Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Butthole Stories

Episode Date: December 3, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the mysterious monolith, rumpology, a mink massacre, and MUCH MORE.[SPOILER WARNING FOR HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR. SPOILER IS AT 27:20, SKIP TO 28:00]Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Hey there buddy, don't forget there's plenty of Last Podcast Network merch available over on LastPodcastMerch.com. We got shirts for all of your favorite shows like Wizard of the Bruiser, Page 7, and No Dogs in Space, and of course plenty of stuff for Last Podcast on the left. Go to LastPodcastMerch.com, thank you! What was your vacation? You know when you reach the end of your vacation, when it's the only time I finally experience anything close to relaxation, there's several days which are just sitting worrying who's

going to kill me in the next three days, just to generalize anxiety, oh that's cancer, you never had a whole afternoon called, I love this dude, the show alone in my house called oh that's cancer, where I touch various things, I look at a brown spot because I'm covered with Polish little, I call them rebel skin cells, it's cool that way. No, it's not cool, it's a skin tag, you gotta cut them off. I know you can't cut them off just at home, I just can't cut them off. You can pick them off or something like that, get ready to do it. You gotta wait till they go, you gotta, sometimes I'll grab one and just like a tooth, yeah

until it pops off. This is how we want to start this episode, the first back for vacation, I just, no I said how was your vacation, and then now you are talking about having cancerous, hanging, damn disgusting, like tree ornaments of flesh off of your body, I said how was your vacation, and then you talked about this, I started it with a very normal, good day, and then now you're ranting in the middle of town hall, and the customs coming to say sir, go back into the cafe. Ask me how my time was, honestly it was very nice.

That's great, welcome to the side stories everyone, I'm making a pork chili, and now you're making pork chili, welcome to side stories I have been with Henry. Pork chili, I have to say, I don't think I have ever heard of pork chili, that's chicken, that's turkey, I don't think I've ever heard of someone making pork chili because pork is a very, I don't know, I just don't hear pork chili that often as a term that's used when it comes to something that is for dinner. I put a chunk of butter in it to give it some fire, it's basically because I had all this ground pork, I had all this ground pork, the thing about the butcher box, this is not an

ad for a butcher box, the meat is actually very good, the butcher box comes, and then at some point you get an email that says, hey, next butcher box is coming, and you're like oh shit, I have all of this tri-tip, and I am the only person who eats meat in my household. Well indeed, nothing better than a female butcher who is having an orgasm, alright well speaking of orgasms, butcher box, come in, there we go, we're all on the same page now. Oh that is great, that is really good material. I prepared, oh I have a lot, because I did a lot of road tripping, I had to just drive,

I had to go drop people off and stuff like that, is there a gas pump that works in this country? You did the movie Dutch with Travis Irvine where you drove your, you're trying to connect to your steps son, but it's difficult because you understand a little bit more about life or a little bit more rough around the edges, you've been drinking a little bit more, you know what I mean, Travis Irvine, young college boy, not though, he's 37, he just acts like one, but he's a free, but what a talented editor and director. He really is, alright Henry, what do we want to talk about first, now keep in mind this

is the first story, after Thanksgiving we're getting to the Christmas season, so please don't do anything, don't make it something too naughty. I'm not doing naughty yet, because when it comes down to, because also you know, old big old eye bags, Fauci said that Santa's can't get the COVID, which one thing I would say is that if Santa's around, that's why Santa's gotta walk around, he's gotta fucking target on us back because his blood's the fucking secret, to us going back on tour. We just had 250,000 people dead, wait, they asked Dr. Fauci if Santa could get COVID and he had to respond?

Yeah man, we're in a clown world, we're in a clown world where nothing matters, mistakes aren't real, everybody's just playing Wheel of Fortune and acting like things are chill. Yes indeed, well I'm playing 4D Wheel of Fortune, which is really, that's where I know the answers beforehand. There's so many wheels, so many wheels. It becomes a sphere at some point, but this story got emailed to us a hundred times because again, we happen to take a millisecond of a break and great news comes out, at least potentially distracting news, this monolith, an obelisk type structure, was found deep

in the deserts of Utah, at this point everybody and their mothers been talking about it because there's like nine different versions of BuzzFeed that exist now, but this story is interesting because it's kind of, it keeps updating, so this was like a week ago, this biologist was traveling, I guess they were looking for these like longhorn deer shit, I don't know, they were just going to go see if these longhorn deers were fucking. Okay. What started with these, these state workers and a helicopter, they were helicopter biologists, which I didn't even know was a thing.

I don't know, all I know is they have to be very careful because that's how the beginning of the thing started and then that movie ended with everybody being eaten by some weird looking creature that ended up sort of looking like your best friend, so then that was really confusing too. But also at the same time, if I'm going to be murdered by somebody, I hope it's you Kizzo. Aw, thank you. And it will be.

It might be, alright. It will be. So they saw, they were traveling, they were looking around, I believe they were doing, they were looking for elk, I had some answer here that was legitimate, they were looking for some kind of boar, they were trying to see if they were fucking because then it turns out like that, oh, they were looking for the big horn sheep, they're trying to count as many, trying to see how many that there were because the sheep are less wary of people in early December, which is their meeting season.

Oh, so they're all horns. Is that fucking absolutely fascinating? Well, that is one of the most interesting things about these biologists, you know, you talk about, oh, all of a sudden I'm on my computer, I'm looking at two sheep have sex with each other, I'm a criminal, oh, you're a biologist, you're in a helicopter, you're looking at sheep have sex with each other, oh, now all of a sudden you're a scientist, it just doesn't add up and I don't know why I'm still being arrested, I don't even know why I'm being detained.

It depends on if you're hard or not. Yeah, that's true. I think, and it depends also, you can also be hard just from sort of a biological sense where you're so excited about the, how big the new herd of big horn sheep is. Wow, okay. But actually they're doing very poorly, that's what they found out, which is a sad, a sad like end note to this whole story, but as they were traveling looking for these big horn sheep, they found this 12 foot tall metal monolith that was in the middle of the Moab

Desert in Utah. Okay. They have no clue how it got there. They said, at first thought that it was like close to, they think it might have been there since the 1950s and now the new research is showing that it might have been land at some point 2016, but this thing's been sitting on the middle of fucking nowhere for a long time. All right, and just to clarify because I'm assuming half of the audience might be as

dumb as me, a monolith is not a creature. When I first heard this story, I was like, oh, monolith must be some kind of big hairy monster. But no, it is a steel, it's a, it's a, it's a slap of metal. And yeah, it's 12 feet tall. So just to clarify there, I'm not sure if anybody else thought it was some kind of biological game. We definitely didn't.

It's possible. This is because of the, this is the, your lack of reading. No, this is my lack of having a brain for a week. Yeah. I definitely have just been coded in THC. I know. Um, so they now, they, they don't know what the hell this is. It was stuck in the ground, it was cut into the rock.

So it was very, very firmly planted there. There was no like tracks, there were no footage kind of show where it is. It's very similar again to the 2001 object that people are obviously it's getting, it's memified all over the place. Well, the 2001 space odyssey, the film, that's what people are saying the object looks like. Yes. So really the interesting thing here is, did somebody on a mission to deliver all of these slabs, all of these monoliths did a poor space truck driver, drop one of these out of his

spacecraft, show up at work. And then he has to explain why there's only nine and not 10 of these monoliths. What a horrible day at work. I feel bad for whoever dropped this random thing. Obviously somebody wanted it. Well, it seems like, uh, yeah, there's some kind of space Banksy could have done this, but there's actually real Banksy's that might have done this. So the, the, the main mysterious news is that the shit disappeared a couple of days later.

Okay. They found it. And now it's gone. And you know that it's a tall, you know, it's a long monolith because the, they show a picture here in the article of two of these state workers climbing on one another's shoulders. And then through that, they look like the little rascals, they're climbing up on top of each other. It's kind of like fun to see scientists doing something physical.

It's getting goofy over there. So they measured how tall the scientists were and then said, now you get on each other's shoulders and then we'll deduct how much taller you are from the monolith. But if I was over there, I would have been a little Bob Vila and I would have said, why don't we just get a measuring tape, go from the top to the bottom. Boom. Now we don't have to have these two people, uh, become what might end up being a human Russian doll as one person slips in their butthole, uh, lands on the other person's

head. You're such a, you're a no fun, we're in fire season. Everyone says, Oh, don't be when you're hot, nobody wants it. If you're not on fire, we are not on fire. We are currently on fire. Okay. We are cool to the touch. Well apparently Utah has a history of these sorts of things happening with a lot of land

art and things like that. The land art, they have this one thing that was called, it's like the spiral that was like dug into the Great Salt Lake near Rossell point, which is the sort of like it gets revealed when the tides go in and it's very interesting. But there is one guy that they pointed towards, which is a man by the name of John McCracken, who was one of these very fancy artists that did those things where I don't like, I appreciate modern art up to a point, right? I like it.

I like going to the goog. That's how well I know the goog and I'm when I go into the goog and the guy, you know, Larry, yeah, Larry there, he's always been like, Hey, you want your regular and you're like, you know me, Larry, and then he fucking gives me a fucking, I take a whole thermos full of whiskey and I shouldn't have it. But I walk around and I tell everybody what I think what's going on in that stupid pointless spiral building. That's not true.

It's good. Modern art is good. Honestly, that's exactly what happens at all those museums. Everyone is hammered off of wine. They think that they're being fancy because they're wearing nice clothes, but they just get lit. Look at paintings and pretend it's interesting. If I'm wearing a button up shirt, I get so much more fucking hammer than when I'm just

in basketball shorts because you're classy because I'm classy and I'm feeling classy. You're free. But John McCracken, he made this art that was just like planks, a shit. Oh, great. But his whole thing was that he made them, they just, they're cubes, they look cool. Yeah, of course. But his whole thing, they lean against, they're all painted different colors and they'd leaned against surfaces and his family and his art dealer, because his art dealer right now,

because he's been dead since 2011. His art dealer is being, yes, that's definitely a John McCracken. He definitely, because apparently his son said that right before his death, John McCracken and him were out in wherever, wherever he lives, someplace in New Mexico. And they said they were enjoying drinks and one day McCracken was looking out onto the meta and he said, one day I will leave a piece of art that only the spacemen will find. Which is the truth because he was obsessed with aliens and people coming down and finding his work accidentally.

So they said, oh, maybe it's him. But it seems like one guy, there's another art, like how would you describe it? He's an art theorist, art fucking critic. He looked at them and he said the problem with this monolith is that it was very crudely made. Where John McCracken, the way he made his bullshit, was very well seemed and put together where if you look at the corners of this monolith, you see that it was actually more crudely folded together.

Interesting. And we do have an update. But now it's gone. We have no clue where it's gone. We do have an update on what happened as far as where it went. Apparently four men, they were spotted removing the mysterious metal monolith and this happened around December 1st. Is that true?

This is true. This is according to the New York. Which one? This is the one. Because then I was going to follow up. Then there was another monolith in Romania that was also just spotted and also disappeared a couple of days ago. This one wasn't the one in Utah, so the three-sided stainless steel structure, it was spotted

in November 18th. Again, over there in Utah, four dudes showed up, and the reason that we know it was four dudes is because a photographer wanted to go down, he said he drove six hours to go take a picture of it, and he showed up and he saw these four dudes and apparently they just sort of brutally tackled it like it was Artie Lang's character in Dirty Work. Just absolutely took care of it. So it's probably vandalism. Well, yeah.

It's vandalism. We don't know. The only person that we have on the scene here is 34-year-old photographer, which means unemployed, and his name is Ross Bernard. Ross Bernard, he was the only one to see these people leave, these four men break it apart, treated it really disrespectfully. If it is an alien object, this is what he had to say. He says, dudes approached as they walked off with the pieces, one of them said, quote,

leave no trace, which makes me think government, CIA, you know, whoever it might be. It was just a piece of metal out there. People are going crazy over it. Well it's because people are really bored, and they're looking for any single piece of news that's not another rollout of how many more thousands of people died, or more just like mind-numbing bullshit about that now we're all supposed to know about the electoral process. Well, it's something that you should know about.

We need to teach civics in school so we don't have these questions nearing to know these things. It's quite interesting, but anyway, the photographer told a New Zealand newspaper, he says, it must have been 10 or 15 minutes at most for them to knock over the monolith and pull it out. That's not a lot. It's really not that much. He goes on to say, we didn't know who they were, and we were not going to do anything

to stop them. So that's why he's not hero of the week, because he saw an opportunity to be a hero. Did nothing. He didn't take any pictures of them. No, he did. He posted a few on his Instagram. Oh, well, at least he took the pictures. I want to see the pictures.

What's that artist? What's that photographer's name? Ross Bernard. Oh, I'll see what you say. Ross fucking Bernard. I'm going to see what you say. Well, apparently, if you are, if you are looking for the photos, Henry, according to the paper, according to the paper, they're extremely blurry and not very well shot.

God damn it. This is why he's not. This is why he's only got 500 followers on Instagram. Ross Bernard has to up his game. Well, he could have had a big get here. Gentleman wearing gloves, but not wearing masks, standing over the monolith. I mean, I guess it was hollow and has a framework made of plywood. So it may be this might just be a Thanksgiving prank gone horribly, horribly right.

I feel like it was art that was put there. It sounds like it had been there for a minute. So I think it was put there for this extent, this specific purpose to be found accidentally and then immediately removed and have a, it's like a fun moment to manipulate real life as an artist, then bring everybody in on the story and everyone gets to experience that sense of mystery for a motherfucking second now that every day is exactly the same. Isn't that nice? So according to the sheriff, they said, however, with hundreds visiting the area during the

last few days, perhaps someone saw something suspicious. He goes on to say, if you recognize anyone from the lineup provided as being in the area of the strain structure on the night of November 27th, please let us know. So they got pictures. They got a few suspects. But the question is, what's the, what's the problem? Is it littering? What are you?

What's the punishment? It's protected. It's protected land. It's like in a, one of these very intense national parks. And I'm going to say this, when it comes to the artist, whoever that is, maybe we find out who's behind all of this, I don't think that they're the number one culprit because I continued to read about this story apparently when the large flock of people came to go and see the monolith, which at the end of the day,

Well, they try to stop it. They try to make sure they didn't want people to go see it, which is why they didn't post the location of where it was found for a couple of days, but people found it immediately. At the end of the day, you show up like you show up at Mount Rushmore. You look at it and you're like, but really people just need a reason to go A to B. And they just need a B. And then they know where they're going back to A. I do it all the time. I remember like how many times I'll just pick a random ass place, especially when we would

travel. I would just pick some random store in a neighborhood and I just go there or I try, I like to go see whatever haunted locations because in the end, I love haunted locations. I love making my own little true crime tourists whenever we're traveling. But the truth is, is that it is your drive. Yeah. You look and go. Yeah.

It was right there. Yeah. Better be getting back now. All right. Well, that's it. That's your whole day. And it's fun. For a second, you kind of feel spooky at that time when I did the true crime tour for myself

in Los Angeles and the guy where the Black Dahlia, one of the, the corpse where it was laid out, like that's now a house. Yeah, of course. It's been abandoned a lot. The spot was laid out. The guy ran out and chased me down the street. That was fun. Well, he must be quite aggravated with people like you going and looking where this woman

was killed because I was just back here, honestly, what they did with, I mean, they had to do it in Berlin where Hitler was there where the bunker was because they for a long time they didn't want to put any sort of like landmark. They want to put in any sort of like plaque saying that it was there because they didn't want to have it become a place where like neo-nazi shit would gather. Right. But the thing is they built just affordable like housing on top of it. And so people are still going.

So then I went because I got to go see and they had, they finally did. They put up a sign saying this is where the bunker was, but it's got to be hard to playing a bunch of, because what, you know, in affordable housing, you play stick ball and you guys have got all the kids, you got candy man is there half the time. So they already have to deal with so much shit. You have a real understanding of that situation there. But what happens is when a large number of people flock to certain things, oftentimes they leave behind a mess and that's really what got the sheriff upset because all the

folks flocked to go see this monolith and they left trash and they destroyed it. So I'm telling you, if you go to any of these things, please God, you know what you do? Bring a little baggie with you and that is where you put all the trash and then you take it with you. If for half a second you thought it was aliens, do you think that it would be nice to go there and leave your fucking schlitz cans everywhere? You think that's nice? You think that's nice?

You think it's nice? Well, I don't think it's nice at all. Talking about leaving things behind, there was a story that we covered that's all there is for now. I wish it was more mysterious than that, but I'm pretty certain all of this is just art. I just want to know the artist that did it because they got exactly what they wanted and I say in this time where people are in desperate need of something, I think this was indeed the definition of something.

Of something. And it worked. It was something. It worked. In many ways. As long as it didn't just turn and I'm very thankful like it just didn't turn into a red bullad or like, you know, immediately it's nice. It was just art for art's sake.

Yeah, that is actually nice. Very easily could have turned into something for Domino's, their new slab of pizza and how it comes hot on a slab every time they get it delivered or something like that. This is the only pizza that stands up 10 inches. Oh, boner pizza. Pizza tube. That'd be cool. Boner pizza.

But to talk about boner pizza, this story is I'm trying with Segway to get to the story. We covered several butthole stories over the last couple months. We have just been covering butthole stories after butthole stories after butthole stories. These people keep in having buttholes and we'll keep on talking about them. We tell the stories that the people want to hear. We investigated Jody Arias' butthole. We did investigate. Is that the word?

We did. And I'll tell you what the main report that I got back once I looked shifted through all the data. It was brown. It was brown. Wow. And then they got the dinosaur buttholes that was made big news two weeks ago where they wanted everyone was really excited that we could finally see the cloaca of a dinosaur

and it was, in one word, underwhelming. Well, it's just a butthole but I know Henry's about to get to this person here. This story. This shows that sometimes things are not just a butthole and one butthole's not and this is, thankfully, our listeners are so like on the ball. They wanted us to know because we asked whether or not you could tell the future because we were certain someone must have been doing something with buttholes at some point to like you make money off of it besides just licking it like there's a way to tell something

about somebody. And the person who had figured that I guess a long time ago was Jackie Stallone who is the mother of the Stallone brothers. Wow. And don't forget there are two Stallones. Do not forget about Frank Stallone. Do not forget about Frank Stallone. How dare you?

There are. So this is the mother of them. She died two months ago. Oh, all right. 95 years young. Yep. She died from forced orgasm. Very intense.

I don't know if that's true but it's a lot of stress. But the Jackie Stallone not only was one of the greatest mothers to ever live, gave us two of the best actors we've ever known as a species. Absolutely. She also was an expert in a thing called rumpology. Now this is according to JacquelineStallone.com slash rumps.html. The foremost she called herself first off because she's writing this in third person but she wrote this.

To be fair Frank Stallone may have written this. At least he's busy. I know. Because he didn't show up. I don't think he went to the RNC this year. I don't think I know. But I'm pretty certain that if Trump had won in 2020 Frank Stallone was going to be like a comptroller.

That could be. So the foremost American rumpologist Jacqueline Stallone, she has revived the ancient art of rumpology. I don't know who coined the term. Rump reading is an art that was practiced in ancient Babylon, India, Greece, and Rome. The ancient Greeks thought the derriere was the key to health and fidelity. And the Romans used prints of the gluteus maximus the way some people use palmistry today.

So this is how it's done. Rumpology is sometimes called butt reading in modern parlance which is ask any blind person and he'll tell you there's always two chapters to that book. Now it is the art of reading the lines, crevices, dimples, and folds of the buttocks to divine the individual's character and gain an understanding of what has occurred in the past. And get a prediction of the future which I don't really understand because you can just ask the person's mouth about the past. Well I don't know if they're going to tell you the truth.

The butt doesn't lie. I think we all know that. You can see a person's soul when you look through their eyes, but if you look through their butt, you can see what they did last summer. In Los Angeles, so many butts lie. There's so many lying butts. No, no, no, no. You my friend.

You my friend. Oh you. Wow. Wow. You put on your plebe hat. Because I'm the expert here. I'm the one who knows about the hole. The butthole.

You're talking about the butt cheek. The butthole. He gets. Does not lie. Oh yes. It's true. The butthole. The cheek sir.

Who knows what. Those are all I have. I saw. Distractions. Distractions. I saw a woman just lift her butt the other day like it was a Cadillac. But. Oh yes.

No, the hole. That's yes. But the butthole. Yes. Intimate. The butthole. Secret. It's the work.

It's the most honest part of the human body. It sees everything. It knows everything. It takes care of all the work. It's the working man's mouth. It really is the working man's mouth. So I pushed back a little bit. That indeed the butthole.

Cannot lie. So. You're right. But so ancient rump reading was done when the seeker covered his or her derriere rump. They want to make sure that you know that that's French. It's asshole. With henna dye. Okay.

So you got to make your, your ass brown, right. And then you sit on a medium such as papyrus and you leave an impression like Alec Baldwin does. Yeah. True and impressionist. Nobody ever liked it. No one ever. No one told me I was doing something amazing when I accidentally did that on my friend

Dave's couch. Come on. No, no, no, no. When you shit on his couch. I did not shit on his couch. You just admitted it. No. I was a joke.

Okay. You fucking, you, you are such a flip. Well, you know what? Ask my butthole when I show it to you next time. When I plunge it into your eyeballs and be like, ask my butthole. I'm pretending to be Ace Finchura if he was a nudist. I'm gonna wear fucking goggles at your house. Now, Jack Whelan has discovered that the left and the right cheeks reveal a person's

past and future respectively. The right buttocks represents the left cerebral hemisphere of the brain. All the left buttocks represent the right hemisphere. I actually want to know if there's a significant difference in my buttocks because I often have my wallet in my left side. You have no buttocks. Or maybe if I shift, but if I shift my wallet to the right side, will it mean I'll think more in a future sense about the way I'm spending my money?

I think if Jacqueline Stallone looked at your butt, she would be in awe and amazed and you'd be like, what's going on? She'd be like, you're already dead. What? There's no me. You're already dead. That's the movie. I'll say that we watched The Haunting of Bly Manor and I don't want to spoil it, but everybody's

a ghost. Whoa, you just spoiled it. I just spoiled it. How were their butts though? Some of them are fine. Now, this is the main thing. She basically says that one thing that she does different than the other buttock readers do is that she says that she specifically was an expert in the gluteal cleft, which

to some of you fucking immature people, you'd call it the butt crack. The butt crack. The place where you do the credit card swipe, credit card swipe. If you're a producer. And your friends, yeah, with your friends there. Now, this is according to Jacqueline Stallone, I have been asked many times about the gluteal cleft. There's more than an advertising sign for plummest teens and non-conformists and a vital

importance. It represents a division between the yin and yang, good bad, light, darkness between your past, the left cheek and your future, the right cheek. I have noticed in my years of apology reading that it is often characteristic personality. Many bankers clefts are very short while lawyers are very long. It can also vary in width with politicians seemingly extra wide and cops notoriously narrow. I had a look in the mirror recently at yours. Whoa, mama.

And she said the biggest change and since she started doing her apology was that she can't thank the advent of digital photography enough because the amount of accuracy you can get now because before, you know, you've got your something like me, man, I have a solid three inches solid like barnacle like hair that lies in but inside of my gluteal cleft. I can't even imagine just but putting the dye on it, I imagine just makes it look like I just took a mop and just like, well, brush it all over a piece of papayas. I think you should probably go for a waxing before you get the dye done, but you're right.

Another technology absolutely incredible. If it was the cameras that were used to take pictures of Oswald or the cameras that used to take pictures of all the dead children that died back in the Civil War era, nothing would show up. You need to have that iPhone 5G zoom quality so you can really see what's going on there. But that's really the whole story here is that I can't believe it. And then Jackie Salone was the astrologer to all these presidents. She says astrologer to all of these presidents, but she was specifically the astrologer for

Ronald Reagan. Did she read his butthole? Only time will tell. Only time will tell because if I found out that Ronald Reagan was in there yelling about gay people, saying AIDS, big if true, that's what he would say. And then I find out he's getting his asshole read by Jackie Stallone. I'm going to call bullshit. I'm going to call bullshit.

You might say. You might say that some of his. Yeah. And that's the worst crime of all. Isn't it though? That and everything else. More McDonald's showed us that. But that's the truth.

It's that it almost is like he was full of shit. Oh, mama's turn around. The biggest crime. Indeed. All right. Well, obviously we're in the middle of a pandemic. We know about this COVID. It's not just affecting humans though.

It's also affecting minks. In this story, I actually really love this is coming from Denmark. We would love to go to Denmark. I heard it's a beautiful place. Apparently there were a bunch of minks and these are really, you know, they're cute on Instagram pictures, but in reality, they eat all your crops and they're quite mean. They don't mess around though. And then you make nice furs out of them, but you're not supposed to do that anymore.

You can't do that anymore. Instead, they just call them and kill them. So they just basically, they put them in mass graves and why do they keep making them? I don't. I think nature keeps on making them. And quite frankly, if you're just going to put them into a mass grave, I mean, make a coat out of them, keep someone warm if you could. They were coated in lime to help reduce smell and decay and buried in shallow pits.

We're talking 17 million minks. Shit. Well, evidently, you can't eat that meat. I don't think you can. I don't think there's a lot of meat on a rodent. That's why you usually see people doing it at the end of a movie when things have really gone wrong. No one starts the day with like, we have right for dinner.

That's always like, Oh shit, man, things have really gone wrong. The cold has come in and I think they're going to start eating each other. You could boil them down and kind of take all the meat from their bones and like a slurry and make it into kind of like a, like a nugget, like a mink nugget that I do believe you can make anything out or into rather a nugget. So that is a good point. The mink bodies, however, have been spotted emerging from the pits. Yeah.

It's fucking gross. They are decomposing. They, they are filled with gas, which is forcing them to surface. This is straight out of a classic 1980s, trauma-esque horror film when they would just call things like bees and you know, just a fun ass day for whoever had to work the fields here. So please in West Jutland, that's a region in Denmark, millions of minks were cold and buried there. They rushed to rebury the animals while insisting there was no infection risk.

So these people shut up and they are literally the cop outside of every shoveling, shoveling dead minks. It's all good. It's all good here. Nothing to worry about. Yeah. As they just slowly like, because they're releasing all those gas, just like putrid death mixed with COVID and they're all just emerging from, and you're like, the pictures put sand

on it. The pictures are unbelievably intense because they're trying to, they're like, don't look at that. Everything's fine. Don't look at that while all of these fucking dead rodents are just working their way back up to the surface. So apparently this is according to Thomas Christensen of the National Police. It's funny they got the police on this.

Like in America, the cops, I mean, they would just go and just mow them all down. They would just take out all of their heavy machinery, re-kill them. I guess get the gas out with all the bullet holes. I do feel like we would be using those minks to just, God knows what we'd do. I guess we could throw them at the wildfires. You know what? Maybe, maybe that would work. Or maybe they would just increase the wildfires and make it smell.

See, I mean, you've been ahead of the fire department. So this is what he had to say again, Thomas Christensen. He says, in connection with the decay gases are formed, which causes the mink to expand a little. And in that way, in the worst case, they got pushed out of the ground, much like one of those quarter machines that you see where you put the quarter in and the thing slides and hopefully pushes out two quarters so you can get a return. You know what I'm talking about?

Those child's games you see at restaurants or gas stations where it's a little bit of a long time since I drank at one of those like tourists place on the highway. It's not. You know, it's been, it's been a couple of years since I got a couple of forties and just like went to a rest stop and just played coin games. It's not even a coin game. It's pretty amateur. No, it's not a game.

No, it's not a game. And I haven't drunk either at a gas station or a deli since New York, since my really poor days. If you are in New York right now and you're broke, little trick from the wise, uh, go to a deli, grab a tall boy, sit down and drink it. You're a seven foot tall man. There's the difference. There's a difference.

Because when you have, once it's in your hand, you're like, come on, take it from me. Come on. Come on. But also sometimes delis have little chairs outside or inside, um, in which, well, yeah, if there are people that sit on, sit in chairs, yeah, I mean, yeah, you could take anything anywhere. You don't just have to be in New York. You can just steal booze anywhere.

You really can. So amid the fears that a slightly altered disease would render vaccines developed to fight the original virus useless. This is of course regarding COVID, uh, Denmark's ordered all minks to be destroyed. So I believe that all minks, not just the ones that rose from the dead as if it's a Romero movie, I think all minks are on the line and it doesn't seem like they were being treated very well to begin with. No, do you ever watch that?

You ever read that graphic novel, mouse? Yes, of course. Very powerful. Yeah. It was the Holocaust. Yes. But with, but with the mice. Now they'll have to make one called like, Monk, it's like a Holocaust, but with minks.

Yes. But they can't do it. But that would be scary, but at the same time you could make it a nice like lesson at the very end. If you make all of these coats for the poor, that would be very nice. Is it that bad? If you're already killing the minks, right, shouldn't we just use their parts? I think in this case it might make a little bit more sense and dare I say from the Native

American perspective, which I don't know much about, but use all parts of the body. Use all parts of the body. Please tell me, tell me, Kissel, because I like to go to you for Native American lore Yeah, I actually know a little bit, I know a little bit. Say something Native American. Tell me a story. Tell me a story. You don't want to go down that road.

That's a main. You don't want to go down that road. That's just, if you're just a creepy, well, you're in a Stephen King story, that's not a Native American. No, what you're doing is being biased against Native American people who have main accents who live in Maine, because they live wonderfully everywhere. And you also said it wrong, Kissel, it's don't go, oh, you don't want to go down that road. No, that's what they say in Maine.

I was talking like a Native American. I love Native Americans, honestly, we truly do. We truly do. Um, guys, people, heroes, do you want to talk about how we never should have done what we did? We should, okay, okay. Never mind. Um, all right.

So there you go. That's a big story. But anyway, let's get to this other tale because this one. This is a story I want to say, can we talk about the we went on story, please, Henry? Yes. Yes. Okay. You know, I don't like talking about QAnon too often because I don't like giving it any

sort of air. I think it's the dumbest shit in the face of the planet. But every once in a while, really primo story comes out that I want to cover. And this is just a perfect example of what happens once you wade into the QAnon waters, because the thing about QAnon water is that it's not water. I would say it's closer to, it's like a thick oil. And so when you go down to the QAnon waters, a lot of times you think that you're swimming in it, but you're actually drowning in it.

And you become more like one of those swans that gets taken out, they're completely destroyed by like an oil leak. Oh, that's for golf or you're talking about golf or one or the exon oil week, yeah, GW one. That's what we call it in our home. Now, if you, this story comes from the daily base, this, this is a, I didn't know that there was this whole inner world of just parents that are losing their kids either for previous behavior.

A lot of times it's either drug use or just simple neglect, or it seems to be, that seems to be combined with a belief in the QAnon conspiracy world. And there is a, not only is there a group of people fighting to get their kids back, they're losing their kids to the system, there are now groups of lawyers that are coming out that are, that use the QAnon theories, I mean, I even use lawyers loosely, that's the quotation that use these QAnon theories to where they say they can help these parents get their kids back out of the system. And they, every single person in that, that scenario is completely incorrect.

Well I would say this, usually 95% of the time I say the kids are best with their parents because the systems are cold, cold, brutal place. What do you do, I do, I believe this process is really difficult. One of the sad things is with the foster care system, we talk about the pipeline to prison, we also talk about the pipeline to the sex trade. So I think that's sort of the real thing that starts the seed where it's like, this is very dangerous. But then it blossoms into, into this, so.

That's been the problem with this whole scenario all along, is that we have, there are kernels of truth inside of some of these conspiracy theories, but they, they just get blown out. And again, any human that believes that the president of the United States is not the most powerful person in the country and is on the winning side, which means they have all the cards, they have all of the tools at their disposal, do whatever they want. And if they are not lining up a pedophile cabal on the White House lawn in chains and putting them into giant prison buses, they're not the small fry here. Okay.

Just remember that. They're not the small fry. So this comes from the Daily Beast, nearly Petrie Blanchard, a Kentucky resident had long lost, long ago lost custody of her daughters for reasons that are unclear. It seems to be drug use. And the help of this task of getting them back, she turned to this person called Chris Hallett, who is he, this sentence shouldn't even be said. He's an amateur legal expert.

That means nothing. He's me. He's just us. He offered this bogus court services to this company called e-claws. They promised Petrie Blanchard that she could win her daughters back through ludicrous courtroom tactics he borrowed from the anti-government sovereign citizens movement. Cause now what we're seeing is a lot of like harboring of like someone will go like Neil, there's other stories of people going and kidnapping their kids out of the foster kid

system, saying that the foster parents are part of the pedophile cabal. They're stealing these kids back and then being held in sort of like this underground railroad or shitheads of QAnon people across the country where they go live in a trailer park and they're all protecting each other from the outside. Well, nothing wrong with the little trailer park living. I've seen that show. I'm fine with the trailer park living. I'm just, it's all of the, it's the intent of the trailer park living.

So Petrie Blanchard went all in on Halletts' promises. When she did see her daughters, she dressed them all in e-claws shirts and put a vanity e-claws license plate on her car. So, but something, you know what's interesting though is that she was still in line enough with the government to get a vanity plate. You know how much red tape that is? It's a pain in the ass. It's a pain in the ass.

And she's like, this is one area where I'll deal with them. I'll make sure to get my vanity plate. This paperwork's kind of fun. I like working with this pedophile. Something along the way in this whole story went wrong because on Sunday night of this week Hallett, this lawyer, fake lawyer man, he was found face down in the kitchen of a central Florida home bleeding from multiple gunshot wounds to his back. They basically immediately knew that it was Nellie Petrie Blanchard and he was arrested

hours later in Georgia and it's still the only suspect in his murder. Basically this comes from the testimony of his kids. I think that's just a natural causes for Florida, lining your kitchen with a few bullet holes in your back. They'll just show up and be like, looks like it was his time to go meet the maker. Hallett's technique, if you want to call it that, is that he would go into courts and he would tell the judge that Donald Trump personally communicated to me through Q that I work in a different legal system than the rest of the country.

And then according to my legal system, Peerie Chee Blanchard should get her kids back. Now in March of this year, Petrie Blanchard allegedly kidnapped her two daughters from their grandmother's court ordered custody in Kentucky, vanishing with them after delivering letters to baffled local officials. The letters featured strange legal language borrowed from Hallett's group to claim custody of her children. Okay. I am now, this is what she wrote, I am now not deemed dead lost at sea, which is the

reason why she could have the kids. Oh, well, isn't that nice if you're not deemed dead at sea much like, you know, people that go missing, such as Natalie Wood. Oh, yes. And no, she went, she got full on into the queue. This was like the last couple of years. She went to a recent, the Trump rally in a Q t-shirt that referenced the fringe Q and on belief.

She was doing what she loves to do. So yes, because she was queuing like she should be queuing. And then what happened is, is that at some point, which how, so Hallett got involved in the Q and on world, I think because he felt it was some sort of like it was for money, right? Absolutely. He was queuing on network, streaming his fake legal claims with his on and off business partner Kirk Pendergrass.

All of these people all sound like characters from a Netflix show. While neither man is registered as a lawyer in their home states or appears to have any legal, a legitimate legal education, they promoted their services on Q and on YouTube shows to build a following among a community of desperate mothers who had lost their children and solicited donations and solicited donations for their services. How its legal services appear to have universally failed when they managed to reach the courts. He claimed that Donald Trump had authorized him to create a separate legal system, a notion that a federal judge found risable in a January opinion, calling Hallett's legal work quote

unquote, rambling. The court declines to entertain plaintiff's fantasy that he is acting on the behest of the president. So now as this was going on, and it was getting further and further into the case, what happened is, and this is what I was talking about, about being an oil. So now you're in the muck. You think that you're fucking swimming around and you're in control. The problem is that you, you think you're the one in control because you're the fake

lawyer. But the thing is, is that you have, well, you're just a fake lawyer. This mom is not a fake, soon to be murderer. No, she's got real mental problems here. She has real mental problems and she has been radicalized. So when the court, these things just didn't start working out for her magically, this idea that you could go and just randomly spring your children when it didn't work out, she began to say, well, maybe that's, well, you keep telling me we keep losing these court

cases. You know who loses court cases, pedophiles, Mr. Hallett's, and this is the opinion from the court, which is really perfectly written when it comes to Hallett and his legal work. They say the court declines to entertain plaintiff's fantasies that he is acting at the behest of the president. Although the way things are going now, he might actually become a presidential lawyer. So who knows what happens in the future, fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it.

But so as soon as it flipped, Petrie Blanchard went crazy and decided that to this person, I mean, I'm using pedantic terms, but you know, I'm just trying to shorten this up. She saw you, she saw him, now he's a part of the cabal. And so she eliminated him in front of his kids. He walked into the trailer, shot him five times, held the gun on the children until they ran away and they called the police. Now, this is not the only time this has happened. There's been multiple murders connected to, to and on.

And this belief, which is why in the beginning, before president, before the president lost, it's been hard to talk about the subject because it really has just been so fucking hot. Like it is, it is very intense. But now that he's lost and QAnon needs to move into season five, it is very, very difficult for QAnon to move forward without jumping the shark. Because the last time that QAnon has posted something since the election was just a picture of an American flag and it says, no one is prepared for what's coming next. Well, speaking of children in season five, perhaps they should adopt a child that always

seems to save these sitcoms. So going back to the murder, so she busts into the home, maybe he let her in, whatever their acquaintance is, according to the witnesses, again, the daughter, they saw how it's standing there quote with a pained look on his face. He was like, it just sucks. And then how it said, according to the witness, oh shit, oh God, please no. And then this is what she had to say. She says, you're hurting my children, you bastard.

So this plays out like straight up out of a cinematic film. And that is because that's the kind of mindset that she has about her own life. She's the main protagonist. She's the main protagonist. Everything is happening. She is the part of, she is the tip of the spear of, of freedom fighters. Fighting against these, the, the, this spider web. Well, and this is what's so sad.

The thing is, I don't think that the spider web is not, not there, but you got to figure out a way to deal with it, not just randomly chew people and shoot your fake lawyer. Because now you got to get a real lawyer. You ever seen that video of the guy who tried to shoot his lawyer like seven times and the guy kept on jumping behind the tree? Yes. I was like, how did you? It was amazing.

It's the best lawyer I've ever seen. The thing that's sad. I was watching this documentary. I think it was cold, fake news. I forget what it was called, but they have the guy who went in and busted into the pizza shop there. Comet Pizza. Yes.

And the whole way up there on his, he's doing a video stream, he really believes he's rescuing kids. And so in their heart of hearts, I don't think they're bad people. I think they were mentally ill and I think they're confused. But just that line, you're hurting my children, you bastard. She did react like a mom would react if her children were actually being hurt by somebody. But the sad thing is because she's so mentally ill, none of that is what's happening and she just murdered someone and of course we'll never see her children again.

We have seen this time and time again in the last podcast on the left. There is a dangerous intersection called mentally ill and not that bright that sometimes can shoot you off into a bunch of decisions that you shouldn't do because if you can't see outside of it, like, cause that's what the mental illness does is that that's what allows you to kind of stay in this kind of hazy mind state where all of this stuff makes sense, even though it keeps everything keeps not working out. Every single thing that Q says is not real, but you're kind of continuing along with it. You're either incredibly dense, willfully ignorant, you're specifically trying to manipulate

people with disinformation like Chris Hallett, I think that he's one of those who is purposely manipulating people in order to get money from them and it's hard. It's a hodgepodge of people that are more so victims than not. Of course, if you're willfully ignorant, you are willford brimley when he happens to be wrong about something. Let's move on here to this one story. Wow, you did this to me. I did that to you and I did that to everybody willfully ignorant.

That's when willford brimley might be wrong about something. So anyway, that'll be on the next Jeopardy question as soon as the machine starts hosting and we hack it. Oh my God. Imagine if that stupid machine, technically very smart machine, hosts Jeopardy and then we can hack it and make it be like, show us. Baba boi, Baba boi, Baba boi. Oh my goodness.

Well, before we get to here of the week, I do want to point out this one. One thing just because it's funny to me. So there's a hack and sack board member. Apparently there's a LGBTQ curriculum, but she was like, I don't want to teach kids about to, you know, gay lifestyle, all of this, that and the other thing. You know how some folks are. Anyway, she had her own tube and moment, but it wasn't jerking off. It was her own poop and moment.

Yes, Francis cogealed you, she didn't know she left her laptop computer on, which again, people made fun of me when I put the Band-Aid over my laptop, put the Band-Aid over cover up your laptop. And then, and I say Band-Aid because that little buffer part that you would put over your wound, that doesn't hurt the camera. So that's why you actually do it that way. I just wonder if you, if people could just, we are not adapting to zoom fast. No, we are not.

Apparently. We are adapting, we can't, the older, the older members of our society can't understand that sometimes you're live. You are honestly sadly in, in, in the world we live in, you're almost always live, despite the fact if you don't want to be on stage or not. But so she was in a zoom meeting. She was like, Oh, it's all done. Everything's fine here.

She ends up going to the bathroom, not realizing there are damn near 150 participants, including students, which is the greatest day ever. If you're a student. This is unbelievable. Cause you got your fucking, he's got all these fucking 18 year olds, I was watching you take a shit. Okay. So apparently she went, took a shit, came back.

No one said anything, right? No one said anything. A short, a short time later, Vice President Scott James Vickery. Apparently he told this chick, he says, you need to go. Why didn't no one just tell her while she was shitting? I don't know. Hey, you're shitting, you're shitting, hey, you're shitting right now. He told Kajilja.

He says, you need to go. We're here trying to get work done. Well you're sitting on the toilet. So and he said, I do a lot of business from the fucking toilet, but you don't see it. I, of course you're not talking unless you are filming something for very specific people doing very specific things. You should not see it. So this is what the VP said.

He said, uh, Vice Principal, he says, we can't make her resign. None of us can kick her off the board. But they have received a letter of resignation effective November 14th of this year from Miss Francis Kajilja. And a man, it just, you don't, you can't make it up anymore. This is what she said. She said the, the new state law that requires teaching about LGBTQ history, she called it quote, repugnant.

This is another thing she said. She said at the time, I have every right as a parent to not have my child participate in something that I do not think is suitable as a part of a public school keyword, public school curriculum. She goes on to say, I believe conversations having to do with sexuality should be, should be had at home between parents and their children. Yeah. My mom left the book on the table, the dining room.

That's how I learned what sex was. It really, all the pornography I was watching when I was six years old. I feel like I'm glad that I didn't have to, I'm really glad I, I wasn't like, like intimately taught how did sex was by my parents. How sad is it that this, okay. So she got 1,900 electronic signatures to have from people who'd be like, yo, she seems kind of like a bigot, you know, with the whole thing, but that didn't get her kicked out. You know, and she's allowed to have her opinions, but she's also not in a position to, but it

was her, it was her taking a dump on camera there and everyone was just like, yeah, you can, you can hate a group of people, but we just saw, we heard you fart. And that is where we're going to drive the, draw the line here in hack and sack. So anyway, people are lost. Apparently she has a long, apparently she has a long history. She posted this on Tuesday. She says that quote, um, that she has also threatened members of the public who said she doesn't, who, who, who she has said she doesn't respect.

She abstained on a symbolic vote, committing the district to anti-racism. She voted to extend her own term by eight months. Isn't that nice? So that was a group. Well, I'm glad she just gets to sit at home now with no job. Well, take a man, she can poop, poop, poop, poop whenever she wants to poop. The thing with zoom is folks, just remember, if you're on a digital chat, pretending your brain, you are with them in a room, would you go to the corner of that room and start

jerking off? Take a shit. Would you go take a dump? No, then don't do it on zoom. What I don't understand is when I am zooming, my camera that I'm zooming from is on a set location in one part of my home. If I have to take a shit, I leave the room where the camera is in because, and I go to the bathroom where there are no cameras, ironically enough, like most Midwest or like New Jersey

people who really hate like lesbians, they have the same haircut. She looks like, yeah. I mean, look, so she may have really taken like a, like, like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, a amount of dump because, I mean, yeah, I don't know, unless she was, I never make those sounds. The worst is you ever like take one of those shits and you're literally just like, a sound will sometimes I come out where I go like, oh, yeah, that's worse than screaming. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You saw, like, what are you, did you just get a hole in one? Are you like, are you Chris Berman doing like sports analysis? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, let's continue in the world of public poopers, shall we? This is a great story that I just wanted to cover real quick as much as possible because

we covered, we covered a tale of bears in Japan and we didn't understand because we all said we didn't know that, like, there would be a lot of bears in Japan that we assumed that was way more like either, you know, here in the States, you know, in Canada and Russia. But apparently there's a long storied history of bears in Japan. So also to the point, one of the deadliest bear attacks in Japanese history that sounds like a fucking horror movie is incredible that comes from DarkTales.blog. It's the Sankabetsu brown bear incident.

Woo. Now, the Asuri subspecies of brown bear is found in the northern Japanese island of Hokkaido. It is apparently it is as big as the Kodiak bear, which is the largest brown bear subspecies, which is found in America, the huge bear, and it's got a cute little picture of the Asuri bear. I love bears. Wave it and stuff. This is a fucking killer.

Yeah, right. In Japan, according to this story, I don't know if it's true or not, then according to the story, Japan bears are kind of famously a scary figure, like they're known as man eaters. Sure. They think that this story, the Sankabetsu incident may play a significant role in cultivating this fear. This happened in 1915.

This shit's fucking oiled. So mid-November 1915, it approached this large male brown bear that seemed to have woken up early from hibernation, woke up in mid-November, and then approached a farm in Sankabetsu. Oh, my God. So you know that, Henry. You know how angry this bear must have been. Yes.

And he didn't want to wake up either, so he's tired and hungry. He's grumpy. Oh, my God. While its appearance alarmed the Akata family living there and panicked their horse, the bear departed after leaving after eating some harvested corn. The bear reappeared close to the farm on November 20th, and the head of the family took his sons and two matagis, their specialist winter hunters, experienced killing bears, to fend off the bear.

They shot it. They wound it because it came back another 10 days later, and it left. Oh, my God. That is straight up the great outdoors. It keeps going up. Were they bawled the bear? Yes. Like, no.

They went off. They tried to follow the blood path, but they couldn't find it. Mid-Morning and December 9th. Now this is like, so this is now another like 10 days later. Oh, my God. The bear, this same bear, entered the home of the Ota family. Inside, a woman named Abe Mayu was babysitting an infant while her husband worked out on the farm.

The bear attacked the pair, killing the baby with a bite to its head. Despite attempting to defend herself by throwing firewood, Mayu was overpowered and dragged into the forest. Her husband returned home to find his wife missing in large puddles of blood all across the floor. The following morning, a search party, some 30 strong, was organized to hunt the bear down and retrieve Mayu's body. A short distance from the Ota family farm, the men sighted the animal, firing five rifle

shots at it. One bullet found its target, and then it ran back into the forest. And when they found her remains, she found her, she was buried at the snow in the base of a fir tree. She had been partially eaten, with only her head and her legs remaining. Believing the bear now had a taste for human flesh and would return, armed villagers congregated in the Ota farm the following night. The bear did indeed return, sparking panic amongst the villagers.

In the confusion, only one man shot at the bear while a troop of 50 guards stationed a few hundred meters away arrived too late to intercept it. Nearby, they got one job, they got one job. They went to this one house, the Miyuki Yasutaro house, stationing guards outside. On hearing that the bear had been seen at the Ota farm, the guards left that house, leaving just one of their numbers to protect the women and children left of their house. As Yasutaro's wife, Yaya, led the women in preparing a late meal, the bear, seeing all of the guards leave, attacked this house, smashed his way through a window and entered

the house. In the chaos, a cooking pot on the hearth was overturned, dousing the flames, an oil lamp was knocked over and extinguished, plunging the house into darkness as the bear rampaged inside. Yaya attempted to flee, but was trapped by her young son, who was clutching her legs in fear. While they were both initially attacked, the bear turned its attention to a single remaining guard, allowing Yaya to flee with her children as the man tried in vain to hide behind furniture,

ultimately being badly mauled. The attack continued, two young boys were murdered, lastly it cornered a pregnant woman before killing and partially consuming her. Witnesses later reported her begging the animal not to touch her belly. Wow. And just to give some context in here to the size, so I'm about 350, I'm not going to tell you the real weight because I'm a little self-conscious right now. But this bear was 750 pounds and nearly nine feet tall.

There is nothing you can do, even a cute AR-15. You need a straight up elephant gun for this damn thing. You need an elephant gun. They had to go, and this is why this is so much like a story, in order to try to defeat this bear, because then it was just out. The bear has just been attacked again, the terror, while the bear was rampaging and killing all of these women and children inside of that cabin, their plan was to just burn the whole house down while it was inside of it, but they didn't want to kill any kids that

might have been alive. That's literally the end of the latest Halloween movie, yes, but the bear escaped again. So they went to an expert bear hunter by the name of Yamamoto Haikichi, and now he believed that this bearer was an individual, it was a bear that he had known years ago, but then he came out of Keisegake, thought to be responsible for mauling three women to death in previous incidents. However, he had since fallen in hard times, and it pawned his guns to pay for alcohol and refused to help.

Is this person Chris Christopherson? What's going on? This needs to be, we need to adapt this to America, because this is a great story. The villager who had visited him later discovered that his pregnant wife was amongst those killed in the second attack. So now he's got a vendetta, the following day a group of men gathered together to attempt yet again to kill the bear. December 12th, three days after the first fatal attack, police at the nearby town of

Hibora received word of the rampage in dispatch of a team of six snipers to hunt down Keisegake. Amongst them was Yamamoto Haikachi, he tied it, he tied it, all right, fucking you, pull me back in, I'm back in. Again the bear failed to appear, resulting in the hunting team making the grim decision to use the corpse of a previous victim delivered out. Oh my god, that's brutal, who would you choose, I guess is it the least light or the most light or you just randomly draw straws? Is it weird that my first impulse was to say to use the dead pregnant woman?

That is a little, it's not going to make the company meeting that we have to decide which one to use more comfortable, you know, because you did just say, I would say, she's two. I do understand the point, I understand the point you're making. But we are still humans, god damn it, otherwise, are we better than the bear? Okay, all right, I'll compromise, let's fill her with other meat. You want to turn ducking, technically that's what being pregnant is, isn't it? More like a turn-fucking. During the night of December 13th, guards posted on a bridge spotted movement, opening

fire after the shadow failed to respond to a challenge. Again the bear escaped. However, the following morning they found blood stains along the opposite bank, the bear had once again been wounded, taking two other hunters with him, Yamamoto set off to track down Kazagaki if you kill my wife, you kill my wife Kazagaki. The experienced bear hunter successfully tracked his quarry, finding it resting beneath a Japanese oak tree. He was able to close within 20 yards of the bear before killing it with two accurate shots,

one to the heart, and one to the head. Wow, what a crazy story, interestingly enough, the lone guard who had been mauled in the second attack, the following year he did fall into a spring and he did drown, so it wasn't the bear, it's almost like final destination, it seems as if maybe it was his time to die. Well this is, oh yeah, this is very Japanese too, seven years old at the time, Okawa Haruyoshi, the son of the village mayor, grew up to become a famous bear hunter, swearing to kill ten bears for every one of the victims. He retired at the age of 62 with 102 kills to his name.

His son successfully hunted and killed a 1,100 pound bear in 1980. Well aren't you just sort of judging them all based upon their worst though, and I don't know if that's necessarily the best, but I also think that that is, again, this is one of the most amazing bear stories I've ever heard, and we need to make that into a major motion picture if you're listening Hollywood, I don't want Hollywood to have it anyway. You know Spotify is listening, they're in Sweden though, they have no god there. I know they tell you that all the time, alright, well it sounds like that story was full of heroes, but let's get to some more modern day heroes shall we, let's do Hero of the

Week. Hero of the Week. Ok, I actually, is it wrong, I have three, I have three, but let's just start, so Florida man, I'm sure you guys all know I'm covering this story, it's this dude, he's retired, his name is Richard Wilbanks, he has a little dog, it's a tiny cute dog, and alligators get hungry, so an alligator grabbed up the dog, brought it into the water, this guy was just, again Richard was just smoking his cigar, chilling, being Florida, looks super cozy, looks super cash, he saw the alligator snatch gunner, that's the name of the little

dog, gunner, and he said that's not happening on my watch, so he jumps into the pond, cigar still lit, we're in his cap, white shirt, oh hello teacher contest, and he grabs the alligator, gets gunner out of the jaws of the alligator, and then the dog runs away, it's super cute, and the man did it the whole time, will puff it on his favorite thing, which is a cigar, and this is what Wilbanks said, he says he just came out like a missile, referring to the alligator, and since the incident he's gone viral, he's doing very good, and hopefully that man has cigars for life, Wilbanks told ABC News, quote, his hands were chewed up, and he plans to keep gunner on a leash next time, be very careful with these little dogs,

because I love my little boys, but they are, sometimes they just sporadically dart, no they do, and Wendy's like that too, but I've had friends in LA lose their dogs to wild animals all the time, and in alligators in Florida, that's legit, I've heard, I know people that lost animals to alligators, because they're fucking fast, yeah they zip up, they're really, really fast, and I know it was when I was first living, when I moved to Florida, when I was 14, we were living in an apartment complex that had like this one kind of pond area that was filled with gators, and I distinctly remember my neighbor like just weeping, she came around the corner with just a leash in her hand, she's like, they got her, they got her, and

they just went snap, and just fucking go, oh my god, thankfully for Gunner, it was a baby alligator, so it wasn't the biggest one, but anyway, keep the dog on the leash, because you just never know, yeah, never know, Florida, the first time I went to Florida, I'm just not used to seeing reptiles, and I'm more used to them now, but I'm like that's Inguana, Inguana, and they're like, they're so cool, yeah, once you get used to them, alright the other story here from Texas, Lubbock, we love you Lubbock, I know Marcus has some, he's a little sad, because we weren't able to have our Lubbock belt bite, no, belt bite rather that we wanted to have, but the best thing that the people of Lubbock are doing, so there

was a little hairless possum that came into the Plains Wildlife Rehabilitation Center, and the people said, well it's hairless, but it needs to have hair, so the good folks of this rehabilitation center, they have decided to start knitting sweaters for the little hairless, for the little hairless possum, we don't kill them like they do the minks, no we don't, as a matter of fact, we give them little coats, so this is probably, it's very cute, so it's a homeless, hairless possum brought in, but now they've been knitting together sweaters, and it's super cute, and they're all heroes, this is according to Rehab director Gail Barnes, quote, she has a summer and a winter wardrobe now, isn't that nice

with a little hairless possum, so people of Lubbock- Maybe we should make some for people, well you know, there's a lot of coats out there, maybe we should make those for humans, well we can do both can't we, there's plenty of coats to go around, and I said I had three, but in reality I remember I already did this one, this is the 103 year old great great great grandmother who beat COVID and celebrated with the Bud Light, but you know what, you can never mention her too much, so she's also still deserve it, and Bud Light better be hooking her the fuck up, they god knows they hook up posty, and I dare I say, well I actually might not drink more than posty, I don't know,

he is younger and he is having fun, he's younger, he's younger and he's really enjoying his life, yes, as he should be, because now that I've listened to a few of his tunes, you're right, it's just rock, it's just, it's just light rock, like as I was listening to him, he sounds like, because my mom used to listen to light FM, it just sounds like the guy who sang Lady in Red, as far as people like him, as far as new music, yeah, as far as new music goes, I'm like hey go for it, he's better than Tekashi 6ix9ine, anything's better than Tekashi 6ix9ine, okay here's some listener letters, alright, this was in response to us asking, why was a cow tongue nailed to a tree in front of one of our listeners'

homes, that's right, so first I wanted to thank you because representation is important, and as a Cuban American born in Miami, it was moving to hear about a psychopathic murdering cult leader that rose from the same humble beginnings I did, of course. Now being Cuban American, my family dabbled in Santerillo when I was younger, I experienced a couple of despojos, cleansings, when I was a kid at my father's recommendation, basically a despojo is a cleaning, and I would be struck with some blessed tree branches while the santero would say some prayers, I was fairly young, about 6, but I remember it worked once, well I guess it worked, because I violently shit my pants during the ceremony, and had

to waddle to my car with my mom, wait is this a Jackie Stallone butthole reading, or is this some sort of, or is this a ceremony, according to this reading you're gonna come into some money, here's a dollar, come on, he's in front of me, you're making smud out of here, okay, anyways, the tongue is used to stop others from talking bad about you, it is called the callate la boca, shut your mouth, blessing or spell according to my mom, I once sat in the back seat as my mom drove all over Tampa dragging a cow tongue tied to the bumper, this was done for maximum effect and to cover more ground and people, also the tongue is frozen beforehand to make it easier to handle and to stay intact longer,

now my question here though, is it a bit of a double edged sword because you say no do not speak poorly of me, but then you look out your window and then you're like oh our neighbor has a cow tongue on the back of her car and she's dragging it around the streets, I would mention it and I would be like what's going on with our neighbor, so maybe she might be inviting some of the criticism or at least skepticism or at least just questions in general. It's almost like when people who need to be, they include in their belief system this idea of being persecuted and then they do a bunch of shit to be persecuted for and then they say see, now we're being persecuted.

But of course again, use every part of the animal including the cow tongue if you want to nail it to a wall. You should eat cow tongue, it's delicious, you've had lengua. No I don't like the tongue. You should, we'll go get some good lengua. You won't even know, just make that it's tongue out of your mouth, don't even think that it's tongue, it's just meat. I can't take this tongue out of my mouth because it's in my mouth and it's a tongue, but you

won't know. Maybe I've just had bad tongue the one time that I had it, but it felt like it, I'm gonna take you. It felt almost cannibalistic eating a tongue with my tongue. But listen, this sounds like really sexual, but I'm gonna take you to some good tongue. All right, you're disgusting. Come over to my fucking house and I'll show you. No, you're making pork chili.

I'll show you some tongue. Yeah buddy. That is, no tongue in that, including mine. Now this, I feel like you'd like this story quite a bit because we got royalty as listeners. I've listened to you for years and I've thought about writing in, but I knew I absolutely had to when I heard the part three of Adolfo Casanzo last week and Ben compared the misogynistic practices of Pablo Mayombe to McSorley's old alehouse in New York City. My dad, Maddie Meyer, owned McSorley's from 1977 until January of this year when he gave

up the ghost to lung cancer after a mercifully short battle. So congrats. I'm glad that he did not experience a lot of pain. Well, it's very sad though. He was the night manager when they were forced to admit women in August 1970. He told me how bitterly the old guard fought the change as the second woman to ever ten bar there. I can assure you the place is not as vile and dirty as Ben claimed.

It's far worse. I witnessed some of the foulest and most obscene behavior within the walls of that bar. So naturally it's one of my favorite places on earth. Honestly, on a Saturday night after the Jersey City frat boys have had their way with the place, the men's room can give Constanzo's murder shadow room for its money in terms of volume of human fluids. I know the bathroom. Ma'am, I know.

Yes. That's what I said. We were there on St. Patrick's Day before noon. Every storm. So much vomit. I just have never, ever seen so much vomit. So much vomit. So here's the story.

I'll leave you with an actual story of a McSorley's haunting. Okay. Since, of course, the place is filled with all manner of spirits. I was opening one week in afternoon with Bart, who's worked at McSorley's since 1972, and he was pointing out a ghostly image in one of the many old photographs on the walls. In fact, the apparition visible in the background bore on uncanny resemblance to him with a full handlebar mustache. So I was focusing on the image.

I felt the distinct sensation of someone laying their arm around my shoulder and resting their hand there. I didn't react immediately because I assumed it was my coworker and this wouldn't be strange or noteworthy. Sure. It was only after I glanced that way and saw that he was standing around the corner of the barb, some six feet from me that I froze as I realized that whatever had its arm around me, I couldn't see.

Oh, my God. I think I said, Bart, someone just put their arm around me and the sensation evaporated. I find it totally fitting that my otherworldly encounter McSorley's involved getting groped. Absolutely. Well, that seems to be the old McSorley's handshake there. Wow. That is honestly... They live in a sprinter now.

This listener and their boyfriend lives in a sprinter right now, hey, take us around a country. Oh, honestly. God, we miss it. I saw some of those beautiful coachmans out there and those are very nice now. They're better than some homes. I don't need to read your butthole to see an RV in your future. One day?

One day. I really do think that you are going to be an RV person. They're beautiful. I mean, they're so fun, but I miss McSorley's and my God, what a fun time. If you do go to McSorley's, obviously, I don't think right now, but at some point, just get that meat and cheese plate and get... I always get the light and not the dark. It's just as far as the beer is because there's two... you got light and you got dark, heavy and light.

And I always go with the light. The only time I've ever been there, it has always been a nightmare. Well, she is correct. Do not go... It's like Yogi Berra said. It's a good... Don't go there. It's a really good day drinking bar.

Yes, go there during the day. It's a day drinking bar, like a Sunday in the afternoon, like just a nice... because late at night, it gets fucking... because it's not even fun and sane, you know what I mean? I mean, everything's going to be different now. We're literally about to turn a wholly different world. They say sort of critical of the people in New Jersey. It gets a little bit of a... it gets the tunnel vibe. There is a bridge and tunnel vibe there, yes.

But you know, that's because it's very famous and that comes with the territory and I'm sure they're happy that... But now we just turned off all of our Jersey listeners that are all sitting there parking over two parking spaces and not using their turn signals just to fuck with us. Okay, buddy. You tell me New Jersey isn't cooler than New York right now. They have sweet, legal, weird... Yeah, dude, they beat you.

They beat, yeah. Yeah, New York is just... New York is like the guy who was super cool in high school and he keeps on coming back, but slowly you realize maybe he's not that dope. I don't know. Yeah, well, man, I think like cool, man. It's like 55. Yeah, I feel like...

And he doesn't even... He doesn't smoke weed. He doesn't really do anything. He likes to get hammered, I guess. He got really hammered and he took a bunch of Centrium Silver. That's a cool new drug on the street, he told me. I'll do one more story because we're coming back from break and we'll make this episode as long as possible.

Why not? When I was a freshman in high school in 2002, I went on a trip to Bodega Bay where you can get Lucy's as far as the eye can see. Yay! Which is a two-hour drive from where I lived at the time. Bodega Bay claims to fame, claims to fame, is that Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds was filmed there. It was a beautiful, small coastal town in California.

We'd visited many times throughout my childhood because my mom is a huge Hitchcock fan. One of the most famous locations in the movie is the schoolhouse from the scene where the group of kids is chased down the street by a group of murderous crows. Great movie to re-watch it, it holds up. Seriously. So we usually would visit the schoolhouse when we took a trip there. On this particular visit, we were in my family's van right outside the schoolhouse admiring it.

After a few seconds of sitting there, we saw a man approaches carrying several water jugs. He was wearing a baseball cap and a windbreaker that was a bit too large for him. He approached the driver's side window and started to ask questions about the schoolhouse. He had a very thick Eastern European accent that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I figured he was Russian. As he spoke, it was clear he was not all there. After a few minutes of talking about the schoolhouse, he quickly changed his subject to the rapture and how all true believers will be taken to heaven someday.

This is very common for the most part. That's why don't speak to strangers. If you don't expect it to turn this way, because it always eventually will. It's kind of fun for the first few minutes until you got to get away though. Then you got to get away. You got to figure it out. And again, if you're dealing with a crazy person, always laugh and agree, slowly back away.

And back away, maintain eye contact, much like you do with a Chihuahua. Because they don't see you moving then. His eyes were intense, cold and panicked, sensing something was very wrong. My mom started to roll the window up while he was still speaking and eventually driving away mid-sentence. We all looked at each other with wide eyes thinking, holy shit, that was terrifying. After we drove off, we went about the rest of our day. The next morning I was awoken by my mom shaking me and telling me to wake up.

When I opened my eyes, she handed me the latest newspaper and pointed to a mug shot on the front page and said, do you recognize him? I didn't realize that I was looking at the man that approached our car outside the schoolhouse. Reading the article, revealed his name was Nikolai Soltees and he had recently murdered six of his family members in the Sacramento area. And he was Ukrainian. The crazy thing was not a single law enforcement agency would believe us. They kept calling and no one believed that he was there.

But you know, they got him and then he ended up hanging himself in jail. No kidding. The regular old Aaron Hernandez move. Well that is interesting. Yeah, honestly, you don't expect to meet a person who just murdered six of their family members. That's extremely rare. Not every day.

And I guess it does. Most of the time they keep that private. Yeah? Well, okay. I'm just happy he was a good religious guy. Well thank you all so much for listening to this episode. We are happy to be back after a little Thanksgiving break. Hope everyone was safe, happy, healthy, full, whatever.

Hopefully you had a nice little Thanksgiving. And yeah, we'll keep on trucking here until the year goes on. We will keep on trucking. We have so much fucking, we have so many barrels of content to spray all over your chests. Wow. Yeah. Well, that doesn't sound fun.

I mean, this will be good, but don't worry. We have a lot of shows coming. I love it. That's what I meant. I love it. Because we have a lot of shows coming. You have to make sure every day, live knowing, yeah, yeah, I'll live like it's Thanksgiving every day.

Except. Well, don't do that every day. Sometimes it's bad. You got to watch a cholesterol. It's all the, it's all the butter and everything that sneaks up on you. But live with that sense of generosity as if you too could pardon turkeys that will, but sometimes you got to eat them and then you know what you do, you laugh because I keep telling Natalie.

We watched a lot of Forge and Fire. You got to be careful with these. Got to get you. You got your shit properly quenched. You can't slice your tangs in any way, shape or form. You got to make sure you got to make sure that it will kill. Are we talking about bottles again with these guys, these guys, you got to laugh knowing that these animals that you're eating every day at the store, they're already dead because

Natalie and I got into it because she got mad because all the fish is getting sliced. But I was like, man, it was already dead. Well, it could have been alive there, but it was killed. But isn't that nice. And then I believe you love seeing that fucking knife slice right through because I imagine you have to love them. This sitting there or like you're a bear hunter in Japan. You sold all your shit because of boosting.

You just gave up being a bear hunter all of something. When your pregnant wife dies, you technically get a new lease on life. It's sad, but you got a new purpose and a bunch of people, they bought you guns. I don't think that when you buy guns anymore, you get to just be back on top. New wife, new kid, you can immediately put a new kid in there, man. You just fucking honestly, that's the life right there. Live like a man who got his whole family killed by a bear as a famous bear hunter, but now he's back as a bear hunter again with renewed purpose and a new family.

Well he might be devastated and I don't know if he's going to be looking for a new family at any point in time, but yes, indeed, it's always good to immediately replace the family like you do with like a dog when the dog, you got to put a dog down. Just have a new puppy immediately. Just forget, move on. Give yourself a little time to mourn though. Once you know it, that's 15 minutes and you got the new puppy in there, boom, boom, boom. You just fucking boom.

New family. Boom, boom, boom. Shoot him out. Right. There it is, folks. Thank you all so much for listening. We hope you're doing all right out there. Hail yourself.

I am excited. Maghuse de lesions everybody. Hail me. Another perfect show. Another perfect show for another perfect December. I can't, we're in it. This is the Christmas season. This is the Christmas season.

Oh my god, you're going to sing that? That song will get me. If I'm driving that song. This is not amazing, December is actually a long month. We have full 31 days. There's only two months that have 31 days, I believe so. And I believe according to the Jewish calendar, there's like 4,000 days in December. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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