Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Cat Crimes

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest (cat) stories and true-crime news - starting off with updates, updates, updates! AND THEN the UK's "Phantom Cat Shaver", Armed intruders break into Connecticut home to steal expensive Ashera cat, a Seattle bicyclist survives brutal cougar attack with the help of friends, Listener E-Mails, and MORE!

Can you believe? Last podcast on the left is going back on tour. The road leads to here. JK Ultra is coming to these North American cities. We got Denver, May 16th, Seattle, June 8th, Washington D.C., July 13th, Chicago, Illinois, September 14th. October 16th, we got Boston, Massachusetts, November 2nd, right here in Los Angeles, California. And then on December 7th, we're going home to Brooklyn for a show at the King's Theater.

Yeah, Brooklyn, baby! It's time for you to laugh again and open your fucking eyes. Yeah, at the King's Theatre. Yeah, look at the babies! It's time for you to laugh again and open your fucking eyes. Yeah, at the same time. There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. Science stories? That's when the cannibalism started. This is the last on the left side stories.

That's when the cannibalism started side stories. Yes. No. Come on. Who did that? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on up! Come on up! Come on up! Come on up!

Hey! Who did that? Come on! Yeah! Rrrrr! Rrrrr! Rrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrrr!

Reminin! Reminin! Reminin! Man, I just had the last like four or five days with my mother-in-law in town. Wonderful lady. How was it? Yeah, she was very nice. I got the hang of her.

Wonderful lady. Yeah, she did a good job. You know, but you just forgot a mother in law's view of you is very specific. It's like I feel like I have a new set of things I have to improve. You own a house. I know. It doesn't matter. Not to a mother in law. Because I feel like if the mother in law, I love my mother in law. I feel like they look at the house and even after like, well, where's the second

home? Yeah, yeah. Don't you have a second home? I feel like I have to remind my mother-in-law that I'm a human. It's hard that I'm like a person who exists. But you were, but she also, they love the children. Yes. They love your children. They love your, your nieces and nephews. Do you have nieces and nephews? Yeah. I guess you got, well, I got Bella. Okay. No, I'm talking about on the other side. No, no. Wow. Natalie's brothers, nothing. It's just us. It's just us.

Maybe that's her problem. She realized she ain't getting shit. No, no, she didn't have a problem. It's more just like, it's just so hard because, I mean, obviously we already have a college fund put aside for Carmie, and it's hard to describe that to her because she starts crying and getting all weird about it. But I was like, no, I mean, like,

do you want Carmie to go to the army? Yeah. Yeah. Do you want her to have to go to Afghanistan or on the next fight that we have? Like when we go to go fight France? Yeah. She's going to be an X-ray tech. Yeah. Like all Chihuahuas. I mean, oh, I wish. Honestly, it'd also be nice if she could be on the tank squad. The tanks, tank destroyers. How's Rambo? You were also like, Rambo ate an entire taxidermy alligator head. Yes. My dog, Rambo, Black Lab Pit mix,

ate an entire taxidermy alligator head. I'd have to say the thing was like a foot long. I cannot even believe. I don't even know how the dog even knew. I half blame myself. I bought this as a gift. You can't. You literally can't.

It smells like furniture. I was supposed to mail it out a year ago and I didn't. Shout out to April, the ex editor of the brighter side You know, I appreciate there was this was supposed to be your alligator head. Oh, this is for April I bought this alligator head for April. Oh, I thought this is from your alligator Expert no had on better. No, that's just a friend I love Gators by the way, if you couldn't tell by my demeanor. But yeah, so I bought as a gift to April for editing all of the extra

episodes of the brighter side for Gator week last year. I bought her a Gator head. And you never sent it to her. I never sent to her because I'm lazy. And I kept asking her for her address and she kept sending to me and I kept not mailing her this Gator head, you know, because like part of it was like, maybe I'll keep it. But like the other part, you know, but I never got to it. No. And then now I'm moving and Rambo, I don't know, we left him alone when we went to dinner

with Natalie's mom and he ate the alligator head because his dinner was a half hour late and he ate the entire alligator head. I just can't even believe I, it's, I don't even know how he does it. This is Side Stories. I'm Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting with Ed Larsen. How you doing? What's going on?

We're dealing with some personal trauma here. I've just been sifting through his shit. You just shit. You're literally sifting through his shit looking for alligator teeth like he is. You don't have to look for them. They're there. They're there. They're like, they're like so much and his shit has gotten so rock hard because he ate all like the whatever the fiberglass, whatever they stuff taxidermy alligator heads with. So it's like his poops are like dust.

Whoa. And so it's like, and like, That's all he has to do. Maybe I need to do that. Honestly, I went to, I was, I ate hard this weekend and I've been having nothing but grease. Yeah, but I've been, I've been feeding a bunch of pumpkin to him You know, he got a little Vaseline, you know to kind of like help them Oh, do you do that thing with the Vaseline sandwich like Tyra Banks does? They eat that and it helps like move stuff through them. No blood, you know I'm sure we're gonna get lots of comments that my dog is gonna die so far so good I mean if he hasn't died already some crazy shit, there's no blood the puke he just is one of those he's got a wide oh my god

like I really do think he's got a wide but his throat is wide yeah it's just I'm worried about his little intestines of course buddy going through that I googled what to do if your dog gets a taxidermy to alligator head and it said get a better decorator. You're like, uh, thanks very much. Mr. For Cora honestly, Cora is just so sad. It is a, you know, what's really hard. It really could have killed them. Yes. Cause all the bones are like cooked and splinter and shit. And I'm just happy that he's okay. I mean, just the way I get right now. He's okay. He keeps puking. Yeah, of course he keeps puking. He ate an entire taxidermy and alligator head.

In the past two days, alligator teeth have come out of his mouth and out of his butt. Whoa. They've come out of both sides. Guess where he's never going again? Florida. He's never been to Florida. I mean, you can't take him now. This is a Florida problem. This is Florida following me to kill my dog. It is literally the revenge of you getting out.

Is this happening to Rambo? Because I will say he did he did do do this to himself. Yes, it's sad that he would be. I'm glad that right now he's fine. He's eating lots of tampons. He's eating lots of stuff that should have killed right out of them. And they just go right. It is one of the worst to watch him do.

We call it when he gets a spaghetti, because what he does is he sees the little string and he's like he's lady in the tramp. I guess it's like you guys watch that movie too much. Oh yeah. We love it. I mean, I had this one time with him. I was, so my cousin was visiting me and she had just, she stayed with me for a couple of days and, and then she went with her boyfriend or husband and then went, took a little trip to Santa Barbara or whatever,

as you do when you're on vacation in LA. Of course. She left the house for, I think a total of like 40 minutes. And then I'm just sitting there in the living room with our buddy Adam Wirtz and I'm just sitting there and then he walks out of the bathroom and then in front of Adam and I just spits out my little cousin's tampon. Cool. That he found in the trash. Did you make Adam pick it up and throw it away? Because I would not have done it.

I mean like this is now you got this is a buddy thing you're going to have to do. I did it. I did it. I was very mad about it. Oh yeah. It's just. I'm sure this would be a very interesting way for her to find out about this story. But you know. Side stories LPOTOTL and Gmail.com are you

Ed's relative that have the tampon come out of you and go inside of Rambo? Oh, man, it's a tough situation. It really is all around. I got so mad at him. I'm like, man, I was like out of everybody like I'll juggle, you know, strangers tampons. But oh, yeah, if it's Natalie's, I'll pick it up with my mouth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'll pick it up with my teeth. If it's my mother's.

Yeah. I mean, first of all, it's like, how's that happening? Yeah. My mom's got nothing but rocks. It's been gone. Yeah. No, I was my mom's last period. Yeah. Good work, bro. Yeah. Dry her up got, we got a lot of show today. Rambo's going to be fine. Rambo's going to be fine. Thank you for your concern. Pre many emails, I'm sure. Yeah.

And also save those teeth. Um, you know, they're covered in shit or puke. Can we wash them off? Do you want, I will save you the next batch. Sure. I will bring you, I will, I will bring them here and I'll put them right next to your haunted Ouija board and we'll conjure the fucking dead alligator. I would love to know this alligator story in his unfinished business. I never got to eat a giraffe. My name is Melissa. You've been misgendering me this entire time.

All right. We got some updates. First of all, of course, Dungeons and Dragons brings out a lot of ire. The guy, the DM that wrote about the breakdown of Godzilla, again, referring to our third decennial. Did he write back again? No, but other DMs wrote in response to his breaking down of the scenario of Godzilla versus 500, 400 birds. Yeah.

And what would happen. Because then one DM said, oh, it was very possible for the birds to defeat Godzilla. And then we kind of talked about practically, like sure, yeah, in your little child's game, the birds could maybe get Godzilla. But how are they going to get through the skin? We talked about this in real life. We don't think it would be practical. We didn't think it was going to do it. But then a lot of DMs came out because I appreciated our first our first response from a DM. I love our DMs. I understand that your job is to have eye for detail. You're supposed to come figure out a way to tell these stories in a quantifiable manner. So I thank you. But you got a lot of flack. And I honestly think that you as a DM need to go and write your own little manifesto against other DMs. Because this is the response you got.

Because they said that there was a lot of nerd rage. Finally. Not at us. Not just us. It's not mad at us this time. I mean we're always, everyone's slightly mad at us. But that's our job. Yeah. You know that's my job as a comedian.

Yeah. Is to make sure that at least a portion of the room is upset with me. Oh of course. in any given time Well, Henry Hop takes that's what I got. I gotta do it. Mm-hmm. We showed up here for what my luck? This is the the palate cleanser. That is Henry Zabrowski. No, no, no. Yeah, I'm an overbearing sensation Yeah, I'm the time that I am the too much you are over the edge But at the same time if it's the right amount boy Come to pants now this guy now what they say here is the counter argument

Godzilla's armor rating would be too high exactly Godzilla would have considerable immunity to many types of damage absolutely isn't it yeah because he regenerates Yeah, they feel like the dirt birds damage output would be too low to pose any substantial threat to Godzilla and Godzilla's atomic breath would wipe out all birds no matter how numerous. But according to our main researcher, Joel, who helps me with side stories, they wrote that in a much harsher and mean way. Really? Towards the person that gave his original breakdown. Why are we sugar coating it? Because, because again, I'm protecting

We don't know any of these fucks. I'm protecting people, okay? Because you have to understand, this is what we deal with as the intranet, I know how to code through. I see your rage every day. I see people's rage writing in every day, and I also know, so I know I have to decode. You're just feeling this in the moment. You obviously, you got

your penis caught in your zipper this morning. Anything could have happened I mean actually mad can go fuck themselves. No is actually bad. Yeah, it's just fun to do in a full I love I love yelling for yelling sake my whole life. It's my whole I love it So that was one little pushback. So but I you know, we kind of broke that down DMS understand everybody works with different rule sets, you know, I mean, that was a bit of the big breakdown was a lot of like, oh, but in this edition, it'd be different, you know,

and then this edition, it would be different because D&D has been kind of updated and mutated over the years. Yeah. No, I always think of like, whenever I hear DM, I always think of like sliding into your DMs and stuff like that. And then, you know, so I was like mad that that's like,

they kind of like cross over and I get confused when I hear it, but obviously no one is sliding into a DMs DMs. You never know. Cause sometimes they're sexy ladies and they're sexy dudes. And you'd be surprised if people want to get into a good campaign. Yeah. What would happen to a DM side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. What's the sexiest way someone tried to join your D and D game? If anyone's hot in playing D&D like it's got to be like a boring game. No, there's a lot of people we're gonna

get pushed back immediately. If you're attractive, I don't think you're attractive. A lot of people want to see an LPN D&D game. We need one day. I think we're ugly enough. We are, we are, but you'd be surprised there's a lot of attractive people in the game. Shit has changed Eddie. Yeah. Shit's changed. There's more fuckable nerds across the board. But if you're good looking, you're less interesting. Always. Yeah. But it depends on how you're good looking.

You know what I mean? Where like, I like you always gotta be 5% jacked up. To me that's what makes you sexy. Oh, if you're just like all fucked up on weird like creatine and shit? No. I'm just saying like, no, I'm not saying that's dumb. I'm saying that to be hot, to be truly hot and sexy versus beautiful, is you have to be 5% jacked up.

You gotta have a jacked up nose and that makes you happy. Hot's got a six pack, beautiful has a flat belly, right? No, opposite. Beautiful has a six pack, absolutely. Hot hot is more flawed but better that's how I view it. Wow. Hot and sexy is more quote-unquote flawed but you're better you're more fun. Someone with a snaggletooth yeah like Patricia Arquette's hot. Yeah. Or is she sexy? Sex both I'm just saying but also I view her as beautiful. She is beautiful. But this is a great breakdown people are gonna love this. They're gonna be so excited about this. I'm just saying there's a difference and obviously Eddie and I know Yeah, because if you look at us, everyone always asks me like how what's the taste level of a beauty in the room?

And you just see us do like hi. Yes. Can I come in from outside? But yeah, that's what we learned a lot today. We both married giant redheads. I can kick the shit out of us. We both are way. We are both punching way outside of our way class when it comes to our significant others. And it's because, again, it's about being funny and because guys, it's about

being funny. Girls, do you want to be it's like to Mexico. It's like a funny man is on one side and like a hot ladies on the other side yeah and then all of them between whatever the fuck it is you are I don't know what you are so whatever you are somebody wants to fuck you congratulations all right so let's go have we another fucking update it's about sky shit oh thank god now this is a this is another one if shit drop that up the flying plane this I bet we asked

a question about physics would Would it continue to travel at the same speed it was traveling when it was ejected from the plane? Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. That was according to somebody, right? Now the shit would not be as aerodynamic as the plane. And depending on the shit, it would not have as much mass as the plane. Therefore it would encounter wind resistance and begin to slow down immediately. Not keeping pace with the flying plane. Yeah, because there'd be air going, whipping past it. Yes, thus making it look like it was shooting backwards.

Because as I said, it's a fly backwards. That's kind of what I meant when I said flying backwards, so I'm smarter than the way I sound. The same rules apply in the example. If you are a passenger in a car not wearing a seatbelt and the car suddenly stops from a high rate of speed, you will fly forward through the windshield because you are a passenger in a car not wearing a seatbelt, and the car suddenly stops from a high rate of speed, you will fly forward through the windshield because you are an object in motion, and you will stay in motion

until external forces stop that motion. Warning. Also, if you're in the back seat, wear your seatbelt. Wear your seatbelt. Because you're gonna go over the seat in front of you and bash the person in the back of the head. I unfortunately, that is one of my renegade David Icke stances I have lost over the years. You gotta have to wear the seatbelt in the back. Gotta head. I unfortunately, that is one of my renegade David Ike stances I have lost over the years.

You gotta have to wear the seatbelt in the back. Gotta wear the seatbelt. Unfortunately, I wish I could be for freedom. I wish I could be for freedom. It's not freedom because you're taking away someone else's freedom by doing it. But you're taking away your freedom to become a ghost by putting on a seatbelt. Which is, you know, so that's what we'll see here at last podcast. And that's an official message. Buckle up you fucks. You fucking pieces of shit. Also,

what's in here, we've got some insider knowledge on that, uh, Buffalo Nian house getting hit with shit. Oh, cause I don't buy it. So my sister works for the city and was slightly involved with the poop mystery. So I asked her about it. My sister said the wastewater treatment department tested it to be sure and it was poop and we're seeing that it was blue. Whoa! Lastly the lady was home the one time it happened and heard the poop hitting her house from above. So with info does it change

your opinion on it actually being plain poo poo? Sort of because also I got a bit of a breakdown too because well we I don't know, because Rob right after we looked it up, there's a bunch of other like, I guess right here, there's 27 documented incidents of blue ice impacts. So we call last time we realized that shit from a plane was called blue ice. Yeah. Now these incidents typically happen under airport landing pads as the mass warms sufficiently to detach from a plane during

its descent. So they do drop it because they don't they have like a little lake before a lot of a runways where they dump it is that they're outside is that an airport outside toilet? Did I just ruin everything? I don't know. Side story, lpotl at gmail.com. How do planes go to the bathroom? Like how do they dump it out?

Where does it go? And so but this is shit. That's like, you know, in 1971, a chunk of ice from an airplane tore a large hole in the roof of the Essex Street Chapel. That was huge. A chunk of ice the size of an orange broke through the roof of a private house in Rangton, Heessem in Germany. In February 2013, a football-sized ball of blue ice smashed through a conservatory roof in Klanfield, Hampshire, causing around 10,000 pounds worth of damage. Now there's a lot, just saying that it does happen, but these, in my mind, when I was thinking of blue ice catastrophes, it was shit like this. Like,

because you know how like something like five meteorites hit the earth, yet it's always poo poo?, Joe Dirt? No, no, no, no, no. But like, how like, a meteorite will fall from the sky. Like, have you ever seen the stories of someone saying how like, it ripped through their house, or ripped through their car, or like a literal thing from space? Yeah. That happens a lot.

But I was kind of assumed that damage from blue ice would be more like that, like this. But it seems like maybe, maybe it could have just been a screw was loose. Yeah. And that meant the poo was loose. So who knows? I don't know what it means. I don't know anything else about the waste containment of, of airplanes and what they do. Man, I would say that the chances of an airplane shitting on this woman's house three times is insane. Someone's playing a joke on her at this point. And if it is a pilot that has that pinpoint accuracy. I want to meet him.

Sign him up! That would be, that's where he's, that's who's got to be going and doing our strafing. Yeah! Over in that, you know, Afghanistan. Yeah, no, we got to get him! Yeah, dude. Because we got to be, because we need more accuracy, so we have less citizen, like this is what we need.

Yeah. Smaller bombs. Smaller, poop smaller bombs smaller one bomb per person. Yeah, I think one bomb they can go down and just blow up one guy Yeah, we should start dropping grenades instead of missiles. I think that's a fun idea. Yeah, I think it's a funny You know what? I think would actually maybe help us break some people down instead of bombs or guns whatsoever altogether bones dropped drop bootleg copies of Madame Webb all over Afghanistan. Break them down. They'll feel sorry for us. Eventually they will be like, maybe America's not so great. Maybe America actually, we should actually give America a break.

So we have left Afghanistan and Kyrac. We got to get that tattooed on us. All right. I have that. So there's a bit of an update. Meteors have crashed through how yes, multiple times it has happened. May Oh, it just happened. A 2.2 pound meter. I went through a house. It happens May 8th. And where's this a Jersey? Beware the sky. Even though I've confirmed that the meteorite is from outer space and estimated to be 4.56 billion. This is actually a great thing that happened to this person. I think it's cool. That meteorite is worth more than the entire house. Oh, very much so. They're going to end up getting, but you know, they're, they're from Jersey.

Would you sell it or would you keep it? Oh, I'd sell it. Right. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like the home run ball. Yeah. Like the the Barry bonds ball. You sell it. Yeah. I would love to sell that. Now does she now this meteorite crashes through her house. She now owns this meteorite. Okay. It's probably worth, we'll just call it a million dollars. All right. It's a 2.2 pound meteorite. Well, I'm going to call it a million dollars. Now deserve fucking immediately. Not only is there 50 cents per gram per gram. That's it for me to write. Apparently it was a lot more common than you think it is. Really? Yeah. I thought so. Outer space everywhere. Yeah. 50 cents per gram. Forty. It's like go up to 40 dollars per gram.

It's the price of wheat. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking yeah. A thousand dollars. It's a rare stone. Yeah. That's a thousand dollars. So that one's like billions of years old. But depends on what the quality of it's still funny. It's still about whether or not you can turn it into a necklace. Yeah. And what there's 16 grams in an ounce and there's 16 ounces and a pound. And that's the math that being a drug dealer teaches me. And that's incredible because I don't know anything about that system. Do you know if you're trying to recalibrate your weed scale?

You put 10 nickels on it because that's half an ounce. Wow. See it's practical. Yeah. I forget what it was, but that's how you, 10 nickels you can recalibrate your weed scale. That's incredible. Well, you learn. Again, we're learning today. So we now know nothing else about the poop mystery.

Five grams, five grams. Five grams. Okay, well, that's incredible. Well, good work. No problem. But now we will get into it. So we did these updates. I have one more little update here.

The poop mystery is not solved. I think it's probably closer to no. I guess, because it doesn't sound like it's a full on blue eyes dump, but something happened and I don't know where it came from. Someone's pranking this woman. Can you shit in a helicopter? Absolutely.

You should anywhere. But I don't know. I'm not saying is there a, is there a bathroom? Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so. Cause I don't know whether or not it can be a smaller amount of shit. Maybe like a giant helicopter that you put like 20, 30 people on. Like something where you're taken to like a fucking like a small battalion over to take

over a city or something. One of those might have it. Of course. Most helicopters do not have toilets. I guess if you're over the ocean, it's just one big toilet. You just hang your butt out the side. Yeah. P off the side.

You can shoot guns off the side. That'd be so much fun. God, I wish I could. Shoot a gun off the side of a helicopter. That's all I want to do. Fuck you. You know, I feel like as recently I've been sort of like down to the dumps. And I think that would make me feel better. Know what I would love to get my hands on?

A buddy of mine went to war when we were in college and he asked me to make him a kill a kill people. I remember when you said listen to that. I made a CD. Yeah. I do remember the first one was Children of the Grave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Children of the Grave. And then you also did. It was the the I'm going to cut you into one of these days. Yeah. Yeah. These days I'm going to cut you into little pieces. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So fucking sweet. Wonder where that guy is. Oh, he's fine. I still hang out with him. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, that was so fucking sweet. Yeah, that was fucking good, dude. Wonder where that guy is.

Oh, he's fine, I still hang out with him. Oh wow. Yeah, he's doing great, he's got a new dog. Not killing? No, he very much against it. Oh, very much? Oh, is that the guy that brews our delicious beers? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh wow, he makes his delicious wine-like beers. He's got a life of peace, he's sworn, a life of peace. That's so, you see, that's all you gotta do is kill a couple people. That's what I'm saying, let me get it out of my system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'll be ready to finally experience peace. It's live from your grave.

Now remember the lady that you said you thought was nice? Yeah, she's great. Now the jailed Ohio woman explains why she drove a dead man's body to bank to withdraw cash. But I will say it's not really an explanation. This is Karen Cash Bombs. She's the one with the beagle eyes, not the rat eyes. The last week. Karen was the cool one.

To you. To me. Karen was. If you were going to pick one to hang out with, which one would you pick? Honestly, it would be. No, it is Karen. I'm seeing the two of them together because the other one was Laureen Farallo. Faralla?

Farallo. Yeah, she is frowning. The other one, it just looks like she's kind of lost and scary. They're both frightening. But these are the two lovely women that use the corpse of their livevid, I'm gonna still say boyfriend, Douglas Lehman, who is 80 years fun, they used his corpse to go and take the last remaining $900 he had out of his bank account. Because the bank has let them do it before.

I didn't realize it was only $900. Just give it to him. Yeah, buddy. Nothing. Let me just put it this way. This guy owes them $900 for dying in their house. Do you ever think that one of these relationships with an 80 year old and two 65 year olds that he's maybe doing some kind of throuple with in a trailer.

We live together. But do you think that they have more the $900 is his life savings? Yeah. That's the most money he's ever had ever. That's his money. There. None of these people are ever going gonna turn out to be worth a lot of money ever Especially if they tell you so you don't if they're worth a lot of you don't think these ladies deserve that 900 I think that they know I think for what they did they honestly they put a lot of work in so they she was immediately Recorded so she was on the Ash to Bula

immediately recorded. So she was on the Ashdabula jail about her involvement in the death of 80 year old Douglas Lehman. And so they asked her, they were kind of like, why did you do that? An unidentified family member asked Cosbom when Lehman died, she responded, oh he died when I said he died. Cosbom, who was wheelchair bound, also allegedly told her family member that Laman's body was too heavy for Feralo to hold so the two women decided to ask a male friend to help them. So there's a third person in here that we don't know where that person is at. The relative asks why, Kazbom, why, Karen, did you not just go to the police when your friend died?

And Kazbom says, I just figured I'd go to the bank and then to the hospital and drop him off I just forgot to leave his name and there are the family member said he died before you went to the bank dude I know Cosmome yeah so they're basically there was no explanation why essentially she saved the EMTs the trip she brought the guy to the hospital Sir saying that this is how much is an ambulance ride? This is a 900 bucks. I Don't find it dubious. She's saving money. I still find it dubious. Um, you know, it's not good. No, I Where is this person where is this third? I want them to come forward. They

are both being charged with gross abuse of a corpse. Yeah. She's looking like slob zombie. She could use some beach wave. You mean she needs some of that stuff that you spray in her hair and it looks like you've adjusted the beach. They are not. Yeah. So she's looking more like Claudia Osborne. They are not. They're not really saying much. And it does. I still believe that they we've had a lot of chatter from people sending emails. And I think all of us agree if I am getting boned out, but these last two women on the fucking like, just let them have the money. Are people I don't read the emails. Are people mad at me? No, no, no at me? No.

Or do they agree with me? No, no, no, no, no. Mostly people are saying like they must have had, they probably had an arrangement. No one was looking for this money. It seems like he probably said at some point, he was like, when I die, take my corpse to the bank. He probably said those words.

Yeah. At some point. He should have just wrote down the fucking PIN code and they could have just taken his gun. He already did. They've been going to the bank for him for months. But they still needed his face there. I guess they didn't because they actually they were known quantities at the bank. Yeah. So, you know, I feel like how do we put this?

These two women were maybe there was probably many opportunities for there to be a conversation about boundaries. Yeah. And no one really sat and had it, including the bank manager. They let him sort of do banking for another man that they got to know for a long time. Do we find out what kind of bank it is? Is it like a Wells Fargo or is it like a credit union? Where is this? You probably don't want to. I don't know.

I don't think we want the empty drive through bank. That was the where is this bank? Yeah. Yeah. I it doesn't say. Yeah. So that means it's a big one. That means it's like a chase or a Bank of America. They do not say where the bank was. Yeah. I'm guessing Bank of America.

Hey, you know, but I do understand you're supposed to work with the local people and help as a bank. She was a help, you know? But they probably should have, they, they basically said we put his corpse in the car, took him in a bank in a lackadaisical manner where they assumed they would eventually get him to the hospital. Yeah. So this is the problem. And they did do that. No, they brought him to the hospital. Yeah. So this is the problem. They did do that. No, they brought him to the hospital. No. After they called the police that they were like, we think he's dead in the

car when he when they came to the bank. Oh, I thought they just dropped him off at the hospital. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, they're like, okay, we're going to need to check this out for a second. All right. So let's get to some other stories. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about old ladies, so might as well talk about cats. Yeah, sure. Yeah. There's a lot of cat news this week. You know, when I, you know, what's nice, truly nice is that we do have several animal crime related stories this week. Not one of them is about fucking them. None of them are fucking these animals.

I'm so happy. This is so nice. Yeah, because it's so hard to not do one of these stories because they're always it always ends up and then he started fucking the cat. It's so funny because like you want to be like, I don't want to tell this story. I'm sick of talking about people fucking it.

It's always so interesting. But the thing and you're like, well, I mean, well now we're here. These details are kind of fun. Yeah. But no one's been fucking these cats, but people have been shaving them. These. This is a really weird story. The Phantom cat shaver. This comes from Daily Mail. The Phantom cat shaver. So you know it's legit. Oh my God. It's so funny. I read daily mail all day long and just like yell at it. But the Phantom cat shaver strikes again as dozens of owners across the UK claim that their pets have been targeted. I want to hear from our

UK listeners. I'd love to know. I love your cat's been know. Have you heard about this happening? But yeah, the fan, it's a shocked residents in Lamborne and Hungerford have been taken to social media to warn the feline haters return after claiming their beloved pets have been mysteriously shaved. Now it's really weird. It happens in the night apparently. Yeah. The people they've been waking up to their, and one of these, I would say like one's got a stripe on its back that is shaved off, which is really strange. It's bigger than like a razor. So it looks like they've had to have like got them a couple of times.

They have to be able to like, a cat has to like them a little bit for him to get this much done. And the part that really truly deserves me is the one where they shaved the pussy's pussy. Yeah, they shaved its belly. When you shave the pussy, if you look, the pussy's still hairy. I hate that.

It's the belly. I'm not looking. But look right there, that's where the cat's vagina is. But still, it shaved, it shaved its pubic hair, essentially. It's belly hair! Put the nipples free. I just wanna see the nipples. It's shaved.

This is just not a way I wanna see an animal. First of all, this is a horrible picture that I'm looking at. This is just a cat's open wide vagina. I wish that it wasn't shaved. Because again, I'm just looking at this. I'm upset. I don't want you to be Rosario Dawson.

Yeah. As my pet. No. You know, I want to have, you know, and not that I think that this is sexy. I don't think it's sexy that its vagina is shaved, but I think that it's inappropriate. Yeah. Because then part of me wonders, is the call coming from inside the house? Well, I mean, if you're in Southeast Britain, that's where it's mostly happening.

But no, I'm saying if you're, who can get close enough, I honestly, I don't think I could get close enough to shave Wendy's pussy. You gotta, I think we're like, we should be looking into like people who work for like their version of the ASPSA, PCA, how do you say those letters together?

ASPSA, cats and dogs, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey I think that you got the most gentle barber that's ever been. I couldn't imagine

Sidesories LPOTL at gmail.com if you've ever shaved a cat, do you live in the LA area? Will you help me shave me? So there's been like 217 Incidents they think of individual places and then incidents, they think, of individual places and then recorded a hundred incidents. So like a hundred people have reported it to the police, mostly in Southeast Britain. There has been one in Scotland. There's been one rogue catching. Maybe he was on vacation. I can only imagine that the people carrying out these attacks are doing it for their own

self gratification or some kind of cheap thrill. Yeah. It's not running on Camaro. Personally, I think they are sick and need to be caught as quickly as possible because this is one of these crimes. What does it matter, though? What do you mean? What does it matter if you shave a cat? So you would be fine if someone broke into your house in the middle of the night and shaved around Rambo's ass, these people aren't breaking in the houses. These are, these are indoor outdoor cats. So this is part of like you putting your cat out there. What if you had a daughter and

a man came in in the night while she was in her dorm talking about a different thing here? I'm just saying if you had a daughter and your, you, you don't know what her bush style is. You're 69 years old at this point. Yeah. Right. You know, cause you haven't had a kid. Cause I don't have a daughter yet. Not yet.

And so, but she goes off to college, which is the same version of being, that's a human version of being an indoor outdoor cat. Yeah. Right. And so like in the middle of the night, someone just shaved a stripe of her bush off. I mean, you slap them to death.

That's a human being. That's to death. It's a human being. It's a cat. It's a totally different situation. But someone goes, this is a bigger issue. There's something else going on. If I have an indoor, outdoor dog. This isn't a bestiality story, but it's right next to it. It's definitely interesting.

What if there's like, are we sure they're shaving it? Is there some kind of like weird tick? Look at it. Tick? Yeah, they look shaved. That's a shaved spot. Yeah. It's another little patch off. There's an old patch here that's shaved off. Mm-hmm.

Gizmo came home and it looked like she'd been shaved in the top of her back leg. Yeah, Vette says there's no chance that the bald patch occurred naturally. People have been saying that she must have been involved in a cat fight, but the hair is out by the roots, so it's very blatant she was shaved. Yeah. There was a while ago, there was an incident when an elderly lady was shaving cats going into her garden to punish them. She was spoken to by police and said she stopped, so it's not her. So there is-

I guess one comment, cats fur coats are beautiful and make cats so nice to stroke and cuddle. I mean, if you if you there's one lady holding a shaved cat that looks like she looks like she got the haircut in the same place. Yeah, she's fine. That's scary. That's a very bad shape. That's a bad that one's bleeding. So this person deserves to be beaten. What is going on here? Guys, I don't know what the what the the end game is. That's a bad dad. That one's bleeding. So this person deserves to be beaten. What is going on here?

Guys, I don't know what the what the the end game is, because whenever I hear these weird stories that we talk about on the show, I always like to envision the end game. Of course. Like, what's what? Why are we going? We ask the question all the time. Who benefits in this scenario? Why would you shave the cat besides anyone benefits?

Is it like Banksy? Also, like anyone who has like a bunch of scratches on their arm suspect but I know you definitely you know there's no way there these people are getting away Scott free especially the also when you hear the cat in the night. I can't fucking fight in the night all the time. He's talking about. Some of these don't have balls. I'm looking at the look they

got neutered. Yeah, some reason rooted So they're not they're fucking a fight. Well, they fight. Yeah, that's for damn sure. Wow. Yeah Someone else Tammy Callum's cat flow was shaved after going outside a new costal costalry Norfolk perfect She said that she came back looking like she'd been shaved in a square shape. You could tell it's not from being scratched or bit. You can clearly see the square shape. Yeah. Where the clippers clipped her fur.

I just don't understand why people would do this to her. Wow. It's all over coast to coast AM. Wow. It made it to coast to coast AM. Hell yeah. That's huge. Look at that.

Now you're showing a... what I love is that the picture that they're using as an example is a cat on a newspaper. It is a cat on a newspaper and which he is demonstrating. He's holding a razor next to it. When you shave a cat. Someone gotta go talk to this guy. It's a Getty image.

Who is, is a Getty image? Who is selling this? What, from what premier is this picture? This is literally, it's just a picture of a man shaving a patch into a cat's back. What does this do? Well, the RSPCA is urging pet owners to be vigilant and report any incidents of the cat shaving to the, uh, to the, uh, charity or the police. Now, what is the other cat story? We have this, this is one cat crime. This is one cat crime. There's three cat stories. Actually, they may even be leaking in the four. This one happened in two, two, just two, two. This one, it happened in East Haven armed intruders.

Wait, so this is also British. I believe so. It's just as he's having this is Connecticut. Okay. Okay. Connecticut. Yeah. He'll say, well, they're all taken from the same names, you know, you know, where old York is over there. What's called New York. Yes. Our intruders break into East Haven home looking to steal an expensive cat. Now this is apparently this type of crime is on the rise too. This is a real crime. The other thing is like, it's... As a nuisance, it's not a crime.

It's not. It's not not a crime though. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's not a major crime. It's not abuse, is it? It is. You think so? I'm lying. It had, the cat with blood and the clippers got to nick the skin? It is. You think so? It had the cat with blood and the clippers got the

nick, the skin abuse. Side stores, LPOTL and gmail.com. I think this is a very gray area. There's a lot of people that are going to attack and we're going to find out exactly why it's a crime. It's a very tabby area. But it is. I just think that straight up, I will say frowned upon.

Oh, definitely frowned upon. No one likes it. But I'm talking about legal recourse. What? So I want a barrister out there. I want to know what is the crime that you would I guess it would be abuse of an animal. But we'll find out. It would be animal abuse. But now the idea of stealing a very fancy cat.

Yeah. So this person, they live in these apartment buildings. Bad stuff's always happening in these apartment buildings, by the way. Half of this article is about how awful these apartment buildings are. But someone broke in, they won't, they didn't say what type of cat it was, but someone broke into someone's house around 3 45 PM last week. And they told the victim told police that two males tried to get in through the rear sliding door and attempted to get the, and they attempted to get the suspects out one kick through the glass. Jesus Christ inside the suspect pulled out guns and demanded the residents high dollar value cat.

Now I don't understand what cat flipping is going to do. I looked up cat breeds by most expensive breeds. And I guess the one is, I don't know how you pronounce it, but the Ashera cat, which looks sort of like a little leopard and it's a mixture of like it's like good looking cat. It's an African serval, an Asian leopard cat and domestic cat. I guess all fuck. Yeah, it's a, it's a real good. You got to take him to, you got to take him out to a nice restaurant. Ashera $75,000 to $125,000. $125,000 cat $125,000. $125,000. Cat. Now, my question is, like, how you know, say the second that you drive off the lot, that

car depreciates, right? So that's why, you know, like it's hard if you get a fancy car, right? As soon as you drive it off the lot, you're going to smell, you're going to end up selling it for less. Yeah. And once you got it for you got an Asherah cat that been shit in a box and doing stuff like does not lose money. Don't you want a fresh one? I think if it's under 10, it's still got to be pretty expensive.

You don't think that if it's been pet a bunch, doesn't lose a bunch of doesn't lose some quality. No, if anything, it gains quality because it's better with humans. You think so? Yeah, I do. I don't think people are buying it because they're you're not you're not going to buy a hundred and twenty five thousand dollar cat because it's good with humans. You think so? Yeah, I do. I don't think people are buying it because they're, you're not, you're not going to buy $125,000 cat because it's good with kids. That makes no sense. No, you're doing it. You're single. You, or you're just, you just have too much money. You're a Saudi millionaire, billionaire. You just don't know what to do with your money. I think, cause they think they, they,

they let people like about the Asherah cat is that it looks like a lemur or something, but it's got like a nice vibe and like it's chill or whatever. But still it doesn't matter. It's $125,000 for a cat. So you're not doing it for practical reasons. No, you're showing the cat off. No, for sure. It's like buying a Picasso.

But I think even Picasso is worth more than $125,000 cat. I have no idea. I just, what's the difference between that cat and a normal ass cat? Nothing. Exactly. It might be a little cooler. But if you go to- It looks, it's a fucking good looking cat. But if you're taking a cat to go hedge it, right? If you're taking a cat down to a guy to launder the cat. Yeah. You're not going to lose money in the exchange. It seems weird, but like animals of theft of pets have gone up. Now I remember this always being an issue with dogs. You know, people see dogs all the time.

Lady Gaga's dog walker got like shot and robbed. Yes. For the dog. Yeah. Like I just don't understand in the cat flipping and dog flipping business, like how does one do that do that like because I feel like they're chipped obviously that we know where they are Not all cats or dogs are chipped, but unless it's a purebred if you go I don't know besides to retail p o t l g. No, they can't lose value if it is chipped That's but I I don't know what is an athera cat new type of cat. Oh, that's what it is

It's a brand new cat. So the reason why it's expensive is that it's through lifestyle pets, which is based in California, latest designer pet for feline aficionados. What is this shit? Oh yeah. Only a hundred cats are sold each year. And a secret domestic cat breed. What is this? KFC? Is that a secret ingredient? Half of the cats are sold to Americans and the other half are sold overseas.

Whoa. And they said that according to this website, it also claims to be the largest domestic cat. These guys can weigh as much as 30 to 40 pounds. That's dangerous. And can measure up to four feet tall while standing on their hind legs. That's a lot of pussy cat. That's a lot of pussy cat.

That's what it says at the very end. That's what it says there. Yeah. That's a lot of pussy cat. That's a lot of pussy cat. That's what it says at the very end. That's what it says there. Yeah, but the uh, I think uh, now that I know the cat's so big, I can see it being worth more money. What do you mean, like, by the pound? Yeah. Like, we're gonna take it to Arts Deli? I think a Great Dane is worth more than a Chihuahua. No. Yes. I don't think so.

Yeah, it is. Why would it not? Chihuahuas are fucking in the streets. They form gangs. Well, I think a Great Dane could be in the streets. No, it can't. It would just die. It would just die from eating cans. The guys who didn't find the cat and steal it, by the way, they got away and they got caught. Well, you know, it's still $1,000 to $2,000 for a Great Dane puppy. It's a purebred puppy. How much money is a Chihuahua? Look at this.

What's nice about Chihuahuas is they live almost twice as long as a Great Dane. Yeah. Because their hearts are too strong and they're too good. I understand that you're a Chihuahua owner, so I'll be nice, but I mean, come on, what are we doing here? But the same of their costs about the same amount of money. A designer Chihuahua is also about a thousand dollars to 2,500 If anyone spends a thousand dollars on a free Chihuahua, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind If anyone I know like how much was car me nothing exactly. Yeah, they're free. Well, yeah, we gotta save the rescue

Chihuahua's are free. Well any dogs free not any dog. Well, I'm just saying But what is the point of a purebred? Because I just either watch it. Because you're showing off or you're watching it. Fuck. A lot of like you're like you're at Club Silencio. A lot of purebreds are inbred. Of course.

A lot of purebreds are inbred. So they're worse. Oh yeah. They're all jacked up. Bad leg. Bad legs. You know what I mean? They'll fucking they'll shoot up a school. Yeah. I'm on catster.com right now. Oh yeah. They're all jacked up. Bad leg, bad legs. You know what I mean? They'll fucking, they'll shoot up a school. Yeah. I'm on a catster.com right now. Oh yeah. And it's eight cap reads that gets stolen the most often with pictures. And number one,

Bankel cat, the domestic short hair. No one's stealing these, these, what are they called again? Ashhyr cats? Ashyr cats? Yeah, you can't steal them because they are in the imaginary world. They smoke a lot of weed. The mankoon, the ragdolls stolen a lot, the Russian blue, the Siamese cat stolen a lot. Yeah, people steal cats. The sphinx cat, the hairless cat. I just want to know about animal flipping.

I want to know why you do this. Where does the money come from? Dogs I understand because like you... You're the same though. I honestly I can see why we are dog people so I cut but there are just as rare. A lot of times, no one there aren't cat fighting rings. There are dog fighting rings. There must be cat fighting rings. There has to be cat fighting rings. We know about cat juggling. There has to be.

We learned about that in a jerk. Down in the lesbian underground. Right amongst the like because I'm certain that they have learned about that in the jerk. Down in the lesbian underground. Right? Amongst the like, cause I'm certain that they have the same. I would love to get in with the lesbian underground. Nothing would make me more excited. By the way, lesbians take a lot of shit for being grumpy. I love you lesbians.

I think you're the best. Do they? I love the party. Eddie, is that true Rob? Is it Rob? Do lesbians take a lot of shit for being grumpy? For being bad, having bad attitudes and stuff. Is that what he's saying? I'm saying they do, I've heard it.

Is that what, have you heard that? I'm sticking up for him. I don't know, I've never heard that. Have you heard that? You're putting him on the spot, he ain't gonna fucking fess up to it. I'm just saying that seems to be almost like a backhanded compliment in a way.

It's not a backhanded compliment. Saying, oh, I've just heard. I'm sticking up for these people. But it's more like saying, oh, like, I'll apologize for Henry for fucking being an asshole, even though I'm just sitting here being nice. I don't apologize for you. I'm just saying as an example, as an example.

But a thing that down... I'm not apologizing for lesbians. There are grumpy ones that I've met, but on a whole, I'm down with the community. I want to go to your parties. That's all I'm trying to say. I know that having me around might ruin the party. I know that having me around might ruin the party. Yes, there are illegal cat fighting. Of course there are common or run by lesbians.

No, not anymore. Yes. Now, because that's when them because the men found it. Yeah. But I will say the I'm saying down the line. It'd be fun to be amongst a bunch of lesbian gangsters rolling dice hanging out with the cats watching Fucking euphoria we blew and then we had the euphoria. I don't know what you for you I don't know what they watch fucking cooking shows, but yeah, they watch what we watch

Yeah, no difference. Glass blowing shows. They're just as grumpy as us, Eddie. Pottery shows. Lesbians are just as grumpy as us. Golf. They do watch golf. Yeah.

Which is why they're grumpy. I'm gonna have to cut this whole episode. You're literally gonna have to cut this whole fucking episode. I apologize, Seth. Oh, God. I'm sorry. Yeah, you see? Now we're covered.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got this whole fucking episode. Oh, I apologize, Seth. Oh, God. I'm sorry! Yeah, you see? Now we're covered. Yeah.

Now we're covered. Fly from your grave. There's another cat story. Oh yeah? Yeah, this bunch of women got attacked by a cougar. Well, this is a great story. This is honestly a really, really great story. This one's fucked up. These four ladies got attacked by a cougar.

No, we're not talking about Courtney Cox. We are talking about an actual cat in Washington state. One woman was blindsided while riding her bike. There's a bike riding club and she was blindsided by a cougar who tackled her off of her bike and then started biting her mouth like it was giving her CPR. This shit was fucking scary. So it was trying to kill her. So apparently it is very often that like people know about cougars when they go and they they go on these trails because most of the time the way you can tell by those nipple ball bras they buy from Skims. No, it is an animal. Again, I keep doing this. This doesn't happen often. You are a thousand times more likely to get struck by lightning than get attacked by a cougar. Yeah, something like 20 attacks happened over several years because this happened in...

Washington State. This happened in Washington State. It hasn't happened that often in terms of being attacked by cougars. A couple people have died, but for the most part they leave us alone. So this group of women were on a cycling trip and they saw this cougar. I guess they were two cougars. So what they're told is that when they see a cougar you're supposed to get big. You're supposed to go like, ah, ah, ah, ah. All bears, all the same shit.

Some of them, some bears. Right? Because there's certain bears that'll kill you no matter what. Like a polar bear will kill you no matter what. Well, at that point you're dead anyway. Yes. And so they saw the cougar, but then it was like, it looks like the younger cougar decided to just attack. And then went right for her face.

It's just chomped into her face. She said that, like according she could feel, the jaws snap, breaking her teeth in her mouth. She said that like according she could feel the jaws Snap breaking her teeth in her mouth and she felt the blood going down her But these ladies these like just normal like just straight they Attacked this cougar they fucking do one of them had like a two-inch knife and was just stabbing it a bunch And they had pinned it down with their bike until for 45 minutes. Five minutes.

This cougar fight happened. Oh yeah, they were, this was a long drag out fight. They were kicking it, punching it in the head. The other one was saying they were trying to stick, but it was like, it's kind of crazy, because they said it was clamped down in her face. And they were punching it in the side of the head, and they were sticking their fingers in its nostrils

and its eyeballs, and it wasn't letting go. So the other lady was was like what's the heaviest thing I could lift and she found a rock But she estimated about 25 pounds She said she took all of her strength and she was dropping on the Cougars back Yeah, try to get it to release it still didn't release. Yeah, and then I guess it just got tired Yeah, I mean 45 minutes also thank God there was five of them Well, he released and then finally when they released that was when they pinned it to the side using the bikes They yeah They basically piled the bikes on top of the cougar and then it was really sad because then they're all crying and stuff because of course

They're all like animal lovers. Oh, I know Wants to hurt the cougar Especially cuz they had a pin it down while the Ranger came and fucking shot it in the back of the head execution style. They did shoot it right there in front of them. They had to. They had, this is a problem Cougar. There's nothing they could do.

We'll think one lady put it correct, which is like, I had to choose between myself and the Cougar and I chose myself. Dude, one, while this Cougar had this woman's mouth on like in its mouth, another one put her hands in the cougar's mouth and open the fucking jaw. Yeah, dude. These shit. They were not fucking around. It said, it said, I felt it's shifting its teeth. I get one to bite me too.

I said, no, you're not going to get both of us. No, girl. No. And then Anna teats grabbed her leg. Yeah. Wow. I guess they were No. And then and a teats grabbed her leg. Yeah. Well, I guess they were right. Lesbians are grumpy. I do love that this woman's name is Teats. These are this is one of those where I I'm proud of these ladies.

I one lady got jacked up. She's fucked up. She's like, these are my friends for life. I mean, her face looks, it's crazy, but that's a hardcore woman now. And guess what she gets to be in charge of now. The quilt group, the quilt group. She's deciding who's doing, if we're doing cabins or if we're doing dolls with weird faces this year, she's the one who's decided. No, we definitely dolls with a new faces. Yes.

Are we going to go to Albuquerque this year or are we going to go to Sedona? She's choosing. All right. And you don't get in her way because she almost beat a cougar to death. And if she can't, that doesn't put her at the top of the fucking bake sale this week. I don't know what to tell any y'all. Man, this is fucking bad ass. Shout out to all you ladies for saving your friend. This woman definitely would have died if they weren't there.

Oh, yeah, they would have ripped out. They were it was ready. It was going through her face and throat and shit. It would have fucking killed the shit out of her. And if you know, if Teitz and the other ladies didn't get in there, they would have been fucked. And sometimes it takes a pair of teats to save a woman.

I think it's incredible. And it is really, really, really compelling. And I'm glad that they're all alive. Yeah. All right. Let me see what I got here. I got gross stuff. What time? How much longer we got? It's time for mail. Oh wow. We got to like nothing today. That's why we cat news cat stuff. We literally had so many other things to talk about today. We talked about people were killed in anti-sorcery rituals. We just kind of we just guys skip past that. You just skip past it. Completely skip past that.

We skip past the story of the guy. Like good for us. Oh, yes. Now, we just talked about cats. Yeah, not even in a bad way. I think that I want to say we've grown up. Yeah, because we didn't attack cats. We didn't say cats were stupid. This is me being a pro cat. I like cats. I'm

fine with cats. I got no problem with cats. No, we didn't even get to the story of the Colorado grocery store employee and cues of ejaculating on unsealed food items and then a child bought a bunch of the stuff that he had splooged all over and then he got 16 child, 16 accounts of like he's gonna be a sex offender I mean, of course you jerking off on food at a grocery store. Honestly, I don't really understand What makes you hard about a sealed bag of cereal? Honestly, I gotta smell it to get hard. Oh, so he came on sealed stuff I thought you said unsealed. I thought it was unsealed. Oh, yeah. Yes. Who's jerking off on like grapefruit and stuff Yeah

That's good. That's gonna ruin it I was gonna reached out to by a listener that was like I want you to be the first one to know I'm here I can't tell you that Like where I work or what I do But I'd like I I needed you to know that I'm on the ground floor. And if you want to reach out to somebody about this story, will you like not mention me and say, like, this is so have you already mentioned them too much? No, no, no, no, not at all. What's the story? Oh, we also never covered it.

We never covered the lewd moviegoer, the guy who jerked off that was found asleep with his dick out. Everyone's talking about that though. I just feel like it should be compliments to the chef. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was for the sexy lesbian movie. The sexy lesbian movie. I don't know who said that about them being grumpy. I don't know who ever would ever said that. I can't believe... These people out there are fucking hideous. That would say that?

That would say that. Yeah, I can't believe it. Who would ever say that? I can't even believe that. Love you people. Thankfully, this didn't happen on my day off. As far as I can tell, my coworkers over there that day are more confused than anything and doing well.

My dad, mom, and brother are also fans of the show. And in the off chance this would be covered, we would laugh our asses off. So it just let you know that this, the here we have front people we have people on the front lines at the Camp Hill Chipotle for the guy the Former manager that just arrived naked. Oh And he just sat in the booth former manager

Showed up naked after he arrived former manager. He was current manager. Oh, when he just showed up naked. He was probably on drugs or something. I don't know. I imagine that's drugs. Yeah. You get so hot. You take your clothes off. No. You ever had a really great mint? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes that just drives me up the wall.

OK. So a manager exposed his generals and masturbated publicly at a Camp Hill Chipotle. Yeah, Chipotle. And then, yeah, we just saying we got people out there, you know, our frontlines. So one of the co-workers hit you up and they're like, yo, my fucking boss jerked off in front of us. I'm going to tell you all about it. Yep. And I would say thank you. Yeah. So it's one out of 40 people there ratted out their manager. We would have never known about this. Never have. Never would have known. And now I know. And I just want to say. And it's on the show and a million people are gonna listen to it. Yes and I just you know that's why I want to reach out to our

frontline people out there everybody always talks about nurses and we only talk about it. But the people that work at Chipotle, people who work at these fast food restaurants we know they're heroes and how hard it is. I'm not a Chipotle guy. No none of us are I don't like it. I don't like Chipotle at all. But I still think that they're good people. Oh, they're workers. They're the strongest of the strong. The people who work at fast food. My God. Imagine how hard the people at Chipotle get screamed at all day long. All day long. And then you have your brother, because then him partially thinks that maybe it's because your boss need to blow off steam. Yeah

You know, or maybe he decided i'm gonna have it my way today Which is naked with my dick out. I'm gonna touch myself in front of a bunch of customers Yeah, and again, what do you know as working at chipotle customers always all right, you know where this don't happen Jersey Mike's It's hard because there's not a lot of seats Jersey Mike's mostly is a takeaway sandwich So it is not quite You you know what I mean? So it is, it would be more difficult. So flutist oral skills.

On the last episode of Side Stories you talked about whether or not flutists would be particularly adept at cunnilingus. And while I cannot speak to that, I can tell you about my time dating a trumpet player in college. At one point I had to have a conversation with him banning him from performing aural on me because he couldn't stop treating my clitoris like a brass instrument. And even I, who played trumpet for like two months in the sixth grade before I quit, could tell that he was using the same tongue motions and it felt too ridiculous after that.

Did she feel kind of blue? Ehh Hahahaha Hahahaha Mwueeeww Did you think that's how she came? Zazzoozee We also have to talk because he was into leaving hickies

but his insane trumpet mouth muscles meant that half my neck would be bruised to shit so bad that I was mistaken for a victim of domestic abuse on multiple occasions instead of just a lady who was having what was otherwise pretty okay sex with a guy with chronic trumpet-mouth. I never understood the hickey thing. I never did either. It hurts. I could never give a hickey because I could never suck hard enough. Really? I gave a hickey upon request once in high school. Yeah. But like, it's just like weird.

I've never, I'm not a hickey person. I've never understood the hickey thing. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't suck in the necks. I don't like biting. I don't like hurting. I like things to be pleasant and nice.

Yeah. I like it to be not, I don't want to be bit. They can feel good, look good and are a sign of youthful recklessness, according to BuzzFeed News. I, and are a sign of youthful recklessness according to Buzzfeed News. I mean, of course it's youthful recklessness. But what do you mean they don't feel good? They hurt. Yeah.

I mean, well, they feel good as they're happening. This is gross. Hickeys can also be a sneaky, fun expression of sexuality for adults? What does that even mean? A sneaky, fun expression? It's not sneaky, fun. Who are the hickeys? Oh, it's like, you sneaky fun expression. It's not sneaky fun. You have a hickey. Oh, it's like, you know, widows are always getting hickeys.

Does this make me a prude? I mean, like, I like boobies out. I like to see your butts. I'll see penises and stuff. Like, I like mesh. But I don't want to see... I don't care about hickeys. I also don't care if you have a hickey.

I think it's like saying I'm... But I don't really want one. It's like saying I'm taken if you have a hickey, right? Not really. It looks like you got taken last night. Yeah. But then the rest of it's like, you don't know where the rest of your day is. It is always fun to see someone with a hickey, like at working at a Chipotle. Of course. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, because they're making it. You know, I also see a hickey.

That's a problem for me. Sometimes if you see a high powered person with a hickey, looks like they paid a sex worker. Maybe it's just sex worker's not alive anymore. If you're a high powered person, you have a hickey, wear some makeup. Well they do. Then why do you have a hickey?

If you don't wanna show people the hickey. Well that's someone else marking their territory. That's called a wedding ring. Well that's free, I'll tell you that much. Yeah, tell me about that, brother. Yeah, we can do, that's another fucking side story there, friend. Look at this, hickeys can also be sort of a trophy, a reminder of what you did last night or the night before.

Yes, they are, of course. But still, yeah, it's for children. Hickeys can help release endorphins like OxyContin. You know what else can release? Oxytocin. Like oxytocin. You know what else releases endorphins like OxyContin. You know what else can release? Oxytocin. Oxytocin. You know what else releases endorphins like oxytocin? Kissing.

Having sex. Just normal sex. I think Spanx are better. I like Spanx better than Hickeys. Spanx like tight underpants? That's how I flatten my lines for acting. But no, I'm saying the action. Oh, Spanking.

Yeah. But I don't even want to be spanked myself. I saw Spankstore at the airport. I was like, what? It helps you want to see compression socks. I do get the compression socks. Have you ever tried these compression masks? Yeah. Have you ever used them?

No. Oh, they're great. They're just like, fucking, so close to being dead. Yeah. So nice. Such a welcome brick. It's like peck of the snowball. Yeah, right there. He just mashed his. It's like pecking a snowball. Yeah, right there. He's mashing his nose. I'm getting past Hickeys.

I'm sure we're already going to get a lot of email on Hickeys. I'm glad you read them. Peeing without a penis happening. It's happening. Ghost story. Oh, here we go. I've had a wild ride and seen the worst of humanity for fun and profit, but what follows is why I know without question that ghosts are real.

I'm a divorced dad. We love you buddy. We'll get there soon. And I had my kids for the weekend at a new apartment. I wake up in a full pull-a-gun mode in the middle of the night, only to see my five-year-old son sleepwalking, silhouetted in my doorway. I catch my breath and ask him if everything is okay, thinking he's still asleep. He responds with,

The little kid in my room won't stop laughing. And I'm instantly on full alert. I laugh nervously and get up to walk him back to his room. As we cross the threshold of his door, every lizard brain danger instinct in my body is fighting harder than I've ever experienced and it feels like I've walked into a deep freezer. I scooped up his brother, took them to my room, and we sat up wide awake until daybreak. Oh, I'm sure you were very comforting for them.

Were you divorced with because you jumped to conclusions? I like this, though. I'm with you. I'm not a guy who's spooked by bumps in the night. Usually my job is to do the bumping. Oh, come on. What does that mean? This fucking... Because he's saying that he fucks a lot. No, I don't know. Or does he fight or is he, are you divorced dad? That's also a stripper or a gigolo or something like that. Please.

Sides stories, LPOTL, the gmail.com. We don't see enough of that. You never see single male prostitute with a heart of gold. I would love that. Where is that? Where's it up? There needs to be a reversed pretty woman. There are some good money guy There's a richard geer movie. I'm no reverse it Lady with the guy. No, yeah, but wow he was in both of them. Whoa. I didn't think about that Yeah, wow Like let a man be treated nice, you know, I mean? Take him out to the mall. See what fits in his body. I don't know. This guy seems like this is the last time he's going to hang out with

his kids. I like this. I like this. But this had me shaking. Flash forward a month or so. I'm taking the trash out and the maintenance guy rolls up in his golf cart and he asks if I want to have a beer. Not something I'd normally do, but there seemed to be something familiar behind his dead eyes. Yada yada, he's a retired detective, and we swap fucked up life encounters. Drink a case of Bud Heavies and smoke cheap cigars. I get up to excuse myself for the evening and the real ass gets blurted out.

Hey! Do you mind if my wife comes to look around your place? Confusion, goosebumps, what? I replied. Turns out her son is incarcerated along with his girlfriend because the girlfriend's child aged three died under unusual abusive circumstances in my apartment. Specifically what is now my kids room. Yeah, sure, thanks, whatever I said.

I fumbled as I raced home to Google that shit and there it was all confirmed. I haven't looked at things the same way again. It's very interesting. It is interesting. I made fun of you, buddy. It's a job. No, no, no. He loves it. You like it. We'll suck down beers together. That makes a lot of sense. I love the idea of getting to know your maintenance guy because that's how you get leverage. Yeah, absolutely. And now if you don't tip him, he's never going to bring beers back. No, you're going to have to deny you're locked in for Christmas gift. You're locked in for Thanksgiving mention. And that's fine. Just keep that up. Yeah. Sorry about your haunted room.

I think it's awesome. So congrats. Good work. Do you ever think about shaving a cat, throwing it in there, see what happens? Come on, let's try something new. Be British for a while. Every day. Love the fact that when I go and I look at my dogs, I know if anybody's shaving them, it's me. Right? And I laugh. Just thinking about someone coming to try to shave their dogs against their will.

Right? Just thinking about what it'd be like, because I know what Wendy and Carmie might do. Just let them do it. Oh my God, like a full Clockwork Orange situation, but they just shave your animals? We're gonna live, knowing that that soon is gonna be real. Try the wine! It's gonna happen.

We're gonna make it. Gonna make it. Thank God. We learned a lot today. What a great episode. If you want to see us talk about and discover why lesbians are grumpy, go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left and you're going to want to go and check out TikTok and LP on the left. It's almost gone, baby.

We might not have to plug this for very much longer. We'll find out. Hopefully soon. You just going to eliminate the TikTok because no one cares? No, TikTok might be going away. Oh, TikTok might be going away. Yeah. Bye bye.

Bye bye. We'll see what happens. If you want to go see our show, we do it on Twitch, twitch.tv slash LPNTV. It's a lot of fun. And if you want to go out there and see us live, we're going to have we're going to have a brand new live show. I'm really excited for this. It's going to be amazing. We're going to have a lot of fun. We're going to have some just so you know, like on the lookout, we're going to have some tryout shows in L.A. kind of like we've done in the past. So those will be coming out. We're going to be doing a little bit of a run up. We're going to be doing some fun special events. Look, we're going to Look out for that. Not allowed to say it yet. Because none of it has been confirmed, but it is on its way.

But go and check out JK Ultra, the tour, on lastpodcastsontheleft.com. You can go to those live shows and go hit it up. We're gonna be in your area. It's gonna be fun. Yeah, I can't wait to get the road with you guys. And also just to write some new material with you, buddy. It's been so long.

I'm so happy to be doing this shit. What do you think we did today? This was riff. It was riff city. What are you talking about? Each moment of this show is so highly prepared. You're right, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave away the soup.

Yeah. Yeah, no. Nothing's in front. Everything's been scripted. I get a Putin's guy sends me a script each week. Yeah, he's got two kids, one's in a haunted bedroom. Yeah. Love this guy.

New, brighter side, brighter side stories. Yes. Every Wednesday coming out, you get done with this, go ahead and go over. Listen to the other thing. Brighter side stories. Every Wednesday it's gonna start coming out, that's Amber Nelson and I giving like a shorter episode where we go over some of the week's good news and things that made

us happy this week. I love that. Yeah, it was a nice short like 30 minute episodes. It'll be fun. I love it. And then this Saturday, Tallahassee, Florida. Oh yeah, that's right. You're going to tell them. Yeah, I'm doing it baby. This Saturday,.m The 23rd of March go to latter-day night fever at Bird's aphrodisiac oyster shacks Don't blow up their show seriously if you're in the Florida area No one has any idea that he's coming now the guy well, I'm the host you got promoted to the host I got promoted to host what no, that's a demotion. Well, I'm from a headline. No who? What? I'm the host now. You got promoted to the host? I got promoted to host.

What? No, that's a demotion. You went from a headliner. No, I was never the headliner. John Strickland's always been the headliner. It's his birthday. He's going to fucking crush it. Got it.

All right. Do you know John Strickland? I have no idea who these people are. Okay, good, good, good. This is going to blow up this show. Yeah. Go show up in Byrd's aphrodisiac oyster shack. It's a big pink sign. Our boy, Evan Rossi did a set there last week. He said it was awesome. Great. Um, it's going to be a lot of fun.

Comedian Mitch is also on the show. Nothing I like better than finding out what you are with just your name. Um, but yeah, I can't wait to host this show. We're going to have so much fun and just come hang out me I'll give you a brighter side sticker and maybe maybe if I remember to put in my luggage Yeah, but um, I love you guys. This has been so much fun. Hail Satan. Hail Satan again Yeah, sure. Fuck. Yeah, I guess it's fine. I'm so excited. I'm so excited Just give me funny and tell me honestly go to Gordo's and tell me how I heard Gordo's dropped off

But I'm gonna go test it out. Anyway, yeah, tell me no. It's got three still there got threes might be gone But um King's barbecue is still there and so is the Leon pubs. So you might catch me at those places. All right, cool Sweet. All right. Well, see you next week fuckers. Goodbye This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors, you can support our shows by supporting them. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to LastPodcastNetwork.com.