Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Blowin' Bubba

Episode Date: November 19, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's juiciest stories and true-crime news - The Ghost of Epstein returns to haunt Trump with scandalous new e-mail reveals, Hitler's Micropenis: Revealed, Michael Duarte aka @FoodWithBearHands's cause of death revealed to be an incident, Online sextortion threat in Ohio leads to murder, New Bosnian War documents reveal shocking "sniper tourism" of the 90s, Arizona Dad who watched porn while daughter died in hot car found dead by suicide, Pocket P*ssies for Widowers, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to this is the last podcast on the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, shit! Yes. Man, so this weekend, I, a bunch of great plans.

What did you try to do? You didn't come to San Diego to see me perform comedy. That didn't want. That wasn't one of my plans. Yes, there would have been great plans. I supported you emotionally from afar. You did? I did.

I felt it, actually. I felt it, yeah. I'm glad. But I, Saturday, everything got canceled, so I was sitting in the house. I have all this great new weed, right? And so I just... We've got to have a trim session. Maybe this weekend.

We are. I think we are, right? We should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had a, like, a breakthrough alone as stoned as I could get. Okay. And I went down up. of this, like, very long rabbit hole on ancient Greek and Roman music.

Oh! And found all this stuff here. Play this first clip. This is the Dialos. The Dallos. It's two flutes. So the guy puts two flutes in his mouth. Oh.

And he plays him at the same time. Just like Trump. Oh, he's blowing him. He's blowing the living hell out of him. But here, listen to this. So this is called the Diaoulos. Ha! Ooh!

I like this. I like old-timey music. I like flutes. I like medieval-style music. Yeah. No, it's this very E-Walk. There's something about it. It gets you kind of going in a way.

It's mysterious. I still a sample. We need to get this to Riza. Yes. G-GON. Look how hard that is. Like, this guy's playing this thing. He's playing two flutes at once.

They're all in his mouth, man. Oh, yeah. This is a guy named, but the name of his name is like Krikiki old Mishiki. What's his name? Dude, I can fucking kill somebody to this. That's what I'm saying, dude. Callum Armstrong. This is the, so this is an owls.

Swinging a mace. Yeah, I mean, that's what it's for. Yeah. This music is being played on an alos, which was actually the alos that they have at the Louvre, that they now build flutes off of that. Alos at the Louvre in order to play them more regularly

Dude They weren't trying to steal that at the Louvre I got so scared alone I bet Just pretending that I was in An Ancient Temple I think this is the guy you need to hire To score your movie

I think he might be difficult Anybody that plays flutes like this for a living Is both wildly poor I'm sure yeah I don't think he has an email address No, but also very, very difficult. Imagine we just kept this out the whole time. Yeah.

He doesn't seem difficult. No. He seems nice. But they use circular breathing. So, like, you know the idea that you never stop, you never stop blowing? Fuck yeah. You're always blowing. I'll learn that shit.

It's circular breathing, not the flute. Not sucking dick. No, no, no, no. Welcome to side stories. It'd be good for our bones, though. It would be huge. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson.

Hello! What a fun week. There's just something about it. It let me, it kind of brought me into just how fun this week is. It really was. Because this is arguably one of the thickest side stories news weeks we've ever encountered. Yes. Besides, I mean, I don't know, when Epstein first killed himself or didn't kill himself or that was a big day. I remember when Art Bell died that?

When Art Bell died, that's what started Side Stories. Oh, okay. Really? Like, we decided to step up to the plate. So to this week, it's kind of special because it sounds like the whole world has got Epstein fever. Feefer, fever. And we have a bit of an update, don't we, Rob?

It's an island adventure. Yeah? It's an island adventure. Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time. Jeffrey Epstein is crushing it from hell. Oh, my God. He's a fucking big, he's a big time guy now. He is, his name, wow, old Jeff is crushing it. He has never been hotter.

So we now know right now the House of Representatives did pass a bill to release all of the Jeffrey Epstein documents. Now that Trump so bravely came forward this weekend and said, yeah, sure, vote for him just because he can't deal with the fact that his entire party is caving out from underneath him. Yeah, one dude, still's like, don't release him. One guy. One guy is old and strong. No, no, I will not know. I do not want to know.

But it is, it's very funny, but we'll see if it gets through the house. Now we're going to see if the bill gets through the Senate. We're going to see if Trump actually signs it. I dare him to sign it. He won't sign it. It doesn't even matter because. since the final threat came out about this this dossier of information finally where do we get all these emails from by the way so this is a we're seeing a sort of information arms race happening from within the u.s. government to the american public yeah the first email that came out that was the first line that showed that they that house democrats released had geoffrey epstein emailing a uh i believe he was emailing jis lane and he said said, this isn't a direct, direct words.

I want you to realize that that dog that hasn't barked is Trump. Victim, taken out, spent hours at my house with him. He has never once been mentioned by police chief, et cetera. I'm 75% of the way there. Epsine then says Trump never got a massage, but he was there and he knew everything was happening, specifically that he told Jis Lane to stop trafficking minors into Mar-a-Lago. That's another one. We're going to get caught.

Yes. And then one of the, a lot of these emails came from House Republicans that were collected by a reporter, a piece of slime by the name of Michael Wolfe. Yes. That has been waiting for someone to pay him enough money to give them, give out this information. I mean, I've never seen a person like paint themselves as a hero like this. He's such a fucking. He's like been holding on to the shit we've needed for a decade now. He is such a fucking slime ball.

I cannot stand that man I could not fucking I don't care what he did But he finally released some of this information as well That's a part of where these emails came from Man his I follow him And just like his stupid smug fucking Well Jeffrey did this And Donald does this

And so this is why we should be looking at that You had this fucking info From the very very beginning But now we know that he also came He released this info Where they were talking I believe Jeffrey Epstein was speaking with his brother Yes

And it's coming out of nowhere. It's like at season three, they got a new cast member. And all of a sudden, like, it's like, we have to like, oh, we have to know who this guy is now. Yeah. So these new emails, right? So the first one that says this concept about the idea of him saying, do you have the pictures of Trump blowing Bubba? Yes. So this is a thing that comes out now.

We know that. I forgot who he was a communication with, but it was Jeffrey Epstein's brother that came out and said, he wasn't referring to Bill Clinton. Can we play the little other track that I wanted you to play around? There's no video of President Trump sucking a ding-dong. And so what if there was? That's a lot better than World War III, Owen. See, that's Alex Jones seven years ago,

saying that he would have loved to have seen him blow somebody instead of start World War III. But now we're starting to see that he's going to start World War III in order to keep people from seeing him blow somebody. but I think that the statement about this is a it was figurative as much as like I would love to like just like make this all about him like blowing Bill Clinton he did not he I first off like I there's a lot of problems with this email and I think personally I know we don't agree on this but personally I think this email is going to end up like discrediting all of the emails well only for the truly stupid and bad actors that are trying to flip everything yeah they can use that maybe as a wedge to make a wedge to make a people not believe in the rest of the emails but it's more if you pull your head out of your ass you see that that was a joke it's a joke about absolutely trump doing facing defacing himself in front of someone else and that's kind of where we're going to see now the fact that we

would think that trump would actually take the time and effort to pleasure somebody someone to culmination i just don't think he has it in him to do something that nice for somebody. I don't actually, any, truly, I don't know if he has the physical strength. I don't think, yeah, I don't think it's even about that. I don't think he could, you're right. I don't think he could physically sustainably suck a penis.

That was like, for the amount of time that it would take for that man to come while Donald Trump is the one sucking your penis. Imagine Trump like physically on his knees for an extended period of time. Oh, just the noises and the farts and the stuff just coming from that. Like, he's not physically fit. There's no way he could actually handle a cock. And he'd be chewing on it.

It'd be a whole lot of problems with him. So he's not blowing anybody. Yeah, I don't think he's eating women out. I don't think any of this stuff. So in response to this first series of emails, the Republicans thought, all right, we'll release a whole chunk of them. And then we'll see what you do that. And none of these will show anything. They firmly show.

it is wild what they released as a way to I guess discredit because they wanted to then release a dump that was more Democrat focused

right and we're all like couldn't possibly give a fuck like literally none of us give a fuck you're talking to the wrong people we don't care about that

it's interesting because we've turned on our own so religious it's like it's finally coming full circle around we're turning on our own is like coming in our favor it's finally

happening right correctly right but So, Nate didn't release all this stuff. And all it really does to me, which I find fascinating, is I read through a bunch of these emails, there's a ways to find them out. Now you can search through them all. It actually illustrates more Jeffrey Epstein and his position in his social network.

Because you have all these nerds emailing Jeff saying, you know, like asking them like gangster questions. And then he acts like a gangster to these other nerds. And so he's the sexually evolved one. Amongst these like truly dead in the pants, like experts at all these various cryptic sciences that he was working with, especially more towards the end of his life. Also with the Epstein emails, we know for a fact that he was so heavily involved with the White House during Trump's first administration that he was, the friendship emails between Jeffrey Epstein and Steve Bannon are so putrid. They're so, both of them talk like, the only way to describe it is it reminds me of me of me. and my shithead little edge lord friends when we were like 14 talking about chicks and talking about

doing all and it's just it's on email these guys are fucking pathetic yeah makes you think about every email you ever sent nope it's good to know it's all out there and also the fact that these guys also find it interesting that a bunch of guys act like they are the masters of the universe and masters of women and men when they have to pay for it all yeah they have to pay for the sex and not even the set and that's the above board sex work. I don't even talking about just the sex slaves and the children

that you are raping. They're like that is, they all act like that makes them evolved, right? That they are he's so evolved. And so Trump as well, Trump tried to stop the train of minors coming into Mara Lago because he knew eventually it was going to come

about, especially when he was becoming president of the United States of America. Yeah, he's like, oh, we should stop this at some point. We should stop this now. We should stop this now before I have to do something about all of you. And then he did. And then he did. Because I do believe then the order

for possible. I also love this new little conspiracy theory that Jeffrey Epstein himself was M.K. Ultra trained to commit suicide. Okay. And that there was a trigger message that someone went in in the hour that was cut of that footage. And instead of him

killing himself voluntarily, he killed himself involuntarily. which I actually think that could be I mean that's a wild theory and MK Ultras never worked otherwise so I don't know how if it would work now I think you know we've I think we've talked about this it was just you

you've you travel in that shit you know that whenever you get caught you will have to kill yourself I also think it's the same reason Nazis carried cyanide in their pockets Of course you don't get them the you're not going to give them the the comfort of the punishment of me you're not going to get you're not going to get

the Tiddler yes you're not going to get any closure. I also, I wonder if he, like, in this whole suicide bit, actually delivers the cyanide pill he's been wanting to deliver to Trump all along. Okay. So what we're actually seeing is the real plan come out now. Yeah. So now it's too late for Trump. It's too late for all these other people. They're all in charge, they're all like, not only they're in charge, but they're also completely exposed. So now, now, Now it's almost like Epstein's getting his revenge from beyond the grave. Yeah, man.

And hopefully some of these other mysterious deaths around Trump starts showing up. Get every one of them. I want everyone arrested. I don't care who they are. No one does. No one does. No one on the correct side does. Nobody gives a fuck.

But you want to go through these emails and enjoy yourself. They are, it is interesting to me. Epstein calling Trump the worst person he knows. It's very interesting. It's very interesting. That's crazy. Warning the other traffickers to be watch out for this guy, he's going to hurt our product. Well, because what he also knows is that Donald Trump is the single most disloyal human being to ever exist.

Yes. So he also knows that Trump, while he's as bad of a predator as he was, so he's also collecting compromise. Everybody's got compromising information on each other. That's this idea. this involving this mutual protection. That's what they're even saying. It's a part of the reason why they're not releasing the rest of the documents is because of how many Democrats are involved.

And how, and it's like, again, I want the government to start over. So I couldn't give a fucking shit. I like three Democrats officially. I don't like, you know what? I don't even like the ones I like. I don't even like the ones I like. The ones I like, I want them to act like robot. dogs and do my fucking bidding.

They're all failures. You're a public servant and you've all shit the bed. Each one of you sucks dick. So I don't give a fuck how many of you got arrested. Yes, it would be fun to watch everyone go down and just start from scratch. Just start from scratch. That'd be fucking really

cool, man. I would love that. Oh, God. Yes, but so it's fun. It's fun to watch and no one is speaking of hating Democrats. Quite piggy. Fucking. Quiet piggy. Hillary really just like We'll never catch a break

Not a single Not even like for like a moment Do you know what? I don't care at all. Fuck that bitch. Fuck her but yeah honestly. It's so funny. She has got no.

All this like finally vindication on emails And then like We look into the sixth email And it's like Is he blowing your husband? Yeah. Every time And you know every time

It starts to fight again. Oh yeah. For like a half a second. A minute. And then and then you just see Bill like lock the door to his study he's like he's in there

he's trying to watch the Alabama game you know like just trying to just sit inside just trying to be in like maybe I do feel my own pain and I wonder maybe if I just spontaneously combust. You know like for like one he had to for like one minute

look his wife in the eye and be like no that man didn't suck my dick if it had to explain it to her because his past is so bad I was actually at that moment. He couldn't have been sucking my dick because I was having sex with

God, I was having sex with Miranda Cudgel who ran the pharmacy at the wind Dixie like in Alamedo, Tuscaloosa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, God, he's looking like a corpse too. You know, if Trump did suck Clinton's dick, he should have kept his dress. Wow, yeah.

But the news, it just kept giving this week. It wasn't just our wonderful updates. So this is another questionable, this is a questionable, this whole thing, man. What is this now? Okay. We, for years, for years, we've talked about Hitler and he said we just did six hours, six episodes, 13 hours of Nazi footage. We joked a lot about Hitler's micropinus. And there's a lot of talk about him having one ball.

No, ball. Everybody has, right? And apparently that's a rumor that had started at the time. in during the war, the one ball thing. By his Taylor. Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't know.

But it's funny because there was like a big thing. So I wanted to go to this news hit the, everybody saw. Again, one of the top stories that was sent to me all week. Yes. Hitler has now confirmed to have a micropanus. How is he confirmed? Okay. So I looked into a little bit more how this happened.

So this was all done for a documentary. series for Channel 4 on BBC called Hitler's DNA Blueprint of a Dictator, where this company has been doing these sort of kind of like gotcha salacious DNA tests that they're showing on television. If we never found his body, how we have his DNA? So what they have found is they believe they have a bloody swatch from the couch in which he killed himself. So for a long time It was debated

About whether or not the couch was real This blood was real And actually it belonged to Hitler It wasn't until finally Like five or like five years ago Because they had a really hard time Finding a direct Hitler descendant That would come forward

To to reveal themselves I thought all of his descendants said They swore to not have kids So kill the bloodline They are It's like a whole thing It's like a whole thing because he has cousins.

He's like people of the Hitler family, right? Yeah. And so finally, a member of his family came forward and agreed to take the corroborating DNA test. They took the DNA test, and it looks like, like, it's pretty close to, it's a match. So they're pretty certain that it's real, that this is actually finally proof that it was Hitler's blood and that they did a full-on genome breakdown of him, which just feels like a sci-fi fucking thriller gone wrong.

It sounds like the beginning of a thing that we shouldn't do. Yeah. Because that's the building blocks of how to make another one. It would be fun to clone Hitler just to shoot him in the head. Just keep making it its baby

just to kill it. Oh my God. For your 50th, Henry. Oh, my God. We could go to Germany, clone Hitler. And start now, and then I can kill him as a boy. Dude.

And then we raise DNA duplicated Hitler's, and we We basically give them cancer and we test technology. Why are we doing this? This was actually I mean, I don't think there's the laws against killing clones yet. Not yet. Yeah. Dude, this is a really good idea.

Dude! This is what Dubai needs. Yes. Out of everything in Dubai, this is exactly like this, you want, fuck the new Abu Dhabi Disney World. Real lookalice. This is like, yeah, we could kill a clone Hitler. Put him in the outfit. Clone Hitler. Clown Princess Diana.

Get them married to each other. Just like hitting Himmler in the head with a hammer? Oh, my fucking God. Charlie Chaplin, Hitler on an improv money for this. I want this in the world. I want this in the world. We're cloning a Hitler army just to kill it. Well, we got so excited.

Put your head on it. Eddie, we got so excited. Let me get back to the new story. But did it come? Yes, God, I want this. Wow. Just get a bunch of Jewish come together. Oh, my God.

And we could just drown an infant version of baby. And we can, if baby Hitler, we can. fill that chamber with cum and drown it and Jewish gum. Yes. Oh, my God. Wow. I'm getting hard. Just thinking about this. I feel like that would fix a lot of stuff.

I feel like there's a lot of complicated feelings around. And that can fix a lot of stuff. We're going to get all my Jewish friends together. I'm like, hey, we're playing Uki Hitler. I'm going to, first of all, like, I'm already hearing the emails about eugenics and stuff and just say, it's not real. It's not real. It's not happening.

Okay, we're not going to do it. We can't do it. I'm not as good at science as you think I am. And believe me, if we could, we would. Okay, unfortunately, yeah, we would. But it's not real. So before you write the email, it's not real. We're not going to drown a cloned infant of Hitler in a basket of Jewish come.

Because it's going to be hard. There are a lot of sex. And the podcast network is already hard. I am too busy to pull this off. This is really difficult. Yeah, yeah. Kelly is slammed. She's really busy.

I felt really bad because I asked her if she had an extra charger. And I was like, she's busy. And I'm like, I need this charger to keep my computer on so I can do these shows. But I felt like she's busy. So Kelly can't get this DNA Hitler clone going. Yeah, yeah. So we're looking for actually some prelaces. I probably can talk to my family about the cum.

Oh, yeah, sure. I could probably, there's a couple guys that are still. And I'll just throw some non in there anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but he has, just me. Oh, okay, I'm not sure talking about, like, bread that comes with your Vindaloo. That's only if you're serving. Pulled up pictures of non.

And that's only if you're serving. In case where you were curious what my reference was. Come on Hitler's infant as an order. Then it would go good with a nod. But anyways, because that's where the swastika came from, India. All right, let's come back. So they've sequenced his genome, and they discovered that it is true. He had a thing called Kalman syndrome.

Kalman, Mr. Banana. So this is Kalman syndrome. It means you can't smell. It's just yell at your tiny penis, and you say, come on, grow, come on, grow, grow, come on. But what happens in this is that it fucks your sexual development. It fucks up your secondary sexual characteristics like your balls and your penis. And a lot of people have micropenuses. and that took me into

so now we're saying Hitler probably at least had a micropinus minimum and yes so that's interesting right that's great awesome but then I went into a little bit more of research of who else had micro penis is

we now we know that Santa Claus that's why he's so busy it's so cold up there it's hard he keeps it inside his belly keeps it warm makes it small I'm kidding he does it for the hose ha ha that's funny I saw it in a coffee mug

But Napoleon Bonaparte Had a penis that was 1.5 inches long Well, that's because they were only boning apart Hmm But he got to take the whole thing But he was quite the romantic He liked this guy It was French

But one of my favorite ones I saw Well, they're normally They got big penises Well, it's romance Yes The romance part of it They're good at He's good to talk him

But this guy named Little Jimmy Scott Now little Jimmy Scott He was a jazz singer From back in the day And he had Connman Syndrome, which means he had a micropinus. But he used to sing lots of songs because he had a super high voice, because it stayed super

high because he had a micropinus. And that actually brought quite a bit, a bit of people to his side. And he actually did a series of covers. He did, uh, he did, uh, nothing compares to you. He did jealous guy. Yeah, which great song. Love that song. I mean, I think jealous songs you could, you relate to micropinus.

I love Donnie Hathaway's jealous guy Is the best one of the greatest song I made you cry Woo It's a special song It is I love the Danny Hathaway version of a minute But yeah he's a but that's a special guy

With a little penis and he was really great Golden State Killer has a micro penis apparently Not a special of a guy But Jimmy a little Jimmy So it doesn't make you a horrible person You could just become Frankie Valley What are we thinking here? Whoa he also performed the song

Sycamore trees in the climactic final episode of the original twin Peaks. Oh, there you go. So he is quite, so again, yes, you're right, Eddie. That's kind of why I brought him up. Because I think a lot of times we a micropinus will make you mean. A micropinus will make you surly.

But I think that it's important for you to know that a man's not just a penis. A man can also be a singer, a murderer, and a statesman. Yeah. Yeah, no, I looked up who in history had micropenus, and it's just Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, because a lot of them, the rest of them, they are, they are more rumored to have a microponis. Yeah, no one's really mentioning it.

Oh, my God, if you, I mean, I know some people have micropinuses that I even can't say. I will say, I know somebody who has a micropinus that you would be so surprised as a micropinus. Well, they've seen Jean-to-Georzanne as a fucking micropinus? I will say that... It's St. James Vanderbeek's got a micro penis? He's sick right now. That's not... Yeah, that's sad.

Don't do this as James... George Clooney. Oh, come on. They're just coming for the handsome ones. Whatever. Yeah, Colin Firth. Yeah, he does. They got pictures.

He does have a little British piece. No, that's Colin Gerth, baby. He's a grower, not a shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beels you had a very big bush in that picture. Rob, can you do me a favor? Can you just throw a micro penis into the Wikipedia for us real quick? Sure.

It's really sad. I want to find out who the guy. guy is in my that that the the guy that is the picture of it is so either proud or sad. Hey, look at that. Wikipedia has pictures of tiny tics.

What I love is that I donated to Wikipedia. It just says an adult doubling my donation this Christmas. My favorite is the caption is just an adult males mic or penis in its flaccid state. Oh, there's a close up of the direct one Henry. It goes three inches. Look at that.

Three inches. You would think it would be smaller? Oh, those are centimeters. It looks smaller when it's big. Those are centimeters. This is not Wikipedia? Yeah, buddy. Wikipedia's loving them.

Oh, wow, that is quite. Oh, this is all bad. Wikipedia. Okay. So just again, if you have a micropenus, please email me side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com. I think it's fine. I kind of want one. I don't want one, but if you have one, what do you do with it to make it better?

You don't make... It's not about making sex better. There's other things to do, but it's not about eating pussy, pleasure, and reading. I think it's a lot of reading. I think it's a lot of writing. I think it's a lot of sculpture making. I'm trying to quote what else you do.

John Hopkins Hospital, the center most known for this approach, performed 12 such reassignments from 1960 to 1980. Most notably that of David Reimer. Sorry, David. Whose penis was destroyed by a circumcision accident. I don't even know. That's crazy to me. What were they doing?

Is it a train car? Yeah, like who was doing it? Who's in the back of a fucking escalate? You know what? Let's let the chimp do this one. Oh, shit, we've got to take the canyon. Oh, my God. Tell me you sterilize these.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. He took way too much off the top. Former subjects of the surgery vocal about their dissatisfaction. They're legitimately, this website is showing the tiny penises of this men. Yeah. That is so funny. Wow, Richard Davis, Richard Drives is a small penis.

David Harbor. He has a small penis. We don't think that David Harbors. He's a sexual. deviant. He's just got a small penis and so does Richard Dreyfus. I just saw his small penis. Richard Dreyfus, I understand. He's small. He always has to like say who he is.

Oh weird. It is just like, it's just little penis. Yeah. It is cute. Weird. Why are they showing us this? Oh, all right. We can't stop. I think it's good for actors who do sex scenes because the, you know, the actress doesn't have to worry about stuff. Well, just put a fake one on for the camera.

Also, yeah, these guys aren't doing new to these scenes. I don't trust this website? What website is this from? No, that was, look at the penis. This is men embarrass.combe, come on, dude, yeah. This guy's just holding a fish. Menembarrassed.combeard blog? Yeah, I don't think I trust this

one. Is holding on there? I feel like he's a permanent men embarrassed. It's hard flaccid syndrome. It's a rare acquired condition of characterized by a flaccid penis that remains firm, semi-rigid state in the

absence of sexual arousal. Oh. Is that really a problem? I'm looking at them. I just looked up Richard Dreyfus nude. Richard Dreyfus nude. Oh, this is fun. Oh, the movie's called inserts.

Oh, that's not good. All right, let's get to some stories, Eddie. Let's get to some stories. All right. How about this? How about this? I was fucking right. I was right. All right. So last week.

I was correct. All right. So last week, I don't know if that makes me a good person or a bad person. We, first of all, want to reach out to the family. members of this person say we're sorry, but last week we were completely correct. A guy by the name Michael Dwarty, he goes, he's a food influencer, but the name

of, it's food with bare hands. Yes. And last week, it said that he had died in an accident or incident. And before that, we were like, you know, we always catch him the story right before you record. I scramble every time before we come in here to find one

thing that's popping because of the curse. Yes. You know, just like every single time. So this one, I found this guy, and I'm like, accident, incident. No one's saying exactly what happened. Was it a car accident? It happened in Texas. It seems kind of crazy. And I was like, it doesn't seem right. It doesn't seem fishy. You heard the show last week. Yeah.

But we look into it. Two days later comes out, shot by the cops because he charged him with a knife. Yeah, buddy. He goes, he's screaming, I'm going to kill you. Yeah. It's just like, what the fuck? It's an incident. It's just like, that is an incident. Yeah. That is most insuredly

an incident. You know, that is just so, like, Guys just are Everybody's insane Eddie Yes Everybody's insane I mean this guy Obviously like

He seemed he seemed on the level He seemed nice He seemed whatever He seemed like just a guy that does his food Influencer material You never know You literally never know But also you know what you do know

And I'll say this The job Person's job Description is influencer from what I've, the influencers that I've met. I've met some that are extremely normal and fine. But I mean it. It's a troubled group.

It really is the only profession that makes me proud to call myself a podcaster. Well, it's like, at least we're comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, at least we have that. At least no matter what, we have, we're not just telling people to just buy things. Yes. But he's, this guy went off the fucking rails. I think that he was spending too much.

so I'm alone. Oh, yeah. You're sticking in the woods. You're just eating random shit, you know, like, it's crazy. But yeah, no, so he charged the cops, and they killed him. No, he's, uh, yeah, so he just, uh,

you just never know who you're dealing with. Yeah. Speaking of, this is another story from this week that you didn't like it, but I thought it was kind of, it was interesting. It's mostly just, I- talk about it. Maybe I didn't read about it, though.

I have to deal with this with my, I had to deal with this with my mother. Upper Arlington man told police he killed his wife after a extortion threat. So this guy, James Stephen Hill, 76, he's charged with aggravated murder and the death of his wife, Mary Kathleen Hill, 64. This is from Arlington, Ohio. Okay. So a horrific place.

But they went and they called, apparently they showed up, he had done, he'd given himself a stab wound to the chest and he had stabbed his wife to death because he was getting sick storted. So this is like a new thing amongst the elderly. And it's about whether or not, and it turns out that it's real. So this guy got talked into either by a human or a bot to send nude pictures of himself. He's 76 years old. He sent nude pictures of himself to a bot or a human. We don't know quite yet. And then that bot or human said, give me $15,000.

I'm going to send these pictures to the internet. Yeah. And so he killed his wife. And then he tried to kill the dog. He couldn't get the dog. Dog was too fast. and then he tried to kill himself and I guess he was too fast

and it didn't work out but it really comes to this this we have maybe 5 70 plus listeners I've met them I've met them we've met them all we've met some somebody came to the on the cruise yeah no there's always like one old

person's like you know what my kid got me into it you know funny yeah but I will say I want you to know that let's say this is a even happens. First of all, what are you doing? You're 76 years old. Stop taking pictures of your fucking penis. Also, no one wants to see it. And conversely, if we were to see it, it would not be a scandal. The internet is far more salacious than that, James Stephen Hill. I really hate to break this to you, but no one cares about you or your cock. Your penis is not worth $15,000.

They could show it at church and the news is so fucked up that everyone would forget by next Sunday. It'll just roll over. So never do. Don't get you. You might have just been looking for an excuse to kill your wife. And I'm saying right now to our listeners, you don't have to make up an excuse. Just do it. You know what I mean?

If you're going to do it, just do it. Because this is an excuse. If you're over 70 and someone wants to publish pictures of your tits, you should thank them. Also, how gnarled and horrible is your penis that you think your wife won't want to live anymore after other people see it? So embarrassed by, well, he thought you would just be so embarrassed by this scandal of his penis hitting the internet. And it's like, bro, you're not Chris Helmsworth. Yeah. Nobody gives a fucking shit.

So you just like. If you took pictures of your cock and put it on the internet yourself. You'd be so sad when you saw how many little people would give a fucking shit. It would even click on it. Because you're all they're like, I got. I got seven clicks. That's it. Nobody would even care, dude.

The president of the United States is a pedophile, an active rapist who has probably fucked his own daughter. Nobody cares about your tits or your penis. Yeah. They just don't care. So if you're going to, that is why I'm telling this story, is that if the sex distortion to old people is on the rise. It's happened to my mother.

My mother called me. I've already told the story on the show, but it's true. She called me going, I got an email saying they had naked pictures of me in the shower. How did they get the pictures? And it's like, they didn't get the pictures, mom. Yeah. There are no pictures.

And again, if there are, no one fucking, you should be so lucky. Yeah. You know what you mean? No, she get hitched up right away. I mean, you know, she already got it. It's already getting dick thrown out of her other way, It's all from these poor ass guys.

That's the thing. These dudes are so broke. Stay away from Henry's mom. If you're going to try to have sex with my mother, get a job. Yeah, get a goddamn job or have some fucking independent wealth. Holy fucking shit. You know what? Also, the problems with Florida.

It's all these boomers. They're all running out of money. That's a big thing where we're about to hit two big things in our generation. One is the fact that everybody over the age of 75 literally has zero dollars. They have nothing. Everyone's in a rude awakening when their parents died. And the AI wall is about to hit. like a motherfucker. So remember that as well. The idea of generative AI is going to hit a wall.

Pull your money out now. Yes. No, man. It's fucked. And also, you know what? This thing is happening more and more because I've gotten those emails. It was funny because I got one. It was like, we have video of you masturbating and we're going to post it all over the internet. And I was like, ha! Go ahead. Sure. Yeah. You know, it's just like, who cares? Exactly what I was saying. Because you know who taught us that was David Letterman. Yeah. David Letterman went through so many. Like, think about this isn't the pre-cancel internet world.

He went through several. And he did it all very publicly. And massive scandals. And he took him right on the mouth. Like, I know he can. He has like kind of like the obviously male privilege and the power of money. But that's an example of somebody that stood up and owned his scandals and stepped in front of the scandals. And that keeps you from getting blackmailed.

It's by just telling everybody somebody's blackmailing you, own the ownership. Us as a people want you to embarrass yourselves because we embarrass ourselves every day. Yeah, man. At the show this weekend in San Diego, we were doing brighter sides at the end of the show, just kind of like, you know, talking to the audience and having some fun. And someone in the front row was like, my father got catfish for $12,000. Yeah. You know, and it's just like, God damn.

And they were asking for the brighter side. I was like, well, now you own your father. Yeah. I was like, that is the brighter side. But the problem is when you own your father, who, man, the rates for fathers is dropping. Let me tell you that. Drive from your play. There's a story that I'm obsessed with and it's like still developing.

You do your story because this other stories developing too and I want to get into it. Yeah, so I just kind of want to talk about it and keep our eyes on it in one of those things where, so they've talked about this before, but they're starting to get more proof. There's an investigation that has opened up into a claim that back in the. the 90s during the Bosnian war. Okay, during the Bosnian war. This shit's fucking fucked. They would hire, Russia would hire tourist

snipers for mostly from Italy and they would come and spend lots of money in order to snipe women and children, Bosnian women and children. And then depending on who they shot, that's how much they would have to pay and was all in the disguise of war.

Evil Italian fucks would pay money to go shoot to be able to do sniper tourism, is what they were calling it. And it's very interesting because it's the same Italian crew that Silvio Berlusconi and the Italian trumps came through. And that whole thing is very, I bet you all that shit touches fucking tips. It says that they spent over $100,000 for the experience and as many as 100 people from various countries take in part. No, it's a, that's a horror movie, man.

Yeah, so go, keep investigating this shit and find those motherfuckers. It's never too late. Yes. And to nail their ass to the goddamn wall. This is fucking scary story, man. That's such a crazy, I never even would think of that. Like, just like, not only that, are you committing fucking war crimes? You're making money off of them.

I mean, everybody, but this is one of those where this is a story that we're hearing. That's probably one of countless stories. that have happened within the spheres of war all over the world and through all time. Yeah, well, we know, but it's different. Yes, when it's different when you hire the mercenary and then you pay them to kill the people. This is like they're making money. Like, I feel like that's evil as well. I'm just talking in general. I'm just talking in general about how much money is to be made in the spheres of war and how that's why they have advanced.

that's why massive nations have vested interests in doing wars is because everybody makes money on it It's weird as I'm talking about this right now But in the beginning of the show I was offering money to kill a clone of Hitler You were

But that's fun Again that's fun and science That's something else That's a thought exercise And it again I do think it will help It is a thought exercise It's a thought exercise Yeah I don't think I could actually kill a baby

I mean, it depends on how fucking... I mean, if I accidentally sat on one, but it wouldn't be... That would be an accent. That would be like, why'd you leave your baby on the couch? Dude, have you ever... Have you been following... Have you been following the story of the guy

that let the baby in the hot car? And this story is... I'm going to take this back. Winter can't come soon enough. This good. This story is, it's out of Arizona. This guy, he left his daughter in the car outside and the drive. driveway. And he went

in, he had been doing, he has two other kids, too, his wife's a doctor. He's been, what's his name? Was his fucking idiot's name? This dead idiot? Christopher Scholes. I didn't hear those stories. I think Schultz. He committed suicide because he just got a 20 to 30

year, he just got a 20 to 30 year manslaughter charge where aggravated murder. I mean, 20 to 30 year was actually, he took a plea. He pleaded guilty and he took a plea. And going into jail for accidentally murdering your daughter is not a good

way to enter into jail. Because you go into big time jail. Like he was not going to. They said if it would have been, this is a fucked up statement to say, he would have been safer if he had done a sexual crime against her. Wow. Because they could protect him. Because he'd go in with the

other sexual offenders and they keep them separate where he would be going into the murder end of the pen with the big boys. Yes. And he was not ready to be amongst the big boys. They would have destroyed him. He would have not lived.

I don't think he would have lived very long. I think he would have at a very tough time. Arizona's got tough prisons too. Yes. And so I think that he's a very soft man. If you watch the body cam footage, I think that's the worst part is that I will say this and I mean this and all

and truly nice. I did technically compare this guy to Holden because he reminded me a lot of Holden because... Oh, I remember this now. It's because the guy comes out and he's like, will you mean I'm under investigation for murder? Oh, he keeps trying to shower.

He, like, laid down and took a nap. He was like, oh, well, it's because he's completely checked. Well, he was smoking weed all morning. And this is one of those. It's a horrible story. He forgot his kid was in the car. He's a very, he's a, and it wasn't one time. They said that it was at least 20 times that he had been leaving the car, the kids in the car,

and his wife was a doctor. He's a stay at home dad. Oh, come on. That's all you do, bro. He was a stay at home dad. You don't do anything else? Exactly. And so for a while.

You're so fortunate in life. That you get to be a stay-at-home dad? The wife ran his whole life, and the wife was trying to, they were going to do the whole trial until the worst part came, which they were trying to hide. Then, of course, it comes out in discovery

was the fact that he was watching porn on his phone while the daughter was dying in the fucking driveway. He left her alone in the driveway for fucking three hours. And then when they came- That's a lot of porn! Oh, yeah. Well, he played video, he smoked a bowl, played video games, jerked off.

And then when that information came out in discovery, they were like, we don't need a trial. He'll plea because, but it was too fucking late because that genie was out of the bottle. They were trying to keep that information hidden. And then they realized like, once they found out, once the other prisoners found out that you were just playing video games and your daughter. You were doing a children's activity. And she had been, he'd been doing this dumb shit thing of leaving the kids in the car. And he had put a new peloton in the drug. driveway, which is how he was doing it before, pulling the cars into the driveway and then keeping the house air conditioning would also be going so that no matter what, even when the car automatically shut off, they'd be fine inside of the garage. But because he had bought a brand new Peloton, they couldn't pull the car into the garage was why the car was sitting in the driveway. Also leaving a car on in the garage, we know is a bad idea as well. This man is truly was, uh, this was going to happen. And it happened to him. And it's an extremely sad story.

then he committed suicide. God damn. And actually also, to be honest, it seems to maybe have, I don't think it saved the family anything. I think that it is going to, it is obviously destroyed that family from the inside out. I'm going to say women

hire your standards. You know, it's not even, it's just, I mean, this is like this guy's worthless. He can't even hold a fucking job. But it's also, to me, it's more just understanding the, what's fucked up about being a 40 year old guy, new dad, and stuff about like,

when you don't maybe understand just how serious everything is now in your life. Yeah, children are very fragile. It's real serious. Yeah. And that it comes on you like a fucking fray train. And there's no training to be a dad, right? There's none of that.

There's some training. I mean, there's books and classes and shit. But I will say all of our friends that have children are as big of an idiot as that guy. And they all have lived, they've all kept their child alive. No one's as dumb as this book. But I just mean, I love our buddies. I'm just saying, I would have you told any one of our friends that have kids that they have kids 10 years ago.

And you told me that I'd laugh you to the fucking bank, right? But the fact that now that they have kids and the fact that they just have to keep them alive shows them that you just, you know, it's one job. The guy has one job. I'm too selfish. That's why I don't want to have kids because, like, your life doesn't belong to you anymore once you have kids. It belongs to the kids. You have to keep your head in a fucking slow. You're not you anymore.

Yeah. You belong to your kids. Yeah. And then when you fuck up like this, you deserve what happens? You know, and that is just, it's just a brutal story. And I guess at first it was making me, not laugh, but it was making me only just because I could just... The stupidity of this man. It was watching, I just, there but for the grace of God, go hold him.

But at the same time. Set an example. They always do this, bro. You know, every single documentary was like, no one woke up that morning thinking that it would be 9-11. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. No one expects 9-11. If you expect the bad thing to happen, you're doing the bad thing.

Yeah. Fuck that, motherfucker. All right, well, I think we did far too long. It's fine. Whatever. I am going to... We have emails about elephants. We got emails about...

Let me just do this one email... Let me do this one email about elephants and then we'll go. I am going to save these brutally sad widower emails for the stream. Is that an advertisement for the stream? Yes. Next stream, on last stream on the Left Live, you're going to watch us read these extremely sad winner or emails, and then we're going to give them a brand news fresh out of the box, foot-shaped dildo. That's right. You're going to vote on the saddest story, no.

Oh, wow. So we're actually going to tell when these sad guys, their stories is it sad enough? Not sad enough, yeah. And this one's just going to be you and I next stream. Yes, and we're just showing what we're saying it's one guy, one of them is that is going to be the most sad. And unfortunately, four other guys, it's not going to be sad enough. Guys, if you sent in one of your widower emails, can we get a picture, too? I think it really helps with the sadness.

Honestly, if you can handle it, we'd love it. Like, if you think you could handle it, not fucking flip out or whatever, that'd be awesome, honestly. If you could send us pictures of your dead wives as well. We have to give them something if they lose. the losers know their story wasn't sad enough they don't get the fuck a foot but they maybe like we have other we only have the one foot we got what we got a mouth too i'm not keeping the mouth no we're keeping the mouth you want the mouth that's a great character oh okay well we also have like the other ones that are um we got the luby that they sent us

we got two vaginas down there yeah we got two actual oh yeah we could just straight up fuckable pussies we can give them these yeah we didn't even open or mess with those no i don't even those kind of make me feel weird yeah i don't like those but these guys are real They could use them. They need it. But then, I guess that's the thing, is that... This is a great charity. Pocket Pussies for widowers?

I love this idea. We're going to save... We're going to save the 2026 midterms with this. We're going to change the country with this. Because if we get them too busy, fucking the shit. That's my new cause. Plotipuses for widowers. They can't get back out there.

They're too sad. They're not everything. They just need to spend some time alone. Honestly, women are fucking exhausting, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you already did one, so. Yeah. That's what I would say.

You already got one done. Why fucking get another one, dude? Fucking be single. Be fucking awesome. Yeah? Go ride a bull every weekend. Go to the bar where there's the mechanical bowl. I'm just giving away million dollar ideas left and write this show.

I know, man. I'm losing money by the second. We need to be somebody in Dubai, man. There we go. Not the guy who just got chopped up in the desert, of course. Well, that guy, he was bad with money. This is the elephant piss. I traveled with the Ringling Brothers,

Barnum and Bailey Circus, firmly known as the greatest show on Earth. We traveled city by train. The elephants would travel with us on their own train car. During loaded and load out, when the elephants were practically standing around just waiting to go on stage, their caretaker team would have to follow them around,

cleaning up their messes. Each time an elephant would defecate, someone was there to catch it before and hit the ground. Arenas and civic centers, they hate that. And poop wasn't that really of a big of a deal. They used to get mad when we put like popcorn on the stage. Oh, I remember that. My dad used to bring the elephants through the Midtown Tunnel.

This was actually a big deal. I remember that in Long Island City at like 3 a.m. He would go, he took me once. That was actually one of the more magical experiences I had with my father, where he took me in the cop car and we got to follow the elephants and shit was working. That is pretty cool. You got to sit up front? Yeah.

That's great. Yeah, he only let me do the prison. her experience once. That's so cool. I've never seen this. Yeah, dude, it was awesome. Oh, yeah, no, this is a big deal. My dad used to do this. But, but, oh, the piss,

it's the piss. Someone would post up under the elephant with a wheelbarrow and catch the piss, and then they would have to carefully walk the wheelbarrows outside, where they would have to find a storm drain and dump it into.

So much piss, big wheelbarrows filled with piss. I made me laugh Just the idea of it I didn't even think about that I wish my dad was around Just so I could ask him about that

That's so funny Oh my So much piss So funny But yeah We got all of these widowers We're gonna go through this Witterer stuff

This I can't wait You guys are sad as fuck Oh that's what some of you guys are Oh look at that's a lot of piss Yeah dude look at that fucking piss go That looks like me after my almost certain Man I've been going lately It's been good

I was talking about this with Jackie I was like one of the main things that no one ever really planned that they told me about as how much getting older as a dude would involve absolutely charged gigantic piss yes well you gotta trick more water as you get older

and all the they're taking blood thinners so it's like when I'm going man holy shit it's awesome you gotta get that chunky blood what I'm saying I got the big no I got big piss just like this guy look at this animal this elephant we're just watching an animal videos of elephants I mean that's more than a wheeled

barrel's worth of piss. There's no question about it. It looks so satisfying. It looks like me at the end of a fucking, the end of Super Bowl. You know what's crazy is like as I get older. You'd be drinking butt light. Every piss and shit I take

as I get older is it's like day changer. Sometimes. If it's good, yeah, good or bad. Think about it for hours. Yeah, I've had good and bad of that. Yeah. I've had the good ones that make me go like, I'm living every day the right way. And then I've had good ones that I've had bad ones that made me laugh.

my way all the way to the fucking having the shower, shower my butt. But either way I know for a fact, now I'm going to love the fact that I'm regular. I was in a really bad mood before this, and I'm pretty all right now. Yeah, I want to thank you. I came in in like a really bad mood and I'm like, fine now. Yeah, it was

nice. You know what it was? What? I think it was drowning baby Hitler in Jewish cum. It really does kind of get you going. Makes me feel better. Just thinking about it. Just thinking about it. Because also as a baby, it can't grow the mustache, but I draw the little mustache on it. Oh, of course. You've got to draw

the mustache. Yeah, just so you'd remember. Every time you felt bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And plus then, but you're not jerking off in front of it either. No, of course you're not jerking. No, you're bringing the cum from home. Yeah, I want that cum cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not put it in the fridge. No, but I don't want it hot either. Not any warm and

no, I don't want it to be, that's comfortable. You're right. It should be chilly. Yeah, it should be iced. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cued. Email us with some more ideas what we should do with baby Hitler. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-L-G-Mel.com. It's a clone.

It's not a person. It's not. Patreon.com slash podcast and the left. Help fund our dream. We will print celebrities to drown them and come. Please. If you help, if we make enough money,

we will do this ourselves. And the person that gives me the money that keeps, like, because it doesn't have, we've been talking a lot about Hitler. It could be a lot of people. It could be Winston Churchill. I think Himmler is a great one.

Him. If we can find evidence of his body, they got rid of his body in our mark grave. So it would be very hard to find his body. I would also... Tom Brady just cloned his dog. We could drown that and come. Tom Brady? Oh, yeah. He just cloned his dog. But we have Tom Brady, too. But Tom Brady's not a clone. You can't kill a person. Clown Tom Brady.

Then we can kill Tom Brady as a baby by drowning and come. I don't think I hate him enough. But I'm saying it's up for anybody who's paying for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're paying for it. Epstein. I mean, you know his DNA's out there. It is. Enjoying. Go follow us and

take social media for all of that. And LLP on the left and all the social media is. I'm going to YouTube at LPNTV. We got a new vampire show. LPNLRP. It's bloodbath. Go check it out. It's really good. There's other shows. Do the ratings go down this week, do you think? Maybe.

They went up, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. I couldn't even care. Yeah. I couldn't even care less. I'll say it never one. Oh, we got shows. We got shows.

Vegas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, last podcast and love. com. Henry and I are going to Vegas to Yves guys. We are going to have, December 7th. It's going to be great. Come out and see that show. Yeah, it's going to be amazing.

I'm also going to be at Oxnard Levity Live on January 4th with Carolina Hidalgo, Julia Johns, and Holden. And Jake will confront Holden about being a better father. No, he's actually great father. He's a very good. We just like to make fun of him. He's a phenomenal father. February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm going to be in San Francisco at the punchline with Grant Gordon.

and then Henry and I are going up to Alaska with Billy Wayne Davis. Anchorage on February 20th. That one's almost sold out. Get your tickets to that. I cannot wait. Fairbanks, Alaska on February 21st. Come and see that. It's been a great time hanging with you, buddy.

Enjoy yourselves. It's a great week. And can I also Hail Satan? Please. Hail Satan. Isn't it nice? It is nice. Dude, you should have seen we really freaked out the staff at the mic drop in San Diego coming out

and just being like, Hail Satan, it was just like the loudest. Like, there sounded like there was way more people in that room than there really was. That's great. Y'all are fucking heroes. I love you. Keep the fucking freaking out the squares. Nothing like screaming hell Satan on a Royal Caribbean cruise while all of these people are watching it from the fucking balconies and shit was one of the funniest thing. It was one of the funniest things ever.

On the first night. Dude, when we went and we were screaming hell Satan and then we went to dinner and then someone turned into like, well, you were all sitting at a table. And someone turned to themselves next door. And they were like, that's. one of the 500 Satanists that are I bought. It's awesome. All right. See you, fucker. See you next week.

Peace.