Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Free Joey!

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

Henry and Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news - the Long Island Serial Killer linked to 2 more victims, 'Hot Dog Eating' Champion Joey Chestnut banned from beloved competition, New Orleans man who was caught faking disabilities to trick women into changing his diapers gets caught doing it again, 40 rotisserie chickens found mysteriously dumped in the Yukon woods, a woman found eaten by a python in Indonesia, Listner E-Mails, and MORE!

Hi, did you know that you can watch last podcast on the left and side stories on our patreon right now? Yes, that's patreon.com slash last podcast on the left. But over on TikTok, you can see the hottest, tightest, funniest clips from the show right there. It's TikTok. TikTok. It's at LP on the left.

It's the same as our Instagram. You already follow the Instagram. Why don't you go follow TikTok? But it's on TikTok. Yeah, because... Seal... is... believin'. Yep. So just go check it out. Watch it. Go send our podcast to China! I love TikTok the Crocodile. It's my favorite TikTok. That's the only one he knows. I love TikTok the crocodile. It's my favorite. It's the only one he knows. There's no place to escape to. This is the last talk. On the left. Sign stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh God. Do you know that Jesus Christ died in the crucifix with an erection? I imagine. Why not?

I didn't know that. I didn't know that that was an actual inevitability of being on a crucifix. Did you know that? See he, he, um, so he died for our sins while committing one. No, no, no, no, no, no. Erections or sins? Well, unless it's going inside of a dude committing one. No, no, no, no, no. Corrections or sins? Well, unless it's going inside of a dude's butt. Oh, okay. If it's going inside of the beautiful Virgin Mary's like between her boobies.

His mother? Oh yeah. Wait, Mary Magdalene was his, was his hot, was his hot piece. Yeah. That was his side piece. That was his wife. If he was real. Yeah.

Right. He put kids in her, two redheads. Yeah. That's what they're saying. You know that? Yeah. Oh yeah. Gingers. It came from Jesus Christ himself. Really? But according to scholars, you think that you're part Christ every day. I wake up and I thank me for me. I thank me for being around being great and the gifts I bring. So the last thing Christ did was come. Apparently, this is real. There are actual scholars that have entire schools of thought about the depiction of Jesus Christ.

And there has been many legit depictions of Jesus Christ on the crucifix with a full on raging nine-incher. Talk about a coming to Jesus moment. Come on, welcome to Side Stories. My name's Henry Zabrowski. I'm not a coming to Jesus moment. Come on. Welcome to side stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I am hardest. Christ hardest Christ out here. They say a lot. It's very interesting. I was reading the story. So we'll start before we get any, is it cold open? So I'll start with this or promise. He had a hard on to the other guy, right? One of the, he, one of the two. Yeah, but his, no one cared about it.

No one cared about his winners. Nobody cared about the other two guys. Right. They didn't care about it. No one checked their winners. No, they, but because apparently that's how you find out if they were actually dead on the crucifix. You have to go up and go boing, boing, boing, boing, like it's a diving board.

No, that's how I found out my dad was passed. Boing, boing, boing, boing. Hard as a corpse. I love seeing them hard as Christ. That's how you know they're safely in heaven. But no, these guys are, how else do you think you move that boulder? But it's apparently completely true. This guy, I'll just jump into this because that's my favorite story of the week, but then we'll cover, we'll go back and do updates. This guy, this fucking horny priest who honestly love them to death. Father Thomas, Michael, this was, you know, the Christ was hard when he died.

Welcome to the survey. As a matter of fact, many depictions of Christ in the cross are incorrect because they include the humdinger. But yeah, this guy's a fucking creepest. He, I love him. He worked. He's an American assigned to this is in the UK. So I like it. We brought chaos to England. I'm glad we did. He was assigned to this church called the our blessed lady immaculate and black hell. He was there for a decade. Apparently they they're fine with it. But he said that he basically gave this whole long speech in his sermon about how Jesus Christ

definitely would have died with an erection. The church was shocked, right? Everyone was like, what in the living fuck that you're talking about it? And he then doubles down. He's like, no, you don't understand. When you asphyxiate to death. You have an erection and then you piss and then you shit and then you come. And they're

all like, when do I die? You know, when's my turn? Sounds fun. Oh man. We should change the name of erections from boners to inries. Nailed right in. Yeah. Can't get out. He can't get out of it. He wanted to. Hard as the cross. I was nailed on. Yeah. He can't get out. He can't get out even if he wanted to. Hard as the cross I was nailed on. Yeah, bring Mary closer. Bring her closer. I'm stuck here. You got to bring her to the dog. But no, he, this is apparently a cause the blood does rush down to your body. And so the way you die on a crucifix is bad, right? Yeah. Cause it goes down to your feet. A lot of times you're nailed, right? So Jesus was specifically nailed most times The other guys are tied. You're tied most of the time if you're crucified you are tied But you're pretty sure Paul or Peter the Apostle was crucified upside down. Yeah, which is fucking bad

Oh, there's a very pantera of the Italians And so he when Jesus died apparently the way you die on a cross is that you asphyxiate if your arms are above your lungs like this. And the only way to do is you have to raise yourself above this lateral position where you can breathe again. This makes it very, very difficult to breathe. Nevermind the blood loss that comes from being most of the time being stabbed to much in the sides, you seep out. But then also as you die, which is why they say there's an apocryphal term about how when they pierced Jesus side Blood and water came out but there's some theologians that point to the fact that that is actually a

Accurate description of the fluids that come out of a stagnating corpse Okay, like literally some blood like the blood isn't coagulated, but there's like blood and plasma coming out of him in one go Yeah, there's like a clear liquid and a red liquid Obviously, I'm incorrect side stories LP Othello gmail.com. Tell me why I'm wrong But apparently also you're up there the blood swells all the way down and I don't know if you're like this when I get sleepy Sometimes I get horny. Okay. Yeah, right and if I'm apparently that's the idea is that if you choke right where you're masturbating supposed to be great Yeah, never done it to be great. Yeah. Never done it.

People love it. Yeah. A little scared. I've already, you know, masturbating and fear half the time anyway. Oh, of course. It's just from our wives. We're trying to keep it safe from our secret from our families. But the, uh, but apparently it rushes down.

So I get sleepy and sometimes I go, Oh, Oh, Oh, no. It's bad. It's bad. And a plane. Yeah. Nothing's like waking up with a boner in a plane, dead asleep from a plane. That's happened to me. You can get real trouble for a boner on a plane. That's what you got.

But you sit next to a lady. Oh yeah. Blanket on the thing. But honestly, sometimes if it's just like some cryptic old man too, cause he's like, I remember erections. The last one I got was in the, was in the quick Gulf war. You remember the quick Gulf War No, no bothers me about the Jesus thing

except the fact that it probably wasn't real the They say he died for three days. He came back to life. Yep. So if he dies on Friday Yeah, and he sleeps on Saturday and he wakes up on Sunday. That's two days. Yeah, dude. No, I know It's three days in hotel turns. They're acting as if when he went into the crypt, it was like you staying at a Marriott because you need to pay for the night. That night would count. But no, no, technically that's bothered me because he probably died like late on Friday. That was a late check-in.

Yeah. As far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Oh yeah. No, he might've checked in after midnight. He might've died on Saturday. Yeah. So technically that's a two day turnaround. It's an allegorical. It's allegorical. He might've died on Saturday. That's a two-day

turnaround. It's allegorical. It's allegorical. It's about the sun cycles. Yeah. And it's not like they fucking crucified him in the morning. He had to walk all the way up the fucking hill. No carrying the cross. That should take forever. He took all weapon and weapon and fucking showing his face and stuff. Fucking awesome dude. Him going like, you can't kill me. Remember shaft yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah without he starts stabbing himself and shit yeah i love that guy love that guy oh yeah jesus should have done that yeah yeah yeah what's he was the jesus he i put no the jesus from big labosca but same character yeah yeah but it is kind of insane that i love that this is came from jeffrey right yes

who's a great actor love i still have to see American fiction. It's supposed to be great. It's pretty good. But according to premierchristianity.com, which I do love that it's included, because there's a lot of guys that are hardliners on this talking about how it's a key to understanding the plight of Jesus Christ,

because Jesus Christ was not only murdered and martyred, murdered, martyred, but he also was dying with blue balls. Yep. No. Oh, opposite. Died with empty balls, which is a considered a public emulation. It's like, do you think you came, you come after you die or you come before? According to this, so then he didn't. So he died with blue balls then. I don't know if I think if you come, the blue balls are gone no matter when it was, but you're out. No, but you're dead, but you didn't die of the blue balls. No, certainly not No, but I didn't know I didn't really know this

I was surprised as many and how many die accidentally through suffocation as a means of sexual gratification This is according to premier Christianity calm. It happens this strange Phyllis Phyllis Physiological what happened to you? What happens? This strange physo-physiological- what happened to you? Did you die of a suffocation? Henner's currently choking himself. Sorry, I have a heart on him about to die. This strange physiological reaction was the final shame of a crucified man, erection and

ejaculation due to the slow suffocation. Which is, I mean, I don't know how many of our people out there are kind of electively in a fun way, crucifying themselves. And if they are, show us your rig. Cause I'd love to know how you're doing it and getting off of it. If you have a crucifix for sexual purposes at home, I want to get to know you. I imagine it's probably leaned up against the fridge. I mean, it would have, I don't know how a lot of people, if you've got one bedroom

apartment, where does it go? Yeah, you'd have to. Under the futon. Yeah. I would'd have to leave it under the futon. Yeah, I would put the crucifix under the futon and then you take it out when it's time for sexy times and someone could be the Pontius and you get to be baby Jesus Christ. Oh man. I wonder if what my neighbors would say if I put a crucifix in my backyard, they'd be like, you just go soon.

So yeah, every time it goes soon. Don't worry. It's for me. Yeah, I like this. It's got a thread. It's for me. Yeah, I like this It's got a thread. It's for me. My wife is gonna watch me slowly suffocate and then I'm gonna come in my dolphin shorts Well, let you know so you know to shut the blinds Sorry, I told you on Eastern time Sorry, I didn't see my writhing shit-filled corpse. No, yeah, because that's

the thing is that you do pee and you do poop. So if Jesus, which I do believe if he was truly man, God made man, he would also would have defecated and pissed. But wasn't he more than man? No, that was the whole idea. That's why he could be killed. But he would did miracles. He walked on water. He was the power of God. He could do not. He could harness the power of God. It was that he was not directly magical.

Technically, I don't know. Actually, I might be wrong on that. I think he's a wizard for sure. I know he's a wizard. Yes. He's a dirty, a desert wizard, full of bugs, love sucking dick. I think he's, I think he's pansexual. You know, he was fucking reeked.

Oh, buddy.ed. Oh buddy! Can you imagine him not only just, not just his own personal smell, but the smell of the laps and the butts of all of the disciples. Yeah, he's just hanging out with lepers all goddamn day. Just mashed all over him, just like his dirty ass feet and his weird gross hair and yeah, gross stuff. All he does is hand out fish. All day and where is he keeping it? Yeah, it's a trick, but it's mostly just because he's got it. gross hair and yeah, gross stuff. All he does is hand out fish all day.

Where is he keeping it? Yeah, it's a trick, but it's mostly just because he's got it. Yeah. Jesus been boofing. Well, that's a fun story. I just didn't know how hard that guys like went in on this. It's a whole school of thought. Yeah, I got that the pictorial of Jesus with an erection on the

crucifix and I just fucking love my job and the fact that I come to work every day and I learn new things. Yeah. Do you know, I got to tell you about this, Penn, Penn and Teller, Penn, he told me that Robin Williams, that's how he died, he killed himself by accident when he was on a erotic asphyxiating and I'm like, I just met you. Why are you telling me this? There's a lot of theories out there.

You know, at first I was like, should I even tell this story? But he told me a stranger. Yes. So, but that's not true. I don't think it's true. I don't think it's true. He was killed by the CIA. Yeah. No, Robin Williams.

He committed suicide when he hung himself from a doorknob. And you never know how short these actors are in real life. Honestly, it's a movie magic. Yeah. Do you know that Ian McKellen is not nine feet tall? I didn't. It's crazy. You know, it is sad what happened to Robin Williams is honestly the most dramatic thing

that's ever happened to me. I mean, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going that Ian McKellen is not nine feet tall. I didn't It's crazy. You know, it is sad what happened to rob Williams is honestly is probably one of the most sad things ever Yeah, I know a top three. Yeah, when you know a clown that The clout. Yeah that entertained everyone literally all walks of life across all languages

entertained everyone literally all walks of life across all languages one of the most the one thing that the world could agree on We love Robin Williams and that guy was so sad. He had off himself Yeah, and it doesn't it gets in here. Yeah, I think about it like once a week You know they wish for the genies freedom, but they should have wished for him to not have Parkinson's more specific about the freedom Yeah, they should have been super super stuck stuck in a prison that was his own mind. You really honestly, I'm extremely sad. Extremely sad. It's very sad. Stop showing pictures, Rob of smiling, Robin Williams.

It's just showing all of these just smiling Robin Williams pictures. We know he really was one of my heroes. I make horrible jokes, but he really is one of the greatest of all time. You're right Eddie. That's not a controversial statement. It's Robin Williams. Probably one of the most beloved people of all time. It's never the bad ones. It's always the good ones. People die. People just say it's always the good ones when good ones die. Yeah, I know. But bad ones die. They just, but bad ones, it's bad.

Robert Durst just died. Yeah, but he died at like 90. Yeah, they, this, but bad one, it's bad. Yeah. But he died in like 90. He got into jail. He did not get to experience a single bit of his punishment. Nothing. He was free. And then he did his favorite thing. Testifying in court was his favorite thing he ever got to do. He got to live his dream and be finally caught. That's all he wanted. He got to kill his wife and no one ever called him. It's everything. All of it. Yeah.

He got entirely away with it. Essentially. Yeah. Well, you know, only the good Diane. All right. And then I'm going to go into updates. I'm going to do some updates and then I got some other terrible, terrible news. Great. So this story we're going to cover in detail, probably on last podcast on the left. We're waiting for the proper sources because that's what we like. You know what I mean?

Like we want something thick that we kind of base our story on and we can add to. Yeah, it's too new now. It's too new. But Rex Heuerman, the suspect in the Gilgo Beach killings, also known as Lisk, the Long Island serial killer. So on July 13th, 2023, Rex Heuerman, who's an architect, a little under a year, a little under a year. He made a lot of money as an architect. He was actually kind of featured in some news features talking about Manhattan architecture. One thing about Rex Heuerman, all face. Yeah.

He's got the biggest amount of face. 60 pound head. That is a big old mean mug. Two basketballs getting mad at each other, just bouncing off each other's. Big old head. And one thing that is truly remarkable is the fact that he was in the middle

of an entire neighborhood of police officers that he kind of operated in and out of anonymously for years. Now we're starting to see that as the evidence is coming forward, there is a lot more. More people are starting to get, they're like, this person was killed by him. A lot of shit is getting attached to him. So he was already, there were, he is accused of four murders of sex workers that he would get in contact with. He would murder them in various different operations,

in different MOs, but his obvious favorite thing was dismemberment, and he had a sort of a, he definitely was a process killer, and he would bury them along the beach in Long Island. And now this guy, he is now being accused of two more murders that are coming out of this gigantic info sweep that came out of his home. He had over 350 electronic devices in his home. Laptops, iPhones, iPads,

all the different, it's like all the styles, like smartphones, pads, fucking monitor, like what's it be full on desktop computers, all of this crazy shit. He had had this deep, deep, deep personal like fantasy life where inside of these computers they found countless torture porn, extreme, extreme media. I believe he did have a wife and kids. Yes, he was married to Asa Elarup, and they've been married,

they were married for 27 years on nines. Oh wow. I don't think they're gonna be together for very much longer. She's not convicted yet though, right? No, no, he is still accused. He is still innocent until proven guilty, but it ain't looking good.

Yeah. The main thing that they found on the computer, what they're calling a planning document. Now, this is one of those things that I don't understand why killers do this. So he wrote a document where he put very things that, a bunch of things that are extremely suspicious. They found it deleted, but then they re-assorted it. Nothing's ever deleted.

On your laptop, nothing's ever deleted. They can pull it all off. So on this document, it said it had four columns. One said problems, one said supplies, one said DS, that they believe means drop site, and one says TRG, which they believe means target. Now on the problems, you see a list of what are extremely, uh,

suspicious group of, uh, situations that he is like, if you're not murdering people and you're not like developing a new clue based board game, like this is extremely suspicious to have on your laptop, especially after you've been accused of multiple, multiple murders. So according to here on his problems were DNA, tire marks, blood stains, fingerprints, monoplastic bags, cat litter, witness, cat litter, he said because he had cats, trace source of supplies, foot, shoe prints, photos, misleaders, police stop, truck stuck, fingerprints and gloves, plastic bags matched the box hair and fiber so those are things that he knows that they're gonna look for what's

actually one of the number one things that they got on him right now which is fibers from his head that have were found in the corpse right then there's supplies so he said booties lye slash acid very suspicious. Yes. Police scanner, rope, cord, saw, cutting tools, hair nets, photo film, burn can, foam drain cleaner, body wash and wipes, tarps, medical gloves, bags, tape, large electric clips, ratcheted cargo strap. This is starting to sound suspicious.

Yeah, I know. It just sounds like, I kind of like, I love the idea of going into like Home Depot and you ever do that where you're like, if you're shopping on one of those places and I'm kind of, I like to throw something in that looks super suspicious. Yeah. Well, I go like, it'd be fun to do. Like I've always liked the idea of buying like, you know, a plunger, a big bunch of like, you know, that, like veterinarian lube, you know, like, like veterinarian lube. Oh, yeah.

You know, like, like peanut butter, marshmallows, like that'd be fun. Yeah, no, we always had to do that when we were in MurderFist. You just like go buy Kerosera, food dye, condoms, you know, all that fun stuff. Oh, yes. And now according to Dropsites, he's labeling where they found chunks of the bodies,

essentially, and then the targets, they believe that T1, Megan, is one of the victims that they have already attached to him now This is extremely damning. We have no idea where you know, they're obviously he's got a defense They are going to we're not in the trial yet So I don't normally cover these types of things until we get to the trial But this is just such insane evidence and the Face if they glued the leather on his face

He is a very, very scary man. And you can kind of just see him huffing and puffing and being the world's worst John ever. But it's also very different than a lot of serial killers in general because he is successful. Like he has got a career. He's got like a lot of times you don't see that a lot of times like, yeah, they'll have like a wife or they'll have kids. They'll have something that quote unquote, like is a pinion to normal life, but not something like this. He was very well established as a Manhattanite. A lot of people knew him. I mean a lot of connections and now everybody

is cutting them loose. Wow. Oh yeah. I mean you have to, he's got that. I hate that high haircut too. Well, yeah, I don't know. That's a wig. You think it's a wig. Can you wear YouTube hanging in prison? I don't know. Talk about the final embarrassment. I don't think it's a wig. I don't think it's a wig. Yeah, no, he's got like, you know what it is? He's so worried about his hair fibers. He looks like Kingpin in a wig. Like he looks like he looks like a super villain or like he's pretending to be a little boy Like if you gave him a big hat like a big yellow like dutch hat and a big lollipop He would look like a weird like lord fonteroy Mixed with tom sizemore. He's truly terrifying. Yeah, I don't like him. He is a scary scary like

If I just saw him without hearing or knowing of these crimes, I'd be like that guy, he's smashed someone's head in. He's a bad boss, dude. Yeah, he's a bad boss, but he is a guy, you know, the wheels of justice all moving swiftly S and he did have three children and they do. Unfortunately I am looking at his children and they look like him. They all got big face. Unfortunately they all have big face disease, but that's not their problem. It's not their fault.

It's not their fault. No, but they might have- But it is their responsibility. Yes, thank you. And they might need to get some minimizing tape for their heads, which is an incredible new thing that I've been using for years. Fucking hack killers. Make your head smaller using tape.

It's much easier to do. Pull it back. I mean, you got a tiny head too. It's really working. How do you think it got here? Yeah. All right. Do you think this is fucking, you think a tiny head this tiny is made by my mama? No, she had a big old pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Plenty of room for my head to grow in. Exactly. As far as I know, as far as according to my father, and it's like, I get out there, you can't't he does say that all the time. It's kind of crazy It's been like dad. Hey listen. This is a my sister's wedding

There's no reason to talk about the inches mom's got It's a nice day we've rented a DJ man But no it is bad and yeah, they, I, yeah. I feel for the children. I feel for his children. Because it's very complicated being the son of a serial killer. I could only imagine. I mean, technically accused. Would you rather be related to a serial killer or a spree shooter?

Well, what's the reach? I think I think serial killer killer with a movie. That's cool. Yeah. You know, I mean, sadly, this would that would be cool. Yes. Spring killers is nothing cool about. I thought it'd be kind of like, yeah, they're lame.

Yeah, they're boring. They're pussies. I think the serial killers are also lame and stupid. Well, yes, for sure. But if I was going to choose one, yeah, it'd be a serial killer. But at least they're like artistic. Well, they got a dream.

And I think that's the, you can't take that away from anybody. No matter what the dream is. Cause the dream, it could be kind of dark, it could be kind of light, but other way it's what keeps you going. And yeah, he might want to be a serial killer, but he might end up a lawyer, CEO. Yeah. Fucking accountant. You never know. You never know. It's a lot of skill sets. And yeah, he might want to be a serial killer, but he might end up a lawyer, CEO, yeah, fucking accountant. You never know. You never know. It's a lot of skillsets.

Those are the three jobs, though. Yes. For that style of brain damage. All right. So that's the big update. I'm going to cover this updates. We have a lot of Armand Mivis stuff that we're going to cover this week, which I am excited about. And then we're going into a huge series on last podcast and left right after, which is very exciting I'm very excited.

Cause I really want to learn about this. It's going to be good. Live from Northway. And all right, well, here's my big news of the day. We just found this right before. You okay? Oh no, oh no. This is, this is hard for Henry to deal with.

Do you need the Heimlich? Did you drink your tea too fast? Yes. I'm fine. That's a noise that we're definitely going to be hearing this year at the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. Yes. Because Joey Chestnut was just banned. He was just the greatest Rob is literally stunned. The greatest champion. Yeah, dude. Of in American history. Yeah. All right. Like the greatest. I view him as the last good American

hero. 16 straight championships. That's huge. Never been done any sport. But look this up, but look at why. All right. Because he's now endorsed by impossible meat. And so Nathan said, you go fuck. I can't believe that you't believe this. You can't support impossible meet. We're Nathan's. You're out. You know, they kicked out. I know. I know.

I believe that in one way. I'm getting rid of my jersey. I know he is. He has a chestnut jersey from Nathan's and he's going to burn it and it's going to burn for several days. I'm never getting Nathan. I'm back to back on Hebrew national. I know.

Fuck you, Nathan's. You treat a champion like this. As much as I'm emotionally, I'm emotionally affected. This back from the Japanese. Japanese. Yes. Yes. That guy was in.

Kobayashi. Yes. Now, Eddie, I will put a little bit of sense in here. Okay. So yes, I am the same as you. I am bereft. I don't know why in the living fuck I would watch the July 4th. I don't know why I'm so I'm celebrating it. Yeah. Without him there. At least I get to sleep in now. Yeah. But at the same time, it is their competition. All right, Nathan's, they want their competition. But I think that I do understand, it's a private competition, they want them out of it

because they don't understand. But I think that we're looking at here is, and this might be to some people, I think only a small percentage of very stupid people will say that this is too far. But I think we're looking at a Jackie Robinson moment for Joey Chestnut here. He's got to become the Jackie Robinson of impossible meat, which is that he could very possibly arrive to the

Nathan's competition with a hundred impossible, a hundred buddy. No, I'm asking our people if we could get together and do the 10,000 man March on the Nathan's hot dog competition. It's called the walk to impossibility. Yep. You need a lot of rascals. A lot of rascals. But we come in from all States and we arrive much like how George Washington fooled the British alone. Joey chestnut. We can flip the whole thing from the inside out by taking it by storm. Put a wig on them. Lady chestnut. Oh, will you refuse a lady? Josephine chestnut. Oh, I guess you're too good for a lady. That's what we'll say. And then we'll get them in the short hairs guys. This is the thing. If we show up, some of the biggest sports news I've ever fucking heard. Yeah, dude. This is the biggest thing since OJ Simpson switched

careers. Yeah. You know, that one fateful night became an actor. This is having fun with that. Joey just not is an American hero and he will not be left out. I think that we are going to be surprised how this turned out. I, we, I'm going to, we're going to watch Nathan's blank. I'm calling it now. We're going to watch them blank because we as the people are going to stand up for our boy. Yeah.

And I'll tell you what, I'm going to say it right now. The clams suck. What? Nathan's fuck their fried clams. They like to say they got good fried clams. They don't. They got shitty fried clams. Why the living fuck you, Nathan's Eddie. Why in the living fuck are you eating Nathan's fried clams? I'm not. I don't. I have, but that is the worst thing I've ever heard. When you're in Coney Island, you're supposed to eat clams. Everybody knows this. Never eat seafood out of Coney Island. Common heroin. Oh, you got to get the, the raw clams at Ruby's raw clams in Coney Island. What am I asking for? Hepatitis C for clam. I got it. I've got at least 200 in me. That's bad, dude. It's because you got four stomachs.

I'm ready to go. Do you have four stomachs for hearts? The best part about any, he can lose three hearts and still go just like a bow and seven to seven. That's what's incredible about him. He doesn't need all four hearts to operate. His fucking champion has been fucked. I know I'm angry too. I'm angry and I hope that we can fix this with violence. Yeah. I hope that we can fix this. I don't want us to be, I don't want this to be peaceably organized.

I don't want to go. I don't want to negotiate with Nathan's. I think it's time for our January 6th. I think it's our time for July 4th is our Independence Day. Also, fuck you, Nathan's for making me stand up for Impossible Meat. Yeah, that's also, I'm not going to even put that, be like, now you've put me in this position. I am not pro Impossible Beef necessarily. I'm pro Joey Chestnut. Yeah, and I go where he goes.

I do what Joey Chestnut does, except I am still a little weirded out by the Impossible Meat. It does make me a little worried. I didn't know what the fuck it is But at the same time I support Joey chestnut I know a lot of people like have a lot of opinions about about plant-based like protein stringed beef I don't know what it is I know I Actually think it's probably gonna be better for us in the long term to eat bugs instead of the protein strings It's making a lot of people upset. It's an unpopular opinion.

But you know, there's lots of bugs. There's a lot of bugs. And if we don't eat them, they're going to take over. Have you ever eaten cricket? Never. It's very good. Have you ever eaten, like, you've never had any bugs? You've ever had mealworms?

You've ever had beet? Shrimp, crawfish. That's not bugs. Kind of like bugs. Nah, they get too much meat. A real crunchy ass bug. Like a caterpillar is good. What bug have you ate?

I've had crickets and I've had caterpillars. You like them? Yeah, they taste like nuts. You really? Yeah. It's a cricket, but they usually eat the whole cricket They don't like take its guts out or anything. I don't know. I don't know. You eat its brains and shit? You eat its head? I eat whatever's there. Is it chocolate covered? Yeah. Oh, that's nice It's tastier that way. Yeah, I would try cricket. I'm not against it. We'll get you some we should order some for the studio They're making I know they make burgers out of flies now You see but I feel like I'm anti fly. Yeah, I don't want to eat fly type of fly Skeeters eat skeeters. I've never seen an elephant fly

We're with you Joey we're with you Joey we're here and we're providing the army. Yeah, we're coming right by don't you worry? You have my sword All right, I'm sending some Russians to piss on the front steps of Nathan's they're already doing front steps in Nathan's. We're already doing it. Don't worry about it. You just kind of have responsibility. Yes. You're like ISIS. Please. I'm much, I'm much better. I'm more like nicest. And I remember in Brooklyn, they also have Italian ISIS. Yes. Any tunes.com everybody is this guy. He's been ready for that. Oh my God. All right. Here we go. Actually do have another update. We did cover this guy a long time ago A Louisiana man. I think that's going a bit far calling him a man, but Rutledge deus 31 this guy

We covered him when this first happened. He was given five years probation. Oh this guy Crazy fucking this fucking charming guy. What this guy did was it he He liked to fake being a mentally handicapped man, to get female caregivers to come over and clean his soiled diapers, right? And for his own arousal. So people come over, they would, he'd be like,

Goo Goo Gaga, I need you to sort of like handle my butthole situation here. And they'd be like, okay, baby man, you kind of talk more adult than I thought you would. He's like, Goo Goo Gaga, me make big mess. I'm gonna need you to handle this brown, right? Yeah. And so they go and they wipe, they go to release the Kraken, right? Which normally, because have you ever, I haven't changed, I don't change diapers.

I've never changed a diaper and I'm trying my best to get through my entire life without changing one. You're going to change one of mine, right? So this is how you change diaper. If you guys don't know. I have wiped an ass. Yeah, when? Couple. Eh, it's a, you know, my father towards the end of his life. I don't hear a joke there, Eddie. No, there's no joke. There's no joke.

So you put your legs up. So you put your legs up like this, right? And if you can't see it at home, but this is the proper thing. So normally if you're a goo goo Gaga baby person and like, let's say you are literally actually mentally handicapped enough that you would need a diaper. I imagine you'd be in some kind of facility. These guys are saying that he's like, no, no, I'm in an alternative therapy and you to come to my house.

And so he cons these people's mostly they're all women. They come over. He's in the position in the change me, change me position with his ankles up in the air, right? And then she goes to go get at that poop, right? And the first thing that she sees is a Jesus like position. What do you mean? Like on a cross, crazy humdinger, huge ass fucking erection.

Yeah, he loves it. And they'll be like, Oh, you know, because normally they don't react like that. Yeah. And diapers aren't really made for erections because they're for babies and old people. Diapers aren't built for erections. I don't think so. Old people have erections. Not a lot. You mean to tell me there's no sex performance diaper. I don't think there is. Because people have loose booties but they don't necessarily like... Loose bootie, loose bootie. But like people get loose bootie but they don't fucking necessarily like have to be

old to have loose bootie. I imagine if you got an erection in a diaper, I could be wrong, but it wouldn't it just stretch out the legs and then the P would just leak out. This guy does look like a dildo covered in scabs. I'm not looking it up. And so to bring the story back around now, he named himself Corey, which I think is the saddest name aggravating with a mentally handicapped. I don't know why. Um, but, uh, so he may almost made it through his probation. He made it all the way to 2024. He was sentenced in 2019. He made it all the way to 2024 and he fell back on the app. He's back on the wagon, dude. He fell off the way back off the wagon. He fell off the wagon. Um, he is not doing well.

He did go and he reached out to a bunch of people said, Hey, come, he's, you know, texted Google Gaga, Mia baby, you need milk. Where's my mommy? Right. And they were like, Hey, you know, it's weird. How'd you get a phone plan? You know, and he's like, Google Gaga, me went to Verizon, Mesa got a new iPhone with my, my wonderful credit. And yeah, come Google Gaga need to be big changes Now mommy mommy, please and she's just like alright I guess if you're paying me, but I don't know if that's how that works necessarily

Anything most of the time they want to be verified, but he got scooped up immediately now the thing the guy is covered in scabs Didn't he get away with it for a while? I mean for a while because it was hard because what you find out is that one person's experience doesn't necessarily like yeah sure you meet a lot of fucking weirdos and I'm certain that in in-home care people unfortunately run into their more than their fair share of weirdos and he was pretending to be mentally challenged. Yeah like a big baby guy he was saying goo goo g, can you come over here? Um, you know, my DiP is full and I'm scared of the rain. Oh my God.

So he was going by Corey when he got caught. And then he got caught again using the name Rory Frank unavailable. The fuck is wrong with this guy. Yeah. No, I'm not Corey. I'm Rory. Yeah. Yeah. Just say no. Goo goo Gaga. Hey, yeah. It's me. Big baby Rory. Just kind of say, uh, looking for a temporary afternoon. Mommy, especially one without a daddy. February afternoon, mommy, especially one without a daddy. This guy, they should make him get tattooed on his ass. If you're changing my diaper, call the cops. Yeah, exactly. If you see this, you've just got crimes. What have you got too late tattooed

above his dick? It's just been like, God damn it. He's like, got you. Man, they love showing pictures of his fucked up face. He is gross. Yeah. He's disgusting. He's picking out his scabs. Yeah.

He's kind of funny. I guess you wouldn't expect them. They never look like Jared Leto. Yeah. You never see one of these guys and you're ever like, that's a handsome guy. I'm like, Oh, what's wrong with him? He is exactly who you'd if you'd asked me to draw a picture of who you think this guy is, you would draw this guy. It would look like that. He has that because you know what it is. It's very similar to her bowmeisterister big top of head. Yeah big top of head. He sort of has um, he kind of looks like um,

upside down parking cone Twinkie bird Tweety bird. Tweety bird. He does look like tweety bird. He's got tweety bird head. Yeah. Yeah Twinkie bird twinkie bird twinkie birds down at the mineshaft Getting his asshole ringed out by Big Winnie. What's his real name? Rutledge. Rutledge. His first name is Rutledge.

And I want to say this to new parents, the new parents out there. OK, listen. A name is never to blame for a kid's behavior or attitude. Doesn't help if you hear the apocryphal song, A Boy Named Sue, you know that it caused his life to be very difficult. Right. And it's not, I know obviously now things are more complex about stuff like that. Yeah. If you name your kid Rutledge, he's gonna kill a mate. If you name a kid Rutledge, he is by far, he is the most dangerous child at the private school.

Starting out in a rut. Yes, very much so. When I see Rutledge, I hear, mommy, bring me another butler. Like that's all I see. I just see a boy with like weird little twindle legs, like little spaghetti legs. He can't fit and he's just like, and all he does is kill the pets. Yeah, no, he looks like he's, Rutledge sounds like it's the brother of Mutley. Rutledge, off the dog!

Rutledge! Get off the dog, Rutledge! Oh, it's Rutledge the Fourth! Yeah, that's his real name. Rutledge the Fourth. So they had three to get him right. And guess what, buddy? I guess the comm don't run that

far downhill because it sounds like he fucked up. He's a multiplicity clone of his own father. Damn. Nothing but recessive genes. And that's one of the hardest parts about having kids. Kids use the jeans. Not in this day and age. That's why we brought you LPN eugenics. Come on down here. The LPN genetic scientists. We are making an incredible thing. I will make sure your kid has back hair to grow them up funny. All right. Here we go. Next story. Are we, oh man, I don't know if I want to talk about this one or not, but let's bring it up quick. The guy, I feel like just because it's so violent, we have to talk about it. Which one? The guy who bashed in four people's head with a pipe and then killed three of them because

he wanted, they wanted a movie to be made out of it. This is a fucking loser. Yeah. All right. So this was in Cedar Rapids. A Marion man held on $4 million bail after he killed three with a metal pipe. Why give him bail? Because they have to.

If you kill three people with a metal pipe, you do not have to give him bail. I actually, this is one of those like lawyer questions, side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com. I believe with certain types of crimes and in certain states, they have to give bail or there's a way that it breaks down where they- Three murders? Because I think what it comes down to, it's flight risk. Is it can they leave? Like, can they, how do they have-

What if he's a spree shooter? Well I think that that would be different. I think that because... But it's the same thing. He killed three people. If he did it with a gun or a pipe, who gives a fuck? Right, but I feel like it's because he did it with a pipe and a pipe is a real slow way to do it.

The gun's a real fast way to do it. And what, so you're more quickly to leave? I think that you're more quickly to go shoot a bunch of people and you can kill a lot more people faster. Not if they take your gun. Exactly. Unless you upgrade two bombs. That's very bad. So this piece of shit, Luke Wade Truesdale, 34 years young, looks like shit for 34 years old. Of course. He's trying to get famous by bashing in people's heads with pipes.

So this guy, he killed somebody with the metal pipe. Three people. But yes, it started with one person. But then what I guess he decided to do was kill two more because he believed that his crimes were not interesting enough to be caught on film. Is that what he wanted was to sell his story and it become a big true crime, new movie of the week on Netflix or something like that. But guess what, buddy? You kind of also have to be interesting. That's the thing. Unfortunately, the you still need a story.

Even Wonderland sucked. And just like local fat moron with pipe is just our lives. Yeah, it's not a fucking movie. You know what I mean? That's Ed and I's life. Yeah, I go and sit. I can have a fucking movie. You know what I mean? That's Ed and I's life. I go and sit, I can have a pipe and hang around and go, I know what's going to fucking care about my fucking movie. And if I do kill a bunch of people. Yeah. He said that it would be made into a movie and that's why he did it. So obviously the movie can't get made. Well,

no. And we're just going to rat in this guy and say, he's fucking too ugly to have a good Hollywood double. He's going to say he's fucking too ugly to have a good Hollywood double. Who's going to play him? Well, fuck it. Yeah. The only person that could play this piece of shit in a movie is one of the grips. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like he is not going to be, he is not ready for prime time.

These guys. Yeah. So fuck him. And it's sad because I do want to shout out the victims, Keanu Victoria Ryan, Lamar Cooper, Amanda Sue Parker, and Brett Anthony Brown, which is, and it's very sad because, and then hopefully this guy doesn't get what he wants at all.

But he's just like, he's just a fucking loser. And anybody who does that, it's like, it doesn't make you interesting. That's what, I mean, I know that it's like, it doesn't make you interesting. That's what I mean. I know that it's like technically a silly argument, but this idea that you being a serial killer makes you interesting is actually honestly at this point. It's kind of hack. Yeah. Beginning error, beginning error 1479 on Reddit says he's a known meth dealer in

town. Oh, sure. He's probably, it's very hard to be an unknown meth dealer because that means you're just in the hard scrap. No, you're just doing it. Yeah, you're just making meth. That's not a dealer if you're not selling it. Man, fuck this guy.

I don't even want to talk about him anymore. No, fuck him, done. Yeah, done, next. Flush, bye fucker. We'll see what happens to this guy. He's probably not going to do well in jail No, they're gonna fucking they're gonna stick pipe up his ass Here we go, this is more fun for side stories

history chicken mystery This is honestly this has been happening so much lately I I think it's always happened and and then now it's just because it's like a trend to report on it. I think this is a phenomena across side stories that I have discovered of all the years have been doing this that crimes really do for some reason happen in waves. And they, and I don't know why. And I think it might be a little bit of what you're saying there, which is like that whatever that base, that basis of like, uh, I've heard what the term is when you hear something for the first time and then you see it a bunch of different places. And I don't know whether or not is they saw the dumb traction that

the pile of meat story got to, they're going to report on this pile of meat story, but it's, it is strange how often with side stories, if one type of story comes out, there's like two more of the same style. And this is fucking weird. This is another one of like, yeah, why are people doing this? It's actually now we know it's very bad for the environment. This is a you Connors dog finds a pile of cooked rotisserie chickens out in the wilderness. 40, 40 chickens, 40 chickens. They got a picture of the dog and it's then underneath it says, here's Aussie possibly thinking about chicken. It's cute. It's not, you dog and it's then underneath it says, here's Aussie possibly thinking about chicken.

It's cute. Is it this? How you know it's Canadian? So this is a Canadian story. They love how cute it is. This is according to CBC news. That was the thing. So, so Linda Lamers was out for a walk with Aussie when the dog caught the set and found

more than 40 root history chickens dumped in a heap in the woods. Now it may have been a dream come true for the dog, but it was less than ideal for Lamers. I just want to know why. Lamers said there's a big smelly bunch of cook chicken. It's just 500 meters from homes. I mean that's, that's pretty far. It's far enough. And I also like it. Here we go. Here's her putting her fucking detective cap on these weren't in the ditch said Lamers. They would have had to have been dragged here intentionally. Oh yeah. If they were all in a ditch, then they found their way in. You think they got kicked out of their house? Yeah. You think they moved out from their fucking parents house? The 40 rotisserie chickens and they're on a camping trip. This is extra aggravating

for me because I do know that because they're cooked chickens, like this dog could have easily died. Oh, of course. We cover this with, we cover this with the meat pile. The meat pile was actually extremely bad for the environment. It's bad for the animals. It's bad for everything. But like cooked bones, they like splinter off more than uncooked bones. They're extremely bad. They shouldn't be eating the bones unless they're a bull mastic. Right. According to Lam Lamers. She was just like, oh, you know, there's only 500 meters from me home All right. Mm-hmm. No, I take and I try to I don't like it Goddamn it. I'm was going Irish

No, don't you know I'm massive in fact, yeah, I mean who knows I'm an Amers. Oh, that's a massive attractant. She said she doesn't like the birds I don't even have bird seed out at this time of year because I'm worried what's going to attract bears. Same thing with nemenstrations. I am worried they're going to smell me bloods coming from the waters and they're going to come out that a fish start jumping at my pussy bloods. Did you know if you got your manars too close to the ocean, an octopus can jump up and grab

at your clit. They're coming for your bloods. I know. I know as a Canadian woman, that's why I'm plugging it up. Yeah. So five football fields away from a house is how far they ditch these. Is that far enough for you? Oh yeah.

I eat. Yeah. So you don't have a problem with the ditch chicken? No, I don't want the chickens there because now I know it's bad, but it's more like where did the chickens come from? And it sounds like this is some kind of, again, this is some form of unfortunately light Canadian warfare. Yeah, I think they probably just couldn't sell them. But that's a lot of chickens.

No one buys 40 chickens and throws them in the woods. You can make the same statement with 20 chickens. unless it was about art. Oh, this is art Maybe there's something here this kind of a I can see kind of like a student here Yeah, you know these chickens are birds. They should be free birds live in the forest. It could have been a lot more I mean animals could have gotten to this and by taking a couple home. One by one by one by one. Yeah. Like they're the 101 Dalmatians. Well, a fox grabs one, brings it back to its little hole. But yeah, that's 40 of them. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. They're at 40 left. To this 40. Oh, but where do they come from? If she was the first person, if her and her

dog were the first two to find this. I'm afraid that my menstrual blood brought the chickens and I feel like the rotisserie chickens are attracted to my menses. I'm saying if she's the first one to find it and there were no other sign of animals, she's a suspect. You know, I fucking believe that. You know, I believe some Canadian fucking attention hungry woman who's so sick and no one caring about how the gerbils come after her when she's got a fucking hot flash. Cause they're trying to warm up in the winter.

She says a lot of fucked up shit and she's really sick of people not paying attention to her. So she staged this whole thing. Yeah. If all, if these are 40 intact rotisserie chickens 500 meters from a house. That means that she either walk past the person who did it or was a part of the dumping herself. I actually agree. And now people go gather around,

look at the heap of rotisserie chickens and she gets to say weird stuff like I once lost my cat and what I did was I ate a bunch of fish, right? And I farted real loud so then that cat could find its way home. Oh, Lamers. Get out of here, Lamers. But you know, right now, obviously she's traumatized and we're making fun of this woman and we shouldn't be. Because this is one of the worst things that can happen to somebody because nothing to a chicken. I mean, to a woman, a Canadian woman. One of the single worst things that can happen to a woman is seeing a pile of rotisserie chickens

she just can't launch into. Because that's my ultimate torture. Man. There was a pile of rotisserie chickens and I could- That's also good. You know I love rotisserie chicken. Man, I can eat the, I mean,

that got me through so much of my life. That's still, how? I still eat my rotisserie chicken alone in my car after I go to the store So, you know those places in Brooklyn that sell chickens like live Like feathers like your stuff, but now you buy a chicken there. Yeah, they're like 20 bucks Yeah, how come a rotisserie chicken is like 599 because a rotisserie chicken is mostly rat meat chicken is mostly rat meat. I'm just saying if I don't have to pluck and kill and cook the chicken myself. Because one is the freshest possible meat ever and it is an entire chicken.

I guess you can get eggs from it. If you wanted to keep it, but I think you have to fuck it. Yeah. Don't you have to give it something? Don't you have to like play with its clit or something? Like how do you make it? No, you do have to fuck a chicken for it to start producing eggs. But don't you have to do something? It's not you fucking it. That's why all farmers should be imprisoned.

But it's not you fucking it, right? Go from farm aid to farm aids. Isn't there something you got to do to chickens? We love farmers. We like farmers. I'm fine with them. I don't know any. I'm fine with them. There's two piles of chicken. Yes. That's what I'm saying. It's weird. But I'd like to know, side stories, LPOTLGMeals.com, how do chickens have eggs? I think they just shit them out. Yeah, I know. I'm pretty sure they just shit them out.

You gotta start them off with something. You need a rooster to fertilize them. Otherwise they're just delicious eggs. But I think that they're only to make more chickens, but I think they are just eggs if they come out. But how do you make them have eggs if they're not about to, if they're not having a baby chickens, but I think they are just eggs if they come out. But how do you make them have eggs if they're not about to, they're not having a baby? You shake them and slap them. Wow. Amazing.

Is that what they did with Kate plus eight? Remember her? Yeah. Where's she at? She's probably fucking scissoring the Octomom. That makes me hard as Christ. Just thinking about it makes me hard as the savior himself slowly drowning into my own lung butter. Ready to come in front of my mom. What's next? I don't know. Are we, I think we're done with the stories. I do

think we might've gotten through all of the stories. They be the raging boner stories. Oh no, I got a great one. I forgot. Yay. What's this woman eating my snake. Oh yeah. How did we forget about the woman and I eat my snake. Yeah. This is a good one. Now there's a missing woman and they found her. They found her. Yeah. Dead inside of a 16 foot Python. Last place you ever look. Yeah, I know. It's so hard. It's always like, where did I see your keys?

Where did I put mom? You know what it is? It's because the key is honestly, this is what I hope that their family learns from this. The key is Eddie, truly don't be a leaver. Be a putter. Well, I thought you were going to say be a beaver. If don't be a leaver. You can't just leave mom places. You got to put her in the snake.

And if you put it's like you can't leave your keys places. You have to put your keys where they need to go. That's very smart. I like that. Natalie told me that. And I still don't do it. So what happened to you? Because I was like, I was just throw my keys wherever the first

I'm always I am in a constant Never ending search for my keys and wallet. I always stick in like a really weird place every time I'm always like I'll remember is it's in a really weird place exactly Where I wouldn't put it so I gotta know it's there and I know not to do that. And I still do it because why we dip. It's called a problem. It's called, I'm losing short-term memory rapidly, but I'm choosing it over my feelings. All right. So this poor lady was drowned by a, no, she was, she was human. All right. So this woman was found dead inside the belly of a snake. I don't know how she got there. I think that she, she, she obviously kind of, she went quietly,

weirdly the husband of 45 year old Farida in residence of column pong village and South Salawesi. Oh wow. I nailed it. Yeah. It was perfect. Discovered her on Friday inside a reticulated Python. So they came to go look for her. She was gone. They found her shoes. They found her belongings. Um, and then they went and they saw kind of things missing. And then they found a dug out sort of furrow. They watched the snakes way of going. And then they found a, a snake with a giant mom size pot belly. She had to have been tiny. Do they give her sizes? She's 16 foot. 16 foot.

You don't give her size. I know but I don't think the snake could take me is what I'm saying. I actually I wonder I think the snake could eat you. No. A snake eats alligators. My shoulders. But a python can eat an alligator. I don't know a smaller gator maybe. No we talked about it. I just was on that gator tour. Yeah, they can't. Pythons eat gators. That's the problem right now is that they have to go. The Gators are getting eaten out. Yeah. But they're getting eaten. But like crazy, three, four footers, 12 footers. We know it's decimating the Gator population because the, because the pythons are an invasive species in the Everglades and they're eating all the Gators. So someone has to go kill all the snakes and then let the Gators get big enough to kill them again. Yeah. No, but

the pythons are, they're doing good down there. But this go here. They're one, one Python tried to eat like a six foot gator and it busted out its belly. I love that fucking scientists. Now this guy, so it does squeeze you to death, it kills you. So residents in Southeast Salloway says, to none, I'm not even going to try it. I'm just going to say Teetown. District killed an eight meter python which was found and strangling and eating one of the farmers in the village. In 2022, a woman in Indonesia's Jambi province was killed and swallowed whole by a Python. In 2018, a woman was found dead inside a seven meter Python.

Whoa, that's small. That's small. It is. It's honestly, I feel like seven meter, seven meter, seven meter. That's 21 feet, 21 feet. Okay. That, that is huge. Yes. And in 2022, a 16 foot albino reticulated Python that slithered through a Texas neighborhood for months was finally rescued and returned to its owner. I remember that. You wrote this fucking article. You're going back from feet to meters back and forth. It's AI.

Go fuck yourself. No one's writing anything anymore. All right. This is written by the cloud. It's so aggravating. Yes. If you're right, you keep one measurement through the entire article. They're just right.

They know one, they're desperate to keep their jobs. If you went from feet to yard, I wouldn't even be as bad. This is all Siri doing this. All right, Siri is writing articles now, right? That's why we as a group need to go the independence of this and I mean this Eddie. Mm-hmm It starts with Joey chestnut. Yeah on July 4th that day Yeah, it started we need to fight the corporations and that's how we do it Oh my god that day with the one corporation we can get our hands around its neck. Does Marvin Heemeyer have any children? Daddy?

Is that my daddy? Whoa! Is this footage? Oh, it's a video of them cutting it up! Whoa! Where did you find this, Rob? Whoa, she's like a piroshki! Oh my god.

Whoa, they're cutting her out of it! It's so kind of delicious looking and all. Whoa! Holy smokes. Wow, she's cutting her out of it. It's so kind of delicious looking and all. Whoa. Holy smokes. Wow, she's in her clothes.

Damn. She's still in makeup. Oh my god. That's incredible. I can't believe this. Is it odd to say I feel bad for the snake? What do you mean you feel bad for the snake? I'm just saying the snake doesn't know.

Well, you thought it got the biggest prize of its life. It doesn't know. And now they're just cutting its stomach open. I didn't know that the snake could eat Talbots. I didn't know that was a part of its lifestyle. Oh my god. Did your mom shop at Talbots? Yeah, occasionally.

Not really though. Talbots was the nice one. Julie's mom loves Talbots. She keeps sending Julie Talbots clothes and I'm like, my wife's not that old. Can you please stop sending her these clothes? You're not having sex with the woman that runs a reading group inside of a YMCA. Fucking crazy. This video.

I'm speechless. Yeah. They just like, she is all the way inside that thing. She is small. Oh my God. She's a small lady. Yeah. They're fine.

Now they're bringing a blanket to cover up. Let's grab a napkin. It does look like a picnic blanket. We might need a napkin for this one. Okay. Oh my fucking God. This one might get coopy. Okay. So they found the snake all the way in the woods. Yeah, dude. It fucking was going home. It was fucking it added huge ass launch and they put the caution at the

end of the video. They put the trigger warning. Whoever wrote this article, it's both killing an animal and a dead corpse. And it's like, you just see it at the very end. Caution. So good. Oh God. They're doing the Lord's work in Indonesia. You know, you just got to be careful out there. Never trust a snake that you don't know personally.

It's like meeting your dealer. Oh man. Oh God, that's so upsetting looking. It's fun. I like it. I mean, honestly. It shows me that how, to me it's like weirdly, I'm like, that's America nature.

Yeah, it is. I watched that and I was like, that's cool that nature can do that. I know it's bad, but I just feel like as humans, we so very rarely lose to wild animals. Like we beat wild animals fucking 9.9 times out of 10, you know? So every once in a while it's for them to get one. I think her family should get free beer for life.

Yeah, dude. Fucking, you know, who should fucking hit them up is Miller. Yeah. Miller. Miller's got to get in on this. Yeah. Miller living the high life. Living the high life being like, I am, you know, my wife may have been eaten by a snake, but hey, Miller high life, champagne or beers. Snakes got you down. Yeah. Miller high life.

Snakes eat your wife. Yeah. Snakes eat your wife. Have nine Miller high lives. All right. Wow. Cool. Those bad feelings just go away. Thanks. Champagne or beers. God. Do we need to go out and kill all the snakes? No. No. Just there's something that happens and we need to accept it.

I feel that snakes move slow enough. And I'm not a victim. They're pretty fast. They are. They can be. I know. But I'm still saying that I do feel that in some ways this was avoidable. For sure. I feel that they could have. this could have not have happened to this woman. Yeah. I do feel that part of it. I know that pythons are extremely, especially reticulated pythons are very aggressive.

Yeah. 16 feet. Very big. No, I'm not saying that it's not awesome. It's almost three of me. I'm not getting... In length. Yeah.

I'm not saying it's not awesome. Yeah. I'm just saying that I feel like the lady, it was, there was a series of mistakes that were made for sure. And it led to this. Yeah. Definitely. You got to keep the window closed. Yeah. She wasn't inside of a Chick-fil-A. No. When this happened, if she was inside of a piece of like society in that way, in terms of like, if she was in an office building and got ate by the pythons We got a python problem. We need to look at it. She was in the pythons house Yeah, there's so many people in Indonesia too that this is just gonna happen. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah

Even by Gators you got the big good spiders, but yeah, that's a terrifying. Yeah, it's very scary Well, hey, you know what Eddie I think you'd know if a snake was coming. Thank you I think you would know yeah, cuz I would have invited him. You'd be like, oh my friend Don't eat me friend. I don't let him sleep in your bed No, cuz then what they do sometimes is they measure you in your sleep Yeah, they think when you you see a snake just laying straight next to you It's really just sizing up to see if it can eat you or not, right? Well that I might be It might be I think it's cool though. It is cool. Yeah, I, it's really just sizing up to see if it can eat you or not, right? Well, that might be a riddle. Is that a wives tale? It might be.

I think it's cool though. It is cool. Yeah. I hope it's true. I hope it's true. Yes, but I think it might be fake. Yeah, but don't sleep with snakes. No, no.

You should keep them in their cage. Yeah, and gators. Don't sleep with gators either. Do you let a snake free rein around a house? Do you let a snake crawl around? No, they have aquariums. But do they need out time? Like my friend, not my friend, my neighbor has a parrot.

I think they take them out. If you're not going to take the steak out of the cage, then why you have it? Well, cause then you're, I mean, it just means you're just highly desperate for attention. You're going to be one of the snake people on a boardwalk. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, you don't buy it. I don't know if snakes need that. I had a hamster. I used to take him out all the time. Oh, they don't need to go outside every day. Spending time outdoors can be enriching for them. Like what? Like reading a book. What do you mean a snake? I mean, I know I have a lot of friends. I have a lot of friends that do have snakes and I know that they do have personalities and they are actually very interesting animals, but it's not for me.

I'm sorry. All right. Let's get some letters. All right. Buddha Buddha Buddha. My mother-in-law Janice wasted away and died of cancer in a pretty dramatic and traumatic way. Is that how you started that? This is literally how I did not know. I honestly did not know. Remember that that was the first line of the email. As I said, booty, booty, booty.

But yes, that is unfortunate. But we're leaving it at that because that's called that's called being human, man. And you got to see you to see that about me. Now, 20 years later, after that sad story, now 20 years later, funny story, I'm sure. My children and my wife and I interact with her at least once a month. My ass has been pinched many times. Janice never met me, but I think she probably would have pinched my ass in life as well. Janice also slammed doors and opened cabinets and moved

things on shelves. Occasionally I'll hear my kids holler from the other room. They asked Janice to knock it off. Whatever she might be doing at that time. We don't really have a problem with it. I suppose if we move, we might smudge or something to let her rest. But in the meantime, it's nice to occasionally feel a booty pinch. Now, I don't like a booty pinch. I mean, neither. I feel that there is a piece of information missing from this email because it goes straight from really sad, extremely touching in a way of talking about this woman dying of very rapidly of rapid onset cancer. But then it just jumped the booty pinches. And I don't know where the booty pinches started. It started while she was alive. It was while she was

in hospital. You never knew her. No. Is she booty pinching him? Is that not technically? And I hate to do this guys. Is that not technically sexual assault? Well, what are you going to do? Lock up the ghost? Yes. It's already locked up. Call Ed and Lorraine Warren. Are there people to come over and exercise the ghost and put it in ghost jail, which is hell. I think it goes to hell. I don't know if I think that Satan likes what it's doing here. I feel that this is, I mean, I don't know.

And I'm not trying to come up to her mother. So what's the wife say? I don't know. We don't know. We don't have enough information to really talk about that. This is just the father of the family explaining about how he loves his ghost mother-in-law's touch on his bottom That's all this letter is Interesting. Yeah, so he likes that his mom his wife's dead mom touches his butt

Grabs his ass. Yeah, he likes that Weird. Yeah, that's real weird. Hey It's just listener emails. These are just listener emails. I don't write them. Yeah, no, you don't. They come in, but I think about them. And they haunt me. All right, Janice. Good work.

Time travel encounter. This is the last one. See, but the grandmas, they usually pinch cheeks. Not those cheeks. Oh, they're both cheeks. They are. All right. No, my grandmother never once touched me below the belt.

Because if she did, I'd call that bad. I don't think that's bad. I would not want my mom. My mom's never touched my butt since it's physically hitting me below the belt. Because if she did, I'd call that bad. I don't think that's bad. I would not want my mom, my mom's never touched my butt since physically hitting me as a child. She's never, never caressed, never a pinch. I can't even imagine my mother pinching me on my buttocks. The only time I've ever been pinched on my buttocks

has been by a very inappropriate boomer woman. Yeah, that's happened to me a lot. Yes, I've mostly been touched in that way. Yeah. But even that honestly, I could take more. Really? I just haven't gotten a lot of it. I've gotten plenty.

I know you get a little touchy touches. I hate it. You got more meat. I think my problem honestly is that my butthole is so, it's my butt. Like my butt is, if you try to get at my butt, you're going straight to the hole. As it is. I think that our fans are surprisingly respectful. Yes, of course.

Also, like it's only happened to me like in actual comedy clubs around drunk people that just go to comedy clubs. And again, it's always a very sauced older lady in a specific type of outfit with a certain color of hair. And it is a type of blonde hair. Yeah. Oh, dude, it's always blonde. Always blonde.

Why is it always blonde? I mean, I don't know. It's so crazy. I think it's the peroxide. I think it does something to their brains at some period of time because we are just look like big waggling around dicks to them. And guess what? We're not just meat.

We're not just fuck machines. Yeah, man. We're not just me. We're not just fuck machines. Yeah, man We're poets last time I did West Palm I got off stage and I had a killer set and some lady fucking grabbed my dick as I was walking back to the green room Again, it's like I got it's both Wow. We got to kick down fuck. Yeah, I gotta get down You gotta be careful. I should have called the goddamn cops. You should have just immediately pushed Punched her husband her husband, just deck her husband.

The first thing I think it was been then Christ like behavior and shown her the true meaning of the crucifixion. Christ is alive. Christ is alive. Every time we get a boner, every time. Ah, Jesus Christ. He must be here. There you go. Christ is alive. Every time we get a boner, every time. Oh Jesus Christ. He must be here. There you go. Time travel encounter. I was re-listening to the Alaska triangle episode. Thank you. And there was a part in the show where you talked about how you would love to meet a time traveler. I would specifically about having to ask somebody what the about what year it is. This reminded me of an experience I had with one of my coworkers that I felt I had pushed into the recesses of my mind.

I was working at a local bank in Cottonwood Heights, Utah. There were only five guys that worked there. We knew the regulars and even the people who came in on occasion. It was extremely likely that one of the five of us had opened the accounts for people who banked at our branch. They knew everybody. It was rare that we'd see someone come in and that one of us did not recognize. Small town.

There was one particular day. We had been open for two hours. So when the lights in the lobby seemed to have dimmed just a little, it was almost like when the clouds covered the sun, but it was a gray winter day. No one was in the lobby. We didn't have dimmers at our branch, right? My coworker, Connor and I both looked at each other

and Connor said, spooky. And we laughed. Not even a second after we had stopped laughing, a gentleman walked in. I did not recognize this man, neither did Connor. I remember thinking that something felt off. His dress was unusual for mid-March in Utah. He was in cargo shorts, a golf polo, and a black zipped up hoodie with a hood pulled over his head.

Most people usually took hoods or hats off when they came into the bank. He did not. He quickly walked up to me without getting a deposit slip, handed me his debit card, and asked if I could check his balance. I was not required to check his ID for a balance check, so I told him it was showing $148,000. He glanced up at me and said, what year is it? I told him it was 2020. He saidanced up at me and said, what year is it? I told him it was 2020. He said quietly but firmly, he said, really? Oh fuck. Grabbed his card off the

counter and left in one single motion. I looked over at Connor and said, that was really fucking weird. And then right then the lights undimmed, like the clouds moved away from the Sun. Again, it's a gray winter day. We looked around and I said, what happened? What was that? When our manager came in later, we told him what had happened. He did not recognize the guy's name in the account. And after further digging, we did

notice that the guy had no other transactions in his account aside from his account being open and the amount of $148,000 deposited into account almost exactly one month prior. We all agreed that this was very strange. Still even now it's hard to wrap my head around him saying, really? Oh fuck. When I told him the year that he misused his time travel, he didn't seem like a strung out druggy.

I never saw him again. But it asks us the ID. What would have said so many unanswered questions to me. First thing in my mind is old boy, old boy. You ever see old boy? You know, I never seen old boy, dude. You ha I am so happy for you. You get to see it. So fucking good. Don't watch the Brolin one. No, no, I love Brolin. Yeah, me too. But still watch old boy. He's kept in a prison for no, he doesn't know why for 10 years. And he gets out and it just sounds like a guy literally that was held in captivity and someone put money in his account while he was in captivity and then they let him out.

What? So there's a couple of things that don't make sense to me. Many things. First off, I don't believe the time travelers are going to wear cargo shorts. I don't. Yeah. But if there were going to be and you needed things to hold in your pockets. I'm currently wearing cargo shorts.

Yes. And I'm saying this, but do you don't think that you would travel through time? You've given the opportunity. Never. Wow. No, never. No. Whoa.

Of course not. Maybe the go, maybe the future, but not to the past. See I maybe the go maybe the future but not to the past See, I'm more afraid of the future than the past. Well, you if you go the future you can't fuck anything up Yeah, you can no you just come back No, because then you can know the future which actually might be even more damaging But you know it won't be the future because you know it and so you're obviously no matter what you do when you come back It's gonna be different. I think that you're gonna fuck. No, if you go in the past, you cannot touch anything. I do believe you go in the past and you can go and not, you could like be led through by a guy.

Definitely going to fuck shit up. I feel like at some point if it is true, you'd go through with like a guide. A guide? I would teach you how to, you would like, you would go and you would have that in my mind, you'd have the day of the action taking place and you'd go to like parts of time where you just kind of like See something happening. I'd like to go watch the past. I'd be really into that the chrono visor I mean there's a chrono visor shit. I'd be down with that Yes, but I don't want to like I don't want anyone to be able to see me or anything like that

Or like, you know be able to touch anything or like, you know, I would be cool I would love to do acid and I actually saw some stuff at contact that was talking a little bit about that about how it would probably be much easier to see the future than to go to the future. Yeah, the future. See the past instead of go to the past. Well, yeah, because how are you going to bring the body? Also people always do the time travel thing and they end up in like the fucking middle

ages and it's like, well, if you're in Indiana, you you're not gonna be in Europe. No, cuz you travel time. No, you're gonna be in Indiana You're right. You're absolutely correct. You're talking about a massive problem with amongst most time travel films. Yeah, it is correct You can't change location. Well, I don't know it depends on this. It's very subjective back to the future They stayed in the same place at least. Yes, they did we but again I think that that's probably one of the most successful time travel movies besides primer primers not successful at all because I don't even know what the fuck you're talking about you never seen primer I think I watched it once it's awesome have you seen primer it was

made for eight dollars it's awesome it's great script that's the one with the storage unit one right yeah yeah Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We watched that together. I think I'm pretty certain we did. Yeah. Great. I don't like it. Time crimes.

Good sci-fi movie. I like Looper. Time crime. Looper. Looper is also incredible. I forgot about it. And I also forgot. Yeah.

Today's been journal, teenage mutant ninja turtles for some reason ended up in feudal Japan, even though they went through the time machine in New York. Yeah. Makes no sense. It's almost like it's some kind of convenience for the screenplay. Yeah. What a great episode today's been. It really is.

Every day I live knowing that Jesus Christ. Oh, also my other problem with the story. I forgot to mention the second thing that pissed me off. No bank manager is going to tell some stranger about someone else's bank account. You would tell the other employees about the bank account But this wasn't an employee. He was yeah, it was they're both employees at the bank. Okay, I take it back. Thank you See I live every day. I Live every day knowing that I live as Christ lived waiting to die so I can finally be hard

Goddamnit, and then I can laugh as everybody's like Pontius Pilate's like, God damn. Yeah, he can nail me. See that fucking nine inch fucking thick ass savior ass fucking cock, right? And they can love the fact that he's not fucking wanting me to die anymore. He's wanting me to live so I can give it to him back in his old fashion. And I'm going to change because that's how I'm going to change fucking history. I'm going to go back in time. I'm going to see fucking yeah, the treasure out of jerking.

I'm going to see Jesus is his hard ass fucking cock. I'm a suck that dick. Right. Oh yeah. Oh, I guess it is probably at mouth level. Cause it's not a cross. I'm going to freak everybody out. I'm going to make the whole world gay.

Well, I don't know. This is already a bunch of Italians there. I'm gonna suck Jesus Christ's dick and everyone's gonna be like, Whoa, I didn't know we could do that. Whoa, that guy's awesome. Who's he? And I go, see you in 2024. Idiots.

Yeah, leave. Wipe my mouth. Cargo shorts. This has been Sides Stories. Go check us out, patreon.com slash last podcasts on the left. You can see our bodies flop around. See us on socials at LP on the left for what I don't know, but go look at it. They are making stuff on there. They're working hard.

Go look at it. Go into last podcast with a love.com buy tickets to see us live. We're crushing it out there. Side stories coming to Chicago. September 13th, man. That's going to be great. The Chicago LP last podcast show was sold out. Yep.

So if you want to see us and you missed the tickets for that, you got to come see side stories the night before drive to Philly. Take your family to Philadelphia. Well, that guess that's in December. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Yes. I was talking about Chicago in September drive to Philly. Yes, that yes, that's in December. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Yes. I was talking about Chicago in September.

Drive to Philly. Yes, we're doing it. Guys. We love you so much. Listen to the brighter side also. Yeah. You go listen to his other show. It's good.

Yeah, it's fun. And I love you guys very much. Hail Satan. Um, I don't got any mail. Hail the old lady from Indonesia. Poor lady. I feel so bad for her and her family. Hey man.

I just fucking just don't get eaten by a goddamn snake. I know. That feel so bad for her and her family. Hey man. I just fucking just don't get eaten by a goddamn snake. I know that's all you got to do. This show is made possible by listeners like you. Thanks to our ad sponsors. You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to, go to LastPodcastNetwork.com.