Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Gilgo Guilty

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's biggest stories and true crime news - Melania Trump takes the stage for an impromptu Ep-date, Rex Heuermann pleads guilty to multiple murders, officially becoming the Long Island Serial Killer, Step-brother officially charged with sexual assault and murder in cruise ship killing of step-sister, Chimpanzee War rages on in Uganda, Listener E-Mails, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Good. Eddie Larson.

I just am so excited to be here with you. Oh my God. We got Melania Trump is in the building. Exclusive interview. Exlusive interview. Oh, no. I forgot my panties. Oh, no.

Where are they? Oh, I found them in this gulch. Now, I have to ask, you know, while I got you in the room, what is it? I hear that there's rumors about you being a spy. No. What do you mean, though? No, I will come out now to face all of these inflammatory rumors

and lies about the poor lady of American states. And the first thing I will say, never spoil. I never spy I can't see I know here I know speak Oh so you were just a normal sex worker Three monkeys Three monkeys

No see no speak Oh no see no speak no hear No speak no here You don't really care do you No No I just All I know is Donald has the most

Wonderful touch around my bosoms Yeah And he absolutely loves My full grown 57 year old body. What is your favorite part about your husband's body? I love his soul. Oh, yeah?

Yes, ma'am. Just his soul? You're not physically attracted? No. Very personally attracted to him. His spirit and his attitude. How do you get him in the mood now that you're like in your 50s? You know, how do you get him in the mood still?

How do you get the spark going still? I kill a girl in front of him. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Every Christmas day. I tell him every morning we wake up, I say Merry Christmas, Donald. And he says, oh, you go, go, go, go, you're still, Donald.

Yeah, I do. And then I bring him a child in the wrapping paper. And we cut off his face. Oh, it's a boy, child. Oh, yeah. Well, no, I can't tell long hair, but never see genitals. And then they go and Donald gets so hard, so hard, 15 seconds. I have to hop on it.

Yeah. Hop on it. Just get it really good going. I kid. I kid. I don't have sex with him. I kid. You know me.

So is Baron, is Baron his? No, I'm Baron. Oh, you're. Oh, I understand now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Now, now that he has emptied it.

Yes, what about Baron? My sweet beautiful boy. My sweet beautiful boy soon will be killed in Iran. Oh, but so nice. Yes, very excited. Oh. Chapp does not want to him to go to Iran. Guess who gets to go to Iran now?

Chap goes. Oh, no, not my baby. Welcome to side stories. We're sending everybody to Iran. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. I know you thought I was Melania. Whoa, my God.

It's Henry. Yep. Oh, my God. Same cup size. Oh, man. See, I. I was, no one it is, is I, it was the beard that threw me. Oh, his beard?

Yeah. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, God, I wish he was gay. How much more fun would Trump be if he was gay? Oh, man. Now, Melania Trump, the reason why we're even talking about our lovely first lady is the fact that right after we recorded last week, which is part of the course here. Yeah, no, no, no. That's what we do it.

Wednesday is a big news day, but still, we don't care. I don't know how to fix this issue. we can change when we record because we're locked into the schedule. We can't just continue to record. I guess we can record multiple days a week and then just put them all together. Yeah. Right? It just doesn't make sense.

Trying to see if we hit the news randomly. Yeah. And then we could cobble the episode together. Why don't we? We could just start guessing. Oh, I love, honestly, we should save a minute after each episode for what might happen when this episode is released. So when we released last week's episode, we had done a little bit of an update. Let's hit it right now.

It's an island adventure. Heck yeah. It's Jeffrey time. Now, last week, we covered a little bit and we were like, oh, I distinctly remember at the end of our conversation. We were like, oh, and then Melania put out this nothing burger statement saying I did nothing wrong. And then... Out of nowhere. And that turned the whole world upside down again.

Because it seems like for a second, we had stopped talking about Jeffrey Epstein. And, you know, I'm even angry that we even stopped for a second. Yeah. Like, I'm disappointed in me that we stop for a fucking minute. You got to. I mean, well, we talk about it in our real life. But occasionally, it's just got to be aggravating to everybody. Well, the war obviously became more entertaining.

to everybody. We had a purposely, I'm sorry, let me take that back. It's an operation that we just did randomly. That had no point to it, right? And we're just destroying our economy with it in order to distract from the Jeffrey Epstein story, which I think is really interesting because then his wife,

our president's wife, unprompted, came out to the front of the White House, did a press conference, just to basically say, I had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein. All of those pictures that you're about to see or have been made up. I have never done this. I never slept with Jeffrey Epstein. I never, I didn't do this. I came here. She kind of did a little mini

summary of her history for some reason. Sounded real innocent. Real innocent. I always find that. She's not a victim. She's not a victim, but that means she's involved, right? She did very. I am on the management. Yes, I do a bit of the, I am kind of a, would you say, a spiritual advisor. And so, but Melania opened up a Pandora's box that has. has been just wonderfully, wonderfully open. Thank you. Thank you, Melania. Because it gives us an opportunity to ask these questions now.

Because Melania decided to just bring Epstein back up into the fucking daylight. And she asked for more investigations. And she asked for the U.S. government to listen to the victims. Now, this is after. It is interesting that she says that and we're still mad at her. It's the first time anyone said that. Well, because you know why? because obviously she's doing this for bad reasons.

She's a... Melania Trump of you don't know. Was this in the doc? No. No. The doc, like, didn't the doc have mostly to do with her, like, choosing plants and hors d'oeuvres? Yeah, I think... I don't know.

I didn't give it money. I mean, it was directed by Brett Ratner. Oh, we know. So you know. Yeah. You know it had a lot of action scenes. And you know, I had a lot of being like, do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

Do you think that happened? Last time I saw Brett Rattenner. in person, you know who he was hanging out with? Who? Jordan Belford. Oh, I've met Jordan Belford. He is an interesting character and an absolute con person. But for those of you that don't know, so Melania Trump,

she apparently met Donald Trump at the Kit Kack Club by this guy. She was introduced by this, the Italian Trump, Paolo Zampholi. We brought him up on the show a couple weeks ago. We're like, what about this guy? We were interested about this guy. And we didn't know, right?

So I guess about two months ago. So one big question here is like, all right, so Melania Trump brought out all of this stuff, right? She immediately, she said I wasn't guilty of all of these things. Immediately we're all like, why is she doing this? Is she trying to get ahead of something? The first thing that the media pointed to was the story about Paolo Zampoli's maybe wife, girlfriend, wife. We can't quite know their exact relationship, I believe, right? But we know that they had like a common law relationship, which led to a child custody battle.

Now, the first thing that happened, two months ago, a story came out from a woman by the name of Amanda Ungaro. Yes. By the name Amanda Ungaro, who was Paolo Zampoli's wife, girlfriend, it seems like wife because they were having a custody battle over their children. Yeah. She was a model that was like turned into his, you know, like they've been together. He picked her up at 16. Yes. And a developed turn to a wife.

Yes. Which is super crucial because that's what he did. he's a real estate developer. Well, he started in real estate. Well, no, he didn't. He started as a toy developer. He was in a toy company. Then he sold his father's toy company

to get into the very famous, you know, famously lucrative market of model agency. He just started a modeling agency immediately. It's a big fat Italian fuck. It's exactly what you think. I look at a lady. I like it. I bring him around and show you the lady.

Hey, you know what I like a better? When a lady is a little baby. I like it when a lady is a baby. And so he went, he was involved with Melani. So the way this first story starts, like maybe Melani is trying to get in front of this Ungaro story. And when she came out and she said that the United States government, somebody tipped off ice in the middle of their custody battle. And she was picked up by ice, Ngaro, and then sit back home in the middle of their custody battle. And she reached out to Melani and said, we're friends.

Why aren't you helping me? She eventually then took to Twitter to say, I'm now going to come out and tell the whole. world everything I know about your relationship with Paolo. Yes. Right? Which we're all like, oh, maybe she's trying to get in front of this story with her statement. But this story is two months old. Yeah.

So Melania effectively kicked the story up. She did it. She is elevated. We wouldn't be paying attention to this at all. No, it was already out there. So now we know that that's the explanation. So then I was watching an interview with Michael Wolf, our favorite fucking reporter. He was saying, which I thought was interesting, is that he was wondering if the statement

had anything to do with the direct accusations he made on a podcast about Epstein sleeping with Melania before Donald Trump and them met. So this was a big thing with Melania. She got really, really upset, sent him a billion dollar defamation suit through the White House's lawyers. He's been fighting it, basically saying we're allowed to say whatever we want about you guys. Essentially, we can conjecture, we can think about this, but also it is a state fake. Like seriously, I mean, so far, he's trying to do all this. But he was wondering if it had something to do with his own personal battle with Melania, because now Melania is suing him.

They're trying to take it up to federal court. But he's also saying that doesn't make any sense either because we're already in the middle of this thing. Why, what is she trying to get in front of? Don't know. Is she just saying it because she's so fucking putting brain just like her husband that she's just thinking that it is not time for me to make my stand? Who knows? It could be that too. It could be very much her just deciding

randomly being like, I just heard about these things and I must tell the world because she knows she's one of the people doing those things. I could see a world where she like knows that this exists but has completely removed herself

from society and television and just like walks around the White House and fucking... Well, she doesn't, they say that when she comes to the White House, it's like a visiting head of state. She's never, she doesn't live there. She lives in New York. in New York. Yeah, she lives in New York. She is a New York resident, essentially. She lives with her

a giant, soon-to-be murderer son, and they do a whole, God knows what they do in that place. From what I heard, she's banging one of the Tiffany's guards that, like, works in the store downstairs. Good for her. It's what I hear. Go for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But all of this shit is to be said, is that no one knows what actually happened. So it seems that Melania, over all of this discussion, has been intensely controlling over her timeline and where she came from and what she did. When she was a young woman, right, like going into research of her life is very interesting because there are no modeling books. Even though we know her as a model.

Quote and quote a model. But she was never a super model, right? She was, she just did some gigs. She did a couple of things here and there. There was a now, she got connected to Paulo Sanpoli. A private dancer. Dancer for money. She was, yeah, she's a brass tube.

But it's not what they were saying. So we don't know. She called herself a model. She got linked up with these various guys. It seemed that Epstein, she had a massive camel ad in 1997, which was her big break in America. Okay. Up until then, she had very little. Like, if you look at the Paolo Zampoli, like her modeling agency.

Was she the camel? She just literally got them two humps. But they, Palos, like, we don't know whether or not she got this gig because of Epstein or Paolo Zambole. Up until this point, she... Hopefully it was Palo Zambole because he's supposed to be a modeling agent.

But it seems that she came over to the United States of America on this Einstein visa. She has, is an absolutely fake architecture design degree. None of that is real. We know that that's fake. We have no idea how she got this Einstein Visea. So she's not redesigning the ballroom? No, Eddie. No.

I think, I think about, I ideas and Donald comments had tiny hands say no tiny Hans say no and so because it could be that she got this gig through Jeffrey Epstein because as she was coming over it seemed that Paolo Zampoly had already handed her over to Jeffrey Epstein Jeffrey Epstein and Paulo were all investing in the same modeling agencies over in Europe who also was Donald Trump they all moved in the same circles Donald Trump is a professional cuck he loves having sex with other friends wives that is a that Michael Wolf has said. He loves. He is a professional at sloppy seconds. He loves knowing that a guy he likes has made love to a woman first because he's just interesting guy. And so Jeffrey Epstein

probably hinted to him about Melania. Now again, where does Melania come from? This little town in Slovenia. Her old boyfriend, a guy by the name of like Lurgersnich, a guy, Jurezschek, a guy, Jurezchek. He is her old Slovenia boyfriend. He was like a rich guy back there. And he was like, she never talked about America. She was going to be here. She was going to stay in Europe and live the fashion life in Europe, an easygoing kind of flitting between worlds. And I think that Donald Trump sort of promised her the same thing.

You're going to come into here. I'm going to get you some of these modeling gigs. You're going to have an easy life for the rest of your life. And I think that Malani was really interested in that. And also because she's probably a passive spy for any one of these agents. Now, to be a passive spy is really easy. That would mean that she has some sort of intelligence. No.

You think that spies can be stupid? Yes. All a spy has to do is place a listening device. All a spy has to do is say, these are X, Y, things I've heard. All the spy's got to do is be embedded and present. So once you're in there, yes. So who should be a spy for, Russia? Anybody.

Anybody who wants to pay you money to get secrets from insolence? side of the White House. It doesn't know. But she's been with him for long enough. I'm just, I'm just, yes.

She's been with him long enough where he wasn't even trying to be president. I, when she, when they were got together. Yes. And I think that that was probably one of the big contingencies is that it would not go farther than this. And then I,

I'm just throwing things out there. I like it. No, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just throwing things out there. I have no idea. The main issue is the fact that we have no idea.

We have no idea really what her story is. We've tried to put it together. We don't quite know where she came from, but it does seem that she probably, but who knows? Now we might get sued by the White House, hopefully, because that'd be great. Yeah. Honestly, we need the numbers. Would they sue us or Sirius and Netflix? Hopefully them.

Hopefully them. And then we can just be like, we're a little artist. How am I supposed to know? You know, I don't know. I'm just stupid. You know, we don't know if this is true. And now we're just asking questions. Yes.

Well, we just, I'm now deeply invested in what Melania knows and what she's going to do about it. Yeah, well, she obviously knows something. She was on the plane. I mean, there's plenty of reports of her banging Trump on the plane, and that's how he met. But now we're talking about

now that she met through Paulo Zambole. Well, she fake, this Kit Kat Club meeting, the whole famous meeting where she met and that Donald Trump asked her for her number and she said, no, you give me yours. And then he gave her his number because he was separated from his wife at the time and he was like oh yeah sure and then

everyone joked with milania i was reading an article from 2017 about milania about how they met and they were joking with her being like oh what is it about donald you love is it the tiny hands is it the comb over and she said no he's a real man oh god which is not true yeah yeah can barely get it up he can't barely get it up he's got a little tiny penis he can't walk and he has to drink water with two hands. Yeah, so he's definitely like, he's a real, like, in terms of like he farts and shits and pisses and shit. Yeah, real men really, you usually don't

punch 13 year olds in the face while they're giving him head. No, never. Real men usually don't do that. No. No, normally you wake up screaming from that horrible dream. Also, what I wanted to get into a little bit was Jeffrey Epstein's connections into Chip Priyani's and Soho House.

Oh, really? How all of this shit I love Soho House. Off the list. Come on. No. Chipriani's is like, it was the favorite place of Trump, Jean-Lucrewell, Epstein, Paolozanoz, Paolozampoli. All of these prostitutes went through Chippriani. All of these sex were people were literally trafficked through the restaurant.

They were traffic through Soho House. Also, Jeffrey Epstein was specifically giving, hooking people up with Chipriani. and Solo House memberships as a way to like as little thank you. That's why they're so expensive. That's why they're filled with fucking dickheads. Oh. And predators.

Well, fam, the good thing about dickheads and predators that'll talk to you when you're around. You see, that's the thing. You can just go and get your work done and they'll shut up.

You're completely true. It's like, if you've ever been into a Delta lounge or Milwaukee, you understand what that means, right? Because these Midwest businessman, fucking chat you up. Forever. All they're,

want to do is yap, yap, yap about whatever garbage it is. I'm going to tell you about plastic. It's be like, I'd rather be dead. I'd rather be fucking dead. Tell me you're a human trafficker. At least that's interesting. But that's why I didn't go to Soho House. Oh, man, you've been to Soho House.

I've been to the Soho House. I've been a lot of it, but I'm not a member. I'm not a member either, but, you know, I think it's more of because I couldn't afford it. But, hey, Eddie. Now you can afford to be a pervert. But yeah, I guess that's really all I wanted to get into because, but also all this comes from Michael Wolf. Michael Wolf, though, I think is interesting in the fact that he

knows more than anybody and whatever you think about him. And his call on this is just straight up, we have no idea what that press conference meant. And we have not gotten any answers yet. Yeah. So she saw someone, like, showed her some pictures that they found. Maybe. She also would, because I also remember she said that she didn't know Jis Lane. Meanwhile, we'll cut through the email that we have Jis Lane calling her sweet pee. And they all like, you know, there are little things back and forth. There was a bunch of stuff deleted. She's, Melania is a fucking liar as well. Of course. So Melania

is also not that brilliant of a liar. I also thought it was amazing as that one of the big holes in her history came from several photographers saying the thing that's interesting about Melania is that yes, she's objectively beautiful. She has a beautiful

editorial face, but they were all like, she is shockingly bad at modeling. Yeah. She's bad at the job. Well, she doesn't She only has one face. Well, she just has a severe. Well, she kind of smiles in these old ones, but most of them have something. They all specifically said she didn't have the fucking chops to be a model.

So all of these guys had to help. That's why she had to fuck this guy. Yes. And I think that, honestly, Melania does not want to talk about her main goal in life was to fuck a Donald Trump and to just allow that life to coast for her. But that's not a crime, Melania. it's not a crime to be a lazy woman. Okay? It's not a crime. You could have lived that life. And guess what? None of us would have heard of you.

And you would be having the time of your life right now. And Melania, I have a tip for you. Divorce him. I mean, that'd be wild. Do it right now. Go divorce him right now. I mean, she got to be careful. I mean, like one of his ex-wives randomly fell down the stairs mysteriously. She had bad ankles.

Now she's buried on his property. She had a bad ankle. Melania's on that reformer every day. three days. Melania has a sense of balance. Melania, you know where the bodies are buried. This is your time, Melania. This is your freedom. I'm calling to you, Melania.

You can get out. You can get out, man. Call to Amanda Ungaro, man. Call Amanda. I want to know everything she knows. If she says she can bring the whole thing down, I want to do it. Well, yeah. Where are we at with that? What the fuck? What do you mean? It's like,

Now it's like what? Are you extorting them? With a quickness. Now I don't like you because you would just tell us if you were doing the right thing. She's not even extorting them because she would have gotten the money already. They were very fine with paying people for a while. Yeah. But also, they deported her.

Yeah, they deported her. And she should immediately be spilling the beans. And she spent months in a detention camp. Yep. And the fact that she's not spilling the beans is also really interesting, which shows that Paulo Zampoly is something on her. And I also think that guy's probably pretty fucking dangerous because Jeffrey Epstein said so as much as when he was talking with a Russian spy about hanging out with Zampoli.

And he said, be very, very careful hanging out with him. And then he followed up with, he always tells stories to the press. Interesting. So there we go. Now we're talking about it. Now we're here. Now stories are coming out. These stories are getting, it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

And Melania brought it back up from the dead. And I want to say, thank you. I want to, you're something I noticed about this email Melania sent to Just Lane. And I've noticed a lot of the people always call Jeffrey Epstein Je. Yeah. But like I would never be like you know, HZ. You know, I would never

I'd be like... I'm a billionaire. Yeah, yeah. But you say Jeff, you say Mr. Epstein, you know, like... You know, there are a lot of... It's weird to me. I feel like that is a... It's a rich person's affectation. Yeah? I think it's a rich person's affectation. Yeah, because I, that's a bizarre thing to me. I never really understood that. But I, like, our buddy Billy Wayne, I'm going to are calling him BW. Bdubs. BW is a good name.

BW3 because he's got three names. Wow, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, by the way Davis, yeah. Yeah, we're going to be with him in Alaska this week, and I'm very excited. We still got some tickets left for Fairbanks in Portland. Yeah, come up to the fucking nowhere and also Portland. Where are we at in Portland? We're at the siren.

That's right. On 420. Yeah, we're getting stoned in Portland. Dude, come out. We're going to be so fucking high. Yeah, yeah, we're going to be great. Right from North Lane. All right, let's get into some other news.

we have again another big update we got two big updates but yeah I mean yeah so we got I think this shows mostly updates today well updates but also new fucking information that it has come to light because of the updates Rex Heerman yeah this is the biggest one I've been wanting to talk about this

for so long this is a story I've been kind of avoiding because you haven't let me and now we can yes well the reason why I was avoiding it was because I wanted to like get some closure on it before we talked about it because everybody was already calling him guilty. There was all of these documentaries. They just saw his face and body and demeanor. He's a literal in evidence. Fucking monster. I mean, there was so much evidence.

He is one of the scariest people I've ever seen in my life. He is a view. He's a very scary individual. Rex Ehrman, he has come out and he has finally pled guilty to eight murders. He is the Long Island serial killer. He is Lisk. We know that the Gigo Beach Four, that was when he was first arrested as a suspect in these four women that have went for sex workers that were found on Gilgo Beach in 2010 and then from then on like Lisk kind of went away Lisk went away there were they didn't know quite what he was doing and it turns out he was hiding in plain sight well Rex Eurman he's a six foot eight three hundred and thirty pound fucking hulking swollen eyed beast who is a evil fuck he came out and he basically just like duff

Yes. His voice is amazing. Yeah. His voice is when they were like, do you plead guilty? Doth. Yes. Yes. That's not do.

He's just trying to sign defenseless. Yeah, not do. No, because then also when they first accused him, he cried and he was like, I would never do it. But it seems that, you know, there was so much fucking evidence. First of all, there was the... How did he get... It's so crazy that, like, someone so massive could get away with murdering people for so

long. You know what I find interesting is this is, I think, why it's... took so long and then why they worked so fucking hard to nail his ass after the fact. So Rex Heurman lived on Long Island surrounded by police. You boys with the cops hung out with them all the time. His number one subject to the thing that he was fascinated with was serial killers. Rex Heurman is one of those guys. He was a full fan boy of somebody specific. Ed Comper. Really? Another big boy. And so what he did was he read the book, Mind Hunter, and he got really into reading about Ed Kemper,

and he learned from Ed Kemper. He learned from Ed Kemper about how, when he understood, Ed Kemper... I do root for fat guys myself. Like, whenever I see a lineman pick up the ball and start running for the end zone, I get so excited. I mean, same.

I miss fat actors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss fat, ugly actors. Yeah, no, I'm always rooting for him. Oh, every time. And so, Ed Kemper, six foot, again, eight, nine, and when he was nine,

he was called the co-ed killer. he was one of those he'd be around UCLA. He murdered his mother. He decapitated her. He would do dry runs. So basically, Rex Hewerman learned from him from this monster. Number one, Ed Kemper knew that his size might make women nervous. So he began to do dry runs where he would see how a woman would react if he pulled

him into the car and then drove them past where he told them he was going to take them because he would pick up hikers. So that's the first experiment. He would try to see these things. just to see what people would do. Rex Eurman knew. That's like science experiments. Yes.

That's like hypothesis mixed with, you know. Yeah. All you have to be is a tremendous loser. And you can devote a lot of hours into killing women. Like you just have to be not have anything else going on. You know what I mean? You just have to be a talentless, you fat-faced, you loser in cell, right? Yeah.

So Rex Ehrman learned from this, which is interesting, because he had a wife and kids, but it was enough. He's a sexual. So he's one of those guys that kills and tortures for fun. Like he likes to do that is the pleasure that comes. Like is all of the the, the enemies. So the women they found were like mutilated and shit? Well, they were taken apart because he was moving the body.

So this is one of those interesting things. I don't really know much about this whole case, to be honest with you. So it is, we now know it's eight sex workers, probably 12 that were murdered, that were left along the Gallego Beach area in Long Island for the last like 20 years. Yeah, it's a long time. So they had been, once they finally nailed him, how they nailed him was that they

put his very specific car at two separate scenes. He had bought this giant man's car. Yeah, you've got to kill in a Camry. It's a yes, but he could fit in a Camry. So he had a green avalanche. Have you seen an avalanche? No. Look at the show, show it Rob.

An avalan, it's an extremely specific big man's car. Especially in Long Island, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was this giant fucking car. And it was Forrest Green. That was the first thing. They then...

It's pretty cool. They tracked him back to his house. So according to police, whether you believe this or not, they put a stop on reporting of List. Because they were like in their minds. What I do think... It does make sense. He's like, they'd be like,

We wanted Lisk to go to sleep. We wanted LISC to go to sleep so that when he went to sleep, we could go looking for him, right? Because we're going to put the pressure on, which is what he did. They hit a bunch of stuff behind. They eventually pulled all these things together. They found out about this giant man in an avalanche, right?

Because at first they didn't know whether or not Avalanche was his nickname, and then they finally realized it was a car, right? Because they kept saying Avalanche. They tied him to that. They followed him for a while. They see that he's this big, huge, lumbering guy. They finally go, and they take a piece of pizza crust that he had left behind. Right?

Which is why you always eat your crust. Always eat your crust. Always eat your crust. Yeah, I know you're trying to cut your carbs there, Rex. That's not the time, man. He's in New York too. It's good pizza. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It's good pizza. Especially Long Island. Yeah, that's good, man. And so the cops basically corroborated the DNA from the pizza, the pizza to the piece of hair. Was pizza crust just sitting in his car? No, he had, they followed him. Oh, and he threw out the window like a cigarette? No, he put it in a trash can.

Oh, okay. And they picked it out of the trash can. And so they, he had so much evidence again. So when they got him, they actually worked. It worked. The plan worked. He had went to sleep. So they got everything.

They got all the hard drives, all the cars, all the cell phones. He had no time to get rid of anything. He had so much fucking evidence on him between the planning document. They had a whole planning document that had all of the things he wrote down. Yeah, you got to burn those. He even wrote on the planning document, destroy. planning document. Oh.

Because he's a fucking moron. He's a fucking idiot. These are all guys that think that they're smarter than they are. Finish your list, people. You make the list for a reason. Get to the end of it. Once you cross it all off, then you celebrate.

Then the list is done. I was looking at this one really interesting video that came from a podcast called Sinister with Joss Zaman. I don't really know very well. But this guy came on, Mark Safaric,

who was an FBI profiler. He does an hour long, uninterrupted talk about Rex Heurman. And he said, one of the things that's interesting about sexual status is because they take a lot of time. BTK, Green River Killer. Like, he became like, they take a lot of time

a killer was an idiot. But they all take, you don't have to be an idiot to plan. Yeah. Right? You have to be a genius to plan. You know what I mean? You just need time. And so at first,

RLISC, he was spending a lot of time planning. guy, this FBI profiler says, if you notice, the bodies go from farthest point to closest point. So you could see his very first kill he drove as far out as he could. Because he was scared. Because he was scared. But then you watch him get more comfortable with each kill. And then you watch him see exactly where he put the body, which I thought was really interesting. He's like, serial killers don't use curves and roads.

They don't use blind hills. Then use these things. You want a flat stretch of road in which you can see miles down either way of a highway for hours at night. Gotcha. So it's like this stuff, what's very interesting. You don't want a Fargo situation. No. And sexual sadists also the planning is also part of the kink.

It's a part of the whole sexual thing. So he became his whole life. And then I do think it was also interesting that the FBI profiler finds out. He's like normally too with sexual sadist. They die out, like in terms of their crime, their criminality, dies out like around the age of 50. When they start going impotid. Yep.

And that when they start losing the want, you start to see it go and you see it here too, around 47 years old, Rex Ehrman. He can't even get it up for murder anymore. Yeah. So also he probably, I'm sure, his heart is fucking, hearts all clogged and shit. Yeah, he's a big, fat piece of shit. You can hear him like, that's one of the worst parts of the,

when he comes in to plead guilty, was that you just hear, man, he's got that. James Gandalfini resting snore. Oh. You know, like, you ever see James Gantelphini's last movie? Oh, yeah. You can hear it on his love mic. Yeah, they couldn't do nothing about it. There's nothing you could do about it.

Enough said, right? Yeah, yeah, yes. Where it's, same thing. Rex Heurman is standing next to it. You know, towering big fucking fat, evil meatball. He's going, who, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, yeah, they'll just find him dead from sleep happening in his cell one day.

Yeah, he'll die in there. And I think that largely the reason. why he pled guilty because he was going to fight it. But I think the reason why he pled guilty is because he did not want to bring his family into it. He's a family? Oh, yeah. Well, his daughter was already getting pulled into it. And she was

defending him too. Yeah, like, because she was just a got... Of course she was. She was just a got girl who was into, like, murder podcast. So they immediately were going to... She's involved. They were going to destroy her. Oh, man. Well, she's got to be really excited. But I do find it interesting. She is the story finally.

It's finally me. Oh, I knew this would finally happen to me. But yeah, that's a, yeah, that's the Rex Ehrman update. We were absolutely going to do a series, yeah. There has to be more, right? Oh, well, 12, at least. 20 years, I mean, like,

that's less than one a year. Twelve over 20s quite a bit. Is it? Yes. Okay. Because I don't know, I don't understand. Like, I thought... He killed, like, what would happen is that... Did he do it, like, in bundles, or did he do it, like, one every, like, year and a half? It seemed he would do, like, one, one, one, three.

Interesting. That's kind of how he did it. There's cool down periods between them, too. That's part of the whole serial killer thing. And he's getting psychological feedback from planning the next one. So Rex Ehrman, we're absolutely going to do a last podcast on the left on him at some point just because the idea of somebody being amongst the police being embedded in police is really interesting. He was a construction guy, right? He was an architect.

Yeah. He actually had a high, he actually has an architectural degree unlike Melania. He was, you know, that's crazy. Wasn't he, like, respected in the community or no? He had a job. He worked for the city. Okay. You know, he was like an accredited real architecture guy.

Like, he was like a real... There could be bodies like in cement and shit. Who knows? Right? Who knows? He has a lot of... I'm just saying, we got him. He has decided to put himself to bed.

He doesn't get to wear suits anymore. And he's going to be very safe in jail. Yeah. So... Usually they stick to, like, their thing, too. His thing was just dropping them off at the beach. And girls. Yeah, and girls.

Yeah. He probably, there's a lot of talk about more than likely he went back to visit them. Because we now know that that's like a major M.O. Of a sexual sadist. Really? Yeah. Oh yeah. They go back and spend time with them.

Man, he's just. Total control. It's so weird. Like, just go. You're right, Eddie. It is really weird. I never thought of it like that before. Yeah, yeah.

It's like, I mean, because I always look at them from a rational angle. You know, like I try to look at them. look at it like, all right, I'm a serial killer. How would I get away with this? First thing I would do is not go back to the body. Well, again, Eddie, you don't want to have sex with these bodies. You're not a, you know what you're really missing here is you're not a serial killer. So that's the problem is that you're missing the motivation. Because that's what it's about. It's not motivation. You're right. You're right. You're right. All right. We have another update.

Oh, my God. Another fucking update. Finally, this one's brought to you by CrimeWave and C. Crime Wave at C.com slash last. It's sponsoring this story because we don't go on Carnival. Yeah, that's right. We won't do it. Life is a carnival, but not for these people. Florida teen officially is facing a life sentence in the cruise ship killing. Yes, the 16-year-old is officially charged with murdering his 18-year-old step-sister. So, well, we knew this, but the interesting, well, the horrible thing is the update is that she was, yes, and sexually assaulted. So that is indeed true.

A little bit of, like, I was trying to my best to give this kid, like, a little bit of, like, maybe it was an accident or Ruffhausen that went too far. And then it was not. I can't anymore. It's official, like, he's, uh, yeah, he sucks. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Guess what, man?

There's too much porn out there, man. It really, I can't. We got to know porn's not real. Yeah, I can't help but think about that. Like, how, like, step brother porn and step sister porn, like, has to have something to do with this. Yeah, you know, but also. It does it, it doesn't.

I don't know, man. I mean, I know that... It does, it does. It's not good, man. I'm like, well, you know, the thing about... Why can't you just want to fuck a person you'd know? It's still legal. Like, why does it have to be, like...

It's still crazy illegal to have sex with your step... Sibling. Yeah. It's legal. I know, but I just feel like you put all that evil juju in the air and this is what happens. It comes back to bite you eventually. Well, I think that there's a distinct difference between the presence of porn and somebody becoming so.

wrapped up in the pornography that they believe that the scenarios are happening for real. And when you're already, when you're a little dude and you have no fucking idea because you're a moron. Yeah, you think I'm going to become a delivery guide. I'm going to get late all the time. Oh, my step-sisters now in the cruise

bedroom with me. I've seen that in three of my websites. I was a plumber. Yes. It's not. No, it's not. No, I know it's not. No, you see a lot of guys like me. Yeah. Go on. Yeah, the patience in here. Yeah, we had. a long Thanksgiving.

Yeah, it was me, Murray. They're liars. Who is my old buddy? Phil the spreader. He did concrete. Oh, yeah. And he gaped for gay porn. Yeah, but this happened in Florida, so this kid could be fucked. No, no, I thought that it made legal there.

Yeah, yeah, you're right. To rape your stepsister. I thought it was legal there because they said that it was, it was, she was asking for it by getting involved with the previous marriage, them being their parents? It's northern Florida. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, South Florida. Do you have to deal with that around the, did you have a lot of, at the Peefong Festival?

Did you have a lot of stepbrothers and step sisters hanging out there? No, no, no, no, no, no, the Piffong Festival, there were no steps. We'll get it. I don't want to attach them to this story. You don't? No, no. So that's all the update is, is to show that, unfortunately, browsers is not real. Yeah.

Don't let him. It's not real. It's never going to be real. Your step sister doesn't want to have sex with you. Your step sister definitely doesn't. Your step sister wants you far away from her as humanly possible. But I will say, Eddie, I know what you're saying. On the little screen, it's okay. They're actors and actresses. But I do think on some level, we should probably steer it back to, I miss employment-based pornography.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like that? I miss employment-based. But that's bad, too. No, it's not. That's bad. What are you talking about? That's the whole Me Too, well. No, but that's fun. Again, Eddie, I'll say this is where I'll maybe even speak to slightly.

Power play dynamics in a sexual situation make a lot of sense in terms of simulated sexual play. Those power dynamics is where you would explore those in an environment like that. As long as the ladies doing the interviewing. You got it. You got it, Eddie. I need a disclosure situation. Oh, believe me. Oh, no. I'm talking about the woman boss.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. No, I don't like the woman secretary. I like the woman boss. I am. I'm all about that. You all know me. Well, this 16-year-old... You all know my milf style.

Yeah. This 16-year-old is now facing federal counts of first-degree murder and aggravated sexual abuse. Bye-bye. Now, is first degree the right thing to put on this? Yes, very much so. You think so? Yep. It was all planned.

And, sponsored by Carnival Cruces. And that's the worst part. Which is why over a crime wave and sea, We don't go on Carnival because, yeah, we like to treat our fans like royalty. That's right. Oh, Royal Caribbean Lions, truly one of the most beautiful ships you can be on. And some of the best entertainment possible over at Crime Wave at Sea. Live from North Wave.

Well, now that we're done talking about this kid murdering his sister, P. Funk Fest was wonderful. And Orrin. It was totally legal and a lot of fun. That is great. And what was your favorite, what was the favorite moment? So I have a couple favorite moments, but I got to say, first of all, shout out to Shonda Clinton and Shoshana Zisk. They put on an amazing festival. They were so much fun to work with.

Shonda Clinton, she is the Sativa Diva. I didn't realize it. Oh, no. I'm like, you're a sitiva Diva. She's like, oh, yeah. So I gave her a big blunt. They love me. but my favorite moment was when I show up they're like okay so you're leading the ribbon cutting ceremony

I was like what and so and there's a proclamation given to George Clinton from the county of Leon is this when you just got off a plane dude I was like I was there for like an hour oh my god I'm sitting there I don't know I'm just I'm trying to like you know I'm trying to win everyone over so I'm wearing like George Clinton paint the White House black t-shirt and they got me up there with like county commissioners and billionaires and judges and shit yeah And they're, like, doing a ribbon-cutting ceremony with George, and I'm just, like, doing my bed. I curse immediately. Oh, yeah, of course.

I'm just not ready for this at all. And I just, like, immediately, and I'm just like, we're starting this festival off with the least funky people in the house. But that was great, though. It was great. We did it. We did the whole thing. And first band came out.

And then afterwards, just to, like, make sure they didn't stick around or anything. I just went out a huge DeSantis rant. Yeah, good work. I was just like, just let everyone know where we stand. You know, I'm also trying to win everyone over. I should not be a part of this. No. I should not be the MC, you know, like the blackest thing I've ever been to.

No, but it worked out. And you were. I'm a super fan. That's why it kind of worked out is because I know everything about Peefog. You do know everything about fucking people. So it was great. And so, and then, but the best part was bringing Holden. And I made Holden play this character called Frank the Unfunky Cop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was really worried about just getting booed. And so I was just like, you know. I didn't have, I make it purposeful. Yeah, I was like, I was like, what I'll do it. I'll bring a foil. That way I'm not the foil. So I'm like, who do I know that's the biggest foil on earth? Holden McNeil is the biggest foil on earth. Especially for a crowd of older African-American people. Honestly, I can't believe like I slowly won them over throughout the night.

And it's just like, honestly, I've never been so proud of myself. I thought like at the end of it, Holden and I both looked at each other because we didn't bring it up beforehand. We're like, I was very scared. it's a lot of responsibility yeah so we had so i had this reoccurring bit with hold him replayed frank the unfunky cop and he kept that coming out and like telling people like to stop dancing and don't do drugs and stuff and then like the second time he came out he had like a boa and he's like I eat a cookie yeah I was that fucking shit you know so it was good and then I turned him into sir-nose and like he started like dance and I'll show a video later on the stream next week or

something but yeah he's like he was like literally like Like, I'm like, because sir knows, I don't know if you, last time you see him, he, like, always, like, picks up his shirt and shows his ass. Yeah, he's like a sexy guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, like, I have like, I'm like, I'm like, I was like, I was like, jerk nose, sure your white, shitty white guy. Sir knows. Sure knows. And he's, like, pulls up his shirt.

He's like, I have an obelical hernia. Don't look at it. And I saw the video. I also love the fact that, like, Ed showed me the video. And you just hear older black people just talking about old men, like, just go, what an asshole. What an asshole. God, it's good. There was a big tribute and I dressed like Gary Shider.

I put on a diaper and like while I'm on stage, like given this like meaningful tribute in a diaper. Like honestly, bringing tears to the eyes of the people in the audience because I'm like reading a poem about death. You know, like, but the guy who I was honoring Gary Shider, his son, Garrett Shider, go listen to his shit. It's fucking awesome. He was in the band coming up next and he came. came on stage and he's like, what the fuck you do? And I told him this great story about what the time I met his dad, which was I was backstage at the 930 club in D.C. watching P. Fong and he had brought me on stage earlier

because I was the only person backstage dancing and stuff. And so he like brought me on stage. I give it high fives to people. And then later on, I'm sitting backstage and he comes up to me. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to talk to Gary Shiner. I'm so excited. And he looks like he looks me in a diaper, looks me up and down, grabs my beer out of out of my hand, takes a switch.

and he goes, tastes like piss. Yeah. Ah, yeah. It gave it back to me. It was just like, it was amazing. I had such an amazing time. The first annual P-Funk Fest was a total success. Make sure you check them out on the road.

I feel like they're in like a really good space right now as a band. Yeah. Which is crazy to say after like 70 years. But you know, because I was watching some footage. It seems like they're a little bit more stripped down. Yeah. It's very tight. George is fucking present.

He was honestly, he was. jumping, dude. He was so ready. He was having the best time. He's 84 years old. He's almost 85. It was celebrating his 85th birthday, which is in July. Jesus fucking Christ. No, it was incredible. And then the show at Jacksonville, Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimm Stadium. Yeah, so much fun. So much fun. Yeah, we had Lexi on stage and shout out to Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp and Evan Rossi for coming out. Dude, it was so much fun. Our live shows are just, we've gotten really good at him. You got to come check out. Come check out. That's a joke. We're going to have a special guests to over May 7th.

At the Avalon Theater 945 p.m. That's going to be a lot of fun. We got a lot of shows coming up. We'll tip you off about all that later on. A lot of fucking shows. Oh, wow. We went a whole hour without talking about the other major story of the week. Oh, that someone tried to kill Sam Altman?

No, not even that one. That one's a serious story. Oh, are you talking about this chimpanzee Civil War? Chimp war! Yeah. Two brothers, one wore blue. and one war grain. Chimpao!

And there's a chepanzy war. That's right. The world's... This comes from the BBC. Thank you, BBC. You know what? We owe you some credit after we took you down so hard for three weeks.

Chimpa! The world's largest group of chimpanzees apparently have been in a brutal civil war for over eight years. Dude, and I found interesting is that they know, they said that they It very rarely happens. Yeah, well, news travel slowly out of the chimp world.

It's hard because they don't have social media. Yeah, and they were all trying to call you on bananas, and they're like, guys, I know it looks like a phone, but I don't work. It was a joke. Get a razor phone. Yeah. But Jane Goodall, first of all, I want to say, before we get into the story. Shout out to that dead old bitch.

No, she's dead. She's dead. I love Jay Gail. She's honestly one of my favorite people. I've unfairly been a part of the, I mean this. I've been unfairly part of the, the, let's just say some of the more vicious rumors about Jane Goodall. And I just want to say I'm sorry because, like, I'm going to come out here for the very first time.

Yeah. And I'm going to unequivocally say that she has never had sex with the chimpanzee. I know that she hasn't. But I mean, she can't confirm or deny it. But she did allow some local men to sleep in her tent for some time with her GameCube. That is, she did do that. She had a GameCube. would parlay sexual favors

four time at the game team. But those are men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're human men. And some women. Oh, men. We talked about what she... But Jane Goodall saw a war. Oh, yeah, she saw a war.

Because she said that she had thought that chimps were inherently peaceful. The Gombe chimpanzee war, she witnessed. So this isn't like new. So what's going on? This happens all the time. You know, like chimpanzees, they go to war when they, you know, but this is like,

but they're, what's interesting about this, one is that we have more than ever we're able to study it. And so basically with this one is... Which one's done by Jeffrey Rush? Right? Wasn't he implanted of the Apes? No. Pirates of the Caribbean. Pirates of the Caribbean.

You're getting them confused. Mark Wahlberg? Who's the now one? Gary Oldman. Mark Wahlberg's in the really bad man of the apes and Tim Burton one. Yes. That's the one he's in. Each one of the new good plan of the games have a new good actor.

Oh, what's his name? Woody Harrelson's in one. Woody Erlson. And then the other guy who only plays monkeys. Oh, yeah. Andy Circus. Andy Circus. Andy Circus.

Yeah, Andy Circus. He plays Caesar. But anyway, so the Nogogo chimpanzees at Uganda's Kambalee National Park have been at war since 2018, where they have been 24 chimp-on-chimp murders, 17 of which are infants. So how many on-chimp? are we selling them and what do they get from Iran? I mean, honestly thank God they don't have weapons.

Man. But actually, that's not true because sometimes they do use six and rocks. They do. Yeah, yeah, which is fucking wild. But this is true, brother on brother, blue versus gray, for eons, this was a beautiful community. 200 chimps used to be friends, lovers. They would hold hands.

They know, but now they are enemies. And what happened? Why? Yeah, what breaks people up like this, besides, was it a lady? No, you know, honestly, they don't know, and it could be. Oh, yeah, sure. A lot of it is, like, males, like, fighting for, you know, dominance and stuff like that.

But it would. And then, like, one was, like, I know that one with Jane Goodall was, like, the main leader was a monkey named Mike. Yes. Right. He was an ape named Mike. And then it seemed that one of the younger people that was, like, his right-hand man was, like, decided Mike shouldn't be in charge anymore. Basically. And then took three dudes and they walked away from everybody and then that caused like a fight.

Yeah. And there was other there were other chimps called Goliath. She named one of the chimps Satan. Yeah, I know it's strange. Cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. But I think it was because like the Latin term meaning like nemesis. Oh, okay.

Okay. Well, all right. So in 2015, they, um, they started to separate and basically in 2018, the war began. And the Western group is the aggressors. the West had launched 24 targeted attacks and basically every time they kill one. The numbers could be way higher. Oh, sure.

This is just what we know. But also, I find it interesting is how pointed the murders are, how the kills are pointed in their little society too. Like, it's actual warfare. Yes. It's like pointed at two specific groups. Yeah. Planet Earth did really good job. They had a good segment about a chimpanzee war that they got a footage of.

I remember that from back in the day. Yeah, it was like, it was the whole like, And as you can see, there, what a wonderful, wonderful view into the intimate world of the warrior. As he smashes the infant baby against her. I look at the joy in which he celebrates his victory over the child. Yeah, and basically, chimps are omnivores. You know, they eat a lot of vegetables.

It's mostly, they're more herbivore than carnivore. But I got a lot of messages when we asked this question about other animals and they do most animals are opportunity eaters no matter what like a rhino

will eat like a little like a little bit chips will eat bugs they definitely in a shit ton of bugs they like they like eating turtles they for some reason they love I guess they like getting in their shells

and getting the meat out it's probably fun for them and turtles taste good yeah and they eat tiny mammals sometimes they eat even smaller monkeys but while at war they turn cannibalistic yeah they eat the other people

but they do it like it's never not a war. It's never like a chimp dies and they eat it. That never happens. They like kill the chimp and eat it in front of like their families. And like they rip and it's usually an infant and they call it infant side and they'll usually

sometimes the women chimps do it as well. Can we do this to a lot of senators? We could. If their children are young enough, I believe we can. I would love to do this. I feel like it would teach them some lessons. And so they're trying to figure out like all right. So 24 are dead. Seven of them are adult males. 17 are infants.

All right. And here's what they think it started the war maybe. This is their theories, all right? The first were the deaths of five adult males and one adult female for reasons unknown in 2014. This could have started with disputed social networks and weakened social ties to the subgroups. The following year, there was a change in the alpha male, which the study says coincided with the first period of separation between the Western and central groups.

changes in the dominance hierarchy can increase ingression and avoidance in chimpanzees. All right. Third factor was the deaths of 25 chimpanzees, including four adult males and 10 adult females. Like it was an accidental death or was a respiratory epidemic in 2017. Wow. You're literally looking at like the way systems are affected in human world or how they're affected in that world too. Well, that is exactly where this all goes because the way.

why this is so interesting is that they're looking at this as like how ancient man developed conflict. Yes. And like how it wasn't always, you know, so it wasn't always just like based off of like racism. And sometimes it was opportunity. Well, there's lots of stuff. It's the fact that it's an inherent part of our, like there's some part of the monkey part of our brain.

Yes. Please. I'm sorry. There's some part of it that puts us in this place. So we like to fight. According to the BBC, if chimpanzees, one of the species closest to humans genetically, could do so without human constructs of religion, ethnicity, and political beliefs, then relational dynamics may play a larger casual role in human conflict than often assumed. But I mean, look at what we just cover when we cover the Hatfields of McCoyce. Exactly.

Right? You, like, basically see this, like, entire war set off. These are families that hate each other. Yes. And you're literally. seeing it on an animal level, which is, is that, is that, like, what does that speak to? Do you think that speaks to, is it wonderful that we share this trait in terms of, like, a thing that we can see, or is it one of those like, ooh, that's where it comes from?

I mean, I think it just shows that chimpanzees are just like fucking 40,000 years behind us, and they're going to catch up eventually. Yeah, we'll see. Yeah. Yeah, I fucking try it. You know what is, I find very, the fact that I learned. You want the smoke, chimps. You don't want this fucking smoke.

Dude, they will fucking rip your lips off. I need your lips. I'm not saying fight me. No, I'm not saying fight me. I'm saying you don't want the modern world, chimp's. You don't need an economy. Okay, live your life. You know how much a chimp would love like a fucking porn tablet?

I mean, that's easy. Now we can hook up. Now we can hook up. All right. I can get to make a bunch of AI porn of Jane Goodall for these guys. This shows a way that chimps are very advanced. This is my favorite thing that I learned about reading this story. apparently because of all of this war and stuff that lady chimps, when they have a baby,

because sometimes, like, there have been reports of them killing an infant that are like hours old. Yeah. You know, and so they have maternity leave. Chimpanzees have maternity leave. Like, if she'll, like, they'll send her to a secluded safe place in the forest. And she'll live there with her baby chip until it becomes old enough to kind of, like, walk around and fend for itself a little bit. So they have like a form of maternity leave. That's fascinating.

Isn't that cool? That's that, dude, we're just, yeah. And again, it's like how, like the percentage between us and them is like what, like, like two percent? I have no idea. Like our DNA is like. Well, we're closest to, was it, macaques? The macaques. Macawks are the ones we're closest to.

Or the bonobos. Or no, or is it but one of the two. Something like this. Yeah, I think that chimps are like, they're, wow. Sharing approximately 95 to 98% of their DNA. Wow. Look at that. That's AI, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's trying to read it. Yeah, how much AI do, how much DNA did we share with AI? Can chimps use bots to prop up a fucking band that they create in order to create it look like? It was a natural groundswell for them, but instead that it turns out they're all industry plants. You fucking jerk off. I don't think they can. The bonobo is the closest.

The bonobos is the closest. Macaca. Yeah, the bonobo. I think I just like saying the macaque. Yeah, yeah, I think that's the problem with that. Because think about this, because geese was created by. industry plants and bots, right? The band geese.

Think about what happens if you got the band the chimps. Oh, there has to be a chimps band. I imagine surf rock. Yeah, sure. If I were to guess what the chimps the band called the chimps are, I'm guessing surf rock.

I'm looking at them right now. There has to be a chimps. The chimps band. The chimps band is Summerfest. Summerfest, oh, with Thompson. With a Z. Okay. They are, lock and load.

Yeah, this is rap, rock, metal punk. Hmm. Let's see. Exactly like what we thought of it. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good and lame and fun.

Oh, wow. I like them. Yeah, chimbs. Chimpsies. Oh, and then there's the chimps. It has some chumps on instruments. Either way. I'm rooting for you, central chips.

You know, hopefully you're able to pull this out, but it seems like these Western guys are a little more tough. I would like to send you in to negotiate any. I think that if you went in So we got a peanut machine For All right This is called a flesh light

All right now I'm going to demonstrate How you all use the fleshlight All right You're going to want to spend extra time Looking at this one, Goliath All right, come on, take a look Everybody come closer

Come close, hi, come close, huh? Oh man Oh, so yeah, wow We did it, Eddie What a nice day. Do we have any listener mail? Do we have any listener mail? Stingers left?

We do, actually. Oh, I kind of wanted, what did you think? I wanted to know, I wanted to think of a new bit for us. I sent it to you, but we never talked about it, I guess. Whereas just like, I wanted to talk, where we're eating? We're going to be in Lexington soon. I want to know where we're eating. No, because Jackie already has a whole food-based thing.

She is shoehorned in her fucking show. I want to eat. We can't just do. And he wants to do a segment that's just called, well, we eat. Well, we need. Well, we go. So people send us to restaurants. Yeah, but I go into because restaurants are having a hard time, but I want to support restaurants.

We do it anyway. And we do it anyway. If we make a while we eat. I just want a stinger. I want a stinger. Oh, I'm so hungry. I'm so hungry. Side stories.

L. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want stingers. I love stingers. I like stingers are great. I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it I'm so hungry one, please, sir.

Yeah, if we could. Oh, God. We got a lot of mail. We got a lot of mail about the NASA. Oh, we got to you. One thing I thought was interesting is that someone brought up within the NASA, because we were being very funny about the Artemis II. I'm glad that they splashed down safe and they did all this shit.

And it's promoting space travel. And we're like, there's a lot of people are like, it's a whole full thing to think about. That's why we like it. Yes. We're thinking about it. We know that Artemis 2 and the Artemis program has extended, like, what they want to do. They want to build a base on the moon in order to go from.

the moon to Mars. Technology should be leaning towards us learning. You know, fair minimum. I do understand. I do understand. But I also will say I got a really interesting email that I thought brought a interesting perspective about NASA is that it's an extremely exclusive place to work. It's hard to get a job there. And 95% of people that try to get a job at NASA actually work in the military industrial complex, making propulsion technology and working for them to blow shit up. And kill people. So it does kind of seem that NASA might be sword, not propaganda, as much as it's

a way to inspire people to get into these industries, which then we use to kill people. Once you get really good, they're like, hey, how would you like a raise? You literally and then they bring you over to make stuff that blows people up. Yeah. But I also... How would you like to live inside of a mountain? My only issue, because again, I love space

travel. I guess, and I am excited about space, and I do believe in aliens. I want more of it. But I do believe a lot of shit. It's going on here right now, which is why, like, I have some issues with it, right? Like, only just because there is a lot going on, and the economies in the shitter. It is, I just paid $7.75 gallon for a gas. Where were you? In the neighborhood.

And I just don't, I just think that we need to have a little bit of perspective. And I'm going to just read this little poem real quick. So you can, because you can feel a little bit of perspective. This comes from Gil Scott Herron. A rat done bit my sister now with Whitey on the moon. Her face and arms began to swell and Whitey's on the moon. I can't pay no Dr. Bills, but Whitey's on the moon. Ten years from now I'll be paying still while Whitey's on the moon.

The man just up my rent last night because Whitey's on the moon. No hot water, no toilet still lights, but Whitey's on the moon. I wonder why he's up in me. Is it cause Whitey's on the moon? Well, I was already giving him 50 a week with Whitey on the moon. Tax is taking my whole damn check. Junkies making me a nervous wreck. The price of food is going up.

And as if all that shit wasn't enough, a rat done bit my sister, Nell with Whitey on the moon. Her face and arm began to swell. And Whitey's on the moon. Was all that money I made last year for Whitey on the moon? How come I ain't got no money here? Hmm? Oh, Whitey's on the moon. You know, I just about half my fill of Whitey on the Moon.

I think I'll send these Dr. Bill's airmail special to Whitey on the Moon. And the only one, because, again, I love it. I love space travel. But we do have a lot of fucking problems here. So I would say we might want to focus on some of them. Because some of these are going to get our precious CEO killed. Yeah. You know, Sam Altman.

He's in danger. Oh, he certainly is in danger. He's in danger. So we better be careful with that. Someone threw a Maltov cocktail at his house. Oh, no. Is that better? Yeah.

Oh, no. All right, so this is the last real email that I want to read that. You thought was interesting. Please. Last little response to our March Madness. These are my favorite responses. The reason why I'm reading this is because it's an awesome response. It's the detail I like to see.

And it's the kind of person I trust to make these types of decisions. Put some time into your response. This is an active DM. Is the guy unemployed? No. No, no, he's employed. He specifically puts it in his email. Okay.

That he did this on company dime. Oh, great. Even better. Which I love. Dungeons and Dragons updated master monster manual that was released in 2025, actually includes a stat block for something called a flesh golem, whose flavor text referring to it as body parts bound together by misused magic or strange science. And it's included aversion-to-fire trait,

make it the ideal candidate to stand in for our Boris Karloff Frankenstein's monster. In the 1985, Chicago's bears, though, is a little trickier. Because there's not many creatures that could honor their legendary defensive line and an astonishing four shutouts. The closest thing would be a wear bear, but eight of these could be much too powerful to make an entertaining fight. So in honor of the mascot and for its claw attackability to knock an opponent prone, simulating a tackle, we will be using the stat block of a brown bear. Both of these creatures' statistics are attached. What makes the match up interesting is that while their armor classes and attack bonuses are, different, AC 11 to 9, attack plus 5 to attack plus 7, they actually even out said both creatures

only need a roll of 4 or higher on a D20 to hit. That's an 85% chance. However, both parties have vastly different damage output, with our Frankenstein's delivering over twice as much potential damage per round as a bear, 26 max damage versus 12 max damage, respectively, in a one-on-one matchup, and as a 5.7 times as much health, 127 hit points versus 22 hit points as a brink. round bear. Hypothetically, with each Frankenstein would be able to take out one round bear per round napkin math probability for two 13 damage hits. It 85% come up to about 22 damage average. Bear damage comes out to a little over 10 damage. And with each bear only having an average of 22 hitch points, things aren't looking good with the Frankenstein's reducing the number of bears and therefore

their damage output per round. If all eight bears focus on a single Frankenstein at a time and the bears act first since they have plus one to their initiative versus the Frankenstein's minus one, they'd still be losing at least two bears per round since both Frankenstein's would be attacking. After the first two bears die, their damage output drops from around 81.6 to 61.2. The second round has another two bears die, but there would be more than enough bears to take down one Frankenstein with at least one bear attack to spare. This brings the next round to one minorly wounded Frankenstein versus four bears. Third round have the bear strike with an average of 40.8 points, bringing the last

Frankenstein to around 70.4 HP, wherein he'll be killing another bear and further decreasing their damage output. This would continue on and on, and assuming no critical hits, there would be no bears standing and a single Frankenstein barely alive but victorious with approximately 9.4 hit points. Interesting. However, remember that clause? attack. Yeah. Our brave sports ballers have the ability to knock an opponent prone, right, which gives the attacker advantage, approximately plus five third attack chance, and the defender

disadvantage, negative five attack chance. This will increase the bear's average damage output to approximately 11 and decrease our Frankenstein's average damage, up to around 21, which is just barely enough for a bear to survive. Instead of two bears per round, the 1985, Chicago Bears would be able to knock the abominations over quickly enough for a few key bears to get a good hit in, for the frankincines to be enabled a good whack. They would then be enough to take down the shambling monster quicker in the second round

so they can turn their attention to the final opponent and almost half of our Super Bowl, 20 able to Super Bowl, shuffle their way to victory. Wow. Well, they don't have claws, though, because they're humans. I fucking can't even. He didn't listen to any of it, Rob.

I just hate that to do. Not a single bit of it entered. I saw him tune out. I know, a single bit of it. He couldn't figure it out. I just had no idea. D and D had this much math. Yeah.

That makes me hate it more. I just, no, it's awesome. I thought it was just play, pretend. No, it makes it real. Now it's math, too? No, math makes it real. And imagination? No, math is what makes it real.

It's math and improv. Yeah. But they're not bears. They're humans. But he's... Take it for your service, my good sir. And also, he said that took about 60 of our tax dollars. Oh, okay.

Yeah, instead of working on spreadsheet. That's good. I appreciate that. I like you spending our tax money that way instead of us just sending it and putting them into missiles. Honestly, we're just paying it right now. It was a hard year to pay taxes. Shout out to tax day today. Yeah, it was. Fucking assholes, man.

Love every day. By the way, one of the members of the 85 Bears defense, Steve Mungo-Michael just died of CTE. Great. Mongo. Well, he died last year, but it was just revealed that he had CTE. Wasn't that from Blazing Saddles? Yeah, that was Mongo, but that was Alex Karras, who played for the Detroit Lions. Interesting.

Yes. Well, love every day knowing you're going to learn new facts about blazing saddles every single day of your life. You're never going to stop. Live. Knowing you got a little puppy who's trying to comment you in your exit, in your outro. And you're done, man. And I laugh and I love. But we got a lot of shows coming up.

We're going to be in Anchorage this weekend. Come see us. If you're there, you already got tickets. That's good. Fairbanks almost sold out. There's some tickets to get those left. Portland's also almost sold out. Get tickets for that. Lexington, Kentucky on April 26th. That one's almost sold out.

Get tickets to that if you can. Netflix is a joke. Plenty of tickets. Go ahead. But listen. To listen. Come to Netflix. We're up against these fucking movie stars.

They suck. All right. They won't be there for you. We'll be. We'll say hello after the job. We have our own special guests coming, too. So don't worry about that. We got our own fucking stars.

We got special guests coming. We also have a new miseducation of Ed Larson. and it's on Patreon this week. Go to Patreon.com slash last podcast and left to also pay to listen to us ad free. And also you can see last stream on the left every Tuesday 5 p.m. PSD. That's right. Rochester, New York on May 30, if that one's sold out. Our shows are selling out, bro. These side store shows are fucking awesome.

Rent blast. London, Ontario, still got a couple tickets left. That's going to be on June 28th. Also, I'm on the road. go ahead to eddytunes.com to see me everywhere I'm going. I'm trying. I'm trying out a bunch of weird shit. We're having fun. Yeah, we're having a lot of fun, dude.

Yeah, Denver, Phoenix, Plano, L.A., Newark. I'm all over the place. We're going to have a great time. What are we doing for that Portland show? The Portland? I don't know. We're going to get really high and have fun. Great. We were just in Portland, so this is a bonus.

Yeah, can't wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you all fucking come out, man. We're going to have a good time. Come out, fuckers. All right. I think that's it. I think it's it. Hail Satan.

We did it. Yeah, hail, um, Mongo McMichael. Mongo! You know, actually, Mongo, you're cool, but hail George Clinton. You're right. For giving me the fucking coolest weekend, I think I've ever, and Danny Bedrosian. So cool. What a great time.

So I couldn't have had a better time. This is a dream come true. So cool. Peace.