Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Crankin' It

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including former Michigan political candidate Jordan Haskins getting caught breaking into a car dealership to "crank" one out, the new Casey Anthony series on Peacock, the Ugandan woman drugging men with her nipples, a quite helpful hero of the week, some spooky listener emails, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left side stories that's when the cannibalism started You call me cheesecake new nickname Henry Zabrowski a.k.a. Cheesecake I'm cheesecake What about this body? What about this body? Yeah show it to me big boy Remotely says cheesecake There might be a little dust on the bottle and on the cheesecake Welcome to side stories everyone dust on the bowl What does that mean? It's a country song What does that mean?

It's about a bottle of wine a man was going on a date he wanted to buy a bottle of wine so he went to this guy And then this guy got him a bottle of wine he said there might be a little dust on the bottle But don't let it fool you about what's inside I'm sorry I asked Welcome to side stories Ben hanging out with Henry Thank you all so much for listening let's just start with mom news We're gonna get political but we have a political story that is just fantastic in a second You guys don't understand right because like maybe you're not in America right now

Maybe you're not even like pay attention to the news flow There's like an election happening And I was just as surprised as anybody else I know Because people just kept showing up just like all these like you know a poll worker came to my house And then I was just like who are you and he was like Mr. Zabrowski Your vote

Is it needed that Mr. Zabrowski And I was just like you get the fuck off my lawn right That's fantastic But then I started thinking about it And I was like you know what maybe the poll workers do need a little entertainment So that's why I got my little ride with Biden knee pads on Right because that's for a second dick right Everywhere I go and I got my

But also don't worry I got my DeSantis roller skates on to keep it neutral And I went down them polls and God knows what I fucking voted for man I just fucking ones and zeros man Neither of those people are curling on the ballot for For the state of California And we're not doing the presidential election Nonetheless Ride with Biden

Speaking of poll workers Let's talk about the sweet state of Florida Casey Anthony Okay Why true crime now There's a documentary on peacock coming out It's called Monster Mom Which makes her sound like the mom from Dead Alive

But she is not the mom from Dead Alive Because dare I say that mother loved her child more Because she didn't murder him when he was a toddler I simply am not going to be on fucking camera For less than two new tits Because you know she asked You know she asked if she could get new tits for the shoot I can't believe it

I love how you put this Like what was the description you just read of the show Or it's like former like Used to be called like worst mom of the century And it was like when did she lose The woman once dubbed the most hated mom in America by Nancy Gray Appears in official trailer I don't know

It's the same thing with fucking OJ Simpson Who is now is just known as a Buffalo Bills Former running back and the guy from Naked Gun I guess you can just If you get away with murder It seems like you got ten years of being like I'm sorry And then everyone was just like

You know what We've all made mistakes Fuck it Kaylee probably would have died of a fentanyl overdose But now anyway Does Casey Anthony Does Casey Anthony need A goddamn docu-series

They say that she's drinking her silence But when has she been fucking quiet I don't know I think that what we're looking at Is Peacock got the interview finally God knows what they paid her She had some cash right Oh absolutely

They paid her out the fucking ass for it Because when it comes down to I know that they were trying to get her for I think it was hustler For 500K And that's not enough So she either held out Or maybe somebody finally got to her

Someone of this because you know in Hollywood What they do have are those like PR firms The people that go in And like you know they help people like Army hammer To try and be like You know let's move them into a beyond meat

Like campaign Maybe that'll help You know maybe there's a way to swerve this And use this Hear me out Is this still cannibalism if I eat a vegetarian Because if you think about like You know

And there's like a bunch of PR guys going Like you know like writing things down And stuff listening to them intently But I think that Casey Anthony might have Someone might have gotten to her And might have finally been like Listen If you really want that purse line

Because you know I know you want that Monica Lewinsky purse line Right we all want it You want it I know But the only way we're going to get there Is that you're going to need to eat some crow Right you're going to show up

Maybe not make the payday you want to make Right maybe give her like 25 grand But this way It's all Casey all the time And you can sit there And you can yell at somebody like I said I wanted a triple phone

Triple phone Macchiato That is no coffee bitch Well that is I don't want I want a cup of foam And I want new tits And I want

Bradley to go Fuck himself If we're going to do the beginning of this The first thing I want to say is Bradley From fucking O'Donagans And Fault Lauderdale Go fuck yourself

Look at me now Well you make a solid point Just imagine We do talking head stuff And there is A person that does give you water Once an hour Just so you don't see him

Like the guy from Dick Tracy Mumbles So you keep on talking So somebody has to be At the beck and call Of the baby killer That is Casey Anthony And give her Gatorade

Or a little candy If she's been talking for too long And needs to pick me up Apparently this begins with The cameraman Or the director Ask Casey Anthony Why talk to me now

When you're not getting creative control Of paying her money That's why That's why she's talking to you now It's because she's desperate For any form of attention Which is why She killed her own fucking daughter

Allegedly Allegedly She killed her own fucking daughter She did it because She wanted to get plowed By more men from Central Florida She wanted more time They were dangerous

Yeah, yes They were dangerous Because you didn't And I forget Honestly they do start the party Because she didn't go to Pulse She didn't go to Pulse Which is the horrible tragedy

That happened there It's really sad She went to this Little known Orlando place Called Mulch Oh Which was this incredible This incredible camp themed

Rave place Where you just go And she's like I ain't got this The fucking acorn Of my J&T What the fuck That is absolutely disgusting

According to director Alexandria Dean Alexandra Dean She says that This series is going to Cause the American public To look at this story In a new light How?

Which one? Which new light? Why? Where are we? What's happening? The trial I mean, I don't know The trial was covered so extensively

We heard her side of the story We heard her throw her own family under the bus We heard that all of this shit was some Machiavellian world Of chess done by her molester father And all this shit What is she going to say now? What is she going to say now?

Unless she says I did it Which would make it an incredible documentary Does she go the OJ route And just say basically Big if true What if What if Who knows

Either way This is one of the areas We're seeing sort of the last gasps Ironically enough When it comes to true crime Docuseries What else can we cover? Why is this needed?

I don't want to shit on it also Cause obviously we talk about true crime All the fucking time And is there a strange fascination? Sure But is this the case That we need to hear about? I think that's the key here

Is that it's not about true crime As a whole That people should quote unquote Not be interested in Or the fact that like Of course there's a lot of There's a lot of compelling cases In true crime

And we want to hear about them We are all interested in them But fucking Casey Anthony Has been done to death And I understand that this is a quick Eyeball grab That they need It's a quick thing

To put her up in front of people She is talking for the first time Not in court But still like We all know as people that are now Know way more about how media is made Than ever before That the audience knows

That she's been paid She's put up And honestly this is that type of shit It gets shit on us It hurts people that are trying to do Like cover And talk about true crime Because it's just

Then we're getting lumped in With these fucking piranhas That are making these stories Where it's just like No, it's like Casey Anthony doesn't deserve a microphone She had one If she wanted a microphone

They should have like She should have done a web series Like everybody else When she talked about it How hard it is to date On the party scene of Orlando Was a single mother of a ghost Because hey

How difficult it is To pretend to be sad About your dead daughter every day Like that's hard It's so difficult Well, you know for a fact She's muttered some words Much like that

Durst character did In that documentary about him She's gotten hammered And been like Yeah, of course I do She's got it Look at me

Look at me, bitch Look at me Am I like a fucking mom? No All right You know what I am? I like an appetizer I know she does

Can't get enough Of the breadsticks And the chicken tendies She looks good though She does The thing that gets me The thing that got Or at least inspired

A lot of our true crime fascination I think had a positive tilt to it Like West Memphis 3 You know when we were talking about those cases Where it's like Whoa, that's an abuse of justice Sure It's one of those things

Where hopefully the outcome Of this docu-series Might help shed like Central Park 5 Might shed some light I'm just wondering if this is really The way to go But according to the director This is what Dean says

I also think it's interesting It's a female director This is what Dean says She insisted They are getting closer To an unbiased truth By hearing all sides of the story I don't fucking garbage

It's all sides of the story Stuff sometimes It's not true We're not hearing a key side Of the story We already heard her side We already heard her side Of the story

We've already heard it But I guess that's what it is I actually am way more In the non-apologist obviously Realm of true crime fascination Where like I like blood and guts I'm fascinated with stories Of criminals and serial killers

I'm just saying like Casey Anthony's done She needs to just slide into the sunset With her innocence that she somehow got The rest of us are like I would just rather see a Something on a very rarely covered Serial killer

Or another true crime story Like we just did the Bath Massacre Where it's like the Bath Massacre While it is both a harrowing story Is also very interesting Because it goes down to the very heart Of why people I think are interested In true crime

Which is you know But before the grace of God Go I Why does that person Why is that person a serial killer And I'm not I'm just as awkward as that person I have fucking

By my mother's tits To my father's legs Well absolutely And we saw your mother's Beautiful beautiful eyes This weekend at the wedding And she was gorgeous And your father

I'm gonna say this Those Abrowski dance moves It's not just you and Jackie Your pops got some steps my friend He really He said he was saving it Which is why my mom says Was like I guess that's why

He hasn't gotten off the couch In the last several weeks Because he kept saying I'm saving it I'm saving it for the wedding Which is exactly where I want to be It's not exactly how it works But nonetheless

According to Dean The director of this docu-series Three parts Which seems too long to me But anyway Too too long most likely They say it's gonna be a startling Psychological portrait

Of Casey Anthony And it's gonna be the complete narrative My question is Will Casey Much like my issues with the Dahmer With the Bundy files Will she like it And I just think she might

And I feel like that's what sucks Because she's just When is she going to be on one of those Triv- You know the celebrity shows Where it's like Oh in a second Guess my fart

Or whatever Everybody is just I guess that's the problem It's also that too Or just another I don't want us to just complain For a long time But it just sucks

Because it's another We're just barreling towards the bottom Of trying to figure out What is the most controversial thing That everybody can do And get eyeballs Because all of these media giants Are choking on their own hubris

They're all choking to death And so they're all just trying to compete With the internet for shock value And you just can't You just can't And like the fact that they Were just They're just desperate for it

And honestly Like whatever Whatever you know At the same time Peacock Really hope you take a look at our pilot And we're really We really can't wait to get in bed With these types of criminals

She does say I'm okay with myself I sleep pretty good Yeah I bet she does Because she's like Fucking sociopath Yes Alright also just lastly

In moms who killed their kids news Susan Smith Looking good They say the term glow up Prison has been There's a pic If you go to People magazine Or go to people.com

Susan Smith in prison for killing two kids Is no longer corresponding With her long distance boyfriend I don't think they need to say long distance Because she is incarcerated And by nature They can't be that close In distance

It is Even she Had a costiam boyfriend Even she got a fucking partner And now she broke it off How pathetic are you as a person How pathetic are you as a person To have Susan Smith

The woman who is incarcerated Break up with you What did you do wrong? I don't know I don't know I feel like again too But you can kind of see it Because it happens in a lot of break ups right

Once they start looking good Independent of you Right they're starting to Find you clothes Get their hair done She has a full glow up She really did She got hotter in prison

And then was like Mmm But actually this other guy He's He sends flowers Because they can't even fuck right She's not getting a conjugal visit I have no idea what they're up to

Do they do that anymore? I think that they do in some places But not in all I'm pretty sure that's sort of more limited Than it used to be I know in Chicago That one psychopath Who grew those massive tater tots

On his chest They're kind of ruined it For a lot of people Oh you're talking about Richard Spector Yeah what do you got That's yeah I mean honestly He put the work in

He did But here The United States Federal Bureau of Prisons It does not allow conjugal visits For prisoners in federal custody So if you're in state prison There are four states that allow conjugal visits And that's California

Big ups Connecticut New York And Washington Which I think is really interesting But if they're allowed Oh this is interesting You have to meet certain requirements

You have to get a background check You also have to take an STD test Oh very intriguing Well that's a great way to get a free STD test But also They do a full butthole check to both I'm sure of that Because you never know

Oh yeah you never know Because honestly You know how many of these girls Work up to holding handcuffs Up inside their fucking chuch Oh yeah A lot of it You know like

There's some people I bet you could put up Like a file up there Do files even work anymore The ladies, they had double purses And the males They only got the one prison purse That is really great

The ladies, they could shove A whole damn turkey up there But anyways We know women We do know women Susan Smith said In a letter to this boyfriend That they're gonna have amazing chemistry

In person Can't wait to build a life with you Leave the past mistakes behind And start fresh Just you and me But then a family member said Yeah It fizzled out

It fizzled out So isn't that Relationships take maintenance Honestly it shows You never know how healthy Your relationship is Check in today Yes indeed

And of course This is gonna be a lead Into our political story Of the day Smith originally said That a black man carjacked her And took the two children Of course

When indeed Always go racist But speaking of No one Also straight up No one wants to take your kids No one wants your fucking kids No one wants your kids

You hear stories all the time Of people who steal cars And then come back And be like Your kid is in the back He dropped the kid You horrible mother Or father

Unless they are trying To take a child Right that's different But if they are just carjacking you You've seen it We've seen this in multiple stories Again it really does Like they just

They throw the kid out They don't want to deal with it Cause that's kidnapping It's kidnapping literally And it's also like The start of a horrible horrible comedy No one wants to be Dutch Nobody wants to be that film

No one wants to have a child Wind up on their doorstep It's not fun in real life It's not a lot of times You're stealing a car Because you're in A bit of a desperate spot Absolutely

And then if you look at You have a little Richie Rich You have like Henry Zabrowski Jr. back there Who's like I'm hungry We go McDonald's Mmmhmm

We go McDonald's It ain't Big Daddy It ain't Big Daddy at all Hey there podcast listener Have you ever been listening To Wizard in the Bruiser And thought to yourself I wish I could see

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Release the Butthole Cut To the end fans For a night of pop culture chaos That's fun for the whole family Assuming your family consists Of equally broken weirdos In their thirties It's gonna be a blast

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I legally have to clarify That there is no sexual element Involved I mean unless You know Okay cheese, Jake Alright stop winking Alright buddy

It's page seven And wizard in the bruiser live Go to lastpodcastnetwork.com For dates and tickets But anyway As we've mentioned Politics There's a dude

It's a former representative In a Michigan He's a former Michigan Republican House candidate rather Oh wow It's Jordan Haskins That's interesting Because it's like so he never

He was just a Former political candidate Just a candidate Can I start listening to you as that? Yeah you can Sure for now I actually feel like that's your credit You can

Former political candidate Have you ever watched television news? It's always like This guy ran and lost ten times To be secretary of the toilet And then they're just on there So who knows But it's kind of funny

Because anybody can run for anything Well you have to get on the ballot Watch the doctor Measure and tailor yourself America But can't get anybody Get on the ballot Like you can get on the ballot No you can't

You have to follow a whole series of rules Get a political party to Endorse you and stuff Oh that's why you're relying all that time You're relying with your attitude And you had the You were well shaved And you had the blazer and stuff

All that was just an act It was just a long And just trying to Like somehow bring everybody about Your political wills Much like David Bowie I go through many phases Jordan Haskins went through a phase

Where he apparently was a Christian man And his political ad Has a bunch of crosses in it And he says No way He's Saginaw's boy legislator But it turns out That it's not politics that gets him in the news

It's his fetish for cranking No I had never heard about this But I'm sure Henry you can inform me more On what cranking is Why? Why would I know? Because I just feel like

You know you drive angry Like Nicholas Cage No I drive smoothly I drive smoothly But quickly Smooth and quick This is a This guy is

Now I guess apparently I mean again Why are we so bored? There's so much stuff There's so much stuff To be engaged with I'm not even worried Like it's not even about

Like it being weird It's more just like a colossal I am again If you're a cranker Side stories L P O T L A G M L dot com What is the exact thrill? Is it like the process?

So what you do Is that in order to Quote unquote crank Besides just touch Your dick and balls Right Is that You go into a car

You remove its spark plug wires Right And then You sit inside of the car And I guess you Hit the engine You go And then the

Rough Apparently the rough driving of it Is what allows you To get horny Now this is This is what it sounds like But you parked the whole time Correct

You're parked You run the engine And then it starts vibrating And I guess it shakes your butthole I'm not certain If you want to hear Here are just some of the Erotic sounds

Of cranking All right EW EW EW EW I'm coming Well that is indeed

Steamy stuff So this dude Jordan Haskins This is not the first time He's done this As a matter of fact He's on parole For being busted

For doing This car-based fetish Wait a second Actually I didn't even Fucking know that He was on parole He's already done it So it's like

Side stories LPOTL Gmail.com Number one You do whatever you want With your car I don't care I don't care

It's just I have never heard of it And I can't I'm 41 years fun I thought I heard Cranking I didn't know that People could get off

Like this But I guess Where there's a wheel There's a way Is it Because I feel like Maybe I know obviously

It's the vibration On the butt Right That's the idea It's the vibration I don't know I don't know I don't know

Whether or not Again If you know Anything about this Do you jerk off While your Butt is vibrating Right

Is that a part of it Like is it that Part of it Because to me That is the most Of the Most of it That I would consider

Like leaving it Or like a kink Where it's the transgression Of breaking into Someone's car Which I don't know If that That's what it is

But it doesn't seem like It seems like A lot of people just do it In the cars that they have Well again Do whatever you want With your own car As long as you're

Let the family know That that's Dad's car Because I feel like This might be Uniquely male And not only Did he just fucking Not only broke into the car

He smashed the windows With his hands Yes This guy went Full bill Goldberg With it And it was at a GMC dealership In Saginaw

So if you're the dealer If you're the dealership owner He went to a dealership That's the thing That's the major problem here So this is also how They caught him So he's punching out

This window turns out That'll make you full of blood So he left blood On the door handles Of two Cadillacs Jesus Christ And that blood Eventually led

Eventually was used To link Haskins to the crime Well, but look at this Apparently this is crazy So he was already He was sentenced to mental health And sex offender treatment Right, with five years probation

I think I say It was eight felonies Because it was like He had two separate cases Two, they were calling Auto abuse Which I also Was very strange

Is that weird? Auto, auto abuse I don't give a fuck About the car Do whatever you want with a car I don't know But it was from 2016 I'm actually a little bit

Against the What did they say? It was sexual abuse Of a car? Yeah, this isn't What's his spots? Yeah, this isn't the movie cars You know where you can

Fuck all these things I don't know No, this man doesn't need To be incarcerated per se I think he needs To be made fun of Everywhere he goes Like, hey, Jordan

This turn you on Yeah, of course I mean, and he'll be like Yeah Hey, Jordan Cars lately, dude Yeah And then they're like

Alright, well, I thought I was making fun of you But it appears I am just Engaging you sexually I do not I don't appreciate How horny you are With me being mad at you

But this is I guess I think honestly We are invariably going to get Emails of people being like Pranking is a safe And special Engagement with yours, Chevy And I know that that's cool

I'm not mad at that But I know that I feel like a lot of this Has to deal with him Breaking into cars And that's the real That's what it is It's breaking some because

I think there's Because I, you know Because it's weird Because he took two pickup trucks And this is fun This is kind of fun He stole a dump truck And then he stole a dump truck

And then he drove it around And then he said He did joy rides with it So that kind of makes sense It kind of sounds like He took the car on a date It really does It's like Bonnie and Clyde

But if you don't need Bonnie Yeah, or Bonnie is a fucking The horse Bonnie is like, exactly Like that movie where it's like Rose Buds the sled What? So apparently this dude

He has been arraigned On a single count of breaking And entering a building with intent That's a 10 year felony And prowling or loitering Which is a Mizna Mina It seems to be that he's running On a post in Michigan right now

So good luck to him on that race And I hope that they do well That's a 95th district I hope you guys enjoy yourself So enjoy that He also kind of fled the police And eluded the police There's a lot of stuff that goes into it

That I think the cracking is the This headline But I think they're just arresting him For all the breaking and entering And fleeing cops and stuff Again, if he owned the car That he could sit I guess people can't see it

But still, if he put one of the Sunblockers on the front And he just had that crank thing Going on and he was coming And his fucking His representative pants Again, all of this is legit You could do whatever you want

With your own butthole And I feel like that's maybe What he could then If he does want to flip this Into some sort of political Like later on Be like, hey, let's make Cranking legal for the entire family

Right, everybody come out Your daughters can crank Your grandfather can crank And these new Because the idea is It's like if everybody then Decides within a period of time Which we talk about in the live show

If you just have people Within a sort of like General area of you Have to put blinders on You can crank all day Yeah, absolutely, sure The comment section on this one Is interesting because like

All comment sections It does end up being A fight between the crankers And the crank nuts Oh, of course And you know, I think That's really important to remember Here that there's

It takes all kinds, I guess I just didn't Man, you know It's tough when you're When you pick up your buddy And you know he wants to Fuck your car And then you're like

Oh, well, you're never Listening to me You're literally never Getting a ride ever again No, you can't Because it's like Literally having him Inside of your wife

No I eat you Yeah, exactly No, I love my car I would feel weird Actually, it's because It's kind of strange Because I don't have sexual

My car But I definitely have Sort of like I'd say parental Feeling so I have emotions towards it I have emotions It protects

It's safe Yeah, I love my car It goes vroom vroom I drive all around It's my way to make people Scared of me that would Normally not see Would not be scared of me

They saw me on the street Right But it's like At the same time Yeah, if you showed up And you're all horny in there I just kind of feel like Like I shouldn't be here

For this Uh-huh All right Well, there you go Mildly just lastly A car adjacent to the story Oh, here, I got it I do have a good little comment

That'll read here That seems interesting Oh, sure, sure I had never heard of cranking Before The oddest thing I've personally witnessed People getting off to

Was when a guy Went to high school With over 42 years ago This is an HVAC school All right, he was about 40 then He bit himself On his hands And his forearms

In class With a lot of blood It's something like Someone biting an apple When he popped through The scar tissue He had it both With his hands

I just kind of Up This is in school I just didn't react at first But the guy Sit next to me Who was kind of Like a non-celebrity

Joe Pesci Complete with a New York City accent He went totally ballistic And started screaming At the top of his lungs What the fuck He's biting his fucking hands Getting up on it

Over and over again Mr. Biter Our nickname for him He denied it But the silver dollar On his pants proved He did exactly that Oh, mama

Well, see There you go Now you get The nickname Mr. Biter You got come on your pants And now you got to go through The rest of the school day

They're all voters They are Well, there was Well, just lastly Only kind of a car story There was an aspiring Nashville singer Who shot a homeless man After he asked her

To move her car She has avoided jail Her name is Katie Quackenbush And so that's very sad It is sad Yeah, you just dropped in This is just a sad story But it involves a car

It involves a car Oh, wow, wow, good No, you just And I thought the name Katie Quackenbush was funny But that was funny But she's dead She's not dead

She shot and she shot And killed a homeless man Oh, she shot and killed A homeless man Yes, indeed Katie Quackenbush Maybe I think more people Should have been quacking

In her bush Maybe she would have been In a better mood Who knows about that Talking about quacking In a bush There is a woman That was arrested

For robbing men After they licked And sucked her Drug-laced nipples Oh, my God This is in Kampala, Uganda This is really fun All right, this is a woman

There's bars and lounges And kawempe, right? No, this is down there And the suspect is Lydia Nakayizi Asimue Perfect Alias Hope Kolangi Now, she was picked up after

Police reviewed the CCTV footage Because these guys were getting sick People were coming out of there And getting sick Apparently what she would do is She would cover her tits In sedatives Like some kind of sedative thing, right?

And then like Basically get dudes being like You want, want, go, go? You want, want, go, go? With the titties, right? You want, yeah And then at the bar, right? How often?

Because you ever Have you ever been just straight up Offered a titties suck? I don't think so Even now You never once just been offered Like somebody's never gonna be like Just been offered a random titties suck?

You wanna suck my titties? You wanna suck my titties? Things have changed Things have changed I mean, it's a different time period It's a puritanical time period But it's like, you go out there Like, I'm certain

If you, back in the day You caught me, you know Ten years ago, right? You show me one of this woman going You want suck, you want suck, suck? You want, go, go? Right? I'm fucking

Sure, give it a lick Yeah, why not? Yeah, give it a lick on there Again, fucking This is, yeah, after AIDS But before fentanyl So you're just like No, no, no, no

You suck on them titties, right? It's a good period there, yeah But then, next thing you know You get sick, right? You lay in there And be like, oh, someone's on them titties I knew those titties were sour Right

And then all of a sudden You're sleepy And then at least she's just robbing you Yeah, I guess she could kill you So basically, yeah She puts the drugs on the nipples The guys lick the nipples And then she takes all the money

When the dudes fall asleep Now, I'm gonna say this If it wasn't for nefarious reasons This is the best She's like the best nighttime nurse of all time Like, if I ever, if I'm ever in hospice Please, God, get me the nurse that has The drugs on her nipples

I'm gonna go, oh, oh, oh No, you pay for that Teeth or anything We gotta pay for that And honestly, that would be really nice I would love that That is the really very That's the important world

Of when sex, work, and healthcare Come together But now, interestingly enough It's almost, most of the time These drugs are used by men To do horrible things to women Women taking the power back Taking the power back

That's how it's going But this is also a different This is a different country, right? So their police sometimes have They have a funny attitude The female superintendent of the police Who was recording She was like, she was laughing

At the victim, right? He was saying, I fell asleep I sucked the woman's nanas I fell asleep I was robbed And she said, so You have also fallen victim To her spiking breasts

I knew you would tell me funny stories Yet I know the woman You were talking about You were not the first To be robbed by this woman But what's unique about her breasts Why are you men following Into her tricks?

What? I can tell you The victim-blame mentality Where it's like, you fucking fell For the old drug Nippled it You're a mora A little sleepy, Teddy

Bulls, if you look If you're seeing the picture Of this woman Well, it's blurred out there Well, her face is blurred out But the tits aren't And like, I mean, obviously They're hidden

But it is interesting Because like, not to be anything They seem kind of regular Yes, and she is wearing a- Men are dogs Men are dogs She is wearing a shirt, ironically That says, Team No Sleep

Club That's how you know Team No Sleep Club But of course, she does put People who sleep On her team So anyway, there you go But she still carried the dude

Apparently, like, cause also It's not just like You suck on her tits And you get kind of Get kind of sleepy But then she'll also Drug your drink, right? But apparently, she

Fucking carried the dude Back to her home Like a fucking sack of potatoes And no one said That's kind of incredible Like, all the bouncers Just being like Yeah, she begged one

And she didn't go To throw that one back And then like Be like, he's asleep No one said anything About her holding A full-grown asleep man In her arms

Just leaving the club Being like, he's mine, girls It does seem like Everyone sort of knows What she does And they're just like If you fall for it, it's on you I kind of mean them

Honestly, yeah Stop sucking on tits Or, I think the big thing is Suck tits responsibly Suck tits at home Before you go out first Cause I think that What'll help you is

You get a little Suck back and forth And what you can do is By the time you're out You've sucked at titty already You are not as crazy desperate Even if it's just your own Right, you just like

You gotta get a couple Of your own hangers up In your own fuckin' mouth If you could suck them off For a little while Just to kind of be like Alright, cool life I have just methadone

Myself out of this Yeah, maybe eat an orange Or a donut Something that Sort of circular Like a breast might be Hi, I'm Jackie Zabrowski And I'm MJ

And I'm Holden from the Page 7 podcast And we're going on TO EARTH That's right, we're touring All up in this mother freakin' country I'm fake cursing So whatever, Jackie

Just say the filthy F word already And we will say the filthy F word When we come to your town That's right We're coming to Texas The Midwest, the Northeast And then right back here In Cali, baby

For ticket one We're coming to Texas We're coming to Texas We're coming to Texas We're coming to Texas We're coming to Texas Right here in Cali, baby For ticket links

And more details Visit lastpodcastnetwork.com That's right Lastpodcastnetwork.com Page 7 And Wizard and the Bruiser present Release the Butthole Cut Wait, that's really what

We're calling the tour. Absolutely, release the Butthole Cut For more information Go to Lastpodcastnetwork.com Well, speaking of Speaking of food Henry, I'm interested in

Hear your take on razor blades. Apparently they were found hidden in candy. Now, again, I don't think anyone ate it because you can't, it's, it's tough to do. But this was in Eugene, Oregon, a place that has all the legal drugs in the world. Apparently the razors appeared to be similar to a pencil sharpener blade and they were found in kids candy. It is. They're just covering it again. I don't know if it's the cardigan, but you're heading into scared aunt territory with the dangerous candy. It's a story. It's a crime story. Why also, how do I put this? It's like what we're seeing with the, the shithead that will

not be named to bought Twitter, right? Obviously who cares? I don't really give a fucking shit. Whatever. They become what they want to be. I think that things like the quote unquote Illuminati were not real, but then you have these guys that are a little bit too self-aware, right? Like this new batch of too self-aware criminal like, like overlords of the world that want to, they think it's cool to create the Illuminati and then that's what they're doing. Then they're like, they're just kind of doing it out of like, look, I am the Illuminati because they just, they're just try hard bitches and they just need to do it again and again. But I feel like this is another one of those examples that this was probably done by some

form of right wing person to show you that all of these stories are, are quote unquote real, even though they have never been real ever before. You know what I mean? I'm not sure how many right wingers are there in drug, drug laced Eugene Oregon. I don't think it's particularly known for that. I'm saying it's them doing it so that they make the stories real so that they can then make fun of people for then believing in the stories after, you know, like it's all about creating, it's a smokescreen that's flooding the zone with bullshit flooding the zone. According to David Lord, he's a parent of, and he took his kids trick or treating in the affected area, but then he didn't, he says, I'm not

going to let my kids eat any of that. So instead he went and bought his kids brand new candy from the store. And this is what he says. He says, this is being done by the candy companies. It could be. He says, I feel disturbed. I wish we were in a different place. So he wishes he was in an entirely different place because you can't even go trick or treating without finding, I don't even know where you find a pencil sharpener. It's just not real. It's just, this is a, this is a, this is a, a, a blown up story, but I understand you're scared of candy. And I think that's good because it could help your diabetes later on in your life. I don't know if that's true. There's a phone number,

the Eugene police have a phone number here. If you have further reports or tips that they're going to get flooded with people being like, Hey, candy, because the nuts in it are too hard. I bought a Snickers the other day and there were a bunch of tiny, salty rocks in it. You know what? Some persons, this is according to a Deborah May. She says, if there's someone out there who was watching this, who is guilty of this, I have one thing to say to them, you just might burn in hell. Good. Wow. There you go. Really perfect. I bet she did it. I bet she was the one who did it. Um, I do want to do, it was like the birdwatcher said, I'm sure she blames it on a person of

a different ethnicity than her. Um, I, uh, I do have a bit of an update here. Um, the piss on piss debate is in. Um, we've got the results in. Um, we had over 150 emails about Ben Kessels. Um, he, you saying to flush first, right? You don't piss on piss. Um, the thing is, is that the most people that said flush first, right? We're ladies because unlike you, I mean, like, you're in the lead, but you're burying the fucking results, but okay. But I'm just saying it's about framing. It seems like then that's fine. Framing. Framing. Right. Because they said that when they sit to pee, a lot of times, if you got old pee in there, if you pee on top of pee, pee could then splash up into your, up into your non

news, right? I'm sure you're, you're a little, you're a little peepholes, right? Sure. Yeah. And that you can then get, I don't, I think it's called reverse piss syndrome. Ben Kessel is in the majority is what he's trying to say. I am just saying this and I just finally a campaign victory speech. I want to thank everyone who looks at you and says, I am sorry. I'm too good to pee on that because I am special. Be, be, be, I piss on piss, but I do not piss on shit flush first. 37 people said they would flush first. Piss on piss. Only 23. I don't think the margin of that is that fucking separate. It's huge. But there is a couple of people, a couple of people saying that this subject is tearing their relationship apart because

someone pisses on piss and the other one doesn't. And this is my thing. And I'm going to float this to you. If your relationship hinges on whether or not you piss on piss or not or flush piss first, you might want to see a council. You just might want to get somebody to get a third party in there. Certainly someone who has no, who's not covered in piss, who doesn't have to pee. Well Susan Smith is available recently going through a breakup. So, you know, she'll be emotionally, she'll be emotionally available. All right. Well, is it time for hero of the week? I think it is.

All right, everyone. It's time for a hero of the week. This week's hero of the week. It's a man and he was a good man. Yeah. A homeless man in Chicago changed my flat tire. He really saved me. So this is a dude. It's an act of kindness that you can't make up. It was on the make me smile subreddit. It got 86,000 thumbs up. A gal was stranded in Chicago with a flat tire wearing a skirting heels when a homeless man came to her rescue and changed her tire. She says I only had $60 on me, but I'm very grateful and gave it to him for saving me. He really saved me. I'm no mechanic. She says those lug nuts were on. So tight. I really don't think I could have done it. He really struggled with them

himself. So he's a goddamn hero and he helped this woman. She says he was really sweet, held me a lady and even opened my car door for me. He was, he was very much a gentleman. Let me put this out there. Side stories, LPOTL, gmail.com. You're stuck somewhere, right? You're in a dangerous, like your car is stuck somewhere. You're in a dangerous area, dangerous highway, maybe small. A homeless man comes up to you. He saves the day. Do you allow him to masturbate at you one time? I don't think he wanted to, Henry. That's not this. He's not that kind of, I am just saying, like, if do you allow, this more of a general question because this guy, I would love to see the ending of this, the way we're turned out,

then he gets like busted in a warrant for like seven murders. And it's like one of those real like, but well, he was, today he's still a hero. According to dude rough, they commented they have blown out tiring and not so nice area in Oakland and homeless people were thrilled to help them out. That's very nice. This memory makes me smile. So there you go. There's good people all around. There really is not less you be judged yourself because you never know fucking tire, man. Changing a tire is fucking hard. It can be. I learned how to do it. I can do it, but it can, it can be, but he really comes down to you. Never know when there's an angel in disguise. You never know because we got that one dude surrounded

by crosses who was running for the local Republican house. Yeah, of course, sure. You got this guy. Guess where the angels are. Anywhere there's a crucifix. There we go. Let's see. You're not there. I don't know about that. I've been to some Hollywood parties and I'm going to say this, Henry, you're one of the good ones. Thank you. No problem. Cause I like milfs. Here we go. I am physically unable to be one of the Hollywood elite. Yes. Also, I realized you would be safe from that gal who had all the drugs on her nipples cause he can't suckle. Oh no, I could suckle. I just can't, I can't produce. I mean, I can't, I can't latch. I can't make a Hickey. Oh, it's like, that's the one thing. I also just

like, I never want to hurt anybody. Like I can't suck hard enough to hurt you and I've never really been into the thing where you suck hard enough to make a Hickey on there. And I don't latch on like a little remora. What I like to do, I like little nibbles and kisses. Oh, kiss. So look at me. I love little nibbles and kisses and I love to just, hmm, and just like little cobs of corn. I want to treat, I want to treat a woman like she's a pile of cobs of corn. And I'm still tender little nibbles. Yes. All right. Well, that's absolutely fantastic. I think we have some emails. You're supposed to email us. Um, we did ask the question last week and this is, we did get a rousing response of unfortunately

yes, which is if you do like attempt to murder your spouse at the end of the process, you still have to go through a formal divorce to get out of it. Like you could does not matter. It doesn't nullify your divorce. It is really, really interesting. Um, it is because it's a contract. It's a legal contract. So you have to do it. So, uh, you still have to go through the nightmare of a divorce process. In fact, from my own personal hellish experience with an emotionally and psychologically abusive spouse is actually succeeded installing divorce process through his stalking antics and incredible capacity to steal, stall and delay. The fun never ends. It's just what they do. So just be careful who you get married to and you

just disappear. The key is to just disappear. I guess. Oh my God. That's, that's horrific. Here we go. I was listening to the incident at Devil's Den episode and I feel like Terry Love-Lyce and my friend Mark have a lot in common. Mark passed away last year from a long struggle with chronic illness. He was born in 1963 and like Terry, Mark lived in Missouri. His family was in the military and served in Korea. He lived in a small town not far from the Ozark National Forest on a large farm with district German grandparents. His mother had left early in his childhood to be a quote unquote cocktail waitress in Vegas. So he didn't see either of his parents much and was free to roam the land near the

farm. He should have went with her to Vegas. That sounds incredible. Yeah, please. When he was very young, he could remember how old exactly, but he had what he called a visiting where he was led from his bed by two small two foot tall silver creatures that he called energy brands. He played with them in the yard and showed them his cows. When they had to leave, he felt very sad. The whole time they never spoke to Mark, but Mark said he knew that they would be back. And of course, when Mark told his strict German grandma that he'd been out of bed playing with his friends all night, she beat the crap out of him with a cane and he never mentioned the energy friends to anyone again until he was an adult. They

visited him a handful of other times and only once did he go anywhere with them. They took him into the trees along the edge of this property where they said he blacked out immediately. When he woke up, he was in his bed and his fingertips were burned as if he had put them on a hot stove. The visiting's eventually stopped and Mark chalked the whole thing up to overly active imagination. Although he always felt his memories were too real to merely be dreams. Now, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with anything, but one time his wife told me that when they saw fire in the sky in theaters in 1993, during the abduction scene, Mark suddenly stood up and ran out of the theater. She followed him to

found him. She found him throwing up in the trash can in the hall and hyperventilating. They had to leave and Mark took hours to calm down. So maybe there's something to that. Power of cinema. Yes. All right, interesting. Also, fire in the sky. We didn't cover this story, but there was a dude whose house was hit by a meteorite. Oh, yeah, dude. That's crazy. And again, he'll never get a payout. No. So that's another thing to be scared of now. I work as a safety officer at a small regional airport. My chefs are 24 hours long and I work out of the firehouse, complete with a glass window, 360 degree view, dispatching office on the top floor and a bunk group

to sleep. Right. In the morning before any commercial aircraft take off, I roll out of bed, go drive to the airfield, checking lights and watching for any wildlife. Sometimes we get coyotes and large birds that are particularly dangerous to be allowed to remain on the field. So last winter as I was driving the airfield one morning, I noticed a large snowy owl on one of the perimeter fences. This wasn't particularly unusual as my older co-workers had shown me a video of another snowy owl being trapped and reclocated from the airfield in the past. Okay. I made a mental note of the wildlife and finished my airfield inspection. My next task was usually to go up to the office and relieve the officer who's been monitoring

the phones and radio frequencies overnight. I head up to the fishbowl as we call it and take his place. He heads down to get dressed and begins his duties while I begin to type up my report. I then noticed some movement off to my left and turned to see the snowy owl sitting on the roof of the building, only a few feet from the window I was looking out of incredulously. It was staring right at me and cocked its head to the side as it returned my gaze. The next thing I remember was the phone ringing and as I came to, I slowly realized that over an hour had gone by since I had relieved my co-worker. I got up groggily from my chair, noticed I was shivering and realized I had a massive headache. The

sun had come up since I'd been out cold. I recollected myself, answered the phone, finished my report, tried to get through the rest of the morning. Now this is one the most unusual thing because 24 hour shifts are hard on your sleep schedule. So I just kind of written it off until my boss called the office. He jokingly asked me if it was too warm in the building. When I asked why, he explained that he had seen our roof hatch lid open when he arrived to work this morning. The color drained from my face as I said whatever I could to get him to hang up. I then went up to the hatch and pulled on the ladder to the roof and confirmed my own eyes that the ceiling lid to the roof hatch was wide open. We sometimes

open it on hot days in the summer but it was the middle of winter and nobody to my knowledge had opened it for months. Otherwise it would have been extremely cold when I first relieved my coworker. I never saw the owl again. Wish my coworker is considered weird since the airfield is the perfect hunting ground for them. My intuition begs to differ as I think I did it had already hunted and subdued the prey. It was after. Wow. I think it's cool. I love that.

There you go. You know, I love that. Scary owl. Scary owl. Absolutely. All right. Well, speaking of three letters. Yeah, that's why you got to make sure. All right. You you love your ability to go out there and make a difference at the voting booth today. So you get out there today. Right. Well, yeah, it's obviously this is not election day anymore. It's past election day.

We used to make a difference at a voting booth. It sounds like you have some horrible, horrible nefarious plan. Make a difference at the voting booth because today is November 9th. My mother's birthday. It's November 8th. Right. But today, I mean, when this comes out, okay, now it's come out breaking the goddamn board. This is just how it is. But so that's why I want you to go to where these polls supposedly were and be like, I want to vote again.

And you go, especially if you're a money person, I want you to throw money at whoever is there and say, let me vote again. Right. And yeah, they'll laugh at you at first. They'll laugh. They always do. They always laugh at the pioneers. Right. Look at me. How many people laughed at me, laughed at my face about things that I knew, things that I knew to be real. I knew you knew what you saw. And that's why you've got to live being a reverse patriot and trying to use money to bring everything down around you because eventually you will win.

Fantastic. What a horrible message. All right, everyone. Thank you all so much for listening. Getting in there. We'll get through whatever the fuck this shit is together. Hail yourselves, everyone. Hail Satan. Life goes on whether we like it or not. Magoo's deletions. We'll talk to you soon. Hey, don't look any random bar nipples. Can't trust that. Hey, man. Fuck it. Or just take it up, dude. Yeah.

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