Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: He Said, Pee Said

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and wettest news - the boys mourn the loss of Lady G, demand proof of life from Mitch McConnell, and cover a flight instructor’s final lesson, a flaming self-penectomy, a Mountain Dew rescue from the depths of a porta-potty, and a very wet night at a Morgan Wallen concert. Plus, Mormon skid marks and listener stories! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Oh, la, la.

Hey there, come on. Get your pudding and your pudding pants. You know, Eddie, I can't believe we skipped one week. Because we didn't skip it. We had a pre-recorded episode because you were doing dates and we were in the middle of traveling. Yeah. And we just happened to miss one of the funniest weeks in the entire year. That's how it goes.

That's how it always is, man. Because it's just crazy to just think, like, I can't believe, like, after all this time, we lost Sam Neal. Oh, yes. Oh, we lost Sam Neal. That was really sad, you know. That one girl died to AIDS. Yes, yes, the one, then we had the other. Was she from, what was it from Moana?

No, no. Atlanta died of AIDS? Moana didn't die of AIDS. No, Moana didn't die. It was a different Disney chick. Oh, it was the girl from Lilo and Stitch died of AIDS.

Wow. Lilo died of AIDS. Oh, no, Davinaw Chase. That's what I met. Yeah, the girl from Johnny Darko. Oh, the little girl from Donnie Darko. Well, we should have been able to guess that one. Yeah, that was a sad movie.

But what does Stitch die soon? She also, Lilo and Stitch died of AIDS. Yeah, Lilo and Stitch died. Well, they both died. Wow. No, it's the same girl. Same chick. Yeah, Moana did it.

And then the little girl from Godzilla versus King Kong died. A lot of little girls died. A lot of little girls died. And sadly, we lost one of the most important little girls. A lady. A true lady. A lady, lady, G. Hey, hey, Mitch.

Hey, it's going to see you, Mitch. I thank you for joining me. I don't know. I'm actually kind of surprised. how hot heaven can be. I am turning into crank. Oh, you know, I just crazy. Do you think they put us in the Mexico of hell?

You would think that after I died, I'd be able to talk correctly, but I cannot. Oh, I just got to say, I sure hope it's Mexico, because I've certain had a lot of Serrano peppers down in my taco home. Oh, I got a bit of fire down under. I didn't know Chlamydia followed you past a grave. I'm dying again. Oh, Mitch, I'll hold your hand, Miss. Let me hold your hand.

Oh, no. Oh, I was just pissed out there for a second. I was just giving you kisses while you were paused. Oh, thank you. I'll piss you by your paw. I'll pause again, man. Oh, God, sorry. I got to let you go.

They need you to vote on, they need you to vote on Israel, taking over America. I can send you back to hell. I'll send you back to him. I've voted. I've voted for that. I know. I've got to send you back to Earth. Listen, though. But the next time you die, the next time you die, you come right back to old lady G. Okay, they're going to have to change the name of my state to confucky. Let me first see. I just want to do something real quick. Play with your lips.

I've always wanted to do that. I'm a man. I've always wanted to do that. I'm a man. Stop that. I just want to say, I never got to have fun. I'm defensive. Leave me alone. It's too bad because we got to have so many rules. Somebody brought me up and take a picture. That's a eulogy right now? Yes, it is. And I got to say, Lady G, we're going to miss you.

And all the joy you brought us here at last podcast network. Welcome to Side Stories. I'm Henry Spraowski. I'm sitting here with Mitch McConnell. And I'm going to say, that proof of life photo they took of Mitch. I loved it. You could barely see the rod in his shirt. You know what's really nice?

is he, let's just be frank, before that picture. He was Mitch. He was looking, he was looking rough. He looked rough for the last 20 years. But I'm saying on the last year or so, he's really looking rough. He's falling down. How does a man without feet fall down? Because it's

easy, because he's just two sticks. He's just walking around like one of those figures from Blair Witch. But I do think it's interesting is that when they put out the new photo, because I do remember right of a Sarlok's grandfather. Yes, right before he died, he was looking really, really bad. And then it seems that death has rejuvenated him because in the proof of life photo that was put

out with his Asian wife, who's definitely not there for, for prop reasons. Oh my God, she fucking split. She's like, I don't see the reason to come back. That was the funniest response I've ever heard from a wife when their husband had a heart attack and ended up in the hospital. I think it's really interesting that he looks really good. So for those of you didn't know, Mitch McConnell died about a month ago. Yes.

He, that's like, that's not the official news. The official news is that he had a, according to his office. So he's been in the, he's been mysteriously in the hospital for a month. Yeah. We've been talking about this. Mitch McConnell made a, uh, his office made a statement saying that he had a fall and that he is right back on his way to work. He looks, this whole body looks like a blister. He's a sacule of like right now, he's a sacule of nutritionist liquid.

He is not a human. I would like, during this time, I want, during the autopsy, whenever that is, I check him for bones. Because I don't think he has him. No, I think he's made out of tofu. See, he's been MII since June 14th. And so what they said is that he had a cardiac arrest and he was rushed to the hospital. He came out and said, that was not real. I fell down and I'm on my way to work.

But. Because EMTs are so bad at their job that they're like, oh, a slip and fall is easily a heart attack. They don't know what's going on. But also, we know for a fact that he was administered CPR, which is something that normally doesn't happen on a trip and fall, unless, of course, you're completely unconscious. But they gave him CPR, which then would also probably preclude, which is what I've gotten from every single message,

every single person I've ever spoken to about getting and receiving CPR, is that quite often when you're getting the chest compressions, it will break your sternum. Of course, when you're especially, they usually do. I talk to my cardiologist, brother-in-law about that. And he was like, I was like, do you ever break the sternum when you're doing CPR? He's like, only if I want them to live.

Yep. And so you cut to this picture of him. So if you see this picture, Rimm, when he's on pause, right, back in the day when he was still just great at working, he obviously is, he's about to die. He is a living cancer tumor, just standing paralyzed in front of a television screen on camera. At this point, they should be putting a butterfly fucking net over his head, and they should be launching him into the shredder, but he continues to live.

So he is right now, this whole thing happened. You see this picture put out saying, oh, he's absolutely fine, and he's going to go back to work, and he's dressed in street clothes, jeans on a hospital bed. We see that his wife, who then jet, as soon as that picture was gone, even though we've not seen a video from him. Nothing. Nothing.

We don't even, I haven't seen any proof that she even came home. This is, I am going to just go out and hear because this is a satire program, here, but I am also going to say because of my year's reading, it is not AI photo. We know it's not an AI photo. What we think it is, though, it was more than likely, an old photo that was taken

last time he was in the hospital? Yes, when he fell, when he actually fell last year. She goes, we're getting into a couple of these. All right, now change your shirt and... You don't, I am not even fucking joking, because they knew that this was going to be a thing.

Oh, they have the newspaper there. Like a hostage photo. If you see Mitch McConnell, but also Mitch McConnell holding that paper is part of what makes it really interesting in this photo. Because if you zoom in on it, I have not been able to get a proper read on this photo or a high resin of photo in which I can actually read the words on the article. Well, do we know if that picture was in the fucking paper? People have already linked like the picture and the newspaper to the date it was released. But if you zoom in on it, the words turn into nonsense syllables. Literally, like, I cannot find a high-res enough picture in which I can zoom in and actually read the words on it.

Yeah. That's one thing. So that's where I think the conspiracy theory really falls in. We know that there is a Democratic governor of Kentucky. Yeah. Which is why they are sitting on this, because they don't want him to appoint a Democrat as his fill in during this time period. Even though as soon as Lindsey Graham, Lindsay's corpse was still hot. filled with jism.

And he would fill that crazy Ukrainian jism. And he literally, they put his fucking R-worded sister in there as soon as physically possible. They really did. She has no business doing anything. We don't know. I've never heard of this bitch. All of a sudden she's in charge. Yeah.

She's just some dumpy-ass fucking bitch from South Carolina who's just about to ruin more people's lives. Lindsay Graham. She has the same taste of men. Very much so. I mean, that's the same secrets. Darlene is her name. Oh, yeah, I love that. I don't want to learn her fucking name.

Fucker, fuck her ass. But Lindsey Graham is the, he was the biggest worm. And one of the biggest worms in history, in political history, he had no center. He had no soul. He had no magnation. And then when I see all of these Democrats coming out to just talk about how funny he was. They're just trying to be classy. And it's like, I'm sick of it.

Fuck them. I'm sick of it, man. Say nothing. You know, honestly, just say nothing. I have no respect for him. I have no respect for him. I have no respect for Mitch McConnell. I can't wait to be there screaming Baba Booie at Mitch McConnell's funeral as well.

And I'm going to go there. I can't wait. These two sacuels are the right now, the only person we can depend on politically in the United States of America is the Grim Reaper. That is the only one doing moving the needle, doing the job that we need. We need Grim Reaper. I'm going to give to his super back. Dude, I was partying in Seaside Heights with Julie for the night, taking a nice easy day. And then she woke me up.

We were hung over, of course, because, you know, we were in Seaside Heights. And I was sleeping in bed, and she, like, woke me up. I didn't even open my eyes. She's like, Ed, Lindsay Graham died. And without opening my eyes, I was like, good. Went back to sleep. I was like, what? No way.

Oh, Tootle do. No way. Not the lady himself. Because he went to, he was checking out a drone factory in Ukraine. So what did we say about? Do you think that's fishy? No. You don't think that Russia killed him, even though he was talking shit about Russia a day before?

Why in the living fuck would Russia need to kill a 71-year-old closeted drug addict? Like, legitimately. Like, he is a, like, full-on living a high-pressure life, doing party drugs, all of the people that so many gay sex workers came out. Yeah. To talk about their time with him during, right after his death. And no one wants to talk about the fact that. like he was the single most compromised man in the United States government

besides the president himself. You know that Poppers is also Mitch McConnell's nickname. No, well, he was ladybugs. Yeah, oh, ladybugs. Oh, no, no, Lady G is... No. ...ladybugs, Ed. Do you not know?

I know Lady, Lady Bugs for what? For Mitch or for Lindsay? Lindsay Graham... But I know Lady G. No, yes. So Lady G was one of the common nicknames of Lindsay Graham. Yeah. The other things that he, amongst his constituents

that he paid for, including the many sex workers who have seemed to have been completely supported by Lindsey Graham, like a dozen of them. Oh, I gave to their go-fund me. I'm really worried about that. Me too, because what are they going to do? Because they're just going to spell all of the tea, right? And so the reason why his new nickname Ladybugs came out is because of a supposedly debunked confession from a sex worker that I do not, I don't think, I think it's real, where he

was getting bottomed and when he was nude and he spread himself over the bed and spread his butt hole he had these moles on his tank that he called

his little ladybugs. Oh, cancer. Moles, Eddie. It was a while ago at this point. It was a while ago and so they had blow on it for good luck? No, I think that they I think they did the thing.

You remember when you were like fat and music class in school and you got the It was just the wood thing The honeycomb thing Oh the only thing you can play Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

That was his tape Oh but the ding thing Don't think I meant yeah He's more like the ladybug From Bug's life Hey how you doing Come on it

No it's probably like Hi Yeah Come on me if you want Yeah that's fine No one else cares If they come on me or not Go ahead

Come on me And then all you got that borsed flavor, Ukrainian gay sex worker com has to truly be so unique. Maybe just that's what killed him. Well, maybe he actually was cleaning himself with his Disney World bubble wand. Oh, he was so sad. He was so sad alone in Disney World. Because, you know, I've seen so many homosexual men alone in Disney World. You'd think they'd all band together with him.

Yeah, no. I mean, as someone who's been to Disney World alone, it's great but if Lindsey Graham was with you he would ruin it I think that's why he was alone at Disney World the problem though is that it doesn't

sound like it Eddie it sounds like actually one on one when he wasn't being a total succulent fucking horror to everything that's evil he was actually kind of funny

who cares but I'm saying at Disney you guys would have just been like you've been like oh my God I got the Latin line for blah blah blah like you would actually honestly I bet you him

you and Lindsay technically at Disney would have a great time because you know he knows how to use all the apps. Oh, you know, yeah. Well, he's got the plaid, I'm sure. He's got all the stuff, but you know he's doing the same shit that you do where you guys go, because like Natalie's like that, you guys do, you guys are sick. All the Disney people are sick.

You got it. It takes like six months of planning to have one day at that stupid ass park. That's fine. You just put the information and you clock it and you hit it. There's nothing casual about drawing yourself six months ahead of time. You can't book anything. If you don't book six months ahead of time, you're not doing anything. He's got to know the right people.

You know how to do it. Like Mickey Mouse? Yeah, Mickey Mouse. He's got all the connections. Was that his corpse? He's in Space Mountain. Oh, yeah. That's where they're going to launch his body.

Honestly, I feel that his... That would be very bad debris. I think he's bad for space. I don't think he should be up there. I think he's going to get one of our guys from Russia's sick. Oh, man. Well, you know, I'm glad he's dead. Finally.

It is really, really nice news that he's dead. and when Mitch McConnell's dead, finally, he is dead. He's brain dead. He's, yeah, there's nothing going on there. For those of you... He's been brain dead. We watched him shut down. And by the way, you know Bill Cosby's... You know what's gonna be like, he was funny.

But he was funny. Bill Cosby actually was funny. Bill Cosby's an actual comedian. We are taking away from the actual funny pedophiles when we call Lindsey Graham funny. Don't take that from Bill Cosby. That's his life. He's supposed to be That's his main thing.

When he's not raping, he's hilarious. All right. Same thing. Lindsay Graham, he should have been busy working instead of fucking doing material and fucking gay sex workers all the time. But Democrat wanted to be fucking cool. Then he'd be like, Lindsay Graham passed away today. He's responsible for the deaths of thousands, maybe millions. Yes, this is the guy that would sell.

He'd sell your grandmother to Israel for fucking a penny. He would fucking, he can't wait to. He would make sure he killed every gay person that existed besides himself and his pack. of whores. It's the only thing he cared about. Lindsay Graham, fucking rest and shit. That's right, but also Mitch McConnell said the same Mitch McConnell, he has now been

Oh yeah, he said, So the I still, those last words. We also, in the United States of America, and according to like international standards, you know that a proof of life picture does not count? What do you mean?

Because certain communist states, like people like Russia and these. So they famously would use proof of life pictures and these things and they would manipulate them. They've been from since Stalin's time, right? And so the idea of a proof of life picture doesn't count internationally.

That's why everyone's saying, we want a video. And how hard is it to look into a camera and say, hi, my name is Mitch McConnell. This is July 21st. I'm alive. Like that is all you got to do or a video of him getting ready to come into work or getting all like anything,

Any single thing. What about, is it like, all right, how about this? Isn't the hospital, like, in trouble if they're lying about this? No, everybody, no, because it's the family holding it. No, it's, see, Eddie, what we're seeing here is that what... He's taken up a hospital room. With the current administration is teaching every single person in authority is that unless you can have other people say there's a crime happening as well. Yeah.

It no longer matters. It requires the governing. bodies of these places to admit that something's going on. And that's the problem. There's no independent way. The Democratic governor, I don't even know his fucking name. I don't even fucking care to know his name. He's also

just sitting on his hands. He's writing strongly worded Twitter messages. He's just acting like he's some kind of girl in fucking high school. He should show up at the fucking hospital. If he was a real fucking man, he would be in the lobby that day saying, where the fuck is Mitch McConnell? I want to see him. Put a mirror

under his nose and show me he's a Where's my goddamn employee? But no one gives a fuck. All right. No one gives a fuck. So we are sitting here waiting because no one wants to because Democrats believe in a polite society, which has been destroyed. And Republicans are literal mouth-breathing Nazis looking to destroy the very fabric of the country

in order to make themselves permanently in power. They don't fucking give a fucking shit. So this guy, we already know that Laura Lumer said she heard he's brain dead. We've ever want to believe her. There's also, it's like always the worst person you want to hear, like, the facts from. But it's just the truth.

We also, a lot of people are saying there's another, several two different agencies, what's it, Bashir, Democratic governor, the guy that is the governor of Kentucky. Okay. Some people are trying to say

he's going to run for president in 2028. And as far as I'm fucking concerned, if you can't fish out a dead pedophile, then you shouldn't be president either. Also, like, what? We want the whole fucking. country to be like Kentucky?

Fuck you. Fuck that. What are you talking about? Sorry, guys. Yeah, fuck that shit. And so he's saying that he's heard from several sources that McConnell is at least brain dead. He's at least sitting in a vegetative state just rotting. And no one has the balls to do something about it.

Yeah. And that's why I think it would be the funniest thing in the world for some nurse to take a picture and send it out to the world. It'd be really nice if someone who fun. Who fucking cares. I'll pay for your jail. I'll pay for I'll help you. If you can, if someone can leak the information, I will help you get money.

Okay? I will help you get money. I will figure it out for you if you can help leak this information. Because there's no way he is going to look in better shape in that picture than he did before he went into the fucking hospital. Impossible. It is impossible. They would show us him if he looked fine. He is lying.

Of course he's lying. He wasn't capable of lying because he's dead. He's, well, it's the only thing he's capable of lying on the bed. Yeah. He is completely dead. And so someone needs to have the balls to go and push his corpse out in front of a fucking camera. All right. So can someone please go do that?

And anybody, if you even think of defending any one of these guys to me, you can absolutely see yourself out. Yes. They need to die. Yes. Fuck them. Yeah. You know, honestly, I would blow him up. Oh, God, I've got nothing like that whale.

Just blow them the fuck up. If you want to hear other fun topics like this, going to see our live show. We're still selling the VOD of our last ever J.K. Ultra show. The one in Oklahoma City at the Tower Theater. It was a lot of, dude, I feel like it was one of our best shows. We had so much fucking fun. We went along, too.

We were riffing and we were having some fun. It was, yeah. We wanted to show everybody just like, you know, this is our show. it is like loose and live and I just was so happy the crowds were fucking great. Cain's ballroom is legendary. Oh my God. So if you're ever, if you're in the Tulsa area, see as many shows as you can. Yeah, go see whatever it is.

Oh, shout out to the church studio for showing Henry and I around and giving us all that primo Leon Russell history. That was fucking awesome. It truly was wonderful. And so you can go and get our last show. You can still get a, like, like, week or so. I think it's like 10. days left.

Yeah, something like that. L-P-O-T-L.kiswee.com, which is a weird name. Yeah. It is K-I-S-W-E. Yeah, so L-P-O-T-L dot K-I-S-W-E. Go watch the last J-K Ultra ever. It's fucking done. And then there's like add-ons and shit you could do.

There's like a $5 ad-on if you want to see the Q&A. And then the tour shirt is available there, which was only, we were only selling on tour. Yes. So check that out if you want to get that there. And also, go and subscribe. to LPN TV YouTube right now. I'm doing the plug right now.

I need you to go over there because Vampire The Masquerade for us. It is coming out. Season 2 is coming out very shortly, led by Marcus Parks. We have a bloodbath 77. It is going to be fucking amazing and you're going to need to watch it for our next season

as well. Yeah, no. Yeah, just like how you love with the, you're turning in the Marvel. Our stuff's better. It's an hour long of stuff. I also don't fucking, whatever, fuck all of you. The only thing you guys care about is your Easter eggs, your horseshit.

None of you care about anything. While you're over there, check out HGX2 Season 2. It was fucking incredible. I'm so proud of that. I want to keep that thing moving. So watch that as well. We're over there. Right from your play. Let's cut to some fun news. Now, this guy,

this was a funny-ass story that I wanted to cover that we didn't get to because we were gone. Yes. This was We both pulled this one aside. I love this. All right, so flight instructor, Leandro Andres Bratazzo, 42, he's found dead following this incident

in which he jumped out of a flying plane to his death, leaving the student he was teaching to fly to land the aircraft by herself. Now, that shows you, number one, incredible trust. Yeah. I don't know if it does. He'll be like, listen, I have got to say, you fly a plane like no one I've ever seen.

And now that you fly a plane, so good, I must die, for I have completed my job. Time for the ultimate test. He's like, just so fun, just go like, hey, this has really been great. All right, I'll see you. So this is crazy. He said, you know what you have to do, carry on for his exact words. Yes, you know what you have to do. Carry on.

22-year-old Rosario. took off his headset and his seatbelt, and he opened up the door, jumped out of the plane. He was Eduardo Alvarez, director of the Flying Parrot Cordova Flying School, where Bratazzo worked, told the newspaper, there are no signs of the pilot was planning to throw himself off the plane. Yeah, because then how did he get in the plane? Well, he wouldn't be able to get in the plane if he was showing, if he was practicing, jumping out of it while he was, like, sitting on the ground. If I was a pilot teacher who was planning on killing myself, I would show you. no signs. That's how you get away with it. That's the key. You want to be real trouble

about it. You want to make sure they let you take off. He even did a whole lesson right before. He did. And he completed the lesson. Do you think that they were like really bad? And he's like, uh, maybe he, I think this shows, it really does that Rosario, I think this is a great advertisement for Lady Pilots.

Exactly. Yes. I think this is huge for Lady Pilots. I think the guy before it, you know, he's taking the lesson and the guy's like, you know, like, I'm glad I can fly a plane and like these stupid ass chicks. And then Bratazzo is just sitting there just like, I cannot believe I teach this man.

And then he's got, it's such a bad lesson. And he's just like, God, this is just, why do I do this? If they learn, if they do not see, how do I continue to teach. Because, you know, like maybe the flaps fell off or some shit, or he came in sideways. And then finally he's up there with his Ario, just watching her perfectly fly. And he's like, yes, a woman can replace. mine. Yes, light to replace the mine.

I wish her to be every mine. Dude, jumping out of a plane's got to be the best way to do it. What do you mean? Kill yourself? Yeah, why? It takes some time. You really get to reflect while you're flying. At least you get to enjoy, like, flying down there. I think a building would be more scary. A bridge would almost be

more scary, but a plane, I feel like, by the time you got to the ground, you'd be like, you know what? I'm ready. I've always wanted to do nitrogen poisoning. Oh, yeah? That's like one is where you just go sleep. wake up. Is that like the suicide box or cube? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's what I'd do. Yeah, you like to press the buttons. Yeah, I want to press the button. I also like buttons. I want to be able to choose the music. Oh, okay. Because that thing, you cheer in music and it's Desperado will have you gone to your sons? It's only

Eagle songs. Oh, yeah, of course. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was it a proprietary deal that they did alongside their residency at the sphere. They have to say, yeah, it is only the Eagles. Joe Walshires that are specifically dialed in for the suicide boxes. So hopefully you like, I mean, obviously running on empty is great.

Well, not if you're the suicide box. Why? Because, yeah, you need the nitrogen to kill the people. Oh, I mean, you're running on empty, that. It's Jackson Brown also. Oh, fuck. Well, Jackson Brown wrote the song. The Eagles did the song.

Well, Jackson Brown wrote it for the Eagles, and then he did his own version. Really? Look it up. I actually do believe I do believe it and he says it I do believe you I do believe it

oh man yeah it's a oh not the Eagles no it's not the Eagles Eddie we were wrong Running on empty Oh take it easy Take it easy

That's what I'm thinking about Alright Rob is correct He outstep fathered shit Shit Running on empty Run it Yeah

I mean that should be on there Jackson Brown is could be It's an easy addition to the... That's when you go to Suicide Box Plus. Yeah. And you do their proprietary app at $79 a month. You get your own playlist of hand-picked special suicide those songs,

like Jackton Browns running on empty. Yeah. The load out. The load out. Wipeout. Yeah, that's a good one. What's a good suicide song? Pipeline.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, I would also probably... Sleepwalk? Hmm. Yeah, it'd be nice. Yeah, I just can hear the noose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great.

La Bamba? Wow, yeah. Bamba la Bamba. Oh, that'd be great. That's a fun one. It's a bit of a fiesta. So that's why, that was just a fun story, because the idea of someone just mid-job, just literally just being like, you know what? I quit.

You know what? This sucks. Okay. I'm going to go see if a cloud can catch me. Just like, yeah. Oh, man. And then, you know what? She nailed it.

that shows Rosario was correct. And if I was at flight school, I'd immediately graduate her. Also, of course she immediately graduates. And they only put her first name in that her protector. Uh-uh. Last name, she's getting every job in the world. That's what I'm saying. Unless, of course, she's the most hireable motherfucker ever.

What if she did a bad job, pull into the plane? It's her first time. Under pressure, I'm fucking proud of her. You know what to do. Bye-bye. Oh, Lindsay. Come to see you, Lindsay. And they just go,

it's a fucking, it's the ground like a fucking javelin. Oh, yeah. That's got to be fun. So there's a lot of fun stuff we got to get to here. There's the guy who cut his penis off. Okay, this is a good story. Yeah, yeah. Talk to us about this.

Great story. Great story. Everybody loves this one. So, again, it takes a man. This comes out of beautiful, beautiful Indiana. No way. Yeah. On May 6th, a guy was charged with arson. They love sausage there.

They do. But the thing is that normally they don't waste it, like this guy did. So this guy, he was charged with arson after, and I like it's because the police had to say that he did this. That he cut off his own penis, doused it with gasoline, and let it on fire in the garage of his mother's house. And he left it in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Which I think is, this might be the third time this happened in Fort Wayne. Yeah. I will say this guy showed as much poise as Rosario

You cut your penis off and you still take the time Bleeding out the hole in your front You dip it in kerosene You light it on fire and you put it in a trash can And then you tick-tock wait for the fucking cops Yeah but you just well he ran away Because he obviously was bleeding really badly Yeah

So when the cops came he had to go to the hospital I mean you could die Well you know if they fix it right Yeah Wine cork. Oh, wine cork. See, I thought it was they put a cigar out on it. Oh, no, no, no.

That's in Missouri. That's town of Missouri. You got to get it if you don't want to have insurance. His name was Christopher Payton. 36 years young. Payton, he said, he told police that he used a kitchen knife to cut off his penis while he was in the garage. So, I mean, he made enough sense there. Oh, it says generals.

Maybe he got the nuts, too. I don't know. You know what it is is that to me, if you're cut eye up, truly, I, truly, I mean, I think it was just the penis because the penis looks like a wick. Yeah. Well, it depends if it's working or not. I think balls, because balls don't pop off like too little, you know, they're coiled up, stuff in there. Well, if you got a kitchen knife, you can really hack at it and work out.

But I think they'd spell out. I don't think you could set fire to it. I think it'd be too liquidy. I think a penis could actually be separated enough from the liquid. I understand what you're saying. But also, you dip it in kerosene. You set anything on fire. Correct.

You set water on fire. But anything is easier to dip the severed penis. in the kerosene. Yeah. Then just like, because I feel like... So you think he dipped, he didn't put it on top? No, I think he did. You think he dipped?

I think this is a soft serve. I feel like if he dipped, he would have lit his fingers on fire. No, not necessarily if he let go of it real fast. He does look like a dipper. Oh, yeah, he does. That big dipper. Look at him. Look at that little smile.

You know, he, if you were to ask me to draw the guy who cut his penis off and send it on fire, it adds. the devices that on fire? It might be there, only just because he's one of those that if you cut his face in half, he'd look like two different kind of guys. He does look like

there was a time when he had his shit together. I feel like this is a man who used to have everything and now it's all gone. That's a man that's been through several rabbit holes that has led to this. This man is, he weirded out everybody at January 6th.

Yeah, they're like, God, God, come on. He made people angry when he showed up in Iran. You know what I mean? Like he's one of those guys. Everywhere he goes, everyone's just like, whoa, oh, come on, guy. Whoa, let's... A little bit less. Yeah.

I mean, you know, did he really hurt anybody? Himself. I guess the fireman had to do something. They do. I honestly mostly feel bad for them because of how difficult this life is in general. Yes. Oh, yeah, for sure. If you get to the point where you got to cut off your dick and sit on

fire and put it your mom's trash can. I mean, your life's bad. You know, I just feel like there's so many more efficient ways to do that. Oh, we're at his Facebook page. Oh, nice. Oh, look at his that from Fort Wayne. Yeah, look, actually, he's got a nice little haircut. What date is that when he has that nice haircut?

Oh, you said three years ago. Things have been, a lot of things have been hard in last four years. Yeah, I think he, I think he used to be fine. What was that? Is that a funny or is your band? Oh, is your band fire fucking doubt it. Yeah, he had an AI meme on there, some kind of meme

on there. It's pre-AI. All right, this is pre-I promises I won't get all political later. If we can trust lifeguards to save people, we can trust them to drown people. They deem worthy of death. Sheriff, if you're comfortable letting lifeguards be the judge, jury, an executioner. It's a funny meme. Post it on my

birthday. Oh, it was for you. You guys would be real close. That's nice. You know, I feel like he's going to have some time to be in jail. Yeah. And I think that this is a really good opportunity for him to reflect upon what he's done.

And now that his penis isn't there anymore, much like Takari from Ichita killer. I know we've asked this question before. What happens? Does it just like fountain out when you pee or like... I actually think you get a receptacle or something. Like maybe they stick a little tube in there and then you go

in the bag. Well, yeah, you have to piss out of tube. I think you got to go bag once you cut your penis off. I don't think, I think it's a second. Rob, you ever find a penis in the plumbing? No. I don't. I don't. I was not sure what you were going to ask me right there. I was so nervous for a second. Do you bleed to death after your...

This is according to the internet. It's actually quite difficult to bleed to death from your penis hole, apparently. It's saying right here is that the problems are too many known or, like, I wonder if a person without knowledge and tools cuts off somebody's penis and then doesn't call an ambulance immediately. Is there a chance a person may not bleed to death within a short time? Is this Reddit?

This is... No, this is... Has Jeeves? The really weird place. Do you want to see? Do you want to see? Yeah. You found the penis?

Whoa! No penis! That's not him. This is someone else. That's just losing their penis. Yeah, these are other people who cut their penises off. This is, Rob, just get it off of there.

Yeah. Rob, I can't see that anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got to got to go away. Rob turned to, yeah. You got to put that safe search on. Oh, God. I don't know why that didn't bother me.

It bothered both you so much. Are you just, you're, maybe it's, um... I'm just ready for my penis to go, I think. Maybe you're done, you're numb. Yeah, maybe it's, maybe I'm on board with this. According to Andrew, assuming the person is not taking anticoagulants, it's actually quite difficult to bleed to death from dismemberment of small members, hands, feet, penis, ears, nose. Even large members, such as arms and legs, are often survivable because the body is very good at predicting itself from blood loss. For example, transected arteries will spasm and clamp off blood flow, and loss of blood will cause the body to divert blood flow away from the extremities into the vital organs, therefore slowing the bleeding and allowing it to clot.

In fact, the whole shock process can be viewed as a set of defensive measures by the body to ensure survival in the face of serious injury. This is a bitter lesson learned by emergency medicine only fairly recently. And I think it's really amazing that some people were like, I can't believe I'm getting downloaded for this. When the EMTs found him, they asked him what his name was. He said, Christopher. And they said, no, you Nick. Ha ha! Eddie!

Write it down. That's a little penis Penalation humor. You can say if you're an EMT and you come across a guy, you can use that. You can use that. That one's free. Yeah.

That one's free for you. I love my EMTs. Make them all laugh. Make them all laugh. Unic. You know, well that's really all we're at. Yeah, or unique. Unique if he's from Greece.

This is, I think that this guy has got a long road ahead of him. But at the end of that road, he might just find himself loving the life that he's finally Christopher Piedin can't do it no more not no more

he's going to be sitting to Piedin very very soon here's another repeatin I'll tell you that much absolutely not you got one of those so this is another funny story I love Mountain Dew yes not as much as this guy

I got one that's attached to this that we didn't clear with you but I want to bring it up after this can't wait Yeah. So this takes place in Port-a-Pottie Town, USA, Kansas City. Oh, yeah, Kansas City. Now, this is July 14th the same day Mitch McConnell went down. Oh, maybe this has got something to do with it.

It has to be. Cruise with Patriot portable restrooms. They were collecting units after an event. It was for World Cup. So it's kind of an international. Yeah. And so the guy came out. He made it a little video.

It's interesting, the name of the Port-a-Pottie company, because most people who call themselves Patriots are full of shit. Yep. Got him. Got him. Got him. Write it down. So, use that one.

EMTs. You have that one too in case you got a guy with an American flag shoved on his throat fucking choking to death of a rotter and asphyxiation inside of Port-a-Ponty. So this guy, the guy from the Port-a-Pottie place, he comes out and he makes his video. And he's like, all right, so we were closing down for the night. And I had no idea that this was even, obviously, this makes sense. Before you pick up all the Port-a-Potties, you got clear him.

So he said that that night You know, you know, they stayed over night Yeah, you don't want a porta potty full of shit On the truck bed But no, I mean, for people Oh, you gotta like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You gotta check to make sure So he gave him up in the morning

Before he was loading them all up He knocked in every one of the porta potties And he said, you know, I'm trying to make sure And there was one, all one of them Was locked from the inside It's like, hello, hey, what's going on here? And the guy's like, They're out of here.

Yep. And he's like, well, you know, you've been there all night, And so we need to get you out All right So he's gonna get out He's like You bet you're on my way out

Right They wait for like an hour An hour? Yeah Knocked again They said You gotta fucking get out of here man We gotta we're loading it up

And he's like This is our plastic box We gotta go This is our public restroom I do like he used restrooms He went to go collect the restrooms He doesn't call a pork potty Because I think that's

I think that might be a brand Yeah Texas or toilets Turlets Turlets They, uh, finally he's like, hey, uh, can't reach the door. So you're gonna have them needs to help. Can't reach your door in here.

And they were like, what the fuck do you mean? You can't reach the door in here. So they unlocked it, right? They do the thing that they breached it. And they just see his head poking out of the toilet. He's covered in shit. And he's, according to him, he told them, well, last night I dropped my mountain dew bottle in here. And I crawl into the bottom here to get.

my Mountain Dew bottle out of it. And I got stuck in here last night. And I stayed in there. Now, again, I said up top, I love Mountain Dew. Yeah. But I do have a feeling or something else in that bottle. Yeah, maybe. Because he went down there to look for it. Mountain poo?

Mountain doo-doo. Yeah, well, now it's Mountain doo-doo. And so the fire department had to cut him out of it. Oh, is that his head? Yep. It's a du rag. He's got a do-rag on. Oh, my God. That's a funny little term for it. And he cut, they had to cut a hole in it and he

was like refusing to come out. They like saw these slats in it and he's like, I can't come out. They're like, you obviously can come out and he's like, okay, I can't come out. And when they finally had to go in and they're all covered in human shit. Sometimes you get in somewhere and you can't get out of it. I know, I do

understand that. This man. His shoulders, you know, shoulders are weird. Let's say this guy. You can go down like this, you're right. You're right. The arms up and then you go, once you get in there. I still feel like Eddie, this guy wasn't? You think he's lying? I think he might not have been helping. I think he might not have been helping

because they cut the slats out and he kind of does this sort of a board of like, oh, I can't get out, man. Oh, I can't get out. And they were all these firemen. If you watch this whole video, they're all like, dude, you absolutely can fucking get out. We know you can get out.

And because he wanted them to come in there and pull him out. Yeah, so they pulled him out, covered in human fucking shit. And then they hooked up the fire hose to fucking clean them off. So they blasts him with the firehouse. I mean, they clean them off like you were Michael Kramer from UHF.

I know it's disgusting, but that must have been a little fun. I mean, yes. To hit a man covered in shit with the firehouse. That's just all. You only get to do that like two or three times your whole life. Yeah. You know, that's a big one. You know, I honestly would like to check that box.

He, we can do this. He, they washed him off. And, you know, I don't know what they're doing with him now. I love the porta potty, the guy who works for Patriot Porto Potty. who posted it, his name's Matt von Swole. Oh, yes. Yes, he is swollen. Oh, this is it coming all

like the world's worst fraggle. No, this is the thing is that he refuse. Now I'm in you. It is. He's just being like, no, I can't. I can't. Oh, he's trying to close it again? Yeah, because he knows, I think there's a a little part of him that is afraid of being arrested,

which I do understand, but also like, I mean, if you like it, these are the last moments. This is what happens. Like, when I walk Harley, Harley likes her walks, you know? And whenever we get close to the house, she starts dragging because she knows she's going to go home soon. I think that's what he's doing here.

Yeah. I think he's a lot like Harley. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, they had to take that hump off of him. He's so used to having the hump on him. He doesn't realize he doesn't have it anymore. And that's why he could fit out.

That's why he fell in. That's why he fell into the toilet. He's so used to the hump. The hump usually stops him. Caches him because he's done this how many times? Yeah. And he's used to the hump. Stop dapping them before it getting in there

But once the vet carved it off Because he got it done for free over there He slid right through like he was a linguine noodle What's worse? This guy or the dead baby in the porta pot? Oh, this is no, dead baby Is much worse Yeah

And they are Dead baby's sad Yeah This is aggravated Yeah, he's a lot He's like alive and fine This is literally a pain in the ass This is literally a pain in the ass

The dead baby ruins your fucking life You're also They are still very actively looking For the mother from that scenario And there were several people, like it was kind of sad. There were several people trying to identify the mother from footage from the... When everyone showed up fat, left skinny. But it's literally, like, there's several, I saw several posts online of people being like,

this must be the lady you gave her. And I was like, I don't know. It just seems like a lady who might have lost a lot of weight. Just leave the lady alone, okay? There's no reason to single out these women. Like they keep trying to say they're singling out women. I'm sure at Electric Forest Festival there's like multiple people there

where you could be like, that must have been the dead baby Yeah, they were like, no, actually no, my baby died in the hospital. You know, like, oh no, actually no, my baby died about a month in. Right from Northland. All right, so I got a similar story here. This guy didn't go to the porta potty. This comes from a Morgan Wallen concert. And this was over in Baltimore.

at the M&T Bank Stadium on July 18th. There was a family. They wanted to go see Morgan Wallen because, you know, they suck. And so they went to go to the Morgan Wallen concert. And during the concert, it was a man, his wife, and their niece. And during the concert, there was a guy behind them that was really annoying. And then they were like, you know, they're like, hey, man, you know, stop being such an asshole. And then the guy whipped out his dick and he started peeing on the whole family.

Hey. And he said, you wanted to go see Morgan Wallen. That's what you get. And so the wife was like, hey, I think whatever that guy's doing, it's all over my leg. And then the guy turned around. And it's a true level of detachment to just not think that anyone would ever urinate on you. Literally the quote is, whatever that gentleman is doing, it's on my leg. Unbelievable.

Like not even, like can't even. Because if she thought that it was urine, she'd be burst in a flame. Yeah. So the husband said, at that point, I kind of see him like bent over. the corner of my eyes, so I turn a look. He's got his genitalia hanging out, and he's urinating all over the back of my seat, my wife's leg, my

leg, and my niece. And they don't fight him. I would have been on top of him, punching him in the face. So they took the high road. They went to the cops. The cops like, there's nothing we could do about it.

You deserve it. You all fucking deserve it. Well, people pee, all right? Listen, we don't know that he peed. We can only say that you said you he peed. And so we have no evidence. So there's nothing we can do. Nothing I love better than getting.

And there could be more assault at a fucking Morgan Wallin concert? That's so funny. The idea that they, like, what I love us, like, of all the things to like play lawyer about, like all of a sudden it just has been like, did he actually piss on you or not? And they're like, I rake of pass. I'm covered in your urine. It was like, that could be yours. You could have brought it in a bottle and squirted yourself with it in order to frame this gentleman.

You know, the guy going, this guy looks like a normal fan of country music. You know, the cops said we physically didn't see it so we can't arrest him. You know what I'm right? We all covered each other in piss and then said he did it. Yeah, you're right. You know what I like about this is that so awful. You never get to see like the privileged experience this style of policing before where people just don't, or they just look at you and like, couldn't fucking care less. It's covered in urine.

Like that is so, that's so funny. Because these are people that obviously, they have money. They're like, they think that like the whole world's going to fucking stop because someone's pissing on them. And these guys are like, yeah. You know, you wouldn't believe just one time. Like, you're. saying that this is real. Like, let's just say there was one time

a fellow police officer of mine he pranked me by putting a live do-do inside of my own pants while I fell asleep on my lunch break. That honed me for the rest of my life and I will not stand

to watch a man get falsely accused again. I was releasing his extraming. I had no evidence. I was no. I had no. I had no evidence. Not. And the judge had no mercy.

All right. So if you think I'm going to lay down a line for you, I'm certain you smelled like piss before you came in here, you piss-filled woman. You piss-filled whore. You fucking dirty fucking urine fucking witch. Oh man.

You know what? The guy said, I'm the problem. The one who peed on them. That's a Morgan Wallin's song. I had to look it up because I refuse to know his music. Oh, good. It's got a lot of listen. So people might know the reference, but I refuse to listen. So, no, I don't, you know,

I had to do the joke like that. He's like, uh, he's music. You punch your pregnant girlfriend to, right? Like that's like, that's what it is. I think, actually, no, I think that he's smothering music. Oh, yeah, no, he's smothering. He's, yeah. Punching's too upbeat.

Oh, yeah, that's normally while I'm listening to Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. This is like the second time something like this has happened this month. Someone shit at a Noah Kayhan concert. in the crowd. Oh, okay. And then, like, just... Well, Olivia Rodriguez took some shit recently because this is something that happens at concerts.

There's people who are really crazy, and they wear diapers, and they go to the front of the stage, and they don't want to leave because they don't want to lose their spot. What the fuck is wrong with people? So, like, the people who are pressed against the front of the stage that refuse the leaves, often are covered in their own piss and shit. Oh, you know? Not really, right? Yes, this is real.

This is something people do it, like music festivals and stuff like that. New Year's Eve, dude? Everybody had New Year's Eve at the ball drop? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then so Olivia... I've heard that because in New York, they're not allowed to leave. That's, it's the same thing. Yeah, but yeah, yeah. Because once you leave, you're not in front,

you're not against the stage anymore. What the living? It takes ten hours sometimes just to see Olivia Rodriguez face to face. Who is the fucking shit? Olivia Rodriguez. And then everyone said on Olivia Rodriguez. I'm like, I think she has a right to say, hey, go piss and shit yourself for my show.

I literally... I'm going to say this for last podcast on the left. If I know... that you are wearing a diaper voluntarily to watch our show. I'm going to single you out. I'm going to pull you on stage, and we're going to collectively shame you unless you have an actual reason to wear the diaper.

I know I don't give a fuck. That's disgusting. Yeah, I'm going to need a little doctor's note. That is disgusting. I can't believe that. I refuse to believe that's real. No, yeah, no. It's something that happens all the time. I believe in Cash Patel's UFO dump more than I believe in that.

Yeah. Yeah, the guy that Noah Kahan, who Rob was talking about, he said, if you have to poop at a show, please dear God, go to the bathroom. I've pooped my pants as much as the next 29-year-old, but you guys got to understand there's a venue worker out there with a thousand-yard stand. How often are we shit in no fucking pants? Like, that's the other part. They're like, do they just leave the diaper? And, like, making someone else's fucking problem? How often are we really pooping our pants into adulthood?

We need to bring the price of concert tickets down. Or maybe we got to crank them all the way up. I have no idea. I don't know. Like, I don't know what's going on here, man. This is insane. I, all right. You know, we've talked about it on the show.

I actively sharded myself once. But that's an accident. I sharded once. Really, I've done it way more than once. Your whole life, you only sharded once? Well, that's very impressive. Let's just say I got to the toilet every single time. I pretty much always, every time I've shat, I've shat all over a toilet seat and I've sat in it.

I've definitely put at least two pairs of underwear in a trash can in the bathroom. That's different. Yeah, I've sharting. It's an accident. An accident. Shitting your pants. On choice is insane. I imagine it's mostly pee-p.

Because I feel like shitting you can hold. Let's also put it this way. If you're pissing, if you need to piss that bad, too, take off the pants. Take off the pants. Take off the pants. Shade on the floor. Oh, maybe that's what happened with this guy at the Morgan Wallen concert. Maybe he just didn't want to leave his seat because he needed to hear, um, I don't know. I don't know. Let's look up another song.

There's knuckle marks on my mom. And I put them there last night. Yeah, whiskey glasses. I wish I could fuck her like my father does. Yeah, maybe he was singing, I got better. Has he pissed all over something? That was his excuse for pissing. I got better.

We got a couple. You got worse? I got better. Honestly, this brings us all full circle to what I wanted to talk about. where you weren't on the plane yesterday two days ago when we were coming back from we were coming back from where the fuck were we just we were just in Oklahoma and so we were coming back and I wasn't on the plane and boy my arm's tired that's because you were jerking off until you fell asleep yeah I had an experience where I turned not to look you know but a very little girl and a very old woman woman went into the bathroom together Okay. And they came out. I don't know who did it.

But the only way to describe it is it felt like I, like, it felt like, it felt like fucking like Gary, like, uh, what's his name? Like, it really felt like you just took the worst horrific dump of your life. Like, it was single worst. So I got, I was gagging. I got one of those on the flight back. And the other people around us were, like, looking at each other and just had to cover our faces with our shirts. Do you think the old lady brought the little girl in there to have someone to blame?

It's diabolical. I'm just saying, I think that little girls fucking drink. I don't know what she's doing. Maybe they didn't want to leave the little girl alone. Yeah, would she have a bunch of Irish car bombs? So she brought her in there to take a shit because they didn't want the little girl to sit by herself. I've seen an old woman blow up a bathroom before. Yeah.

I think the old lady did it. I'd like to think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because the little girl, I'm at how old? I don't know. What do you guess? 10, 8? You bring, no. They had brought no.

It was like a little kid if it was. Like 13, 14. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm, yeah, a little kid. She's not 15, yeah, yeah, yeah, 14, 15. She went on with her grandma. I was like a baby. Yeah. Baby's got sticky poop sometimes.

Oh, no, I know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, you can't leave the baby alone. You got to shit. You got to hold it. while you shit. Because you got to hold it over the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know how kids work. Man, I had an old man almost run me over for the toilet.

And then I was like, I was like, hey, man, you need it more than I do, you know, on the plane. And man, he did. It was a stinky one in there afterwards. It was so much shit like all over the side of the bowl. Sorry, but he just first come, first fucking serve. I don't care what the fuck you got going on there. Especially, I'm sorry, I'm the, that's where I may be mean, Eddie. Because even if that was true and I knew you were going to do there ahead of me, I would absolutely cut you off. Because I got to go faster anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I let him go. You're too nice. I'm too nice. I wish I didn't. Or I wish I just held it. Have I got to pee? Oh, I'm jumping in there. Yeah.

That old man was going to die. Hey, fucking do it already. Fucking just give up already. Leave it to the younger people. All right? So we got more poo-poo to talk about it. Okay, I got this. I have to cover this.

So how many people just turned off the fuck up? I don't care. You know, like this is what we have to cover. It's true. It's our show. It's not their show. Just some listener emails. Oh, we got some. Don't we have some reggae-tinged ones? Oh, really?

You want a reggae-one? Oh, that's so nice. People listened? Oh, yeah. That's so nice, man. Oh, man, fucking blaze up. Bluck. Sick of block. This was from George. From Loveland, Colorado.

Jorge, please. Horhe, yes, thank you. All right, here you go. Yeah, this one goes out to Tutsi. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, Bras, sorry. Side stories

Yeah, dude This is what I'm talking about Wow That was unbelievable That was really good man Thank you so much George Oh my God Keep that one around

Would you love? Thank you That's a good one You got it man So last week We debuted an interview We did with Influencer author Alyssa Grenfell

She was wonderful She's truly wonderful. We wrote the, she wrote the book, How to Leave the Mormon Church. Go check it out, especially if you're looking, trying to figure out a way to get at. And we had a lot of fun. We just kind of had a little, like, hangout episode where she showed us a bunch of the secret handshakes. And one of the special things that she did was she brought in the special magic Mormon underwear for me to try on. Which I didn't know existed.

Yes. And so we got to put it on. It's extremely translucent. Very sexy. I looked great. And my main question to her, because my first question always, can it something pure old and stupid. I will say it was the whitest you ever looked.

Thank you. I'm trying. I'm trying because it's so hard with this Polish skin. You know, everywhere I go, people always ask me, are you legal to vote? And so, my main question, obviously, was this is thin, cottony material. What is the situation with Mormon men and skid marks?

Yeah. And Alyssa, in her truly, I honestly, I want to say in her, Well, I'm going to say she's lucky. Yeah. Because she said she didn't know. And she didn't know. Or she was...

She was too classy to answer. Yes. But thankfully, you guys weren't. Because I got so many emails about... Because I called it, obviously. Yeah. Because so many of you poor ladies were forced to wash your fathers and your brothers Mormon underwear.

Do everything. Yeah. And the stories, some of these... make me want to fucking die. Some of these really, really die. So some people said you can bleach them, obviously, but they eventually get brittle and they break apart. So this is one. One, I've been a huge fan of the show for nine years now, and I've always wanted to ride in and give my two cents on something y'all are asking about. As another former Mormon termed atheist who also happens to live in Utah currently, I can say 100% the magic underwear gets skidmarked to hell by Mormon men.

I grew up with two uncles who were both large hairy men like Henry, and I don't ever remember a time their underwear wasn't skid marked. Love the shows. I was born into and raised in the church until I turned 21 and now have been an exmo for 10 years. I actually was going to BYU Idaho for a while while Chad and Lori were living in Rutskberg and during their thang, right? Flex.

Honestly, I'm fucking, I'm jealous. They have soup. She had extensive experience with Mormon men in their skid marks. most of the places I lived that had up to eight dudes living there, most of whom had been on their missions, so they wore the underwear, and I can assure you that Skid Marx were a regular

thing, something that was joked about upon almost every level of men's socialization in the church, and was a widely accepted phenomenon because it's too gay to touch your butt hole. You know, I got the easiest fix. Just make the underwear brown.

Just make it brown. Just get browned. No, it's just become black as cold. You know what I mean? Like, it would be worse. I just want to reach out, let you all know that Mormon men have the worst skid marks on the planet. Whoa, that's, I don't know about that. Baptist.

I don't know. I don't know. I think it's the Baptist. I don't know. A couple of linen suits would like to argue with that, yeah. I was in boot camp with the Mormon man, and he still wore his temple garments at boot camp. In boot camp, we had something called streak of the week, where they stamp the underwear that had been in had in laundry time. And whoever has the worst streak in their underwear would get what they call beaten,

which is forced to do multiple individual workouts. Our little Mormon friend had streak of the week all nine weeks of boot camp. Oh, my God. Dude. Oh, you didn't get... I bet he was strong as fuck when he was done. In my first duty station, no pun intended. I also had a Mormon there working with my unit when we went on deployment,

and that came to find out he would walk around after work in the barracks with just his underwear and the entire back of it was brown. The rest of it was white, and we all called them skid. She goes also about the pit stains. One thing was the pit stains. That's actually truly gross. But the one thing also I learned is that then the problem is that you can't just throw them out.

You have to ceremoniously get rid of them. So you have to cut out. There's little magical symbols that are sewn into it that have to be cut out first, and then the whole thing has to be burned. It's fucking absolutely stupid. Another person talked about, not even just poo-boo marks and skin marks. Not poo-boo-p-p-marts and armpit marks. Someone says, like, I was a Mormon.

I wiped vigorously because I didn't want to be disgusted about my own underwear because I watched my father. He said, my problem was that it was white and it would collect every single little micromiliter of pee. So if you had a bit of pee dangling, so he said, by the time, if you've been wearing it multiple times, how many you wash it, you have a yellow patch right on top of your balls. Plus sweat kind of turns into that too. It can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, of course.

Of course that's what happens. And so basically they become... Such bad idea. Oh, yes. And it basically becomes permanent. The skid mark's permanent. And then they eventually, they do call, what they say? They call them well-worn.

Oh, okay. That's the term. Mormons always have code. Yeah. So, like, part of the ways they say, instead of saying shit-filled underwear, they say they're well-worn, and it's time for them to be mended. Well, how about they take some of that fucking billions of dollars and just make sure I want got better underwear. I do think that they could have some of that colloidal material. Have you seen that?

No. They have poo-poo-resistant. Look up poop-poo-resistant underwear. Oh, really? Yeah, they have colloidal. It's like, you know, there's fart-resistant underwear. There's diaper. What do you mean fart-resistant underwear?

There is underwear. Well, you just put, like, dryer sheets in your pants? No, what it has, it's like a type of, like, something in the fabric that collects your fart smells. Oh, it's got to be like a spoof. Remember those? we used to have smoked weed in high school and you take a shampoo bottle and you cut the end off and you fill it with dryer sheets and you blow the smoke through that so your mom

doesn't get you? Side stories LPOTL at g-melt.com does anyone work within the underwear technology sector? Dude, this is how we stopped the butt sniffer. Oh, this is a problem. Betzniffer also, he's still out there. Also, I just want to say I'm sorry because that video I showed during my mandate was a butt liquor. Yeah. Oh. But liquor.

Yeah, he did a little, he hit a little tip of his tongue where you get the tip of your tongue where you get the sweet tape. These have fart filtering underwear That's what I'm saying Yeah, these are pretty cool Yeah, fart filtering underwear I wouldn't wear it You should try it

No, I like my farts But then you could do something Like it would be kind of cool for you I feel like if anyone was going to test it We do share an office If there was a person That could truly test the rigor Of that underwear it would be you

All right, well maybe we'll get a pair Rob, we'll get them for the office I'll put it on the company down I'll get him for the office only I'll put on the company guard Yeah I mean it's for work It is for work, get his performance wear.

This thing, you get a little pad you can put on your butt. Oh, I bet that's nice if you're sitting down too long. It's also great for when you got the roids. Oh, man, well, I don't know about all that. Yeah, because, you know, I know how you like to free bleed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I got my little tampon from my butt. Yeah, well, that's great.

You might not like it. This is what your whole life is going to look like once you hit your mid-40s, my friend. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, the peevee leaks. So I also got here. I got this one last little letter, which is really fun. My uncle and Gary Ridgeway. During the Green River Killer Redux, was briefly mentioned that Gary Ridgeway often went to breakfast after his murders.

I can confirm that the restaurant he frequented in his times, it was a Denny's. Apparently, there is an exact restaurant, but I'd like to protect the Denny's innocence, apparently. There is no innocence in Denny's. We all know, but we know that he's ain't the specific Denny's. He doesn't want to shout it out. I think it's the one near the Green River.

So I know this because my uncle went to the same Denny's frequently enough to have her regular conversations with Gary Ridgeway during his killing spree. In the period of time where Gary was most active, apparently my uncle said, had said uncle's boss even had lunch with what they called him. They called him weird Gary. When asked about it, my uncle called Gary. He's kind of off-putting. And he said he wouldn't make sense, and he'd be real random. He wasn't a smart guy. Apparently, Gary also refused to talk about his day job at all, even when asked directly.

My uncle didn't really think about Gary for years until he saw the guy plastered all over the front pages of the newspaper in the early 2000s. Unfortunately, as my uncle is a notorious jabber jaw, I wasn't able to interject and ask if Gary had a regular Denny's order. And if I ever find out if Gary Ridgway had a favor of Denny's menu item, I'll write back. please do and why is it I mean ooh what would it be I love that he's a jibber jabber man that he talks at breakfast I mean I get it I love the idea of talking

I when I'm alone at breakfast do not talk to me It's in the morning It's not the same for me I don't think it's the same Well I'm gonna say right here guys right now Straight up I do believe that what he would do That's a super slam

Do you think so for same? Yeah You know, really, I would say probably just, he seems boring to me. I think he's just two eggs, bacon, and, uh, and, uh, potatoes. You don't think Super Slam's boring? What else is in there? Moons over my hammy. Moons over, yeah, it's too much food for Gary. He's too tiny.

You got the berry stuff French toast lamb? He's not fat. Plant-based pancake slam? Berkowitz is a super slam man. Hey. But I feel like those are the kites. Like, like Marcus eats big fat boy foods when he eats. The only thing is he eats.

are extremely fat boy foods, and he only eats him, like, once a day. So somehow he's, like, stay skinny doing that. I think Gary Ridgeway might be like that, where he eats one big, super unhealthy meal every day. I could see Gary Ridgeway only eating one meal a day.

Wait, in a big, sloppy, gross meal, and then he doesn't eat for the rest of the day. Yeah, and he's just wiry the rest of the rest of the... Yeah, and he's just smoking cigarettes and chewing gum and looking for prostitutes. Like Marcus. Got it. Got his fucking ass.

Got his ass. He's going to love it. He doesn't do this show. He doesn't know. He doesn't know what happens up here. That's why you gotta go patreon.com slash podcast and laugh. You can fucking listen to this ad free. I'm going to also tell you right now, we're about to also unleash with this episode,

a secondary side stories interview that is breaking news from Henry Zabrowski. I'm very excited to hear this because I wasn't around for this interview, but I can't wait. It is a full-on bricks and many things update with the man himself, Reckless Ben. And that will see. It's going to show up on its feed right after the show. show. So go check it out and go and remember live every day knowing for a fact that your underwear

travels for you after you die. Yeah, right. Love the fact that how you treated your underwear will live and survive inside the memories of the loved ones you leave behind and you can laugh, knowing that you're up in heaven with your entire army of wives and you live on your planet and guy my God fucking damn it. It's great to have them all wash my shit filled underwear up here on your wrist. Yeah, just know you. You. make your children wash your underwear, they will talk about your dirty underwear. For the rest of very popular podcasts until

they die. Yes, because you're disgusting. And you gotta wash your asshole. LPOTL.kiswee.com. Go watch J.K. Ultrots available for about one more week, maybe eight, nine days. I don't know. They'll tell you I'm there. Just go check it out. It's the last time you'll ever get a chance

to see this shit. We had so much fun on the road. Two and a half years. Truly. Three continents, six countries. Please watch it. It is a labor of love. And we did something different this time because we didn't want it. I feel like the last time we had shot specials that they were really too tight. And I wasn't really happy with the outcome.

And I think we finally like at least the world can finally see what our live show is really like. Yeah. So that you can get excited about seeing us when we come back and tour next year as a main show. Last podcast in the left. Someone, there was one thing I saw being like there was some confusion. Nothing's happening to the podcasts or the streams. No. It's just because people don't listen.

So nothing happening to the podcast or the streams. It is just last podcast on the left live show is not going to be going on tour. But side stories is soon. And we're going to have new dates for you. Yeah. We're going to be starting that in September. No, I can't wait for that. But in the meantime, come see me.

I'm on the road. Eddie tunes.com for tickets. I got July 31st, Chicago. August 16th, L.A., that's Dead Men Tell Some Tales. It's our Disney show. Henry's going to show up and be with me on that one and we're going to have a lot of fun.

9-11 and 9-12, DC. I'm going to be in fucking DC on 9-11 doing shows. Yay! I have four shows over two days. Go see one of those. Get them! I'm going to be...

Eddie, get-em. I'm very excited. Get them. I'm going to invite all my military people out, too, for that one. Yeah. Milwaukee. If you're performing outside,

can you call this as an outside job? I guess, well, I will be indoors, so we'll be an inside. Oh, you know what we completely forgot? What did we forget? Is Jimithy going to be opening for you? Oh, Jimithy. When is he?

I'm sorry. Everyone needs to leave that poor thing alone. Just move him inside. Someone needs to capture Jimenez. Someone needs to capture him and take care of him before somebody comes. He needs to be in a house. He needs to be in a rescue. The reason why we didn't...

He's a snack. The reason why we didn't lead with Jimothy is because the whole world has Jimothy fever right now, and I figured that you already have it. And Jimothy is a memed raccoon that has a spine fusion issue. He's super short and he's cute. And the world is flipping up for him. He's to Seattle local.

He's in the Bay Area. Go up there. Just go fucking. Oh, do you think it was the toxic copper smelting of the Tacoma area that made him look like this? Yes. And I think that someone should probably take care of him. But he is just a raccoon doing his little job. and he's got cute little hands

and the whole world loves him and I just don't want to know who he voted for. Yeah. September 27th, I'll be in Milwaukee and October 4th, Denver. There's much more coming down the road. Is Timothy going to be in any of those dates?

He's in Seattle. But I'll reach out. Yeah, because that's my thing is that I'd love to, I kind of need to see you do a collab with Jimith. Jimithy, I think, has like hours to live. Unfortunately.

I just like, for some reason, I have this idea of Jimothy, like, getting picked up by some kind of entertainment company. And then all of a sudden, Jimothy is, like, being dragged around by some fucking, like, Olivia Rodrigo or something. Like, you know, he just clana or tits. She gets angry when she gets scratched. And then he fucking gets, like, he's living with MGK or something. I'm afraid for Jimothy. I don't want him to get involved in show business. He does a great version of I got no strings.

I don't want him involved. I don't think he should be corrupted by this. I think he needs to stay wherever he's at or we mean put into a proper home. He's going to go out with Morgan Wallen at the road. Oh, no, no, God. He pisses on himself and so it works out fine. Yeah, I wonder how his situation is. So if you see, but again, yeah, try to leave Jimothy alone, if you can.

Or kidnap him and give him to someone, so he's just like taking care of. It's one or the other. It's either leave him alone or give him to a hospital. And if not, just let's just, because we all love Jimothy right now, but I just feel that the attention's going to be hard on him. Look at what it did to Kanye West. All right. I don't want it to happen to him.

I don't want him to go down the fucking radicalization, fucking pipeline. Once he realizes his dreams are not going to fully go the way he wants to. Yeah, sure, he's going to show up and say, no, I'm on film. I act on film. You know what I mean? And they're going to be like, no, you make content now. He doesn't even have a tail. No.

So he wouldn't even make a good hat. No. Fuck that. Make a great wallet, though. So just leave Jimothy alone, okay, if we can. Or hire him. One or the other. All right.

We love you guys. We'll talk to you next week. Hail, sweet Satan. Hail, Jimothy. Yeah. Yeah.