Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Cute

Episode Date: May 8, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the new Ted Bundy movie, a cannibal child, a hero dog, AND MORE. TRIPLE L.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop on the left side story There it is clapped clapped in buddy, I'm like a I'm like a big pink seal Yeah, I think aren't seals. No seals are gray. Okay. Why are you so big? That's my seals here we go Huh Look at that and they said seal they must you know sometimes you get the question like a man after ten years of doing the show guys Do you ever run out of content and then Henry Zabrowski? Just right off of that bald and domo yours says you know what no today

I'm a seal today. I'm a seal today. I was reading again I keep dropping this because it's fun to do because I'm rereading Prometheus rising by Robert Anton Wilson And he said a really good way to sort of get back to Analyzing the true animal nature of humankind sure let's go to the zoo He actually the way he he does recommended he says fuck smoke it up Go to the zoo in the book in the book Prometheus rising. He says smoke adobe and go to the zoo Smoke weed if that's what you will do Essentially if that's what you like and he said either go watch nature documentaries or go to the zoo and see how animals behave and then see how you can then

Compare that to how humans behave, but that's like comparing that's like trying to analyze how humans behave by going to solitary confinement Going to death row and being like, huh? This is what people do when they're sad and locked up and away from their family You bring up a very good point because it's true That is a good way to see unadulterated humankind because we have all these helpers. We have all these helpers I got my my Google Maps. Oh my god. I got my I got my shoes with the air cushions in them Uh-huh, cuz you're so athletic. Look at me. That helps me jump It helps me jump. Yeah, so if you take these tools away from me, what kind of my what kind of ape am I then what kind of ape

Would I be able to kind of apes? Could I fight and beat? So yeah, I go and I watch the seals on the TV. Of course, I didn't go to the zoo I hate to do if I'm very depressing. It is it is I watch it at home and the seals they got made man They got the food right in front of them. It's in the ocean. It is all around they roll over under their seal wives I don't know in syncs. Tell them to give it. Oh, right. Well, they're chasing pelicans Uh-huh. Well, they have quite a life. This is side stories The single dumbest thing that's ever happened this is side stories I am

Benjamin Grant Kissel reporting live from MPR studios and we have seal boy Henry Zabraski Because he was Well, you're a seal so that's why but I learned how to use the blade Honestly if seals learn how to use knives, we're all done You see me stabbing at Kissel on the skype screen with my screwdriver No, I don't know why all of a sudden we started recording and the fact maybe the past maybe four or five episodes You've decided to not just hold a screwdriver, but clench it as if there's a home invasion And this is the only line of defense that you have by your bed. This is a thing I learned from Marcus

I'm gonna put this on Marcus really Marcus for years when he was producing the show Whether it was doing ground table or whether it was doing last podcast He always had various knives mostly knives Yeah, just around because it's fun because as you're talking, huh, right? I fucking can thrust a knife at somebody also you never know when somebody's gonna fucking come behind me My back is to the door in the studio, which I actually think I need to change You need to flip this all around so I can be looking at the door and put a little porthole in all of the sound walls You're so you see at the door just case anybody tries to come at me and assassinate me

Well, I don't think you're really on the uh, I don't think you're a Kennedy, you know Maybe maybe someone might be upset with you, but I don't think it's gonna lead them to assassinate the Assasinate you although you never know, but you are staring at the window Which is probably safer to be staring at the window because if it is an invasion They're coming through that way not coming through the front door because they probably assume you're Polish and you're armed They can you are assumed correct? Yeah, correct I I wonder about the about these types of things because think about how powerful I would be as a martyr. Mm-hmm, but I wonder To for what?

Right, so, you know, why did Henry mention seals? Well, we do want to do just just a small update Because on last week's episode by the way speaking of babies as well I hung out with a lot of babies and I'll talk I'll talk about my Minneapolis experience throughout the episode But there's too many babies and when I'm surrounded by many babies I get very very concerned because I feel like it makes my sperm thicker it could it makes my sperms jump higher Well, you have to be nice You have to sort of speak in like a higher voice like baby like how's he doing, baby? And that's with Wendy Yeah, well, it's very similar. I speak I speak to babies the exact same way

I speak to puff and as a matter of fact, I attributed like the movie look who's talking I attributed puffin's voice to all of the human babies as well Because I just think anything that can't speak sounds super cute. Yeah, but you're not and you're not a character actor like me No, no, I don't character actor You'd come up with little voices like hey, my name's Tommy like that's one baby's name and another baby is going like See character acting well, I don't want to make them, you know racist archetypes of an Italian But yeah, I that's not a racist archetype You've been Italy we could see

With the Delta where it comes from Anyway, we talked about that Russian whale Last week on the episode and it turns out and we then we mentioned the US use in dolphins to go find mines and stuff And evidently Henry you'll be happy to know the dolphins don't find the mine by simply exploding the mine That's sad. I'm not disappointed by that. I'm not I'm not I'm disappointed by that I'm not saddened. I'm not not sad I'm saying the most metal way to send the dolphins at the mines. No the dolphins should live They're doing America's work. They're soldiers. They all deserve little purple hearts

Although I think soldiers are meant to die aren't they? No soldiers are meant to go kill and then come back alive and get hugs From people on a boardwalk. I don't know anyway, the US Navy Marine Mammal program NMMP is a program administered by the US Navy which studies military use of marine animals and they have used the bottle-nosed Dolphin dolphin and a series of other kinds of dolphin sea lions as well, Henry You'll be happy to the California sea lion They're trained animals to perform tasks such as ship and harbor protection Mine detection and clearance and equipment recovery the program is based in San Diego

Where the animals are housed and trained and they were in combat zones like the Vietnam War and The Iraq War so thank you for your service dolphins and sea lions not an easy task not something easy to do I see how you're willing to butter up the dolphins, but not robots because you're But what it happens if dolphins evolve to come at us anyway The dolphins aren't going to evolve to come at us And if that happens, it's gonna be millions of years from now and we're all gonna be gone and there's not even we're not gonna Have an offspring So it's true. That's true. No, I mean Wendy for will have to deal with the coming-on slot of these ones

I clone Wendy, but yeah, they the dolphins go down They pick things up that soldiers drop and then they protect these ships by essentially I mean it sounds like they're still just like get it they get exploded by torpedoes Instead of the ship. They might I don't think it's a I think it is a thankless job I don't think it's a safe job for these dolphins, but nonetheless I think the dolphin versus dolphin war is really cool And I'm happy that we have some dolphins on our side fighting the good fight. I feel like there should be more R-rated

Animal-only movies and I'm not just talking about sex scenes in it. No sex scenes But a movie that it's like dolphins versus chimps Yeah, the first dolphin with thumbs like you send a movie after the nuclear apocalypse that destroys all like sentient human kind Right, but then you have a race of like apes that are slowly gaining consciousness Like they are coming online to reformate the new human race All right, you got dolphins that are also now because of the Because of either like they're raining down of some kind of like protein matters or something kind of into the ocean from the mass devastation They're their world is allowed to grow exponentially underneath the water so their brains they get smarter and smarter

So eventually dolphins are actually sort of as smart as chimps in this movie And they can communicate to each other and then there's a fucking war between the two I like it first dolphin figures out how they can create these sort of like water-filled scuba Like things that they can wear on the land right right. Yeah Well, absolutely and of course in about you know, maybe 50 years from now, New York City will be entirely underwater like the city of Atlantis And the dolphins are gonna say hey cool while we gained a city But what they don't realize is that means they got to ride the trains. They got to go to work They got a great train. It's not even just going to work. They got to be driving the train

You got to be driving the trains in the rails and then yeah, what's the L train shut down going to be like then? Exactly. It's dolphins on dolphin crime. Exactly. And all the dolphins are like which trains late to like let the tunnels flood we can swim and never be and then the problem's not gonna get a lot of pushback From a lot of dolphin social justice warriors and say dolphins walk now. So we're walking here We're walking here. Absolutely. I do like that you attributed the Brooklyn accent to the dolphins that no doubt will be residing in the Borough of Brooklyn and I'm sure the the dolphins who are in Queens will sound like the folks of Queens do as well But the speaking of on the movies though I have another idea of movies that I want to say on a podcast out loud before because I know so you don't think so

You don't think someone's gonna steal this idea. Are you sure you is this idea? So primo that you don't want to share it is that possible? No, I want to put it out Okay, all right, but our fans because look at how the fight there were the response and the the support I received Over the tragedy of losing out the role of dr. Obannick to Jim Carrey has no one You didn't even get a chance to read yeah, that is the problem I was just I literally was just as close to getting the role as you know you weren't because you were born to do it You weren't born to do it

You didn't audition for it because they wouldn't let me they were afraid of opening those doors No, it's because they got Jim Carrey to do it Jim Carrey sure yes He might be some internationally famous comedic mastermind Yes might be in the middle of a renaissance right now sure whatever yeah But is he born with the body that was built to fill those egg-shaped trousers? No, he is a skinny man and they're trying to erase fat people I don't know they're not trying to erase fat people. Mike and Molly is a very successful show. It's been off the air for ten years I don't know. I don't actually know

But I saw Mike in an audition recently the guy played Mike in an audition and he looked pretty grumpy Oh, he's feeling grumpy. All right, so here's my movie. I'm gonna put this out here before it starts And I want to see people do this. Okay, listen the story of Chewbacca. Okay Rest in peace by the way. We have to all right peter mayhew Yes Rest in peace Peter mayhew see you on the other side tall man. Yes, could have been you kissle. No, he's seven foot three I could not even that's why I didn't get Chewbacca I haven't gotten sasquatch the only rules that Hollywood with theoretically let a man of my girth and size play are still taken by

Taken by normal sized people other than Chewbacca you Kissle you've never read the dune books, but I would definitely put you in a big worm costume with just your head sticking out to play God Emperor of Dune Well, I do like that. I'm a God Emperor that is cool other than that it sounds like the treatment You're gonna give to hold him at Neely from wizard on the bruiser because you don't like him So every time you've ever cast him you make him wear a lot of Prosthetics and the role is always like you're the toilet paper boy And then he has to be covered in true human dookie to keep it authentic, and then he says thank you and then he thanks you for that

This is why I was born to be an executive producer. Mm-hmm very little Responsibility, but you can pull fun triggers. I thought you were gonna say respect for your actors, but okay. No actors I respect all actors look how much I respect myself. Uh-huh. Oh god. Um, okay, but listen Chewbacca Storyline, okay, it's his whole story. You could see his order story. No English Tonsola, so what do we talk, but are there so then are there subtitles? No, so then how are we supposed to understand what the hell is going on to the power of storytelling? Sometimes you don't need words you do tell a story. No, you don't know by definition You do need yes images can tell a story, but for the most part

You do need words to also tell because that's kind of the whole speak thing This is why people are afraid of my words just like the brave warrior nick de paola People are so afraid of my truths where it's just like because the idea is that you could have Chewbacca and his mom right it starts with going And them together like as kids training the warrior, maybe he loses his dad I'm sure it does and like like these dad like falls off a thing or it's a game I could I think Wookie's work in a tribe. I'm not really certain But it takes place on that planet and he loses his dad and then Chewbacca has to come forward and be the new warrior of

His town, maybe they all come and get like raped by a bunch of Ewoks and that's where it starts I don't know that I don't know. I mean that might be a deleted scene there I wouldn't be surprised. I mean they were I would kind of like a story arc where Chewbacca fully shaves his body He's off in mainstream America. He's just trying to live a good corporate life And he's like and they're like aren't you a wookie like I Don't know what they sound like And then they'd be like I guess not he kind of looks like a wookie talks like a wookie But he's fully hairless and then he gets a phone call back from the family saying that they are under attack by the Ewoks

He regrows his hair and reclaims his heritage as head of the wookie people or I think it's a great That I think is a great like third movie. Yeah, because they could do sort of like the Star Trek under start undiscovered country But I feel it was the searcher Spock. We kind of have a time machine thing going on where he gets he deals with like you have an Older alternative timeline where he ends up in modern America You know who that also could obviously this sounds like a better to cover bash roll It's wow, you know because he's got that horrible British Adams apple and the His weak chin is fucking tiny weird little eyeballs. Well, he's very talented Ben Benedict Cumberbatch But that's how

Talented you have to be you have to be so talented to get over your weasel eyes Yeah, that's that you have come in your name. Yeah, that's how talented he is Yeah, Benedict Cumberbatch. It does sound like Benedict Cumberbatch. It does sound like a brunch It sounds like something you would order off a menu that had an erotic breakfast restaurant Yes, that comes with like unlimited mimosas. You're like, I'll have the the Cumberbatch, please the Benedict Cumberbatch But I have to drink the shot glass full of cum in order to get the bottomless mimosas. Well, I mean, it's good I love a prank restaurant cheaper than pain. I don't know why they I mean they wouldn't be turning a profit But I guess the chef would be laughing

Perfusely like he's a Sesame Street character or something so but did you see the Ted Bundy movie the new Ted Bundy movie? I feel like we should maybe talk about it briefly because so many people have asked us what our opinion is Yeah, let's do it just back just back briefly when it comes to the whales, you know what though, Henry? It was controversial there were some groups that said they don't want the animals to be to be part of the military and They only want the animals to be used in non-combat roles such as mine detection And the Navy has said we have a lot of oversight and we're we're making sure the animals are treated with dignity and respect So we'll say anyway that they volunteered they didn't they can't even lift their thumb up

They say I'll do it with you. We're getting into I don't know all right the Ted Bundy movie out on Netflix It's called extremely wicked Shockingly evil and vile directed by Joe Billinger. Can I just say this right away the name? What do you think about the name? Just start with that because I was like, isn't it? Isn't it a bit much? Oh, yeah Why not why not just like the Bundy movie or like Ted because it could it could have just been Ted from the content of the movie It definitely it definitely could have just been Ted now it's because I played Ted Bundy played by Zac Efron And I want to say one of the best roles of his career. He is fantastic. He does do a really good job

He does he does a really good job. He transforms himself really well He does got he does have some opportunities to show ranges of the emotions of Ted Bundy I think that the one thing that Zac Efron did the one new thing this movie brought to the conversation about Ted Bundy is I think it truly showcased what the word glib means when it comes to psychopaths and people like Ted Bundy where Zac Efron does that thing where he is everybody's favorite guy and he automatically and the thing that obnoxious Fuck boys do which is he assumes as well that he is everybody's favorite guy, right? So he does a really good job of showcasing those emotions

What do I think about the title of the movie for a movie called extremely wicked shockingly evil and vile it is It is heavily Missing wicked evil or vile things. Yeah. Well, that was my only issue with it And we we would love to speak with the director or anyone involved. Absolutely. Yeah, you know So this is not to not to dishonor it whatsoever Obviously, they kind of went with a different they went with a different sort of track here But the interesting thing is it was it was more of a romance So the woman that where it's very the woman that played

His you know lover there first of all she looks very like she's beautiful She looks a little bit like a Joni Mitchell, you know, remember Joni Mitchell coyote very famous So she was just gorgeous But the weird thing was half of the movie is this woman pining over Bundy and at no point did they mention that Ted Bundy has had sex with severed heads of Women like why not that was my only issue was like Don't make him so cute because if you are ignorant to The story you really would come away with being like maybe he was innocent and he was not I promise you that innocent

I do believe that the movie has a specific it has a specific aim in mind Which is Joe Burlinger is a Documentarian he made the the documentary Converse I said Bundy conversation tapes and things that had just come out of Netflix. He made Paradise Lost Yes, he has a keen eye on on True crime and how to portray it and did weave these stories I think he was trying to tell a story from a different perspective, but that was I believe he was trying to tell the story of What if we did know nothing and you only heard from other sources about what Ted Bundy did and you're a

you are someone that maybe loved this person and You are hearing all of this info crazy information that does not sound like the man that you knew But didn't know didn't it sound like the man that she knew I mean, I think that the woman obviously it was it was heavily Massaged yes, this was this was sort of the Kobe a Kobe beef of Ted Bundy like lore in the Ted Bundy lore I loved the best friend who was also from that great show at least season one of Westworld The best friend of Ted Bundy's love interest. She was great Yes, she was wonderful. Yeah acting really was good, but yeah, you're right. Oh, yeah, the Bournemouth is a great great great

And then oh, no Osmond poor Haley Joel Osmond is just put into the chubby bearded man's worst position in the world of just being The man who massages the woman who's ex-boyfriend is Ted Bundy Yes, the saddest friend zoning ever captured on screen The word is now like obviously problematic people enjoy the term anymore, but it's just true It's just like the dude that just shows up to rub the foot of the woman. Oh, yeah, pining over dead Bundy Yes, it's the term that Henry was floating around there or sort of scurrying around. I think it's cuck Because that seems like it was in the character description for poor Haley Joel Osmond I you know, I'm not gonna malign anybody. I would love to speak with that with him as well

And technically he did do a great job, but the entire time I'm watching it. I'm like man I would rather just have really buzz I like it wasn't it's not embarrassing, but it is like It's just hard as a man to just watch your you have to watch yourself on screen as As you're like you poor fucking bastard stop doing this Haley Joel Osmond stop doing this stop playing this part You don't need to play this part man. No, and so that did bring me out of the movie a little bit But I am happy he's still working, but what about the great cameo by James headfield James headfield also playing a cop once again Once again playing a police officer and then of course there was another performance by Sheldon and I know this man

I don't know the man. I know that's an actor. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but any time I see him I just scream Sheldon, and it takes me out of the movie Yeah, no, that's my mom because my mom calls him Sheldon. She likes it and she was just like oh Henry told me have you seen the new Ted Bondi movie Sheldon's in it. That was a big guy like Draw for her. She was very excited, but for me. I'm like why what are you Sheldon doing here? I just like I can't break my brain out from I mean really it's just more of a It really just shows you the power of the Big Bang theory is all it is technically He just did too well in one role

But I would say curse and a blessing it is hard because you get you get the what every actor dreams for it's the never-ending Job like I think that is actually like a it's a beautiful thing for an actor to get and a Part that resonates with humankind, but yes for half of humankind It makes them want to take a fucking screwdriver and start attacking Uber drivers. Yeah, that's not your fault You just do it apart correctly. I look at me. How many people hate me? I don't hate my performance. They do No idea I'm glad you're saying that Kessel. Yeah, thank you

But I also the thing about this movie too is that again it was made by documentarian I think quite a bit of it was him at reshooting things that he had footage of to work on as well Yeah, so it felt a little bit kind of like the man on the moon But you know people that are gonna consume any and all serial killer content. You might as well watch it It's it's better than the Carl Panzer M. Movie starring James Woods. Yes, and well It's better than that It's honestly not you mentioned Nick DiPallo who is evidently, you know what he's doing Henry. He's going there Yeah, he said it. He's saying stuff. What James?

James Woods and Nick DiPallo have to get together for the worst buddy comedy movie It won't be in anywhere except for maybe like see or like conservative TV or whatever But they I mean they'll just blame, you know political correctness for that But it could be the next Ford fair lane of our time Yeah That is the that is the movie drags across concrete that is that is that what that is But it's interesting though with the with the director being the director of Paradise Lost Paradise Lost They show some pretty sick images of the children

Obviously the murder scene so I was expecting when I heard that he was doing it. I was expecting a little bit more Blood and guts and really just not because I'm not because I'm like, oh, yeah, let me see it because that's the story That's like the whole story. This is my problem, right? This is the thing with you fictionalize any of these stories, right? Where in my brain because my horror boy Inside of me is like fucking kill kill kill kill. Give me the kills. Give me the kills Like the guys that like my horror movie side, but in the real that my my rational brain comes in and says being like These are real victims. Well, I don't want to see the the of the

Massacre of the of these real victims I don't need to see this and then that's the problem when you're making a movie about it We're on some level if it was just about a fictional serial killer the first thing I would be saying I would be screaming is no kills But the thing is Henry this is this is what we talk about and this is why on last podcast on the left We go there in the gory details because then that doesn't make Ted Bundy so cute The only thing that was scary about the movie is the fact that we have such a Cornucopia of knowledge of this man's crime so you can watch it and be like Man, this is it's it's spooky in my own brain because I know what he's done

But I think they made him look if you are just a novice in true crime They made Ted Bundy look a little bit too cutesy wootsy and I forget the guy who played the judge a John Malkovich He did a great job as well. It's just the whole thing was just but you know That was that was at least true as you recall from the Ted Bundy tapes where the judge literally was like It would have been an honor to work with you if you were a lawyer what a waste all your talent So the judge was kind of suck in Ted's D a little bit so that wasn't totally inaccurate But I will say at least this movie posits him as the villain my Natalie and I like we're like we like watching the beginning of

Different like movie cycles like we watch we love the watch franchises from the top to bottom So we ended up watching Psycho Psycho 2 and Psycho 3 and if you watch Psycho 2 Psycho 2 Makes Norman Bates the hero of the story They basically say like feel bad they posit like feel bad for Norman Bates He could never control his his inner impulses and then blames the head of the victims It's basically the mother of one of the the sister of The his first victim and Psycho who's in the original Psycho

She plays like this woman who's gone mad trying to Get Norman Bates to go back into jail because the whole thing is that he's been released from a mental institution And he gets to go right back to the motel like he doesn't have to go to a halfway house He doesn't have to do a work release program He's literally just like you go right back to the senior crimes and he's just like I sure hope I don't do any more crimes And the cops are like hey, I'll sue mr. Bates. All right. See you soon. It's like getting a car and drive off I mean to be fair if you do live in a hotel It is kind of like living in a halfway house and it also is kind of like work release all wrapped up into one

So maybe the hotel is the only place that he that he could have gone He's got to clean the rooms. He's got to change the soap He's got to make sure there's hand lotion and body lotion in every room because people go in there and immediately start doing horrible things To their own body Using said lotion. Um, so, you know, maybe that was it. They kind of jigsawed it a little bit They made him a hero which is kind of strange if I'm not supposed to be using this lotion to jerk off What am I supposed to be using it for I think you're supposed I don't know. I think you're supposed to Do people just cover the whole bodies with the actual body lotion, I think you would break out in hives, but you could I supposed

Theoretically yeah, why not I guess so thick. Well, let's do it is a little bit. So that's just a little bit Ted, I mean check out the Ted Bundy movie on Netflix. Why not? If you know anyone if you know the director anything had him get ahold of us and we would love to speak with him Um, all right. Well, let's go into a new story here I know Henry's got a couple of tales he wants to tell but I'm gonna start with this one because you know what I did this weekend Henry What I hung out with children and Children are fun. I watched my all of my Friends from college of kids. I was around five kids all day

Well, there's a bunch of adults there, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, buddy. It was all adults. Yes They didn't just give you kids no like hang out with for the day while you just sat me like we're gonna play a fun game kids It's called bring on cold band of mud like Learning how to be a father. No, that's what my dad used to do I did have about four or five bud lights and by like a five bud lights. I was like, I really start I'm starting to get these kids. I think there's something there was a time when my dad used to have poker games at the house And then he would have me go before my dad quit drinking and they're very few times He ever hung out my own home when he wasn't at the bar

I would go and I would get the bud I would get bud lights for all his friends and I'd go and I'd get all the buds out And I'd give everybody one like as a little waiter and the one time I came out with it on my head And I did a little dance on the screw and they're all laughing and shit I remember my dad being like you're just like your old man That was the only time I ever felt this pride until now that I'm putting in a pool in the in the house Yeah, well, I mean honestly if you do want your kid to grow up to be an actor train them how to be a waiter That's what I say because believe it or not 90% of being an actor is waiting tables

All right, so this is just a little tale here out of Canada and by the way we are we're going to you vancouver Our boys up north we're coming to you vancouver. We're coming our guys and gals up there So get those tickets. We can't wait to see all you so let's go. This is from the Toronto Sun Crazy crazy story alleged cannibal girl. She's only 12 years old She tells classmates what brains taste like a purported 12 year old cannibal who joined the feast of human flesh And this is where this news article kind of loses me a little bit with her 22 year old quote boyfriend I'm gonna say with a 22 year old pedophile because she is 12 years old and he is 22 I don't think you can call that boyfriend girl. No, I don't think so either

She shocked fellow students by talking about what brains took lie it tastes like her name is valeria She is a russian cannibal the pedophile cannibal who groomed her. His name is arcadey zevref He died in prison earlier this year before facing justice for cannibalism and raping a 12 year old victim Now furious parents are demanding Valerie Valeria be booted from the school after she allegedly quote told classmates How she cooked and ate human flesh and all your body parts. I don't know Um, well, so she all right, so let me get this straight. So she Participated in an event with her her captor Captor not sure sure and so she murdered and cannibalized a woman and then she sat and then she joined in on the family style

Dinner of the body. It seems that way. So the girl according to cops She was an active participant in the murders and cannibalism if she even confessed to cops that she quote Cooked the heart of one of their victims. She had allegedly told them the taste was quote too sweet But the brains turned out to be much more tasty Instead of a trial in prison. She was sent to an orphanage. This is one parent that yeah, that'll fix her Yeah, I don't like yeah, what's the place where someone who's been abused and who's eaten brain should go? What about that abuse factory down the street? We call an orphanage here in mother Russia So this is according to one of the parents of another child

See she says no one would have known her identity But for the fact that after a month at this school with our children, she started telling them details of what happened She told them about the taste of human brains, which also makes me wonder you got a 12 year old I understand she's innocent in many ways and all this she's still just a baby But if you are sending a 12 year old who has a taste for human flesh into another elementary school Don't you think you might just shoot an email out to the parents? Just being like yo if you're friend if you're if your kid starts hanging out with Valeria She could be very nice. We don't know but she does have a small history of

Eating human brains like don't you think a parent would want to know that before the next big sleepover? I never want to dampen the imagination of a child So on some level if it were not to be true She could be the next Anne Rice. She can be whatever she wants. I mean she didn't actually Participate in a murder and cannibalism act then technically that's just short fiction and she should be lauded for it Yes, it might be a bit rude It might be a bit inappropriate for class, which is how I was always treated when I would say something inappropriate for class Or write something. I was a little too disgusting for class. I remember I had to show

I had to show my work We used to do these big writing prompts and in look in as a little kid I don't know part of it Did you be graded a bond about how descriptive you could be right right? I I told the class that this story was true and it was a story where I Rubbed lotion all over my grandmother's back and feet and so I wrote this long story about like To talk about how slippery the lotion was you could talk about anything. Yeah, you could have written about anything like Man, this is a story about how I'm fifth grade. I made a basketball shot that sent us

Into the playoffs. Yeah, if I was some kind of loser, okay, but I was very I was much more I'd again wild imagination filled with inspiration. I go out there I thought it was fun and I ended up getting a really high score But then I had to have a meeting with my parents about the content of what I was writing about because they they said that like Well, it was very descriptive That was a little bit of exercise though That's what I was saying and so I talked about how coarse the lumps on my grandmother's body were and I'm like and how like she'd Give me a little quarter and I don't think it was real or I don't think it was real

But I remember you're writing this whole long thing and they had to admit They were put in the scene. They were there like good They saw me squish the the ointment over my hands and they felt me Turn her sandpaper skin into the slick back of a whale. Yes, that they saw that which for me is about Transporting you so if a child can somehow weave This tale about the idea of like eating human brain meat and she can actually Capture the fact that it tastes like bone marrow, which is what I imagine it tastes like some kind of fat Kind of like rich fat taste congealed fat. Yeah good for her or she's just the daughter of

Fucking the Anthony Bourdain. Well, I don't think that she is the daughter of Anthony Bourdain RIP always love Anthony Bourdain She does seem like someone who helped murder Multiple people and then eat them a granted again. She is 12 years old Is this true though? Do we know if she actually did help murder? It seems like it's true It seems like it's true Another mother at the school said now my child is afraid of talking to this girl at school I understand why that would be the case She sounds like she may have the same personality as the young girl from the film hereditary

Quite creepy sort of ominous and that's the thing when you hang out with kids You look into the eyes of a child and you can tell like there is an evil component Like I know it's like wow the future is wide open look at this But there's also a component where it's like they don't know if you're if they don't even care if you're alive or dead They don't even know what either of those concepts are So they like children also look like they could stab you at any time if they don't get exactly what they want Exactly when they need it because they're learning because that's a part of the all of a sudden, you know on some level, right? They are they are very moldable and you could teach a child to be a professional killer like in Leon

the professional Like you can do that. Absolutely a child onto that wavelength, which is why children are so absolutely frightening. Yes, absolutely but to that point the orphanage director and Tony and Tony now and I won't even pretend to pronounce her last name It's a lot of teas the masses and bees Called Valeria Val area an absolute normal child with no deviations However, Russian investigator committee officials told the newspaper the young girl took part in this massacre. So there you go There it is kind of also 12, you know, she's 12 she's got a lot of time to change and

Maybe at some point this will just make her like goth princess of Russia And she'll be like the next pussy riot and everyone would be like this chick is super dope and if you are gonna eat and kill people And you don't spend the rest of your life in prison You got to be below the age of 12 like that's just the only time you could ever do that in life So technically I guess if you're going to do it. She did it at the right time Yeah, because then you can grow out of it. You can grow out of the lasting effects. Yes, or You become a solidified with it and you're super into it or you become a Gourmet and you become a chef because you start to fall in love with the flavor palette of organ meats

Could could be nonetheless the girl went through a lot of I can't even imagine there that that 22 year old schmuck I didn't say how he died in prison. It was only 22 years old So I don't know maybe he got his ass kicked and they just bludgeoned him to death the way that they killed Jeffrey Dahmer really have no idea. Yeah, I think that's that is the true criminal in the story is this dude This story I think is interesting that I I did not realize it was connected to Scientology But it is Quarantine on a cruise ship in st. Lucia because of a measles infection health officials health officials on the Caribbean Island of st. Lucia St. Lucia, I think maybe st. Lucia

Oh with Lou I like Lucia better than st. Lucia. I might be st. Lucia. Yeah, it could be I like both kiss Yeah, whatever sure. However, it's pronounced. It's just fine. I'm with me I'm sure thing quarantine a cruise ship and cruise ships are already just Floating diarrhea clouds. It's all a bathroom. It is a it is a bathroom on the sea It does have some beds and a buffet, but that's what I just do key That's where you keep drinking. You have you forget. Yes, they discovered a case of measles on the board Authorities confirmed the case Tuesday morning said Merlene Frederick James st. Lucia's chief medical officer The vessel was locked down later that day an attempt to stymie any potential spread of the highly-container disease

Sickening people in the United States at a record pace fueled by anti-vaccination misinformation No one is allowed to leave the ship Frederick James said in a statement because of the risk of potential Infection not just from the confirmed measles case, but from other persons who may be on the board at a time We thought it prudent to make a decision not to allow anyone to disembark So they're just stuck on the ship. They gotta be this is I talked about this a little bit unable to stop it as well It's like it seems as if there is a you got hardcore, you know religious types cultist types That aren't of anti-vaxxers that are anti-vaxxers then you got hippity-dippity Types in like your your neck of the woods in Los Angeles. I wonder if

Scientology they must have a large contingency of people. Obviously, they're against modern medicine in a lot of ways They're against psychology against therapy There must be a large contingent of Scientologists who are anti-vaxxers and if you have not been vaccinated Please God just go to Walgreens or something just get vaccinated. We don't need to have the mumps coming back here I say, you know what if you don't get vaccinated and I guess that you just get what do you deserve? No, but then they give it to us that they know I know but it can still it's it's just better if no one else has measles I don't know why we're coming out with the 1900s Epidemics again

Because at some point in our recent years We were dangerously close to progress and the old-school Suicidal impulse of of human race kickback for some reason which is why we're at where we're at right now very good Well, that's you know, we don't need to No need to rebel against Modern medicine because we're not still stoning witches now held officials which you think is interesting so they they they had Basically quarantined this boat. They said nobody can get off it

But they specifically were not identifying what this boat was and so finally one of the Coast Guard Told NBC that the vessel is free winds which is Fucking one of the Diamond of Sea or the 440 foot boat owned by the Church of Science Yeah, now the obviously Scientology is no one's responding to a request for comment But free winds to them is a very very special place for a Scientologist Okay, they believe that boarding the ship is one of the most significant spiritual accomplishments of their lifetime You could see they have a tour of it. It's a carnival cruise They are a YouTube tour. It's very very interesting that they have they call it a distraction-free environment for ministering the highest level of

Spiritual counseling available in the Scientology religion. It's absolutely impeccable. It is incomparable, but any It's a distraction-free environment. You're in the middle of the ocean every time Anyone would be speaking to me. I would be like, you know, we're also in the middle of the ocean right now This thing couldn't go down at any time. That's an ultimate distraction the fear of drowning I don't think that I could actually really focus or meditate too intensely with the fear of possible Drowning like the Titanic Minus, you know having a wonderful love affair. This is to speak. This is your anxiety speaking Some people in the middle of the ocean they find nothing but tranquility not me as well

I want to throw a chair at it because I just because I feel like the oceans lion toss. Oh, your surface is calm But what about underneath? What are that underneath? It's all full of plastic. You just have a bunch of old computer screens down there Just a bunch of water bottles. It's disgusting So the idea is that you go on this boat and it's supposed to be the most beautiful spiritual experience in the world and then according to one of the Scientology leaders John Carmichael He said it's very interesting because Scientology does not have official rules regarding vaccinations Scientologists, they're pretty independent people says John though. I will say this They tend to do a little more research perhaps on the effect of various medical procedures or whatever

They make their own decisions, but those aren't decisions that the church tries to influence in Anyway, wait a second how that is is impossible you cannot be a member of a cult even Scientology, which is a large cult still a cult and then still be an Independent thinker or an independent person. It's totally counterintuitive It's like when you see the biker gangs that are just called like the lone wolves Obviously with no understanding of what the word lone means I don't think I don't think I don't think that they are the most free-thinking people the Scientologists

But anyway, oh, you don't get it man. They're actually freer than you. You how are they freer? They're dying of Well measles have sickened more than 700 people in 22 states and evidently in in California as I was mentioning Hundreds of moviegoers at the showing of Avengers Endgame Also broke out and they were exposed to measles because just one woman was infectious So that's kind of an appropriate name. It was really brave for Marvel Fox Disney I don't know what the conglomerate of the company that owns it anymore They then also gave out vaccinations for the cure. They first gave everybody measles

Uh-huh, and then they cured them of the measles. Wow, keep them hooked into the brand Gotta see the next movie. Oh, you got me. Oh, you came to see Avengers Endgame. You got measles, Bonnie Now you gotta come see Thor 4 because we got the cure for measles Yeah, absolutely, and we'll also Introduce you to our friend polio, which will be really great. Keep them coming back get them sick I'm kind of polio. What is that some kind of a fat Italian guy? Hello Man, they said we lost it, but then there you go. You found it once again I'll never lose it because I'll never fucking give it up. There it is like the like the infinity stone

Very good. Thank you. Wow. Do you have you seen the Avengers? I am up Oh, we've talked about this last night. I have not watched Endgame yet. I like the Marvel films I like the Marvel ones. I think they're fun speaking of heroes. Let's hit the hero of the week music Recordings of number stations. This hero we talked about animals a lot today Henry remember when you started the show being a seal Okay, you also kind of sound like a dog and that brings us to our hero of the week a hero rescue pup credited with saving three children from being abducted in the middle of the night a Pennsylvania family is crediting their recently adopted four-year-old rescue dog his name is Edgar with helping more than alleged child abduction attempt at their home Tom Lambert, dude's about 40 years old said that Edgar he is a treene Walker Coonhound recently frightened a man police believed to be in his 20s

a dude named Thomas DeWald away from their home in the middle of the night DeWald was accused of abducting another child three days earlier before allegedly stuffing her in a wooden trunk at his grandmother's house before the girl escaped this guy wanted to kidnap three children as someone again who just hung out with five children if you're a kidnapper you are way way over your head with three children I mean don't you think you say that it's the worst form of the movie adventures and babysitting kidnapping a bunch of children and selling them to the CIA pedophile pornography rings maybe I mean but what if like this guy is 20 years old he obviously doesn't have parental instincts and I know he just wants to probably hurt these children and kill them but it just seems like yeah I don't think he's yeah I don't think he's taking them to fucking Carvel I know we're taking everybody picking them up and taking them to fucking Kennywood and he is taking them to systematically murder them but if you look at a tree walking Coonhound if you look at this tree treene treene Walker Coonhound these dogs it's a beautiful dog

beautiful dog yeah gorgeous gorgeous dog so it was his growl howl that's what Lambert said again that's the father here it was his growl howl that that bothered the intruder he said quote it was obvious he was really upset and as soon as I got him to quit barking I heard sounds of someone going down the stairs that is honestly this is that's the that's the ultimate nightmare right someone's in your house you hear the sounds of someone going down the stairs you got to grab your hammer you got to grab your screwdriver you got to grab anything you can to protect yourself Lambert said he went downstairs to check on the noise on April 28 when he discovered that the kitchen window and door had been open he told the paper that he immediately ran back upstairs to check on his three young daughters who were asleep in their beds the dog started barking and woke up the homeowner and scared away to walled that dog potentially saved the little girl's life so Edgar you are this week's hero of the week what a what a dog I love dog heroes I love animal heroes man but I feel like this is why I'm trying

that's why I keep my whip in the room now yeah you I'm not even talking because we don't like pain in our in our bedroom but I like to have him to wait just in case somebody comes in there is a question and I swing it all around and I'm not the most precise whipper but if you're within 10 feet on me I can hurt you with it yeah absolutely I mean a whip is a great weapon to have by the bed I mean I just saw an infomercial a couple of days ago for the shotgun thing like a shotgun holder that you can literally put in your like between your box spring and your bed and it holds your shot that's fucking sweet well I think you're just gonna end up shooting your kid as they enter your room to try to cuddle with you because they had a bad dream but nonetheless I don't have kids you gotta protect yourself get a dog get a dog get a dog because Wendy just she doesn't do anything she'll wake up sometimes in the night to try to get his letter get it like make her walk out like we have to go like let her out for a second yep that's not too bad it's cute and I never

think she's here to kill us no never in Chihuahuas I mean Chihuahuas will save the life this is according again to the dad he said without without Edgar genuinely who knows whether our daughters would be here right now our family was 100% rescued by our dog that we rescued so that's a good reminder get out there go to the shelters many got many potential hero dogs await the castle of their own and they will seriously they're great seriously and you also we were talking about this a little bit before we were recording there's something about the small dogs to small dogs are little fucking terrors they are Wendy change when you will change to do this she is this crazy scream the cheek and let out I know very very scary and it seems to come out of nowhere it just seems to come out of nowhere with these with these little guys but they are the best I've been trying to train her where I can lift her up like a javelin and throw her out that would be fucking sweet be cool if that was like the last the last

thing an intruder sees is just Wendy like a little spike looking dog just attached to its neck as he runs circles runs around in circles as he slowly bleeds out from his veins fucking dope cool carotid carotid artery that's what you want to get when you got to have Wendy sniff a lot of arteries or something and then she'll know know where to go I don't know I got to put a knife on her head yeah that's a good idea do we have do we have anything else I think that I think that's basically there's a couple I want to say I've received like we always do receive incredible letters yeah the fans of people who listen I got a couple one was a the thing what I do like about these types of letters is that I'm never allowed to read the exact information that's put into the letters right because it's secret and I'm not allowed to reveal the name of the people who wrote the content but I had at least three emails from people that worked for the US Navy done night watch that have done various levels of position within US

Navy and each one of them said if you ask anyone of us who has done any sort of night work on a ship or anywhere we are anywhere out like on a base and he's got stuff we've all seen shit in the yeah it's awesome all seen stuff they're so excited about the change in policy of the US Navy I received I love stuff like this I received a postcard that just said look up US Navy patent us one zero one four four five three two b2 okay and when I looked it up and there's a lot of people don't know whether or not this is patent trolling or not but it is a US patent that was made that is a craft using an inertial mass reduction device comprises of an inner resonant cavity wall an outer resonant cavity and microwave emitters essentially if you read this patent it is a theoretical design to the back engineering of a UFO cool the technology seen in UFO it is I love this kind of shit if you have more of this information if there's anybody from the US Navy that wants to

actually go on the record with a story I would love to talk about it on the show because you guys seem to have a lot of these stories absolutely porcelain objects in the sky this but we are in the middle of fucking disclosure dude and I'm just I'm fucking rock hard for it yes indeed well I'm about rock hard story is like clap emoji to like a strong story a hard clay you're like a hard clay hard which I think is great no man I'm like a hard penis hard okay well yes please do and let us know if you have those stories Henry and I would love to interview you on our Patreon interview series if you have not had a chance to give to our Patreon please do I think it's just the $5 a month level last week Henry and I had a chance to interview John Douglas you might know him from that famous show called mine hunters he's also a many time over author really fascinating guys so hopefully you can enjoy that and if you are in the military or just yeah I mean I think focusing

on people in the military here is probably the way to go let us know if you do want to come on for our Patreon interview series if you do have some stories to tell we would love to hear your stories because you guys are all on the front lines of the UFO information war so that's really yeah you're the brave ones yeah um okay everyone will thank yeah I guess that's how it is man live every day man live live every day like you're gonna get free cookies at the ball ooh if you live can they be Otis myer whatever fuck it is you want to be okay okay that's what it could be whatever you want okay just live like you're excited for something okay for once right try to try to try to get it up this week for life um live love love your uh you know it's important to give love to the people that do the everyday things for you yeah that you forget about your mailman

you see your mailman or mail woman you like the fact that they deliver your mail give them a give them a joint or um give a whole kiss ask them if they want to kiss I don't think either of those are would be particularly something that they would desire but give them a flower if you're a woman that's wandered in from the highway I don't know I don't know I don't know give a gift to these people they they you're barista that you see every day the guy selling you your halal meat every day give him give him a give him a kiss again no just give him a what about money just give him 20 let's throw 20 bucks some people don't have money but you know we all got lips oh those poor people who lost their lips to cancer and then you are a laughing screaming skull and then I don't know

what to say you didn't give him a hug give him a hug I like um give these people and laugh uh uh laugh once because sometimes you have to tell me I don't know if I've said this part sometimes you gotta fake it you do before you feel it sometimes you gotta get up and you gotta go before the first real laugh comes it is mildly psychotic to do that but yes it's mild so you know what else it's mildly psychotic to do it's mildly psychotic to try to make your life better but you gotta be kissle sometimes you gotta be mildly psychotic I know to make it in this life you see how I'm gesturing at you with this screwdriver I do I actually do and it is scary and I'm happy you're an entire country away from me um okay everyone thank you all so much for

listening we love you check out a blinkin's top at this Thursday I think the show will probably come out on Friday but I got Ken Bonan and we're gonna talk about your experience with Bill Moore yeah it's gonna be sweet did you just fucking throw a water balloon at him or did you talk to him no he's coming on on Thursday pants him pants him and shoot videotape it yeah yeah absolutely um can't wait I'm all right everyone thank you all so much for listening hail yourselves hail me I'm Augusta leshians hey hey you at the hey you're doing good you're doing good this show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors you can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast

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