Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Heat Up & Get Loose

Episode Date: January 16, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: the mother of missing Idaho children thinks she's a reincarnated god, a crystal meth masturbation brawl, and MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last time on the left side story That's when the cannibalism started It'll be sexy. Yeah, it'll be sexy you sound sexy kissle. Yeah, that's what it is sexy. Yeah, you sound sexy you sound like um A man dressed up as nick nolte telling people that he's nick nolte or tell him please gary busey I always confuse those two Why you do I don't know why in my head gary busey and nick nolte hold hold the exact same piece of pie I'd love to see them kiss. Oh, yeah

I honestly I'd love to see him kiss just to see just what it's like to see two human cigarette butts Make out with each other Which is actually a very easy thing to do if you live in st Lois or you live in like Cincinnati these beautiful cities where I we love them. I love st Lois. I love Cincinnati But there's a lot of people that they there's a ashtray look That's in no cities. Well, they're focused. They're good at their jobs You got a very good cigarette smoke if you work in the industry

That's my my father my father loves his cigarettes more than he loves his wife or his children He's mostly cigarettes and unlike his wife and children Cigarettes won't kill him. All right, everyone. This is side stories. I am ben hanging out with henry sabrowski Henry, I don't know what happened to my voice. It's gone I think you're being punished by fucking jojova for every sin you've ever done and it's all catching up right now I have given nothing but joy through my words Humor I get emails people say oh, I love round table of gentlemen. They'll tell me and they say abling It's top at how fun and interesting. I disagree. Maybe they disagree sometimes and this show they say, oh my god

How did you guys create two unbelievably successful podcasts and how do that? I say it is all about how much do you weigh and how much do you want it? It's can you be fat enough to want enough to get it? I do but I do believe you got to start fat I know this morning, uh Do you you're not like I know you're not it's not that you're weird with food But you're different with food. You don't have the same kind of attachment to food that I have No, I usually my problem is and by the way, I am currently doing pretty well when it comes to sober january You really are I am not at any booze in all of january, which is amazing. Obviously god has cursed me

With horrible throats. I sound like steve buchemi's asshole But nonetheless Give me a cigarette. Hey, uh, you know the lips get all the cigarettes. We want to pass one down the old butthole, would you? You're ruining these filters But I don't know what happened sober january the voice is gone. Maybe is alcohol The thing that has been powering me for all of these years Don't start this validation. Don't start it because that's this is how it always begins Just being like well, I got to get back on vodka during the day. That's actually the lesson i'm taking from sober january

Um, but you don't have like food cravings, right? No, I eat in it I eat like I don't eat and then I eat a whole bunch of food It's called binge. So it's not good. Yeah binge eating and I but I don't purge. I don't purge unless I'm very drunk But occasionally a purge will happen because I know what I know it's not good But it is and you should not do it. We need to take no of course not This is not a this is not a thing to be taken lightly There's people that have like this is the pet but I'll say this is a problem with dudes And quote-unquote eating disorders is that we're not told to recognize them because we were taught to do them a lot of

Times in sports. No, it's just called making weight if you have to if you have to be down to 165 by saturday Well, I'm sorry buddy. It's time for you to do some purging But it's not good be care be careful out there But that's my problem. I do a whole bunch of I will do a whole bunch of food at once But Henry you are you're a savant. You're a sommelier of good food. I'm a I'm a snorkeling I um sometimes will snap awake With a fantasy of what I'm gonna eat that day really a vicious pregnant woman In bed and this morning. So we're recording earlier this week than we normally would I'm in Atlanta

Yeah, we're recording because I'm about to be at Natalie's grandmother's house and Natalie's grandma Um, I don't know what happens to grandma's but they just get grandma internet Every one of them has grandma internet. It's like my parents internet went to shit for some reason as they turn 65 Technically, it's called perfect freedom That is it that is like the when you get old enough to no longer need the the internet. What is she gonna look at the internet for? They do dobs. I you know what I actually you know what I'm reversed. They don't need it They don't know but I so we're doing this early because here but this morning I woke up now Obviously, this is not very true crime related or last podcast related sometimes y'all

My need for pancakes gets so intense My needs for pancakes become so pathological. I wake up When it's the first lot is pancakes Cheese and pancakes like how I imagine Papa John does with ricketing. Yeah, of course Who when do I start can I start today all my guns haven't arrived? I can't believe I love that vaguer shooter guy. What a funny guy I was reading over his journal some of that stuff is absolutely compelling really But the uh, I went and got a bunch of pancakes this morning

But there's nothing I love better because I'm already researching for next week's episode because it's fairly thick Right, and so I'm sitting. I just does anybody else have the same experience that I do of sitting and reading The worst things in the world at a cute diner Like just at the booth and they're like morning y'all and they're so excited being like yeah, I had doing hunt like super sweet Super nice. I got my pecan Wall I got my pecan pancakes with some grits cheese grits. I got bacon and eggs Oh one go and what I like to do is I carve them all up into a big like splash

And I kind of eat them all all of the items at once sort of like them all kind of a melange Kind of like you're a prisoner and they want they want to give you food But they don't want you to enjoy it. No, but I like to make it a one big mashup If I could you got to follow a guy named Otis on instagram. Henry. He's a professional wrestler. He's a big chubby boy He is very funny. He's from wisconsin So you got to love him and he nothing but food videos on his instagram I think you'd get pretty horny for it. I love watching big fat like eyes and I love watching Uh big like muscle guys eat on the internet. Well, I absolutely love it. It's so compelling

I don't know why I like it. I again. I'm not getting hard from it. I would say it I would fucking say it Absolutely if I if I did get hard from it, but I didn't every time Henry gets an erection You'll know he screams about it. He brags about it for years I show my family dog seen his shadow. He never knows when it's going to come back or not And the big thing about that that honestly is that when you get the you get the boner Sometimes you just got to use it. You have to use it when you got it. Otherwise, it's gone forever It's just another waste another fucking waste. I have to clarify one thing as well

Obviously, we have the horrible bushfires happening in australia that's still happening Yes, evidently on last week's episode I talked about how the pandas were burning. I didn't mean pandas. I meant koalas We all kind of understood. I think we all understand though Don't pandas and koalas hold the exact same spot of your brain when it comes to wild animals that you also think could be really good friends of yours For some reason, I randomly know that pandas are related to raccoons and that koalas have chlamydia Yeah, they all got the clap because they're fun. They're fun. They're they're wild. They're free. No condoms This must be very nice. Well, it's very interesting. There's actually a panda version of the film eyes wide shut And you can see how they get chlamydia. It's quite erotic. I honestly think it's in the episcine files

I got some good responses again take these with a grain of salt But I've been kind of tossing money at at the various things For the support of the australian bushfires not for support of the fires We're not the only podcast taking the support of the fires be like Yeah, yeah, I said a bunch of hay. I said a bunch of hay and I said a bunch of gasoline We're team fire. It's a controversial stance, but we are team fire Fire has rights as well But there's one called

www.wildlifevictoria.org.au Um, that's that's gotten apparently there's doing a lot for the the lot for the animals In specifically in milliburn, victoria Great, but I would also say they say something Some people have been saying the australian red cross But I know the american red cross is fairly controversial about whether or not people get their fucking money or not So i'm not sure about that and then I've had a lot of people tell me to Talk to people like locally like look up like literally do hashtag

Australian bushfires get through the first wave of new gingers and then when you get to the fire parts of it You'll find people that are genuinely on the ground localized And they are looking for direct donations for help. That's the way to do it DM us a picture of a house on fire and be like I'm right here and let us know where to send our money precisely because As Henry mentioned the american red cross is extremely fraudulent. It reminds me of mother freaking teresa We brought her last week. No saint at all. We know we brought her last week next week. Henry. I'm taking the lead We're doing a mother teresa segment. I will do it in a fucking second. You know, I hate that woman

You know, I hate that lion woman. I I wish that I could hit her with a nerf gun I'd love to tie her up with a bunch of zip cords and fucking shoot her with nerf guns until she told me she Stopped believing god 20 years before she died, which is true. That is all completely true Uh, but uh, though it's another man who sent a picture Did you see the man who sent a picture of um His chest up to the top of his his bush hairs And he said that he would send $10 to australia if we members of last podcast and left him travis included So congrats travis. That's great. We sent him pictures of our genitalia

Flaccid or hard So that was actually very generous for $10. He thinks that all three of our schlongers are worth $10 combined That's at least a $40 picture. Um, and also that's not enough Do you really think that you're peeing a picture of penis is worth 40 bucks a picture of my penis is worth a million dollars It's there's very few pictures of it out there. No, I know it's like fucking Mother Teresa doing a genuinely good thing. There's very few pictures of it very rare She loved to kill the poor. She thought it was the poor's responsibility to die for christ She is crazy. That's the only time I ever agree with her

Let's take a look at this fucking um, I love the poor. I love the poor good clarification I love them. Um, all right. So let me I want to talk about this first story that I got It is from east Idaho news.com. This is the person to write and it's 26 degrees there light rain sounds like it sucks But why are you dissing these poor cold people? I'm sorry everybody don't mean to be aggressive today I'm kind of hung over and honestly. I'm about to fall asleep. I have two pounds of pancakes slowly working their way through my Fucking lower intestine. You did that to yourself. I did yes, and I should have known that it's not responsible Me responsible of me as a performer. No, it's also a very strange thing to crave in the middle of the night But why I don't know. I just never think about pancakes pancakes are never on my mind

But we can get to the crime story. We should get to the crime story But people are people are currently just like we don't we're not here to listen to talk Shut up with the pancake hour and I'm like it's my damn show It's my show. That's my butt. I got I got a pancake butt All right, so we got court documents Mother of missing rexburg children believe she is a reincarnated god chosen for christ's second coming yikes This came from last week. I believe this is done by written by adam herbetts Ktsu, but there's another thing that says debil case, so I don't know who the difference is what all right here we go

Family members from louisiana have flown in to meet with the rexburg police department and fbi to discuss the disappearance of joshua JJ valo and tiley ryan 17 7 and 17 respectively Kay woodcock and her husband larry woodcock are the biological grandparents of jj a autistic little boy Who has been missing since september along with his sister tiley ryan's father joseph ryan died in 2018 of a heart attack police said that the children's mother larry valo and her new husband chad debil Did not report the children missing instead choosing to flee from idaho and refusing to cooperate with the investigation Now this is a very convoluted story that i am going to try to break down right now So lory valo was married to kay woodcocks brother

Charles valo, okay, so the woodcocks are now in town looking for their kids So the woodcocks lost their kids the woodcocks lost their niece their nephew and niece Okay, so it's lory valo. It's just charles valo was one of a member was a was a member of the kay wood Was kay woodcocks brother? All right Okay, her previous husband so in jahe 11th lory valo's brother alex cocks, so this is the mom's brother Shot and killed her husband charles valo in chanley, arizona

So this has already happened. Okay cocks told police at the time that the shooting was in self-defense the case is still under investigation alex cocks later died on december 12th in gilbert arizona Investigators are not releasing any information about the circumstances surrounding his death due to an ongoing investigation. Sounds like suicide Uh-huh, so but according to court documents charles valo was trying to divorce lory valo because of her newfound religious beliefs Months before she died charles valo had serious concerns about the kid's well-being The following is an excerpt from court documents filed by charles valo's attorney on february 15th 2019 Buckle up

okay Mother lory valo from hence now will be known as mother has recently become infatuated at times obsessed about near-death experiences and spiritual visions Mother has told father charles valo that she is sealed Eternally married to the ancient book of mormon prophet maroni And that she has lived numerous lives on numerous planets prior to this current life Mother also believes that she was married to james the just in a past life and also lived as mary french in the 1800s Who was joseph smith juniors natural grandmother?

Isn't that an exciting life? It is very exciting. Yeah, it's almost like she's making it up could be Mother also informed father that she is trans she is a translated being which is in quotes who cannot taste death Who was sent by god to lead the 144 000 into the millennium? I will say it is difficult to bring up in couples therapy that you are the one of the chosen one I understand that it's difficult approach, but speak to your partner. Well, I mean, it's it's important to communicate How awkward is that when you're with your partner you're having lunch all of a sudden? It's like how do I bring up the fact? I'm one of the chosen one and it's just so weird that like they didn't make the cut

How do you broach that subject? It's not easy You know what you do if you're the husband you eat that pussy Because now you stay you stay close to the godhead eat that pussy stay in the pocket That's how you don't get shot by the godhead's brother Well, your mother believes that she is receiving spiritual revelations and visions to help her gather and prepare those children to live in the new Jerusalem after the great war as prophesied in the book of revelations interesting So this is this is lori valo that you're talking about right? Yes. Yes Yes on january 29th 2019 during a phone conversation between the parties and after their physical separation

Mother informed father that she was a goddess. She was god assigned to carry out the work of the 144,000 at christ second coming in july 2020 which is coming up and a father got in her way of her mission She would murder him the next day father was on a business trip in houston and during another phone conversation She kept referring to father as nick schneider nick schneider father's name. She kept calling him nick schneider father asked Who nick shut who nick schneider was right and mother told him that nick was father's real name Because nick had killed father and taken his identity. Well, that's a hella be It's very complicated hell of a way to get out of a speeding ticket

It's it's gonna take a while for the officer to understand why he pulled over the wrong person But now i'm sorry officer. My name is nick schneider schneider like the pretzel lory valo and debil Do you know what kept them together for so long henry? What it's the same thing that keeps us together. They ran a podcast together Oh my god, it was it was called preparing a people It's a podcast It was a small multimedia company that said it's not a cult or even a group to join And distance itself from the couple's belief it advertises in its lectures and podcast and videos as readying people for the second coming of christ

Look at that up right now and send me those links. I have to see that fucking right now. I'm so excited I did not know that that's wonderful Podcasts bring people together. So this is her this is her with the new husband Right, this is the new husband who has since disappeared and the kids have been gone since september So mother proceeded to warn father who was the original Father the year of like the father of these two kids Okay, that she would kill him upon his return home and had an angel there to help her dispose of the body She also mentioned that she could not trust father and that she would not only kill him

But would destroy him financially. So is the angel moroni? Uh, I know I don't know. No, no, no. She's just marrying moroni. Moroni's busy. He's busy. Okay. I got it He can't be there doing all this day-to-day fucking horses, right? So her so now her That man's sister Okay, woodcock told fox 13 that she and her husband would routinely talk to her brother about whether it's possible to somehow Overcome his wife's new beliefs and save the marriage. This is my main problem with Mormonism It's the same story as the missing woman susan powell that their main concern is but can you make your marriage work though?

Yeah, she's threatening to kill you and says she can't trust you and that your real name's nick schneider But don't you think that you guys could talk it out and it's like no man get divorce. Just fucking leave leave Uh, but he was obviously done though, Henry. Easy. I know I know who likes to pack Packing is the worst so stressful. Yeah, it's so stressful. So it is it's just wild So now He obviously comes home first of all if you if you are away on a business trip If Natalie called me right now and said baby, uh, you know that I'm god I'm gonna but I have to tell you this your real name is

Learn crefner. I believe her and I was like I'm learn crefner Yeah, I was like I'll play the character of learn crefner means like we could still make love to each other and have a happy home No, learn crefner doesn't make love. He makes fuck Yeah, I do what I'll do whatever I got to do is learn crefner I'll do that that sex move where where the woman's like She's hanging off the couch and you're behind you, but it's like it's like doggy style But upside down like she's underneath her taint. Well, now how would she watch the tv then? I actually it's a perfect advantage for the tv, but you have to watch it upside down

But I'm you saying but what I would say is if you're receiving all these of you see if someone if you're on a way in a business trip Someone's telling they're gonna fucking kill you when you return Take a couple of days off. Oh, absolutely Stay wherever that office conference is maybe book a couple extra days in that hotel Maybe it's a margaritaville a similar margaritaville. I stayed out in florida. Have fun Do you remember the that really nice hotel we stayed at norlando? They were technically a disney result You stayed at disney's disney resort. You just stay there a couple extra days Kind of let like maybe some of the steam out like she can do all this kind of bullshit

Well, you know Do get maybe somebody be stop being as mad or or maybe moroni will tell her that she's wrong You never know with these prophecies. You never know do what jack Nicholson told kobe bryant to do When he was given advice to a 19 year old kobe bryant on the basketball court heat up Get loose. Get loose get loose. Oh, actually with my voice being as bad as it is I think I do a pretty good jack Nicholson. I'll tell you what Good jack Nicholson. That's my jack Nicholson. Oh, it's good. So charles valo. He obviously he filed for divorce This was pretty crazy. Uh, he also accused laura of threatening to kill him if he got her in her way

This is according to k woodcock. She says this is about this is about charles She says he was highly concerned about it her emotional state her mental. He should have been He should have been highly concerned. Yes. He was highly concerned about it Her emotional state her mental state and the fact that she had made threats about him It all culminated it all culminated into that cult that she is in so what do you do? So if you're in a relationship though And all of a sudden one day your spouse comes home. They truly have changed They call it a rebirth a rebirth being reborn being born again

This can be either a spiritual thing or someone just comes home dressed in all maga gear and you're like what happened We were just fine normal just fucking leave You gotta go that is the cleanest break in the world That's the cleanest break in the world because they're not even there emotionally anymore You could probably you'll get them served and sign paperwork and be like This uh moroni wants you to sign this yeah He actually came to me in a dream last night and he said that he wants you to sign this and have us divorced He's just like moroni really knows what he's talking about and so she'll sign it and you know, you know, then you're done

You're out, but so chat daybell. Okay her new husband His wife former wife tammy daybell He died Two days she died within two weeks prior to his marriage with lori vala. Whoa, so chat daybell has killed His wife they don't know yet They think that she they said they believe that she died for natural causes But their body has now has been exhumed so that they can do a proper autopsy on her. This shit's fucking insane

I mean in many ways isn't getting strangled to death a natural cause you know And so apparently tammy daybell had called 911 and the days prior to her death She said she reported a man pointing a paintball gun at her. Uh, uh, this is so you gotta look at this So number one we I'll put a little number out here They have in the end of the article is anybody has either seen jj vala or tiley ryan Call 208 359 3000 or 1 800 the lost Which is a very intense phone number and the 1000s caller will be Signed up for free to the publishing clearing house, which is back publishers clearing house is back

And what my understanding is They'll bring you that money right to your front door. They will But this is this is one of those stories that I feel like this could come out I'm going to listen to this podcast that they did but it's I I don't it's a two person cult A two person can you can it be a two person cult? Isn't that just a fucked up friendship? I don't know man. I actually I wonder because in a way A marriage is kind of like a little business, right? It's it's a it's a thing like getting getting married

And you are creating sort of a A because finances are involved all this kind of shit happens are merging of two people's lives So I think that two people in a way Can form a little cult especially if people are dying because of it I think that in a way, it's like the smallest most intimate cult of all because it's just a feedback loop between two people Spur in each other on Obviously, uh, they must be filled with sexual intensity. I really do believe there's a part of that weird There's a there's a of course Mormon sexual intensity that can kind of zip through your body because you have to be fucking

To make more kids. I suppose so. It's very Amish Um, but I think you need a third member of a cult though because you need a cuck Every cult has to have a cuck character. Otherwise, it's not a cult at all How do you know you're powerful if you have no one beneath you? They killed him Ah, this is according to k. Woodcock. She says we knew it was murder. We knew charles's death wasn't a justifiable homicide It was like they set him up. So it looks like the woodcocks They they're putting on their detective caps So it seems like they solved a lot of the issues here

This is how you know it's a cult what they're involved in is that they said preparing a people Is part of a media company that films speakers on a variety of topics not affiliated with any specific religion Hmm color my media owners michael and nancy james wrote in the company's website It's not a group and it's not a cult Or something people join But as educational lecture events that can be attended or watch on video. All right Well, they do have a jokes. They do have a church spokesman Eric Hawkins who has ironically did a lot declined to comment. What theoretically his entire job

What? He's supposed to be talking. There's a there's a spokesman So julie row a self-described visionary and energy worker who says she has been long friends with debil with like the energy workers My my mom's working with they're all trying to make her cheat on her with against my father No, no one is making your mother cheat on your father. All your mother does No, your mom is just talking to other adults and you are crazy She keeps all they keep off her motorcycle rides and boat rides. Let your mother live a little bit. I want her to I want her to Uploaded a video. So she uploaded a video on her website defending him and claiming his innocence and the children's

Disappearances and the death of his previous wife that this is she is Defending debil the new julie chad debil this energy worker has come out of the woodwork To just defend chad debil and julie row when she says energy worker. We're not talking like con Edison No, I don't believe this is a much more loose interpretation of energy. Yeah, she's not on the line. No, no No, so she said debil repeatedly told her that he had a vision of tammy's death like he was planning it Row claimed to have the same vision like she helped Plan her murder. No, it's visions. Henry. It's no it's a plan It's if you're just if you're making yourself have a vision as a plan

So according to julie my angels tell me that chad debil is being falsely accused that the suspicious death of his wife I have talked to tammy's spirit and she said Chad's got nothing to do with it. Oh, so god, what's clear then? Interesting. I wonder if she is she the greatest witness to have in court for your defense or the No, worst witness ever. I don't mind having a witness that's wearing a see-through shirt and a wig Right. I don't mind that but they have to be fucking on the money and they better have a lot of receipts So two days before Thanksgiving Officers were already very concerned about the children going missing and they checked on lorry and chad

Right because it calls a worry family members. Sure, of course investigators said the couple claimed JJ and ty lee were visiting relatives in arizona. So the two miners Had left and were visiting relatives in arizona alone on Thanksgiving You know how kids are they don't want to go to disneyland. They don't want to go to places that might be fantastical appear towards children They want to go to arizona where they want to go to be lost in the energy where you can still get lost in the desert And be eaten by birds. No, they want to be frightened at the airport not understanding how to get through security

That's what they want. They want that's what they want. No help kids hate help And see what they discovered this lie immediately. It's not like they had to go and check it out I guess investigators return to the home the next day if you are the parents aren't like in your investigators Isn't it the excuse being like my kids left to arizona? Isn't that also kind of an interesting isn't that like aren't you not good parents then you're the parents Right, you didn't take them they just left they took a bus So next day they came and discovered when they discovered that whole thing was a lie They came in some for some reason lory and shad had left town get out of here

So now they are gone. They are on the run. We don't know where these two kids are And the sheriff's deputies searched the daybills home They removed 43 items including cell phones computers medication and journals and I can only imagine the medication Needs to be taken by those people. I can only imagine the insanity that those journals Contain and the porno on the computers must be ultimately fascinated I mean if it's anything like some of the some of that documentary footage I saw about Mormon women and their missionary work and and the way they rich out though some of those Mormon girls I mean, it's just important for them to be doing that work. So whatever it happens

That's one of the interesting things here about last podcast on the left uh, the Mormon series was heavily researched extremely uh in depth and involved educational and the The reason why we got into it was because Henry started looking at Mormon porn No, Marcus started it Marcus started with Mormon porn And then he was like and now we have to cover all of Mormonism because he squished it to a series of gals And I don't like the fact that I I scooped to the same fucking shit that Marcus scoops But at the same time, I mean like You know if if the dick comes, you know, you mean

I'm pretty sure scooping is when the cum goes back into your penis. It's very I try to do it I try to do it. It's kind of fun. I'm like eat your soup Eat your soup You are disgusting All right, so that story we will keep you up to date on what's going on there. Hopefully they find those children I hope they huh. They're dead though, right? No, I don't want to say that but I know it's not the odds are they're not here. It's not did nothing's good No, nothing's good about it

All right. Well, also talking about nothing's good. You know, it's also not coming back because that could be found as neil pert Drummer rush. He fucking died. He died. Yes, but yeah, I didn't answer that wasn't uh, there's nothing to tell you Is there I'm looking up to you neil pert fucking I hope you got the most fucking rockiness drum rig in the whole world. You can finally go full 360 without having to be strapped to your stool So Good ups to you fucking neil pert and I hope you're fucking kicking Beethoven off the piano and playing drums on the piano up into heaven Well, that doesn't make any sense But you know Keith moon is up there in heaven rocking every Saturday night at heavens

Whatever there if there was a make-believe cafe up there I love to see Keith moon and neil pert played drums Just for hours all at each other in all drum band I think I could take just the right amount of weed edibles and enjoy a band that is just five drum sets And everyone's got to sing at some point bad man. I could fucking be high enough for a lot of shit Yeah, well speaking of masturbation and murder this guy this story is insane Crystal math man can crystal math it doesn't let you down It's no man. It's very inspiring lives up to its name. Right people love crystal math. They absolutely love it

They really do because it gives you certain powers. You feel like a superhero. Yes You're also now a felon because you've done something horrible but that amount of If you could just harness the the one the the one minute rush at the peak of the meth experience Right before it goes downhill and then all of a sudden you're in a bank And you're taking a dump and you're asking for your for your for your sucker And they're like we don't give suckers to people who are not Uh people people who know I'm talking about one of these fucking suckers

Whoa suck on your own dick and the middle bank. That's horrible. You know what is about meth is that it gives you a lot of confidence It's kind of like those tampon commercials where it shows like a woman like riding a horse and playing tennis and growing grocery shopping But with meth you could do all of it at once It's the same time and you could be bleeding from parts of your body I just watched that south park episode where kartman got his period because he had a bloody asshole Oh, that's a great one. So this dude his name is andrew. I believe it's fry. It's f re y could be fray But andrew fry he was high on crystal meth He was masturbating and that's when a bunch of cops went over and were like, yo bro

You can't really publicly masturbate and andrew fry. He had a different opinion. He ended up fighting all 15 officers Before they finally took him into custody and stopped and before they finally took him into custody But the entire time he was fighting off these officers He was also Fighting off his own penis, but he was masturbating well fighting 15 cops. Wow, that is crystal meth I didn't realize that you could get so aroused on crystal meth. I figured it was one of those almost like cocaine and whiskies Where major penis kind of be like clocked out for the weekend No, dude, crystal meth makes you hornier than ever. Have you ever watched one of these videos?

I I've seen there was a it was like this old man It was talking about how he's like, uh, you know, film people need to be agro Some people won't want to do that. But sometimes you gotta lose you hit that rock You hit that rock and then what happened is y'all dick. It's so thick. It's so big So fuck so long and so ready to come he tippy a dick. It's so sensitive You don't even have to fucking touch you. You just let look at it. It comes and it comes That is very exciting. What video where'd you find that video? Look up meth hard-ons No, I mean it up

Okay, you know I do a lot of shit on the internet. All right, so I see it all I you are a man who has seen it all I see it all So fry later reportedly told authorities that he took methamphetamine and couldn't remember the obscene incident He has been arrested for indecency theft of services and of course resisting arrest Yeah, the sad part the sad part really is he was also tased So this guy had a hell of a day

That is a day That is a big long day But can you imagine being so high that you don't remember jerking off into fighting 15 police officers? I feel like no matter how fucked up I have ever been in my life I just feel like I would remember like Something would stick in my in my frontal brain and just be like oh what happened last night And then at some point I would be like I fought 15 officers while I was masturbating You know what it is is that I think it's not that you directly forgot

But I think you like wake up and you're in a gl cell And you're all fucking this should be out of you. Oh, yeah, um, you're wearing not your clothes No, you're wearing stuff that the the the police department gave you and while you were in your meth haze you were In a form of contrast and you were making decisions at the time that seemed fucking rock solid and you were super excited about it You wanted to show these cops it not only could you physically beat them, but you could also come Right, which is a huge embarrassment to them the fact that he could hold them off long enough so that he can come Oh my god officer smorgasbord just you can see that come just hitting his badge

And he just has to look and just be like why did I choose this profession? What am I doing here? Just know for a fact that if you come on a police officer you're gonna be getting you're getting anklets Oh, they're really gonna they're gonna put you through the ringer if at all possible Oh, yeah, this guy you wake up and then so I think you got a lot of hints as to what happened You're like I remember a lot of activity yesterday. Um, I remember I went and got a smoothie Um, I picked up some blue for my buddy spider Then I saw six hours of golden girls, but now I'm here

And so I feel like you do piece and all together once you get a helpful nudge from the police So when they describe all your actions, then the full picture comes back. Absolutely. Hopefully you can kind of figure that out there So there you go folks be careful on crystal meth. I would just say kind of stay away from it in general Even if you have to drive long distances Just take the the trucker speed is all you need Honestly with the I understand a lot of people trying to get coffee, but meth's not the way No green tea I don't this this whole anti coffee thing. I've had some friends who went anti coffee. I don't know

I think I'm gonna stick with coffee. I like coffee. I just love it I just like coffee and the that's what I'm doing whenever we go over to europe They say oh, do you want some breakfast tea? There ain't no caffeine in that There's there is technically, but it's not like it's not our good caffeine. I don't know too much caffeine That's not weapons grade caffeine. No, I need to be I need to be I'm set with myself for something. I did in fourth grade. That's what I know It's a great cup of coffee when you finish it and then you're like god damn it Why didn't I sing properly? All right? We're gonna do hero of the week before that

I'm a little bit late to the game here. Henry. What I'm a little late to the game I finally watched don't fuck with cats It's very good right mignada if you haven't seen that out there It's the first episode sucks to watch because it like they show way too much of this video of cat's died No, I am it ruined our night. Oh, yeah It was not a nice night But that three part series luke mignada He is a character and the people that found him those internet nerds. I love them so much

They are very enthusiastic. They are internet sleuthing Like they were so fun the way they would dissect all the pictures and be like, where's the doorknob from? Where it's electrically out of it didn't help they did they didn't actually help But because nobody listened to them. Yes. No, it's very sad And also luke mignada is a very interesting cat that we should probably do an episode on at some point And the reason I bring it up Henry is because I do have one question Do you remember when they're talking to luke's mother and luke is telling her all about this horse? And I don't want to spoil this situation. She reminds me so much of uh, uh, andrew cananen's mother

She is so sadly Um, just out of touch. She created a horrible person and yes, she just can't address that But there is a hand in in the footage Of the first murder of the cats at the very end of the footage. Do you remember that, Henry? Yes, there's like that second hand their second hand, but they never explain Who's hand that is? No, so I don't know. Maybe someone can email side stories lpotl at gmail.com if you have any information on who the hell's hand that is

Because someone else was in the room when he first killed those cats There's a lot of shit going on, but then luke mignada even now he's just he did another interview with himself online I have to find it. We should play it on the show. He did another interview They said it was an interviewer with a robot voice, but it was him He created a thing from jail saying that he was a part of some massive conspiracy that there's other people involved And that he was making these snuff films for the u.s. government That's what the whole line that he fed his mother. You should watch the documentary series It's very interesting the only conspiracy theory i'm buying for 2020 hindsight 2020 luke mignada killed jeffrey eppstein

Which I think is not Maybe I I don't know i'm still with the papa on that one I'm still watching we're still waiting for the papa and what he finally does and reveals his reckoning And i'm telling you what we either roll with it or get rolled over by it Absolutely and there is more information coming out about the eppstein situation regarding the um the the footage that afterwards after the Suicide all of a sudden was deleted. So he deleted it. They deleted it. This is just getting to be so So stupid man

It's so bad man. I don't even know. I don't know how to even approach it anymore. I'm so lost Well, henry and I will keep you updated on the eppstein thing We'll do it. We'll talk about we'll do that more in length because we talked about the day of or the day after And then a whole bunch of weird informations come out So we'll do everything so contradictory that it's so difficult to really piece it all together and obviously now all the cases are closed Also, uh before I believe it was the fourth accuser of kevin spacey also died That's another thing we really have to talk about. I don't know what maybe he really is I don't know. What's the face of the illuminati because he made the double christmas videos you talked about that enabling his top at

Support that show. Please listen to it. Thank you. Um He made the double christmas videos. He's getting scarier And now the fourth accuser is dead. He I don't know. He is either the luckiest rapist to ever live He is yeah, or he is luckier than the golden state killer. I guess or our president Yeah, or our president. He literally Somehow got away with all of this shit. His victims are mysteriously dying and I really wonder I I wonder if he has a hand in it. I I don't know We have lost one friend worth. We have lost one friend rest in peace k k b january 22nd this year

Think about kevin. That'll be the one year. Um death. What do you say anniversary death of her? I don't know. It's very sad anniversary Yeah, it's very very sad, but we know one person that's died. How do you magically somehow? Have four people within one year that just so happened to accuse you of rape just dead I don't know and why is it seems like it's a massive coincidence But don't you think that should be it has not touched the news? Yep. Isn't that weird? It is real weird It's almost like there's a gigantic cabal that runs all medium And we have one friend on the inside in LA and inside of there and hopefully he can Let us see what they do. Um, all right. Well, let's talk about hero of the week

You know we talk about gamers all the time and sometimes it's very negative because they swat each other And they send horrible people to people's homes and I like get people killed I like gamers. I think it's a fun activity to do. I'm getting into it So the parents of a teenager he suffered a seizure while chatting online They thanked his friend who called emergency services from 5,000 miles away adan jackson He was talking to an american gamer from his bedroom Oh, and his friend 20 year old de la thorah from texas alerted police in the uk The first adan's parents knew of the emergency was when police and an ambulance appeared at their front door

The liver pool echo reported caroline and steve jackson then rushed upstairs to find their son Extremely disoriented. Mrs. Jackson 48 said we were at home watching tv and adan was upstairs in his room The next thing we noticed was two police cars outside with flashing lights Now usually it's a parent and you're like, what has my children been doing? What is my child doing on the internet? Yes, this is horrible. Like why are you here? I assumed they were in in the area for another reason and then they ran up to the front door They said there was an unresponsive mail at the address. We said we hadn't called anyone and they said a call came from america I immediately went to check on adan and found him extremely disoriented adan and a seizure

Miss jackson added we are extremely grateful for what dea did and shocked that we could be downstairs And not know anything that was happening. So hero of the week is de la thorah from texas Thank you so much from 5000 miles away saving this person who was having a seizure unbeknownst to his parents I also love this story of the tortoise that singlehandedly is saving the tortoise population in galapagos island by being one of the horniest Turtles on record where it's fucking so much that it replaced the entire species on the island That's incredible. Yeah, you read that story? No, I haven't I had a great story. I didn't see that one. I'm gonna I'm gonna google uh horny tortoise galapagos Yeah, let's see what happens. I wouldn't see what comes up

Okay Horny tortoise galapagos. Oh, we got the galapagos tortoise. Oh, let's see here. I'm not finding anything about the horny That's the key word horny is the operable word. Oh, I see I put in horby That's the problem is big old fat Horny tortoise saves entire species via sex. Oh, this was this is a kind of an old school story It's a bit old. It's from 2016. Oh, it's you that's a god damn it No, I think damn it. No, you know what we weren't even doing side stories

So we got a lot of work to do we do a lot of work to do all right I got some really good letters that I want to write. You know the name of the tortoise What it's diago Hmm Sexy diago the tortoise that is This is very cute Okay, I have two of the more interesting letters We've ever had on the show and one of the one of the grossest single things I've ever read. So let's go through this

So This comes from e I works in aerospace engineer focusing on counter drone measures last week ben panicked about gave domestic terror ideas about nerds Strapping grenades to drones for a swarm attack. I did not give the ideas. I am you put it out there You inspired people. I love it. I'm happy that you did. It's not the I think the idea has already been created I am a mirror of society and if you don't like what you look at Well, then maybe you need to change the world we're living in. Whoa. Yeah, but whoa, what is it captain planet? Unfortunately his panic is already a reality with all of his fears almost spot-on

There have already been multiple instances of drone swarms of around a dozen homemade drones attacking a russian airbase in syria The drones using the as attacks are bigger than the kind you would get for christmas But as you can see in one of the links, they're basically a motor attaches some hobby electronics and foam board held together with tape This was also an attempt to assassinate the president of venezuela in 2018 using explosive strap to two commercially available drones When it comes to strapping a grenade to a drone It is already a common tactic to take drones You get at christmas like a dji phantom Attach a metal tube to it stuff a grenade inside and wire a drop mechanism to drop the grenade over the target

Recently this tactic backfired when an ices fighter's drone ran low on battery automatically return home to the pilot and blew himself up I actually had something very similar happen to me. I've been playing division two again Which means I've been staying up until eight o'clock in the morning and I had a drone situation that exploded above my head And I was just I was this is real. This is actually very real. Oh, this is real. Okay Defending sick kids drones is a major area of rnd and also a major concern since most event systems Don't scale down to drones for one They're so small that it can be difficult to detect them from background noise

Additionally, if they're detected they can have erratic movement making them hard to hit unlike say a mortar Which is small but follows a calculable trajectory Finally, it's also a numbers game some current missile tech can detect and take out a drone But that's using a million dollar ammunition to take out a thousand dollar toy bought at Best Buy I hope I don't scare you guys too much. You don't you're actually exciting me. I think it's looking awesome I love all this chaos. I mean, we know what's happening I but there's a lot of interesting developments out there in the counter drone world like lasers and net guns And then hopefully it can calm bend down soon, but I don't want you to be calm down

I say fucking everyone should be vaguely scared. Hey, buddy. I ain't scared. I'm ready to go get your You know, I have my my salt gun that I've been taking out the flies with And maybe I'm gonna get a net gun to take out these damn drones. I am team anti drone I always will be they're just used for peeping no ones everyone's like, oh you can use it to film your next big movie You can use it for artistic reasons There are very few artistic minds in this world It's just going to be used to other look at your own sister or your neighbor's sister nude while showering Or maybe a girl is going to look at her 14 year old friend

That's a male and you know nine times out of 10. You'll be masturbated It's not like that all the time and again I think everybody should be free to do whatever they want for their drones If you saw we talked about Henry, you're the first one if you saw drone in your backyard that did not belong to you You I could I know what you're gonna throw your coffee cup at it. You'll get a tv at it Yeah, but that's fucking fair game, buddy. That's how it is man. It's a love and war. That's how it is It's supposed to be just it's a big we're not supposed to be a role in love and war It says it into the book. There's a book. I know that but we're not at war

So listen to this one if every day is a war every day is a warrior every each man is a war That's from dune now. Look at this this comes from a listen to this story. This is fucking wild Okay, two things you should know I have a secret security clearance that I worked in a tactical operation center The majority of my iraq deployment two things. I know it wasn't ours and I have never seen anything like it I was deployed 2008 2009 in the southeastern part of iraq My job was to oversee parts of operations and communicate with units in our area of operation at the brigade level I remember that it was late at night. I had a 12 hour shift every day from night until morning

Now in this tactical operation center or trc as I will refer to it We could sometimes see what uavs in the area could see on a screen Which uav is a unmanned aerical vehicle. It's one of the things that they call a Drone in the middle. Yes, and you can listen to henry mention uavs when we release this year's live show special It'll be coming out Sometimes soon we have to edit it and do a whole series of things. We have a lot of henry's alien segment is It's thick. It's thick So on this night, it was pretty quiet. No attacks around and things were going smoothly

I had a running less at all times of the events of the past 24 hours Which sometimes contain things like small arms fire Indirect fire but nothing much that day and I was thankful So our uav picked something up in the distance. Most of us there weren't paying too much attention at the time Slowly the uav closes the distance I won't go into details of which type of uav we had going at the time But it could fly overhead target your toenail and then put a bomb on it It was a damn good uav and quick too

As it closed in we saw it was a flying craft of some sort The fuck was exactly what I thought as it became clearer We were tracking with the uav a bit and started to get a few different angles on it It didn't seem huge Maybe even the size of a uav or a human length wise The one thing that truly stood out to us and I will never forget Is that it had a vertical kind of dorsal wing at the top of it, but no horizontal wings How the fuck can something fly like that?

We're all kind of watching it and weird disbelief Air force has been called army has been called navy has been called it isn't ours the romanians the british the canadiens the australians Our iraqi army allies it isn't theirs Almost as if it noticed us getting ever so closer bang it banked hard left It was such a fast and abrupt acceleration the air force guys jaws dropped and said um, that's not possible Our uav gave chase but so slow We have incredible tech and the uav was top of the line. It struggled so hard to even get in the right direction That's how crazy acceleration of this thing was again. How with no horizontal wings

We eventually closed the gap again almost felt like it was letting us It should not feel as if we were chasing like the predators we were used to being More like it was toying with us like you would a child by running a little ahead So they would give chase Again close enough to get a clearer picture than banked again I don't remember which ways it was going but it was sporadic and it didn't seem to have a clear goal If I remembered correctly though, it did seem to have a propulsion from the rear This went on until it banked and then just kept going it left one of the most leading

innovations in uav uav tech in the absolute Dust the entire event from seeing it to leaving it lasted just under an hour the major in charge along with the other higher ups Really had no idea what to call it let alone what to do about it I asked the major what to write it up as as the event. He said well, I guess we just put down ufo So I did there was over 20 of us who witnessed the ufo We were all pretty speechless none of us really talked about it much because it would just be pure speculation plus surely someone in the Infinite wisdom of the u.s military had to know what it was

As you can imagine being in our being in a war our thoughts turn quickly to other events and we forgot about it I can totally forget though. I can't totally forget though because it was so insane. It wasn't ours. It was something else damn Well, and of course where the military uh military fields the in military theater in the in the theater of war That's a great place for extraterrestrials or for uavs to be because there's so much Stuff going and flying around the skies all new technology like we released new tech every year Everyone in in the middle east is like oh, what are they gonna kill us with this year? And we're like oh cool We gave our drones a smile. Oh cool fun, but that's very cool very very cool

Um, and now I'm gonna I'm gonna read this. I don't know why I'm gonna read this letter So hopefully you can tend to listen to the show afterwards. I don't know what this is about this You tell me how you see how you react to this. Well, um, how now so you said it's the grossest letter We've ever received. I don't know why it is in what war in what realm is it gory or you're gonna listen Okay, besides the one of the dog chewing on the paralyzed woman's foot that was wild That was that was insane and and you know what dogs don't usually do that you want to be careful when you pass out in a stupor Okay, so this comes from m I'm answering an inquiry from your last side stories about if it's okay to let your pets suck on your toes

Oh my I'd say it's probably fine, but for me personally you read you're reading this one comfortable. Yep Oh, he's about to share I used to have this cat that was very sweet, but very mentally handicapped She loved licking people and groomed the heroes in their arms and it was just innocent cat antics. It's handicapped Yes, handicapped I sleep naked and one night I woke up to the oddest sensation right near my kuchi I woke up to find that the cat had gotten into my room under my covers and had groomed all of my pubes with her tongue until they were all slicked out

I hadn't shaved in a good while and while I had a full bush in my pubic mound lavy and around my asshole and she'd gotten almost all I freaked out and launched her off the bed and ran to the shower I'll never forget being woken up at the sounds of wet lapping seeing her cross-eyed gaze fixated on my pubes The next day I had to clean up her hairball that was probably full of my hair I have never been the same since And I don't know why that's bad. I feel like it's actually well, I guess you know a cat can do whatever it wants And just something about it's the waking up to it. No, it's disgusting I read this in our side stories email

And I just kind of I I just kind of left it. I was like, all right I thought it was interesting. No, it is. I don't know if it's interesting It's definitely disgusting and you never know what cats are up to That's why it is like don't fuck with cats on the internet But also you gotta realize sometimes a cat does need to be thrown across the room sometimes. Yeah Yeah, but yeah, you know what I would say in your body is disgusting. I think it's great It's just something about it being all full of your pubic hair that just kind of the but I guess at the same time I guess in a way it's like a lucky cat. No, it's not a lucky cat

It's like a cat that's in a barbershop that only trims pubic hair And it's looking up all the floors because they don't want to clean it up with us with a broom It was not a lucky cat. This cat had no idea what it was up to It just followed a bunch of hair somewhere technically just loved it I love every minute of this. Well, this is a great episode We're in good shape. You and I both look we sound good. We feel good Um god, it's good man. God. I love getting god is god is good. I really really feel um, I feel so healthy You know technically I should I do feel good and if you're out there and you're doing your sober dry january

Do it So if you're out there you do a little dry january try to hang in there as long as possible But you know what I said, Henry if I do want to get a beer I'm gonna let myself have a beer Because you don't want to you don't want to you don't want to hit yourself with a with a spoon I don't believe in and saying like that's what I've said before. I'm not it's not that I quit smoking cigarettes I'm not smoking cigarettes now So it never has to feel like a thing that I'm withholding for myself

Exactly because then your body is like I want it. I want it. I want it. It's just very bizarre because it's like Me deserves it. Exactly. Um, all right, everyone. Well, thank you all so much for listening. We are super excited to see you in april We're going to be hitting the road and uh, it's just going to be a wonderful wonderful time So if you're in Lubbock, this is the this every single segment of every single show we're doing is going to be called Last podcast talks to Lubbock if you're in Lubbock, this is a big deal for Marcus Marcus gotta come to see this show if you don't show up to this show It will be like having to have him I'm gonna have a birthday party and then no one comes no one comes then then Marcus is going to spiral spiral spiral

And then you know what he's moving back to Lubbock, but he thinks he's Jesus Christ this time And next thing you know, he's mayor of Lubbock and you will regret the day. You didn't come out to our live show I think it's really good. It sounds like a really good opportunity for Marcus and I would don't want to take that from him No, don't come don't come to see what happens See what happens still your precious Lubbock when Marcus is in charge when big Marcus rolls back in the town Oh my god, it's gonna change last podcast on the left dot com Um, uh, check out the website. You can see all of our live dates there and we are so excited And we have also just finished signing half of the amount of copies that we have to sign for the book

We are I think 8,000 deep each Um, and my signature Henry, I have to say over time Sometimes my signature. Oh, it devolves. But then it devolves. It evolves. It just totally changed at one point. We talked about this It's so funny. It's a weird phenomenon where it's like, I was like, how do I how do I write? It was like by by like box five. I was like, how do how do men write? I totally forgot I had to I had to actively folk and my signature is just so funny. Yes. It's so funny Anyway, so we are excited for the book tour everyone. Yes, and also subscribe on Spotify February 14th We're going exclusive. We can't wait to begin our work with them. Just fucking roll on over and hit the subscribe button

It's exactly the same as any other app. I've now gone exclusively to Spotify. Do you still listen to podcasts? That's great I love it and keep on supporting all the shows here on last podcast network Travis Morningstar and I are really kicking some ace on ablingon's top hat So please support that show support wizard and the bruiser page seven page seven all of the shows on the network because Oh, hopefully within these next few years We can have all the shows humming along and everything is doing every show right now is going great And thank you all for your support and and also the news show for page seven pop history is a lot of fun Yes, in-depth look and different pop culture figures and all it's good. It's really if they're they're doing really good work

I was fucking laughing my ass off listening to it the other day And kind of fun the wrestling podcast Katie and I sort of changed the format We're going to be giving you wrestling news along with one story In evergreen story. So this past episode we discussed how Scott Hall aka Reza Ramon Actually killed someone when he was a bartender at a bar. He shot him in the head and it's very interesting That's awesome. Good for him. I guess bad for him You know, he got through it to be fair Henry the guy the guy kind of had it coming. You don't miss Scott Hall is six foot eight Like yeah, you don't fuck with him. No, he made a mistake

So live your life every day like you are Hungover looking for pancakes and you're about to get them You're so you're so buckwheat horny and you're about to slide in your gullet You know how soft and succulent they are and they know how fill and how guilty you're going to feel afterwards And you're going to love it. So if I can get into it, you got to laugh like you got a big fluffy stack of pancakes In front of you and you've been thinking about them for weeks Seems like you're still thinking about it. Honestly, I love pancakes and I honestly had incredible pancakes It was over at the um, what was the name of this diner in Atlanta

It was a diner thumbs up diner. There you go. Okay. I like thick really good and then laugh Laugh like you just skip the whole family of seven that are patiently waiting But because they're they spend all this time fucking breeding not eating there alone But when you eat in a restaurant alone You get to slide in and just sit up at the bar. Yeah, you don't have to talk to anybody You don't have to entertain these people You can just do whatever the hell it is that you want and sit in silence and eat and no one eat like no one's watching Top tier top tier service when you go in alone. I love it. It's one of my favorite things to do mine too

All right, everyone. Thank you all so much for listening. Never forget. Hail yourselves. Hail Satan maghustalations Help me And get some tea kissle. I'm gonna get a bunch of tea if you have any recommendations Not gossip not the gossip kind the gossip kind. What do you mean? It's a fucking term. It's a term kissle Oh, it's a term. Well, I stand that term I stand it I eat of everything that we've ever done if you have any suggestions last podcast on the left

Or no last but what is it side stories helpiotl.com? Oh my god Just shoot me an email and be like kissle eat this and if you say gargle come I might just do that So when you don't take whatever suggestion you got don't even play all right purse See fuckers this show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors

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