Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Hvaldimir the Russian Spy Whale

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Henry & Eddie bring you this week's weirdest stories and true-crime news starting with Henry's reaction to the Hollywood casting of Ed Gein, P Diddy detained and denied bail for his "freak offs", the story of beloved Beluga, Hvaldimir the Russian Spy Whale comes to an end, Spain's professional Wedding Crasher, DC man caught on driveway ring camera pleasuring himself with cucumber mounted to resident's truck, Vegas gas station attendant beats man with bat over broken nacho cheese dispenser, man seen wandering streets of Nashville missing portion of skull with brain exposed, Listener E-mails, and MORE! Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to ad-free new episodes and get exclusive access to bonus content.

There's no place to escape to this is the last Cannibalism started side stories. Yes Hockenballs you're thinking with your wiener did just cuz he's handsome doesn't mean you mean Ed Gein Games this is what we're talking about man. This is what we're gonna do. This is what we're starting with Yeah, you're gonna start with a whole day with this is gonna be my cold open today. I love cuz I'm angry I think it's great. It came in angry thinking about this and there's no reason right cuz it's all like I'm in line for it. No, you don't even know anybody that would remotely be in line for it except for Marcus Parks Yeah, they were honestly if I was gonna choose who I would cast in Ryan Murphy's new serial killer show

I would cast somebody like Marcus Parks who has a capuchin style head on a man's body. Also he's a phenomenal digger. I mean, you know, that's what Ed Gein was great at. That was his number one. He was a spadesmith. That's what I would go as far as to go. He didn't ride a motorcycle,

I'll tell you that fucking much. We started in hot here. We just want you to know up top, Charlie Hunnam, who I believe is sons of anarchy fame Is that what he's from the lead of sons of anarchy? He's so he's very handsome beautiful and British. It's very oh What he's British? Are you even fucking angry? I'm even angrier Than I started yeah that he's British as well. Uh huh. Yeah, he's British. What is even?

So if you don't know, Charlie Hunnam, this Benedict Arnold, this traitor of his own people, coming into our country, these are the immigrants I'm concerned about. This British man who's coming in playing our American serial killers, Ed Gein, who's not even a serial killer. No. He's not even a serial killer, he's an artist. He killed two, right? He's an artist and a friend.

But he did kill two people. Yes. Okay, I just want to make sure. But he was a great babysitter and a sculptor. And the fact that Charlie Hunnam thinks that he can come over here from his fucking Buckingham Palace, what is he going to get off? Well, what is going to happen? Is his butler going to drive him here on his rickshaw and then he gets to get off of his little

Butler rickshaw driver What's gonna happen? He's gonna roll in after play as cosplaying as one of our famous American bikers Which they don't even have in the UK. They have like motorcyclists There's something in the UK. That's not even motorcycles. Sure. They got a couple dangerous guys on motorcycles. Oh, they don't it's Australia We learned that about the bike the bike the bike ease our struggle. That's that's a problem But you can't got nothing that they mostly got people dealing with hot tea That's their major problem The UK is spilled it hot spill and hot tea on the police officers

I didn't even tell me that fucking Charlie Hunnam is gonna come to come and steal our roles I don't even think you've said what he's doing yet. He's playing Ed Gein Which doesn't even make any sense Murphy's law you ever hear of that all the sets are fucking chaos And like he treats every he treats his PAs like shit, man Whoa, I thought that Murphy's law was like a Candice Bergen show from 1997. It's probably both. Welcome to side stories You're here. Who would you who'd you like to I think you'd be a great gene except for you have too much personality I know that yeah, and I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Hello. How are you? If I were to have we you and I talked about this right before yeah

When we when this news came up and we both said this is a race fucked up It's really fucked up cuz like Ed Gein's one of the ugliest people who's ever walked the planet. This is ugly people erasure Yeah, like he's uglier than Joe Cocker. I guess oh man Joe Cocker is is Charlie Hunnam no or dad. I know I know you know I mean the I Ed Gein needs to be like Staying you know technically back in the day immediately in my head is um Danny DeVito. Oh He's got too much personality to you're right. You're right. It needs to be someone who's like barely alive

It needs to be I got it in my head right now. It has to be David Paymer it has to be Steve Buscemi. Oh, yes, Steve Buscemi would have been in a great Do you know who would have been an amazing? Amazing Ed Gein hmm Harry Dean Stanton oh Interesting Harry Dean Stanton would have been an amazing now How was Ed Gein old when he was doing his shit or was he young you know these days What he was fucking he looked old we honestly I think you look great look at him right here Yeah, with the hat he looks old but with this hair. He actually looked kind of handsome

He looked kind of debonair there. He was be I want to say he was in his Yeah, he was like in his 50s. I believe he got caught okay. So I feel like that's not even old anymore. Not with stem cells. But Charlie Hunnam. I mean, he's fine. I don't have a problem with Charlie Hunnam. I got no problems with him as an actor. And you can't really get mad at him for taking the role. Of course not. Because, you know, of course you're going to take the role because it's a cool role to take. Ed Gein belongs to us.

It belongs to the uglies. No, and an American, that is an American tapestry. That man, while it's bad, we can't celebrate him. But still, that's a patch on the American quilt, dude. Ed Gein's a part of our DNA, dude. And that patch is made out of skin. Yeah, vagina skin. Which is why we like it so much. I I mean he does look pretty attractive in this picture

Yeah, just this one does have the butthead haircut though, you know with the shaved on the sides. Yeah You know, he's a bit of an oddball. That's what they called him But yeah, I guess good luck Charlie Hunnam and have fun taking our American dollars back to your fucking country Now this is that's one story. We have, I don't, we don't, honestly we have very little updates today. We're gonna roll into some new stories because there's a lot of chaos. But one thing we wanted to bring up was

how much fun was Chicago this weekend? Oh my god, dude. That was the fucking best. So good. Park West! Second side story show in the tush. Yeah, dude. It was so great. It was so you like go on to say Thank you to everybody who came out and saw us live this weekend for last podcast on the left and side stories You guys are probably some of the best comedy audiences in the entire country. It's weird Chicago like they treat

Comedy like it's like rock and roll like it's cool. Yes, what I'm just gonna honestly unfortunately It's not no, but thank you for the lies She caught goats really been fun and you were blocked up You finally got your dookie up, of course You ate too much cheese and you couldn't shit now you should today and you're you feel a little better See, I was gonna not even I wasn't even gonna tell them that that's an update, but that's a friendship update Yeah, so I wasn't even gonna let them know that because sometimes they don't even understand that our travails like our intestinal travails Also, I for us are a part of the story of this show no secrets none because hey

Yeah, I won't I got nothing to hide I except for my genitals in public. Yeah Yeah, I like mine was like a foot and a half. It's great. Hey, don't make me jealous I've been duking hard man. I think I bragging I think it hit the bottom of the tank and it was still in my butt. Stop it this whole point We're trying to stay relatable to our audience. Okay They can't hear how pristine your dumps are and how big they are because they're eventually gonna think you sold out Yeah, be jealous. You should be you'd be jealous of how I Duke now this first big news story It's not a new story essentially it is an update

It's an update, but it's Massive fucking insane. It's huge. It's also one of my favorite things because it shows that the news Still can't like they're afraid of rap the news itself is extremely afraid of rap They don't know how to handle it at all. I still love that every single anchor was like, famous rapster, Sean Puff Daddy Combs was arrested today in suspicion of human trafficking, which is like, they all like, they don't know how to handle it. They don't know what to call them. Yeah.

I do love that every single legal document, which I do believe it is because they have to to identify him. They have to represent him by all of the various names that P Ditty has been known as all these times. Now it's just Ditty right? I'm pretty sure it's just Ditty. It doesn't matter anymore because he's a human trafficker. Now again, well. At least this explains why he hasn't been putting out music.

He's innocent until proven guilty, but it's not looking good. This comes from the police report for decades. Sean Combs, AKA Puff Daddy, AKA P Diddy, AKA Diddy, AKA PD, AKA Love, the defendant, abuse, threatened and coerced women and others around him to fulfill his sexual desires Protect his reputation and conceal his conduct So now we know that he had a whole network of guys and the whole thing came a tumble in a tumble and down When first of all, he was sued successfully on a civil suit by his one of his ex-girlfriends, right? Yeah Cassie

She came forward and said that he abused me all that video came out with it was super horrible The of him attacking her in the hallway and then the shit has just been rolling ever Since and yeah man as soon as I saw when they got his drug mule And he looked like the skinny guy with the big Adam's apple from road trip I knew that he did he was cruising for a goddamn bruising Oh, yeah The skinny guy with the big Adam's apple from Road Trip. I knew that he was cruising for a goddamn bruising. Oh yeah, no, it just looked like the kid who dropped out of fucking Stanford to deal drugs.

I'll tell you everything. He just says, I'll tell you everything tattooed across his chest. There's also a man by the name of Lil Rod that was one of the producers for Sean Combs, who's coming forward and saying that not only was he forced to do drugs, but they're kind of illustrating this very extreme practice that Puff Daddy used to be a part of,

which was he called freak-offs. Now, this is all in the police report. This is from, this is all came out of the raid that happened on his home, I believe it was six months ago, almost to the day that they did a full raid. If you saw it on the news, all of these giant military trucks showed up at his compound, I believe in Miami and New York. They went and went through everything, apparently looking for this videotape that Lil Rod said

existed, which he said was thousands upon thousands of hours of footage of these so-called freak-offs. Now these freak-offs, this part of what was, guess it was just this sort of competitive sexual event that he would hold in his home. This is fucking crazy. Where he would bring in male sex workers with various ladies that were around them,

some I believe it was a mixture of a lot of them, where he would watch for days where they would film from multiple angles, large crazy orgies fueled by drugs, obviously coercion, physical coercion. Apparently he would sit there and he'd masturbate during the whole thing for days. He then would hook them up to IVs. He wouldn't even have sex, he would just jerk off to it? Apparently he would just watch and film. That he liked to coordinate everything, and he'd watch from afar.

He wanted live porno in his house. I guess. I think that, I mean, he was a producer to the end. And so I feel like that's what he was doing. He was producing an orgy. He would like jerk off on the back of some dudes while he was having sex with some other people and then he essentially allegedly he then would film it all and then hook them up to IVs so they could continue to go and then the

afterwards they would be IV up. He'd hook them up to IVs so they could continue to fuck? Yes. I just wanted to say that again because it's completely insane. And then after the fact they would get it too hydrate. So were there like doctors involved? It sounds like there was a lot of staff. But from what I've learned from Magus is that you don't really need to be a doctor to hook up somebody to an IV. Mostly you need a lab coat.

Yes. Yeah. Well yeah, it's a special training to drawing blood and stuff like that. My father was drawing blood for a little while for money. Wow. And where do you get the, it it was hard for me get all that red paint. Yes So alright I got a couple questions What's Cuba goody jr. Have to do with this? What are you talking about? What am I talking about? He's added to the fucking assault

Well Cuba goody juniors had a He's had a lot of problems. He's had some allegations of being a bit of a diddler himself. He's accused of sexually assaulting. He was connected to Lil Rod. This is part of his- Lil Rod's a bad name, by the way. I'm just saying it like Rod's dick. Everyone knows it.

So your name essentially is Lil Dick. I think it's cause- I mean, I'm sorry about you being obviously taken advantage of here, but Lil Rod's a bad name. Oh no, if that's Lil Rod, I don't want to meet Big Rod. But they, Cuba Gooding Jr. and him, apparently, yes. Cuba Gooding Jr. has had a lot of allegation activity being tossed around recently. He is a bit of a, he'd do, you know, old fashioned taco grip and a couple of butts and that's not what you're supposed to do anymore. It's not

1957 yeah, little Rod said that Cuba Gooding jr. Sexually harassed and assaulted him. Yep, groping him while aboard combs his yacht not good. Whoa Good, that's not where the life vest is in This is wild. Yeah, Jones complains that their Oscar winner, I love that they put that in there, the Oscar winner, began touching, groping, and fondling his legs, his upper inner thighs near his groin, the small of his back near his buttocks, and his shoulders while in a yacht. Now last year. Oh yeah, this is not good. He believes it comes-

This is like while he's going through all these allegations and court appearances, Cuba I do honestly I feel like in this article. They should have said star of snow dogs I feel like it's unfortunate that they have to bring the Oscars into this into shame to possibly. Sorry is how can you sully? the Oscars it's such a way Oscars it's such a way Because snow dogs obviously a film for predators. Yeah now Is he gonna go down as being as bad or worse than oj simpson who we portrayed? Technically I well oh, no two people. Oh, did you kill two people?

Yeah, that is the difference which he was exonerated for yes But then he had a civil suit when he was not exonerated Now you were gooding jr. Right now. It just seems to be a part of the oh Man, I don't want to call it the meat tenderizer portion of the Sean Coles But system where he does put people through, because according to Lil Rod, I am using the name Lil Rod, because that is his professional name, is that he said that he felt he was being groomed by Cuber Gooding Jr. to essentially,

and Puff Daddy, to sort of be then shared amongst his friends. Now this is not, he's now being held without bail. This is P did, he's being held without bail Which means they have a lot of evidence on him the fact that they even went in he's got Rico charges Full-on racketeering charges. He is in quite a bit of trouble Yeah, but he's got a lot of money So we will see how far that goes piling out like everything's piling out like by the second.

It's the only way to get somebody like him. It's the only way because it's the same thing that we saw before Epstein, whatever happened with him, it's the heat was finally rising. This is at that level. The thing about this story is the reason why I think we're even talking about it is because this is legitimately at about an Epstein level We are now getting to a full-on many different artistic names high money people all involved in these giant sexual coercion Essentially systems they're all in involved in it if you wonder why people distrust Hollywood

Because this is it. It's like this is literally an example of this massive system of sexual assault and It's it's as big as any one of these other things and it takes a mountain It's a mountain of evidence It takes a thousand people coming forward at once in order to push something like this over and that's what Epstein was seeing While the writing was on the wall, which is also why they're hiding everything. Also find interesting, there is some justice in the air these days.

Ghislaine Maxwell, she got her, like she was supposed to do this big appeal for her sex trafficking charges. That's all got dropped. So she is now, she's stuck. She's in fucking jail. You got, you know, obviously Trump is hiding, he was really

trying hard to not release any more of these Epstein records that also implicate him and Bill Clinton and- The Prince. The Prince. Well, he, there was like- Not Prince as in, the Prince of- Prince Andrew. Prince Andrew, yeah. Prince Andrew, like those guys. So, it's not good, so I but at least it seems it feels like maybe we're at a point where some of these

Absolutely gigantic crimes can start to get prosecuted now. Can I my dream scenario for this Oh God? Puff Daddy gets put in the same prison as shook night. Oh And then there's a fucking, and then the feud starts again. Oh yeah, all over again. And then the albums start again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they start, cause that's the thing,

maybe he can rediscover, maybe that's what Puff Daddy needs. A redirection of attention, because we were talking about this right before the show. Can't imagine if Shug night killed Puff Daddy in prison. I would, like imagine if that's something that I feel like it's not It's definitely not gonna happen. No, but this is my like if I was writing the story fan fiction fiction of everything that's happening right now I You know, this is just this story is just gonna ever involve and we're gonna find out

What is the but the end result of all this is going to be. I think that Puff Daddy's going to end up being, you know, I think he's going to see some jail time, but we will, we will have to get there, won't we? Because he has got a massive legal team. But it looks like a lot of the writing's on the wall here. So apparently in the 90s, a woman said that Puff Daddy shot her in the face. Yeah, I believe that this has been, he's been paying people off for a very very long time

Good God And then it was the same thing when he publicly assaulted that woman in the hotel and then he went and paid off the entire Staff they gave him all money to hide the video he's been doing this for a long long time and I do think that this a whole group of Men their self-made versions of the Illuminati, this is what they're doing. This is what, in my mind, when we get our heads mixed up about the Illuminati

and what we are, like, what conspiracy theories think is the Illuminati versus what it actually is, this is what it is, is rich people cosplaying as the quote unquote Illuminatiati because they want to put that amount of control on another human being. It's all about control. It's all about, you know, hazing a bunch of people because you came up hard. So you wanted to make sure everybody else experiences this level of fucking this pain,

right? And then you get to this kind of like megalomaline-ical kind of like, you get to this sort of like, I don't know, I don't know what you'd call what he thought of himself, Sean Combs. Like he just kind of thought that he was a god amongst people maybe, and that he wants them all

to sort of be on display for him. I mean, why wouldn't he think this? He's been doing these crimes for 30, maybe 40 years. Yeah, and he's been, I mean, that's the reason why all those guys are just so they're so used to getting away with it Prince Andrew would you so used to getting away with it Trump so used to getting away with it? I mean, it's fucking nuts. He is responsible for biggie and Tupac. Yeah, you know He is the one who fucking is responsible. He tried to hire the fucking we just we did the update episode the update all about it Yeah, he tried to hire the assassins the bloods to kill him and shit like it's fucking nuts

Yeah, he said legitimate grandma. He's a legitimate criminal, but I hope now that he is in jail and he could focus on the music Because he can get back there cuz we're talking about right before his show How do you have the time how in the living how in. How do you have the time? How in the living, how in the living fuck do you have the time? I like don't have enough time to call my sick aunt. You know, like, I just don't. And it's like, I'm not even that busy. Don't you wanna like have a mindfulness like practice? Yeah. That's what my mind is.

Don't you wanna play D&D with your friends? Yeah. I got a cousin who had a baby. I'm riddled with guilt because I haven't sent a gift yet. Have you thought about inviting a baby to a freak off at your house? And again not to participate But to just be there I mean he had to have had a lot of people producing this show. Oh that that's what they're this is What we're gonna find out is how many of those people have seen gisling stuff only the two of them got fucked, right? No, no one else got picked off and I had to have been like a team of like

At least ten other people bare minimum. He kept though that was a pretty tight-knit group And then also you wonder with when it comes to Jeffrey Epstein about connections to the Massad and to the Russians and to the Chinese and he had all of this like he was a spy probably for several countries yeah so that's why for so long they couldn't do anything until finally he was just it got to be too big in America and then he died one last way with a smile on his face because he got to keep his secrets one last time Man because that's what it was all about

It was that it was all about Using information as leverage over other human beings and he didn't even care about the information himself You know except Epstein was obsessed with preserving his dick with science and he had frozen all of his cum, and he was doing all of these things, trying to create like a breeding program for his DNA with all of these models, which is like literally why he was giving money to Harvard to help him with his like power cum workshop.

He froze his cum? Yeah, like he has a whole side thing with the, that's why he gave all these money to these very, very high-end But fringe research groups because they were all gonna try to help him live into the future He was gonna try to live forever and have him and his cum babies live on some planet somewhere talk about making your own ice cream Frozen come Oh the frozen cum. Frozen cum ice cream. Now I get it. Now I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. No, thank you, thank you.

Um... Live from North Ray. Speaking of the Russians... Oh yeah, there's another spy. I want to talk about this story because this is... What I love is you deep dived into this because at first I saw the same headline as everybody else. Yeah. Everybody else. Yeah former Russian spy and Beluga whale Hvaldamir has been found dead in

Mysterious circumstances in Stavanger, Norway. Don't you fucking even try to spy on us you damn dirty whales. Yeah. Well see So Hvaldamir he was between 15 is between 14 15 years old and belugas. They live up to 30 years in the wild Oh, so it's like he was young. It was a young one. So that's why we do think death was suspicious, right? It was a suspicious death. It was definitely unnatural causes But a little backstory on him Hval means whale in Norwegian and he's named after that and Vladimir for Putin So Hvalda mere is his name. And I also really appreciate this because you do have a love for Wales. We did the horrors

of sea world. Yeah. The last two weeks and man, people have been writing me about their sea world stories. I just think it's interesting that you are covering. This is a another enemy of the people. Well, yeah. Well, I mean, he loved people. Oh well, I mean, he loved people. Oh yeah, I meant he was beloved. He loved humans. He loved information. That's what they taught him to listen, right? Extremely friendly, was used to,

that's how they knew that he was trained by people. Well, also because they thought he was a spy because he had a camera strapped to his face when they found him. Yeah. The camera, they assumed he was Russian because the camera on it had the words equipment St. Petersburg written on it.

Oh yeah, legitimately was like. Scratch it off. You know, if you're gonna like, being like a spy camera from Taiwan. Yeah, yeah, just write property of US government. Just write it on there. No, know literally said essentially property of KGB. Yes on the side of his head Yeah, but he was so friendly to people because he had been trained and they was beloved in Norway And he like adventure off to Sweden for a little while what they were worried about him when he was in Sweden because there's less fish

You know so they thought he was gonna starve you also fucking spying on one of the neutral members that are now finally Sidling towards NATO. That's one of those like I believe Switzerland actually just join NATO if I'm not Incorrect, so it sounds like that was just a further project for fucking Havaldomir Yeah, so the gentle giant who measured some 13 feet long and weighed about 2000 Gentle giant this is a spy from the Russian government. No, he was a cutie pie. He didn't know he was a spy. Montaharie was hot. If someone strapped the fucking camera to your head, you didn't know. That's still a spy. That's a goddamn spy. We didn't take any of that Russian money. For Norway? What's Norway doing? We were offered the Russian money and I said, no, I said, no, I said,

give it to fucking ear Wolf. You give it to air Wolf. And that's what they did. They went and they gave that money to Scott Ackerman and I didn't want us to be implicated. All right. So that fucking whale knew exactly what it was doing. He had no idea what it was doing.

He was getting fish. Yeah. All right. Well, he was, he loved people. He retrieved a kayaker's GoPro one time. Some kayaker dropped his GoPro and it sunk to the bottom and the whale went and got it and brought it back to him because he knew how to retrieve cameras.

Yes, that's the problem. That's bad. Yeah, because then it's looking through the camera, just being like, looking for American secrets. He was playing with an underwater drone one time, which I don't understand that concept. He was attacking our surveillance I know he was attacking our underwater surveillance, but like art isn't a drone if it's underwater and not like a submarine I Don't fucking know I don't like I think drone sticks to the air as far as the the

Classifications are different am I paying attention to the wrong facts? Yeah They're different am I paying attention to the wrong facts. Yeah Here he is he's so cute he's going up to the kayakers he's fucking a spy yeah Well, this is fucking all of this is the fairy one thing I love about spies. They got great breasts um There is such a thing as an underwater drone it is different okay an underwater drone is unmanned Yeah, submarine is manned. Oh, okay. So it's a remote control thing. All right Yeah, so but anyway, there's a conservation group one whale who was like really bringing up like the fact that they expect foul play They think that he was he was shot right? He had circular wounds. So where was he wet? In Norway, man, he just got too close to the fjords

Yeah, yeah, they said that's where how we got into fucking if you remember from uh, if we went through when we went through Uh in operation paper not we went during the manhattan project We were trying to get our way into with the secret nuclear bases of germany. We had to go through norway Sure. Yeah, so one whale flipping out and yeah, so one way One whale was flipping out though like the way the whale was murdered it was shot You know because of the circular wounds. He also had scars from being hit by boats because he liked people too much Russia has been caught before using whales and dolphins and spies. I remember that.

Yeah, and apparently we've done it as well. Of course. Yeah, and then, but the necropsy came back and he was not shot. So he wasn't, so they made a big deal. So this is about- They made a real big deal about it. All I ever saw on the news was Russian spy whale gets shot in head execution style and I thought that was awesome but also like sad right because it's like well it's actually sadder than that because

it seems like he starved to death because he had a stick in his mouth. Are you trying not to laugh? It is sad. It is sad. Yeah he had a stick in his mouth and he couldn't eat unfortunately and that's how he died. It's extremely sad. The holes were superficial, there were birds pecking at his corpse. And I know that in the end, we can't.

One whale still hasn't admitted that they were wrong. When it comes down to it, we're in some kind of, I'm almost going to put it a medium rare war, right? That's what I'm calling where we're in right now, versus Russia. But this has nothing to do with us. But the thing is, is that stuff like this mm-hmm We're hair away from nuclear war Alright if we whacked a spy dolphin spy well

Beluga for Sean a fucking Whale mad right for spying against us this could be one of those things so you remember that story about like I'll tell you one Thing this fucking beluga looks more like Ed Gein than Charlie Hunnam Oh, I wouldn't definitely cast this beluga over Charlie on him, but When you hit Russia, I was making a goddamn point. Sorry. God damn it. I'm sorry What happened to you I lost it you lost it we're gonna we're at a nuclear standoff with Russia Yeah, we're killing their spies Is we kill their spies? You remember that one story that they the two people who had that it was like the guy there was one guy that stopped

Nuclear war between America and Russia. Yeah, but he was the he was Russian because he knew that there was a mistake Yes, right. So he didn't turn the key to shoot the nuclear weapon in the early 80s I forget his name, but yeah, it's a terrifying story. This is the type of shit that he says it heats it up between us. Yes Oh, yeah, we whack well between Norway and Russia, but still that's NATO. Mm-hmm, right? That's us But now that we know that it's essentially died of the fucking dab a stick. There you go. Yeah, it was just stick And that's really just sad is actually sad. No. Yeah before it was a great awesome go. Yeah, it was just stick. That's really just sad. It is actually sad. Oh, yeah before it was a great awesome story Yeah But then you know facts came in and ruin the story ruin the goddamn story fucking time. I hate facts. Yeah

RFK jr. I just want to bring it up. We're talking about dead whales and as we'll talk about our of K jr. Sure sure sure sure He is being investigated because of the whale that he cut the head off of. Can he go away? Is there a way? Can we? How do we get rid of him? They're trying, they're trying with this. Is there any way?

No, none of this works. He basically admitted it. He said that the statute of limitations. Every single time a piece of news comes about RK Jr. for some reason, people are like, and that's why I like him. Like there's something about this man. I don't know what it is. He has no charm.

He has no ideas. His voice sounds like liquid hot lava. Yeah. Right? And then he just, he just decapitates. So he's found, I guess the story, right? He said he found a beached whale. He heard of a whale that was beached. At his first thought.

And he gathered his family in a chainsaw and he ran over to the beach and he cut the whale's head off and he strapped it to his car and then he drove down the highway with it so he can keep this call. Why is this your first thought to do? Even if you just go look at it, it's cool. I get it, it's cool. But the idea of chainsawing through a fucking wall of blubber Randomly because it's like it's not like you started the day Thinking that you were gonna go out and cut the head off a giant whale's body Like that's almost even kind of different like let's say you're in the Inuit and you're out there and you're gonna go cut the hell Off a whale's body because you're gonna cook it you're gonna eat it that makes fucking sense. This is R.F.K. Junior

You're a fucking Kennedy you literally you see a dead whale your first Thought is like Didn't even see it he heard about it any fucking way he got his family together to watch him Chainsaw the head off it. I don't know man. I guess I guess it's supposed I guess this is this is normal now and I'm supposed to be fine all right That's supposed to be a sound idea all right, so let's just talk about it like we're assholes for two seconds. Sure. Um, it's already dead Yeah, and you chainsaw its head off What is the crime?

I'm not talking about criminality. Yeah, it's about I mean you're a piece of shit for sure It's more just don't you have better things to do with your life? Did you hear the story of what his daughter said? She said that when he tied it to the car, he had to tie it through the windows. And so when they were driving down the highway, the fucking whale guts were going into the car and getting all over his daughter. There's just no purpose for it. There's no purpose for it.

I guess he would sell the whale skull? Yeah, no, I think he for it. There's no purpose for it. I guess he stole I guess he would like sell the whale skull Yeah, no, I think he kept it. He loved it. Well, he loves animal things. Oh, he loves animals. So yeah, that's That's what he likes. Yeah, he likes sections of animals Yeah, and I don't really care about hunting and I don't really care. It's so funny Is that I guess in my mind that if this was any other person in any other position, I would think that that's kind of fun Yeah, but if you but I don't You can tell the story to who you can tell the story to the Prime Minister Oh fucking like you're gonna go into some like big international thing

You can tell like the Prime Minister of Japan the story and he's gonna go ha ha ha amazing like it's like still have the skull that's the thing cares who fuck but like you go to his house you see a giant whale skull you think he's like chainsawed it off yeah I mean it's a whale I chainsaw that I chainsaw the head of that whale I just I guess it's it's just all just shit I guess it's fine it's whatever people want he's got worms in his brain he's just gotta go away I just don't want to hear about him ever again. No, it will go away You know, this is a guy that I hope doesn't go away this next story. I Love this. Mm-hmm

What a good idea. I want to say that this is it's an Owen Wilson movie that will not get made anymore. Okay But it's great this man. He claims he gets paid to ruin people's weddings. This is an amazing story. I don't like him, but no, it's an amazing story. He's smart though. This guy, a man by the name of Ernesto. Now he does this bizarre services is in a Spagna is in Spain. He claimed that while most people see their wedding day at the happiest of their lives, right? For some people, they feel locked in. They're locked into this fucking marriage. They don't know what to do about it.

It does make sense. So he is offering a service where for $500, he will arrive at your wedding and he will say, I am the bride or groom's lover. I'm here to say, let's run away together. Yeah, I'm going to stop the wedding. So they run, they do the thing which I've never heard in a wedding ever. I've never ever heard in a wedding if anybody objects.

No, it's only in movies. No one ever cuts that out. Everyone cuts that out. I cut it out. When I've officiated five weddings, I cut it out every time. Me too. Because what are we going to do? Someone's going to object and we got all that kick-ass ass?

Which is this idea of that- It's always gonna be a dude, right? It always. And it's never like, in my mind, it's this moment of, why do we have to open the floor to you? Yeah, no. What are you talking about? At what point, like, why must you be able to have this-

You had to wait till now? Yeah, today? Today? You were invited. There was a paper invitation sent to your home. You could have done this at any time. Months ago. Yes.

And so he says that he will, for 500 euros, he arrives. So he's had this multiple times, and according to Ernesto, if you have doubts, if you don't want to get married, but you don't know how to say no, don't worry anymore. I will cancel the wedding for you. You only have to tell me the time, place, and date, and I will appear at the ceremony. I will say that I am the love of your life, and I will run away together, hand in hand."

And he says that he's had so many responses that now he is booked out through the rest of the year. He did not expect this to be anything. I guess he just must have hated weddings. Yeah, well he gets charged, it started as a joke joke and then it just like turned into like a real thing And he charges 500 euros Yes, and if he gets hit he gets an extra 50 euros for each times He slapped punched or kicked. I mean he needs to because someone is going to literally kill him

Yeah, someone's gonna murder. No, so I'm gonna end up murdering this guy We're gonna have to do an update on this guy and a while before his bookings are up But this would be a Vince Vaughn Owen Wilson vehicle Yeah, of course, because I know there was wedding crashers. We do believe was something like this This was about more about getting laid. Yeah, that was more just like showing up and meeting people. Yeah I'm having a good time. Yeah, but this guy Monetized it in a way that really kind of weirdly in a way kind of makes it cut and dry I mean, this would be a great

Wedding crash or sequel. Oh very much. So then now you have to do it for money. Yeah, someone write it And go have it not get made. Yeah. Yeah. Yes if we would because they don't make comedies anymore now It is very God just the idea of showing up that gets you super fucking ballsy man It is pretty wild so I think he's because he doesn't look not not to judge But he sort of looks like remember Ziggy. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he does look like Ziggy the cartoon character Yeah, so he's got this sort of he's very soft Almost mr. Magoo like like it's just the idea of, he's very soft, almost Mr. Magoo-like. Like, just the idea of him being like, I don't know.

I think it would work better if he was more attractive. Sure. You know, if he was like, if it like, like Dylan McDermott. Oh. You know, so. Well, honestly, then I feel like that's kind of a bridge too far. Or how about Dermott Mulroney? They're basically the same person.

They're the same. Different, just basically the same. I've met Dermott Mulroney. They're basically the same difference. It's basically the same I've met Durbin Mulroney. It's a lovely man. Oh, yeah. Well, he's great for this thing. He would be great for this Yes, but yeah, hopefully he can get like next thing to know now we got to do this with the Supreme Court Mm-hmm. I feel like there's a lot of ways to use this ability this interrupting man ability Yeah, because this would be good why to fool everybody at a funeral oh right show him up in like I'm the long-lost son that's actually not you know like yeah that's a good chance that's a good like new way to like fuck up another type of event yeah you get a bunch of pictures of them put them in your wallet like my brother at a baby's like birthday party or like a baby shower

You could show up and be like I'm the real father That's my baby in there That's my come You know like that would be really fun if you want to get if your father looking to get out of the baby shower Can you I mean are you let it get out of a baby shower? Oh baby showers? Just you know people come bringing gifts if you Because that'd be kind of fun Think done anything like that at a baby shower

Paternity tests Wow like you do me. I think you should know by then what did you instead of a gender reveal? father reveal I'm sure it's happened. That's right. That's what a Montel Jordan was for Oh a mess Montel Maury Povich Maury Povich Jordan is this is how we do it yes and any he also but we could I that feels like that's a per service we should provide yes yeah paternity tests at baby showers I mean stop there how about maternity tests is this your baby I would love't stop there. How about maternity tests? Is this your baby? I would love to know because there's more they I talked about chimera DNA

It could have been basted. You never know chimera DNA happens all the time We just don't know we just don't search for it a lot because we never really Hesitantly, it's not a lot of people want to call into doubt the mothership of a baby If they've seen it coming out of a woman's vagina But I say you actually don't really know yeah, because maybe were you with her the whole time Yeah, it's kind of like when you go to the airport you could have your national is baby sleeping Oh, yeah, absolutely Well if you want to go to interport when you go to airport internationally and they say stuff like did you pack your bags?

Yeah, you use your sleep. You know if somebody pushed a baby up inside your pussy. No idea no idea You're asleep. You know if somebody pushed a baby up inside your pussy. No idea. No idea Now I have some other footage I wanted to show Eddie yeah, I got something I wanted to show you too Now we have some good ones. So this one was There was it there was a thing we used to talk about a lot on side stories called. How is this a crime? No, and it came from a story this is real back in the day it was a story of a man that was pleasuring himself with cucumber up his butt in front of a restaurant and was one of my favorite comments I ever saw on a Yahoo News article because at the very bottom of it

one of the first comments was someone writing in all caps. How is this a crime now? We know why it's a crime. Yeah, yeah, you're showing your butthole With food yes even worse the fact that you're fucking yourself with wow is this a different way to toss salad I feel like this this is not whoo-hoo Is this feeling the salad is tossed? I don't if it's like it's more like the salad got impacted Yeah, or your butthole got it impacted by salad. Oh, okay Now this is just a video from Truxton Circle in Washington DC of a very relaxed man looking like he is on his way back from the grocery store

Okay, and we see this young man Smoking a cigarette relaxing for some reason He is trespassing through a broken fence And I was doing he's he's got a little Plastic sack at a restaurant. Oh, no, this is outside in the middle of the day This is in bit of an alley behind an apartment building now if you notice he has a cucumber in his hand He is taking it out of that little plastic bag Which I believe he has come straightly from the grocery store. Now he is lowering his pants as you can see here. He's not even hiding. Nope. He you

know very he's being he's still smoking that cigarette. Now if you notice what you're seeing here struggling now what I believe what he's doing in this moment in time. This is an obstructed view. He is affixing the cucumber to the grill of a stranger's car. Oh. Oh yes it is now sticking out of the front of that car

much like the car itself has an erection And then what he is going to do now is that he's sort of like looking around you can tell he rubbed lube all over The cucumber it seems he just seems he's dropped his pants. Oh my god Now he is just fucking backing into it Wow now that is the wildest thing I have seen in a second where he is crazy. He looks like somebody faking being on a carriage being pulled by a horse. He is bucking up and down, up and down, much like what I was forced to do this morning in Goddess Pose. What I love about this is the fact that he is continually just smoking a cigarette.

You're supposed to wait till afterwards, right? He doesn't even jerk off. He just gets himself pummeled in his butthole a little bit waiting. He saw the van coming. He doesn't stop. He knew a van was coming, so he stopped. He pulled the cucumber off the car, I guess.

And then I guess decided he's had enough or his lunch break is almost over. That was just a quick couple pumps. That is the single, still smoking. Still one still smoking still one didn't even finish the cigarette I don't Wow, yep, just wow Didn't even look at that kind of responsibly putting it out. Yeah, and he puts it right back in this Little bit longer. Oh, yeah. Wow. He's doing it the old-fashioned way Maybe he's not he's itchy inside of a she's not and he's using us to scratch an itch inside his asshole

He's literally not even smiling Why is experiencing? How'd he put it back in his lunch bag? Yep. Oh, you can't put it back in the cooler. No, he did Oh, no, no, we did Wow. He not pulled his pants up. I think that he's being casual about it Yeah, no. No, it seems to be more of the style of time. No, he seems you should use a Dodge Ram Have you seen the new Hyundai power bottoms, yeah now this if he loses his rhythm he should try a Ford tempo Now apparently he If he loses his rhythm, he should try a forward tempo. Hey, come on. Now apparently he has not been caught.

Oh, really? This was just video that was put onto the Washington, DC subreddit. What's to catch? I don't know, Eddie. What? I don't even... And I guess the question is, is how is this a crime? Because this is almost in a way...

He did take it in the alley. I will say... And he brought it around behind the building. Yes It feels like It does sort of feel like because No one saw it that it's like a if a tree falls in the forest and nobody's there to hear it, right? Where this man has just spent a day in our nation's capital Blasted his colon with food chocolate city

Yeah, he made it sir. He made it that way. I guess he was looking for it. I Just what and then he broke into this place. It seems like he knew where to go I just what and then he broke into this place. It seems like he knew where to go He knew that the fence was broken in this little little parking lot. He seems to have scoped this out I don't think that this is this man's first rodeo. No, no, no No, and he held on for longer than eight seconds, too, and he never came. Can you imagine we don't know that I Did you see him make a calm face? We barely see his face But no you notice he did one round right he did slowly finish or a couple more pumps when he came back around from the car He did a chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga chugga look like he was making butter Yeah, and he and he was mm-hmm, but he never look at this no smile. No calm face

He just looks very serious I'm sure he was smiling when he was walking away. Look at him. Look at how serious he is I mean, this is a business, you know, this is all business. I don't see anybody. I don't see money exchanging hands No, I mean, you know He's you know business between himself, but I also don't know how if you are just noiselessly Plugging yourself. Why can't you just do this in the bathroom at work? Cause you're not done.

Not that I say you should. He probably got caught at work. Oh yeah. You know? And you think they had it, you don't think they got him immediately fired? You think they just gave him a warning? I mean, all he did was waste a cucumber.

As long as the cucumber doesn't get back into the other cucumber population, you know, what's funny though? It's in my mind. It's basically wiping his ass. It's using a cucumber. I'm not gonna following you on that I won't join you in that For me it depends on what his business is Yeah, if he's an office worker, I don't know why that's fine No, he looks like a cook if he works at a car max. Yes an office worker, I don't know why that's fine for me. Does not know, he looks like a cook. If he works at a Carmex, yes, that's why I don't like this. Is that if he worked at any other type of job,

I'd be fine with it. Fucking yourself in your butt with the cucumber at work. Because again, the cucumber is not, there's no way, I just feel like again, it's about- There is no grocery bag, the cucumber could be stolen from work. It's all about the attitude you're setting, it's all about the atmosphere

that you're bringing about at work. That to me is the attitude you're setting It's all about the atmosphere that you're bringing about at work That to me is the issue is that if you think about food that way, I don't want you cooking it Yeah, you get turned on enough by that because that's the thing too is I'm gonna say this to our people It's not that I have a problem with them sticking things up his butt It's the fact that food is not a super safe thing to put up your butt. It should really be a dildo I had a buddy who fucked a cucumber Food is not a super safe thing to put up your butt. It should really be a dildo. I had a buddy who fucked a cucumber, but the other way around, he hollowed it out

and used it as like a flashlight. Why? I don't know, he was young and didn't understand jerking off. Yeah. This was a middle school story. Yeah, it's middle school. You did what? Yeah.

Everyone's like, no. No. Why are you telling us? You know that this is gonna ruin your life? So we'll ask the perennial question how is this a crime if no one's Exposing yourself. Yeah, it's all sorts. I guess. Yep. But Yep, well the fence is broken. No very much. So I will say that They do have two fences and one of them is an electric fence that you can open and close and put a car in there

But what's the point of those of that if the fence the other fence is broken? I wonder if he cool aid manned his way through that first fence in order to fuck himself in the butt with that cucumber before Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean I guess so you never know real quick though I just want to bring this story up because I'm kind of obsessed with it and there was this guy in in Vegas gas station worker who Overreacted when a man was using the nacho cheese machine any um in protection of his store He hit the guy with a baseball bat in the head. Yeah, that is an overreaction over a nacho cheese

Yeah, I feel like cuz in the end I he is correct because it is not cho cheese Yeah, yeah, the guy the gas station attendant. This is the Las Vegas Review Journal the gas station attendant thought the man was getting too much cheese from the nacho cheese machine and then the man broke the machine and the Attendant told the police and he was being rude and he wouldn't leave And so we hit him in a fucking head with a bat don't break the not so cheese machine Vegas is crazy That's what I guess what you're gonna not do again. Yeah Break that nacho cheese machine. Yeah, man. That's not anybody cheese that man knows that if that cheese goes out I bet you that he's been wrestling. I'm again. I'm not gonna

I'm not gonna support him necessarily, but he has been wrestling with that nacho cheese machine They're so long and how many broke it so many people come in and out of that wherever that establishment is looking for that nacho cheese It's probably the life splutter that whole neighborhood. It'd be the same as banning fracking in, Pennsylvania Yeah, that if you shut down that nacho cheese machine Everything's gonna come to a grinding halt So the fact that they fucking that guy came in there fucked it up. He got regulated don't fuck with the cheese, dude Yeah, man He hit the guy twice once in the head and once in the gut and when the cop showed up the dude was still

Spurting blood out of his ears. I think Fuck whoo, man, ooh. Again, he's just gonna be like, I'll use any other kind of cheese. You know, I'm sorry sir, next time I'll use the Swiss cheese. But you put it out there for customers to use, they can take as much as they want. Hey, but have some common sense Eddie. Have some common sense. His name was Myron Bully.

Yes. Which is also a very funny name for a man Who beats another man over the head with a hammer over cheese? That is a perfect name yes, and now there's another story about a head injury. I want to show you oh Dude, this one's fucked so it's crazy. It's not even a story yet really well first things first We'll put this together is that I wanted to first of all say I'm sorry to the Knoxville jester Oh, yes I even unfairly lumping in the Knoxville jester in with the soup gate storyline and there are a lot of people came coming forward

I like the fan just I'm getting I've got people defended the Knoxville jester. Her name is Raven Scott I'm getting I've got people defended the Knoxville jester. Her name is Raven Scott They are they call her she used to be the skipping jester of Seattle, but she moved Knoxville and She just like skipping and she skips her up to six miles a day That's how she stays in shape She loves to skip and then she works at a commercial mechanics when she is not skipping and not in the jester costume And she does a cheeky thing of asking the fellow mechanics How do they feel about the Knoxville jester and they say stuff like love them? Yeah, they don't even know it's a lady amazing, but

See, that's a nice story. Yeah, it's very nice out of Knoxville, but now at a Nashville Have you seen these pictures yet? I tried to get you to not look at these pictures They know I'm excited. No, I'm excited for these pictures. Rob, could you please pull up the pictures? I don't know, this story is still developing, we got it right as we were walking in, but the pictures are so insane, I had to show Henry, this is from Ian, a man, a houseless man, a homeless guy.

I'll tell you what, whatever you call him, it's not gonna help what's wrong with him. Oh, Um, oh wow a big part of his skulls mixing and he's walking around with his brain exposed now I'm looking at this guy now. This is horrifying story. I feel extremely bad for no I yeah, I know one thing I find interesting He's still smoking he checked himself out of a hospital because he oh wow He checked himself because he couldn't vape. He checked himself because he couldn't vape. Now, I'm looking at a picture, and the only way to really describe it is,

it says he was injecting drugs into his brain. Yeah, that, oh yeah, it's open for it. I'm looking at a man whose head, the only way to really describe it is it looks like the cover of the, remember the cookie from If a Mouse Gets a Cookie? No. You know that, If a Mouse Gets a mouse gets a cookie then story no I don't

right you see it looks like a convertible is like half up yeah if you give a mouse a cookie it looks like that yeah so it looks like our cartoonishly bitten chocolate chip cookie I mean I guess the story here is that this guy is alive. Oh, yeah It's just walking around and he loves vaping and honestly Weirdly in a way. How do you say it sounds like maybe the vaping is kind of helping him I think there's got to be a chance that he's already dead because his brain is just straight-up exposed to air I mean, he's walking around just hanging out. He seems to be fine I mean I guess whatever you needed was non-essential to be walking around in order to purchase cigarettes because he's also you notice

He switches cigarettes. So it wasn't about the vaping. Oh someone on reddit I mean who knows if this true or not said if anyone is curious I have some connections to the care workers that know this man My understanding is that he lost part of his skull in a car accident some time ago He usually has a helmet to protect his head, but he lost it and he'd been picking at the wound pretty aggressively Oh my god, I want to die. I'm looking at this the right now that so that's a that's a Permanent situation that he rolls around with thank. Yeah He's got cookie jar head and he gets to just he's walking around like he's crying like he's got crying

Thanks to the the Nashville Reddit page they found him the located him and they got him a new helmet They're doing regular check-ins with him and he's doing okay My question I think he needs more than a helmet friend. I think he I don't know it. Yeah, I think You don't think you're now see needs you know anything he needs a bucket. Yeah, I think he needs a new head. You don't think what else he needs? You know what I think he needs? Mentos. Yeah. Mentos, freshness, mentos, freshness, and to-

I feel like you throw a mento in there, right? That might help his whole thing. He might end up in a Foo Fighters video. Here's another comment. Dave Grohl. Can we talk about Dave Grohl? Oh, sure. Talk about somebody who's missing a fucking drunk of his ab. Oh, man What are we thinking Dave Grohl? Come on?

He's a rock star and he had a baby. He's owning up to it. I don't know. His best friend died. Yeah, best friend died That's all I'm gonna put it out there. Yeah, I don't know. He's fucked up. You know, I feel like there might be some guy I mean, I don't know. It feels like we just headed into controversial territory It seems like a bunch of none of our business oh as I'm concerned hey man Hey, I'm not the one with the fucking latch on the top of my head. Yeah This fucking guy I'm thinking about this guy right this guy right here think about this. You know what's nice about him Eddie Just so nice to see people in Nashville keeping an open mind. Oh There we go there we go there you go, I like that's a good one. But hopefully

I'm they do anything to help this guy. Yeah, maybe get him a band-aid. You know what he could use honestly saran wrap. Wow. Yeah or a plate right don't they put like plates in people's they got to close it. Dude, I feel like that kind of gap needs a dish set. I mean like the brain can't get dry like that Yeah, I mean what said you guys by the fire hydrant Goddamn it. What's his probably he uses spit or something in there. I kind of went up in craziest thing. I've ever Seen I don't like it. Yeah, you know one's supposed to have a section of head gone. Yeah, unless of course It's like the bottom I could see like you Robert Ebert, but this is opposite Ebert

I actually have heard that he's actually on his way to apply to be the screenwriter for RFK jr. Oh Well, it's a lot easier for him to get worms in his brain than RFK Jimmy Kimmel hire us We're good at it, oh my god! Wow, what a really disturbing and fucked up visual story that's really hard to really express over radio. Yeah, they're actually, it's just a bunch of, it's a series of pictures. There's no actual story. No, there's no story, but it's just, it's just crazy to see that much brain on a guy walking around.

Yeah. Casually. He doesn't even look like he's in pain. No, he's, he's got his like legs crossed and he's smoking a cigarette like he's Buckminster Fuller on like a fucking the back in the day like A 1960s talk show. Yeah. Um, well We really covered a lot of ground today. That's right. Let's have me get to some stories We're not not stories emails emails, you know All right, you want to hear a really fucked up one? Yeah, I really fucked up

Let's see if we can top the last one is really fucked up why we don't castrate sex offenders. Okay Hey guys, love the show I'm a sexual and domestic violence lawyer who knows more about checks child sexual abuse than I wish I did Other than the cops... You should have taken the job. No, these are the type of people we need. Because thank God it's not a guy going, yummy, yummy, yeah, tell me more. You know who watches the most child porn?

Who? The cops. Yeah, they really do. Yes. Yeah. They really, really do, and God bless them for it. Now, other than the constitutional issues involved involved why we don't castrate sexual offenders Which we talked about this we brought this up a little bit about like I would say take my dick, please

You know if I was a pedophile which I'm not As a matter of fact, I like them older and wiser You made it sound worse somehow The reason we don't castrate pedophiles or people who commit sex crimes is because unfortunately it doesn't work When it's been tried at different points in history People still reoffend using objects as a substitute for the penetration with the body Yes, knowing this is terrible, but knowledge is power. Isn't that great? We need to keep supporting organizations using evidence-based

methods to keep pedophiles from offending as they frequently come under undeserved fire because people believe they're trying to legitimize offending spurred on by misinformation in the culture wars. You're completely correct. We are trying to figure out what to do with these people which is largely why we just put them in a Essentially like a halfway house. Yeah right next to some of our neighborhoods Citizen app told me I got a new one in my neighborhood. Let's go meet them. Yeah Well, we go let's go meet him here we go now Here's a good last story it reminds us from last couple episodes and just remember I was going to give you a bit of a reminder this week

We're getting back into true crime. Thank God and just gonna get pretty gross. I Grew up in the Houston area. So we visited SeaWorld San Antonio as a quote vacation destination often I fell for the Shamu shows magical facade and wanted to be a marine mammal trainer my entire childhood. When I turned 16, I was starting to have to make real decisions about college. I knew my lifelong dream probably wouldn't make the best career. However, I was determined to at least give it a chance, so I saved up my babysitting Christmas and birthday money for over a year to pay for SeaWorld Career Camp. Oh my god, so they make you pay to train?

Of course, yeah, oh yeah, that makes sense. For a week, I stayed in a bunkhouse on property, shadowing various trainers and attending educational trainings and demonstrations. One of these demonstrations was how the trainers collect semen samples from dolphins to send around the world in various breeding programs. They have hand signals to tell the dolphins

to swim to the side of the pool and roll onto their back. The trainer makes a series of special touches around their genital area, instructing them to expose their penis. It's usually tucked inside their body. The trainer then gives another series of command touches, places a bag over the penis, and the dolphin ejaculates into it on command.

Nice! It usually, I actually talked to someone who used to work at SeaWorld recently after the show They messaged me and I called them. It was it was actually very interesting conversation But they said that the dolphins come in like seconds the force of the come according Yes, the force of the come hitting the bag was shocking and it's telling like a pressure watching Sound like pressure washing a raincoat Apparently some of that is on videotape at Petty's house Now the trainer then gave hey Now the trainer then gave a... The trainer then gives hand signals of the dolphin who swims backwards across the pool still extending...

He still extended penis flopping around the surface. He washes himself off. That's nice. And he goes like... Like, you know, sorry about the eyeballs. At 16, this was my first time even seeing a penis. And it was shocking to say the least. My friend at camp got to participate in a demonstration involving an orca and her description of how large its penis was is still frightening. Eight feet, according to Death at Zero. Oh yeah, I attended the camp in 2008. The trainers discussed both of Tilikum's fatality incidents with us, specifically using them as examples

supporting their practices. Kelty Lee Byr Lee burns death was used to emphasize why the trainers are required to train so vigorously physically Yeah, tell the claims you get that bag fill it come They stated she died because the whales didn't realize she couldn't swim and hold her breath as well as the trainers and the death Was accidental they used Daniel Duke's death to under to underscore why trainers aren't allowed in the water with the whales until they have spent years building relationships with them. They indicated that as Duke was a stranger intruder possible threat until it comes environment, so he was justified in dispatching him. I will note that at least while I was there, SeaWorld was conducting a lot of rehab efforts

with various wildlife, which I have heard this. They have to say I'm sorry a million times now. That's how it works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they are a legitimate science organization now. Yes, they are trying, yes. And so long story short, I chose not to become a marine mammal trainer

because of the terrible pay, lack of any PTO, and slim chance of securing a position. I pursued a degree environmental science and currently work for a company building industrial solar farms. Cool. I'm very happy with my choice and obviously recognize how inhumane having orcas in captivity truly is. However, I always get a big reaction to parties when I tell them about my first sexual encounter. Really good work. Really good work.

Do you remember when you were a kid and they would go around the room and ask you what job you wanted to be and every hot chick always said marine biologist. It was always marine biologist. That is so funny. It really was and it was the prettier girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know and I don't know why. I think it's because they saw girls with ponytails on the like ads.

Right in the, yeah, right in the goddamn. Well. Yeah, I guess so When it turns out They were all just ready to get fucking murdered mm-hmm That's what happened to those little girls, but they chose not to oh Rob's got some some come oh good very good Go to patreon.com go to patreon.com slash last podcast Come come so you can watch these videos of come be extracted from the inner dick pussy of this orca One of my favorite moments we've ever had on the show Go to hell and have LP on the left For all the social media where we will have to blur out. There's orcas dick pussy. I mean they didn't blur it out on YouTube

I think we're fine I think that that's because they're fucking it's it's when we put it back up because for some reason YouTube they love To pull down our videos every single time we show will come and they need to live knowing that Whales come all right. That's natural. It's not dirty. It's not porn. This is not porn. It's come I hate watching this it is porn. You know what? I'm never gonna laugh As we are disgusted by ourselves watching poor guess watching come get extracted from a whale's pussy dick You know what this makes me think of what tomorrow the hoopa goo-goo game returns You gotta check it out come and check it out and to go. It's the goo goo. You're right

Slash LPN TV what time p.m. Pacific a 9 p.m. Eastern you come watch the hoop a goo game on that X2 You're gonna be doing it tomorrow and Kara clank and we got Grant Gordon it's gonna be a lot of fun of course amber And I will be there as well fucking better be met It's you're gonna love it buddy and go to last podcast on the left at a comm come check it out our live shows are fucking Good, they're right on the money. We're fucking cartoon right now. Yeah, come see us in Philly. I think that's Billy sold out all that sold out if you There's still some tickets for Brooklyn There's still some tickets for LA and there's definitely tickets for Reykjavik. Oh, so go see us in Iceland

That is going to trip come on Reykjavik come buy the fucking tickets You were told Marcus is like, you know, Iceland's too cool to buy tickets ahead of time. Well, it's like, we need you two. Yeah. Everybody else is fine. Everybody else got their shit together, Iceland. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh I'll uh... Which one? Choose one. I don't know. I can't think of anybody. But who's the hero today? Everybody's so evil today.

No one's good. No, you know who's not? Who? The Knoxville Jester. The Knoxville Jester! As far as we know. Hail the Knoxville Jester for now. For now.