Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Death Pool 2026

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you (& NETFLIX) this week's biggest stories and true crime news - ICE Agents Murdering American Protestors on the streets of Minnesota, Trump henchman / Himmler Cosplayer Greg Bongino ousted from role at ICE, Meme-famous GLONKY GUY Kyle Braun still sitting in jail for stabbing of Mother, NYPD shoot "Aggressive" raccoon dead on NYC boardwalk, AND THEN - the highly anticipated CHARITY CELEBRITY DEATH POOL for 2026... Work Accident-Related Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. This is the problem.

Can't you spell the fucking name. Jamarquai. Okay. So what is he? It's got a cue in it. I know that. We're recording it? We've begun the episode already?

Is our first episode on Netflix? This is how we're going to begin? Sure. Great. Jamarquy. Is Jemariqui Native American? No. He seems like that.

Jamarquai would seem to be like a wise Native Americans name. I feel like Jamarquai is like if the UK had Native Americans, he'd be part of them. But we got some. Right? I think he's British. I'm pretty sure Jemarquai is British. Look at the hat. Same too.

Not Native American. No, he's not. We know he's not. Native American. Oh, I just feel like that's all you're giving us. If it's Native American, British, what is he? I would like him to be Native American. It's like, you know, if you Google me, it's not going to say not Asian, you know.

I mean, mine does. English, British. British, I knew he was British. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's theirs. Whoa, what a weird haircut in that picture. Yeah. Why does he look like that?

Because he's Germanic, I can look however he wants. He looks like his hair is being made out of like a fancy dog. It's like someone shaved a fancy. Nancy dog and put a hair on the top of Jamarikwai's head. Who did that to him? I don't know. Certainly explains the hat. Maybe it was Netflix. Welcome to side stories. Hello!

Here on Netflix. My name is Henry Zabrowski. That's Ed Larson. I'm big. We're also on podcasts for free. Yes. So please just keep listening to us how you always listen to us. But if you're on Netflix, how you doing? What's going on? This is how fat I am. That's how fat he is. This is me skinny.

You're actually, yeah, you're looking okay. How sad is that? It's not that sad. Oh, yeah, it is. I picked out my, oh, man, I tried to put my wedding suit on the other day. What happened? I got, was it too big or too small? I out-iced it. Oh.

Too fat. Too fat for my wedding suit. Guys, first of all, I want to apologize for the way that we look. We talked about this again. Eddie just did, and I'm going to reiterate that apology because, yes, it's true right now. ICE, immigrant and customs enforcement, they are out there, murdering nurses, just wholesale and just kind of murdering. people. We don't need nurses. Like, no, they're

the last thing. Nurses are expendable as hell. You know what I hate is an empathetic man. One less. Count them out, right? So we know that, and I think that, you know, obviously Minneapolis is being torn apart right now. Their Lord Farquod

has recently been demoted. You got Ferd. You got Ferd. You got Ferd Ferd, Mr. Bovino. They set them back to California. Thank God. We love him. We miss him. Yes. So we just want to apologize for the fact that we look like men who would apply for ice. Yes.

And that's just our burden. There's nothing we can really do. It's not our burden. It's our wife's burden. Well, it's currently their burden. Yes. But I wish that we look like, what's her name? Larisian that the AI.

Oh, God, I thought you're just about to. Natalie. What's the name of the fake woman that they made for the Marty Supreme movie, Leesion? Oh, yeah, yeah. They build her. Odessa. Odessa. Odessa.

Odessa. Odessa. They built her out of like a petri dish or something. She's cool. Yeah, sure. Yeah, but I'm just saying we can't be like that. All right. We before the Hollywood gene editing programs that were put out there to create these incredible mixtures of people. Odessa Ozzyon, I think her name is. You know where her mom is? Who? Famous actress. No way. What's her name? Pamela Adlon.

Who the hell's that? Very famous actress. he created a movie, several shows for FX producer. Very powerful person. Is it on Netflix? I don't give it shit. It's trash. Because we only like shows that are on fucking Netflix. Yeah, put it on next to the Melania movie.

That's what I say. You know what? Netflix. Melania's looking good these days. Yeah, you never know. Are we not going to whitewash her? Come on guys. Come on Netflix.

Let's whitewash her. If she was on Netflix, I bet she'd show them. Oh, whoa. Imagine that. I mean, if she, if Melania showed her tits in this movie, do you know what the fucking box office would be? Oh, I'd buy tickets not even go. I'd buy tickets to give it to children on the outside.

Oh, yeah. Go look at the first lady's tits. You ever seen the first lady's tits before? I got Google. Yeah, get up in there, man. The only thing that could really double it, and again, we want to thank the people, the wonderful benefactors here at Netflix,

is I think that with Melania on Netflix, she could show open hole. Oh, yeah. Do they do open hole on Netflix? No, Netflix, I feel like they do a little less nudity than I would like, to be honest with it. Oh, they do that's for certain. Yeah, there should be more nudity. Yeah, HBO's the nudity place.

Not even anymore. Now they're even fighting on that. Yeah, what happened to that? There's a lot of penises, which I don't mind. I'll see the penises, but I want to see the same amount of penises and boobies. You figure once Discovery bought you, there'd be more like nature tits at least. Ew. You really shouldn't be jerking off at nature videos.

I mean, they do. They had this show called Skins, where this woman. out a butthole for a mouth. Oh, well, that's cool. That's art. That's cool. I like that. Netflix is great. Asshole tentata. But we are going to talk about, obviously, we would talk more about what's going on in Minneapolis, but it's a bit

intense. And so we kind of want to give it its credence. Go look it up. Just know for a fact that ICE is currently running around attacking children at a baseball field, you know, stuff like where it's really where the criminals are. Yes. So they're really out there working, but we... They're doing great.

They're capturing the five-year-olds and they're bringing them to concentration camps in Texas that we got allowed to go in. So don't worry there on it. Don't worry there's riots at the concentration camp, but the child was all weekend. Good. No one's talking about that. They wouldn't let Chris Murphy in all weekend. No, no, it's bad over there. It's bad at there. They're going to try to send ice agents

to the Winter Olympics, but just understand which is where foreigners go. Yes. So it's literally where they'd be, but it's a whole thing. So I just want you to know we're against it, but we're sorry we look like them. You know, because

I, I, I, I wish. We've talked about this. We talked about this last episode. There should be more people out there gumming up the works. Absolutely. Minneapolis is doing a good job. You have, yes. Minneapolis, apparently the rollout against what the current, the protest scene, what is happening, Minneapolis is so beautiful and in lockstep and getting bigger and bigger every day. And it's beginning to work. So I want to say good work out there.

But I also want to reach out to the other fat-bodied white dudes out there just like us. Yeah. All right. Go buy a gator. Go buy a gator. Get a vest. Every single... All of their bullshit is completely purchasable on Amazon.

Amazon, Army Navy stores. There's so much. You could buy... You use your own car, apparently. It's the easiest shit in the world to be ice. Go be one. And then what I say is mix it up in there. Get them real confused.

Steal some stuff. Set off some fucking flares. Like, the goal is to create generalized, fun, chaos. from within ice and the only people that can do it is other fat white men. Yeah, and I would say like if you want to turn to ice, it's a nice. The Midwest is a great place to do it.

Yeah. You know, if there's one group of people that can make these guys turn around and if not, you know, we'll just put them all in prison in a couple years. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to be rounding up every one of them. Don't worry. If we have anything to do with it. And also give up to the give some money over to the Minnesota Freedom Fund. I did a bit of research about the idea

of where money should go during a time like this. And one of the things they said was bond funds for people getting out of jail. Yeah. And if you got friends that are on the ground, make sure you hit them up. They all know different places that you can send Vembo to like different food kitchens and shit like that. Where's Jemroquy? Where is Jemariqui?

He's oddly silent. What is happening right now in this country is virtual insanity. And the fact that he is not out there in the streets right now, how harder it would be for them to get him while he's side moving, slept back and forth? Oh, Jemariqui's

coming back with another tour in Europe, South America, and potentially North America, he ain't coming here. No one's, none of them are coming here anymore. I don't come here. Also, it's just like, don't come. I already said to Eddie right before this, no new Jumeric-Wi fans. I just think that it's okay

if I want to start liking Jamarra. I like the virtual insanity. I like dancing on furniture upside down. It's, we had Lionel Ritchie. Yeah. Eddie. We had Lionel Ritchie. He's still alive. He's very much We have. Fingers crossed. We'll see. Oh, okay. Well, oh, real quick, before we move on too far, I was just like Googling like a bunch of different stuff about like ice because I went down this fucking horrible hole like we all did in this country the last couple days. Yeah, sure. And I was just like, yeah, who's this Greg Bevino guy? You know, because you see his Nazi little face around and stuff like that. I love this long jacket. Yes, this long jacket. It's good for hiding your nude body in the park. You know, it's actually a normal jacket. He's just that tiny.

Eddie But Oh look at that Poetic walk anime men's suit Cosplay uniform You could just buy a uniform Yeah That looks just like what he was wearing

And that literally is Greg Bovino's entire outfit You can buy it on Amazon for $52 So I found this fun rumor I don't think it's true Might not be true But I was looking up Greg Bovino rumors And my deep searches And I found a fun one

He went to Wattuga High School in North Carolina And apparently some of the people who were his classmates were saying that he was forced to eat a limp biscuit. Now, for those of you don't know, limp biscuit, the band, was named after a funny thing. Limp biscuit is what in some terms,

I believe you could also refer to as an oaky cookie. Oaky cookie for sure. Was an old game that boys used to play to make each other homosexual, where they would play a game, where they would all masturbate upon a cookie. of some type, a piece of bread or an English muffin,

depending on what time of day it is. I don't know when it's whatever is ready in the kitchen. Yeah. And they all, whoever, they all jerk off onto it. And then I believe it's, one way is I've heard the competitive style. Yes. Which is the guy who comes last

eats the cookie. That is one way I've heard it. Another way to heard it is just somebody just hands you a cookie with cum on it. And you're like, oh, it's frosted. Yeah, that's a salt. It is a salt. It is a salt.

But guess what's a salty as well. Either way, I'm just happy they tried to make Greg Bovino's mouth pregnant. Because he deserved every fucking minute of it. Enjoy. I think he went back to El Centro. Yeah, El Centro, California. He's coming back to our part of town. Yes.

Enjoy. No, he's, you know, his dad killed a girl. Really? Yeah, his dad had a DUI and he killed someone in a drunk driving accident. Wow, that's more legitimate than what I said this weekend. I would also say I do find interesting as they also Eddie noted that after all of the recent

murderings that ICE has done in cold blood they have recently changed their website to show it in memoriam of ice soldiers on their thing to show like how how much in danger they are at all times the wall of honor to honor everyone who's died I started looking up and like first off they like took it all the way back to 1915

which isn't even as long as they've been a company or whatever. Doesn't count. Doesn't matter then. But most of them have died more than 50 percent died of COVID. Of course. Because they are built to die of COVID. Those debtators don't work. They don't. They don't work. They don't wear a real mask. You fucking idiots. You fucking morons. Everyone knows it doesn't work. We all know your stupid face skaters do nothing but hide Like they collect COVID. Yeah. So just know that those brave soldiers out there dying of a cough.

And they haven't lost one since October 19th, 2024. Oh, they're so safe out there. Yes. Only two of them were killed by, I guess, what you want to say, immigrants. But you can't really say that because one of them was killed in Mexico. Yeah. So he went, they went there. And he was killed in Mexico.

So you can't even say an immigrant killed him because he wasn't, he was in Mexico. I don't know what they were doing, but either way, sounds like it went well. Guys, we have a bunch. We have one update. Oh. One big update, which is our guy, El Hefe. We were excited about this guy. Ryan Wedding, former Canadian snowboarding Olympian turned cartel kingpin.

You know, I don't, I still have never seen much proof on this. We don't know anything. He was recently arrested. And that's what's sad is that's the entire update. is that we wanted more. We covered this in a previous episode, this fucking awesome giant Canadian that won the hearts of the Lasanoa cartel.

Then he went out there and they just saw that he had something plucky and they liked working with them. He was already running drugs for them while he was working. Like just after the Olympics, he was like, you know, he's a real go-getter.

He loves snow. But he seems, he really did, Eddie. But he seems that he got, I guess he got ratted out. Is that what happened? No, I have no idea. There's very little details.

we just know that he got arrested. We got arrested in Mexico and they're bringing him back to America. He's a Canadian snowboarder. Maybe. Maybe. We're going to put him on our Olympic team. Maybe we're like, hey, guess what? You want a commuter sentence.

Fucking strap on a snowboard and go fucking, go to the Olympics in the next week. If he wins the gold. Exonerated. Right? If he goes all the way. Prison. Fuck, nothing. Nothing but gold.

If he goes, that's a movie right there. That's the, that's the fucking movie, dude. That would be amazing. I'd love to see that. Let me ask you one thing. How would you like to win the Olympics? Those sounds really hard. Yeah.

Exactly. Live from your blade. Also, we have another small update, the suicide pods that are based out of Europe. The guy who made the suicide pods thinks that AI should be in charge of them. So I'm not using it. That doesn't. You know what it is?

I ain't using the suicide pot. I'm going to do it the old-fashioned way. By police officer. Jumping in front of a train while Henry and I are on tour. It's funny because say what you will about me, right? Obviously, we're having problems with AI already. Or, like, in terms of just sucking up the water between

grok making child porn because they, you know, do what you love and stuff like that. But the thing is, what do I trust even less? European AI. Yes. I didn't know why. Like, I obviously don't trust American AI, but there's something about European AI that for me feels a little too like...

I feel like it's cuter somehow. It's too easy, breezy. Yeah. I feel like I can just see an AI smoking a cigarette, like breastfeeding a child out of a sack of wine. Like, I can see it doing what you're... Europeans do. Yeah, I think it's fine.

A lot of bush hair. Yeah, we're AI. Netflix knows. Yeah, that's why we're here. Yeah, yeah, make everything easier. What's awesome about this show right now is that you think we're doing it. But we're not. These are avatars.

This is literally... I'm eating a Philly cheese steak right now. Yeah, I'm fucking a homemade pig-shaped fuck toy right now in a fucking shed. The oinker-broinker. Yeah, in Okala. I'm in Florida right now. I'm not working. I'm expressing my sexual deviance.

That's right. Thank you, Netflix. Thank you very much, Netflix. I tied the drawstring around my sweatpants to my shoelaces so it stays down and I never stop masturbating. Wow. That's a real fucking father. I wonder if my mother-in-law is going to watch this. Yeah, you know, she won't figure it out.

A lot of people are going to watch those. They can't figure it out. Even my mom is like, they can't. No, they don't know how to get to us. We definitely need to like... We're still well hidden on the app. Oh, yeah, no, I couldn't find us for like days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're well hidden. Don't worry.

But if you type in last, L-A-S-T... Are we the first thing that comes up or just for you? We're one of them. We're one of them. What else comes up? There's some things. Yeah, there's some good stuff. Yeah, there's some stuff. All right.

Man, I saw the new Matt Damon and Ben Affleck movie. Oh, they know on the RIP? The RIP. I like it because I like all Florida movies. Yeah, sure. It's not very good. Oh, yeah. We're starting good on Netflix.

We'll see what they censor here. That's a personal opinion. No, they're allowed. It's a personal opinion. If they shut us off for personal opinions, we're going to start the revolution right fucking now. I love how, like, I said all these horrible things about, like, Greg Bovino eating a cum-covered cookie,

but I'm really worried about getting canceled from Netflix because I don't like the rip. I mean, I think it's actually a more valid thing to worry about. Anticipating notes about this part, for sure. There's going to, it's more valid to worry about. But you know what I'll say? They're Murnax series. It's the best of all. No.

Well, that's the great thing about them. All the true crime. That's why I never got rid of it. No, it's great. How to keep it. So let's go. Let's do some of these other stories. Do we want to start with a couple of fun ones?

First of all, this one just got floated to me, and I wanted to just talk about this because someone randomly sent me this, and I haven't thought about this person in a very long time, and I had no idea how it all played out. Oh, this is your boy. Let's talk about it. So if any, does anybody remember the glonky guy? I never heard of them, but I'm enthralled now.

All right. So look up the glonky guy. Are we allowed to show this video? No, we're going to show the video. Yes, I've already asked. Okay, cool. So play this interview right here. So this is Kyle Braun, otherwise known as the glonky guy.

He did this funny viral interview six years ago. Now, he's not the guy asking questions. He's the guy. He's the guy that says the words, I'm feeling pretty glonky. right now. What's up? What's up? How you feeling, man? I'll pray walking. Say what? I'm fine. I'm fine. What? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. Can you finish these lyrics real quick? Okay. Back home again. I can't like to get back on the ride again? Like, like front of baggage? Like. I don't know if I'm not. I don't know if I know. He's living back home again

In Indiana He looks like a culkin that lives in a bomb His name is Kyle Brown And that day this street interviewer found him He'd seem to be I think he was probably on a couple of hits of acid He was really enjoying himself He was really feeling it I think so probably some form of volusin gin

I just saw him as like a stoner that can't, it just gets more stone than everyone else. That's kind of what they were saying. They thought he maybe did. But it turns out he stabbed his mother nearly to death. Oh, that's glonky. Three years after that, Kyle Braun stabbed his mother hard, right? Stabbed her up and down, back and forth. And he left the knife inside of her skull.

Left the knife in her skull? Left the knife in her skull to the point where the neighbors came over, heard her screaming. Right? Which is sad. Kyle Brown, this is another member of My Sinister Six. the glunky guy is right next to the piggyback bandit who's right next to the silent man and it's right next to the Burbank butt sniffer

I want to build this crew I want to take this crew on a job I want to go to I want to kill the Ayatollah I think the goal is to take these guys we're going to kill the Ayatola the goal is a Golgarie Ron fix up this fucking situation right Kyle Braun the glonky guy

he then also goes on to he stabbed his mother it's very bad Right? The neighbors all came out. She was screaming. Ah! Obviously. The neighbor came and they said that he was holding the knife into her own skull because they had to keep the knife in her skull by just like his fingers.

Yeah, because if you take it out, they... So he was just like gently holding the knife in her skull. She lived. She lives. Kyle Braun goes on to then beat the shit out of his public defender. Yes. Because let's just say Kyle Braun didn't have to scratch for the guy that, what's his name, Nick Reiner was going to get.

I mean, I have quite the scratch for that. Nick Reiner got fired. That guy got fired, yeah. Oh, the guy got fired. I thought he fired Reiner. He fired Reiner. He's trying to still say, oh, you know, Reiner's definitely not guilty.

Yeah, no, he's just trying to get another job. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't, also, Kyle Braun, I don't think it beat the shit out of his good. He landed four punches. That's a lot on a public defender. Most of them know how to fight. But, you know, face, head,

an arm. So there's like, we could say two of them probably went to the arm. But either way, it is really thrown off his trial. He's still, but he's been in bars, he's been behind bars ever since. Yeah. He's not going anywhere. He hasn't gotten his trial yet. He really, he's literally just sitting there. But I will say

if you want to, you can go check out his mom wrote a book. Oh. She wrote a book, which is, I got my New Year's resolution is to read 10 books this year. I feel like this one you can maybe skip only just because it just seems like it might need be fully in there. But she wrote a book called, I saw, was it what I, when I saw God's Hand is the book that she wrote,

all about what it was like when she almost died when her son stabbed her. She looks so happy. She is the happiest woman to have her son almost murder her that I've ever seen. It barely looks like she was stabbed in the head. You can never, you can barely, you know what it is? It's the bangs. This is where a lot of bangs come into play, you know? because it can cover that puncture wound.

She's very sweet. She's alive. I don't like the fact that immediately it was all about how God saved her when it was her neighbors. And her neighbor saved you, lady. They are the ones. Not God. God had nothing to do with it.

God created your son. God created the miracle of birth that created the murderer that was supposed to fucking kill you, okay? So she hasn't forgiven her son. She doesn't talk to her son, not quite Christ-like. in my imagination.

She sells the book at Farmer's Market. She does. Go and check out when I saw God's hand. And it was the laugh one. I think it's a book fair. To be fair. He hit her with the pen hand. God's got that big backhand.

And my God, he let her have it. That's why am I having kids? I just wanted to cover this whole thing so you can remember that sometimes your memes, memes are people. and when memes are people they sometimes don't just stay within the meme sometimes they go to a bunch of other bad stuff such beautiful words

I'm feeling pretty glonky right now I think it's a bad sign I think it's a fucking bad sign buddy I'm feeling pretty fucking glonky right now all right so just know that anytime that glonky feeling comes up you just want to push it down oh man well I got a story I want to share with you which is my favorite story of the week,

and that is New York City. Mom Donmies, New York City is changing. Rob, you're going to be so proud of this man. Cop under investigation after fatally shooting Raccoon. Literally, police officers are going to have to use yarn to arrest people. When we lived in New York, they were straight up killing children, and no one cared. I remember when they strangled the death the guy from the bodega.

You remember what's that guy? They strangled him to net because he was just selling cigarettes. Lucy's. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, I remember the old days when it was like, you used to go down to the L train. You'd see two guys with the assault rifles just going like, what kind of white are you? What kind of white are you? Like that kind of shit.

Like it's kind of crazy, man. Wow. You're going to be different. Yeah, New York police officer fatally shot a raccoon at the beach. Piece of shit. You know, honestly, but I will say. raccoon shouldn't be on the beach. Yeah. So apparently the police officers

said they were trying to usher the raccoon to a safe location when the animal suddenly charged a group of people in an aggressive manner. So he just pulled out his guns and so pop, pop, pop, pop. Yeah, it just shot it in front of a bunch of people. First off, what's everyone doing at the beach? It's cold out.

Yeah, I mean, no, it's not, you know, people do that in Coney Island for some reason. I never understood. Yeah, so anyway, they're looking at the body cam footage where he was shouting audibly sighed after the gunshot. Man. Because he knows he's just like, God damn. I'm going to write me up for this shit, aren't they?

Do I have to tell anybody? Yeah, do I? Yeah, is this an action? Is this a crime? Have I done a crime? When you shoot a raccoon, do you just put it back in the trash? I just think it's because everybody saw it. Yeah.

The chalk outline was the hardest part for everybody. That was so cute. So cute and small. We'll talk about, again, did it have a phone on it? If the raccoon had a phone on it, you might want to blow its brains out. Because you can't allow them to fucking film you. God knows it's not like you have body cams as it is. Yeah.

I think this is a good time to remind everybody how often cops kill animals. Yes. Do you know that on average, everyone's going to hate this? Yeah, the saddest part of the episode. On average, cops kill. Are you ready for this? 25 to 30 dogs a day Jesus fucking Christ

Eddie I'm saying It's not a hard statistic Oh no no But it's an average of 10,000 a year God Fucking damn Personally when I was arrested

They shot the dog Yeah that's right I know they shot the dogs My dog lived though Yeah that was really It wasn't my dog It was my friend's dog But that dog lived

No it's extremely sad Yes So you know Just to remember Keep your dogs away from cops Yeah Lock them up Which is also most cops do say, put the dogs away.

Yes. So always do. So when you're calling it a cop's over to, you know, like to tell them about how you know for a fact that Katie Perry is planning to assassinate your dentist, right? Put the dogs away. Yeah. It's really a sad search on the old internet when you start looking at the videos. Because you know what? The dogs aren't always big.

No, they're not. No, no, no. A lot of times are very small like your dogs. I can actually see Carmie getting yourself in quite a bit of videos. trouble with a police officer. Yeah. I can really see Carmie doing that. I know, yeah, and that's why I've talked about it.

With Natalie, if someone breaks into the house, I've said this, where I pick up Carmie, throw Carmie at the guy coming to the house. And she's like, you're going to sacrifice the dog. I was like, Carmi has been wanting to do that. Yeah. To every person coming in this house since we've got her. That's fulfilling her dream. Yeah, man.

I think if a cop shot Tutsi, her last words would be like, thank you. Yeah. I can't die It's where it is you shoot You shoot her She sees that and she just You're like all like Morning and stuff

And then tuts each other T-1,000 Get up Yeah What the fuck You got to kill her Now you're stabbing her Yeah ma'am

Do we want to do a story Do we want to begin Our death pool Conversation I all Just real quick I think it's worth mentioning One more animal tech

Great This woman was Oh, well, this one is great. This one's fun. This one's the person got attacked. Yes, a skiing tourist in China was taking a selfie with a snow leopard and it's straight up bitter face off. Don't do it. What is people?

People have so much confidence when it comes to jungle cats. I don't understand. We never see snow leopard. So I can understand, like, wanting to get a picture. Of it. From a far away. You don't have to be in the picture. If you have a picture for Snow Leopard, I'm going to believe you.

Take a picture of yourself separate. Oh, my God. You just see this lady being carried. Oh, my fucking God, carrying her face onto her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And literally the Snow Leopard is just sitting there. Just like, what do you want for me? Like, literally like, I didn't have nothing to do with it.

It's sitting there. I did not consent to this photograph. I got nothing to do. I don't know who this bitch is. I don't know what this situation is. was hanging out, she put her face in my face ripped her fucking nose off.

She got closer than 10 feet and then it fucking attacked her and ripped her face off. Never get close to a snow leopard because guess what people are always trying to do to snow leopards? Murder it. The reason why it's endangered is because people murdered it for its coat over and over again

so it probably even has some sort of like memory or understanding that humans are bad. It don't like us. No. And it shouldn't. I don't like us. Because they just, they know it'll give us a lot of, that snow leopard is for its own sake, saving itself from us. Yes.

That's why it's doing it. So I think this lady is a candidate for our pool, but not going to make it. No, because she lived. She lives. She's just going to be, probably taking a heck of a lot less selfies when you have a face transplant. So Henry and I were talking about this and we know it is. Just because people, I'm not even saying anything. But we've seen some of these face transplants, right, Rob?

Yes. And we've seen somebody in the little like, I'm so happy to be able to not hear the screams. It's so nice to be able to leave my house and not hear the children scream. And gas, you know, but they're brave. And we have to like them. I think she'll be okay. I don't care.

Who needs eyes and noses? Yeah, I don't care if she's okay. I think it's stupid. I blame her entirely. I mean, of course you blame her entirely. An Apador. Either way. Henry and I had a long talk about doing a death pool this year.

And we know that it is morally reprehensible. That's what it is a good way to put it. That's what some people say. Yeah. But we figured out how to make our death pool decent amongst humanity. What we have decided to do is that what we're going to, I think because we're, we all have fun. People love the bet. We love the bet.

We never get to do it. I hate sports and I hate all the stuff. You don't like gambling. Well, I don't bet, yeah. But this isn't gambling, right? This is fun, right? So the goal here is that... No, we're losing the money no matter what.

We make any and I make no money. We make nothing. That is how this is okay. We make no money. How... We're going to pick three people that we know we're going to die. We think people that we're certain that we're going to die. A fourth person we consider to be an outlier.

Yes. Right? Of those three people, if one of them dies this year in the year of 20206, we will give $100 for each person that dies to the way that they died, we will give to the cause. So if it's lung cancer, we're going to give it to a lung cancer. If it's old age, I'm just going to give money to a baby. Yeah, or a nursing home or something.

Something like that, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the goal is that if our fourth person dies, if the outlier dies. The odd person that we're just picking random people. We will give them, to that charity, $1,000. All right? So you might want to hope that one of the outliers die. Yes.

Now I know what you're thinking. What happens if you're three? definitely going to die people don't die. Well, we thought of that. And what we're going to do is if Henry's people all, if he picks three people and they all live, at the end of the year, he's going to give $300

to the charity of my choice. Yes. Yep. And then vice versa the same way around. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to no matter what. And then if each one of them dies, we give them all out. We're going to pay out all the money. Yeah, that's how we're doing it. So that's what we're going to do. And now let's get to the fun part is who's going to die. Oh,

and Trump and Biden don't count. We decided no Trump, no Biden. And we also basically decided if it's extremely political. Technically, we should have it be even. Only for the sake of fun. Yeah. Yeah. Because honestly, I'd wipe them all out if I could.

You know what I mean? I'd literally blow up the White House if I was allowed to. You only have to be president to do that. I know. Yeah. God, I'm so he's all jealous and he got to rip the whole wall off. So I got three definitely going to die. this year on my death

list and the first one I think probably could die by the time this comes out and that's Gary Ridgeway sure oh wow Eddie Gary Ridgeway is number one on my death pool okay because he is actively dying in prison we know that he's dying yeah he's dying people have sent us messages it's been in the news yes

you know he is he is actively dying in prison what's his sickness Rob what's he dying he's got a cancer he's got a cancer okay so I think like this is like a lock I feel like I'm going to give $100 of cancer pretty soon. Gary Ridgeway's going to die. He's like a part of our show. Yes, I think it makes a heck of a lot of sense.

And you're like, I did one of those BuzzFeed things years ago where it's like, you know, find out which serial killer you are. Yeah. And I was the Green River killer. It makes sense. So I feel like I have this connection to Gary Ridgeway. You're just like them.

Yes. Yeah, barely can read. Love, strangling sex workers. Yes. Refused to read. Gary Ridgeway, though, who actually was He would probably develop mentally handicapped, but we'll get to it. All right.

Who's your first guy? I think because now you said that Gary Ridgeway is yours. I will also show. That's my lock. That's your lock. Yeah. My lock for this year, unfortunately, Buzz Aldering. You think so?

Yes. That's my lock for this year is Buzzardt. Because I think that originally was going to be Mel Brooks, but I can't do it. I also think now he's going to live out of spite. Mel Brooks is going to keep going for a while. I think Dick Van Dyke is going to live this year. I think Dick Van Dyke is going to make it. So Buzz Aldrin is my...

You think he definitely... How do you think he's going to die? Is he sick? I think massive heart attack. Massive heart attack for Buzz Aldrin? Yeah, I think it is sleep. Well, he did punch that reporter, right? He gets angry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets angry. All right? So I put him on there. It was just his birthday. Yes, he was 96. Ninety-six years old, reportedly facing declining health and increasing isolation

following the death of his wife. Yes. They always die right after the wife. I'm only for the pool. I don't want them really now, but it's the pool. Yeah, no, no. Like I said, we're donating. You know, this is going back to the people.

It's going back to the people. All right. My next person who I think is close to a lock, but not a lock, William Shatner. Yeah, sure. I think we're losing the Shatman this year. He's old. He's been in the news recently. I think he's going to boldly go.

Yeah, I could possibly see that. He's not looking great. He does, again, he's been angry. He's in the high. I know that he owns a bunch of Domerman Pinchers. Yeah, hey. You have walked by his house. I've seen they've barked very, very loudly.

Good, as they should. I hope he trained them to attack. But yeah, William Shatner, I mean, I'm surprised he's still alive. He's always looked very unhealthy to me. He's an alcoholic, but probably not anymore. Who knows? I don't think you could be that long. I mean, you'd be surprised, man.

You've seen this? Oh, yeah, he eats cereal while he's driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He could be a car accident. What if it's a car accident? To be honest, eating cereal while driving. Bring in the bowl out. That's a baller move.

Honestly, I'm kind of rethinking everything I'm saying right now. I mean, that's kind of... If he's out eating cereal in the streets, he might be pretty capable. It might be fine. The fact that he could have a bowl of liquid in his lap and drive, that kind of speaks, he might have a little more control over his faculties.

You think he would. Oh, yeah, that's a bit... Is that flax? I think it's flax. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to stay in regular. Yeah, he really has to stay regular at home, though. Don't do it on the move.

Dude, I fucking take whatever I can. I am so full of fiber. shit your pants. Yeah, they don't call him the Shatman for nothing. Yeah, I am fucking filled with legumes. All right, yeah, so there's that one. Okay, my next one, sad. I think this is going to be close to a lock.

Okay. Jack Nicholson. You think so. I think this might be... He's not even on the official list. He's not even on it. I think this is the year. I feel like he's healthier than ever. I feel like he could have died like four or five years ago, but now I feel like he's on an uptick. Apparently his dementia is very... It is accelerating.

Well, you know what we say about that. to mention it. Don't mention it. Come on, y'all. Come on, y'all. I don't know, man. He's been going to Lakers games lately. He's been in public more.

I feel like Jack's going to be around for a little bit longer. Who knows? He's signing autographs? Was that this time? 2016, buddy. That was nine years ago. Oh, God. He looks awful.

That was 10 years ago, man. Oh, well, fuck. That was a long time ago. Yeah, it really was. Uh-oh. Oh, yeah. He's fucking was. Yeah, he's very old.

I love how you chose him over Roman Polanski. You know what it is to slip about. European life, they live better. They live a higher quality of life. They get better food. They're more relaxed. Roman Polanski doesn't have to do anything. That's the best part about being canceled in Europe.

They love when you're canceled in Europe. If you're an old rapist in Europe, they put you in the government. Just like we do. They use you it with the old guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, or they took the prince out, you know? Yeah, barely. Fucking Andrew formerly known as barely got fired from being.

a prince. Like it doesn't come with a huge package that he just fucking gets to live off of forever. Another castle. He just gets to be, he just gets to do nothing now. Live from Northland. All right. My guy, this one's also very, very sad.

He's currently experiencing age-related health challenges. But, you know, he is a hundred. So I think that is, you know, part of it. And I think we're going to lose, unfortunately, I think we're going to lose David Attenborough.

Yeah, I could see him finally being sick of talking about angler fish, and I could see him finally just saying, you know what? Fuck this blue earth. I am sick and tired of this blue damn earth. All I wish to do is be consumed by the lions that I see out on here deep into the sarangati. I was watching one of his shows recently, and he does this thing. in one of the shows where they like take him and they literally put

him in the middle of the jungle and he can't walk and he's just kind of standing there and be like, we are in the great episodes. This is the dead middle of the Amazon. And I am here surrounded by spiders.

Wondering which one will claim my death. So I really feel like he could die out in the wild, which would be an amazing death for David Attenborough. I hope he gets ripped apart by gorillas so I can give money to gorillas. I would rather him get ripped apart by animals

and like shit himself to death of some fucking horrific virus out there. I'd tell you what, after 80? Yes, for me too. Like I'd much rather, I don't want to get ripped apart by animals beforehand, but after 80, that's rock. Okay. Let's fucking do this shit. Yeah, I get it because then it's just like,

give me something new. Yeah. Give me something new. Everything's boring. No one I like about this show is I've predicted my death in every single way. So that whenever I do die, Definitely have a clip. Yeah, oh, anytime that's the idea.

Making content. All right, here we go. Here's my third. I'm going to fall into a thresher machine, I think. My tits ripped off by a threshing machine. It's incredible. What we need to do is put these up on the wall behind us, though, for the rest of the year, too. Oh, yeah.

Then we can put Xs over their faces. So my third. Or at least over their eyes. I put a little tube stones. My third is, he's under a lot of stress right now. and I think that it's going to really affect him because he looks like absolute fucking shit. Noam Chomsky.

Oh, yeah, Nome Chomsky. I feel like that's a lock. I think Nome Chomsky's a lock. Yeah, yeah. So I think he's going down this year. I think that he's got nothing left to say. I think the final words that he will say that will be forever uttered across the world is,

bring that little gal and put her on my penis. Ah, he's a pedophile. Is he? Probably. Oh, I don't know. I thought he was a decent guy. I don't really know much about him. No, Mchomsky's one of Epstein's best friends. Oh, is he?

He's a part of one of Epstein's gal pals. He's in all the pictures. Oh, okay. All right, well, see you later. Maybe this would be the year the G.I.F. Freepstein finally dies too. Yes. We're going to find him. Oh, yeah, there he is. Just hanging on the plane, having a great time. Listen, everything he has to say.

Let's now, let's go through our options now. While he's dying, they're going to change his name to Mone, Chon. That's if he doesn't lose his tongue and get throat. I hope he doesn't get Iber did. All right. That was the worst part about him because he loved ice cream. God, he must have been so sad when you couldn't lick anymore. Yeah, where did the popcorn go?

I know, I think he just got to, he had to just shove it in that little bandana. All right. I got five, but I'm going to, I just wanted to talk to you about my five. Yes, I got three. that I think I'm going to pick one of these five. Yes. And if one of these five, I mean, for my own brain, I should probably pick the one I think is going to live, because I don't want to pay the grand.

But I mean, you say that. I'm going to, but now I'm going to pick, like, where, I'm going to go, I'm going to take one of these guys who I think is going to die, but I really need your opinion because I think a lot of these guys are close. A lot of these guys are random. Like, I think, first one on my maybe list, Andy Dick. Okay. I feel like Andy Dick, you know.

He's probably close to even just a regular. death pool. You know, he is, the thing is Andy Dick is, like, in rehab right now, so it could work and I could be wrong. Or not, or he commits a crime and he finally gets murdered the way he needs to be. Yes, that's very true. It's very possible. When I do my alternates, my thing with my, like, the kind of the, I chose, though, girls because. No, I don't want, no one wants to watch a woman die. When you think of a young woman dying, it's always murder. Yeah. It's never, like, something that we can even joke about, you know? So I think the first one I was. What I'm talking about? We joke about people getting murdered. Every day. That's our job.

It's what we got hired for. My number one choice for the outliers. Finn Wolfhardt. Really? Yeah. From Netflix. Yeah. Whoa. You're talking about an outlier. That is an outlier. Is it because he just hosted SNL?

No. It's because he's a young man. Yeah. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. He did great. Yeah, I'm sure he was fine. I'm just saying that's my. That's your outlier. That's why it's $1,000. I pick people who I think are going to die. Andy Dick. All right. Next one, Bill O'Reilly. Wow. I didn't even realize he was still fucking alive. He's like 75, 76. And he's, we got to remember, dude's huge. He's got cancer.

He's got, he's sick. He's sick. He's always got something. He's all full of hate. He's gigantic. Yeah, he's a big man. He really, he really is fucking, I was standing next to him once when he was still employed over at Fox News. Yeah. And I had no idea how, like, huge and heavy breathing he was. And that was a long time ago. Yeah, he's a big fucking piece of. a shit. Yeah. He'd be make a great dead guy. But those evil people, they live forever. I know. Dick Cheney. Like, you know, that kind of stuff. Absolutely. You know, and so I really feel like, but I'm saying Bill O'Reilly's very high on my list. Got it. He's got like 20 pound ears. You know, that's got to be weighing down his neck. No, it's killing him. He's dying. His ears are now at the

point where they're growing independent of the rest of his body. Bill O'Reilly reveals mystery health battle. Ooh. Yeah, he stands back from work. That's always saying. He's not feeling good. All right. He's leading my outlier list right now. second one. Deforvant. Deforvant. So I'm choosing you think he's going to do it to himself. I think he's going to kill himself. Does that count? Yes. I mean, suicide hotline needs $1,000.

He absolutely does. I mean, that'll be great if you sent it to them. They're going to try to offer him a deal. It seems like it because they also got his other buddy arrested recently. His friend got arrested. We don't really know what the hell's going on with this case. We don't really, we know that he's supposed to be charged with the crime. He bought an incinerator. But I do believe.

DeForvid is going to be not for the long for this world. Yeah. That's my view. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, de Forvitt, I really don't want Henry to win this. Dial 988. Just think about it. If you got to. If you got to. Or don't.

Make the money. My next... All right, so I got a couple. So I'm going to burn through like two of them right now. Actually, I'm just going to go with my other three and then then I'm going to pick one after you go. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Chris Christy. Okay. Easily, I mean, huge man, definitely.

Been putting a lot of Taylor ham into that heart. A lot of pork rolls going in there, dude. Oh, yes. You know, and I'm not sure how much of it's actually coming out. So I think Chris Christie easily could die this year. I think, you know, he's been fat for his whole life. I think that can take him out. David Ike.

Oh, David I could go. David I could go. David, I could go. This could be the year that we lose him. David, I could go. Yeah, and then John Voight. Yes, you know what the role? John Voight looks really.

bad. He really does. He looks really really bad. These are, or any of these outliers? I feel like a lot of these are guys that can very much not. They're not on the actual list. That's what I consider. That's what I consider an outlier. And that's the Vegas poll. You know, the Vegas death pool.

Yeah. Think. See, because my third outlier, Pope Leo. Pope Leo! Yeah. Whoa! I think we're going to deal with this motherfucker for like 20 years. I think I think we got a 20 year post. I think you get sick and die any day. No. You never know.

How old is he? How old's Pope Leo? He's in my outliers. Pope Leo age 70. We could have Pope Leo for 20 years. Who knows? I think they keep these guys alive. Depends on what crimes they do.

Benedicto stood down. Yes. Remember Benedicto said no more. Yeah, the Nazi Pope. Yep. And he died soon. Yeah. All right.

Okay, these are good. I will choose Pope Leo. Pope Leo. You're choosing Pope Leo? Yes. All right. Okay. and I am out of my guys

John Voight, David Ike, Chris Christie, Andy Dick and Bill O'Reilly. I think it's most likely Bill's going to go. I think, well, that's the most likely. That's why I feel like it's not an outlier. I feel like you need to choose one that's a little bit more iffy. I think Andy Dick is a good one.

Andy Dick's a good one, only because he grabbed my dick one time. I think you're allowed. And I actually just don't like it. Oh, shit. This is my pick. Rob's pick is Bill Cosby. How is Cosby not on the list? That's the host of the hospitalities up in that. because nobody cares.

Because nobody cares if he lives or dies. Here's the thing is he isn't doing anything. No. He's just sitting around, chilling. He could do that for a while.

He keeps threatening to go on tour. My uncle Albi spent, he died at like, I want to say almost 90. And he lied in a hospital bed in his dining room for 10 years. You never know how long these people could just stick around

in their own home. Oh, I know. We're going to watch our current president is going to stagger through the next three years. We're going to watch it. We're going to watch every day as he melts further and further into his fucking shoes. We are going to see that pedophile die on his feet until he's not going to die. His body is going to live.

His body is going to live. I'm going to say Trump's going to live another 10, 15 years. I mean, they're keeping him alive on some kind of shit. He's going to be a vegetable. I mean, we saw how quickly his ear. healed. I mean, they're really taking care of him. Yeah, he's like Wolverine. Yeah, absolutely. We're going to see him die in the next, I could say he'll be, he'll be dead to that point, but he's going to, I'm saying 10, 15 years. All right, my official list of people definitely

going to go, David Attenborough, William Shatner, Gary Ridgeway. Okay. And my outlier is going to be Andy Dick. Yep. Handy, Handy Dick. Mine is Buzz Aldrin. Okay. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. Jack Nicholson. The third was the Noam Chomsky. Noam Chomsky. And my outlier is Pope Leo. Poplio. All right.

Okay. I like this. I like this. I don't feel like the Pope's going to be fine. I think you're safe. It's a grand. But it's more just like, if you want to be a big shocker. Yeah.

It's all about big shock. What's a big shocker? That's what I thought. It's not really like. That's the thing. Andy Dick isn't like a shocker. No. Like it's more like what could completely come out of nowhere.

And so I was trying to choose something that would also maybe not involve murder. Yes. Right. Anyone, like, you know, they like, Finn Wolfhardt,

I thought of my head, household accident. Oh, I could see. You think it's like a ladder thing. Yeah, falls, falls out,

falls in the night. He doesn't climb any ladder. Yeah, he doesn't do anything. He didn't even do his laundry. I love Fred Wolfheart. I like him as an act. I think he's a good kid. He's a good actor.

Finn, I think you should come on the show, and show Henry, how healthy you are. I would, I'm not trying to say, I was trying to choose in my head.

His last name is Wolfheart. It was like, Literally, like, the stay puffed marshmallow man. I was trying to think, who's the healthiest person? Like, who's not going to die? That was the first thought of my head. It was like, Finn Wolfhardt. Finn Wolfheart is going to.

It's not going to die. That's why I put him on the list. Is that because, like, oh, because he's healthy, fun, doesn't do any dumb shit. Obviously, this seems to be doing hard drugs. He's out there having a good time. Having just, like, loving life, having a positive time. His old life is ahead of him. What a great tragedy.

That would lead towards a big, you know, payout to a charity. But that's not what happened. I don't want that to happen. So I want the tragedy to happen to the Pope. Yes. So that's why I'm doing this. Now, do you have to give the money to the Catholic Church? No.

No. What if he's murdered by a bunch of bishops? Then I would. Then I would. No, it's more that if he dies, it shows that God doesn't help anybody. He dies early. It proves that God doesn't exist. So I don't have to fucking pay any of his fucking people.

All right. Oh, we're going to get in trouble or whatever. I mean, no, I mean, this is what they are. We're giving it a charity. We're giving it the charity. This is satire. I mean, we're really going to give the charity, though. But that part's not satire.

That's not satire. The rest of it's just an expression. Yeah. No, that's not. I think it's good to talk about death. I think that part of the reason why I even want to do it is because, the last year truly between losing my dad

talking to a bunch of people about death like as you've talked you've been through how many people come up to you constantly to talk to you about death messages almost every day about people who lose their parents

because I've lost both of mine I think that it really is such a in America we don't like talking about it is a thing that we push down and I think that it's okay to laugh a little bit about all the fucked up shit because we have to and I also think that it's the it's coming for us no matter what.

Absolutely. And so we're all going to be preoccupied with it. And we push it away. And we don't talk about the death process because it scares all of us. And it means we're not working. And I think that in America, we're very much like this idea that, you know, we still even, even a lot of us don't. This romantic idea of we don't retire. We work into the moment that we fucking die our last breath and all this shit.

You just like, no, there's no time. No one takes any time at their end of their life literally to die properly. You know who took time and I think it was good that they did? Gene Hackman. Yes. He took like over 10 years. He chilled out at the end of his life, you know, and he's just like hung out of his house and he just, I mean, he died very sadly. He did.

But still, I think, you know, thank God he had those years to just chill. He doesn't need to yell on camera until he dies. It doesn't matter how you die. All death is sad. Like he was going to happen either way. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it was fucked up the way. that he died, but dying, like, as in the fetal, you know, hospital bed is just as bad as sucks.

And die in that age in your own home, we should all be so lucky. Yes. And so I think that's why people get all icky, icky about it, but I think that we... We're all going to die. We're all going to die. So, fuck it. As long as it's not brutally by the police, who cares? That's the thing, man.

Can't take it with you. So we're right. So we, here, we got some, should we get to... You got a listener mail? I have plenty of listener mail. Let's do one of those, like, because last week we were talking about the guy who died in the dough mixer. I forgot also, your buddies from Portland, they're the ones who sent in this awesome stinger for listener email. Let's play it again.

Okay, cool. Great. Are you ready, Eddie? Yeah. Yes. Are you already, Henry? Yes, sure. Now it's my more listener email.

That's awesome. Thank you. That's really great. That's wherewolf. Yeah. Oh, Warwolf. Wherewolf.

We got so many fucked up messages. Yeah, send it. Side Stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com. If anyone wants to send us some good old new hate mail. Yeah, please. Please just tell us what bastards we are. I don't read it. And so this one, everybody sent in messages.

Last week we covered, it's kind of like talked about this, the story of a woman got stuck in this baking machine, immediately murdered, fucked up, like horrific story. So we got... Because a lot of our listeners work in the restaurant industry. Yeah, we're kitchen people.

We have a lot of kitchen people, a lot of bakery industry. And so we got a lot of stories. I love you, by the way. We do. There's nothing I love more. There's nothing I cherish more or would protect with my very life

and a chef and a waiter. That's right. I love chefs and waiters and people that run restaurants more than any civil service. more than any nurse, more than anything else. I think you are the best people of us. I like chefs more than waiters,

but I like waiters more than managers. I was listening to your story about the woman who died in the bread mixer and it reminded me of a cautionary tale that I've been told as a coffee roaster for a small independent company. Spring Hill Jack Coffee. That's not down, but reach out.

What's going on, bro? Buy her coffee. It's still out there. The best majority of coffee roasters use a drum roaster, most of which have a large tray on the front of the machine with an arm inside that spins relatively slowly, but with a huge amount of torque. This is to stir the coffee after it finishes roasting while a fan beneath the tray pulls air through it to cool the coffee as quickly as possible. When I started the job, I wore a chaco brand strap-style bracelet that is common in the outdoor community. my boss saw it, a warming that I should probably not wear it to work, because a coffee roaster, I believe in either Colorado or California, had gotten her arm ripped off by the stirer.

She was wearing the same style bracelet while she was roasting when I got hooked on the steering arm and she proceeded to get pulled around the tray and up against the body of the roaster where the stirer was able to break, then remove her arm from about the mid-forearm down. From what I understand she lived, and they were really, they were, they were able to break. able to reattach her arm with very little long-term problems. Wow! According to the legend, she had a tattoo in her forearm that they were able to piece back

together with only a small scar running through the middle. Oh, something to remember. It's fucking cool, right? But be careful. Yeah, those coffee roasters are big, nothing dangly. Yeah, here's another one. Well, I was in the Navy. We were briefed on the dangers of rotating machinery. Machines

do not care if there is squishy human bits in the way. It is if it is strong enough to overcome the friction of human bones, and sinew being in the way it will. I remember very distinctly a story and picture video they shared of a young woman who got a job at a shop that used lathes and other big equipment to make things out of metal. The operator on duty had sent her to go start a machine, and when she took longer than expected to come back, he went to investigate.

He found what was left of her wrapped around a large metal rod, about a foot in diameter, recognized only by the scraps of fabric that made up her clothes. she was a mass of pulped meat and crushed bones squeezed tight by the clothing wrapped around the rod rotating machinery scary shit it is fucking terrified and this is the last this one's Rick really just all of these are fucked I mean there's no way they're going to be nice

here we go this is a longer one this is really fucked I was so excited to hear you guys talk about the poor baker who died after getting caught in dough mixer I guess he's gonna like this episode because I sell it celebrate death. Because I, too, have been caught in a dough mixer.

Obviously, I didn't die, but I have some gnarly photos. My first job out of college was in a ramen shop. One of the things had made this ramen shop stand out from the other shops in the area was the fact that we handmade all of our own noodles. We made a thinner, drier wheat noodle and a thicker, doier, chewier egg noodle. Okay. We use this very fancy machine imported from Japan. This machine had all the features.

It would not only roll and cut the dough precisely, but also had a built-in dough mixer. I know exactly the machine. It costs a lot of money. I just saw it on Culinary Class War season two. Yeah. If you've got to change out the thing, unplug it.

Culinary Class War on Netflix. Some best things they got on there. I want to be on that fucking show. Culinary Class War. Have you seen Culinary Class War? Are you pitching yourself for Netflix shows already? I can't get on that show. You have to be Korean.

It's really good. The mixer consists of a basin with a long rod welded inside. Attached the long rod were smaller dull, spikes that rotated on the rod to mix the dough. On the bottom of the basin was a removable plate that slid out to move the dough from the mixing basin to a container that could then be removed in place on a conveyor belt to the dough press. The mixer was turned on and off by a lever on the side and also adjusted the speed of the mixing. When I started working there, I begged and pleaded to be out on the noodle duty. I was fully trained.

I would be on noodle duty, Denny. A noodle duty for me. I was fully trained on how to make the wheat noodles. And on the day, I was scheduled to make the egg noodles for the first time, my coworker pointed to a sign in the wall that said, there's the instructions. Have fun. The egg noodle dough was a completely different consistency from the wheat noodles. The dough was stickier, thicker, a little harder to work with. Okay.

I mixed all the ingredients, and then I transferred my dough to the mixer to start mixing. When the dough was all mixed, I set the mixer to the lowest possible speed, remove the plate to the bottom of the basin. and then I did it. I stuck my hand into the mixer while it was running. No! To help push the sticky dough into the container on the bottom. Don't even put a stick

in there, man. No. I am not a smart woman. She wrote this. She wrote that. The whole thing happened in slow motion. I don't know how I wasn't fast enough to remove my arm in time, but I watched in detached wonder one of the spikes moved closer and closer to my right arm until it started touching

the skin. Then it kept going and going. I remember thinking, wow, that's going to be a huge bruise, only to suddenly realize that, no, this wasn't any bruise. The spike was legitimately impaling my arm. The first thing I did was stop the machine. Then I started screaming. I honestly didn't feel any pain at the time. I was so shocked by what was happening.

The problem with the mixer is that none of the parts except the bottom plate was detachable. So it was completely welded unit. I was essentially pinned in this machine and absolutely could not be freed without assistance. Anyway, emergency surfaces were called. they wound up shutting down the whole block while the firefighters stood around looking at me with EcoParts amazement and judgment because on one hand, this machine is unique.

None of them have seen it before. Another other, what kind of dumbass sticks their arm in a moving machine? Me, apparently. It's okay. It's a mistake. What are you going to do? Don't beat yourself up.

They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw to cut me out of the machine while I begged them not to because I didn't want to be fired. I did not get fired. Good on your ball. I don't know if that's good. I think the boss had a case to let her go.

I think the boss might have had his hands held. He might be difficult. They wound up breaking out what I think was a circular saw, right? The whole operation took 45 minutes. I wound up having a wound so deep they couldn't stitch and shut. I had to pack the wound twice a day with wet gauze and then bandaged the whole arm until it healed. That is gross when you have to stick the gauze into the wound.

You start to really understand how much we are just meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good news. I am more or less completely unscathed. My arm is fine, except for a sweet scar. I have no permanent damage. I got so lucky. The day before my accident, a man in the International District of my city lost his arm in a similar incident at a fortune cookie factory. No, no.

I wish I was making this up. I got a free coffee out of the situation, approximately $30 of missed wages, plus a blurb in the local paper. My boss got a hefty fine from OSHA, and I was never allowed to make noodles again. Wow. That is fucking crazy, dude. Oh, man. That is fucking crazy, man. That is very, very scary.

There's so many. Honestly, I got three more. I can't even do it. I can't even go to the rest of them. I got three more of them. By the way, I know I just dropped the email. We're not doing ripped apart by machines at the end of every episode. So send us an email about something else.

I will do more, though, if you have some of them. They're really, really good. Also, I will say when we did our reporting on the piggyback bandit as well, I got a lot of messages, people saying it happened to me too. Really? Piggyback Bandit. He was out there. 12 years.

It is a long time. He was doing this activity for 12 years over five states. Think about them. I wonder how many people are going to write it and say Andy Dick grab my penis. It's going to be if it's Los Angeles. Well, he's getting in the road and he got beat up on the road. Of course you got beat up on the road. But imagine what he did in town.

I know. You know how many fucking, I know, I already know, like, three or four people that were, like, molested by him. I mean, he grabbed one out of the three dicks in this room. Yeah. And there's five dicks in this room. You got the severed one over there. He got a tildo. Yeah, champ.

Yeah, that's four. Oh, good boy. That's five. Well, they also want to give a shout out to Haddon Clark. Thank you so much for the art you sit in the mail. Ugh. Fuck him. I just, you know.

I got rid of it. He sent a picture. He sent a picture of us. I had Clark the serial killer. We talked about it in the last episode. We don't need to give this guy any fucking plug. I'm going to say, die already.

He's been thinking about it. Kill Gary Ridgeway and then die yourself. We actually have, we are donating our picture to the murder museum here. The Museum of Death. The Museum of Death here in Los Angeles. Yeah. You can go see that.

Yeah, I already talked to Eric over there. What's up, bro? Let's gone, bro. Yeah, yeah, thanks. It's got old out. You slepperid out. I was like, you and me are probably like, we're almost coworkers.

Yeah, oh, no way. Yeah, yeah. And I'm feeling pretty glunky about it. Yeah. You know, I knew, do you remember my buddy? I know we're trying to end the show, but I remember my buddy like cross-eyed gym, who I used to work with? Wait, wasn't he? I thought we called him Crazy John. No, no, no, no, no, he was cross-side Jim. Because he had a cross-a, very cross-eyed. I remember. He was the one who had the axe buried in the center of his head. Yes, yes. He worked on a crab fisherman's boat back in the day, because he, like, wanted to forget about life. I remember. And then he was telling me a story all one day he wasn't paying attention. And he totally, like, eliminated some dude's hand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they had to, like, go back to fucking land and he got fired. I'll always remember, I guess it was Cross-side gym. I think I remembered him as crazy Jim, but a cross-side gym, I remember him telling me the story about how he was like, one time, I was driving a whole

truckload of base, and I was doing it for a summer job, and I was driving a big old truckload of base, but I was on about four hits of acid, and you can't even imagine the sound that thousands of thousands of bees make on four hits of acid. And I was like, thanks, buddy. He was my cheesecake.

I loved bringing him around. He was my favorite. He was so much fun to hang out with. He also was like, I remember. I would love to find him. We got to figure out where he is because he also used to like have that weird relationship with Marcus because he was all into the same like noise stuff. Yes. So he would like make weird noise stuff.

All the math rock used to make me listen to. All that weird noise rock because his brain was destroyed by a literally being cleft by an accent of years of acid. He would wear like he would wear headphones at the movies and listen to his own music. It's a really weird guy. I'm so fucking wounded. All right, here we go. So remember, here we go. A couple things.

First of all, last podcast and left.com. Go buy, go see your live shows. Yes, we got lots of, um, we got lots of shows coming up. We got, uh, side stories is pumping, dude. Yeah, dude. We got Anchorage, Alaska on February 20th sold out somehow. Yeah, we are sold out in Anchorage. We are not sold out in Fairbanks.

We need people to come out there. Yeah, come. We're coming regardless. So if you got tickets, we're coming. But, you know, because I, I want to see Fairbanks. I want to see the Northern Lights. Can't fucking wait.

We're going to put on a hell of a show with Billy Wayne Davis. So that's going to be on February 21st. Make sure you come to that if you're in Fairbanks. If you're not in Fairbanks, I don't think you should come up there. It's going to be pretty cold. It's been pretty fucking cold. March 14th, Urbana, Illinois. Got a lot of great, Illinois.

Got a lot of great people reaching out about places. Lots of people. Yeah, yeah. Then we got Lexington, Kentucky on April 26. Can't fucking wait. Honestly, these are all the places. I'm just, I don't know what it is. I'm excited to go to Lexington.

Well, Lexington, we're going to go to all the different whiskey places. Yeah, I wonder if that's going to be like the first time we performed drunk. I will find out. Listen to this. We're doing Netflix as a joke. Oh, no way. Yeah, we're doing that Netflix as a joke. May 7th in L.A. at the Avalon at 945.

We've got the late show come and see us there. That's going to be a blast. We're seriously going to have a lot of fun. I imagine we might have a special guest. I'm not quite certain yet. I want to say, fuck the night of too many stars. Yeah, don't go to the fucking night of too many stars. You come to side stories where we have half a star.

You can see us right from 20 feet away and then you probably hang out with us afterwards. Yes, that is how it goes. May 30th, Rochester, New York, June 28th, London, Ontario. And then I'm also doing stand-up if you want to come see me personally on the road. On February 18th, it's a Wednesday. I'm going to be at the punchline in San Francisco. On April 3rd, I'm going to be here in L.A. at the Lyric Hyperion with Amber Nelson.

We're doing a split thing. Yeah, because she's going to run her like hour, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. Yeah, so I'm going to open for Amber and she's, we're both going to do like a half hour, and then she's going to do an hour down the road. That's awesome.

And then this is a big one, April 12th. I am going to be a Vistar Park. That's right. The Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp. We are the Jumbo Shrimp. Here to play a game. I'm coming for your fucking ass. April 12th tickets are available on edithunes.com.

Come see me and I'm bringing Holden. Sorry. For some reason. Bringing Holden. Well, his wife is for Jacksonville. So she gets a free trip to Jacksonville. Basically, that's why I'm doing it. Why I'm bringing Holden.

But, you know, I love Holden. I can't wait to perform with him at the Jacksonville Stadium. He is the true author of the song. So that'll be great. And also the great Danny Bedrosian will be joining me as well. That's going to be so much fun. Just to remind you, give over to our Patreon. nothing changes about the stream

the live live you can go see last stream on the left live every Tuesday 6 p.m. PSD if you give over to the Patreon we have ad free episodes of the podcast on there also remember we're now doing last podcast on the left after hours we're doing this new thing

last stream on the left after hours we'll be doing a whole thing it's on the Patreon it's all explained on there go check it out but first of all I want to say live every day acting like Alex Pretty and Renee Good going out there. I love on the fact that this is the United

goddamn states of America. And we have the right to protest and we have the right to fucking talk about whatever the fuck it is we want to talk about. We have the right to fucking technically bear arms, guys, against the government that is trying to fuck us up. All right? So then you can know that you can laugh

knowing that you lived your life like a real American and not like these fake fuckers that want to bend over to anybody that is just to anybody with a fucking badge and all this kind of shit that just want to be this idea that we got to make room for them to fuck us up

no thank you yeah eat fucking shit fuck ice deport them actually nah let's put him in prison yeah someday we're coming for you someday you know that if you're an ice agent we're going to not stop

once the new administration changes we're coming for you well hopefully what it is is that Hopefully enough of you that have murdered will get flipped on by your gutless counterparts and which we will finally root out every one of you. That's done something horrific. Okay? You're all going to prison. Yes, we'll see.

We'll say, hey. Hey, enjoy. See you on the road. Hail's Dayton.