Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Going Stag!

Episode Date: July 14, 2022

Ben 'n' Henry bring you this week's weirdest true crime stories including the lead singer of The Kinks and his message from the aliens, a fiery mishap in a Long Island Goop, Joey Chestnut's mid-Hot Dog eating chokehold, mysterious guidestone destruction, an industrial shredder fatality, gecko eating updates, an actual HUMAN Hero of the Week and MORE!

There's no place to escape to this is the last time on the left side stories Give them aliens that old dick give the aliens that old dick give that alien that old dick give that old dick coming up right after we sing the lead singer of the kinks singing to get that alien your old dick get that old dick get that old dick all right are we starting the show yeah let's do it man welcome to side stories everyone I am Ben hanging out with Henry whoa you started real fast I did because I think we're gonna have to lead in with our great song give that alien it's old dick give that alien that old dick isn't that something perhaps the aliens are maturing because they did apparently abduct the lead singer of the kinks Dave Davies he is 75 years fun so

maybe they just wanted to have a fun time with a musician you've been obsessed with this story for a week we haven't even begun our role into this story you've been talking about I do think it's interesting that it was a lead singer of the kinks and for some reason he's deciding to say something into a microphone again it's been a while he's allowed to speak it's free country but he is 75 years young and I will just all right before we get into anything else obviously now that we've jumped in we're jumping right in because I was gonna talk about every time I see a story I do my searches for my you do yeah I'm not saying I go to another regions of the internet that I despise and I find a story oh Henry would like that story and then I send it to you and not a heart not a

like not a exclamation mark exclamation mark I was in the desert shooting a pilot presentation for $200 okay and that was more important than transmission from you unfortunately in that time here because I had to be focused okay he goes I was out there being a chubby man in a Hawaiian shirt in the desert Dave Davies says aliens said he can no longer have sex anymore they gave him a sex well he says they slapped him with a sex man all of this is clickbait you're a real you know what you are you're a real expert in headlines that's the first line of the article it is nice to got past the picture thank you so much but there is it was a temporary sex ban sure on him because he said he explained so he said this so he came out he said they blocked any sensation

down there no or maybe he just took lexapro but we don't know who we don't know we don't know he said they told me I must not have sex although I was able to walk normally my groin and pelvis suddenly became numbed let us out any sensation down there hey I'm come number 14 can you let me out please I'll be good I promise you I won't even know not to trust God 14 because the rest because good comes want to stay inside absolutely where it's nice and warm this is what Dave said exactly that he revealed that there's been quote communications and they became more and more demanding and more and more challenging as the aliens were in his mind telling him yeah it's so weird he said that they they said that he needed to transmute his proper sexual energies into a higher vibrational

level and I've heard this time and time again every day I've ever been on I know but it's not true like it's really not true like technically you need to get the like yes good comes need to stay behind but all of the companies to come out because it helps beat prostate cancer is that true you gotta come apparently you need to come 25 times a month that is uh well I guess that no that's a lot I tried times try to book out a long weekend and try to get it all done it doesn't count that way I think so you bank it I think that's how you dive in alcohol overdose or jerk off overdose be like I'm only allowed to drink twice two days a month and then it's like well what did you drink four bottles of jet Daniels on day two six on day one and I am gonna die I'm going

somewhere on Wednesday but the nice thing is my I'm now I'm now yellow but I have fun because of the liver problems yes uh but the last week I know what this pain is just because I've been stagged for the last week and a half right because Natalie's been Pittsburgh no I've been gone you haven't been stagged yeah man I've been stagged you've been sitting on your couch you've been stagged in batch life no that's batch life you know I know I live like no I did I ate you know just just feel what would be like ooh I'm single again I ate a bunch of wings over the toilet and I cried on my dog well that's fantastic got it yes whatever got his fucking ass also I have to clarify single question mark nice thank you honestly that is big movement from you if you

have because I know yeah there are some movements there's some real movements happening in Kissel's private life and it's really true but I but this week because Natalie's been gone I got to watch all of the things that I don't I can't watch in front of her so stag it's woo that's why I went I got bone marrow pie I went to key spot we're so fucking disgusting man I ate so much gelatinous bone marrow and I had such bad diarrhea it was orange why did you eat bone marrow pie because it's so good it's not good every time you eat food like that you always come back with nothing but complaints and then a great description of the bowel that occurs after I don't it was like a bunch of crayons you're trying to impress uh me so you're just trying to impress no you're trying

to impress past you see no no you're trying to it's not you're from fraudsters yes because he went because we went we got we got the bone marrow pie together yeah oh my because I can't eat alone I would have eaten it by myself he has a wife and a child at home she's looking for that insurance money you could have these you could have disrupted that entire family she wants it she's looking for a shake up but this week so what I did right it's like now that I'm in there right I get it there I'm alone all day Wendy perfectly taken care of right and I'm sure I gave perfect so shines of life to Natalie all week she saw she got a little haircut she got her hair dyed she a new hair she wanted it I'm sure she did because you know I didn't want to pay for it

no um it feels like it was more of a coalition of Natalie and Wendy they wanted it okay fantastic but it did cost quite a bit you I thought you don't have a friend to it our friend we have so many great hairstyles friends no you're talking about human hair stylist is it different than a dog hair stylist yeah what's the difference because it could snap and bite at you I'm like I mean sometimes yeah snap and bite at a hair stylist right now sometimes I I do tell my I do Lily who does my hair I tell her don't get too close to the mouth my haircut takes five minutes and it costs you 500 bucks no it's not that expensive that's crazy I would never do that I'm up Pat Buchanan do you remember that when he was running for president um but so this week I just

wanted to list the movies I watched it was John Edwards no Pat Buchanan I remember he because remember he had the fire haircut would use the flaming sticks to cut his weird senator hair but because I was alone I got to watch a bunch of fucked up shit I'll watch crimes of the future okay surgery is the new sex surgery is the new sex yeah what do you mean it's a lot of licking open holes but not the ones that were there before oh I see not original holes okay well you don't be honest every time I have an open wound Jerry my beagle Chihuahua attempts to lick the open wound yeah I don't like that either I know I stopped that I stopped that for me yeah the same thing I had a blister on my my my ankle and when he was like get out of here it's not I'm not me

well that just goes to show you as soon as we die they're gonna eat us of course okay whatever they're yeah they're getting a little taste they're get appetizers absolutely the taste for blood then I watched mad god did okay filled tippet that did all the different animations for star wars Indiana Jones and Jurassic Park like this guy he created this inner world called mad god it's on shudder and it is fucking insane there's a creature I'm livid that he took such a valid porn star name and just tried to make it mainstream fill tippet well I think it's tidbit tippet tippet but yeah he's just tippet but he's this old man that was walking around like you know like he was on set of these big huge movies and he was like at Jurassic Park and all this kind of shit you

know and but he was working on this this passion project do you think you could use the same technology to bring me back to my youth I don't think so no we're bringing dinosaurs back oh cool cool cool cool cool cool but he like walking around these big classy hollywood sets mean well like mad god it has a monster in it okay that has its its asshole is shitting and it has these huge penniless kids hanging from the bottom of its asshole and shitting all over its own sets sounds like a dead alive creature you love it I might like this it's really fucking good but yeah man it's fucking nasty and then the last one as I saw was the sadness on shutter now this is the one that you told me was devastating you really need to be in a specific mental place because I don't

even know if I can necessarily recommend it so eat a bowl of bone marrow yeah probably a little whiskey oh yeah a lot of whiskey and then watch the sadness the sadness is so fucked up is it just a mirror you just sit there with a bone marrow plate and a bunch of whiskey and you're like oh and then there's just a timer this is 90 minutes and at least it's a short film well it's gotta get through tonight and then get through tomorrow night and get through the tomorrow night because I do deeply miss my wife I absolutely well that's called going stag well speaking of deeply missing again going back to Dave Davies the king star he's missing his boner he says the aliens he said they told me I must not have sex although I was able to walk normally and then he says my groin

and oh yeah we're just talking it's all numb it's all numb isn't that strange but he said that he could hear them but it's weird isn't that strange I feel like all of this I'm gonna go on a limb and say that this is him trying to make up a convoluted reason why he had already emptied his balls without having sex with his girlfriend at the time Nancy Evans and why he was like oh aliens said I couldn't possibly have sex meanwhile if she did the let me smell your day and like went and tried to smell it no they actually he's being milked on the side because he didn't even get abducted by aliens he just said they just called into his brain it was just all telepathic communications he says here he's like and where were the voices coming from were they floating close by

or an alien force from any thousand miles away all began to feel their presence fantastic he said he he sent them smells he said he got smells of fresh flowers look jasmine and magnolia I had a fragment so full I felt like I could have scooped him up with the spoon oh all right is he British I have no idea what he is he's a lead singer of the kinks so I'm assuming they have a good time you know what I would hook him up with this Mary Magdalene gal because apparently she's also trying to have the world's fattest vagina whoa and uh that's according to them there they want to have the world's fattest vagina amen god bless I'll take a look at it absolutely that's what I'll tell her yeah he is English he is he's from the UK I didn't actually didn't

realize and you tell it you know what Mary Magdalene when and if you don't actually I want to help side stories lpotl the gmail dot com how do you are were you willing to help Mary Magdalene get the world's fattest vagina I say we ingest we put some pillows in there well I mean the searchers were already done anyway what do you have a picture of it oh my goodness well I guess I could look it up oh yeah I can't even imagine how guess so you could possibly find that there's no way any one of your deeply your deep corner of the internet searches could possibly let me go to images here let me see oh yeah there you go you can kind of see it whoa looks like Homer Simpson fell down look at that it's a cozy little neck pillow there you really can just mess it up in

there that looks like a tiny home well good for them anyway Dave Davies go get with Mary Magdalene that's a match made in heaven I want to talk about a more serious news I a uh some this is domestic terrorism and we're going to find out what the hell is happening here about the Georgia Guidestones yeah to talk a little bit on the Georgia Guidestones and if you haven't looked it up it is that we now know last week one of the tablets of the Georgia Guidestones which is essentially stat a series of statues that are built to resemble Stonehenge and they are in the middle of Elbert County Georgia Georgia they were started by a man a anonymous man by the pseudonym Robert C. Christian RC Christian okay he had went to a place called the Elberton Granite

finishing company and he said that he was there beautiful structure it is it is very beautiful and is on the the behalf of a small group of what he called loyal Americans they came forward nothing can go wrong now it's interesting he came for a commission the statue the guys immediately were like apparently at uh Elbert and Granite they were mad at people who kept trying to come and source monuments from them because what they would do is do the the thrifty and clever nature of the Georgian man right what they figured out was that tombstones like in weddings in funerals if you label it a tombstone and not a statue it's 10 times the cost right it's the same thing as an urn and urn is nothing more than a fancy bowl it's a bucket that's it with that lid and like they

can charge you a $1500 for it because your grandma's in it you got a Ralph's around here like that's from Big Lebowski that's Big Lebowski but then he uh they so this story he said he was sick of people buying quote-unquote monuments and making them tombstone so originally so what he said to this guy was like fuck you fuck your monument if you want your silly little monument you got to give me a hundred G's and now this actually goes up to 373 361 dollars in 2020 okay and the guy said okay yeah i'll pay a hundred G's so you're like okay so this anonymous group put up the series of tablets now the reason why they are controversial is because they have a series of statements on there that are about to and what the key is is context this group of quote-unquote loyal Americans

the reason why they put up this set of statues now this was done in 1980 1980 so this has been this was done quite a while there for a long time and in 1980 there was the height of the cold war right and the idea that we were growing we were growing up a little bit when we grew up it was like a period of time where i know that we definitely did nuclear drills oh i mean i was i'm 81 you're 83 i'm a little bit old a little bit wiser maybe but yeah until the early 90s before before it collapsed i mean the cold war it was still happening it was kind of fun it was it was it gave a little bit of pep in your step it gave a little pep but uh so at the time the idea that the world was just about to be wiped out in a nuclear war and i just read

an article recently that says we're closer than ever because the doomsday clock it ticked again towards doomsday and i say maybe we just don't move it maybe don't move it i want to meet the fucking swedish bastard that keeps fixing that clock and i want to hang it all right it's quite fixed in the clock how are we even doing a show when we know there's a doomsday clock what are we even doing here it's called the ultimate this is truly an exercise in futility but yes like sisyphus you must find joy in your fruitless efforts i agree but the reason why these are controversial is because they thought that in a world that was destroyed by nuclear armaments those that were left would have to rebuild society that would be true so they thought that when we

put up these tablets this could be the set a good maybe a good set of guidance or rules for that said society okay and the thing that so it's uh it's a ten commandments of a sort yes and so those rules are maintain humanity under 500 million in perpetual balance with nature well that's gonna be difficult i mean maybe that's what david davis maybe that's why he wasn't able to come because he wanted to procreate a whole bunch and everyone knows the lead singer the kinks he can come we're gonna talk about this because this is the problem so number two guide reproduction wisely improving fitness and diversity technically that's eugenics not the greatest no number three unite humanity within living new language esperanto turns its head again oh do you remember

that do you remember the esperanto rise in like 1993 unfortunately i think that the universal language won't be so verbal i think it's going to be a series of grunts and nfts and pictures and i think ironically emojis ironically as we go further into the future we're becoming more like cave people or the idea that i believe that symbols carry more information than words have words or empty helms well i can't wait when we go to china and you have to guide us everywhere no because i just go oh fat american oh yeah that's us thank you you understand you got it um rule passion faith tradition and all things with tempered reason okay protect people in nations with fair laws and just courts but what if there's more than 500 million people and then there's

501 million people and then you got to kill that one i think it's more of a guidance i see right let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court i think that's fantastic avoid petty laws and useless officials balance personal rights with social duties price truth beauty love seeking harmony with the infinite be not a cancer on the earth leave room for nature leave room for nature there's a lot of good points in there but there's a there's kind of a yes so but conspiracy theorists who freak out about this shit right they get really mad about those first two things as they just i mean you don't have i mean obviously it's not happening but the idea of the n w o using some form of virus some form of vaccine do you think that the n w o is going to

base any of their nefarious ideas on these rocks well this is why this is what i'm saying is that it's interesting because and then the idea eugenics is also bad obviously yeah it's bad so like i mean not if you're not if you're uh the ball family because he did say lanza ball leon joe ball i don't i don't know this is a basketball reference all three of his sons are in the nba and they're all last name is ball is ball it works and then their father i'm blanking on his name he's very levar ball he said that he married his wife because of good genes and then he said i'm guaranteed these kids are going to be in the nba never like okay you sound a little aggressive but all three kids are in the nba he did it but that wasn't eugenics on a nap that was his own nuts yeah and i know what i

want to do he was his own dr mangled he was um but yeah so people get up to but it's more about the distal of the entire feeling the the the the elite motif of this is the idea that we are supposed to be living in harmony with nature and we have extended ourselves too far that's why i like going camp and i love that idea but the reason why we have obliterated ourselves is because we have went too far trying to control everything and but the problem is conspiracy theories they read this and they say like nwo they're gonna lessen the population they're gonna fuck with our new world order fuck with our dna they're gonna do all of this shit so it's like but the problem is every single time you convince a group of people right like it's they accuse a bunch of people because they

said that these were the 10 commandments of the antichrist and then satan was leading this and that's last name is christian if you well it's fake and technically he was basing it off the rose accrucians which i also think is very interesting but the guy that the every single person i read that was protesting the georgia guide zones were like i'm good you know there was witches they went witches go and take pictures of it which i know because they did do it they did do a very sassy photo shoot in front of the georgia guide zones and it's great it's a it's a monument it's like it's like anything else but it's this thing where people forget but the thing is is that they accuse us of doing all of this shit it's kind of like pizza gate or all these various

stuff they broadly accuse a bunch of people being satanist lizard pedophile cabal members all this kind of shit and the people that are accused don't do anything because it's not true it's mostly just everybody's trying to make money right for the most part anybody that's on that other side to be honest it sounds like a nice place to bring a date to have a little you can have some snacks a little wine a little sandwiches it's lovely it's a calendar it marks the sun like it actually shows the high the when the sun is at its peak when it's at its lowest you know as we again there but when they then explode things the problem is is that they are the ones that went and made it hyper violent right well they went and exploded it and did a terrorist

action instead of saying like protesting at like a normal person or like just writing a thing but or building your own monument like doing a thing that you can depose against it where really it's just a it's an art piece that someone came and exploded it's a rock that has been chiseled in its series of different letters that we have then formulated into having some kind of meaning and also again they just infer all of this stuff i'm assuming out of pure and utter boredom this is actually got stupidity and malice you forget sometimes malice are both and then the idea to show you will blow your shit up yes and you won't you won't clap back at us some people have tried to use it as a political campaign kandace taylor total failure they received 3.5 of the vote yeah

just a little bit more than i've received but you know what who cares um i had a message and i got my message out now eric adams has proven me right so apparently there was a gubernatorial campaign website for kandace taylor a republican who oh on her platform said that they were going to destroy the georgia guide stones now i'm going to tell you this again why she's so stupid guaranteed haunting if you destroy the gore if you destroy the georgia guide stones it is a guaranteed gateway to hell oh very much so it will because now well it was definitely built by people they also said that there was a time capsule underneath it there was none they exploded up and they dig it all they didn't find anything so she says um that the stones are satanic again

they're stones this is the problem and uh like i just feel the guys that built it specifically said that they were a christian organization and then they they say that they uh that her all of her rhetoric or all of her rhetoric may have inspired a bombing um so there you go but it's really scary i feel like that's the problem that's why it's serious it's because it's a beautiful little thing it was just an art piece and it was really just about living in nature living with nature and allowing room for nature or just this idea that maybe humankind is it all it's cracked up to be and that we need to think about our actions uh but you know it's just the fact that they're willing to go to blow it up just shows that um we're striking a chord in a way

that's not good i guess it worked well speaking of blowing up we must mention this is a little hacky shore but you know what we're not above that quenoth paltrow loved her and shakespeare in love when i saw her you still talk about her as the most beautiful woman i've ever seen in my life more than rose mcgowan oh yeah really oh yes oh yes more than lisa bonnet oh yes hailey barry you know what we're saying it was hailey barry and monsters bull yeah but that entire movie is her it's about a beauty i just can't without one see yeah you can't jerk off through it but you do but you can jerk off to shakespeare in love because she's being unraveled and then it's beautiful and then she reveals herself to me an 11 year old ben kissle in the bedroom and i say thank

you and then and then the woman says she's been plucked but not by you and i said yes that's right i plucked her hey it's weird because then in a way it's like she molested you from far isn't that bizarre so she also ends up having to uh explain what's going on with her goop candle this is the one that smells like her pussy i think yes yes yes yes yes it cracks have you smelled it have you ever lit one no i didn't have smello vision yet no but if you ever lit one have you ever been in smelted if someone played it no how lonely would i have to be if i bought i'm saying like you wouldn't buy it if i bought it if you bought it yeah i'd be like oh yeah don't worry because you got the lick it man yeah i'm alone a lot but i got a candle that smells like a pussy

that's weird i just was in a room when when it was melted it's kind of nice two men were hospitalized chris martina two men were hospitalized after they sustained burns at gwyneth paltrow's goop store in long island now am i going to say that these guys pulled a little michael jackson during the pepsi commercial and had a bit of hair product in their hair that may have become flammable it is long island and as we know with the joel riffkin series do not always mmm the ooh let's just say they're chemical did i ever tell you that story about my dad he was at a bar with this woman and she was doing like a bar trick where she was like oh guys everybody get around i don't know if i told us on the show or not yes i remember but everybody come around i'm going to show you this ability

that i can do oh this is awesome okay yeah and they put a mirror up and what she did was just like if we like these candles and i look in the mirror i will show you and i'll say that i forgot what the sentence was we turn old in the mirror and we can see what we look at when we're old oh i can't wait and all the dudes hang out they're like all right yeah if i can do whatever she lit the candles as she looked over to look in the mirror set her whole fucking head on fire and my dad said that was the funniest single thing i've ever seen in his life well your dad did have a good sense of humor so the two men uh told police that rubbing alcohol had been placed in some of the candles in the store so it looks like we have ourselves a long island sabotage terrorism it could be

one man suffered from large burns on his back and ears and he was flown by helicopter to stony brook hospital so these are serious burns one dude had facial burns according to the police they say they've never seen anything like this according to austin j mcguire he says i've never seen like anything like this in the 26 years i've been working as a police officer that's the worst all right you've only it's a it's a fire at a store he didn't say it was the worst thing he just never seen anything like it yeah it's just a fire at a store that a bunch of pussy candles in it yeah does the candle let me like but the goop a goop representative did say the information about the rubbing alcohol and candles is factually incorrect what they said oh you're already disproving

yep they said this was an accidental fire in connection with a s'mores station at the goop store last saturday so apparently they were making s'mores at the goop store because nothing sounds more fun than eating a bunch of s'mores that are surrounded by the smell of gwyneth paltrow's vagina well is it is it not like one of those workplace activities that you're probably forced to do because they're like everybody loves this we need to say we're having s'mores day and you come to the conference room at 4 p.m because it's highly dangerous debora has brought the marshmallows i had brought the graham crackers who brought the hershey's you were supposed to god fucking let me go make some of the bathroom quick uh no s'mores are not this is a camping thing for a reason

because if you light yourself on fire you jump into the river well it's also i it's weird you got to do it over a campfire open flame you know like i like to get my marshmallows on fire i like to be real crispy i like a charred and then you go in there but i've also seen them with a blow torch if you're fancy that's if you're fancy a little like a chef and shit honestly i like it over a fire yeah that's a nice like you know break up a bunch of like ah traffic cones sure set that fire out there with a bunch of petrol i don't mean to really get into it really smell america well you really want to be able to smell the diesel so yeah the representative for goop says we're wishing them a speedy recovery um and they're grateful that there were not additional injuries

but they say no candles were in use at the time of the accidental fire but it seems to me like we have ourselves a traditional goop cover up also it just sort of kind of like feels that yeah exactly that's lawyers that's lawyer that's lawyer talk because she's covering that up she doesn't want to talk about how maybe dangerous her pussy is absolutely absolutely indeed well speaking of campfires and s'mores just really quickly i don't know if anyone saw what happened over the july 4th weekend but also hot dogs aren't they good to be cooked no so they are good to be good you like them cold i've eaten many cold wait what yeah because we used to do this bit uh in murder fist where i used to like um you just show down on a bunch of hot dogs like right

sketches to have an excuse to eat during a show no it was weird though because i we would get the hot dog so it was this hot dog salesman chad and we would do this thing with hot dogs and there was this one bit that i timed it out that i had to eat this whole hot dog on stage but they're all just like super room temp hot dogs straight from the bag man i used to eat them just straight out of the package it's like rough man i ate a bunch of those i don't think i got prions from it i don't think it made me like i probably i think it's probably why i lost a chunk of hair everything that you had consumed in your body the hot dog was probably sent to a weird hell it never even knew existed it was like what is this beer and and me weird amounts of bone marrow so obviously

joy chestnut he's an american icon and we're not going to get into really the ins and outs of the protester but there was a dude he came on stage at a darth vader mass now the thing that's so interesting about this is joy chestnut them choked out this dude and mid hot dog consumption mid hot dog consumption choked out a guy and he was still able to win the nathan's hot dog eating competition he still won 63 hot dogs 63 hot dogs but he says unfortunately though that's the fewest he's eaten in one setting since 2015 he had to choke somebody out in the middle and the person had a sign that said exposed smith steels smith fields death star now of course factory farming it can be very nefarious and very bad well they think that that's what

it's referring to is a factory farming in smith field at the time they think that that's what the sign is investment to but honestly you know you better be careful if you get in that look at you could see the lunge will look at joy chestnut without reach i'm seeing the reach and i actually do think that it's unfortunately the protester is fairly small i do they got to send their big guy out you've got to send your big guy out at first i was kind of more impressed with this story and now when i'm looking at the neck of the protester i think that the protester is very small that joy chestnut actually didn't do a heck of a lot to attack this person i just feel maybe joey chestnut went too far i don't know you could have just pushed him off the stage i mean this is his big

time to shine i know the protest kind of didn't didn't really do what it was intended to but of course you know if you are a person who is of a you know vegetarian or someone who really loves the pigs and i do love pigs i can see the hot dog eating competition being a a prime time event for a little protest i'm the same age as him 38 years and you know he's i mean honestly he's yoked because he's not super fat so he has to like channel all of that food into something although as we learn he doesn't look good though our friend berri roth bartending a fantastic documentary on campaign debating and sad but true i always wondered what do they do afterwards they just work it out yeah they throw it all out and also our friend nadia white who's doing

some fantastic stuff i think she's now she's wrestling and he's doing a bunch of kisses and she's doing a she's really making her self-known in the porn world but uh she just i think she also could just kind of you just kind of work it out i know but if you look at his he is hi he's not looking good what do you mean look at his face man he just ate 63 hot dogs that's what i'm saying it doesn't look good that's what do you ever see michael jordan after after the flu game where the utah jazz they poisoned him it wasn't the flu his food boys but he didn't look good either i think it's different i guess what do you think it's different can we all right over under when does joey chest not die what age what when's his one's edge i there's no way he makes it

there's no way he makes it past 50 if arty lang outlives him where he should do we need to get his blood we need to get arty lang's blood first of all yeah oh that is a fact i can't believe that he's still alive no i think he's sad too arty lang is sadder than everybody else no he's happy all of his friends are dead oh yeah he's like he's like uh johnny rotten oh um but anyway no uh no he's doing great he says that he loves not having a nose because then he can't commit suicide via drugs anyways so with joey chestnut i feel like his heart is so used to nitrates much like how your father can't quit smoking yes or the doctor said or if you're like a true alcoholic they say if you're gonna quit like you gotta be real you gotta do it in stages stages i think if he just

stopped today he might die so the nitrate do you think he'll just age really fast all at once if all of the fucking the all the things the preservatives that they leave his system yeah he might just slow like at the end of fucking indiana jones where he's just like slowly becomes an old man now that i think about it if i have to eat one person it's gonna be baloney it's gonna be him it's gonna be blow baloney chestnut what because his meat is gonna taste just like it's out of a bag i feel it i think he just might not ever can you like rot side stories lpotilla gmail.com truly is it possible if you eat food that doesn't go bad full of nitrates mcdonald hamburgers will you not go bad i feel like that's what they'd like us to think like monsanto hopes that monsanto but if

you look at i just i i you know what no and big up to joey chestnut please you know i mean well we were here we're rooting for you i want you to take care of yourself joey chestnut i want you go in there and you need to think about this you need you need to look at it it's like the people who get out of football before they can get properly get cte you gotta think about how long am i gonna be in this sport what's gonna be left behind okay for the little chestnuts oh he might be sterile at this point again or does he have super potent sperm he can't do these every day i'm looking at only does yes he does i believe he has a a wife uh that is patina oh look at that nesli ricasa he right before he won in 2014 he got engaged on stage maybe he runs that fucking

place doesn't he oh and she's a little cutie pie and they have little they probably have a little couple of little hot dogs in the oven themselves do you think his cum tastes like mustard i bet you taste fantastic and again i bet you his blood tastes great i just kind of a catch up related blood and then of course the meat itself i mean i could just see it going through the grinder i could see it tasting amazing and to be honest i bet you that he wants to be turned into a series of little hot dogs when he dies and then everyone at the funeral has to have a little hot dog in his memory i think that he i hope that i hope he lives more than that he will but i will put it on in vegas i'm gonna bet five hundred dollars and he's not gonna live past 50 can we bet that in

vegas why not oh my god i can't wait to see everyone at psycho fest by the way psycho fest and we're gonna do something a little different for psycho we have an hour time slot it's a midnight it's midnight so we're not gonna do anything that involves too many words yeah or any kind of like i hope you enjoy this creative joke telling structure that i'm about to do no no no no no one's gonna hear anything we're gonna fuck you up it's just gonna be a series of disgusting images with us talking over them um so we were uh anyway can't wait but anyway in vegas we'll figure out if we can bet on that uh hello fresh how do i love thee i honestly love hello fresh we eat it every week i cut up the vegetables i get them chives i use the extra sour cream that

sometimes they throw in there and i lap it up because i love when groceries show up without me taking my feet to the grocery store choose from over 55 weekly options including meals from the taste of summer series oh like the old bay shrimp and sausage boil it's fun to do get your whole family around again you know i like it there's foolproof and i should know because all i try to do man i get the the whole breakdown and the step by step recipes sure and yeah it's supposed to generate a joyful cooking experience but i try to culture jam it right i mean like oh i can do this my own way right i'm an independent woman right i can do this shit but guess what man they're always correct they're doing it right because i add extra i add a bunch of extra stuff

which is my liberty you know as a merkin right i can do that but they are actually correct if you do read how they prepare it you should actually listen to hello fresh hello fresh is 72 cheaper than dining at a restaurant and it's a hundred percent lonelier but at the same time it's fun to do i love hello fresh would travel a lot with the show just nice to be able to come home to fresh groceries and be able to bang out of like healthy meals at night when you're super tired you don't have to think about like generating a recipe on your own i'm no rachel ray right so i don't have to do this on my own so thank you so much hello fresh go to hello fresh dot com slash last pod 16 and use code last pod 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts that's hello

fresh dot com slash last pod one six and use code last pod one six for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts hey what's up everyone how you doing ben kissle here with henry sabrowski yes be bad yeah bro henry sabrowski is smoking some of that sweet last podcast on the left go out there and purchase yourself some i hope you enjoy it we have sativa we have indica and we have a hybrid and i have to tell you for my personal experience they are wonderful super tasty live resin you really get the delicious weedy taste which is what i like and three different experiences you go to your local vape store and get it absolutely thank y'all so much for supporting the show we absolutely love you can't wait to see on the road and get that vape put it in your brain

and have a good time and if you want to set your favorite weed store give them a call and ask for them by name last podcast on the left it's weed hail yourselves everyone hail satan um all right well there's another story here that i found interesting speaking of i guess sort of health related things oh my god oh yeah i was going to talk about this whole thing about the breakdown of exactly what happens if you eat eat a gecko and why it kills you so fast oh let's do that apparently you get salmonella first okay which is treatable you can treat it just secondly you just get ivy a liquid that's not good though um but apparently they were explaining that you know so our balls they come out our guts right try to see if this is correct guys no i remember that because remember

that one person had a bunch of liquids in their balls and they were coming out they were saying you were trying to figure out is because of the that's why you could sit to your stomach if you get kicked in the nuts it's all connected which is why the liquid went why the guys balls were filled with all the liquid we asked the question anything about their bodies because girls i feel like they know everything about their bodies but then boys are just like i got balls and then i just found out they were connected to my tummy uh that would be sex education and that's something and that would be uh that would be like a whole thing that we could receive but instead we're taught that every drop a cum is the most special i don't think i was taught that no no no no because i tell you

what i've left quite a bit by the roadside yes and uh but it was really just that i just didn't know that it was attached to the the balls were attached to the stomach and and it all leaks through and that's why his balls are all full of it and they but they said a bunch of other stuff that was really really fucking bad and they said that the main problem was that once you start vomiting green okay they're saying that means you work what they say if a doctor says you're sick that means you're just about to die that is a doctor's version of sick look if you start vomiting green that's real bad they mean something blocking that's bile straight bile is coming out of you so something blocking it going out the bottom so it's coming out the top and it's not supposed to do that and

then it's also apparently like all the colors that your fluids are right should be the original colors that is like what i've learned a lot here what are the original colors but you mean pee pee should be a type of yellow sure um your spit should be clear uh-huh cum should be white sure your pussy should be on you yep oh you can rip off you who knows i don't know dukey needs to be straight up brown straight brown of course you have too much seaweed salad in which case it can come out green these are the things where these things this is the blood should be red and if it's not it's bad because if it's not i don't think that changes the color of blood i don't think it does no but when the person's peepee was black that's when it's also like a what's going

on here it's not good because it's the it's not it shouldn't be it should not it should be yellow and look all right i like to do it i hope that's what i like it when i can get it clear yeah i know that's when i like i'm like pleased with myself well that's the bud light that's the bud light processing system that's the britta of the body the bud light just makes it all nice and cleaner oh that's why you do it yeah i just thought you like the taste of fucking bullshit i like the taste of bud light when it's very very cold because then you can't taste it at all well anyway that's it that's interesting so don't eat a gecko don't eat anything um don't eat a fucking gecko i'm talking to you henry i would never eat i don't like lizard i've had alligator and i don't like it no i don't

like i like i guess i don't know you know my rule is if it can kill me in real life i just don't particularly care to eat it and also with the sea creatures i don't want shark no shark i feel bad about shark i feel like an octopus no i i mean i i am on paper i'm not supposed to eat octopus not in front of natalie because we have a big group and an arrangement that she wants to be attracted to you in some fashion no she's just saying they're too smart to eat and so she don't eat octopus anymore she quit will you eat pulpo all the time i used to love a nice um with a balsamic pul pul pul it's all that's what octopus is it's called pul pul and then i like it with a nice balsamic reduction on it it's disgusting very good very very good doesn't i mean i don't

i don't want no she ate it we ate it together okay many times i don't she's the one that she doesn't was the one who says like oh if they win i want to be on the right team and i was like no they need to fucking be put in the right fucking place because if they want to be on top of the food chain they're not yeah they're not close they're not no i know you want to be you better come from the fucking king dog and guess what you come for the king you best not fucking miss dude well i don't think that they would sometimes eat it when i'm alone well that is again going stag yeah anyway all right well single but not really i'm just alone i kind of want to talk about this story uh there's a dude his name is dunkin alexander burrell gordon he was 20 years

fun now he was missing since early may now this took place in spartanburg county uh spartanburg county corner rusty cleavanger which i think is one of the better corner names i've ever heard in my entire yeah rusty cleavanger rusty cleavanger which is just fantastic he's a yeah chappy so this guy was missing and everyone's like now where the fuck did dunkin go yeah where is dunkin it turns out he may have fell into a shredding machine in an upstate recycling center and obviously died this is according to rusty cleavanger he said small pieces of the human body were found around the machine uh dunkin alexander burrell gordon was working on it at the industrial recovering recycling center in greer the coroner's office was called in on june 10th almost a month after

gordon went missing tissue has been found on the conveyor belt by the spartan county sheriff's office and tested and it indeed matched the dna they said so all that left was left of him was two ounces of material oh my so the machining question had been checked three times before the coroner's investigation arrived at the plant and it was a little bit older uh that was that was kind of like when you look that's kind of like what i look for my keys and every once well i just checked the fridge just in case i was so snowed and i put them in there yeah i mean like that type of thing where you're like we might as well check the grinder things go in there all the time right so the gordon again the dude who fell in he was on top of the machine at the time he went

missing and the room includes several machines that are noisy but it just feels like where did that ground where did that ground recycling material go well that's the thing because it took like a long time for them to realize like oh my god where could he have gone oh no it kissle i have recycled i have a recycled plastic bottle are you in there are you telling me honestly gordon gordon are you in there it's a great horror movie premise yeah he's just like they're gonna kill the president like he knows he knows that they're gonna kill the president right like he has first hand knowledge but then he falls in the recycling center it's like oh maybe he got pushed in now he's a lone traveling water bottle who only who knows that that the assassination

the president is imminent it works it tells somebody well i mean if he if i'm sure the president drinks water bottled water so honestly if i was president the only thing i drink is out of a secret service man's mouth i mean you're gonna mama bird me and he's like oh y'all give me that fucking milk you know i drink his fucking milk dude absolutely all you fucking pieces of shit trying to make me drink oh milk i'm a fucking week i'm president you got a damn nice sex i'm a bomb the world give me milk so the machine has been shut down and turned back on multiple times and 60 000 pounds of plastic material has been processed since gordon jumped in and died but oh my god wow clevenger said in the news really he said jumped in i mean he fell

insinuating a lot i mean i don't think he wanted to go like that we never know what someone who works in recycling wants do we what if he's trying to show that they don't really check and we don't know what happens in a recycling i think he did prove that because i don't think they did check because it seemed like he was like a month before they were like he just went missing we have no idea where we're saying we're sure these braces weird they're not supposed to be in there you can't recycle braces hey you can't recycle a human foot you can't apparently someone needs to get a ticket ticket because that's clevenger uh clevenger again the perfectly named coroner says uh i can confirm the material is consistent with human fat well let me let me try something right

right yeah that's human fat fantastic microscopically minute protect particles of skin and small pieces of bone man that's fucking so scary that's so scary also clevenger said they can't issue a death certificate because there's no body yeah there's nothing but there is i mean there's enough evidence his body is all over the god damn it's all over the place what are we doing for the funeral we're just gonna put him in a jelly jar oh man throw him in a big hole because that's what i would do honestly because i know if i'm his father i'm gonna be like ever a pain for a goddamn grave it's gonna be six feet deep they're all like no sir he's only there's only enough to fucking fill a couple of ketchup packets and it's been like there's enough for him to legally

travel on a plane in a condiment bottle and he says like no and we are digging a whole grave from what used to be my whole son and then all of a sudden now you got everybody in there digging and digging and you just throw this fucking altoids canister filled with you it used to be a dude maybe one of those large male sex dolls and put the uh dna in him and then bury that and then that's close enough that's interesting yeah anyway whoa actually kissle that's a really good idea like corp stunts stunt corpses stunt corpses stun corpses where it's like all right let's say you lose both of his legs in an accident you want both of those legs you want them legs yeah okay that's cool idea you fucking everybody that was never found in 9-11 we could do a whole field for them we got

to get in the ground business now but no no but like we could do a one would they get in the body was that bad site source lpotl gmail dot com i bet you honesty to be honest to be honest i bet you that they do have reconstructive surgery for corpses yeah open casket no that is true i know that for a second no i watched it because uh in high school we had a teacher who was having sex with one of his students then he blew his fucking brains out in a public park bathroom and then they reconstructed like they insisted on an open casket because he did a thing where he was like gone up to the roof is i would close the casket on that one yeah man they put a whole like he killed himself in the school's bathroom the public park next to the school and he went and he fucking blew

his arm on top of his fucking head off and it was like but the thing is honestly when they put the whole thing back he just he just looked like a nightmare it's not gonna work no it's not gonna work he just he looked like he just it's a plastic face corners are in they are not in the business of reconstruction they are though i mean they are but also like they're ghoul side story lpotl gmail dot com no i'm telling it to them because i know we have corners i love corners we're all going to need one one day we are absolutely and we have plenty of people that work in the morgan industry in our that our listeners i know that for i know because i actually wonder what is that conversation like because especially like because he died in shame first of all dude died in shame

because he was being investigated for having sex with the child which i'm gonna believe he did given the fact he shot himself he definitely did he absolutely did uh we all knew it because i knew the girl um this is all very sad um but then uh like what's the conversation like you have a bunch of people insisting like no i want to see his face dammit we can put him back together and he's just been like what if you just have to like i don't know i want a death mask that'd be cool that's fucking sweet yeah but i feel like there's a hold and touch like get in touch with us we're gonna start the stunt corpses thing we're gonna start buying these bodies because i feel like if we can that's expensive but if we can get a good supplier for silicone we get the bodies and then you can

customize your new stunt corpse for whatever you want like let's say your grandma like her plane sunk in the atlantic can't get to her fucking body anymore right to get eaten by a bunch of fish now you can bone you can get your grandma exactly how's he always wanted with big huge double tits and you can dress her up however you like her at any age you want her to be i think that'd be fun and nice all right fantastic anyway you don't want your tissue to be found on a conveyor belt no because then things have gone horribly horribly wrong it's very scary that honestly oh uh the mascot man is back in london this guy that popped up he popped up several times and they always they always have this like fucking big old response to him everybody always freaks out about the

gimp suit man i don't know why they're so freaked out because i've always wanted one i want a big gimp suit because they're fun okay do you is that like a sexual thing or just kind of like a fun thing no because i have too many hairs oh it would be painful i really have to uh like be careful with zippers and leather yes because it all gets caught it's all gets caught and i'm just like i really just can't because like right now if you look at this gimp costume body suit i just want to see how much this costs 56 bucks okay i can't be a good one though i know that can't be a good one i don't like like late gimp suit costs i want genuine leather yeah genuine leather or late that you want to and honestly you don't you want to splurge on this this is a once in a lifetime

i mean obviously you're gonna wear it i would say 1500 you're gonna wear it your wedding night you're gonna wear it on your funeral what i mean it might be the same night maybe this mask it was like well this full mask here this 94 dollars so you got this looks like the riddler character from the batman this leapsuit is only 75 dollars actually maybe i can make me look like this is scary i don't like the sleep but i like i always wanted the gimp suit so that i could answer the door in it also that's on etsy i don't want to buy my gimp suit from etsy why i don't know i just handcraft yeah it's made from where do you want it from big gimp suit yeah you want to get it from like oh you want from i don't know i just don't want it from someone's like personal gimp

collection well i don't know do they wear it before no i'd like it to be brand new get brand new i mean this is personal stuff here look at this executioner's hood though isn't that kind of that is kind of fun that's cute i could wear that around right i wouldn't be like because remember i was trying to get into snoods during when we do in a black plague i couldn't find a proper snood like a little medieval hat yeah i couldn't find one well there you go that's how they got kane's mask from wwe what uh they they they went to a kink store in new york city they specialized in leather and latex and that's who made the og kane mask but of course as we've learned glenn jacob's is much scarier but it's just out the mask but i don't understand it's just a guy walking around

in a gimp suit like it's not that scary that's another thing buddy i don't know you should be used to it at this point yeah people whatever folks want to do right i've been like yeah he's just walking around technically see this is a real one here we go this is 525 bucks but no but no it's the restraint thing i don't like i want to be i want to be able to go move like spider-man if i'm in it what's an entirely different thing leather bedsheets this cannot be comfortable what is that leather bedsheets that's like that's gotta be very like that's rough and that's gotta be sticky what does that even work that's probably good for your squirter like games and all but i can't imagine a leather you ruin the leather what rubber for that i i don't

know enough about that i just like don't yet because like when do you bust out the the rubber sheets i save all of that for the hotel rooms and don't worry about yeah you got it because honestly in the end because you know leather cat suits well these catsuits are kind of cool yeah 595 bucks well the catsuits are nice those are cool that's sexy though a roast as dark as the night perfect for fueling the cryptid research and mad ravings required for your podcasting don't mind the red eyes he's just trying to warn you of the bridge the bridge finally from the caffeine addled brains of spring hill jack coffee and last podcast on the left rebring you mothman's red eye blend yes delicious panama beans go to last podcast merch dot com to order yours today

all right well just lastly as far as stories go cops and flag staff uh i believe this is arizona these guys are assholes anyway they went undercover for an operation the name of the operation was operation high country hydra which is bullshit for one they were trying to figure out if these massage parlors are jerk off joints oh and guess what let me let me guess they were to investigate it they were investigating they were getting jerked off well in the investigation these guys really wanted it so they went in and they immediately took their pants off and then they allowed themselves to be finaled eight different times oh i wonder what is this is a cry how is this a crime how difficult is this to do and uh they were they were investigating human trafficking

sex trafficking and what they call prostitution both so they just wanted to see how effective when the investigation was complete not a single trafficking victim had been identified however those these guys um they did just arrest 13 people um again after these officers went in there and um completely and utterly tricked these people and basically just got jerked off in the name of the law so anyway um that's just another great story about how you can't trust anyone but sometimes you know you know maybe it helps if you if you jerk off a cop you won't shoot you that yeah according to officer eberhardt um he says as soon as i got aroused that's when i immediately started asking about the money and how much and like i said i've never and then he said

i've never done one of these so i was fairly nervous and i didn't know where to stop it so i was trying to stop it quickly what a fucking asshole i said nothing let people get jerked off he's like i'll know if it's a crime if i get hard oh i know now well this is obviously a crime this went from a massage meanwhile like it's just at the very top of the massage he's just massaging his hand and his shoulder so well this is a crime because obviously my crime detector is going off jesus christ anyway the officers are being investigated um because uh they are total incomplete assholes well yeah of course absolutely i guess i will say kissle there's an opportunity for you to have a hero human of the week i know a hero of the week all

right i might do it this time let me see here where is my human where is my human where is my where is i am so lonely my name is ben kissle where is my human i will have to make one myself robot girlfriend will you be my robot girlfriend shut you off when you talk turn you on when i'm horny you go to sleep forever robot girlfriend taryn's taylor uh so three kittens were saved from a trash uh been there so anyway so a dude at the weedle state sanitation you is a weedle sanitation i hope they do a little bit more than that uh they were filling in for a colleague and they were doing a run and then they were like it was around eight a.m and uh then they were like whoa what's going on here when they heard a muffled noise coming from the back of the truck right really something like

that initially taylor that would be really weird of who's like hey hey we're trapped in here the trash is talking let's smush it again that's called a late late term abortion initially taylor thought it was a smoke detector submerged under the water don't know why but not familiar with the sound no well it wasn't and he says okay in our business people throw smoke detectors away all the time but something was going different here something was wrong so he moved back and then he said all right there's something going on here and then he said uh one of his thoughts was um oh my god i'm going to start digging and then he's also going to start filming which is also why i don't necessarily love making him here over the week because sometimes you can do stuff that's not off camera that's good but then

we would know if he's here over the week but then he could go to bed knowing that he is i mean i actually do believe sort of being made fun of but also not being made fun of on our show with two jackets you would have no clue how many good things i do taylor discovered the first kitten and placed him in the truck upon returning to the truck he found a second kid and a small female a kitten they just a female but i'm assuming it's also because i would have led with the person yeah i mean but they've but you know how people love cats uh at that point he ended up putting his phone down as he had a hunch there could be another one in there so taylor said he took out nearly all the trash that was in the back of his truck and he found a third kitten in the water

so that's um really great and he swept through the water to make sure there was nothing else in there but at this point the truck was completely empty and the homeowner provided taylor with a box and a blanket and taylor made a quick detour to his home where his fiance jenna gingrich was able to give the kittens a bath that's very tlc that's very sweet that's so nice see see it's nice it's nice uh right now they're too young to be adopted so uh they're just in a foster home and they'll they'll probably be in a foster home until about 10 to 12 weeks or when they reach three pounds and then they can get spayed or neutered and then adopted out so they're gonna be uh kind of pimped out there see that's nice um don't you feel good uh taylor notes that he and gingrich would likely

have taken the kittens themselves but they have their own cat so uh and then and then well that kind of dampens it a little bit but at the same time it's nice yeah and their cat is currently pregnant whoa from who this is the question we don't know it's got your eyes taylor so uh you know he says uh it's not uncommon but he says quote sometimes it's on purpose on the other hand sometimes it's an accident you get to situations like this and you just don't know what it is i'm gonna say if you accidentally throw away three cats it's like we're no you didn't you killed the cat they were trying to kill cats they were done on purpose yes no one accidentally throws out three kids but anyway he went viral on tiktok so isn't that quite a reward well i know that yes but this

is how we know about heroes and it's nice for these heroes to stand up and and be celebrated for some reason i just don't feel satisfied it's not no there's an emptiness here yes yeah yeah we'll get back to you doing some something that's not like the one with the road with all their cycle tires people did like that i think it's because we have an instant well it's because yeah because you know that inherently people ah it's not that people are bad it's just that they are selfish inherently technically i could have done that if i was in sanitation you're not going to dig through cat you're i'll dig through trash i guess i forget that you love dig through trash i doubt i'll dig through trash right now i mean i don't i don't i'm not too i'm not too proud to dig through

trash anyway taylor uh dude you're the hero of the week for finding those three cats that you're not going to adopt but now again i'm gonna talk myself out of it i think you were doing it you did good you did good because we had one person in there and then you never know what'll happen next week that's there was also a dog that saved somebody this week you didn't do that one though and actually but i think it's nice to do it because look see we've reset now yeah now we're a human hero when you're you mean well here you go you see three cats see how bitter he is he's not even adopting them no he's like immediately upset even he didn't even adopt me it's fine it's fine but see now we can reset and then get back so now people can be happy yep look at look at all

look what you did look what you did every morning i wake up like mila johova vich jonovic i mean if you did we'd all be a lot luckier we'll be a lot richer um but in the sixth sense when she sees all the horrors of the world coming to her mind yeah and she's got to cry she has to cry it's hard to be an alien but then wow this guy saved three kittens go home okay so here's some listener emails great uh first of all big thing uh we asked last week um what are rabbit shelters that don't just be had the rabbits um house rabbit society seems to come up quite a bit that's the only good one because i had no idea i don't know i had no idea there's the joe exotic of the rabbit world i didn't know but it's more just when we brought up rabbits what i did find interesting

is that i actually had one email someone says like just so you know now that you've caught the tension of the rabbit community you might get quite a bit of emails and i will say we received probably about 50 emails about rabbit rescues and so you feel passionate about rabbits i love rabbit you hear you i'm cool with it do we kept outdoors probably do i love that lennie killed a rabbit and lennie being a big man ruined and it's your whole life and you're haunted by that forever i mean i'm haunted by the people like oh ben you can't have any rabbits i've worked very hard to reverse the narrative of the large man i've never seen you snap the neck of a small animal not yet no i've never seen it wouldn't do it and i wouldn't do it and if i did do it it would be

on purpose not an accident well i have seen you eat a big chicken and i have seen you eat lobster i don't even like it though isn't that weird it's a little overrated some people don't like it i like it but it is a lot i like the action of the eating the lobster it's fun i don't like it in mac and cheese no i think it's wasted in mac and cheese i actually think mac and cheese is overrated yeah yeah fuckers we have to do a live show in vegas in around a month and i can't believe we're gonna get the mac and cheese people out we're gonna get the rabbit people out they're gonna join forces and we're about to be fucking killed yes and then the anti-satanists are gonna blow us up great it's gonna be great um uh so we asked last week um do cyclists dick get numb and their pussies get

numb please tell us um the people say uh he said it was a fierce few months with biking you can have a little bit of pain but mostly it's getting used to it people say proper positioning is really important okay um someone said uh one had an extreme a friend of one or the writer had an issue and experienced numb penis for a long time after a long ride and but that was probably because his saddle was pinching his dick vein um that's bad don't like that uh you can't apparently say you can build up a crotch callus if you're a woman your vagina balls or asshole or not numb all the time when you're riding for longer distances we wear padded underwear makes specifically designed for riding isn't the uh there's a seat for the boys with a little ball uh cut out isn't there

i'm also just straight up this woman just or somebody says lastly i have i have great orgasms compliments of my wonderful boyfriend who also rides someone's complimenting okay she's getting her fucking hole slammed out absolutely and guess what and they ride bikes i would fucking choke that bike out if i knew it was making one girlfriend come up exactly i don't know if you're swen you're a fucking roamer you're a sweaty old german bastard and i'd like to end today with an innocent little joke okay because we here we're covering with joel riftkin this week leading up to episode 500 what a douchebag and this is a really fun story and i really like this little joke right um this comes a joke this is a father's joke great all right now hey uh there's a woman

wrote she said like uh my father is a small doctor in alabama i'm part of his business with his partners is running the nursing home in town fantastic so you guys have probably heard about how nursing homes are hotbeds for stds right in my world now grandma yeah because a little horny oh yeah it's like uh now you'd be pulling laundry um you could horny old folks all the all the time no condoms because the eggs are concrete absolutely they can do whatever they want right so apparently there's an old guy and an old lady that started getting sweet and on each other and they wanted to take it down in pound town right just being a small town they didn't want word to get out about their shenanigans right so they decided to go to the motel on the main street right across from

the nursing home or no one would notice oh how i think someone will notice oh yeah they made a plan snuck out after everything shut down for the night they checked into a room the old guy went into the bathroom to get himself ready for it yeah sure riled up so i was in the bathroom the old lady stripped down she got in the bed and she was a bit of a big lady and got the sheets pulled up over her lap with her quite large brass showcased out for the old guy and ties him to get in there yeah love his love the old guy he's got good and ready and he comes back in the room and the old lady told him be gentle with me i've got a cute angina the old guy answered i hope so because your tits are ugly as hell well there you go what a nice joke there your tits are ugly as hell

that's an old-fashioned joke that's classic from a previous generation that's a beautiful and it's beautiful because it's innocent it's love and also you know they still won't yeah of yeah of course of course they're good it's a funny funny and gina all right everyone will thank you so much when you know that you all out there cute and gina's yeah i bet but holes and like oh i bet they don't um live every day take care of your butthole and your vagina and your balls and your penis as much as you can right well a lot of times a king will die with a syphilis cock absolutely wear pads everywhere why not i feel like honestly i'm rocking a tampon right now just to feel it just to commiserate with my beautiful wife one more day oh the myths are going stag i know you're

going staggy bone marrow by yourself and you fucking laugh you can live you you can love that stag life man yeah you gotta love that fucking stag ass life because guess what man you know the best part about going stag is commando time sitting on the couch completely naked again going stag is like when you got alone and you try to bang a bunch of chicks and stuff but no i'm going stag you don't know you only go truly stag when you're a husband because then you're actually very alone yeah hey everywhere you go you're by yourself yeah but you're okay you can eat like nobody's watching no one eat like and dance like you're not dancing but you can eat a lot and watch things that have a lot of violence in it great which is what i did you drink a lot alone when

you're home and it's nice go in silence i'll go no you know what i'll do is what's nice about being alone is i'm gonna leave pesky questions of like henry why you get up in the middle of the night to check all the doors and the locks in the windows i can just do it in peace right right look out the window in my glass of scotch that's right i like that i like to do right so healthy and just laugh your way to the bank knowing you're saving money because you don't have to buy food for two for a week that's all that's absolutely fantastic and of course your your own home security system hey man you try to fucking come through me no i wouldn't do it i'm gonna kill anybody fucking come to my home especially if he belongs there this is why i don't fuck with anyone man

because especially the short the short short man you gotta be careful about the tall dangerous tall man the short man is very scary we're forced to be this way i'm not really but we're forced to be okay all right everyone thank you so much for listening hope you're doing well out there hail yourselves congratulations everyone hey well that's it bye this show is made possible by listeners like you thanks to our ad sponsors you can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network dot com