that you got them. They'll eat peanut butter jelly. I know, but I'm just saying, they lowballed them. I like peanut butter jellies.

I'm just saying that this also should be a Pixar movie. Oh, yeah, they saw their first snow. They saw their first snow. It's very cute It should be a Pixar movie, but they end up back in the testing facility There's something about a Reese's monkeys first snow. It's just like I don't know what it is It just seems post apocalyptic from South Carolina doesn't mean they're racist, but they're not supposed to see snow Well, yeah, I mean South Carolina's not supposed to see snow. Well, yeah. I mean, South Carolina is not supposed to see snow either. The world's dying. Yeah. I know. I guess Reese's monkeys aren't supposed to be in Charleston. I don't know. But either way, sorry monkeys. Hope you, you're going to look good in that Rouge. Really, really

enjoy it. I feel bad laughing at a monkey test. It was, it was well said. It was very, you know, it was tasteless, but hilarious. Specific. Hello, Florida. Your favorite son and biggest baby are coming home to bring you the laughs you deserve. Everyone likes to poke fun of the Florida man. Everyone likes to use Florida as a punching bag whenever an alligator on meth eats an old person. It can happen anywhere. As a famous Floridian baby, I feel your pain.

So that's why I'm coming home to let you know it's okay to be who you are. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that the rest of America is scared of us. It's okay that books are illegal in our schools. It's okay whenever it gets cold it rains iguanas. I'm here to support you. So come on out. March I'll be in North Florida and in May I'll be in South Florida and Orlando. It's the Invasive Species Tour. Ed Larson, me, is coming to Florida in March and May. I'm coming to Jacksonville, Panama City, Tallahassee, Marco Island, Dania Beach, Orlando, and Key West.

So lock up your public subs and start singing the Miami Dolphins fight song because we're going to party like it's Florida, baby. Tickets at eddytunes.com Speaking of tasteless and hilarious we got some friends joining us today. We would like to introduce you now. We got some people in here we're gonna be talking about some stuff. We have the hosts of Who's the Betch? Jackie Zabrowski and Kara Klink. Live from your grave. You know what I was thinking, Jackie? If you could just cut the front half of you off,

you'd do great. Yeah. Oh no. I'm going the opposite way. Face first, cut the first. Save for a fucking tit job. What are you gonna do with it? Yeah, what kind of job? Are they gonna work in a fucking mine. Yeah, of course they are

So you're playing you're gonna apply your breasts to work. They're the canaries When they have to deflate you are the coal What a great way to start they're warning the rest of your body that it's all about to shut down shut down There they go, So hold on. Are they dead? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I mean now, but I have to revive them so that I can, so they can. So you're going to go to the pet store. Yes, obviously. And shove my tits full of birds. What are you not getting from this? I actually would prefer to get a bike pump. Yeah, but then it's always falling out and then it's a whole big thing. Not getting from this I actually would prefer to get a bike pump Yeah, but then it's always falling out and it's a whole big thing, you know what I mean And especially get them birds in there. It's cheap

Please erase that welcome to the who's the bitch section of side stories today Bringing it in hard Safety no one cares about your emotions. Good. It's a good start. But we have two of the best other women on our network. Wow, what a intro. Two of the finest comedians in this room are right here.

The hosts of Who's the Bitch, both the stream stream and podcast it is Kara Klank and my sister Jackie Zabrowski hello What is what beef do you have like my girl dreams come true you were beef you calling me a cow No, you want me to move out into pasture? Because I will. And you should be bravely holding at and holding space for being a cow. You can't take my milk. We all need to be holding space for farm animals, that's for sure.

I'm sorry. I do in my duodenum. I'm sorry, guys. We're really excited to have these two women here, because it's good to have I've been in this room, and you didn't even intro me as a woman. You're not a woman Your bunch of parts and blood You wait till I get big old fakeys up top.

You're gonna see I'm gonna be blinking my nipples soon. I am very interested about this. So you're thinking about fakeys? My problem is that we've been talking a lot over on Who's the Bitch about Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, and I've really gotten into it. And I realize, I think a lot of people watch that show and think like why would you ever want to be Like that. Oh my god. These women are horrible. No, I just see doors opening for me in my future I'm just like this is what I was bored of a television show for her

She's a great idea a great idea tighter pin it. Yeah, I want to barely be able to cry anymore like I Great when they try to cry Someone moved my secret underwear. Do they wear secret underwear in the secret lives? What's crazy is that, is that like basically one of them is Mormon, two of them are like ex-communicated Mormons. One is Greek, she's wild. One's a Jew. She sounds lost. Yeah, and I say that as a Jew by the way, I'm not saying One's a Jew. She sounds lost.

Yeah, and I say that as a Jew, by the way. I'm not saying that in a Kanye way. I'm in the Greek one. Oh, no. And then there's one woman who owns a tequila brand and is Mormon. And she's like, this is just the way I do Mormonism. Beated tequila. So she calls it Mormon 2.0.

Well, they give them permission. That was the big deal in Mormonism. They like entrepreneurship Yeah, and they really don't care and the booze thing you find that old like that was weird thing I got into because like listening to Natalie because she's preparing all and doing all these various things I'm not bad Mormons. That's the thing. We watch the good fun more I have a feeling that they might all be bad Eddie, I have a feeling that they might all be bad. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

But, they're good ones, they're good ones. They're gonna be in Salt Lake City at some point. Accidental plug for the book Bad Mormon by Heather Gay. By Heather Gay. One of the wives who left. But I feel like they are. I love Mitt Romney. That was crazy when he ran, I go,

are we gonna have a president who wears the secret underwear? Like when he was running for president, I go, are we gonna have a president that wears a secret underwear You know what's really sad is that we would have been better off. Yeah, yeah Joke by the way really really How do you feel about soaking though and now that we're here may as well talk about it

Soaking I can we hold on I needed to properly explain to me now. Here's what I think it is It's just you enter and stay and wait till it's over Yeah, but then I've heard that there's like an addendum to soaking, which is when a friend jumps on the bed and that kind of causes some friction. That's right. But you're not actually initiating the friction. So it's fine. So God doesn't care.

Like anal, you know? Yes. It's a loophole. Yeah. I'd rather soaking than all of the people that are young and think that anal means you're still a virgin. Why not? I guess it depends if you decide that, you know, if that's for you or what if it shoots

up through your asshole and up into your pussy hole? Jackie, you're the woman. Oh my God. Wait a second. You're supposed to know this. Oh my God. We are the ones that are not supposed to know that You know that this the semen can't jump from the butt to the vagina

I love it when my brother says the word semen Yeah, if it did if semen jump from butts to vaginas to be honest, I think there'd be a lot more Troubled kids. What about leakage? If they can't create a baby, they don't care, right? Yeah, I guess not. Well, can, Kara, I'll ask you this. They call it more man. Do you think if semen were to leak from the butthole

to your vagina, would the semen still be viable? Yes, because I don't know for sure, but I know semen can live inside of, sperm can live inside of women for five days. Now, sperm is the little men inside of semen. Yes. Yes. So when you're talking about viable semen, I'm yeah.

Yeah. Oh my God. Thank you from look who's talking exactly what I was talking about. Thank you. Literally that movie made me want to be a single mom. Didn't work out for me, but I got the sex talk during the semen scene in the movie theater for my mother. Really?

See? So I don't know. like, did you ever read, like, when you were growing up, did you ever read, like, little teen magazines, like Teen and YM and shit? Oh, of course. They would always have stuff that was like, I don't know how I got pregnant, we hooked up in a hot tub, and there'd be, like, things about how the semen could jump in, like,

through the hot tub, because the water's warm. Like an orca. So if you have, like, a warm ass, and it leaks from your butt up into the vagina, it still would require, that would require a lot of gravity. I'd have to stand on your head. If I put an ice cube in the vagina. The actor?

Oh, because I think he knows what to do. Would that not cool the semen to not use? That's a great question. I don't know what woman would want to do that. A desperate, lost woman. It only lasts for a finite amount of time, too But yeah, I found that out when I was trying to on purpose get pregnant that that shit lives in you for five days Wow, oh kill it. Yeah, that's cool. You get out get it out of there. That's scary to me

Yeah, so it's not five days to find the egg. Yeah, it's got days to like swim up there No, they're very smart. Well, they're slow minor slow This coming Valentine's Day weekend when I won't be with my wife I will be in a hotel room alone, but maybe I could do it's kind of fun come on the floor and say go find her Yeah. What am I gonna do? I'm a star. Then it becomes like a Milo and Otis like long-distance journey movie. Except all the dogs keep dying and the kitties keep like drowning in the river. Yeah, it's hard to drown, Sam.

Just one puddle of semen slowly rolling through. Yeah, core bound. And there's voiceover, you get Blythe Danner to do the voiceover, you know. Oh, I didn't know if I could cross that river. We've gotta get to to Natalie or we're never going to make a baby. Oh, does she even want a baby? I don't know of this pile of semen.

Thank God he left two. I was thinking about trying to race mine, you know? Like trying to like squirting on a desk and then like lining them up and see who's fastest. Oh, it sounded like I thought you were going to cut them up to do lines of it. I don't remember what it is, but there's some kind of thing about boy sperm

is slower or faster or something like that. Like one of the gender sperm is faster. So like, there's like people will do shit when they're like, like if you have sex at a certain time in your ovulation, cause you wanna have a certain gender, it's like the guys get there fast. So it's like, like have sex. If you want sex at a certain time in your ovulation because you want to have a certain gender The guys get their fat so it's like Like have sex if you want a girl I think what the deal is is they're like have sex the day before you ovulate because then all the boys will get there

And be like and then die and then the girl ones will come slowly and they'll get right to the end I know it's crazy, and that's like literal internet shit that I cannot fact-check like I don't know if it's true or not But the only way to do it. Yeah, no, cuz yeah, it's the only way to know but we also have some stories We really want to get yeah perspective on thank you besides just what semen does because I'm glad that we went through it. Yeah, because the two of us My sperm so dumb it comes out my butt See it can travel through this is what I can travel through. This is what I was talking about. This is what I was scared of.

It's lost, Terri. You're the woman. It doesn't know where to go. You say that you know how scared I was for most of my upbringing, thinking that I was just going to accidentally get pregnant and not know. I still am scared that it's actually because you're eight months pregnant, and I would have no idea And I'm just putting the baby in the toilet my friends recently were four months pregnant and had no idea Like okay, I guess I would see that but eight months or like the ones that have the baby in the toilet

It's crazy. Yeah, it's poking at your body. It's in there trying to kick its way out of shit It seems that most of those young women are not really living conscious lives. Yes. They seem to be caught in their own debris. Denial the debris of their lives. Yeah. Yes. Lady question. Yeah. Oh yeah. So when you, when you have, when you get pregnant and there's obviously the time there when you don't know when you're pregnant and you get hammered. Oh yeah. Done it. So what's the deal? That's fine. I don't know. Early on, it's cool. See how my son turns out. He's only three and a half. I can't really make any comments now, but I didn't know I was pregnant with him and it was my

birthday and you know, apparently it's really when what I've heard My friends of mine, I bet you guys know yeah We always talk about this stuff Always is that kids can't enjoy booze in the fetus until they're like six months. Oh listen. I don't There's also a ton of data. That's like you have to drink so much alcohol to affect a child I'm not I'm not telling anyone to do that Yes, but you have to Because it sounds like you're telling me I can you have to have a lot but like I had a friend that again Didn't know till she was four months. She did not know her son goes to like one of the best colleges in the country

He's a tennis star. She was ripping butts drinking a ton. That's didn't know No, and look at her son's awesome. Didn't know. I love her. Wow. And look at her, and her son's fucking exceptional. So everybody calm down. You know what? I feel like again, ladies, pregnant ladies, smoke it up. Yeah, smoke them if you got it.

Drink it down. Drink it down. Take a break. Pick it back up. If you quit, pick it back up. Yes. Double down. Yes.

Two cigarettes at once. You're smoking for two. So if you smoke while you're pregnant and your kid comes out all fucked up, who's the bitch? You were the kid. I think it's the uterus failed at sucking on it, right? Cuz that's what happens it comes from the outside and you know Jackie. I never had one I don't know what happens inside of there. We are barely taught anything You guys don't know anything. We don't know anything Kara only of there. We are barely taught anything. You guys don't know anything We don't know anything Kara only knows because you've actually had children barely barely, but you have tick-tock Yeah, I do have tick-tock, but I mostly am watching piggy videos. I've really fallen into a lot of

Yeah, I love them especially when they piggies make friends when the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm Especially when they piggies make friends when the piggies make friends with other animals on the farm You know There's a reason why Pumba is such a fun when I was in Africa and we were on Safari every time I saw a warthog It was partying with a different animal Good time, okay, so word on my god the big man on campus of the savannah I'm sorry. we're watching the video of them. The change in my name. And it hurt.

Every time that I. Well Jackie, please send me the piggy videos. Oh, I'll send you piggy videos. Oh, you want piggy videos? Do you know piggy videos? You know pigs are smarter than toddlers? I know it. That's why I think more human abortions.

Put them on the barbecue. No, I say we eat the toddlers instead. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. You know pigs are smarter than toddlers. I know it No, I say we eat the toddlers instead She has one army hammer has his own podcast. I'm allowed to say these things into a Billionaire with them with the fucking decade long Got an apartment. Oh, what a horror show. Oh, what a crazy, what a crazy, what a, we all, it's like a Holocaust for him. I can't believe he has the rent. He told me to walk upstairs to go inside of his house, Henry. I know. Tell me about it. I remembered sharing a washing machine. Do you think we can get him?

Yes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's open for business. Honestly, I've business. I've been I've been pitching a whole thing with him. It's all truly called the army hammer time podcast. You gotta be kidding me. You can't try to be all whimsical after the last few years you've had. He gets to make a lot of jokes about being a cannibal though. And I think that's good for you. I think he needs that platform. He made like Okay, is he really is a cannibal or was he just saying some weird shit?

Did other they did others vaguely abusive The flesh consumption is that real the cat the cat no we never did Yeah, the cannibal thing much like how we do with everything right now, uh, we're focusing on the wrong issue. Part of it, yes. You're right. Yes. It is the- the issue here is not- is not the dumb shit cannibal thing. It's so funny, like look at his face.

We didn't know this guy was gonna be problematic. Yeah. He's pure evil. He looks like sewage in a person. He is pure evil. I mean, he's very attractive. Yes. I get- I mean, it's very attractive. Yeah, I mean Weird though because I was so attracted to him

Originally because he was so great and call me by your name and I was like wow It is crazy how fast that shit can shut off. I do not see an attractive man when I look at him I I'm disgusted by him as a person But I also watch the docu series and so watch what he actually did do to people and Surprise, he's really bad. Yeah. Yeah, I like that free fire movie That was fun. I don't know if you saw it or not Yeah, yeah, it's great movie. No him and Brie Larson fun. Shoot him up He could have been a great actor. Yeah, he could have been a great actor

But he's just gonna have to really look like a fun movie I really hope that one day he was able to heal and I think that the billions of dollars that he's gonna Thank you really gonna help you. Yeah, I'm ready for his comeback. I'm ready for his comeback already him and Rudy Giuliani I hope they pair up With both of the the the gel coming down their head from their hair because you know Army Hammer's gonna need it at some point. God, you know what I feel bad for with Giuliani is his children. I don't.

Because they fucking hate his ass. Remember that fucking kids? And they only feel good about having him. Fuck the whole fucking family! I like the energy! Every single one of them can go in the fucking Hague! I likeague. I hope each one of them can suck my fucking balls They don't like remember the kid at the Letterman show would come out and do all that wild shit Giuliani's little kid the crew he had a choke hold on us when we were kids. Yes. Yeah, then Chris Farley played him

Yeah, well, I want to ask you guys opinion. Okay, because we covered this last week and we got several opinion. Okay. Because we covered this last week and we got several intense messages back that I thought was really interesting. Okay. This is a case that came out of the UK and a young lady was dating a young man and she, I guess they got into a conflict with the young man's ex and the new girlfriend decided in a moment of I'm gonna say passion To send the ex this list lovely lady. She was going to send this her partner's ex She wanted to basically be like get out of her life get away from us and she sent a bunch of videos of her clothes behind farting

Into the camera. Yes, like a denim fart. Okay. Yeah, send the videos to the X now what's up? I don't know why I find that to be important, but it's not even real messaging It's cuz the UK cryptic videos are we talking like five? I want to say it was like five or six So after one or two several after one or two, why didn't the X? Block the number well exactly this is this is a thing we go into all time where and the UK They have more of a sensitive use because now we know that the lady who sent off fart videos got a year probation no And for several fart closed bottom fart videos This is what I'm saying is that not only do the fart videos have no threat of violence

They don't say I'm gonna kill you bitch Yeah, it doesn't say like I've know where you live Right. She is giggling. She's laughing and farting And but I've in my mind as I was the judge the baddest I I would say Shut your phone. Yeah. So here's the, here's the sentence. Rihanna Evans was ordered to pay nearly 300 euros and serve a year long community order. Um, she also has two year restraining order against her. And because she admitted to being drunk while carrying out the crime, she must attend 15 rehab sessions and observe a 60 day alcohol abstinence period.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This. Okay. Oh, also, if she says- Oh my God, her friends are like, you want to hit the pub? She's like, I can't, May. Me fault crimes. Keep me from having fun. I'm on my 60 day sobriety due to my fart vids. If there were hundreds of them, like if she was sending them every like 30 seconds, I would also understand her getting into some kind of legal trouble. Now you said this in the UK, so obviously, you know, laws are different there because then you think about some people that get sentenced in the United States, you're just

like they only got seven years when they were doing what for how long? So I feel like this is actually going to jail. No, but the probation still a lot. It's going to be a fucks up probation. She could end up in jail. You want probation for a year. It sucked. Yes. It was awful. And I went to jail because I messed up my probation. I had to spend four days in jail. Really? Yeah. It was all it just like, it's crazy that you wouldn't just block it and you go to the cops. I don't know, I kinda think that the ex-girlfriend

is the bitch for even reporting it. Like get over it. 100%. I do feel like the ex-girlfriend is a bitch because there are multiple ways that you could have tried to navigate this situation or maybe, I don't know, I'm not looking at the article Did she was she trying to stop it from happening? She went straight she compiled She saved all the videos and went to the car was the new girlfriend like buying Burners and like keeping like that's a continued pattern of harassment. I understand that

You gotta have the number a year On whatsapp. Yes, you can block. That's what I don't get. It's like one fart video, ugh, what a loser. Second fart video, okay, I think I'm done. I'm going to block. She waits for five to come in and then goes to the cops. To me, it's also like, stop wasting cops' resources. Cops have so many- They got less to do over there.

The UK is- The UK is- But you know- Oh, people are molesting kids over in the UK, guys. People are raping. People are doing lots of shit over in the UK guys people are raping people Over in the UK. Oh, believe me. I've been to the UK twice. I've saw Saw with my own two eyes and participate Don't do it, Henry. No, he was getting molested. Yes. I mean, you are juicy to the touch, and I understand.

I was the receiver, and over there, they thought I looked young. Yeah, and every time you touch Henry, he goes, hmm. Hi, hi, hi, hi. Oh, no, oh, you, oh, no, mister. Oh, my god. Oh, no, mister. Would you be upset if you were grabbing somebody's butt and the butt was fake But this is actually Jumping ship here. Well, let's first let me let's first end this one this first thing

But I'm with you because I don't want to talk about this listen I'm anti bullying but I just feel like let's pick our battles Let's like not use government resources for shit that could easily be solved by the boat like the touch of a finger block the fucking Girl and move on with your life Yeah, I think a fart text is just a funny story to have at the bar. Absolutely I think that it sounds like something a 12 year old would do to a friend. Yeah All right, let me actually change the scenario just for once and then kind of read like I don't know why What if ex-girlfriend was blind?

So she's only hearing the far Yeah, is that word does she is it more sensitive if she's only hearing the fart? Yeah. Is that, does she, is it more sensitive if she's a blind woman? I do think so. I do think it is. I think it is because you wouldn't know if the butt was clothed. And obviously the fart would sound different.

Yeah, it would. And so maybe she would notice the difference because it would sound like it's coming through clothes. But I do. But also, I think it's more, I think it's upsetting. Just send the audio. You know, you don't need to taunt her with a video message. If she's blind.

But then it could be anything. I actually think that's even funnier. I think that's even funnier. Only the audio, just fart sounds. I can hear you bitch. Yeah. Oh, I don't know if my husband's doing this with the phone. I'm blind

And then you know, it would make sense why she got a year of probation Yeah, then it would make more sense your ass in the blood stop harassing the blind That's what the barrister I imagine would say To sound like your curls are bigger thicker Barista is the lawyer and the magistrate is the judge. I just want to point that out to you you blow Thank you. Yeah, I think you're talking about barristers and it's confusing No, they're all wearing powdered way Everyone thinks that the victim Victim is such a way it's like I don't think yeah

I've just I have been a victim of way more bullying that nothing has come from So maybe this is coming from an anger of my past But I do feel like it's fart videos, dude. You gotta get over it. It is kind of funny. That's the problem. But also, I will say, there is something to be said about not giving your enemy the ammo that they need to fuck you over.

So I do think that yes. The butt? I believe that this lady, if I were to advise Fart Woman. She lost for sure. If I was to advise Fart Woman, what I would say is, never put a fart in writing. You go and you fart on that woman in person. Well then, I would need to know so wasted.

Her name is Rhiannon Evans, use her full name. Her name is Fart Woman. But also then it would make more sense because then she's like haunting this person and she's showing up and farting at her front door into the mail slot. The mail slot is very funny. Very funny. But guess what it is? That's good. That's actually assault because you're smelling harder to prove. You have to catch her. Got to catch that. But that's what I'm saying. It's harder to prove. I'm saying fart woman. Think about

your freedom and think about, do you want to be living the worst trail of farty breadcrumbs possible? Well, it's just like also you have to think about in legal stuff like this setting precedent So are you saying now like brothers that hold each other down and spit into each other's mouths now They're going to get jail time or probation. Like what these are pranks if they're filmed for only you know what I mean? Yeah, is this is this girl's name Rihanna? Rihanna. Rihanna. Yeah. Rihanna.

Farts like a bird in the night. Rihanna. Rihanna. Fly from your grave. What were you going to say about grabbing an ass that's not there, Jocky? Oh, I was talking about asses. I was talking about the grand.

Yeah, let's get to a perfect ass segue. Get in here. Fairy butt mother Kim Kardashian is starting to sell butt enhancing skims shorts with padding for a bigger behind. So I was just immediately up top before we started recording making a joke about how I would love to do this because I would love to pad out my ass

because I am threatening to someday go get a really, really cheap BBL, but I feel like that's probably not a good idea. Not a good idea. You mean the cement kind? Oh yeah, and I say drag it down, baby. But how would you feel, would you feel lied to if you grabbed a butt and then you were hooking up

with a person and you find out, and this also goes for chicken cutlets in the bra. Push-up bra makeup make everything I will say is a you see Eddie's wrong You know what it is is in my mind how big's the lie so with chicken cutlets and a stuffed bra and a pad bra most men by a certain age can count it even tell a Chicken cutlet. Yeah, can you you could tell by? waist hands shoulders

face feet You can look at all the part you can Break a woman down And you can do the titty math you could can do the titty math on some level. And be like, Them's pads. Them's pads in those hills. But these days, I find the super padded booby

is really not a thing anymore. It happens every bathing suit's got padding in it. But not really, but super padded booby now seems mostly people like a brawlet, not really but super padded booby now seems mostly people like a brawlet people like a less padded Less padded. Yeah, we are getting some boobies back in hamburger commercials. Oh, that's great I was Donald. I'm yes. This is what you know about boobs is that they're in hamburger Uncle o grimacee the green green shamrock uncle of Grimace O'Brett McDonald.

Who has tits? They're bringing him. He doesn't yet. He's Irish, so he's got big ass. He's gotta be a trance guy. Dumper Uncle O Grimacy. Are those the tits you're talking about? Is that what you mean? He's flat. Oh, it's St. Patrick's Day next week.

But there's a part of me that like, if you were to have a padded butt, right? Like, how big is the pad and what purpose is it? Kim Kardashian size, apparently. I guess it's one of those things where you want it. If you eventually hope. It adds two inches of volume. But as a lady, are you doing that? Wow, look at these pictures.

You're right. That is a man. They make it juicy. My thing is, are you doing this? Wow, look at these pictures. You're right, that is a, man, they make it juicy. My thing is, are you doing this for other people or do you know at some point someone's going to touch you while you're wearing this thing and do you care? That's more, I feel like, on you. But don't you think, like, if you're going home and hooking up with a girl and you're like,

you're actually, like, about to fuck, do you really care about the ass of that one? Of course not, but the moment you come, you do. The second, it's all said and done and you sit and you think about it I've been deceived if you look down and you see the goalie pads that were on her and you look over And she went from the lady that you had met to now. She is a Gwyneth Paltrow tiny little but but tiny She's a Meghan Markle. No meat lady. Yeah, right and then you're like, whoa I thought I met my wife last night because I had a dream that my wife had a butt so big

But it's the thing where I feel like whoa, that was my wife and then now she's doesn't have a butt But I guess it's one of those things where I guess I think it's sweet Totally change the way they look with like contouring. You can like fully change it. But it doesn't really change the structure of your head. Have you seen some of these fucking TikTok videos? Oh yeah, they can do some crazy shit. The transformation where like if their nose is like this big

and then they make it look like this tiny little delicate nose, they do crazy shit with makeup. And it's over. Before you're fucking, you're going. I think if you're fucking you're going and she wants to wear a butt thing that makes her butt look nice while you're all around I think that's very nice to her and I thank her for doing that if she doesn't have the butt later when we're having sex I don't care cuz you

know what no one else is there Everyone else thinks she has the big ass. Hell yeah! But then the problem is for everybody else! What about my needs? Poor! Why do you need a big ass? Because I'm here! As I'm alive! Oh yeah. Because I have blood in my veins! Yes, Henry. Because I come from each generation of man who's lived. Preach it Henry. You're the man with less ass than any other man who's ever existed.

So I need a lady with more ass. After you fuck, she tells you she's a flat earther and you're like, whatever. At least that was, you know, that wasn't a deception. A juicy ass. I pretty much can roll with any philosophy. Yeah. A flat girth. You own a pair of these, Henry.

I do. I got my bike shorts. You actually have these already. You have what? You have butt shorts? I had to buy them for when I had my Peloton. Oh, because it was hurting your little booty? So badly.

Yeah, you gotta get like those little padded shorts. Oh, I had to get rid of the entire bike because what happened was that I bought the padded shorts, then I bought the padded seat. Oh no. Then I started putting a towel down on top of the seat between Wasn't enough to learn or do your push in and then you know also really what it was is that I think that every time I talked about this on the show

But every single time I crossed a living room in my little bike booties and my bike shorts I saw one day of sex leave Natalie. I saw, each time I saw, that's one less time we will ever make love. You just saw this in me. Because it's just like click clack, click clack, click clack, because I walk through with it. Oh yeah, the little clickety's.

The stupid bike shoes you have to wear. But someone sent you like butt ones too. No, I bought them. Oh, I have the super big butt one. Yeah, someone sent them to you. Yeah, I have a super big butt one. Yeah, someone sent them to you. Yeah, I have a super big butt one, yeah. Look at those EVA, the 3D protection. No! I ain't lying to my audience.

You'll get some attention. My butt is fine the way it is. If people just suddenly were like, Yo, Henry Zabrowski's got a dumper on him. Who knew? I just wanna fucking stick my head in them loaves. I'm just gonna be like, Uh, sir, I'm a man. I'm a human. Who cares?

I'm a soul wrapped in this ass. I say you got an ass? That's all they care about. I'm a soul in here with a penis and an ass that won't quit. Well, it will once you take the shorts off. Well, I'll tell you when it quits. That's quitting time for the old butt. That's the thing.

Because again, I don't mind the lie. I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies. I think lies are actually... We need more lies. More deception. for the old but. That's the thing, is that, cause again, I don't mind the lie, I like a lie. I actually feel like we need more lies. I think lies are actually- We need more lies. More deception. You know what I'll say about a lie,

which is nice about a good lie that's used to save somebody's feelings, is that you thought of me. Sometimes I'd rather you just, just give me the effort of the lie, and then that shows you're actually thinking about me Yeah, yeah, you've put yourself in a compromised situation Yeah, cuz like being truthful is kind of easy. Oh, you got to do is say stuff like let's get creative

Yeah, yeah The worst one like, you know, you've gained weight and then you see someone like you look so thin Because that guy But yeah, I guess that's what it is I guess it's mostly just how sad I'd be Yeah, that it wasn't there. If I went in to feel the butt afterwards, I'd just kind of be sad, but again, in the end, if you're making love, it doesn't really matter.

Yeah, yeah. I just hear a BBL is a real rough surgery. Also, let's talk about that with the BBL. In five years, in 10 years, is that gonna be the trend anymore? The big butts were not a big thing 20 years ago. They are now. What if the pendulum swings and then suddenly you're stuck with this big

cement ass? I'm pretty sure that people have been loving big asses for all of time, like cavemen and shit. I think always we're down with a big dumper. I think dumpers look like you can give birth. Well, tips is the idea of like the old, like of like the wider, the Well, it's hips. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously, it is the idea of the wider the hips, it meant that the more likely your child would survive. Yeah, so you're just naturally attracted to a huge ass. I mean, truthfully, we should be disgusted by an ass

because that's where doo-doo comes from. You know, and so, but the fact that we all wanna lick it and fuck it means something, right? Yeah, you gotta clean You do have to clean gotta clean that ass spray also fine in all things go up and down everything goes It's all fat skinny everything goes Everything right just how it is it goes from bigger ladies cuz the first it was the butt was the thing But now we're seeing but but is leaving I don't think so ever going anywhere they started saying fucking low-rise jeans were coming back and I was like you fucking shut

your mouth also what about Kendrick wearing the flare jeans yeah it's a bootcut I do you think it was funny because everyone's talking about I didn't know he got jeans from torrid. Yeah. Yeah That if you watch that You know what that motherfucker did that was a super fucking for me as a sneaker head he wore retail shoes Those are shoes you could get on retail. Those are the DTs. Those are the, what's his putz? Not the... Delirium Tremens? Yes.

Wally's wearing a 1.2 million dollar necklace. By the way, but I love retail shoes. That makes me love me more. He's the DS's, the new Dion Sanders. He's wearing the Dion Sanders shoes. He just loves his boy. They're probably friends. Wow, this is crazy. I had no idea You were a sneaker head. Yeah, I used to be I used to be more crazy

I just stopped doing it because Natalie kind of said which is true, which is you know The only people who notice this or other large men But you know we've talked I don't know we've talked about this before but there is something that you do There's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there's sometimes things that you do for yourself and there are sometimes things that you do for the gender you're trying to attract and sometimes you're trying to do it that like, I talk about like trying to work my arms

and trying to get like more muscle in my arms and Jeff has said to me before, he's like, I don't know if I've ever looked at your upper arms before ever and I was like, I don't do it for you. I do it so other women look at my arms ago working out yeah oh you're working on those arms where that franken hooker shirt to like attract women Exactly, I wish I could kill a hooker and bring her back to life. Well, you know

But I you know, but you're both inspiring though, oh my god You first of all you're surviving driving and surviving. Thank you. Neither one of you is the bitch Why cuz you're scared of us because we could scrap real easy. I'd take Eddie, you'd take Henry. I ain't fucking with that. I'll lie down and get beat. We also talk about this on our show that being a bitch isn't always a bad thing. You're right. It's fun to be a bitch.

We're bitches in a lot of ways. Honestly, doing the show has opened up, and I'm sure you're both so thankful, it has opened me up to being more of a bitch. I'm very thankful, to be honest. Because I always thought that you were too nice to you know Like yeah came to like every job you've ever had you always say yes Oh, yeah, whenever they fucking make you work longer. You never stand up for yourself like never fucking blue stove No, but they were torture your fucking ass

Drive me nuts Thank you Eddie Henry whatever you're about to say, I'm about to shut it down because I'm being a little bit more of a bitch! I said you need to be a bitch to your boss more often! You gotta be the bitch you wanna see in the world! Let's just say I've really noticed the uptick. Successful is what he's saying. You mean your sister is extra successful. Has there been something on who the bitch that, like a fun topic that you would like to get a Henry and I's opinion on?

Yeah. Well, we actually, this, this one's coming out in our episode this next week, where this woman called, should I do this one or should I do a different one? Yeah, do the, yeah. This woman was like, I have a really good friend of years and years. We both have kids like the same age. She has an older kid as well, like so, but they're little kids. She went out of town, the husband was home alone. My husband said, why don't you call over and see if he needs a break and you can watch the kids for a little bit.

And so she texted the husband, he goes, I'm all good. When the girl, when the friend got back into town, she was like, how dare you contact my husband without asking me or going through me. That would be like, that would be like Julie telling me that I can't text you. That guy has no, like, first of all, when Julie and I first got together before there was any hint of marriage or even being boyfriend and girlfriend, I was like, I know lots of women. I'm friends with lots of yeah If you can't accept that then this is gonna work it right, right? You know, I was like what year is it like the woman that called didn't really have an accent

I couldn't really place geographically. I was like, maybe if you're looking the deep south, that's a thing But like I couldn't understand like I was like, it's 2025. We're all like in the same time loop right now I will say as a husband. this is not about being a man Mm-hmm, but as a husband I prefer if you just spoke to Natalie cuz she'll remember Yeah, and that when you I get asked to do things and it's not that I forget on purpose It's just I have a smaller brain. Yeah when goes, I sent the invitation to Jared, I go, so you don't want us to come? Yeah.

That's what I would do. Exactly. It's not all husbands, but it's a lot of us. And it's just that we struggle with certain aspects of the relational spectrum. And I think that, yeah, please loop that, Leigh Ann. Because then I'll get there. Yeah.

And then, but if I wanted to be like, Henry, I saw this cool poster I thought you'd like. I took a picture of it. Here it is. Your wife wouldn't be like, Kara, how dare you just be talking about random day-to-day shit with my husband. I find that to be completely unhinged.

I think I know here's the thing. If it's like a chronic thing and it's like border lining into like emotional cheating, you know, like, you stuff. No, no. And also there are times when it is inappropriate. I'm not saying that there is not times when someone hitting up another person's power is not, you know, there are times when it's not appropriate. Yeah, but this person even talked to the friend afterwards Explained everything it was my husband's idea. We just wanted to see if you were trying to like be your village here Still this woman was like no, I never want to talk to you ever again. Whoa That's kind of good to get her out of your life

What I've seemed also maybe know slightly as as Osmond that those sometimes and when you find that you are in a situation Where you feel that you scared of us right now? It sounds like you're talking like you're scared of us Yes, these well, you know talking we know our wives are gonna listen to this particular episode But there's there's a reaction right that sometimes come from something else so it seems that maybe this is not the fight That's what I said. I was like, she's obviously deeply distrustful of her husband. Yes, or She's got some you know, she has a new baby Maybe she's got some postpartum stuff going on where she feels you know like first of all You know he's emotionally cheated before the idea for this podcast that we originally started was like this is am I the asshole?

But for like normal people because am I the assholes just filled with so many dudes going My wife had a baby two weeks ago, and she won't fuck me what the hell Yeah, like what I leave so many am I the asshole for threatening to leave like no she has stitches in her vagina Yeah, like what? So many am I the asshole for threatening to leave like no she was stitches in a vagina The bride of Frankenstein it is so to me it's like I understand that I'm just like I understand that there's paranoia that women have after they have a baby like oh my god I'm not attractive anymore. My body's changed so much. I'm paying more attention to baby I don't want my husband to stray or whatever, but it's like, she explained everything to you,

her husband was part of it, like it wasn't, I don't know, they weren't trying to threesome your husband, it's just so irrational, and also... I'll also tell ya, I don't think the help was, let's also be frank, if it was coming from the husband, he didn't really mean it. No, it was coming from the wife. But I mean, he didn't wanna help. That, it was coming from the wife, but I mean he didn't want to help No, the way that's why he said to his wife

Hey, why don't you hit him up and offer some help because he didn't want to do it You don't want to go over there and help with the game. I know right don't ask me to come help with your children I will I will ha ha ha ha ha somebody Monday the 24th go take care of care I wouldn't show up Henry. This is a web series. Oh my god That's what the world needs back Pipeline it used to be a way people made stuff any gave us fucking Trying to make money off of trollville. Yes To written puffin it's really good. That is

great. They used to give money to people to make stuff, not to have to... I thought you used your own money to make it and it was a failure and you lost a bunch. No, that was Trollville. Yeah. Listen, Broad City, some of it works. Sometimes it's a Broad City. What's her name? Issa Rae is now in charge of the other half of the White House. Yeah, listen, I am, I'm just saying, I don't know if you watching my kids is a full TV show, but it's a web series for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I watch it. Cause I could do, cause I don't watch movies with them.

They would love you. They would think you were so funny and fun. I can get them to latch. They're so far done with presidents. Oh, all right. Well, that was my first mistake. What do you mean they're done? So far done with Presidents. Oh, alright, well that was my first mistake. Just imagine Henry... What do you mean they're done? Henry trying to get a six year old to lash. Come on, come on!

That's a little taste. Philip, it's lunchtime! Presidents best! Try not to smell my facial hair. Thank you guys for being here today. Thank you. Thank you for having us. Now for next episode of Who's the Bitch, you guys definitely want calls, you want as many, like what's a good way?

Yeah, how do people find you? Let's shoot them the various address. If you go to whosethebitch.com, you can subscribe to the pod and stuff. We have a whole website. Yeah, we have a fucking URL and everything who's the bitch calm that tells you what our next live stream is you can call in Live and talk to us that you can also watch YouTube's of old live streams You can subscribe on Apple and Spotify or wherever you fucking get a podcast Do we know the number of ways to email us call us and DM us?

It's all it who's the bitch literally from who's the bitch outcome. You can just click on it and your phone will call us That's fucking awesome. It's amazing. Yeah, after this bullshit And then you can listen to the um and you listen to the messages later on And then you guys leave voicemails, 424-666-0667 Yeah, that's the LPN number Oh yeah We love the voicemails we love live calls But an email is fine too a DM is fine too if you're gonna leave a voicemail

We do have a five-minute limit some people I think five minutes long some people are 30 seconds We love details we like the do want details for sure But sometimes when it kind of loses the sauce as the voicemails go on some yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just gotta Write out the key points and then call us. Oh yeah. But we wanna hear, like, and I can't emphasize enough, this does not have to be like,

I think I should get a divorce, my sister and I are feuding. It can literally be like the most trivial, I love the trivial who's the bitch. Oh yeah. Those are my favorites. I love those. I got three nuggets instead of four and then I yelled at the person, am I the bitch? Yeah, am I the bitch?

And what was the one with the switch? We love one that was just like, my friend left her switch at the airport and she asked me to go get it for and It's my birthday and I don't want to we were like go for it girl Right like yeah, you mean she made you go get it I think they left the city they left the city of it of that they were in yes So they had to go is she left it at like the CSA at the fucking video games switch and Go back to go pick it up and I'm not going to the air But then the thing I even like going all the way back to the airport

But then on top of it where she was like and it was my birthday I didn't want to and we're like fuck yeah So go tomorrow Man you can call that you can fucking force to do this? Also the airport gets stuff all the time. They will mail it to you It just cost money like we had a woman who told people like to stop vaping in an NFL game Like we have all kinds of people that are like do dealing with like little bitchy moments of the day to day to me That's more interesting. We also welcome, you know Friendship breakups and all kinds of any problems, but any any level of depth honestly, we're fine with

To the very shallow to the deep. So is there been what have you guys disagreed on? You and I well far you always agree who the bitches. No, we don't always agree It is kind of fun because I think that we're learning that Kara and I are I'm so like dripping in all of my feelings and it's fun because Kara even though Kara is a mother of two can just be like let's get down to the breast tacks. All right Let me just get right to this. I think the last time Kara cried was 9-eleven. Yeah. Not even. Not even.

Not even. That's what I like, a hard mother. I like a hard mother. You don't need to cry every day. Alright, so go to Who's the Bitch dot com for all your bitch based needs. And go follow Who's the Bitch wherever podcasts are seen and go on our Twitch dot TV slash LBNTV every other Monday. Because Who's the Bitch is live, they're're taking your calls you go there and you do that Yeah, we like talking to you Jackie Kara bless Bless to you as well and bless that badass of yours. Thank you these two

Globes are gonna go and change the world that globes huge crazy Rolls I don't know if they're low. I don't need a big ass. I'm okay as me. I think yeah waffles. I accept. I don't need to change. I want to see your little tiny butt in those Celine jeans that Kendrick was wearing. Oh yeah. Slide all down. You could just pants you in them. Yes. I mean I honestly will do anything Kendrick tells me. He just slide all down. You could just pants you in them. Yes. I mean, I honestly will do anything Kendrick tells me. Yeah.

I thought his jeans looked cool and I honestly would have worn those in college for sure. They're very, very cool. Everything about him is amazing. He did a good job and was the first time I'd heard most of his songs. Yeah. And I felt that he was very entertaining. You get into Kendrick. What are you doing, man?

A lot of his stuff's very sad. Yeah. I'll listen to it. Yeah, and I felt that he was very entertaining Very sad yeah Listen to it. I'll get there. Yeah fucking poet you should do this amazing listen to the album when Obama was in office To pimp a butterfly than I knew of the newer album I've listened to the newer album once I just know that Drake is a guess he is a pedophile and I know otherwise I don't know what I would I then did was it but I do I did go I mean, I don't know about Kendrick, but I went straight to easy comm and bought one of those new cross shirts Isn't it like a meditation Isn't it like a meditation? It's good. I

Looked it up and it means good luck. Yeah, very European. It's super European Yeah, I think it's the new it's gonna be the new Tesla symbol. Yes, the websites down apparently Oh, yeah, oh, yeah Must be very popular if the website crash. Yes a lot of traffic Just like in downtown Nuremberg. Grouped up these Nazis because that's where Nazis belong in the fucking gallows. And we're coming for you. Honestly, if there's any soul alive, we are going to look for you. We're going to come get you. And they are the bitch. So there you go. If you're 99 and you got away with it, but it was the last five days of your life?

Let's take a field trip to Buenos Aires. I feel like that's where they all are. Do you remember when they tried to do that thing, there was like a lady that was like a 99 year old, like essentially a receptionist for Dachau, and they finally found her, and it was this whole big public, should we punish her or not? I'm like, you fucking choke that bitch with your bare hands. Fuck

that 99 year old Nazi. Fucking shoot her in the head. I wanna see her fucking corpse dragged through the street by a taxi cab. Whoa, Kanye violated the terms of service at Shopify. And listen, hey, and Shopify really took a full 48 hours to really think about whether or not they really thought about it. They sold all those shirts.

We just have to run it by legal. That's it, we just have to really think about it. Is this the right thing to do or not? Should we sell Swanska T-shirts or not? I don't know. And they really sat and thought about it and they made a proper decision. Solid. 48 hours later. So thanks Shopify. You're there for us. Well you should also know that on our show, for our live streams, we have a bitchometer. Which like, it rates how bitchy the person that we're calling the bitch is. And our number, our highest one has been Kanye

But yesterday's on yesterday's stream. He was taken off the bitch on the road. He's off He's beyond bitchy. I would say we decide I was like I don't want to look at his fucking face anymore Take him off the bitch on the dirt and he's been replaced by The Paul brothers yes Yes. Good! I was thought I was going to hear Ellen DeGeneres. Oh no. But I feel like she's got more of a complicated thing going on. Yeah. Well she's overseas now.

Hiding from the Diddy allegations. Oh yes. Oh she's hiding. You know about this? Ellen's connected to Diddy? Yeah they're like best friends and she used to go to his parties. She wasn't fun enough to go to the freak-off. Yeah, she was at least around for it. She was early round and they were like, Ellen just left, let's start the freak-off.

Yeah, literally. Now that downer's out of here, let's bring in the kids. Yeah. But the, you know, the honest thing is there's fucking lots of footage of Diddy and her on her show talking about how wild his parties are. That was what he was known for. Yeah. All right. Well, we got it.

We got to get you. We got to get out of here. All right. I love you guys. Bye guys. Bye. We're the bitch. What a conversation.

Oh my God. I just lived to talk to ladies about subjects and I love the fact that they know more than we know about the subject sometimes. I don't think your sister knows anything about the female anatomy. I would laugh about the fact that my sister knows less than me.

And the audience has told me several times. They have told me several times how little I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she me several times how little I know. Yeah. And she shocked me with how little she knew, but she's getting fake breasts. So congratulations. Now, how do you plan on paying for those? I'm not fucking cheated. She's got to work for that shit. She is working. No, but she got to go out there, do different work, harder work. She wants fake tits. She's going to have to go out there and I'm going to need her to fucking go and work in a mine or something. Fake moves around 4,875 dollars. That sounds cheap. I think they should be more expensive. Five to 10 grand. I think if you're going to buy

Jackie breasts, you guys spend at least 10 grand on it. I buy it or jack shit. I'm just going to fucking the only, the only thing I'm paying for it is to have them lopped off. Oh, so you're paying for the beginning of the first one. That's not that bad. Yeah, that's great. Well, Jackie, you hear that? So if you want less breasts, Henry's in, if you want more, you have to talk to the other brother. Ed, see about I'll throw it on some things. Yeah. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a go tip me for Jackie. Actually, you know what? We're going to start a go tip me for Jackie. Go tent her. Go gland me. Yeah. Well, you want him with them plugs. Yeah, man. Guess what? I'm coming baby. The invasive

species Ed Larson tours Florida. That's right. I'm coming to Florida twice this year. I'm very excited. First in March 20th through the 23rd. I'm going to be in Jacksonville, Panama city and Tallahassee. I'm so excited for this Tallahassee show. It's going to be at the nine to six bar and grill, which is actually formally brothers where murder fist used to perform every week. It was the only, it was the only gay bar in Tallahassee. Also the only stage that wasn't attached to a school school. Yeah. Yeah. So we used to perform there every week and now they've rebuilt it and I'm going to be playing.

I'm going to be performing there on a March 23rd with Danny Bedrosian at P-FUNK. I'm going to sing a P-FUNK song with them and then he's going to come and then him and something fierce, his band, his sideband 20 year anniversary because the, when they played the last day in the, in that place with murder fist 20 years ago, April 7th, so this is such a fun, that's all reuniting for a 20th anniversary show at nine to six bar in Tallahassee. The shows in Jacksonville and Panama city are going to be amazing. The wonderful Evan Rossi is going to be opening for me then. And then in may I'm coming back. I'm doing Marco Island slash Naples. It's in Naples, but we said

Marco Island because it's a, it's, it sounds prettier, but yes, the club is in Naples. I'm gonna be playing Naples on a May 6th, a Dania beach in Orlando with Henry side story shows. We're cutting our comedy club teeth. Oh, we'll be at a comedy club. You know, there's gonna be a lot of crowd work. We've got a lot of material. We're gonna be talking a lot about what's going on in that state of yours. We're very, very excited to have some brand new. We're gonna be doing fucking, I don't know what material we're gonna do. Yes. Well, I'll open the show and then Henry and I'll come out for an hour. It's gonna be a lot of fun. That's gonna be May 7th and Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale and May 8th in Orlando, which is Walt Disney World.

And then I'm going to do a full weekend in Key West. I can't wait. It's just doing a full weekend at Key West. You're gonna fly. That's gonna be so much fun shows over three days, May 9 through 11. So come check that out. Come party with me and Key West. Come party with Henry and I.

We're dropping these Florida side story shows for you. You said come to the South. We're coming to the South. Tickets are available at eddytoons.com. So you're out there. You go check it out. Go to the last podcast on the left, dup.com to get all of the live show tickets that we have coming up.

And then you go to twitch.tv slash LPNTV. Do see us live on twitch when we are there and then we put the videos over on the YouTube You go and check that out and go to crime wave at sea dot com slash left Do you go and see also the high seas and I mean this back in Florida? I saw some people say that the prices they saw the prices they came up some of the prices are expensive It's true. It's a four-day vacation but the truth is is that it's an actual legit Royal Caribbean cruise so you are yes it is I deny it is expensive but it's at least it's a very good cruise yeah and this includes your room and all your meal and all the kind of stuff so I would say if you are in the market for a fun-ass vacation, too

It wouldn't hurt like I in terms of that. That's why we're doing it It's gonna be like I saw something we even say like we are not remotely We are so fucking excited to do this show. It's so stupid. I'm very excited because I think we need a Return to stupid. I think as a society we need to cut the bullshit. Fun stupid. Get dumb again. Yes. Yes. Very fun. Like farting on whatsapp. Sometimes you got to. Sometimes you got to. Well hail sweet Satan everyone. Alright. Bye everybody. Hail Florida. Sometimes occasionally, but today. Yes. Yes. Tallahassee. What's going on? Ed Larson here from last podcast on the left to let you know

I'm coming to you. That's right. I'm going to be at the nine to six bar and grill on March 23rd, doing some stand up and some music with my good friends Evan Rossi and Danny Bedrosian. You know, the keyboard player from parliament Funkadelic. What? He's performing live with Ed Larson in Tallahassee. Yes, it's happening. So come on out March 23rd, Tallahassee, Florida to see Ed Larson, Danny Bedrosian, and Evan

Rossi perform at the 926 Bar. You might just get a public sub.