Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Haunted Hooters

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the return of Henry's Slime Gang, violent sex robots, a legless Juggalo, and MORE. AND WE'RE IN IRELAND.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side stories Hard work hard work the hard work boys, you know what they say castle they say if you do what you love You're never a you're never at work. Well, actually you're always at work. Hmm. That's what we learned Well, you are your job You can't even when you're in the bathroom you're working because women shower you're working at my own boss, right? So Henry you're fired you fired yourself. You fall you better hire yourself because we have to do a show All my employees are fired Hey, what's up everyone? How are you welcome to side stories? I am Ben

I'm hanging out with Henry and we're in Dublin and we're in Dublin. We are at a kick-ass hotel We should give a plug to this place. It's called the Fitz William. It is really really nice. Yeah, it's very nice They have a bar and because we're in Ireland. It's open 24 hours a day Have you a mistake? But now this has been incredible a Dublin is wonderful. Although I will say this Henry. Hmm these streets. They're not made for me. Nobody. It's for the tiny Irish I am like so big. I mean everyone's way. I cannot the sidewalks are so tiny You are noticeable and I think it does get to a point where I think I'm legitimately like it's like we've become paired together

Where people can cut they know you're you're here for something. Yes, and they know that the tiny fat With the gay shirts on is also here for something, right? They don't know what we're doing because Marcus and I went to this little poop and they the gravediggers Oh, that was great pub up by it's by I by the oldest cemetery in Dublin where they have all their Irish heroes are buried Sadly very sad. I'm glad they buried him though. It's nice, but we went over there and it was like record scratch It was like we walked in I mean I had a silly hat on and I I was wearing my like a palm frond shirt on and it was a different I I was striking a tone

Yeah, you were definitely striking. You're like I'm a performer from Los Angeles, and I'm here to make you smile And then everyone's like we haven't smiled in 13 years. Why would we smile now good boys? Don't you want a song don't you want to dance, but honestly there they or then they they warm up once you start drinking Oh man, honestly, everyone's been super nice. It's incredibly chill, but we've been we've had some times You know Marcus and I had a tourist day yesterday. Yep, you guys did your touristy stuff. I walked all around the city I saw real Ireland and I gotta say I like their There are people who are a little bit on skid row. They got a skid row around here. They really do it's kind of cute It's a colorful group of there are wild ghosts running above

My room, and I'm not even I'm not even fucking this is not even a joke because there is no floor above us No, there really isn't so I don't know what the fuck that sound is if you do hear that happening all night It's been happening all night, and I mean it. I don't know if you can hear it on the Hear that recording on you. I am I am not fucking around It is legitimately sounds like someone's running back and forth above me. Yeah, but I believe above me's the roof I think that's true. Yes. Oh my god But yesterday, so I've never had I mean I know it's not a full English right because it's here I've now been told that time and time again since I posted a picture goes. Yeah, we had it full

I did we I thought it was called a full English here It's called a full Irish because we're in Ireland makes a lot of sense You get upset people get upset you forget that sound like a really bizarre porn hub search the full Irish I don't really want to know what happens. I'm assuming Beards involved Well, my joke is that it's just throwing up out of your asshole. Oh really? Yeah That's a full Irish because that's what happens when you eat that breakfast because this breakfast because I know you and Marcus You like to wake up at the crack of dawn. I don't and I just was I'm just jet lagged right so I woke up Marcus always gets up super early right and he loves a full

Breakfast he loves it and so normally I'm a light breakfast guy Yeah, because it's breakfast and then you have to get up you have to go live your entire day You have to move you get new stuff. I saw a picture of the breakfast that you guys ate It was a soup full of what looked to be tiny penises that I know were sausages No, that's a different thing you were saw something. I think it was just called it was something like moist bangers It was like slippery bangers I think it was one of the the dishes because they don't really they're not trying to sell you on it No, this stuff centuries old, so it's just like this is just what we've always eaten

We've always eaten big wet fucking frothy thick old baby sausages is what we do Um, but it is very to it is incredibly tasty. But yes, so that what a full Irish Breakfast consists of please is two eggs sunny side up. Okay. This one had a form of I believe It is it is not a week that we called it a hash brown and they got upset. Why what is it supposed to be? It's called like a pinkel. It's called It's a ting it's not a boxy because a boxy. I believe is a pancake, right? Okay, that was not serving. I thought that's what you guys were going to get because Marcus was like, oh, they got boxies No, I don't know what a box. He is that's he didn't he want that he don't want you want me

I'm with him, but then it's got that right then it's got two breakfast sausages Oh, I don't good then there's a disc of blood sausage. It was very good Because it's fucking sweet. I don't know. I don't get the whole blood sausage. You should try it I like my sausages to be drained of blood I don't know why I'm not a vampire before noon. One time you should come you should come and take because you know Have you had any the real german shit the real? Oh, yeah, of course back when we are who buddy Berlin is not going to be traditional. No, but we'll find a hipster traditional thing again

Please and all of people who've sent us recommendations. That's how I found out about grave diggers Like you guys really hooked it up for Dublin always send us especially in like Berlin and fucking Stockholm I have no clue what the hell we're doing and it's so much fun to hear what you guys think what we will like Absolutely I think it's it's really across the board because most of the time y'all is spot on But sometimes you guys will say stuff and just being like we're not complete psychopaths So we're all like kind of have like we all live a normal life It is bizarre when a recommendation becomes an indictment of character and you're like

Why do you think I would like this turkey butthole place that only specializes? But a lot of times turkey is tortured the most when it comes to extreme foods. Are they are correct about me? No, the rest of it. Well, I mean as a matter of fact, you went to grave diggers as you mentioned and who else went to grave diggers R.i.p Anthony Bourdain Anthony Bourdain and you know what I did in his memory is I came back to the house and I did a little Autorotic asphyxiation just to remember him good Um, but I so with the right to keep the countdown of a full irish The reason why it's an irish because also has a white pudding so it has black pudding and has a white pudding

Uh-huh. I don't know what's in that. It was tasty. What is in it? I don't know. You just ate it though Yeah, you didn't you didn't ask. No, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna something kind of weakling. All right You've got baked tomatoes two baked tomatoes Um, and then this had they bacon right and they do bacon traditionally Over here under done. So it's a little blue It's a little loose. It's like if if you're irish. Can you please Can you can you clarify if that really is how they do it how you do it or is that just how this place does it? That's how people do it. That's that is it's it's general, but it's real fatty and it's kind of like if bacon was spaghetti

That's what it is. Oh, you're selling me on this now That sounds good. But yeah, we had all that and then what that really does is uh Because not only I mean obviously I was blistering hungover. Of course. We had a pub Crawlard that night. We did our thing. I mean what I learned I got as soon as we got in I went to a place called Peter's Bub And I got what I like is just your traditional Ham cheese tomato onion on white bread. It's a toasty. It's a toasty otherwise known as a sandwich It's not a special You know, it's only a toasty if it's toasted the way you describe the turkey sandwich

But you're like are something just simply marrying up some real We do this thing are every you wouldn't believe it. It's simple and they did this incredible meal and it was just To get this there's two slices of bread and between There was like a piece of ham and a piece of cheese or like a tomato in there I was like and I it's is this What is this succulent meal? You do not get the simple delights in america They go crazy here white bread. Although I did read an article about a boy And I have no idea if this is real, but it was in their metro

Uh paper a boy went blind because all he did was eat white bread chips and fries and chips and uh One other thing and he said he's been eating that since he was 14 I believe he's down 19 and the doctor said he went blind because of it, but I love it I get the kid. I understand what he's doing I get it. It's very tasty. But there's something about being here. It was like when there's something about So a thousand years of bar culture. Oh totally come to this place and never has a stool slid under my tiny flat white ass

So comfortably. Yeah, never have I seen so many of my pop-up walking around my pop-up is alive here They're still here big black horn room glasses with the white hair red Red face just and it's not sunburn. No, there is no sun. No, it's alcoholism Yes, as a matter of fact, it rains every day apparently it's rained every day since we've been here But only for about 25 minutes. It's a nice pleasant rain. It reminds me of the cc uh our song Have you seen the rain? Of course, that's about vietnam But here we are in our own version of vietnam when it comes to our liver and when it comes to our intestines But nonetheless, it is funny

The irish are very irish and I have to say henry if you did need to go on the lamb If you let's just say I can crash your car you pull a katelin Jenner You hit someone in los angeles full of road range and you're like i gotta get out of dodge You roll here you you flip on that irish accent They wouldn't be able to find you Where is waldo is an easier puzzle to find that man in a group of people who look just like him You would blend in better than hey, I adore my name is Henry osa bro. Well, you're selling a little hard Well, now you're a pirate. See now you're a pirate, but this is your people man. Yeah, buddy

This is where I'm born. It's built for me. I'm tall here Dude, I have hit my head on almost every single doorway since I've since I've gotten no you're an oddity here Yeah, but I did have a woman. I did have a woman as a matter of fact But you with a woman. Oh was you talking about the night we were out? No, I was I just went out last night briefly just For some reason I slept a lot yesterday and I reminded me of that sentence from that movie I thought I had mono for a year, but it just turned out. I was really depressed. I don't remember what movie that was I think it's mollus. I think we talked about my clueless. Um, but I sat down this woman's like Man, you a farmer obviously in her accent. She's like you're a farmer from america and I was like no farmer from america

I was like, no, no, no. I'm just I come I'm coming in from brooklyn. We're doing a show here. She's like, no No, you're a farmer from america very tall. You're very tall and I was like, yeah, yeah, and she's like I'm not hitting on you. She like clarified. She's just like, but man, you must be a farmer from america And I was like, I am not I'm a performer. I'm a basketball player. It's very weird. This is when you this is when you need to flip Actually, I am a I'm a provisional basketball player Yeah, but I do like that She just clarified because usually in america, they'd be like, how tall are you and I just to say it and you're like That's cool. And here she said just to clarify

It's weird. You're weird. Actually, that is her flirting with you. Maybe she was quite She was quite drunk I will say So I think in her mind, maybe she did have a fabio like fetish, but instead of a buff buff Uh, european man. She wanted a chubby farmer boy. Well, it's like when you were sitting We were had that one late night bar. There's a late night bar. We went to called the globe Over here in this like temple bar district and this one woman came up to us And the only words I understood out of her mouth was

I'm from america but then um, she then continued to speak and I think I can only the only way to describe it is drunken ease Like and she spoke at us for like 30 and both of us like we straight up were just saying out loud like I have no clue what you're saying Please leave us alone. I have no I can't understand you and she's like Yeah, that one's it isn't and I was like you're not even irish You have no excuse also heard the single worst song I've ever heard which I think is a great song so far There's something about irish bars, right since we've been here. They either don't play music

I love live when they have live like hated music when they're going there. I saw I've seen at least three jigs Oh, absolutely. I'm not being racist. No, they love the jig out here And you know sometimes though I did see a guy that I thought was doing like a funny little jig But he just had some kind of kids up wrong. It was like it's possible Which is that I feel like that's just when you listen I like the irish music because you sit there. You're at your pub. You're drinking your pint And you and you know what you get with their songs a history lesson Because all of their songs are about Ireland. They're all about some random person who probably has a whole series of

Dark things in their past that they refuse to mention That's a lot of good stuff But they just talk about the good benefits of the person and what they did for Ireland Well, I love the traditional folk music. I think it's funny. It's manizza Because manizza gets me ready. Oh my My two is I got a cow's on my toe. I've been tapping it so much. I saw it. That's kind of crazy. I was kind of scared But uh, you remember that song that that we heard it was literally the worst thing I've ever heard it was a European remix of um, we will rock you

That was playing at the bar that I I yelled at the ceiling and it was freddie mercury singing, but then they had children doing the chorus Going And it was they took the backing track out and put just this drum machine And I was like europeans had just the weirdest idea of what is cool because people will lose their minds They loved it. They loved it. I mean, I think it's one of those under tech Uh, uh undercover detective scams. You gotta pad the crotch. Whoever has a boner You're out of here. I'm just not trying to listen to the kids but I hate I do not like listening to children sing

No, I'm not a child. No, we've talked about it because Jackie also famously we all hate children singing. I just don't get it I just don't get it. Children are not talented enough to sing This is our first week here overseas and we are having a blast We are we are gonna be here for a much longer time and we do have some fun stories We do to talk about we have a slime story, but not from Los Angeles No, now the slime gang has not heard from me from quite a bit. Um, mainly because the people that I was really Two people that were the main parts of my slime gang one I mean, it's my buddy kirk and he already he had another baby

And so he couldn't like be as involved on the slime searches anymore and he moved to a house Yes, so kirk is doing great. He's crushing it. Um, good jerry talented director We did a kirk larson. We did a short film together called dig your own grave Okay, and who's your other member of the slime gang? It was another couple. They got divorced and they left They left the building Yeah, they got divorced. Was that your neighbor? Yes, they got a divorce. No, not the not my cool neighbor Not my not my friend not my actual friend the downstairs neighbors I thought there might be kind of like I don't think they were swingers. They're the ones that talk about the ghosts

Have been all over the apartment building and they've been all stuff But then one time the woman came out and she was crying and I was out walking wendy and she was just like He just doesn't respect me and I was like this is a lot to be like talking to me about because I'm just like You're on slime duty. Yeah, I'm just slime gang leader And representative and that's really the issues I'm here to keep a professional. Yes. Yeah, I'm not You're psychotherapist, right? All right. I'm a gang. I'm a slime gang slime locator and I'm gonna say adjudicator I'm a slime adjudicator and lieutenant. Oh, wow I'm lieutenant of it. I'm admiral of I'm admiral of the text chain mix a lot of streams there

This is a new story that came from china. All right China's lunar rover has encountered strange goo on the dark side of the moon This is from website called zero hedge dot com after several months hanging on the dark side of the moon. China's cheng Oh my god, I don't matter cheng cheng For lunar rover has really stepped in it according to nbc news the missions rover u2 2 Which is what bono's brother is going to be fucking torn as next year. I like it came across a Gel-like substance on its eighth day which caused scientists to put a full stop on its plan schedule and try to figure out

What exactly the goo is this is pretty cool stuff, man? I love this shit You know, I love this is just I mean I literally went As soon as I saw the story I got so hard. I got zipper burn on the tip of my penis Oh my goodness be careful and we have a um We have a clarification on gene rub that I will read later very good But this seems like something straight out of that superhero film venom What if this isn't itself an alien life form this gooey type substance interesting You said superhero film work definitely call it more of an antihero film

Oh, whatever on july 28 the cheng e4 team was preparing to power u2 2 down for its usual midday quote-unquote nap To protect the rover from high temperatures and radiation from the sun high in the sky. I didn't know they needed naps I mean I need a nap all the time Yeah A team remember a team member checking images from the rover's main camera spotted a small crater That seemed to contain material with a color and luster unlike that of the surrounding lunar surface The drive team excited by the discovery called in their lunar scientists together the teams decided to postpone u2 2's plans To continue west and instead order the rover to check out the strange material now to analyze the material

Chinese scientists use the u2 2's visible and near infrared Spectrometer which can study materials based on the way light is scattered or reflected. I'm looking at it right now And it's fun. It's very fun. But they they have no clue what it is They think it could be Quote-unquote melt glass created from meteorites striking the surface of the moon Which just sounds like well who we try to protect who we try to protect or perhaps a volcanic explosion That was 3.6 Billion years ago that was when they found because they found another anomaly on the moon

They found a bunch of orange dirt, right? You know what the hell was and then it turns out it's that so that's pretty cool stuff Man, they got it. I mean do you think that some of these like is there one scientist who licked it? Do you think that someone had to lick it? I think if you get a you get you got a jelly like substance, right? You don't know what it is. This is old school cop work This is back before you had to like before you had a tester to see if it was cocaine cops had to Put another tongue and be like that is very nice cocaine. No, you gotta you gotta give it a little licky You gotta get your buddy who's got a nickname like farts or like nickname like bullseye for some reason You gotta get that you gotta get your cousin Bart

To get over there. I mean like my cousin Bart will eat anything And so he'll probably go in there. Yeah, they sent him in there There's always a chinese version of cousin barton Did you go in there and you could check it out because how many how do they figure out half the weird things that they eat? Yeah, exactly. You obviously are a uh an aspiring ufologist Ufologist and you know, I think just saying the words that your ufologist makes you pass this fire and puts you all the way to professional You're already pro. You're already pro when we talk about alien life forms

We're always looking for like the fun little green man Well, maybe the Martian coming down But do you think that this is most likely what what to expect you we're going to get some gelatinous Genetic creation that it's not gonna be able to say like hey, hello, but it might be the foundations of a life There's many ways life could exist outside of our solar system and in many we just don't know There's like there's many different backbones to life. Not just carbon life. There's also the idea It could be like a fucking algae It could be something that comes from a meteorite that fucking cracked open split out

And it was just a bunch of fucking garbage and not like it was a Cadbury egg Who fucking knows these? I'm very much so of the idea that I believe that if we do come across Certain types of extraterrestrial life. We would not even recognize it even if we Discovered it like we would not be able to know and I think that there is like I actually had a listener letter recently talking about this that I I've tried to bring up a little bit on the rendition of episodes and I really do believe Is a possibility well things like the the tic-tac UFO that was seen over the uss Nimitz like what we cover in the live show

Yeah, I could potentially just be like this concept of these machines these orbs these things that are coming out of our You either out of our dimension or from another planet. They don't necessarily need Pilots they don't necessarily need like they're not they might not be crafts They literally that movie where the kid gets in the craft and the craft of the navigate flight of the navigator But the thing is that the craft itself is a being cool The idea is that these are that's what it is is that it's a form of post biological life I find very interesting. I think there's a podcast series I listened to called the end of the world that does a good breakdown of

Some of these theories. I don't like the I don't like the positioning of the podcast because the end of the world kind of fetishizes Bad news which I'm sick of I'm fucking so sick of people Worshipping the end of the world. I think it's really sad Wait, that's it if it happens then everyone would be like I really enjoy thinking of the end of the world But like if it does end then you don't mean get to think about it anymore And then it all kind of sucks It sort of begins to feel like you're rooting for the end of the world

And I think that that's a fucked up way to live because where there's life there is hope Hey, buddy, I believe you man. We're over here in I in Ireland So we are really getting our fill of European political news speaking of people rooting for the end of the world And it is a hoot. It is you watch parliament watching them email I love it great. They're so reserved in real life. And then they get behind closed doors. They're a bunch of savage beasts But yeah, check out that the idea of look if you really want to look at I really like the concept of the the There is a post biological world that we could end up in and maybe that's one of the reasons why we have not seen

Uh, um et Right. Well, I guess we got to essentially get rid of your bones get your bones out of the body Then we can all look like those little blob fishes Remember those fishes with the nose you've gone mad You've gone. Well, you know what why why have the end of the world when we can have great stories like this one This one comes from billboard.com. It's uh, claudia rosenbaum wrote it a little bit I'll just give a synopsis here But the headline is ohio man sews after legless juggalo crashes into him with a golf cart

At an insane clown posse gathering. What's up juggalos and juggalettes? I know we got you guys out there Thank you family for always supporting us fam. Absolutely question is is that um, you don't have to sign a release At the gathering saying like I I hereby acknowledge that a legless man might hurt me tonight You know, I think honestly if I was the defendant of it's not even the legless man. It's being sued. No, uh, this guy adam baton He is suing ninjas in action That is the michigan group that was holding the 20th annual gathering of the juggalos And he's also suede lorenz county recreational park Where the event was being held, but I think if I'm the defense of ninjas in action

Bro, you were at a juggalo festival like sometimes a man. This is what happened a dude was hammered It's like if I went to a ketchup sprinkler party in a white suit. Yes, you'd be like it got filthy my suit's filthy Yay, my nicest white suit. You're asking for it in a way. I'm gonna I'm not gonna victim blame here To be fair at a at a gathering it won't be ketchup if you're covered in any red substance It didn't be blood. Yeah, it might be a lot of it. So adam baton. He said he was just walking down the street I'm going to assume not sober and all of a sudden. Oh, yeah, because that's how I'm certain. Yeah, the gathering just strolling No, what was he doing and he's the unpatrol. He was just mosey and ah, yeah, he was just mosey and around and all of a sudden Here's a little golf cart. Here's a little hum of a golf cart

He turns around He's a likeless man. I'm assuming in full juggalo makeup. Oh, yeah, buddy driving a golf cart You're like, well, how the heck could he drive a golf cart? Don't have legs. Well, you know what? He had a baseball bat. So he was driving this golf cart with the baseball bat on the pedal Oh, well steering which that's not easy. That's huge. He's amidextrous I'm sure the one edge of the baseball that must have been on his nub. Maybe maybe it was on a nub something like that Could be go. He might be going full pirate with it Um, so he's just like cruising down and all of a sudden he's like the guy turns

He's like that's a juggalo man with no legs and he is not slowing down Juggalo He hit him. The guy's not dead. So it's just kind of funny. How fast is the golf cart going? I mean how fast can they go as fast as he possibly could so hilarious. So this is what he said He said he was he was attending the festival. He was there for a full four days He called the damn apparently the festival was advertised as the craziest show on The craziest show on earth with quote controlled chaos Attendees were promised a gathering. They must have they must have like legally had to put that into the language

Like at some point being like can we at least just say it's controlled chaos exactly and it kind of is So it was at one o'clock in the morning It was a final day of the festival But tan said he was riding his bike between bizarre a world tent and the drainer road pavilion When a golf cart had no headlights. It was being driven by a dude whose name this is not a joke It's alexander less legs perkins alexander

Less legs perkins, which was the nickname that the juggalos obviously gave him because you know what they see something They call it like it is a man. Don't need to have a clever. Uh, you don't The idea of a clever nickname is like we're not you're not an irish folk hero No, you don't have some cool awesome nickname. Sometimes your nickname is just it's it's like right on the nose Absolutely, especially if you don't have a nose and then you can be just be called like no nose So perkins, uh, evidently in the lawsuit baton says that he was like hammered off of drugs or alcohol But according to perkins, he says quote. I was stone cold sober Definitely and perkins on the fourth day of the juggalo gathering. Oh, yeah, definitely

Perkins also told tmz. He was ejected from his cart due to the accident sustaining injuries Him itself So I you know you got to be careful when you go to these juggalo festivals at the same time, man If you see a golf cart coming you're on a bicycle You gotta you gotta speed up or get out of the way because legless is there are less legs He's rolling after you not on purpose just because he doesn't know how to steer the damn thing I'll tell you what if you're playing a game of chicken with somebody who could not probably identify a chicken In a lineup of animals, you're gonna lose that game of chicken

So you just have to jump over and through the golf cart. I did that once I almost got hit by a car Well, I technically did get hit by a car a guy went through like basically Just above coasted Through a stop sign as I was crossing the street And I my instinctually I probably sincerely jumped five times in my life. Like I don't Have when's the last time you jumped jumped jumped like being like, whoa, yeah, like had to jump gosh darn, man I don't even know I jumped. This is one. I don't remember it because I jumped instinctually

Right and moved aside and then just went up on a hood Of the guy's car just wrecked the whole hood. Nice. It was a sweet Yeah, that's what you got to do. Of course you got to but you know Anyway, jump into legless's lap be careful out there We but I will say this I don't like the guys suing the ninjas in action because they're gonna try to shut down the 21st Uh gathering event and let's be honest. Everyone's like, oh my god. What happens there these four days of it? Let them have this they sit in the tents Yes, exactly if you don't let the gathering if you don't let the juggalos have their four days

Then it's going to be 365 days of them being very upset that they don't get their four days And then we got a lot of less legs driving cars with baseball bats making traffic a real nightmare pressure builds Absolutely, let these people celebrate This is their version of an emotional purge. They need to get it out But now does icp perform at all of these sometimes but not all the time not all the time they are because it's a lifestyle So they go it's a lifestyle. It's a ideology They go um, they they drink their their sodas. It's the faggot. They got their sodas Uh, I and they uh, they like uh, they like a flappy man and a woman. They love it all

They like I'm flappy. You know, it reminds me a little bit. It's a little bit like Sturgis Because did their body positive in that they'll have orgies with anyone? Yeah, and they'll just do it right in public Oh, yeah, they don't give a fuck. Yeah Yeah, but you gotta watch it hepatitis from eating s That is I'm gonna put that as a warning out there to our juggalo family. Be very careful Make sure give it a wipe. Do they have a tongue condom? Do those things? Oh, yeah dental dams. Yeah, but maybe lead on a nerd I don't get a nerd with a dental dam. I'm not I'm never I've never used a dental dam. That's what I'm saying It's it's weird, right? How it's that's what's sad is that I do understand that it's not

It's technically smart and you should use them, especially if you're a sex worker, blah, blah, blah I do understand that but how How sad is that it's you're gonna sit with a woman or a lady and then assume you're like wait I have to put this plastic tarp down over your vagina before my lips touch it because I'm worried your Your vagina will kill me. Yeah. Yeah, it's a mood dampener. It seems very it's very btks That's why I just uh, it's important to just you do in a hotel. You can just do it through a washcloth Why wouldn't you you know? Yeah, I mean it wouldn't work at all. It was technically that's a Everyone would be a wonderful way to transfer an std through a washcloth, but yeah, but I'll be burrow a hole for it

Life from your way Life from your way I will quickly talk about how this horrible sad story about the tampa bay rays Pitching prospect a man by the name of blake bivins whose brother-in-law murdered his wife Who was his sister? He was only kid was only 18 years old a matthew bernard. I was 18 years old He killed his sister who was blake bivins wife on their 14-month-old baby Geez and uh her mother and the way he was found because the story was sent to me

many times but the because the The end of it was way crazier than the actual story where they caught him nude in a parking lot matthew bernard They the kid the 18 year old who actually did this crime. They found him Screaming nude in a parking lot right and they keep saying no motive is known. They don't know why he did it It sounds like he was on drugs. It sounds like he had some kind of obviously uh Some kind of drug induced psychosis. There are some people that are a little bit Intrigued because this man literally is running at this cop but naked his ding dong is flapping all around totally crazed And the cop he's got his mace out

But in a situation where the pigment of the skin was different I believe this man would have been shot in the head immediately by cops Oh, yeah, so that's a little bit of one of these interesting undercurrents because lit I have never seen a u.s. Police officer try to avoid deadly force more than in a situation where technically if he was shot I'd be like Yeah, you're you were running naked at this officer Screaming covered in blood covered in blood Yeah, yeah, you're gonna do it an interesting story in that perspective. No, I don't I mean that's just

The fucking the most heartbreaking. It's crazy criminal bullshit in the world and the fact that I mean, I completely agree with that It said if he was anything but a 18 year old white man, and you would not have gotten you would have gotten shot But that video, you know what it reminded me of because cony is remember cony 2012 Remember this when everyone was talking about the child so I didn't know what it was then Yes, well, anyway, but if you want to see a nude freak out You can find the man who originated this cony 2012 campaign and he had a total mental break and he ended up going Naked on the streets. I believe of Seattle and I think he was diagnosed bipolar with another With some other condition so without a doubt this man was not in the right frame of mind

And it is just so so the baseball pitcher now He's just that's got to be so devastating for him. It's he said his heart has turned to ash Oh, it's a brutal brutal story. I don't know. I brought it up I feel like it's one of those stories that you could like it's hard as to the ash. Yeah Oh my god, this is straight. His whole life was destroyed one afternoon. Yeah, it's the worst thing on the face of planet terrible story Interesting. Yeah, it's not great for that story. I know when it comes to the when it comes to the sentencing And when they know anything more about why why he feels that he did what he did and this is another one where we want to reach out and ask

if someone is a More inclined when it comes to the mental illness aspects of criminality This man obviously is insane But if it was drug induced or I guess if he was drug induced Would it make him Be able to stand trial as a sane man? I think so and if it was sober perhaps it could be like well He was did he even know what he was doing from what we've learned from our listeners so far

They basically said they they go through because competency is about The time of the murder, but it's also about court proceedings and if it was drug induced Then yes, maybe at the time he did not know right from wrong, but he is That it's not a permanent Condition I don't know if that holds I think that it comes down to is like once he sobers up and he's realized what he what he's done But I've never seen a drug

No matter what the drug is That makes you just snap and kill your entire family We've taken so many mushrooms and the last thing I want to see is blood Yeah, I want to see like really nice things flamboyant things. Yeah, I want to have a nice time But I've never done crystal meth But what I've heard even friends that I know that have done crystal meth the way they seem to describe it is that Yeah, I mean it's it is what it is exactly as advertised But if you don't have evil lurking down in the depths of the cockles of your heart a lot of times

It would take a while for it to get there you'd have to be pretty Like despondently you'd have to get to a point where you don't have anything left to lose and you are just desperate for drugs But a lot of times I would involve robbery Uh, oh, I think that's off in the case. Well speaking of not much to lose. Let me just do this quick story It's about robots, Henry And do you know I have a war against the robots going on? Well, you know they're trying to make it legal for you to destroy a public robot They do believe that so I forgot who it was there was I someone sent a story

I didn't look deeply into it because you know, I appreciate robots, but they are trying to make it Legal for you to kick a robot. You should be able to yes. I think so. They don't they're not humans yet So this is from the daily star. So you got to believe it So, uh, evidently scientists are concerned that sex robots with coding errors are prone to violence and could strangle humans, Henry So when it all falls apart for all of us and we have to you know, we take our last $10,000 out of the bank And we're like I'm buying myself a mechanical life Uh, be very careful. This is true. Uh, unless it's not, but I believe it is even though the daily star Anyway, doll collector. His name is brick doll banger

Furies violent repercussions if robotics are not regulated properly. Oh, is he the oh, he's the savior of humankind doll banger is Yeah, brick who has closed ties with manufacturers Real botics and abyss told the daily star online. It scares me to death It's a machine and it's always going to be a machine if you've ever watched the movie x magnia Which should be machina x machina machina, whatever the hell it is. It's x something Okay x machina because uh, so anyway, basically this dude is saying that the robots are going to look like that And uh, they will be able to murder that they look like alicia vicklander That's what you want and they're showing us going to be a long

Time before that they look like alicia vicklander from from no, do you see the one here this one? Look at this. Look at this sex robot that he's got You want to fuck that? No, I don't I want to look at that. Does that look like an actual woman to you? No, it looks like it's something that could murder me though Excites you do you look at that thing right now and you say, yeah I hope that lifeless plastic thing that I will fuck as it squeaks under me It's it's dead eyes look up at me and it's open blowjob whole mouth is staring at me like some like it's a dead woman All I know is uh, if not programmed properly, they could kill you when you want to have sex with that

Which is going to happen. I just Dullbanger, it's so strange Because it's like he's projecting his own sexual fantasy because he wants to have sex with alicia vicklander But he wants her to be a supplyant sex slave, right? That's what you want. It's a machine. Yes. I get it. I get it This is what you want, right? But you're so upset already that you think that you can't trust women enough to that even at this A machine that is programmable. You're looking at that literally is your slave You don't even trust it enough that you think you need to have even more

Control Slavery because this is this is what he has to say he says unless you can stop it with some kind of projectile like a gun Yes If this gets out of control it could do some serious damage next thing you know And but you imagine that if you have a child and they are killed by their sex robot You just have to say that the child died of cancer Because you can't because you think be like this is this is tim How did he understand well? He bought a sex robot and the sex robot strangled him to death with her boobs

Wouldn't that be crazy like further like So that's what he wants. I you know, it's very it's very it's going to be the end of the human race, you know What sex robots not everybody? I really think that you are Overplaying just how many people will use the sex bots But I don't know in order for me to use a sex bot number one I would need permission from my wife and that's going to be a not a conversation even want to have Well, that's actually an interesting point side stories lpotl at gmail.com is having sex with a sex robot But cheating that's up for big debate. That is a big

That's a big debate especially at the center of people that believe in monogamy People will do that. It's a big that it's a massive you think that natalie because you're the one in a relationship here You got their wife. Do you think that natalie would divorce you if she walks in she sees your little polish? Uh, but going up and down and she's like you're cheating on me. Henry and then you're like It's just no look at the slave and then just punch and just punch in the it's a robot I'm just starting to call it's breasts. No, I think that she would actually um, I think she'd be uh, I think the word is The conversation would be

Henry i'm not mad But i'm disappointed and I think that the disappointment would be and it's worse Than anger because anger can come and go and you can do a thing I think she would be so I think i'm going to use the term disgust and and saddened by my actions mildly appalled perhaps Yes, and that she will be um and look at me and be like this is the man I chose this is the man did that he felt that he couldn't have a conversation with me for us to make love Enough or like we had or we had to do it first because you got a lot of gals on these vulva machines They're humping and riding all this dirty. That's where it'd be. That's where the double standard is because it'd be like

There's a double standard in there, right? Yeah, because I'll just stay into the side You're gonna be you're gonna be a robot cuck I mean that's a robot cuck if that's a robot cuck. Is it a robot cuck to have like a dildo or like a fuck machine in the room? No, it has to be full bodied. But that's what i'm saying. It has to be full bodied It doesn't matter because no or how it'll never be as funny as me whatever that machine that's fucking not yet Not until you're fully uploaded and then they got the ai machine in there But that will be give it the biggest freaking pecker or the smallest whatever they want But that's how you keep your wife happy from then on perfectly because then what all happens

It's like i'll put my helmet on and like uh and like pass out like sees out But my consciousness will go into the fuck machine. Okay. All right. Well, that's that's this week side stories Toss up question to the crowd and we'll read some emails on that next week. Um, all right. Well, let's do this week's hero of the week Oh Okay, this week's hero of the week We're actually going to plug another podcast and we haven't heard this podcast before But it is called the nightmare podcast and the host is a dude named Jordan Bonaparte And he accidentally stumbled upon a real life mystery the best part about this story

Is that it's kind of what we we talked a little bit before it's like because we don't like We don't necessarily plug other people's material on our show because we are uh selfish But I think that with something like this said it's a podcasters dream This is to stumble upon an original story that you break, but then you get pulled right in He's getting sucked into it. So he broke the story of something called the halifax This is a Nova Scotia the halifax glove guy And this has led to an intellectual property dispute because the halifax glove guy was really upset that he broke this story All of it so it turns out that the halifax glove guy glove glove guy bought the nightmare podcast.com and all those kinds of things

All right, so the way the story goes but let's get into the story. He started covering This halifax glove guy on his podcast. So I believe it's called the night time podcast And so they he was covering the story which was this kind of funny But a nerving series of tales weird of men that were drunk at night getting picked up by this guy That would be driving around offering people for your rides Yes, and then he would give them a series of gloves to try on inside of the car That were increasingly smaller and difficult to put on their hands right and that he told them He was a part of a glove business and this was him testing out his

So the glove guy so the glove guy's name is Murray James And he reached out to Bonaparte and was like I can't believe you would have a two-part series Trying to accuse me of doing something that was malicious or nefarious I run a glove business and I'm just trying to sell my gloves Well, it's because he gave a business card to each one of his quote-unquote at first the start of his quote-unquote He'd he'd say potential clients. Yeah, you say kind of like victims according James. He has said That his stories the stories of his glove business acumen have been totally overblown for years

Even damaged me reputation and put me in danger. All right, and you my gloves He wrote are tight due to the make and style and people misconstruing my intentions due to the fact that I am so Passionate when it comes to my glove. So this guy so James he goes on the defensive But it turns out as soon as I'm currently living at home as a full-time caregiver for my mom that is 87 would fail in health And now I have to continue to see outlets and people to continue on to say things about me is very stressful It's very stressful for him But it turns out this podcast those stumbled upon something much more

Much more nefarious people started coming forward and we're like no, bro I met glove guy and that was weird according to this one dude. Sean DeWolf He says he was picked up and again He used to pick folks up around one or two o'clock in the morning. DeWolf says as the ride continued He became continued. He was more and more uncomfortable. Yeah, try on this one isn't this one nice Yeah, he tried on three different gloves each one were exceedingly tight Apparently when they arrived at DeWolf's house, he said James had him try on a final pair of gloves It gloves it was at this point DeWolf looked over and saw James was masturbating in the seat

So it was sexual was it? Oh, so it was sexual assault I guess it was but then it turns out to a conversation of like Men being very reticent to come forward and say that these things were happening to them They were saying like because it started off as a funny story the way that guy this victim basically said he's like I was laughing about it. I told the store and I laughed about it But then I realized slowly but surely like oh, I was sexually assaulted Yes, I just didn't understand the interviewed the interviewer sociologist and social worker Robert Wright

Talking about the percentage of men who come forward. There's a percentage of men when it comes to sexual assault It's probably five or ten or maybe 15 percent So about five percent of the six percent of the assaults You're talking about a very very small number of assaults in men that are ever reported to authorities So and tell this guy Jordan Bonaparte started talking about the glove man and then threw himself into the story We did not know this tale of the glove guy But the glove guy went ahead and registered the name of his podcast with like whatever is there the business bureau of Nova Scotia so now he legally owns the podcast and then he made a website and a facebook page

Both just slightly off from the websites that he himself created and now Murray James has decided that he is going to create a podcast covering the same types of material that this dude did which is fucking I'm just amazing the level of George Costanza like mix with horny horny cab driver that the story's about but so we want to say it's like So go and give this guy listen. I haven't listened to the show yet So I have no clue like I can't speak fully to the quality of it yet But you should go listen to the nighttime podcast and make sure he gets those numbers

And not the fake nighttime podcast. Yes, Jordan Bonaparte. You are this week's hero of the week And we will continue to follow to see if you win your legal battle. All right. Let's do some listener email Okay, let me see what me go to you. Oh dairy Oh castle. Oh, I like to lead. I like to read the letters from our feet. I know it buddy. Oh Just a natural Irish B Oh, just the nice your boy fitting right in no one Nobody gets me Okay, so this is kind of an answer to a question we had about a bouncer killing a guy on the job, right?

Hey guys, I was watching a recent last dream and you all were debating whether a bouncer punching and killing someone was considered manslaughter I am a criminal defense attorney in st. Petersburg, Florida St. Pete and worked on a case in which our client and worked on a case in which our client was a bouncer at a clearwater beach bar And had to subdue a large rowdy drunken man by placing him in a chokehold and taking him to the ground Unfortunately, the rowdy man died in the process We took the case to trial and he was acquitted after we were able to prove He was acting within the course and scope of his duty as a bouncer Namely by protecting himself and others in the bar from this angry man's drunken tirade

So the short it's somewhat complicated answer is that a bouncer could be charged with manslaughter for killing someone during a physical Altercation in the course of his job, but he might not be convicted. All right. There you go. Very interesting We also had a conversation on last week's episode and I believe the week before that as well about male castration fetishes this letter comes in and This is a friend of someone who is a dominatrix So I'll just read the middle part of this letter it starts with of course begins with hey guys love the show Thank you all so much for all of that So she goes on to say I have a friend who is a dominatrix and she sometimes has guys with fetishes like this

In order to let them have the experience without actually harming them and of course we're talking about cutting off their penis Well, I also found out self castration. I got a lot of correction emails. Okay. The goal is to cut off the balls Okay, very good So she says in order to give these dudes the experience they want without harming them She buys dildos matching their skin tone and attaches them to the guy's groins and then cuts it off with a butcher knife or scissors I guess it's a pretty I guess it's pretty effective and she has a lot of repeat customers hail yourselves Well, thank you so much for that. So this dominatrix found a way to satisfy the fetish. This is why sex workers are such key to society I think they are necessary to a functioning society. Absolutely

So she's doing the dildo thing and then they chop it off and then you know what they get this They can they can still be standing up. You could still just have a normal life. There you go You can just I mean I get it you can have this fetish But I guarantee a guarantee you go miss them balls You're gonna miss them when you're old and you no longer have any sexual desires. You'd be like Could use those. Yes, dude, you know, it's kind of fun. I don't know women do the same with their breasts That's kind of fun to just play with the balls when you're just sitting alone in a room. Okay. All right, sure I mean, absolutely. I see you have an open bottle of lotion right here in your room. I should have put it away

Yeah, yeah Yeah, you know what he's into crime. We had a conversation about this I really am sad that I didn't put it away before you came in here, but I will say that they um Shame us and these hotels when they purposely give you highly fragrant Yeah, we we discussed this the other night. There's no need for it because I don't want to sound an alarm here No, I'm just saying if you are a hotel or in the hotel business No one's covering themselves in the body lotion. Nobody's not a body lotion. It is a singular part of your body lotion Just get an unscented cram. Otherwise it can really hurt unscented cram because sometimes if it has a cooling agent in it

And it gets in your hole I don't need to have my penis feel like a dill cucumber. I don't want to do this I don't need to send it up, right? No, penis is already a soft I don't want it needed to need because of the moisturizer. I don't need it But I will say at the very least this hotel has body lotion Some of them as we've noticed are getting rid of it and I feel like it's a pointed attack I think you know what also I didn't have I remember this from that st. Paul place that we talked shit about last week Oh, that the what was a hi at place never go to the place in st. Paul. Fuck that fucking stupid hotel

Also post office noticeably Did not have moisturizer in there. No, I know no, they're brutal They were there was horrible people over there and it should shut down. All right. Here is a story from a Hey, y'all I'm a current server at the popular restaurant chain Hooters Oh, one of the former managers told me about the podcast. So I started listening on my 45 mile commute shit 45 miles That's only about 50 minutes there. You know, they they get to actually unleash in these towns It's not 45 minutes of new 45 miles in new york or LA where you have to go one mile an hour

Yeah, 45 miles in new york or LA is Is albany? Yeah We had a regular that would come in every week five to six times a week sometimes twice a day Same booth every time if his booth wasn't available. He would sit at the one behind it and move his and move Once his was open again Jeez He'd always leave a pile of jolly ranchers or starbursts on his booth when he left weird A few months ago. We had a blood clot in his lung and he passed away during his meal one night

No What he died at Hooters For a few weeks after we'd put a cup of coke or sweet tea for a few hours for his remembrance That's very sweet, which is honestly very very sweet for those of you in the u.k Hooters is a restaurant where the the waitresses are super attractive. They're they're attractive and they wear really tight shirts Yeah Last week I was working the front section and stacked empty plates in the front server station to take to the back when my Section cleared out after the rush died down a little bit

After about 45 minutes or so most of the guests had left and I finished cleaning off the last of my tables I walked back to the front to get the plates Notice they were gone We'd only two servers on the floor and the bartender during the lunch the lunch shift I asked the other girls working if they'd taken the plates back They all said no I asked the manager if he'd taken them back. He also said no I asked the bartender and the regulars if they'd seen anybody walk back there and everyone said no I went back to his booth and I stood at the corner and it was colder on the rest of the restaurant

There's not an air vent in that area of the booths Haunted Hooters Haunted Hooters. Oh my sounds like a sounds like a trauma movie. Yeah, I want to see that film I want to see that film. It's honestly, okay quickly. I want to address this I brought this up much to your your confusion for some reason you acting like you didn't know this But I think it's just because of your shame this comes from k Henry seemed confused when Marcus and Ben didn't know about gene rub the pain the painful rash Did you get in your nether region when you're fat and it's hot outside? I was confused too given that this is a well-known and frequently discussed phenomenon amongst women whose size touch

I've heard it called chub rub. No, I know that so maybe it's a nomenclature thing It might know I understand you are talking in specific about your genitalia. No, I wasn't I specifically wasn't But due to my character, I could see how that you would all right, but I was Okay, I understand that my she has a good. She has good. I she's good advice For the big dudes out there who don't know you can treat chub rub by wearing bike shorts over your underwear Or by rubbering deodorant on the affected area before you get dressed in the morning all over the inside of your dicken balls No, that's not good. This is this is technically advice. You just buy the powder. Just buy powder That was also a good advice. That's also good advice rubbing deodorant ever

My grandmother used to do it because she thought she kept it kept bugs away She did you I swear to god my grandmother would rub her entire body in deodorant Anyway, she's dead and I love her She didn't do it to you. No, she didn't care about me getting bit by bugs. You'll have to reapply throughout the day There are products like body glide and anti-chafing bands on the market too if you're better living through that consumerism type Whoa, wow, we just went into the consumerism Okay, all right, um, but thank you so much k. That was really honestly. It's very useful very useful Um, all right everyone will thank you so much for listening to our first podcast

Recorded in beautiful Europe. We will be here for the foreseeable future. I guess the next two six months two to three months Yeah, um, so you remember you live every day like you're you're jigging your way down a cobblestone street And you got dirty feet, but you got a gut full of booze and you couldn't give the shit in a clean heart You laugh laugh like you just saw the you just saw the Guinness settle Oh, how it settles there and you see the foam raised at the top and you know what they say every pub's got a different pour Every pub's got a different pour, but I'm gonna tell you what being from America every Guinness tastes the same It tastes like we did run into somebody was like we go to every pub and we try we we rate them Nicky our friend Nicky who we met he works at fish shop here in Dublin shout out to Nick

But they all do taste similar they all taste the same because I now have had nine guinnesses and they taste the same um and then Love live. Well, yeah, I said live I said laugh and love yeah, and I got a love We forgot triple l love With a heart as big as the Irish. Yeah love every day love every day like Oh man, you could punch your father and you could kiss your mother there it is love every day Like you're you're a member of the uprising. That's very controversial. What I do very controversial very controversial

But yeah, man triple l baby triple l. All right, everyone. Thank you all so much for listening and never forget Hail yourselves. Hail satan. My goose the Loshans Help me fucking bitch. Let's go get some what what should we get? Fish and chips. I I mean I want it. I want it, but my body is really upset with me right now Yes, that was mine This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com