Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Fake Children

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

Henry & Eddie present this week's biggest stories and weirdest news - new Michael Jackson rumors claim he rescued children from Epstein Island, UFO Scientists continue to go missing while hiking, Nick Reiner seeking inheritance funds to pay for defense attorney, the ballad of Looney John Franklin Toon, Meet the 37-Year-Old Woman who posed as 12-Year-Old Autistic Child To Con Family, Eddie vs. Summer House, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. I can talk to you now.

I'm done with my text messages and I may speak with you now. Who'd you text? I was texting with Julie. Yeah, what'd you say? We were talking about Summer House. We'll get into it later, though. I'm already angry. Just like thinking about it.

I know Eddie has brought this up. He said he is the only person that could properly do Summer House slash last podcast on left news coverage. Yeah, man. But you're saying that you know. There's a whole. There's content.

We'll talk about it. We'll get to the torts yet. We have updates. We have updates. We do. We got all kinds of shit. We have a lot of stuff. I think the most important issue of the day.

is does anyone actually like the handlebar mustache? Okay, I'd like to put this right here to everyone. We're going to start this out hot. Okay, welcome to side stories. No, no, not you. No, not you, you're fine.

You have no idea. No, you have a... It grows like this. Let's just talk about this. There's two different handlebars. Let's start organized. Okay, welcome to side stories. My name is Henry Spruzky.

I'm sitting here with the properly bearded Ed Larson. Hello, how are you? Also, Rob, you don't have a handlebar mustache. You have what? I call a Western droop. That is a normal droop. Mustastases are supposed to go down. I believe this.

Okay, I'm sorry for everybody. I already know my friend who runs the Red Hat, who is one of the cam, who is one of the most wonderful, brilliant artists I have ever met, truly incredible artist. Her husband has a handle bar mustache, and I don't know what happened there

because she's so incredible. Her husband's a wonderful man. I don't know why he chose the handle bar mustache, because what we were saying right before we were recording is that the handlebar mustache is an exact example of a thing a man chooses. Now, I think we need to, before we even go further, there are two types of handlebar moustaches.

Are there? There's the one that goes straight down like this. See, I don't know. Is that technically, I don't think it's a handlebar mustache if it goes down. I think that's also a handlebar mustache. But you are specifically talking about the frilly one, the dynamite, the tie the girl to the railroad tracks.

If you have a handlebar mustache, I pretty much assume you are a non-union stunt rigor. If you have a handlebar mustache, I assume you are somebody that is running from allegations someplace else. And it's trying to hide, right? Because what you have straight up here, this is a good example. Foo Manchu is what I was thinking of. A foo man shoe is different, but a foo man shoe, like, Rob doesn't have a... A horseshoe's okay. A horsesho is okay, but Fumanchu, Rob doesn't even have a full foo man shoe because then go all the way down.

I would do a foo manchu. I've done it, but I'm saying this to my boys. We're starting hot here. Side stories L-P-O-T-L-T-L-G-Mell.com. To me, it feels like if I, like, how do you put this? Like the beard, I put the beard on as man makeup because I've decided to, and I can, right? When I have the mustache and I choose my mustache, the reason why I have my mustache is because of the polarizing effect of my mustache.

I love the fact that people wonder if I'm a pilot, wonder if I'm a police officer. You have a full mustache. I love my fucking mustache. We all know what your mustache looks like. And I love all mustaches. I was saying, I'm going to pay Ed money to have a pencil thin mustache. We'll see. We'll talk about it.

I'm going to pay, imagine Eddie. I haven't worked up a price yet. Imagine Eddie with a pencil thin mustache and tell me that that's not going to be the single funnest day of all of our lives. When he's walking around with a pencil thin mustache and how fun that will be if we put a big chef's hat on him and he walks around going, God, no, sleepy. I wish I had a pencil thin mustache. I think you'd look amazing, personally.

But the handle. But the thing about the hand. our mustache, it's a stubborn male choice, much like how I for a while, I did Civil War hair, right? I cut the, what's that very bottom middle one, the one where I cut the chin hair off and I just did the full, I did the full

chops, right? It did the full Civil War thing. Into the mustache. Into the mustache. I love the way it looks, but it looks bad. You know why you like it? Because you're a man. And it's stupid looking. And I enjoy things that are stupid looking. Yes. And I like how other men

look, when they look stupid and when they make a choice to look stupid, except for the handlebar mustache, only just because to me, it's telling me you got too much time. Clip off the edges. Be serious about the mustache. Everything else carries. Yeah, like, what? Do you ever, do any of those people

have, like, good jobs? I don't know. Because you have to, like... Kim, what does your husband do? You have to email me. Side stories L-P-O-T-L-G-E-E-M-L-G-E-E-L-G-E-E-E-L-E-E-E. Yeah, because it's, here's the thing. Like, I know, well, we might get a little heat for this, but I don't... Oh, we get heat for every single thing we've ever said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't really care. No. But yeah, no, it's silly. And it's hard for me to take you serious. Like, if I'm hiring somebody to do something for me, whether it's like write jokes or, like, fix my toilet, and you show up with one of those curly mustache. Get the fuck out of my house. I don't think you can do the job properly. I don't want you, again, you have to be selling popcorn.

Yeah. The only way you have that handlebar mustache, and I'm going to take you seriously. And if you do sell popcorn with a handlebar mustache, good on you. Excellent. And also, truly, because we're not IPA guys either. No. Neither one of us, we don't like IPAs or you don't like the big heavy things. And we're like, I like a cocktail now. It's an IPA mustache.

It really is. Now I know why we don't fucking jam with these fuckers. There's something about it that doesn't mix with our lifestyle. And unfortunately, every time I see you handle more mustache, I just want to attack. Yeah. I mean, and I think you're allowed to have it. Just know that this is how people might feel. That's how men feel.

It's also why I kind of stop clicking the. Or like nice, nice mustache. Yeah, because they don't have the mustache and they're like seeing you walking around looking like an idiot. Someone should have it. Sure, if you work in the circus. Yeah, what about if it's a different color? Like if someone dies it. Disgusting.

Again, keep them, don't let the mustache do all this work for you. Mustache is not a personality. Yeah. All right, you have to be, I'm too much personality. It can give you personality. No, it can. It can give you, it can make you more fun to look at and talk to. It makes you a deterrent.

It makes me angry at you. No. For having a mustache? No, a handlebar mustache. A handlebar mustache. You did this. I didn't do this. You came in hot like this.

I'm sorry, everybody. You're the one who came in. I just thought. I love everybody. Everybody's upset already. I mean, I just think that it's important to, you know, all mustache is, what about the Salvador Dali? Nothing I love better than a Salvador Dali.

It's different because it's a true affectation and no one does the Salvador Dali. Someone who's a painter. They're allowed to have the mustache. Yeah. A professional bowler. professional bowler doesn't really have any standards yeah yeah they can have the mustache they can do whatever they want well yeah ice cream salesman

as long as they don't have the truck and attracting children oh they what they're just doing it on the street this is a barista thing yeah i see the hybrid that's new the hybrid mustache sole patch that is a new like the zappa's coming back you know what i've been taking time for it to come back you know it's a weird thing i've been doing lately and this will this will expose me but i've been obviously i need a beard trim and all that stuff, but I get rid of this.

Yeah, people do that. I get rid of the soul patch. And, like, I keep it empty. You know why? I talk for a living. Not that it gets in the way, I just want people to see my lips because I mumble, you know?

And so I mumble a lot. It's like, literally, yeah, so people can see me mumble, and then they might be able to understand me a little more if I'm mumbling. You're a true ally. That's what this is about. He made a little mouth window.

That's what he's saying. The flavor saver. That's what they call it. But you know what, hey, that's why you know, but you know who loved his flavor savers. Who? Jeffrey Epstein. Let's get it with an update. It's an island adventure.

It's an island adventure. Heck yeah, it's Jeffrey time. This one isn't a super thick update. No, this is kind of, this one's actually, I think it's our first fun one. You know, I like this one because this lives in a world of total fantasy. and it's just like, this is a way to like, if this was true,

everything'd be all right. You know what I mean? It's not. So it's not, but it would be funny if it was. All right. So it has been, with the Michael Jackson biopic

came out and everyone's loving it. It's doing great. People love it. It's really, it's honestly, it's made like $300 million. It's fucking crushing it. They did the smart thing.

You know, like how every movie, you know, Goodfellas, blow. stuff. The first half's amazing. Yeah. And then it's the fall. And you're like, oh, that's sad. What they did

with the Michael Jackson movies, they understood, just do the good stuff. Yeah, just do the good stuff. Do they even have his father like beating him and shit? I think he literally goes like, Michael always knew you could dance. And that's the only thing he says. I remember the Tupac movie was so bad.

Oh, yeah. His mom was like, Tupac, you go out there and you do your rapping. You know, I know that you're going to wrap your way out the hood, Tupac. That's one of my favorite, my favorite ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's just like played by a Native American woman, you know? So the why this is going on is there's the famous in the Epstein file drop. There's a couple pictures of Michael Jackson. There's the famous picture of Michael Jackson. One of my favorite ones. He looks like a ghost. The super creepy one. That one is my favorite.

I send that to my family and friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's one of my favorite being like, guess who's coming? That's like one of my favorite new life bits I've been doing is, guess who's coming out tonight? and then I said in this picture. He's as white as the wall. He's a frightening in this picture. Yeah, no, he looks very scary.

Both of them. I think it's in his most unhealthy. So here's the deal with everything here. There is a conspiracy going around, which I don't believe. But I love the story. Very much so. Is that Michael Jackson was going to Epstein Island, buying children to rescue them, and bring them back to Neverland Ranch

where they'd be safe. He's flipping kids. He's flipping kids. This is the conspiracy. And right when the Epstein Files dropped, it came out a little bit and then it went away. But now that the docks out, it's coming back out. A lot of people are saying it's true. A lot of, and it's obviously very

ridiculous. Well, I love the idea of, you know, Michael Jackson popping in a little St. James. You just going to like, oh, definitely. I just got to have some new potential backup dances for my new He's like, yeah, absolutely, Michael. Let's go take a little of these. And then they go over and the mic is like,

then it's now, okay, now boomwalk, okay. Okay, now lean, but keep leaning. Keep leaning. Backwards? No, now, now lean. And I throw the hat. Okay, I take these four. They'll go.

I'm done with that. I don't need to see those. And then all the kids are like, oh my God, we're going with Michael to Neverland Ranch. And he's going to save us from having to be cocktail. servers covered in sand. Meanwhile, there's just like a loose chimpanzee. They get into Neverland Ranch.

He's like, okay, he goes. Easy Roop. Michael, why are you staying here? Same room. We all show him to bed. I got a bell and kiss and I'm like it's close. I said you just hear the kids just go, oh no. Straight from the fucking pan,

into the llama's asshole. Man, that has got to be frightening. You get pick up like Michael Jackson. You go on one carousel ride and then you get your dick sucked. Man. Where is that? Why does the Neverland Ranch like reopen it? At least make it like a haunted carnival.

I think there's a lot of people that are still super, like upset about it. Yeah. You know, let me see who owns it now. Ron Burkle. Ron Berkel. Oh, you don't mean Ron Burkle doesn't want to fucking who's Ron Burkle? Come on. You know Ron Burkle.

Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean I know Ron Burkle? Our guy. What the fucking talking about? Billionaire investor and Yakopoika companies co-founder, Ron Berkel. Oh, God. Jesus, you're dying in front of us.

That guy is. Oh, he's with Diddy. Oh, yeah, I love the first picture. It's him and Diddy. There is no. It's so funny. You know, I like about that guy? He doesn't fuck kids.

Yeah. No way. Berkel does it. Oh, he also produced the Michael movie? He's involved. He's quite smart. So he's in on it. He's in.

So, all right. So, anyway, so the picture is, so Michael Jackson's security guard has come out and said, I was there when the picture was taken. We were going around and Michael wanted to buy a house in West Palm Beach. And so he was going to houses and looking at everyone's house. And then he went to, he was thinking about buying Jeffrey Epstein's house. And he said that every house that they went to go look at, the person who owned the house, wanted the picture with Michael.

Of course they do. And so he ended up taking picture with like 10 people. that day. Sure. And the reason he wanted to buy his house is so he can live next to his best friend, Barry Gipp. Oh, his favorite. Oh, that's really nice. And then they could get back and forth

and they could eat like bone soup together. Exactly. They could Eiffel Tower, a couple of kids. I don't think he's done anything wrong, right? Did Barry Gibb do anything wrong? No, no. He's just a BG. Yeah, he's just a BG. He's just a BG. Right? He just got cancer. That's all. Yeah. And like, you know, I could see him love

in Epstein's place. It's got all the stuff he love. He's got all the stuff he needs. He's got the medical chair. It's got the dentist area that he can get his propofal and get his milk. He's still kicking. Oh, the other Gibb got cancer then. So basically, and then so Michael was only there in West Palm, not the island. The other famous picture was with Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, and Diana Ross.

And that is just like they were out of benefit together. Can you even imagine what that dinner's like? Just silence. I just feel like you see in the four of them, those four people, sitting together at a table. Jeffrey Epstein, Bill Clinton, Diana Ross, and Michael Jackson. I got to say Jeffrey Epstein created the silence because I feel like the three of them would have had a great time. Bill Clinton's a fun guy. So was Diana Ross is kind of unbelievable. I love that. Well, you saw her live. I saw her live last year and I couldn't believe how good it

actually was. Wow, that's great. Yeah, yeah. She had like four costume changes. She was unbelievable. She gets in another. No, see, this is like the time. And they block out the children's faces, but it's already been said that the children are Diana Ross's children. Yes. And so, It's not even actual children. So it's one of those type of situations. No, Michael Jackson kept his activities inside of his own bedroom with the children that he was teaching at a dance. And that's the difference here that he was just peddling to himself. And that's the day, you know, F-scene, they kept saying, oh, he was just trafficking people to himself.

He was not Michael Jackson was a one-man shop. He wasn't trying to pass these kids around because, you know why? He could jealous. And he didn't want him to having them around. He got so angry thinking about Lindsey Graham fucking one of his boys. He didn't want to peddle him out. So the reason this is back in the news is because Dan Reed, he's the guy who directed Leaving Neverland. Oh, yes.

The HBO documentary. The one that the sad one. The super, super sad one. The one that kind of featured like all of the exposés that the guy's coming out. No one I felt bad for was Finding Neverland. I thought that movie was great. Now everyone just thinks that's that. You know what's funny, though, but fighting Neverlands also about a child molester.

Isn't it? I mean, no, it's about the guy who wrote Peter Pan. Is he that child molester? Wasn't the guy he wrote, who was the one, though? Alice in Wonderland's the one, I believe. Let's continue. Let's continue. I think the same guy.

I don't care. I don't care about that fucking shit. Here's the deal. So, Dan Reed, people have been, people, so Dan Reed was like, hey, don't fucking talk like this. Michael Jackson is worse than Jeffrey Epstein. That was his statement that he came out with. And so when he came out with that statement, some of Michael Jackson's fans

AIed a photo of Dan Reed and Jeffrey Epstein together. Yeah, and so they're trying to say that you are you are Epstein's friend. And then Dan Reed's like, no, that's not me. That's my face on Noam Jomsky's body. Which is the most hilarious body swap possible. And I can find out that I could be a direct body swap for Noam Chomsky.

I'm quitting life. Just fucking just off yourself. Just disgusting. What a horrific body. Also, yes, there was a Luevin Davies was the woman that was the, the J.M. Barry, who was the author of Peter Pan. He got way too close with the boys that the Peter Pan's stories were based upon. And he adopted them and lived with them. And they also very Michael Jackson-y, they kind of slept in the bedroom with him and did all the stuff. But he famously said he was asexual and he couldn't do it just like Michael Jackson said.

just slept it because he slept with the kids because he loved the comfort of children. So he, yeah, and then he wrote a story about going to an island. Filled with never-changing boys. Oh, my God. No matter what you do to him. And the best part about him is that they keep getting older, but they stay exactly the same. And that's what he loves. Nothing J.M. Barry wanted more than a thousand-year-old little boy that he could fucking suck.

And a little boy can come right back at and do all sorts of fun things because he's actually a thousand years old. Yeah. Well, I love Finding Neverland. Yeah, it's a good movie. Oh, he had a handle of them. He had a Western style. He had a Western style mustache. Again, it's different before the whole thing changed, culture change, and shifted.

So Michael Jackson didn't save the children. We don't know. We don't know for certain, but I'm going to say Michael Jackson was busy. I don't think he was like, he had enough kids. McCauley Culkin still stands by him. Yeah, he didn't molest McCauley Colkin. McCollick, that's... Yeah, he did molest the most famous child of all.

You're right. Yeah. He also didn't molest... technically Corey Feldman he didn't molest. Yes. But who else was molested by everybody else? And then he also... It is crazy. Corey Feldman's like,

everybody fucked me. But Michael Jackson. But Michael Jackson, which is why he's continuing to try to sound like Michael Jackson. All right? And then there was Elizabeth Taylor. Why did you think he's the only person who actually got molested by Michael Jackson as an adult? Yeah. Well, Diana Ross was Michael Jackson's buddy.

And Elizabeth Taylor, he was there for her wedding. Oh, everyone went to Elizabeth Taylor's wedding. Dude. He was her best man About this shit He was her best man Oh was it? Yeah look up the picture

Of Elizabeth Taylor With Michael Jackson I'll show you Marrying he was the best man While she was married I believe was David Getty The guy that was like He's famously gay

And he's just like He's this look on his face Because like he was like big old Like this Look at this Look at the way he's looking at her When she's gay Because he gags

As soon as they kiss Watch in the background Yeah, he pretends the gag He's very killed Yeah, he's very silly He's being cute Why is he framed in the shot? Because he's put himself in the frame

He's the weirdest He makes it a better shot You put Michael Jackson in a picture It's a better picture That's good directing by the wedding photographer I will say though He does go right Like I do find a gauche

Wouldn't go right for the tongue In the wedding kiss You know what I mean? Yeah well he's trying to prove Oh this Liza Minnelli by the way God damn it It's Liza Minnelly That makes a lot more sense

Yeah, Elizabeth Taylor didn't make But he's friends, he was friends with Elizabeth Taylor. Everybody was friends with Elizabeth Taylor. Not everybody. Well, everyone in Hollywood. Well, anybody would get closer. Yeah, man, I've complained about this on the show before when she shut down Disney when I was there. I had to go home early.

I fucking hate that, I hate that. Fuck that bitch. All right, here we go. Dead ass bitch. You know what, Eddie? I'm with you. I'm with you. Fuck her.

I'm with you. Fuck her. Absolutely. I hate her. Here we go. Here we go. Eddie. Oh, by the way, to close out the Epstein update, Trump, fuck kids. Yeah, he does. And he would still if he could get it up. I forgot to put that in there. Yeah, I just remember that.

He would still be doing it if he could perform sexually. Yeah, now he's the one in diapers. Yeah, it's kind of fun in that way. So he's getting shit put up his ass and one day he will fucking die very, very soon. All right, we have normal updates. Yes, we do. So what we have here is the missing scientists, the whole NASA, like missing science, all these things attached to the UAP phenomena is kind of like, it's still there.

And it's not getting any clearer, especially with this new news. And we know that Cash Patel came out and said straight up, there is no conspiracy around all of these missing scientists. And I actually can't help but sort of agree. Really? Only just because if you look at the... It's all so fishy. Yes. It's wildly fishy. That's the problem is that it's only

fishy without any real connective tissue yet. Because the things that are starting to come out, like we now know that the McCaslin at General, he's still missing. Yes. One other scientists still missing. Only other ones that died in these like various very unusual ways.

But the one that is now we have a new update. We have an update on one of the missing scientists, Melissa Cassius. who was 54 years old, who worked at Los Alamos. Her remains have just been found, which was they found the car, and they found her abandoned, right? Out in the middle of the lake, found her out there.

In the middle of the desert, they found a handgun. And so now they're trying to decide whether or not they, the gun belonged to her because there was no indication that she had had a gun before. Yeah. Now we're looking at, trying to see. There was no indication that she even left her car. Well, her car was left behind with these laptops.

in it and all of her personal information, keys in the ignition. Someone smashed a boulder through the back window. Yes, and the last person... She had a burner phone that was unopened. She was apparently going to do this local mountain climbing trip. They was trying to hit this one specific mountain. Alone. Alone.

Which is weird. And her family already said that she was suffering from extreme stress right before all of this went down. So she was suffering from extreme job stress, personal stress. So I'm not saying it's definite, but she dropped off everybody. Like she did like the way, her last days were really interesting because she dropped off her kids and then she was going to go to work. She dropped off her husband at work.

And then she just said, I'm actually, I left my ID at home. I'm going to go home and get my ID. She drives home. She tells her daughter, I'm actually going to work from home. And then the next video. She stopped at her daughter's school on the way home. Yes. And brought her like a sandwich or some shit.

Yes. And then she came home and then she basically packed up. her stuff into the car drove away and then the last person saw her was somebody helping her on the side of the road when her car broke down so they were helping over the car this is before the rock was smashing it but according to the the people that stopped there they were like well we didn't quite see we don't know whether or not the boulder had already smashed in her window at that point or why but she was saying to them like get it all wrapped up let's go i want to get going and they're like you know it's almost at night time you should probably find a place to stop and she's like i'm going to get

to the top of that mountain no matter what. And she said, like, she was obsessed with getting some mountain, the top of this local mountain. And so I actually think it's quite, it makes a lot of sense if she committed suicide. But it's also why. Why are all of these high pressure scientists doing that then? Why are they all running away? And they all know each other. Well, they are like one degree of separation from each other and some of them know each other.

Like, it's just a small world. It's like if you're in the physics world and the mechanics world, like, especially this type of like top secret shit. It's a small world. Yeah. So they all kind of are tendentially connected. There's the other story of this woman. Ingrid Colin Lane?

Yes, Colleen Lane. This is another one that was, uh... By the way, if you name your daughter, Ingrid, she's going to be a scientist. It just has to be. It's like Harriet, Helen, they're going to become one. This was a lady that I went on a silent retreat. A meditation retreat. Yeah, but she said it was for silence.

So she was silent. And she left the retreat early. She was a scientist. Another person that had laptops all in the car and all this kind of shit. And her car was found abandoned. Yep. So it's the same type of story. But why are they doing it?

Why are they trying to kill? Like, what exactly is the point? A lot of them, did they all work at Los Alamos? Yes. And some of them did, like, this. They worked with UFOs. And they also worked. We don't know what they did.

A lot of them work with, yes, they did work in the aerospace industry. missile industry that the anti-gravity industry like this idea of creating new fuel types that's the main one of the things that they're working on is that is like legitimately alt flight fuels

yeah which is literally it's also one of those things if we were going to take something from a UAP I mean that would be very cool but if you believe the lore like if you believe the Bob Lozar of it all and think that we've been working on this for a long time then it why would it come

to a head now. You know what I mean? Like, we've been working on this since 1947. Yeah. Like, why is it all coming to a head now? What is, uh, like, we already said Bob Lazar was saying that even that while they were trying to retroactively work on the UFOs, if you do believe

that is real, that it might have killed several engineers, just working on it. So it also would make sense to me, if the whole thing's dangerous, like, if the whole thing's dangerous and the whole process is dangerous, it might actually talk about the

let's say it's all real. Let's say there's one side of this and it's all real. And there is an actual black program that we have been working on doing the shit with UFOs for a long time. We've never fully cracked it. Like let's say we never, and now we're kind of sorting, we're starting to finally

get over the lip of making things that look like the thing. I could think that it's even easier and simpler than that, that they might have cracked an alternate energy resource that would kill the oil industry.

But this is also one of those things I've never understood of like then why doesn't the oil industry just get in on it and be the make that the new oil industry? I've never understood that. They're in too deep with the other shit. Just fucking change.

Why don't the tobacco companies grow weed? I don't fucking know. Let's not start that. Because it's going to be bad. Let's not start that's going to be bad. Design the infrastructure to be supported by oil and buy these things.

And if you're going to going to try to change the whole game. They have to change their whole infrastructure. But maybe, but this is, but if it's literally alien technology, wouldn't we change it for that versus just stuff that we're making in a lab? So, no, I'm just saying, if it's all real. There's also NASA scientist,

Monica, Jacinto Reza. She went missing while hiking last year in California. Our scientists, bad at hiking. All sides, I think we should, we need to, like, get together and, like, buy all these scientists' treadmills.

We honestly, we need Peloton. Peloton has got to get involved here. Someone's got to get, bring them inside. But no, I, but two of them are shot in their own home. They're scientists. Why they get shot in their own home? Here's my original kind of pitch is, if you're already working on highly theoretical, potentially dangerous technology, it might take a type of person.

It might take, much like how the CIA, which I do believe, and I hate when people kind of shush me on this because I fucking have had CIA guys tell me this. is fucking real, that they bring in unreliable people on purpose. That's the point. That's Bob Lazar. Yes. You're bringing in an unreliable person on purpose so that no one will believe

a thing that they say. That is the point of it. So I think that if you're having this type of technology, it makes sense you'd bring a couple of the crazy guys in. Instead of having it just be all the boilerplate scientists with shit that you have to go put them in front of a board of directors and have them do all the shit.

And like, you know, if you're making space shuttles, You have to like talk to the thing. You can't just have Edward Nigma for Batman forever working on that shit. Right? It has to be. That guy's got to be behind a bunch of paywalls, behind a bunch of places you can't get to. And that guy might every once in a while flip out and fucking blow his brains out. I don't know.

That could also very well be it. But the missing and dead scientist number is up to 12? Yeah. Or it depends on, you see, the accordion's in and out. Because it depends on which, when do you want to decide? it begins and doesn't because there's some lists. 2023. That's where there's some lists take it all the way back to 2022.

Yeah. For me, I'm looking at the ones in the last two years. If I'm like, if there's a, if we're saying that there's a rash of missing scientists, it would be the one that is clipped up right now. How come those scientists that knew these people are coming out and saying anything? They are. They are just not really, if you look at it, there's many of the family scientists are actually saying they're extremely upset that their families have been dragged into a

conspiracy theory. They're really, most of them have basically just said for the large part that there are simple explanations for most of these and largely it seems to be suicide and accident.

So right now, it's like, so the families are devastated. The family's so fucking devastated. They don't know what we do about it. The public's confused. We have the worst people in the world in charge of this disseminating information,

which is making it even worse. If you look at aliens.gov, they decided to put out a thing where they just, which is what I said, which is what I fucking said. You did it. You did say it. About the UAP footage, which it was a thing to flip to ice and the idea of getting rid of people, getting rid of humans, right? So that's exactly what they used it for.

So that's why it sucked. That's why the file drop sucked, guys. It sucked because it was just a way for them to pitch ice. Again, so we're looking at is that it's extremely confusing. And then one of the worst parts about it right now is the fact that every, every outlet I read puts it at a different parameter, like puts it at a different start point. Yeah. So, you know, the FBI, if they are indeed working for some hidden group within the government is doing a great job. Yeah.

Well, the FBI, you know, they're suspect right now. Oh, yeah, they are literally, I would consider them a foreign body inside of the United States of America. At this point. Like literally, I would consider them not an actual agency inside of America. There's something else. Yeah. And they're doing whatever they want. So, good luck.

What do you think about this Brazil UFO? This is fascinating. So let's take a look at this footage. Can we pull this up? This is truly one of the best. I don't care. So in the spirit of this, in the spirit of this, I am talking about a video that makes me filled with wonder and delight again.

Now, this came out of the mountains of southern Brazil. The witness, Mike Lai, you know, now he was doing, he was like filming stuff around his property, as you can imagine, right? He said all of a sudden he realized. He's an influencer. He's an influencer. He's a garden influencer. He's hot, right? He's hot and resilient, right?

Good mustache. So he, he's a rancher. And out of nowhere, while he was filming his lands, he said he noticed his animals getting super, like, like restless, very alert on a lot of barks and yaps. I don't know. And all of a sudden, Mike? I know.

No. God, Henry, are you auditioning right now? Is this like, that is unbelievable? I often been going in for groups of animals. I thought someone opened the door and a bunch of goats got in here. Nope. I'm a regular. I'm so impressed.

I'm a regular. Who's the fat guy from the fucking fat guys that does the beats? Oh my God. Remember the fat boys? the guy who does the beats. The human beepbox. I'm him. Yeah.

I'm him. By the way, this guy is very hot. Oh, he's very attractive. Yeah. So what do you mean about his mustache? Is it down too low? No. His mustache is perfect.

Yeah. It is a masculine, full mustache. Yeah, it is a good mustache. It's a nice mustache. It's a Tom Selleck mustache. It's such a nice mustache. He doesn't need a shirt. He doesn't need a shirt.

It covers the shirt. He's a Brazilian. So he said that once he had seen this, he said, and then he heard like a throbbing, mechanical, rhythmic, like noise throughout the valley. Kind of kind of sounded like, wow, why, well. Yeah.

He then began to film this object. Now, if you look at it, it's fucking thick. It is a desk. It is... It's blurry as all fuck, but it looks good. It is solid as all fuck. It is... It's big.

Very low. large. Yeah. And it has lights running all the way around it. Now, those lights are really... Now, the thing that makes this video particularly fucking good is that you will watch it move. So you're sitting and you're

watching it hover. It's hovering. It is extremely disturbing. And it was there all day. Yes. And he said, eventually he watched it land. See, it moved. See how it moved up the mountain range? And

it's just sitting there, that is truly haunting. That is, and Brazil, like, as we know, might be the UFO hotspot of the world. Yeah, because they're the ones who claim they've gotten like a war with aliens. Many of them. Virginia. In Virginia. And they are truly, it is like an epicenter of UFO activity. And it's been that way for a very long time.

And maybe it's just because... Love ass. It's the ass. I was going to say that, Eddie. You got ahead of me, but you knew exactly what I was going for. It's all that luscious, luscious, incredible Brazilian carnival ass.

And those aliens know what's up, and I get it because they don't have asses where they're at. Think about that. You live a world with no tits, no butts, no penis, nothing, no... I think the name, Zabrowski-Tron. You know, think about it. How sad is that?

No fucking moustaches. They don't have moustaches. Grays don't get to have them. No, not anymore. So they go to Brazil and they get to see some mustaches and collect them. So that is, so we're still here, aren't we, folks? We're right here. Smack dab between one of the most corrupt organizations we've ever witnessed as a human population here.

And the ever mysterious phenomena. That doesn't care what we do, does it? Now, but here's the thing, though. If it landed in the middle of the woods, it doesn't make sense to me because, it's such a big ship like it wouldn't have been able to land without like destroying a bunch of trees it's very possible but yeah

or is it entirely material at all yeah does it disappear does it get kind of wiggity wiggity wiggity wiggity is how you're going to explain it yep it's a UFO bro what am I supposed to say it doesn't fly away either no it doesn't know no it does feel like you could see it flat

you should go look for it yeah it sounds like it's out in the middle of fucking nowhere that's the reason why I didn't go out there but you know you know why they go if you believe how many times we've seen these UFO stories where they send like guys down to kind of hunt for things on the ground like when they did the alien robot story or the like sometimes they'll

like drop a line into a lake or something and suck up water that's a thick of thing that they do oh yeah yeah maybe they run on water maybe maybe they're just floating data centers yeah I mean hopefully our data centers oh I wish so the LPN

data center will be opening up very soon I just want to say thank you to everybody It's really big for us. It's physically big. The Kickstarter went great, and we've been so excited about the response that we got that we decided to open up a second data center. It's going to be in Oahu. That is what I'm really excited for.

We've built up a whole bunch of infrastructure around Oahu and the Galapagos. And I'm really happy with our, I think our data center at the Galapagos is great because we painted a turtle on it. Yeah, yeah. What's good about that one is we're creating something called Spay Eye. where we're just neutering all the animals in the Galapagos. And the best ball retinal all it takes is a hooked knife. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's just this hooked knife I bring to the island. Here we have another update. Nick Reiner wants his $1.5 million trust fund. Good luck. Yeah, I know. He wants his $1.5 million trust fund so he can buy his defense attorneys. And here's the deal. I hate him.

He definitely did it. But he's not convicted yet. That is the problem is that he's not... It is like a weird little loophole. It is. He's not guilty yet. He technically is innocent until proven guilty. Yeah.

And that is the only argument he has is like, how would you know if I killed him until I'm proved fucking guilty? Even though you're the only one that everybody, everybody knows he did it. And he fucking confessed to it. And he did it. And now you're just being a fucking asshole because you're a fucking asshole. Yeah. You're fucking. your fucking crazy ass brother

who's been a problem your whole life kills your parents. You're very famous, kind loving, beautiful, famously kind, famously incredible. They take in fucking people who they don't even know and like change their lives. Change

your fucking life, Nick Reiner. Try to give you a fucking movie to direct. Try to do lots of stuff for your untalented fucking ass. And I'm sorry, didn't take it. God, that movie was bad. You suck, Nick. You fucking suck. You suck as a convicted murderer.

You suck as a non-convicted murderer. You're not a good director. You're not a good actor. You got nothing, bro. You're the fucking least talented human being and the whole Reiner family. You suck, dude. You killed the only people

that are going to give you a shot. And guess what? Now you're going to fucking get murdered in jail because everybody loves Princess Bride. Even rapists. Even rapists and murderers love Princess Bride. And you killed the guy that did it. And they're going to come for you.

you fucking idiot. My name's Nick Reiner. I killed my own father prepared to death. You are fucking... That's why they're mad at you, buddy. It's not going to happen. But after all of this, he's stealing $1.5 million from his brother and sister. I doubt it's going to happen. I doubt. I think that they are going to figure out a way to like... You think it just push it long enough to the trial. That's kind of... I think that's partially that. I think that they... I believe how it works, too, is that there's a certain amount of time. Please, side-sore is L-P-O-T-L-O-T-L-E.

email.com. I just start conjecturing on law stuff, then people are like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. I do think that, let me ask, can he do that? Can he push all the way through this process? Or is at some point, is a judge going to be like, I don't care what they decide, we're doing

this trial now? I do believe sometimes it's like that, but I will ask the audience because they're always right at him. Yes. They usually... Except when they're wrong. Oh, well, you know. And then I fucking tear you a new one, don't I? Well, a lot of times when the people write in, we We have to take it all with a grain of salt because they're like, I'm a lawyer and I just have to believe it.

Honestly, and I do. Yeah. Because I don't have to fucking, that's it. That's me. I'm Joe Rogan. All right, here we go. We're updates. Let's hear this next story.

The only reason why I'm covering this is because it's a funny title. And I just think it's funny to go up this far to change your name, but don't change your look. So this happened in Portland. Makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Man by the name of Looney Tune. He's arrested after a Milwaukee. Lonnie John Franklin Colb Toon.

So he legally changed his name to Looney John Franklin Colb Toon, right? So he is legally Looney Tune. Yes. And so he had already had, I guess he had already had a bunch of warrants out for his arrest. And he was pulled over for a traffic stop. He had a female passenger in the video. They tried to stop him by putting spike strips in the back of the car. He said, fuck it.

He fucking drove through the spike strip. trips, nearly hit a bunch of police, drove off, fired his gun at the police, blah, blah, blah. Obviously, probably had drugs in there, we'll find out. But he did say, I'm sorry. He has 16 former felonies. He does.

He does, and he is, let's just say, he's in character. I like to stick up for everybody. That's a lot. It's a lot of felonies. I would just, the one thing about him, too, is I would say, like, I think it's funny because you look at his

like his mugshot, nothing loony about him. Why would you change your name to Looney Tune? And I'd do a fun, like, face tattoo or do like a fun like, like kind of, like a theme or something. Like that's the only reason why I'm like upset because like at first I was like, oh man, Looney Tunes can look funny as hell. Yeah. And then I looked up as mugshot and I was like, this is a waste.

Yeah. Why would you go through all this? Because that's the hardest part is going through the courts to change your name. He's got the white glasses. Yeah, but that doesn't make you loony. It looks like the cake boss. A lot of people get white glasses instead of a personality. Well, that's the thing.

It's like a handlebar mustache. Funny glasses. It's like a funny thing. You wear funny glasses. And then all of a sudden, you're like, oh, I'm crazy. It's like, whatever you, it's a professional chef thing. I like crazy sunglasses. Crazy sunglasses are great, always.

And I don't even fucking come down in them. It's just more just understand that like a pair of glasses doesn't just make it loony. You know how he doesn't. be loony, it's if he was in that jail cell and had groucho glasses on. Then he'd be loony. Then I'd be like, that's a loony funnican guy. Oh, look at him. He brought his own funny

little props into jail. He put groucho glasses up his ass. You wanted him to bring himself with a hammer. I want big white gloves. Yeah, I want them to get packages from Acme. That is what I want. Your name's Looney, too. I want you to have a rollout, fake

like, wall. If this guy ever gets a cake shaped like a saw, Oh, yeah, they'd be like, God damn it, Looney. You know, like pulling all the fucking files out, pulling the giant ticking bomb out of the fucking cake. Yeah, buddy. But that's like, that's why I'm just being like, you know, like he let us down as a people. He let me down.

Oh, man. So I got a story. I rarely enjoy stories sent to me from people. Sure. And but this one, I don't, this flew under our radar. I hadn't heard about this. at all. To me, this should be front page on every newspaper. This story is from May 20th, so it is a couple weeks old.

But once I heard about it, I was like, what the fuck? So this guy, all right, Lucas Jones, he's a young man. He's 19 years old. He's accused of dumping suitcases with human remains in Palm Bay's compound area. And he has now been indicted for murder. All right, normal story. Guy kills somebody. puts them in a suitcase.

You know, it's Pompey. I lived in Pompey for a short period of time. It's very Florida. It's a bad place. I did not enjoy it. You know, I was a child, but, you know, what are you going to do? So the reason this is interesting is because Lucas Jones killed Coli Lee Daniel. Who's Coli Lee Daniel?

Seems like just a normal guy. He was a registered sex offender. Does that mean he should be murdered? No. But he was. and he found him, and then what happened is, Lucas started courting him on a dating

app, and he started, and he, like, he, like, found out who this guy was, and he, so he, and he started courting him, and then he knew he was a sex offender, and then they went and met up, and then he beat in the death with a baseball bat. See, this guy is doing the, like, it's hard to do, you know, like, we got it,

like, just straight up, even from last week's story, we talked about bricks and minifigs, right? You had to stop showing it. You can't harass the places, because bricks of minifigs has got nothing to do with it. Same thing with this where we're like, I can't tell you to go kill pedophiles. Okay?

I can't recommend that you go and groom pedophiles and then invite him out to like areas and beat him in death. Okay? I can't. But I will say if we're going to do it to one person, that's fine. I think it's okay to do it once or twice. So he's going to jail as he should. So Jones, he dismembered the body using a cleaver, a saw, a knife, and then he helped, and he forced his girlfriend to help him transport the remains.

Yep. And they, he just threw it in the, like, kind of like in the swamps of Palm Bay, which is next to Melbourne. There's a lot. It's just a lot of fucking marshland around there. And the cops found a bunch of vultures circling and then they found the body. This is what I also, like, recommend to. Don't murder a pedophile. Psychologically torture a pedophile.

Like I'd also, this is my other, my other big tip here is like, don't murder them. Do stuff like take a cock gun, fill, you know, black his mailbox. Yeah. Slashes tires. You know, like do stuff like that. Like put lots of like dog shit filled bags on fire on his front stoop. Yeah. That's like totally on the fucking table.

Yeah. You can do all of that. It's all stuff you could do. You could steal his license plates. You could break his wheel. windows and stuff like that. That's again, that's fine. It's not murder.

See, this guy, Lucas Jones, he is, seems, it seems like he is crazy. He got in trouble for almost killing some friends for driving recklessly recently. And they said he should have been put in jail for that, but he wasn't. But here's the deal. The reason they're calling him like Dexter is because he kept a slide of the guy's DNA. Yeah, he's just doing it now. He gave like a microscope slide of the guy's DNA. It's not good, man.

And so he was obviously influenced by Dexter. Oh, yes, very much so. And he had plans to do more. Yes, and he had lists of other pedophiles that he was going to kill. You know, he got caught after the first one. He's just not, he's super not good at it. He was super not good at it. And that's why you got to put more time and thought.

And I'd say you'd got to, you know what I'd say it's wrong with the generation before us is what I was saying, man. I got to read. Yeah. I'm gonna read some books. I feel like if you read more books, you'll read murder-based books. Yeah, I know. Yeah, just watching SVU is not gonna get you out of the crime.

Because that's what those TV writers know. Nothing. They know nothing. Well, they do hire lawyers to be on the show. Yes, but still, they fucking don't give a shit. You gotta read the books. Read some books. Get some full large format learning in there

because that's gonna help you do the things you want to do. Yeah, 19, dude. Yeah, 19. He's stupid. He's going in jail for the rest of his life. And that does, suck, but I will say, in jail, I think people will like him. Will he go to jail for the rest of his life, though, for this?

Will he give him like 20 years and then he'll be out? Oh, no, it's premeditated first-degree murder. Yeah. Yeah, he's going... Florida, they still have the death penalty. Yeah, he's, I think he's getting in life in prison. And they love pedophiles in Florida. They love them. It's like their favorite thing. You're killing the pedophiles. Like killing the predispiles.

Yeah, like, pedophiles moved. Yeah, like, pedophiles moved to Florida because that's where... Yeah, they're comfortable there. Yeah. Yeah, they like it there. Yeah, yeah, that's why they go there. So, because again, because they support them. They love them. Live from Northland. Now, we went to Florida, but do you want to go back to Brazil for CZZZ?

Yeah. You know I love Eddie's story, my friend. Now, this story comes out of one of my favorite things in the world, which is old lady pretending to be baby. Yeah. We got another orphan story. I love it. You don't like about this one? It is one. It's not the fake one

like Natalia Grace. That one made everybody sad in the end even though we all wanted to be true. Everyone dead. Even Natalia. And we none of us can make it happen. And so now it's actually happening and I'm as excited as I've ever been in my fucking life. So this is great. A woman by the name of

Amanda Maria Sausa de Alaviera. She has launched this scheme and it's been going on for many years. So she's 37 years young. and she spent about 14 months convincing a pastor in his family. She was a 12-year-old girl. Now, you may say, like, how, how, right?

How? She drank from a baby bottle. She's a pacifier. She fake night terrors, right? All these different needles put inside of her and shit. Can I see her? I'm looking her up. I'm trying to find her.

Oh, you'll see her, right? You can see the back of her, right? So the couples, right, they said a part of it being like, oh, she's a big 12-year-old. And the past congregation said, oh, they were concerned for her wait, so they got her on Mungaro. They threw her a 12th birthday party, and their whole thing, they were on the way to adopting her. But then this thing turns out, like what she said was Amanda told them when they met her, they got said she was, she arrived at a service for this pastor and basically acted like she was mentally handicapped. She has this sort of affectations she uses, like she is, she's mentally handicapped. and that she says all the stuff about how...

Show us. She was a part of... Well, she does this. Let me... In Spanish, I think you could go like... Yeah. I said a lot of... Right?

Is that mine? Is it just a grown woman? No, it's a full-on growing-ass woman. Yeah, it's just a woman, yeah. It's a full... I think a lot of hope turned her 12. But the family... She would have better off saying she was a 12-year-old boy.

The problems of pastors were stupid. So she said that they had forced tit-growing... experiments on her as a little girl. They made her. They used hormone treatment on her and that she was trafficked. They grew my breasts to big sizes. Hey, listen.

Listen, I think that everything that they say, I listen, I do they think that it's terrible. Oh, I'm so sad with my huge juice. Yes, yes. We are all sad for it. What the fuck? But my question, my question,

my question, do you, Amanda? Amanda, do you have any of that big tit juice for my wife? I like to stick some of the big jit juice into my wife. And so she came out, she said that she was forced into prostitution as a little girl because her original father

forced her into satanic witchcraft rituals, right? That was the whole thing. And the pastor was like, yes. I mean, she said she seemed like an obese, autistic teenager and spoke like a child. Which is, honestly, you're talking about half of Missouri. Yeah, that's a big old, that'll

happen. See them. So they said that like, it's kind of quick, so she had kind of tortured herself. She had put needles inside of her own skin to create the story of that she was tortured for years. Oh my God. Eventually she was broken

down by the investigators. Eventually just said like, you're a 40-year-old fucking woman. Yeah, we're going to start punching you. Oh, yeah. She also been... She had already been arrested and convicted of stealing an identity in Golas

in another part of Brazil earlier. This is not her first roadio. She's done this several times. And to me, it's really about the dumb, for me, it's, it is taking advantage of a dumb religious family, number one. Also an advantageous religious family, because there's nothing a religious family loves more than to take in like a mentally handicapped person or something like that and use it as like a badge of honor for everybody to love them, right? How many times I've seen this? I've seen so many, like, religious families that would like, you know, they adopt somebody from Africa, call them.

Timothy then make him like American you know what I mean like that thing like they do the thing and they're just so proud like oh look at that he can Skype board now like they've got style where I think these these pastors are so excited to flip an autistic child that they want it so

bad that they'll do anything to get one and I think that's what this is they wanted a flipper and did something bigger better something cooler obviously because they're trying to make her skinner or they're trying to make a fuckable by giving her Mungaro for some reason so I don't know why I don't know why they were trying to fucking, you know, like, lean around a 12-year-old weight.

But then she'd be one, wouldn't she? And she wouldn't have giant, 40-year-old, middle-aged, beautiful tits, right? I don't think that. I don't think you said giant and beautiful. I don't think those are accurate adjectives. I was trying to be nice to the woman and just say that she had bigger than a 12-year-old's breast. And let's just say, we all know it's different.

Yeah. Right? So that's the thing. Just putting a Prada Lion King shirt on her and a baby. baby bottle in her mouth does not make a does not a 12 year old make no so i think that they were looking for an easy go it had a good new orphan and uh you know some things are just too good to be true and if you look at this stuff like again with brazil it's also just kind of easier i love how we believe the alien footage and not her oh oh of course she's obviously a 37 year old woman

she looks like a lunch lady and a cafeteria in Toledo and if you actually like a 12 year old, if you act like one of the ABDL people, you better have like, they're stolen valor, you shit in a diaper. If you're not shitting in a diaper, that's it. You ain't that. You ain't that. All right? So I love this story because I love fake children.

I think fake children are one of my favorite things in the world. Everybody wants to be a baby again. I get it. But it's hard to reel that clock back successfully. Yeah. No one's good about fake children is people don't get as mad when you hit them. But now you go back You can really clock the hell out of it

That's a full grown woman All right So I want to talk to you about this And it's just like such It's something that like I started off As like a bane to my existence And has now like

Become somewhat interesting So all right You know how like you got your shows And your wife's got her shows Yes All right So she watches her shows long form discussions of people that have been molested.

Yeah. And I watch a lot of cooking shows. Yeah, so Julie's like a lot more normal than Natalie. Yep, yes. She likes reality television. Yes, she does. And a lot of people love reality television, but she's got me watching this fucking show called Summer House.

Now, what is it and what is this? Summer House, here's like, here's the context for all this, all right? So Summer House, the main storyline is within four people who live at the house. So basically it's a bunch of rich fucking Instagram people and they go in the summer. They go spend their weekends in Long Island at the summer house. It's very nice. Is this real or is it just a show? It's real.

You know, it's reality television and it's supposedly real, but we all know that it's very scripted. Yeah, sure. All right. Now, you did say this does come to last podcast. Just let just come with me on the Marcus context here and it will come around, all right? Got it. This filmed in my hometown. Oh, yeah?

Oh, where I grew up, watermill. Oh, water mill, great. Great. This is perfect. Oh, nice. So the guy who, so somewhere else's been going on for a long time, something like 10 years. All right. It's been going on for that long.

Dude, it's crazy. People fucking love this shit. I hate it. It makes me crazy. People just fucking like, every time I watch it, like my blood boils and it just makes me super mad because I also think Andy Cohen's a demon. Can we go burn that house down? I mean, here's the deal.

So the house is owned by this guy. guy named Kyle. Kyle, this is my version of this lady. So if you watch this show, I'm about to ruin it for you. Good. So Kyle is a piece of shit. He always gets too drunk and he ruins the fucking good time for everybody. Everyone else

on Summer House, Kyle's like in his late 30s. Everyone else on Summerhouse is like a child. Yeah. So anybody in their late 30s. If those of you that are not in your late 30s or in your 40s, to a 25-year-old, you are a living, walking corpse. So there's Kyle.

He's a fucking douchebag. The whole season. No, not with that haircut. Everyone fucking hates Kyle. That guy's a douchebag? He ruins every dinner. Annie, no. That guy's a douche?

That guy? He flips out randomly. He like throws shit. Everyone, no one likes him. And he's married to Amanda. I'm really excited for him to end up in a true crime case where he's the victim. And Amanda. Amanda was, and they're married and they hate each other.

Oh, good. They fight constantly. But that's the heart of the show, right? He's like, yeah, it's kind of like the heart of the show. They are now in the middle of a divorce. Great. And, but she was mad because he decided out of nowhere, I'm going to be a DJ. And so he's out all night.

He's partying with fans. He's getting real fucked up. He's doing a lot of things that don't seem right for a married man. It's kind of nice. It's all things that will eventually stop his careers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Anything that keeps him from working is great. So Amanda is like in the middle of a divorce with him.

Now, her best friend is this chick, Sierra, very. hot black chick. She's on the show. She's gorgeous. Everyone loves Sierra. She's very kind. She's got, she's lots of, you know, she's a model. She's like, she's wonderful human being. Oh, she's the only, out of everyone on the show, I would say she's the only one I would voluntarily hang out with.

Okay. All right? She seems like a decent human being. She was dating this dude named West. West is an amazing scumbag. He looks horrible. Kyle and West? Yeah, yeah.

How are you watching the show? I hate it. It makes me crazy. How are you making it through this? I literally, Julie has to tell me to be quiet because I pick it apart. And she's like, you make me mad whenever you. I'm like, well, I'm the only person who's going to watch this with you. She's just fucking guys.

West is such a fucking scumbag. He's the worst. Eddie, stop watching this. He's a professional. West is a professional reality. Oh, I'd rather fucking be, I'd rather him be a family annihilator. I'm telling you, this is going to come around. All right?

Just stick with me. God. Okay. So West. starts like he's dating Sierra, okay? And they break up and he's trying to rekindle things with Sierra and

they're going and things are going well and they film the entire season. Amanda's breaking up with Kyle and and then he's like trying to rekindle things with Sierra and it's all like very much part. So they film the whole thing. We know this is what happens. After the season ends

it comes out that West was secretly fucking Amanda the whole time. And Someone, like, found them and, like, took pictures of them, like, hooking up. Cool. And then released it to the Internet. Okay. And so now everyone, and then Amanda and Sierra are, like, best friends.

And so now is everyone's like, everyone jumps shit from hating Kyle. And now they hate Amanda. All right. And so, like, Amanda and Kyle, they like, and Andy Cohen's the puppet bastard. Yo, he fucking loves it. I hate all the, he's, he loves all this shit. All right. He's a straight-up demon.

So now they have the reunion, all right? So, like, everyone, so West has to atone for everything he did wrong to Sierra. Is he going to cut his dick and balls off? Is he going to fucking, because he slit his throat? So, we crucify him? So basically, they have, they filmed this reunion. I want to crucify that guy. I literally want to nail him to a cruciface.

He's the worst human on. I want to fucking, I want to watch him die slow. The entire world agrees with you. Yeah, I want to just look it out of my head, that jacket. I just want to fucking cut, I want to cut his side. He had, like, one day he was on and he had, like, one day he was on. and he had like a horse hair tie on like a piece of shit

these guys don't deserve these women no she's like she don't deserve anything alright alright alright so they do the whole show and now they're having like the reunion you know we're like they all sit together for like a three hour conversation and they just like rip each other to shreds

yes that's like my least favorite part about stuff like that's a good with I like the costumes and the dancing no it's just so aggressive they all hate each other they fight all the time I want something nice I like creative things. So they have the reunion and everyone's just whip it into West. Everyone's whipping into Amanda.

Siara's fucking crushing it because she's cool as shit and she's always nice. But now she's going to take these motherfuckers out. And it's fucking awesome. And people are like, and she's sitting next to Kyle and they're on one side and then West and Amanda are on the other side. And then West also has this other secret girlfriend and everyone's shitting him on this. And so like they're doing this whole big meetup. And then turns out the. the day before.

No one knew this when they were filming, but the day before the filming started, West, his cousin, his name is, his cousin, his name, Dakota Sweeney, a man. His name is Dakota Sweeney.

Murdered his grandmother. Wow. Murdered West's grandmother. Wes's cousin, straight up murdered his grandmother. the day before the reunion. So, so it's...

So you're trying to say that everyone was dog piling them. And so he's still in their dog piling him on the reunion. He's just sitting there taking it like a fucking wounded dog. Honestly, they're all like, but no one knows about this fucking grandmother that got murdered. That's kind of... The day before.

Can I say... Just like getting destroyed. It's all like his cousin murdered. His grand is sweet girl. Wow. Oh, wow. You know what, man? It's just like, when I found out about like, hold on.

That makes me. It's kind of laugh. Imagine this. Imagine being this big of a scumbag. Your cousin murders your grandmother, but you still show up to your reality television, get beat on show. Yep. Because he has to because he's contractually obligated.

He's getting paid to be there. Eddie Cohen is the real demon here. He knows this fucking 26-year-old just had his grandmother murdered. And he's like, no, you got to show up today. I think that. You got to fucking be here. You got to show up. I might say straight up that Andy Cohen might not be a nice guy.

I would love the sounds like a cold podcast to do an Andy Cohen episode. D. If you were listening, I would love it if you did an Andy Cohen sounds like a cold episode because I really think Andy Cohen is a bad man. I think he's a bad man. I think he's a bad man. He's a bad dude. That's fucking insane, dude. That's like very, very like, I just feel like we're getting to a point where, like, was

the secret lives. You can't call out of work. I just insane. You can not show up. Your grandmother was murdered. I just went on. Dude, I just went on a full on dreading is covered the story of the fucking bitch from Morgan, what was it, Mormon, the secret lives of Mormon wives.

Yes. And talked about like that whole thing And the idea of like They're shooting they're shooting the show like while she's beating the shit out of her husband And like while she's doing all these like horrible things and but it's like she essentially like Which I also don't even understand how she created a Mormon TikTok world where they're all showing their belly buttons like literally they're all like Scantily clad showing their butts and stuff like it doesn't really make any sense and it's all falling apart and I do think I think that these things might be getting out of hand

Yeah, I think that once we're at the point where we're making, because like, I think it started once we had whatever that piece of shit's name. What was his name? Spicer. Was that all? When we had him on dancing with the stars, Sean Spicer. Oh, Sean Spicer. When Sean Spicer went on dancing in the stars. But that's a competition show. But it's changing everything that we're doing now.

Now we're really in the world where you can genuinely do a crime to get enough juice to get a television show. I mean, they had Carol Baskin on dancing with the stars. We're now really in the area. Don't forget Rudy Giuliani on the Masked Singer. I remember. I remember. But we're really at a, we're really getting to a point where, like, someone's like asking me, like, oh, where is our television show? Blah, blah, blah.

And it's like, we would have to, like, commit a crime. Yeah. To be famous enough to do the shit. I will say this. It's just fucking wild. Like, where we're at right now in terms of, like, how is this help anybody? How is this good work for anybody? How is this helping the industry?

How is this helping the people, the crews that work in the industry? How is this doing anything? Reality television sucks because everyone's just watching them. They're basically validating how awful they are by watching it and supporting them. But the idea that we're all... They go in and they destroy each other and they treat each other like shit. And then we all fucking watch it and validate them. We're like, I hate them.

But you're fucking watching it. Yeah, I mean, I like I watch true crime. I like watching and I like all my exploit of true crime. like it all. Like every single bit of I like the evil stuff. I like all of it. But that's a story. Yes. You're not like two fucking blonde chicks fighting over who came

up with a phrase. Well, that shit makes me crazy. It's like why Jerry Springer was popular though. Oh yeah. It makes sense. It makes sense. Why? At least there was real controversy with Jerry Springer. At least it was like paternity tests and stuff like this. This is just nonsense

rich people complaining about their fucking lives being great. Well, what it is is showing the United States, the people in the United States of America, number one, this idea that you'd make a certain amount of money and you'd get to a certain point where you're an influencer, it means you count more. It means your voice counts more. It means your vote counts more. All this type of shit.

That's one of the reason why people, I think, like it because they want to be in the same scenario. They think that they can get into the reality television loop. But what they don't realize is number two is the secret sacrifice you make. Yeah. That they don't fully understand that is the lesson that no one is learning right now, which is We didn't learn it with Mom Donnie. We're not learning it with all these other culture of things.

We're not learning about how you also give something up, though. It is a two-way street. Yeah. So it is not something that you, once you become a reality television star, you definitely sign a deal with the devil of show business itself where you are giving up a piece of your very soul for money. Yeah. You're giving it up.

And the problem is that the United States of America is viewing that as awesome. They think that right now is like that's the way to go when it really should be what I love is something like how with Mom Donnie we're really missing the message here of he's straight up just saying I'm going to be the mayor of New York City and that's it. Yeah. I don't care about being president. I don't care about being senator. I'm here to do this thing right now. And they're all automatically, automatically everyone's dogpile in all of this like hope on him. Hunter Biden. Same thing. They're dumping on. all this kind of hope on him.

And it's like, don't do this to these motherfuckers. Yeah. They're not the ones for you. And also, we need to figure out other things. We're just at a, we're at a weird place where nobody understands in order to get that top seat. You also have to sacrifice something. And when we are constantly saying how wonderful it is, how they sell their souls.

Yeah. For money, it's, it's just going to lead to more pain. Also, I got to say, like, if you're just watching all these. people fight with each other all the time, then you all of a sudden become petty yourself. It can be, it's true, but also I get the shorthy, I get the idea of, like, watching people in a fishbow be tortured and why you like it.

I understand why you like it. Love Island was fucking horrifying to me. I felt like they were all prisoners forced to fuck each other. I'd rather hang out with the John Wayne Gacy than anybody from Summerhouse. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'd rather hang out with David Berkowitz. I don't know, man.

Any member of any one of these shows. I have to say that I think that all of us would love to hang out with Sierra. I think that Ciara is trying to keep us at arm's length. Carl seems like a lunatic. They're all monsters. Yeah, yeah. Carl, like everyone loves Carl and he's very nice. But I don't know why.

I just feel like he's going to fucking strangle someone to death one day. I'd rather hang out with Vladimir Putin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like all these people, I'd rather hang out with any villain of his story. These people have less inside of them Than the worst villains of history How's this guy? Luke sucks Yeah, of course Luke sucks

Luke sucks They all fucking suck but where's the black guy Go down, go down, go down again Well they put him at the bottom Whoa, they didn't even include him Google AI didn't even include him Oh man, well I don't remember his name So I'm not much better I guess you're all racist too

There's a lot of people in the show Oh dude it's been running forever People come and go and the thing is, like, everyone's like, oh, they're going to recast, they don't want to, people don't want to be on with West and Amanda next year. They don't understand. The show's going to get canceled.

There's no show without West and Amanda. Nobody gives a fucking shit. You know, they're the horrible people, because you need the horrible people to fucking do it. Yep. Well, yeah, because good people on television isn't interesting. Yes. Yeah, they're just like, oh, they're nice, and then you move on.

No, but that's why I like my Great British. Yeah, I watch my Great British. It's wonderful. I watch my Great British. Watch my... By the way, I do like dancing with the stars. Yeah, I understand. Dancing with the Stars is kind of like,

I hope it replaces football. I understand. If that's one of those things. I was like, I think it's better than sports. Yeah, sure, sure. See, I like, you know, I like my simple shows are like,

it's Great British and Antiques Roadshow. Antiques Road Show's fun. I've been watching a lot of Antiques Road Show to shut off at the very, very end of the night. I like the pottery throwdown. My only thing with pottery throwdown? Too sexual for me. Really?

The too many fucking tongue-and-cheek. I love the big guy who cries all the night. the time. He sees like a nice bowl and he just starts crying. I love that fucking guy. Yeah, he's all huge and shit. Yeah, that guy. What's his name? I fucking think he's the best. He's so cute. He's such an old man.

He just cries. I know, but it's just, but also if you cry at a bowl, what are you going to do with the news, buddy? Oh, man. Here we go. Let's get some listener emails. All right. This is going to get dark isn't it? Actually, I don't think so. There's a whole bunch of stories about stabbing horses. No, but it's actually

more hopeful than I thought. Okay. Let's hear it. Finally, my tenure of being a full-time horse girl, and the listener can come in handy. You absolutely do not need to kill a horse if it's injured or stabbed anywhere but the trunk. I work with fancy pants, expensive sport horses, and these beasts are out there injuring themselves

and others constantly. This persistent myth exists because a horse's legs don't have great circulation to heal soft tissue injuries. Picture a horse, the lower limbs are almost all bone, little flesh, and their very large size means extra pressure on skeleton to stay. upright. A horse can't hop around like a tripod dog, right? Like,

they're not built to do that. So what you have to do is it takes a very special pen. Right? So there's a very advanced medical care available for these extremely expensive money pits that people love, called horses. Yes. A stab wound in the leg could end up being fatal if it were to penetrate the joint capsule

and start an infection in the joint itself. But more often than not, with injuries to the limbs, they are stitched up their bandaged and treated into the wounds healed. What they'll do to is, they put him in a situation where they're in a super tight stall. Yeah. Because the legs, the way they sleep, which I didn't understand, is that they never lay down

because they'll die. Like, they'll die if they lay down. Their organs will stop functioning because they're so heavy and they can't get back up. So what they do is... But I've seen horses lay down. They do, but they, it doesn't, they don't do it a lot to sleep. Normally to sleep, they lock their knees.

They have this, like, this thing that their legs go into like a lock position and they sleep standing up. That sounds great. It's interesting. And so what they do is they put them in that. They can squeeze them in like a sling and like a thing. But the main issue is it costs a lot of money. So if you get stabbed-

It costs money for the horse to sleep? To get the specialized barns you would need to do medical care to the horses. For the therapy. Yes. My grandfather spent the whole family's money on 10 race horses. People do that.

One fucking race out of all of them. You could have had a much better life if he didn't do that. They really could have. Think of how much nicer your life could have been. if he had put all that into the restaurant, right? Which was doing well. Yeah. The restaurant was doing really well in your family.

Yeah, yeah, it's gone. And he took it all out of that. He put in horses. Yeah. It's way worse. I got to go to the track every day when I was a child. See, that's nice. Yeah, that's nice.

Instead of the working restaurant. Yeah, yeah. The horses are recovering, though. Oh, yes, they are. The ones from the story that got stabbed last week. They are okay. They got stabbed in the torso. They're okay.

They're going to all be fine. What kind of, what part of the horse is the trunk? the middle part of it That's the trunk Because I googled horse trunk And some gross things came up Yeah I bet It was just cases made of horse

Oh yes So it's like But largely people So this is An example is This is a very Like This is a premeditated attack

That the Emily did The Emily girl did Against these horses from last week Yeah But again all saveable Okay good So all the horse is okay It really looks like

She was doing it because she was bad at doing the barrel raising. Ah. And she wanted to, she was angry and she was like a stalker. And apparently horse stalkers are also a big thing. People that have become obsessed with the horses. And they just can't afford to take care of them to be a part of it. Yes.

And so, like, this one lady told, like, honestly, it's a very long story. Become a vet. It is a, the whole thing is about this lady kind of became like a horse groupie, where she started hanging around by the horses and was like, looking for all these things that eventually found her way into a pen late at night and was like fucking with the horses like really weird it all comes like reading the play equis like what are we talking about with daniel rathcliffe's penis last week people have extremely personal relationships to horses well it's the only thing that can make a cowboy cry they are

the most they're like dogs in that way to many they all say that they're all very they're more if you give a really strong bond with a horse people i would say it's probably a bigger bond than bond with a dog. Yeah, because dog can't also be your car. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? The dog and the horse can be your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they are fucking awesome, dude.

Horses are really cool. But yeah, they have to be, it's just it's standing on whether or not they want to spend the money to fix the poor, poor, sweet, sweet, horses. Yeah. Man, I went to this on our honeymoon. Julie and I went to this place called V.A. case. It's a little island

off of Puerto Rico. And it's, like, abandoned because they did a lot of nuclear testing there. But there's like a whole like resort part of it, which is super nice. And I was like, oh, we'll go check it out. There's a luminescent bay or a bioluminescent bay and all this stuff. I was like, this sounds wonderful.

No one told me that the whole island is just littered with stray horses. Cool. Yeah, like, and I call them stray rather than wild. Well, they eat trash. Oh, yeah. You know, they're just walking out of, they're like walking along a street. They're not like like frolicking in the woods. They're just like everywhere and it's like a nuisance.

And they're like walking around. Like when I was in the pool, they were like drinking out of the pool. It was like, it was. It was very weird. But they were fun. And then what I noticed is all the wild dogs would like torture the wild horses. Whoa. They would like circle them and bark at them and like nip at their legs.

They're hurting. They're hurting like activity. It was, it was interesting. All right. And I have one little, I thought this was really funny. I want to hear it. We don't normally get that like this is to me. This is my version of.

the last podcast and left human interest story. Because this is a very funny story in the name of Pride Month. We're here. I want to tell the story of someone's very funny coming out, which is very, it's, you know, made me laugh. I've been out as a trans woman for six years. And when I was going through my name change, I decided when I was, it was finished, I would all come out at work.

Boss is already new. I went through HR paperwork, so everything was great. On the last Wednesday of March, I changed my name. And on Thursday, I got my new driver's license. And on Friday, I went into work as a guy for the last time. I explained to my direct coworkers. I changed my name to Spice. I'm trans.

It all went fine. Problem one. I only told my direct coworkers. Nobody else in the building got a memo, which leads into. Problem two. Ladies' room I was not going to be using was in a different section because my group was between two spots. Regardless of where I went, someone might think because that Monday also happened to be problem three, April Fool's Day.

Oh my God. As mentioned, I changed my name on the last Wednesday of March and Monday happened to be April 1st. So my first day out as a trans woman in my office job was on April 1st because I'm a smart person. And not only that, but I was so anxious I tried taking

the stall at the far end to have as much distance between me and everyone else as possible, which is how I learned the gap in the door of the handicapped stall goes directly over the middle of the toilet. And I got to say, having my lady lance and off sight was not one my anxiety needed. Thankfully, nothing ever happened.

I was anxious, but other than that, things were fine. I eventually got fired for other reasons. And now I work somewhere else, but only now they know me as a woman, which is nice. You wouldn't think a warehouse would be accepting, but we're union and most people don't get a fuck. That's right. No. No, warehouse is oddly accepted.

Oh, yeah, wanting to share because I'm an attention whore and you guys have been so fun over the years. Thank you. Honestly, I just thought it was really funny. It's funny. It's kind of those foiable things. But yeah, honestly, I found like work people, blue, this is the, whole thing when it comes to these issues is that pretty much every person everywhere knows somebody

in a true alternative lifestyle yeah and you everybody in every town every little town probably has a trans person a gay person or the kind of thing and you notice those guys they're all fine with their local alternative person yeah because they met them they know them they just literally don't have the ability because they've lost it over the years of either not meditating not taking care of themselves, not paying attention, not letting empathy let in, they don't understand that they can apply that to others. Because they're like, no, well, I know that one. And I like that one.

That must be one of the good ones. Yeah. They don't understand. Like, no, you just, that's your neighbor. And actually just neighbors have the same percentage points of being dickheads, murderers, rapists, and angels. You can hate them for their human aspects. Honestly, there's so many rich, wonderful ways to hate a person.

Yeah. You know, not just even for what they identify as. Truly, honestly, that's the last thing. Yeah. You could be a trans bitch. You know what I mean? Like, that's one of my favorite things in the world about it. Yeah.

So thank you for sharing your story. And I hope that Pride Month's fucking awesome for you. And don't worry, Eddie and I are not going to be out there stealing the grand marshal of any parade from anybody. You know, we're not going to be doing that. We're not those kind of white guys in podcasting. We do have, like, a fun pride episode. coming up next week. We do.

We really do. You're going to be very happy about this. Yeah, I'm really excited for it. I'm not letting the old bullshit out of the can yet, but you guys are going to fucking love it. Friend of the show. And we want to give a shout out to reckless Ben. We were supposed to talk to him today.

Didn't work out. He is currently under a gag order. There's a whole thing going on with this Brick's Ed minifig story that is obviously wildly out of control. He has been harassed by the police. He's got a gag order put on him by the same judge that is currently overseeing the Charlie Kirk's murderer trial who's this extreme Mormon

so right now reckless Ben is in a lot of fucking trouble but it does look like Bricks and mini figs is folding so they look like they're giving them all the collection whatever the fuck that means and again I also want to point out Kim that guy the main villain of that story

is a Mormon with a handlebar mustache and I want you to remember that okay because that handlebar mustache to me is the reason why he's doing this. It's not the It is. And live every day knowing for a fact when you see a handlebar mustache, don't judge the man. Judge the mustache. Yeah. All right. You know, love the fact that that mustache is one of the, that's a key indicator that that person is trying to tell you, which is to laugh at them. And I think it's a really good idea. Now, go check out our new show. That's right. We won't stop. We are doing a show, okay? Let's just say it's certainly not just contractually obligated. We were super excited. So this is a big old fucking show. We're doing.

for Sirius XM exclusively over on Sirius XM Podcasts plus it is movie stories with Ed and myself. We are putting onto a whole we're telling stories around some of our favorite movies investigating our favorite directors, talking about them, and then kind of just like

having a fun, like last podcast themed movie style adventure. Yeah, because Henry and I are big movie fans. We've always been movie fans. Been a big part of our friendship for over 20 years. Yes. But they're, no matter how much you love movies

and you are obsessed with them, just you haven't seen all of it. You haven't seen anything. Yeah. We haven't seen, I've seen so many movies and I still haven't seen anything. So the series, the first four episodes are about William Friedkin, because love the exorcist, love French connection. Have I seen anything else? No. No. So Henry and I

watch the whole fucking catalog. Watch everything he made, yep. And then we're doing it, we're doing a big thing on them. And then we're going to move on the other directors. And then in between the director highlights, we're going to have little little just quick little episodes. Yeah, it's what I'm really excited for.

So I hope we go check it out. And the video's on Patreon. So if you go to patreon.com slash last podcast on the left, you get all the video too for just for just that. So if you are on Patreon, it comes out every Thursday.

Yeah. If you are on Patreon, you don't need to do the fucking serious XM thing. You can just watch it on Patreon. And if you're on SiriusXM extra, you don't have to do the Patreon. Boom.

It's just how it is. It's not, you know, it's just something we're doing for fun. and I hope you guys enjoy it. Side stories, of course, will always be free. We're not always. Our goal is always make sure our shows

are always available for free. And we have a lot of shows over your own LPN. Check out all of them. I'll go to someplace underneath. LPN Romanticse, the Foreign Report, no dog's space, Sprider's side, page 7,

nerd of mouth, go check out our new shows. Go check out our YouTube channels, LPN TV. Yeah. All of it's there. The finals for HGX2 start this week, dude. You versus Julie. and Amber. I wonder what's going to happen.

It's going to be fucking awesome. We're going to run the final. The finals are huge. They're going to run for two weeks. So the next two Thursdays at 7 p.m. on LPN TV. Make sure you're watching the HGX2 finals. We're going to crown a ham lord. It's going to be wild. I hope you're

fucking ready for this shit. It comes on right after we released last stream on the left on the YouTube. So just stick around after that. You'll go right into the next episode. And also I'd like to give a big old welcome, big old American style, bienvenito to the screw worm. Congrats for making it to Texas.

I'm so proud of you. New you'd love Texas. I think it's in New Mexico too. Come to America. Yeah. So go enjoy yourself a screw worm. I hope you run for president. Yeah, no, it's just, yeah, we're just going to have to kill a bunch of cows.

Hopefully those screw rooms were working to its way up through Governor Abbott's useless fucking legs and drop a bunch of eggs into his fucking useless fucking intestines. and they kill them from the inside out. Oh, please, please, please, please. We'll see. We'll see. I got lots of shows coming up. Come and check me out July 10th, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.

Salute to Bethlehem, July 12th, Newark, Newark, Culture Club. July 13th, NYC City Winery, July 19th, Plano, Texas. The mic drop over there. July 26th, a comedy store. Henry's going to be joining me for that one. July 31st and August 1st, I'm going to be in Chicago at the Lincoln Lodge. and on August 1st, Logan Mets is going to be joining me from Promise of the Real. Oh, yeah.

And then on August 16th, Dead Men Tell Some Tales is coming back to Dynasty Typewriter. And I think we're going to do a little you can watch online type of deal. Fuck yeah. All right. So we've got a lot of things coming out. Go get tickets to all of that at edytunes.com. Hail Satan. See you soon.

Peace out.