Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Double Bread with Ground Beef

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Henry & Eddie bring you this week’s biggest stories and wildest news - UFO the movie reveals kickstarter, Epstein's Birthday Book (it's filled with breasts), Kim Jong Un bans the words “hamburger���, “ice cream”, and "karaoke", Man dies on brand new Epic Universe ride "Stardust Racers", 95-year-old charged with murder of Holocaust survivor nursing home roommate, Scuba clad robber makes it away from Disney Springs resturant with 20,000 dollars, The Return of The Do-Do Bird, Listener E-mails, and MORE!Visit Unbelievably Friendly Organisms to support Henry's new film!Watch The Return of Gor Gor: An Interview with GWAR now For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Side stories? Yeah. But North Glade. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories.

Yes. Oh, shit! The needle fills a hole. The old familiar stain. I won't wish it all away But I remember Everything It's dude's day

I hurt myself today I'll be cash, you'd be resident So yesterday, Ed So yesterday, it was amazing I went to my favorite Antifa restaurant Have ever been to Lefty Cucks? Oh no, I never been to Lefty Cucks yesterday How was it?

It was great. They were all applauding me for getting on the right-wing hate list. They were super happy with. I got a discount, which honestly was really nice. It's so good. I heard you have to eat everything

with your just lips first. Well, yes. And then everybody has... You have to kiss it first, but you kiss my burger. Everybody buys food, and the person who bought most food has to share the most of his food.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great place. I bought food for someone else and then they kicked me in the nuts. Yes, I love that about that place. I love Lifty Cucks. But one of the very funny things I had, you know, those like little,

um, they have those like fortune bullets and the engraving on mine was so cute it just said trust the process and I was just so like I was just so I was like I needed to hear this exactly man

you know what else happened this week that I'm losing my mind about what happened Dan Marino has liver disease yeah I heard you believe this not enough beer a idus

this Justin yeah his liver's Fat. All right. So welcome to side stories. My name is Henry Sprucksky. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. There's far too much news this week. There is entirely too much news. There's one huge story, but much better, smaller stories. So I think that the best part about this week, the thing that really, I mean, the thing that people can truly celebrate this week, who is actually celebrating this week is every other criminal that's ever done anything. Yes. Because no one's paying attention to them. It's really good for them. And so we're just going to come out. real quick and say, yes, Charlie Kirk is dead, we're not going to talk about it a heck of a lot

because there's not a lot of information out there. I mean, it's still very much developing. We don't know much about anything. It's developing. We now know that this is some form of troll on troll crime. We know that Tyler Robinson is now, we know that he's nothing. He's arrested. We know he's arrested. He's in jail. There's a lot of evidence that points towards the fact that he definitely did it. But we don't know. Obviously, we're going to wait until he goes through the whole trial. Do you think he's going to do a rain dance?

I think but we now know yes, that Tyler Robinson wasn't anything. He was just some guy shot Charlie Kirk because he was there. And if the rifle was

pointed pretty much in a manner of feet in any other direction, we wouldn't be talking about it anymore. It's pretty clear. There's been four major assassinations since December. Oh, dude, that day.

there was a shooting at an elementary school. Yes. And there was another shooting in Oakland. Oh, yes. It's been going on all week. There's been about... And then somebody was lynched, of course. Oh, yes. Yes. So there's a lot of stuff going on. And now we see that Jimmy Kimmel got fired for very light commentary upon this. I'll tell you one

thing that's good. Fallon canceled his gig tonight. Finally. Some good news. There's some good news. But he was too drunk to perform. I love that fucking guy, man So we're just gonna move on

And I think that Well, just like they are Erica Kirk's taking over to Pusa Oh, Tupusa, she loves Tupusa And Erica Kirk, oh wow, I can't even say I can't say anything No, but that's just so funny I was just about to try to make a joke about this

And I know for a fact that the joke that I was going to make is going to sandbag in our entire network and it's just the power I have right now is both aggravating I'd say the lack of power and since yes deep deep lack of power

it's a deep deep lack of power so I don't know what to say I was just about to say something Robert Redford the greatest actor of all time dies nobody gives a fuck Charlie Kirk stole 9-11 yes I had my mac and cheese

was in the oven do you have an idea what it's like to start I am beginning the turnaround we're making 9-11 happy I don't care what anybody says. I mean, this is the official like, who gives a shit anymore here. It's time to roll. No one cared. It was barely in the news. It just

You saw... NFL teams were not doing their tributes. Trump took a nap during the ceremony. Do we remember that when Trump had an active stroke during the 9-11 ceremony? He just let his right side sleep. Which I think is good. His right side really just needed some rest. Pope John Paul's nap.

Yeah. She just let that lower lip slide. Pope Nat Paul. Yeah. So he so yeah so not but yeah my again i had all my hors d'oe my building seven fondue oh my god my my ashtray was ready everything was ready to tower joints that were fucking ready dude yeah and it just seemed i just looked at i'm like i don't want to smoke these today and lefty cucks was bringing a whole thing of no food to my house yes oh lefty i mean lefty cucks was great because they had their iraqi flag up yes you know and they had their afghanistan flag up and i was having a great Oh, yeah, dude.

Isis Joe and me, love a life. I love the slogan. We're turning ISIS into Nis. Someone has to. And I think this is a really good rebranding time. Today we're serving Italian ISIS. I just had that because I was in New York. Yeah, I know.

I saw you put us because you started all the conspiracy theories that we were already shut down. Oh, yeah. We didn't even talk about it. Everyone's like, you're shut down. It's like, no, my internet just didn't work in the shitty apartment I was saying. No offense, Robbie, but the fucking bathroom sink is in the kitchen. Sorry, Robbie, but that's a true. That is called the New York Millionaire's Lifestyle.

I will say that I have been on that hate list all week. They took it down, right? They put that the, I was listed as like a left wing. They didn't list me. Nope. Not popular enough. Come on, people. Anytoots.com.

It's just so funny. That I'm the one. Like, I am the one. And so I've been getting harassed. all week. You put the ass in harassment. No, they are. They're putting the ass in harassment.

I'm the ass. I know. I'll grab at you. You already have. It's that I've been getting harassed all week. I'm getting, it's just like, it's for real out there. So that's why I think it's super important to transition to what's really the most important story of this whole week.

Absolutely. The most important thing. There's huge news coming out. It's just the biggest news. And we want to talk about this now while we know everyone's still listening. Yes. My movie is coming out and I'm doing a Kickstarter for it. You're going to want to go to UFO.movie. That is where you can get all the Kickstarter information for Henry Zabrowski's new film,

unbelievably friendly organisms. I have written a story for this. Co-wrote this with Kevin Glees, who is the main screenwriter, who wrote How to Ruin the Holidays. We've worked together on this project for a while now. We are pushing this out the old-fashioned way because guess what? I don't know if you've noticed in the last couple days. Old media might be dead. or dying and it's bad out there

so it's really hard to make something that might be slightly not I'm going to say down the pipe right so we got to make it ourselves so I am asking for your support as my listenership to go help me make the movie that I want to make

and it's truly the most accurate UFO movie ever made did you even try and pitch this or you're like no one wants this I decided nobody was going to want it yeah I think I would agree with that from the little bit you've told me about it It seems like no one's going to make this but you. It's about a man that gets pregnant.

Yes. It's literally like, I could just say that straight up. It's about a man that gets pregnant. Junior 2. It's essentially that. And it's with the absolutely wonderful Amber Nash that was an archer, an amazing impover, and Jenna Hayes, the adult film icon, who now we did an interview with. And she's awesome.

Yeah, she's a therapist. She's a therapist. She lives down the street. She smokes hell all weed. and she is a lot of trouble. Hell yeah. And we just don't want to be anywhere near her, do we're up.

We don't want her in the near or anything. I'm going to hang out with her. We all do. Yeah, she seems very cool. She's the coolest person in the world already. I feel like she's like the one adult film actress I could bring around my wife. She's legitimately just cool.

She's working with people that are now out of the industry. And she's working with people, a lot of women. She's just deep into she's getting her, she got her master's. She's getting her PhD. She's brilliant. Yeah. So we are, but I just want to say,

so this is the truly, the most important story in the week. Yes. And so if you want Lefty Cucks to be able to add that non-smoking outside area, come on out to Lefty Cucks. You are going to help support UFO the movie because we're all, yeah, because that's what we're going to. That's where the after party is.

Open your ass at Lefty Cucks. And there's a lot of prizes in our Kickstarter. We're going to have interviews. We're going to be doing a watch along with me. You're going to own the movie. There's so many things to do And you are going to love Have you ever had a rocky

Deviled eggs? No Yes, there are guana eggs Oh man yes and they Wow Lefty Cucks is knocking out of the Man I hope I get the balls one day to go To righty cox Oh

It's all meat It's a bunch of meat We put up your ass Yeah man You want T or T T dead You fucking snort for meat God, I hate turkeys

Yeah, just cows, pigs Go ahead, oh, some were elk I shot in my face with my own ass I kill shit with tits So we have a lot of stories You know I've been on the podcast for two years this week This week I know

Time is really flown, isn't it? Time is really fucking flown I have just There's too much news I have to blow right past it, but it is nice No, I'm actually really sad that you even said it because I wished that we had prepared for it. We had a way to sort of acknowledge it outside of...

You can buy me a cake later. Yeah, no. We're on the road this weekend. Get me a cake to bring on stage or something. I'll get you something. I will get you something. Two beers on the podcast, my friend. That's what he likes two years on the podcast,

and we are still discussing Jeffrey Epstein. Yes. Can I... Are you want to get into this right now? I just want to say that this is one of the big stories that has been buried. that at first when I know that I've ruined Ed when for the two years now

now that it makes a lot of sense that you've been on the show for two years when the news first hit with with what's his name I'm even sick of saying his name honestly I don't even want to think about him anymore Captain Kirk yes when Captain Kirk died we sat and you woke me up

to text of your dissent and the conspiracy theories behind it and I was up all night researching all the conspiracy theories of it. And I know that I was just like, that's like one of the worst things about all this rational information that came flooding out about this.

Well, I can't believe anyone about anything. I know. Because I can't know. Every credible source says completely different things. It's like no way to know what's actually going on right now. We're going to have our YouTuber FBI director, Cash Patel, tell us anything. Like, we're going to believe a single word out of his mouth.

That's why he's in there. He's in there so we don't believe. Money, dude. In there making it, man. Dude, absolutely. He's doing. He is getting that shit. You don't need to create a smoke screen if the guy's just a smokescreen. Yeah. So, fuck this fucking guy. Hell yeah, you want to deposit me, motherfucker?

I'm cash. Yes, it's great. Cash money. Well, I don't like that you gave him a good nickname. I don't like you give him a fun nickname. Cash, honey? That's cute. Cash, bunny.

All of it's too cute. Cash, bad bunny. I just think it's all too cute to think it should be no crash, all credit. That is pretty good. I like that. Yeah, I like that. All right. No cash, all credit. Credit Patel. Thank you. Yes. Well, cute.

Layaway Patel. Let me finish this. So, I have this. Let me just finish this thought. Then we go. Go ahead. So many other jokes we can hit. So many other verbal jokes we can hit. So what was I saying? Epstein, he had a birthday party. Yes. So a lot of fun people came to the birthday party.

So my original thoughts behind all this was, like, I jumped to the most extreme view, was that this is a smokescreen to hide the fact that on 9-11, that day, an article on Bloomberg came out going through all of Jisland Maxwell's emails, something like 18,000 emails. It was this gigantic investigative report. That was the first layer that came out that said all of this stuff about essentially the words that Jeffrey Epstein said to cut Trump out of my dossier. Yeah. Like, you've got the actual words of Jeffrey Epstein to Jisleine Maxwell. We also now know that Jisley Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein's relationship was thought. more intricate and went on far longer

than she said it did. How is it more intricate? She's in prison for it. Because she, for a long time, the big thing has been Jeffrey did this all in his own. I was never his girlfriend. I was just a, I did property management for his thing. We had a falling out, blah, blah, blah.

Where now when you look at the emails, you see that she was deeply involved in his rollout during his original child prostitution, like all of those charges that he got in 2017. Six. I believe you. Yes. So when he got all those charges, Jis Lane was helping him walk through it. And he got to, Jeffrey Epstein got to name his charges. He said, what sounds better to you? Luden lascivious behavior or solicitation of a minor for sexual activity. And she was like, I actually think ludensivist behavior actually sounds kind of better. Of course it does. She did this. That's an easy question. Yes. So she did stuff like this. So they were in lockstep. She was a part of all the coverups. She bought gifts for, uh, and Dershowitz, they bought gifts for Leslie Wexler's friends.

Jay, he loves it. He loves it. And long, dark socks. Yeah. If you can still be horny. If you can still be horning, right? If you can still be horning in long, dark socks, you're a murderer. Right? Yeah, unless they're compression socks. Yeah, you got to help keep it up.

That's different. It's different. But, so that's one layer of all this, which is we see all of this evidence. Leslie Wexler, Victoria's Secret. You know what Victoria's secret was That she was stuck in the cage Oh, oh yeah Yeah, someone get her out Somebody get that angel out of there

So that was the first layer And then the next was the The entire Jeffrey Epstein 50th birthday book Yes That this is where the infamous Trump letter came out that I can't wait for my 50th

Well, we're gonna do just this Yeah, yeah We're gonna do I definitely want a birthday book We're doing this No, no no I'm letting do this Because it's a cool idea I'm not going to take that away from it.

It's a fun idea. I love pedophile yearbooks. Yes. This is this guy did. I've never seen. So I read the entire thing. This is a part of what's ruined my life, is that I read this entire birthday book. And a lot of it is extremely cryptic.

The Trump stuff is interesting in the fact that he wrote this whole long thing, you know, may every day be another wonderful secret. We've now covered this to death. But I do find it interesting. I will say in Trump's defense, if he did. draw this, I would expect the tits to be bigger. Well, to me, this speaks a lot louder. Oh, because they're tiny

like a little girl. Like a little girl. So I actually think that this... Now I see. But there is pubic care. But no, that's his signature. It's literally a signature. So this guy, this is Jeffrey Epstein. When you watch the, you look at the picture

that Donald Trump drew, you could see that it's definitely of a pre-bubescent girl. You'd think that if two... If you thought that two fun, loving, like single dudes would draw like, and I mean this, I know that that's ridiculous to say, but like, wouldn't you draw big tits? Yeah, I would probably, actually, if it was

for you, I would just draw a drawing cock. Yes. If I was going to draw anything, you get cocked. Yes, exactly. Yeah. This birthday book had more drawings of tits by billionaires that I have ever seen. Like, the Leslie Wexer one is the one that's even weirder where it's like,

what do you get for the man who has everything? Oh, I know exactly what Jeffrey wants. and it was just, you just drew tits. And so that's like one thing. Who were some other fun ones? There were things I didn't recognize. There were stories from women,

long convoluted stories about Jeffrey Epstein seducing them. And then there was like stuff like that that was like really fucking weird. Like this is the Lexley-Wexler letter. He's drew tits on it. And then the, which I think is interesting.

I know it's like ridiculous, but it's, this is all they thought of this man. Yes. This all they thought of him was as a, You look at these rapists. Look at this picture that someone else drew of him. It was a picture of him being naked massaged by girls and bikinis,

but next to it is him giving balloons to children. Oh, my God. It's 1983 to 2003. What a great country. It is assuming the way I'm looking at is that these little girls are the girls massaging him. Yes. And so there's that, right? So this is all in the book.

These are all people. This isn't made up? No. Who drew this? A cryptic billionaire. And what I would love, side stories L-P-O-T-L-G-Mail.com is for someone in our audience that is familiar with theoretical physics. You're just science people. I need a nerd to go through the birthday book because there is stuff in there that legitimately looks like.

He has Harvard. There was like one joke that some Harvard guy put in it. There was a New Yorker cartoon. There was a guy talking and it said, you know, I've spent all my life constantly thinking about how to make money when I really should be. thinking about naked girls and the guy added at the end of it and like biological immortality

research. There's several Easter eggs dropped into this about him being a being deeply invested in which we now know in these the idea of being a transhumanist like getting involved in to saving his brain becoming immortal, saving

this come making a world of of baby slaves for himself and like and sex slaves for himself and I want to know There are some physics jokes in this And there are diagrams And there's shit in it that I don't understand That are coming from scientists

And I want someone to look at it And tell me what the fuck it means Yes, please Because there's got to be Some kind of weird cryptic joke There's something in there But what if it's funny That would make me so upset

To be honest That would at least give me something Yeah Where isn't it deal Neil de Krasse Tyson when you need him He never shuts up Neil deGrasse Tyson is one of them. He's one of the bad ones.

Go explain this. They're all one of the bad ones. What did Clinton say? Nothing. He said he had... Oh no, his was all like he admired Jeffrey Epstein's childlike curiosity. Yeah. Yes, that was the whole thing.

So we're all in a fun world and those are the guys in charge. Those are the guys in charge and it seems like they're really starting to tell us what's it is. Yes. But I will say... So that's why, I'd be like there's a lot of information. So this is part of this stuff that it's really that and the fact that Jeffrey Meldrum died and no one talked about it either. One of the foremost Bigfoot researchers in America. Was he ripped apart by a Bigfoot?

No. Then it doesn't matter. Exactly. It was cancer. Oh, it was just cancer? Yep, well, he's Bigfoot way to die. Was he one of the psychic Bigfoot guys? No.

Very much so locked in the world of Tufts. He talked to him like a human being. He wanted Tufts. Yeah, he sat down with a cup of coffee. and he's like, listen, we gotta hash this out. Nothing would make his life more complete than if he could watch a Bigfoot take a shit. Oh, my, well, I mean, that would make me incredibly happy as well.

It's all these guys want. Yeah. So, all they want is scat. Was he good at it? Was he, I mean, obviously, he never found a Bigfoot. No. So how good could you be? Yeah, actually.

That's actually very interesting. He never found one. He tried super, super hard. He did. Well, I guess it is good. Then then, by Jeffrey Meldrum. Nobody cares. Oh, no.

You look like a big foot. Oh, my God, brain cancer. Yep, you look like a big foot. He was like, he was so cute. So he was going crazy. No, he's just old. Yeah. And he's like, do you like Bigfoot imprints?

He did. I mean, everyone's into some shit. I'm into some dumb shit. Oh, of course. Yeah. What are you going to do? You know? No, it's good for him.

Honestly, he brought some legitimacy to the Bigfoot field that sorely needed it. And now he's dead. He was an anthropologist as well. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's what great. That's what gave him his cred. Thank you, Rob. I appreciate you saying something nice about the man.

Rob is the Bigfoot. Rob's the Bigfoot man. Yeah? You're into Bigfoot? I don't really believe in him. He doesn't believe in Bigfoot. You've done as much research about Bigfoot as I've done it. I've been down the hole.

There's no reason to. I like Harry. I just want to believe he's real. I just think of all of them. Bigfoot's the most successful. Bigfoot makes the most sense. Not the Lochness Monster? That's the second.

Second most? Yes. Okay. Second most. I still think it's a ghost of a pleasiosaur. You know who else died? Who? Rick Davies from Super Tramp.

That's who I'm sad about. That's who I'm really broken up about. I love my Super Tramp. I hope you find your paradise. Goodbye stranger. It's been nice. Go listen to Super Tramp, everyone. Do yourself.

No matter, honestly, no matter how you feel about the news or whatever, Super Tramp can heal your bad thoughts. I promise you that. Yeah, especially if you do a line of good old-fashioned Columbia White. Woo! Yeah. Enjoy yourself. It's old-fashioned.

Do a bump. Fuck your neighbor's wife. Listen to Super Drap. Goodbye stranger, because I'm going to talk to you all fucking night. You're not my stranger anymore. You're my best friend. Live from your blade. Yeah, here's a story.

All right, let's just do this. We've got a whole shit ton of story. Oh, there's one story that actually relates to what we're already talking about. What? Kim Jong-un. Kim Jong-un. Oh, my God. This guy never disappoints.

I mean, or he always does. He always disappoints. He made. Talk about making free stuff. speech illegal. He made the words, hamburgers, ice cream, and karaoke illegal. Wow. Because they're

too Western. Yeah, well. They're too American. He's like, I don't want them to have it. I don't want him to have it. Oh, but do people deserve hamburgers? They should have caused them to rise up. These are two of my three favorite things. Guess what I would be doing? What? I'd be at the palace. That's what I'd be doing.

If you took hamburgers from me? Well, they're not taking hamburgers away. So you're taking the words. the word hamburger away. It's supposed to be called double bread with ground beef now. Double bread with ground beef is the dumbest name of for something I've ever heard.

The Jin Goggi Gaiagopang. You know what it needs to be called? All right. They're called unwiches. Done. That's for free. Ice cream is Eskimo. Dude, that's free.

Eskimos's racist. Well, tell him that. Not me. You're the racist. You're a racist. You're a racist. Put him on the list. I'm on the land.

I do it. I love the Inuits. I mean, I'm in your own. Inuit's only name of one of the tribes. Why? They're my favorite. He technically, technically, that's the American translation of the word that he's using for ice cream. Yeah.

So he's not calling it Eskimo. He's calling it. Oh, he is calling it. Esokima. I literally thought Eddie was just making that up. No. I'm not being a prick. I thought you were.

No, he is. Kim Jong-un? My Kim Jong-un? He can't be being a prick. I know you love him. My Kim Jong-un. He's your Kim Jong-un. God, he just wants to eat words.

He wish he could. He wished that it was food. You know, whatever keeps him occupied. This might literally be the last regime, though. There's been a lot of talk. There's been a lot of talk about... I've been very interested in their family. and I

there's not a heck of a lot of material about them obviously but it really does apparently his hold is beginning to really fall apart within the country because the other guys still manage to feed everybody

not everybody but like we didn't the extremity of North Korea is really there has to be rampal somewhere well there's not good people they're just normal there there were other leaders understood we might want to keep up a certain baseline

to have... If you want to have an army, people have to be fed. And if you want to have a happy populace that it's going to rise up, I learned this from SimCity. You need to give them things. Right, like you need to give the populace something in order for them to feel good about it. So back

of the day, like literally like in the beginnings of North Korea, it was nicer there. And then now it's really backslid. And it's getting to the point where the center may not hold as much, but who knows? Because he's obsessed with nuclear weapons. His father and the other one

before him, the other guys, they weren't as obsessed with nuclear weapons. He caused him cuckular. Because he's cookey. But then, you know, these people, they're going to be all right. They still have their on-screen accompanied machines and everything will be fine. What? That's what they're calling the karaoke machines. On-screen

accompaniment machines. Just make up another name. Yeah, just make them another name. Unboxes. Yeah, unboxes. Just make to put the name did you learn from your favorite guys Trump put your name on the thing yeah yeah yeah learn from what you do it's your buddy right to just fucking learn the thing which is an ironic because America's your number one enemy

which is a part of the reason why carry unkey wow carry unkey's amazing I like carry unkey I like that a lot you know what it is too much fun though it's too much fun too much fun but he loves roller coasters but they also say partially the the erosion is his love for Trump there's like an erosion happening because it's like this funny thing America needs a friend. America, but America's their only main, that's like their main enemy.

Yes, but he likes us. He likes Trump. He likes Trump. Yes. But he hates us. But he likes, yeah, I'm sure he hates me. The country, capital N, capital K, North Korea, hates America. That's their brand.

Yes. He likes Trump, though. Trump is America right now, unfortunately. Well, and his dad hated America, but also loved America. He loved making action movies and shit like that. But he was inspired by America. He wanted his own American stuff. Kim Jong-un just likes American stuff

which is it's eroding their trust of him inside of the country ironically yeah and he loves his roller coasters you ever seen him on a roller coaster it's so cute looking with his little legs dangling and stuff speaking of a roller coaster can we talk about how the fact that you know I was just at Epic Universe and I spent money out the ass and I first went straight to the guy right we had a VIP tour because we were doing this and it was like a fun little thing and I went to the guy and the first thing I asked is have you been fishing people out of this giant fountain the middle epic universe yet and he was like no I know he had

haven't yet, but we have the first death. Immediately. Wow. Like a month and a half, two, this is like three months after it open. They're having their first death. Stardust Racers, which is honestly, one. Did you go on it? It is really good rides. I can't wait to go to this park. I still want to go even though someone died.

People die. People die. People die. People die, and sometimes it's your time, and sometimes you're going to die next to a child on a roller coaster. Yeah, he didn't fly out. He didn't fly out. He didn't fly out of the roller coaster. No. If he flew out of roller coaster, we'd have a much different discussion.

His heart pussed out. He shouldn't have been on it. I guess. I think it's, you know... He didn't know. He was 30. The guy died. It was one of those things where it's really, really sad, where it's like, at the end of Stardust Racers, it parks, everybody gets out of the ride. He's just... Yeah. And then they have to send, like,

a guy dresses Harry Potter over there who'd go like, oh, no. Oh, Ristorius and Perontius. Oh, we must... Oh, does anyone have a diploronius? Inflatomius someone called the paradisiums And they go and they have to do it all

In character and try to flop them off And they think Hagrid comes out They're like Polar's limp body up They should just make it part of dark universe They just say it's like Send the corpse Send the corpse to monsters unchanged They mean it

Send it down there Pirates of Caribbean and had a real skull in it They did Skeletons Dude skeletons Multiple but then they replaced most of them not all of them. But this is Universal's opportunity

to get in on the lore. Yeah. And I'm certain that this guy because wouldn't you say... We'd go back to the family was like, so how much for the body? Yeah, how much... Do you have a discount

with the club? Like, are you part of the Epic Universe Club? You have a discount with that? No, I know it's hard to get tickets right now, but what if it wasn't? It's really very sad. He just died on there. Yeah.

This Universal Visitor was with the magic broken for her? He was in his 30s. Yes, that's what I was saying. He died of a, like, he probably had a heart defect that he didn't even know. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's, it is awful. Yes. It is pretty sad. Because Stardos racers, it is an exciting ride, but this is too much of an advertisement for it.

I always, if you could die on any theme park ride, what would you pick? It's a small world after all. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Definitely, I would like a slow one. Oh, yeah, and just sitting in it. My goal is, I want to be dead on a ride in which I've gone around three or four times. Like, oh, one more time, sir? He's like, all right, go ahead.

Well, he's asleep. No, no reason to wake him up. You know, like one of those who are just, and they're all like, you know, like kids are taking pictures with the funny sleeping man. I wanted to be living with the land at Epcot just so they could make me part of the fertilizer. Yeah, they just dump it into the soil. What's the big ball ride? Oh, spaceship Earth. That's, I got to die.

My buddy, my buddy always said he wanted to die next to his grand, that his life goals. Dynex was grandson on that ride. That's it, man. Finally, yes. You and your mother brought me so much joy. Tomorrow's child. Oh, man, we got a crazy murder.

This is the craziest story. I can't believe we jumped to the roller coaster story. I was just saying, because you brought up all the against him. I did. It was a good segue. But, all right, DeForvid. Okay, DeForvid. Now, this guy named DeForvid, he's got

a beauty mark on his face, like he's Marilyn Monroe, but he's a child, I believe he's a child, I think he's like 23. Something like that. He's very, he's young. He's way young. His name is, I guess, I've heard it pronounced as David. Yes. But it's spelled deforvid. I listened to the song that

he is known for. Me too. Guess what? We already had baby face. He's just another guy just singing. This isn't, but he's a classic example of what we're dealing with this right now. He's certainly no young blood. But we're a constant example right now of what we're seeing of, like, adult contemporary music done by people with face tattoos. Yeah, they're all Michael Bolton.

That's all it is, guys. Yeah. It's literally an early usher. Yeah. But he's barely, he's not doing any. He's literally, listen to baby face. Yeah. Baby face is great.

Wonderful. And never carved up his 13-year-old girlfriend to put her in a Tesla. He just married her. Yeah. See, now this is different. That's a different story. So DeForvitt has 25 million followers or something. Two million.

But he's another one of those guys that's famous, and I've never heard of him before. I've never heard of him before this, and he's incredibly famous. Incredibly famous and not talented. And so they're currently on tour. I just crushing it right now. So apparently he had a Tesla that was, right now, it's seeming like he had a Tesla. That was impounded. It was in his name.

Yes. It was impounded because it had been. sitting out in front of his house, of which he had some beautiful mansion already, and he was sitting in front of this and rotting in front of this beautiful mansion. I'm sorry, I used the word rotting. But then Tesla, it was picked up, it was brought to the impound center, and they found

a dismembered teen, and it that turns out to be a young lady that was missing for a year. Unfortunately, Rodding's the right word because that's how they found her, because they impounded the Tesla, and it was stinking like all hell. Yes, and it took a while for people to find out that this was happening. And then the young lady,

So this was the first thing So this first came out DeFovid apparently has been They're saying he's cooperating with the police God knows what he's doing Yeah Now we're seeing that they had Apparently the big thing that came out

Over the last week was that They had matching tattoos Yeah her name was Celeste Rivas She was 15 years old When she was found They definitely knew each other He even wrote a song mentioning her name recently

And they had the matching tattoos Of what What were the tattoos? Oh my God It was the both had on their front finger shish shh-h-h-h-h-h

so what seems to be I'm thinking shh-shh-h-h-h that was it facing out or facing in? Oh shit I did it facing in I'm saying it's just telling himself to shut up. Telling me to shush I certainly shouldn't tell anybody

about my 14-year-old girlfriend there seems to be now this is again massive conjecture yes massive conjecture it seems to be that this might be a lady child that DeForvid was involved with

and she was dismembered and put it in the back of this Tesla. Now we don't know whether or not he, we obviously don't know whether or not he did it or not. We don't know whether or not it sounds like this was the thing that was about to make to become public for him. We know that it was in his inner circle that it seemed to be

known that he was dating a child. He was dating a child and which is why, because obviously you have to to tell your tattoo artist that it's your girlfriend and if you're both getting the shush tattoos on

at the same time? I don't know. I don't know what the process is. Does that not make you an accessory to child trafficking? My younger cousin just got his huge tattoo at 16. You can need paramedal It's crazy. You just need parental permission. It's gigantic. Yeah. You see parental

permission. He's 16. Yeah. What do you do? Yeah. But hey, he had the scratch for it. He's happy. No, he's happy. Yeah, you're going to believe it. Honestly, I just haven't... Are there only reason why I don't have a single tattoo is that during my most impulsive years... I needed weed.

I had no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I had to choose between alcohol and drugs or tattoos. Yeah, that was exactly what happened to me. I wanted to get this giant eagle that wrapped around my shoulder. Then they were like, it's $1,700. You're like, oh, I'll just buy weed. Yeah.

I just smoked weed and I'll forget about it. I wanted TCB with the Flash. I wanted the Memphis Mafia tattoo real bad. That was like my favorite thing. You still can get it. I got a shirt. yeah you know like you take your shirt off more than anyone I know

I know but that's kind of the thing is that it's just then you got to cover it up you should get bigger tits tattooed on your tits wow longer nipples I should be great tits and there's de forvid it's just so you know we'll come back to this story obviously because defourg very much developing he is very much

developing and de forvid continues to go on it's another example of someone that commits crimes and continues to be successful in this country So he is just rolling on with no form of accountability And he's crushing it Yeah, a lot of tour dates while that girl was rotting

A lot of tour dates He had to. You didn't want to be near the gar Uh-oh We also don't know whether, again, conjecture We have no idea. We don't know. We have no idea. There's definitely an explanation, Eddie. I know that.

Oh, of course. I know that. He lived in the house that they searched. I know that much. here's another story that I love stories I love a story with my best friend A little story

Can we play Metallica's one? No No it's like Metallica's like the last fucking thing We can play here I just I just Do you do you

Do you do you do you Do you know I know I know saying a man, male I'm saying a way or see a

Oh, is that good enough? That's what this is, I wish I could play this song Underneath this story. Woman 95 Beets fellow nursing home that resident who was a Holocaust survivor

to death with the chunk of her wheelchair part. Why would that song make sense? It's about nom, right? It's just something about like, The 95-year-old woman army crawling across the fucking, like the Demential Ward with a chunk of her fucking wheelchair. Tell me what happened. Tell me what happened.

There is no details. Okay. It is just an 89-year-old Holocaust survivor was found beaten the death. Her head was crushed by a 95-year-old woman. We don't know what they were fighting about. I honestly think it might have been about the Jimmy Kimmel situation. and she Army crawled in the other room

I only live for Jimmy Cibbles I've been following him since Vegas What What would make a 95-year-old woman I'm again, I'm not blaming the Holocaust of her I'm not going to blame I'm saying it's because of what that woman did But what could drive

A like 114 pound 95 woman to crush someone's head Well, you know, whatever the motive is, I think we, you know Darkness, who presiding me all that I see Absolute horror, how can I hear, I can't steal Dude, that's like her just like Spade, spit, spit, spit, die bitch, die, you survive in that bitch

You ain't surviving my shit, bitch, here comes to Holocaust again, bitch Do you think that she was extra strong Or do you think the woman was extra soft to the ball. Apparently, by the time she'd got to her, yes, she had already been boiling for about five minutes. And so that is about

perfect, as it about a perfect soft yoke. Oh, man. Slam! You thought you'd fuck it. You thought you'd live longer than me, bitch. I end that shit. Here comes the finishing line.

I'm the finishing line, bitch. The minute's on's over. I think it's probably a little sweeter than that. I know you miss your husband Time for me to send you back Hey there you go Yeah I've always wanted to do this This was on my bucket list

This was on my bucket list They had the nerve to put this woman in jail They're now trying to figure out what to do with her They're like the guests like the lawyers On both sides are like We're trying to The term they came up with was we're trying to figure out robust bail

program. Yeah. For this lady. Well, because it's dementia. That's what they're saying. Hey, dimensioning it, all right? That's why they don't know what to do. Rob, you're saying that you think this was fueled by dementia? You don't think that this is fueled by an unnecessary race? What if she was a German? Oh, my God.

If she, I need one last one. What's her last name? What's her last name? What's her last name? Schnitz and Howard. Oh, my God. And she was like, y'all, one final pro

for the final end? If he was like that, that would be fucking... I have one final solution. Yeah, very good. First, I voted for Jill Stein. It's an ultimate destabilizing figure. Now I will go

and I will kill my final Jew. Oh, God. Oh, she's not been named. Oh, okay. Oh, she's not currently facing charges. But that was her parents' fault. Everyone's getting upset. You know what I thought that was funny.

No, I know, I know. Yes. I thought it's funny. I just think it's funny that you can be canceled about everything else that we've said today. Yes. But this. That I can do this all day. And I won't get in trouble for it.

This is the show. Yes. It is our job to make fun of death. Yeah. That's what I'm fucked up. that I can't do my job. My hand is like, that's why I feel like I'm in a cage right now. I have been making fun of death my entire comedy career.

That's all I've ever done. And then this week they woke up and said, you can't do that no more. Well, one group said it and we're going to see how long or less. Because right now, obviously, there's going to be a lawsuit. Jimmy Kimball's going to do a big old lawsuit. There's going to be a bunch of stuff that's going to come out of this. Tucker's mad. If you, if you're, oh, I don't want to make Tucker mad.

He's like, I see horrible things all the time. Oh, you can't talk canceling, people. That's what all I do. Oh, you can't talk canceling. Oh, my bowtie's getting too tight. My Tucker Carlson voice. Right from your grave. Also, you know what we never covered was the $20,000 burger in burglary at Disney.

What? I don't even know about this. This is a $20,000 burger. I was busy this week. This is a story. I actually can't believe you didn't hear about it. Send this to me when you see it. All right.

What happened? This is amazing. So this is at Disney Springs. Okay. You know paddlefish in Disney Springs? that place that has that like it's this it looks like it's like the irish bar killed somebody recently yes great there's a that's awesome but it's a it's like a cue restaurant i guess it's like they consider it i know what it looks like you know that has this moat i like the indiana jones bar

what do you say go ahead this man they were closing for the night and all of a sudden a man arrived into the kitchen in a full scuba gear uh-huh he had swam through the the river through a retention pond up into the restaurant. Yes. He swam into it, walked in full scuba gear. Flippers and everything? Everything. Tied them up, tied up all the people,

and robbed the place. Did he have a spear gun? Yes. No, I wish he did. Honestly, that'd be amazing. He said right now here, he said he had no weapons. I'm from the future. He said they tied him up and he did not display any weapons. They just didn't like him going, he probably did like, The Force compels you.

You mean like one of those. And they were like, And they're like, oh, my God, it's a dark Jedi. Oh, no. It's Darth's. You're the wettest Jedi I've ever seen. Oh, man, he really puts the mold in Darth Mall because he's coming from the sinnebon. It's like a 20,000, but he robbed the place of $20,000. He's the Riddler.

Cash. He's the Reddler, dude. $20,000 cash. In and out, went back into the river, took the money, put it in a waterproof bag, sunk back into the river like it was that. Who is that shit? Disney's mad that got rid of all those gators now. Oh, yeah, dude. What was that show with Martin Sheen back in the day?

Oh, the West Wing. Not the West Wing. That's the only show I know about Martin Shee. Oh, I don't know what he was like a young man. Oh, I don't know what he was like a show about being in the water. It was like, I just remember the bit from Hot Shots Part 2. Does anybody know what I'm saying? I have no idea what you're talking about.

The Hot Shots Part 2 bit was an apocalypse now, Joe. No, I loved you in Wall Street. Yeah, but it was the platoon. Hawaii 5-0. He was not in Hawaii 5-O-W-I-V-O-I-O-W-O-I-O-W-O-O-W-O-W-O-W-O-W-N. No, no, it was, that was a platoon. Apoclips Now joke. Martin Sheen was in Apocalypse Now, I loved you in Walsh, I loved you in Wall Street, the movie they were in together.

Yes, but there was a joke about people scuba-diving. Well, that was at the end of the, when Lloyd Bridges was scuba-diving to get to Saddam Hussein. But there was like a joke, I'm going to kill you to you're dead from it. Yes, that's a television show parody that we did, I don't know. Oh. Well, I don't know that. But he farted. I don't know.

It took out the other guys. I do remember that. I love that fucking movie. Okay, it's the best movie of all time. When they're about to jump out of the plane and the lights flashing, and it's a green, green, green, green, great joke. Yes. You know, great joke.

When he's doing, he says, he's reading great expectations and they ask him how it is, and he's like, not all I hope for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kiss me like you have never kissed anyone before. She's like it. It's a great bit. It's a great bit. It's great fucking bet.

I got this tongue from a Labrador retriever. Yeah. Lloyd Bridges, amazing. Amazing. technically Kim Jong-un would be an amazing addition to a hot-shots film and I think that that's the only thing I want from Charlie Sheen right now he is he's working on that you know that he has to do something fun they are they are they are that's the thing now they're doing that how long is he's gonna be like I have AIDS and I do drugs he's doing the fun Charlie no he's

doing the what's his butt he's doing the rehab thing right now where he's doing that I'm sorry for my last run he has a doc yes and he went on Rogan but you remember he was on Rogan when the news broke yes he's done this like four times, by the way. He was like, no more, I respect all Charlie's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just like, I don't want to talk about it. I'm good about it. Actually, I'm pretty good in that. He was actually, I was impressed. Charlie Sheen always impresses me, as much as I think he's a scumbag.

Yeah. He, like, always shows, like, in the roast world, he came up out of everyone who ever did the roast, he knew his shit right away. Yes. He came and he nailed it. No matter how fucked up he was. That's what they always said. He was a, he truly was such a pro that no one knew. up out of a stupor and just nail it. Two and a half men was never held up by him. Yeah.

He did it afterwards in that whole thing. He would not show up and then it would be hold up. But if he was there, they just... Yeah, he was a fucking machine. Yeah. All right, I think where... How long is this episode? I don't know, but there's a couple things I wanted to talk about real quick.

There's some quick animal news. Zookeeper killed by lions in front of everyone at the zoo. Which is hilarious and great. Wild stuff. I mean, honestly, I mean, I'm going to be careful. To do they charge extra for that? Yeah, exactly. And I get, you know, you have to be in the splash zone.

This is like a fucking good, like a fucking... I got it. Can I... Oh, go check out our Gwar interview on YouTube. Oh, please check out the Guar interview. Speaking of being sprayed with blood. Yes. Um, they jerked off the orcas in, uh, that's stuck in France because they're worried it was going to fuck its mom.

Is that you? People keep sending me this. I know what's going on over in France. These orcas are stranded. There's nowhere for them to go. Unfortunately, it's all very sad. So they have to get jerked off so they don't have sex with their own mother like their Mike Pence?

Well, they're stuck in this. They're like, you know, the whole fucking place is shut down, marine land in France. and these orcas are just stuck in these tanks and they don't know what to do. People are still showing up to take care of them. But they're worried because there's nothing going on anymore that this orca is going to fuck his mom. And they can't have him fuck him's mom because they don't need any more inbreeding. The orca's already probably, it's already kind of inbred?

Can we just say, okay, this might be super controversial, but just abort the inbred baby. And let them fuck each other. I don't know if you can do an abortion, an orca abortion. Well, you can. You can throw it in a sort of like a giant. To be honest, I think you could throw it. throw it in a giant. I mean, again, this might be controversial,

but put it into some sort of industrial blender, make it into chum, and you can feed it back to them. Interesting. I think the people will hate that. Yeah. I think that's what's going to get you canceled. I hope so. I mean, I've been... I've been canceled already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I've already been

canceled. Yeah, you have. So this is all just gravy. Yeah, if you listen to... If you found this and we're able to listen to us, congrats. Wow. Wow, I can't believe you found... Oh, do you know, here's big... Big animal news. they're breeding dodoes again, apparently. So we're going to be able to eat one of these things.

It's got to go real well. Yeah. I definitely think we should... They're bringing them back. I think the dodo's going to be like... Five to seven years out till we got a dodo. Put me back. I don't want to be here anymore.

I'm sick of being Ariana Grande's pet. You have an idea how many Ariana Grande... I'd love to get a dodo for the studio. Just keeping the parking lot. You know what the problem is, right? I eat it. You know what they say about dodos? You show up one day and be like, Eddie, where's a dodo?

You just see that you're way. feet, too whiffy hanging in her mouth. The problem with dodoes is that the same thing's going to happen the last time we had dodoes. They're going to just stupid themselves off the planet. They've talked about this. We're literally going to get dodoes. We're going to get dodoes.

And then legitimately, they're just going to run into traffic. Like, this is what's going to happen. We're going to be covered in dodos. They're going to just go. They're going to bring down, mark my words. They're going to bring down a plane. They're going to destroy. I bet you they're going to destroy a bullet train.

They're going to stop a bullet train I mean, cows don't stop bullet trains You ever see that kind of footage? Oh yeah, that shit's wild Yeah They're such a dumb-looking bird though Yeah, buddy, they're called a do-do They're the coolest

And they're dumb, they're stupid They can't fly, they just walk Yeah But you know, they've raised about 120 million to do this So that's good Not a waste of money at all Yeah

Certainly not that couldn't be applied anywhere It's the same company That's trying to recreate mammoths and dire wolves So they're just, they're doing it. I think it's cute. Tasmanian tiger. I want that. That's recent.

Honestly, I just feel like, let's just focus with the group we got. Because we're already killing. I mean, you know what they really should do is the fucking white rhino that's only one left. I don't think we need. You know what? I think that white rhino, again, it's just been like, thank you. I'm out of this. I'm so happy to not be in this news cycle anymore.

I think the white rhinoceros is just like, that's called being canceled. Yeah. That's what got canceled is the white rhinoceros. Like, that's the difference. Like, you gotta be careful. Oh, man. So I think that we've done,

how long's our episode's been like two hours long. But also. I think it's time to. I want to tell you this. We've made it so far maybe without being canceled and maybe without our showbie. Well, I have a very special story

that I wanted to share with you. Something cool happened to me when I was in New York and I really want to bring it up. Also, go see Jeff Ross show, take a banana for the ride. It's on Broadway for another week. It was amazing. It blew my mind.

I saw it twice. It's all about my family. It's beautiful. But that's not what I want to talk about. I went and saw the movie. You went talking about UFO. Dot movie, my movie, the kickstarted for unbelievably friendly organism.

It's a good movie, and I can't wait to be in it and watch it. You have no choice. You are all in the movie. I don't have a part for you or write a part for me. That's great. Good. Marcus is going to act. He's going to, yeah.

Wow. I have a great part for him. I can't. Is it not, is it a lot of lines? No. Good. You'll like that. Yeah.

Does he like dig? So I went and saw Cot Stealing, the new Darren Arnovsky movie. Excited. It was pretty fucking good. Yeah. I was just excited to see him do like a gritty, small, you know, low-level crime movie. It looks like a Guy Ritchie movie. It's an East Village movie.

He made it. He lives in the East Village. He made it was like an homage to his neighborhood. It takes place in 1998. It was a lot of fun. What's his Puts was actually very funny. Zoh Kravis is super hot. Oh, Zoh.

Awesome Butler, my boy. My Elvis? Yeah. And, uh... My boy's always good. Awesome Butler's good, man. Dude, fucking, uh, leave Shriver and Vincent Donofrio play these

acidic hit men. They're hilarious. They're so good. But the movie's great. Here's the thing. In the very beginning of the movie, there's a scene with Zoe Kravitz and and what's Austin Butler making out in the hallway of their apartment. Yeah, they're going

at it. And then this woman comes by and she's like, take it upstairs and she leaves. You know who this woman was? Who? Miss Kitty. My friend. They put Miss Kitty in the movie. Miss Kitty. She's this woman, she's this old black lady that I'm friends with. Wow, what a blast

from the past. She worked across the street from the village poor house where I was a chef at the movie theater. She used to get us in the movie this all the time. I used to give her free lunch and she would let us go into the movie theater and stuff. And at AMC, her name's Kitty Lawrence. She's an East Village legend. I love this woman. We were very close. I go

see her every time I'm in town. Whoa, he put her, it's her neighbor and he put her on the red carpet. Yes. No, no, no. She's unbelievable. I remember one day. She comes in to get a burger from me. And, you know, back in the day, the AMC name tags, they had their name and their favorite movie. Yeah, like, Flare. Yeah, they had Flare.

And hers was always Priscilla Queen of the Desert, which I found very cute, you know? And then one day she came in, and her favorite movie was Black Swan. And I was like, Miss Kitty, you don't like Priscilla? Black Swan, yeah. I was like, you like Black Swan? Not Priscilla Queen of the Desert? And she's like, oh, well, I was working, and my neighbor came in,

and he asked me, why his movie wasn't my favorite movie. And so I put his movie on my name tag. I was like, is your neighbor Darren Arnovsky? And then she was like Oh, no, Dan? You know Darren? It was the cutest fucking thing. I love that shit, man. So he put her in that movie. That's a real

New Yorker. That's amazing. Miss Kitty is like one of these ladies who's never left the East Village. Like, she don't even go to 23rd Street. No, she knows. And she remembered like Jimmy Red Fox. Yeah. She banged Jimmy Hendricks. She used to roller skate around the East Village in a bikini in the 60s and shit. She's the

coolest motherfucker. I love Miss Kitty. Shout out to you. I can't believe you're in the movie. It was amazing. She's honestly, she's working at the movie theater. She fucking could use the money. Darren Arnowski's very cool for putting her in this movie. Apparently, her and Darren Arnowski, during, right

before they started making the wrestler, got Mickey Works sober together. Like, what an incredible life. She's a fucking legend. Wow, that's so amazing. I love that woman. She's the best. Shout out to Miss Kitty. Kitty Lawrence. Go see Caught Stealing, surprisingly fun movie.

Yeah. I love that all these guys, Paul Thomas Anderson. Well, Paul Thomas Anderson, apparently that new... They're all making their weird, like... Action movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, now they're like, I like Eddington. A lot of people now didn't like it, but I like that.

I like Denton a lot, yeah. But, you know what, that new? Was it one day at a time? What is it called? That new P.T. Anderson movie? Oh, it looks great. With DiCaprio? I can't wait.

It comes out this week, right? They're all saying, this is the one. I mean, of course. I mean, he had to make something badass. He had to, because I just too, we're fine. Lickish pizza was a waste. And then the inherent vice wasn't great. It was all right.

It was fine. But yeah, this movie. Yeah, one battle after another looks really fucking. Everyone's saying that it's like the best movie ever made. I can't wait. I can't wait to fucking see this movie. It looks fucking awesome. You know, DiCaprio's going to crush it.

But yeah, no, our movie corner. Yeah, well, here, let's do some listener letters. Listener, let's drop. Yes. Woo! Side stalling. Yeah. Come on.

Impresiting me. I am hard. Yeah. That was fucking awesome. I cut off. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I played again.

Maybe it's because I said it was hard. Yes. Woo. Side stories. Damn, it keeps getting cut off. Send us another version. It was pretty awesome. We'll play it again.

You think, we're getting a lot of metal. Do you think we're more metal than punk? I think that our listenership might be more metal than punk. Interesting. But then maybe... They probably just don't own headphones and shit. No, punk is different now. Punk is different now.

We just got, like, that was just... I love a melodic metal. I like metal, but I'm more of a punky. I understand. But I find interesting. Really? I thought that you'd be more into, because, like, I love all, I'm, you know, I love.

I do like metal. Don't get me wrong. Judas Priest. I love the old school Saxon. I like priests a lot. Yes. How much do you listen to Maiden? Hardly ever.

Iron Maiden is so good. I always got a chip on my shoulder because when I was younger, I was dating this chick. And after she broke up with me, she told me the whole time we were dating, she was babysitting for the drummer of Iron Maiden. I was like, you never fucking told me that. I always hold it against you, Dorothy. Fuck you, Dorothy. And you know what else? her father wrote the fucking theme song to the Miami Dolphins

and he hated me. Broke my heart. She deserved because you were fucking her. You should never have fucked her. I barely kissed her. I was 14. Ah, I want to. Here we go.

All right. So I got some stuff here, right? So this is the, last week we talked a little bit about what's with the, what's with the nubs. Oh, yeah. No, there's an update on that. We have a couple of things. This guy, we talked about the guy.

This last week, the surgeon that so happily cut his leg. off tournament nubs for his own sexual gratification. He did insurance fraud to get it done. And he was hanging with the Unic Maker. Well, we now know that a part of really his like, the reason why people were like this guy was because

he had a lot of extreme amputee porn on him and a lot of, and he was involved with that guy, the Unic Maker, which we covered when we actually back of the day, when Pat and Oswald won the show, we covered that very thickly. His name is Marius Gustavis? Gustavis. Yeah. But he was this guy that was. I tried to like him. He tried.

to like them. I tried to like them. I tried to get into it. I was like, there is, people love this guy. What am I missing? It's like severance. Literally like severance. Yeah, yeah. It's, it is the, it's the real severance. He's the deforbid of ampute

pornography but that's like a lot of people said it's his own body, right? All right, go ahead. Nothing makes me hornier than my own feet turning into sludge. But a lot of people said that one of the big things was about the, the nubs, the feeling of it, right?

So this is, so this is very interesting. So I'm listening to this week's side stories and the story, but that amputee doctor came up. I'm a licensed prostheticist. Okay. So I deal with amputees almost daily. Awesome. One of my coworkers... Good to know this person now.

Yes. Because... I don't need it. One of my co-workers is also a double amputee both legs, and they both told me about how dating as an amputee is hard because of that fetish. Yes. They told me... Oh, shit.

I never thought about that. Yes. They told me that they would go on dating apps and groups to meet people and they would end up talking to someone that focuses a lot on their amputations while claiming they're also an amputee. He told me that it's super common for people that have that fetish to fake being an amputee to be closer to others with the amputations for fetish's sake, which is very interesting. And then there's another one about body identity integrity disorder. The story about the surgeon who caught up his own legs reminded me of a super rare neurological disorder. I learned about getting my psych degree. Yeah.

It's called body identity integrity disorder, or B-I-I-D, in which a person experiences a persistent, intense desire to amputate or disable a healthy body part because they feel that part does not belong to their true body images. Okay. If the individuals who B-I-I-D often report significant distress or discomfort with their intact bodies

and may seek surgery or their means to remove or alter their limb, even though it is physically healthy. There's a guy named Rowland Bowen. back in the 70s that did the same exact thing. Interesting. I like every part of my body. I don't want to lose anything. My shit super necessary. If anything, I'll put stuff on. I need

extra. Yeah. I would love an extra hand and extra foot. Oh my God. Two extra penises. Imagine a hand right above your ass. You can just scratch all the time. My pants. What's above? I have to redo all my pants. Oh, you're right. And then you know that hand to push my belt down. I already have

those issues. Yeah, you're having problems. Or it can hold your pants up. But then it gets cramped. From gripping all day. Here we go. It has been family lore for years that my grandfather and an anesthesiologist miraculously saved a man's life in the operating room

even though he appeared to be dead by massaging his heart directly. Oh, yeah. Recently, I discovered he had to publish a case report on this occurrence. I read it. 1960s South Africa, a man, fat smoker, came in for a minor surgery to have a bladder carcinoma removed. They put him to sleep. After about 10 eventful minutes, he stopped breathing properly. After a minute of trying to get that back up, my grandfather and the rest of the surgical

team sawed open his rib cage and one lung popped out, overly inflated and unable to contract to breathe. It was so inflated that it was a miracle that they just didn't stab it as they were opening the chest cavity. My grandfather took a hole of the lung, manually deflated it, then massaged it until the lungs started contracting of its own accord. Then he and the rest of the team realized the heart wasn't working, so we massaged it for a half an hour.

Wow. The guy lived, but only for another 54 hours. Holy shit. All you got to do is give the guy a hot stone massage directly on his heart and he can live for a full other two days. I read this article and realized that it includes that this poor guy died having his lungs and heart manhandled

by my grandfather because he didn't receive enough of one type of anesthetic medication. for his reflex to calm down. So actually, this was a story about my grandfather accidentally underdosing a guy and then having to tear him apart with his bare hands while the poor man's body screamed in horror. My grandfather qualified as a doctor at 16. I'm retired at 76.

He worked at several very well-regarded hospitals. His party trick was intubating himself in front of other people. My mom said he did a lot of amphetamines. But he also says that every single one of his doctor friends was also doing a lot of amphetamines. Well, he did uncle infatomines. Yeah, yes, exactly, because they help you react quickly to occasions like having a human lung pop out of the chest caffeine at you like an overfilled balloon. But it sounds like he should grabbed and squeezed on it like it was a fucking, but like, what's it? You didn't watch that new show Duster, did you?

No. That's in the movie. It's in the show Duster. They're like, does they make it look like anyone could do it? Like some hit man, it's just like, yeah, I'll squeeze this hard. I think you've got to be real gentle. Well, what an episode aside stories it was, Eddie? You know, live every day knowing for a fact that every single word that you said is being measured against you and that every single word that you're saying is being recorded to a microphone for literally millions of people to hear.

And you're going to love the fact that a lot of people are going to pour over that, including members of your own government, they're going to listen to your content talking about common old ladies beating each other to death. And they're going to be listening for stuff to cancel me on. And that's none of the stuff that's going to be canceled me on. So that's going to be really, really funny. I want to go back to you. When you laugh about that, you can all be going to laugh about this later on. I want you, the fans, to start canceling us again. I'm sick of, you know, that's your job.

No, don't give them back. No, don't give it back. Well, listen, if you want to cancel me in real life, I'm going to Madison. I got a gig, I got a plug, real quick. It's coming up in a couple weeks. I just booked it out of nowhere. After Milwaukee, I'm going to Madison, and I'm going to do a show. I'm doing a stand-up show at Comedy Club on State.

I'm very excited. That's going to be October 12th. I'm doing it with my buddy Logan Metz. He's going to play. He's a piano player from Promise of the Real. Lucas Nelson Promise of the Real. He's going to open for me. We're going to perform together a little bit.

That's awesome. Yeah, I got like a legitimate rock star with me. It's going to be fucking crazy. Make sure you come and see it. Tickets are now available on edictunes.com. Also, Henry and I are coming to the Mateel Community Center two weeks after that on October Friday, October 24th with Billy Wayne Davis. We're doing side stories in Humboldt.

We're going to have so much fun. We did the show last year. This is our first. repeat show together. Yes. You know, so this is the first time we're ever coming back to somewhere. That's how much fun we had.

And we're coming up. We're going to have, like, it's going to be fun. It's going to be really fun. Yeah, so make sure you come out. The show's going to be completely different than it was last time because we don't remember what we said.

Nope. I was so stoned. And I don't think, I think it's going to happen again. But we're really, really excited. So come on out to Humboldt. If you're anywhere in the area, you can meet some of the,

some of the coolest people in the goddamn world. They're all very cool. I love everyone up there. And literally. the best finest weed you have ever

had in your whole life I believe it's like Ridgeline Farms Oh, Huckleberry Berry Farms and Ridgeline Farms They're both amazing Truly the most delicious

Best weed That blueberry caviar I need it back in my life That white thorn rose I need it all back in my fucking life I finally finished the weed You finished all of it No there's some left

I need some I got some good stuff Not too much left There's a little bit of the Lance left. I want that. I got some Lance left. I want that. I love the Lance.

All right. And also go check out our interview with Guar. It's actually a lot more listener, listenable than I thought it was. Exclusively on YouTube. It's only on YouTube. Because the audio is difficult. Also, they are Guar.

They're so visual. It's a visual medium. Yes. So go watch it on YouTube. Subscribe to our YouTube and all the other YouTube channels. We have so much going on out there. There's a lot coming out. It's got a lot of stuff in development that you're going to get.

October's going to be a big month for us on YouTube. Yeah, baby. Stay. lot of shit locked in we got so much shit coming your way we're hit we got new tour dates coming out soon oh yeah for side stories and for my own stand-up and last podcast and i left all the way through 26 uh at least at least through july or something like that so stay tuned we got so much coming out oh and thank you to i got so many beautiful messages this week from like uh dudes who played football that's so nice that you're getting nice messages yeah yeah i haven't received a nice message

just all week. I've received it. Everyone just tortured you. I got so many dudes reach out to me and talk about how they're so happy to hear another man talk about a football tortured them. No, no, it's nice. And like, so thank you. You are heard

and I love you guys. And there's two more Aaron Hernandez parts coming out. So stay tuned this week. And next, I fucking love you guys. Stay cool. Thanks for letting us put this out of daylight also. Yes. But you liked it, right? Yeah. Get better, Damarino.

Yeah, I guess. We're all rooting for you, Danny. I mean, anything to distract. Anything to distract. Hail Satan, everyone. Hail Dan Marino again. Be careful out there. Just what you're going to...

Robert Redford got out easy. No, he literally just, like, no one thought about him.