Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Doctor Cake

Episode Date: November 6, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: a "New York nightmare", the Sausage King is dead, a Halloween sword attack, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop on the left. Side stories! That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories, yes. Wow. Alright, we're gonna go? I think so. Okay. I am, you know. You feeling good, buddy? Yeah, man. You're calm? Home? Yeah. This is nice, because I feel like we're at a bus stop in Purgatory. How would you act? What did you bring for lunch? Normally, you know, it'd be nice to have like a ball to bounce. Yeah. But if you're in Purgatory, normally you are sitting doing nothing, kind of like what the majority of Americans are doing currently. Absolutely, of course the majority of the Americans can masturbate because they're not at a bus stop and they're at home.

Honestly, to be honest, but how long can you masturbate? Well, we're gonna find out. One thing I will say that came out, so obviously we waited to record this episode until after the election. Well, Henry was like, stupidly thought. I said, let's do Monday and Henry's like, well, we gotta wait until after the election. It's gonna be a whole new world after the election, but now we're recording in the middle of it. Yeah. It's like a weird, like we're in the marrow of the election. And we wanted to avoid this, but we didn't. It's really garbage. I feel like I am suffocated by red tape and that I'm in a casket. Like I'm in a casket and I'm banging and I'm banging and I know, I know that there may be the grave digger will come because he loves to go piss on all the graves. Of course. Well, it's Wednesday or Thursday rather.

So we hear the trickling through the dirt. That's how I'll know the grave diggers here and go, I'm alive. I'm alive. And then all he does is pee on you. Hey, welcome to America. But hey, also welcome to fucking America, Portland legalized cocaine. All right. Well, we'll talk a little bit about that. We'll get to the biggest stories of the news. Welcome to side stories. Everyone, I am Ben hanging out with Henry. You heard that right. Oregon has decriminalized small amounts of heroin, meth, cocaine, and his full on legalized magic mushrooms. Wow. Dot, dot, dot. For therapy. Amen. For therapy. So don't just use them to drive better. You know what I do? I put on my ascot, right? I put on my ascot. I put on my monocle. I have my little mirror. I have my hypnotist pendant that I use and I look at it and look at it and I tell anybody. If any cop comes and I'm fucking, you know, just shoving mushrooms in my face, I say, I'm in therapy.

Can you please leave me alone? So Oregon, just when you thought the home of Portland couldn't get any more fun, let's add a little bit of meth, add a little cocaine and a small amount of therapeutic magic mushrooms. And you know what dare I say? Portlandia, that show just got a lot better. Honestly, Portland has just turned their frown permanently upside down. It's an almost macabre, jack-o-lantern like grin that it will be permanently carved into the face of Portland. You know when you do a bunch of coke and you don't want to be smiling, but you have to smile and your teeth are grinning. Yeah, but your brain is like, I'm so devastated and so sad, but your face is smiling. That's a special kind of hell. And now in Oregon, you can just have that.

Oh, anytime, man, the cops can't stop you from fucking being in the middle of a hole of your own making. Good for you guys, though. We're happy for them. We have such good friends in Portland. I want to say, y'all, hey, just fucking know your dealer. Know your dealer. Apparently it can just be the officer. It can just be the town cop nowadays slinging. They don't have to pepper you with the coke anymore. They can sell it to you. They could just sell it to you. You just make money. That's so much fun. But otherwise, we are trapped in that type of limbo. I hate this. I hate this so deeply. Well, you know what, Henry? Let me tell you a story that you might like.

What? In Russia. Well, this is actually quite sad. What's sad about it? You know the sausage king. You know the sausage king in Russia. You kind of follow him all the time. Yeah, my boy, my boy, Vlad Elenco. Vlad Elenco, the sausage king. He was killed with a crossbow and a saw. What? Yeah, he was in Moscow.

Man, I was supposed to go. You have a two week sausage? Yes, though. Yeah, you got the tube special where you get the two weeks, all the tubes you can eat. I was supposed to go. Get his punch. Yeah. I basically, you can eat sausage till your cholesterol hits 186. Really? And then they cut you off. No kidding.

So you've got a guy there running a line. He's checking your cholesterol all the time. So once you see the full fat cubes in like mixed amongst the platelets. Yes. That's when they cut you off. That's when you have to be cut off there. The sausage king, while his life was cut off, several intruders broke into a sauna at the home of the Russian meat tycoon. He is known as the sausage king. Yeah, Vladimir Madagov, owner of Orizyorsky sausages and meat empire sausage factories.

Man, this guy was living the life. Yes, he was. A woman managed to escape the attacks. So, you know, he's just in there eating a bunch of sausage. Daddy, did you want some sausage? Daddy, did you want some sausage? With this woman and all of a sudden a bunch of intruders with crossbows breaking. This is a freaking horror movie and the woman survived. I'm going to say if Vladimir Madagov found out that he had like crossfans with Tom Green, he would have Tom Green fucking tortured and executed.

You know what, Tom Green? I don't know this. How dare you! You ever bring the only importance in these dead people's suicides. I think Tom Green might be... Tom Green in the Macquarie of Macyus just... I think Tom Green might be the most famous comedian in Russia. I could see it totally. I could see Tom Green because it's always that way. It's like Stefan Marbury.

He's the Michael Jordan of China. It's kind of bizarre. Not that Tom Green isn't an icon in America, but he could just be like a god over there. We don't know. Russia's got Pachinko, the obedient bear. He's huge over there. Have you ever heard how funny the cops are over there? I have not heard that, no.

They just love it. They actually knew that it's this weird blue hat brigade. People are wearing cones on their heads. It's the idea of making fun of the fact that I guess in metro Russia, like in Moscow and shit, if you are a dignitary, you can cut through street laws by having a blue siren on the top of your car. You're a blue light special, but you're a person. You basically can just put the siren on the top of your car and then you can drive around and not have to follow rules of the road. I think I'm way over simplifying this, but there's an artistic rebellion against this movement where people with cones on their heads are running into traffic and destabilizing shit. It definitely makes sense why there's so many road rage videos coming out of Moscow and coming out of Russia.

If you can just be an aristocrat with a cone on your head and cut in front of traffic, I would freak the fuck out, too. This is a very interesting story, too. So Sausage King was murdered in his sauna with a crossbow. My God, now when you think about a crossbow, first of all, you have to have expertise in using the crossbow. No, they're easier than ever. No way. Yeah, man. It's like a gun.

Easier than a gun? Yeah, it's just as easy as a gun. Guns are easy. No, no, absolutely not. They self-load the crossbows? You can get fucking, you can get the little cartridges, you know, you remember when I was looking these up like a fucking year and a half ago. I got deep into crossbow-like information because... But you went on eight websites.

No, but you realize how easy it is to get a crossbow and do maintenance on crossbow and use a crossbow because how often they say that in all the websites. Because they keep saying, easier than a gun. That's traceable than a gun. They're so excited about how free a crossbow is to any sort of examination. Well, this guy, he owned Azorsky Sausages and I am devastated. This is just, this to me is like that, it reminds me of the father from Nothing but Trouble there, I say the judge. Again, you just, I mean... I'm just bringing him up so people can feel something good.

I just feel like you, you live in that world and you walk around like in the, like the Sims. And you just see the characters from Nothing but Trouble everywhere that you go. Yeah, do you think we're living in a simulation? Kind of right now, aren't we? Well, there is a very high chance that we're living in a simulation. We are currently in a media simulation. We definitely have been manipulated by the many different, what they all say, the fair, quote-unquote balanced different cable companies on either sides of the iron curtain of politics.

They've been manipulating us a great deal in this little red and blue parade that we have to watch every single day. This fucking map, like fucking bullshit that we were just kind of trapped down fucking nipples deep inside of. The investigative committee said, the intruders, now we're back into Russia here and we're back into the Sausage King conversation. The intruder said, give me some cash. So they took some cash and then they fled in his car. The getaway vehicle was recovered. This is just a very interesting story because the suspects that they believe, they went and they investigated their apartment. A lot of sausage around there, huh?

I honestly think it's an anti-sausage movement. Really? They say that this was closely resembling like in the 90s in Russia, there was like a lot of fucking like different people whacking each other. There was like a lot of mob warfare mixed with like business warfare. And this seems to be something like that. They investigated the guy, the suspect or the person that killed Vladimir Murugov because he was ostensibly tied up, robbed, murdered. But they also don't think they were still money on him. They're not quite certain if it was a full-on robbery or what the hell was happening.

They've got to the suspect's house because the information is not released on the suspect. They found that there was an old man tied to the bed inside of the suspect's house. What? It's this old man that is, and this is a very interesting like a fucking side story. The man was identified as Alexei Zogorovny. I don't know if I said that correctly. He's a lawyer best known for representing a notorious Russian mafia hit man in the 1990s. So this is like, there's something connected to the mafia and all this.

Were they trying to kill the lawyer who was tied up for sexual reasons? Maybe. I mean, it must have been sexual reasons. I hope so. Indeed. But he was the lawyer for a contract killer by the name of Alexander Solonik, who is better known as Sasha the Macedonian for his superior markmanship with pistols in both hands, known as Macedonian style in Russian.

Solonik was linked to dozens of killings and escaped from prison three times before he was strangled to death by another well-known hit man, Alexander Pustovolov. Well, that means to me a movie and it's a good day to be a lawyer. If you're a lawyer and you can get a hit man as a client, you are set for life. Absolutely. That's great. It keeps on giving right there. Absolutely.

Jelly Club of the Month for Murder. Absolutely incredible. So we don't know what happened. The woman, she just ran away. She was no hero. That's for sure what she knows. But then again, I would run away too. Think about this.

You're sitting in here. You're in the sauna, right? She doesn't love the guy. I mean, we don't know. He's sausage money. But also at the same time, is there no loyalty to the meat? You're sitting here. You're sitting in the sauna paid for by meat.

The clothes she's got on, it might be paid for by meat. Do you think there were little sausages in the hot tub? I think that if you probably threw a couple in there to steam. Well, for fun. If there were some brats, you pour some Heineken over the coals. Oh. And you start thinking of that nice, ooh, that snappy skin. Ooh, I like nice bratwurst like that.

But think about this. I do love that. You have an opportunity to step in front of the crossbow bolt that will fell an incredibly important man in the meat economy of Russia, which has to be one of the larger meat economies. They love their meat. It's comfort food. Sticks to your ribs.

You know, he's a meat oligarch. They obviously, they run the show over there. So something happened, killed with the crossbow. I do think if you are going to kill anybody with any weapon, you got to pick up the weapon. You got to leave with, you got to leave with it. Otherwise you're leaving too much evidence. No, they didn't take, no, they left, they brought the weapon with them.

He was had a crossbow bolt in his body. No, it wasn't like he went in with a hammer and went ding, ding, ding, ding. They could have grabbed the crossbow as well. It's much easier to grab than a bullet. No, you get some screaming nikkajuck right out of the sauna. So yeah. They might have just ran away. Yeah, but now, you know, there's a witness.

And now we have somebody tied up upstairs. What? What? Whoa. I thought we were supposed to be the crazy ones. What's going on in this house? What? You know, when you home and beta home and then you're like, why is everyone tied up in here?

Holy shit. That's like this movie of villains. That was very good. With um, Pennywise is in it. Oh, look, great actor. Did they flip it? That's what you have to do. We've said this before on the show.

Flip it and make them the hostage. That's what I, yes, it is. Essentially it is. It's also, I think that's the plot of the movie with Adam Sandler and the radio station. The ref. Not the ref. I think also as a hostage situation. Airheads.

Airheads, yes. There was a lot of that in the nineties. There really was. Um, all right. A lot of like casual joking about terrorism. Celtic pride. I feel like we're kind of like we're in the, the eggs of that have sprouted into this idea that like domestic terrorism is like cute.

Isn't that nice? How jokes are so powerful. Well, we could go to Montreal too. If you want to talk about these two dudes who were, uh, who, uh, had a bit of a first degree murder spree after a Halloween sort of attack. Oh wait. First thing I want to say is jetpack guy got caught on film. Well, oh yes, they caught him on film, but they didn't catch him.

They have not caught him, but the jetpack guy there is crazy. You can look this up. Look, there is footage of this jetpack guy flying over LAX and it's, it's wild because he also, it seems he is taking off and landing from somewhere on like LAX property. So, okay. There's something weird going on. Is there a special spot that nobody has cameras at or something? Oh, you mean like his little like no girls allowed clubhouse?

Does he have an Al Bundy no ma'am situation? I don't know. I don't love the idea that there's a secret teleport pad or a secret, um, what are you, not a teleport pad. I guess it is a teleport pad. No, it's not a teleport pad. We can't teleport yet. We can't teleport.

What do you call those things? Helipad. Helipad. Yeah. There's a secret helipad. What's a teleport pad? You know where I'd be? Cabo.

Oh. Okay. You can teleport anywhere. You're just going to a place you can get a discount ticket on. You could just take an Alaskan airline trip for $69 to get there. They go immediately? Why wouldn't you? One second.

I'm sitting in here. You're weird, vaguely like just the moisture coming off. I'm hungover and also sweaty. Yeah. All of this. I feel the soup just waving off me in particles and particles and particles. What would I give? They just step in a little booth and all of a sudden I'm in Cabo.

You think talking to a random stranger at a Cabo bar right now will be cleaner and less soupy feeling than talking to me? No. To be completely frank, I just feel like I'll be like, get screamed at about how like, you know, a Trump is the chosen one. And then he's got the fucking like all that weird Q shape where he's got like time, time machine goggles and all of that. That's a real conspiracy theory.

And then he's sitting there talking about how like JFK Jr. is still alive. And you have to be like, listen, man, I'm just trying to listen to Sammy Hagar at this bar. And that is every American's right. Physically listening to Sammy Hagar speak to me at the other side of the bar. Well, you know, he works there. You know, he's the bartender. He does it all. He's got a janitor.

He's got a new rum. Yes, indeed. And of course, there are no real conspiracy theories. Aren't they all fake by nature? Very intriguing. Also, I did see the story that Henry had pulled up here on his computer that I it's not really much of a story, but a dude fell through the ground in New York, which yeah, that does happen. We need to talk about this story because you hear this story.

The number one horror is what do you mean the guy fell through the ground? Yeah, you just fall through the ground in New York. This is a story, New York Times, New York Nightmare, which I love the way they start. New York Nightmare. Because it is a New York Nightmare. The New York Giants are the New York Nightmare and the Jets. Kiss'll save it for kind of fun. Our new All Sports Inclusive podcast.

We're working on it, baby. See? Yes. And you did a great job. Thank you for the plug. New York Nightmare. Man falls through sidewalk into, I love the term, rat filled chasm. This is disgusting. They show videos of the rats.

This dude, again. This has come from the 9-Eleven call. Rats calling on him. He cannot move, said the brother of the man who was rescued after about 30 minutes. New York rats, you have to understand. First of all, they're starving right now because the restaurantes are closed. Yeah. They are going, I was just talking to my buddy who was like, yeah, New York, they did, they

did outdoor eating, but it's all on the streets. And he's like, so you're just around a bunch of hungry rats and mice. It's really quite disgusting. That's a New York Nightmare. The aggressive nature of a New York rat, they are... Up by your fucking clit. They'll kill you. They will straight up kill you.

So this man... They'll bury their way into your body. They're so excited to find any sort of warmth, any sort of liquid. As we learned with Kuklinski, right? Oh, he tried. They couldn't eat that body. But he groomed those rats. And not with little bows and nail polish.

He grew them into a hungering and craving human flesh. But this is like, I mean, it's a nightmare. It is horrible. And the footage shows him standing at a bus stop, waiting to go to work. Because what's so much more fun than having to go to... You have to get on a bus in the middle of a pandemic in order to go to a job that you have to be thankful for, or you just get... just rolled over. It's going...

Country's in great shape. So this guy was having a rough day to begin with. And so then he... On what he thought was stable concrete. He just falls through. New York is falling apart. He just falls through the concrete. Into the series of rats, they said he had to keep his mouth shut.

All right. Stunned bystanders who rushed... This comes from the New York Times, by me, he is a very... Stunned bystanders who rushed to the edge of the chasm. Faced a ghastly sight. Mr. Shoulders, his name is Leonard Shoulders. Oh, man. Because Shoulders is also the perfect place for rats to sit.

Yeah, that's kind of nice if he was a pirate. Mr. Shoulders had dropped 12 to 15 feet into an underground vault teeming with rats. Rats crawling on him, he cannot move. He did not want to yell because he was afraid there was going to be rats inside of his mouth. Mr. Shoulders, are you okay? I'm just so much more than that. I'm also ahead. I have a torso.

How's the count going in Nevada? That's horrible. I should die. I'm so much more than Shoulders, sir. It's just kind of a funny joke. Yeah, all you do is count my Shoulders. What about my waist? That is also very substantial, Mr. Shoulders.

Which is why you are currently inside of the ground. No. Videos of the scene show him eventually being wheeled away on a stretcher, but he was stuck inside of there for 30 minutes. So he's going to get every shot in the book. He's going to get polio shot, tinnitus shot. He has probably got some kind of new rat disease. This is not a fun movie.

Or even if, let's just take this two superhero logic. Let's go 1992. Oh, he becomes rat man? Yes, now he's just rat man. So he's got a massive overbite. He studies into banking. I don't know what he does as rat man, but it's the worst possible superhero.

No one will be happy to see you. I was just watching a movie where a man turns into a rat. Oh yes, I was watching Shane Morton had put out the Lord Creatrix of your pretty face is going to hell. The artistic designer of your pretty face is going to hell. Put out a Halloween, like, Twitch show. And one of those had a man turning into a rat. How'd he do?

He died. He was bad. It was not good, no. Think about how sexy it's not that sexy, but you could fit in through all these crevices. You can fit in through crevices. And some women, people, not even just women, people love rats.

People keep rats. They love domesticated rats. Yes. Assuming that this man would be able to be a domesticated rat. I mean, I guess if you look at someone like a Batman or a rat man, but at least bats, they fly. Yeah, this guy can burrow into places. He can eat a lot of pizza crust all at once.

He can. He can. Something new. I can too. I can already do that. But now this will be a special treat for Mr. Shoulders. And by night, he's rat man. I don't know.

I think that's a rough day for him. I think that he's just going to be forced to go back to work as fast as humanly possible, even as rat man. Yeah. Because I think that he probably can't miss that many checks in a row. No, not if you're waiting at the bus stop in the early morning. It was still dark outside that poor man.

So we probably have to go straight back to work in the ultimate New York nightmare, capitalism. And he will have to go. Well, something, I mean, one of the tax... Now I'm going to go on my... I'm just saying what are the taxes paying for if we don't even have sidewalks. This is 20...

Okay. All right. Well, let's go. Let's get out of America for a second. Let's get out of America. Man has been charged with two counts of first-degree murder after a Halloween sword attack in Quebec City. So he's just 24 years old.

He was in a medieval outfit on Halloween night. And I guess he took his character work a little too seriously. But this is the thing. They say medieval outfit. Yeah. Right? It's like a knight. You see, you jumped a knight.

What else would it be? There's so many. You could have worn... He's not dressed like a jester. But it depends on what he... Hey, he could be. What if he kept seeing medieval outfit? I keep seeing him dressed in like a snood

with one of those tunics on. We're not talking... It sounds like he's selling turkey legs at a rent fair. You're talking about the bit players in medieval life. Nobody dresses up as them. They dress up as the knights or a king. Losers do. This guy was obviously, you know what?

Not a winner. So perhaps you're right. I'm saying... He stabbed people. He stabbed seven people with the sword. He killed one person, which is like... I just don't feel like it's super easy to get killed with a sword. You actually...

I'll go ahead and I'll just fucking correct you before the emails come pouring in. Okay. Because I'm going to tell you straight up, a man with a pointed-edge weapon is far more... Our woman is far more... Good for you. ...dangerous than somebody with a gun.

Well... Because it's easier. With a gun, I run towards... No, it's not more dangerous. Would you rather have a gun or a sword in a fight? Don't bring a sword to a gunfight. Yeah, but guess what? Don't bring a sword to a spoon fight.

Don't bring a sword to a... Completely changed to the paravers. Don't bring a gun to a petting zoo. That's the main rule. So, court documents identify Carl Gerard. He's a tall, thin man. I don't know why they include this, but he's a tall, thin man with dark hair.

Because they want you to know, in Canada, a symbol of strength of both morality and physicality is a nice, big ol' Molson-like barrier between you and everyone. A nice, thick gut. Yeah, well... That's what you really tell who a healthy man is.

I know that. You know that. On Halloween night, cops were contacted around 10.30 p.m. There was a two-hour, two-and-a-half-hour manhunt. I mean, they're looking for a knight with a sword. How can a hard... Well, I mean, I guess this is Quebec.

Maybe it's like everybody. I wish they just would term an incentive of a manhunt, a boyhunt, because it does feel more of a boyhunt versus a manhunt. He really got into the cosplay, didn't he? Yep. He went out after two-and-a-half hours. Dude was arrested at 1 a.m.

And yeah, this is, according to the Quebec City Police Chief, Robert Pigeon. He said during a news conference Sunday morning, he says with the intention of doing the most possible damage. Commander Pigeon? Yeah, Pigeon said that everything leads us to believe he chose his victims at random,

which is freaking scary. You're going out for Halloween all of a sudden, a knight with a real sword starts freaking stabbing you and all your friends. And then one of the things, the next thing he said, I'm also sure where someone would come remove this cowboy hat someone stapled in my head.

Oh, you remember? You remember Nevada, yeah. They were so cute, but they weren't glued. Yeah, they killed them. They killed each one of them. They were cute with a little hat on. It was, for a second. Yeah, the police chief said Gerard...

It's like you've ever seen a turtle just struggle with a bunch of fucking six-pack containers? For a while, it's kind of fun. It's cute. They had to get a big one. You got to get a big one. Yeah. Police chief said Gerard does not have a criminal record,

but he did reveal five years ago, quote, medical context that he wanted to commit a violent act. Why? Because he probably said, the one time I'm getting out of here, I'm gonna get my sword and I'm gonna kill all these fuckers. Yep. What was that, sir?

I'm gonna get my sword and I'm gonna get my knight in. I don't know if you can tell I'm a knight. I'm a man on a round table. Well, no criminal record, though. Yep. I guess I gotta go free. Because if not, I will not have a chance to punish my chainmail. I think we need,

I think we need Ratman over here to kill this guy. Very dangerous stuff. The thing about rats, dude, rats are neutral. No, they are not neutral. I believe they are neutral. Again, like the interplanetary, interdimensional entities we deal with, we do not fit as a part of the rat's agenda.

They do not care if we live or die in their world, except they do live off of us. Well, Quebec premier François Legault, he said this, he said, the Quebec population is once again put to a test. As tragic as these events are, don't lose sight of the fact that this is not representative of the community that is characterized by its warmth.

So isn't that nice? When you think Quebec, although I think it's very nice, and I don't think warmth, though. I don't think of warmth when I think of the French. They've always been, they're very rude. They're very rude. I feel, I don't think negatively. I think it's really fun,

but you definitely don't go into France and be like, I'm gonna add a little bit of my culture here, I'm gonna do a little thing called rejected. In Canada, it's different. One thing I will say about Quebec is that it has some of the most beautiful people in the world. Montreal has got fucking, there's something about,

something about the French water or some shit. They are very nice in many, many ways. But you know, this is just one of those crimes that happens every once in a while. It's happened quite a bit this year. We've seen a lot of medieval themed people killing other people with swords, because it seems to be very easy

for these nerds to acquire these weapons. Because they're buying it, because on one level, you're buying it to just impress other, like other nerds about your sword collection. Like how often that's seen as like, you know, I guess it gives you points in their world. I guess it does.

In a very Quebecian way, Martin Rue, perhaps you could read this in his accent, but I can just read it in mine first. This is a witness. He says, we were really witnesses to the manhunt. He says, there was a lot of adrenaline. Especially when you see police officers walking and running with their weapons drawn.

That is just a day in America. The idea that like someone would even recognize cops running with their weapons drawn, it's like something out of the ordinary. If I saw that right now, huh? They're going to the store. They must be going to try to get new pants that the Nordstrom ran.

They must be trying to shoot open the Diet Coke can. Yeah, very fun. Because you know, in New York, especially the time we spent in New York, you got very accustomed to the cops just wearing full on AK-47, full on fucking army gear all day. Penn Station, it's straight up total recall, man. They are ready for anything,

but unfortunately the trains are not ready to run on time. What, Kessel? Keep it. You're out of the state now. You can't complain anymore. All right, here's another story that I love because you know what it comes down to? I think that a lot of people, there's a lot of divisive shit going on in this country.

No. And I think it's important to remember, you know, as families, we've got to stick together. Sure. It's not about family all having sex with each other, either. Oh, thank God. Yeah, I thought you were really going to human-senipede this. No mystery over death of reclusive mother,

84, and her blind son, 60, whose bodies were found in Spartan flat with 10 chocolate cakes and a note saying, do not come in. Well, they have to eat the chocolate cakes. To be fair, I've sort of been doing that because I had a bit of a get-together on Tuesday, which I am finding election-themed day parties.

Might not be the best. Election parties are... I mean, first of all, you're just like watching the spitting of the various corporations that own our country all fight each other. Maybe in a different time, it'll be fun. I just feel like I've... When Joe Rogan in a fucking compound in 2008,

we had a really nice night. Yeah, 12 years ago. 12 years ago. We're one for four. All right. But anyway, maybe they were just having fun because everyone brought all their Halloween candy over when I had my election day party

and I've been eating nothing but chocolate. No, I know. Actually, we should take it back. You should. I'm not even talking about weight. I'm just talking about your blood sugar content. No, it's been bad because they've been a little... the mini muffins, but they're not muffins.

They're cupcakes. And you said you've been peeing a lot. Yeah. That's pre-diabetic. No kidding. Hey, man, congrats. It's like the prequels, the Star Wars. We're about to get the full...

Oh, Empire, so it's back. That's what you're going to be like, but with diabetes. My balls are like Jar Jar Binks and my brain is like Anakin Skywalker. It's just like it. So this story, all right, this is just strange. So a mystery of the death of a mother and son found among a cryptic arrangement

of radios, clocks, and chocolate cake may never be solved. June and Stephen Corfield, 84 and 60, were discovered by a PCSO and housing authority boss who had entered their flat in Bracknell in January. Among around them were 10 chocolate cakes and a handwritten note which read, put memo at the top of the stairs, do not come in.

Okay. Which I think it does feel like, honestly, if Ratman is real, then fucking Dr. Cake is real. And this feels like Dr. Cake has struck again with a mysterious series of crimes. Well, you think he's trying to lure in Ratman with said cake? Cakes. Okay.

It's not going to be good for dogs. Hopefully no dogs were there. Every electrical item had been switched off in the home or disconnected. And there was no bedding or cleaning products inside. So literally it was an empty apartment with these two people in it. Light fittings had been emptied of bulbs

and the boiler and the heating were unused. Geez. And the bin was a newspaper dated December 12, 2019. 2019. Okay. So these guys were hoarding up for a while. And they saved, and this says, despite the fact Mr. Corfield was blind,

which is true, he probably couldn't read it, but he could still swat his own ass with it. Yeah. And it's nice just to hold it sometimes. It's nice to imagine if you're blind, hold up a newspaper on a park bench. And when someone comes up and asks you, be like, oh, so tell me what's the news of the day?

You could put the fucking newspaper down and show your sunglasses and be like, fuck you, I'm blind, buddy. Yeah, you could do that. Or you could just make it up on the spot and just be like, yep, well, stocks are up. You better sell. Stocks are low.

Stocks are up. Stocks are equal. Great. So the police had initially believed that they could have been looking at a fun old fashioned murder suicide. Sure. But they have ruled out any foul play.

What is it? Detective Sergeant Liam Butler of Maidenham CID told the hearing all of the electro items were unplugged and the main electrical fuse box was turned to the off position. They just shut off all of the power to the house and just laden it until they died. This is very strange.

It's always weird when children grow with their parents. Like whenever you have a 60-year-old guy and an 84-year-old mother living together. I mean, at least they didn't have sex with each other like we've covered in many stories in the past. But we don't know. Let's just say they didn't. Let's look at her stomach.

That's why I want to see the contents of the mother's stomach see if there was any semen in there. We don't know that, but apparently they were saying that she was not necessarily the healthiest. All they had was cakes and water. Which actually is that at the foot of June's chair was an empty bottle believed to be a water bottle. At the foot of Stephen's chair was a half empty water bottle

containing clear liquid. Both bottles were tested and were found to contain a neutral water-based liquid. It's just water. I mean, I feel like they're being real technical. Well, Dr. Robert Chapman, but you do mention, you know, the cakes. Apparently she was five feet tall

and she weighed just 33 kilograms, which is five stone. So I guess she was not good. She's very light, I guess. She's very light. And then she had pneumonia and then she died of a coronary heart disease. Well, they said, yeah, both appeared very gaunt. Their eyes were sunken.

So they're not eating the cake. They have all the cake around them. I don't understand why the cake then. I don't know. It feels like one of those like diet things where you kind of feel like if you have something, it's like it's an eating disorder kind of where you have like stuff in the house

and you buy all of the snacks that you like and all the things that you want and then you throw them out. Well, that just sounds like you have a lot of money to waste. It did, I guess, but it also was a disorder. It's like you've got brain problems. Well, I guess so. Would you not, you know, you got to do something about it.

You got to get a brain plumber in there. I know. But the pathologist said they found a small tumor in Stephen Corfield's brain. But they still don't know how he died. Well, obviously it wasn't from having too much cake because they didn't have any of it. I mean, what if this truly is death by chocolate?

It really seems like the death, death by staring at chocolate, maybe they were just so envious their body turned against it itself because it was not getting the cake. The police made open-minded and appropriate inquiries. There was no evidence of a third-party involvement. Not a lot of evidence that it was even a suicide. I just, I don't know.

This is just weird. They just died surrounding a bunch of cake. They just put a bunch of cakes in there. It does sort of feel like, in a way, like it's surrounded by the things that give them comfort. I don't know why. I guess. They decided to waste themselves a death.

I do feel like they kind of just sat and died. Man, that would take ages. How boring is that? It's not the way I want to go. I'm going fast. Oh, yeah. If I'm going, I'm going fast and I'm going to fucking, I'm going to make a splash, baby.

Oh, right. Well, hey, you wait because I'm going to fucking, their people are going to know I'm going for fucking likes. Yes, indeed. Well, I'm sure you'll get a lot of likes. Well, before we get to Hero of the Week, let's do this story. I know you really wanted to do this story because it's about Aladdin's lamp.

I like this story. I love this story. This is just a really cool freaking lamp. It's a cool looking lamp. It's just such a, again, it's just kind of indicative of our times. Two men accused of selling an Indian doctor and Aladdin's lamp for $93,000 and have been arrested after he realized it did not give him the good health

and fortune he was promised. If you look at this lamp. It's kick ass lamp. They did good job of putting like corroded, like stony metal around it to look like it's ancient and it's like, it's big. It's big. Also, Aladdin, like Gandalf, like all wizards and magicians,

he works at his own time. Not genies. Genies work upon when you get them. Well, that's according to you. They're to a la carte. No. Genies are, genies you make in like an appointment where wizards and you.

The wizard makes the appointment. They just show up. Two men accused of selling an Indian doctor, the Aladdin lamp, they were only arrested after the doctor said it didn't work. So everything was going great. Well, you can essentially bought the lamp. But you buy it. You, I mean, I don't know.

I just feel like you can't have buyer's remorse on the lamp. You're the one who thought it was going to work. You absolutely. I mean, I think that you, I think buyer's remorse is the exact term that you would have because you've spent $93,000 on a lamp that does not work. You thought you were making an investment, but apparently that was just one chunk of the payment.

It was supposed to be 300 grand. Well, I think the guy deserves to pay up. Dr. Lake Khan, he went to the cops and was like, it's not working. And then the cops were like, Oh, now it's a crime. I don't know. I feel like you, this guy also is no return. You no longer get to be called a doctor if you buy a lens lamp. And then you have to go to the police because it didn't work.

I definitely going to you to check my balls. I will think twice if I find out that you own an Aladdin's lamp. If you were just in there being like the first step of like trying to fix me of my cancer, you're like, Hey, rub this, rub this. What is it? What's going to fly on it? Oh, it didn't work. Oh my God. Well, constant. He met the pair after performing surgery on a woman in 2018.

The two men described the woman as quote their ailing mother. So these guys, they met the doctor. Obviously he didn't do well with his mom. They flipped their own doctor into like the guy that's like did anything with them. They did like sit instead of being like this is a hero. He saved my, they saved my mom. They're like, fuck you. Let's get this mark.

Look how sad he looks. Carving up our mother. Because honestly, you could tell he's actually kind of missing something. We should go over there and be like, Hey, man, you got that lamp and storage unit still. Oh, you remember? Oh, yeah.

From when we did an Aladdin high school, the musical. Yeah, buddy. Yeah. That is exactly what the guy said. So the surgeon or the doctor, again, massive air quotes on doctor here, he said, gradually they started telling me about a Baba self-proclaimed God man who they claim to visit their home. They started brainwashing me and asked me to meet this Baba. So the doctor is so weak.

He got as he's carving up their mother. He's like, pitch me on something. He's like, honestly, I'm feeling kind of desperate. Well, like breasts deep in the lungs of your mother. Honestly, I've been pretty bummed out. I actually really could use some kind of genie to give me a smile. You're like, oh, oh, oh, but you're playing with my mother's intestines right now.

It's very scary. I don't. I just don't have any faith in this man's medical ability. This is very similar to the story we're covering right now. This idea that people look for magical answers, and then you get exactly what you ordered. I bought the, I bought a $50 when you were over my house. You saw the $50 fake Necronomicon I bought.

Yep. I'm not going to sue when it doesn't summon the devil. You get yourself a couple of tall boys inside of you and then you start leaving some Yelp reviews of the people who sold it. That's what happens when you can't just get your, you can get your magic money back, but you can ruin the fucking, you can ruin the Grounds Roots campaign that it took to get you the Necromonicon. I'm going to do the opposite of a negative Yelp review.

I'm going to say, GELP, great review for Mystic Museum right here in beautiful. Love Mystic Museum, man. I miss them and it's just another, hopefully they can stay strong throughout all of this bullshit. Yes, indeed. I went and supported them, bought a bunch of their stuff. So check out Mystic Museum.

So these guys apparently they had cheated many families using the same scam. The total amount of money involved runs into the seven million or several million rupees. Again, people are buying it and it's, isn't it more about, I mean, if it's your last $93,000. I mean, I think that that's a big, I feel like that you could do a lot more like good in your own personal life using that money

to even hire a wizard to do a ritual for you. A lot of times what we learned from Adolfo Consonzo, you can get a ritual done. If you're willing to spend 93, you could talk to a Santeria priest and get it done for five. And this is, again, this is just about looking. You got to check a bunch of different estimates. You can't just have, you can't take the first one that comes down

the pipe. It's never that. And there's always another one in the Tupperware right behind. If they're all, if anyone ever tells you it's the last of anything, they have more. Joey, this is a pointed lesson and a pointed bit of information. You're pointed towards me. Absolutely.

Well, let's see here. Just, just really, really quick. A woman had a bestiality. She had sex with her dog, but then she ended up, she ended up getting sentenced because she had an allergic reaction. And the reason why I originally said we're not going to go into the story in depth because it feels like we've been doing a lot of bestiality on the show.

And it feels like to me, the content is skewed heavily towards, like we did like 25 minutes on that chicken fucker the other day. Yep. Yep. Like we did longer than the amount of original comedy in Sarah Cooper's new comedy special on chicken fuckers. Yes, indeed. Yeah.

The unemployed bus driver was charged following the death of a 43-year-old woman who died hours after they had sex with the animal. It's a terrible story. It is. Yep. And this is a German Shepherd. Yeah. This is an awful story.

And I don't even want to hear any more of the details on it. Father of three. The German Shepherd? No. The father of three formerly of Rasmor. He was fucking the German Shepherd? No. This woman was.

I don't want to know any more. She died. You're forcing me to answer questions because it's literally the, it's like an impulse. It's a muscle. Well, you ask away, my friend. I have all of them right here. Postmortem revealed, postmortem revealed a heart attack as the possible cause

of death. So she was having sex with this dog. And she was just had a heart attack there. She was the principal offender and a willing participant. And of course the, the death was quote, not anticipated. I'm fucking done, man. I'm just so. She was having sex with it.

She woke up one day and was like, I'm going to have sex with a dog. And then boom. I don't know where. Next week I was just fucking doing all aliens. I'm doing all aliens. I feel that we have wandered into a world where there are more people fucking their dogs than there are.

It's quarantine. It's quarantine. I know we're all bored. It's horrible. We're all bored of it. That's why, you know what I think is a really good thing. Again, if you're going to have sex with one of your pets, you know what I think is a really good alternative?

Get one of those cornhole boards. Get one of those and play with the, with the sacks of rice. But none with, none animal themed. None animal themed. Because you can obviously, if you're thinking about having sex with an animal, you obviously can't have anything that's barnyard themed, anything going into anything. Well, Henry, maybe this, just before again, you know, we don't want to take up all of your time here listeners, because I know we have so many pressing things that everyone

wants to get back to. But this story must make you feel better. The woman accused of impersonating a prosecutor to drop criminal charges against herself. I mean, it is you doing that. I hope that's, that is when the character comedian is fully blossomed. When the character could finally turn into something that keeps you from going to jail. I love this. Then you're the ultimate.

So she was charged and talk about a difference in country, even though we live in the same country. She was charged with drug possession and stalking. Okay. Stalking and drug possession. Yeah. I don't think that she, anybody that goes to this length is not innocent. Well, you see her smiling in that mugshot.

She is so proud. Oh my God. Look at her. Fuck it. Lisa. Oh my God. 33. Destroy your life.

She is so proud of herself. And I have to say, oh my God, the state's coming after me. I've got drug charges, dress up as the DA, go in there, drop the charges. I know. I actually love this meth fueled idea. It's a really, it's like so stupid. It's brilliant. Yeah.

Because that's what it is. You just go in and say like, if I dress up as George Washington, they will believe that George Washington has come back from the past. And what he is going to do is he's reversing the charges. There you go. That's all you got to do. So this woman, she sees the reality she wants and she's going out there and making it happy. I know.

Although it did not work out. They did bust her because she doesn't look anything like the attorney and it was just, I guess everyone, it was kind of onto it. Yeah. Because it was a full hair brain scheme and she just tried it. She really went for it though. She really did. She really went for it.

She's going to end up on Saturday Night Live. Before, certainly before you and I. Well, you know what? I said no. They might have you on still. If you want it, sell me 5K a year to be buried on Saturday Night. All right. Well, let's do, do you want to do Hero of the Week?

Of course. All right. This week's hero is someone who is standing up to the most oppressive force in this country. The police. No. HOA. HOA. The Housing Association.

Yes, sir. This woman, her name is Angela Navam. She lives in Richmond. Okay. She put up a couple of skeletons for Halloween. Oh, that's fun. Everyone says Halloween skeletons makes no sense. Gotta put skeletons up.

She had the audacity to make them look like pole dancers. So they were kind of stripping. That's hot. That's fun. Yeah. And she's got bigz on them. And she is going head to head with her homeowner's association after they filed a complaint that her Halloween decorations were, quote, inappropriate.

You got to fight these HOAs. They're going to try and tell you how to run your life. You can't tell. This is my space. This is my fucking. This is a creative space for me. You buy the freaking house and all of a sudden you got some weird Nancy and Stu coming at you to yell at you about your freaking grasping too long.

They come in there telling me I'm not fucking my wife vigorously enough. This is how. Get out of my, quit watching. Yep. That's how neighborhood violence occurs. So this is, she says she received a letter saying she had 30 days to remove the decorations. Of course, Halloween is well over in 30 days, but the letter said the decorations are, quote, offensively positioned.

She said it's modeled after an adult club. We just really had a good time changing the scene up every night. Every night we changed the positions of the skeleton. That's hilarious. It's been fun. And it's been really just great. And it's been a great creative outlet for me. We came up with the idea during the stages, during the early stages of the pandemic saying

we've all been cooped up and it's just been a terrible year. We've just decided if this brings a little bit of joy and a little bit of smiles to someone, then we're doing everything right. It's the best. It really is the best. That was one thing about this last couple of months is that we had Halloween. It's a cling to for so long. Yes.

It was so nice to have it. It was beautiful. Because it's such a communal, fun holiday and people who don't like Halloween, I don't get them. I don't get it either. ABC 13 in Houston. They decided to cover this, which, you know, because there's nothing else going on whatsoever. I just feel it from the bottom of my heart.

And this is why Angela Nava or Neva, it's N-A-V-A. You are here of the week because you stood your ground and you said, you know what, let's have a little light in the darkness. Let's have a little fun in the frown time. Let's have a good time with the idea of eroticism once again. And I think that that is wonderful. And honestly, these people in Richmond, you know, for a fact, like, I don't know, I'm not going to get political, but do you imagine me upset seeing this?

What a psychopath. I just don't understand. It just gets to a point where the, we're just poisoned against sexuality in this country in a way that is so deeply embedded that you can't even have a skeleton with their, what is it? How did it look? It looks great. Do they even have tits on them?

They're skeletons, Henry. They don't have any tits. They're just cute. That's literally just cute. She's the hero of the week because it's just cute. All right. Well, don't let these prudes ruin your good time. Don't.

I want to say thank you to the, we had several people from the Paloma Yombe world reach out to me, which I'm going to address on this week's episode of Last Podcast. Not for Adolfo Consonzo Part Two. So thank you. You guys were very kind to share, which is technically very secret information. Awesome. Which was nice. So we are going to, you guys were very tasteful with what you gave to us.

So we're going to end up releasing a little bit when we do the next episode. Wonderful. But I love having a clear review of Paloma Yombe. Absolutely. It's very complex. I'm sure just the surface will be scratched, but that's very good. Scratch your fucking surface. Oh, thank you, buddy.

All right. Here we go. We've got this story here. I'm going to read one of these stories. Okay. So they've got the listener story. I don't know why you're saying you're mumbling it underneath your breath. Listener story.

Listener story. Yeah. It's nice that they said it in the emails, don't you think? They just said, I love our audience and I love our listeners. It seems as if you're slowly getting more and more broken as we were recording today. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Feeling good. Feeling good.

So growing up, like most lonely children, I had an imaginary friend. Yes. Her name was kind originally for what my mother tells me, but it morphed into Kendra later on for some reason, probably to sound cooler in my mind, but I don't truly recall where it came from. Anyway, Kendra wasn't human. She looked like a cross between a goat and a bear, long face, rectangular pupils, droopy ears, and an elegant crown of sharp, curling horns.

Huh. That's terrifying. Yeah. Her body was large and soft. I would vividly remember the times I would pretend to hide under her when my father was particularly mad. Oh, my. She had bear paws, but cloven hooves on her hind legs.

She was the color of oats with curly malaise. Yeah. Pretty stupid. That's your words. Not mine. I actually think it's scary. Yeah. It's quite creative.

It's the color of oats. I don't think I've ever heard anyone describe anything that way. It's very specific. Yes. Looking back, it was probably because my dad had a taxidermy bear in the basement and I loved goats. I lived in the country where farms were plentiful, a mixture of two things in my tiny little mind.

It is kind of fun. So fast forward through my lonely, pathetic childhood full of memories of my imaginary friend goat bear and the occasional wistful attempts to run away in the night where I would always take my sweet time wandering the dark country roads, forever quiet with no lights, but the moon under my feet to the fall of 2018. That's fun. We have a local Renaissance fair every year and that I, a freak who is obsessed with Lord of the Rings and so forth, of course, go to.

You're not a freak. More people than not. I have one of the things that was taken for me from this damn pandemic was my Renaissance fair. I was going to go for the first time this year and I'm going next year. I'm getting, I'm getting the leg. I'm going to dress. I'm getting a big old turkey leg.

I'm going to dress like. No, you and Jentistale are the two biggest pro ren fair people I've ever met in my life. I haven't been to one yet because I'm just going to love it. I know I'm going to love it. I know we have to go. We have to go. But don't worry.

You're not alone because you could be like a little guy and I'll be like a big guy. I'll be like a necromancer. I'll have to decide what I want to be an executioner. Yeah. You fucking speak. I actually think that I must have been an executioner in a past life because I dream about it all the time. I'm so fucking frightened.

I'm so frightened. Um, here we go. They always had beautiful tents, trinkets and hand carved signs to show their specialities. That particular year, one of the tents belonged to a blind man who I thought was dope as fuck. He wasn't spectacularly eccentric like one would imagine. A regular man with gray hair, cloudy eyes and hands weathered by years of work. I cannot remember his name, but I will forever remember his smile. He had a gold tooth.

He offered many services from fortune telling through a bag of small bones to a reading of runes, but neither of those caught my eye. He had something I'd never seen before. A look into the creature that was the guardian spirit if you had one. Now, at this age, I'd forgotten about my imaginary world from childhood. Did this blind man with a gold tooth brought it rushing back in a simple 10 minute session? I'd chosen his spirit service intrigued by the idea. He didn't even hesitate to lay his hand on the table, beckoning me as to hold it.

I did as told. He had been quiet for a moment before nodding, it's a bear with kind eyes. It was such a simple description, yet it punched the air in my lungs in disbelief. Kind eyes? A bear? Oh my God, is that Burt Crusher? That was my childhood shadow. The stunning as this was, I had forgotten all about it in a few months.

That's when the nightmare started. I mean, to be fair, he didn't mention the goat part. No. It began outside of a massive cabin, family surrounding me as I eagerly went on to claim some rooms for ourselves, rushing over each other into the foyer. My father had grabbed my arm and told me I had a room on the main floor, the pink room. In my dream, the sense of dread I felt the dimension of the room made my stomach roll. I argued saying the room was not mine, that I couldn't be there.

I wasn't allowed. Yet my father didn't budge. He marched me to the room, which was alone in a long hallway, which had one other door at the very end that led to the outdoors. Don't open that door, my father had warned. If you do, that man will get you. My blood ran cold. The pink room was covered head to toe in what can only be described as old antique grandma

decor. Doyleys, beaded lampshades, quilts, you name it, it was there. Everything from the carpets to the ceiling was just dusty pink rose color, was suffocating. Honestly, it reminds me of the Madonna Inn, which is an incredible hotel. We love that place. Oh, no kidding. In my dream, I laid in the bed to relax, trying to quell my fear of the room. Deep breaths in and out, in and out.

And then hands came down on me, forcing my body into the mattress with enough force to hurt. I couldn't see anyone. But there was a hissing voice above me saying things like, out, out, and let me in, let me in. What do you want? In my dream self's mind, I knew what it was. It was him.

The one who my father warned me was on the other side of the outside door. Then I would wake up in an empty room, my dog watching me at the end of the bed, eyes glinting green from the moonlight. I always cried when I woke. The dent in my mattress was so deep from where I had laid, like yours, Kissel. Yes, indeed. Despite my slim and light body, I was always covered in sweat, my chest aching, my hand shaking.

The dreams continued for weeks. It was always the same. But sometimes I would beg my father not to put me in the pink room. He always did. And I always ended up on the mattress, hands on my chest that pushed me down, the feeling of being violated so strong that I would always wake up feeling dirty. I was at my breaking point, and after I woke from the nightmare one night, my body drenched in sweat, body aching all over, mattress sunken beneath me, I caved into myself in tears.

I felt the hopeless child I once was, alone and targeted, always in fear of the world I inhabited. I sobbed and sobbed, and my inner child called out like it once had before, please, please, Kindra, be kind, help me. I felt I was floating after that, my body, encased in a warmth, like a weightless blanket had been laid over my being. My stomach settled, my hand stopped shaking, I fell asleep almost instantly. I never had the nightmare again.

After weeks of torture, I slept like a baby, always blanket in that warm comfort, and felt like an embrace. I think about that night, and now always, I tell her good night. She's been kind to me, always there, to soothe my fears. Whoa! Very cool! All right! Nice to get a full night's sleep, although they say sleep like a baby, you show me a

baby that sleeps through the night. Babies do sleep sometimes. Well Katie, from kind of fun, my co-host Carson, heard a little baby, a little three months, he's doing very well, sleeping through the night. I didn't sleep until I was six years old, according to my mother. I don't think you sleep now. No, I'm terrible sleep. I slept 20 hours a day.

That's different. Isn't that funny how things continue, but they also change a little bit. See, I can sleep during an immense amount of stress. My body does the thing called shut down. You see, that's nice, but normally for me, that takes a lot of booze. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to watch it a little bit. Booze will keep me up.

It can. Yeah, and it can also put you to bed. This is fascinating. It's the best thing that's ever happened. Any more emails? No. That's it! All right, everyone!

Well, thank you all so much for listening. And yep, as always, we got through this episode. We got through this episode, and we're going to get through everything happening in this country right now. And yeah, thank you all so much for listening, and hope this gave you a little bit of laughter, a little bit of joy. We got more bullshit coming. We have Adolfo Constanzo.

This storyline in last podcast and left is just getting more and more fucked up. He doesn't like buy a zoo. He does not get into the zoo business. He doesn't meet Kate Hudson and discover what's life on the other side when you meet a kooky girl. It's not like that. It doesn't really work like that. Maybe trading places.

Is it like that? It mutilates 13 people. It mutilates 13 people. I'm excited, though. You know, but still, I'm excited. It's different. It's going to be a fun series, and we have a lot of shit coming up in the wintertime. Very, very excited.

We got a couple more cults, we have more like stuff just like dripping with blood. I cannot wait. It's called Good Modern Day Escapism, isn't it? All right, everyone, thank you all so much for listening. Hope you're doing okay out there. And truly from the bottom of both of our hearts. Live. You've got to live the chaos right now.

Yes, you do. We're just in it. We're just floating in it, and we're kind of in the middle of it, but isn't it just the fun of bureaucracy, the fun of jurisprudence? It could also be gone right now. Anything can happen. You don't know what's happening when you're listening to it right now. At this point, it might be completely different if you're listening to the episode.

And you wouldn't be, you don't have to be in this. Then maybe you would laugh. Yeah, maybe you'd laugh. Because at least then, the waiting will be over, and then you'd have a new feeling, whatever that feeling is, and I don't know what that is. You know what that feeling could be? Love. Could be.

Yeah. You'd laugh. Love. You've got to love the feelings that you feel. I mean, this is the problem is that I'm in, I have to constantly talk about in stupid Sarah therapy sessions about how you're supposed to feel the feelings that you feel. What? What you think is like a natural thing, but apparently sometimes what it takes is fucking

years of chipping in a way of what can only be called like a nihilistic stone sarcophagus that your heart has lied inside of for a long time. And then slowly but surely you have to just chip and chip and chip and chip and chip and chip until you get to the top of your emotions. Yeah. But apparently demo day can last for fucking 36 years. Absolutely. No, Henry did admit why he lost his previous therapist because the therapist said the one

thing that you have to work on is the thing that you refuse to work on, so I can't do anything for you. That's what she said. That she was just trying to fucking get out with it with the fucking because it was too hot in the kitchen. All right, everyone, hail yourselves. Hail Satan more than ever in this time. Magus deletions, everybody.

Strike down my enemies, Satan. This is a good time to strike down the enemy, Satan. Yeah, I'm not sure who he's working for, though. I know he's, I mean, whoever is into people having their tops off. People who can handle a bunch of skeleton strippers. I agree with that. Honestly, call a pal of my own. Be a priest.

Honestly, what else? Well, somebody else do it. He's got less to lose. Love you guys. Hang in there. Hail yourselves. See you, fuckers. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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