Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Bow & Arrow Rampage

Episode Date: November 1, 2023

Henry & Marcus bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news: UK man accused of being 'Somerset Gimp' found guilty of "deliberately scaring motorists", 62-Year-old naked opera singer armed with bow and arrow goes on "rampage" at UK care home, missing Arizona teenager found in case eerily similar to Daybell/Vallow case, the body of missing Nebraska man found in chimney, Goldie Hawn's alien experience UNCOVERED, Listener Stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. Yes. On the left. Side stories. I love your glids. That's one of the cannibalism started. Side stories.

Side stories. Yes. Side stories. Side stories. Side stories. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Welcome to Side Stories, ladies and gentlemen. I'm here with the innocent Henry Cabrali-Ski. I'm innocent. I'm innocent. I'm innocent. Yeah, I just it's much from looking your eyes. I could tell you on a phone. Man, that old video dude, I've been rewatching that from the stream from like seven years ago. Yeah, very long time ago. I love that. I love that.

Fade memory of it. And that reminded me of my favorite song that we played on the stream, which is ice screaming inside my head. Oh, yeah. Ice screaming inside my head. We got to put that back up. Oh, no. I got ice screaming. Ice screaming. So good. We got a bit of an update side stories. Now, you weren't here when we were covering the long, sorted pathway of the Somerset Gimp. No, no, no. The Somerset Gimp was a man. You wear a Gimp outfit and the very nice, as we now know, the very nice like little humble villages in the UK, right?

His cute little place look like fuck you, down nabbies, all the disservants live there. View callic in a way. And then this guy, right, people got mad because this guy, which I understand why mad because this guy, would you understand why he said he would come up to you? He wear a full gimp suit. You're not used to seeing it. It ain't San Francisco in Somerset, right? And they see him come up to you. The main issue was that he would rub himself a grushly sexually. He'd moan a lot and he roll

around on the ground and say like, you know, but spank me, fuck me. I want to be fucked. I want to fuck by day one of fucking spank me, fuck me. I want to be fucked. I want to fuck by day. I want to fuck this bike. Me fuck me. I want to be fuck. Yeah, fake fake fake fake fake. You know what I mean? And everyone got mad, right? It was bad. He was pressing it on people.

But now the summer set game was caught. And it was identified as Joshua Hunt 32 looking like Prince Harry's stunt double. Okay. Now you're saying that they caught the Somerset Gim. This man is denying the specifics. They see as the Somerset Gim. Yeah. And you know what?

I believe him. It's interesting to go in that specific. So he has now been found guilty. So by the eyes of the wicked judges, he is the Somerset Gim. But according to him, he is not the summer said Kim. He just happened to be in North Somerset and he said, quote, the outfit I wear, it's not anything to do with the Kim. It does though. Josh, a gardener, all right, because you could address like a gardener and done it. He accepted, yes. He had previously

made searches on his phone for stories about the summer set camp about about. He was just interested. He was doing work. He was prepping. Perhaps he saw a peer, a colleague. Maybe he, what do we do here? A lot of times, right? I try not to pay attention to other podcasts that don't want to step on. I don't want any of that shit to get in my head. Is I'm not probably I don't want to deal with any of it. But I've never listened to a true crime podcast in my entire life. Well, I listen to hardcore ones. I listen to serious true crime podcasts. I don't listen to funny one because I want to hear what you joke about because I'm,

you know, again, I don't want it to pop into my brain. Of course. And so maybe he's trying to find a way to avoid like that kind of parallel. Think he doesn't want to Carlos Mince himself in the version of copying. Just not miss set game. Right. Cause he figured out, oh, he's a master. What am I going to do?

I'm a getting a game. I'm a getting a road around and touch me self game. We're not always already the out of the until I fucking sign. I can't get up in there. Right. So maybe he thought I would do it. So what he did is the way he separated himself from the summer set game. As he said, he would don his quote unquote.

He's calling it a black costume. But his thing was to go mudding. Now, this is different because in America, mudding is a largely the, how do you put it? It is the pursuit of men that like to get drunk in the morning and drive their own pickup. Yeah, mudden. Yeah. So mudden is that you drive cars in a mud. Yeah. And some other guy with a cool ass fucking like, be there a pickup,

try something, right? He drags out of the mud. It's fun. It's where 12 rules get to have a couple of nadi lights. Yeah. Kick him back with their father. You know what I mean? Donuts doing donuts.

It's a really fun time. It's your first time you get finger bang by your aunt, right? It's awesome. Mudden is fun. But according to him, what they do in the UK, Mudden, they go for him, which you cover himself and shut because he had low self-esteem. Now I, this is why I believe this man completely because again through YouTube, through the stream, I became very familiar with the UK mudding scene. And because the septic man. Well, septic man's American. The mudding scene is something different altogether.

We have more room for bigger, larger, more cavernous labyrinthic and septic areas. Yeah, the septic tank guy, I believe, is American. The man who, of course, dresses in the airtight rubber suit. You know, and he breathes and breathes, he gets himself psyched up and he goes down into the subject tank and comes back up again. He films the whole thing.

It's very disturbing. Mudding in the UK, I've seen many, many videos of people who go to farms. And I have heard tell that they pay these farmers cash money to roll around in the shit to run around in the manure, to roll around in the shit, you know, get the cows out of here for 10 minutes. Let me roll around. I'll give you 20 bucks. It ain't a crime. It's not a crime at all. It fills the farmers afternoon because it didn't say, hey, maybe you could take care of some of that shit, put it over there. You know,

I mean, he probably love it. He gets them shoveling in, get some cardio in there because I don't know how much the mudding, I guess the twisting and the rolling around can actually do a lot of core strength work for you. And there's a lot of twisting and rolling around. But he says here, he was a, so he wore a black outfit and he said, and the worst part was that it's because his low, his self-esteem, I got so low, I said, what he was hoping was that he could roll so far into the street and someone would run him over with his car. And so, but he pulled firm saying, I'm not a Gimp.

I don't own a Gimp suit. I'm not in a Gimp suit. I'm not dangerous. I'm a normal person. I've got a few problems. I need help. He does. Basically, you do.

He just needs help, right? And he says that my mental health has deteriorated rapidly. And I'm in crisis. I was attempting to kill myself. I was not attempting to scare anybody. I'm crying out for help. And I would like help with my mental health. Right. And I understand he would help with it. Oh, is that how you hear British people? But he said, so it's interesting because then the, the police, they clap back saying that number one on you looked up the terms and you were, you were obviously very interested in the stories of the summer set. GAMP TURN.

And then he had written a journal detailing a story about a character called Jack who had bought a black rubber suit and made a mask out of tights with a face pointed on. He wrote that the face was like something out of a horror film. That would scare the life out of anyone. So yes, but does that maybe. Hmm. I'm not sure if intent shows it does. They did rule in the court of law that it did. But I think that I think it does. I mean, it's interesting what they charged him with though. This is a very odd crime that I did not know was a crime in the UK. How was this a crime?

It's certainly not a crime in the US. No, it's just different. It's how they view consent laws. He was in public. No, he was charged with frightening passing drivers. Yeah, I think that's the laws that you can't frighten passing drivers. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I don't know what they do with me, man.

I fucking, I got my Lambo Crusher. What's your line? The fuck is a Lambo Crusher? We have like another, it's like our Toyota, like Highlander, whatever. It's all fucked up, right? I fucked it up accidentally. And it's nice because what I like to do

is I drive around and you drive and you see someone, like in a Lambo, you can go right at it. Oh, Lamborghini. There's my Lambo crush. Oh hell yeah, man. If I can, don't know what I'm not gonna do. You know what I mean? But that's my American liver.

Yeah, man, I could fuck, I could run a Lambo off the road with my Subaru. Oh yeah, and those things are stronger than people think they are. You would say, sure, that they're entry level SUVs for people who aren't ready for SUVs yet. They say that, sure. It's not ready for an SUV, it's not a fucking stallion. But I'm low to the ground.

That's the thing. I'm big. I'm low to the ground. I can fucking pop a Lambo off road. I can pop a Porsche off the road. I think I can pop an SUV off the road because that fucker's going to be top-heavy. He's going to go down. I can pop a fucking land rover. Oh, I know you can. I think it'll be interesting because you guys, I mean, you never see a Subaru go agro. Now, as it turns out, it's some seven year old librarian with terminal cancer, he's deciding to go Mad Max, which honestly, not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. No, because again, get it out. I can put your KL sun others. But if we agree with the court of law, though, Marcus, we're going to have to wrap this up and say, yes, the Somerset camp has been caught.

He has been punished. I do not agree with you. And that the court never said that he was the Somerset Gimp. The press said that he was the Somerset Gimp. And he said that he was not the Somerset Gimp. He was not charged with any of the Somerset Gimp's crimes. Maybe this is like Batman. This is not a man. This is a symbol.

Right. This is an archetype to be built and that we'll see because maybe the summer set Gip is gone, but maybe he's not because maybe one night the signal will show and the hero will come not the hero that they want. But the hero that they deserve. Agreed. And I don't want them to be sexually menist. I'm saying that on camera. I don't want them to be sexually menist. I'm saying that on camera. I don't want them to be sexually menaced, but, you know, maybe this time this summer said Gipkin come back, help the kids. Well, you be saved.

All you have to do, I bet you, if you could save one family out of a taxi that's about to sink into a river, right? If you could save one family like that, a lot of people wouldn't care if we ride around as much. As much. He just needs to be more pro social. I think so. Yeah. But perhaps this new type of GAMP might be a big inspiration. Maybe the GAMP's are evolving. Maybe the GAMP's becoming something different. And what we ever hope they could be. I just say because I do understand one of the big issues with being a GAMP as you have a hard time being a self-starter. now. And you have a hard time really driving on others because that's the kind of the point

of the game. The whole idea of the Gimp is that you are subservient to another person. And so it is difficult. So he's a boss. So if a Gimp is autonomous, it's truly a Gimp. If you're a Gimp, right, you go be good now. You're going to be good now, doggy. All right.

I'm going to give you the flag and your life, you little bitch. All right, so you get out there and you help a family. All right, make your daddy hard. Make your daddy hard, okay? Here we go. See, another guy got a full afternoon plan. Go help a child, you fucking pig. We'll see what happens.

Well, I've done all that I can do. You really have, you really have. And I would also like our GIMPS to write in the side stories LPO-TL at gmail.com. If you believe that a GIMP can be autonomous or if a GIMP is by definition, must be connected to a master. Well, how does it work when you sign one of those contracts? Because you know, people do that where they'll have like, it is, obviously, it's a sexual game, but there are, there is sometimes people do have contracts where you agree to be their slave for certain period of time.

Sure. Well, you sign the thing where you go and you act like they're dog and you do a thing. And I feel like partially the contracts are part of the, like the, the game of it, a little bit making it a really permanent. I don't know if it holds up on, I don't think it holds up in a court of law. I don't know. I don't know if it holds up a, I don't think it holds up in a court of law. I don't know. I don't know if there is a bank court. Would you be incredible?

BDSM court would both be extremely fascinating and also very boring. Yes. Because most BDSM people, as we know, they get it all out with the Spanx and the rest of the time, they're like, if you tried the new quick and update, you check my profile on LinkedIn. I don't know. Shots fired. Shots fired.

Let's get, let's see the Gimp community far back. Well, actually, if you can, but also don't hurt me. Don't leave no marks. Speaking, taking a shot. Now, this is one of those stories that came in last minute, that I am was extremely excited about. It's in the UK and I could see it. Have you seen this thing?

Oh, at the naked opera singer. Have you seen this? No. Hey, have you seen this? I have not. Have you seen this thing? Oh, the naked opera singer. Have you seen this? No, I have not. Have you checked the time here yet? This is a wonderful story. And I feel it in my bone. Wow. That I'm going to be this guy. Maybe if everything you can hold, I want now. Now it's going got obviously live past me. So hopefully I don't get here, but we'll see. Now, the story's fantastic. Naked opera singer, armed with bow and arrow, goes on a rampage at a care home. Now, I love this, because number one,

it's, his name is Mark Holland. And I think the rampage is real. Yeah. He did legitimately go on a rampage, which I also appreciate. Of course. Because if you're gonna do it, if they're gonna label a little rampage,

sometimes it's kind of like, it's like when guys come in and steal a bunch of Louis Vuitton bags, where it's like, fuck it, all right, they're all in churn, who gives a shit. This is a rampage. Yeah. This is incredible. I'm reading a little bit about this story.

I mean, but a rampage, the weapon that he used is not a weapon that I would associate with a rampage. Pre-assault, you'll see. Pre-assault is a man by the name of Mark Holland, 63 years fun, which is kind of young to be in a care home, but apparently he was voluntarily at a care home. He went in a rampage when he was told he wasn't allowed to go shopping. So he was supposed to go shopping. If you guys don't know, if you anybody had put somebody in a home with like my grandmother, my horrible grandmother where we had to go and she was kind of allowed

out on leave events every once in a while. So she'd go like ruin the days everyone at the Walmart. You know, they take them out on chains. They'd come out doing they do the long elephant walk like out from the fucking that care home out to the public. So they go to the quilt store or whatever. Like a bunch of that, like when they take four year olds out for walks in New York City. And they were given a bunch of fake money and then they pay with fake money. But then the, you know, the care director is to come and pay with real money. And then my grandmother's been like, all these men in here trying to have sex with me.

It's been like, I don't know, grandma. I don't know if the pussy be pop. Um, we'll find out. Now, uh, this guy, who they label as a Mark Holland back to the story, who they label as a successful baritone. He's performed worldwide. So he lost his temper when he wasn't allowed out in his elephant walk. They please quote, unquote, laid siege to the Belmar nursing home and light them St. Anne Langkoshiah on October 2nd. They had to close the road because this guy, I mean, he was going, he was going nuts, all right? And then he didn't stop until he was struck three times with the taste.

This motherfucker was on one. You are skipping over why he was not allowed to go out into the world. Oh, he was visibly intoxicated. You know, I was just waiting. He was very much visibly intoxicated. So he was normally loud as freedom because he was voluntarily there. But then a corner code, I guess they had fear. They asked them, they were like,

all right, and that normally, we all love you, Ryan. We love you sing. We love you, we love you dance. We love you, we love you presence, right?. Love you dance. You love you. Love your presence or anything. It seemed to be getting a little tipsy there. And it was like, oh, I won't sit as succulent as I need me. Like he immediately went exactly with that man. It was promised a trucker to try and heal this man. He has touched my penis. What are my favorite videos of all time? So he flipped out. So

my penis. One of my favorite videos of all time. So he flipped out. So according to the prosecutor, he said, now a disgruntled hall is according to the independent. He suddenly broke out into song. Yes. Yeah. I mean, like, uh, uh, a lot. Yeah, he's a baritone. So he's pretty funny. Then he ran, he broken a song and then when it was room, me, it was probably big last one being like, I told high high coffee, yo. And then he popped out of his room, naked. They're like, whoa, okay, threaten staff. They call the police. And then he came out with his bow and arrow with metal tipped. His metal tip arrows. He said that he caused 2800 pounds worth of damage to the home. He broke doors. He set a fire extinguisher through

concrete blocks at a visitor's car. Okay, this is a rampage. This is a rampage. He did as much as he could with those little arm strength as he had I don't know man a 62 year old is still capable of doing a lot of damage. Oh believe me look at who we got in the white house Hell yeah, shots fired got your bite. Yeah, it's been 62 since the 9th wow Uncetally unsuttably. Oh no no, my father at 62, my God can do, he can do, my dad's older than 62. Oh yeah, he can do it. Oh, a lot of damage.

Yeah, oh yeah, oh, I bet your father could take over most of that town. Oh yeah. He give, I do, I wouldn't put him past him. You give him a couple automatic guns and you give him some dynamite and stuff. Like, I really feel like he could do quite a bit. I don't think he'd even need the guns.

I think just by sheer power, force of personality, you could do it. It's about what you hit. Yeah. He's got to go right to the water tower. That's the main key. If you get at the water tower, you can really do a lot of, a lot of vaguely controlled damage to a town. I don't know.

I know where the water tower is in Jatin Texas, and I think if you took down that water tower, it might fall on the co-op. It might fall in thirsty. That is true, but most people actually don't drink the groundwater there because it's poison. Great. Yeah, my parents can't drink the groundwater

they're on home because it's salt poison. We just have to figure out how he gets a hold with the mayor, but we're gonna talk about that after this show. I don't even know, I don't even know if he knows who the mayor is. We'll have to find out. I'm going to look it up. So then he went crazy.

So back to this man, he said that the incident, quote, unquote, escalated quickly. They brought in a train negotiator, think that he was going to take a hostage. And this is all because he couldn't go to the fucking, the test go. Yeah, the test go. We just wanted to go to the store, right?

He then, he came out so that he's naked. He came out, this is the main issue, is that he used the bow and arrow on the police. Now, this is according to the police officer. I had never faced this level of threat before. He was preparing to shoot an arrow and I'd taken direct aim at us. And she said at this point that she and her colleagues retaliated with tailors.

A man, they've just got him and they zapped him and they zapped him and zapped him. And he finally went down. But the arrow only fired a few feet because the bowstring broke. He wasn't ready for battle. Because in his head, he's going, Hold, hold, hold. You know, like it's pretty hard to get all legalists next year. I should be saying this is over my dear boy, we kiss. Yeah, it's been weird for years,

like as soon as I pop off this bow and arrow is going to be my number one weapon. Dun, dun, dun, uh, uh, uh, there that's all of a sudden, yeah, This poet era was going to be my number one There that's all of a sudden yeah, they taste the fucking shit out of them and then they they really just said you know His lawyer came out and said hey in his defense. They always knew we had the bow and arrow Which I love the death that was the first like now, hey, they allowed him to have that set. Yeah. He was allowed to do this up to a certain point. You don't think this guy is not going to go on a rampage.

No. Yeah, that's only a few feet. Well, they got him six months in prison. That's incredible. And he also had to pay $2,800 to the home, $250 compensation to the car owner. That's actually not bad. And $250 each compensation to the staff involved in the evacuation of residents.

No, I'm so that's like a nice tip. Yeah, I just go around and be like, Hey, hey, sorry about the rampage. You know what I mean? You put the money in some of these, and you're like, he just said, you know, that rampage between you and me, so far.

I ain't doing it no more. I don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, man. You just, you can never rampage between you and me. So I ain't doing it no more. I don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Man, you just you can never get queens out of your bones. No, that's what my father did everything. I know everything was that he loved that I did it once. It is fun. Mm-hmm.

Like if you want to do try to get your table faster at a restaurant, you're like, money. And I just want to say thank you so much for what you can you take. You have the money in here and you're giving their bombs up. Nothing doesn At a restaurant. You're like, money. And I just want to say, thank you so much. What you, when you take it, you have the money in here and you're giving them their bombs up. Nothing, it doesn't do anything. No, it doesn't. You gave that man $20. That is nice to see. Yeah. But I'm forward to, I mean, this guy, the reason why he went on a rampage is because is I think he was quite possibly, I think he was one of those guys that lived with his mother because he went into the home after his mother died and he was quite depressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he just went badly.

Yeah, yeah, he wasn't in a good spot. You know, you don't go on a nude rampage. You're your, your, your head care home where you're far too young to be in. No, you don't do that unless things are like not crushing it. Bad. Yeah, you're not they are just big. And you just did a tour on a cruise. I think the only thing that is keeping me and you from going on rampage is is responsibility. I have a lot of work to do. We have a lot of work to do.

No, and I don't, you know, you know what it is too about that. I'm not ready. How do I put this? I'm not ready to feel that free. Yeah. That feeling. That's very scary. That freedom. The thing about Heath Ledger, you know what I mean mean it's the same face as Heath Ledger when he's driving the cop car and in dark night. Mm-hmm And he's got that wind blowing through his hair and stuff like I long for that. Yeah, so do I you know We'll get there though complete and total freedom. Yeah, no, no unhinge untethered. Yeah, unbothered in my lane Yeah, just what other people's lands watching the world world burn. Oh, yeah, we'll get there Yeah, making a warning to watch the world burn fingers crossed for our 60s fingers crossed You know what I've learned from the news is that it is never too late to go absolutely

Fucking insane. Have you seen this? Have you seen this? We heard about this. This is a new Chad daybell side story. This is something else. No, I haven't. It's being attached to the same church. It's not in the articles that Joel sent us. This Doomsday Family, the one in Arizona. Yes, this family, the Tibet of Family. This is related to the Chad Daybell story.

We are, it is coming out now that the, it seems like the family has been radicalized but the same set of, so we have in our house right now, there's a book called Vision of God that is a Natalie's obsessed with that, obviously, that talks about the origins and sort of like, it's a how to starter book of how to do one of the break-off Mormon like franchise cults.

Sure. You know, it's very interesting. And they all use this Chad daybell model, talking to people who had near death experiences that went up, saw something that they can't take back. And then came back and said, guys, I know I'm a dumpy piece of shit, a hundred ninety-five pounds named Trapal. And you know what I mean? My name is like Trapal and Jones. And I'm a dumpy piece of shit, a hundred ninety five pounds named Traphal and you know what I mean? My name is like Traphal and Jones and I'm the worst. I'm the guy was just a dish salesman.

You know what I mean? Even though we don't even have dishes, you know what I mean? That style, I just I didn't know if you guys knew. I'm Jesus Christ. And everyone goes like, whoa, holy fucking shit. And he has a podcast. There's a bunch of this. Can we move to the middle of nowhere and cut ourselves off from society completely?

That's what this group did. And now we're knowing that a young man by the name of Blaze Tibado was 16 years old. He's gone missing. He's reported missing by his father. 16 years old. Yes. He's 16 years old and he was recorded missing by his father Ben Tibado. Now it seems like Ben Tibado. What? I'm sorry, it's just Ben Tibado. Now it seems like Ben Tibado.

What? Sorry, it's just Ben Tibado. It's, it's very funny. Well, you know what it's about? Yeah, Ben Tibado, it just sounds like, oh, God, it's, it's definitely Cajun. It's, I'm an Cajun, I thought it would be. Yeah, Ben Tibado. Ben Tibado. Right. So he, they believe that his son blazed Tibado has been taken by his wife, spring Tibado that have also we're in co-huts with a man by the name of Brookhael. Mm-hmm. Which is surprising a lot in Arizona of men with normally ladies' names.

Yeah, Brook. That's it. That is interesting. Yeah. So Brookhael, who is spring's brother, so his uncle, they have disappeared. They have gone to guess where from Arizona straight to the heart of the Chad daybell Lori Valestory Idaho Falls. They're going to Idaho. They took out 50 grand of their personal money and they have gone sight unseen because they believe this is according

to the father Ben Tibado, who now, like, you know, back in the day, when everyone was saying, like, when the first victims of Lori Vallow and Chad Debel were talking about how like they're saying they're Jesus Christ, I'm a zombie. You know, all of the police like laugh at him. So like you're fucking crazy. Now we maybe this might hold a little bit more weight after that because it's the same fucking crew. So according to Ben Tippado, they see him as a Davidic servant. Quote, quote, unquote, chosen individual. This

is blaze, Tippet out, the youngest son, who plays a significant role in the savior's return. They feel they needed to take him to an undisclosed location where he would receive his calling and understand his role in the second coming. I fear for his safety, especially my son is contentious, rebellious, or belligerent if he is, because then they might find out that the download from Jesus Christ ain't happening, and now we need to do our own download of shooting him in the back of the head. Which is what happened to everybody else

across the paths of Lori Vallow and Chad Debal. No, I actually wonder if these guys, if it's just like, if it's the same crew, pushing the same stuff, or if this is, again, another franchisee moment. But what it sounds like is that these are more people that are offshoots of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, like all these people are Mormon.

They become fascinated with these second coming stories. They become fascinated with these doomsday narratives. Guys, coming back from a, especially near death experiences where guys come back and say, oh, so heaven. And I saw hell. And I tell you, oh, what if you had a corn, you'd choose heaven. You're like, yeah, I'd choose heaven. Of course, I'm going to go fucking heaven.

You fucking piece of shit. Yeah, of course. But yes, it is, he is, it's a slow ramp up. But this is an interesting thing about a dude that I've never heard this facet of a doomsday call before because this kid blazed Tibido. They're not saying that he's the second coming of Jesus Christ.

No, he's the vessel. He's the vet. I think they're saying that like he is a Davidic servant. Like he's the one who will bring about the person who will be Jesus Christ, but he is not Jesus Christ himself. Well, that's also how you add you again, Somerset Gimp style, how you add to your own lore without stepping on the other lords. Interesting. All right, because again, you have to have to fit into the Jesus.

See you. Yeah, of course it does. Yeah, that's the JCU. Yeah, it has to fit in. So you have to kind of figure out where are we positioning? Obviously, if it's within the same teaching group of Chad daybell, Laurie Valo, well, obviously Laurie Valo is Jesus Christ right now. Right. Unless Jesus Christ jumped out as soon as he says she got caught.

Maybe. I don't know. It could be. I have no idea what these people think. I think the connection between these people, I think it's just places where Mormons live. I think that's just where I think that's why they happen to be in the same areas. It's just these are concentrations of Mormons that as we know, like to congregate among their own. My other, my, I wonder what I was a big Mormon state, but why don't they just do meth? Most people that are opposed to what? But you know, I mean, like, you know, we talk about how meth finds its ways until like suburban families because it injects a bunch of excitement and drama.

And you get to meet a guy named snake and you get to go like, do all these like fun things and everybody's like worried about you. And so you get all the attention and you become the new problematic person. Even though you were like a kindergarten teacher like the day before, but now you're a full fucking meth head. And you're like stealing hubgaps and shit. And you know, like you're, and you're getting a feed from it, kind of in a way.

It feels like they're doing it for the same reasons. Like they started, so which I didn't know, let her say, they are taught straight up to have a preparedness for something like the old, the end times, right? Basic supply of food and water and some money and savings. So, reportedly, but in the last days,'s going to extremes. Without going to extremes. Right. Basically, go back every Mormon is supposed to have a go back.

Yes. And now they're starting to slowly, but surely this ramped up in her mind. So he started getting worse, spending more and more money on survival gear, guns, you know, very hack at this point. But this also makes sense when you look at the history of the Mormons, because in the early days of the Mormons, because in the early days of the Mormons, and they're all about early days, they're all about going back to their ancestors, except for, you know, the inconvenient truths about those ancestors. But remember, they got, they used to be chased from place to place to place. And they were a lot of times chased out overnight.

Like they would be invaded. They would be, you know, but chased out with pitchforks and torches literally pitchforks and torches. Oh, yeah. But according to Blaz's brother, this was like one of the breaks. So this is kind of what happened is that they were running out of town. You know, I love my mom. She's the love of my life. And she comes in and she says, it's time to go and I'm not coming back. So when those experiences were part of you, it's like, I can't let you go. I have to go with you, even if it makes no logical sense because that's the one you love. She's everything that I have,

but deep down inside of me, I knew that this couldn't be. The world is going to keep spinning or told her, I can't do it, I can't do it. So they have all these people. It's so, I also find it really interesting when these people all have extreme fringe beliefs, kind of out of nowhere.

And the rest of the family saying no. Yeah, everybody else is saying no, but then you still choose this dumpy fuck from Idaho. Like you're gonna believe this guy. Why do people do that? It's like, you man, it's the same shit. It's like, at least Q is a mystery inside the computer. This is a doughy, tacky piece of shit you can see.

But it's the same exact thing where it's people's lives are extraordinarily boring. And in the past before we were in, like ever all pervasive when it comes to media, when it comes to entertainment, when it comes to, you know, narratives being pushed down our throat all the time. Yes.

You know, people want to be a part of a story. Like they don't, but most people don't want to, or I think a lot, some people don't want to accept that lives aren't narratives, lives aren't stories, lives are weird and. They go ahead. They take, they take jobs. They take jobs and you don't know because again, but they wanted to create them, they want to insert themselves into a story to make their life seem far more important than, you know, than it may be.

I utterly agree. I also think that there is a pattern, patterns you could see with human kind. Yeah. But humans are extremely unpredictable. Yes. Like once you get into the granular, it is very, very unpredictable because they all talk about how like this kind of came out of nowhere. They all of a sudden they were gone. The mom straight, his mom is saying, um, if, if, well, it's going to see how things happen. I'm going to be gone for a few years. Yeah. And we're going to see if we're back together after that. And you're like, whoa, yeah. That's strange. The uncle, he wrote a two and a half page last well and testament letter to his kids before disappearing with drew 50 grand. He divided his assets between his children

and he said, according to, this is according to his last will and testament, if you're reading this right now, it means that I'm gone. I didn't know where I'm going. I was not told. You will not see me for some time. How long I do not know, but I will see you again. Which sounds like a threat. Yeah.

And I'm not going where you, if you're not telling me, yeah, if you're not telling me where we're going, like, that's my main thing with with the cult at least with L.R.H. You know God bless them. He kept it in one place. No, you know, what are you talking about the seawork? They were Zippin's appin' all around the earth one boat You're in the same boat all the time. Just on that boat. You're not going anywhere. Yeah, sure. You know, you're going towards land eventually, but really, maybe not for a while, though. No, you're on the boat. Yeah. But that's where you are. You're told that you're on the boat. And the boat is gonna. Boat. Yeah, boats good boat. But hey, at least that's something. Yeah. I at least know I got L.R.H. there. He's

looking good. You got corgis. I love my corgis. I love being a 12 year old messenger, you know, I mean like it's it that would be cool. Yeah. This is again if they just show up and they just say like back in it's just some guy who looks like a target manager who's telling you that you're going to join him and the ultimate fight against the devil and only that but these people they went and they spent so much money on survival gear, they spent money on cold weather survival gear. Oh yeah, they went to Idaho. Yeah, they went to Idaho.

There's actually, there's some speculation they may have crossed the border over into Canada. And they may be living in the Canadian wilderness. I don't know if Canada takes them. I mean, they're just American citizens. I guess Canada, I mean, you can just go over, I mean, we've driven into, in and out of Canada plenty of times and they all they did was,

all you're a comedian, eh? No, and I don't want to guess. I know each time. Damn me a joke. Oh, you're so kind of, you know, you look kind of stupid. J.M. Icebe one. And you're like, great. You know, here in Canada,

we have a long tradition of comedy. We're known as funny people. Yeah. We know. And then we fucking take your best ones. We take your best ones and we bring them over here because Actra, which is their version of the union does not pay well. Yeah. And it's just unfortunate. Yeah. I guarantee you, Kevin McDonnell doesn't live in Toronto. No, we're not in Toronto. He might. He might. I don't know. He might, you might not be a traitor to his people. But this story we are going to, I'll be, we'll follow this as it goes. It is wild, though, that it all goes back to the same fucking books. Yeah, that's the same stuff. And it really is. And it kind of almost feels like I was talking about this with Natalie. She showed me this where

it's like, it almost felt like now that Laurie and Chad, or sort of like end of their new cycle because of the Chad day. I don't know when the Chad daybell trial starts. Yeah. And now that Laurie Vallow got found guilty and Chad daybell will probably the same thing will probably happen to him. I imagine. Maybe they're like, it's a shot. Yeah. Now we can be the top Mormons. But the problem is that Laurie Valow fucking was like kind of the hot for Idaho, right? She looked good. Yeah.

She looked like she might be Lady Christ and then Chad Debel looked just enough like Winnie the Pooh for people to I guess have some form of I don't know what the feeling is you like Winnie the Pooh. You're looking at him. You kind of connect the two. Right. Lori Debel.

Severe. Severe looking first. She got crazier. She went. She was tight. She was an Idaho 11 for a long time. Right. She got, she looked good. And then she got more severe because then she was like putting buried juice on her fucking lips and shit present. Yeah, that's going to be, yeah, that's going to be a problem for the old skin. Yeah, people got, you know, what do you do? That's what you got in jail. You can get, I think you can get some makeup, but not like, Avaan.

I don't know what's good. I've been planning on foraging lately. What do you mean? Foraging for food. Why? Because I was watching that there was that one girl on the new season of British Bake Off. She's been foraging a lot.

That's sad. And it's what she likes to do. It's her thing. Is that she forges. What do you mean steel? No, you go out into the woods and you find ingredients to cook with that are grown naturally. Yeah, we're out and you find some nettle.

This is the desert. No, we're in the desert. There's nothing here. I can drive an hour and go to the mountains. I can find things before I can berries. You get pine cones. I'm sure there will be some nettles. I don't know grass. I don't know grass I don't know if you're gonna find a berries to sustain you in Carolina No, you know you go and you get the berries you forage and then you bring them back home and you use them as ingredients and food that you cook foraging

It's not the store You go get those berries right at the store and then so many more berries No, I'm not gonna do berries because berries are very, you know, you can easily end up with. And what is he gonna do? He just said berries for the first thing he was gonna do. Oh no, I said nettles as well. What does nettles do?

They look scrumptious. I know you can make a tea, but I think it's the, you can eat them, you can put them into bread. She put them into her bread for bread week. Yeah, I know, I saw that. What is nettles taste like? This is a good season. Yeah, Yeah, I know. I saw that. Little nettles face like, this is a good season. Yeah, it's all right.

I like it. Yeah, there are some people saying that it's boring. And I think that's the point. That's the fucking point. You know what? You know what I'll say though? It's too body. They're going a little blue this season.

And I don't like it. They're laughing a lot for their bottoms and saying balls. And they're doing it more. Balls and nuts and all that. They do have their fun. I, you know what? But I watched the Great British Bake Off because I don't want, nuts and all that they do have their fun. I you know but I watched the great British bakeoff because I don't want I want something that's wholesome and fun and I don't want to think about minstesticles. I don't know but then the other versions of it. I already

have a hard enough time watching that old woman put food in her mouth. I'll fuck I'll fuck pro. I will have sex with her. It's not as bad as Mary Berry watching her. I mean, no, we've done Mary Berry mouth many times. Hey, it's a lot of you. I say, it's a proof mouth is starting to get a little, it's starting to get the same area. I say, let them have their fun. It's better like this. They got to get it out because if not, again, how many more gimp do we need? That's where they get it out.

According to nettles, it says they taste like a mix between spinach and cucumber. I guess that sounds incredible. I love it. I love cucumbers. If you know if we have nettles, I don't know if we do. I don't think you can find them occurring naturally. Not here. I think you'll have to go to fucking Whole Foods and get your fucking forage away through the Amazon store. I bet I'm fun. Some eat out there and have for us and you will. But you know who didn't? This guy. I'm North Raid. This is a good fucking story because there is, this is one of my true, is a nightmare. Have you seen this by this guy?

You know this? You see this? You see this? You know what this? You see this? All right, this was a guy missing Nebraska man. Oh, this one. Ah, this is f**k. Ah, this is my worst fucking nightmare. Oh, yeah, missing Nebraska man

heard screaming for help weeks before body found in chimney. Ah, ah, 29 year old Zachariah, Andrews. Now, just no one didn't. What they did. They tried. They tried. No, they didn't try hard enough, but they did do something. Here is a difference. All right. Let me get to the details. So he was found last week more than a month after okay, this is the thing. Mysterious screams were heard inside of a Norfolk area apartment building. He was positively identified and he was discovered by a maintenance worker on October 19th. I'm sorry to you, maintenance worker,

that's shouldn't be what you have to deal with. But okay, you slasped the lava, September 15th. He wasn't reported missing until October 3rd. So they actually were looking for, and he had the way he went looking for him is because they were issued a warrant for his arrest and several accounts of violating a protection order after he allegedly made several unwanted attempts to reach an unnamed woman. Yes. It's not good. Also had a long and strange bizarre criminal history.

In 2018, he had charges for allegedly attempting to entice a 12 year old girl who was trying to sell a swimsuit on Facebook. I just, I don't even know what that attempting to entice me. I don't know what it means. I don't know if it's just like, like, caramel. Like, I don't know. Or like, and then he was charged with resisting arrest for kicking police officers when they tried to detain him for allegedly assaulting another man.

But again, this, he's still a man. He is still a man. I he is still a man. So here's the thing. So the day after Andrews was last seen, Norfolk police received a call from a resident inside an apartment building who claimed they heard mysterious screams. The resident reported that he heard a man yelling for help and that it appeared to be coming from the first floor. And by the time the police arrived, it's according to them, screams stopped. Problem solved. It's what you'll sing.

It's different if it's a. I get it. Ignore it. Yeah, but when it's help, help, help, I did the chimney. Help. Yes. Help help help I did the chimney help yes There are series of allegations about me pending Okay, they are but I will they are pending if you could please help It's a proven guilty. I am an American hell help and so the guy was like hmm. What's it?

Must be house settling. Doors really get drafty this time of year. Yeah. I they believe Andrews death was accidental. They're still investigating and he was inside of the fucking chimney. And I was, but I, from what I remember, I seem to remember looking up chimney deaths a long time ago because you never once know all you get a guy in a Santa suit

You know, they'd say it's an urban legend, but it happens And you also see you know burglars getting stuck in chimneys and so on and so forth They discover what appeared to be human shoes dangling from the shaft shaft. Oh, no. Oh, what was he doing? I'm sure you was trying to burgle. Yeah. He seems like he's, it seems like an attempted burgle that went terribly wrong. But it usually go well, usually what happens is they suffocate. They don't starve to death. It's just the, the, the, the angle that they're by to usually get stuck in, it's like stuck underneath where their, their lungs are. Yeah.

And breathe. And it was, it might have been more like a, yeah, probably coming to hip, hip, hip, hip, like I might be coming from the next apartment building. I just still want to die like this. I know. I don't think you can. I don't want to die like this. I don't, I don't see a scenario in which you die like this.

Man, that only made fun of me because we're going on a little vacation Mm-hmm, and there was like this thing that was it look cool was like an ATV Like driving experience. Oh, yeah, I've done on those before in Mexico. Yeah, they're awesome It wants us to go over this like super like with the Mexico's longest like Bridge that's not solid not solid? You know what I mean? It's like a draw, whatever it's called. It's like a... Oh, it's a draw.

Oh, it's like Indiana Jones and the Templar Dune. Yeah, it's a carpet. Yeah, it's a carpet. That she want, I was just like, no, I just, we're all gonna die. No. We're all gonna die doing this. I don't wanna die by an accident.

It's the number one man way that men die from 35 to 50. Is accident? Yeah. Yeah. That's awful. And suicide. In the horrible. But it's just like, yeah, man, I don't want to die like that.

No, I don't want to die like that either. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to think about bridges though. What? I hate bridges. Yeah, I freak me out.

Yeah, but foot bridges though, I'm fine with that. Why? I don't know. There's something, because that's the thing about a foot bridge is that I can hold onto it. And I know that there's nobody that's gonna try to run me off of the bridge.

But I mean, like, but I'm gonna car on this bridge. Yeah, but then I'm also worried that I'm gonna crash in other people on the bridge. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. She just got my, she's so confident. Yeah.

Natalie's just so confident and she loves danger. Yeah. And I really don't. I love danger as well, but that's the good thing is that we both married people that don't love danger so it keeps us alive. So that way we can have our love of danger tempered because Carolina and I are shockingly similar.

Yes, you're you and your great. Incredibly similar. It's like two of them took me years to figure it out. And when I did, it was a moment when I'm... Yeah, look across. You're deep in the Infugrente. And you just see my face going, Maggis, what do you want to do this week?

Which you have to show you want to do this week, Marcus? Shockingly similar. So shocking. But not in body. But in my pussy cider. Shockingly similar. So shocking but not in body But my pussy's cider You're talking about your bot hall. Yeah And I hope it is because if it's not then you have a major problem. Oh, I am I am sick

So I'll get into we could do some heroes. We can do it here. I'm the week if we want to sure. We will. You're okay. All right. Today's hero of the week. As it always should be. It's Goldie on.

I I believe the Goldie on does not get called a hero anywhere near enough. I think she should. Yeah. Right. You know why? Because yeah, she might have it all figured out. And she might have the cheekbones of a preemie because she's filled with the stem cells of dead shoulders. Yes, yes.

All right, put incredible. That's what makes her young, vibrant. She's still, she's still got a gun. I mean, yeah, right? Yeah, I mean, she's approaching, she's approaching Lady Grimm on face. She's looking good. I think she looked good. I think she dialed it back.

She's seven or seven years old and she were called going to sleep in a friend's car after a dance or her solo in West Covina, California, where she heard a high pitch sound. Yep. And the reason why she gets here all the week is because she continued to be a very famous person after this. Right? It did not ruin her life. It did not.

She prompted her to look up the window and she said, I shot these two, three triangular shape hats. They were somewhere in color. Slash, where are we now? Tiny little no. No ears. They were pointing at me. Pointing at me in the car is if

they were discussing me. That was like, it was like I was a sub-joc. And they were drowning. And then Han remembers feeling paralyzed. And I didn't know if it was real or not. Real. I did not always feel or not being. And finally I burst out around.

I was like bursting out of a farce film. And of course I go back to all the kids and stuff and I went, oh my God. I think I need contact with other space. I need something like that. Yeah, I do love that you give her your LA, like old LA woman voice. Like it's perfect. It's absolutely perfect.

The longer I live here, the more I come to just love that voice. It's just the top lip doesn't fully touch, but I saw these two. I went to what I can tell the most beautiful place I've ever seen. I was happy. I was calm. It felt so beautiful. It was so weird. But I felt kind of in home. I got emotional. Uh-huh. I got shot at my shoulder.

Uh-huh. Get those tear ducts working on overtime. I know you got some left. I have. I have. All right, and then I said, I don't understand, but I have an experience once that I had to do with maybe being visited by someone.

I said, I'm on. And so she saw aliens, she wasn't afraid to say it. They touched her face, touched my face, and it felt like the finger I've got. That's great. It was the most benevolent, loving feeling according to Goldie Hulland, who was powerful. She was filled with light, filled with it.

And honestly, I feel like that's incredible. It is. Because she came back, she saw her experience, she went to go see crop circles after that, and she loved it. And honestly, I feel like that's incredible. It is. But she came back. She saw her experience. She went to go see crop circles after that. And she loved it. She said, we got to the spot. And by God, I was standing on this hill, licking down over a valley. And it was sound dark. That was exactly the spot I'd drink. And a crop circle up just a heart. Wow. And they are fake. But they are in spirit, right? And I'm breaking out. I have collected hearts. My whole life. That's my mom collected. Mark collected hearts. And then she collected birds. And then it was witches. And then it was pelicans. And then it was snowmen. Wow. They're all different types waves of of chachkes. Yeah. That's a really bizarre mix.

And I said, I have done everything with hearts, and I look at that, and I thought, I don't know anything. But if this is a sign, I'll take it. I'll take it, I'll sign of what? I don't know, works coming. That's why you, I mean, no, it's pretty incredible. She was brave to tell her story.

She really is. There's not a lot of people that want to hear these stories because they're afraid of being shaken out of their fucking paradigms. Well, she's, I mean, she's not a lot of people that want to hear these stories because they're afraid of being shaken out of their fucking paradigms. Well, she's, I mean, she's 77 at this point. And I believe that now talking about your alien experiences are far more accepted than they once were. Like if she was talking about this, like right after she was an overboard, like people

would have, they would have committed her. Am I, at the time, yeah, yeah, time, I would, I do think that it's true, that it has, it has truly changed. Because we can't talk about it more. People used to be truly shamed. Oh, very much so. For being remotely involved with aliens at all. And then I mean, I don't think it helps anything.

No, it doesn't, but he also wasn't using like the largest platform. She was guessing on Apple Fitness Plus. Yes. It's her podcaster. Is this a show. This is show. This is somebody else's podcast. This is somebody else's podcast. But that's why it's called time to walk.

I think technically we have now, we are the big news. The podcast like we're the main news source that is broadcasting the story. Oh God. Yes, we are. So we just did it. So hey, Goldie, I want to hear from you. Side stories LPL, GMO.com, please. I want to hear from you. So I had stories LPL and GMO.com. Please. I want to hear more stories what has Kurt seen.

Well, are they? I thought they weren't together anymore. I thought they weren't together. I thought that I thought I think they separated. I think they separated. I think they separated. Oh, I think it was a few years ago now. Top saying nearly 40 years later, the snatched actress and the hateful late star are still going strong. Wow. Wow. Who is I thinking of? I know I will ever leave him because he is still every day. He's these little guests.

And he just gives me, he just did not touch that part and throughout the years, I'm being together and there's something I'm not being with. I mean, we're not long you become the best man. Was it Susan, Serandon and Tim Robbins that I'm thinking of? They did split, but they never got married. She's the key. We made the mistake. But you know what? I'm keeping Natalie with me. Yeah. That's what she doesn't know.

The lockdown, the reverse lockdown, not the ones that they used to talk about in the 50s. Now it's the men locking down the women. Oh, she is free physically. Yes, yes, she can leave. But legally. Well, no, psychologically. I got her stuff and her remeds are already for some listed emails.

Let's do it. There we go. Man, we got so many emails about people fucking stuff the animals. Yeah, we really so many emails about people fucking stuff animals. Yeah, we really did. And I almost feel like most of them are. And one of them, they're not even really repeatable. And one of them, yeah, the one that wasn't repeatable, though, was absolutely just, to turn

my stomach was from Haskell, Texas. Is that the guy who ripped his penis open on the mattresses? No, that's a different, no, this was the guy that would steal his family members clothing. And he would come into the clothing. And then he, well, he kept, he kept put him in a bag under his bed. And then he finally decided once his family started to notice that clothes were going missing and specifically soft and silky clothing was going missing. He tried throwing it out and a dumpster.

Yeah. And then his mom caught him, uh, thrown it out and she opened up and she looked and then she saw what it was. They never talked about it ever again. That's the only way to handle that. Interesting thing, interesting fact, Haskell, Texas, like 10 miles from where I grew up. Tracks, like,

Tracks, like 10 miles from, yeah, it's where my sister-in-law went to high school. See, I really does, I'm upset. Yeah, yeah, but I don't know if he grew up. Yeah, but I don't know if he grew up there. No, I don't know if he grew up there. I don't, he may have just moved there. God knows why you would, but maybe he did. There's no way he moved there.

There's literally no way there. Haskell is a little more vibrant. I mean, Rochester's like dead and dying. I mean, they've lost like 200 people. But I think Haskell is like standing at a steady 3,500 and they've been there for a long time now. Yeah, Skullwirt. And I am glad that they are there and I guess not here.

Yeah, they have a pretty good Mexican food restaurant. Rodriguez in. Oh, well. Yeah, good. Good. Good burritos. Yeah, good bump for Rodriguez in. Yeah, go check it out.

Yeah, go drive. It's good text. They have for some reason. Yeah, go drive. Yeah, go get some good text, Max. All right, here's a story about Tiny Tim. I work past control in downtown Minneapolis. And the place where tiny Tim died, the women's club of Minneapolis used to be one of them. I initially set them up, was pulled out about a year, I pulled out about a year after

I started there. The woman's club is huge and old. My second visit, I spoke at length with the director who brought me to the bathroom for an issue. She said, you know, tiny Tim Dadmere, my tiny Tim knowledge ended at the first episode of SpongeBob, where living in the sunlight, loving in the moonlight is played. I said something along the lines of, oh, really? She continued on to say that, yes, it's true, and that sometimes at night, staff and members have been known to hear the strums of Eucalyl. We're very fentaz mothosetto. Oh, I'll put this out in my mind. Once he was gone, I went to Tiny Tim's wikipedia page and indeed confirmed he had a heart attack and died at a benefit host of the year.

I believe he was mid show. Well, this email's just something different. Now, I didn't think of that until early one morning around 1 a.m. I was working at the club. I was trying to get a handle on some pests in their theater down to the band pit. When I heard it was distinctly a single string of the ukulele being blocked. It was almost a cartoony sound of a string being broken on the first strum. I poked my head out of the band pit, flashlight in hand, scanning towards the seats. I saw nothing. Checking and trucking up to the time of day, I went back to work.

Five minutes later, I again heard the pluck of a ukulele. Is there a hipster from 2007 Brooklyn tours? So we did. Along with a faint falsetto voice going, I would be tiny to more of a, I grabbed my bag and I ran to the theater immediately and I had to take the kitchens and the other side of the building where the cooks would be pairing food for the homeless. I got a signature from the woman leading the crew because she was the only person who authority around and I left.

The next day I came in to speak to the director and told her, I think I may have met tiny Tim the other night. She asked where and it said the theater next to the ballroom. She told me they have a lot of people meet tiny Tim there because the night he died, he had really wanted to play in the theater, but due to the low attendance, they filled it would be a waste of time and resources set it up. And that's an interesting wrinkle to that story. We got one more show.

We got one more goal. Well, because you always hear that tiny Tim died while performing, but according to this story and according to the, I mean, this is the straight poop. Yeah. The ladies in Minneapolis. This is the long poops. Yeah, this is the long poops. This is these women say that he never actually performed is that he, the reason why his ghost haunts the house, haunts the performance hall. Oh, tickets. Like does he never got to perform is that he did not die during a performance. He died at a gig.

That makes me want to die. Right? Because I can see it happening to us. Yeah. I don't want it to. The other email, listen to email that we got that I definitely want to read. This might be my favorite one.

Yes, yes, yes. This might be my favorite side stories email that we've gotten so far since I started doing this show. And this is a tradition that I personally want. I personally want to one day continue it. And I hope that our listeners continue this. This is from a listener who's family. Their uncle created a wonderful tradition called the Christmas vampire.

I love it. I wanted to share my family's Christmas tradition slash urban legends last cryptid with y'all. My goal is to share this with as many people as possible so it can become a common Christmas tradition. Also, I feel this is right up y'all's alley with that being said, here's the story. It was the holiday season in my sister and I were young about five or six years old and still believed in Santa. We were on this long car ride with my weird uncle, weird in the eccentric and fun way, and not in a drinks too much and has bad opinions

kind of way. Nice. I'm the eccentric uncle. Refreshing. It's very nice. As it was a long car ride, my uncle said to us, Hey, you heard of the Christmas vampire. And when we said no and asked him to explain. He elaborated with Christmas vampires, obviously a vampire that rides around with Santa. And he comes to your house when everyone is sound asleep. He then bites your neck and he drinks your sprite. And then he leaves. I love it.

Now being kids, we didn't even question this and it soon became a story in our family that we passed down to all the other kids. Every kid in the family believes in the Christmas vampire. So now it's become a tradition that on Christmas Eve, we leave out milk and cookies for Santa, carrots for the reindeer, and a bottle of cold sprite for the Christmas vampire. I love it. And while all the kids are asleep, we take a red sharpie and put two dots on their necks, then someone drinks the sprite and punctures the bottle with scissors to make it look like

fangbites. On Christmas morning, the kids wake up and check their necks in the mirror to see if the Christmas vampire showed. That's incredible. That's incredible. I want to do it. I want to do the Christmas vampire. Oh my god.

Yeah, I mean, you got to really prime the kids. The kids got to be into spooky stuff. Yeah, you got, but honestly, you know, get them do it. I want to do the Christmas vampire. Oh my God, yeah, I mean, you got to, but really prime the kids. The kids got to be into spooky stuff. Yeah, you got, but honestly, you know, get them into it. Yeah, this is a good gateway. Yeah, no, the Christmas vampire isn't evil. He comes and he samples your blood because he likes to know what good boys and girls taste like.

That's it, he's just curious. Yeah, you can't say taste like though, because that makes it really creepy. No, not unless you say, that's any suck in your little penises. Yeah, I mean, it's blood. Yeah, maybe it's the good little girls and boys can get vampiric powers if they're good. Yeah, you get, yeah, you get turned into that.

That's sad too. Yeah, vampiric powers are just, yeah, you're chained to this. It's just nice. Yeah, maybe it gets bright. Yeah, he's drink is that, no, but he also drinks the blood because they get put the two little red dot marks on their neck. They should also just leave out blood. Yeah, that would be about a big bucket of blood and they're like right in the middle,

like right next to their beds. That's the first thing they step into in the morning. Yes. Yeah, this is important. That's why you get live every day. All right, dressing up as a Christmas fancier and keeping it alive 365 24 7. Be a Christmas fancier.

Yeah, I'd show up, drink people's Sprite. Talk about how Santa Claus ain't cutting the fucking mustard. Yeah, all right. And you can love the fact that everyone's gonna be like, what are you talking about? What are you? What is that? The type of specific I've never heard of that before.

You're like, this is new. Oh, I know how you do it. is that how you explain it to the kids You say yeah, you know like yeah, I know the Santa Claus has a lot to do He doesn't Christmas. He has so much to do on Christmas vampires gotta be there the crit Well, that's the thing is that sometimes Santa has to ask Halloween for help Absolutely calls up the Christmas thing that movie we've seen that movie He has to call the Christmas vampire to come help him cuz he go in works at night Yeah, just like Santa and then you know what you'll do you'll laugh your way to the fucking bank sell a new

Merch yep, I P right as a whole thing now you got the whole day You got that a lockdown the first person to do the Christmas vampire fan Mm-hmm, it's fucking incredible. Yeah, really is so we got to give it We got to give credit to whoever it was that sent in the email. Thank you for the Christmas vampire. Thank you. Thank you very much. That was so good.

So go and check out our new comic book that's out there. Fucking reekin' habit. A rampage. Operation Sunshine is available at your local comic book store. And also go take a look at the last comic book and the left volume for. I believe that is still up for order and we're going to have a new coffee line. I guess we're having a new coffee line check out Spring Hill Jack coffee. Keep an eye on the page. We're going to be talking about a new blend.

New blend. New blend. The year is nothing you like better than new new blends. You love new blends. I love new blends. I love new blends. Buy Marcus! Buy Henry! Hales it. Elgi.

Elmi. You dirty fuckers! This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to lastpodcastnetwork.com.