Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Hot Mic

Episode Date: October 7, 2026

Henry & Eddie are back in New York City with this week’s weird news, digging into Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s prison phone calls and the conversations she probably should’ve remembered were being recorded. THEN! A cheesesteak assault at Pat’s King of Steaks has Ed questioning the state of Philadelphia, the Christa Pike case sparks a unique discussion on capital punishment, a Red Lobster customer allegedly fakes a medical emergency to dodge his bill, Listener Stories of dogs with a taste for human flesh, cobra venom injections, and MORE! For Live Shows, Merch, and More Visit: www.LastPodcastOnTheLeft.comKevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of Last Podcast on the Left ad-free, plus get Friday episodes a whole week early. Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast. On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. I'm not even joking.

I have a full Lars von Trier outfit now. Does it come with a tutu? No. No. I got... This is hilarious. Does it come with pants? How's that jack built?

Sweatpants. How's the jack-built sweatpants? sweatpants? Yeah. I fucking hate that movie. I love that movie. Well, it was a good as far as like a killer movie goes. You know, have I told you why this movie makes no sense?

Spoiler alert for House the Jack Bill. Oh, great. You know, all right, so he keeps all the bodies in a walk-in cooler. Yeah. For 40 years, we expect that walk-in to fucking work. I don't need your fucking cheese state,

knowledge. No, no, no. No. There's no. way that the cooler's going to work for 40 years. It's got nothing to do with the actual plot of the film. What are you talking about? It's the entire plot of the film. The whole movie. The whole movie, he puts the bodies. What do you mean it's a fantasy? I'm sorry, I even brought this up. Welcome to side stories. It doesn't wear. I was trying to brag about my new

swag. I appreciate the swag. I was trying to say I have a melancholy a shirt on. I have an Antichrist hat that I haven't worn yet. I'm scared to watch that movie. Why? Because it's a penis smashing. Chaos. Ray. I like that part of it. I've seen that on a loop. The penis smashing part is truly one of my favorite moments

in all of cinema. Really? Yeah, I love that. I remember the first time I saw it, I was on so much cold medication and that I was like, I'd smoked the ball, it was a bunch of cold medication.

The old time I'm watching Antichristis going, fuck yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah. So how's the jackbilt pants? It's just how's the jackbelt down the leg? Oh, okay. It's so stupid.

Does he have his own merch story? I'm sitting here with Lars von Trier. I would say realist at Larson. I like Melancholia. I love Melancholia. I love Melancholy. You don't like any of his movies? I don't think I've seen any of the other ones.

Guess what we're doing the movie stories. No, I don't want to do it. I want to do fucking breaking the waves with you. If we get a second season. Oh, that's him? Yeah. I like breaking the waves. See?

Oh, wait, right? The one that where the guy can't fuck. Is the Irish movie with Samantha Morton? Yeah, there where the guy can't fuck. fuck and then he has to go and she has to go and fuck outside the village. That's really that's a really good movie. Yeah yeah Lars von Treer, that one. There's also great. There's a bunch

of movies we've never seen just like Paul Verhoeven and I'll build. They'll be just as delightful. I'm sure they'll be just as delightful. But back to the house to Jack Bill. There's no way the fucking walking cooler is going to work for 40 years. It doesn't make any sense.

I will say I do trust HVAC guys to keep a secret. That's the one thing you do. I don't They will see bodies and be like, we didn't see nothing. Nothing. I said nothing. So it's a Polish man. Nothing.

I do not care. I've built more. I've made more bodies in my own time. In my own spare time, I've made more bodies in this. Getting very stinky in here, Jack. Thank you. And I am Lars von Trier fantasist, Henry Zabrowski. And I understand some stories are bigger than facts.

Yeah. All right. That's what this is about. So I'm sorry, open like that. We're here. We're in New York. Yeah. Love and Life.

It's been nice. I haven't really done anything yet. Yeah. Yeah, no, I haven't really smoked weed in the streets yet. And I already did that. I went to turn some tricks by Times Square. That's so nice. That was really nice.

I met. I'm going to open up my anus later, but I'm going to take it to the West Village where it's needed. I threw a quarter and a ground zero. Yeah? Just to have fun. Yeah. Just to make a wish. Just to go, bing, ping, ping, pump.

This one's for Jerry. This one's for Larry? There's got to be like nine. Just pick a name. Yeah, there's a bunch of. bunch of Larry's in there. You know, I will say, while we're bringing it up, the list of names, no accents or ennees. They decided it wasn't necessary to put the people's correct name down. But I'll tell you what, maybe, you know, Gutierrez doesn't get its Enye, but I'll tell you

what? Gutierrez wouldn't have an Enne. I don't know which ones do. The ones with the ends in them. Gutierrez doesn't have an end? Guantierrez, that's what it does. Yeah, Guantierrez. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But O'Reilly's got an apostrophe is my big complaint. I know, but it's because of all the Irish police. Just staring at that wall. Come and see us over at Brooklyn.

We're going to be at October 9th War at the Warsaw. Yeah, on Friday, two days from now. We're going to be at the Warsaw. And then on Sunday, we're going to be at the Webster Theater in Hartford. We're going to have a fucking blast. Come and see us there. There's only a couple tickets left. So don't sleep on this shit because they both are going to sell out.

It's great. Completely improvised show. Lots of stuff to talk about. You got some guests at the Warsaw. Joy L. Johnson's going to open for us. Oh, yeah, Joyelle. I can't fucking wait. That's going to be a blast. And we also got another special New York guest.

New York only guest. This is like you couldn't even guess who the guest is. You're going to love it. Come out to the show at the Warsaw. It's going to be a fucking blast. All right. So let's do some of this horseship. We got some updates.

Number one, Caleb Flynn. Our favorite low talent. What's his name? Not Harry. Who's the king? Who's going to be king? What do you mean? Oh.

The other one. The other one. What's his fucking name? Nick. Who gives a shit? I don't care about their names. Caleb Flynn, who looks like... Harry's the American.

So I know his name. The new American. Yeah. Harry, Caleb Flynn, who's looking like the poor, sad fuck, who's attached to Kate Middleton, is sentenced to life in jail for murdering his wife. He cried.

Of course he cried. Then when they show that, because we've been playing his music, the only thing he could do. We're huge fans of his music here. We've been playing it all week. I love to do it. I love how much water it took for him to use AI to write a love song about his mistress. The song, I mean, it was really bad, but it's a lot better if you listen to it on Molly.

You know, it really kind of brings it out. You can hear the love. You can really feel the love. But when he read the sentence, he burst in tears. Yeah. Because that's his go-to. He really, he's a crier. Absolutely.

Also, R-IP, Jim Baker. Woo! Bye-bye, baby. Televangelist, crybaby. Got his fingers dirty inside of Jessica Hahn. Miss her. Where's Jessica Hahn? I know Jessica Hahn's around.

I don't know where she would go. Maybe she's at that hotel they never built. Yeah, 67 years young. She used to be on Howard Stern quite a lot. Oh, that's why you know. Yeah. And so Jim Baker, who was famous, was the one that cried. who did the whole like, I have sinned.

Yes, he did. Because when he was caught in that big thing, he's a big old crier, he's finally dead. And that's kind of nice. Yeah, it's good for these fake Jesus guys to go to nowhere. You know what's nice about them is that all they've ever wanted to do was die. Yes. And so this is the most exciting part of their lives. Do you think he thought there was going to be a heaven?

No. See, pastors know for a certain there isn't one. And that's why they're stealing everyone's money. That's why they do so much crime. Yeah. Because they know it doesn't fucking matter. Right? And there's no punishment for them. It doesn't matter because there's only one go-around.

Yeah. And you might as well get your fingers inside of Jessica Hahn now. Too bad he couldn't use his penis. What do you think is wrong with it? No knuckle. I think that's what it is. He likes it to have a ring on it. And I think the problem with the cock ring is that it's at the very, very bottom. And that's the thing. You don't get it in there. You really got to, he wants to feel it rush up against the pubic bone. Listen, all right, Caleb's fucking going to prison forever.

Jim Baker's dead. The big one. Gypsy Rose's husband, Ken Urker. What happened? What's going on here? No idea. So this is crazy. This is what we know so far.

So those of you that live under a fucking rock in the true crime world, Gypsy Rose Blanchard, an American lady. She was convicted of Cohen. She conspired a murderer mother with her former boy. boyfriend, so she with Nicholas Goetajohn. She was infantilized by her mother, made famous by, you know, there was a television show about it. She essentially was, they believe it was Munchausen by proxy, which is now a different term, that her mother was using her for both social and economic benefit while posing that she was extremely mentally handicapped, sick, MS, cancer, bound to a wheelchair. It turned out all that was fake.

Gypsy Rose Blanchard in order to get out of this scenario, basically created a Finsta on Facebook, made her own separate little account, got out, met Nick Godi John, he showed up, stabbed her mother to death, and then she went to jail for about seven years. Nick GoTojohn, straight to life in prison. Of course. So he's cool in it in prison.

Yeah. Gypsy Rose. So he didn't kill Ken Unker. Erker? Ken Erker. Ken Erker. See, it gets a little complicated because, Nick Goetajan was her first boyfriend, right?

They broke up because he killed her mother. Gypsy Rose Blanchard is then now in jail. But she paid him. No. She just, no, she paid him with titties. Oh, I thought she, like, hired him as a hitman. No. Oh, no.

Oh, no. I don't know the story too well. She doesn't know who George Washington is. You know what I mean? Like, she doesn't know what numbers are. Okay. If you believe the story, right? So she loved this guy and then he killed the mom to save her life.

She manipulated the man. She essentially admitted she manipulated a slow adult by the name of Nicholas, go to John. Because that's the thing. Man was also as he was, let's just say not the shiniest rock in the till. Of course not. You know, so she convinced him to come help. He came help. She dropped him as soon as she didn't need him anymore.

Yes. G. Gapcy Rose Blanchard has now been in jail she was in jail for like seven years. She gets out. So we all have a lot of sympathy for a ship you wrote. You're fast forwarding

through a very important part. While in prison she gets engaged to Ken Urker dumps his fucking ass gets engaged to another dude. There's Ryan. I believe is Ryan Anderson. Something like that. Right. So yes, she played these two guys on and off of each other.

So she played that so she got married right out of jail. To Ryan Anderson. Yeah. Who is the only really is a way to describe him as if he is if yogurt had a head.

Right? He is just... I thought Ken Urker was the ugly one. They're both ugly, Eddie. They're both. I mean, Ken Arker, I'm sorry, RIP. RIP, Ken. But he's not...

He ain't going to hear this. He's half engaged a gypsy rose planchurch. Yes. Okay? So he's not Ryan Seacrest. Yes. No, for sure. You know, so these guys, they go, she's playing these guys off of each other.

Ryan Anderson is one where she has these series of calls with him, where she's seducing him. She's also talking to Ken Harker. They're going back and forth. But now we know several days ago Ken Hercr was found dead. Yeah. So you think Ryan Seacrest is like the hottest a man could be? I'm just saying. I'm just saying he's objectively very well put together.

You think so? Well, he's, he's six-year-old, still a twink. He's 60. He's something like that. If you're 60 and still a twink, that means, that's pretty crazy. That's like Alan Cumming level. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like you have to have that last name in order to really pull that off.

Very much so, because what's this, um, yesterday, as I was walking around, I went to a liquor store where an older man was explaining to the woman about how he's sick of big cocks. He just wants a guy with money. And I think that Ryan Cicris really hits that right down the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was trying to explain to him. I was trying to explain to him. Next thing we know, that's where I was talking about turning tricks. I was doing a lot of stuff.

It's been a long two days in New York. Hey, man. You've a new man, I could tell. Yeah, I feel great. Full von Trierd. I'm on Von Trierd, baby. Von Trierd, I'm ready to go. God, he would be great at the Gypsy Rose movie.

Oh, my God, with, oh, Samantha Morton. As Gypsy Rose. From Breaking the Waves. Yes. As Jimsy Rose Blanchard, holy fucking shit. That's pretty great. Where's her phone number? 6666-6-9-6-9.

That's amazing. So she's probably, let's go back to Jim C. Rose Blanchard. So Ken Hercr is found dead. So we know that he, it was his birthday, 34 years young. Wow. He definitely lived a hard 34 years. He also seduced a woman on fucking prison and death, in jail, murdering her mother.

So let's just say it takes it tight. So he was, it seems they were out for partying. Something happened, right? They'd recently broken up? Apparently. Separated. All of this stuff is, all of that is literal gossip portion. That's where we'll start to enter into the page seven world.

Because it's all like, it's very unclear what the timelines are. But what is clear is that within an hour of Ken Urker being found down. dead. Gypsy Rose Blanchard hit up TMZ to basically create some narrative like she's Hillary Clinton to say, hey, you know, oh, he died of an overdose,

I loved him so much. She had shut down all of her social media. And no one knows the cause of the death. Nobody knows. It still is not official. There's no toxicology report. There's no, they haven't done the autopsy yet. They found the bottle of pills next to him. Yeah, stuff that you could put next to somebody.

They also said that they found a syringe. that there was a paper towel that had marks with blood on it. But he wasn't known to use drugs. Not necessarily, but in prison calls, which we'll get into, it seems that this is all very murky. So these details, no one quite knows how even Gypsy Rose Blanchard knew those details. But she also went immediately on a press tour to say, oh my God, I can't believe it we mean. And so she turned on all of her social medias for the first time in years. Yeah.

She turned them all on to do these like slum. shows and she had a very definitive story and then now she's doing this, what is it, this Ken's law that she's trying to get made, right? So the same day, she put immediately? She put a change.org

petition up to make a law, a new law about habitual cyberbullying. That's Melania's cause. I know. No. Oh my God. What is Melania going to do? Yeah, she can't take Melania's bullshit. I would have to go back to

girls how to suck the dick of the crazy days. I will have to teach them how to suck their way to Iran. Yeah, right. Yeah, who knows? She has so many opportunities. Melania is looking great. Is she? Yeah.

I guess so. Sucking the life out of him. Still, yeah, man, that's still Barbara Bush for me all the way. Wow. Turn her inside out. Rosa Parks, Barbara Bush, Sally Field. Well, I mean, if I, Joanne Fabric's, is very lucky you closed.

Because that must have been you were fucking stomping grounds, dude. He just kind of hang out. Did you just pretend to be a mannequin? Did you cover yourself in yarn and hopefully they took you home? Un spool me. Yes, Barbara. I like all barbara. All barbara.

Well, lucky Barbara, so hopefully you're coming to Hartford. But so all of this is to say, like, so first, highly unusual. Yeah. Right? Why is this happening? Why did Kenirk her die? We don't know. So for a while, the one thing I didn't really want to get into because like I was trying, truly trying to give Gypsy Rose Blanchard the benefit of the doubt. I was hoping for the best for her, to be honest with you. I actually love that she's doing, maybe doing crimes again because it's great for us. Yeah. But for society, I was hoping that she would lay low, walk away, just do some fun, just end up on dancing with the star. end up in the House of Representatives.

She would have been great on dancing with the stars. She would have been awesome. Her, once Lauren Bobert's out of there, Gypsy Rose Blanchard, Lauren Bobert, that's the view. We need the Gypsy Rose Blanchard, Lauren Bobert, Hillary Clinton. I'm going to bring her back in.

And then Terry Hatcher. Terry Hatcher. Good new side person in there. That's the new view. Yeah. So all of this is, so for a while, because I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to get into what is currently happening on the YouTube's,

which is a very deep dive into all of the prison calls that have been done by Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Okay. Which is fascinating, that you can even get them, right? So, which is hilarious. You kind of listen to her talk about people even, like, spill the beans on those. Because they're fucking stupid, Eddie. You're right.

Because the promise is that what have we discovered a lot about criminals? is that very rarely are you a criminal with all of your mental faculties. Yeah, because you're desperate and you make a bad decision. That lack of impulse control, various antisocial problems that don't allow you to see the literal sense of certain scenarios. Yeah, you're stupid. Lack of empathy also is a big huge thing, like literally lack of emotional intelligence is a massive issue, right? So these morons didn't really comprehend that every single thing that they said in these prison phone calls are not only recorded, but you can get it through a FOIA request. So it's all out.

And what you see is at first it's very snarky because it's a lot of like, yes, Gypsy Rose Blanchard is, I'm going to say this right now, a ratchet ass bitch. Whoa, Henry. Sorry. Oh, my God. But she is. The large frontier is really coming out on you. coming through me. Because the way she speaks, right?

She is, like, there's a whole phone call them, her and Ryan Anderson, very raciously attacking the new Ariel, the mermaid. Oh, my God. There's a whole thing about how, oh, yeah, buddy, they're insane. Gypsy Rose Blanchard was not into the casting. You know, I always heard people mention how much they hated that, but I never actually heard anyone complain about it. I can't even play the call because of how many N-words they used.

is. What, gypsy? I know. You'd think that little face. That little face, her little, her little chieweeney face, her little cute little like, ooh, she's just, ooh. She's a fucking virulent racist. So few people's head is smaller than their neck.

She is amazing. It's a crazy eye. She figured out how to gluck, gluck like that. Oh, maybe her neck's so wide because it helps her swallow all of her own bullshit. Gosh, I mean, something happens. So she, so that's just one. layer, right? Then just the casual talking about all the

violence thing. One of the funnier quote she has to Ryan. So what they'd like to do is they would have oh, I also listen to two different phone sex conversations. Oh, okay. That was my next question is like, can you have phone sex in prison? I wouldn't advise

it because we can all hear it. And I heard it. Yeah. Are we not playing those? No. I'm morbidly interested. I will find the clips but I don't want to play those because you hear Ryan Anderson and her calm in them. Really? Yeah.

Is that allowed on Netflix? I don't know, man. Can we ask? Who do we... Netflix? Are we allowed to play fucking convicted murderer or have an orgasm on this or not? I want to get the email first. Audio only. I want to get the email first to know that that's okay and then we'll play it next week. Yeah. So there's that, right?

There's also just her random... I heard it's Ted Sarandos's ringtone. Ha ha ha! Hey! Hey! Hey! Actually, we don't need to play it. Yeah, you come and you be a bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'm entering you.

He sounds like a butler accidentally scared by a ghost. When he comes, ho, ho, master. So that's just a little, but that's just not it. She starts to do this thing. She says this stuff to him. So Ryan and her are going back and forth about like he's got other chicks. right? Yeah, well she's in prison Yeah, so he kind of talks about other chicks

Yeah, yeah, you saw him Yeah, they're lining up Women are fucking sad and broken Women are sad and broken So he has several girls on the line They're all like, you know And he's kind of talking to her about him And at some point she's like

You know that's bitches That fucking get a baby in them To trap a man? I'm those bitches Whoa You know those bitches that go and stalk their boyfriends, new girlfriends, and make sure that they know that they're on their fucking hit list. I'm those bitches.

What? That's a statement, right? That's not even the worst statement. I'm playing, I'm going to play the worst one. I'm blown away that these exist. Dude. And it's all with it. Not with Ken. This is all with Ryan. Everybody. Oh, everybody. Ken, and there's so many, she's talking to both of them.

She's talking to other dudes. She's got, like, a lot of games going on. There is a YouTube channel just called Gypsy Rose Prison Calls. Oh, my God. A hundred files, each one two hours long. She should not be this popular. I, you know, we're helping, which is what we do here.

We help. And so she, this call, though, is an exact example of, like, so for a while again, I didn't want to get into this until I heard this call. And then I was like, oh, she might actually be quite the serious villain. Okay. Well, let's hear this. So this is a, she is on a call. she is threatening to another person.

She's talking about Ryan. And in the, set this all up. She is texting. She is talking about how Ryan and her are getting into these fights because Ryan wants to control her. Yeah. Right. She's in prison. She's very controlled. You couldn't be more controlled.

She's way controlled. And so she's in prison, but doesn't matter, right? So she intimates something along the lines of like, things happen to people that try to control me. this is the this is the state but this is Gypsy Rose I don't want you

to talk to this person if you're guilt tripping me by oh I just feel like I'm so scared to lose you my mom did that

and I'm here for her murder so is that how you want to end up literally just said people who try to control me get murdered wow

do you want to get murdered so she is who was she talking to? To her other friend. Just like another person? Yes. How does she have so many friends?

She's got all day. It's crazy. You be, honestly, I don't even know how to keep up with the friends I have. She must be funny. She has a... Deadpool's my favorite movie sense of humor. Yes. She has a literally...

What's his name? Ryan, the guy that gives us money. She is Ryan. Ryan Reynolds number one fan. Well, no, she watches Deadpool for only T.J. Miller. Oh, yes. Hey. Hey, who doesn't?

So, yeah, we have no conclusive end to this because we don't know where this is going to go. We know that there's a lot of snark shooting around because of the, her family and Ken Rooker's family. Well, Ken Rucker's family invited her to the funeral. Why? I don't know. They openly, that was the news today. But then his sister... His sister hates the shit out of her.

Yes, her sister fucking hates. But the mom's like, come to the funeral. Pardon me, I would say. But Gypsy Rose is going to do her own funeral in Tennessee after she goes to the one in Texas. That's not a thing. You don't just throw your own fucking funeral. What's her husband?

No, it wasn't ever her husband. They weren't married? No, they were fake engaged. Oh, okay. That's why all of this is like Facebook trailer trash, horse shit set on fire. Right? This is full-on Facebook nonsensory, but played out in the true crime world.

Did you see the weird shit with Ken Archer how, like, two days ago he had a bunch of, like, weird TikTok lives that were just him in the dark? There were some because they were saying that he had went on TikTok live and then he had put the phone back in his pocket while it was still going. Yeah, do you think he was like trying to record somebody or something, or is he just, like, bad at technology? I, Eddie, I don't know if Ken Roker. It's weird that it happened a day before he died. Well, the problem. is that all of these things are extremely suspicious because of the fact

that he's dead. Yes. So now that he's dead, at first you can just be like, ah, uh, uh, uh, he's got fat fingers. He does have fat fingers. Yeah. He's got a big fucking, unfortunately he's got a head that looks like a pair.

Yeah. Right? And that's not his fault. That's God's fault. Mm-hmm. Right? God gave him that head. God gave him the penis that chose Gypsy Rose Blanchard. And that penis might have gotten him fucking killed. because she also broke into his house.

Did you see all the stuff where she flipped out, entrust all his stuff? Yeah, she snucked through the window or something. Yeah, she snuck him through the window. She wrote a whore on the word, on his headboard. She carved a word whore into his headboard because she found an old card he had kept from his ex-relationship. Dude, I'm just because he's bad at throwing shit out?

I legitimately know more about Jimsy Rose Blancher's Love Life than I know about my family. That's not hard. Yeah. at this point my wife is more mysterious than Gypsy Rose Blanchard's love life so Urker

I mean but there is a chance that they she's saying that because of cyber bullying he took his own life shit's what she's intimating yeah I think that that's horseshit because the reason why she's saying is that he was under so much stress because all these prison calls were coming out where he was

saying super racist shit and was doing him or Ryan Anderson both of them Both of them Yeah Or yeah if you're gonna woo Gypsy Rose You gotta know the baby

Yeah you gotta bring it Yeah yeah Oh yeah yeah yeah you better bring that Fucking hey So is she like a suspect Is she allowed to leave the country If I was Gypsy Rose I'd be fucking There ain't nothing

She jumped on the head of the sheet I don't even know if she could make her way around Stockholm Okay Yeah I don't know if she can do it in Stockholm I don't know if she'd like Stockholm No I don't think she'd like it

I think she needs to go to she needs to be in Tennessee Yes, that's a great place for her. She might need to be in prison. But that is, we'll find out because right now, who knows? Right now it is all just conjecture. It could all be horrible, horrible drama that comes from your life being attached to drama. And it's a whole thing. So who knows.

We'll find out. On the TMZ, there's a picture of them at Nobu. And the Nobu chef died also. Mr. Nobu? No. No. Frank Nobu? Is that him?

Is it just a guy named Nobu? No, no. It was a, it was a huge great chef, obviously. You're at Nobu, you know, but he died. Nobu, all applause. He died leaving Nobu, unfortunately. Raiu Uchima, Uchima, yeah, Uchemia. He died, unfortunately, so shout out.

I hate one is, like a sewer grade, or? No, he got hit by a car outside of Nobu. Some drunk, some composer's son, apparently hit him with a car, and Malibu outside of Nobu. Another fucking, no talent, Nepo baby, taken down. the established industry. That's what I'm talking about dude. Fuck this kid, man. You can't be killing our chefs.

Don't kill my chefs. I love my chefs. You leave my chefs alone. Live from North Way. Well, yeah. Did you bring that up to go into your favorite story of the week? I mean, my favorite story of the week is by far some shit went down.

Cheesesteak news. You just got, I just go into it right now. Because you wanted to talk about this. I feel like this is big news for you, for you. Yes. Specifically, this is not a huge story, but no, but no, I hear, okay, so I'm actually in, oddly enough, I need this to develop a little more. I need some more, please, if you guys, anyone in Philadelphia who listens to the show, do they listen to a podcast in Philadelphia? I think mostly they fight their mothers and the police.

Yeah, because they just punch their phone until we come on. Is that how, is that what happens? I believe so, yeah. But the, but the manager at Pat's King of Stakes has been assaulted. buy a cheese steak. Do you think it's due to lack of salt? So there was a customer who was mad about his cheese steak. He said he opened it up and he said,

the steak's garbage. And he threw the cheese steak at the manager of Pats in Philadelphia. And then the Pats of Philadelphia basically put the hit out on this guy. He basically said, What are you going to do? They're going to dose his blood pressure medication? He said he had salt. assaulted my employee, so we'll see how many friends he's got online and are really friends.

See who's going to turn him in. The power of the camera and AI. We're going to find him. We're going to find him. $5,000. We'll put him out of whatever rock he's living under right now. That's what the manager of pets. This is like you cannot put, does that matter who you are to the people of Philadelphia?

You can put a hit out on somebody. Also, I got to say times have changed. cheese steak employees are told customer gets out of line you beat the shit out of them I mean that is still just a hot tape Pat's is getting soft in my opinion

this is my question ain't going down at gyms is this not let's just say it like I feel like I'm waiting into horrific waters right now I mean worse than with Lindsay classy yeah is it due to the decline

of Pats Like is it because This was the customer Correct? Because I could see How you wait online Yeah For 45 minutes to get your

Because this is one of those right It's like the other spot Where you gotta wait out the door If it's not perfect You're waiting at Pats In the fucking cold It was a nor Easter last week You know you're getting pissed on

It's Philadelphia Yeah Guys bleeding on you Mm-hmm You know what I mean Yeah you're just like You puked on yourself You just watching Lebron

Because you puked on yourself You watching Lebron helicopter back and forth from Philly to New York because it refuses to live in your city. That's bullshit, by the way. That's fucking horseshit. He knew Kobe Bryant personally. He's taken

a helicopter twice a day. There's a Nor'easter. The weather's never been this bad. Just did not live in Philadelphia. He's taken the most deadly form of travel. That is unbelievable. He won't even live in like

a suburb. Yeah. There's so many nice places to go. It's so many nice place. Philly's nice. Yeah. There's areas. Yes. But, yeah, no, I'm just saying, like,

Pat's, obviously, across the streets, G-Nos, they're the competing, the famous competing G-State places. But is it possible that that person is correct? I think that there is a chance. Because I know. I'm going to have to say there is a chance.

Pat, are we work with? Yeah. He was saying he equates it to the fall of of Pat's. I mean, I think there's a good, I've never eaten pets. I've never eaten bats. I've had Ginos and I've had GIMs. See, I've had gyms I like better than Ginos.

Jim's is the best one. Of the tourist trappy ones and everyone's going to fight us. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I mean, I worked in the business for long enough. I could say whatever the fuck I want. What is the distinct difference between a good and bad cheese stick? The bread. Is that it? And you've got to make sure it's good ribby.

Sometimes I think that's what it is. I think that they skimp on the meat sometimes and sometimes the meat gets dry. Yeah, well, yeah, if they have it cooking all a goddamn day. Some people just keep it on the side of the grill. That's the thing. If the meat gets dry, I feel like you were losing some of this. And just giving it the cheese sauce, it's not going to give it the proper moisture that you want. I want the liquidity.

Yeah, see, we had the flat top. And then we would pre-cook a lot of the meat, like halfway. And then we'd stick, we let it cool. Like par cook or whatever? Yeah, par cook. We let it cool, and then we stick it in the freezer. And then when you need it, you take it out, you put it on top of a bowl boiling water. And then you let it slowly get ready.

And then you take out the meat. Yeah, you're getting ready for it. Yeah, you take out the meat. You put it on the grill with the onions, the peppers and shit. Yeah. But the thing is... I don't like peppers in it. We don't have to.

You ask, that's on the, that's up by request. I don't like peppers in that. You don't get the peppers. All I'm saying is... I like onions. These, pats is getting soft. They didn't take this guy out in the moment. And I think that's fucking crazy.

They should have shot him in the head right there. I think that they... They should have pulled out of a snub nose revolver and should have stuck it in his mouth. I'm just saying, like, you tell me this is bad. You told me this is the bad. You hit him with the spatula. You had a spatula slap up

I feel like Where are the nonas in this? Well there's no no noanas a cheese day It's all dudes It's all big fat men right Yeah you gotta yell at the people That's one of the things That's why I loved working at 9-9-9 miles of Philly

RIP What's there now? Oh it was just some weird I didn't even know what it was Yeah I walked by it today It was sad That's sad That makes me angry

Yeah Well it went too high Too goddamn high It rents too goddamn high They said 90 miles of Philly didn't close because of bad business it closed because the rent went too high

and you can't charge $25 for a G-stick Yeah, New York gave up on itself That's what happened That's what happened here And that's okay But we used to get the Amaroso rolls in So we were legit You were

Yeah, but I will say I used to eat there once a week Oh more than that Well I tried to you free sandwiches I was trying to cut down And then but then Holden couldn't eat it Because it made his hands itchy Yeah

Remember that? He always got the whiz Isn't that weird? He did that thing where he had with that whole thing period of time where he said his hands got itchy every single time? I've been dying for 30 years. How is he still alive? I don't know. I don't know. Well, hopefully working for Wheel of Fortune.

All I'm saying is the staff at Pat should have beat the shit out of this guy on the spot. That's all I'm saying. I actually completely agree with it. You put out a hit on the guy. Let someone else do your business for you. Pats is getting soft. I'm officially never going to eat there because Lord knows I'm not allowed anymore. No, no, no, no, no.

You're right next to him. I love gyms. Also, side stories. I'm a gyms man. Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-Mel.com. Where should we be going? It's always that. It's always just, there's always some other place.

There's all, you know what it is? They're all good. But I know Jim's is great, and so I go to gyms. You're right. Good work. All right. This story, this is a more important story that I wanted to talk about real quick. Krista Pike.

Oh, God. I hate this, every part of this story. We covered this slightly when this first. came up because there's been very few women murdered by the state. Yeah. I believe it's only like almost even 20 all told have only ever been.

And three of them were Ely and Wernos. Yes. Yeah, because it's just her personalities. How many women executed in US? It's really not that many. It's like, yeah. Yeah, let's see, 576 since 1632. 18 women have been

executed in the U.S. since the reinstatement of capital punishment in 1976. Yeah, I mean, that's crazy. We got to go back all that. They were killing witches. It counts the witches. It counts the witches. It's 18 women have been actually executed.

So, Krista Pike was on death row for the murder of a young woman. She was 19 when she committed the murder, which seems like really young to get the death. So we're anti-death sentence here. We all completely agree. We're all anti-death sentence. I think that you should just rot in jail, to be frank, if you're going to do a heinous crime. It's a worst. It's a worst thing. And I also think, truly, you know, even murder, there's a way to sort of out of it, to get out of it.

To recoup yourself, to find your way in this life, find a purpose, you know. At least until we get running, man. And then that's for us. Then we get to have fun. So, Krista Pike, her and her boyfriend. They tortured a 19-year-old girl with the name of Colleen Slimmer. They brought her out to a wooded area. They slashed, they cut her up, they carved a pentagram into her chest, and they crushed her head with a rock.

So they did, it's really fucked up story, right? So, Christa Pike ends up getting the book thrown out of her. I didn't realize all that. Yeah, dude. She gets the book thrown at her. She gets put on death row. She is, make no mistake. Christa Pike is a fucking bitch you do not want to fuck with.

Okay. She is intense. She looks tough. She is very, very tough. She now, it's because she's been in jail since she's 19 years old. She attempted to kill another roommate, another inmate who was her roommate. Were they also on death row? Yes.

Because apparently it was a retaliatory measure. She was sticking up for another murderer on death row because once you're in the drama, you've got to do all the stuff. You once you're on the- I mean, if you already sentenced to death. It's not, you know, but she tried to strangle a woman of death with shoelaces. Came up from behind her as she was being transferred between cells, fucking try to strangle with shoelaces and they beat her with a bunch of batons.

Then she also tried to escape several times. So like Chris a bike ain't no angel. Certainly not. We don't believe in execution. But her thin ass veins saved her life. Kind of. So would they? No, no, it didn't actually.

She's brain dead right now. But so they tried to do the lead. There was a stay of execution. It was a big old, big old primetime deal. Yeah. It was held, held back up. Then finally they're like, we're going with her. We're going to do the lethal injections.

She goes, they stick the needles in. She's saying, I can't, I can feel, I can feel, like, because my arm feels like it's going to explode. Yeah, that's what she said. And they'd shoot her twice with the hot shot. And she lives. up until this point her people, like her lawyer and stuff,

have been saying, you know, she has these I guess it's some kind of She's thin veins. She's thin veins. Yeah, they've been warning the state because leading up to this execution, I don't know if you saw, but it was all up in the news like, this is going to be fucked up. Yes.

Everyone was like, this execution's going to be fucked up. It's because she's like, shouldn't be executed. She's a blood clotting disorder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, this is going to be sad. This is going to be crazy. And then it's, fuck. was. And Christopher Pike said, like, fine. Then don't fucking hang me. Yeah. And they said,

I guess no. They say they denied their quest because hanging is not an improved execution method. And the death chamber is not equipped for it. I mean, all you need is a rafter. But it's not legal. No, of course not. And also she wanted to go. Originally, she was there for firing squad. But they don't do that in Tennessee. They also stopped doing the firing squad. So she was like, I don't, because like a botched lethal injection is what we have now found out to be from several people extremely painful. Of course it is. So regular lethal injection is probably painful. But it's just wild to think that she fucking she lived. And so now they're supposed to, I think technically the way it works, because the way they work back in the day.

They also used a different vein that they weren't supposed to. Yeah. Yeah. But they were like, we shouldn't use this vein, but let's do it anyway. Yeah, I'd be like at that point, just put it in my fucking neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put it to my neck. Get it in me if we're doing this. Well, why would they do? You know, here's the thing.

It's so deeper than this. The drugs that they use are hard to find. No one's really making them anymore. Sometimes they're not being made by actual drug companies. Of course not. They're buying them from like secondhand places. Because they can. John Oliver had a big expose on it.

Yeah, it's because of the Hippocratic oath. Because a doctor that would know how to properly do these things is not allowed to do these things. Yeah. Because the state shouldn't be killing anybody. No. But also it's just like, why would you do it like this if you know it's not going to work? You put it off and then you make the firing squad legal. If that's what you have to do.

Firing squad, you just shoot people and they're dead. Man, this is kind of crazy. Like, this is really, really crazy. Just like looking at the way she was reacting where she was like laughing and saying, you guys can't like this isn't killing me. She'lls or refused a last meal. which to me honest that's a waste

well yeah at least give it to someone else no man get that meal dude yeah yeah yeah yeah get anything you want dude I mean well I mean she's in the middle of nowhere it's not like there's good food in the fucking middle of nowhere Tennessee you don't mean to tell me you couldn't get some good ass hot fish

I mean honestly if they were gonna kill me you know I love a hot fried fish I know well the last time it made you sick yeah it made you real sick you weren't ready for it where did we go I forget where we were where that shack was. It was like,

it was next to a Thai restaurant. Was that in Raleigh? No, no, that was in Nashville. No, it was Nashville. Yeah, it was Nashville.

Yeah, it made me sick, but I liked it. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. But see, that's what I would get.

I would get something that would just make me fucking shit explosively the moment I died. Oh, my God. Yeah, I would be a fucking blunderbuss of diarrhea.

Yeah, though that would be, that's the way to go. Of course. No, you're cleaning up my shit. I want my shit stink to go through the viewing window.

Yeah, I wanted to splatter against the window so that my, the family of my grieved people that I did the crime to can just see how brown my duke is. Oh my God. And that was the other thing is like, the woman they killed, or the

girl essentially that they killed, their family was there. Yes. Watching the whole fucking thing. Yeah, and they weren't super jazzed about it. That's for certain. No. This is like, this is not good for anybody. Nobody likes it. I feel like, yes, there's some people that receive, like, this idea of like, there's

closure, but you know, you know how I truly feel in my, in a very serious note, is that I think that closure doesn't exist. You're always, you're, that your daughter is always going to be dead. I think that unfortunately you have to figure this out and that you seeing somebody get executed by the state is not going to magically make you feel better. No, it makes you a worse person. I don't know. I actually don't.

I just think it's, it just hurts, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt all the way down. Yeah. The fucking pipe. Watching someone get killed ain't, you. gonna make you better. Period. Unless, of course, you're serving

in Vietnam. And you gotta get your buddy out of the fucking muck. You shot him in the head. I'm fucking coming back here on vacation and I'm gonna ruin it for all of you. I got something for you. Oh, wow. Vietnam cash.

Whoa, $100,000. That's right, man. Wow, I could buy anything I want here. That gets you like part of a bombie. Oh, wow. So this isn't a lot of money. No, from what I hear, it's like three bucks American. Fuck yeah.

Cool. Where'd you get it? Someone gave it to me at my Denver show, which was great. It was awesome. They're like, here you go. There's some cash from Vietnam. I was like, well, I do accept American if you are buying merch. You know, but.

Well, that's great. Yeah, so you can have it. Thank you. I think you'd love it. I do. But I feel really bad for this whole situation. Krista Pike, I mean, obviously she's a nightmare of a human being, but she don't deserve this

well I mean I will just say no one deserves to be murdered by the state I just think that that's not you should not be in the right over the federal government's to kill you're trying it's just so ironic that you're trying to kill somebody and then you have to rush them to the hospital and put them on a ventilator

why not let her die because it's all um because it's because the way she's going to die ain't going to be pretty yeah she's going into full organ shutdown and not in the controlled way that it's supposed to be done. So now they're trying to save her life to try and kill her again?

Yeah, but I think at this point, you got her where she's there. Hit her with an axe. Rock and roller to death? I'm just even like, oh, yeah. Oh, my God, it's Youngblood. Youngblood gets it. This would be a great use for Youngblood. It really was.

He's going like, I lock to rock. I hope you like to rock too. I hope you like to rock too. I hope you like to rock. Let's rock. Everybody rock. I've got a 14 inch waist. Look at more little waste.

I've got Kiri Knightley's belly button. Doesn't that make you happy, Christa Pike? Is he dating Kiranightly? No. Oh. I'm saying he has the same torso as Kiranatly. He does have the same torso.

If he was just a torso, I'd suck on it. You know what I mean? He's got that good torso. I've done this twice. Ryan Seacrest. I mean, you know, it's weird. You're into the, into the tight young men. And I'm into them old barber bushes.

That's right, man. Give me, I'll trim them hedges. I'll get in there, baby. I'm not into tight young men. Ryan Sechrest is not a tight young man. Ryan Sechrest is a tight old man, made to look like a tight young man. By science. You want to get in them seaweed.

No, I just, you won't. I get a lot of flak sometimes for just talking about women, you know. So it's good sometimes talk about other things. Yeah, that's true. But I would need to just have his belly button. Oh, you're building, now you're building the perfect man. Man, woman to have. Yeah.

Your collage work is getting out of hand, Mr. Zappres. Oh, yes. It's the house that Henry built. Zero Killer in Lansing. Oh, is that just really quick. I just going to, there is no real connections, but right now there is five homeless people that have viewed it. They're just, the only reason why we're even saying it is because they're even coming out saying that they believe that the murders are connected.

Five homeless people have been found hit, basically hitting the head to death. Yeah, well, the first homeless person who was killed, first of all, they're all white, which is the killing white men, which is, you know, very rare. Very rare for a serial killer. But not, not, but technically,

see, they stop being white when they're homeless. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. According to the government. According to the government. Yes. And, but the first guy that was killed.

If you think it could be serious. The first guy that was killed. he was, there's someone that imprisoned for that murder. Yeah, well, there's someone who's accused of the murder they don't know quite, but he's saying that there might all be other connected, he might then get off. Yeah. So we'd have no idea. I'm just saying

there's a, there's a dude in Lansing killing, sleeping, homeless men. And there is a, that happened in L.A. There is a, there is a very, sadly, a very new, classic way for the serial killer to start their way about. Because what they are doing is it's somebody activated on the interests of killing somebody looking to kill homeless people because it's easy.

Yeah. And you can do it at night. And they're usually in places that aren't like on camera. Yes. Yeah. And there's lots of you just, you know, no one's going to report it really. So it is, it's a sad situation, but we have no idea quite what's going. But I'm just saying the police are coming out saying they believe it's all connected.

Fucking nuts. So it's coming. We'll find out. Live from your blade. This Youngstown, Ohio story, I feel like, is something we have to bring out. Yes. Reports of a man Monday told two Mormon missionaries who knocked on his door that he worships the devil and then he chased him through the streets with a rusty old shotgun.

See, this is called all of my intrusive thoughts at once. This guy did this so you don't have to. I am so jealous. that he got to do this because like they found the Mormon boys I just think it's so fucking funny you head in a bush

hold on a second this is wrong all right go ahead the police found the two Mormon boys hiding in a bush like it's a huckleberry and said like what happened

devil worshiped can on his house because I'm gonna guarantee you okay I'm gonna guarantee you that shotgun didn't work No, they made a point of calling it a rusty shotgun. He grabbed a man that didn't work to scare them. To have fun. Yes, yes.

To have fun. He is his Satan. He's a Satan worshiper like myself. We don't know that actually. We just said that he is. Again, and that's more fun than being one. You guys have to understand that about devil worship. It's more fun.

Dude, like, no one actually does it. They just want to tell you they do it because it's fun to do. breaks out the Mormon. Because Mormons having two Mormon boys, oh my God, it just fucking makes me want to do it so bad. You bring them in a house. Like, after Heretic,

yes. After seeing Heretic, it was so inspired. Like, the idea of bringing them in and like, like, I have that fancy

about, like, making them abandon their God. Yes. You know, just with my thoughts. But it didn't work. They still love, I bet they're going to be heroes now.

How? They didn't convert them. Well, that they faced down the devil. No, they lost. They didn't lose. They hid the bush. They hid the fucking bush.

He's fine. The guy who worshiped the devil, he's fine. He won. Well, he's going to go to jail. If, I'm just going to put this out here. This might offend some people, but if the Mormon god is remotely real, they would have done a shield of abjuration like it's fucking Baldur's Gate 3. Like, literally, they would have called their spirit guardians.

They would have been surrounded by the family of Mordecai, right, going like, with ancient soldiers and they would have destroyed the devil worshiper. If their God had any power, he would have protected them in that very instant. You're right. When he would need to protect them. Well, maybe that God knew that this shotgun didn't work. So God just was laughing his ass off. He was just like, oh, yeah, look at that.

Stupid Mormons. They'll never know. It's the Muslims that are correct. You know what I mean? Like, that's all you have to find. Which is, which religion's correct, Eddie? I mean, which is the right one? atheism.

No, dude, but let's just say, because you think even God is just like, leave me alone. I feel like God is the biggest proponent of atheism. Again? Just get away from me.

Just get away. I'm sick of you're fucking complaining. I don't exist. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Shut up, I don't exist. So, uh, so this guy, I think, I hate to put you on a spot like this. Me?

Yes, you. I think you could do the world of favor. Bail this guy out of jail. Who? What's the bill? Where's he at? I mean, that would be a real fucking just... That's a power move. That's a power move.

That's like super PAC shit. Yeah, yeah. You know, my only problem with it is that I don't know that I can't speak towards the rest of his character. I bet it's bad. I bet it's not great. That's the problem. That's the problem. We're doing fun show like this.

You're never like a good guy. I hear you know what I mean? He's ever like a fun guy doing it. I mean, he's definitely fun. He's definitely. too fun. It was almost noon. Maybe he was cranky because he didn't have lunch yet.

This was really big. He said he definitely got him down on their knees and put with a shotgun at the back of one of their fucking ants. Yeah, he did. And then they ran away. Yeah, no. It's intense. It's intense. It's intense.

I know it is. Do you think that there's still going to be mission, missionaries? I wouldn't be. I'd be like, God didn't care about us one bit, Father Joan. God didn't do anything. I thought you said God would help us. Only if you get good numbers in the conversion rates. One of your conversion rates.

Because that's the thing. You got to fucking close. You have to close. Oh, my God. If they would have convinced him. That's what I'm saying. That would have been amazing. That's the win.

Then you're a hero. Oh, yeah. Then they win. No, they lost to the devil today. And it's good to see. All right. I feel like we're at listener emails. Let's do a listener email.

I mean, I do want to give a shout out to the devil. guy who faked a medical emergency to avoid paying his red lobster bill. I do like the move, but you know you know what it was? Like you mentioned it earlier. He was 26 year old guy was arrested after faking a medical

emergency once he received the bill in Douglasville, Georgia. You're right. He's too young. You can't. 26 years old. He's too young. Yeah, he was too young. You got to say, great idea. Hold it to your old. You have, you have a good interview.

And over. Two things I'm going to do to you, all right? Right now, you know, I get some shit for giving, you know, criminals advice, but I think it's true. First of all, you need gray in your beard. Second of all, wait for it to be at Nobu. Yeah. Go to a better place. No, you're going to pull this.

$63 isn't enough. No, dude. Fucking go. Then pull a seizure. Yeah. And also seizure. Not a heart attack. What actually got him in trouble was he dialed 911 to, like, get taken away.

Yes. And then that's what really got him in trouble. not getting out of the bill, but like calling an ambulance for no reason. Yeah, misusing 911. Someone else could have died because the EMTs went to go save him, even though he didn't need be saved. And so that is the little dipshit reason of it, but still, it's pretty funny. It's objectively.

It's objectively funny. And I thank you for trying and good luck with your $3,000 bond. Also, Red Lobster is not good anymore. Red Lobster is on the way back up. What? Yeah, they got a new CEO. He's fucking been doing... They're burger kinging it? They're doing a great job actually right now.

Red Lobster is in a good place. After the All You Can Eat Shrimp Fiasco, remember that? I do. Which wasn't true. No, it was a land grab. It was a land grab. Which is interesting for a seafood restaurant. I know.

Because that's what it was. It was a real estate issue. Yeah, but they got a new young CEO who's doing all these things and Red Lobster's on the way back up. All right. So I hope, you know, we'll see what happens with that. this, but. Well, when we're, when we go to Maine this year, that's right where we're going. Right to Red Lobster. Right to Red Lobster. All right. Let's get to this, TDZ emails. Loll, la, la, la, listener emails. Oh, shoot, we, we're not at home, so we can't really, we don't

have really have a song. I know, we, I mean, Rob's going to put it in, like, and right, one, two, three. How fucking cool. It's cool. AI using motherfucker. Pure AI. Can't believe it. Here you go. Hi guys. Dimitria from Rhode Island here. I've been a listener for years.

I'm a huge fan. I turned my boyfriend. Now, fiancé, on to you when we first started dating, and the fact that he also became a big fan was a green flag. Thank you. We tried to get tickets to the Portland show, but it's sold out, so we'll catch you next time around. Try harder.

Yeah, go to fucking Burlington. I was just responding to your question about if an animal shelter would have to disclose that the dogs up for adoption were sexually assaulted. Sometimes I forget the thing. we ask. I'm sorry, Melrose podcast, I'm sorry. Melrose we're big thanking you to Melrose podcast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, again, we're extremely sorry for the content of today. Anyway, I was just responding. Okay, so I'd handle anything from intake to adoption. I used to work at an animal shelter, and all the care and training in between of the animals. It was a very

rewarding, but extremely emotionally taxing, and it couldn't survive off of 12, 75 an hour, so I ended up having to leave. Although we never received any dog that we knew that were sexually assaulted. We would occasionally receive dogs that had eaten their owners. It's more common than you would think. An old person gets lonely, so they adopt a companion dog. Yes. Great idea for a few years. But then the old person dies alone in the home. The dog is stuck in there with them until someone realizes the older

person isn't responding to the weekly family check-in or misses a doctor's appointment. The police or family come to do a welfare check and boy, do they walk into a scene. We all assume the dog is only eating their human for survival, but maybe they had just been waiting for this day. The police would bring the dog to us in the shelter and we would all be very careful not to let it lick our faces. The dogs always seem very sweet and innocent, so you would have no idea that they would have been feasting on their owner's flesh for the past week. It's never the ones that you'd think. We would put them up for adoption and let people meet them, but it was only after the potential adopters would apply to take them home that we would discreetly inform them of the dog's

intigressions. Hey, just so you know, the dog, it ain't a person. That's too late in the process, guys. That's too late in the fucking process. Let me get you, John Hank guy, great. You're right. Just so you know, it ain't of somebody. The look on people's faces was priceless.

They would even look back over at the dog who would be shaking a stuffed animal in their mouth or even worse, staring back at the adopter with the tongue out, big grin, and then looking back at me in horror. Luckily, the dogs would eventually get adopted, but some people couldn't go it over the human eating thing. Could you guys adopt a dog that had a taste for human flesh? I mean

first off, absolutely. I don't care. Tootsie was in a bed with my mom's roommate. Yeah. Passed away for three days and Tutsi was there and I got to say Tutsi didn't eat her. I just think because she was gross.

No, don't say that. Not in a bad way, but it just turned to being like a older woman filled with medication. She wasn't that old. How old was she? She was in her 50s. Ew, that's sad. Yeah, no, it is sad. The whole situation sad.

But Tootsie did not eat her, is what I'm saying. Tutsi easily could have ate her. So I wonder what kind of dog does this. I'm doing a good dog. You need to have a good strong jaws. I don't know. I bet Karmie would eat you. Honestly, I don't know because Karmie has now been,

we're having an issue with dead squirrels in our yard. And she's not eating the squirrels. She's not eating them, no. So she's kind of just the pick, like, nosing at him. Someone's poisoning the squirrels. I know. and I don't like it. And that's not good because they can eat them because they'll get sick.

Yes, I know. Yeah. Oh, I know. Oh, yeah. I'm looking around. You got to find out. There's no way to know, I guess, who's doing it. I could start just fucking randomly interrogating people.

I do the old-fashioned way and bring them in the backyard and a fucking waterboard them a couple times to see what they got to say. They should because it's fucked up. When you poison those squirrels, if a hawk eats the dead squirrel, the hawk's going to die. I don't want them because you know what it is. They're trying to kill the skunks. Yeah. Guess what?

Skunks are cute, though. Dude, I was in an Uber that hit a skunk I was in for like another half hour and then I just had to sit in the dead skunk juice. It was fucking disgusting. You know what the thing about the Uber drivers? They love it. But yeah, no, this is amazing.

Thank you for sending this in. Okay, here we go. Here's another, all right, this is a fucked up story from the other day and I never got it to. Okay. Regarding your recent mention of illegally imported reptiles. Oh, all right. I previously worked in a surprisingly busy emergency department

in a very small town, rampant with addiction and drug use. Overdoses were common, so when EMS called in with two adult males found unconscious with needles in their arms, we didn't think much of it, just another day. The patients were brought in, both limp, eyes rolled back, blue lips, limbs flopping on the stretchers. Many attempts were made to save them, but they were gone. The doctor on staff that night was particularly friendly with me and often shared things that he didn't even share with the nurses. He was troubled that everyone assumed that this was just an overdose.

and paced by my desk after the chaos had passed, all while muttering things like, this is no goddamn overdose. Several weeks later, same doctor comes to me, punches me in the shoulder and screams, Cobra's. I had no fucking clue what was happening.

I was like, I was already forgotten the incident. And I was like, what are you talking about? As one does when someone punches in the normal screaming about snakes. The overdose that wasn't one, it was cobras. Those dumb shits injected cobra venom.

I told you something wasn't right. He then proceeded to do the Kevin McAllister. Yes. Turns out that these men had to legally obtain a cobra from God knows where milked its venom that injected themselves with the venom as some sort of bizarre virility ritual. No. Oh, yeah.

The doctor had sent off samples to a special toxicology lab that had been in frequent contact with law enforcement who are very willing to share unofficial information with medical staff if they like you. These dumb bastards could have just let the snakes bite them. It would have done the same exact thing. Their fangs are essentially hypodermic needles. Why the hell do they do this? Maybe they were murdered.

He then left my desk. No, they were in, it was in a syringe. I know, but someone could have... I feel like it's a lot of trouble. And it's not enough venom. He then left my desk so high on knowing he was right that he was almost floating. I just wanted to mention this as an example of literal toxic masculinity. Man, dude, I mean, that is toxic.

masculinity because, like, you know, someone's like, you know, if you really want to get high, Cobra venom. Well, it's like the idea that it makes you hard. Cobra venom? I don't know. It kills you. Everybody knows that cobras kill you. Unless your dick doesn't work, you're willing to do anything, anything to get your dick to work.

Does that mean that everyone who gets killed by cobras has a hard dick? Side stories, L-P-O-T-L-G-ML-ML.com. Does it know? Does it know? Does it work? doesn't work it doesn't work what a wonderful episode

this has been yeah well you know there's lots of stuff going on the world lots of fucked up stuff we'll be talking about it more next week we got more Clifford Olson coming up and blast podcast on the left we are here in New York City that's right baby

come see us at the Comic Con we're in New York Comic Con Thursday night yeah we got a panel on Thursday tomorrow night yes 415 it's not night it's night here who cares Also, Friday, like we said, we're at the Warsaw and Brooklyn. Only a couple tickets left.

Get them right now or they're going to be gone. Same thing with Hartford on Sunday at the Webster Theater. Fucking get into it. And then in October, we're going to be at the Mateo Community Center again. Yep. October 24th. Do a big old costume show. In a Humbold.

Get out here, man. Wear your costumes. We're going to have a contest. Holden McNeely is going to be coming with us. We're bringing the man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so enjoy that. Also, on October 14th in Los Angeles, I got Slambers comedy.

Bash at the Stray Theater. And I'm also going to be co-headlining with Billy Wayne Davis at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on October 25th. Tickets to those and everything else are available on eddytunes.com. Side stories tickets also available on Last Podcast on Left. We got all kinds of shit going on. Live every day known for a fact that you don't need cobra venom to get hard. You just need the wonderful body of Barbara Bush. That's right.

You can laugh, knowing for a fact that no one else is jerking off at the Civil Rights. Museum unlike Ed Larson. Yes. And you can love the fact that Listen, we gotta get at it. If you're trying to fuck Sally Field, it's not a long line. It is a long line.

You kidding me? I've been in line for 10 years. Well, fucking God. When is she calling your number? When is she calling your number at 66669? 69. Thank you, Samantha Morton. And Lars von Trier,

looking forward to meeting you one day. It's not a good person. No, I know. I know. Hail saying. Hail Stella, my new goddaughter. Oh, nice. I got a new one.

Oh, wow, brand new. Hell yeah. You stole her from a family or? In the future.