Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Cannibal Cats & Dubious Dogs

Episode Date: May 27, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news - Joey Chestnut set to defend hot dog title while on probation, The Enhanced Games fails, Reddit's Cannibal Cat, Nebraska Dog shoots woman with shotgun at convenience store, China's new AI Pet Translator, Shady Sherpas caught running schemes around Everest, Tom Selleck Catfish Incident leads to murder-suicide, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Yeah.

But Julie and I, we had a nice collective outing last night. We both enjoyed ourselves. Oh. So, saw the Mandalorian and Grogu movie. Oh, wow. So you went on a date. That's really nice. We went to quissados and we got our tacos.

I love. Guissados. Thank God also, I want to say thank you so much for supporting, like, small IPs, people just making stuff out there that are just trying to make... It's literally small IPs, because he's so tiny. He's adorable. You would actually really like this movie. I was, you know, no spoilers, but I was surprised on how graphic it was. What do you mean? I mean, he like, he like, he like tries to, like suck his own dick. Are you serious? Yeah. Grugoo.

Are you fucking saying this? Yeah, Grogu fucking tries to blow himself. Is that real? Halfway through the movie. Yeah, it's real. You got to go see it. I'm looking at it. It's not going to have the spoiler.

You can't look that up. Is it true? You have to go to AMC. Actually, no, I think you should go to an independent theater. Tries to suck. Yeah, he tries to suck his own dick. It's, you know, it's okay because he's not a child. Did you know that?

No, we know that we cover this. Yeah, he's 50. No, we know, we cover this. He just suck his own dick if he wants to. says no, that is not true. Oh, come on. A.I. is fucking sham. 60% wrong. It says, and this is the proof.

It says right here. The proof is in his own pudding. According to Google AI, it says, no, that it's not true. What is Google AI really say? It says, no, that is not true. Grogu, often referred to as Baby Yoda from the Mandalorian, does not exhibit any such behavior. He's an infant character in the Star Wars universe whose actions are strictly limited to innocent, childlike behavior. like using the force,

napping and eating things like... Using the force is not an innocent childlike behavior. That's according to Google AI. That is not an innocent child like that. You can fucking kill. He rips things of shreds. Any claims or memes suggesting otherwise are entirely fabricated by internet users.

So what did I watch? I think you watch straight up gay pornography. I think everyone should go to rush to the theater. And to see before they... Before they cut this out. Oh, yeah, because that's the thing. Disney censors. This was, isn't this, though, what's his name?

This is the Able Ferraricut. Which is, though, what's his name? Who did Blue is the warmest color? I feel like it's, didn't he get it? Isn't he doing a Star Wars movie? Isn't the guy from Blue is the warmest color? Isn't he going to do something with Chubaka? Where they have open vaginas.

My wrong, Rob? I don't think so. What's the buzz on that? Imagine they just shaved Chubak and he's got huge fucking tits. Nothing. Oh, my. Imagine. And nothing would make me happier.

How likable would Jubaka be with tits? A Q score? Oh, my God. All the way up. Q score all the way up. By Slave, Leah. You got caught. I like free ass, big-titted, naked Shorn Jubbacca.

Welcome to side stories. I'm really glad Eddie did the bit. Eddie said, I have this bit. You always go first. I do. And I'm happy. I wanted to talk about Groku. I couldn't.

I was like, guys, this is a lot. Yes. This is a lot. And then like four minutes into the self-ful ratio, it gets entertaining. Why? Because he's like, on a slippery surface? At first, you're looking around, you're like, oh, why are they doing this? Why are they doing this?

This is fucked up. And then you're like, this is artistic. He did grow up a lot. He did a choice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He grew up quite a bit. I'm sitting here with Curious Star Wars fan, Ed Larson. You ever try to blow yourself when you're a kid?

No, because. believe that for a second. No, because I've never, this is, we've covered this on, on roundtable, we've covered this all over the years. I don't remember roundtable. I'm just saying, all over the, for the years, I've never been compelled to want to suck my own penis because I've never wanted to suck a penis. Okay. Even if it's your own? Especially if it's my own. I never tried, because I know I'm not flexible. I can't touch my toes even as a child. No, I don't, I know it's like a fruitless gesture. No, in order for me to suck me on. to the point where I'd like it, I would have to like it.

Yeah. And I'd have to separate me sucking me off from the suck itself. Could you? But yeah, here's the thing. Can you separate the pain of your mouth to the joy of your God? No. Actually, I'll give you a straight answer. No, I can't.

What it would do to my back would hurt. And that would all hurt. And the sucking of it would not be that fun. Honestly, I feel like the sucking of it would be my, the lack of. of pleasure I would have in sucking it would make me not happy. Me sucking the penis in

general would make me not jazzed. Yeah, the last thing you want... But I'd get jizzed if I did it right, which I won't. I don't think, yeah, because you don't want to, like, after you jizz be like, I wish I didn't do that. You know, you don't want that feeling. I mean, I do

that, I do that, but that's different. That's alone. That's more of a sad, empty feeling. Suck in your own dicks alone. No, but that's... But it's too much. All right. It's called post nut clarity. Oh, sure, yes, that's what I've heard.

Side Stories, L-P-O-T-L at Gmail.com. I would love to hear one actual story. And I think this is just like snuff films. I don't think anybody's ever sucked their own dick until they came inside their mouth. And I'd love to, if you know a single person, you send me a picture of their driver's license. That's what I wanted.

I want you to ask your friend that says, oh, I definitely sucked penis and my own penis. and came in my own mouth, and I want you to send a picture of the... Here's the picture from the driver's license to me. And then what do we send them in return? Nothing. Nothing?

No, I read it on the story. You get to embarrass your friend on the show. You get to embarrass your friend on the show, and that's what you get. And then it's a huge, huge get. Yeah. Well, we have a light episode today in terms of just like... Not material. Just in terms of it's nice, it's a little bit less intense.

It's a classic side stories episode today. So we got a couple of updates. Number one. The single most American man you have ever met. You've never met. You can't meet him. If you do meet him, it might slap you in the face, but that's just because you better not talk mess

about his favorite-tubed meat. He might be one of the few people I'd pay for a meet-and-grit with. Maybe. I might. Yes, I might. Just because it would be... You know what would be nice about paying to see Joey Chestnut as that, then he would take it as a job. Because if he takes it as a job,

he's going to nail it. But it seems that his one-on-one fan interaction might not be all that great. but we have really, really good news. In the single most American headline of all time, Joey Chestnut has been cleared to defend hot dog eating title at the nation's 250th birthday celebration despite being on probation for battery. I think that the reason why he's even going, I mean, like, it's, it is of the time. Yes.

To have somebody on probation. I think most of the people at the 250th will be on probation. I hope so. You know, like, but I think, well, yeah, they have an escape from jail. Yeah. They will be there because they, I feel like 250th celebration this year will be the most ankle monitors we've ever seen on the White House one. Like, this is going to be the most on parole outing. Wasn't it the point of the ankle monitor so you can't leave or are they, they have to be at the White House?

They'd have to be at the White House. They have to be there. And then hopefully participating in the games. But I guess they are doing this for the 250th year for July 4th. Joey Chestnut is being released conditionally from his jail in Indiana, which is hilarious to come to New York City. Hold on. So he's actually in jail? He was.

He now is 180 days probation. He's not supposed to leave Indiana. Oh. Right? So he's not supposed to leave the state in Indiana. Well, he's got to work. Well, could you not do a hot dog eating championship in? Indianapolis? Yeah, if you don't want to make

fucking money, and they eat sausage there. Do you want to go to, you know, honestly, if Joey Chestnut really wanted to be a champion, he'd go to the sun punching competition that happens in Gary. You've seen that one where you punch, they line up sons. And one father tries to punch as many sons as he can until

his son punching festival. Yeah, until his handbrakes. He does it until his handbrakes. But this year we're hoping to get to a baker's dozen kids. Yeah. That'll be the new record. But Joey Chestnut was in a bar in Indiana getting pretty fucking hammered. As he does. He says,

Joe Justin does not remember the incident. Wow. So he's blackout. He got fully blackout. And according to him, or according to a video he saw after the fact, I don't know if I miss getting blackout drunk or not. I really don't miss getting blackout drunk. I don't miss wondering

or feeling deeply embarrassed. Yeah, just waking up and be like, oh, fuck, who do I got a call? Well, thankfully, I never black, like, thankfully or not thankfully, I never blackout. I, I would definitely feel as if I was driving from the back seat. Yeah. But I definitely wasn't blacked out.

You think back in the day when we were going hard in Murder Fist, you never blacked out? Tallahassee, it was more like that, but not in New York. No. Yeah. I can never drink enough. Oh, good for you. Yeah. Well, I worked at too many sports bars.

There was nothing I could do about that. Thank God I got out of that business. You saved my life. Hey. Hey, welcome. Hey, welcome to this. Into the incredible world of show business. Now, Joey just not.

he's in show business and apparently he did this thing which we've all done probably in less observed times where if person came up to him to shake his hand and it seems they got into like a funny little tussle thing

according to Joey Chestnut when he watched the video after the fact but then he took it a bit too far when I guess he started slapping him in the face now Joey Chesnut the guy started slapping Joey no Joey started slapping the fan but the thing is is that we don't know what he did We don't know whether or not this was a situation.

Was it a fun slap? The video's not released. No, Joey Chestnut's saying he thinks, he entirely admits fault and says, I'm sorry, I'm black. I was blacked out. I got to figure out what's going on in my life. He did say that. But he's like, it did seem like I was having fun whatever it was that I was doing. But I heard the man while I was having fun.

We didn't know. Joey Chestnut's kind of a big boy. He, of course, he's big. He's six-fled one, two-ten, between two-tenth and two-thirty, right? Yeah. He's, he's big boy. And so it seems they got into a little, like, quote, of what would have been a funny tussle, but then he was really intoxicated and then he might have really hurt this man.

And he slapped him a bunch in the face. Now, we don't know whether or not the man who came up to him was saying stuff like, oh, Mr. Hot Dog, man, Dixie can eat all the hot dogs. It's definitely what happened. You're at a bar in Indiana, and Joey Chesson Wollongston. Oh, Mr. All you wants some busted. I got it. I'm a fucking most distributor.

You know, like, and then he's having to go like, hey, listen, I'm off the clock, okay? Yeah, not today. Wait, you bring it to Nathan's. Yeah, yeah, hey, when you see me out there at comments, we can talk. Yeah, but if not you don't see 40 pounds of escargo in front of me. Do you? You see, I'm at work, right?

Yeah, normally I'm eating 15 double-pounders, right? But now I'm here drinking bills because that's my real life, right? And so then the guy probably, who knows? Then he could be not, I can eat more hot dogs. than you. I got a bigger throat. I got a bigger throat. I got a bigger throat. I'm Joey Chest and I'm a champion. I bet you fucking like

pigs in a blanket. Yeah, of course. Just fucking cracks in the mouth. Fucking cracks him in the fucking mouth. All right, so I ran into Michael Moore at a bar. Not Michael Moore, the fat documentary. Yeah, I was supposed to say he's like a, because I bet he could eat a lot of hot dogs.

I bet he could do well. No, Michael Moore, the boxer, the guy who knocked out and won the title from a foreman, or did he lose the foreman? Can we look that up real quick? Yeah, can we have a straight man fact? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so I recognized Michael Moore.

I was at a bar. This is years ago. This is before I even knew you. And I saw him in a bar. We're all drinking, getting blackout. And I closed you out to him like, Michael Moore. And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we just talking and drinking, we, like, had a nice night.

You call him champ? Yeah, of course. That's what I always got to call him champ. Oh, dude. I got to call, I got to call Frazier champ. once. No one recognized him and he was walking around at the, it was the roast of Tarantino. And

he was walking around and I was like, what's up, champ? And he stopped and shook my hand. It was very cool. But so I see Michael Moore and at the bar and I recognize him immediately. He's got a very distinct face. And I was like, we're just talking. I asked him, was like, do people like try to fight you? And he's like, man, all the

goddamn time. He's like, people always try to fight me. That's the last person you want to fight. Sorry. It's a yes. he beat a Vanderholyfield. He beat Hollyfield, but he lost to Foreman, is what it was. When Foreman came back. When Foreman came, that was the one, too, the slow two punch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which people said it was a fix, but if you really watch that? No, dude, his arms are both like 100 pounds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he knows what to do. He is one of the hardest with the punching boxers ever in all of history. Yeah. So, remember, he's saying the people, yeah, so this happens to these people. Of course, and Joey Chestnut, he pled guilty to Mr. Mina Banner Reeves.

So that is kind of cool. He pled guilty. he acknowledged what he's doing, so he got a hundred and eighty days. Is the charge less if you slap somebody than if you punch somebody? No, I don't think so.

It should be. No, it's all assault. It should be like heavy assault. There is levels depending on what you do to the person, but you can't get, when you get into those worlds.

Because like when you flip off a hat, it's assault. That shouldn't be the same as fucking punching you in the face eight times. It's all about severity and the cops going to call it as they see it. Largely, they're going to call it as they see it.

But normally, as soon as there's physical contact, it's assault, especially in a domestic violence situation. And then depending on the state, they might have to do something. So if any physical contact happens, which I agree with, I think that's how it goes. If we are getting to the point where we're calling the police, then obviously something is going on. What about shoulder check? Shoulder check should be allowed.

You couldn't do that no matter what. I feel like a shoulder check is plausible deniability. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've all done it. Everybody's challenged somebody else. Get out of the way. I'm trying to get off the subway. Of course, you got to do it, right?

But the thing is, is that because of his indiscretion, Joey Chestnut was, of course, in danger of not being able to perform this year. And this is a crucial fucking year for hot dogs. It is a big year for hot dogs. Disney! Big-ass year for hot dogs. Fuck whatever's happened on the White House.

I don't give a fucking shit. But for the hot dog eating competition, yeah. This is a very big year. 250. I bet they're going to have to, like, block off the streets more than usual down there. You know who else has performed while on probation? Who?

I thought it was interesting. Mike Tyson, Michael Vic. Tiger Woods, Hope Solo. Okay. Who you met? I met Hope Solo. Very attractive lady. Oh, yes. She was very nice. Good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She didn't try to hit me or nothing. Wow, you see, that's again. And that's because you are a habitual fucking line stepper, Eddie. And you're not. Now, we do know that he was not allowed. Joey Chestnut. He says that he was not allowed.

Remember, 2024, famously, he had taken his impossible foods, the fake meat company. He'd taken an advertising. Yeah, they got mad at that. He got a worse deal for eating vegan food than he did for slapping a human being and getting arrested. He really did. He got way more punish for it, which is true. Because he said, and then Chessnaut then said

inside him putting together some other thing, he did an impromptu separate event in 2024, where he competed against four army soldiers in five-minute hot dog eating contest. He ate 57 dogs in five minutes. The other guys ate 49 combined. Oh, you know, he was just relaxing.

Because we just got to do it fast for Nathan's. He eats like 70, I think. Oh, dude, because then the Patrick. Yeah, Patrick Bertoletti, who won the national Nathan's that year because he was still there, right? Obviously, he got the goal just because the fucking champion wasn't around. He got 58 dogs in 10 minutes. So when 2025, when Joey Chestnut went back, he fucking put down a staggering. 70 and a half hot dogs.

and he won, but he was still five short of his record. And he is still very, very upset because he wants to come back. Because according to Joey Chestnut, your sport isn't about eating. It's about drive or dedication at the end of the day.

Hot dog eating challenges both my body and my mind. Hey, he fucking, right before he's to defend the title, in 2014, he did engage to his girlfriend, but they broke up a year later because you couldn't handle the heat. Yeah.

How many hot dogs could you guys do in 10 minutes, you think? In 10 minutes? Yeah. Oh, man, probably like, if I had to, yeah, five, maybe six. I am not a... I'm not a speed eater. Yeah. Also, I don't...

I want to enjoy it. They don't put, like, condiments on it. You know, it's just dipping it in water. It just seems gross to me. You know what I feel like I could, like, go toe to toe with people? shrimp. Yo, no, I was about to say same goddamn thing. Yeah, yeah, scallops.

I bet I could go, I bet I can go hard on scat. I think I could eat a solid 200 shrimp. I have an unending belly for shrimp. I can eat shrimp to, I throw up. I can eat shrimp till I pass out. There is something about it in crawfish. What's the most shrimp? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm looking it up right now. Yeah. Oh, Joey Chestnut has done some stuff. Oh, I bet. 21 pounds of shrimp. Whoa. That's a lot of shrimp. Whoa.

200 shrimps. Man. And eight minutes, this is a lot. 21 pounds. That's a lot of shrimp. You think you could handle that? No, I can't do 21 pounds. I like eating this or nothing.

Yeah, I like eating it. Oh, and he used horser radish sauce. Oh, my God. What a man. That's a lot of shrimp. He's a real man. I wonder if you had to peel it. No.

I mean, well, you know, that's kind of what I like about it. It's like taking my time, peeling it. It's being outside. He's gonna speed. You can't just be doing that. I like to relax with my shrimpies. I like sucking them out. I suck him out of the tails.

Oh, yeah. The heads. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, fuck yeah. He's eating all that shrimp. Oh, my God. Wow. He's just eating shrimp by the fucking handfuls.

Oh, my God. That is truly, truly vile. That is not how, that is not, if there's a God, that is not how God intended for shrimp to be eaten. I mean, that is how a shrimp is intended to be eaten. It's correct. I'm sorry. Hey, you're right.

Holy fucking shit. You're right. It's a handful. handfuls of fucking shrimp. It's just something about eating a handful of shrimp like it's an apple that is just not good for you. That can't be good. Live from your play. These are like these are like the enhanced games, whereas like I know it's wrong, but I'm so morbidly curious.

All right. So I watched some of the enhanced games, talking to the enhanced games. I watched some of them just because I was curious. And they were saying according to, they brought that vampire, a millionaire guy on for some reason, the guy that's like 42, but looks 39. You know what I mean? You keep replacing his fucking blood over and over again with his son's blood? Is that the guy with the big butt? What?

There's a guy with BBLs that does pranks all the time. I just figured it was him. Like you fucking talking about it? You don't know about the guy with BBLs that does pranks all the time? Rob, looking at up while I'm talking about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm looking at what I'm talking about it.

Yeah, and he runs and he... Let me just something else. All right. So the enhanced games, we legitimately are nowhere near. They thought they were going to break all these records by having all of these guys in illegal equipment using every single

form of PED. They've got one world record. They got one. Yeah. Lady swimming. And it's really got a lot to do with the suits. What they're saying is it's like high-tech suits they were wearing. They were saying that some of the swimmers were so loaded on PEDs. They were literally

sinking into the water. The mountain, the guy from Game of Thrones, he fell a full 30 pounds short of his record. Dude, he's old. 30 KGs. He doesn't matter. Game of Thrones was like 10 years ago. He killed Pedro Pascal the first time any of us saw Pedro Pascal.

No, I'm saying he had set this up. The guy who played the mountain, he's been a very high level strongman competitor for a long time. But yeah, he's in his 40s. But that is technically prime time for strong men. You think so? Yes. Oh no, I know so. Your bones start going. No, dude, because the thing is that your mobility starts going.

The worst part is that, like, the thing about the strongest men in the world is that they can't, like, walk upstairs. But they can do so many other things, like a big carry, a big rock. They could throw a bag. They can do stuff like that. But they can't move fast. And they can't, and they're going to die early. but before they do that they're very strong and the mountain was really he was prepping for this this was a big deal because he was all juiced up

to the fucking tits yeah to get it over I mean they all lived I feel like that's a triumph in the enhanced games and none of them died while but no they were all there's a lot of doctors there a lot of guys and lab coats a lot of doctors like the X games we're not X games what was it the

when they did NFL the XFL when they brought that back and they'd have like fake doctors and stuff. They let the players date to cheerleaders and shit. Yeah, yeah, I remember that. That was fun. He hate me. He was fun. Oh, yeah, he ate me.

But it seems that the enhanced games were largely a failure. Fred Curley ran the 100 meters in 9.97 seconds, which is insane. Yeah. That's an insane amount. But it's not the record. No, it's not. He did not beat Hussein Bolt, who ran it in 9.58 seconds. And he did it normal. Yeah, he did it Usain Bolt-like.

Yes, but just know that the enhanced game. We're not there yet. Hopefully, what I'm hoping in the further... They broke one. They got the one. They got the one. Christian Guggerimliiv. They got that there.

Good American. Yeah, they love how American these games are. He went and he got... That was a man. Sorry, I misspoke. It was not lady swimming. It was men swimming. He won.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't count because he was on steroids. So again, this is... I think we're just at the beginning of this enhanced games. Next thing I want, giant cages. I want them in mecksuits with weapons fighting each other. This is next. I feel like that's the...

Yeah, but that's like 10, 15 years off. Yeah, hopefully. No, we're going to have to do enhanced games at least like eight times before we get to fight and do the death. I just want fighting. It doesn't even have to be the death. It's the fighting to the... You're crippled. Yeah.

That's what I prefer. If we're doing enhanced games, I want to see them really do enhanced things. I want them on sort of like a giant spinning, like mountain. climbing wall that they'll fall off of into like a bunch of water filled with Iranis. Yeah. But real. Like you actually can die in it.

I know they have it in Vegas and it's a good place for it, but I feel like the best spot would be like Moscow. Oh, that's if we really want to do it. No, Dubai. Dubai? Yeah, yeah. Just so that men can die legally. Yeah, yeah.

So that we can all be happy and really be entertained. Yeah. Where can they do it and actually just kill people and it doesn't matter? Dubai. Dubai. Gary, Indiana. I'd say either one of the. those. There's anywhere where you can do

a competition to death in 2020. Not in this economy. Hell yeah. All right. So we got a couple. One more update, Eddie. One more update. This guy, the, so last week we briefly talked about the billionaire who fell to his death back in 2024 and his son is

currently being accused of pushing him off and we weren't sure about it. There's a lot of things going on. Obviously the story is still developing. When we first thought, I thought it was like a boy. Yeah, I thought it was a a 17-year-old just like, fuck you dad, you do you anything. I hate

you, you won't let me have tapas in the night time. Yeah, but Jonathan Andick is a straight up man. Yeah, he works for the company, Mango Fashion, and he had to quit after he got arrested. And so now he's not even a part of the Mango

company anymore. What I love is that he seems that he went and they're like, yes, they're like, oh, he wanted the money. He wanted the money. He was trying to kill his father for money. But it's just such a funny idea of being like, aha, yes. I will push my father into the canyon. And no one will be the wiser.

Because every man who goes along the canyon, he does a risk. And into a life. Yeah, and I believe, you know, I was like, you know, it makes sense. Like, an old man could easily fall to his death. I mean, it could happen. And there's definitely, it's not like it's covered in CCTVs. It's out of a very popular path, and it's not a thing that they do every day. And it's not like his, you know, his whereabouts would be heavily questioned about

where if he was even missing for an hour, you know? Well, I think, no, it wasn't like he went missing. It was like, he was like, oh, no. Oh, yeah, aye, aye, aye. I went that I took my father, and the next thing he knew, he slipped on a plantain. But the problem is... Oh, there's so much pulbo. So much slippery pulbo.

But the main issue with it is he visited the site. three times prior. He wanted to make sure that this was. He scouted it. But now I know what you're saying. He scouted it. What's the big deal? I go to places more than once.

I've been to Runyon Canyon 10 times. You know? Like, you know, like, so. I mean, they ask you to leave. They think you're there to handle the goats. You know, so you're thinking about that. You're like, oh, so there's still like a little bit of plausible deniability. But then he, um, his WhatsApp got leaked.

Oh, no. Yeah, no, his WhatsApp got leaked, and that's really what's leading to the premeditated role here. And he asked certain things like a judge's writ said that the relationship between the father and son had been deteriorating, owning that Jonathan Ardick's obsession with money. Always. And his WhatsApp messages had expressed feelings of hatred, resentment, and thoughts of death, and blaming his father for his situation. My father will not let me go. He will not let me go to the bull fight anymore. He said, we share many cherished loving memories together.

Of course they did. Yeah, sure. Like when he first gave him money, when he secondly gave him money, when he did, oh, billionaire's sons, they definitely are filled with, I guess, empathy? I don't know if that's true. But it does show that there is a cost of being a billionaire. There really is. And sometimes what that cost is your family hates you.

Your family hate you and they're going to try and kill you and steal your money. And that's part of it. That's part of it. Every single billionaire knows that. Yeah, we saw the movie. You ever see the movie Greedy? But yeah, but that's your reason why. I love the movie.

Greedy's great. Love that movie. With Kirk Douglas. Oh, yeah. Gotta love that movie. But also, you know what it is, that's the problem with billioners, right? Is that they're always like, oh, I'm a billionaire. Everybody wants to kill me.

Now I have to fucking punish the world because everybody wants to kill me. Yeah. They don't really understand. If you would just got down to like $999 million, we wouldn't want to fucking kill you anymore. So maybe you've got to think about just give enough money away to society where we won't want to fucking kill you anymore. Yeah. Oh, and also, Mango Company is like on Russia's side in the Ukraine war. Oh, sure.

They're doing great. Yeah, what are they doing for the fashion industry over there? I don't think the man's a nice man. No, probably not. No. Well, good riddance. Good ridd. And I hope they're all punished one by one because everybody hates.

I cannot believe you're wearing that. silver jacket i know there's a good chance i'm completely wrong here but i feel like if i were going to a prison for us in my life i'd want to do it in spain oh of course get naps oh speak about shrimp i know it's half of it's shrimp probably spain is you get all the coke and the red wine yeah yeah yeah so many far i'd love to go to prison in spain yeah manatee right yeah we're gonna get so many we're gonna get so many we're just side stories l p o t l gmail dot com. What's prison in Spain like? Yeah, do you like it? How are you doing? Are you watching this on Netflix? It's in prison in Spain. Is that how nice it is?

All right, here we go. We've got a great story here. This is extremely important. It's a lot of times I know we've covered, like, you know, between the Iranian Revolution and Jeffrey Epstein and Alligator Alcatraz, really funny stuff. This is one of the more serious stories because you just never know your pets. You never really know them They are mysterious And honestly this is another example Of why I'm glad we don't have cats

Yeah, this is a Reddit article This is not an article A Reddit post asking for help I guess I'm not again, this is not anti-cat No Well I'm fine with cats We're again, we're not anti-cat

This is just a specific Because I will counter this with the dog story Just understand This comes from a user named Eldridge Pussy Magazine So, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.

Remember that when you hear the story. So I'm just going to read this real quick. This comes from Reddit, everybody's favorite place. Not really looking for a fix, just looking for information. My cat, seven years old, male, neutered, has already been to two behaviorists when my parents had him. Both were confused, according to my parents. This is a known issue. But it doesn't cause any problems because he's not allowed to interact with other cats whatsoever.

Okay. Definitely not an issue at all. he's very sweet to people not very small children and he gets overwhelmed by kids right he doesn't try killing them yeah but he seems to react to other cats the same way he would do a squirrel

or to a rabbit as in just pure predation no recognition that they are in the same species he does not display any territorial aggression to other cats none of its dominance behavior ears don't go back fur never puffs out he never growls or hisses nothing

he's just hunting never seen anything like it the shelter was hesitant to adopt him out of all of this due to his history but they did so because one of the other shelter workers personally knew my stepmother and was interested in weird cats

is your cat weird fine thing good hey let me see you weird he's got backwards in hey lady got a weird he's got a weird pussy yeah you got a weird pussy to me talking about cats but I like to use that word to freak you out yeah they do that just to kind of make people uncomfortable

which a weird pussy at oh I got nine they were considering euthanasia because he was returned multiple times. But we still wanted to give them a chance due to just how friendly to people he was and smart he is. Sure. He's well fed. He's always been well fed. Killing and eating other cats, which belonged to a previous owner, was not something he did

out of desperation. Judging by what I know about the event and what behavior I've seen, I'm entirely sure it was predation. He's injured a cat. My parents were pets sitting to the point of needing an emergency vet visit and extensive reconstruction of its neck. The cats were separated, but a child left the door open for a minute. My cat ran downstairs, caught the smaller cat, went for the throat, immobilized, and attempted to drag him underneath the furniture.

They were separated before he could kill the cat. My parents have had him since 2023, and I recently, September 2025, took him when I moved somewhere that allows cats. I'm set on keeping him. Cool. Very important note. He's no longer around other cats. Great. Period. Done.

Edit one. More details. He did eat a cat owned by one of the previous people who adopted him. I don't think we mentioned this actually. It's a cannibal cat. Yep. In addition to two previous surrenders for similar behavioral issues, which I don't know much about. From what I know, he's had a good introduction to a smaller female cat with no territorial behavior, was left alone for a day.

When the owner came back, it was a giant bloody mess. The shelter were sure that he did kill the female cat and was eating the body. That's the reason why they were considering euthanasia until he was offered to my stepmother. Further clarification, he does not hate cats. He likes them, just like how he likes birds. I mean, you really can't tell. It's just like did Jeffrey Dahmer like guys? Yeah, predation and...

Yeah, a lot. Too much. Predation and territorial behavior are not different things. If you can't tell the difference, you shouldn't be giving input on this post. He is not stressed by other cats. He is not anxious and does not feel threatened by other cats. He doesn't need anxiety medication. Anxiety medication doesn't stop cats from having a prey drive.

He does not hiss or growl or try to look intimidating. He has no other behavioral problems. He doesn't yell or anything when he attacks. He finds cover, stalks, ears up, eyes big, completely silent. He gets very curious and excited when he sees other cats. He's seen my friend's cat separated by ceiling height gate and supervised by two people. He seemed extremely inquisitive, sniffing, ears forward, no sound. My cat did not respond whatsoever to.

of my friend's cats hissing, hissing, growling, or puffing up. He just seemed curious, and started trying to see if he could stick his head around the side of the gate and pawling through the bars. Then he started to look at back at me and meowing and rubbing on my legs. No, edit number three, no,

he is not going to be euthanized. I did not make this post asking for advice. I've made it asking for information about why he's fucked up. Stop telling me to put him down. Stop applying human morals to animals. He behaves like any other small predatory mammal, only he does not have the ability to recognize member of his own species.

I already had him by myself since September of last year. And before that, I was around him at my parents' house since 2023. Okay? He's literally fine by himself. He's my cat, and I love him. All right, he's perfectly healthy and affectionate. I'm the smartest cat I've ever owned. And 100 plus people telling me to kill my pet.

It bothers me. So would it bother you? Seriously, fuck it off. Just all let me fuck off. It is an open forum. And in four, changing the format. So the events were in chronological order and clarified some vague tennices.

But anyway, I will not. You can't what you say. It is a cute cat. Sorry, that's my Reddit lady voice. No, that's great. Go to the bottom of this and click on the next one there. There you go. That read the follow-up post.

Up, up, up. Yeah, there you go. Click on that. There's the cat. Oh, yeah, the cat's really cute. Sure. That's really cute. Cat's really cute.

I thought Jeffrey Dahmer was a really, to be honest, a really attractive teenager. Did you read the follow-up by any chance? No, it did not read the follow-up. Do you want to try and guess what the cat's name is? Name it. Casey Anthony. Baby Jesus.

That is the funniest fucking... What? The cat's name is baby Jesus? The cat's name is baby Jesus. And it's a cannibal. This is just unbelievable. Jesus feeds himself to the Catholics. Oh, every day.

Catholics are cannibals. Yeah, they are cannibals. Yeah, so... Can I ask, Eddie? And we were talking about this right before the show. I unfortunately believe, I'm going to say this nicely. I love you all.

I feel that the cat is unsavable. And if the cat... I don't think it needs saving. It's killing other animals. But I do get it. If it's living alone with this man, then you don't have to worry about it.

Lots of cats kill other animals. Tigers, lions, it's probably reincarnated. You know, I guess, No, in the end, if this is what this person wants to do, I just find it interesting that they really spend such a long time defending the cat. I mean, I don't know what he was expecting people to say. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how you can make this post and say, my cat's a cannibal,

and then people tell you to kill it. And then, you know, like, what the fuck? This is a handsome kitty. This is from a one of the Reddit comment. Yeah. There's a handsome kitty. Glad to see that you're giving them the best life. Eldridge Pussy Magnets.

That is the man's name. Eldridge Pussy Magnets. Loves this cat. Maggots. I keep saying magnets. Maggates. All right. He takes him out on a harness and a leash, which I think is irresponsible.

I feel like this is just... If you're going to keep it, needs to stay in the house. My parents... Sorry, so this is doing the update. My parents also kept him with a very large mancun. and he didn't seem to understand any larger cats attempt to communicate. Baby Jesus would ignore the hissing, growling,

got his ass handed to him when you sat there and he didn't back off. And it says, here, it would try to eat a chihuahua. Yeah. That's what it's saying. Yeah. They would try to eat a fucking chihuahua. I'd say anything its size or smaller. He does play rough.

That's what he says. Yeah, he plays rough. It's a fucking murderer. It's a fucking murderer. Yeah. It's a fucking murderer. And we all know dogs play rough. when you're speaking their language he doesn't like string toys he just looks at his hand

it's just the way they brought up all of this without anybody saying anything about the cat killing and eating other cats and then everyone did just be like I can't believe that you guys that have an opinion on this thing I'll post it out for an opinion I made an opinion post

asking for opinions and then you gave me all your opinions and you're fucking wrong. I love me he's answering. My tits are caught in my belt. My tits are caught in my belt. I got stuck in the, I got the OBGYN kick me out today

because I had, they found a snake in there. But apparently there is like they found the cat had killed other cats before. Yes. It's killed multiple cats. Yes. And yes, it's like, oh, it's not around other cats. Is that what we do?

with a psychopath murderer. You take him away from society and you lock him up and you put him away. But yeah, but then he doesn't get to stay away. Like he doesn't get treats and stuff. Like when a prisoner, when a cat gets puts in prison. When a cat gets in prison. She's like treats.

She has a great time. Anytime someone talks about her, they get in trouble. They get moved. Wow. Yeah. We need a mental facility for pets. We need a mental facility for pets.

Yeah, I've been thinking about this. I'm actually going to start one. I'm going to start mine Zach Baggins Zach Baggins should buy this cat and have it go around the fucking museum and kill other cats That's a great idea

They should put him up for that You hear that You hear that Eldridge Pussy maggots Sell your cat to Zach Beckins Well this kind of dovetail Honestly there's big money there Live from your blade

Maybe we can figure out what's wrong if we use this like So in China they've been doing this AI Like weird animal translator thing That people are like falling in love with Saying that it can recognize what a dog's saying And I'm gonna put all these things out My problem is that as soon as I saw the words AI

I'm like oh that's fucking stupid But yeah yeah yeah Because this is the thing Can I understand? But everyone does want to talk to their pets We all do we all want to know You don't really want to know what they're saying I actually was like

I read a very interesting article this weekend about dogs and you've seen this thing with the communication pads with the buttons that they can say words. Yeah, bitch, fuck you bitch. Yeah, it's always bitch, bitch, kill the president, kill the president.

It's like, why, where'd you learn that? And I, but this, the thing about AI, the dog, yeah, obviously. But this AI, like, I feel like it's saying it's using this, AI is now a buzzword. They're throwing AI on things. They try to sell me at the store the other day, my dryer broke.

I was like, I just want a dryer. I want one of those dryers I'm like my mother has where you just replace the one part, she's had the same driver for fucking 35 years.

He says it doesn't exist anymore. You could get this other dryer. It's like, what is it? He's like, the thing is, you're going to want to buy this dryer. You're going to have to buy the washer machine with it. I'm like, what are you fucking talking about?

He's like, it's got AI in it and the AI talks to the washer. I will say, back and forth. AI, I hate, I want it to die and it's destroying the planet. These data centers need to be closed down.

but AI, if it's going to do anything, it should be doing our laundry. But you're talking about... No, no, no. It's just, but it's just a buzzword first. You mean software. It's just software. It is not a little... Your washer's not thinking.

It's not sitting going, I hope that these panties aren't full enough. These panties are all full of blood. I guess you must be the ladies' ta. Like, that's not what it's thinking. It's not thinking anything. They're just connected together. It's stupid. AI's a buzzword that means fucking nothing.

But with this, term, like this idea of using dog translation app, is that with dogs and animals, they more so develop tailor made to you. So they were talking with dogs on the

talk pads. They would learn a couple of things. They say that they could talk, they could teach a dog up to like 40 or 50 words. Yeah. But you choose the word. Yes. And you can, and they say that sometimes dogs can really put together in a string certain words. And they figure out certain things. Oh yeah, yeah. They

AI thing just saying, mom, I love you. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, of course everyone's going to love it if it just says, mom, I love you. Yeah, but it didn't say that. No. It's Chinese. Yeah, it's saying, I want to kill the cat next door. It's saying I want to kill Odie. I want to kill

your son. I want to kill the children. Yeah. But if you listen to the dog people that are training the dogs, they find that the dog really understands things obviously around food, treats. Yeah. But the word now, like dogs love the word now and then if you can figure out

you put the word later in and it's just this funny thing people talk about ending in this long argument with their dog where they're just going like treat treat and you're like no later and goes now and it's like later now later now and it's kind of funny but it's it's only

communicating because it's learning you I don't think it understands the concept of later I think it understands the concept I think they think later is no Well, that is, it is. It's just in our mind, we believe we're creating

really nuanced conversation with the animal when we're really just sort of gamifying, it's already, it's natural ability to completely understand all of your verbal cues and physical cues. It's watching everything, it's watching every move that you make.

You want to see an example of a negotiation with a cat? Sure. It's saying, Pippie doesn't want you, near here because Pippi's trying to eat. Okay. But that's, I mean, that's interesting. Yeah. I mean, I don't care. I don't think it's real. I don't think it's, I don't think the AI part of it is real.

No, Julie wants to go to a pet psychic. Can I give me the money? I'll do it. Let me do it. If she's going to pay money to talk to a pet psychic, I'll do it. You, but you got to dress like a psychic. Oh, yeah, I'll do blackface and everything. She'll have no idea. She'll have no idea to me.

I need lots of necklaces. Oh, yes. Some finger tambourines. Oh, yeah. I'm coming in a full thing. Oh, yeah. She won't have any idea. You were like, here we go. I mean, I'm here.

It's, it's mistress Wanda. Yeah, she's like, we should go. We should see what Tutsi's thinking. I'm like, baby, I really don't want to go. No, Tutsi's thinking, let me die. Let me die. Man, Tutsi, I thought it was the end. And then she's like, she popped back up again.

And she's just walking around, eating a bunch of cookies and shit, having a great time. Unbelievable. Once I started getting. carbs down her, she fucking turned a new leaf. Tell me about it. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. She fell down the ramp, though. And she tumbled real slow. It was actually the cutest fall

that was very dangerous that I've ever seen. She has no idea she's alive. She has no idea she's alive. But I love her, but you know what dog does know? This dog in Nebraska that shot a woman with a shotgun. What happened? When police in Nebraska were responsible...

Oh, you didn't read this one yet? No. They responded to a shooting. They arrived at the scene to find an unusual culprit. A dog. Good. The incident took place from the Scots Bluff Town of Nebraska. This is according the mirror. Shots were fired in a parking lot of a local convenience store. Police arrived to the scene. They found a truck

with his doors damaged and a woman who was struck on the arm by a shotgun pellet. The investigation in the matter showed that the woman had a loaded shotgun to the backseat of the car, which was inadvertently fired by her dog as it moved around in the seats. The shot ended up damaging the car and even struck a female passerby. It doesn't really know how does that happen? Because they had the shotguns sitting on the fucking chair

and the dog jumped on it and it went off. How does it pull the trigger with its paw? It depends on how big the paw is. You know, it gets in there and it gets stuck and it freaks out because its foot is stuck in the goddamn trigger. You don't arrest the dog, though, right? No, you arrest the owner.

You take their guns away, hopefully. No, that can't be. There's no way they're taking the guns away. I feel like in the end, I love the article, just shows the dog's ball. Ah! Just to be like, And this, this is the hands of a murderer.

The hands of a terrorist. This guy, I mean, this guy should be, talk about someone that should be put down. It's a lady. It's a lady. She's just driving around with a shotgun, loosen her back seat. Yeah, with the dog, well, that's dog shotgun.

You at least... Yes, I didn't realize. It's got to be the dog's gun. How else is it going to go duck hunter? I can't, I mean, you know. You don't want it to become a murderer. You know, that's one of the worst things it could be. Is that why they call it riding shotgun?

Oh, it was in the backseat. Yeah, why do they call a riding shotgun? So you can get up there and shoot out the window. Hopefully. Yeah, I think so. I think that's the whole thing. Here, you got to shut. Give us a story, Eddie.

All right, here's this one I'm loving. And it's been developing over a couple weeks. And I kind of had it my pocket and didn't bring it up yet. But this one I fucking love. All right. So Mount Everest, stupid to climb. All right? Well, now it's definitely like you can just pay money to climb.

There's a line. But you have to, like, stand in line when you go to Mount Everest and slowly walk up behind a bunch of people and shit. Because there's a small weather window in which you can get to the very peak of it, right? And there's a certain season you have to go in. I know there's so many people doing it that they have now created this, like, log jam at the fucking top that just sits there. Yeah, which is insane to me. Also, there's other mountains. Mount Everest isn't the only mountain.

You can go to other mountains. There's other mountains. There's totally other mountains. Yeah, well, what about no one does Tidicaca no more? No one does Tidicaca no more. Well, I think that's a link. But Nepalese authorities have charged 32 Sherpas and an alleged fake rescue and insurance fraud scheme up in Nepal taking high altitude trekking industry, including routes associated with Everest tourism. They've gotten over $20 million from people.

Well, they've learned. From 2022 to 2025. Well, this is a thing that's so funny because the Sherpas, they lead them to places they can't get down from. And then they're like, oh, you need to be rescued. And they call their boy who owns a helicopter. And then they come get them. They're like, do you want to come get you when you get got? And then they have to like fucking put down the ladder and they charge them out the fucking ass.

This is what I believe. This is the true Satanist part of me and sadly the capitalist part of me that says if you want to pay big, time money to go to the top of Mount Ephra's and you can't properly research the team that you should take and this happens to you you fucking deserve it I think that if you're because guess what they're

also doing they're not leaving you to die they could definitely just kill you and take all your things if they wanted to say it's an extended scam that I actually think is kind of funny the alleged scheme has affected 4,782

international climbers. It's very stupid. That is a lot of fucking people. It's a lot of people because look at the line. That is the crew. So right now, Rob is showing a video of a line of a least 40 to 50 people long. Dude, that's 150. Dude, waiting to go to the top to get their little fucking picture, right?

It's like the rise of resistance line. Yeah. Except it's on Everest. Oh yeah. And they wait like this so they can all get their little picture. And then sometimes the problem is, is that while they're standing and waiting, the weather can change so rapidly that they all have to run for emergency cover. Like, it's just getting out of control.

It's getting the idea of this as a money-making scheme and a clout chasing exercise is kind of getting at. There's so many mountains for you to go to. You don't need to go to Everest. But also, here's the other developing part of the story. The Sherpas they're finding were poisoning people.

They were like poisoning their food that they were making. They were putting a bunch of baking soda in it. And it was making them, like, feel like they had food poisoning and stuff like that and getting, or like, because it mimics altitude sickness. Yes. And so they thought that they were getting altitude sickness when they were up there, but they weren't. And they were just, because they just had a bunch of baking soda in their bellies. And then they would have to get rescued. And here's the other thing they were doing.

I think this is actually how they got caught was they would do a helicopter rescue. And, like, you know, your dad gets sick and he needs to be rescued. You're sticking around with him, right? Of course. And then you have the whole family with you. So the whole family needs to get in the helicopter. Oh yeah, and that's money for fuel. But what they were doing was they were charging each person in the helicopter for chartering the helicopter.

Of course. Rather than just a ride in a chartered helicopter. No, they fucked everybody. They gave me you buy a ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was like, they're really going after it. 171 out of 1,248 rescues, they seem to appear to be fake. And so they've just been ripping people off, dude.

And they got caught in fraud that it came out. to 19.69 million is what they're expecting, but now they're getting sued by the Nepalese government for 1.5 billion in restitution. God damn. I mean, like, this is just one of those where if you want to go and do this thing in order to get your fucking picture and do all. It's like, I don't know what to tell you. You should research your Shrpa company better. Yeah, man. Or you just, Kathman, don't do it. Cap man, can do.

Sometimes a cabman do. Sometimes a catman don't. All right, one more story that I really liked, and we'll get out of here after that. Elder abuse is, I hate when people take advantage of the elderly and steal their money. It makes me insane. Yeah, if you're going to do something to the elderly, make sure you make them vote first. Oh, no, don't. Don't.

Keep them away. At gunpoint. So an elderly California couple, this is out in Riverside, this woman, she's, She fell for an elder scam, which is hard to do. I mean, well, this is the thing. Zell, like, I had to Zell someone money this week because there was a death. And, um, was it a hitman fee or? Yeah, it was a hitman fee.

And, uh, but the Zell made me like promise that I knew this person like four times before they sent the money. Honestly, as they should. As they should. I was very impressed by Zell. But this lady, um, she was on Facebook and, and someone impersonating. Tom Selleck kept hitting her up for money. First it was 80 bucks and it was 800 bucks.

Can you imagine Tom Selleck asking you personally for $80? That dude's got so much stinking money. He is in the way also, if you knew anything about his lifestyle and knew that Tom Selleck has created, he has this incredible life in which he rolls into his job and which he makes multiple million dollars. And he fucking goes into, he sits, he's like a two day a week where he just, he doesn't stand. in any of the scenes. He literally sits in every scene. Dude, it was Nick Nolte and 101 and

101 and Crime 101. I assumed the first time I saw him. I whispered to Julie. I was like, I bet he doesn't stand the entire movie. And he didn't. Nope. Because that's a part of it. He's like, I sit now. That's what I do.

I fucking sit. And so Tom Selleck then going on to Instagram, which also then funny, and then also him hitting you up and then asking you for $80 does seem to be insane. 80 was the first time and then it got up to 800 and then it was like a charity event

and then his like managers son died apparently and so she keeps like she falls completely victim to it she's like they starts to get like a little sexy the messages and stuff you know insert sucked a little bit you know how Tom Selle like he's a throw it now

yeah so her husband cuts her off completely not like he doesn't kick her out of the house or anything but he cuts her off completely We find that she gave something like a hundred grand or something like something of insane amount of money. It was insane. It wasn't a hundred grand, but it was a lot of money. And it was obviously fake. And she was obviously getting taken for a ride.

But she believed it wholeheartedly. So we took away her credit cards. He took away this. Took away that. And then she starts asking her friends for money to give to Tom Selleck. And so her and her friends are like, hey, listen, just want to let you know what she's doing. So the guy, he had it up to here, murder suicide. Jesus fucking Christ.

He did it? Yeah. For some reason I thought it was the lady who did it. No, the husband murder, he was embarrassed and he was sick of losing. Because when you're old, you have no income anymore. No, you know. That's why elder abuse is so bad because it's all the money these people are going to have for the rest of their life. Oh, yeah, and the money's gone.

And they're stealing and they're stealing and steal. So the guy like lost his fucking mind. And then she started asking his friends. And that was the final straw because he was embarrassed on top of being broke. And so he just fucking off her and killed himself. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. I had no idea. It was him. Well, you know, in the end, it is super embarrassed to be cucked by fake Tom Selleck. It's very embarrassing.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not like, because Tom Selleck, even he ain't what he used to be. I mean, obviously, my mom is still got, that that's the one I think that has got the open invitation to fuck her. Oh, my mom would have done anything for Tom Seller. My mom, I think would become a dirty, evil, fucking gross horror for Tom Seller. Oh, yeah, I mean, like, I think that she'd become like a damn, like a fucking, grimy fucking streetwoman for Tom. Tom Selleck is a famous detective. He should solve this crime and find out who's doing this.

Can we email Tom Selleck? Yeah, Tom Selleck. If anyone could... God, look how hot he is in that picture. He was very hot. God, look at that fucking cock next to those thighs. Jesus Christ, Tom Selleck. He was a real man.

Yeah, he was a real man. Fuckin hell. That's a real fucking man, right? Wow. That's a real man. God, damn. Tom Selleck, he was like 28 in that picture. I'm blown away.

Yeah, I know. He's the gay. Ed's feeling gay. He's where he loves it. Wow. I get it. Tom Selleck would break Timothy Chamalay's arms off. Oh, yeah.

That's a magnum P.I. Magnum P. He's got a magnum. Yeah. He's having him having sex with Timothy Shamelale. God, I wish he would have fucked my mom. Yeah, that would have been great. I really would have.

Would you fuck my mom, Tom Selleck? Tom Selleck. Are you listening to this? Are you on Facebook? How busy are you? Yeah, can you email me? Can you email me? You were in NYPD Blue.

You probably have the call sheet still. Blue Bloods. Oh, Blue Bloods. That's right. Blue Bloods. Yeah, it's Tom. Yeah, he's got, yeah, Tom Selleck won at Gmail. What was that movie he was in that I love?

Mr. Baseball. I love Mr. Baseball. Do you think Tom Selleck would be happy, like, almost in a way that he still got this much juice? He really, every time you forgot he exists. he pops right back in the news and that mustache don't quit have you told him just being like she killed him for me

wow those all for me huh that's one of the coolest things I've ever heard still got it yeah of course of course she wants Tom everybody does right everybody does

and of course he was jealous all hell he was jealous even just fake me you know that's got to be the thing he was jealous of fake Tom Selleck if it was real Tom Selleck he would have bombed the neighborhood. Imagine if Tom Selleck

actually was trying to fuck his wife. Oh, Jesse Stone. That was the character he played all the time. Now I'm just obsessed with his career. Three men of the baby! Yeah, no, he's a very good... He was also supposed to be fucking Indiana Jones. Yeah, he was.

He would have been a good indie. And that takes a lot for me to say. He would have been a great indie, but no, but no. No. He's not the same. It's not the same. He did Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. All right, now we're just going through his tower.

We're just naming things. The fucking Tom Selleck was in. The Daughters of Satan. Yeah, but I bet you. Starring Tom Selleck. Yeah, you know, but it's probably not really that fucking big. Wow. All right, so I've got a couple of, like, here, let's do this.

I get a listener email. There's listener emails. Yeah, sure. You want to hear something? Oh, yeah. Is the old. Are you ready, Eddie? Are you horny, Henry?

Yes. Sure. Now it's hard for listener email. Yeah. Not bad. Yeah, that's where we've heard that one. I know. I like it.

Yeah, I like it too. That's a song. You can hear a song more than once. You okay? No. Let's read this. Let's do this email. I'm so fucking loveling not.

Everything's a fucking travesty. My body's dying. You got to see Mandalorian Grogu. Oh, yeah. So I can really finally jerk off in a theater again. That's what I need to see. Honestly, yeah, because there's nothing I love better than a little gremlin coming in his own mouth. He needs to eat.

He does. Got to eat? Orbs. Back in 2012, my college roommate and I went to Halifax, Virginia to visit my parents and hang out for the weekend. My dad, chain smoked in the house, so me and my buddy spent most of our time outside. We tossed a football around for a while in the backyard and really never went it all in, except to grab maybe a couple of my stepdad's buds from the fridge. Oh, yeah.

Fuck yeah. My friend, Chad, mentioned how remote of a place we were in and how cool would be. This is some of the awful wall shit out in the country. I agreed. We focused on seeing something for a minute and laughed it off. I will say you have to do some classes in transcendental meditation for a couple of semesters by then. I held a complete, unique, and relaxed feeling as we did that, and really did feel very connected after.

towards. Anyways, one of our friends was having a shindig across the county that night, so we stopped drinking brews early so we could be two legit 20-year-olds driving across Halifax County, not wanting to be pulled over. And this is where it starts. The campfire where we were hanging out by died. We were considering leaving. I was talking to my boy when I saw a white light illuminate his face. I turned around and there was a white orb glowing in the woods by my parents' house but 50 yards away. We looked at each other. scared out of our minds and motioned back towards the light and it suddenly exploded it almost looked like a transformer exploding we treated glances back and forth like what the fuck was that i don't know it's my orb it's my orb it's my orb then we heard slow deliberate footsteps from the direction of the orb something tall was walking to the tree branches and my dogs woke up and ran towards the sound when they went we ran to the house and climbed over a six-foot carport wall to get in.

We immediately locked all the doors and closed the blinds. I went to my parents' room to grab their pistol under the mattress. Whoa. Meanwhile, my dog sounded like they were attacking something as they made their way around to the front of the house. My mom woke up, earplugs in, blinders on.

And I was digging my arm under her mattress and hearing the dogs going from barking to wail in front of the house. And as soon as she was up, the dogs were quiet. She walked to the front door as we begged her not to, and all three of the dogs were asleep in the back of the golf cart. And we had to drive on the farm. They never did anything ever before or after. I don't know. Spirchip. Why don't you get a gun? It's an orb. You can't shoot light. But they was walking in the

in the fucking forest. So we thought he might have to shoot something, come to the forest, or at least then he'd have a reason to finally kill something. You know what I noticed. A lot of my pictures of the Grand Canyon had orbs in them. Yeah. Yeah, look at this one. That's the sun. No, that's the sun. Oh, no, that's a reflection of the sun on your face. But But it's in a lot of different ones. Yeah, I mean, it might be. It just depends on the camera. Do I just have a bad camera?

Yes. Does everyone just have a bad camera? Maybe. It's possible. But you'll have to find out on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash last podcast on the left and you could watch our shows, list or shows ad free. We don't have that feature on our Patreon.

Now, go and take a look at it. All right, make sure you live every day wondering if today's a day, I'm going to see something weird and watch an orb explode in front of me. And then you can laugh when it doesn't happen because it's just inside of the film of your camera. And you can love the fact that you might need to go get a new camera. That's right. Also, we're going to be hitting the road this weekend. We're going to be in Rochester.

It's sold out. Very excited, bro. I am excited. Radio social sounds awesome. Everyone's talking about how great is. They're so excited to just give us food. This is like the first time the venue like keeps reaching out to like make sure that like we're happy and okay. I've never had that before. It's very, very nice. We're very excited to come to Rochester.

The day before on May 29th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh. Come and see us in Pittsburgh. There's only four J.K. Ultras left. We got Pittsburgh this Friday, Grand Rapids on June 27th. Tulsa, Oklahoma on July 17th and Oklahoma City on July 18th. Also, you and I are going to be doing side stories in London, Ontario on June 28th. And after that... Continue to be the murder capital of Canada. Really? Yeah. So what they have, like, one last decade?

We'll find out. Yeah. And so we're going to be going there. I'm very excited about that. And then size stories doesn't have anything on the books until Crime Wave. Oh, no, yeah. And then we will find out. We will definitely have other shows.

We're going to put some stuff. Yeah, definitely going to put some stuff in there. Oh, yeah. But yeah, as of right now. But please come see my stand-up. Go to all dates are going to be edytunes.com. But on June 7th, I'm going to be in Phoenix at the Desert Ridge improv. That's going to be a lot of fun. I'm bringing

Amber and Julie to that one. And then on July 10th, Bethlehem, PA, a salute to Bethlehem. That's going to be July 12th, Newark, July 13th, NYC, City Winery. That's going to be with Kirsten Michelle Sills. And then July 19th, Plano, Texas, and July 26th, the comedy store here in L.A., my first headline at the comedy store.

Yeah, that'd be fun. Yeah, you might see Henry there. And then August First, I'm going to be in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge. Lots of more dates. Go to edictunes.com to see me. I'm coming to a bunch of cities in October. I'm fucking booking it up. I'm very excited about this. That sounds fucking great.

Yeah, um, you all fucking be good. You take care of yourselves and, uh... Thank you to the person who sent us the DeForvid signed vinyl. Yeah, the person who sent me the DeForvid signed vinyl. The notes are right up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, someone mailed us a vinyl of DeForvon signed by him. Do we know if it's really signed by him?

It is. It is. Thank you, Richie. Richie, thank you for giving DeForvid money for this. I think he already had it. And then he was like, I need to get this out of my house. Either way, I appreciate you, Richie. Thank you for the terrible album.

This is the perfect home for that exact thing. Yep. And don't worry, it will never be played. Don't worry. Goodbye, everyone. Hail Suisse. Hail Ryan Porter again. I miss him.

Yeah. All right. Peace out, everybody. Thank you.