Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Drunk Birds

Episode Date: October 11, 2018

Ack ack ack! It's another episode of Side Stories. We got drunk birds, aliens vacationing on Myrtle Beach, and juggalo beef. What else could you ask for? No shoes, no shirt, no problem 'cause we just wanna live, laugh, and love. Ok, TRIPLE L everyone.

Hey there! Ben Kissel here for Last Podcast Network. I want to tell you about my show A. Blinken's Top Ad. For more than nine years, Marcus and I have strived to present you with the most accurate and honest political podcast out there. In these turbulent times, it's our intention to unite the country with impassioned debate that reaches out to the rational Americans who find their voices more muffled every day. Every week I use my political science background, my experience running for office, along with my lifelong passion to stand up for the downtrodden, the wrongfully accused, and the invisible man and woman to bring you news like you haven't heard before. Let's face it, traditional news has failed

us. We promise to always tell you the truth the best we see it and I personally guarantee to not be swayed by hyper-partisanship but be guided by facts. To listen, search A. Blinken's Top Ad on any podcast platform or go to lastpodcastnetwork.com and find it under shows. Hail yourselves, everyone! There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Man, oh man. In Florida, the people just keep getting more lizard-y. What do you mean? We're in a part of Florida right now that is like specifically very lizard-y, like in terms of the people. They're leather-y. The leather-y. Yeah. Brackly skin. Yeah, cowboys, cowgirls. It's just, it's mostly the feet I'm concerned about. Really? I know I bring

up feet a lot of people told me that quite a bit that they say, I say the word feet quite a bit, but there's something about the sun-blasted toenails of a street man out here or the regular sort of red-faced Florida man who's got the Guy Fieri like shat, like this, the tan lines. Well Guy Fieri, of course, he has those tan lines in the back of his head because that's where he works his sunglasses. This is Side Stories, everyone. I am Ben Kissel. That's Henry Zabrowski. He's in beautiful sunny Florida. Yeah, man. Oh yeah, where I belong. I always remember that when I come here. I'm like, I belong here. Yes. This is where I'm meant to be, especially in the humidity. Of course. And of course, Travis Morningstar, our producer,

is also here with us. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I'll do it. All right. Okay. Okay. We got a bunch of fun stories to get to today. I got to say, number one, this is, I'm not getting paid for this, but my gal and I, you know what we did, Henry? What? We got Shutter. And Shutter is the single greatest thing during the Halloween season. The horror films have been fantastic. I watched this one. Have you seen Tourist Trap before? We were talking about this. You actually told me that you sent me a text, solid two o'clock in the morning text. Of course. Honestly, it's a good one, but it was the, it was the tourist trap. Must see. Must see. Okay. And I was okay because then I watched it because it's been so long because in our household,

we don't watch a lot of slashers just because there's been so many of them. Like we are a, like I'll put it, we are a ghost home in terms of horror films, what we really enjoy. We are a found footage fan group, which is also something that's unique to us because a lot of people get found footage, a lot of grief. When you do Procreate and have your own little pierogi, what are you going to kick him out of the house? If you find like Friday the 13th in his closet, if he starts watching slasher films, you'd be like, this is a ghost house. Get out of here. I'm assuming you're going to name him Jack after Jackie or something like that. No, if we have a son, his name will be Jefferson or Henry Thomas Sibrowski,

the third to live up to the power of his father. It's always important to start a child at a deficit. I've always said this. And I think that because then they can work themselves up, pull themselves up by the bootstraps to make something special of themselves. I know they are allowed to watch whatever they want. I guess that is a free world. There's no such thing as ownership. The dispossess has showed me this in a proper world. And what you should do technically when I find him with a slasher film is like, I'll explain to him, he just going to have to put up with my lecture series. Really? Like the slasher film, while it is important, is mostly about the psychosexual tension of the 70s and the idea of punishing

children for exploring their sexuality. And the more and more you hit that again and again, the more he'll be curdled by it. And then be like, wouldn't you rather be spooked for some ghosts? I don't know about all that. Well, either way, it's going to be an interesting parenting style that you have. And I can't wait for your parenting book, the one that is officially banned by all people who actually care for children. It's called Six Feet Under. Start your child at the bottom of a ditch and get them up to the top of a tower. And I mean, you know, the ability is like it shows them first, just their eyeballs above a ditch and then it shows them above with a golden rifle in a watch tower. Oh, well, we don't

want to go back to Texas here. That's all right. I also watch Beyond the Black Rainbow, which is directed by the dude who directed Mandy. It's his first film and that is a lot. There's a lot. There's a little going on, but it's also a lot going on. It's a lot of imagery and I would put it's a style over substance. It's a little difficult to follow. The acting is great, though. Yeah, it's a very interesting film. You know what I would say is that if you like Beyond the Black Rainbow, if you like the cut of Beyond the Black Rainbow is Jeb, a good film, a good person to really dive into is Jadarowski. Have you ever seen Holy Mountain, Kissel? Oh, yeah, of course, of course, with Jaguar tit shooting milk.

The difference was Holy Mountain. It was action packed. I'm going to say it was a straight up Nicholas Cage drive angry action adventure compared to Beyond the Black Rainbow. And I'm not even dismissing the man. He's a great director, but it did give me a little bit of the I'm watching a college thesis movie. Like it was like he learned all of this stuff. He's very talented, but he didn't have to like do it. Like do it all. Yeah, I got it. I get it, you know, you know, he should watch to El Topo. El Topo's got a lot of action. Okay, a lot of action to Good Solid Western, which is Jadarowsky. Again, what you're saying, I think you said it's a very astute observation, Kissel. Thank you. And it's true is that Jadarowsky

is you're watching a surrealist master to apart one thing about a surrealist film is it has to have the big gongongies. It's going to have the big it's going to have hefty balls. It has to have substance right to be it has to be telling a story. And that's the one thing we hold the Black Rainbow doesn't necessarily have, but it's got it's fun to be just fucking whacked out. All right, so it has to have gongongies. Good to know indeed. All right, let's do our first story here, Henry. So we talked about this. Now this actually, I don't know the Lord giveth this week. There's been some funny stories. We are, we are blessed this week. I should have blessed because I don't even know if necessarily this is even

for us, but the story is incredible. All right. So Henry has a lot of quotes in this story coming up. But what happened was Shaggy too dope, of course, from the insane clown posse. He attempted an assault on Fred Durst, of course, from Limp Bizkit. Well, Fred Durst was on stage. If you get a chance, it's on ROXXXTV.com. They have a little video of it there. It's probably on YouTube and everywhere else, but it is one of the funniest attempted assaults in history. So basically Shaggy too dope was at a Limp Bizkit performance in New Jersey, which I think is the only state that allows Limp Bizkit to still perform. And what he

was doing there on stage director now, we forget that Fred Durst is directing films now. He's, he is passing Limp Bizkit. And I am not even going to sit here and malign Limp Bizkit. Everyone, they did this thing where it's like, oh, they became uncool and they're laughing at, I rocked out to Limp Bizkit. I'm going to say full disclosure. I like that break stuff song because I wanted to break stuff. I was 16 years old and you know, who doesn't want to break stuff. So I'm not going to malign Limp Bizkit. They served a purpose that I liked. You know who I did? Like Wes. Remember Wes, the bassist or guitarist? Yes, with the black eyes. Yes, the women loved him. They did love him because

he's another one of those. All of those guys, him, was it from Marilyn Manson? Twiggy? Twiggy Ramirez? Yes, I believe it was Twiggy taken from the Manson family, of course. Absolutely. What I'm saying is that, I mean, like there's a lot of girls out there that are for some reason very intrigued by a man that could probably suck his own dick. It's also that it's that lanky man syndrome where, you know, he's got a big penis because he's got long arms. You know, it's interesting growing up as large people as Henry and I were, all the women, they like the Kurt Cobain, they like the Kurt Cobain. They like sick men. They like sick men. Jesse camp from MTV and I was like, I'll never even speak to a lady. Of course I spoke

to a lot of ladies and a lot of girlfriends, friends that were girls. Clarify. Whoa. This is great. None the less. I remember there was an old MTV interview with Wes from Limp Biscuit and he's in his full white face. He had to be and his eyes had the black contacts and the interviewer goes, why did you make your face up like this? And then Wes looks into the camera and says, my parents took away my Legos. And I remember that being like so fucking cool to me that like, oh dope. Yeah, he's like, oh shit, dude, because his look was, his look was I'm in beyond the black rainbow. Right. He was. Yes. Of course. Yes. Which you don't want to be. It's not good. Definitely not kind of having a Jeff Hardy

like face paint with the eye contacts. Now Jeff Hardy, WWE pulling that look off pretty well. All right. So anyway, so yeah, I set the scene, right? Set up the scene. Midscreen that he had just finished singing the, his George Michael cover faith. Yes. Okay. So now you know, now you know, this crowd is going crazy. Some people crying. The shirts are up like they used to be in the 90s. Everyone's screaming. So now no one really knows why Shaggy too dope was at the concert, let alone on the stage. So he approaches, I just comes from the video, right? Is that Fred Durst is just fitting a scream. All of a sudden Shaggy too dope emerges from the shadows. Right. And he could, he does what I could only consider

a not a drop kick. It's a flop. It's a flop kick. Okay. I'll give you a flop kick. It is an attempted drop kick from Shaggy too dope, which is a flop kick. I don't know what kind of drugs he was on or how a hammer your car. If you're driving your car right now, pull over your car and look up the video because instead of the full 90 degree drop kick angle that he should have been at, he hit a probably a solid 33 degree angle. Well, until he was closed line by a security, right? So basically, so he runs on stage and then this security guard that looks like Chris Sparley from, uh, from Wayne's world runs after him. I believe it's in midair when the security guard more just kind of pushes him down. It's sort of

he kind of rejects him like, uh, like Mutombo would reject the basketball or no, no, no, no, no, no. And, uh, and Fred Durst, I don't even know if Fred Durst realized it happened. Well, he said here is that he saw it happen. Fred Durst comment to the crowd, which is what a pussy. He couldn't even pull it off. And the security that intervened with, and they started mashing him into the stage and the singer then said, calm down. It's just one guy. Right. So they go, which is true. He tried to be easy on him. So it apparently, so does this beef come from nowhere? I don't know. It didn't seem like it. Well, I'll say is that since then deep limb biscuits, DJ lethal has many things to say in a string of

virulent Instagram comments. Okay. He said that up until now, he was a quote unquote fan until now before telling Shaggy quote unquote, bro, step up man to man. No sucker stage Russian quote unquote. I'm going to get on TMZ. He also called him a quote unquote bitch made G a quote unquote whack bro who quote unquote just got whack and quote unquote a bitch ass cock chaser. And he repeatedly asked Shaggy, where you at? Now apparently, this is a 20 year old beef. That the little of this. Yes, the ICP, they were saying like they were coming at him, which is this some magazine website called consequence of sound. Alright, so they performed the Woodstock and they were like in back in the day, the bad

Woodstock and Fred, okay, was the message. So 99. This is where all of this started. Yes, really? Fred sent a message, I think via carrier pigeon to the band and said, hey, Fred wants to hook up with ICP wants to hang out with y'all. Okay, they met up with they didn't know who Fred Durst was. Whoa, apparently, right. So they showed up. And so according to them, I guess Fred Durst was a mega superstar and ego out on them hard, like wouldn't look at them or anything while he talked. He invited them on the family values tour with cord and all those bands. Then at the last minute, he told them to fuck off and booted them off the stage. Honestly, the family values tour would have been overtaken by ICP. ICP can't

be around other bands. The juggalos alone, they're like, they're like, what's the name of that video game where your army just goes and attacks everybody and the eat up everyone. Anyway, I forget the name of it civilization or something like that. And that's what the juggalos would do. They would take over any area that ICP is performing. I don't think you can have them at a festival. I would only have their own. They have their own festival for a reason. Yes, because they do a purpose. But I would say is that I would encourage our fans to do the same anywhere you're at for any other type of show. Let them know that you're there for just blast podcasts and start starting to break stuff. Okay, that's

great. Is that exciting violence? By the way, if you don't remember this, ICP had beef with Eminem as well. Eminem hated ICP. Eminem hated Fred Durf. And then they all hated each other. Well, of course, ICP also from the great state of Michigan, specifically Detroit, where Eminem is from. So they didn't like each other for a long time. You know what? We don't talk about the white wrap feuds enough. And that's what needs to be talked about a little bit more because, you know, obviously, they're a little bit sadder, a little bit cuter. They're a little bit dumber. But they're still there. They don't like each other. I mean, I mean, honestly, those those Instagram comments were very mean, very mean. Fire. They're filled

with fire, filled with vinegar. That's what I was saying. It's filled with vinegar. And you know what it is is that they are a ICP. Say what you will about them. I like a lot of energy. Sure. That's the main thing I'll say about ICP is that they have a lot of energy. And I think that they are trying to sort of situate themselves with other people because you notice the people they feud with, even limp biscuit, I'm going to say, are better performers than they are. Oh, that is going to you're going to get your you're going to get your skull broke for that one. Do you mean to tell me that the great Malenko will be called upon me like a new form of pumpkin head? I did do it. It's very dangerous. You

know, I'm not I think the one thing ICP has is their performance energy. Of course, yes, some of their music, maybe not the best. But I love their whole story being signed by Disney and then everyone who signed them at Disney got fired because they never heard the music before. And they just thought they were fun rapping clowns. And then when they heard the music, they're like, they had evil makeup on. Yeah. Anyway, they were called the insane clown posse. It's kind of posse is a group of people that band together to murder other people. I guess so. Yeah, or go find some gold or maybe go rescue a young person that's been kidnapped a young child, perhaps I stand with ICP because I lost my virginity to a

juggalette. See, we don't go into that. We don't have to go into that kind of stuff that matters. And you know what, this is reminds me back to a way with which the thing coming up between Natalie and I and it's the sage words of Blink 182. I guess this is growing up. It's like, that's all it is, man. It's growing up and understanding and owning our stories. So that's not normally a story that we would cover here, but it's just too fucking good. It's too good. Shaggy two dope will end up committing a crime that will end up on this show anyway. I imagine. Well, honestly, what are you in with the crime be? What would the crime be? I mean, Huffin or something like that. I think they're pretty not violent

people judging by the attempted assault because it was one of the most adorable attempted assaults in the history of attempted assaults. It is not. Yes, it was not. He is not a dangerous man. If you say his drop kick is a telltale side of how dangerous or he is not a dangerous person. Are you in with me and Marcus though? What Marcus kind of have a pool? What we like to do is we talk about kind of like who's going to be the secret seeding of a true crime story later on, like what's going to be a super tragic story or something fucked up is going to happen with this person and our number one guy that we think is going to do something fucked up is Michael Phelps. We both think that Michael Phelps will end

up being a part of a very sensational true crime story in the next like 10, 15 years. What the hell would that be? Michael Phelps, the American hero. See, this is what the underlying conversation is about anti patriotism. Anti Americanism. You just see someone wearing the gold who has given our country so many W's that you're literally never been a good country. Oh my goodness. All right, Mr Cuomo. Good Lord Almighty. You know what it is with Michael Phelps is that because of that, it's the people like seeing the true arc of somebody like grow and he already had his peak, his peak controversy was smoking the bong. But that's what I'm saying. This is back in the day. We all thought it was this harmless thing.

But because he was an American hero and it's like he is ripe for a fall, you look at Tiger Woods, right? Tiger Woods is such a perfect example of it. They're ripe for a fall and a problem is that somewhere along the line, we either consciously or subconsciously will allow these arcs to happen to us or completed ourselves. I do believe that somebody like Michael Phelps has been put into a place where he's so bored. Once he's in his forties, what's he going to be doing? Swimming. The thing about the sport of swimming is you just do it your entire life because you're in water and you swim. No, he loves to swim. He's like a little fish. He hates to swim. He's like a shark. If he stops swimming, he stops breathing.

He needs it. And also, when it comes to Tiger Woods, he had an affair. It wasn't a true crime story. We wouldn't have covered that. I will put it this way though. If he could have, he would have killed his wife. I don't think you can even spread those kinds of lies. I can't. Tiger is out of comeback, by the way. And I'm rooting for the eight man. I'm rooting for him. But it took a long time. It did take a long time. Because he couldn't squirt anymore. No, it wasn't good. He couldn't get the squirt out. The squirt was in between. No, it was not. What? No. It's because his image was so squeaky clean, which is always a mistake. Never make your image squeaky clean because no one is squeaky clean. We're all human

beings. And that's why he had such a big fault because I can't believe it. And he's like, he's just a person. He made a couple mistakes. But it was, you know. There is something to be said about starting your image wholesome and then going dark. And then starting dark and going wholesome because corn just released their own line of coffee. See, see, this is the kind of that's about positioning yourself. You have to know when you are entering the life of the public guy, you understand you're in. You're going to be embodying a persona. You're going to be embodying a thing. And so with Tiger Woods, he made himself super squeaky clean. Well, night. He was begging for the fucking balloon

to be popped. I think what is actually correct. Kissle. The idea is that we are all people. We are naturally flawed. And yes, sometimes I'm going to be deflecting a drop kick from shaggy to dope. But also sometimes I'm going to be showing you just how delicious this carefully selected batch of Ethiopian roasted beans are from the delicate hands of Fred Durst. And, you know, like that's that you're allowed to do that because we all now know that Fred Durst is a complicated rainbow of a person. I know that. And of course, the coffee industry is a little bit corrupt as well. A lot of mirror tears happen within the battle of the beans. People are very caffeinated. But another good example of that. Oh, he's

so nasty and gross. Howard Stern, who is now on what is America's Got Talent? That is just wholesome enough. Or again, the opposite. Jimmy Saville going like starting extremely light. Let's not even talk about that. He molesting the children wasn't a career move. It was his hobby. It was his whole life. I got a story here. Good gracious. I say it's important to remember to be careful you pretend to be. All right, because we are who we pretend to be. I just want to show one day in the future where I just want to I don't even know what but I want it to be 100%. I don't even know. It can't be too wholesome. Food related. You sip and bud light with a Pomeranian on your knee and tell it and read the weather. I think

that's actually the story you should position yourself. Right. So that that is the thing. So now you know what you have to do tomorrow is rent a car and you need to leave it in the middle of the Washington Bridge. Like you need to have one of those epic style meltdowns and then you flip it with the healing path of Benjamin Kissel and it's you with like you know hair dyed blonde. You're in like a spa. I would love that. And of course the weather is very interesting. We're going to be under water in 2050. All right. Drunk birds. This is a story. Drunk. That's true. Perhaps this is what you want to cover. Yes. This is what I want to cover. All right. So this is a story. It comes out of our wonderful

state of Minnesota. Hello. Go. Go. I can't say it. Go back. Go. I was going to say go Vikings but I can't even do it. I like how you're pandering can't go that far. No can't do it. So this story. The headline is drunk birds are causing havoc in a Minnesota town. But please say they'll sober up soon. It's a police in Gilbert, Minnesota are warning residents about a youthful group of residents unable to handle their alcohol. They're not teenagers. Nope. They're a local bird population. This is according to police chief Ty Techer or Ty Techer. He says the Gilbert police department has received several reports of birds that appear to be under the influence under the influence flying into windows, cars and acting

confused. In early frost meant that the berries so why is this happening in early frost meant that the berries had fermented earlier than usual. Hell yeah. And the birds were eating them and getting drunk. So basically they're getting slammed off a pruno. They're just getting hammered. Sangria. Right. Well it's a great story. My question is is that what else do the birds do besides just flopping around? That's the good question Henry. Incidents around town involving intoxicated birds appear to be more prevalent than in past years which I didn't realize they were prevalent at all. I guess the birds in Gilbert, Minnesota they've always been very dangerous apparently because many have not migrated south. So because it's

warm in Minnesota and I was just there a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't that warm. But I guess it's warmer than usual. They're just hanging them. It's warm for them. So it's like 35 degrees. So they're just chilling out there being like oh what are we already in Florida. It's like no you're not in Florida. You got to get out of Minnesota. So this is according again to what's happening. This is according to Techer. It appears that some birds are getting a little bit more tipsy than normal which again I didn't realize they got drunk at all. He wrote generally younger birds, livers can't handle the toxins as officially as more mature birds. He concluded there is no need to call law enforcement about these

birds as they should sober up within a short period of time. Can you really calling the cops of the birds? I guess so. Which is like why are you calling the police? What is that? What is that 911 call? There is a sparrow outside making what I can only assume are inebriated bird noises. Is it going to rape my father? My father's an old man. I saw a video today that was a bunch of people on a boat and then a big whale came near the boat and scared them to the point where the woman on board called the police. The whale was too close to the boat. You know what? People need to stop calling the police basically for anything unless you walk into your home and you find your mother dead and then you say okay I got

to call the police here so they can come and figure out what the heck happened. Other than that never call the police. I don't understand this obsession of calling 911. What are they going to do? I try to never call 911 unless I'm lonely. When you're just out there what's the cop going to do to the whale? Is he going to jump on the whale? Shoot it. He's just going to shoot it and then come to another job. Well done. What the hell do you want him to do? There are no starts about shooting the whale. It ain't man. So I don't go to jail no more. We go to jail if he does it to a man too. So according to some residents on Facebook they say this is according to one little Facebook comment. He says this

explains why I have hit seven birds with my car this week. What are you doing? I don't know. Seven birds in a week. I would honestly just feel like am I the devil? Am I being hunted? Am I in Suspiria? Like what's going on here? Is this a Hitchcock film? Day. You're on your way to work. You're like ugh. And then you have to scrape sparrows off your grill like all their spattered guts all over the fucking feared lights and shit. All hardened stuff. Having explained to your daughter what death is in terms of groups of birds being massacred by your car. So this apparently the Facebook thread really went on for quite a while. One person wrote I was going to say something but I thought I was crazy. This

has been happening to me seriously. Two birds dove into my windshield both on the way to work and on the way home. I was wondering what was going on. That is honestly it is truly horrifying. You're just driving your car. You've got birds attacking your windshield. Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop. Four in one day and seven in one week. That's a hell of a lot of birds to be hitting your car. You know what? Upon reframing it it is true because you know what it does sound like. It sounds like the birds. It sounds like the movie the fucking the crazies or some shit. It sounds like everybody is in a very, everything's going insane which has got to be very, very scary for everyone.

The police statement ended with a suggestion that the residents of the small northern Minnesota town call. So they are requesting they call if they see quote angry birds laughing and giggling uncontrollably. So now they're going to be happy. I think so. Yeah. Or Tweety acting as if 10 feet tall and getting into confrontations with cats. So yes, I think the cops and this is a pet peeve of mine when cops put on their comedy cap and they start using humor because again they are an extension. They're basically militarized at this point and they can just shoot your entire family. They really just not very funny. No punishment at all. No, that's why I feel like if you see a comedian on stage with like an AR-15 it's going to

hurt the jokes. I don't like funny cops. No, I don't like funny dentists. No. And I don't like, you know, I die. It's just a fucking. I'm gonna say I could go with the funny dentist doctor. No, Dr. giggles gave the dentist a bad rap when it comes to their when it comes to their humor. But sometimes you're sitting there and a dentist can really hit you with a funny one. And that's kind of fun. They're literally never funny. If the dentist wants to be like interesting, they should like ride a longboard to work. They shouldn't make jokes. Cool. No, no, I don't want to yell or the if you're renting a scooter to go be a dentist that one of these disposable scooters, you should not be working on on human bodies.

You should not be a you should not be a fucking doctor. Honestly, what I wanted my police officers, the personality I want is the main protagonist in Westworld, the robot cowboy. But I want him before he changes. I want to. Yes, ma'am. Yes, sir. I want a collegial, nice cop who is always just out there looking for the good of the people looking out for the good of the people. I we have a lot of cops who listen to the show. I thought it's not that I don't think cops can be funny. It's hard when you're it's it's not a person a person basis. It's one the top brass is making posts that are jokes. Right. It's been like, what happens if your fucking daughter gets killed by a drunk bird? What are you then cops? Yeah, what are

you going to do then? Okay, but of course, yeah, you want to go to a cop bar get hammered with some cops, you'll hear some funny stories. Well, have you have you guys seen the staircase on Netflix? No, I haven't watched that one. Okay, well, bird related. Is it really the the one thing I can't say too much because that people get pissed off. The one there is a bird section. Okay, the one thing with Netflix in the staircase, I'm looking at it. What is it 12 episodes? I just feel like I'm staring down at like a marathon. And it's I don't know why Netflix is just like, let's make it 55 hours long. Like nothing has to be that long get to it. A very shocking reveal. Okay, yes, that's what it elongates it is a very

shocking reveal. But it's a lot of fucking content. Right. It does get to a point where just like what am I watching and the whole episodes are just court footage. And between doing West Memphis three, it was between West Memphis three and doing Casey Anthony, watching all that court footage makes me want to pluck my fucking eyeballs out. Right. I don't know how lawyers do it. I don't know lawyers do it. I know jurors do it. It's like, I don't know what I did. It's too much. Well, it's very drowning. The jurors do it because if they mess up, they go to jail for contempt of court. Wait to even try to get me on a jury. I'm gonna have some controversial views.

So what we have here is this next story, I think is very work back to what we've we normally cover 90 year old high nine year old San Jose man denies killing a stepdaughter. But police say her Fitbit tells another story. This is a really interesting story. Again, 90 year old you don't really hear is this the oldest person that we've ever discussed when it comes to a random murder? I guess not so random. It is his stepdaughter. But my God, that's crazy. Yep. So apparently on it would seem to be where does the date he visited his stepdaughter. He's nine years old. He visited his 67 year old stepdaughter on September 8 when he made a roughly 15 minute visit around 3pm. Okay. And he said that he was dropping

off fresh made biscuit and pizza, which is nice. So he made some nice Biscuit, which is actually really difficult to make. That's double bank. It is really difficult to make and super good. But what I'm going to say to this Henry, too good to be true, too good to be true. You're telling me this guy is such a saying. He's like, I am such a good man. I got pizza, which is incredible. And then Biscuit fresh biscotti. I tell you what, it does it doesn't mean a type of person if you go all the way to make fresh made Biscuit. And then you stab your stepdaughter to death. Because when they when police arrived sometime in that 15 minute window, they found her body. She had been stabbed in the neck and stabbed

all over her head multiple times and had the knife still in she had a knife in her place in her hand. And pizza was everywhere, which is also I'm afraid the way you will be found kissle. Oh, honestly, yeah, it'll be it'll be similar to the autopsy photos of Chris Farley. But instead of a huge heroin bubble coming out of my mouth, it will just be a little piece of pepperoni moussel. Oh, yes. Oh, that'd be good. I did think that yours you're going to say he stabbed her with the stiff biscotti. I know it's a fresh biscotti. It's too stiff. You want it to have give. You want it to have a little bit of give. It's also nice. Oh, when you dip it in a nice coffee, you get a nice little cappuccino. You just

like slip it in there and you get a little soft and snap it off their nice almond biscotti. I love it. So much. This is what I want to do. Kathy corner. I just want to talk about oh, yeah, oh, yes. Anyway, but what happened was it was this woman getting stabbed to death. It wasn't exactly right away. The cops, they didn't find her body for a couple of days. Their neighbors are like, where is she? And so the cops go in there and they're like, what the heck happened here? Something went horribly wrong. Obviously they check out her Fitbit and this is what's so fascinating about these devices we're all wearing. They met and they monitor everything that's going on inside of our bodies. See, in the way they're

positioning the story is they're like, thanks to Fitbit that this man was caught using surveillance cameras to locate his car to drive when they they tracked in the he arrived at the the Navarra's Parkway at 312 and left at 333 p.m. They saw it all on cameras as that then according to her Fitbit, the heart rate rapidly increased at 320 and then completely abated at 328. Can we say can we just at least say what the maybe the original reason for the spike was a bite of fresh Piscot. Oh, I mean, maybe that pizza, fresh made pizza opened up my heart was a better and what if she just dropped out of a heart attack and he's just like, I can't let anybody know that my fresh Piscot is killing everybody. It's going to

ruin my ruin my Piscot business. And so then he stabs her dead body multiple times and frames it as a frantic suicide. But what I don't like about the business positioning of this story is it's the same thing as the story when they said that they use the Alexa as evidence in court. Well, it's the praising of Fitbit and the Alexa, right, the way they frame the story as you see the constant monitoring of people. That's what allows us to not commit crimes or catch the bad guys. And so it keeps us kind of constant state of as long as I'm not guilty of everything, as long as I'm not guilty of anything, what does it matter that I'm constantly surveilled 24 seven, which is a thing that's happening in China right

now with the social credit system, which is the more and more I read into the more and more like they're getting all of these social rewards and social punishments for doing things that are against the state or against other people down to like littering down to smoking and on smoking areas. But then they're not allowed to fly. They're not allowed to get into certain universities, they're not allowed to get some jobs, but they don't know how they're monitoring it, which means it's a combo of the phone, CCTV devices in your own home that are turning itself into a gigantic big brother, where in China it is becoming 1984, and in the United States, it's becoming the brave new world. We're just policing ourselves

using the gadgets that we're purchasing in order to make our lives quote unquote easier, which they do. Kind of. But also, I mean, honestly, does the Fitbit really make your life easier? It doesn't. Who cares? Yeah, I agree. And we should do a deeper dive on that. There's a great article. What's it called? No, no dark places. No shadow. No shadowy crevices, which is actually also a part of my nude shoot. That's

actually what I would call my first nude shoot for Playgirl Marigold. All right. Yes, that story on China. We'll do a deeper dive, maybe in the next episode on that, because it is really, it's a horrifying situation. And it's interesting how people are just volunteering to give up all of their freedoms because it's a Fitbit or because it's a smart watch. And again, there's a great book, three felonies a day. You don't even know how many crimes are committing. The crime statutes are so broad and so vague, they can get you for anything, including resisting arrest, which is literally just them arresting you for nothing. And then you try to resist. Now you were arrested for a resisting arrest.

They just create a problem. They create a crime. Anyway, that's all I know. That's why I just hold my knees. That's very good. Okay, hold my knees. And so what they're saying is, so they to come back to the case, they went, they found bloody clothes at his home. Okay. His last name. What I do like is that he is his last name is his, his name is Anthony Aiello. I wonder if he's distantly related to Danny Aiello. I don't know. I met Danny Aiello one time. He called me Hollywood. He was very, very nice. He had a comedy club in Hoboken, New Jersey. That's right. That's right. He did. He did. Well, so apparently they found, they

found bloody clothes at the Aiello home. He's 90. And they said, they told that the deposit of blood on his clothes were not localized in one area and were consistent with a splatter. Aiello indicated that he might have cut his hand and shaken it while he was wearing one of those shirts because he says he quote unquote cuts himself all the time. So is he going through a goth phase at 90? What's happening exactly? Also, dude, that's a great way. Even if you didn't commit this murder, you're going to the home. You can't cut yourself all the time. You obviously shouldn't be living alone if you are. Well, all I know is that he either got confused and he murdered his stepdaughter or there was, I don't want to like God knows

what the hell I mean. I mean, technically, he is innocent until proven guilty. So I know a clue what he's done. It just seemed to be there's a lot of evidence pointing his way towards him murdering his daughter. He contends that there was somebody else in the house. Okay. I mean, honestly, that was what struck me in the story. 90 years old. Again, I haven't really heard of a 90 year old being able to pull off a really graphic brutal stabbing like that. But I guess you never know what you know, you're capable of. Fairy tales could come true. It can happen to you. If you're young at heart. I had a dream with you singing in it last night. It's not weird. All right, here. Yeah. All right, we got one more story.

Now this one, this is in the Henry Zabrowski world. Ufology. It's euphology, I believe. Yes, it is. So we'll get we'll get a lot of insight here. I know Henry has a lot to say about this. Basically, a UFO was spotted over Myrtle Beach, and onlookers were disturbed, but I'm also sure a lot of onlookers, if I know Myrtle Beach the way I know, I know Myrtle Beach. We're pretty hammered and absolutely loved it. Yes, it does seem to be the videos of this UFO. It's a lot of people going, whoa, they up there, y'all. And it's a it's pretty wonderful. It's pretty wonderful footage because the lightning is going. It's very spooky, super spooky. Spuddle over Myrtle Beach on this. So the video was taken on August 5th,

but it was only uploaded on August on October 4th. Yeah, I know why 90s leader. Why do you sit on it for so long? I just feel like it must be because you don't date submitted to the video to move on the mutual UFO network and a part of the reason why people don't report is because they're not taken seriously. Okay, so the mysterious lights that were spotted over Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. This again was in August. Now it raises questions about where the lights came from and what the hell were they doing up there? They're pretty spooky, dookie. They are. So if you get a chance again, go in there and check it out on YouTube. It's UFO sighting filmed in Myrtle Beach. So now how would you describe

what people are going to be looking at if they haven't seen it yet? What kind of UFO is this? Orbs. This is an orb. These are orbs. They look at their they're floating in the air. They don't look like shit. I tell you what, I don't know what the hell it is. I mean, like again, I haven't done my shout out hours yet because technically they could be what they always say is that it's ball lightning. Okay, when I look at them, they don't look like ball lightning. They look like what they would maybe be maybe be reflective things in the sky, which maybe could be swept up by the storm. But normally normally when you see the normally when you see things reflecting in the sky, it has sort of like a blink, blink,

like you could see the light catch it like when you swift it. But you're watching this five objects and sky sort of hover like they're on strings, right? The original where Kenneth Arnold when Kenneth Arnold first saw UFO, where the term flying saucer came from is the sort of wobbly aspect, the way they sort of hover in the sky, like they're they're hanging. Yeah, like bad Ed Wood props from an Ed Wood film. Yes, but they are weird and condescent lights that are floating between the storm clouds. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to give it a dope with a capital D and I'm loving it. Whoa, and I'm loving it and a dope with a capital D. That's kind of fun. Dare I say the person now this is

funny, this person was anonymous. They do not want to be known. As Henry said, they probably just don't want to deal with being called a whack job or something. But this is according to what the person wrote on a website. He said taking pictures and or or she I don't even know taking pictures and time lapse of incoming storm. They were taking pictures and time lapse of the incoming storm. I was taking the pictures off the edge of a long pier after dark. So there were no reflective surfaces around. I did not notice the objects until I returned home and check the photograph and video. So that's pretty fun. If you check it out and then you're like, that's like when you see a haunt, a haunting in the back or

a ghost. Yeah, that's pretty cool. That's the kind of shit I like when you look at your like, what the fuck is that shit? Except I still haven't seen anything. But I think there's a lot of complaints that a lot of UFO sightings are going down. And you know what I'm going to attribute that to what people not looking up from their phones really you need to look at the sky because everyone wants to say like, yeah, maybe that makes me an old fucking crank. Maybe I sound like an old man. Right shifting around wishing things were the ways they were or just a bunch of little boys in the street selling pipes and hit in a circle with a stick. And that was when that was when things were that was what was fun then. The decade the

the time of the newsy. I don't think you were alive during that time. I saw these polio and stuff like that. Oh, polio is back on the rides because no one's vaccine anymore. But back when Santa Fe was a place people wanted to go. Oh, you know, and nowadays, no, everyone's glued to the bit boops, sitting there doing the clunk of the clocks getting their likes and their hearts and whatnot. Right. Should be looking up to the sky, skating the sky, seeing the stories that were told by the heavens to the Native Americans. You do. And I love that. I love Native American lore. And they're they are right about spirituality. We need to get back to the earth. Okay. I love corn. I love tents. I love the idea of praising the

animals. And I love the idea of praising the spirits and things like that. I like the Native American lore quite a bit. You know, it's nice. A yurt. Yep. Don't know what he got a good one. Oh, yes. Is that a tent? It's a big tent. Cool. I do like those. I will say yes, I don't know what's going on to stop looking down. But I will also say don't just look up. Look straight to I can't even tell you how many people just they just run into me and I'm like the softest wall. So they're like, yes, thank you. They're like, oh, yeah, like, yes, they're an insane asylum. Right. So just kind of look every now and again. I find I've ever told you that your body is like the wall of an insane asylum. No, but

I think that's it's it's mildly offensive. It's something I could work on, but it's also cozy. So we're all soft. Yeah, I like being soft. You gotta be soft. We're gonna be all rigid. No, I don't care. I don't Shannon Tatum's a little head anyway. I don't I don't want that kind of body. You want to work in Tatum lives in a world of misery. Okay, we're going to just say this right now. If you look at the Mark Wahlberg schedule, they get up at three o'clock in the morning to work out. All right. And yeah, they look good. And yeah, they have millions of dollars and the other super famous and yeah, they stick their wick into every gaping piece and everywhere in every town they drift into. Why are they happy?

No, I don't I don't know if they're happy. I it wouldn't make me very happy. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, I like a book. I like a good book. Just a good documentary. You know, just give me a good doc. I'll do it. Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin. And people have already said that I was I was simplifying the last time I was talking about it. And that's true. I do barely understand it. But I will say a true anarchist society takes intense responsibility. Okay, yes. And of course, it's not actually a plausible thing because someone will want power. But you got to be ever vigilant. That's the whole point of the society is is that constant vigilance is very difficult to maintain that type of

equality. Well, it just seems like there's other things to do in the world. Well, yeah, there's a lot of things to do in the world. We would not be technically be able to work in that world of anarchism because we are we work upon the largesse of others actually opposite we are we are truly just gestures. We're troubadours that only live upon the favor of our fans. I want to say thank you for the fact that you're even here listening to us. Yes, we love you very much. Alright, so yes, so that video check out that video you have site UFO sighting filmed in Myrtle Beach compelling stuff and yeah, keep on looking up to the skies. You know, we have some people sometimes people will come up to us and they

might say something a little bit creepy about oh, I want to get on your show. If you want to make it on the show, find a UFO. Just remember that it kind of rhymes. If you want to make it on the show, find a UFO. Find a UFO. You send that in. We will talk about that. We will show that we will blast it on our live stream, which can we announce is coming back soon. Yes, live stream is coming back. Yes, week of Halloween. We're coming back the Tuesday before Halloween. So if you have any UFO footage, shoot it our way. We'll play it on the adult swim live stream for you. That'll be Tuesdays at 8 p.m. I cannot wait to start that show again. We've missed talking to you so much and cannot wait. We'll show also we will

be recording for our creepy pasta episodes. Remember email. We're going to be doing this on October 23rd. We're going to be recording. So we need these things as soon as you can get them and we need them short. We need them like we're looking between a minute to three minutes read. Yeah, and to send all of your creepy shit to side stories. L P O T L again that side stories L P O T L at gmail.com. Yes, we cannot wait to read your stories. Awesome. Well, those were kind of some fun stories of the news. There's some fun true crime stories in the news this week and we hope you enjoyed the episode. Thank you all so much for listening. Anything else we want to plug here. I don't know. I think we're

pretty good. Keep on supporting all the shows here. I'm pretty good. I tell you what there hasn't been more slime that this line stopped, but I joined the neighborhood app of next door. I changed it because you can do you can join. It's like a neighborhood. I talked about not wanting to be part of the 1984 problem. I only don't want to see. I wanted to see if other people had was going with looking into the slime to post about slime to you. But now you are part. I'm just I did it immediately. I just wanted to know I was correct. Okay. All right. Be careful. People ratting out their neighbors. Loud music over here is that a satanic cult over there? What's happening? You mess with the bowl. You get the horns.

You come over here. You want to stop me watching movies about women screaming all night long? Well, you're going to have to find out what actually is happening when the police bust down your door and pop you in the head and they'll have to kill Wendy, too, because Wendy will attack. I do is I immediately shift into entertaining. And once they come in the door that has been like, Oh, Mr. Office is a can't believe it's like got to catch that train. I do all of the music maker. You're going to do that. You're just going to sing some music, man. So I do the music, man. Maybe talk about Oklahoma. Yeah. Okay. Oh, well, I hope that works. I hope that works. I don't know. All right, everyone. Thank you all

so much for listening. Enjoy all the shows here on the last podcast network. Thanks for all the support for abling at the top at the political show that I do with Marcus pox and occasionally Travis as well. Yes. You guys have been really wonderful there. So hail yourselves. Yeah, live love and lying. I'm trying to get back into my Australian accent. No, I honestly live live line and law out of all of the accents that you've done. And you know, I always love your work. You're very talented. They are the Australian accent does seem to be the most controversial in the sense that people don't believe it sounds Australian, effective. I was like, there's a couple of words I try to use to get back

into. It's like effective in line, like like for foul, foul. I don't know, man. I think I'm from Australia. If we ever will, we know that if we go there next year, which would be an awesome thing. I think by the end of the trip, you'll have it. You'll have it down pat. You'll you'll know it. It's just like I can day at a time escape a day to die. Fuck I had it for a while. I had it the other day. All right, everyone, hail yourselves. Hail me. See you soon. Triple L everybody. Triple L McGus to Lations. You dirty oars. Oh my goodness. Leave everyone alone.