Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Daffodils vs. Dandelions

Episode Date: March 31, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news as the Daffodil vs. Dandelion debate rages on, a French family "group jumps" to their deaths in a possible cult related group suicide, new technology helps a man with ALS communicate again, taste buds in your butt?!, Susan Smith finding love behind bars, Hero of the Week, Listener Stories, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories First of all at the top of the show, I want to address certain controversial Are you talking flowers like kissle, let me you're busting this for me don't we know you're busting this fucking for me. I Want to address the controversial topic that is at the center of every American conversation right now And I want you all to know our stance on it and how important it is Yes, oh my god. Well, I'm a little nervous now. Just so you know, this is a big Again, obviously the whole country's kind of torn apart. It's we may be a little bit late on this Yeah, but I want us to say who gives a fucking shit about daffodils or

Dandelions you are about to have a mutiny on your hands my friend the flower people are coming for you I've heard I didn't know the horticulturalists were so aggressive. I've heard I also didn't quite realize How unbelievably sensitive people can be of course their flower Scientists, okay, but I get it. I get it. There is a difference. Maybe we were confused. I was also in kissles world I'm gonna blame being a part of kissles world for a second It is a lifestyle that not everyone can handle I just tried to make a hero of the week that involved a millionaire planting flowers Even though he could have saved a lot of children. You could have done anything care about that part

No, no, no, but again, you know, I also heard about fucking daffodils. Yeah, so now I know it wasn't dandelions It was daffodils that he was planting in the field, but guess what? Dandelions are fucking poisonous to dogs. That's exactly what I was saying Garbage with literally he might as well be putin putin just you see him putin wait When they were in Ukraine, he went to Ukraine and they're trying to make them say oh no no stop hitting me Oh, man. Meanwhile, Putin's like are you hitting yourself quit hitting yourself? Quit hitting yourself, right? I'm boiling it down. Yeah, and he poisoned them Just like that fucking millionaire with the daffodils trying to fucking poison all the dogs So fuck him fuck daffodils fuck dandelions fuck Putin fucking let's go with the goddamn show

All right, also people also asked according to Google are daffodils and dandelions the same the answer according to science alert calm They're both the same plant I feel like argument has been done. We did we did it I don't even know anymore and that also could be wrong apparently daffodils versus dandelions is something that people Constantly Google. I didn't know they were fighting What the hell is wrong with them? This is side stories. I'm Ben. That's Henry. I guess what man in Atlanta Oh, one of you funny little people love it one of you funny little people Honestly love it land off of so my second home. It was so good to see everybody

Honestly, we had some of the best live shows we've had all tour this week. It was so much fun But then one of you little fuckers you showed up what you thought was funny little daffodils, right? Like, oh, we'll torture Oh, it was really fun. But guess what you know what I found out what weren't daffodils at all What were they John quills? They were John quills. No, you were also wrong Was also incorrect Fuck daffodils fuck polonium leave my daffodils out of your mouth Oh, wow, can you imagine that yeah, my wife gets fucked by every man I don't even want to comment you have to I did it for you

Good work 48 hours after the new cycle. Thank fucking crisis past But you know what it was kind of refreshing wasn't it? No the slap heard round the world I don't want to talk about it. I really don't want to talk about it Steven versus Irene That's the best. What is the big slap? That's what I wanted to talk about. All right, so we actually Talk about what I think I wouldn't I could have done after Sunday What could you have done after Sunday a group jump with my whole family off a building? Well now? Hi, how high is the building also? It's just you Natalie and Wendy. I know I want somebody else's family I'm gonna do you would have to say yeah, because I feel like if you're gonna do a group jump

It can't just be you your wife and the dog because then it's a murder Suicide and Wendy is also like did you have to kill the dog? It's dog aside. Also, I don't know I think little dogs they can fall. I have seen Jerry fall so many like I swear to God Little dogs can fall squirrels can fall from a seventh floor balcony Side stories LP otl at gmail.com. How far has your little dog fallen because I want to say they couldn't survive a fall They could seven four because they're so little. Well, I think or they're like one of those little maple leaves where they just spin Because when he's got little folds Cute just like father like daughter like father. All right, so now this is they think that this might be cult activity

Four family members died and one seriously injured in an apparent where they are they're calling a quote-unquote group jump And I think they like this they like calling it a group jump. This isn't for is a French family It was 40-year-old man the French fall hard the fromage the wine I feel like the French are one of those you look at a vessel of French Roberto Bonini for example Italian whatever But he's tiny right and you think of a Frenchman thin and you look at him You're like they're very thin, but they're thick and they're full and they weigh a lot more than they look That's where the French are secretly very powerful. It's the butter. It is the fat content of their food exactly They live longer. They still smoke they love it. I that's why I love the French

I don't know idea how they live longer, but they do and that is because they run a health a healthy diet of old cheese Bays product. It's because they only work seven hours a week. Oh now this French family was a 40-year-old man wife 41 And then the two twin sisters It was both a they were eight years old and they jumped a couple son who also jumped was 15 was seriously injured But lived now. They don't know what happened. So apparently this family is this is a Swiss family That has already had a lot of attention from the police. They went and they have been I guess we would There's not a lot of details that have come out about the story I was looking into it because it is really interesting idea of a group family jump

I find is I mean obviously Michael, but also very like the you know Again, it's so hard to get a family to even agree. What took what restaurant to go to Everybody to jump off the building well That's the sign of good parenting gone horribly wrong because they got their children to do what they wanted But unfortunately what they wanted was to jump off of a building Sue say so the four people were pronounced dead at the scene an Eight-year-old girl the child's mother and father and the mom's twin sister and a 15-year-old boy is said to have Catastrophic injuries. Yes, and is in grave conditions shows you the human body is hard to kill

Yeah It can be if you don't blow up the head if you fall on the rest of your family and it breaks your fall That is if I'm this 15-year-old. I'm like just pull the plug. I don't even know what I'm gonna do I don't know you live like this or you do come out of it Maybe one thing that could be good if they do happen or let me be able to help them understand what happens to them Or maybe they can actually describe to the police what the fuck when I went on inside that house So what actually it seemed to have spurred on the jump was that apparently in Switzerland? And then I imagine this this sounds nice much better than our system if you have a

Homeschool situation so these kids are homeschooled which is why they think it's some form of religious cult activity Because they got pulled away from society sure We don't know what was happening, but we were homeschooled for a little while when I was growing up You know what that taught me how to go shopping at Pigley Wiggly because my mom used to say we want to go shopping at Pigley Wiggly I'm like that's a great lesson to learn today mom and then but you know what she did truly do what I would count up the How much our products cost as we were shopping, and then I would try to guess what the tax would be It sort of trains you just to become a manager at Pigley Wiggly Which honestly that's not a bad career. It's not a bad career at all. Absolutely not. I'm just saying my parents we weren't doing ritual

Suicide rituals and that preparing to one day jump from a seven-story building not yet Not you didn't get there yet No, but so apparently in the Swiss government what they have to do is and maybe I'm incorrect side stories LP ot Lgmail.com tell me if I'm wrong about this, but I think I don't know if it's this different But they are every year you have to go and let the government come into your home and look at your homeschooling Like setup they have to look at what you're teaching them and they have to approve I know that in order for you to like let's say I had friends that were homeschooled that then went into a public high school Right that what they would do is they would have to test in like a lot. I actually had a chance to skip fourth grade

Oh, wow because I tested into sixth grade Because of the homeschooling and then I mean actually my mom must have taught me something Yeah, I know how to read. Well, you're bright. You're bright in your way in my way. Yeah, not in math Building bridges If you are emotional bridges through society because obviously we need to heal also physical bridges because you can really like your feet on one side Of a gap and then grab on to the other side and then a bunch of small people can run across your back That's why people like me are needed when people go on amazing journeys But you will you will die in that that's an area you will fall your grip will fall

Oh, no, I would have to come back towards the end and save everybody someone my size doesn't really die now you you're the Huxter the jokester. Oh Oh, is that me you have to sacrifice yourself for the greater hole? I'm not going to though I do this right now. You have I want everyone at home. No, no, I'm not I'm not doing it I'm not going down with a fucking ship. Well, then I'm not a card Then I'm not writing jokes for you and then you're gonna have to be you're gonna have to be the you're gonna have to be the incel character then who also dies Fine

But so the Swiss government they showed up to do their yearly checkup on them to see whether or not like you guys neon Nantes, let's just find out and then they went in there and they found out that they wouldn't they knocked on the door They were like they were like police police. We are you don't take your chocolate and then outside smells like them They heard them scuttle around right obviously going On the other side like a ventura Yeah And then all of a sudden they They heard the squiggle and they said but the thing was again interesting. It's a liberal country

They have to have true probable cause to just bust into your door. Oh, it's not like here where they just bust it down Start randomly shoot and then put a gun in your dead hand and then sprinkle some crack on you like the nature of hell But it's so it's different there. Yes in its own way. I actually do learn a lot I love French protests the French are like they fuck with me for one second We protest for all we protest for years. They understood. I love the French They understand that there are more of them than there are people in the government and all they have to do is stop Showing up to work and then things somehow magically change and if I move to France It's not like America America's a melting pot you assimilate, but then also you bring your culture you add spice

Absolutely in France. I'm just French. Oh, I'm not complaining. I'm not gonna say anything. That's the borst is too cold I'm not mentioning anything, but that's the other problem too is if you're not French then they're super rude to you Yes, that's why I would fuck your wife They'll do whatever possible. They won't you eat there do one heavily to have access to the chase keep that salami out of your mouth That's why I like Italy. Oh, I love Italy But then but so Swiss police they knocked in but because they did not hear anything suspicious They couldn't enter the door forcibly so they knocked the game We're like this and we may not come we're pretty please give me said and then they all plummeted to their death

They watched them all just walk to the top of the building jump off. So who fucking knows this is according to a neighbor This is what they told a quarter I mean, I'm not gonna do an accent Henry can probably do but he said it was a quarter to seven I got out of the shower had a coffee and heard a thud. Oh, yeah for Then he says I thought it was a bad film I couldn't look at the image for more than a few seconds So I guess he looked at it and then he judged the quality of the suicide and say Jerry Lewis

Really spread themselves out of them kind of star pattern Yeah, as if there was some kind of artistic kind of direction for their series here I'm also forgetting the name of this fantastic zombie film. It's a French film. It came out about four years ago It all takes place in this apartment complex. Oh, I know what you're talking about Google You'll be able to find it on Google really really good But it's so frickin bad-ass it reinterprets the zombie film in a way. This is what is that movie our mutants? The horde it's either it's a mutants or horde. I want to say the horde. Yes, I think the horde sounds right Fuckin anyway, that's for 13 years ago. They are

Yes, we are fucking you're dying soon. Yes. Okay. I don't want to think about that either way this family did not come back as zombies Well, maybe one day maybe the youngest either way I hope he can shed some light because now they are going through the apartment trying to figure out what the hell happened We're going to hopefully also find out as interested people whether or not there was some form of it could be Religious cult could be what do we know about family the family annihilators that if the father had lost his job? And then the mother maybe is I don't know what he's like or she lost her job. Let's go go to work the kids are gonna start Oh my god, we're doing yeah, yeah, your breasts better be working today because I'm home vacuuming like yeah

Maybe who knows or is it something even more nefarious who but I I do hope that more news comes out very soon Absolutely, and of course, please God feel free, you know people criticize people all the time for walking out on their family Sometimes that's the best option always the other option is killing them or having them jump off a tall building Walking away, and then 15 years later, then you can tell them I was gonna kill you and then they would say, you know what dad mom I forgive you. It wasn't great, but thank you for killing me. I'm alive Well, that actually is a matter of fact I just watched for the first time ghost busters after life, and I have to say I know the movie doesn't need my plug But I loved it. It was so fun

And that movie was about a daughter trying to connect with a father and it was powerful. You've become my mother But that really is the movie you guys get you that movie just finally got the well-deserved kissle bump About five months after it came out. It's really important Somebody stick up for these major blockbuster films. I know someone has to I mean they're all over soon enough, but um I Planes make me more emotional. There is a scientific study that say you cry more in plans It's lack of option the final scenes of Ghost Buster afterlife. Oh My god, they are very old They are but I actually Marcus was

Marcus and Henry and I have different opinions on all of this. I like seeing old people. I I'm the opposite. Well, I talked about this I wish that the whole movie was the old guys and no new children. I like Paul Rudd, but I don't need him in there I wish well, I love the movie old dogs and space you're thinking of wild hogs But it's a wild hogs. Isn't there also old dogs? Is it old dog? I can't teach old dogs new tricks. There was I want to think it was an old dog to suck its dick You can it by folding it in half and when you get older you get more flexible. Hey, you have what's because one had Tim Allen in it. Yes, and one had Morgan Freeman in it

Wild dogs top dogs. I don't know who knows everyone's yelling at their radio right now Either way if you're watching a movie with old men, you're gonna want some but I wanted to be all bed I know you'd like the movie like cocoon I'm just saying I like I want to see that you want to do things. I want Peter Venkman I have a I have a great Food-based website for you to go to it's called lemon party. Oh, wow Oh, yeah, yeah, it's all about lemonade and oh, let me look that out. Oh, yeah If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, don't let the pretty woman

Wow And for those that haven't seen lemon party give it a Google when the kids aren't a lemon party. Org it is a government website I want to do this one story. Oh, yes, because the mind I have said Almost innocent now is yeah The mind is a powerful thing and the worst thing that can happen to the mind is when the body shuts down around it But the mind is still strong. That's called new garrick's disease. That is my fucking ultimate nightmare I don't want to be trapped in me because my mind is worse with a working body. My mind is horrible. Thankfully science It is coming to the rescue of the people who are currently trapped in their own bodies. There's a man who had Lou Gehrig's paralyzed

He's now only 36 years old. This happened to him in around 2019 He became in a self-locked in state now. I am of a mind. I can I was sleeping is my favorite thing to do I love my little brain sometimes. I feel like I could make a meta. I think I could make a metaverse in my brain Oh, yeah, absolutely. I it could also go south. Oh, yeah, and then I'm in hell Oh, yeah, I don't want to be trapped in one of those dreams where it's like a play and I don't have this script Or I'm getting you know, I'm getting arred by fucking George Washington or something. I don't need that, you know, I hate that I really scared was this July 4th. Yeah, and it's like thank you for your service. So he's 36. He had two square electrode air airways

Surgically implanted into his brain, right? So he's just sitting there and then now because of these Electrodes, they're able to kind of figure out like what the dude wants. They basically set it up and it's it creates a narrow It's a neurofeedback paradigm where he figures out a way what they'll do is they present letters in front of his physical eyes And then within his brain He's able to say yes or no with a specific signal So he gets to slowly build sentences over a period of time and like all good men the first two things that he said Truly are so I'm just gonna say the C word. They're cute

He said I want a beer. I mean he that's not cute That is that shows that speaks to my soul in such a way Three years of no beer. Oh, so why can't they just go and like tip them up a little bit and then the kid can give a little PBR I'm certain they will he might have a little swallow But he apparently what they're saying is that he can taste enough because he likes curry and stuff So they change up the food that goes up into his in his throat tube that goes down into his throat because I hope it's not Chicken vindaloo because you know what else I'll tell you that thing I had that yesterday and it is currently you know, and this is true

You can taste just as much through your butt as you can through your mouth No, no Henry, I think this is where I get mad at you. This is your this is my broken clock moment No, because if you could taste through your asshole, you would be tasting shit every day Can you five times a day? No looking up right now. It is so I am so happy there are taste for your butt Okay, recently researchers are finding that the taste buds are present from the mouth to the anus No, no, no, they actually the testicles have taste receptors as well Now yeah, and then a resetterist is good You could taste your anus or is that an urban myth and then someone says like oh, yeah

Well, technically, all right. Hey, listen, I can't find conclusive evidence of Google people say you can taste up to your ass Does anybody know to the fidelity of the statement? Do you want to sound like that guy? Do you want to do you want that person to sound like you? Yeah, I mean, he's just curious and with a dumb voice It's just different. It's a different type of taste He requested different types of food to be fed through his tubes Including goulash soup, sweet pea soup and he says for food. I want to have curry with potato then bolognese and Potato soup at what point do we say like okay, buddy? Let's listen. We're not fine dining here. What is it?

It's still a hospital. Are we ain't no, but then the second thing he requested other than beer and food He told his son. He loved him. He said I love my cool son. Isn't that nice? It is really nice. He didn't need the extra letters. This really isn't true crime But from a science perspective and of course just I don't know from the brain I just think it's interesting and as someone I've seen some people with ALS. It's the single saddest thing I've ever seen It's very scary at this point I still think if I got diagnosed with it speaking of jumping off a tall bridge I give myself a month and then I kind of roll off

No, I would definitely you we all have a pact if we are in it I will if we were all in a coma that there's no way we're coming back from I will definitely pay a sex worker to have them come Cuz like my wife Natalie's gonna do it to me I'll make sure that someone comes to your bed a big one. I want to make sure it kills you with her tits or I want To make sure that they don't get prosecuted though No, that's why I'm gonna make sure that they wear in a mask Like some kind of balaclava or I think that you just get him in and out there We'd say it's some kind of religious thing

Honestly, we could have we put a yarmulke honor and say like all this he's very Jewish This is very deep within the orthodox Jewish parameters. Can I just say that I well? I think if it was accurate, maybe that could be a way out, but I don't think that is just make it up I'm sure we could I'm sure I could sign up I could create my own religion that has a Mandated ending claws ending claws and then yes, perhaps we can wiggle our way through that. I mean hey Scientology can do it. So why can't we this is all I don't understand Alright, so I'm looking deeper and so deeper if whether or not you can taste in your fucking rectum

But it's saying here is it feel like this is the example to use well like yes Of course if you do rub capicin from a pepper into your into your lips your nose and then also place the same capicin Yeah, obviously not. No, I know that's incorrect. That's just saying. Oh, you're saying burning my asshole. Yeah, fucking pepper juice Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I can go to go taste that you're pouring fucking pepper You're pouring hot sauce into my fucking asshole The only way we could do this is if we were we would have to get a time machine become Howard Stern and do this in the early 90s we were we'd have five models all get different food placed in their assholes And if they could tell us that's ketchup then I would say wow you can really taste that's mustard and if God knows the poor guy

Who gets the spicy brown? Mustard that's gonna burn it up, but at this point I think it's safe to say you can't eat you can't taste through your ass Also, don't eat through your ass. Oh, also a little pepper up inside your nose. You'd feel the same burning sensation Yes, but what else what else can you taste honestly? I would love to know side stories LP o t l g ml.com if you tasted with your butt recently Fuckin tell us to give us content I know that people do it with the butt chugging and things like that hammer that way goes through the membrane exactly And I never heard of anybody tasting. I don't think again. I don't because it's probably maddy light if you're butt chugging

This isn't the good stuff. I would not Like a triple like it's not one of those Belgian nice beers. You're not gonna get it No, I actually only butchug IPA. Whoa. Yeah. No, bro. You've got a little light brah a butchug IPA actually a Bunch of stout up your butt might be nice That could cleanse it. Ooh stout enema. We might have that happen We'll have some time in awe in Ireland and we'll be able to figure out what to do With all that I'm sure if we asked some Irish guys, hey, do you think you can pour some Guinness up my ass?

It'll go really well. I'm pretty yeah, I remember now one of the things I said on stage in Ireland that there's only one cup of Guinness That's ever been created Because it is wow it's thick the exact same A roast as dark as the night Perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting don't mind the red eyes He's just trying to warn you of the bridge the bridge finally from the caffeine-addled brains of spring hill jack coffee and last Podcasts on the left we bring you moth men's red-eye blend. Yes

Delicious Panama beans go to last podcast merch calm to order yours today All right now here we go This is a dream that some people have but you shouldn't I feel like this is a good cautionary tale about Living out your fantasies at work and what you should or shouldn't do and also a thing that I say here at last podcast Now work that I think is really important I think is very presidential of me never in writing if you want to have say anything That's really fun really fun something outside the box you keep it But if you don't person-to-person conversation on a balcony somewhere where none of I neither one of you live

But if you don't put it in writing, how can you make it real? I mean this is called a vision sharp it up here Yeah, but here draw it into a sigil draw it into a signal perhaps, okay This is Utah man. He's charged after his boss found his employee hit list on his desk now This isn't like a hit-on list. This isn't like Arthur Bickey's cute. Well, that would probably a worse offense But today's office. I would say I'm gonna say this though Maybe the man had a hit list because his boss is a snoopy-doopy get the heck out of my desk This is my desk This is my area when I worked for eight months in a corporate setting. Oh, it was horrible

I took a shit next to Bill O'Reilly. Oh speaking of something that I wish you could taste out of his ass You should have fucking all the times you've been around him when you could have tried to suck his dick and get some fucking evidence on him You can do anything possible. We just talked with Fernando about wearing a wire and going down one of these cocaine and fucking But what are these senator parties? They'll do it Yeah, man Going on there was invited to be in a human coffee table over there like getting some poo-poo on you But guess what? We'll forget a whole list of who's there because LPN Investigates

No, this Utah man Kevin Michael German. He's 56 years fun and he wasn't By the way, don't know why I feel I have to clarify that I think it's important Um, so they didn't know what was going on. He was a US Army veteran. He quite like in this article He claims to have served in Iraq He's charged with making terrorist threats, which is a felony and this is what the thing is they they found The note and this is what the note said and this is why they actually Prosecuted him is because they said they looked at his military background And they felt that he had both the know-how and the tools to be able to do

Yeah, pop said they think he had firearms knowledge he had experience to carry out the plan he'd written down on a paper But yeah, especially with his military background, but yeah, okay See now, I see okay. Go on. Go on. So is this a fantasy or is it a direct plan? We do but again cannibal cop comes up again and again. Is it a fantasy or is there an actual plan? So this is what this is what his note said, okay? Bring nine millimeter with three clips equals 36 rounds bring nine millimeter assault rifle with two extended clips that equals 20 rounds Brings Smith and Weston 22 caliber with extended mags three that's 65 rounds three guns thus far First take out to and shop to then take out whoever is in loadout to then the mineral office three

Then whoever is in the handout area two or three next take out skid loader operator one Then the office take out three then one in the CUG loadout That's 14 total kills have to take out internet So no calls from the landline build cell jammer so signals could be jambed if police arrived take a position high up to use Snipe to use 308 millimeter for this is it weird that it breaks down. I play Call of Duty sometimes sure It breaks down almost like a nerd writing down how they would go and commit You know to do you know a call of duty mission or something like that the weird thing about it is as Henry Just read it. That's verbatim. There is no like hi. My name is stew

Well, he didn't even like frame it with like you could have been like in an imaginary world where bad things happen This is the thing that could happen because what he said afterwards, which is one of my favorite Defenses ever it's one of my favorite type of defenses where he was like when you guys don't understand is that was a plan if Somebody did all that for me to think what they're thinking so I could outthink them and stop them first of all Thank you for your service second of all I am You know, it's gonna take a felony is a very serious charge It'll take a lot more than just that letter in my personal opinion far to know it or not

It would take a lot more in my personal opinion to charge this man with a felony because that's life-changing shit Well, as far as I know, it's just a letter and okay again We don't condone violence. I truly don't but office settings beat the fuck out of you They shoot you down. They're emotionally draining your boss yells at you. There's nothing illegal about fantasizing But you don't write the note and put it inside of your office and then have all of the guns that he listed in his note This is the thing. He had all of the guns. He had the extended mags. He had all of the shit He was talking about he had 50 when they went to his home They had all of whatever his fantasy idea about building building a cell phone jammer. It was all there

So technically he did have every single one of the things that he said that was in the letter Technically when did his his defense was correct because he didn't have yes Yes, he had the rope. He had the names. He had the Is a human size, that's just an oven you bend up a body. I could put you in this is thought crime You are gonna save the sentence because of my roots, but oh we interesting. Oh, yeah It sounds like it's more like genetic knowledge coming through that you would know how to Properly dispose of a group of human bodies inside of Johnny I said you heard that and I deserved to think you did I'm just saying I could I could shove you in a series of

Small heated rooms. That's all I'm saying. So that is that is an oven is a human size oven I'm just saying that is this is not thought crime according to The affidavit German told investigators that he wrote the note on Wednesday during a lunch break He tried to explain he was quote I didn't do it at working hours. Come on. I did it during an unbearable time. It I mean, you know That's my person type you should get paid on your lunch break as well. Yes, but that's a whole nother thing We're talking about that on top at fuck Applebee's in the CEO. I'm never going there again Okay, he tried to explain the quote. He was thinking about what would happen if there was a mass shooting

But you're talking when you're in an office you do an hour of work a day. There's no need to be there for eight hours It's total it's all fit all far. It's absolutely. It's all fake most most of working in office is faking having work to do Well inside of the office it's waiting until you can go to the bathroom But not to the point where people think you have a medical condition. I would go to every 30 minutes Yes, every will be normally what I would do is I would do one 45 minutes in the stall each half of day So I would divide up the day by I would go to lunch about one You have been from nine to one I would pick up some a 45 minute window where I milled around the bathroom then went inside of the bathroom stayed in there

Put my feet up on top of the toilet so we can even see you underneath the stall then it come out I would do the same somewhere around 30 to 4 30. That's called being the office gargoyle So he was talking about mass shootings and hey, you know what buddy as soon as they don't happen Then this man doesn't have to think about him, but they happen all the freaking time So this is what he says he said I told Kevin that when I read the note That is not what I think the note means that's not what you think it means and that's how you know it It is what do you think it means when a man has to yell well, that's not what you think it means And then he explained to Kevin his concerns about his inside knowledge

And the plan he had to climb on top of the tower and snipe law enforcement Well, this is why he also got really the reason why they're also pointing towards it because he had he had some really hard ball thoughts about political correctness because he said this like he did a little funny Facebook thing where you know The conversation between a gunny sergeant and a normal sergeant sergeant wait a marine use the open-door policies today involves you Okay, gunny did you tell PFC snuffie to shut the fuck up and get back to work? Absolutely reason being because I don't want PFC snuffie to continue speaking and I wanted her to get back to work I understand but what caused you to say that well after I put out what needed to be done for the day PFC snuffie was being told what to do and kept asking why so after the third why I calmly told PFC snuffie to shut the fuck up

And do what the fuck she's told then after she made the sad face I told her to get the fuck back to work. You can't just curse at non-rates like that. Why gunny? Because he can't anymore sergeant, but why gunny because these marines are too sensitive and they complain about everything I mean that's pretty basic because I goddamn said so ah shit motherfucker Well, I'd like to use who's head. It's open-door policy gunny you get the fuck out of my office. Why? He did it again Right for Fallon. That's funnier than literally any single thing that is on late-night comedy. It really is But yeah, he was against all the political fret. He was against that for that

That's an indictment right there. It is really not but 56 years old army that I would expect nothing else and of course when it comes to all of those things Anyone's allowed to speak as they want to freely But be careful social media as Marcus says in the live show is a virus and it's not real Our employees are free to speak though. Absolutely or nano can have whatever opinion he wants about the show We have to speak. That's our job But I'm saying Fernando can speak our employees are allowed to say whatever they want technically I've caught three or four kill lists from our employees and you know each one of them. I say creative what I do is a lot of times

I give structural notes. Oh, hey, actually what we need is like why are you killing up top? You want the why then how then what you'll do afterwards and then shout outs because if we're not doing it Dorner style There is no reason to do a kill list shout out to Hillary. Okay, so he apparently Kevin German he suffers from headaches and migraines constantly Oh, no, and he has type 2 diabetes high cholesterol blood pressure Parkinson's Oh, no Parkinson's not Parkinson's and then he also takes a ton of medication and on a daily basis It includes Injections of morphine. So can we just say maybe that's why the letter is a little bare bones

I think that his brain isn't creative at this point. If you're constantly on a morphine drip Um, I'm just happy. He can still write. I think you're true Oh, but you know what means a lot maybe at this point truly It seems like he might need some medical attention and he says he was enlisted I had the opportunity to participate in Desert Storm Why does he act like that's fucking like it's the Golden Globes it is you are a soldier during Desert Storm You didn't have the opportunity to be like and I just gotta really say thank you so much This has been an incredible desert base opportunity. I love blowing up people

I don't know like no that is not a you you and volunteered. It's not like you also you don't get drafted anymore. You went well It's still a very difficult thing. I'm not so much oftentimes people are tricked and be aware that when you give your life to the government You are giving yourself to a entity that really is not going to have your best interest in mind all the time Be very very safe when you're just trying to get out of school because you don't want to go to math class when the recruiter Comes in because they'll have you sign a document right there And this is almost the worst time to sign up for the army because we're fresh out of one war And we're just so ready to get to another one They just can't fucking wait to get another one so they might deploy you better

I mean and it'll be a new war won't be like the old war wherever I'm not used to it It'll be a nice day to be a sniper. So this is what German says. He says my next dream is to invent something that is useful So I don't know what that means from jail No, I don't think he's gonna get I think this is like maybe we maybe I don't think you need to come back to the office But he doesn't need to go to prison. Yeah, I mean he's fired. Let's just have I mean I also do think like I would fire I would say hey, you might need to be for his own sake. Just be like you don't like it here It's obvious that there's issues, you know, he was a former diesel mechanic. He can get some work Of course, I mean until they find out that he's developed kill us but his last office that he was in even it was satire

It's really difficult. It's hard when that's a note on your LinkedIn. Yeah, I would scrub it Are you gonna hire this man? Do we need any no, we just Your own personal mechanic for your car Like your Jay Leno. I don't have a diesel. Jay Leno should hire him Jay Leno should hire He's just a normal guy he comes right with his car magazines and he just he'll just sit there and read them all day He loves his magazines. I want to talk about remember this one story This is just something wasn't in the email, but do you remember the Susan Smith story? Yes So this is a story Susan Smith now this story before the internet before a like why true crime now?

Okay, true crime forever this story captivated America. Absolutely. It's very sad. Yeah, this woman killed her two sons She drove them into the water. This was in South Carolina and Susan Smith But you know what she has a lover now and she's writing letters to her new boyfriend She's 50 years old. She's serving a life sentence at least correctional institution in Greenwood Well, it's the same KC Anthony joke of it's like, you know, you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant That is very true. I mean, she's 50 so you wouldn't anyway, but you could still get pregnant after 50 Again dandelions. We can't talk about that let alone the other pregnant, I know

female biology So well, I know about the guts inside of you for you fucking whatever you are I know what you got, right? Man you jizz up in there. It depends on how wildly the fucking gunk is alright and how thick your eggs are technically I think you can pop them out every once in a while I think the oldest person to have a baby was like 75 her name's like was that sojourner truth Grandma Moses no grandma's Moses started painting at 70. That's totally different than having a kid I ever met so Susan Smith's time behind bars has been fought with disciplinary actions illicit drug use

Self-mutilation and sexual contact with a guard. However, she has been behaving herself recently and hope fucked her guard I think so. I'm kind of attractive Yeah, it's fine. I mean she killed her two kids, which I always like take that takes her down a couple Yeah, I'm just what you notice that when she was younger. She's like let's just our this is gonna be controversial She had a bit of a glow-up in jail She seems to have been working out and look at her skin because look this is her in jail, right? She's kind of looking at looking kind of that's gonna glow up No, dude, she's looking kind of like if you look back and forth

It looks sort of like remember Anne Hathaway was with the princess movie where she's like first She's the dumpy and then all of a sudden she's like all our hair straight. What up. What a difference. Oh, yeah It's the same thing. Look at that. She's way more attractive when she's 50, you know, I actually can't disagree with you too much on that Okay, good point point noted. She hopes to be released or paroled in November of 2024 And if a member of her family tells people that she has started a new long-distance relationship that she helps will continue Oh, every one of her relationships are long-released. She's on fucking. She's in jail But I'll tell you one thing if I'm this romantic partner you better pray to God She doesn't get released because I've seen love after lock-up man. It takes a second dude

Oh, yeah, like she's been pretty well incarcerated at this point Oh, yeah, and again, that's up for other people to decide if she should or not But the family says they write letters all the time again What else is she supposed to do and then they say they started about a year ago handwritten letters about what their future will be She's very romantic like that always wanting to find the happily ever after the man I 40s and living Columbia. She's not the woman that I thought she was because Susan Smith did it to get to literally like She did it the most brutal way possible because she did it to get rid of her kids in order to make room for a new lover

Yes, I believe it who I was confusing it was was Andrea Yates. Oh sure She was the one that who murdered who drowned her five children because she was in the middle of a complete and total religious Paranoid breakdown, which one day I feel like that's a story we'll do Marcus kind of was so sad But I find it fascinating I find any family annihilator to be very fascinating because it's that idea of like it is about use in your own way Destroying yourself like that's what it is. It's about destroying your your lineage and your progeny But so it is an extended suicide without the suicide and just to make this case even worse just to remind people what a horrible person This is I'm in 94. She was then 23

She told police a black man hijacked my car with my two young kids in it No, she did nine days. She did the thing of that. It was some kind of Asian like and I remember this is these are all little seeds that planted in us I remember the pressers because my mother she was on this because my mom was a mother and she's like I don't trust that woman She said I don't trust her Benjamin because it seems like I would never do I was like mom Would you do that to me? She's like you don't even fit in the truck and no she would ever say that honestly She was she was all alive. She um, she killed a three-year-old in a 14-month-old strapped in their car seats

That's a fucking bummer Vroomed everything Look at what he's ruined the show now. We have to go we had to dig her way out to Henry's point She was secretly dating a man who didn't want children don't date this woman just honestly again Well, how many times we've said this throughout the history of last podcast and left if you feel the need to kill your children or your Family just leave them just leave them. It's better. Look. Yes Well, they be fucking warped for life Sure, but it's so much better to leave them at the fire station and then just go and live your stupid life

Because it guess what man that person that allows you to leave your kids at a fire station I'm gonna go out and limb here probably it's gonna shoot you in the head later on in your life So know that if you are in a scenario where you feel like you have to give up your whole family to be with somebody It's not a good scenario. It is absolutely not in 2015. Smith wrote a letter to the state and she says she's just been misunderstood She says I'm not the monster society thinks I am. I am far from it Yeah, how how are you not? Well, she says this is what she says. She said something went very wrong that night I was not myself Then she says I was a good mother and I loved my boys. There was no motive as it wasn't even a planned event

I was not in my right mind. I just I eat ice cream like I did last night. I'm like usually I don't eat ice cream, but I'm not myself tonight Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm feeling bad. I literally yeah I fucking I had a thing of like a whole thing of guacamole night horse comes. Yeah, that's what I'm like It's not myself as I'm drowning puffin. It's just not that's like no appropriate No, because you had a plan to drown puffin then like if you have enough of a plan that it happens There's a plan. You know, absolutely. I don't want to think about that That's why no more pools for me because puffin fell in one time and he's like

So hey, he's got too much fur. He's gonna drown and he's not a natural swimmer. No, he's not he's no He's a tree creature. Anyway, he's a spits a Yes, a Japanese spits. Oh Absolutely, don't Google that. Okay, so Smith's ex-husband and father of the boys He told people in 2012 in 2010 that he's never fully recovered and he says there's always this nagging and gnawing headache Yeah, I bet which I can imagine which kind of like the guy who wrote the kill list and you see he didn't write a kill list He just went on lived his sad life. Yeah, that's the thing. What you know the list are killing two people

I don't know. You know what he needs to do flip some houses Why keep your hands busy? That's so you think so he's no longer in the office setting He and Susan Smith. Maybe they can get together. Oh, I'm talking about the other guy. I'm talking about Susan Smith Oh, yeah, you know Ken German is just kind of know what the hell he's gonna do. Yeah, we don't we don't really know Hey, what's up everyone, how you doing Ben kissle here with Henry Zabrowski Yeah, it's me, man. Yeah, bro. Henry Zabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast Go out there and purchase yourself some. I hope you enjoy it

We have sativa we have indica and we have a hybrid and I have to tell you for my personal experience They are wonderful super tasty live resin. You really get the delicious weedy taste, which is what I like and three different experiences You go to your local vape store and get it. Absolutely. Thank y'all so much for supporting the show We absolutely love you can't wait to see on the road and get that vape Put it in your brain and have a good time And if you want to set your favorite weed store, give them a call and ask for them by name last podcast on the left It's weed. Hail yourselves everyone. Hail Satan All right, this week's hero of the week a special shout out to one hero

But he's not gonna be the hero of the week But he is a hero as in was Jeff and I saw him at the airport on the way to Atlanta from Atlanta He's a pilot, okay, and he was in full pilot gear should be good Yes, and he was sober and he was sober. Well, this is why he's the hero is because he arrived sober He's partly a hero. Yes because he arrived sober because apparently Henry was telling me a story Where another person's flight said he said it was delayed because the pilot showed up hammered There are there's been two flights in a row that I've been out there where they said the pilot showed up because now they're doing Because of the one that happened like yes two or three weeks ago where a pilot showed up hammered

and apparently they do random breathalyzer tests and they did it and then he was Fucking actually visibly drunk so we had to leave and so today I was waiting online for a flight and this guy came up And he's like hey tell me I don't know. You're lucky the last flight They fucking had a cancel because the pilot showed up drunk I know I'm not one anymore now I'm a citizen but they let it go and they they now are doubling up on the Breathalyzers to get you on to the plane Well, you know the only thing that comforts me again is the plane wants to stay in the air and the plane does most of the flying

Although the landing and takeoffs are all on the pilot. Yeah, all right But so Jeff. Thank you was great to meet you in the airport and thank you for flying Safely and thank you for getting people to their destinations on time and safely or at the very least safely and on time at best All right, but the hero of the week security guards Baltimore. I love this story So the security guards at the Baltimore Museum of Art, they you know, they do everything They tell me where the bathroom is they help people do everything But now save the art they have been I got too close to a bonsai trade hunting the library and security fucking all over me And I wasn't gonna do anything. I wasn't gonna do anything

Well, now there was a special expedition at the BMA Curated entirely by the security detail. It's 17 members they were selected they were each asked to select three pieces of art that they wanted to exhibit and it's called guarding the art and Over the early days of the pandemic. They were tutored on how to cure it set lighting and write placards Which also makes it seem like they were asked to do far more than they actually had to do should have been doing But nonetheless, I think it's really cool that the guards are curated in the entire museum And I think it's important to remember that everyone art is subjective and it's universal Absolutely, you don't have to be some snobby Mcsnobber son to be like, no, that's good art

It's like no, it's a banana taped to a goddamn wall and you're a moron So I'm just proud of the guards among the guards is Alex Lee's they chose three works of Winslow homers Waiting for an answer. He says it's strangely reflective of the experience of being a guard a job Most made up of waiting. Oh, that's been that's good. That's a good story much like a baseball player, isn't it? Yep. Yes, this is according to another guard. We're up and wait. That's what we do in film. That's right I've always thought that these are the best moments to create conversation among visitors where we can have commonality Already, so isn't that nice security guards at the Baltimore Museum of Art?

You are a hero of the week and congratulations on curating an entire exhibit and we need to treat everyone special Because they are aren't they some people aren't some people aren't I'm gonna say some people are Some people make kill their kids the key is to treat everybody I don't say treat everybody like a special treat everybody like a person like a person absolutely correct. All right, there you go There we go. Love my good old security guards. No, I do too. Here's some listener emails. Please God Don't be about flowers anything but flowers I asked last time well, what would a cop would say if they found all the Randy crafts like that style of something with the decap like a fucking cut-off penis like in

Some car and one officer wrote in to say if I were to pull over a car and discover a grizzly scene such as that one My reaction would be a mixture of fuck me. This is at least four hours of paperwork Okay, and a little bit of ooh, this is a spicy story to tell over the dinner later So yes what I said, he's like it's just one of those where it's like if you're into the job You're into the job, but the paperwork really is 90% of the job isn't my dad talked about it all time And it's an entire cops and time besides just going, you know, like wee-wee you know You would think with technology being what it is pictures

Film I might can you do a video diary instead of writing? I mean, I don't want to write I feel like they all should be thankful for them all wearing the bodycamps I think that is really a good thing for them I will say they could use some different direction because the bodycamps are a lot of times like what am I looking at here? It's like what do you find bigfoot? Yes, but at least somebody has somebody when they needed an editor. That's a good point Now I asked last time what would smell like in craft for any crafts car because we said about how his car was like soaked with Blood for all this time. I got some really good. I got this one really fun answer All right, I've been a paramedic in one of the most violent cities in America for eight years

Oh, let me guess Baltimore. I don't know I didn't say so I've got a pretty good nose for it Blood is a very distinct smell in large volumes. It's not unpleasant, but it's not pleasing either It smells metallic somewhat sweet It's a smell that is distinct like a handful of wet coins as it ages The plasma begins to take over the odor due to saponification Overpowering the iron and it begins to smell more pungent It burns the nose a little bit and smells simply wrong. It's somewhat a painful smell It's distinctly sour and sharp the best daily analog

I have is the smell of ground beef that's gone past a sour. Okay, all right organs though Add a different element to that Dominal organs, especially have a very unique acrid smell that is no congruence with anything. I've encountered elsewhere The liver has a smell I can only describe as greasy and bits of brain if they are or we're at all applicable Smell uniquely highly of metal due to Kraft's fixation of genitalia I'm sure an aspect of urine smell comes into play would just adds to a layer of disgusting. Wow Yes, they said honestly his car would probably be considered a hazmat situation by smell alone. Oh my god And he would just go in there every freaking day

Hey, uh time to make the donuts. Okay, so do you want a let me ask you this okay for before your choice. Do you want a? Magician story or a story about sounding Because we've done a lot of sounding I think We know what sounding is we have done a lot this is female sounding and mostly with their people They say that mostly the woman who put the glass up her p-hole is insane. They mostly do them have been like I'm a responsible sounder. Okay. I use a tire. I Know I boil it I use a thinner piece not whatever that woman. Let's go to the wonderful world of magic sure

Your stories this week about magicians and hypnotism reminded me of one of the most shameful era of my life The two years I spent in my university's magic society My boyfriend at the time was an amateur magician and encouraged me to join so we could hang out more as One of only two women among about 30 men Yeah, I was constantly subjected to comments about being a quote-unquote hot assistant when I was actually better at it than my Boyfriend was some of my favorite moments include the time we hired a professional hypnotist to give us a lesson And the first thing he did was somehow make a guy come in his pants Said hypnotist then robbing money from all of our bags. We went to a bar afterwards

Great one guy attempting to hypnotize a woman on a night out who then rightly called the police The president of the society bringing his creepy stepdad to our meetings one night The stepdad sexually assaulted me and I had to get him banned from campus because the president didn't want to stop bringing him to Hang out with us. Oh my it was rough. Come on guys So I guess the moral of the story it is don't trust people whose main hobby is wanting to deceive people You know what not a great not a great It's not a recommendation to data magician is it it is not and then here and then one last thing about short change artists We talked about this. I'm a reformed criminal. It's like I like this is really interesting

I was a professional shoplifter for about five years and solely made my income from it I also dabbed in short changing various cons Short change artists are dying breed, but there's really an art to it You have to have a mouthpiece on you and be able to stay ahead of whoever you're speaking to Usually when you are short changing you insist that you gave the teller a hundred dollar bill But you really gave them a ten dollar bill Then you just run mental laps around them until they are convinced that they are wrong not everyone will fall for it But more than you would think do it also helps to make sure that the place of business is

Extremely busy and has been for a while. Ah, so they just want to get you out of there. Oh, yeah, absolutely You're trying to end the conversation, right? Oh, yeah, all right, everyone But that's important. That's also that's the truth and I will say that that is how you know You're being railroaded when someone is trying to force you to jam you into a decision really fast Especially when you're on the phone when they call you and they're hitting with a bunch of answers Never be afraid to be rude and I mean I actually just dealt with this You could just be like fuck you leave me alone. Hang up. Absolutely. Don't have to talk do not engage also I guess so this is happening to me. I have four people fake accounts this yesterday. I don't know why that happens

I will never address. Hey fan I will not he does not you like we do very like light DM exchanges with people. I don't know like oh like hell Yeah, I think I will not full conversation with you, but it will always be like I'm not gonna randomly reach out to you He's not going so please anyway All right, huh, so just live your life every day knowing for a fact if you're the only way you know You're talking to Ben kissle if you can smell them Oh You can see him coming I do love sauntering around he smells like chicken wings and beer and when all of a sudden you're like

Oh, there is and you can laugh just thinking about all ha ha there He is the man to entertain me the big long man certainly not inside of my tiny DM So you couldn't even fit in that and then you can love knowing for a fact that you have just Conquered the beast that is loving a podcaster Difficult when your heart because our heart belongs to the audience it does in many ways No, I do love having a good conversation with people We were on Beale Street and Like we were in Memphis walking down like meeting a bunch of new people we had so much fun honestly wow this week and really gave me a

New lease on life a new one year another one year life. I want to go that far. It was actually it was just one All right, everyone will communication is a wonderful thing and let's communicate more so we don't have Fucking freakouts happening all the time. Seriously. You got to say you guys Back we are we're getting back to it. Everyone's just getting used to being around each other again We're gonna do it. Absolutely. So make sure you guys check out our comic book comic book Yes, thank you last comic book on the left. Yes for Z2 so plumber that's still out there We're gonna start one day. We will have a graphic novel. Absolutely a compilation. I don't know when we're gonna do that Um, and then we're gonna be in Boston

Boston and we're gonna be in Now listen if you are I'm gonna say this I don't know where the fuck mashing tuck it is It's gonna get sure and I don't even know I don't even know if we're saying it correct because you guys just I'm gonna Just say this you guys make shit up about how you pronounce your Connecticut and your Massachusetts It's you just make it up. I know that chamberlainville. Yeah Like mashing talking but if you were anywhere near come on out Please and it is a casino and it does not exaggerate. I love to play my role He'll be there three card. So, uh, you know, it's that Sunday. It's that Saturday night, too

So we'll be in the casino and there's I don't know where else to go in mashing talk it if that's what I don't think We will be at the casino. So come watch kiss a lose money or win money. Come on now 5050 basically it's true and watch me watch from the side Cuz I'm just gonna go away if they have a guy for your restaurant. I'll be there. Oh, buddy. I'll be right there with you Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. Take care of yourselves. Get out there and say hello to people this week Just try to be a human again. Yeah, hail yourself. I'll say just magustylations. Tell me you fuck us Absolutely, and if you're in a coma right now wake up start wake up number one wake up tickle the toes Yeah, if you had honestly tonight, if you know somebody who's in a coma and you love them

Just go play with their dick and balls and their pussies for a little bit Honestly, if you love them before they went into the coma, obviously, you're related. I mean, not if your brother or sister or whatever That's weird. That's weird. I'm just saying if you get in there and really just try to understand They might be feeling something I mean, so also I've seen a lot of documents people are getting stuck in dryers. Be very careful This show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com