Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Death by Kite

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest stories and true crime news including a Murdaugh Murder family update as Alex Murdaugh's trial heats up, chaos in India as over 60 are injured along with 6 deaths in Kite related incidents at popular Kite Festival, friends ironically remembering family annihilator Michael Haight as a good dad despite murdering entire family, the Florida woman who claimed her crack pipe was a sex toy, the priest who went to hell, a true hero of the week, listener emails, and MORE!

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Love the fucking dude who played Elvis is just talking like Elvis He's just stuck in that character and then everyone's like buddy. What you doing? He's straight up. He can't leave it. He can't leave it. He did say which I do get he's just like I'm gonna talk like Elvis for three years There's a difficult stop on talking like Which I understand if you've been Elvis. Do you want to be something else? No, you just got to go back in some shit head actor. Did he not read how it ends? Yeah, I mean, yeah, but he doesn't have to because he's just got to be Elvis during the time

He didn't have to put it in a thing. I didn't even have to put a fat suit on. Oh Oh, they didn't get to fat Elvis and Elvis. No, they do but they because you know, what's fucked up? Are we recording it? You know, what's fucked up about Elvis what in the end what he wasn't as fat as you think he was I know he was nobody was he was literally full of dung wait at Elvis's death. I want to see this I want to see what he says. I want to look this up at the top of the show. Well, okay, so he will all right How are they gonna know what his weight is because they weighed his fucking corpse. Yeah, he's 350 pounds when he died Right. Oh, well, that is a little bit. It was bigger than a it is big, but I feel like for his height How tall was it? I think he was eight feet

nine inches tall Elvis's height I'm gonna look this up again. Welcome to side service. We're just this now. We're starting up Because I still think my name is Austin Butler. It's very difficult for me to stop being Elvis mom. Yeah, Austin You're not Elvis. No, listen, your name is Austin Butler. Yeah, I know I'm a nipple baby But guess what nipple babies sometimes they too have said nipple baby is six foot tall So six foot three fifty. That's a lot. No, he what he did actually wow. I love that. You just proved yourself 45 seconds of the show that shows that that's what that's called proper podcasting That's me responsible with information Henry Soprowski every day coming in with the backup

So yes three fifty and six six feet is a lot. Yes indeed. Welcome to side stories everyone whenever I think of old Elvis I think she felt also six hundred pound sisters or thousand pounds sisters One is six hundred pounds the other ones carrying the four hundred pounds not doing exactly what she needs to be doing for the show She really doesn't need to pick it up. I believe it's Tammy still alive. I she's got they she got like her hair dye and stuff She looks fun. She looks really fun and Hi, there was a death scare and honestly, it's very sad. She does die. Well, she will I don't like it's very sad I want them to take better care of themselves. I feel like the producers are killing her. I mean, yeah I think they're killing her shows called a thousand pound sisters

Yeah, they bring out a scale each time and they make sure like mmm And they like they because do a thing of cupcakes They're like listen with the audiences in here for six hundred fifty pound sisters And have you noticed every time the one loses weight the other one gains way it makes me sad because I just hope that I hope that they take care of cells I hope that there's some way somebody looking out for them Because guess what it's hard to do out there man because you sometimes you got to look after yourself because you know Who's not looking after themselves or try to do but he did in the wrong way Alec Murdoch?

Alec Murdoch sky and on the Murdoch family. He is finally going to trial and Looking like fried chicken Lex Luthor. Well, actually, you know, I was just gonna say he looks pretty good He's lost some weight. I think the stress is doing well on him stress is really spelt in them I might be a true psychopath where he doesn't actually really feel the full weight of the accusation He feels nothing the charges And so I think he might be taking this time as a little me time a little he time He might get to work out he read the Quran and you know what you do You use your own body weight as a weight. Did you ever look up the Charles Bronson?

I don't know why you would but I did look up the Charles Bronson the world's most famous Uh prisoner in the UK like the guy that Tom Hardy played. I know we we performed a mile away from where you stayed Yeah, that was awesome. He wrote a book the real one wrote a book called basically how to stay fit in prison It's how to stay fit in a 10 foot by 10 foot square. Nice. It's brutal though. It's very very difficult That's push-ups. It's handstands. It's burpees. You got to do all this shit So Alex Murdoch surviving son his brothers his wife sister and former law partners are among those called to testify This is what I'm thinking Henry remember the last episode of Seinfeld. I remember they I remember it stopped. It stopped

They got arrested because they broke a common decency law. Yeah, they were making fun of a chubby boy who is getting He was getting what do you call a thieved robbed sure and it was quite funny Some people criticized it But I thought it was great because all the old characters got to go take the stand and got to do their bets and the soup Not she was like no, I don't see it was fun It was all the old characters come out. Yeah, you're Alex Murdoch and you just start to see every single person from your past So you know you've dicked over one over another over another over a male man I didn't tip this is going to be one of those moments

He's just gonna have to sit there and every single person is finally just going to unload on him And he can't talk that's because otherwise you get in trouble. Oh, yeah, you have to sit stone face You do you have to take all these people they're gonna rail take We'll fucking rip you over the fucking coals because he deserves every minute of it with the big thing That's gonna come out they're talking about so right now They're in jury selection which is actually very difficult because they're trying to find a group of people that have not heard anything about the case in South Carolina and I'm gonna tell you this if I was in South Carolina for jury selection Guaranteed I'm not getting chosen. Why red hair red hair because I'm looking at you

I'm thinking I myself in your prison bound shoes I have a red hair bond because we still make up very low percentages of the world population and back in the day We were killed. Okay, so maybe my dog has a little revenge on his mind for all the Years generational years of torment and torture. See you're actually heads go with so perhaps incorrect because I just actually got an email saying that red Heads are on the rebound Yeah, which means we're doing it baby. That means that we were a missed shot thin little Rebound in little comes they are making it to the egg. No red heads are known to be thin thin little comes I don't know then comes no red heads are not other than Seth Green side stories LP otl a gmail.com

Is there a difference in diameter between different red heads and different heads? But different people I want to see different sizes to come No, I want to see what it come is the same size. That's number one number two Seth green one of the smaller red heads But he plays Peter Griffin middle boy, so it works out I mean, it's because Peter Griffin. It's second. I'm not sure but we're gonna see some new evidence that they have They've said that we have not we haven't seen this yet. It is a snapchat video. So now we know Alec Murdoch is on trial tell me Alec Murdoch did not go on snapchat. No, no, no, this is from the son He murdered. Yes, this is they

Uh, I always try to cover it. We're not this you can just accuse people on the show. Don't worry, buddy I was watching I was watching Cuomo last night. They just called everyone a pedophile. I mean, that's But Alec Murdoch, uh, he murdered we're gonna say he murdered his wife and his son now his son Paul he said that he sent out a snapchat video Moments before he was shot to death. So they're saying that we don't know what it is They're saying that they're not revealing what it is yet But according to senior assistant deputy attorney general Creighton waters They're saying that it's quote-unquote critical to the kites an important to prove it the state's kites in chief

Tell me you're closeted gay without telling me you're closeted gay Clayton waters. Hey his hair is Combed impeccably. He's the only man wearing a shade above tan and it's nice to see it I just think Lindsey Graham has some good ideas y'all You know, I think Lindsey's got some good ideas y'all I was my aunt Lindsey and we were hanging out and you wouldn't believe you wouldn't believe them the Thai food The Thai food from his little boy. He purchased it's just been he is incredible He gets up any hour because he uh, he sleeps in a cage right near Lindsey's bed And he just says you just rattled that cage. You'll get right. He'll make you spring roll. I love I miss him

I miss him. He died. Yes, indeed. He died of COVID COVID 21 new one new one So we'll see what Paul sent his friends in a snapchat is it is interesting He chose snapchat obviously because theoretically it disappears Perhaps being scared that his father might find it or whatever might be also the kids That's how they speak sometimes anymore Tick tock I believe tick tock does last forever, right tick tock does last forever But snapchat still does delete and they use it to message. I know Mike my niece does

I I look to my niece as being what the children do and mostly I just see a glow of an iPad So he sent out a snapchat and he's like my dad's gonna kill me and then he was killed So according to law, that's basically what's gonna happen and then it sounds like because we know that his wife was super like Spurious about what he was contacting her for because he was like Alec Murdock was like We gotta meet everybody dog kennels. Yeah And he's like sent her some message and she said I think it's fishy and then it turns out it was fishy Man, just looking at that family. I know I hate each one of them. You know what they are kind of clumpy You know, I feel bad like the clumps. I just

Alec Murdock, it's gonna go to jail eventually, but right now he is I love seeing him in court. It's on the opposite side of the desk. It's kind of fun. You know, the thing is Sadly, I actually think he would do well in jail again. He's got psychopathic tendencies Well, look at Bernie made off. He was born that way Bernie made off flipped the whole career Well, as soon as he got to jail, he was like, I'll teach you all how to do taxes and then Bernie did go to He went to a fairly nice one. I mean, there was they only get as nice as they get Yes, but I don't think he was like on the front lines too much But I don't know what the South Carolina penal system. But yeah, he'll be working as somebody's lawyer

Oh, yeah, he will have privileges from within jail, especially from other prisoners because he's gonna he is He's a survivor He's gonna keep on surviving because once he's in that jail, he's gonna understand I need to fucking make myself in a position where I'm needed and necessary Because if not one of these guys is gonna beat the ever-loving shit out of me According to someone who runs in the Murdoch social circles, which I don't think that they run I think they wheel around a little bit. Technically it is the it is the pinnacle of South Carolina Who's who of who's that?

They say behind the black ties and fancy dresses We're miserable I bet you fucking are I bet you fucking are you're all a bunch of fucking I'm soulless pieces of shit all feeding off of this one family and guess what it the time is coming for y'all This is just going to be fascinating because they have 250 potential witnesses It's going to be everybody the 17 year old uber eats driver who got stiffed on a tip It's going to be everybody everybody who has ever been made mad by alec murdoch

It is well, you don't really get that type of poetic justice often Like you don't really get to see a slide show of everybody you've ever fucked over in your life right in front of you also, uh in sort of a television sense There the final son the son that's still alive. His name is buster. Oh much like Arrested development It is really becoming essentially the worst version of arrested development possible. It's so funny So it's the list. So it's alex family members including his surviving son buster

His brother's randy and john marvin murdoch his sister-in-law liz And members of maggie's family. They're gonna unload on this dude. Oh, yeah, they're coming for a man and one unsurprising potential witnesses alex's cousin Curtis eddy smith who was arrested and charged in alex's botched attempted suicide. Yes, it's the same guy Alex allegedly hired him to shoot him in an attempt to obtain 10 million dollars. That was the guy I believe that was on the side of the road. Yes, I think I've been like my ear my ear That's the day that we have to pay attention to oh, I can't want to hear the setup I just want to hear a ghost. I want all the witness testimony. I'm very very excited for this

But yes, I might take a second. They're expecting the trial to take about three weeks Three weeks Georgia to fit this thing is going to go on for a year I think they're just going to have them play on three different stages like it's Bonnaroo They're just going to have one court open on one side have them all bitching over there I'm all bitching on the other side And you know, we'll see we'll see what happens and now like murdoch who knows you might have a couple Jokers still in his sleep One one observer told people which I'm going to say this. I'm actually people.com

They keep it updated. Oh, they do. I actually think people.com if you're looking for like just fun They do a lot of true crime news. Yeah, they do So one observer told people that they saw Alex and Maggie at the University of South Carolina baseball game Two nights before the murders and she seemed annoyed with him. It would fairly speak to him I mean, yeah, she during the game Maggie seemed aggravated, which It's not you hear what we want to do here. This is called defensive play, right? I mean you guys can you imagine him just constantly badgering you with explaining rules of baseball

You see that see that landmine right over there That's actually a safe place to be landmine baseball needs to happen Some people are get scared because it's a square above the ground which I do too I understand even though I did not go to the war But that is actually the safest place for that running man to be so apparently they say Maggie seemed aggravated Which again, she must have been very aggravated to visibly seem aggravated because all good families fight But the best families keep it within the closed doors of the home. Oh, yeah, tell that to Dana white Fucking piece of shit. No, no Dana white

It was a perfect timing for him to come out with his new slap competition Oh my did you see footage of the guy that won the championship? He won five thousand. I watched the entire hour after AEW There is there is like these guys are all gonna have CTE. What do they have? Oh, they have crazy. Oh, it's done It's already there. The guy's whole face was just a giant wound There was another dude slapped in the head He was bleeding from the ear and they just put a little tamp on it and we're like go go swapping He's like if you're getting if you're bleeding from the ear Like that things need to stop you need to stop and call somebody so two days before the murder

Maggie was bleeding from her ear. She was so pissed at her husband and the boys apparently her oldest son buster Apparently they were having a good old time according to the witness Of course and the witness says that she was mad. Well, Alex and the buster went to the bar at least four times to get drinks It's a it's a soft car. I mean, they're fine. They're allergic to hammer But yes, this is now this is heading into the gossip territory. Well, this is where this is that's literally called taking the Taking the stand and then the witness was like Maggie just sat there. Alex bought Alice Alex brought back peanuts for Maggie and you know what she did

She tossed them at him. That is like this is serious, bro This is again, that's and then he sat and he thought about every peanut each time as he loaded the shotgun He thought about all the time all the nuts because you throw a bag of peanuts at someone. That's a hundred nuts That's a hundred assaults brah hundred assaults. Yeah, because technically especially if they um were roasted Then it would be an assault roast mode. This is not the only guy that's in trouble this week There's this other guy that do I mean, he's dead But I love the way the news positioned this man, right? This was the guy that the family nine later we talked about

Oh, brian fucking walsh this the the there's one we got two. Oh, this is a different This is michael hate michael hate is the guy from utah So he murdered his wife and his five children and then himself right because he said he didn't want to get divorced And he got fired from his job and that's dumb, right? You don't do that You just figure out your shit and you move on, right? But there was a private obituary now private There was an obituary that had come out that read about him It's like, you know, he got roasted hard because everyone said because the first thing it said was that he was a dedicated family man

This is in the obituary for the man that killed himself after killing his whole family There's nothing that michael loved more than making memories with his family, right? Well, I mean, I guess he made like a permanent memory For him for no one for the rest of us for himself But that's not the only one there was because there was a bunch of other he There was a bunch of other obituaries on that southern utah one and there's a guy I want to one there's one I want to read from a guy who's first name. I'm just gonna read his glade Yeah, you know that this you bring up a very solid point truth and obituaries need to start being a thing because

I'm just when I was a little bit of truth all of it because when I was at my grandmother's funeral And I love my grandmother She was the one who would hide all the gin because she wanted to lure the men into her room So then she oh, yes Do god knows what she wanted to do with them before she broke their hearts the woman Oh lily and she loved all she did was love her nickname for my little brother michael was squirrel because she hated squirrels She was a woman woman. She was she was the same thing as well. I mean grandmother But it's like but also like I love that they were mean because that's all I know about grandmother

There's is that they're supposed to be kind of yeah, they're all mean. Yeah, they're kind of funny because they're old and dying You're like fucking grandma. Yeah sure sure sure sure but the meantime may be nice to feel love Yeah, but that's my mom loved me. That's my mom could have used love Because she's deeply traumatized. We're we're deep in the weeds of your family. Yeah. No, that's today That's just today. That this is fucking day 24 of dry january. I feel it. I feel it radiating from you Ah, don't sleep without whiskey. I feel it. We got to figure out another way to do it jumping jacks No, I get you a treadmill. I have been I have been Jumping

Dude for what doing what that isn't a jump you can the audience can't see the the picture on subscriber I'm gonna see when they fall and jump I'm sitting he mostly just looked like he was having an heart attack How do you exercise anyway? What I'm saying is truth of the obituaries you can also you can do that like we can when when Papu cannon who we just found out retired today even though I thought he was dead forever Let's get an honest obituary when he dies. I mean it would be I would love to read. I'll write one. Sure We've all had times where it's difficult to make ends meet

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Sign up for an extra cash account and get up to 500 dollars instantly for terms and conditions Go to dave.com slash legal instant transfer fees apply banking services provided by Evolve bank and trust member fdic Anyway, let's move on. But this is this obituary just this one section of this man named Gleed I found During his childhood as the only boy his age Gleed went to school with eight girls But he only had eyes for a second grade teacher So he asked her on a date every day after school. He'd cleaned nearly 400 eggs

Earning money from those that were cracked recently admitting some may have broken accidentally on purpose He often shared stories about topping sugar beets Hands settling bowling pins hitching rides to the movies. Hi skating on the pond playing ball. When did he die? very He just died. So he's just a weird. He's very old. He's a weird kid. I just said a second grade teacher who cleans the Ender class. I just think that's a nice obituary. You see again. I don't know what else glade did I don't know what other crimes glade might have been because that asked so they they stopped his obituary as he was Included pages. It's very late seems nice. He was a nice man. He would be served in the war and shit like that

But he was uh, it does seem I just love cleaning eggs Well into your point, uh, this is according to uh at shannon watz on twitter in the michael hatobituary They say quote michael made it a point to spend quality time with each and every one of his children michael enjoyed making memories With the family no word on x no word on x no word on x well That's this is um That's at some point. I get it. You whitewash me a little bit You just ask for full transparency

It will be fun people will be like, whoa, that's fun. Um, that's illegal. Wow, but it won't be I'm fine. We'll give it a little scrub. You know Yeah, I'll get a writer in there. You smelled amazing stuff like that. Yeah, just good. Yeah Yeah, um, when you kill your whole family I mean it really does dampen the funeral Because then they say uh, each of these children were truly a cherished miracle to them But they weren't because not to him. No, he killed him not to him. No, he killed the whole family in it himself Um, so he they also say he lived a life of service

Yeah, it's just really interesting to see how quickly they threw up because again, it's this Mormon thing where on some level They want to keep up appearances like hardcore because they are out of like almost a sense of it seems of Propriety, right? Like oh music. Well, we don't want to slam them. We don't want to be roasting him while he's there Meanwhile, he killed everyone. He killed everybody. I just want to message it. This is the time to roast him Like this is the time to come for him because he uh, he obviously had a lot of other ideas in his mind He wasn't the man who thought he was this and I guess that a lot of people have I think a lot of times Hard times coming to terms with it That that's guy that you knew and loved actually

Wasn't that guy? I guess it only takes a couple of hours to kill your family But it takes a lifetime to build a reputation And so also for his mission because as Henry mentioned he's Mormon. He got to go to brazil Much better than the characters of book and Mormon Yes, so we got to go see the butts of brazil, which to be frank if you do come back and you're still Mormon You really love joseph smith. You I mean because brazil I've heard is uh, it's beautiful. Yeah, absolutely Big butts and having a great time and everybody's just loving life and you have to you got to They're you know, it's free and you can live your life. Yeah go to brazil

Um, also, they say that uh, he loved going to concerts that he attended at his children's school It just doesn't make any sense. You don't need to include all of these things This is my favorite part. He says they they say he loves doing home improvement projects Sledding and much more. So he did do a lot of sledding as well. So they were able to to squeeze that in there You know, I mean like is that like with cocaine? No, that's skiing. That's called that's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's the code for that Um, yeah, and then they close it out with he recently sold his business to allow more flexibility To spend time with his family. So I'm gonna say maybe he should have kept the business I uh think that he is a piece of shit and a murderer and you just need to say that

He was a father and now he's a dead father And then the oh, well, that's the whole thing. I also people think that it's like a whole thing to just like Technically you you could shit out a bunch of kids. It's you don't get an award for it from the government. I mean, well, you do Well, sometimes you used to you get no, you definitely get you definitely get an award from the government for having children you do Well, I all our friends. I don't know. I haven't seen the money show up. I haven't seen the money show up Talk about if you want to make sure you got to deal with some kids, right? You got a bunch of extra kids Um, you take them to a kite festival. No, bro. Don't do this because this story

I don't know what in the living fuck is going on at this kite festival Dude, this is a kite festival kites, right? The thing that kids used to do before they played minecraft Yes, this is in india, right? This is a place called it's called the gujarat festival Okay, I have no idea what the fuck happened three children among six dead from kite strings slicing their throats In india in this festival the kite festival. There's six people dead total three of them being kids There's 46 injuries at a kite festival. No, there's what is happening with these kites

Are we using gujarat wire? Well, that's kind of what they say. Yeah, authorities say there's been 176 people injured due to cuts and falls During the annual utarian festival, which took place over the past week Like what did you sue? Do you just run with the kite? I don't know, but the people that were killed. It's very it's very sad. So the sharp strings included One of the people that were killed included one toddler who was riding with his father on a bike When they became entangled in a string. So they're literally just biking. Look at this And then they get attacked by these by frivolous things. Did you see the documentary act of killing?

Yeah, do you remember they would kill everyone with the piano wire? That was very fucked up. Yeah, of course And I feel like that's kind of what this is. Why are they using piano wire? I don't think that they were at least of the 30 people sustained cuts 46 were injured when they fell from heights. Well flying kites Thousands take part in this festival every year. I had no idea that this was dangerous I thought you put a kite up there and then you watch it. I never fully understood the Organic drone that is a kite. I never really got into kiting. I don't understand the pull of kiting I don't really understand. I mean my main thing is that's why I kind of cut off using barbed wire for my kites

Because I was really sick of it. Um a lot of times it just sticks in and then you're stuck with the guy I love the cactus jack. Yeah, you got it. It's so difficult But just the idea of like a kite slip your fucking throat. How fast Let me say this. How fast does a kite go? Well, it's got to get right through the artillery the artillery the artillery The artillery there. Well, that's kite borders. No, how fast is a kite? Not on a twin tip. No, you guys are all acting like people are no I'm asking how much does that how much wind does it take to fly a kite? It's just four to ten miles per hour for a wind to fly. Oh a small amount of wind

That's why you could fart a kite. How fast can it be sure you put your your your kite is put together correctly or it may not fly six to 15 miles per hour Damn, I guess I can't just slit your throat. Yeah, I think if you got a fight also I don't know what the protocol is in India, but here we just use little twine They may have used like a fishing line. Well, I guess if you use a fishing line, that'll slice you up real nice Is there like industrial kites? Is they have I looked at a picture of it looked like they were basic ass four by whatever kites Yeah, I just don't know why are we why are we using all of this like an episode? I feel like this is Assassin's Creed

Yeah, it definitely put a hamper on the weekend. Well, yeah, especially when you have all these kites and then the splashing of blood everywhere Which is just like I guess at the last thing you expect or maybe it's the first thing you expect and people straight up We're like, yeah, you're gonna want to come out. We have a bet on who's the first son He's gonna die like and they're just so excited to see oh Oh, you better watch out with with tendermen over there. He's got a fucking long neck Yeah, those kites are thirsty for him. Well, it's kind of interesting is this isn't the first time. No, it's not the first time Apparently in 2016 two youngsters Also died from sustaining kite injuries

I didn't know that I didn't know that was a thing. No, I really didn't know that was a thing either I don't want to die via kite also If I was there in India in this town, I wouldn't go to this It seems like there's two months. There seems like the odds are just a little too high It's actually more dangerous to go to a kite festival than to play football It seems like it. I think football is actually technically. Yeah, obviously Ctes the slow death of the mind and then some of course do get it, but you can combine it now with medication um, I would say hockey

You ever see when the goalie got do you ever see when the goalie got Oh, yeah, got his next slice. That was scary, bro. Yeah, that was fucking sweet. But yeah, that's like that was not sweet. Henry's a proud ski It's not sweet, but it's cool. You can say it. Yeah, exactly because again, it's hockey Well speaking of unique deaths This is a story that I sent to you Henry because It hits close to all of us. It really does because this is one of those where you're like it just shows that like You're never safe. You're never safe wind They also wind is probably one of the biggest

I mean to be honest if I'm scared of one thing it's wind. I'm scared to wind absolutely because you can't see it Can't see it. You don't know it's it's it blows You can kind of see it Well, only if it's got a bunch of dust in it, then it's a tornado final dust. Yes. Yes, double final destination That's what this story reminds me of one dead two injured After a denny's sign falls on a car in a parking lot Yeah, man, and now I was thinking well, were they parked close to the sign not even it's a long ass denny's sign, right? It's a very big time and it's extremely random

He's very dangerous and they didn't even die of a cholesterol Like no, the moons over my hammy is what's supposed to kill you at denny's not the sign I do wonder why they were still in the car because usually you stop that car I mean, I'll get out if I'm in a denny's parking lot. Yeah, I got a stretch I'll get out in the I got a masturbate so I don't do it in the restaurant Um, I always leave my gun in the trunk because again, if I'm going to denny's a lot of times I'm not trying to scare the waiters a lot of time because you know because they're holding So I want them to feel in power to be honest with you. I think denny's might see more firearms than most restaurants

Well waffle house Waffle house has probably got a lot of firearms in it I actually you'd be real surprised how many people bring in guns and belts in an olive garden Because I know that my father every time we've talked about this Well, my father every restaurant we went to you can't eat unlimited if you have a gun strap to your belt Yeah, you can you just move it to the shoulder holster Because then it won't dig into your thigh anymore. No, my father used to bring I always think about the fact that he used to pack For any night we went out and sometimes he'd wear two guns

Sometimes my father would have an ankle gun Like he's denny de Vito from always sunny and then sometimes he'd have it in his Used to have a holster in the back like behind like in the bug but like right above like where the the tramp stamp area Used to have one right back there. And I just think about there. It's like we're just going to prima pasta Like oh, you expect them you think you're gonna go whacked you think this whole family This is when the second valentine's day massacre is gonna happen You never know this is america your father could be a hero Actually, that was during a time period with those far less mass shootings

Hmm 72 year old woman is dead and two others injured after the denny's sign. Oh 72 years young Yeah, wow. She almost made it out scott free almost this is kind of after all your 72 years. She lived through so much Wow the dot combust She lived through oh man. Why 2k? She lived through again. We already brought up Seinfeld ending. She lived that was again I mean I am still reeling from well. She lived through heroes reborn getting cancelled. That was hard for her She lived you so much. I am and then she just gets to the she all she wants is a moon's over my hammy because she needs that salt Oh, she does honestly damn

Yeah 72 you know she had to turn into a flapjack outside of a flapjack restaurant Yep, indeed she did get flattened it all three victims were in the car when the large sign fell thursday And this was last week and all three had to be extracted and they showed the vehicle and they got fucking Up brah big sign it got messed up and you can see so basically So they were sitting in the back So the sign comes in boom crushes them and then it rolls to the front of the car So she was in the back and then if you see the photo she she really got smashed. Yeah, it's not good No, she got she got very much

Flat indeed according to her granddaughter, which is ironically the name of my grandmother lillian She was in the car with her husband loyde and their daughter mary graham All right, and that's when the sign fell Yes, and then loyde was rushed to the hospital with fluid in his lungs and not the good kind of the gravy And he had other baby shouldn't be in your lungs. By the way, there should be no fluid in your lungs It should be zero fluid except for the blood in your lung meat The family was headed to columbia, kentucky Where they live and driving in the denny's parking lot and then that's why so they were in the they were driving

And then look at this Wonderful couple there. I it's it's very sad. It's very sad that they they it's not how they should have died They should have died in hospice like they were supposed to like is the american dream Absolutely alone with your family not visiting elizabeth town police spokesperson chris denham said I am able to say with certainty. The wind was a factor. Yeah, I better If it just fell down then this is an issue This is like a denny's wide problem and if we need to you know what I want to do What as I want to go over to the denny's you know fart on a rink or shim and burbank protest

Check their sign. I think that would be fantastic Well, according to a denny's spokesperson, they say denny's is aware of the incident that took place at an elizabeth town location Yeah, they fucking better be aware of it two people got squished And then they have to sit there because you know, they just rolled through with brunch Yeah, you know, they did not shut that restaurant down. No, they just kept this been like, yeah Well, the rest of you ain't flat. So you best get to flipping some goddamn eggs flat I think more of a think it was more of a gusher. Yeah, it's not good. So then denny's says safety is our top priority Which I don't know why it would be I mean to be honest with you. I don't even want I don't want safety to be denny's top priority

I want amtrak safety to be there. What is that easy? Yes. I want the yeah bank of america I want like those with the yeah safety safety, but denny's I need I need food food eggs I think eggs should be your number one priority and then Let's just bring a smoke and stick it back. Is this the problem with denny's? What they've been thinking more safety than food Whether we got metal detectors. Do you think tsa is strict? You walk into a denny's. We got a whole it's a psa. It's pancake as security It's got to be very very scary just that idea of like your you think that these denny's are so Perilous that they must be secured no matter what that's their first thought

And no one thinks about the specials. I do love that they close out their little uh statement here by saying Our thoughts are with all those involved, which they don't imply the word all we do is think I actually think it's kind of funny our thoughts are with them. Who would have thought Well, anyway, we've got to go change that sign. We're thinking about suing them For hurting our sign when it fell. Yeah, exactly like look who notice. No one asked how the sign is Well, speaking of people that might go to denny's henry this story will remind me of you What so there was a florida woman and she told cops Um, that it was not a crack pipe that they found in her car

She says it was a sex toy flip it and reverse it. Is it in her pussy? It's a sex toy Well, a florida woman claimed a crack quite funny. It's the funniest idea. I've just been like, oh, you think i'm smoking on this And she just flips up the legs Oh, would I do this? You know, me like she's a hot crack pipe Oh, yeah, I like it. Oh, i'm heavenwongish Well, my friend, do you think that you're making a parody a florida woman claimed a crack pipe found Protruding from her vagina. Wow during a strip search Was indeed a sex toy and i'm actually gonna say this

Until proven otherwise it is well, that's what i'm saying unless you find crack residue in her like a oh serious looking woman Serious looking woman for a very silly crime and she has a hickey on her neck Look at that. She's popular bro. Look at that hickey Oh, wow, I honestly think whether yes, I do think she may smoke crack out of this crack She might be going steady with bobby, but I it's very possible But I also think that she might use it as a sex toy And if it is indeed protruding from her vagina at that moment is not a crack pipe It is indeed a sex toy at some point. Can you just leave her alone at some point? Can you be like? Hey?

I don't smoke crack but My pussy does And so I've been trying to get my vagina to rehab, but she just won't go So what I need is for you to help me engender a rock bottom for my vagina Can you please call Chris angel mind freak and have him come over here and have sex with help me create the rock bottom Create it create the rock bottom. So then finally I can get my vagina to rehab

Well, maybe her vagina just needs to go through the windows of her rehab She can hang out outside She can protrude it and then they can you know the rehab and then the vagina can apologize for all of its nasty sins That's sad though because so he found her and so they said like oh, that's crack pipe And she like can't possibly be a crack pipe crack pipes for the head It's for the head and also she so she didn't show up in court for a shoplifting charge. All right All right, whatever, you know, it's not the biggest deal. Have her pay the guy Yeah, exactly. She got Osama bin Laden. Yeah, so she was being processed in the panella county jail

And then oh wait a second. Okay. We're not now. I'm okay. I thought this was like on a traffic stop So she she got pulled over because she had a warrant for her arrest because she did not show up To a uh to a shoplifting court hearing. So she decided to go into a court and again I'm not really you know, we were all different Sure, but she went into a courthouse having probably just maybe I'm again I'm gonna put an alleged in there. She just hit the rock, right? No. No. No. She was detained at this time Okay, good. Good. Good. I thought she voluntarily walked in With it stuck up in her vagina like it's behind your ear like it's a piece of corn like a piece of wheat

And she's a farmer. I'm assuming what happened was again the luxury of being a woman I'm being pulled over. Oh, I got this crack pipe. Where should I put it for boys? What do we got asshole? Oh, yeah, but you can't You can't get they'll be like, I think you're shoving something in his asshole Because you would be bump bumping up and down You can't see how fast my hands, right? Like, let's say you palm it like this. So I know like Let's say you borrow a stem. Have you seen the stems? Like, you know, they're big, right? So stems are probably about as big as your palm, right? My palm, right? Get a stem like that

You you palm it in, right? You stick in the back like going. Oh, I gotta find my I gotta find the same way You're gonna get to your asshole sitting down in the car Look at how all right, if you just look at the natural slope of my butt, I'm gonna do like you can't look at the natural But you're not gonna get it in the hole. I know I see that. Yes. It's disgusting So you're looking at the natural slope of my butt, right? Yeah Now you can obviously so now Natalie thinks it's funny to like to to like, you know, everyone wants a little sugar Me a little spank right? I'm walking up the stairs, right? But she hits me right on my asshole And I sound like little it sounds like it sounds like I'm you're hitting the top of a bottle, right?

So what I'm thinking is that if you have a nerve enough, but All the others this is my asshole like where my finger is like it just goes right into it So you could just thank you for stabilizing the chair Fernando. Well, that's that's important for you to know that it's that easy It's that easy and again, you had to get on all fours like you're some kind of bizarre perverted coyote And the cops would have been like again. I think he's shoving something in his little polish. I'm looking for my license In your asshole. Yeah, man. Yeah, I'm different. So she was being processed a hate crime. I'm different Honestly, if you are arrested and beaten by cops, it would be a hate crime. I just go you just go. No I should be school

If I could just buy a cup for a day Pull him over Oh man, if I could just be in the back seat and just track you you're making a hate crime Pull him over. So anyway, they're in the Ponella County jail and a body scan revealed quote an anomaly Intergenital area. I tell you what I've been have. Have you read about umau? Because you don't know we don't know where that that's that Piloted rock they believe might have ended up inside of my pussy So when some lucky officials conducted a strip search of the suspect

They found the glass crack pipe was protruding from her vagina Now then they allegedly removed the contraband from her cavity and quote intentionally threw it on the ground And stepped on it in an effort to destroy Evidence that's what she did but take a look at that dear crack pipe. Oh, that's a working That's a working glass crack pipe that needs to be clean And while she thought she'd step on it like a glass that oh Jewish wedding Yeah, you really have to be careful with that especially in front of the police officers because they That's not destroying evidence. No, no, it's watch you do it

You the key is is that in the moment that you thought you'd put it in your in your vagina That's what because technically she managed to hide putting it in a vagina while she was getting picked up Right, so that's when you throw it away. Also. I didn't know they did full fucking cat scans when you get goddamn arrested Like that's the thing they do a full like I know that they they put you in jail They do a cavity search, but my question is if you're brought in on a fucking Shoplifting charge. They do a full. It's a police day, buddy She might have had some she might have had some erratic behavior, but I don't think How many assholes are we looking at at a police station today?

Sometimes except that one woman that blow banged the one cop who blow banged all the other cops Yeah, that was bad. That was a lot of assholes, but those were all voluntary So she tried to explain that the object was actually a sex toy despite the fact that it was quote Consistent with the pipe commonly used to smoke crack. I mean, it definitely has a char to it Well, yeah, they said it was covered in burnt markings, but you know what? Come on I mean again, it's just like because it's hard been a okay So, you know, we just all make all we do is prosecute people for crack after the u.s. Government developed it to for population control

So it's interesting at this point. Technically, I think once we can finally declare the war on drugs over Don't think about that. Come on. She might maybe she should get some kind of like coupon I think she should just give it back to the government. Yeah, but like actually, you know what? Thank you. I rented this for a while Thank you so much for the crack. I've destabilized my neighborhood. You can I I want to say you can the CIA can say you're welcome to me Well, and you do make a point about destabilizing the neighborhood She had been previously convicted of trespassing disorderly conduct fraud Battery driving without a license and failure to show up in court. I feel there's a lot going on there

All of those are crack crimes. I mean, you know, she's just a little mouse She's just trying to get her cheese Because literally these are all things that you do on crack Also trespassing sometimes you just if you are super high, right? Find yourself somewhere. Oh, dude. I do a drunk. Is it trespassing if you don't know that your trespass? I mean, yes, but it's also like not as it's not like they're stalking. They're not like co-burger They're not stalking you out. Like she was just wandering. I hope this woman gets a little bit of help I think that that's what looks like. Yes. I hope she has a new crack pipe number one. I think crack

Okay, they're easy to come by. I think the the issue seems to be the crack That really seems to be the special sauce Of her situation right now and then eventually if she could maybe if you can excise the crack because I know a lot of X crack dealers are incredible Hova, baby People sling and rock people swing rock out again. It's just 18 years old. It's quite I think that's more of a story to me I don't know, but then you flip it into you make that money, right? Fucking sling and ice right slinging H

And then you flip it you get back into the business and then you start selling the real drugs, which are supplements Yeah, well, I agree with that tactical bass. Uh, you actually don't make that much money as a drug dealer But anyway, this woman 57 Again judging by this picture. She's getting laid a whole bunch and if she can get her life together I think that she truly can be One of the more successful senators in florida, you know, somebody loves her enough to give her a hickey absolute freaking lulie they do because again, she has all the crack And what can make you more love than that? I mean, I don't know

I feel like they they should switch to something else I guess like red bow because that's what I do if I need to pick me up I've a red bow or an espresso. That's also a nice espresso. That's what she needs Honestly, if I could get her address, I'll send her a really nice espresso machine because How's she gonna put that in her pussy? You could eat the little cups Because they have the diva cups, right? They that's what they do if you think that's oh, you're talking about for the blood Yeah, if she wants if she's proud Of her menstruation, which I think a lot of women are and you know what I say

Much you should be sure. Sure. Yeah, absolutely. You lived you live So just lastly and stupid criminals last yesterday on open lines We broke down brian walsh's internet searches dude if you get a chance listen to that episode. It's so fucking Funny this man is so stupid brian walsh. He murdered his wife. She was missing since january 1st she had went like fully missing since december 27th, but He decided after he murdered her Uh that uh they because they have still haven't found her body, which is like it's fucked, right? But he was caught buying 450 dollars worth of cleaning supplies, right? So that was stark

he was by he caught buying a tarp and Hacksaw and he thought that he could use baking soda to cover the smell and he did all of this shit And all of it was incorrect Well, I mean technically, uh You said this correct on the show last night You buy that stuff six months in advance you have to and then you buy him piece by piece by piece That might be a time where you steal Maybe not have it on the record or you paid like you got some like 18 year old

That doesn't know what's going on you give him money and be like a you go over to buy some tarps over there for me And it'll be like, well, okay This is the easiest five dollars I ever made and the next thing, you know, and then he's getting penned So I know how to do crime just a brief smattering 455 a.m. On january 1st. These are the texts So these are the google searches. So after the they went missing. So what they went and they were They picked him up for buying these supplies In association with his I don't believe that he was arrested yet. I think they were like let's watch you you're gonna watch him Because that's what they did. So yeah, they got the search warrant for the computer 455 a.m

Oh, how long before a body starts to smell three minutes later? How to stop a body from decomposing? It's just me. He's desperate about 20 minutes later. How to bound a body about 25 minutes later 10 ways to dispose of a dead body like it's a buzzfeed list Yes, and then it just goes on from there and it is the dumb If you are going to kill your wife your friend your family member Even yourself You can't google it. I'm sorry. You can't google how to do it. This is a time to phone a friend You really want to call somebody on the phone? I would say you meet them at a denny's

Perhaps that is a fantastic place right by the sign right by the sign and just wait for a windy day Yes, but I do that is how you again go in along a lot of these guys don't really understand They don't I feel like it's because our generation We were the last generation to see no technology Yeah, basically we were the last ones to have I had a rotary phone growing up that type of shit I remember when we got our uh cordless this phone, then I remember it being a big deal Yeah, like we could go anywhere with these you go 25 feet away from this This is incredible. Meanwhile, like, you know, they don't like videos pick up the phone

They still can hear you and they have my buddy Jared had a fucking beeper bra. I remember beepers But these guys, um, I think that this guy was I'm gonna go on a limb He's a fucking moron, right? And he doesn't understand that it's just so easy. Even if you do it in on incognito They just can pull up the guts. No, you know, it's all permanent Deleted and incognito that is solely for your girlfriend or your wife It is just a hide porn searches from your wife And that's it. That is that's as deep as it goes. So anyway, we'll wait until that trial continues going and we'll keep you updated

But yes, I'm sure most of y'all have seen the google searches now and just what an absolute loser that man is He absolutely is and he's gonna go to jail and then we talked a little bit on the show last night Which is the look on that man's face because we can show it here We'll show it on the patreon feed is that when they are reading the text Look on his face is so Fucking funny. It's really amazing. I have never seen a man look because again It's the alec murdoch face. It's all of these people when you're in jail and you're not allowed to respond

You're like not allowed. So as they're reading you also don't have any power anymore He looked like a sim. He looked like a sim on pause. Like he just was trying to he looked like he was trying to Disappear like he was nightcrawler. Dude, it is crazy watching people in court. What a It's got to be so difficult because you're shaking inside like dr Cats. Oh, yeah, and you just have to keep it together. Especially if you truly are innocent, obviously this means not No, he is he closes out all of them with the bitchiest of all the searches. I've ever seen somebody Searched after killing their wife. This is why she wanted to leave him. He's so incompetent The final search is is it better to throw crime scene clothes away?

Or wash them here. Just you useless or wash wash his wife is like in heaven being like Yeah, you want me to go wash my fucking clothes for you? That's what it is. Oh, this is a larger question. I'm gonna put this way guys. You also refer to his clothes as crime scene clothes Yeah, I'm gonna could say this also to our listeners again if you're I don't want you to do crimes but if you are just know for a fact At any second time you look up something on the internet that is like because there is that right? You can look up like how to build a bomb or how to do the xyz. How do you how do you clean up a crime scene?

But you just can't really do it Well, you can't because guess what that post is written by the fbi It is it is planted by the feds To get you to look at it and it's not that you everyone's talking about the twitter files right with elan musk What about the quora files? Oh, I'd love to see the quora files I would love to see the inner workings of quora Well, mostly it's just does my dog love me But seriously bro. That's a psy opted. I I do believe that it has to be a member

There is somebody at quora the fbi the cia who answers it is cia and fbi Yeah, oh, they're they're covert, but we know who they are. There's more covert than them And they're all working on quora. They're all working on quora. You just got to know that it's out there Just don't trust what you find on the internet, especially on what it's supposed to be for correct way to do crimes Unfortunately you guys that's on you. It's another thing that is shifted to the citizen, isn't it? It always has been We're not supposed to have to google search. How do you back in the day? Anyway, let's know my lines Also, uh, hell is real

There was a priest his name is gerald johnson. He went to hell He says he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. He said he had a near death in superiors He said he went to fucking hell and nothing makes me not want to go to hell now knowing that it's full of fucking priests But um, also, I really think that he was just fantasizing because he said that hell was basically just a dude walking on all fours Like a dog getting burn head to toe. His eyes were bulging. He was wearing chains on his neck. He was like a hell He's getting horny. Yeah, he was like there was a demon holding the chains. I think that this man He just wanted to be fucking spanked by fucking me as gary bunda Like he wants his pretty face as a pornography, which is it is not

Yeah, he added the priest added like telepathically I knew that the demon was sent in this man's life to ride him from his child That's funny though Yeah, these guys have been a horny ass priest. Just get your dick sucked, dude This fucking go to the brambles man Every town has the brambles. It has a town where you go and you see. Oh, do you remember we read a story? Oh, there was a listener email a long time ago where it's someone that said there was like this like scary area where they went They walked through this park and they saw all these homeless guys acting real weird and standing and moving around

I got a follow-up email that was like That's the local secret gay hangout. Oh, so all of those men Then probably were there being just being literally standing up Because somebody just walked through as they were you interrupted a bunch of clandestine Come on guys. Leave them alone It's literally I I forgot I forgot to mention that the next week. I remember getting that update They're like, yeah, that's where you go to get your dick sucked. So yes, they were very secret over there. Yeah, they were being a little

It's a little suspicious like a bunch of prairie dogs. What? What? Also, uh, the uh, the priest added that there was some music in hell Do you know what songs did he heard? He heard rihanna's umbrella. Whoa, they got the licensing for that And then he also heard by the McFerrin's don't worry. Be happy. That is now. Well, that would be Yes, and he said Be up, but this is the funniest thing again. This man says he saw hell and he's a priest so you can trust him

Oh, yeah, he said, uh, it was not sung by the original artist But by a group of demons that use their words to torture us. So there's a demon choir This is incredible. Don't worry. Be happy Under the umbrella Whoa, they covered rihanna That would be incredible man. I wish pretty face was back I know maybe now that fucking maybe now there'll be room at adult swim And then we could go and be do our show again because that's our show right there

Have you thought about any more violent crime and maybe they'll bring this show back? No, it seems like I have to though. So fingers crossed the last day He said that every word every song was made to torture you for the fact that you didn't worship god through music Well, you were So wait a second. I can't listen to don't worry. Be happy. That's a satanic song It should be safe and also rihanna's umbrella. It's like one of her like most like beloved pop crossovers. It's a very nice song I love that song. It's very nice. So yeah, why I guess that would be in hell That's also funny because that's what he considers risqué music

Yes, it's a hit from when was umbrella 2012 Something like that. He's like this new modern music and I'm guilty of that Every day Yeah, but umbrella. I don't even think that's I called p. Diddy puff daddy yesterday And that's even old for me. He said like he's not puff daddy anymore. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess You can still call him puff daddy. No, I think you get beat up by him No, I don't think so if you called him puff daddy, but I have to but then he went to Diddy, right? And now he's p. Diddy. So he did add a p back

I don't fully know you can call him any one of the names as long as you buy his records He'll be happy. I don't know. I think that he actually be very mad But I don't think that he does get mad anymore because he got away with murder and then now he just hangs out and be super rich That's kind of fun 2007. Yeah, it's been umbrella. Holy fuck. It's been a long time That was before Obama. Wow. I'm fucking ancient, dude. That's fucking crazy It's weird like as you get older, I mean to be super cliche, but everything is just a couple years ago It's just yeah, that's how I felt. I'm like 80. I'll be like a couple years back We started doing this podcast like that was 70 years ago. Oh my god 2000

That's fine. No, you know, it comes down to we all got an age because guess what if we don't we've been dead All right, so if you don't get old it turns out you're just fucking rotten in a grave Well, you never know what's gonna happen. All right, let's do hero of the True hero of the week. This is we got a real one this time. We actually do have a real one I mean, he's not gonna be the highlighted here of the week But the true hero of the week is the man who stopped the psychopath in the Monterey park Shooting they killed 11 people. There was an individual. He approached that man 72 year old dude. He's the oldest Um person to ever commit a mass homicide and they say life ends at 40

So anyway, it was a 26 year old man who met eyes with the Monterey shooter and he wrestled the gun from him And it was really phenomenal and it the video is really compelling. It's very scary Uh, it he did his best. He actually kind of like Weirdly also did it while trying like it was kind of almost like gentle yet strong the way he took the gun from the guy Like it was really fucked up because it was like you watch it because you know that he's trying to end the scenario And mostly it was like the shooter was what his activity after his behavior of like he kind of just slunk away He was kind of like It was very

The shooter's name is who can try and and the dude who stopped him was brandon say And so thank you brandon for what you do and uh, fuck off to every single person who tried to politicize that immediately Um, it was very sad what social media does to us as we didn't even have a chance to mourn Um, but that was very very sad. So you're a true hero brandon say and then of course in a ben kissle hero of the week Yeah, you want to do a do a real choice. Well, I want to do this guy. It's a missing. It's a um No, that's not it. That's that's the headline husband of a missing co-head Never mind that guy killed his wife and showed up smiling. Uh, here we go This is a hero of the week. That was the wrong story

And I was like, that doesn't sound like a hero. Yeah. Well, my research doesn't hold out There's a dude there's a dude named j with ease a 27 year old mechanic. He received uh two Tickets to the super bowl from the buffalo bills. He will not be going um, but uh Former bills running back not oj simpson thurman thomas personally delivered the surprise because this man during the massive snow storms they suffered from Uh, recently he went into a home and saved 24 people went into a school rather I'm sorry and saved 24 people from freezing to death. So literally that's awesome

Whoa, really like he did. Wow. That's like that's very good And we actually had a couple football players do shit recently and other guys say like saved a bunch of people from drowning There you go. And I'm so sorry again. I got this wrong once again He rescued 24 people from their cars and then brought them to a school Oh, wow 24 people were like, uh, I don't think I'm driving here. And then he was so that's really impressive And wow, there's a lot of there was some real heroes this week out there guys there were we don't got to give up hope yet We got some people out there You just got to make sure if you're somewhere that there is a retired football player near you

And they'll take care of you because I mean otherwise I guess you're should out of luck because I have not heard a police officer save someone in a second but it's it's good find your local retired nfl players And hire him to hang out. I don't know if this guy was former nfl But nonetheless, he was able to go to 24 cars. That is like some Batman stuff. Yes, it is. That is really really I get tired. I'd be tired. I'd be like, whoa 24 of them. Oh, yeah, I'd be like save like maybe nine Because you got nine people who are being It may be one of them will be rich. You see, this is why I saved your life

This is why you have to be like this is you got to keep your head in a swivel You got to save who you can. That's the reason why everywhere I go I make sure I'm looking out if you're drowning. I'll call somebody If you're house on fire, don't worry. I'll yell. I'll be like Um, also, I know a lot of people are really upset with my heroes this week So don't worry two beavers named hazel and chompy. We're also reintroduced to the english country side. Look Look at them

Over the info, right? No, they're beavers They're beavers and hey, it's hazel and chompy and they've been reintroduced to the english country side First one first ones to live there in 400 fucking years. You have so That's fucking fantastic I'm glad that they are out. They're in the gen pop again. I'm gonna name my next dog chompy. I think chompy's cool I want borky. Yeah, borky. I want to name borky. I want to find a dog that he's either borky or anton Anton or borky. Yeah, go with borky. I know it depends on come here. They're gonna think that you're

Yeah, it depends on how serious the dog looks It depends on how serious the dog looks Or you're gonna update on susan meacham My fiance is a librarian and a smut peddler, right? A smut sommelier. My word's not heard So I take a lot of the romance landia detritus trying to find new titles to despise her with I also wrote and self-published erotica to help me get through grad schools. That's fairly fun, right? Okay, um the susan meacham story is even crazier than you guys described in the show This is the romance novelist that faked her own suicide

Faked being her own daughter and faked being her own mod on her suicide memorial website And it's very funny. It's it's more of this, right? um So after susan's after susan's suicide one of the admins of the group she ran posted about how someone They would need to run the group after her death that someone commented saying that she would run it in susan's honor It turns out those both were susan under fake accounts How does she have I guess when you fake your own death you have nothing but time This is all she did all day. She ran her own funeral home, right?

Also, her friends got together to write what they called the bully king Anthology a book of romance stories about bullies despite an author. They believed had bullied her Right, so they did it. They all got together. So we talked about the last time a little bit These writing groups are actually really thick and very common on facebook Self-published writers get together and they get together this group and they talk about these issues together. That's fantastic And and and you'll reach a support She was remember they labeled her and see they came out saying like she committed suicide because she was bullied And so everybody chose an author that they thought

Bullying her right and then they wrote this thing called the bully king anthology That was about bullies despite the author that they believed had bullied her who published a series by the same name So they did it to make fun of this person in addition to being super petty It seems like a pretty weird way to memorialize your friend as well We're gonna drive that person to commit suicide It's kind of like if they died by gun violence and he wrote an anthology of romance stories about a what about women fucking a gun That's a very funny job. I love Ted Nugent's writing, but it's so funny It's like they said here and then this is commentary not mine from the from the author of this letter

In short the romance novel community is widely regarded as the pettiest Most toxic group of weirdos in the writing world Second only to YA authors for obvious reasons. What's white YA youth? It's for like it was a young adult fiction. Oh young adult say I wonder why It's because it's just intense out there. I gotta get the let out and it's just intense Maybe they're too busy writing about romance and not experiencing it. You know what you'd be surprised I actually we'll see because I actually got a lot of messages saying like, you know people fuck But they want to write about other people fucking

Yeah, I want to experience other fucking than their minds. That's what I do I always drop other shapes of boobies I didn't know triangle triangle boobies triangle boobies. I just look at him and like oh, it's different You know that other think about it writing is a very in it's very personal Oh, it is very personal and maybe having a group of writers get together to try to talk to each other about writing is actually negative Well, because I mean really it's like can you imagine if steven king like ran the child foxy my is anyway No, I wish I would never mentioned it. No, I don't want to do it anymore And it wouldn't have that have ruined the oracle that he has it

technically They run a loving train on that little girl. They do and they're all the same age. I'm gonna read this next Sorry That is not how you support it. No, I don't support it I'm 27 years old and I recently had to make the very hard decision of splitting from my life partner and roommate of three years So we could both live with family while we finish university It's been a long time since we've lived apart So I was expected to run into some initial discomfort now that I'm living as a single adult again

Yeah, full disclosure. I'm a practitioner of witchcraft and am superstitious that being said I've got a good head in my shoulders And I don't put stock into indirect evidence such as the house creaking at night or cold spots All although there has been certainly some above I keep my practice private and I have no ulterior motives for getting others to believe in ghosts or magic So even just to surprise myself that I feel the strong need to tell somebody about it Interesting intriguing indeed watch out for the wet spot one of the first things I did after moving into my quite Drafty room was hang some curtains in the door frame of the closet now while I was pitting up the curtains I noticed something in the overhang

There was something like a seal embedded in the wall in the closet obviously hidden There's a symbol on it a try pointed Celtic knot after some research I found it was typically A unifying a positive symbol so I thought it might be best to leave it be I hung my curtains and didn't think much more of it But I did check the other closets of my sister's house to see if any other rooms had a similar mark My room was the only room containing such a mark Oh anvil about things have happened in the first few weeks that I've been here

Right. I have some remote controlled prop candles on my vanity desk, which I keep in said closet Which will suddenly turn off seemingly on their own right. I didn't know that you could have that I know what it is. Is it I'm not it might be a battery a battery issue. I don't know Well, I know you could also set those to a timer. Oh, absolutely. Who knows Right. I checked that the remote was an imposition that the buttons could accidentally press but it kept happening So once it happened once I pressed the power button for my tv. So I thought might be of there's some kind of jumbled signal Jumbled signal. Uh, but no, no, absolutely not right nothing jumbled. No No, this brings us to now

My sister and her family left the house for a three-day weekend And I figured it would be excellent time to have one of my long self-indulgent Masterbation sessions. Oh, sure. I got out the toys. I had my fun and left them out to dry After you gotta give them a good wash or you gotta get in with those Oh, I see Now I left them out overnight and then returned to them to the drawer in the morning. So today I'm putting away laundry and now I'm thinking about the marking of my closet I've a compelled to touch it. So I reached up and I just pepped it with my finger

Now it felt like smooth plastic or something like the light soon after I was standing in front of my dresser and suddenly I heard an aggressive Shuddering sound I thought I might have been the pipe since I heard some creaking from the utility room right around the same time But it kept going now after a while. I realized the sound was coming from inside the drawer I searched through the drawers until I found the source of them the sound My little bullet vibrator is going absolutely nuts the box to share with my bill though I was bewildered. That's how it turned itself on

But I figured it might have been pressing against the other toy in a strange way So the candles and the toy no, it's about the ghost is horny I turned it off and I put it back in a position that I wouldn't rest the power button be pressed again So I put it away a few minutes later Turn back on Right now you're afraid think about this It's gonna be fucked up because now every single time you're gonna want to use this on your vagina You're gonna be spooked. Let's go. It's a ghost dildo now this time

I took it out of that box and I placed it in another area of the drawer altogether I close it again. I turn it on it turn on for a third time At this point just use the goddamn thing All right Now I turned off this is while I was writing this email to you I turned it off, and I now I can turn put it on the decks next to me I hasn't turned on again I

I've no fucking clue what to do In the situation. I've considered using my tarot cards to try to talk to her dildo Just take the batteries out. I don't mean it's gonna. Say don't don't if the tarot cards are not gonna They don't read I don't know if it works like that. I don't know. She knows. She's the witch oh, yeah Hey I got theresse-born out And fucking fuck it turned on again Because it's turned on it's fucking writing its own ghost bean on top of the the vibrator

That's I mean that's the end of this I mean this who knows wow well very powerful letters Thank you all so much for sending those in last podcast on the left there side stories LP OTL and gmail.com check that out if you want to send us more I love a fascinating I don't mind the dildo turning on. I don't I mean, I just don't know if it's the proof of poltergeist Started with a Celtic sign. Yes, but then it doesn't but then it went to like a fake candle and then a dildo they did to the practice worships witchcraft and our superstitions, but The dildo turning on again and again and again and again. I also feel like I'm I'm just don't want to leave her alone for a weekend because apparently

There's just a lot going on at the house masturbates. You have a great time, but I'm saying we don't actually think this means I'm what this is my advice to you. You should be masturbating more and that's what I did when we when we would leave town for a weekend. Oh, yeah blasts Yards of jizz. Oh for when I'm alone in a hotel room, you know, man Well hotel rooms are different because you have to you have to mark your you have to love The stasis of living in a hotel room so much right because you know for a fact you get to live out your ultimate desires You get to masturbate for a full 45 minutes Forensic files plays on mute behind you there

It's gotten to a point where sometimes the forensic files is on mute at home in my just mind I get hard because it takes me back to being in a hotel room That's healthy just that's the sense of it the feeling of it the smell of a lemongrass moisturizer Well, sometimes make me wild and randy. Oh Sometimes this this the sensation of a struggling correct machine makes me ready to go and I laugh I just think about how Everybody can hear me because also sometimes when I'm alone Yeah, I talk about with that because she doesn't know because we we joked about this because she's like cuz I was like

Do you ever you know like when you go to town, right? Or did you make noises? She says no, and I was like when I'm there alone with myself whole neighborhood Come here, man. That's good. I was going Absolutely, no show There you go have fun Watch out for that one. You don't know and sometimes you wonder is that a Halloween chain and sound effects album? Or is that Henry going to town? I'd tell you what employees of LPN? That is Henry Zabrowski going to town. That's a great way to address it. Oh right everyone

Well, thank you all so much for listening. Hope you're doing well out there Do we have any news we oh, yes, we have Australia Australia come on down man. We got those dates We cannot wait. We're gonna have so much fucking fun Officially been rescheduled We are super excited because we got a little bit of time so we can hang out a little bit and I really can't wait. I want to spend more time in Milburn this time. No rock and roll So we got Wednesday, August 2nd. We're gonna meet Auckland, New Zealand Friday August 4th Adelaide August 6th Brisbane August 7th Melbourne August 10th Sydney and August 12th. We're gonna be in Perth

We're going all the way over to see you Perthlings. Can't wait to fucking deal with it, man We're gonna try to remember that show or we're just gonna make it up as we go Yeah, a little bit of both perhaps a little bit of both. All right, everyone thanks for supporting all the shows and everything We appreciate you. Hail yourselves. The ghost allotions. The ghost allotions. How you doing? Hey man? Hey, if you see a little fat guy out there, hail him. Hail him. Give him a coupon or something Don't put your ear up to his hotel room door This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors

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