Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Hybrid Armies & Little Green Men

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

Have another heapin' helpin' of Side Stories with Ben and Henry. This week: checking back in on Joe Exotic, the border patrol serial killer, an intense ROTC speech, and one prisoner's macabre arts & crafts project. L L L

This is the last talk. On the left. Why? Because of your glids. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Ow, snap! Okay, all right.

In this week's moment of vulnerability. Oh, really? We're going to do that again? We're going to do it again. Again moment of talk about what it means to be vulnerable really okay sure um I Got chocolate all over my new UFO. I did see that and I commented on your Instagram That's not chocolate It was not shit. It was dookie. Okay. It's not shit. It was not well. That's better. No. Yeah

Can you imagine leaving the bathroom with visible shit? Hold over your hands like what kind of monster even there were several people then did that joke I said, you know, right quote-unquote chocolate quote-unquote chocolate or Instagram post But then it's like you honestly thought me a man 34 years old. I have a fiance sure I have a life. I have all these things that I would leave a room with Smudgeable duke. Mm-hmm. I Thought you might be reading it in the bathroom. I think that's where you do a lot of reading That's where a lot of people do a lot of reading. It's totally normal, but I would be wiping after I'm done reading

I wouldn't wipe and then sit and shit. Well, I don't know what you do in there This is side stories everyone. I am Ben kiss all that's the the man who is currently under a lot It's kind of an investigation regarding what is the smudge in your UFO book UFO enthusiast Henry Zabrowski No, I did the thing where I just you know You got to pick up the book and you look at it. I just want to see you women like well Let's take a look at this evidence and then you like flick off a little piece of it and put on your tongue It's chocolate. Oh, thank God

They could go the other way Travis morning star will also chime in every now and again if you hear a third voice That's his that's me. All right. I that remind you I've told this story multiple times on round table of gentlemen go back and listen to those old episodes if you want to hear Us much more intoxicated and far younger and I feel down my ACT's because in in Wisconsin you do the ACT not the SAT and I had nothing but chocolate donuts for breakfast And I was eating during the exam They sound they found it to be a little bit offensive to the seriousness of the exam And I turned it in with a bunch of thumb prints that had chocolate donuts mirror all over it

And the woman was just like I don't know if this is gonna go through the scanner But it did go through the scanner and I got into a state school. So thank God You must have been such a scary huge mentally handicapped man in school Like it's been like who is this gargath of them where it's like I can secretly read Yes, and which is very good. You always hide in planes like oh, absolutely I also have been having a mystery happening. There's a bunch of updates. We're gonna do today. We have a bunch of there's some new news Who would have thought Joe? Joe exotic is like the jelly of the month club version of a human He just keeps on giving it's crazy

The rabbit holes that we've gone in this week on Joe exotic alone. There's so many conspiracy theories around him as well I know very fun. Love his facial hair of love his attitude Yeah, but he also may be a murderer and you also I don't love him because he may be abused many tigers But we'll get it seems like that But in my neighborhood so I've been walking around right when you know walking the dog at night Uh-huh Natalie and I have been seeing straight up This is not a bit. This is not a bit Puddles of what can only be described as slime

Really in various spots in my neighborhood that keeps showing up They one looks like a couple spots look like straight like it's like high strangeness man It looks like fucking of movie throw up where it's got like mixed vegetables in it And it's like orange and like I read while I walk Wendy So I've been also prepping for the next episode so I'm already in kind of a high strangeness mood Mm-hmm. This shit's been happening for like two weeks and then straight up a puddle of fuchsia gel right like a Secret of these I mean do you think it's just an overall like it's a it's a side effect of massive massive pollution

Is that possible also you walk the dog while reading it might be Wendy poo in the book Is it the smoothie craze of LA it could be a smoothie revolution happening where people just like fuck this I like chewing my food. I was and then just slamming into the ground But I'm saying the dogs are all fascinated by it all of the neighbors and I are onto the conspiracy We're all talking we're all trying to investigate find out who is doing right if it's a who or if the shit's coming out of the Ground which is bad because then all of a sudden we're in a weird ghost busters to proto scenario Where there is a river of slime underneath Los Angeles, which really we already know there is so you instead of instead of a book club You started a slime gang

We're on the slime gang and I'm president of the slime gang which I've they don't know that I've claimed They'd have to name your area of Hollywood. They'd have to rename it nil bog which is goblin backwards And then you could star in your own trolls to movie which again is actually about goblins So that'll be exciting this may or may not be a gigantic integrated marketing scheme for pitch such as what you're talking about It could be until we find out for sure the mystery remains very tantalizing and you'd want to maybe pay money to hear about it Right. Oh, well, of course, of course people would love to hear money to hear about it and if I would actually pay you $5 per Time I heard the story When it comes to these slime pits be very careful with Wendy dogs like to jump in all puddles

They don't care what's in there and let's not forget what happened with bebop and rocksteady of the TMNT Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles She already kind of looks like bebop bebop or rocksteady I can't think of the one exactly that she looks like she might just turn into a bigger. They'll be nice though That's so much more Wendy. It could be more when it is a lot more Wendy But then Wendy would be a really bad bad thing and then it would have a gun and it would shoot at random Turtles I guess it would be loyal to me sure speaking of goblins Do we want to talk about Mandy for a second? Mandy is we're gonna talk about it for a second the problem is that kissle hasn't seen it

Which is I feel is all already like an inner portrayal a part of it of like a lack of understanding of me Because Mandy is me. Well, there's a film. Is it in the movie theaters right now? Yes. No What yeah, no, well it is so how do you get it not the video on the machine the video machine The I go click-click-click. Is it on iTunes? Yeah. Oh, I go to the voice subscription my favorite I love doing voice search because then you go like Schindler's list to electric boogaloo and then it pops up that it's fun to do you can do it It's all fake titles. I don't think that that would yeah That probably wouldn't pop up there and thank God because that would be yeah a film that might be and that might just got long

That might be the name of the Jerry Lewis French film that was under wraps And I believe still is forever and ever and ever because if it's insensitive content, let's say Pat Noswalt and his vault of irony has a copy of it apparently Oh, but but no, it's honestly, I would like to talk about Mandy in further depth I'm gonna wait for a kiss. I'll see it, but I will say my friends my friends Uh-huh Shane Wharton and Kyle Yacklin for that They do all the makeup for your pretty face going to hell and Casper Kelly that writes and creates your pretty face going to

Hell wrote and directed the entire cheddar goblin sequence Which is a surprise and a delight in cheddar goblin is my it's I it's my energy A person so this is my fucking sire. This is a spoiler that you just gave No, I don't know it seems like a bit of a spoiler because I didn't know there was gonna be cheddar goblins I was just in Wisconsin and I saw quite a few cheddar goblins while watching the pack attack Versus the Vikings which ended in a tie which was actually kind of nice because my friends are Viking fans and I'm a Packers fan So it was nice to have like we both lost Normal first of all you stop being racist about Wisconsin because I believe cheddar goblin is a slur

No, they wear cheese on their heads. They love it when cheddar goblin came on the screen I audibly gasped delightful. It is just the best film Nick Cage pulls out all the fucking stops that man can act Whoo, I love an actie act act man whenever he wants to yes There are times when he does it when he turns it on there is nobody better But it's really strange when he turns it off. I almost like the movies better There is nothing nothing greater than a phoned-in movie by Nicholas Cage. He just makes me laugh I I'll take a little time and any way your shape or form I could get in a cage. That's how I take absolutely All right, well, let me do this quick update here on Joe exotic now

We did not even bring this up the first time we spoke about him But evidently in a tragic turn of events his 23 year old husband Travis Maldonado, which is Joe exotic's actual last name as well He took his last name. How sweet is that? He committed suicide at 23, but now there are There is a lot of speculation and whether it be true or not But given the nature of Joe exotics character and his love of guns and his love of being a little bit Let's say over the top with his antics that he may have had something to do with the death of his husband But we don't know that look as a Travis

I will say try if you you have the name Travis you are a victim and yes You are going to be victimized Travis Walton was a massive victim in terms of being raped by aliens Like this is a they get picked up all time. I'm sorry Travis. It's your people are like this at least I'm not a Trevor though. The suicide day. Congrats. Trevor's are doing very good They have a lot of they have a lot of khakis and boat shoes and who doesn't love to be on a boat wearing khakis Travers will shouldn't a Trevor should never be left alone with your nephew. You know what I mean? Travis needs that many nephews in order to be defended by the neighborhood children The suicide took place in Winwood, Oklahoma

Which is a fun fun name for a place and it happened at 1230 p.m. deputies responded to a 911 call reporting a man had shot himself in the head in the business office at Joe exotics Park at 1230 which I will say if Joe Exotic is going to be sort of Speculate if there's some speculation that he did at 1230 in the afternoon He can't be that drunk at that time, right? I feel like if he did do it, it would be like 2 a.m And after a lot of Molly X no no no bunch of heels. I don't know. I don't know

No, I would say there is ha it's 50 50 because sometimes in the morning That's when I'm the most mad and like yes, and maybe like something just pops off and you've been well Cuz what do we know about Joe Exotic? He loved his guns. He did he was very often brandishing them He has a little bit of a Phil specter like yes or around him. Yeah, he attempted well He threatened to murder a woman That's why that's why we talked about him in the first place He wanted to murder a woman who ran another animal sanctuary because she criticized him for how poorly he ran his animal Sanctuary so then to prove what a great animal lover he is he tried to hire someone to kill that woman

He tried to murder this right so they're part of it is that's that's very intense So I feel like he's got a lot of the character. It may be there Maybe gotten the wrong maybe the fucking boyfriend picked tick them off We know is he in jail yet? Is he at least been picked up? I don't believe he's currently in jail I think he's still awaiting trial and we will have the trial of the century We will keep you updated on the trial of Joe Exotic 23 year old Travis Maldonado the husband of Joe Exotic He was pronounced dead at the scene by emergency officials and authorities say the cause of death is the fatal gunshot wound to the head

But the manner of death remains to be determined, which I don't really understand what that means The sheriff says employees routinely carried firearms during their part duties and a 45 caliber was recovered at the scene and Security footage is being reviewed. So if Joe did did do this, wouldn't you just feed him once you go full? What was that? Well, like like the movie Hannibal, wouldn't you feed him to the animals? Well, I think in a weird way. He knows that that's a mistreatment of the animal And while he's been doing a lot of other mistreating of the tiger. I feel that it's way more Impulsive. I think that when he's mistreating his tigers It's like a way where you're dealing with these tigers and you're kind of dumb and you also have some weird fervent love of tigers

So you kind of Lightly abused them in his way. Well, it was it seemed like it was pretty heavily So I think he shot him in the head and then he's just like oh But it's that thing where you're just like fuck you fuck you fuck you Oh, oh Oh, you just get you immediately regret what you've done. Yeah, that's exactly the noise that would that would be made if the mom from Bob's Burger accidentally murdered Bob This was an interesting little thing that they chose to put in this article

It is not known if Maldonado was a licensed carry a licensed fire arm carrier either in arm security capacity Or as an open carry licensee, so that's also that's a crime That is also a crime if he's if he doesn't have the license to hold the gun. Yeah, you can't arrest his dead body No, I do think yeah, and also I will say this is I mean this is one claim that's now being tied to him He has a lot of suspicious shit. I've also I had a listener straight up Tell me they have some insider information that the lovely Song that we played of his last week was not even sung by him. There is some constant Intermission whether or not it is his voice. How sad would it be to be the person who sings that song and then doesn't get credit

For it I mean are there's it's this is not like Millie Vanilly were the folks who actually saying that song got more money and less Meline than Millie Vanilly who the heck would do that? It was Travis and obviously he was silenced forever Maybe yes, it's for a secret. Have you ever seen the Phantom of the Opera? Yes? I know anything of the Phantom of the Opera. Yeah, of course. He's a Phantom in the opera There's a man that comes if there's anybody that could be entranced by Joe exotic Mm-hmm is a man a Plainsman who is his neighbor whose face was destroyed in Iraq, right? And he's got a snow permanent skull face like but let's say the whole first chunk of his meat was removed from his face

Okay, just eyeballs open skull nose big clatter in teeth his tongue slipping out of his fucking skeleton mouth all the time He's like all I have to do is sing my beautiful song, but the record company say my Visage is too frightening, but the Joe exotic songs were great. That's what I'm saying But Joe exotic but that's like but when he starts singing It comes out like this. He's got a beautiful voice and Joe exotic's like I'm a freak I'm a fringe person. I'm a man with different ideas about society I'll help you you horrible Phantom man and then all of a sudden he's mousy because he's like I got the face to move units Uh-huh, and you got the voice to move units. Okay. All right. Well, I don't know it's possible

I suppose it is possible and if that person did lose his face in Iraq Thank you for your service and what a beautiful voice you have this entirely made up person that Henry just created That lie could also be a lie. Maybe it wasn't ever done in Iraq He was burned off by a town and knew he was molesting all the children of the town and then he fabricated another story Because I wouldn't even put that outside of Joe exotic as well. Well, let's not somebody with no evidence whatsoever This is a really thing about well that man with no face. He tell the man with no face. I see yeah Yes, he just made up a story about losing his face in 9-eleven or something But it really he lost his face to an angry town searching for revenge. Okay, that's possible

This is according to a Facebook post by a fellow that I'm not going to name although he did put it on Facebook So technically it's public, but we don't need to go too crazy here. He calls this pure karma Joe exotic getting busted for this murder for hire He says he produced a reality show with this asshole Four years ago and ended up walking away when he found out what a criminal he was and you know You have to be a really bad person if you're bad in the reality show business because everyone in that business It's pretty horrible. Joe exotic as he went by ran a small roadside zoo He was abusive to the animals and worse to the poor people working for him

He says he finally ended production of the million dollar show looking at the picture of this guy I don't know if this was a million dollar reality show But that is what it is after he burned my TV studio inside the zoo to the ground out of anger So he calls him a crazy gay cowboy as he called himself Joe shot his gun several times inside the dude just inside the zoo just to scare me killed older tigers to make room for new Baby comes and of course is even suspected in the supposed suicide of his of his husband Joe was 55 at the time so the reality show fell apart when Joe exotic burned down the man's recording studio Right there in in his own park. So that's just a passion. It's an accident. You know what it is passion

It's passion. I will say instead of saying cubs. You did accidentally say comes. Oh, I think it's really great Are you said the whole tiger cums? Cubs All the old people you make room for all this fucking striped tiger cums. All right. Well, let's not let's not get into male vitality pills here Which I'm sure that already exists. I'm sure Alex Jones is selling that exact product right now absolutely I will so Joe Joe exotic is a story we're gonna come back to I also want to watch that doc He was on a Louis documentary a Louis row documentary series. I know I want to check out Louis through row Yeah, he's a usually don't like when documentarians put themselves in it

But when he does it I don't mind it because there's something about him. I find kind of charismatic I like him better than Nick Broomfield because Nick Broomfield puts himself in this scenario in a way That's very obnoxious. Yeah, we throw is naturally very aloof and but he knows exactly what he's doing I think he's cute and fun. He's British. Isn't he British? Yes. Yes, okay, and he my Scientology movie well worth Well worth a of you if you haven't seen it yet. Okay, what story do we want to do? Can we need to do something on aliens here, Henry? We will do that. I want to first cover There's an update talking that well, there's not much known Okay, we'll kind of this is one of those strings of stories we can follow. I'm a Border Patrol agent. Yes

Has confessed to the murder of three women Juan David Ortiz. I believe it was for women I believe yes, correct. It is for women. Originally. He said three. There's another person that was found They are now really pretty they are pretty certain that there are more bodies Yeah, I'm admitted to a bunch of shit. He tried to commit suicide by cop by using his phone So essentially what happened was he had taken a sex worker Uh, he had and they were driving along the road. He flipped out She started bringing up like do you know anything like one of my friends was missing well It was it was for sex workers in the which area of the country is this Laredo? Yeah in Laredo. Yeah, yes, and they

Basically, she was like, you know a bunch of my friends were have been gone missing and I'm really concerned about them And he freaked out. He tried to kill her. She got away Mm-hmm found a trooper that was filling up his kid and filming his car as a gas station They went looking for him at his house. He wasn't there. He disappeared. He killed two more women right night Yeah, and then came back try to commit suicide by cop by using his phone Like pulling out like it's a gun, right? He didn't fall for it somehow of all the times they do this right and then they just fucking picked him up They arrested him and he confessed and so they're saying the last thing that he said they don't really know anything about motive

He did it sort of execution style, which is very sad Yeah, and he said that he did it out of disrespect for sex workers and he He hated their kind the man's name was Juan David Ortiz and the story that Henry referenced with the woman That was a white pickup truck. They were driving along as Henry said and evidently it got so strange and so tense She said she he reacted so strangely She later told the authorities that the situation had grown so tense that she vomited in the front Yard before they left for a gas station the woman's bond the woman's mind lingered on Melissa

She wanted to keep talking about her That's when he produced a gun and he grabbed a hold of her shirt and thankfully she was able to jump out of the truck Talk about really this is this reminds me not in the severity to some degree I guess but the toy box killer the woman who was able to escape there How horrifying is that when you're just running along the highway in the middle of nowhere and just thank God Somebody found her and believed her story and we're able to bust this dude Well, he's very similar to a Robert Hansen where it's obvious. It's a hatred towards women They like to use guns because it is a painless way for them to kill somebody

It's a coward's way to kill somebody really fast, right and he was Very very intense law and order dude. Yeah, and now of course now it's all the speculation Everybody's surrounding it with all of this bullshit about Well, then how do they screen the people that work for the Border Patrol? Well, like that's not really what this is about like there's really not much screening You can do when somebody's just a horrible asshole and then chooses the cowardly way to kill people Well, and also he was a ten-year veteran of the of the Border Patrol kind of climbing up the ranks there and From my understanding these four murders happened pretty fast back to back to back to back

He wasn't working for a long time. There weren't a lot of warning signs. It's my understanding and the web We don't know yet. We don't know. We don't know. Yes, the web County Sheriff Martin Cooler He wasted he really didn't mix any words here He said we consider this man to be a serial killer who was preying on one victim after another so You know, it's a good thing. I guess with the technology of our time They were able to bust this guy before who knows how many he would have killed I'm sure if you once you break that barrier down. I suppose you just keep on going with it Well, once you pop the funnel stops really fucked

It's one of those things you get into it inside your own head and becomes easier each time you do it And this guy was talking about like God so fucking frightening Just get that idea of driving along the road and seeing the woman come screaming out of the fucking brush Oh, my god, like that's very the beginning of a fucking horror movie But the same thing happened with Robert Hansen. Yeah, and then of course if you're in the car It's also kind of a conundrum because you don't know if it's a trap and if someone's then going to go and kill you or something So it takes a lot of It takes a lot of faith and humanity to some degree to stop and help somebody out

Specifically nowadays where everyone is just so cautious and constantly on edge regarding strangers. Well, it's very scary I think about all I remember the I remember like well, this is more of an innocent story I was in in New York probably one of the first times I was in the first like year couple months I was in New York and a blind man Came up to me and it was like can you help me find the f-train? I was like Absolutely, I am your Batman. I'm here to help you good and I went and I helped him with it They get on the train and he's with me and he's like, can you help me find the exit to get out? It was like sure. Yeah, this is before I had a job help him outside of the train station

Uh-huh, all of a sudden he's like where's 74th Street? I'm sick. Oh, you know, it's 10 blocks south. He's like, can you? Help me there. Oh my gosh point. Just being like, how'd you even get here? Right, right? I mean, how'd you even get the address where it's just stuff like, you know, like cuz it's to the level where I'm taking to the street corner And he's like are those cars? What are those horrible noises? Is this a city? Right, right? Like did you just get dropped off here? Like I don't know what happened, right? You're helping this dude for fucking 45 minutes So this is the problem with helping people It is this it can never once you you give an inch. They're gonna take a mile. Is that what you're saying?

It's just never no there are honestly this sound it sounds a little crass, but there are stimes in you I've done the exact same thing where it just Literally will take you 15 to 20 minutes There's a woman that comes that I live with who I not live with but she's in my hotel comp or she's in my apartment complex And she's great, but she's on the sixth floor and if you see her with groceries coming up You gotta help her all six doing it So you got a whole 15 minutes 20 minutes and you're already running late But you just have to do it because that's what we do

We help out as many people as we possibly can I told this story on last stream But when I was like 10 and living in Kansas in a trailer park this bloody woman came screaming out of the out of the forest running down our street and My mom was on our porch it was like two in the morning and she started screaming for help and asking and banging on doors nobody would come to the Door because of course it's a screaming bloody woman, but my mom was smoking a blunt and drinking and so she said of course I'll take you to the police fucking super relax Yeah, so my mom grabbed my myself and my sister and we jumped in the car

And I'm with I'm sitting next to this bloody screaming woman who's like sobbing heavily on me And we pull out of the the trailer park and a black truck with its high high beams on Starts chasing us and a guy with a gun is shooting at try to shoot out our tires In my mom they just like fucking Gran Turismo's all the way to the the police station and gets the the one to the police station apparently it was a Love triangle gone awry sounds like it didn't go great, but just goes to show you not all heroes are sober I'm actually I'm way more often I'm way more likely to put myself in harm's way if I've been smoking weed because I'm more fucking open to the universe

Sure, I'm a little bit more willing to be easy breezy cover girl about it. We're just me and my my regular I'm pretty I'm pretty upsetting as a person Yes, of all right, there's a Satanist I do believe as a Satanist my stances you need to take care of your tribe and your and your territory So for me within ten blocks of my home that is my territory Well, I do you police it. Uh-huh. I do believe that George Zimmerman said the exact same thing before an incident That has tarnished our country for ever since it occurred. I would do it the opposite though Oh, okay, I would do it the opposite. I'd kill the bad guys. Oh

Natalie won't let me have a gun and so I'm stuck with only having my whip Yes We went camping this weekend for my friend's bachelor party and we had a BB gun and I must say that even that amount of power Did kind of go to my head a little bit because it was extremely fun. It's really fun I remember the one time another story of helping a bloody person I was living with Eddie in a fucking horrible apartment. We were living like a total punk slum house and our Our our roommate Palin was a very good good dude comes like intense punk guy Like he was a chef at Hooters where Eddie worked and he was like it was a good name

Does that is that a pre-wrecked to be an intense punk guy? You have to work it in Hooters as a chef. He just was okay Yeah, his name was Palin. Actually, I don't remember his real name We called him Palin, which was a demon from fucking paradise locks Okay, and that was what he called himself and I woke up in the middle of the night I've been we drank all night like normal and I got a Henry Henry wake up to 430 in the morning. I wake up I'm still Avi. I'm very intoxicated sure and he's like my fucking hemorrhoids burst And he had this towel on this was Palin or Eddie Palin. Oh my whole back of his towel was soaked in blood And so I had to take him to the emergency room and he got blood shit blood all over my Hyundai Elantra

Wow, and I had to take it. Ah, man. That was rough. I just you got to take care of people I wish if you if you work in marketing and you know if you work at Hyundai or Honda Make that a commercial make that an ad because that's a great sales pitch for that car Unreal it is yes another quick update. Okay, now. We're back to aliens the Sunspot the mystery of the New Mexico Solar Observatory is now it seems to be over the mystery, but we don't know what that means quite yet Okay, apparently they're saying they're opening it back up the Sunspot solar Observatory It's near New Mexico Sacramento peak has been closed for 10 days because of what they are saying is a criminal investigation Okay, aura has been cooperating with an ongoing law enforcement investigation of criminal activity that occurred at Sacramento peak or

Representatives wrote in a statement Sunday during this time We became concerned that a suspect in the investigation potentially pose a threat to the safety of local staff and residents I see for this reason aura temporarily vacated the facility and see science activities at this location I love the term science activities. Yes, but up, but up. It's interesting. It's another technically a statement That means nothing, but it does feed sort of there's been a lot of rumors about whether or not They had discovered the technology ending solar flare, right? Oh, please cross my fingers or the there was a possible Theory that Chinese dissidents had set up a low bandwidth low Wi-Fi Sort of point. It's just kind of like

Like a hot spot, okay They were siphoning information because of the aura station was really close to one of the outskirts of white sands Which we know is one of our covert ops Centers of our country where we do a lot of new air Technology and all kind of bullshit. It's where the aliens are is it possible that we have a sort of pizza gate situation? Obviously when a man brought a gun into Comet pizza because he believed it was a pedophile ring Is it possible a UFO or UFO enthusiast wanted to get to the truth and threatened that entire staff and The entire anyone who was in the building with a firearm to then get to the truth sort of like the movie Canadian bacon

This is slander. This is slander is what you're doing. All of this is slander. I don't know No, none of this was said I think it may have come from the post office that there's somebody who's going ham All right, well, this is an interesting thing that was said to me by a listener It's a little bit old, but it plays into aliens So I had to immediately share it with Henry and I think you like this This is a this is a speech army chief of staff general Mark Milley. He gave a speech on April 21st in 2016 they were celebrating the 100th anniversary of the ROTC program at Norwich University University and he kind of went off the rails with his speech a little bit which has a lot of UFO enthusiasts

Had them and currently has them still really Enthusiastic even more than they were because naturally they are already enthusiasts I see Enthusiastic enthusiastic that's a lot of enthusiasm. I Know what that tremor is. I know what that feeling is. It's that you're already vibrating You're vibrating so hard. You're making a noise. I understand that I'm excited That's how I felt when the a-tip stuff came out So do we want to play this clip and you want to comment on it or do you want to comment on it first? Okay?

1945 was complex the world of 2016 is intensely complex and I can tell you that From personal experience and I know there's many others who can tell you that as well And you will graduate and be in that world and you're going to be leading the soldiers and sailors the airmen and the Marines in that world You'll be dealing with terrorists You'll be dealing with hybrid armies. You'll be dealing with little green men You're going to be dealing with tribes. You'll be dealing with national leaders and local leaders

You'll be dealing with politics and economics and you'll be dealing with direct fire and indirect fire Somebody has the fucking guts to say it, but I do want to point out this is the ROTC Isn't it a pretty intense speech even without the little green men component of it? It's a lot like I didn't realize the ROTC did that much I thought it was more of like two weekends out of the month you get away from your family You have a couple of beers with your boys Well, what it seems to be it's more of a it's a little bit of an inspiring class exaggeration Where they're saying the people of the ROTC will grow up Members of society which I do. I mean, I don't know I didn't I could not hack it

I can't do any shit. I have a discipline. I watched the movie stripes and I was like this is an intense movie This is like a lot of training these dudes are doing and most of the time. They were just having fun That's the fact Jack. Yeah, I can't do this shit. You know, apparently most of that movie was improvised Really, I didn't even write a fucking script for that movie. That's because they trusted them. They were amazing, too But I I mean could let slip a little bit of a bit of information there We don't know I think there's a lot of people to think about this quite often I think that if there was a hybrid program if there was some sort of insider knowledge that were be going to be faced with some form of

physical attack or Approach by an alien entity the people of the ROTC the people of the future of our military should be aware of it Right, but I don't know in the end. I see this is where I get very confused I think what's happening is that our US government Has been actively researching UFOs. They don't know what it is because it's not fully physical Right is both it is mental and physical, right? And I think what they are trying to do is now that the at any point They're ready to pull that trigger to fake an alien invasion in order to swing martial law In order to fucking do what they can't put create the camps

Oh, turn us into food for each other. We create the NWO. There's their their possibilities at this point I trust the NWO over what we have well technically I think the NWO is still in existence that It began with Herbert Walker Bush I believe he was the one who called for the new world order to come to to come to fruition Which is probably in hindsight not the greatest Verbiage for a president to use because it has sort of taken off in the conspiracy world, but you know billionaires do run the world He was giving a tip of the cap right to the powers that be that love to hide in plain sight Well, and as we saw with the Phoenix lights, right? They came out and said they and they did recreate it

The the Phoenix lights they recreated it with flares and you know Henry mentions martial law But it has happened in the recent history with the Boston Marathon bombing Obviously, we got to find the Sharnov's brothers. They were on the loose. They needed to find them But that city was on lockdown and that was where you really got to see an example of the government when they want when they can For good reason martial law certainly is is something they have the capability of doing so who knows Well, just yeah That's why a bunch of people like the idea that you'd be in Florida and you think honestly that you're You're friggin. What's this putz your key like your little six year you got sure it's gonna beat it

It's gonna beat the mech warriors. No, we're gonna be beating these mech warriors. No, brah They're coming for your fucking shit, dude. They want to come for your house. That's why we got to go underground or psychic weapons We can figure out how to join together on this is not even a bit right we can figure out how to join together Psychically and spiritually We will be able to beat the the hammering boot of the government that comes that is Jim That is the thing that Jim Carrey's riddler did in Batman forever So it is exactly what he did with television Henry's plan is to hide in a bunker and do DMT

You think you're gonna fucking come get me man. I'm already gone Yeah, I would I agree with most of that Travis, but not DMT He would be doing D&D and he would actually be really enjoying his life He and some of our friends that he likes to play that wonderful creative game with okay We want to do can I do this one story about this inmate in Florida? Oh, I like this story Okay, so this story is pretty brutal a Florida inmate brutally killed and mutilated by a Fellow inmate an inmate at a Florida prison who had allegedly murdered his cellmate also He didn't just kill him. He also gouged out his eyes and in sort of a edgine twist

He wore one of the guys ears as a makeshift necklace and he wore this around the jail for like too long Before the jail guards finally and understood what happened the attack was believed to happen Thursday morning If this was at a Columbia correctional institution and with sources telling this paper that the killer who is not yet But identified left his victims eyeballs in a cup with the intent with the intention of later eating or Drinking them. He's gonna turn his eyeballs into pruno. I guess so pretty So if you are in if you are in prison by the way, I'm not gonna sit here and lie if I was in prison I would immediately be like where is the pruno? What do I have to get to what I have to do to get the pruno and if you're like what is in this bra?

Like what's in the pruno this one tastes really good? I would very quickly become a pruno sommelier. Oh you have to be I really honestly I would love to taste it just once is it mad dog 2020 it has to be worse than mad dog It'd be kind of fun. We're like, oh, this is good wine what it's made for that. He's like good. He's got it in the cup And it's like yeah, see The inmate that was murdered he was a 58 year old His name was Larry mark and he was serving a life sentence for murder that he committed in 1981 so he had actually been in there for quite a while and you would think you know

I get it man. Just having a roommate in a spacious two bedroom or three bedroom is hard having a roommate having a cell Mate we kind of laugh about it But really think about what a nightmare that is the snoring just watching them go to the bathroom constantly like oh, yeah Then they're also a murderer. They're also murder crime, right? Both of you I imagine are not really great with strangers to begin with and now you have Immediate meet cute where you're having it's very very intense. I'm not gonna do well in jail. No, I ever go I can't go but the thing and I can see it you get mad. Oh, absolutely So this is according to a statement from the correctional facility

They said they're working with our partners at the Florida Department of Law Enforcement to investigate this death and ensure that everyone Responsible is held accountable to the fullest extent of the law Florida's Florida corrections officers have it and this is how they kind of made an excuse here Florida corrections officers Have an extremely difficult job and we ask and expect a lot of them despite the staffing challenges that exists at our Institution I would say the one thing that you could try to do is make sure that these cellmates aren't gouging each other's eyes out fucking eyeballs out because make a Kool-Aid out of Somebody's retina and yeah, you know when the eyeballs are about to get gouged out. You'll hear this from a cell Hey, man, what you looking at? Oh, nothing. It's like feel like you look at at me for something

No, I'm just looking over there. You happen to walk. I happen you happen to walk across my frame of sight Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I'll give you something to look at up with this fucking spoon Oh my goodness you hear fucking spoon you go in there and you grab them because he's going to pop his eyes out because I feel Like this would lead to a bunch of copycat crimes Sure sure I watch a lot of those prison shows and obviously prison is Prison violence is extremely common But if somebody asks you what you're looking at and you're in a cell you got bars or like three walls and then like that little window I mean, there's not a lot of options. So it should be pretty easy to figure it out a good way to cut tension into prison cells

instead of saying what are you looking at say? penny for your thoughts Cuz that's really how you do lead with kindness right with lead with curiosity Instead of immediately threatening and right using people be curious about people ask questions And when you ask question listen Because that's how you get to know people and then we're talking about building bridges instead of building walls But I agree like get to know your cellmates like why do they call him white power bill like what is the story behind that? I don't know if that's the best best advice

I think you want to know them very very little because if you turn if they turn out to be a pedophile You have to buy prison code kill them and now even if you're in there for like your sneakers were untied and you were on probation They're like, you know, you got to have your sneakers tied on probation because you got 15 parking ticks and you didn't pay them Then now you have to go murder a pedophile and then you're in there for life. It's like for me. What would I be? I would be in a Jail probably for practicing medicine without a license because I'd be doing the patch Adams thing Yeah, I would be going and like he was a doctor laugh people like yeah, but he was yeah I'm saying I would go and just pretend to be a doctor or wear a lab coat

I do the funny thing when they talk about how Robin Williams went and he visited Christopher Reeves. Oh, oh do you hear that story? And he was joking and he laughed for the first time. Oh, that's such a nice story. It's a sad story with Christopher Reeves I haven't thought about that in forever. He's a very nice man to me. He's always yes Absolutely was the best Superman all the other superman suck my dick They really can now they're thinking about Michael B. Jordan to be Superman and there are some people who are upset I'm like no every super. I'm like who cares. They're all fake. You know what else isn't real flying So anyway, you know, so we're all mad that black person wants to play Superman I think it's great and we're no one say anything about a British person playing fucking Charles Manson or Jim

Carrie playing the villain in Sonic the Hedgehog. I'm saying superman better be black I want him to be I want let him be anything Michael B. Jordan's a far better actor than those other two guys playing Superman They would be fucking blessed to have him play Superman as far as I'm it can be Peter Dinklage all the way up to All the way up to George Mira son, of course a famed actor from my giant George Mira son I'm gonna straight up say I'm sorry. He's too fucking ugly. So you gotta be fucking handsome What are you? Did you just give you just went a whole diet show about how anyone can be Superman and now any now It's in one of the most one of the in at what a center who a man who was a center In the NBA. That's a little ridiculous. Fortunately. There is a look. You do have to have a look

You have to it's like James Bond Idris Elba great response a great replacement for Daniel Craig Sure, cuz he's handsome right swab. He's had been there Superman got to look like a super super super super super Handsome every man, right? That's what it has to be. What's more every man than someone seven foot seven who also had a pretty good three-point shot He looks like lurch. Oh, leave him alone. See that sizes That's the size is him of Hollywood that no one talks about by the way I walk into auditions and they laugh and they laugh at me And that's why that's why I've been chosen to only have my voice heard because no one can look at my body You chose a truth. No, I had I do I wanted to be an actor

I wanted to be Chris I really but you're you're the one with the body of Chris Farley And I am not I'm the one with the body of Michael Jordan, but if Michael Jordan never worked out Yeah, but you get all the attention from you get only unwanted attention of people wondering why you aren't playing basketball or football Yeah, I do love oh, I love it ugly men do still have the option to play bizarro who does absolutely Who does speak like he has a head injury? You know, who else I think would have been a great Superman? Mr. Bruce Campbell Bruce Campbell is Superman Nicholas Cage also would have been a great Superman would have been a fantastic Superman and the costume changes for it. Yes, they did those costume tests and it was a bit sexual But I'm fine with it. I like a more erotic Superman, but it's like Batman Batman

You have to have a strong chin. It's the one. Yeah have to have is a strong-ass chin Wonder Woman you have to have pert buttocks sure I've seen on y'all I watched them to be fair. They all have to have a pretty strong buttocks You have to everyone's got to be pert do we have any more stories or you just want to wrap it up? They will wrap it up for now, and then we're at more updates next week. We have a bunch more stories We've got a bunch more side stories coming at you Oh, these next couple of weeks, please send them to us. Yes podcast network at gmail.com So they're sending ideas for stories like because people have been sending me think what's puts the people have been sending me

stories on like Twitter and Instagram and shit the problem is you get lost. Yeah, yeah, because we're in a weird space right now where I get many messages So I don't really I don't catch them all so send them to the email so that we can actually properly go through them and And document them. Yes, and thank you for all the side story suggestions They've been a great the side story suggestions have been a wonderful. All right, so yes, thank you all so much for listening Thanks for giving to our patreon. We love you very much without you. None of this would have been possible And yeah social media Ben kissle one dr. Fantasty. Henry loves you on Twitter I'm Ben kissle on Twitter kind of

I don't have fucking horseshit. You know what now without living laughing and loving what about it might I think like if you're adding a G You're being a little uptight. Really? I think the only really way to do it is no G's. What do you mean? Like living? laughing oh Loving no G's because G's. What are we is this fucking work? Is this? No, I'm not living laughing and loving in the office at the office. I'm Plotten devastating and lying right that's what I'm doing at the office So when my real life I want to be living laughing and loving that's why yeah I see what you're saying there

There was a male guy when I worked in that office for about a half a year before I got entirely too sick of it And the mailman always would say the guy who would drop off the letters He would say oh, I'm living but it seemed like he was dying so yeah, man You were really lucky. You were not his first fucking victim. No because he was kind of Yeah, that's it. That's it. Oh, yeah, maybe you don't know what these guys are gonna You know, I know you're gonna pop off. You don't know who's gonna go I know you be nice to everyone you meet because you know who's gonna end up making you their first victim absolutely Steve Buscemi and Happy Gilmore taught us that or was it Billy Madison Steve Buscemi call that guy

Steve Buscemi and Billy Madison taught us that my god. Hail yourselves everyone. I'll say Magoo's delusions. Hmm. Thank you Travis for all you've your hard work