Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: Jizzlaine

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

Ben 'n' Henry break down this week's true crime news: Ghislaine Maxwell is captured, a son suspects his father of being a vampire and then beats him to death, a Dutch torture chamber is found, and MUCH MORE.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop on the left side stories That's when the cannibalism started Oh, yeah, buddy. All right Fuck I'm getting out there getting sun kissed. I do get sun kissed. My shoulders are all burned up I mean the sun. It's never had more human skin to burn. I Love to see how free you've become you are like it's like you know when they find those feral children They're kept inside of apartments for months I mean this is those research research for last week's episode of the of the relax fit episode of last

but I They released these children from you know being chained up being told that they've got dirty parts by being Sure, told that the moon's gonna explode if they don't wash their hand pen times in a day That could go outside and they dance a Dance in frolic and they're just so just enamored with the sun and enamored with the grass Don't you wish and now I see the simplicity of that joy in you. Of course Yes, they do get yelled at for not wearing a mask. Sure. They will get scolded still by others But you know what that doesn't matter because the freedom itself is worth

Yes, having to make small changes having to alter your life ever so slightly because at least I'm no longer chained To a chair in a Brooklyn apartment I've never felt more free, but they don't understand that for years in that apartment You actually had a football helmet with saran wrap wrapped around it on you to keep your impure thoughts From escaping your brain and getting into your parents slash captors brain So you actually have a lot of experience with the mask up to this point. I can now like I Understand though the cognitive dissonance of I'm free now. I'm asked to be wary I'm asked to wear a mask you yelling at me for not wearing a mask actually wore a mask when I was deep in captivity

But at the same time, it's a lighter mask. Yes, it is and you know what I do now You put a put a little bit of ketchup on the inside of your mask The whole day you're feeling like you're eating a small Hey, what's up everyone? Welcome to side stories. I am Ben California Kissel California Ben hanging out with Henry Zabrowski We're still not fucking hanging out. We're still we're still courting you know This is as close as we get according to the commercials. We're together alone together, which doesn't make any sense

You cannot be alone and together. Everyone's just alone alone, but that's okay in that way. They are lying to you We are not alone together right with the executives of Toyota We are not alone with them because if we were them, but we were beyond their massive Huge palatial states that have so much room to run around new experiences. We go to the horse barn Sure, go to the people barn you go to the sloth barn. They have all three they have everything they want Of course, I just moved to California took the drive around across country We talked about that on abling and stop at and on last podcast on the left last week's relaxed fit So we won't go into great detail on the joys of that

But I will say when you have two little dogs you move into a new house all they see is Multiple toilets every place that they have never smelled before Immediately becomes an outhouse So it's just me for the first 48 hours with now a squirt gun because I have the ability to have a squirt gun So I have a squirt gun and I'm just like No And it seems to be working so hey as long as it as long as it wasn't Dave Kohler doing it I imagine his pisses and his shits

Would be far more significant than LJ's because at least LG's are small, but I've seen puffins puffins are big puffins are big Of course Dave Kaler my man. He's done great graphic design work if you are in the need for graphic design check out Dave Kaler Anything he'll edit you out to speak it right now Let's say you just happen to be in the background of a picture that Jolaine Maxwell or Jeffrey Epstein said yeah, he'll He'll erase it for a second because you didn't know you were just trying to get for your doors How many times I wander into a quote-unquote art party in New York City early on I just wanted the free wine Yeah, I mean you remember Henry, of course Golan Maxwell. She has just been arrested. We're gonna get into great detail on that She's not doing great in prison. Oh what what when Henry and I had we were invited by WME now

That's one of the biggest talent agencies in all of North America We're so lucky. They represent Dave Couillier part of them all the way to Tom. They do not Dave Couillier Could not I don't think he has reps. I think he's with a guy named like John John Samo guy, but we don't know John Stamos. He's with WME John Stamos is different Dave Couillier The biggest thing he ever did was eat Alanis Morris's fucking pussy. No, he she ate sucked his dick in the theater According to that song and I always say this. Yes, it's fine. If you can get blown in the theater Okay, thank you, but if you are truly in love you do what Henry just said you eat that pussy in a theater because You don't get to pop back up and see the scene where it's like oh what's going on

No, now you have to slowly rise because now you're a 38 year old man desperately trying to pleasure a 29 year old Wipe wipe you got you because sometimes you're down there for you could be down there for a significant chunk of time Absolutely, so when when Henry and I were watching the Lakers game were in the skybox. They allowed us in it was beefy Tuesdays We don't know who we're hanging out with in there Henry No clue who was in that box We were asking can we have these hot dogs and they were laughing at us because they don't eat the hot dogs because they're just there for Show for them. Yeah, and they thought that we were they first of all They were like well you could go buy real food, and I was like this real food right in and

They they loved us it was fun It was good for them to see people from the other side of the tracks, but we don't know once in a while We don't know how many pedophiles were in that booth with us. We just don't know we were there for the free dogs We were there to watch LeBron one of the greatest players of all time certainly the greatest player playing right now We do not know Rishnikov of basketball, so I'm gonna put them in a go that far if you you do imagine someone in the background of These Jolaine Maxwell photos that just has a plate of our derv's that's just like looking like a cow It's just about to get hit by a car Why I don't take pictures with anybody with more money than me perfect

That's my new goal. I don't take pictures if you got more money than me I'll just people just gonna take my word for it that we were hanging out I I completely agree so Jolaine Maxwell. She or Ghislaine, Gislaine, whatever This is how full of shit this woman is is that she can't you can't even pronounce her name No Her name is like cuz I saw different five different sources on it cuz 60 minutes Australia did a new piece on her and the every other person every one of her victims every one of these people they all just say There's Gislaine Gislaine Gislaine

Ghislaine Gislaine It's doesn't and you know what I just hope she or she changes her name to corpse Yep, not gonna be free anytime soon Maxwell is definitely a name that she could be going with right now Although a bit longer than Ghislaine. She was arrested roughly a year after Jeffrey Epstein was arrested Henry's a browse coincidence coincidence I must take my Cap off to you. I don't know why there was hot. It was a swimming cap Swimming cap off to you because you were correct last week. We talked about how Ghislaine Maxwell was potentially possibly in France and she was moving every month and you were like I did that was probably planted by her and I guarantee you

She's in America sure enough She was hanging out in the live for your die state turns out. She might die New Hampshire this entire time in a one a million Dollar home that she bought secretly because apparently realtors just like don't ask if you don't They don't care they really don't care but they they should But it is interesting as they I wonder what the hell really happened here, right? She had been observed for a while She seemed to be there's a couple of accounts of her bouncing back and forth

There's one Twitter account that I was following that was using data to crunch to figure out where the hell she was hiding It was this it's a guy named Hank von S I don't know what the hell else he does at Hank von S Basically found out that she maybe seems like she had been going from various places from somewhere to Pennsylvania Down to San Antonio. Don't know why I don't know what's there, right? It goes gumston, New Hampshire in a place lovingly guy. I believe called tucked away Oh, it was the name of the home. Yeah, it's called tucked away The there are several people now admitting that the now famous or infamous in-and-out photo of her sitting with an in-and-out bag

Like in front of an in-and-out with a that book saying like I work for the CIA essentially that that was staged Yeah, obviously Jilly Maxwell apparently is surprised that she'd even be picked up and they said according to her rain But she was yelling saying why am I here what has happened to me? But it does seem to be interesting that if you felt that you were innocent of a crime That you hid for a really long time, right? Yes, of course some of the words Why is this happening all of these sorts of things that I would assume a person of immense privilege who most likely sex traffic to series of children would be asking when they are arrested and you can't imagine in her mind She was hanging out with the criminal cram the most powerful people in the world

So now we're starting to see who was really associated with Galane Maxwell with Jeffrey Epstein And who should be most scared? This is what I like the most about this story. This is the beginning This is still the tip of the iceberg. We're a little bit down the iceberg But my god a lot of this is still underwater getting ready to be drained and exposed for all of us to see She is going to spill the beans Harder than that stupid bush beak bush baked bean dog because you know, she's not you know Henry She is like what do you guys want to know? When do you want to know it? How do I get out of here? I actually I I'm kind of torn because in my mind I

Figured that Epstein was going to commit suicide or Or either allowed be allowed to commit suicide or be Suicided because of the way he the more you read into the his character the way he viewed himself as a man of mystery He loved the secret keeping industry that he was in he may or may not have been some form of asset for Intelligence apparently this is because the sex blackmail shit has been going on. Yeah, J. Edgar Hoover wore panties to the White House Whoa, I mean he loved but he should be allowed to I'd love to see his weird short Give a weird little cock jammed up to a bunch of panties because that's his freedom But that's the right that's the disgusting duality of all of these leaders where it's like gays should not be married meanwhile

I was like, oh, let me scratch my gut my balls are digging into my panties again So Epstein was one side of it Epstein my side is a type of person that I could see He can't handle his bubble being popped He can't go from that fucking sit whatever sixth floor apartment in New York to jail his private island to jail there's no fucking way because you listen to Epstein talk about his island and It sounds like the way I talked about when I first got it like a good pair of underwear like a good pair of me Undies where he literally was like what's nice about my island is that I can finally be me I Can finally just express myself and think about myself in a way that other people look at me for the sense of power

With the sense of comfort with a sense of ease. Yeah, I I literally just need a good coffee machine Sure, absolutely the most part so some of the people that are Absolutely horrified that Galane won't be as tough as Jeffery Epstein in the sense that Taking your own life in this ways of every violent if you okay Let's just assume that he did for the sake of this conversation right now And we can move on from that too because he may not have who knows but that is a violent act That is an act of purpose. That is something that you you do. This is not it's it's not a passive act to take your own life There I was reading a book called the noonday demon that talked about suicide as a the ultimate

Homicidal act because when you commit suicide you kill the world Right exactly your mind doesn't exist then the universe does not exist anymore to you So it's like you kill the entire universe Jeffrey Epstein live with his own universe the thing is can jizz Lane. I'm gonna start calling her fucking just sure can jizz Lane handle Jail can she handle the scrutiny or is she because she always was the fancy arm of Epstein? Yes, she was seen was the money and the cryptic science and the and the actual Like she needed the hand jobs I guess in order to function what they said towards the end of his whatever his career was whatever the fucking is he actually did for

Money was that he was spending most of his day just getting hand jobs from 14 year olds But jizz Lane she also made lick lick too Oh, of course she was making lick lick and she was playing radio dials and a couple of people as well But don't ever do they forget that she just but now one of only one of she has got two accounts of possible abuse And then two accounts of perjury, which was that that she just straight-up said like Jeffrey Epstein's not a pedophile To a lawyer it was a lie So Prince Andrew he has got to be shaking in his knickers right now. I think he is extremely scared

I think the boot buckle that he wears is like The boot buckle that bond it he has his lawyer I think you reach a certain level status in UK and they just give you one of those lawyer wigs Yes, it is it is waving like the ocean on a on a windy day He is scared and he should be because of course his name is being brought up almost more than everybody else's But what are some other famous names here that should be concerned? Jizz Lane Maxwell has videotapes of them committing these acts because these acts were done as Henry said with with J Edgar Hoover this was all filmed or you know a painting in the house that had two cameras for eyes

This shit's been going on some prohibition. Yes, this is literally the way they have been controlling people various levels of the government and various levels of Intelligence agencies depending on this is how they control people is it so they say apparently the house at Wexler The dude that he was working for that like Leslie Leslie Wexler said he when he gave him that New York house It was all already wired for sound. Yep It was all ready for wire for sound cameras. There was a fake bathroom that you went in that was just a bunch of fucking drives That I don't know if they pulled or not But he definitely has receipts on whatever the fuck that went on there and then I imagine that jizz Lane

Yeah, it's not too far from those. Yeah, because because Lane apparently she has all of the videotapes now They were they're missing they were she was had she had total control over them She had access to all of them. She had a lot of freaking power hidden behind a pretty face Which is a smart way to do it. It's very it's it's classic It's cinematic and that's kind of the world these multi-billionaires lived in they lived in a world of fantasy until it all came crashing down So gizlain has all of this evidence that will definitely prove a bunch of powerful people had sex with underage girls So there's also so Prince Andrew. There's also former Israeli Prime Minister Aduk Barak, obviously Bill Clinton who you can see in every picture is visibly hammered smiling loving it

Loving it. Love in his life full blushed out full of popcorn chicken He's got it. She's got an extra cigar. You know what he uses it for former Harvard president. Larry summers is involved former Harvard professor lawyer Alan Dershowitz is involved Every by the way, Alan Dershowitz is my favorite in all of this because as soon as Maxwell was arrested He had this thing ready to go like the defense of Maxwell. He had that like ready There we go locked definitely I'm cool. Don't worry. I did They don't buy it now. Of course retail tycoon Lexley Westner billionaire hedge funder Glenn Dubin former New Mexico governor Bill Richardson former main

Senator George Mitchell and then this former Epstein employee Claire Hazel who worked there in the 90s and was sort of a an early version of Ghislaine Maxwell. Yeah, cuz then she aged out. Yeah, because that's how it always goes and she didn't give him what she wanted exactly and jizz Lane was she loved Epstein and wanted to be a part of his life But as one of her social life friends called him was just a goomba from Queens Oh, she called them in another documentary saw that he could never fully fit into her life But she loved his sort of like cuz he was a real Billy Joel to her Christy Brinkley. Oh, very nice

Like he was a she she was an uptown girl and he was a downtown guy, right? And so she thought that the two of them together would be perfect but he was just using her and this is we're gonna see how far her love for her went but man Do you think about all of these these like high-profile people in tech? Politics all having these crazy club silencio eyes wide shut party You know, they're harvesting children for adrena chrome because apparently it can make you jump higher But it also actually really helps with their cholesterol But then I think about the poor rubes that have been covering up UFOs for so long

And they're never invited to the fuck party, you know, they're never invited You've got the other guys, you know, like Stanton Friedman was never put on the Lolita Express All right, because his whole time is you know, he just sits there being like I hope that you all have club soda Like they are he is not They're not jumping into the mix. No bad for my cladestine UFO pseudo majestic 12 group that never got to get free orders or hang out with Kevin Spacey in Buckingham Palace Getting to sit on the throne. They all got to just hang out in the throne room It's like Prince Andrew allowed them all to just use that picture of Kevin Spacey and her laughing sitting on the Royal Throne of

England and you're like man, no one asked a single member of majestic 12 over there That photo dude, what is it like the amount of evil in that smile was Cheney asked it was just we're doing it. We're pulling it off The head's thrown back both with their cigars not a care in the world because guess what just laying in Epstein They were on little girl duty, but who's doing little boy duty? Mmm, that's where spacey comes in according to Christina oxenberg. She was oh Brian singer my god that that story is coming out I got to knew you I got to Los Angeles just in time right on time right on time Christina oxenberg She's a former friend of Maxwell and Epstein said that that now I want to call her jizz Lane, too

That Galane we used to boast about getting underage girls for the multi-millionaire. This is what she said she said Regarding Prince Andrew. She says he is one of many Johns all of whom were videotaped by Galane She goes on to say he is not a victim here, but Galane was never his friend She was taping him friends. Don't tape friends this whole thing going back to what Henry was talking about this whole thing was a was a Power play by Epstein to make sure he continued his success in whatever business he was working in because again He never had a job. I think that his to be completely frank

His true job by the end of his life was just being chief conductor on the molest express Like he was not even be I don't know what his finance his job would that's what he keeps it like Stop saying a financier. It means nothing right a pedophile that also he just might have been a CIA asset He might have had some connections to the massage. He might have said all that shit just to be quote-unquote more Mysterious because there's nothing less mysterious than a 55 year old man having sex with a 14 year old Like there's nothing chic or cool about it kissel You see how I said that and how I made sure to say that but the one thing I'm really concerned kissel is that we tape our friends all the time Doing sketch that nobody watches

We tape our friends people do we tape our friends doing something that nobody cares about it's called comedy If they were having sex with children, then yes, it would go viral But we don't have a kissel if you happen to find yourself filming a friend having sex with a child I'd like you to just just take a moment put the camera down and Address the situation. I would beat up a friend. Don't even worry about it Henry I beat up the friend You know what and then I'm they're not gonna be in the next sketch. We're gonna write them out of the funny Right them out. There's too many hamburgers. Who's gonna eat all these hamburgers sketch?

He's not gonna eat all the hamburgers now that's how they learn their lesson is they don't get cast again We say hey now from now and team you in order to rep your act this you have to have sex with 175 year old seven you have to even it out you have to have an average so according to oxenberg This is what she told the paper again. She's talking to the Sun because this story is made for the Sun It's made for the New York Post. This is oh they love it. They're scrambling all over it because she's already leaking tidbits out She's already starting her Side game to get because this is about attention for her. Just Lane has not been Paid attention to enough guess all this is now finally. She gets her moment. She's always been behind Epstein

This is huge for her. She gets to be a fucking girl boss and to that point Her Maxwell's lawyer is the former lawyer who helped catch El Chapo. This is a very powerful man That's also worked with the government. Obviously oxenberg says I think she's I think she thinks she can get out Obviously she's planning on trading information Which is why she has all the tapes and this story I hope so is not even close to over and as far as I'm concerned Every single person involved that had sex with a minor on camera or not on camera Well, let's just say on camera. So we have definitive proof. Let's just you know what? Maybe it's time for you to go to a real jail not free space jail

That's you with soup can I want you to go into jail and I want you to Experience what happens to pedophiles in jail now? Well, I will see it's interesting because there's many now that we're just at the again what because I'll just had the very beginning of The story. I'm certain that there was there was nothing untoward about About our term William Barr trying to possibly fire The head prosecutor that was working on this case for the entire time I don't certain that there's nothing in there about how his father hired Epstein to his first jobs or and about how this But all the sci-fi novels that his father wrote that all featured like heavy pedophilic themes or I'm certain

It's got nothing to do with any of this. No Absolutely not that story is completely crazy William Barr firing the prosecutor in the southern district Replacing him with somebody else that person obviously went on to arrest Ghislaine Maxwell, but that whole thing is just the way it worked out It was that they try to get the original head at the SCNY to resign Right they could replace them with one of their goons, but then he said no You got to fire me which then automatically kicks in then you have to hire my deputy to replace me as an interim Attorney or interim prosecutor. So they got to keep but it just sounds like they just colossally fucked up and that our

Our maybe it comes down to one of the gifts of the Trump presidency is that they're going to be too incompetent to keep the Illuminati going maybe I mean the strange thing is All of these people know each other It would like if it's like if lpn had its own court system and we found out Jackie did steal the last burger at Thanksgiving And it's like we do Thanksgiving burgers. That's what we do. She gets whipped You I mean, but if she did it so I mean, but that would be tough for me as judge To to convict her because I know her but at the same time if the evidence proves And of course we would have to go through her stool and things like that to figure out how many burgers

I would prosecute her you look at her teeth You're gonna take her meat shreds You test her lips for ketchup stuff. I'm pretty certain that I could spray her with something or if you put a blue light over To see where the ketchup went and I'll say that it's a catch. Honestly, dude, but I know you do not want to do that Could be like Jackie. How is that on your Jackie? What is going on with you and your husband? But they're in love and that's all that matters. I don't want to know where the ketchup is found on Jackie's body That's all I'm saying Uh late Maxwell just lastly she is placed in 14-day COVID isolation. A lot of people be like she's got COVID

It's the beginning of the end. I don't think she has it. I think they're just doing a precautionary 14-day Um isolation they show pictures of her jail cell. It is just a standard jail cell And uh, yep, that is going to be shocking on a different slightly different note that I'm going to talk about a little bit more on top app We're going to get prison reform as soon as all of these rich people start going That's when we're that's when that's when we'll be like, it's really bad in here It's like, yeah, we've been telling you that for 75 years. It's bad in here. And then we're actually going to see reform But kissle, how much money you want to put on if she makes it to trial? Oh my god, why don't you how much money you want to put down this assumes that she doesn't just play out

Do you think there's even going to be a trial? What I am imagining is if she she will play Not go to jail and she will flip Oh, I think she's got to do some time though. You don't think she's going to do any time. I feel like they have to give her some I think she'll say She'll say yes to like perjury or whatever But she's still kind of locked under whatever that plea bargain that crazy plea bargain That epsin did with alexa costa back in the day. She's still kind of locked into that whatever that time period covers Well, I think that was I think that was a state alexa costa

Of course who now has a bigger job in government because that's what you do when you protect pedophiles That was a state thing in florida. So I don't know if that will supersede the federal. I would think that she's probably I don't know. I think that she's I feel like she has to get some just a few minutes behind bars. I I'd like to see that but I This one could make it. It just depends if they put her in the mcc or not She could I don't think if she died honestly if she dies the whole I mean, then it's just the Then we would have to fully I then I would just put I wouldn't even put a tinfoil hat on I would wear a full tinfoil suit

I would I would literally have a tinfoil briefcase. Yeah, I eat tinfoil for three meals a day For like six months. I'd say till christmas christmas. We could go back there been like, okay I'm back the norm. I can't even imagine the the shits from the tinfoil diet that henry sabrowski is on Um, but yes, but next she better if she doesn't live that is whoo. That's whole another can A lot of bullshit. Let's move on to some more traditional Crime here in america. I know henry. You've got a crazy story about a a man who

Really was not happy with his 92 year old dad because uh, there's a lot of problems with old people right now Yes, they're the most vulnerable To covet 19, but they're also most vulnerable to the curse of the vampire. Oh, this comes from local 21 news Um, associate presses hemphill pennsylvania pennsylvania man beats 92 year old father to death thought he was a vampire I've been there my grandmother was an awful woman and she made it to 93 and there's a couple of times I just like I think about just going over there while she's asleep and just with the steak You're sitting there. What do I get her now? Do I get her now? Do I become ben helsling now? Yeah, but the thing is henry. You I mean, how long can people live? You know, if you don't like your grandmother at 75

you have a maximum of Maximum maximum of 25 more years, but um, but an average you got about another eight years with her You can you know, I don't know that spite is the strongest force that ever lived That's true a man who says he fatally beat his 92 year old father in their home because he believed his father was a vampire Has been sentenced to 20 to 30 years in prison. I think that's good. Oh, he says He said I'm guilty, but I'm mentally ill. Well, I think that he is if he believes his dad's a vampire I think he might have a point there. Yes. Um, he said he beat him be beat him to death with the wooden arm of a dining room chair Which is the most country cabin way to beat a man to death

Um, he said he was off his medication. That's what the lawyer said But prosecution told police that he beat his father because the older man was hiding his phone Which to be honest if you're a vampire you might have a lot of incriminating evidence On your phone for example all the pictures you don't show up in see if you're a vampire Yes, with glane, you're not in the photos, but you can still do whatever you want empty selfies That's insane. All of these empty selfies and he just knew that he had to this was his time He had to get nos for us. He did so the dude's name is Douglas Novak. He was also charged with arson reckless endangerment And risking a catastrophe

Which I didn't realize that Risking a catastrophe was a charge that you could have but that is what they got him with so okay So does anybody who starts a podcast can just be charged with risking catastrophe? Like how else what does that mean? What do you mean risking catastrophe? The prisons will be more overfilled than ever. I risk catastrophe every day Every breath we take. It's called going to the supermarket during a fucking super float Ah Yes, indeed. So yes, he killed the guy with the wooden arm of the dining room chair

The the dude the dad the vampire although he is now deceased. I don't think he was a vampire So we can just say the father of this mentally disabled Uh Yeah, he's not a vampire. You have to stab one of those to death through the heart No, no, you can't just beat him death with a piece of wood. Yeah, it was found two days later And but you know to the guy's credit just a little bit Douglas the guy who did the murder there to his credit He did do what was right if his dad was a vampire He did take the uh steak and and jam it through his heart

So if he was a vampire like at least the guy followed the rules, which I think me means he's not mentally ill He's just a really You know he did plan a successful attack On a vampire could be which again takes forethought Which takes a lot of ideas. Did you have to sit there because how often are you looking for capes? Yeah, I mean in certain time periods capes We're more popular You know, you mean what year was this 93? So he's oh my god. I'm I am so stupid

What how long ago was that? Let me see when he was born To see if he could even possibly fashion wise Have a cape. Oh my goodness born in 1927 The dad was born in 1927 the greatest generation. There it is if they were vampires That would have definitely helped us fight the Nazis Apparently the fire was started when candles were used as part of a vampire ritual Uh, they burned the floor a bunch. So this guy really did have a whole thing going on There's a lot of planning a lot of planning which makes me think you know what what makes you think maybe he's not mentally ill

Maybe he I feel like he might not be I think he might not be I think it's got something to do with hiding the phone God knows what was on the phone. Maybe they were playing words with friends and he wasn't making a move Yeah, yeah Words with friends It is the words with former friends because your friends don't play it the same way that you play it And you know, you always have that one friend also who is super lonely who was just constantly playing and it's like all day I'm not doing this long just fucking I have a life I can't just sit here and think of words with you. Same thing with chess with friends

I love playing chess with friends. I did it for a while, but then people stop showing up Yeah, because they have love to make with their wives Whatever man, you make the how long does it take to make love to your your wife? It depends what you're going for if you're trying to be studded I just watched the big Lebowski because of course I moved to LA and I'm like, I got it Why I got my although I went to Ralph's. You know what? I tried to get my Ralph's card, Henry They were all out They said because of high demand, we're not going to have any for a month because of high demand. I don't know. I have no idea what that means

What do you mean? I don't know I guess people are shopping people are grocery store shopping more now because then we used to because we used to do things like Have fun Right go to restaurants and go to bars and stuff and have other alternative ways of eating or go to a friend's house And he did and now we have to cook every single morsel of food that we we eat I do do I obviously get delivery. Of course you have to but it's expensive Well, all I know is my my wallet is missing a Ralph's card and I can't wait to get that damn thing But watching watching the big Lebowski

Um, now I forget why I'm even talking about the big Lebowski. I moved to LA. You gotta watch the big Lebowski about me being Studded you being studded just like big Lebowski was studded When she was doing her little exercise. So if you're just if you're being studded, yeah So if you're being studded, that's gonna take a little bit longer Anyway, way too long for you to have time to play chess with friends because you're playing chess with life Which I think is much scarier If wife if my wife needs to practice me studying out and doing all this type of thing That is what that's what we do. I take my time

But it's between all of the fueling up sessions where I drink water I got my semen x finally arrived in the mail All up the guys. I didn't order it. I'm saying this. I'm straight up saying this Um, we mentioned semen x on I believe a relax fit episode that marcus was he was into it He was researching it for some reason And they thought it was fun and they just sent me a whole bunch to all of these jars of semen x. Have you taken it yet? I don't know what it's gonna do to my loads. I'm not trying to make my loads bigger It's never been requested of my love my my beautiful wife

If you ever want me to have you didn't want me to have juice your ropes, but it does have all of these like numbing wipes Yeah, but you could put on your penis, but doesn't that num the vagina then also if it's I don't know what the hell it does I don't know what the hell it does, but also like I'm not 19 years old anymore. I mean, I need sensation Yes, you I can't just I can't just make it an icicle. It can't be just a phantom limb Did I stab it out like I'm old like a dowsing rod looking for water? It doesn't work like that anymore I need to feel passion. It needs to be in the moment. Oh, indeed. Everyone loves to hear about your passion Well, one thing that Henry and I don't have a passion for is running

This and because of course not because of the exercise component Because you might find a severed head. That's what happened to this chick in florida. She was st. P She was running in st. Petersburg The home of oj simpson by the way A woman running. Yeah, where was a I we I don't know what what kind of head was this we well Let's see here. So a woman was running. She found a decomposing head on the side of the street. She called homicide detectives They rolled over according to the st. Petersburg police public information officer

Yolanda Fernandez who I love this woman I just love the name Yolanda Fernandez because she is one that you want to talk to after a hard week of work and Just be like Yolanda, what happened this week? And then you just sit there and you drink your beer with her and you just listen to every single story She has to say I want to hear about Yolanda's day every day So she says we are asking the public if they saw anything suspicious to let us know We've had a few tips come in and we're tracking a guy walking around with no fucking head Look the guy with one too many hats now. That's what's suspicious. My question is is the head wearing a mask?

Well, it's not because if the head wasn't a wear and a mask they should give the heads fucking dead face the dead heads family A fucking ticket. They should you got to wear a mask even if you're being beheaded by potentially oj simpson Or cartels or cartels. I'm gonna put some cartels out there. That's how Pete's not really cartel sound. It's more of a Like an art community beachy vibe. That's right. I mean you got married there. It was gorgeous I got you the book. What book did I get you again? Something about it's on the order of the golden dawn I have a whole thing. Yeah, I'm very excited to tuck into they have very like I loved st. Petersburg truly if you want a little vacation advice from ben and henry check it out

It's beautiful. It's a witchy little town with a great time. It's a vacation from your problems to go down there You don't care eat some conk. Yeah And hang get yourself some maduros. Absolutely. So police police believe the incident occurred in the last 48 hours because the jogger told them she ran in the same area that sunday saw nothing unusual The head was spotted. I saw no head. So now she's gonna spend the rest of her life She's gonna be looking for a decapitated head Everywhere she goes because you know what the lesson she's learning here gets you in the paper It does get you in the paper if you jog on a daily basis you need to have like a thing on your calendar

And you need to exit off every time you don't see a head Because you know it's got to be coming at some point like the odds are in your favor more and more every day You're owed ahead. You are at least one So the head was spotted in a grassy area under an overpass around seven o'clock in the morning This woman runs very early. That's insane. Good for her. That's more shocking than the head Is the fact that this jake just runs at seven in the morning every day It turns out that she's getting ahead of her health. Yes, she is There's no act of crime scene right now. They're looking for anything that could identify this person

They don't what about the face? The face is kind of messed up, bro. It's it's like st. Petersburg. They don't show a picture of the head They didn't show a picture of the head. They don't know the deceased person's age or gender That's how messed up the head is so if you're in st. Petersburg and you know like a friend lost a head And maybe you reach out to the police and just be like that's tom I'm gonna go around start saying hey if you don't got eyes and ears and a mouth and a nose It's just kind of a lump Summs up, but if there's but how do you find it? I mean like

Man, there's no face I think 48 hours in the st. Petersburg's son takes it out of you pretty fast, man I mean it makes it disgusting because you think ted bundy killed all of so many people in florida And then he would go back and have sex with her corpses two weeks later Yeah, just the slush pond of human flesh that he was pro-creating in or Yeah, he was just he was really casual about it. Yeah, so it was really easy peasy about it And this might actually be Like inappropriate to say but maybe this is like a good way to do like people are in their homes quite a bit

These days you put the head on top of the police car and you just kind of drive around You're asking people like you've seen this head yeah, was it on a guy? You know this guy? Yeah, you know this guy because I know like two days ago this head Was on a body it was on a body and that that brings up the bigger question. Where's the body? You got to find the body here at some point. I would think that seems that's like a big missing part of the puzzle Much bigger than the head because the body Could have something like a wallet Could has a driver's license in it. It could have the target uniform that they were working so oh, you know

They work at Target and they're trying to get things done for for customers Do they check the head for anything in its mouth because then they have something like silence of the lamps right? Whether you did the serial killer put his little gnome the boom I don't know what you'd call that is if you put the thing the moth in the throat But they also Mafia style what they'll do is is they cut your dick and balls off Yep, and they put it in your mouth when they kill you if you're a snitch. That's right. It's very ww too It's pretty brutal. Um, and the sad thing is it's just you know, they laugh

They have to laugh because it's it's like we all have to laugh What are you gonna do you have your dick and your balls in your mouth and your head is covered It's severed off of your body and then they're just laughing at you and if you're you're just like Like could have done without that sir, but of course you can't say anything because uh, you're dead Oh, did you hear the story about this is a real quick story, but it's it's not remotely developed yet So i'm just gonna just do the the quick bits of it. All right the dutch police Basically were doing this massive drug sting And they started going through all of these played like they started, uh, basically arresting hundreds of people

They just they could do that they I guess I don't know if they work faster or what they do in Europe Right, but they started arresting these people and they they busted up this place So they're I believe it was called ep1. It was they kept referring to in text So I guess that's like their version of like a hardcore prison or like a super max prison Okay, which essentially they found this six room subterranean makeshift prison that was soundproof It was a torture chamber complete with a dentist chair Tools including pliers and scalpels and handcuffs. What uh, did they found this shit? It's literally the movie hostel It's in and it looks just like it's in the prison. No, they found this

makeshift torture prison That I guess was going to be used by this criminal network where they not only got this they found 100 suspects the the seizure of more than 8,000 kilograms that's 17,600 pounds of cocaine 2,600 pounds of crystal meth as well of this like weird like 19 different synthetic drug labs That they had but they called it the it wasn't the eb1. It was an ebi Okay, it was they called it a treatment room They had a blast open the door and it was just this series of these soundproofed Units that and they had a less of they basically had a a group of people that they believed that were

told within series of of Messages between other criminals that there was a list of people that were supposed to end up in that room Oh, and the cops went and warned them and they all just left town. Yeah, you got to get out of town That is like you got to quickly dust should be spraying from your heels You are yeah, it should definitely be you through the wall the end of nothing but trouble Like you should definitely tasmanian devil your way through a wall Yes to get away from this torture room. Oh my god. Well, hopefully we can follow up on that story And uh, yeah, well, we're already getting dainier to hear of the week here

Um, the last story that I got was about this dude Named dylan wonder. He's 27 years old. He got real pissed off at his neighbor because his neighbor, um, like, uh He threatened his neighbor and then his neighbor like got on the phone And then dylan wonder was like you're calling the police and his neighbors like i'm not calling the police Dillon thought he was calling the police. He went upstairs got an axe swung at him twice missed both times Then the next day the dude the neighbor who was swung at is in the shower Dillon rolls up in a jabber walkie's mask from america's got talent That's the dance group and they also do a fun little version of their like a spooky version of their dance

Universal studios through halloween horror nights and this is the smokiest of all the versions So he breaks into his neighbor's house while he's in the shower with a crossbow and wearing this jabber walkie's mask Takes him downstairs robs him and uh, and then the neighbor called the police and the guy was arrested I'm just saying Know your neighbors know who's crazy know who's not crazy and the guy's looking at 10 to 12 years I've been going around the neighborhood. I've been looking in people's homes just to make sure their homes are safe I've been I call people I say hello to everyone. Good. I say hello to everyone and if they don't say hello back I say hey say hello to me

So they know that they but then when they finally say hello, whatever level upset they are at and then go thank you Right, so they know I got an eye out on this neighborhood You're the friendly neighbor who demands that they say hello to them all the time and Acknowledge me right right. Oh, yeah. They got they have to I love it. They have to I call. I'm sheriff Well, you're not you're actually relatively new to your neighborhood I don't know if you should just go and say that I'm the sheriff now because maybe there's an actual sheriff that lives on your street There could be a cop on your street. I I mean, I haven't seen one and they because they have to tell you if they are If you ask anybody in the street, that's true. Actually, they have to tell you you're a cop

That's right. You have to tell me I tell cops that all the time man You gotta tell me that you're a cop. They're like, well, I have a cop car. I just watched Yeah, rapist try to hit me with your cop car try to get me in there trying to seduce me I just watched that episode of South Park where the cops go under undercover to do a prostitution sting and then the cop The cop Just blows the dudes and gets fucked really hard After he fucks them super hard They come a bunch then he's like and the roses are blue and then they're like, all right. I guess we have to go in now arrest him

Well, like he finishes the job and I do love that idea of a cop. Just suck in his way He's just be like got you you just purchased a prostitute Sergeant Thompson, you know, you don't have to like finish him off, right? You just got to get the money and then that whole thing is like it's done. That's that's that's the state I think I know how to be a fake gay cop You start acting like a real gay cop. Oh man, South Park holds up. All right. Let's do hero of the week This week's hero of the week is Rubble Rubble's a fluffy Maine Coon cat consider the oldest feline in the world would have turned 31 last May

It's dead now. It's sad. Rubble. This is great. I'm glad that we're This is the hero of the week had died made 31 years old fucking. What does it do just piss dust? What could come out of this cat? I have no idea owner Michelle Herodot got Rubble as a kitten on her 20th birthday and the pair have been inseparable ever since Now 52 years old from Exeter. She put Rubble's long life down to the fact that she never had children So Michelle heavily pampered her four-legged friend instead. Michelle said I've always treated him like a child I don't have any children and had another cat called Meg who passed away at age 25 So actually I'm going to say Michelle heritage is really the hero of the week because if you're going to be a cat mom

You you got to be the greatest of all time and she is the best cat mom ever with a combined age But I believe that makes what is that 66 years old total with two cats at 31 56 That's a lot of cat. That's a lot of cat ears a lot of cat ears So I'm going to say Rubble your hero of the week and your mom Michelle heritage also hero of the week for being the greatest cat mom in the history of cat moms and you know you sometimes cat women Sometimes I'm a dog. I'm a dog guy. Sometimes cat ladies get made fun of as like lonely Oh, they don't have children but look at what this woman did She didn't even like usually they kind of kill the cats by making them all fat like they would do if they had children

But in this case she kept the cats healthy and they live for till 31 and 25 years of age So look at that Michelle and they say this to anybody who tries to make us have kids Absolutely. Well, of course they start they try to young you can see it They try but they take your I get I know why people have kids. It does seem nice, but they also see they take your life force Yeah purposefully that is literally what they scientifically do is take your life force It's you parts of you are now in your child and then well don't that's not we're not talking about glen max Well, again, I don't want to be inside of my children. No, but you are your children. It's it's very That's the difference. I am my children. It's a mindfuck and I keep telling them

That's the one thing I would do if I did have kids constantly been like, you know, you're me, right? You know that you're me if you I came first Yeah, but if you had a you're my cup you think your daughter You think your daughter would like to hear that she's you And now you're not your beautiful wife No, my daughter. I would have the wife the wife speaks of the daughter and then the father speaks to the son And then sometimes you switch them all together Very very conservative Catholic of you. Yes, it's true

Um, all right, here we go. Here's some listener letters This came from there's been so much kind of penis talk, but this was just like a fun Little version of it. Sure. Sure This is in response to the leech in the penis store. Oh my goodness My stepdad was in the vietnam war He told us that even though the u.s. government denied it all the time u.s. Forces were in cambodia All right. Well, that's breach of security, but thank you. Well, that's very true. Yes The leech in the penis was almost a rite of passage for new recruits

The leech would usually get in the penis while they were sleeping They'd usually notice something was wrong where they woke up for their morning pee. Yeah, that would help. Yeah They would of course freak out and go to the medic The medic would tell them they would have to split the penis head in two ways And back and fold it like a banana in order to get it out and save the penis Of course, they would freak out but agree to it because it was doctor's orders They would make the man shut his eyes and they would reach out. They would rip out the leech with tweezers This was of course embarrassing to the recruit

But a source of laughter for the rest of the men Humor was different back in the day. Hold on a second So they didn't so they didn't actually cut the penis in half like it was a log. That was a joke It was a prank And so when they went to the so they're in vietnam the worst of the wars They go to the doctor and then the doctor is like henny youngman Just a henny youngman md got a funny little bit for you could have done without that Henny youngman's a classic comedian. This is dak shepherd territory. This is like you got pumped

Well, it's not the same dax has some good bits dax apparently is very nice According to craig rowan who writes for I guess, but I think it's called bless this mess Which is the I'm gonna get one. I'm gonna get bless this mess as a tramp stamp one day That is a disgusting thing to have as a tramp stamp. Yep. I'm just gonna get clean up on isle brown Oh my during these seventh grade. I moved to a large old house In the middle of teresierra florida a little area that hardly anybody knows that exists Even though skyway bridge an extremely large and famous florida icon, which is true. I know skyway bridge connects directly to it I remember when we toured the house the previous owners made reference to the house knowing things

I should you not they claim the house would decide if it liked how a person decorated the place I honestly thought that they were just messing with me because I mentioned I like horror The first night there i'm playing on my mom's computer and notice it was getting light So I turned it off I got up to go to the bed and turned on and I noticed five red ghoulish Faces in the window. They looked almost like the ghost face mask from scream I freaked out cover my eyes and ran away Brave I know yeah, and in a few minutes. I convinced myself. It was probably nothing and head upstairs I wake up the next morning and noticed a hooded figure sitting on the edge of my bed

Casting a calming presence all of the sudden just disappearing until we look like a black hole like whip Strange events kept happening for the remainder of our time in the house Another time I heard what sounded like three women talking right outside of my door And the only words I can make out were disturb the guests I even heard what sounded like a party in swing music similar to that to that scene in the shining cool This is the only event that ever sticks with me was the scarf incident I woke up one night and felt like what I thought was a sensation similar to fabrics of an old scarf around my neck

I could even feel sequins and small holes, but that's when I realized someone was choking me I tried to get up, but I was being pulled back down by some force I tried to grab at the scarf from my finger only touched my bare skin upon meeting my neck I managed to get up and try to get towards the door to attempt to get help Another unseen force from behind me knocks me to the ground and then in that moment it was gone This is very interesting. I could breathe again the skin around my neck. I didn't feel any fabric or scarves I got up dusted myself off got the hell out of my room and slept on the couch Not all of the accountants were unpleasant though. They were just kind of shadow figures all the things moving around

I started to do research on the island that we were living on and it found a literal Native American burial ground was located within walking distance from our house. This is the thing Why wouldn't they tell you that should make the price of the property go up if I'm a real estate agent? I drop that lingo I drop that sentence down and then say it's worth 10 grand more because there's an ancient Indian burial ground right by it Back in the day. There was a shipping boat. It rammed into the bridge. It used to be here And there used to be a story there called the feral children story. There's a group of feral children That actually were deep released all over this island. This is according to the bradentintimes.com

From this is from 2011. Oh my god. This article came out september 25th, 2011 Oh, Jesus Christ. We were just thinking about this. Oh, no, never mind Did you forget? Did you literally forget september 11th was on 2001? Yes, I did. Yeah, just my brain My brain. Oh, Jesus Christ. I'll never forget You forgot by a decade Hey, man, what are you gonna do? You know what? It was old news. That's old news Now according to the local legend, we had to catch the gear of children in a casket This was the back in the day. Tierra sierra, this is famished in a state of confusion

Children were roaming around the terra sierra wilderness completely disillusioned mumbles of an indiscernible language confused their captor Who wanted nothing more than to help the your lost youths But there were many questions unbeknownst to the rescuer. Where were the children sticking with the elephiva? Were the children sticking with the elephiva? Or did they speak english? And how long did their mother's corpse been rotting in the house? Oh, this is like a fucked up story that you should check a look honestly You should look at the story about the feral children of terra sierra. Barely. They'd been left behind there Dude, dude, like so see home. That's why weird part of town if john hughes wrote that story It would just be home alone like part eight where it's a series of kids that are left alone and then turned into ghosts

But it doesn't sound quite as cute as he would make it. It's never it's never cute Then jello fever tore the killed the mother They were all just out there, man. These kids just out there and kids good because kids are resourceful up to a point Yeah, they're resilient, but we shouldn't think that they can just raise themselves. Yeah Well in some ways they just become adults. So they do kind of raise themselves Well, yeah, their bodies become adults eventually through time. Yeah, yeah, naturally or or corpses. All right Any other stories this week any other letters again? You can always email side stories lpotl at gmail.com Please share us your spooky tales. I just wanted to tell you this story because it's the way this man

Referred to this story the way the man responds in the story. I like know this guy. Okay This story is from my dad. He's a firefighter of 20 plus years And I thought you could use him as a good cautionary tale the sun was just coming up I'm gonna call for the engine and medic came for a possible do a When they got to the scene cruisers were parked on a bridge with the officers looking over the side I walked up to an officer who said the body's right there I looked over and about 10 to 15 feet down into in the shallow creek I saw a large pale shape downstream right and started thinking they were how we're gonna go and get there and all of a sudden we heard a faintly

body I think i'm still alive What I climbed down the side of the bridge and waited to the patient who was lying on her bell I was lying on their belly naked and trying to look over the shoulder at me I asked if they were hurt and they tell me I can't move my left leg It looks like they landed on it when they fell my crew bought down a backboard and some blankets since the person was Very hypothermic, which would have taken long in the water Once we got them in the back of the medic had got most of the treatment done and once they were relatively stable

I started asking how they came to be butt naked at the bottom of a creek Right, they told me that they were hosting a party at their home and felt that things had just kind of gotten out of hand I asked if they had consumed any drugs or alcohol how much and how long ago they paused and replied wine And looked down at their chest I asked them if they were okay told them it was just something I just needed to know I just knew how to take care of them. They said Maybe a bottle or two. I mean to be honest, uh, I can't be sure since uh, it was given anally

I sat back and I just said what they said everyone at the party was giving each other wine enemas And then it was just about they they all had were and that was just about all that they remembered Of the night supposedly it was faster and better absorption than drinking it The side effect space in their experience or ended up butt naked in the bottom of our creek with a broken leg Not knowing how you fucking got there. It's just a patient to the air How much faster do you need it? Just drink it through your mouth. It doesn't you will get drunk. I promise you You can get drunk orally. You don't have to do it. Ain't only Just honestly get drunk. You could just totally you can end up in the creek. Wow

Well, that sounds like a hell of a bash I'm sure bill clinton and allen dirshowitz were there having a great time with prince andrew Glein was the one pouring all the wine through your phone. You just see all of these pictures of you and just laying mask Well and spacey don cheedle and Fucking Bobby play. I don't know who else is there. Don't bring Bobby there. My goodness. I mean if if there was one I put him there. All right. All right Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for listening to this week's side stories. Hope you're doing well out there stay in safe and uh

Getting through time We're doing time if you want to do in time if you want to fund youtube channel larry laughton Larry laughton is a hoot on youtube. I have he's a former jewel thief I would love to interview him actually if you know anyone that knows him this dude is a character character So check him out dude Look up. I've been watching these the pilots people to talk and describe sightings to a thing called the n u f O r c which is the natural ufo reporting center 1977. It's called part two. There's hours of it seven hours of people

Call it in ufo sightings and there's one of the cia pilot describing seeing A the only way he described well, he said cia pilot who's I think he was like he was another smoke screen But even describing seeing this thing he said the way the only way to describe it was that it was made out of asphalt It was like an asphalt egg It was following him around going 1900 miles per hour And it's wild. There's too much. I you know, I just fucking love it. No, it's anything anything But I I love being home with my wife. This is honestly

This has been a chair a cherish time being able to spend time with my family. That's great But this is a helpful way To spend some of the more and obviously this is an audio medium so you can't see Um, Natalie has a gun to Henry's head. It is a shotgun. It's a large shotgun and you just passed the test It's fine. I could see the boobies. It's great. There you go So live every day like you got a place where you can go see boobies of any type With their permission. Sure. Maybe it's some kind of magic mirror Some kind of porthole into a naughty submarine

They're saying glory holes are the way to go now as far as kovat goes just to be a little safer Maybe we should start. We should invest in glory hole stock I don't know if it's a public trade. Do they trade publicly? I don't think so I would like to see if we can get in there just holds them all As a matter of fact because the thing about a Glory hole I said, yeah, you could get your dick sucked through it But I also safely pass hot dogs and hamburgers through it. You know what any sort of food that is a great point, Henry Great point. It's like a little prison cell. So you got to love

love this If you add a bunch of extra O's to love it becomes Which is fun and more fun to say especially if you're sad or you've been heartbroken you can say I loo Eating Papa John's alone And I know then you can stop with the emails. We know Papa John's got a tick tock. We're not on tick tock because I'm not We just don't look at I don't want to see children dance At some point it's a net negative to be like more like I think we do enough because we're good

And laugh with the ease of the of the lack of care of no memories Just in a but wine state because but wines the state of mind It's new margaritaville because that's all it is man. You have a couple of but wines. Yep. You were just fucking whew Go in my friend. Absolutely but a read of it Butchuck some margaritas put a read of ill. It's a new but I would be coming up right now I honestly would be really careful with butchuck and Margaritas especially if you do it with the straight up lime juice. Yeah, don't butchuck anything never butchuck It was it started as like a joke and then people started doing it seriously and then just stop dude. Don't butchuck

Just don't butchuck. It's the wrong hole. I don't think it's a great idea It's a horrible idea But it gets you drunk anything can get you can take a tub with tequila in it. Just take a full tequila tub My god. All right, everyone. Thank you for listening. Hail yourselves. Hail say magustillations everyone And me And be careful when jogging out there Just look straight at the road unless you want to see a severed head then you know look to the left and the right But also if you got things to do with your day like just you can just cover it with a bunch of leaves or something

So that you don't have to be part of that. You'd be amazed how the sentence. I didn't see that I did not see that it can save you hours. It can save you hours of time This show is made possible by listeners like you Thanks to our ad sponsors You can support our shows by supporting them for more shows like the one you just listened to go to last podcast network.com