Last Podcast On The Left - Side Stories: John Chau's Impossible Mission

Episode Date: December 6, 2018

Hey what's up? This is Side Stories. And today's episode is THICC. A missionary falls prey to stupidity. A woman brings a knife to a fart fight. And much more. Shiv, gasp, and glove.

There's no place to escape to. This is the last stop. On the left. Side stories. Love your glids. That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yeah. So last night I was watching this UFO documentary called Above Majestic. Really? Oh yeah, I heard about this actually. Is it good? It's the thing. I love me. A convoluted two and a half hour long UFO documentary. Sure. I love it. This is a mainstream documentary because it's all kind of political too, right?

It gets there. This is my only issue. It starts with the cool tagline about how the vestiges of the Majestic 12 group were part of the planning committee that allowed 9-11 to happen. It incordance with the reptilians like very, very deep, deep, deep, deep. The thing is that every one of these UFO documentaries, I love them, but they always got to start at the very beginning. Of course. But it's like I found this documentary because I'm already one of the lost souls that knows all this information. Yes. So all of a sudden I see the tagline which is that I want to see how Majestic 12 was involved in 9-11. Right. It always has to start with, and the Indian culture is new with the Nagas, the serpentine people. And it starts always with the atomic explosions over ancient India.

Right. And then immediately has to be Nazis in Antarctica. Of course. And it's like, I know this already. Let's get to the new shit. I know. I feel the same way every time I watch one of those Michael Moore quote documentaries, unquote. Alright everyone, this is the last podcast on the left. Side stories. Really excited to be drinking side stories. Side stories.

I am Ben Kissel, Travis Morningstar. You might hear him every now and again. Yes. Very subtly. And of course we got Henry Zabrowski. Yeah man. We want to- I'm auditioning therapists this week. I know you are, and evidently I'm sure they're already horrified of the potential of- Can you handle the heat? Can you handle the heat?

I don't know. You better get yourself some heat. Clothes. I don't know man. I don't know what the term is. Henry Zabrowski, he fired his most recent therapist over email, I believe. And the therapist did not respond. And now you have two other therapists and you're looking to make their lives miserable. Who's in the lead right now to take care of your brain? I believe the one that uses Jungian archetypes.

But we're going to have the two of them in the same room with me. And I'm going to yell and yell and yell until one faint. And then does- Is the fainter the winner or the loser? Oh loser. Okay. No, that's to be the one who's rigid with their eyes open. Like in clockwork orange. Good. Like that has to be- they need to have all eyes on me.

They should both fear and respect me. It's always good to treat a therapist the same way you would train a dog. Train a therapist the same way you would train a dog. That's really healthy. I told you guys my psychiatrist's really powerful advice that he gave me. What was- oh yes. He said, whenever you're eating beef or drinking milk, think cow. Courage, optimism, work ethic.

Right, we talked about this. This is what I'm looking for. Yes. This is the kind of- this is what I need. But that is not a proper acronym for courage, optimism, work ethic, because there's no E in cow. It's two words work ethic. It doesn't make any sense.

Work ethic. Work ethic. But a part of it is that I should have been courage, optimism, wow. All right. Well, first up, we want to thank everyone in Indianapolis and Chicago. We filmed our first special this past weekend. It was amazing. So thank you so much, Chicago.

Two great crowds. Indeed, you are all so incredible. So that special will be coming out in a couple of weeks here. It's going to be $6.66. Yeah. And I really think- In love of our dear Lord and savior of knowledge and illumination, Lucifer. And I hope you guys are going to enjoy it.

Because for those of you that have not seen us live or we didn't get your city, so you could see the show that we did this year. Now that show goes into the fucking grave. That show is now deceased. It's in the grave. Tombstone. Last podcast on the left. Nothing but trouble to her.

So please, if you're going home for the holidays, you don't want to spend time with your family, just go down to the basement, buy it on demand, and you will be able to enjoy us three questionably looking people. And anyway, so that'll be coming out very soon. We're really excited about it. So thanks so much, everyone in Chicago, and thank you for the production company who did such a great job filming it. Okay.

I think that you guys too, in the same way we've presented many other material, it's really the best way to watch our special is with no clothing. Just so that you can really let it all out. Have you ever eaten naked kissle? I do it every day, yeah. I think that really is the- that's the spot you want to be in. That's the key level of relaxation you want to be at. When you allow our words to slide all over your body.

Well, speaking of Chicago, there was a small incident that happened to me in my hotel room, Great Hotel, Ace Hotel. I woke up in the morning, and there was just a lot of chips in the toilet. And I had no idea. I was like, what the hell happened? And then I do recall eating chips, speaking of being nude on the toilet. And then my toilet was plugged. It was clogged.

And a woman came in, and then I said, please get out of here. I'm too embarrassed. And then I came back after we recorded the show, our live taping, and they had- they had fixed the toilet. But I just want to apologize to the Ace Hotel. I don't even know how the chips got in there. But it was kind of disturbing. You are a monster. I don't know why you thought that you should put chips and the sausages.

I was trying- You should put two sausages from the thing. Because I ate those sausages. They're very greasy. I did not like those sausages, no. But then you threw them in the toilet. I'm trying to be clean. I don't- we don't have time to do a deep dive on this.

Okay. I mean, I think you need to see this Jungian specialist to find out what the archetypes of the lumps that you try to cram this toilet film. Oh, right. Well, anyway, later on in this episode, we're going to get to the death of Missionary John Chow. That story is, whew, absolutely out there. Good riddance. Absolutely. But first, let's just start with one that's short and sweet.

Dare I say about as long as a nice toot. This, let's go to Florida here. This is in Dana Beach, Florida. You know about Dana Beach, Florida, Henry? You ever heard of that? No, I met her, but she's mean. So a Florida woman faces an aggravated assault charge after authorities say she passed gas in line at a dollar store and then pulled a knife on a man who complained about it. This is according to-

Yeah. This is according to Broward Sheriff's Office report. The Miami Herald reports 37 year old Shannette Yvette Wilson, which I love that name, Shannette Yvette Wilson, passed gas while waiting in line at a dollar general. This was on Sunday evening and an upset nearby customer. An upset, a nearby customer. The report says the offended customer and Wilson then got into an argument, quote, in reference to the defendant farting loudly. It says Wilson then pulled a small folding knife out of her purse and told the victim she was, quote, going to gut him while moving as if to attack him. Wilson was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without the intent to kill.

It's unclear if she had a lawyer. I gotta say, if someone's- you're in a dollar general, that's a hostile line to begin with. No one's really happy to be there. Well, you better be on edge and be ready to defend yourself. You better be. But now you got someone who's passing gas. Do you audibly say, oh my God, I can't believe you did that in this, in the sanctity of a dollar general? If there's ever a place where there's going to be someone, a customer in line, doing a little gas tootin', doing a little bit of excavating of steam out of their butt, it would be a dollar general.

Why, you know, I mean, I don't think I'd say anything. I can't imagine being so offended by somebody's fart. I mean, first of all, if you're going to full-on rip an audible fart, and if you look the way this woman does in her mugshot, she is very serious. Very serious. Very serious. So she farts real hard. Right. She must have some form of, honestly, she must have like a yoga pant on or something tight on in order for you to fully hear a woman's fart.

Because I'm going to- I'm going to put this out there. Okay. Maybe this is incorrect. Ladies. Ladies. Uh-oh. But most women's farts I've heard are smaller. Well, you know, Henry, it's funny you mentioned that.

There was actually a myth busters. It was like seasoned like 1,000. And when they really were out of myths to bust, and they did bust the myth, do women fart? Yes. That was a real show on the discovery- a real- a real subject. So they fact-checked a club comics, like, work. Yes. They fact-checked an open mic comedian's bit or premise for a bit.

And it turns out, Henry, I don't want to blow your mind, but they do. They do. I know. I know that they do. But I'm just postulating that if you are strong enough to sit just online and in flagrante, you just openly, loudly fart. Right. And a part of it is to me, it's like, I understand her reaction up to a point because people get offended by us occasionally. Sure.

And it gets to a point where it's being like, well, you could either not say something, but if you do say something, if I had a folding knife, maybe I would lunge at you. Okay. Because, unfortunately, I'm a reactionary person. Right. Right? So I understand her mentality. Sure. But a part of it is that you'd think you'd save it for the car.

Yes. Like a little bit. Yeah. Or you'd do the thing which I have done, which is purse ellipse as you move towards the exit, slowly. Right. You let it out bit by bit by bit as you walk out of the store. Use some control. Use some discipline.

Yes. Or you can do the thing where you just keep it inside and then it bubbles up like you're a colorgen, you know, water. What do you call those things? A water keg? What? Water cooler. You said a water cooler? A water keg.

Anything that contains water that's larger than a cup, I just call it a keg. And yeah, then you can feel the gas go back into your stomach and then really, that's an assault on yourself. So let it out. Honestly, I don't think you should actually be holding in farts. No. I think it actually does hurt you. Yes. I'm not sure.

But this also takes place between Hollywood, Florida and the Fort Lauderdale Airport. So it's a very special part of Florida that I really think that this just indicates the temperament of the city of Dana Beach. Absolutely. I mean, dollar stores, I mean, I go there all the time. I'm never going to malign the dollar store. Although the first time I ever went to a dollar general and I realized they do have things that are over a dollar, I thought the entire thing was a lie. But it's just full of professional wrestlers looking for cheap, like, you know, cooking equipment to hit each other with in the ring. It's looking for grandmothers who don't really care about their grandchildren, but they have to buy them a toy.

Or grandmothers with advanced dementia. Oh, yes. That's where they end up getting the toys, and it's a lot of also recently divorced dads or separated fathers getting gifts on their way to pick up their kids for the weekends. And also the dollar store is a little known fact. Great place to get Hormel Chili that's almost expired, but really, really cheap. And if you eat it day of, you're probably not going to get sick and die. So it's a good thing to do. You're not going to die.

You're just going to maybe shit a real long time. Honestly, it's a perfect circle. She probably has purchased some Hormel Chili from that dollar store. She went back to maybe buy more. A fart happens naturally because that's how science works. We got someone complaining in the background. I don't necessarily disagree. I think she was overreacted.

She overreacted. And dare I say, the guy overreacted. And, you know, it was a pocket knife. You can't do too much. It's interesting they didn't charge her with attempted murder. They said without the intent to kill, although she did say she was going to gut him. And my understanding is that that would kill you. But what do I know?

She seemed to be exaggerating her capabilities with that folding knife. I don't know if it necessarily, it wasn't like she pulled out a fucking machete to fucking stab him in the fucking gut. So it was like a little folding knife. But man, oh man, would I not want to meet her at the post office. She's just got to be, if that's her level of intensity, just in the middle of the day, what's her level of intensity when she's doing something really hard when she's having a bad day.

Absolutely. Meet her at a DMV. You want to be in her wake because she's going to get exactly what she wants, when she wants it, just follow her through. All right. So that's the story coming out of Florida. Who knows how much time she'll serve. Hopefully, we don't know if she has the lawyer,

but hopefully she gets a good public defender who stands up for the right to fart. I was listening to a very interesting talk from a defense attorney. He was talking about public defenders, and really, again, it's all just about how much money you have. Of course. You can do so much to throw doubt into the trial as if you have money to literally start doing the Bill Clinton debating the definition of the word is, and you start looking at the seats that everybody's sitting on, and how the seats that happen at the crime could have, all of that bullshit is pretty great.

Right. All right. I want to do a little UFO deep dive. If you want to just, this is real quick. Okay. Before we go to our main story, there's two little words I'm going to put in your mouth that are very, very interesting. One is just the first recorded unknown object that washed ashore in 1803 in Japan.

It was called the Utsurobune in the Hitachi province. And what's interesting is that it's kind of shaped like the end of one of the wands. What do you mean, end of one of the wands? Yeah. You've seen those Hitachi wands. Oh, sure. The big boys. Yeah.

The big boys. The one that takes diesel, right? Those ones. The ones that you, the one you use to scare the dog. I see. Okay. You know? So when defining Utsurobune, the Bune part means boat, while Utsuro simply means empty

or hollow. According to a legend, an attractive young woman aged 18 to 20 years old. Oh yeah. Okay. Arrived at a local beach aboard the hollow ship on February 22, 1803. And then brought her inland to investigate further, quote unquote, investigate further. This is old school parchment porn. Like, you know how they used to, porn used to be on vases.

Oh, sure. Vases used to not be boring. Right. Absolutely. They used to put the dick in vagina on them. Right. And God knows, I guess those vases were filled with things other than water, I suppose. Beer.

Oh, okay. And honey, which actually can last for a thousand years. It actually doesn't expire. No kidding. But the woman was unable to communicate in Japanese. She was very different than anyone else. Different looking. The fisherman then returned her and her vessel to the sea where it drifted away.

It is very, very interesting. It's a part of Japanese folklore and there's a lot to go into about it. So I feel like that's more of like a good, it's really fun for you to maybe look into. So now what was the vessel? It wasn't a real tangible, you could touch it vessel or was it like a ghost ship? They said it's supposed to be the upper part appeared to be made of red coated rosewood while the lower part was covered with these, with plates. It seemed to be was covered in kind of a metal.

Right. The shape of the hollow boat, it resembled a wooden rice pit. And they said this woman, she was beautiful. Right. And then she's had red hair and eyebrows. Okay. And the hair was elongated by artificial white extensions. So she was some kind of cyber got.

Yeah, or maybe Christina Aguilera when she went through the white extension phase. Love Christina. Xtina. I miss Xtina. Oh yeah. The skin of the lady was very pale pink color. She did not understand the fisherman. This is very, very interesting.

It's a part of what they said. But I love this because eventually this will be one of those stories that we will cover when we do a USO episode, which is not the military entertaining show. Yeah, what is that? I don't know what that stand for. It's an identified submerged object, which is a whole other side of UFOs, which are just UFOs that are under the water. Interesting.

And now correct me if I'm wrong. Good chance. Great chance of that. I know 95% they say of the oceans is uninhabitable or unvisited. Yes. And they're saying we're seeing all these, you know, not necessarily the blue, but there's a lot of new creatures coming to the surface because of global warming, climate change, all kinds of things.

Do you think that's where they're at? If you're going to find an alien, do you got a better chance of going high or going low? Or is it just alien to us because it's something that we've never discovered before? Then it's also the idea of then you're getting into the whole hollow earth theory. You're getting into the idea that aliens have been here forever and they live maybe in our oceans. They live deep down in one of the various caverns in our mountain ranges. I don't know.

If there was a giant squid circling the moon, though, we would not have traveled to the moon. The reason why we haven't explored all of the ocean is because there's giant fucking terrifying monsters down there. I am horrified of the ocean. Every time I've been in the ocean a few times in Florida, one time it was around three o'clock in the morning. I just finished going to a series of bars that took off all of my clothes and I ran into

the ocean. And if I was not six foot seven, I would have died because I realized high tide, that's the ocean's real strong. And I seriously would have been swept. If I was like six feet tall, I would have been swept away. But it hit my chest and I was like, thank God, because I was very close to just being disappeared. All of my clothes would have just been found on the beach and they would be like, I wonder what happened?

Maybe it was an alien abduction. But most likely my friends would be like, no, he definitely got hammered and took off all of his clothes. And he went skinny dipping in the ocean. Hey guys, look, look, I'm a drunken lord. And everyone's laughing and laughing until you actually become a drunken lord. You literally are just a dead body. I got real lucky on that because as soon as I got out, I finally put my clothes on.

Like as soon as I put my pants on, a group, like on a really nice date, a man and a woman, they were walking down and I was like, thank God, thank God I didn't just commit a felony on accident. Hi, how are you doing? I floated here from England. You didn't feel like you could do that. All right, well, speaking of people washing ashore, let's get to the big story of the week involving a missionary named John Chow.

This story has a lot of twists and turns. So this fucking guy and I hate his face. Well, I don't know. You know, he got what he wanted. He wanted to give his life to Christ and indeed he did give his life to Christ. He died for his beliefs. So I suppose from that perspective, he's brave in his own way. He's like Joan of Arc.

He is a little bit like Joan of Arc. So two weeks ago, a young American made a doomed mission to North Sentinel Island. And now that North Sentinel Island, it's a speck in the Bay of Bengal and home to perhaps the most isolated people on earth. Now there's not many of these folks. There's only about 50 of them. And a little... That's it?

There's only about 50 of them. The whole island is about the size of Manhattan, not nearly as many tall billions, that's fair to say. But what happened to the... Hey, you got to have a joke out there for the parents, you know? But in the late 1800s, early 1900s, the British used to go over to this island and one time they ended up kidnapping a few members of this tribe. They brought them back to the UK and these people died immediately.

They say that a common cold would wipe them out because, again, they have not met with anybody else. They're the most isolated tribe currently in the world or at least one of them. So this dude, he heard about this tribe and he really wanted to go since he was a kid. I don't know. Most kids fantasize about maybe catching a touchdown in the Super Bowl or getting to the NBA or being a pro wrestler or even being a comedian. It's a type of the weirdest, crookedest ambition that seems to take place inside of this type

of evangelical Christian mind where he believed in his heart of hearts is that it was like what you said. Instead of being like, I want to win an Oscar for Best Actor, it's that I want to go to the place where everybody goes die and I want to bring Jesus to these people who don't want it. And it's like the most difficult way to evangelize in the world being like, why don't you just play college basketball? Sure.

Or, you know, there's a lot of people who need saving in, I don't know, Northern California. I have no idea. There's a lot of places you could go to evangelize and there is a certain amount of ego that goes along with this man's mission, right? Where he's just like, I'm the only one that can possibly do this. So there's a lot to unwrap as far as his training and all that stuff. We'll get to that in a second. So this tribe, because of what happened in the past, anyone who has approached their

island has, you know, been dealt with, whether they ever get on it is one thing. Usually what would happen is they just shoot a bunch of arrows at you if you got too close and everybody would be like, that's a good warning not to go there. So he got dropped off. This dude got dropped off by a bunch of, by a fisherman, a group of fishermen. And those fishermen, by the way, have since been charged with aiding and abetting in his death. So John Chow ruined a lot of lives here and the fishermen would drop him off about a mile

and a half offshore. He took a little boat from their fishermen boats and then he would go by themselves because they knew that this is not a place where anyone except for that tribe should be. And I would always say that's a telltale sign that you should probably not go. If the fishermen aren't going, you don't need to be there. Also, it was illegal to step foot on the island. You already are breaking laws by going.

All of these people had to be bribed. Yes, they were. This was several visits over to the dominant island chain. So he'd been kind of working this out. So they were bringing them there against their will to begin with, but they were essentially purchased. And then they just kind of dropped them and they were like, see ya, like knowing for, knowing what's going to fucking happen to him.

And then him out there, like fucking the jerk, like, you would like paddling in with a bunch of fish and gifts for them. So what happened was this is according to the New York Times article. The tribe had attacked anyone trying to step onto their shore, appearing virtually naked and firing arrows. So when he came to their shore the first time, he went there one time and then went back and then he went back again. So the first time he went there, he wore nothing.

You remember that scene in 007 and James Bond when it was, what's the name of the super attractive dude? The guy who was too attractive to play James Bond. Pierce Brosnan. No, not Pierce. Not Pierce. The Jack Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig.

It was my favorite bond. He was too attractive. But that's just me. Interesting. Daniel Craig, when he comes out of the water, he's wearing those nice silver Speedos. He wore black Speedos and nothing else, no shoes, no nothing, no shirt, no pants because he thought that the tribe would then relate to him. So that was his first time going.

He steps on shore and a young boy takes an arrow and shoots it right through his Bible. That's according to the story. It's the funnest thing in the world because he like lifted up the Bible. He says, hello, I'm John, I love you and Jesus loves you. He said, a child of the tribe just lifted up his arrow, arrow through the Bible and he was just like, and his comment, according to his diaries, because he ended up leaking a couple of his diaries to two people because he wanted people to hear his message. So he left a couple pages of what he was writing with these fishermen and take back and his

reaction to the Bible getting hit with an arrow. I stumbled back and recall yelling at the kid for shooting me. Now as I look back at it, my Bible cover looks like bark, like tree bark. So maybe he was just curious, but yikes, it sure gave me a fright. Yes, it should have given you a fright. This reminds me of when we did our show in Vancouver on East Hastings Street and every single taxi dropped us off five blocks away from the venue. We did go in and do that show, but that was also the closest we ever got to being murdered

on the street. And that was in North America. So you can imagine how dangerous this is. And he wrote that journal entry. He secluded himself in a hotel room for 10 days before the first trip. Now some people said that it was because he was real nervous and he was preparing, but other people do believe out of respect for the tribe, he didn't want to get them sick whatsoever, so he really wanted to take care of himself.

So he's in this hotel, he's getting ready, he doesn't want to get sick theoretically again out of respect for the tribe. And again, this is a really controversial thing even by evangelical leaders. This is sprung quite a debate on what is good missionary work and what is dumb missionary work. So he goes one time, shot through the Bible, convinces the fishermen to take him back again. The second time, not so fortunate, they ended up shooting him multiple times with arrows pretty much like D-Day.

It happened quick, as soon as he went, and then he was just gone, he barely got off the boat. But apparently what he said is that he got out of the boat, number one, to show them that he had legs, because he wanted them to see that he had legs, which is true. And then he started throwing fish at them, saying it was a gift. And as he's wading off, because then they showed up, you are the most isolated tribe on earth, this random creature comes up, black speedo, and just starts tossing fish at your family.

Read my book. Read my book, Wynchia, please. Read my book. I think immediately they're all like, go fuck this guy, first of all, this guy can go fuck himself. We've seen this before. They've talked about this before. Obviously they knew, interiorly, they've had, they've had shithead white people show up

many, many times to try to make them sick, to try to enslave them, try to give them their Christ, and they've always killed them. So now it's almost, I bet you they're like looking forward to it. I think there's a point where they're like, all of the kids are like, daddy, daddy, is it true? Is it true? Is the white killed man here yet? And they're like, yes, son, finally the day has come.

And they're all like excited for it, getting their shit all extra sharp. Well, it must have been an exciting day. I don't know really a lot of what happens on that. I would assume this doesn't happen too often because most people understand what danger means. But the first time, so they let him out with the boat, right, to roll up to the shore. He showed up in the kayak. He got up to show them and he had legs.

They approached him. So before they first attacked him, they did look at him. He came, he was yelling at them in his version of, because he'd sort of learned a little bit of Sengalese, right? He learned a little bit of it. But Sengalese isn't even the language that they speak. They speak, they were like so far off, anthropologists still have no clue how to break down their language.

It's as close to an alien language on earth as you can get. Yeah, it's, it's just, it's, you don't need to. It's a lot. You just leave them alone. Leave them alone. So he showed up. He's babbling at them, showing them the Bible. The first thing to do is they go and they rob and they take everything out of his kayak.

Right. And he's like, yes, have, please have. And then they just took the kayak and they're like, okay, they take the kayak and they just pull it into the forest and he's like, then they hit him with the arrow through the Bible. And he's like, oh, okay. He has to then swim back to the fishermen that are pulling out. They're all leaving him. Right.

So this time they do the same thing. They drop him off as he literally has to swim up to the island and then they just fucking straight murder him. Straight murdered him. And so his body, it's still on the island. All law enforcement is like, no, we're not going to be able to get that body because we don't want to have the same fate as he did. And again, as I said, this is heavily debated as was this appropriate to do, given the history

of the people there and of course, given the history of what's happened to the people previously there from colonial rule. This is according to John Bodley or Bodley. He's an anthropologist at Washington state. He says, there is no question that this attempt to make contact was totally wrong and a major violation of their human rights and autonomy. He goes on to say, outsiders need to respect their wishes and treat them with dignity. And as fellow human beings, respect means we don't assume to know better how they should

live. So anthropologists and religious officials alike are saying this dude bit off a little bit more than he could chew. And there's a couple of things that are part of this that are also very questionable. So he was trained by this company called All Nations in Kansas. And a part of this is train and go thing that they have, which is ideas that they go. So this is one of the strangest parts of this story. So this All Nations in Kansas, first of all, it's Kansas, not All Nations by any stretch

of the imagination, but this is a specific evangelical training seminar or camp more like. And this trains missionaries to go to different parts of the world and they train them in ways that are extremely humorous, in my opinion. It's an incredible, there's an incredible comedy movie in this thing called the church planting experience, otherwise known as the CPX church planting experience, which is they do it too with the underscore, the lowercase e and a capital experience like when they do it is designed to teach you the heart of simple church planting, CPX teach you how

to plant basic essential churches that are easy to teach locals to lead because we teach the core of the Christian message. These churches rapidly multiply through people groups. Oh, that's what they say about the this group of people. They call them people groups, not countries. Okay. That's what they say is that just a group of people. So you can go and you can give them Christ.

And so what they did to train John Chow, yes, is that they dropped him off in the middle of the wilderness wilderness and didn't tell him where he was going like when they were shooting Blair Witch and other members of the church went out and found him dressed up as natives. Yes. This is not a bit. No, this is in order for him to test his language and bridge building techniques. Yes.

Speaking with people that are supposed to be people that are unaware of American culture. Right. And so this was a three week seminar in total. This was just one of the exercises. So they drop him off in a remote location and encountering a faux tribe. They carried fake spears and they spoke gibberish, which reminded me of Sasha Baron Cohen's exercise in This is America where they're like trying to where the guy was trying to emulate I believe Chinese people or what a terrorist would sound like or something.

Also Richard Dreyfus did do this in Krippendorf's tribe. I remember that. Yes. Absolutely. You are a bitch. You are a bitch. Can you imagine watching I would assume to I think it's safe to say predominantly white people dressing up as their idea of what people in a tribe look like in in this country with

fake spears and then speaking their version of gibberish, the problematic things that must have occurred during this one exercise is worthy of a film. I would watch this movie and a part of it is the way they talked about the other ways they trained him is that they supposedly he got inoculized for 12 different diseases. And they said the way that you could really, you know, he quarantined himself for 12 days. Right. Right. Which is what they said is that what you need to do to get all the germs off of you, which

is just not how it works. No. Because it worked like that. Right. Because people have never, ever fucking been around somebody outside of their small community. No matter it. It just doesn't work like that. You'd have to be scoured with hot water and desalination and wear a fucking suit.

No. It's ridiculous. The idea that the common cold is on your skin, I mean, and again, this tribe that he went to see, a Western breath will kill them. It is a biological weapon for these people. They have no contact and you imagine whenever you go to Canada, you get sick for like a day because you're like, there's a different germ here. Just imagine an entirely different universe coming over to your universe.

Of course you're going to get sick. Also I'm from Kansas and they can't even recreate a nativity scene. So I wonder, I wonder what these natives look like. I honestly, I honestly think they look like Vietnam vets. Like that's their idea of native tribespeople. I honestly think that they're just doing a complete and total, they're doing a complete and total reshoot of Krippendorf's tribe. That's just what they're doing, it's the same exact shit.

So here's a couple of interesting little tidbits. So they gave him EMT training, which is they said the only medical training he need. He was majoring in sports science at a Christian college, which they said also gave him the edge that he needed to take care of the natives if he had to. And then apparently all of this seemed to be sponsored by a company called Perky Jerky. Oh my God, I actually, Perky Jerky, they gave him free jerky. What were they thinking? Like we're going to open up a new marketplace.

It's going to be a North Sentinel Island, a total of 50 new customers, they're going to love our Perky Jerky. Oh my God. It's totally ridiculous. So he just filled with the type of, the type of, he's got the type of ambition that he just should have gotten to any other business. So John Chow, he reportedly learned about North Sentinel, about the North Sentinelese people on a website for the Joshua Project.

Now this, which is just the Joshua Project is described as quote, a research initiative seeking to highlight the ethnic people groups of the world with the fewest followers of Christ. Honestly, even if every single person on that island was a follower of Christ, that's still only 50 people. So it is not even in, it's not even a good place to go for that reason. This is an organization that has kamikaze evangelizing. Yes.

That's what this is. Yes. And he also was, he also was, he was majoring in sports science at Oral Roberts University, which I don't know, like, what does that even mean? We're like, well, Jesus, he had definitely, are you going to talk about analyzing the lower back problems of Jesus Christ as he's carrying the cross during the stations? I would not be surprised if that was mentioned. So Chow was repeatedly warned that if he goes, he's going to be killed.

But this is, this is for you, Henry. Chow believed that his smaller size, being five foot six inches and 130 pounds might make him less intimidating than previous travelers to the island who were killed. So he really flipped in reversed human nature, which is like, he's like, I'm smaller. I'll be safe. That's really not how it works. Yeah, that is not my thinking when it comes to my own size. I could say that he's correct up to a point, maybe, but still, just because you're, just

because you show up as a sitcom actor size, doesn't mean necessarily they're going to find you as engaging as NBC's audience. You know what else it could have been is that some of his classmates at Oral Roberts said, having a conversation with John was like having a conversation with someone who reached out their hand and put it on your heart to feel the way it beats. When he looked at me, it was like someone who really saw me, like I could take off my mask of who I pretended to be. Is everyone that he speaks to Ted Bundy?

Do they really just like, in public, I am fake, but I can talk to you, John. It's like, you can't, what masks are you wearing? Internal masks are you wearing when you talk to normal people? But also part of it is really pedantic about his journals was like he said this, like one of the final paragraphs of his journal was, Lord, is this island Satan's last stronghold where none have heard or even had the chance to hear your name? Which is, his mother provided all of these journals to Washington Post thinking that it would help clarify his sacrifice, but it just makes him look like a fucking asshole.

Well, you know, the ego is really strong in this guy, and I suppose that was his fatal sin. So according to a religious scholar, his name is Scott Moreau, and again, the religious community, evangelicals, they are anti it as well. The vast majority of quotes that I've seen are anti it. So this is Scott Moreau. He's a professor at Wheaton College Graduate School in Illinois, a little known fact. I lived in Wheaton, Illinois from the ages of three to six.

That's interesting. That's dad fact of the day, Scott Moreau says, quote, I am appalled by the, I am appalled by the naivete of thinking you go on a beach, you throw a fish at some people, you holler at them, and then you come back and spend the night and everything is going to be fine. He continued, it doesn't show much sensitivity and it doesn't show much common sense. So he really doesn't have, he doesn't even have his communities support in this, except for, of course, the all nations in Kansas. Yes.

I mean, I guess who else you need, what I find about, what I find fun about the all nations website too is that they have not updated their blog until his murder. The last time they updated their blog was in 2014 and then in 2018, we're like, in loving memory of the missionary of Christ, John Chow, all nations grieves reported death of humble, courageous missionary on remote Indian Ocean Island. And this is the thing, as a person who does identify as a Satanist, we don't evangelize. We don't believe in evangelizing. But because part of it is that we have to stay at a four star hotel.

Is that part of your religion? Like that's a part of it is that I have to look at thread count before I can even go. The part of your religion is that you have to stay at like only Hilton, no Sheridan's allowed. No, no, no Sheridan. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. We're talking about an elevated chain.

I need a Rosewood. I need something like a BMG. Like I need something in that world, Starwoods, that's more important for a Satanist. Also because it's because I know I am trying to find more peace with even just the Christian belief system I understand it helps a lot of people and that that if that's what you're fucking prerogative if sure whatever I mean you're part of a gigantic web of pedophiles, but not all of them are you know me a lot of most people are normal But when it comes to this bullshit This is the example of why Christianity has a bad name all over the world because they show up trying to evangelize

All these people they got nothing to do, but they didn't even ask you to come right absolutely I would have to say I disagree with this let people be Of course, there are some good Christian charities who do a lot of good works. I'm not just Melineing all of them. This this is just a specific case that you can just do really good things in the world without The addition of trying to save people's souls because of course the very premise is that you're assuming those individuals are wrong And they're immediately going to hell unless you save them and it's just it's offensive on its face people in my personal opinion Are born good no matter what but anyway It's like people that grow up wanting to be president if you really believe that you have the wherewithal and to

To run the complicated country that is in America and that you're the only person that can't do it You're a deeply flawed person that should not be president like it should be against your will I think it should be given to somebody in terms of like somebody who has been trained to do it You can't just shed like people who believe in themselves that much are very dangerous Here's a quote from Pam Arland now She is the director of the training for all nations the missionary group as we mentioned that trained Chow so this is what she said she said we made it very clear the scope of the help that we could give him She goes on to say John was not reckless or extreme at all, and he had put together a very reasonable

Henry she says he put together a very reasonable plan the entire plan is by definition Unreasonable so she goes on to say he had counted the costs and knew that he might lose his life But he had also put plans in place to protect the North Centilees. That is because he loved them So this is according to a person who has a podcast blog called failed missionary. That person's name is Corey pig Germany and regularly conducted short-term missions to China overseeing a group He said they often entered the country illegally and he felt that the group was put at risk by an absence of appropriate oversight And the glorification of those who were persecuted for their faith He goes on to say the more martyr complex tales you can send the better because that drives

Funding I wanted to go to China because it was closed. He said and I was programmed to think that was very noble so of course funding is always the backbone of these institutions and these so-called Religious academies or training institutions. So just anything called oral robbers It's still disgusting to me. It's still just like oh, that's just Yeah, well, it's a very religious school. So that is what happened with John Chao So if you are if you do want to do missionary work again You can go to places that aren't gonna kill you and you could actually maybe help out some people and not kill them with a cough

Anyway, so there you know where they need Christian, you know where they need Christian outreach Downtown Los Angeles that would be like that's the kind of places that that needs Christian out Sure, Brownsville, New York needs Christian outreach. They need like a bunch of people that are willing to go help a bunch of people with the Actual Christian ideology of helping those that need help giving to those who don't have a being there to help ease people suffering That's what I thought that was supposed to be and you know what again You can always just do really really good things out of the kindness of your own heart without without any Invisible person telling you that you have to do them. You could just do them. All right, so that that's our stance here Obviously, that's our opinion of course on this show. It's nice to be because yeah, just be nice to be all right

Well, lastly, we got this story sent to us a bunch. So I just want to debunk it There was a story about this dude just a Jasper Smith Who was supposedly arrested in North Carolina for selling and her for selling energy drinks laced with methamphetamine? Unfortunately, this story was too good to be true. It's a common Internet lie that's been going on I guess for a year or so the mugshot The the the thing is if you see a mugshot that looks too perfect for the story It tends to be fake Like that like what was that one story the Satanist guy who had a bunch of like I don't know cadavers in his attic or something like that

There was there's always a story that they just put the mugshot to and then they're like this guy obviously sold energy drinks For 20 bucks a pop that were loaded with methamphetamine, but it is not a true story. So it's a great mugshot though It's a great and again Sometimes it's just about the story that you're building. Yeah, it's like we're just we're happy, you know like you just got a I get it It's a fun story. It doesn't technically hurt anybody. No, the story originally appeared on a website called stupid dot com. Oh, it's it's stupid s t u p p i d Which we've learned to not do articles based off of comedy Weird fake news. This is why people don't believe in climate change. It's like that is true

Because of this meth story like the way that it was just like cobbled together from pieces of another story Yeah, I'm stupid calm also propagated. Oh, I have another you know what they do You know what they do sometimes they fucking hide Jonas Brothers lyrics. Yeah, what ends up being a what you thought was a funny Article and then you have to spend literally still dealing with it Uh-huh having to still tell people we don't know who the Joe's don't care and I don't know with these lyrics I've never heard the song. I still have not heard the busted song. There's another snopes article here Ben kissle does like a Bud Light lime false Look at that finally. Oh, no now you see how annoying it gets we haven't seen the evidence sometimes snopes is wrong though

But thank you so much for sending us all the stories. They're not all the stories But many of the stories we talk about here on side stories I mean honestly you guys alert us to a lot of cool stuff And we got some great stories this week that we'll have to do next week because there were just so many and again In a couple of weeks our special will be out that show is scrapped. So you won't be you won't be Losing anything when we go on tour next year. We're gonna have a whole new show have no idea what it is yet But we're gonna figure it out. I am sure because we'll have to we're gonna have to write it We have to write that show. That's right. That's the next show. We're gonna have to write because we do some little different here at

Last podcast on the left because our live shows are a unique experience. We want you to come We have a good time and when you meet people of your same ilk There's a lot of attractive people there. There are honestly a lot of a lot of big strong dudes a lot of hot women Yeah, it's very it's a great night out. We have a good time. Absolutely and all we meet as many of you fuckers as we can Absolutely, I'm even not having the meet and greet last time. We ended up meeting a bunch of people at the end of the show Yeah, that was a confusion on the venues part apologies for that. They're in Chicago But yeah, and we always see all out of the bars and all are welcome when it comes to last podcast on the left We are all we have to everyone. Yeah, and we have a problem with drinking problems

After the show, you know, I mean Travis has done very good at maintaining. I've gone beyond I've transcended So now you now you guys can go full and if you are if you do have a friend that doesn't drink just please To refrain from asking the question. Why aren't you drinking? Just trust that they don't want to and it's great to have someone sober when the police show up So it's nice to have one sober person. You should be thanking that person for not drink That was literally just don't mention it don't mention just don't mention the fact that they're not right And that was literally triple H's role with the click everyone else was just hammered and triple H's just drove them and he would stay out until four in the morning would start working out at six

Well, they were all hung over so it's actually great to have a sober friend I'm absolutely and if the sober friend single what's best is that then you get to be clear-headed while everybody else is making a fool of themselves Absolutely, it's pretty great. Um, so, you know remember to I'm gonna say shiv Gasp and glove that's this week. That's that's that's that's the that's the lesson man That's a strange lesson strange lesson for this week, but that's all right Okay, everyone hail yourselves Hail sweet Satan. Let's do a maghustalations Hail me if you will

We got a lot of good content last podcast this week. It's gonna be real thick. Oh, I can't wait. Yes