Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Ghosted

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the Lake Michigan Mothman, a woman has marital troubles with her ghostly groom, Chris Watts, hot spring chicken, and MUCH MORE.Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0

Hey there buddy, don't forget there's plenty of Last Podcast Network merch available over on LastPodcastMerch.com. We got shirts for all of your favorite shows like Wizard of the Bruiser and Page 7 and No Dogs in Space and of course plenty of stuff for Last Podcast on the left. Go to LastPodcastMerch.com. Thank you. Hey guys, who else is super excited to have a Winking Skeleton for president? Yay!

I actually love skeletons. Me too. It's spooky. Always Halloween. Yeah! We went from a pumpkin to a skeleton. Sometimes you can hear him go... Uh oh, look out ladies.

Everybody, please calm down. Please. Everybody, please calm down. Am I as good as Jim Carrey? You are so good as Jim Carrey. Everybody please, my name is Joe Barlin and I need people to please for the love of God stop trying to kill me. You may have gotten the part if you were an SNL cast member, unfortunately they just cast

those people to, like, get coffee for the celebrities they hire? Mm-hmm. But then they get to feel really important at the up fronts. Don't they? Welcome to Side Stories, everyone. This is Ben hanging out with Henry for those that don't know the up fronts or when you're a star on the rise and you go and you show your boobs and your penis

to a bunch of people who then judge it. You say people, you mean advertisers. They're not people. They have no blood. No. Until they're fired and then they become people again. But it's weird how they magically transform into people and then they remember their people.

Indeed. Well, also speaking of people. Alex Trebek. I can't believe it yet. So Alex Trebek, I'm sad. It's old. It's old person talk, but I'm sad. That is the most vague segue you have ever done.

I've ever, you said speaking of people, which is a category of existence. You could have even said something about apples and I would have been like speaking of apples. People eat apples, speaking of people. See, that's how you get there. That's the segue. So how about speaking of apples, how about a good apple

who's now a brown apple? It's Alex Trebek. By the way, let Alex Trebek let his body cool before they decide who's the next Jeopardy host. Have you seen these disgusting piranha? They're coming for it. Circling the body already. There's a power vacuum in the.

George Stephanopoulos. They're talking George Stephanopoulos. Hey man, Trivie is not going to ask itself. Actually it does. It's just on the cards. It's just on the cards. They could have a robot do it. They should have the robot that beat Ken Jennings

be the new host of Jeopardy. Oh shit. What was his name? Like Mac 10, but then he got busted with a bunch of child porn. It's not Mac 10, it's not Mac 10. It's things like, he's like Bob Burt, Rib Robb. Yeah.

Rib Robb, the know-it-all robot, let him be in charge. Why? And then also let's elect that person, that robot to be president of the United States. It would be good if you think about effectiveness, but it would be bad if you think about humanity. Yes. Ken Jennings, I'm sorry.

Very smart, but is he going to be the host of Jeopardy? Am I looking at that face every day? I don't think so. All right. I never understood the cross appeal of Ken Jennings. He's smart. He is very smart. He's very good at trivia.

That's all you have to do. And he's got very quick thumbs. You better watch out girls, because those thumbs will erase that clip. He is like if you were on Double Dare and you were very good at Double Dare because you like to eat the slime, now all of a sudden you're bathing in fun,

and it's not a punishment. See that? Again, he's always got to flip it in reverse. He's always got to flip it in reverse. You've got to make something that you hate be your favorite thing. It's also called learning how to change your diet. R.I.P. Alex Trebek.

You know what? We've got to kill cancer, but we're going to figure that out later on in this episode. I mean, but if any... Maybe not. He was on set doing Jeopardy 10 days before he died. You give me a hang nail, and we're canceling the show.

I'm kind of queasy, and I almost said let's bump this tomorrow. All right, guys, I promised last week, because we're in a new world, and I think that finally, once the dust settles from all of the fake outrage... Oh, is there a lot of dust right now? I guess it's a lot of dust,

but it's kind of, it's swirling, and everybody's really interested in it swirling, but eventually it will settle. I think people are realizing that people on Twitter are far too lazy to do anything, actually. It's only 10% of the American populations on Twitter. Twitter is not real. Remember that.

And that's the 10% of the only people are using it actively. Everybody else is just lurking. It's not a real environment. It's not real. It's imaginary. You just get off of it. You are correct. But let's talk about something a little bit.

I'm gonna say way more real, which is this year, in the mix of all of this horseshit, I'm just gonna, that's what I call the election, right? We have been dealing, we have not been paying attention to the important issues, which is the fact that we experienced disclosure,

soft disclosure this year, and there's a lot more, there's a lot more interest in just the subject in general. It's bigger than it's ever been. Have you watched the phenomenon? I did not. The last one I watched was the one,

the special- Disinformation agents. No, not Stephen Greer. No, the one with Stephen Greer that was very nice. Well, you say nice. I say- Closing counters of the fifth kind. Why don't you lie to me and play with my dick then?

Why, well honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. That's not your- That is what, I don't want to speak on a tour here, but technically your wife has to do that a lot. Every night. You have to lie. Every night.

That's the dream. What do you mean lie to me and play with my dick? I will pay you money to do that to me. Sometimes, you know who I don't need that from? My barber. You know who I don't need that from? My dentist. You know, I used to,

I did a little YouTube poll on barbarism, and they used to be the dentist. They used to be the doctor. They used to do everything. Isn't that weird? I mean, that's what real capitalism was. Yes, it was. But now,

things might be coming down. I don't know. But in 2021, I think we're gonna have a lot more time to really focus, we're gonna focus on the alien story. My question to you on this, Henry, before we get into this story, do you think that it was,

there was more disclosure because of the complete evaporation of the federal government over the past four years, at least in a other than in the worst possible sense, where it's like they'll shoot you on the street, but they also have no one to stop the information leaking out about UFOs. Or do you think in these next four years,

they're gonna get, going back in the box, lock it up. We're not gonna talk about it again. I wonder. I feel like that next year, we're gonna be doing stuff like dealing with like foreign wars and like dealing with all these kind of like weird other things that we don't know existential threats with.

We're gonna be going to war with the aliens if you have your way. That's why I like Stephen Greer. He's a peacenik. It's not about going to war against the aliens. It's just understanding that the aliens, whatever that is, whatever this phenomenon is,

may not necessarily have our interests in mind. You can snarl at me. But Dick Cheney had a long view. And he might have understood that if we actually, if we ask the aliens to come here, they might just show up, which might not be great for us. Well, all I know is,

if we play Green Day's long view to the aliens, they're gonna start rockin', they're gonna love our country, they're gonna love our world. Before they take all of our water, before they take all of our elements, they need to perhaps fuel their spacecraft, they'll rock out with us for a little bit.

I actually find it interesting because what we had sent out, we sent, I believe we sent Chuck Berry out into the universe. So that was like an example of music. And I wonder why maybe that's the reason why these so-called euthanauts might be so interested in our dickholes and our assholes is because they did a little research on Chuck Berry.

And then they understood, oh, it's just like, it seems to be some humans on Earth treat other humans as if they are human kaleidoscopes. Interesting. So the man, wasn't it, it was his niece he had sex with? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was Jerry Lee Lewis who had sex with his own cousin.

Chuck Berry put the cameras in the toilets of the bathrooms and he just liked to see, he was a real, he was so curious. Just one person had to go into Chuck Berry's office at the, actually the restaurant bar that we performed at. Oh, that was great, that was his spot. Yeah, and of course we saw them taking the cameras out of the bathroom before we came in.

And I was like, but this was my debut. This was gonna be my debut. But yes, perhaps they're into watching that now in space. But I have gotten, so number one, I have found quite a bit of recent UFO footage that I've been watching and it's been really good. And there was a video that was sent to me. I am doing this as an information call out to

whoever sent this to me in an Instagram message. They sent me a video that was one of the best UFO videos I've ever seen. It looked like a flying structure in the sky. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L at GML.com. It came from, I wanna say it was from Hawaii. Awesome. Send it to me again.

I need to see it again. I haven't been able to. But what I did get into is a story about Lake Baikul. This is in 1982 in Russia. This was a place, is it Baikal or Baikul? This was a, I love this story where they went down, this Russian, what they call frog men. Okay.

They went down, they were doing some kind of search of the Lake Baikul. Baikul, it's very deep. And they didn't know what was at the very bottom of it. So they wanted to go do a bunch of scientific, yep. It's always more water. Sometimes you find rocks. Yeah.

But they went down in there and they were doing an exploratory mission. A Russian exploratory mission. Yes. So they got the guy real hammered, they put a bunch of weights on his ankles and they were like, You're the torpedo, yeah.

You're the torpedo, let us know what you find. But they found what they said because I've got, I'm always, I'm very into USOs, the unidentified submerged objects. I think they're fun. Cause that's what I, I picture myself if I'm ever in the bomb. You would be such a great submerged object.

That's what you should go for is Halloween every year. Yeah. Just in a big, just in a wet tub. Do you think, is that, okay. So first of all, we've heard that like 95% of the oceans haven't been, you know, explored and stuff. Is that still true? I mean, I don't know if you have the answer to that,

but I feel like maybe we've made sure, yeah. Okay. So do you think, what do you think are the odds? You are the expert alien cap. You move on hat. You don't have it on, but you always have it on. Don't you? No, it's a stain on my soul.

Space or sea. Where do you think we're going to see our first aliens? I think that they might very well be in the sea. We talked about quite a bit. The USS Nimitz, one of those objects that we're seeing in one of the famous videos that were leaked in 2017 in December was a USO had come from the ocean up. And you see this time and time again,

there was this one story that I was covering, the lake by cool story. But before that was that a Russian submarine happened upon six discs in while on a training mission came across these like six discs that were floating towards it and it brought itself up to the surface because they thought we were going to run into this like group of discs that were slowly but surely swimming

along the floor of the ocean. All of a sudden they all went zip and they just shot up out of the water into the sky and zapped up, but not losing any sort of speed. Damn, all right, cool. But this story in like by cool 1982 was these frogmen were down there. They're doing their exploratory research

and then they saw a series of nine foot tall aliens wearing the only thing that they could describe and it was small like fish bowls on their head. Okay. And they saw each other and they had this moment where they were floating in front of each other like, you know, like, because Russians, they know how to visibly smoke underwater.

They're very talented. And so their first idea was to say classic Ghostbusters, get her. Yeah. So one of the guys swam forward with a net trying to get one of the aliens. Right. So we are going against extraterrestrial beings

theoretically much more technologically advanced. We're going after them with the same thing we would catch a carp in. Just a net. Just a net. They'll may be as garb. Garb maybe has helmet. Garb may be a ship.

Garb, I tell you what, he still falls to the net. Everything succumbs to the net. By the way, if you catch a carp, you have to beat it to death. That's kind of the rule. They're predators. They're predators. Piranha, they're predators of the sea, of the lake really.

Is it true? Yeah, the carp. I've been watching the show alone. Have you watched this? It's like a fucking, we'll get into this at some point. I think that's too sad because I would just be watching it alone with two dogs. And then I feel like I also, my friend sent me

this great recommendation for a horror movie, but well, I just sometimes I get too scared. I just don't trust. There was damn near a home invasion. It's so vulnerable right now. There was damn near a home invasion. And I noticed I was like, Jerry will take care of it. He didn't do anything.

It wasn't. It's just a noise you heard. No, it was a person coming to work on a, Yeah, that's not a home invasion. It's a home invitation. Jerry didn't know that. Yeah, but Jerry's a dog. Yeah, Jerry can't understand.

Moving on. It's up to me to defend my home. That is true. It is up to you to figure out. So they approached these entities with the net. And as they went to go throw it over the one of the entities, it made some kind of hand signal and they all shot to the surface.

When they shot to the surface so fast, they got the bends and three of them fucking died. Holy shit. It's very interesting story. And I don't know why I don't know what else is, but I want to get deeper into the research on it, but yeah, absolutely, man. Well, I love that more stories.

If you do have any tales of Sina UFO or whatever, it might be side stories, LPOTL, gmail.com. I have a fucking another one. I have another one right here. I'm so, this is, it's like my head can finally clear and get back to this shit that really matters. This is something I can really, really, really do. You focused on politics for about three and a half days.

It's because it's awful. Sisyphean bullshit machine that you're just stuck in. It just, everybody's lying. We are now so hypnotized by propaganda that everybody's just in a constant panic. Well, let's talk about something that has no propaganda UFOs. No, this is pure.

This is pure. So this is a story that comes back from, this is the Singular Forty and again.com. We need to get the people from Singular Forty and on the show. I want to talk to them. Yes, Singular Fourteen, it's Singular Four, T-E-A-M. Singular Forty and.

So Tobias and Emily Whalen wrote this article. The mother and daughter report sighting of red-eyed winged demon in Schiller Park, Illinois. We are in a fucking mothman renaissance right now. It is, we're seeing the show. Between this and the Jetpack guy, our skies have just gotten a little bit safer. Have they gotten safer?

No, I think that actually, just really just clog up the streams. Does it air streams? I think there are air streams. That's why you don't use so much fuel going on intercontinental flights, Jetpack man is going to end up getting sucked up through an engine of a plane, he will die,

and hopefully that plane is piloted by the next Sully Sullenberger. Oh, Sully's the only one who could save us. Because if fucking Jetpack man kills me or one of my friends, because he's such a dumb shit and he has to be floating around upstairs, up there, I'm gonna be real pissed off and kill his family. You're like, yeah, bro, you want fucking attention,

just do this on TikTok. Do it on TikTok. Make a dance on TikTok. That's how you get attention. Do what Kenny Powers did in East Bend and Down, get one of those water machines. It's like you're flying, but you don't have to fly and then you can seem like you're farting a bunch. You're talking about living lake life 24-7.

Living lake life. Manuel Navarrete of the UFO Clearinghouse received a report recently from a woman who said that she and her mother witnessed a demon with red eyes and very large rings. And very large wings at around 9 p.m. on October 26th in Schiller Park, Illinois. I got into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea.

And as I was filling the kettle with water, I heard my mom scream and then call out to me. This is your voice of the 32-year-old Hispanic beautiful woman. You're gonna make her sound like a plumber who has never actually unplumbed the toilet. I dropped what I was doing and I ran her and I found her in a room with the lights off.

She told me to keep the lights on and come to the window and look out to the backyard. By the way, that's a great service. If you're a plumber, you go in, you take the dump, and if you want that dump to be plumbed, you gotta call me. That's called making business for yourself, keeping yourself in business.

That's true American entrepreneurial spirit. Yep. I looked and I saw a large creature with red eyes and very large wings perked in the back fence. My mother was whispering, Es un demonio. Oh, cool. Es un demonio.

I started praying as we watched this thing. It was perched on the fence and it was looking side to side and kept slowly moving its wings. We looked at it for about a minute before it flapped its wings and blew off. It's a demon. Damn, all right. The initial report, pretty frickin' trippy.

Yeah, it did come from a 32 year old Hispanic woman who witnessed the accident that you did. Well, I was just doing an interpretation. I do love that your safe zone, which I would assume is what you're trying to land in is somehow more offensive than if you actually just did a nice pleasant Hispanic female accent. Two months, man.

I can already feel my time in free speech. Yeah, I'll just get the fucking, I can feel it. I've been doing good behavior. Oh, we just privatized free speech, Gerald, actually. It's larger than ever. But I'm more on this word. I'm actually, I've heard there's an opportunity for a work release program that I might get

a little bit of time out. Unfortunately, Waffle House isn't higher in any chefs at the moment. So we'll let you know when the next one keels over. You can get it. They teach you how to cook with the comic book. The witness, this is very interesting. So Navrat said that he was able to speak with both witnesses

the Wednesday following their signing. He confirmed the approximate time of their signing along with the details originally submitted in their report. The woman had been in the kitchen making herself tea when she heard her mother scream, prompting her to drop what she was doing and run towards her mother's bedroom.

The witness indicated that her mother has fallen before and injured herself and that it's what she thought had just occurred. That's scary. That is scary, but then she turns out she's like, hey, soon in the manual. It's the demon. Just don't know, mom.

Oh, what's that? Your brain, okay? The demon is father time, isn't that nice? Upon entering her mother's room, she found the lights off and her mother standing by the window. And he continued, the mother told her to keep the lights off and to come to the window and look out into the backyard.

The witness did as she asked and upon reaching the window saw that what she described as a large humanoid creature perched upon the back fence. She described the creature as black with large black wings and human like features. When I asked her to go into detail, she said that the creature looked what she could only describe as a demon.

The creature had human like arms and legs and its head looked almost human with bright red eyes. Oh, also why with the demon? What if it just wants a cup of tea that she poured and it can't have it because it can't connect with its little wings to its mouth? Number one, these flying humanoids are often associated with being harbingers of doom.

They are bad news bringers. So oftentimes people see these things and then something weird happens. They're also kind of, it's also just a weird feeling of seeing a thing with jet black wings here at you with red eyes, which is, you know, like think about bats. How often are bats vilified?

Oh, so they have rabies. But bats are sweet, wonderful little animals. Yeah, they eat mosquitoes. But they look scary. So yeah, she saw them off, man. And she said demonio. But that's just because you're just seeing them in his uniform, man.

Right, exactly. Sometimes you didn't see him at the potluck. You didn't see him at the potluck, but that doesn't mean he's not a believer. I say you open the window. What up? What's going on in there? Or do the classic.

No! Or do the classic Budweiser. What up? What up? Oh yeah, of course, yeah. Jackie brings that back about once a year. She tried to do it once again on the show. But this is now, we basically,

they're calling it the Lake Michigan Mothman at this point. They believe it's been, we're now attributing 10 sightings to the same creature. This is happening again and again and again. And we have a dual witness here, of course, mother and daughter. They began to pray. The witnesses, they're fully convinced they saw a demon

or something outside their house. And wow, indeed, they prayed to Saint Michael. Apparently Saint Michael is the saint. He killed the demons. You know what? It would just be nice if you didn't make me the saint of something so hard to do. There are also, there's patron saints of everything.

There's patron saints of joy, cheese, bread. What's the patron saint of cheese? Saint Lombardi. Ah, I love him. Also, I heard the, isn't he the Saint patron saint of cankles? He might be, he might be, of course. That is what, when your body begins to look like cheese,

that means you've had enough. Saint Michael, it's just tough to be in the afterlife and you're like, I gotta go fight another demon. Just give me a saint of something chill. It's like all of the pictures that people are drawing of like Alex Trebek hosting Jeopardy in heaven with like, you know, it's like him and, and you know, Chris Cornell and Robin Williams and shit.

And it's like, man, let the man take a break. Let him take a break. Which was just working. Also, you know, I love, is he hanging out with Chris Cornell? I love Chris Cornell, Minnesota's own. I'm from Wisconsin, but I show a love to the Midwest now that I'm away from it.

Who's Alex Trebek gonna hang out with in heaven that's smart enough? It seems like a lot of dumb people have gone there. No, well now you can meet all of the people that have, oh, Kizzle, heaven must be so much fun. And you go and you meet everybody you ever thought of and everybody you ever had a question about. And then you found out that everybody can just say,

I'm sorry when they're about to die and get to heaven no matter what they've done. Jeffrey Dahmer, what are you doing here? It's Kiddah Musain. Let me see your dick. But maybe Alex Trebek can finally experiment with being gay in heaven. Oh, I hope that he can experiment

with just being happy, whatever he wants to do. Mr. Trebek. This is so nice. Mr. Trebek, you're gonna live forever. You are gonna, he is in our hearts and our minds, but he was not gonna live forever. Speaking of segues, this fella that was found, you know what, you know those big igloo things

that you put the flavorate in or the Kool-Aid in, they dump it over the quarterback after a team wins. Well, this guy, cooler, yeah. This guy was found in the cooler and it was not good. Was he Gatorade? His name? Unidentified, they don't know who he is, but he was found by a guy named Tim Anderson

who was walking his dog. There is nothing more bland than the name Tim Anderson, a man walking his dog. I'm suspicious of him. He's a Jacksonville resident. He was just walking around, taking care of his dog, hopefully picking up the poops. I saw a person walking their dog here in Los Angeles,

not pick up their poop and I'm like, come on. You should openly yell at them. You should yell at them, you're big enough. I've only been here for a few months. I don't have the car bonch to do that yet. Established dominance in the neighborhood. Oh my goodness. So authorities in Florida,

they're investigating the death of a man whose body was found in a usually celebratory Kool-Aid container. This is according to- How do you not know that this wasn't a celebratory folding of himself inside of a cooler? Because if your team wins a Super Bowl and you throw the Kool-Aid, what did you-

Cooler. It's a cooler. It's a cooler, yes. If you throw what's in the cooler on your coach and it happens to be a dead body, they're gonna die and then they're gonna be like, oh wow, we won the Super Bowl, but like, who is that? Who is the dead body?

Yeah, but that question again, after their winners. Then they probably would be looked over, unless it's the other team's amazing punter that they had killed in order to win the game because that guy was great at the coffin kick. The problem with their punters, man, is that they only work out the one leg. That's not all they do, they just got the one leg

and then that's gotta make them easy to catch. You ever seen a punter? No, but they work out both of their legs. It's so weird, he killed them with a wheelbarrow with just his ankle in it. Yeah, yeah, nope. I mean, hey, the Packers, they got a great punter over there.

Tim Anderson walking his dog. This is what he told News 4 Jacks. News 4 Jacksonville. He says, this morning I come out here and I saw a bin floating out there by the water and I said, what is that? Let me just take a look and see. So this guy curiosity killed the cat.

I'm saying, because I learned to play, how to play Among Us with Holden the other night. And so I'm gonna use the word sus because I use that in that game. He is sus, because to be honest, I'm walking Wendy. I don't look at anybody, right? I look at Wendy because number one,

Wendy's real curious about whatever he's not with, whatever the thing is, she should always stick her face into something. Little dogs. And really, when she gets, you know, we just gave her a bath. Now she's like trying to find whatever's the grossest thing they'll shove her face into, right?

We'll have to get that good back. I'm mostly staring at Wendy or I'm on my phone being an irresponsible person on my fucking phone. That's not good. It's not good. But at the same time, if I saw just a random cooler floating in the bay. Oh my God.

Leave it alone. I'm Jody, I am, the Jody Arias' victim's roommate. Oh, you're nuts. I am blinders. I see nothing. Nothing. This guy was opposite. This guy was out there.

He was the first line of defense. He was a citizen on parole, on parole. He was, it's Jacksonville. He might be a citizen on parole. I feel like we are- Which is a different form of cops. Right now I feel like we're all citizens on parole. Yes, a citizen on parole.

He says, I was kind of hoping it wasn't what I thought it was and it turned out to be. It was a cooler. I was kind of hoping it wasn't what I thought it was and it turned out to be. I thought it might be a dummy or something stuck in there because of some kids just playing around or something, but I got up closer and I said,

oh, that looks pretty real to me. There it is. And it's so close to Halloween. It really is. The dude, according to the cops, they think the body was dumped 24 to 36 hours earlier. So we have to find whatever minor league team did win a sporting event.

I'm sticking with that through line. And we need to find out who had the cooler last and why is it full of a body. This is actually very similar. Do you remember those two girls that were on TikTok and they found this suitcase? Yes, of course. Did they ever discover who the hell that was or who did it?

There was some arrest made. I believe that there was an update, but we just didn't get to it. I'll have to look through our emails, but I believe there was an arrest made. If you have that update, email us inside stories, lpotl, the gmail.com. But this does sound very similar to that story.

It's fucking horrifying. This is what he had to say. Again, the dude who found it, he says, it's a rough world we live in right now. A lot of killing, a lot of violence this time of year. And it's so sad to see that happen. And sometimes Tim Anderson's got to go and he's got to equalize some people

that have done them wrong in the past. Yes. And sometimes Tim Anderson needs to add to the chaos, needs to add to the violence. Tim Anderson found a body, you get to make a body. I think that's the rule. He says, you know, who would actually dump a body like that? And then he says, it's kind of depressing.

So Tim is having a tough life. This is hard for him. He just wants to walk his dog. And sure enough, he found a dude in a cooler. It was a black male. The pandemic is hard enough. Truly the pandemic is hard enough without just finding a dead body.

Cause this is what you discover. When you discover a dead body and then you call the cops, guess what? Now you got to deal with the fucking cops. And that is not fun. They're showing up. And again, your sauce is fuck because you look like a person threw a fucking cooler

into the goddamn ocean yourself. Absolutely. You're the top of that list. Can I just say this? When it comes to putting a body in a cooler, it is maybe the dumbest place to put it in water. Coolers float. So whoever did this is obviously a moron

because you put them in, there's a reason they put them in like gas canons. I don't think that there was anything stupid about what I did. What do you mean? No, because that man, he promised to bring me some candy corn. Don't bow the serial killer. Do you really think that was appropriate

to put him in the cooler? What does appropriate mean? It means that it's something that you do that's normal, something that's nice. So if somebody, for example, needs help with their groceries, you say, oh, I can help you with the groceries. Yeah, no, take the groceries.

I spanned some down in a parking lot, and I took the woman and I pressed her down in the back seat of a car. We'll see. You had the right idea initially when you took the groceries, but then you're supposed to help her. I wish that I wasn't born all bad.

Well, you know what? People aren't born bad. They're made bad. So I blame your parents, and I think you're wonderful. 50-50, it's danger versus nurture. Is that right? I don't know.

Holy hell. Either way, be very careful walking around Jacksonville. And if you, I'm not giving advice to anyone who needs to stuff a body in something, but just don't stuff it in something that floats. You just did. No, I'm just saying it's so stupid. You just gave advice.

No, I'm, get rid of the body. This is the big thing. Don't do it. Just don't kill the body. Don't kill a person to create a body. But if you have a body, you better be a mortuary student. No body, no crime.

Unfortunately, untrue. Here's another. Unfortunately, it's not true. It is true. No body, no crime. Now, there was a crime, but what is a crime without being accused and then convicted of the crime?

Then you are going to be the star 30 years later of a reality series on a Tiger King. And then you're going to be an off character, but then believe it or not, you become the main character because you killed your husband. I can't wait for dancing with the stars just to be a place that is just a pavilion

for people who need to be pardoned. That it is, it is literally, this is nothing tells me. Carol Baskin is literally on dancing with the stars. Yes, no, she's done. She was out very quick. Oh, it's already done? Yeah, she was, it's already done.

It's already in the past. But nothing tells me more that we are in a dystopia. The number one, literal murderers on dancing with the quote unquote stars. And then also we were watching just at the end of the night, we put on cable,

we were watching the holiday baking championships. Yeah. Three people were playing the holiday baking championships in order to win enough money to pay their healthcare bills. That is a dystopia that we are currently locked in.

They are there, their backs are against the wall, making cupcakes. That is horrible. It's the only, eventually we're going to be, there was a sketch. I forget where the sketch was

where it's just having, people are going to, it's about, it was about Russia. It was like in Russia and people were like trying to do a game show to win food. We're literally going to be in that. But it's going to be like for justice reform.

We're going to be, just you have to like, you have to like do the double day or obstacle course just to make sure you're like the weed charges are overturned on your brother. That's my favorite thing about the show chopped where it's like, I don't know how much they take into consideration

of the sob story, but sometimes. They don't really know. It's cool. Sometimes it's just, I mean, I just knew when my father had his face obliterated, when he had his face obliterated

by the horrible man in the Iraq war that I knew I would make him proud here, make him jump a lion chop. Oh, what's so funny is, there's a little bit of skin left on my shrimp. And it got in my tooth. And so for that reason, you're chopped.

I find it an honor to lose on a technicality. Yeah. Yeah. You're the first one. For some reason, we asked for gumbo for breakfast. Honestly, have you ever had gumbo for breakfast? I've had a lot of gumbo. This is a story.

Again, pandemic's hard on everybody. It's hard on so many relationships, right? It's helped some. It's helped. I mean, Natalie and I are closer than ever before. We have such a good time. Unlike Holden McNeely,

who is very afraid. Are you going to demean his marriage right now? Yeah. He dared to say that. He said that he wasn't his wife's friend. He said that their husband and wife had gotten into a huge fight. Oh yeah.

It was a huge horrible fight that they got into. Where I was like, Natalie and I are genuinely very good friends, best friends, enjoy each other. Hold on a second. We laugh a lot and we have sex. I hang out with two dogs.

So I don't do the latter when it comes to the sex. But I do have friendly conversations with them. But isn't the whole point of a marriage, and again, I don't know, I don't know if I'm single, I'm 39 years old, but isn't friendship the base? That's what I thought.

So if you don't have a friend, because of marriages, then what do you have? The marriages just go so much past. I mean, yeah. Was it arranged? Did someone, I mean, the fact that he has any,

no, I'm not gonna do that. Natalie and I have kept it caliente for like up until now. In your butthole. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Super spicy, a lot of Tabasco in there. But when it comes to, Holden should,

he needs, he is so lucky. He's incredibly lucky. He's so lucky. He's incredibly lucky, and he should know that. He doesn't do our show anymore. But if he were to maybe get word that he's incredibly lucky,

and he needs to hold on to his wife with a wife. He has a beautiful wife who used to be a lesbian somehow he is so feminine, he was able to flip her. But he better be careful because the whole world, she could have sex with the whole world. Any other man she could choose.

Any other woman. So this is a story about how hard it is to keep a relationship going. This comes from the venerable New York post. Woman calls off wedding with ghost after he quote unquote, kept it disappearing. All right, is this a joke?

I don't know. This is in the post. They don't joke. Her fiance totally ghosted her. That's from the post. That's not me. That's the post, come on. A British woman who claims

she got quote unquote engaged to a ghost has now called off the wedding because he quote unquote kept disappearing and started partying too much. All right, this woman is. We've called the wedding off, says amethyst realm 32. Hold on a second.

That's not her birth name. Amethyst realm? Yeah, it means purple hole. It means someone who makes money and only fans dressed as a cartoon character. I fucking just want. That's a real job. It is.

I don't think this is. He just completely changed. Realm said she fell in love with a sexy spirit named Ray during a trip in Australia in 2018 and even consummated the relationship on the flight back home. Ma'am, ma'am, you are coming in the bathroom, ma'am.

I really have to use the restroom. My child is super sick, ma'am. Wouldn't it have been incredible if you scooped her purple hole and you found ectoplasm in there and not only does she become like happily married to a ghost. Yeah, but what if that's the first real evidence

we ever have of a ghost and it's inside of her vagina? Well, then we need to get that evidence out but that needs to be done in a very safe setting. We have no one from the actual ghost busters. Two tips. You need, I'm honestly, I trust Dan Acroy to do it and you know, he'd have fun with it

and he make it fun. Dan Acroy, I actually don't think he would like it enough which means I think he would be good for it. Do you think that Dan Acroy, he's got to still be like super horny, right? I think that Dan Acroy has a wonderful relationship with his wife, yes. His wife's smoking.

Yeah. That's the dream. I think that Dan Acroy is probably one of the more well-adjusted celebrities that we have ever spoken to. Every time I see him talk, he only talks about things he loves, which aliens, it's a little strange.

That's it. That's it, pretty perfect. All right, so the paranormal Casanova later popped the question. Oh my God, okay, hold on a second. First of all, you can name the ghost anything. You're gonna name it right. I mean, he named himself.

The ghost named himself. Well, you know what? I would call it Phil, Phil Spector. Get it? He's alive. God, I'm gonna jump off a bridge. We are struggling. We are struggling as a podcast.

We are struggling as men. We're doing better than ever. Technically, I wake up, I should be smiling every day. I lifted weights today. On the ninth of May, on the ninth of January, so they got married and things were going well

until a recent vacation to Thailand. She said, I think maybe he fell in with a bad crowd when we were on holiday. He just started becoming really inconsiderate, realm said in the out of this world interview. It was suddenly as if he didn't know boo about romance, she told the show. I hate, I'm not naming the author

because I'm not trying to shame the author, but I don't enjoy this. No. He disappeared for long periods of time. When he did come back, he'd bring another spirit to the house and they just stay around for days. This is horrible.

We've got to do in drugs and pouring a bit much, which is incredible. Ghost cocaine, that's fun as hell. Yeah, I think we're about to get some warning signs into this woman's mental health when it comes to just her relationships with tangible human men that are still alive. If you look at this final quote from her,

I think she's had a history of problems in relationships. She's kind of attractive. She says, quote, at the end, she says, all men are bastards, even ghost ones. So I feel like maybe, honestly, that's a mug. The fact that she- I want to make that, that's a mug, that's a merch.

That is actually a great merch. All men are bastards, even ghost ones. But I'm just going to say this. The fact that she couldn't have a relationship with a ghost that she made up, maybe means she is the problem in most of the relationships. If every real, and I'm learning this myself, I'm going through some self-help.

If every relationship falls apart- You and you keep saying- And you are the consistent thing. You're the only one consistent in all the other things going bad around you. Often that means you are the problem. Something, or you know, you can have, maybe not all the problem, but you don't focus on you.

So I'm just saying- If you are not engaging enough of as a human being to keep the ghost that you made up's attention for enough time to stay married to them, maybe you need to start thinking about- It might be me. New hobbies, new hobbies. Maybe take a Pilates, maybe go and be more, you know,

take a class, take a Reiki class like my mom did. That's how you meet a bunch of weird single men like my mom's surrounded by in her fucking Reiki class. Your father is very much alive and doing great. He is doing, he is still alive. But then she goes to the Reiki class and just filled with all of these like weird single men who wear Birkenstocks all the time.

And they're always like talking about their feelings and shit. Which, you know, if you speak to our family, you know, men are not supposed to have these feelings. Right, I also have a feeling this woman is maybe just doing this for the press. This story goes back to 2018. Whoa, whoa. I know, the article here is-

She's doing this for attention? It's possible, apparently she had sex with 20 ghosts and he was just one of them. Oh, she was being a real bachelorette. She really was very cheap, by the way, to cast that reality show because you just need one bachelorette and everything else is just made up in your head.

So this is what she had to say to the same TV network that brought her on almost like they are doing a massive disservice to this woman who was mentally ill. She says, there was no going down to one knee, he doesn't have knees. So she does rock it up. But I understand, how'd you fuck? If he doesn't have knees, he doesn't have a dick.

I am calling this about your ghost race. But then she said, she said, but the first time I heard him speak, I could actually hear his voice and it was beautiful, again, probably skits good. I got the love, my love got the man, my love got the man. No, he had a deep, sexy and real voice. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Yeah. I want to say, I'm all the way from hell. She goes on to say, I was born in hell and now I'm here to marry you, my sweet, sweet, plain looking woman. Tony Clifton's abortion right now. She says, I had not had a phantom fling for a while and I was ready and I was away on business,

starting a new relationship was the last thing on my mind. That's when it happens. Yes, then one day I was walking through the bush, enjoying nature. I suddenly felt this incredible energy. Why do I just see her like physically, just like parting bushes, just like looking under mangroves? I don't know.

Well, either way, she felt an incredible energy, a new lover had arrived. But now this lover, fucking he's partying too much and doing too many drugs. So who can you trust? He never know who you're married to. You never fricking know. By the way, if you're not watching that documentary series

on the fricking psychopath that killed his whole family, the family annihilator. Have we talked about this? Not really, but holy shit, that dude. I know he's crazy, but he's crazier than I even thought. I'm pressing Marcus and doing a series on Chris Watts and family annihilators in general, because Chris Watts is absolutely fascinating.

He's just a dude, bro. Dude, he's fucking, but that's what makes it so scary. Have you read his prison letters yet? No, I have not. I'll send you some stuff that Natalie showed me, some of her true crime, YouTube, deep dives that she's in the middle of. She sent me these files like the reading of him.

Chris Watts does a breakdown of how the murders went down. He had to go. So if you don't know, Chris Watts killed his wife, Shanann Watts, and his two young girls. And he did it all in one weekend. He met a chick, basically he got a new girlfriend. They were separated for five weeks, doing some weird like, his wife went to go visit family,

and they were supposed to meet up, but then they did it separately, which is why I think that he had a plan for a long time, but he definitely plans it over those five weeks, because having an affair is so hard to do. Not only is it difficult to do, but also it's just so dumb. Leave, just leave, get the divorce.

For this guy, what I've, I only watched episode one of the, because there's a docu-series on him. Anyway, whatever, you can just go on, we'll watch it. Oh, just leave. Everything was fine with his life. He had a beautiful wife. I just don't understand any of it. He was never real.

You have to read his letters. What you basically find out is that he, the family was murdered intensely over a weekend. They were all strangled to death, and he hid them where he worked. He worked for an oil company. Like he went to, we worked for a bunch of oil wells, and he hid them all in this oil field,

in the most like, the most awful way possible. He put his two little girls in a giant oil filled tanker. Like he just put them in a big oil canister and it was rough. If you find out, if you read the letters, this is a guy that, again, Shanann was a very active Facebook mom. So her and Chris Watts is like where, their lives were heavily documented,

which is kind of like, you can kind of see he was kind of dead behind the eyes just in the Facebook videos that she constantly posted. It was very much like, she wore the pants and the family. She would like, kind of openly kind of order him around and be like, Chris doesn't know how to do anything. Like that kind of shit. It doesn't seem like he knows how to do anything.

But it turned out the whole time he was never the person that she thought he was in any way, shape, or form. But he had to kill his kids twice. He had to kill him. What? Cause he tried to kill him in one, in one round he tried to kill him once. With what?

Strangled, smothering them with a pillow. Oh my God. And then they woke up. And then they came in, in the middle of him murdering his wife. And then he drove with them in the car, with them in the back seat, with the dead mother for 45 minutes.

They drove out to the oil canisters, where he strangled them again and then put them in the oil canisters. So just in case they survived the strangling, the oil would drown them. Oh my God. Yeah. Anyway, we should perhaps cover that fucking maniac.

But it's a brutal story. But I do want to talk about family and idolaters because I'm just so fascinated by them. Well, it is. Isn't that fun? What a fun topic. Just, you know what? It's better than the news.

I want, it is technically the news. Just don't, you know, I'm not going to blame Facebook for this. Just no one has the perfect family. No. They present it like, oh, it's a perfect family. Everyone knows.

Like it's not possible. And maybe there was no, I have no idea. Anyway. Well, because on social media, everybody is their best selves, right? You're watching the highlight reel of someone's life at all times.

And I feel that if you are really constantly being on camera and you're constantly projecting this image out all the time, to just get to a point where like, but what's happening on the inside of the family? I don't blame you. Next thing you know. And anyway,

you deserve to be murdered. But there's obviously, there was something not being addressed at the heart of this relationship was the fact that Chris Watts. She married a psycho. Was a, he was never a real person.

He literally always was a collection of, he was a mirror. He would be, he was like what narcissists slash sociopaths do is they appear to you as exactly as what you want them to be. So you have no clue, especially if you are just,

they, she played hard to get. Apparently in their relationship, cause Shanann specifically said I didn't trust men anymore. And she'd been diagnosed with lupus. She was dealing with his autoimmune disease. And then she met this dude. It became like the savior of,

of her life. And it's, but they were, had a fraught relationship where obviously Chris Watts was pretending to be a husband. Jesus. But you could, it just shows that you could pretend to be a husband

for a real long time. And no one will know. Yeah. Well, they definitely find out. Just like loving and showing up. And, and the way, because the way he talks about his little girls in the letter shows, he was just like, you know,

cause the night before he killed them, he was just like, I just wanted to give him like a kind of fun night. Like he was talking about, like when you put down a dog, like with like, you're like, oh, I want to give the dog anything. No, you don't even do that. That's very sad.

I was just thinking about that the other day. Not that I'm a bad dog, dad, but Puffin was not necessarily feeling great. No, it's incredibly scary, but. And it was horrified. I just, anyway, yes, Chris Watts, I'm going to finish that documentary. I just, he's so fucking nasty.

Social media is such a fucking disease and all those disease, it really accelerates these problems. Just kind of flipping back to what we were talking about with aliens, the astronomers, the astronomers, that's the name of an improv group. These are actual astronomers.

They traced a mysterious space radio waves and it's within the galaxy. It's kind of cool. Well, no, is it a bunking story? You remember the story? I actually did want to talk about it. The story is we were, there was a lot of discussion

about these fast radio waves. These kind of these pulses that we get, that we thought they seemed really organized and they were coming from, they thought that somewhere like deep in space and they thought it was an example. Yes, well, that's what it turned out to be. It was a thing called the magnetar,

which is this something kind of fucking collapsed or some kind of bullshit, but it shoots off radio waves that look like, so I don't fucking know. It's talking, like, I miss this still there in the morning on this star. No, even on the magnetar, I miss this cancel. What?

Unfortunately. Oh, man. Even on the, even on a magnet star. But now it shows that those radio frequencies that we kind of talked about because they thought it was like repeating, they thought it was interesting, that it might have been coming,

the calls might have been coming from inside of the house. Oh, the scientist is like, this could be the missing link. But if you want to read, if you also want to twist your head around in another way, go to scientificexploration.org and look up this essay I read about,

that was written by Jacques Valais, which is called Five Arguments Against the Extraterrestrial Origin of Unidentified Flying Objects. And it talks about more. I did bunk it. No, it's on it. Not on the bunk.

Well, it's a, it's a re-bunking. Oh. Where it's not necessarily saying that the phenomenon does not exist, but this is actually one of the best, even outside of his books, it's one of the best explanations I've heard of Jacques Valais' idea of a thing called,

what he says this is, which is a control system. Okay. He thinks that this is either an intelligence that is on top of us, that is an interdimensional intelligence, that is trying to slowly but surely mold humankind into thinking more positively about the environment. Or his, the main thrust is that when we see UFOs and UAVs and what they are, are actual physical projections

of our psyche in order for us to teach ourselves lessons of the unconscious, literally our unconscious part of our brain is projecting images into reality that are being used to teach our own brains. Basically, we're trying to teach ourselves how to evolve. Well, I think you just described TikTok. Isn't that fun?

And if you drive your car really slow, you can get out of it and dance next to it and then get back in it. That's a two-year-old meme as well. That's very fun. All right, well, let's do Hero of the Week. Hero of the Week. And I'm not sure if this is a hero or not,

but he's a hero to me. He does face hefty fines because technically what he did was a felony. Okay. That's never stopped a hero before. Never stopped a hero after allegedly trying to cook chickens in a hot spring. It's there, why do we have any hot springs

if we can't cook chickens in them? One Idaho man is learning the hard way that flouting these rules come with pricey consequences. On September 10th, two years after the offense, the Idaho man pled guilty to multiple charges, including foot travel in a thermal area and violating closure and use limits. Basically what happened was this dude,

he had some chicken, he had a cooking pot, he put the chickens in a sack, placed them in a hot spring. The Idaho Falls suspect who was not mentioned by name will serve two years of unsupervised probation and is also banned from visiting Yellowstone during this time. Additionally, he is charged $600 per count. If you can't cook chicken in a fricking natural-

How do you think the Native Americans did it? Yellowstone- That's how they did it? Yellowstone has the biggest concentration of active geysers, 10,000. You tell me you can't cook chicken in one of those? Apparently if you slide into one of those hot springs- You're done.

You can disintegrate your body. You're done. That's how cool they are, but I honestly, it's like this guy's a hero because he saw a chicken and he says, what's the safest way for an environment- That's nature's oven. Nature's oven.

Use nature's oven, not nature's Dutch oven. Use nature's oven, cook some chicken, eat the chicken, have a nice camping trip. You know what, the United States, you don't own Yellowstone Park. You don't own Yellowstone Park. The Otters. The Otters.

The Otters do it. The Otters. The deer. The deer. The trees. I actually think you name the only animal not in Yellowstone Park. Otters aren't there?

I don't freaking know. The kiosks. The kiosks. The kiosks. The kiosks. They own Yellowstone. Well, this is- Cook the chicken, give a little bit to the kiosks.

Two years of unsupervised parole, which means- That means you just- That's honor code? You just can't get too hammered. And then- It's Idaho. You can go into Yellowstone, but it's just like a forest. It's big.

So- So you could just walk in from like another place. Well, it really seems as if people, there's a lot of rangers out there, a lot of park rangers, and I'm sure they're all still gainfully employed. I'm sure of that. I didn't, I honestly pretty much assumed

that I thought most of that was like gutted, like most of the park services were gutted. Well, there was three suspects. They were all sighted. The incident, a ranger found out, it was a group of 10, including a child. I don't know what, yeah, you got to feed the child too. And they were cooking with cooking pots.

They were found two chickens. I mean, I just don't, whatever, the whole group is a hero as far as I'm concerned. If you can't cook in a fricking thermal hot spring, what is the point? Why are we living? Man is from nature, chicken's from nature. When it comes down to-

The geysers are from nature. The only thing not from nature- Is the bag. Is the goddamn Yellowstone name on this park. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, one of four shows up and it doesn't have a name. You know who gives it a name? Fucking invading white people.

We just discovered that early on, you just give it a name and all of a sudden it's yours. We don't know, I don't know how that works. Well, and the Yellowstone officials, they try to flip it and be like, well more than 20 people have died from burns and all of this stuff. Of course.

Yeah, but they didn't die. They just cooked chicken because they're not fricking morons. Be like, I wonder if I put a straw in it. I wonder what that would be. I tell you what- Let these people live. I've watched whole episodes of Chef's Table

where they just celebrate a guy like burning shit, like a guy just like having a bunch of logs on fire and he just being like, it is incredible how you can make the jar have so many different variants. And you're like, cool. I actually had my first,

I was watching one of the barbecue shows and I say one of them because there's a thousand of them on Netflix and I forget what it was. There's a lot of barbecue shows now. They burned it right on the coals though. Yeah. And honestly, I didn't think it looked very good.

No, it doesn't look very tasty at all. It's the new Chef's Table. That's the new Chef's Table barbecue show. Perhaps I was watching that one. But yeah, why is that legal? And he can go when he came, it's right there, boil and it's not even made of boil. Nope.

So he's an unidentified hero of the week but if we can't use our natural springs. We're gonna get some fucking like very harshly worded email about why we're completely wrong. There's 10, it's just because the, because people ruined it. So all these people that died of burns and shit,

you ruined it for the people who were just like, I can cook a chicken in there. And you imagine how good that would taste. Honestly, I get to be a, I bet you it would taste good. And I think it'd be pretty plain. It's just boiled chicken. It's what you eat when you have like

ass juice. No, you put salt in there. I don't know if he's got salt and stuff like that. I'm sure it seemed like they were camping. That sounds incredible. By the way, we're going camping. I'm taking you camping. I need a bed.

I need a toilet. We're gonna get you a blow up bed. Oh. All right. Here's some. Listener emails. I worked for a certain government agency that was involved in the Israel keys case a while back.

So your podcast has become a somewhat underground favorite among the office. All right. But that's not what the story is about. This story is about Deb Deb. We were talking Spooky Yookies. That's mine. Yes.

Deb Deb. Oh yes. We were talking Spooky Yookies last year. And since I was getting everyone involved in the podcast, I mentioned Ben's encounter with Deb Deb. My one co-worker is very religious. So she didn't like that. I even mentioned the name,

but we didn't even think the much about it until late that night. She was in bed asleep and was woken up by a very strange sound. Naturally, she goes to investigate since she has a toddler in the house. One of her kids toys was making this crazy. Ha ha.

Ha ha. noise, even though it wasn't a pre-programmed sound available on this particular toy. Wow. Toys have changed, haven't they? They really have. Pre-programmed sound. Oh yeah.

Thinking it's just malfunctioning, she turns it off and goes back to sleep, only be awoken by the ha ha ha ha again. The next day, she brings the toy to her mom's house where to this day, the ha ha noise has never happened again. Which has actually happened to us. We have a little dead baby on a rocking horse,

like scary toys have now. Your whole house has been set up again like Ernest scared stupid. And it scares me every time I go there. And we haven't taken anything down. No, it's very scary. You have something that cackles after you use the bathroom that scares me.

Shitless. That thing actually did come alive last night. I don't like that one. I don't know why it keeps coming alive. It keeps coming alive. And it's shut off. It's scary. I just think it's not well made.

Could be. So I thought that was very interesting. Well, Dev Dev, my goodness. So that was the Ouija board demon that we summoned when I was in high school, almost killed my friend, Josh, firmly believe in it. OK. All right, so this is a response from last week

about the story about, well, it made me two weeks ago with the mom and the son has died with the chocolate cakes for no reason. Yes, thank you for the meme, by the way. Last podcast memes has been doing some good stuff on Instagram. Oh, I like last podcast memes. Keep doing those things for fun. Yeah, keep blowing it out.

Well, on most recent side stories, you mentioned starving to death and wondered what it would be like. Well, admittedly, I was too young at the time to understand much about it. But my great-grandma starved herself to death. She was a lovely, elderly German woman. I think she was 89 when she died and had recently

had a hip operation. Following this, she didn't really do the appropriate physio, which was difficult at her age anyway, and ended up finding very difficult to walk, mostly spending her time in an arm chair in the living room, watching TV. One day, a relative mentioned how much time she spent watching TV and suggested

that she might try something else to keep her occupied. And being the stubborn woman she was, my grandmother turned off the TV and didn't watch it again, and instead choosing to just look at the walls of her living room and the photos of family she had on the cabinets. I do feel like this is something a nine-year-old kissle might do as well, but only after a life well lived. After roughly a year of this, and presumably a lot of thinking,

she decided that she was done with life. However, as euthanasia is not legal in the UK, this became a very drawn-out process. My grandma realized that the only option was starvation. She started by refusing meals, only eating a very small amount when people insisted. Towards the end, if I remember correctly, she wasn't eating or drinking at all.

This process took three years. My parents wouldn't let me see her at the end, which I'm very thankful for, but I've been told did she look like a skeleton. Naturally, she became very weak and spent most days in bed, half asleep, which brings me to one of my greatest fears. When a person spends too much time in one place without moving, they develop something called a bed sore.

The skin in the places of contact basically erodes, and if the person hasn't moved, the sore will just get larger and deeper. They can reach down to the bone. Most people will spend their final weeks in a bed. Not me, I'll spend mine on the battlefield. Yes, indeed. Of course, the war against the machines

when you're helping the machines because you're a snitch. No, I will be in a bed in a battlefield against diabetes. Okay. And therefore, most people will have to endure bed sores at the end of their life. Honestly, I'm hoping I die fast. I can't even imagine the mental strength my grandmother had to go through with this.

I think her stoicism and strong German blood contributed towards it lasting so long. I'm just going to say though, if you want to die and you're older, just go out every single day, cross the street, go live your life. You're going to get hit by a car or something. So starving to death, of course, is not an easy process and takes much longer than you'd expect.

It takes complete commitment. And the irony is, is that only the strongest people can manage it. Wow. That's a lesson to learn. Only the strongest can starve themselves to death. Anyone who is just like struggling to die, just keep on living.

It's going to happen. I mean, I promise you. Eat something. It's going to happen. You will die. You're going to die. Unless you're me, whose brain will live forever, forever, deep inside the ones and zeros.

You're going to be the one of the robot infinite. Of the nine billion brains that they have to possibly harvest. It's going to be yours. I'm just going to keep volunteering until they tell me, yes, and even if it's a lie. I won't know. Exactly.

Just lie to me. Again, you are correct in the beginning. Just lie to me. Just lie. But sometimes it leads to four years of a presidency. Yes, it does. All right, everyone. Thank you for listening to Side Stories.

It's a brand new world out there in many ways. It's the same, but in some ways it's better. I'd say 15% is totally different. Yeah, sure. And 85%, yeah. Well, no, 35%. I don't even know what math you're trying to figure out. Somewhat different.

And then the rest is. What's the other, what's 35? We just got to get to January. There we go. Then we'll figure it out. But guys, I can't believe this whole fucking year. I need to stress how you guys need to live your life. And it's not just the phone.

But you don't need to stress anything. You are definitely too stressed. I am, you know what? You're the opposite of too stressed to be blessed, or too blessed to be stressed. I am, I am, I am too stressed to be blessed. But I will say, guys, this fucking, this year, if it's taught us anything is that,

I mean, I really do think we got to get off of these social media bullshits. We have to get off of Twitter. We have to get off of this. You're rolling this into your triple L? I am, because we have to get past these rage machines that are trying to keep us as upset as humanly possible. Last podcast memes on Instagram is pretty fun though.

It's really, that is very fun. You got to love. This is an important time to love your neighbor. I guess? Yes, unless they're, it depends how they've handled the pandemic. If they're hoarding a bunch of guns, and then they look at shit, it's a lot of weird stuff.

Well, you know what? We can laugh every day if you want to, especially if you're, what was it, Kenneth Copeland? Did you see the footage of him laughing? The telephangelist, yeah, the freaking lunatic. Like, like fucking Joker, just like screaming with laughter. Don't laugh like that.

When you steal so much money from poor people based on a lie, you can laugh too, like Kenneth Copeland. But hey, man, this is, this today. Trust yourself, give your own mind. Yes. Because that's what you have to do. We only have each other.

That's it? You only have yourself and your own brain. And read the fucking Guardian. And read the Guardian or the Economist if you really want to have fun with big, big articles. They write a lot of words in there. There's a lot of words. So you know it's pretty easy to read.

All right, everyone. And it's not a creepypasta. By the way, I did say some people were like, bam, it's great preposterous. I think I did a great job in the last creepypasta. I, we'll see at the next one. We'll see at the next one. There you go.

I feel like, yeah, this is- You always have the next time. You always have the next one. Until you don't. No, and then you're dead. Then you are dead. Appetizers probably would have saved that woman. If she would have just gone to Applebee's,

you tell me you can, you tell me you can starve yourself when you got half off apps. I- Tell me that. Applebee's, but- And them all apps? I mean, I'll eat a spring roll if I'm there.

Yes, you, it's not a spring roll. It's a wonton taco. I freaking have a secret. You fucking have to ask. It's a wonton taco. It's an immersion of cultures. I'm sorry. It's just salt, it's a salt dish.

All right, everyone. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan. M'goozalashia. And me. That's indeed. Yes, indeed. This show is made possible by listeners like you.

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