Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Green Face

Episode Date: December 5, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: a Narwhal tusk-wielding hero, a JonBenét Ramsey update, an evil mother, and MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Hey, BK nice to see you poppers in the house. Oh, yeah, Papa So glad you're invited me over not a lot of people invited me over these days. I still love you Papa Do you? Yeah, you show me you want me to show you how much I love you Show me on my body how much you love me BK. Did you bring the garlic butter? It's in my pockets. I gotta tell you what I've had 157 pizzas in the last 49 days and The quality is still different on all the PJs that I've been out at and Staring out looking the windows checking the cheese I go back in the dumpsters to now you check the cheese

They've been using seeing quality of the cheese, and I can tell you what it's slipping. Yeah, I believe it Dave reckoning is gonna be postponed. Actually. Yeah, what is it? I looked into how much money that Las Vegas guy spent on guns and it's like 1.5 million dollars and Let's just say old pop was not exactly liquid at the moment because I've been putting a lot of money in Make it a film about my life. Remember the guy with the big head. Yeah I Scarlett Johansson movie where she's she's nude and it was the thing It's called in the inside out. What's it called something about pussy boogers? What was the name? I think it is pussy boogers. Yeah. Yeah

That big guy's gonna play me. He's just incredibly handsome in real life. That's great. Well for someone who isn't liquid You're certainly soaking wet all the time. I tell you what I'm coming back. I love it coming back I'm coming back getting into sandwiches. There's the big says a big swift gonna make a sandwich with them sauce on it Just got a red sauce and Italian sauce and There's pepperoni on there put some cheese in there. Yeah, and so it's like it's sort of a pizza It's it's a sandwich, but it's like a pizza in between two slices of bread. Papa is back in the house Welcome to science commit suicide. You're okay. Well, that is that's the day of reckoning. That's okay Stay alive Papa stay alive

Welcome to science stories ever what I am Ben with Henry Zabrowski and My goodness. What a what a time it's been Papa John not doing great But people trying to stay trying to say I was fired for for playing a role again Did anybody fire Denzel Washington for playing Malcolm X because everybody knows Malcolm X was white. Yeah Well, I don't think that that's true Papa. I think I mean, I just feel like maybe it was like the last straw I think you were sort of rubbing people the wrong way people were like you're getting a little weird and then it's like Then you're saying the n-word a bunch and then I think they were like saying this the day of reckoning Yes, it has been pushed to 2022, but when it does come when them storm clouds roll over all of st. Louis

They will then know the true vengeance of the Papa St. Louis has been through enough. Oh my goodness Papa John you heard it here first the day of reckoning 2022 in st. Louis. It's happening without a doubt exclusive interview with Papa John We got at least three separate emails from people within st. Louis who had seen Papa Out on the street and on the scene and what it was like. I think we got more two of them at least Both separate not connected to each other said they had seen Papa John in a very in some form of sport bar in a full bicycle outfit skin tight

bike riders like a cyclist uniform decorated as pizza This is since the firing there's a sense of firing where he shows up with a bunch of other huge Muscle wet men Just I guess trying different types of flatbreads because you know flatbread is just a lazy form of pizza. I agree I agree that all that allows him to maybe dabble and other styles of pizza that does not emotionally affect him in a way That consuming the Papa John's pizza has been it's been kind of a reminder like looking at pictures of your ex. Yeah and pining He needs to he needs to take a break from Papa John's

Maybe just get some thin crust dominoes that works too. It's good. It's fun. It's crispy I think you'll enjoy it apparently when Papa John's goes out the majority of the questions are Do you really know Peyton Manning so Papa John's entire life? He is a celebrity for being the owner of a pizza chain That has gone way downhill and the only thing is he is famous adjacent and that person that people really want to know About is Peyton Manning. I'll tell you what the reason why it's going downhill is because they kicked me out of the cockpit New the new goddamn GM. He's not even in the in the pizza category. I put him in the asshole Okay Well indeed Papa I do believe that Papa knows Peyton Manning though because Peyton Manning he's all in with the Papa John's

I wouldn't be surprised if Peyton Manning orchestrated the coup to get rid of Papa John because Peyton wants to be the new Papa in the house No, you know, honestly, you know who truly benefits is Shaquille O'Neal because Shaquille O'Neal is the new spokesperson for Papa John's And if you talk to Papa John, he said the same thing I don't think a lot of people understood like just how the with the kind of what the comedic dynamic would be between me and Shaq would be You know how that was a failure. It was a failure of Papa John's part not bringing me back into the fold Like he's definitely obsessed with the fact that he would have been hilarious next to Shaq, which again You know, he might have been he could have been if Shaq hadn't beaten him to death With his giant hands upon meeting him. No Shaq. You know, he can break dance. He could he was he was what was it?

Kazam something like that. I don't think his knees can break dance anymore Oh, I don't know. I was watching him inside the NBA. He and Charles Barkley just have the best report. They do. I love them They do well speaking of the best report this guy. He does not we spoke about this man on last week's episode He is the I guess we'll call him the fit the fecal fiend He was yeah, the face is fed. Yeah, he's the face is fed. He was throwing a bunch of liquid dookie all over people Who are just trying to study at the library? They caught him man. His name is Samuel Opeku and Evidently all of the people that he splattered with human poop were Asian and no one knows if it was like a

Racially motivated thing or just coincidentally happened that way. I don't know All I know is when you see the pictures of him smiling He was so happy. He was dressed as a construction worker They think he might have been one good fan theory that I got sent an email saying that maybe he was harvesting his duke from Porter Potties Which is why he got so much of it and then he basically took it from work Which is interesting. Maybe he was a construction worker. We don't know but if this news broke the day we put out the episode Yes, which is what always happens and then you should sit there like goddammit. I wanted to bust the story open

I know, you know, I'm glad they got him Toronto can finally breathe at ease Don't worry Kissel. You can be free to go to the library when we visit there this weekend again You know, I always do that in every city. I go to the public library and I sniff the books Please spokesman Victor Kwan. This is what this is what he had to say regarding if this was a racially motivated crime He says we don't know if that we don't know if that's the connection because we have different parts of Asia in there He told the star. He said some of the victims were from the west side some from the east side So it's not like they were all Chinese per se Although if you were going to be racially motivated in your attack, are you really gonna be like South Korea, North Korea and Chinese?

I think I feel like he's just gonna. Oh, I think so. I think that it's it's one or the other I mean, let's let's not put a cap on racism. Okay. Okay. There's so many different shades Oh, even colors within racism that races would be upset to find out how many grays are within just racism You could be pan against one whole group, right of human beings or even or get specific Like my my uncle did with the Vietnamese and that was only just because of the time He spent in a Hanoi hotel, but it's still at the same time We're back in America. The war has ended the war has ended. So you're telling you're saying there's diversity in racism This is your hashtag woke racism. No, I'm just saying it's true though

There is a there's a color of every stripe of racism. Yeah, no absolutely And we should be field we should feel free to embrace each one. That is the only way to solve the problem, isn't it? That's it. That's it. And of course your Polish uncle I'm sure he must have been such a thrill to have to have as a prisoner just the amount he did not have the Amount he was not the Polish side. He was not the Polish side. He's not the Polish side He was the Scottish Italian side. He's a big fat guy. He still is a big fat guy So it's just like we got to get rid of private Zabrowski because he's eating us out of home and out of we are going to lose The war based on our soup budget alone

That's what you do. You got to do the goldfish method. You got to grow to the size of your prison He also was a baggage handler at the airport That was his main job. So technically he's very physical really he handled your your uncle the man who has PTSD up to his eyebrows from being held captive during Vietnam is just bags Yep, this is handling your bags This is why I've always said if there is going to be a quote-unquote explosion on an airplane It's going to be from someone from the inside because they're all he doesn't they're all gone crazy

He doesn't want to fuck with his money That's more important than anything else when it comes down to it in the end You don't really want to fuck with your money to be a true terrorist. You have to be an actual piece of shit Yeah, that's true. Well, maybe we'll talk about some terrorism during this week's hero of the week What intent? What? All right, I want to talk about this story first before we talk about something really depressing I will say this the last two weeks there was legitimately for

Whole families dead in murder suicides. It's beginning to look a lot like Chris What a beautiful time we should thinking about what a burden everyone is and you look at the list of gifts You're supposed to get and you look at the amount of money that you have and maybe things are folding Maybe that bonus didn't come in so now I have to I can't put in the pool No, I promise for everybody and so I have to send my rage-filled cousin and go kidnap my boss and bring him to my house Daddy, that's from National Lampoon's big a Christmas vacation. I was promised a pool. You said we were gonna get a pool Come here. I'll show you this place. See how I dug this big hole in the backyard Yep, yep, go to sleep. Just go to sleep

Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Dude, where can you come? Tell me you're crazy, but it's also falling off. Oh, it is it has indeed. It has papa All right, here we go aristocrat who killed Britain with candelabra after mistaken him for an alien is in drug-addled rage Freed after three years. This comes from the independent by Vincent Woods. This is just one of those European justice things that I I just don't know if I can ever understand this is before this story came up before We started doing side stories So I want to you might have heard of this before but now the guy is out after only serving three years This story is absolutely insane an aristocrat

convicted of manslaughter in 2017 after manslaughter after Choking stabbing and beating a man to death with a candelabra has been freed after judges ruled He had not known what he was doing at the time of the incident. Yeah, because he I mean I'm why he is hammered Yes, Bennett von Vertis 34 was initially found guilty by Swiss Court of Voluntary Manslaughter After killing 23-year-old UK citizen Alex Morgan in 2014 in a drug-fueled rage With lawyers claiming he had mistaken his victim for a green-faced alien. Okay. I have a question. Yes, it's voluntary Manslaughter, isn't that called murder? The whole

Man I didn't want to do that, but it happened anyway This is one of those good things if you can email us and tell us the difference because in my mind. I thought manslaughter was stuff like I feel like An act of passion sure I think it's that I think it's accidental murder Right, I think it's when you hit somebody with your car and an hour someone dies as a result of an accident But I feel like it's like if you pull it there is an error I'm gonna yes a Caitlyn Jenner who is I mean what an accomplished murdering woman, but the

The idea that you could do more than two types of murder in one and it's still be manslaughter I'm not really sure. I don't mean The son of a Hungarian a German aristocrat Oh an art gallerist was initially ordered to spend 12 and a half years Okay, that's it still a sentence that included punishment for one separate charge of raping a woman in London What is this is on Swiss justice? However, now he will walk free after receiving a course of drug addiction therapy Having served only three years behind barge, but we also believe in prison reform

So I understand we should be trying to fix these people and trying to reform them instead of but I feel like you could have gotten a little bit More time. I think so. Yeah In 2014 Morgan had arranged to meet von Vertis at his family Shelly near Lake Zurich as a part of a skiing holiday with his mother Katja Faber The 23-year-old had preset previously met the aristocrat through Regents University in London where they both studied business administration Which meant they did cocaine So they did he met this 23-year-old dude, so he already met him. There's not a stranger in a bar However during the visit a day before New Year's Eve

The killer is said to have flown into a psychosis after an argument over Swedish folk music. Oh my god So there's Swedish folk music was so you mean to tell me you do not like the frog on the hill by Björn Björnsson No, actually, I think that it is absolutely pedantic and it's like I this is the fight During this argument he bludgeoned his victim around the head and body 50 times He then stabbed Morgan with the glass from a broken coffee table Which is a detail they skipped over of like so he threw him through a coffee table Right and then stabbed him with it and proceeded to beat him with a candelabra before ramming a candle down his throat and Strangling him. I am not sure if drugs are the main problem

For this man. I feel like the drug rehabilitation part. That's nice That's an accoutrement to the whole other series of reforms. This man needs to have in his brain The Swiss looking high court. Yeah smoke man looking weed, my friend I'm sorry. The Swiss High Court in Züterich Heard van Verties had taken sleeping pills cocaine and ketamine before the incident So he took the full zipper. He took the zapper zipper I mean, why would you ever take cocaine and sleeping pills? It doesn't make any sense To try to find that wonderful balance. So so the guy so he is lit out of his mind

He's obviously a horrible entitled piece of shit. What is a green-faced alien Henry? You you're the alien expert. Is there any green-faced alien out there? They're just being racist against aliens. They're just saying a term. They're being green-faced I would even say that I would say somebody dresses an alien who's not I would say they're donning green face Okay, that's where we're at. That's we're at in society Um, I think the reason why he thought he was a green-faced alien is because he was from the UK and he hasn't seen the sun in a Bunch of months right and we saw a couple we've seen that some UK men that could use it one of those like true light lamps Oh, they use to fight seasonal defective disorder. No, you can hear them come in a mile away

They sound like a horse and carriage, but they're just walking. They're just all like cricky-cracky-cricky Tell my god, can you see my oh and example doing up and down this is really insane So there are so the people here the the victims are pretty upset about the fact that he is getting released The victims mother said there are no words for how I feel this morning She goes on to say the justice system the world over are broken victims have zero rights My son's killer goes free. That is so sad. I mean this guy is just gonna go off and be just a wealthy What's he gonna do? He's just gonna go be an aristocrat for the rest of his life. Yes Wow, no justice. That's is a what what is an aristocrat? I think it's just a legacy person. It's just it's just a

Nepotism it's just someone who comes from a long line of wealth that never does anything with their life and obviously at this point They've been so inbred their brains are mush. They can't control themselves. They've definitely they've earned nothing They've earned nothing no if you are an aristocrat just the term like the concept of being an aristocrat Right like that's your job label. He went to school for business administration and I met those guys in Florida state They were the ones that they they didn't go to school. No, they had fun and we worked out. They work out That's that's doing business Of course now is Henry Marcus and I continue to expand the last podcast network It would have been nice to sit in on one of those business classes. I'm not saying you don't learn anything in business class

But I parallel I guess you must because I there's a bunch of stuff to know about running a business that we Don't know no, they don't teach it in political science or theater class. No in theater school We were not taught to survive. I was treated like a bird kicked out of the nest Like we were not taught how to swing running a business. So yes, I understand it could have been something in there But as an aristocrat, he also had to do nothing. Oh Oh my god, so why even go to school? But alright, so he met the guy before it wasn't like he's surprised And he just turned into an alien. I think this is all I you know I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that some of his end of the story was fabricated

I believe so unless you was just tripping so hard that he really did think he was an Have you ever ever ever you've used combos of drugs sure You know, I mean how many times I've been at the baseline of my personality on four drugs Yeah, I have never turned towards hurting anyone I burnt my shirt in a bonfire and I was cold all night Well, you have to do that you have to have a little fun jumping over the bonfire because you're free-wheeling You're living the you're living the dream. Do you really think that I had the leap? You think I had the vertical

Over a bonfire, you know, you were looking at it You're like, I just want to begin everyone has that 20 year old hippie girl inside of them and then a little bit a little bit and then once you realize Physically, you cannot celebrate around fire. It gets really sad for you. No, I try to do that I remember one time during my full dashiki phase I was rolling around on the ground like I was doing literally like act a natural and then all of a sudden we were doing a Murtifice rehearsal and I felt like a pinch on me and then what the hell was going on I'm certain I've told the story before and then I realized that I was covered in ants

I was covered in red ants my whole body was lit up with it with red ant bites I don't know if you did tell that story before Just I hate nature, but that is a normal thing to happen when you're doing drugs Sometimes you'll just be covered in ants and it's a good thing that you actually had ants on you and you weren't just hallucinating the ants Because then yeah, another sphere of of messed up. So this guy I Mean to have the ketamine might not have helped. I don't think any of it helps No, I went to a party where a bunch of older people were on ketamine and they act really fuck they acted really insane Yeah, I'm pretty sure ketamine is one of those I've never messed with and now I'm kind of done with it

Because I'm old and I'm just like my brain is good. I'm like it's a lesson Edlarsen really hit it hard for me after 30. He said no new drugs No new drugs after 30 if you haven't done it in your 20s and then after 30 Start going just like X some of them out. Just be like I don't need that one I don't need that one. I promise the cocaine will kill you now, man Not like before when it was fun and just helped your roller skate now cocaine is gonna kill you That's what it's gonna do and a lot of the careful you gotta be careful You gotta be careful where you're gonna give her know your dealer tip your dealer tip your dealer

And if you are out there having a good time with drugs get one of those testing kits Because fentanyl is no joke. Be very careful. That's gonna be the new dental dam No one's talking about you mean to tell me a bunch of people gonna sit around to do cocaine and be like guys Let's be responsible and think you have to test it Yes, and then go and take it be like the insulting thing of taking somebody else because you definitely didn't purchase that cocaine Right you'd like if you have the testing kit, you have not brought the cocaine No, you're bringing the safety which is very important. No, but can you imagine going out with a lovely lady? I mean, I'm certain there's many people do do it and you should technically you should but there is a distinct and tense

Difficult section if you were to use a dental dam, we go, but I'm just gonna put down this little bit of a placemat It's just it's just all just Dignore the tarp. You know what I mean like no, no, it's kills the mood Yes, kill everybody's gonna be really upset. Well, you know what kills the mood when everyone od's at your party Just I'm not even saying don't do it I'm just saying test it to make sure it's not full of things that are gonna kill you as soon as you Snort it up your nose and it hits your brain Maybe just don't do it to take all these bodies out of your apartment. I mean, that's the big problem

Yeah, I alright, so here's a story that I wanted to I wanted to tell you you will like the story kissle. Okay, booby traps This comes from the baby see big black cock You are ridiculous. It's a very well respected news source from the UK. Okay, it's called BBC by It doesn't say you wrote it man in Maine killed by own device a 65 year old American man who rigged his home with the booby trap to keep out intruders has been killed by the device Ronald seer called police in the town of van beyond and the side of mine No, I'm gonna want to go down on my roll to say he had been shot Police found a door had been designed to fire a handgun should anyone attempt to enter that's his that's his booby trap

Yep. Yep. Mr. Seer was taken to a hospital, but he died of his injuries. It is illegal for homeowners to install such traps Apparently police in Van Buren which borders the Canadian province of New Brunswick said they responded to a 911 call in the early evening of Thanksgiving, this is on Thanksgiving last Thursday from a man who said he'd been shot Following an extensive investigation that lasted into the early morning It was determined that mr. Seer had been shot as the result of the unintentional discharge of one of his homemade devices Regretfully mr. Seer succumbed to the injuries is disdain from the gunshot, which also honestly right before he died He must have been super proud. Well, I mean he definitely created a booby trap that can kill it reminds me of the film You're next which is a great horror film

I think it's from about two or three years ago where they set the booby trap up I'm not gonna tell you what happens, but let's just say it backfires a little bit on the door I do like the idea of a door booby trap, but love a door booby trap gun I mean it should be like, you know, it's gotta be like the bucket of water or like something The gun is That's just a very intense one and also if you're a burglar though, Henry. Let's be honest. You're a burglar You don't go through the front door Who what? No, no, I go through the chimney. You go through that. Well, you're you got a Santa Claus

Come through the chimney the children think you're magical parents are too afraid to too afraid to bust the bubble So they don't want to kill the potential rapist, right? But what you do is you leave something and then you take something. Yes I mean, that's the way that's the way to do it, but this guy I feel like he Thought that home invasions or home intruders were much more polite than they actually are they don't go through the front door That's not the way it works. I am way more into the concept of Are like net guns? Yeah, and sound weapons I think of there's a way to to do some form of

Booby traps or some sort of security measure on the outside of your home that is a sound weapon Uh-huh, they'll make the guy fucking shit his pants or temporarily go blind I think that's a really good way of keeping somebody from from going for your home But you do it for when you leave town for vacation sure I could go with the good sound weapon But if you have the net then at some point you've got to like what are you gonna do you got to cut them out You got to like what are you doing with a billy club if you got kids and stuff And you got like let's say you got a pool or you got a couple like pool cues or something like that You go poke at him always stuck up in the net. That's fun for the kids to do that is kind of fun

A burglar pinata is always a good time. So this guy he succumbed to his own creative genius He did and he must have like on at some point He's been like it fucking worked it really did in September last year A man in Illinois was killed when he opened a neighbor's shed that had been rigged a fire or shotgun And it turns out they had found in a circular hot tub the same guy They said the man or an ore gone. That's for that's for our beautiful friends and an ore gone Oregon Err was charged after fortifying his home like a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark FBI agents found a circular hot tub lined up with a Tripwire a fortified front door animal traps and a wheelchair rigged with a shotgun that went off hitting an agent that goddamn leg

I think we covered this last year I'm not gonna say he isn't the most fun uncle in the world like if you're a fun idea over to this guy's house It's just like you got to be careful where you step. You got to know any step could be your last It's kind of fun, but who wants to break into the homes of these people It's always the people that have nothing that are like we better get a gorilla to guard the door Who what are they? What do they have to steal? I don't I don't know. I don't know I don't know what would be that I mean a lot of times they have a lot of fun old World War two Stuff in there that you probably even shouldn't have maybe you need it stuff like that

It's stuff like Hitler's fucking night guard is in there There's stuff that they want to protect a lot of these human beings a lot of these people are in the world of keeping their money in tangible gold You know, I mean, it's yes. They have been a lot of cash for gold Advertisements have been placed at their eyeballs for the television and the various programs They've been watching especially if they've been listening coast to coast. I mean, you know Why wouldn't you turn your cash into a thing that you cannot use at the grocery store? Why wouldn't you because then you then you have it and you can always slide it up your asshole if you need to escape the country This is big. I am going to start converting money to gold. You're I could see you actually

Falling for that scam. No, no, it's stuff that you can no one will know that all of my wealth is in the jewelry on my hands And all my fingers what would you possibly get? You can't buy a car if you throw a gold coin and a person and a car dealer They will have you arrested you'll be why you'll be shocked. That's not it is not proper currency But that's money that is money. It is how much more fun is that for to being a you are you sell cars You sell toyotas, right? You've been moving these rap for us like hotcakes because I love accessibility and how much pulling power They have yeah, all right, right and you're going out there How much fun would that be instead of all day with these fucking forms? It takes four hours at least a car

What if you just give them a fucking bouillon? Bar like you give them one of those like an old-timey pirate ship Hmm like a brick of gold and they go me like let's call this deal arranged I'm not certain he'll let you drive off of it. You just made them do more work because now they have to go to the Bank and be like how much is this thing and they'll be like sir That is chocolate. That is a chocolate bar wrapped in a user or the dumbest car dealer This is this is certainly a bad day for me

Oh, no, I gave him two rad fours. Good news. You can eat the chocolate though, sir. Oh All right, so be care if you're booby-trapping your house make sure that you are not the boob Hmm, huh? Very good. I My question is why is he doing this on Thanksgiving Day because he's obviously Insane with no family members and this is the closest He has to the idea that someone might be coming over He's just he thought someone may come over for Thanksgiving

And because he's so guarded and so old and just angry with the world He wanted to prevent them from entering his wonderful sanctuary that no doubt has either four to eight Random stray dogs in the backyard. I know what's going on if I give these criminals even one minute If I slip even once they're gonna come in my room and rape me while I'm sleeping because my butt now won't quit I mean, I have no idea how physically attractive the man was but now That's what it is deceased I got the legs. I got the the tush that zz top had pontificated the pawn for many a classic hit

So I know for a fact if I don't keep them studs from getting in this home I'm gonna have so many people trying to make a fold Oh in my backyard, it sounds like you're lonely and it sounds like you just need to go and actually have sex with a person Just come and hold me I know coming home That's it's interesting thing about zz top. They performed with the 1997 halftime Super Bowl show Is that an interesting thing about it's easy top? Isn't that interesting found that out yesterday? Um, all right. Well, let's tell a story here That's not even

How do you even do what are you even talking about? It's the green bit packers. They were playing the new england patriots and the yes, that was zz top performed at the halftime shows powerful They were they were swinging their guitars and so this story This next story is just this one is actually very difficult to find any sort of humor in Um, not like these stories aren't difficult to find humor in because they're usually, uh, Horrific, we try to give you the news with a little bit of sugar Yeah, a little sugar helps the the medicine go down your pants. Yeah, but anyway, uh, you know moms

One of the things they're not supposed to do is kill their kids and in this case this mom said let's not fucking say should and shouldn't I don't think I think that is supposed and not supposed the key to being a mom like the number one thing Don't kill your kids. So is that true or is it just having a child? I think just having children makes you a mother Not if you hang them in your basement like this woman did no, it's a pennsylvania mother Uh, she told police she found her two children hanging dead in their basement after her son quote Made threats of doing this but didn't want to go alone Now prosecutors allege lisa rachel snider She actually killed her son connor who is eight and her daughter brinley who is four

This is inside their albany township home before covering up the crime to make it look like a bully Bullying related suicide. This is according to berks county district attorney john adams. No, not one of the founding fathers eight-year-olds Uh, this is what he had to say he said eight-year-olds generally that i'm aware of do not commit suicide So of course we had questions. This is a horrific tragic incident Uh, this mom also this story is so freaking weird. It's okay. So we got it's incredibly sad. It's incredibly sad So these kids were found Yeah, but then this story henry you knew alerted me to this portion of the story

So we have the two kids hanging. Well, let's I want to let's prep this. Let's let's let's let's let's really ease people Please second facts So These kids were found hanging by the next incredibly sad The woman was said that she was outside smoking a cigarette when they did this when she told them We're going downstairs to build a fort Right, so she said even though every one of the kids friends said that they didn't play in the basement because it was an unfinished Like literally it was like a place where you go to hang your children, right? Um

So they went down there. She blamed she called and said I tried to lift them up But I couldn't I couldn't get him out of the hole there. It's an eight-year-old and a four-year-old right right She said, oh, they must have killed each other because they didn't want to go alone All these very sophisticated reasons that she put on these kids immediately. They realized it was all horseshit Yeah, right. I'm looking at this picture now this pennsylvania woman. She's got squatting thighs There is no way she could not have lifted these children. Yes. She definitely did. She definitely could have done something Right, so this all happened. So while all of this is happening they see they they go through the house They seize the computer. They seize all of like various information

They found out that she like she googled very standard like how long to suffocate a child like how how much oxygen did they do? They can you basically take away from a human being before they die? blah blah blah They also happen to find within her email Why is that? I have a question before we get to the most disgusting part Why do people feel the need to ask google everything? You know even things that we know I don't know. This like the idea of like affixiation the idea of hanging We've been doing hangings in the world for millennia

I do not know. I feel like she should know the answer to this without asking google I feel that this is a type of thing that It would be great to use our libraries for yeah Unless you're gonna get sprayed with dookie I mean in the end if you're there to plan how to murder your child Maybe you should get sprayed with dookie and then you're gonna think about what you've done and why you're doing it That's a good point So they found because they also were looking for the dog the dog has been missing a 50 pound pit bull has been missing

Right, they can't find it They found in her email several pictures of her having sex with this dog That they that she was sent to it now what is saying what they have called an unknown male Who is a known male to himself at some point? Um, if he's obviously a known male. Yeah, um who uh must be feeling pretty uh a little weird About what he's been doing. I mean really um, this is a this is a tweet that came out from jim vassal Of wfmz. He says in a sick twist Police are now charging snider with having sexual intercourse with her dog

Evidence including pictures were found in her email during the course of the investigation Police indicate the images are from from prior to the murders um So I get uh You're not mom not mom of the year, you know, I think no no no I I don't must put it. I didn't I wouldn't even call her mom of the week. No I think that she is uh, no, she's not good man. She's gonna go to jail for a long time. Yeah um

So according to a search warrant two emergency responders who arrived at the scene first found the children hanging three feet apart from each other with a quote single wire cable with plastic coating and ends containing swivel eyesnap hooks Uh in the transcript of a call between berks county emergency dispatcher and the first Responders obtained by the morning call the fire captain asked any indication from the caller if the scene is safe Or how these children ended up there. This is a quote from the dispatcher. She's she says She mentioned that the eight-year-old has been bullied and has made threats of doing this But I didn't want but didn't want to go alone at this time

It should just be the mother and the two children on the scene. So she also Just like the blaming of your children For their own suicide too. I mean, obviously this woman is like beyond. Oh, no, she's a she's a very bad person She she apparently She admitted to a friend that she was depressed and she no longer cared about her children. Who is her friend? Who's the friend? I don't it's she says friend. You know what I mean? But it was probably just somebody because sometimes you're forced to work with somebody true

You're like sometimes you are just and then that person has decided that you are friends It was like I listened to a podcast called the thing about Pam The guy Keith Morrison the guy does all the dateline shit the hilarious voice I love him But the whole thing is that it's this woman that went missing It just like got a new best friend Pam who decided that she knew every single thing about this person's life She wanted to completely insinuate herself into someone else's life and essentially I mean We don't know for certain, but you definitely murdered her

So you be careful about who these just straight up like random ass friends you make at the office Before you decided to fold them into your life Um, so the first warrant when they searched when the police when the pennsylvania state police first searched They took the wire cable. They took the two wooden chairs. They took an iPod two iPods Um iPads rather a computer and an xbox game then the second warrant That was october 2nd They requested the family's dog a black 50 pound husky pit bull mix But that dog is still missing that is also the dog that was in the explicit sexual photos

And I am I am just gonna say that she probably killed the dog, right? I mean, I would think that she probably just got rid of the dog because she killed her kids Go go puppy go and it's then then the dogs. I mean, I don't know man. I think that the dog might have been let go Um, the dog might be some sort of pussy shack. Is that a term for it? I have no clue. Is that gonna be a thing? Can you put your your vagina up against the glory hole for a bunch of dogs to lick it? I don't know what state this is legal in. I don't know if you can do that state. It's disgusting Uh, and the emails were found again in an email the photos were found rather in an email during the investigation

So I guess you gotta you gotta find out who was getting that like Like when you got your email like it's like And then you're looking like oh sweet more dog photos Also, the thing to do is to um Maybe send a note to somebody. Maybe maybe something like that's good in a letter. Yeah, I don't know Either way the recipient of the dog stuff is probably gotta Probably got a few questions Yeah, man, it's fucking awful. All of this is awful. The terrible story action was afraid to even bring it up

Yeah, I was afraid to even fucking read it All right, well be careful. Now that we've said this holiday season Don't murder your family if you can just get through these 45 days from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day Just get that all takes you can do it through these days. We just got to get through it Understand like if you're having these thoughts about your day of reckoning Push them to january and you feel like you still want to do it in january Then you'll think about it then think about it But for now don't be influenced by the consumer season. Well, I think what that's what it is

It's also it's also like the music is so cheery I just went to the deli today before we recorded and they were singing this christmas song You've heard me rail on this. That's a thing because it is this it is a 45 days of you must be happy. Yes This is the happiest time of the year All right, where's your smile? Where's your smile big boy? I'm just kind of tired. Hey, buddy. Hey, we're working pretty hard I was just I didn't really want it. I am happy I'm sorry. You want me to? Okay

It's what makes you the joker it what it's what made joker Was being forced to put a smile on his face. He also didn't get his pills Now after the worst story of the day, I do want to plug Uh, a really great show like we've covered them. I'm gonna we're gonna bring them on to the show Uh in the next coming weeks. Okay, Greg Newkirk Dana Newkirk who created hellier. Oh, yeah Hellier was a series that was put out. I want to say last year that it started with the um The investigation into the kelly hopkinsville goblins case Which is the idea of a bunch of goblins coming out of a out of a kind of like either ravine or or well

That was terrorizing a family. They received a series of emails saying hey these little creatures are bothering me They went into investigate it and it ended up becoming a some massive investigation into high strangeness featuring Mostly injured cold who was a side character from john keels the mothman prophecies. Okay Hellier season two is going even deeper. I'm halfway through right now. It's deeper. It's getting deeper deeper deeper Um, I started watching it. It's highly fascinating And what's really nice about the hellier series and and I want to state this is that you watch it and when you're watching is

People enthusiastically Opening their minds and hearts to the unknown I think that if you're going into these things saying you want a picture of a goblin You're going to be disappointed as is anybody That thinks that they're going to go and get a picture of some anomalous behavior and they think that that's the be all end all Right some kind of some kind of hard one this like proof like you want a goblin in a cage I understand but where this goes is more important showing about the idea of Where can your brain and where do you end up if you just open yourself up to the unknown?

And it's a fucking wiggity waggity ride. Awesome. Hellier. Check it out season two I don't want a goblin in a cage though. I want my goblins running free because then they're having fun No They're gonna fuck with your pizza Get back here with my pizza my pizza. That's a goddamn pizza goblin. Um, also just really quickly here. Jon Benet Ramsey's photographer I know this is going to be stunning to a lot of people No, so he got an award for best photographer in the world or you know, it turns out his name is Randall D Simmons Uh, he was hired by the by the family the Ramsey family in 1996 to take photographs of their daughter because everyone should hire

You know a 50 year old man to just take photographs of their six year old Um, but he's just been arrested on charges of child pornography, which I know I know I know a child pageant photographer It's not a news um But you know, uh, you know what I'm gonna say right now and we got we got a heat for back of the I will say our Jon Benet Ramsey episodes are probably some of our more controversial episodes considering at the time that we did it We were a little bit more rough around the edges But my theory still holds that I still think that it's somebody outside of the family

And that is very controversial people get kind of mad about it because they everybody wants it to be the brother Right, but I am gonna say this guy killed Jon Benet Ramsey. That's my that is my theory well He is that this is the this is a guy something like this shows that he might be responsible. I don't know who knows I'm not gonna victim blame when it comes to the parents here, but I'm just gonna say If I saw a 50 year old man taking a picture of my six year old daughter Well, she is wearing a leotard that man would be in a coma Like the idea that they paid this man to go and take pictures

You invited a boomer into your home to take pictures of your scantily clad daughter. Oh, of course five years old So police arrested Randall D Simmons. He's now 67 in July on accusations quote He was regularly accessing images of child pornography on the public wireless network of a local restaurant The incidents happened between august 2018 and june of 2019 So just imagine you're sitting you're sitting at a you're sitting at a Panera bread And then you're just like yeah, this guy always comes in he looks on the internet I guess he's maybe maybe he works in finance or something he can work anywhere And you're like, so what's your looking at Randall?

Um It's just kids sucking on a hose So disgusting. This is shit that it looks so number one. This is not new behavior No, this is not new behavior if he's if it has become so casual that he is doing this at the Panera Right that that it is that it has become that casual. It is definitely not new to him and also Just good lord the the confidence So in 1997 we have all of these glamour photos of John Bonaire, right? Well, apparently we have all of those because this

Disgusting man. He sold the portfolio to the associated press in 1997 of all the photos he took of John Bonaire this story Just if you're a parent out there when I was I went to when we did our show at the pap's theater in Milwaukee I did a little tour of Milwaukee University where I went as where I went to school And there was a child pageant going on there and all the kids were walking around And they were all like there they have these big scorecards and ever some kids were crying some kids were happy It's six year olds. It's Disgusting

Just I I don't think we should ban a lot of things, but I am I I would run on a platform of just banning child pageants What is the point of these things? I absolutely hate them They're just I absolutely think that they are absolutely disgusting and all it does is invite people to have sexual thoughts about your children Oh, that is I mean now they're making a more and more conservative, right? They're doing I which I I think that that's kind of this weird response to it Which is all being like just just stop doing just stop putting this pressure on kids I honestly think that all children in movies should be played by adults

I agree with big caps on do you ever back in the day when you have some like some funny guy like Like a buddy hack it playing a kid with the big spinny hat on that was were fun innocent days It was 45 years old. He had a mustache and there's like he's 11 and he's goofy Mexican television I agree with a squaila a squaila has the guy with the spinny hat on yeah, it's just it's good stuff Um, all right, so that's a little bit more information there on john benet ramsey the story continues I guess we should not be shocked

That the person who was like I'll take pictures of your daughter Yeah, also as a child Pornographist Yeah, no way. I did don't call him pornographist. It sounds like he's a fucking like he's a sommelier Yeah, whatever he's disgusting is whatever he is. Um, okay, should we do hero of the week? Let's do it All right, let's do hero This week's hero of the week this was demanded by the fans this demanded I don't think we've gotten so many letters about a hero of the week potential

In a long time So this dude there was a london bridge attack recently. It was a terror attack and this guy attacked the man uh Usman Usman Khan he was subdued by a dude Who had a five foot narwhal tusk now? I don't even know what the hell a narwhal is but it is a it's a big it's a whale It's got a big tusk on it, but I don't know how he got a hold of the tusk I'm that I'm not certain of but it's incredible that he used it to defend his country

Yeah, I guess so and the guy he's he he's a polis chef. He's called lukas And what happened was in the footage it emerged con was sprayed with a fire extinguisher Well, another man tries to suppress the assailant with a narwhal tusk a long pointed tooth From a type of whale Lunging at him it is believed the items were was pulled from the wall of a fish monger's hall A grade two listed building on london bridge again incredible So the polis incredible yes among those who pinned down the attacker was james ford 42 also thought To have tried to save the life of a woman who had been who had been stabbed

Of course ford himself was jailed in 2004 for the murder of a 21 year old Which is very very bizarre a man the champion this that's what that's guy killed But the polis chef he saw an attack happening. He saw the narwhal tusk on the wall. He grabbed it And you know, that's just polish ingenuity right there. Yeah, man. You got to make a weapon I'll tell you right now. I'm playing the domination game and said five is poland and I am I am destroying everyone I'm feeling so powerful right now. That's why this this hero of the week actually personally resonates with me. Absolutely Um con was at the fish monger's hall near london bridge for a university of cambridge organized conference on rehabilitating offenders After previously participating in the university's learning

Uh together prisoner rehabilitation program, but it showed quote no cause for concern Well, evidently there was cause for concern because he went on an attack and was forced to be subdued By a man with a tusk. That's what happens, baby That's what happens when you mess with the polish and then honorable mention for hero of the week I also wanted to do this guy. His name is christopher smith. He was shot and killed at his bachelor party He attempted to stop a gunman. Very sad story christopher smith 41 was celebrating his bachelor party with friends on friday night at jake's pub in indianapolis When part of gore saw a patron carrying a handgun. Uh, this was around 10 p.m. Christopher smith approached the guy

Uh, he tried to disarm the man. No one else was hurt Unfortunately christopher smith uh was killed because he saved people from being shot by a gunman So we got we got the polis chef and christ christopher smith two heroes of the week this week. Wow guys Wow, be careful out there. Yeah, so don't kill your families. Be a hero instead Be a hero instead. Be very careful out there. Um, I got a couple letters from listeners I want to go through here one is that we've gotten several people who work within the industry Of the the world of google home or alexa. Yeah that have been trying to correct the idea that The device listens all the time. It seems like

There are differing opinions, right? Because we have the detective right and saying that they are listening all the time Yes, but that's how they hear you say. Hey seary. Hey google alexa play Dayo i'm doing that to just so it turns on in your home, right? So what i'm gonna do Is you read this one that alexa play todo can we just alexa alexa show me assholes. Whoa

Well, we can really mess with people's alexa. I didn't even think about doing that All right, so this is the thing So i'm just gonna read this little snippet of somebody just to kind of say because so this is the other side I have no clue if this is they're saying is that they record somewhat locally And they're not always sending back to the respective mother ships. Okay, they all work the same This is from a person by the name of sea They all work the same recording short seconds long snippets at a time locally Meaning your recording stays on the device only and is never sent to any third party

Which i've also read someone we had someone that worked within amazon who said the same thing who sent us an email saying We it's all within the shelf of amazon and that's just deciding whether or not you trust amazon as a company Right in that time period. They are listening for a pre-programmed key phrase. Hey seary Okay, google or hey google or alexa if they don't hear it the recording gets deleted If it does hear it then recording is of just the key phrase and the request that followed gets passed along Stepping from the original discussion using it as an evidence in a murder It is a very very very very small chance that it might be Operating during its period of local times while a murder is happening just sitting there

There is no evidence as the recording is long deleted only the victim or someone had just said one of these key phrases Sometimes so i will say it could just sound like the key phrase that's really putting them there And then the request got passed along over the internet could there be a possibility of there being a recording of it so basically if you are In peril and there isn't alexa around just be like alexa And then alexa and then it'll record everything. There's a key little ps Here's a little trick to test out the above get one of these devices connected to your internet then unplug your router modem Meeting then it can't connect to the internet, right?

You could still say the key phrase and a request and the device will recognize the key phrase and activate Meaning that recognition takes place locally on your on your device Since it can't connect to the internet it'll then tell you it can't connect to the internet to process the request that followed the key phrase so okay That's another opinion I don't really trust amazon as a matter of fact on ample against top bed. I'm going to be talking about this story This is from an employee. They say amazon warehouses are quote cult like sweatshops run by robots I don't trust amazon. I don't start out there man. It's hard out there

Uh, we've got this i got another email saying that papa johns can't stay in a trailer unless it's kept precisely at 74 degrees What do you mean literally keep if you goes and work on a commercial shoot? This is the guy here I used to work for an ad agency that did all the marketing commercials for papa johns John schnatner is a huge scumbag. He was the biggest prick on every shoot He would throw a fit for things like his dressing room not being precisely 74 degrees Wrong temperature in his trailer. That was a fireable offense if you were his assistant He would flip out over the most petty things and delay everything. I mean, he's the papa. He's got to stay in charge

I guess so I guess so Okay, so I got some good This is another from a librarian Uh, this is in regards to our our librarian shitter incidents. Yep I'm a librarian used to work in a number of very busy public libraries in crappy areas of the uk We seem to attract poopers at a ridiculous rate some notable patrons included A man who pooped at a chair in a study room and covered it with an open book Someone who returned a book with a dirty diaper inside of it

Oh a woman who fouled our toilet to the point we had to get a hazmat suited maintenance persons and in to clean it What is going on and most fun a man who peed on a computer What is I thought is anyone reading at libraries or are they just glorified bathrooms? What is going on? I don't know. It seems fun. It seems fun if you're in that mindset I have another and you you're you go into library studies You're a librarian you like things calm peaceful. I'll go work in a library for my entire life. I sit I'd say yes, you're gonna want to go to section 133. That's our philosophy section And then the other side of your job is

Stop shitting on the computer sir. Sir. Please stop shitting on the computer. You're so relaxed I guess you're in the world of a huckleberry thin Yeah, I mean and you get lost in it and sometimes you just shit You just sit on a stool and you put a book on top of it. Uh, well judging by the toronto story The only thing that's huckleberry fin like is the racism. Whoa Hot take hot take hot take. Okay. So this is another um buckets of shit story. Oh my My aunt is a very sweet person who is honestly altruistic to a fault She's a failed foster parent to many dogs and cats meaning that she just couldn't pair to part with them once other temporary homes

Have been arranged and has a de facto adopt the daughter from when she was a foster parent several years ago My de facto cousin Shannon her son and her Fiance all of these aren't quotes Jeff We're living in the attic of my aunt's house for an extended period of time between living situations Jeff and Shannon have been together for maybe three or four years and in the second year or so Jeff had added his leg from the knee down removed because of t2 diabetes Complications. Oh, not good. No. So Shannon has had some caretaker duties for him That were kind of forced in their relationship all at once. This will be important later

Not too long ago. My cousin and Jeff found an apartment that the three of them could move into on the other side of town I'm not quite sure how but they moved out while leaving my aunt's attic Absolute wreck with Shannon promising that she would come clean it up later Of course, she would put it off and put it off But then my aunt started noticing that she had a nap problem all of a sudden Uh-oh It was summer and getting worse and worse so my aunt finally got Shannon to come over and clean by herself while she was at work Shannon I imagine was going through old toys and clothes in the walk-in closet and came across a big 30 gallon trash can

That was obvious source of the nets Uh-oh She pulled it out and realized it was going to be a pain in the ass to carry down down the stairs because it was so heavy She called Jeff like hey come on. This is that job for a man such as yourself And of course, he's an amputee so he would not be able to help on the stairs and he refused to come over She's set to work on getting it down the stairs And she claims that she didn't know what was in it

I didn't even realize that it was full of liquid Until she tripped on a middle step on the steep attic stairs and spilled a half full 30 gallon trash can filled with literal months of Old piss and shit down into my aunt's living room and kitchen Shannon got most of it cleaned up before my aunt came home from work But it was all up in her hardwood floors and even got under her stove Which is maybe 12 feet away from the attic stairs Apparently what had happened was Jeff's bed pan was full and Shannon wasn't around to dump it He would pour it into this big plastic trash can

They have a really terrible and emotionally abusive relationship And all he has to say about it was that Shannon's fault It was dumped and then it was her fault that it was filled up for the first place because she didn't attend to his bed pans Fast enough. All right. Well, there's a lot to unpack there with this couple I feel like the poop is the least of their concerns. Yeah Yeah, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Poor Shannon's son. Um, this is she's this is really the Shannon's son. It's gonna be nine in january. He was so sweet apparently And at first I had a voyeuristic fascination with the story because it seemed like something out of a Carl

Hyesson book that would get cut from the movie for being too gross How on earth did Shannon clean it up by herself? How absolutely unhinged do you have to be to even have 15 gallons of your shit and piss in a trash can What always gets me is that Jeff had multiple multiple ass times to warn her like hey Don't try to move that yourself. There's 15 gallons of shit inside of it And he didn't and it ruined my aunt's a hundred year old All right, well again the thrill of disordered absurdity is worn off because the holidays are approaching and Jeff and Shannon are still together That motherfucker is going to come to my house and pet my dogs and celebrate Christmas with my family

With poop on his hands that he can't wash off Like goddamn lady mcbeth Don't kill your family again. Even if they do leave 15 pounds of human feces in your attic It's not 15 pounds. It's 15 gallons 15 gallons 15 gallons how much let me put this how much does Let's see how much does 15 gallons weigh Look it up. Let's see here. I'm gonna say I'm gonna go with uh, 23 pounds 125 pounds

125 Pounds of shit And piss well just you know family. Wow, you don't pick your family, you know, you don't choose your family you choose your friends Choose your friends. You can choose a family outside of your family outside of your family. That's called your friends That's what you do. That's what we have friends giving. Yep. Absolutely friends giving is the way to do it All right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening to this week's side stories We are excited to see you all in toronto in detroit and in columbus, ohio this weekend This is our final weekend on the road before we film our special

December 13th in new Orleans. So we are very excited to conclude our whirlwind tour Say close say correctly New Orleans New Orleans I cannot wait for new Orleans. I am like so excited. I'm going to gamble on a riverboat and I you cannot take me away Cannot Why would I ever try to stop you? Oh can never I can't imagine getting between you and a gambling boat I would never do that. That's your day of reckoning. Yes, indeed

I will say uh guys go to see Whizbrew and page seven live los angeles december 11th Uh in los angeles at the region theater and then they will have several dates and the weekend of january 10th and the 11th Throughout michigan. That's right. We we here at the last podcast network are going to start producing more shows So whizbrew and page seven we're sending them out on the road make them work a little bit And so please go support them live. It's going to be a hell of a show. You know jack is a browsky She is she's gonna bring it. She always does She is worth the price of admission herself

Oh, yeah, Doug. This is gonna be a really really good show natalie's doing it Um, they've watched them work on this and the material already is is hilarious. I really think you're gonna enjoy it So get your asses out to these shows. Absolutely All right fuckers So you gotta live Every day live through december 31st. That's your key. That's your goal. That's your big goal Laugh knowing that after the 31st into 2020 that is when it's your time to roll out your reckoning We are reckoning me

I'm gonna make 20 loaves of bread this year. There you go. You could actually make an innocent reckoning. That's an innocent reckoning And then you want to laugh laugh Laugh like It's hard. You know what it is. You know what it is too about the holidays You want to laugh like you're with an uber driver who's saying uncomfortable things? Yep Yep, and you just keep rolling with it because you just got to get to the denny's

Because you woke up and started drinking and you need to take that uber to the denny's because you're too drunk to drive already And yeah, it's 11 a.m. And yeah, you're seeing papu and you're seeing nano. All right at the fucking whatever your greek Grandparents are called your opa your new new you're seeing them and you're too drunk to drive there so over there And just laugh uncomfortably as the uber says horrible things about society. Absolutely get a little eggs over my hammy I'm all right. Oh, I love that. Honestly denny's is pretty solid. I'm all right everyone. Thank y'all so much for listening. Hail yourselves That's very controversial. Hail satan. Magustalations. Why about denny's? It goes in and out. I'm gonna say it goes in and out. It's not that bad as it is It's just you know eggs over my hand. He's actually your safe choice. Yeah, that's the that's the go-to. That's the whole point

No, I mean there's pancakes and you get the grand slam Yeah All right All right No, I'm hungry for eggs. Yeah, I'm hungry for eggs This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com