Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Cannibal Corpse Rapture

Episode Date: January 2, 2019

New year, new you. But in 2019, try to be like anyone other than the subjects of today's episode: fans shower Nikolas Cruz with love, a hunter mistakenly takes aim at what he thinks is a famous cryptid, and the guitarist from Cannibal Corpse gets ready for the rapture. BUY OUR LIVE SPECIAL AT WWW.LASTPODCASTLIVE.COM. IT'S FUN AS HELL AND ONLY $6.66.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk on the left side story Man, oh man a new year indeed on us. I mean we may be pre-recording this maybe and so we might be I don't know well It's always I mean to be fair. It's a podcast. It's always pre-recorded. You know, yes, it's not we're not in your living room No, I'm we're not in your closet. We're not stalking you in any way. No, I don't know what your underwear smells like Oh, I don't know of course. I will say I am thankful that the skies opened up and our Lord returned last night Oh, what a thankful wonderful side And now I get to wash Jesus's fucking dirty ass feet Oh, yeah all day and I jerk off with one hand and I'm cleaning them sudsy

Magic toes. Oh, okay. Oh, right. Well, I don't know if Jesus needs you to be ejaculating while you wash his feet I don't think that's part of the deal But you know what I think we'll be happy with a good scrub regardless this fucking Egotistical piece of shit wants me to wash his feet. I'm gonna come while doing it. That's how he fucking gets it Okay, this is side stories everyone. I am Ben Kitzel. Henry Zabrowski Travis Morningstar will also be speaking some words. I'm around He's around. Yeah, and we got you what man 2019 is gonna be completely different. Sure. Yeah, absolutely completely different You know, I think it's gonna be way different than any year that's ever come before definitely different than the last two I don't think we're gonna lose any celebrities this year. I don't think any natural disasters are gonna happen

I think we're gonna have an easy calm year. Oh, well, I I think you're being sarcastic and that is just fine I hope you all had a wonderful new year's eve I hope you all had a great holiday season and we are excited to be back with you in 2019 and we're gonna have a great year together no matter what happens We'll you know, we'll enjoy the ride together. My question is do you are you now still like I'm in the mentality? Unfortunately, I'm in the grandfather mentality that every once in a while like it'll pop up. I had been like whoa That's gonna be 20 20 soon. That's when I was a boy. That was the future, but now it's no no I totally agree. I feel as if I'm a grandfather technology has advanced so fast in such a short period of time

I think all of us have sort of aged at a rapid rate. I mean if you grew up in like 1830 to 1860 nothing really changed nothing really changed and now we have to deal with these iPhones with Driving themselves. I mean also your job before was you didn't just like rent an apartment in 1830 to 1860 You had to go find land and build a house So things were more difficult Obviously in a whole yes, and I really feel like I know that you are very weary of some of the Uncoming technological advances right here. They're good. I know but I know that you're worried about them But I feel like once they start sucking your dick. Uh-huh. You're gonna start

Changing your mind. I don't you're gonna turn that frown upside down wait till you get that first Perfect AI blowjob when you set it settings to the machine of what do you need how you need it to be licked? How you know for me the velocity the noises it must make you're gonna be like, okay, it cannot be a perfect Uh sexual experience because I like human beings, you know, so it's immediately going down 90 percentage points You'll have two silicone bags on a what I imagine it's sort of like a microphone stand hanging above it Oh, so you can grip on to them while it's sucking you okay like a mountain climber Yeah, what I would recommend I think especially with the first gen is Blindfolds or some kind of like night mask. So you're not seeing it sure sure

Well, it sounds like a bad it sounds like a sort of a sexist polka song wait till Boston Dynamics gets their hands on some Some sex doll. I'm never gonna have sex with anything Boston Dynamics makes all right Well, I'm also of the mind too. I really I've never used a fleshlight really the only people we know that have used a fleshlight is Marcus I mean, I believe it's still on active duty. I don't know retired I heard a service yet. Is it retired it? Okay? Yes, it did not make it to the pension years because the problem is that if you miss One cleaning of it. Oh that thing's done. Yeah, of course it is But that's what's fun about a robot is it if you build enough like Actually correctly meat parts with which I'm certain we'll get to they'll be able to spin those DNA chains

I mean that kind of meat stuff. It was you can't come into like a meat like sack Have you not lead by just it you have not paid attention to any of my news stories about robots These are not the ones you're gonna put your you're gonna put your Private parts you're some of your most sensitive bits into the control of an AI machine They are gonna you thought the movie teeth was bad where the woman had teeth in her vagina Shanked off a couple of fingers and a few cows magic. This is literally magic. This is going to be a thousand times worse than that Kissle what it's not just a vacuum, right? You're not sticking in your dick into a thing That's gonna suck and this is true

You're going to stick your dick in a thing that it's going to move instead around it, right? Like we oh yeah Yeah, it's gonna be one of those horrible back massagers that only cause more pain It can but also I don't even trust you. I don't trust your hands. I barely trust my own hand. Well, I have very soft hands It's almost like I've never lived a day in my life. Okay. Here we go. Let's do a story I Story is near and dear to my heart. I do have a connection with the Sasquatch with the Bigfoot I feel I might have big foot DNA. I'm gonna say don't give in to these people Everybody wants to say that you are Sasquatch. It's your big your big lumbering

Fucking eight beasts, but you're not you're a man. No, I know as a matter of fact that we had the woman who interviewed us in Chicago She just messaged me regarding my beard on Instagram saying how does it grow so fast? I'm gonna say Sasquatch blood I got a fast growing beard. I'm not as hairy as you are Henry But when it comes to facial hair, I can really get that shooting out pretty quick So this happened in Montana shots fired at a Montana man mistaken for Bigfoot This is possibly how I'm going to die So I'm on a Montana man had a bizarre brush with death over the weekend when he caught the attention of a trigger Happy hunter. I'm gonna say killer a trigger

Murderer who thought it was a big foot the unnamed Helena resident or Helena resident Reportedly phoned police yesterday to alert them to the strange incident which happened Well, he was getting ready to do some target shooting on this about two Sundays ago Much to his surprise the man said his afternoon of fun took a frightening turn when he suddenly realized that he was being shot at and Quickly ducked for cover. Now this guy and I'm just gonna say he is not following hunters safety Not following hunter safety. You need to wear an orange sash. Yeah, I've heard of course sash It's really good to wear like a sparkly dress when you're out there because the sequins will pick up all the light You know, I mean because then you look like a genie out in the forest

But I like about this guy is that he didn't even bother to report the shooting that day He waited till the next day because he said he didn't think it was a big enough deal the war Because he basically said he don't want to press any charges as well He just wanted maybe cops to go out and find hunters and give them a sir a stern lecture about Love Montana. So this dude so the bullets were flying all around him He emerged from his hiding place and managed to speak to the dude who was shooting at him It was not Dick Cheney. Oh my god vice. I can't believe they're making a funny movie about Dick Cheney So he talked to the dude who shot at him and according to the shooter

He opened fire because quote he thought he wasn't bigfoot and the would be Sasquatch slayer said he came to this conclusion in large Part due to the fact the man was not wearing any orange as Henry alluded to apparently the lack of protective gear and the man's Bipedal nature, which is very bizarre. Yes. Yes. He was walking on two feet Yes, big foot exactly that was enough because the guy wasn't wearing an orange and he walked on two feet That was enough to convince this the hunter that he was going to have a once-in-a-lifetime Opportunity to shoot a bigfoot, but I'm gonna say this and I want your thoughts on it What does that say about human nature? Let's say this guy is a bigfoot and now immediately this dude's like better kill it

Why do you got a shoot at bigfoot throw out some steaks? Get him some old trap or jerky try to entice the bigfoot. Maybe he likes Corona I Side with you and it's mostly because there's a but there is a massive debate within the bigfoot community because they taught this is This is a hot topic in that world of people believe there are camps that believe that you kill the bigfoot in order to study it for Science and there are camps that believe the whole point is to observe the bigfoot So we can learn about it and then we step away from it and it's you and you have two fronts of it Right, because you have one on one side the hunter the pro hunting side says this is a possible dangerous animal

We also need we need to figure it out. How is it dangerous? Is there one report of a bigfoot killing? There's been a lot of reports of bigfoot. I'm gonna say forced sex But mostly those are written down. Yes. Yes. Yes, these are created there but seem to be more like fantasies Uh-huh So there's that part of it. I mostly just think it's men kind of exerting a sort of Pre-cuck rage about the bigfoot. Do you know I mean sure almost being like they want to kill the bigfoot just because they know Just how thick the bigfoot's cock is and how much more it could better pleasure their own wives

Well, we don't know think about it. I think about I think this is also It's a display of the sad state of cryptid knowledge Actually in Portland, Maine the museum of cryptozoology is going under currently because they're experiencing The lowest admission they've ever had in their history It's very sad because I thought think cryptids are on their way up But no the problem is that interest in cryptids are on the way up But the paying for content on cryptids. It's on its way down way the cryptozoology Museum if there's more interest in in bigfoot or cryptids in general

You think that that would be a side effect that they would see an increase in business and an increase in revenue They're currently seeking help to fund the museum. Well, honestly, man, I think we should reach out We should help them. Yes, I would love to I mean, I think that those museums, you know You get just the right amount of vape. You got your little vape way. Yeah, you go into a museum like that We actually had a fun time. I believe it was in Portland Portland one of those oddity museums It was just in the back of a store. It's super stupid Um, but it is so much. Yeah, it helps expand your mind. It's fun to see the examples of cryptids But I actually wonder I feel like people

Might protesteth too much About how much they love cryptids if they don't want to go out and they don't want to support them I have found you know, like it's Sometimes the cryptid episodes are not as popular No way, but there's the pro side of not hunting the big one Now, this is the side that I'm on because if you have if you have a big foot if you can get a big foot Now, how do you know the issue here is I suppose how do you get it alive? How do you capture a big foot alive? This is a part of the are what we have to be correct about

What is the essential nature of the big foot? Right? Is it in fact a primate, right? We don't know No, is it a primate is an actual physical creature or as many people do believe is that it's some form of ascended some form of a Highly elevated right It's special creature. It's some kind of it's been anointed Yes, it is it's special and it may actually be some kind of either or is it a time traveler? Is it some kind of interdimensional being now? I don't know

I've also heard learn from it. We figure out how to bridge the communication gap. I've also heard some theories It's like a missing link type character that would explain evolution further All I know is so maybe a dark gun Maybe you got a dark gun. Maybe a dark gun I'm not sure if we have Cartoon bear rules I don't know if it like sandwiches or a series of other yogi the bear type treats But maybe go with that again

All I know is is that if you're gonna start feeding it expected to keep showing up absolutely I think you have to then be afraid of again because if your wife's out there hanging out the laundry Well, I just so happens to see the expansive gait of the Bigfoot now big his hands are in court to his feet And I'm certain how massive his dong is gonna be hanging out there weird. It's gonna be like a bear's You know dangler and no woman wants it. I mean not every woman. There's a lid There's a lid for every pot. Yeah, I'm sure there are some women As Henry has read the erotica written by women that have certain there's a spoon for every soup Well, that is extremely true

Sometimes you really just got to get a big old spoon to scrape at the bottom of that soup Think about how much how much pro Bigfoot or like gentle Bigfoot imagery is out there versus Anti-Bigfoot. Oh, it's all pro Bigfoot. It's all I mean the last one. I saw was Harry in the Henderson's But you know like I grew up in the Pacific Northwest and a lot of the museums and little Shops and stuff that had Bigfoot stuff There'd always be like an overturned car or a smashed dumpster to sort of say like Bigfoot was here and not fun though It's fun to see that is because the overturned car was it belonged to a well-known pedophile in town He was attempting to escape justice as law enforcement finally caught up to him and realized he indeed was committing all these

Horrible crimes. He just he beat law enforcement because he had a really cool Trans-Am and then Bigfoot said no, sir, you're gonna stop Terrorizing the children of this town. I'm gonna sasquatch all over your ass Can you imagine how fun a show would be called Bigfoot pedophile Hunter? And you do like the same thing where you do to catch your predator and you took a whole thing where you have the bait girl Call the guy and he shows up to have sex with the child and all sudden it's just fucking Bigfoot comes out and rips his arms off. We Just I want to see that shit. We just have to teach Bigfoot to say the sentence. Do you want any cookies? You wait a second you you sound pretty gruff for a 12 year old boy. Well people say I'm the chief of my age

All right, well speaking of 12 year old boys, perhaps you love this band when you were 12 years old It's of course I did this next story is all about or it's about a member of the band cannibal corpse Honestly, how appropriate is this story? I love this story. I feel like in all of our lives It's important to shoot for an arc Absolutely, you know, I mean like where do you see you see yourself like maybe out in the hills of Wyoming or the Carolinas and joining Enjoying yourself. I could go on brandy. I think I'm gonna do something like okay now Let's take politics out of this. I want a mix of Hunter S. Thompson and Ted Nugent I think I want to start but I don't trust myself yet with extreme firearms

But I think once I sober up and I'm 50 and I just need to do something to feel any kind of rush because I'm Any rush any rush because I'm constantly gonna say I remember when I could drink in the times Henry had to drag me through The snow in Philadelphia. I was Fuck you That I love to do. I'm going for a solid mix of Jeff Goldblum Alan Moore. Oh, and Unfortunately after my years of protesting it's starting to turn into I'm starting to become a pro guy Fieri Yeah, well, you're still not saying the name right though guy Fieri. I will not okay I will not give him the Italian lilt, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he has not

Touched anyone against their consent. Absolutely not. He is amazing and you can't sneak up on him cuz he's got his Sunglasses on the back of his head on the back of his head. He's well. He's definitely safe from tigers Absolutely, um so back here cannibal corpse guitarist had 50 shotguns 10 semi-automatic rifles and 20 handguns at his rental Home before his arrest newly released court documents show that cannibal corpse guitarist Patrick Pat short for Patrick O'Brien he made strange phone calls to his parents today of his arrest warning about the quote-unquote rapture and telling them quote-unquote Aliens have landed O'Brien has was arrested on December 10th and charges of aggravated assault and a law enforcement officer in burglary of an occupied Dwelling with assault deputies say he burglarized the house and charged at a deputy with a knife, right?

So no, Brian. Oh, yes, but oh Brian allegedly broke into a Northdale Florida home on December 10th And shouted that the rapture is coming before pushing a woman to the ground He ran towards a responding to the deputy with a knife And according to the Tampa Bay Times fire marshals found a large cache of weapons at his home. Yep Now the interesting thing is he has so many guns. Those are expensive I'm surprised still rentable corpus makes good money I'm just gonna say maybe buy the house first and then you can start hoarding all the guns I kind of sad to hoard in a rental. That's all I'm saying. Yes. I think so

You should own some land before you have over two guns. Absolutely. So this dude O'Brien Pat O'Brien He set fire to his own house afterwards. He set explosives to his house Well, he is very deeply involved. It seems to be the prepper Community, yes, he seems to be one of the worst preppers of all time because he burnt down his own home Which I don't think is in their rulebook evidently straight out of Elon Musk's Holiday guide he had a flamethrower in his house a military-style flamethrower

In his home so which is by the way just one of those fascinating things in this country Part of me loves of course a part of me hates when it comes to mass tragedies and we're gonna get to Nicholas Cruz that horrendous story a little bit later on here in the episode of course the Parkland shooter But if you can just go into a store and be like I am the guitarist for cannibal corpse And I would like to purchase five of your greatest AR-15s and a flamethrower You think that that would be like what was that banned again? No, no, I feel like if I was the owner of a gun shop who could also sell a flamethrower I would probably already know cannibal corpse, and I would be like

That's the problem is that it's too metal to not be excited. That's very true So because I will say they knew because a real have you seen the Elon Musk fire? Flamethrower. I saw it. It's pussy. Yeah, it's pussy. Well, it's not good. There's it can definitely as we saw on a A video that I played on last stream on the left. It's very easy for Christmas trees I know those are not out of those are now out of your homes, but it can definitely light up some shrubbery That's for sure. I mean honestly you can use it to Flambe a brulee if you want some that you can caramelize some sugar with it But a real fucking military grade flamethrower. That's how you cause some fucking chaos. That's very I'm into this

I'm into all that part of it. So as Henry said this dude Pat O'Brien. He had a knife He's like the the end is near everybody and they're like yeah for you And he got I'm gonna say extremely lucky and this is like people might want to say oh this is about race I think this is about rock star privilege Now I don't know if the officers knew that he was in cannibal corpse But I think they looked at him and they looked at his fingers and they're like that dude can probably shred We better take it easy on him because when you're running at a deputy with a knife in your right hand Which is I think I believe he is right-handed

The fact that they didn't shoot him in the head is Incredible the fact they just tased him is a testament to them being a little bit more laid back than they are I think they're trying I think they're trying and him screaming being like fuck yeah motherfucker and all these guys Understanding that that is Pat O'Brien from cannibal corpse. It seems to be he was known in the area I think these deputies knew who he was okay. He seems to have been pretty heavily Advertised as a man that was of waiting for the end times. Well, I will say this Number one first of all the rapture isn't real. It was never actually Described in the Bible. That's a one thing. I've been learning recently watching documentaries about the rapture

It was created by modern day and the gelcoals right political purposes. Yeah, but you don't need to warn people that the rapture is coming Because if it was real it would just happen it would just happen people would just disappear But I understand that the first rapture is supposed to be that sign That's the first sign of the kickoff to the the times of tribulation which we just learned from our episode for the book of revelation So we know that he is kind of prepping himself for the end times He's got to fight it out his way right seven years of tribulation But I feel like he doesn't understand that he really could have flipped this into some sort of cult situation for himself Well, he really could have positioned himself in a way where this could have been very advantageous to him and to

To their new leg because they're joining Slayer on the North American leg of their farewell tour That's right cannibal court. We'll be able to watch them live They will be on stage and of course Slayer will be headlining this event. I would love to go into this by the way It's so sad to think of a Slayer farewell tour Everyone that we knew as children are now elderly men and they are saying goodbye, which is quite sad I have a question I'm gonna do the Iron Maiden farewell tour this year too. Oh my they're also going away good Lord I have a question though now. He had what did we say about 20 guns in this house? I would assume he's also 50. No, he had way more than that

He had 50 shotguns 10 semi-automatic rifles and 20 handguns the rapture, baby That is the rap in many ways. Good Lord. What a fun basement to be in well stone Do you think he got the rapture baby happened because he was like the UPS guy was coming to drop off a package He went to the bathroom and he came out and the package was just there without him signing for it And he's like you fuck it disappeared because I knew how innocent and pure my UPS driver was Maybe delivering him another gun But I got a question so obviously he's got a lot of ammunition in the house without a doubt This dude isn't just having guns for props. This seems like a serious guy

You like the house ablaze now. Does this just go up like a microwave popcorn bag? Just do bullets start flying everywhere in the heat. It seems like the most dangerous house I have ever heard catch on fire because that would just start going when wouldn't they basically explode all of the bullets I am not and I'm gonna say this explicitly. I am not a forensics ex. You're not okay But I think the fire would not be able to get hot enough. I think I don't know for a fact. All right. Well DM me at Ben kiss a one can fire take bullets or can fire Make bullets go off. I've seen cartoons where it happens and certainly it's been happening or it has happened in films

If you had a Christmas tree, maybe maybe maybe maybe but I will say always send stories and ideas and comments decide stories LP otl at gmail.com because I love the influx of emails We got about other people with shit incidents Your story about the smooth move tea I felt great because I wasn't alone. I felt like it was the living I was living the song you are not alone by Michael Jackson I'm like not everyone. I'm not the only moron who's like smooth move sounds great Let me go a little bit deeper to the story so they thought that he was hallucinating because when the cops had him

Chained up. They said somebody was after he kept saying that someone's after me, man Okay, what's fucking after me, dude? And it turned out at his first appearance they put him in a suicide an anti-suicide vest Which is a thing where they change your your hands up to your chest and down your feet so it wouldn't do anything and It apparently he was not on drugs Because they said that he'd have to pass a drug chest before he was even allowed to post bail Okay, and it turns out he was clean and he got him out man. That is so this is over. It's scarier than when or it's scarier That he's sober than if he was on drugs

It reminds me of the Miami zombie case where that dude get went and ate the homeless man's face Everyone said he had to be on crocodile or some different hallucinogen and it turns out the toxicology report came back He was also sober so it's it's strange when the brain just breaks And you go crazy Legitimately, I'm not trying to malign you Travis, but the sober community is very frightening You know because they're always on the edge About popping off, you know why I went skydiving. It's why I watched the Sopranos over and over again All right, so the wife of cannibal corpse drummer Paul Mazurkowitz started a crowdfunding campaign

She wrote Pat's a stand-up guy true to his friends family and band And also Pat doesn't have insurance and he lost everything that he owns In the fire that he started I don't know but I do love and the fan reaction in the comments to this article is pretty pretty great And one is the one my favorite one would be like I know a lot of people waiting for corpse to make an official statement on this, but I bet they won't I bet they've taken the higher road here and decided to publicly say nothing Indirectly they have issued support for him via the crowdfunding campaign

Which is started by the drummer's wife, but that's it look I bet it's all we'll get Oh man, I love it though. That's great. Give him a little bit of money He doesn't have insurance and when you burn your own when you burn your own house down with a military style flame thrower You should get a break. You should get a little bit of a break also this comment. Fuck yeah, Pat I can see you go ape sheep and seeds of filth making the speakers bleed See here's the problem if America ever was attacked men like this are the ones who you'll be begging for protection So don't judge everyone based on being banned on hell. Look where this country's headed. Hell. I'm paranoid my damn self Keep keep kicking ass and taking no shit brother, but he broke into somebody's house

And he burnt down his own It doesn't I don't know if this guy needs to be on the front line of the war against an authoritarian regime, but Who doesn't I mean honestly? I will say I would much rather have him on my side Yes, then not on my side. Absolutely and I in that way. I support him. Absolutely your selfishness All right. Well, this story is uh, well a little bit more lighthearted Although I guess in the last story no one got hurt a man is accused This is in virginia in northern virginia a man is accused of rubbing produce On his butt at a northern virginia grocery store

A man was arrested at a northern virginia grocery store after allegedly dropping his pants and rubbing produce on his ass I say you were a good one make sure your fruits rip as if you make it smell right And straight out of some like I don't even know the name of this grocery store to me is just comical He was rubbing his butt on produce at giant food grocery Um, so it's just I guess everything is bigger. I don't know. I've never heard of giant food grocery in my life Um, but he was arrested after a witness reported seeing a man picking fruit off of the shelf I would assume large fruit rubbing it on his butt and then putting the fruit back On the shelf and have you seen this guy the name of the dude is michael dwayne johnson not to be confused with the rock

The rock not to be confused with the rock He's 27 and you look at a picture of me. He's like a relatively put together guys. I had some dude I don't know. It's just a picture It's just a picture. It's not a picture of his accounting license Yes, no, I gotta ask the question though because of what he's charged with how bad or rough Is his butt because he was charged with quote Destruction of property and indecent exposure I don't know if rubbing your butt on fruit is necessarily destruction of property

That seems a little bit cannibal corpse burning your own home down. That's a little destruction of property This is just rubbing your butt in a mango. It didn't destroy the damn thing wash it off and resell it I don't know because I said they had a room to get they had to destroy two pallets of fruit Yes, the job because they're afraid of contamination Man, which is insane. First of all, yeah, the giant store had to destroy several pallets in fear of contamination But you know man, this is the thing but I gotta say this about fruit at the grocery store If you think this guy rubbing his butt is the worst thing ever I have seen people sneeze. I have seen kids lick and grope

I have seen the most disgusting things happen in the produce section. You got to wash your vegetables You got to watch your fruit. That's all I'm gonna say wash it up wash I don't think your fruit to begin with I have seen people paw as a matter of fact my girlfriend bro Just do it. She was hilarious when she we were at Whole Foods she grabs a loaf of bread and maybe she's gonna kill me for telling this story She grabs a loaf of bread slams it into her face into her nose to smell it And then puts it back. I said you can't just but I saw but she's like that's normal And I saw another person immediately doing the same thing everyone's sniffing on the bread

They're pawing at it. It's disgusting. I I don't trust anything. It's not wrapped You can smell it. All right, but again remember wash your fruit But you just always be honestly you should always be watching your hands too But you should be washing your hands. You see people at these grocery stores They don't let dogs in they should because they're cleaner than the folks that walk through those dang aisles Whoa, but I'm saying it But I have seen people grab at this stuff and they look like you know, they look like the the hands of the tall Bandit from Home Alone of the wet bandits

They're disgusting. You know what it is too. It's like I always remind me of the story when I was on the subway And I saw a man with pink eye Rub his face and then grab a hold of the subway pole like that's a thing that always haunts me Oh, yeah, you just just take care. I mean don't be like we're not in a garden of Eden folks It's a fucking buster bubble. We're not here in the Elysian fields. No, this is a K This is a key foods in the middle of New York City or Los Angeles Oh, yeah, it is not going to be clean I still vomit it in my mouth when I think about grabbing the subway pole

Which I did do that had a lot of saliva and a full luke on it And I I want to move out of New York City every time that happens It really takes off 10 years of me living in this city You know, it also makes me very upset just with the news Reporter here and they won't ever ask the question because no one ever like because we're never on the scene for these things Did he just rub the fruit on his butt right because technically if it's just on your butt cheek That's not that it is bad. It's bad. Yeah, but it's not that bad It's not it's just as bad as your hands picking up honestly

I think so fully covered in shit. Yes. I certainly don't think it's or did he rub it on his asshole Well, how would you even get let's say you're grabbing an orange? How would you even be able to because you had the one hand is obviously holding the orange? The second one would have to Peel open the cheek and then you would have to insert it. I don't think it's possible bigger. You're fucking flashed, dude You really have to pull it all the way back like a cabinet door to get in there. Henry. You don't have a butt Your butthole is on the chair right now. That is not normal, but you could still Nudge it in there to get up close to your b-hole. It's not like a six inch deep process

I thought like you're opening up a seal. Maybe if it was a strawberry you could do that But if you have a bigger you could put a lime and you could rub a lime directly on your asshole Nonetheless, the man has been charged again in decent exposure destruction of property He's probably going to do more jail time than the uh guitarist for cannibal corpse But though most people also most fruit got peels Yes, well honestly this kind of changes the story a little bit just to kind of put a little uh button on this Johnson again That's the man who rubbed the fruit on his butt was with another person at the grocery store who was not charged

So I think we have a situation where As guys will do sometimes trying to get a laugh from a friend He went there. Maybe it was one of these maybe it was a little bit of a dare Or you know when you do a middle of like a thing where you You're in the kind of the middle of a fight with your significant other and it kind of goes too far Where are you doing stuff being like? Oh, you think I don't like fucking limes? You don't think I'll fucking limes? I'll shove one up my fucking ass But you know because the show the it's obviously a fight about something else

And so now you're in the middle of a ranting fight where your pants are down here rubbing fucking limes in your asshole But it's more like a bizarre masculine point that makes no sense. Yes. Yes. And all of a sudden it's just like, you know a screen shot like He may be wondering how do I get myself in the middle of it? Oh sounds like a great deleted scene from veggie tails Um, let's see how that happened. Oh Well, let's move on here now this next story This one honestly, I think that I can speak for both of us. It kind of well

I don't know it pisses me off this this story pisses me off I would say it deeply saddens me about the state of humankind. Yes. So this one and we'll we'll discuss this It crazed girls and I think the girls They're actually sort of maligning teenage girls, which of course are participating in this But if you read a lot of different stories about the story we're about to talk about Middle-aged men are also sending letters to the parkland school shooter Uh, this monster this creep Nicholas Cruz. He's been getting a ass load of fan mail And this is just one of those stories that it fascinates me that this man is a celebrity in the minds of

Thousands of young people and of course some middle-aged men I will so conversely blame facebook because this came out of a fan page of facebook now I'm not saying that it's You know people have to be there to make the thing so obviously it's the people's fault But just like the fact that like see that facebook side of subconsciously encourages this kind of behavior because it's these They start to believe that they are a subgroup or they are a fan group They start there's a part of the all inclusiveness of anybody's allowed to like anything That kind of spills into a psychotic point where they almost believe like there's the one statement of one girl being like

I reserve the right to love you Nicholas for they act as if it's an expression Of their first amendment right in many ways it is and many ways. Yes, you of course you could send these things But also there's no uh seems to be kind of a check On to what exactly it is if you're expressing. I have a question now Uh, what do you do because I know marcus used to have pictures of ted bundy and a binder when he was growing up a little Crazy, I did the same thing. Yeah, but you know true crime phenomenon is one thing But I got a question when you walk into your teenage daughter's room now when I was growing up They had backstreet boys and in sync and maybe uh 98 degrees, which is a really nice temperature as a matter of fact

They are all 45 years. They're all 45 now and I'm 37 so that makes about uh, you know reasonable sense But when you walk into your teenage daughter's room and it's nothing but pictures of parkland shooter Nicholas cruise who now this next statement does not matter. I'm just gonna say though. He's not even close to handsome He's not even handsome. He's hideously unattractive Um, what do you do when your daughter is in love with a mass shooter? How do you even letter to a god damn boarding school? That's what you do is you fucking pack her into a van and you send her upstate and be like you'll come back when you're normal No, I probably at this point we will just we will have asked for it because of the nature of our careers

But there's a difference between being fascinated by true crime and mailing love letters to a to a serial murderer Well, something is this facebook post. This is the tenor of this Hey, everyone I want you all to know that nicolas knows about us and he had the biggest smile on his face He was told that we all support him. He's not receiving mail yet But it's all being kept safe ready for when he's allowed to read it all he's okay Keep the letters coming because he can't wait to finally get them. Oh again. This man murdered 17 kids Please this is absolutely crazy

And I'm for I forgot of course Ted Bundy was one of the first Serial killers to really get a lot of female attention specifically Because he was one of the more handsome serial killers because otherwise They all just kind of look like swaths from the goonies. They were called Bundy files And they began sending a bags and bags of male to Ted Bundy Of course serial rapist murderer one of the worst human beings on the face of the planet to ever exist And now nicolas cruise. I guess he's getting the Bundy file treatment Well, you know what it is

I mean people are always going to be in love with bad boys in a way Yeah, but this is kind of a part of the idea, but this is different Yeah, I mean this is very different, but it's I understand Just I'm in many ways. I understand that because people have been in love with these kinds of Figures for a really long time. It goes back to even the old west Like kind of the people talking about the old gunfighters and all that kind of stuff They're always been these kind of Enclave's of this right. So it's just very uh, we're just in a world where we can see all of it now

That used to be very personal It's weird how it's flipped to the public exploration of it. I can almost understand You being a little strange and wanting to reach out to somebody else that you think is very strange and could quote-unquote Understand you but so you send a private letter to this person and then you get a response So that's where the bunny files kind of make sense And the people where the person is no longer reachable makes sense But now with something like this where you go and you can publicly group the gather And praise this person right so it's a bizarre sense of community. I guess

Um, it's community if you watch his Uh videos the videos he put up before he shot up this school obviously totally horrific He is such a jackass He sounds horrible. He sounds like such a little bitch. He's like, I'm going to be I'm going to shoot up to school I'm going to be famous and it's like I don't get the sexual attraction one woman wrote or one girl She's 18 years old. This is what this is what she wrote. She says I'm 18 years old. I'm a senior in high school When I saw your picture on the television Something attracted me to you the letter was mailed from taxes and tucked inside in an envelope covered with a hand drawn

hearts and happy faces The letter says your eyes are beautiful and the freckles on your face make you so handsome She goes on to describe herself as white with big brown eyes She says quote. I'm really skinny and have 34 C sized breasts She adds the letter with three preschool rated jokes about gummy bears and peanut butter um, this woman might need to be um You know in in in special classes not that there's anything wrong with that But it does not seem like these people are 100 percent all there and then there's another card

It was a card with a picture of a monkey hanging from a tree and it just says simply hang in there Hey, oh, that's nice. We it's weird, right? Because there's a part of there's another letter here that says something along the lines of I know that maybe you need something to talk You know like hey nick this is not hate mail nor is it a fan letter I can only imagine what went through your mind that day, but I'm guessing you've had time to rethink your actions I hope so you effed up big time and I bet you know that I just want you to know that there's at least one person out here who doesn't want to kill you You're in a tough spot nick and that is something I know because I've been there myself you killed 17 people

Did this no they just thought about it. Oh, I thought about it You know so if you need someone I something I can mail to you ask if you need to talk I'll listen well they are paying his commissary, which is of course all of the food that you can get all the bonus food It's expensive. They are in prison. They jack up the prices a little bit. So they're paying for his food Um, they're really taking care of this guy a lot of the pictures include shots of cleavage Another picture was of a skimpy of a gallon a skimpy bikini eating a popsicle and a tight shot of her backside As she bent over another girl sent photos with hello kitty snapchat filters Um, I just I you know

It's this is one of those this is one of those that's I'm going to call it a head scratcher I it's a head scratcher That's head scratcher isn't this adoration of someone like Nicholas Cruz. It's just like a rejection of the status quo It's like you were doing the interview with Dr. Lakoc raising a kid in a state like in under satanism they become Christian sometimes like Yes, the the big the big boogeyman of our modern age is the school shooter And is the is the psychopath that pops off and I think in the 80s Maybe it was more of a bundy like the the serial killer thing

Yeah, so I think this is an icon of just rejection of the status quo Yeah, and of course I think his age had a lot to do with it. Stephen Paddock, of course the Las Vegas shooter had he lived I don't think he would have gotten too much fan mail, but but that's the truth, right? That's a part of it Is it because he is a relatively young man that looks sort of like if you look at pictures of Justin Bieber right now He looks like a fucking gutter rat. You know, I mean, that's the look that's like the look that they want now They like they like that kind of scrubby people like that because that's a bad boy He's the kid from the other side of the tracks, you know, I mean so people are into it

There's a they they so it's it's interesting where they think They are rejecting quote-unquote normie society, but actually they're fitting right in right into the That 15 percent of humankind has to exist because it always has right and so they are They just kind of keep that I mean, you know a bad boy James Dean. He was a bad boy He drove a little fast and maybe he had a little bit of alcohol in his system. Well driving a little fast. Sure. Okay Shooting 17 people. That's just a douche bag. According to public defender Howard Finkelstein Uh, that reminds me of uh, uh, ace ventura Finkel Finkelstein, uh, oh look at that little football

There's a pile. There's piles of letters. This is according again to public defender Howard Finkelstein He says in my 40 years as a public defender, I've never seen this many letters to a defendant Everyone now and then gets a few but nothing like this Again, not all of the letters are from women one card with a cat on the front of it Is from a new york man sporting a bushy gray mustache He enclosed photos of himself behind the wheel of his white 1992 Nissan convertible so i'm gonna say this i'm just gonna say this a little bit of a brag

When it comes to Nicholas Cruz getting the mail which he currently does not get he is not allowed to receive it yet But he will at some point I'm gonna say this dude in new york who's sporting a bushy gray mustache Uh, and who has the picture of himself in a 1992 Nissan convertible. He's gonna be thrown in the trash Yes, just immediately this guy. I don't want to send him a picture just of my asshole I make him open it up With a mango in it Oh my god

Anyway, like a good shopper Um, this is great 2019 certain great. Absolutely wonderful fascinating stuff here And of course, uh, anyway, I just I think it's always a good conversation to have the the love affair of these monsters It's good to check in. Yes. Oh, you know and just think about where are we at? How big of a fan are we of this of these people? Um, all right, so guys Uh by our special. Yeah is live. We're gonna put we're gonna do a little commercial And we're gonna tell you the the address is gonna go up there You know, I love it. We worked very hard on it and I hope you enjoy it

And finally the the first story of 2019 in karma news A texas man is dead after police said he tried to break into a donation bin Officials said the body was found at a shopping center Station. This is before christmas They said a woman walking her dog found him and called police officers believe the man was trying to get inside The donation bin when he got stuck the weight of his body then pulled down the lever and he suffocated so don't steal from donation bins And uh, be the opposite of that guy Yeah, don't be a fucking asshole and steal a verbal donation bin. That's sometimes you die in there

That's my that my new year's resolution give more Steel less that that should be all of our uh new year's resolution. Yeah, steal less. Absolutely All right, everyone. Thank you all so much for listening. We cannot wait to spend it 2019 with you We're gonna have a lot of fun. Hail yourselves Hail Satan and have you ever any stories? Do you want us to talk about it? We find a lot of this information people send us all the time People send us stories all the time and it's wonderful Email us at side stories lpotl at gmail.com. All right

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Everybody can see us live now and next year we will have a whole new show So you will not be seeing what you see on this live show again. That's it. You're watching something that will never happen again Yeah, thank you all so much for your support this past year 2018 was absolutely incredible and we are excited to bring you a new show in 2019 again last podcast live dot com that's last podcast live Dot com go out there buy it for six dollars and 66 cents and don't forget hail yourselves hail satan again